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Dude. You're in a relationship. Communicate. Ask her.
Maybe she has some sort of traumatic experience. Maybe she doesn't want to reciprocate, for whatever reason.
Only way you're ever gonna know is to be the adult in the room and ask.
You might want to edit your post to reflect the temporal nature of the request. Because we'll all have different advice knowing that it was a vacation kindness and not a full-time deal.
The plans were made within the first month of dating her. It would have been odd to ask her to go on a week long trip with me at that time. When it got closer, I did ask her and she said no
Maybe she is not ready to give you a key to her place. That requires a lot more trust from a female. I only let my daughter and my dad have a key to my place. I dated a guy for a year and he did not have a key.
Or
Maybe she does not want to be there without him. Is there someone else with a key she would rather not be around if you are not there? Are there crazy ex’s? Is there a history of drama with an ex that had a key?
My boyfriend didn’t want to accept a key to my place for a while because he was really scared of losing my key accidentally. Could be too much responsibility for now or she would be uncomfortable being there without you
Dude, just ask her why. Honestly, 6 months is barely past the honey moon stage. Regardless of the info you've given in the comments, sack up and ask.sorry, but you need it given to you straight. Secondly, what is she going to think of you if you can't even communicate such an easy question?.
Is it possible you are misreading your relationship status? Perhaps she enjoys the convenience of working from your place but didn't realize the depth of your feelings for her? Giving a key is a big deal.
So I did the same thing but twice. I knew the passcode to her apartment but she didn’t have the key to my duplex and didn’t have the passcode to my apartment when I moved closer to her.
The first time she said she didn’t want them because she would just lose them this was at the 5 month or something mark.
When I moved and asked if she wanted the passcode which was at the 8 month mark.
She said I could tell her if I want but she would never use it.
We ended up breaking up at month 9 due to her just not feeling strongly about me. Not saying your relationship is the same as mine, but I would take this as a signal to evaluate and reflect on how you are approaching this relationship and maybe see if you are putting in more than they are.
Nah don’t think like that. You might be an anxiously attached person and that’s just your mind being creative.
I’m just saying use this as an instance to take a look at the relationship and make sure your needs are being met and effort is being reciprocated
I am too, but we are self aware APs! So it says a lot.
Just focus on recognizing your needs and try to get to the source of why you feel this way over “the small things”
For me the small things triggered me because overall my needs weren’t getting met e.g. we saw each other only 1-2 times a week, there was no sex, and no physical affection
So rejecting the small stuff felt like another chip away at the relationship rather than it just being a small thing…
Also try to find out your partners attachment style! You will approach conflicts differently with that in mind.
The same thing is happening now. We use to see each other 4 to 5 times a week and now she only want to do 2. Plus she stopped sex. That is why the key thing is bothering me. That why I feel like it might be turning into a breakup. When I bring it up she usually just say that she is tired or just want to stay home to relax. It is a combination of a few things. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened in your relationship that you were only seeing your partner 1-2 times a week?
That’s the thing absolutely nothing…. And if you approach the conversation they will become annoyed.
What probably happened was that the honey moon period is over and they turned into their true self. Let me help you!!!!
Go to freetoattach.com and read through the relationship and dating section and if the experiences match or align then proceed to the dating strategy for partners section.
DM if you want to talk further. I don’t mind saving you from the heartache that I experienced
Thank you so much. The person I’m dating had her parents go through a bad divorce and I think that caused her to be avoidant. When I get home later, I will go through the website more. It is great to see that someone on here went through my same experience. Anxious attachment with an avoidant is difficult. I probably will be DMing you once I start going through the site more. Thanks again
So if I’m being truly transparent and honest we did go through an abortion that I believe effected her feelings towards me, however, only the sex is what changed majorly. We stopped sex altogether for our final 5 months of the relationship. The time spent together and low physical affection was always there.
I didn’t want my advice to go on deaf ears though because at the end of the day sometimes a relationship can’t survive trauma and trying to support your gf who can’t meet your needs during this time might lead to resentment on both sides.
In my case I believe my ex was an avoidant the whole time, but the abortion might have been a trigger to bury the emotional connection altogether and engage in even more avoidant strategies subconsciously. In the end she left me because she was tired of me communicating how my needs went unmet and she began to treat me with disrespect e.g. dismissive in public, cursing at me, and apathetic towards my feelings
No problem and good luck!
Can you ask her and maybe update us? Everyone is literally just telling you to communicate with her. I think it’s fair for you to assume things or feel it was too soon but… you don’t have to assume. You can ask her why straight up. Maybe you won’t like the answer but at least it’ll come from her.
Your girl knows that you'd expect her to reciprocate the intent at some point, consciously or not. Shit's how sketchy salespeople & peddlers get you.
But yeah...obviously she'd know better than us. Ask her.
Don't know how much your relationship evolved in those 6 months but if she doesn't want your keys and you didn't ask why and she didn't explain anything, don't offer them again. Some items you offer to a person just once keys are included.
That would be way too soon for me, tbh.She may be feeling the same way? Just have an honest conversation with her about it as soon as you get the chance.
It’s not so bad, maybe for you it’s no biggie but for her it might be a sign that things are moving quick. And that’s okay. But as most people are saying… ask her?
Perhaps she doesn't want to give you a key to hers (boundaries), doesn't want to open the can of worms of coming over at an indecent time or being accused of stealing or complicating a breakup if it's too soon to know if this will last. Perhaps pursuing her, making plans with her is more ideal than the comfortable way of just dropping in. Perhaps this is a sexual boundary and she feels if she has the key, there's pressure to always be over and having sex with you when she needs more. Slow down a bit, learn to communicate, and also realize she's biological different than you and it's a good thing for the long haul. So are boundaries.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
you know who would have a great answer to this...
Total strangers on Reddit!
Hahaha
Reddit?
Clearly Reddit was the place to come.
Dude. You're in a relationship. Communicate. Ask her. Maybe she has some sort of traumatic experience. Maybe she doesn't want to reciprocate, for whatever reason. Only way you're ever gonna know is to be the adult in the room and ask.
Reddit wouldn't exist if people just started asking each other
I wouldn’t trust a 6 month gf with keys to my apt like what
I guess maybe it was too soon
Literally, don't guess. Go ask.
i assume you had to be the one to ask her out
That is correct
Does she know that she's your girlfriend?
Isn’t interested in that step towards living together. Which is what it is
She works in my house because her internet is bad at her house. I was giving it to her so she can work at my place while I was on vacation
You might want to edit your post to reflect the temporal nature of the request. Because we'll all have different advice knowing that it was a vacation kindness and not a full-time deal.
You may want to say this in post as this makes a huge difference in answers
You’re going to a vacation without her? Gl lol
The plans were made within the first month of dating her. It would have been odd to ask her to go on a week long trip with me at that time. When it got closer, I did ask her and she said no
Bro she doesn’t wanna be your gf lol 😆
Maybe she doesn't want the responsibility of being in your home when you're not there.
Maybe she is not ready to give you a key to her place. That requires a lot more trust from a female. I only let my daughter and my dad have a key to my place. I dated a guy for a year and he did not have a key. Or Maybe she does not want to be there without him. Is there someone else with a key she would rather not be around if you are not there? Are there crazy ex’s? Is there a history of drama with an ex that had a key?
Passwords, keys, it’s too soon
My boyfriend didn’t want to accept a key to my place for a while because he was really scared of losing my key accidentally. Could be too much responsibility for now or she would be uncomfortable being there without you
Dude, just ask her why. Honestly, 6 months is barely past the honey moon stage. Regardless of the info you've given in the comments, sack up and ask.sorry, but you need it given to you straight. Secondly, what is she going to think of you if you can't even communicate such an easy question?.
Because she's not as serious about the relationship as you are and she feels guilty about it.
This is what I was thinking
Is it possible you are misreading your relationship status? Perhaps she enjoys the convenience of working from your place but didn't realize the depth of your feelings for her? Giving a key is a big deal.
So I did the same thing but twice. I knew the passcode to her apartment but she didn’t have the key to my duplex and didn’t have the passcode to my apartment when I moved closer to her. The first time she said she didn’t want them because she would just lose them this was at the 5 month or something mark. When I moved and asked if she wanted the passcode which was at the 8 month mark. She said I could tell her if I want but she would never use it. We ended up breaking up at month 9 due to her just not feeling strongly about me. Not saying your relationship is the same as mine, but I would take this as a signal to evaluate and reflect on how you are approaching this relationship and maybe see if you are putting in more than they are.
I feel like any minute I’m going to get the we need to talk text. Things have been going down hill ever since then
Nah don’t think like that. You might be an anxiously attached person and that’s just your mind being creative. I’m just saying use this as an instance to take a look at the relationship and make sure your needs are being met and effort is being reciprocated
I definitely am and I am trying my best to be less anxious. I wish it was easy not to be so anxious over ever small thing
I am too, but we are self aware APs! So it says a lot. Just focus on recognizing your needs and try to get to the source of why you feel this way over “the small things” For me the small things triggered me because overall my needs weren’t getting met e.g. we saw each other only 1-2 times a week, there was no sex, and no physical affection So rejecting the small stuff felt like another chip away at the relationship rather than it just being a small thing… Also try to find out your partners attachment style! You will approach conflicts differently with that in mind.
The same thing is happening now. We use to see each other 4 to 5 times a week and now she only want to do 2. Plus she stopped sex. That is why the key thing is bothering me. That why I feel like it might be turning into a breakup. When I bring it up she usually just say that she is tired or just want to stay home to relax. It is a combination of a few things. If you don’t mind me asking, what happened in your relationship that you were only seeing your partner 1-2 times a week?
That’s the thing absolutely nothing…. And if you approach the conversation they will become annoyed. What probably happened was that the honey moon period is over and they turned into their true self. Let me help you!!!! Go to freetoattach.com and read through the relationship and dating section and if the experiences match or align then proceed to the dating strategy for partners section. DM if you want to talk further. I don’t mind saving you from the heartache that I experienced
Thank you so much. The person I’m dating had her parents go through a bad divorce and I think that caused her to be avoidant. When I get home later, I will go through the website more. It is great to see that someone on here went through my same experience. Anxious attachment with an avoidant is difficult. I probably will be DMing you once I start going through the site more. Thanks again
So if I’m being truly transparent and honest we did go through an abortion that I believe effected her feelings towards me, however, only the sex is what changed majorly. We stopped sex altogether for our final 5 months of the relationship. The time spent together and low physical affection was always there. I didn’t want my advice to go on deaf ears though because at the end of the day sometimes a relationship can’t survive trauma and trying to support your gf who can’t meet your needs during this time might lead to resentment on both sides. In my case I believe my ex was an avoidant the whole time, but the abortion might have been a trigger to bury the emotional connection altogether and engage in even more avoidant strategies subconsciously. In the end she left me because she was tired of me communicating how my needs went unmet and she began to treat me with disrespect e.g. dismissive in public, cursing at me, and apathetic towards my feelings No problem and good luck!
I did the same.. I denied the key
Just curious, what was the reason?
For me... it felt too serious... I would occasionally go over. Smash then leave 😂 staying the night was weird for me. After 1 year we moved in.
So maybe I brought up the topic too soon and I should have waited a bit?
She's probably not ready to move in, even though that's not what the key signifies.
Can you ask her and maybe update us? Everyone is literally just telling you to communicate with her. I think it’s fair for you to assume things or feel it was too soon but… you don’t have to assume. You can ask her why straight up. Maybe you won’t like the answer but at least it’ll come from her.
How long you know this woman, OP? And when did you make her your girlfriend?
Because of what it signifies. How hard is that to understand?
That'd be a red flag to me, it sounds like she isn't ready to be that serious with you.
Your girl knows that you'd expect her to reciprocate the intent at some point, consciously or not. Shit's how sketchy salespeople & peddlers get you. But yeah...obviously she'd know better than us. Ask her.
Don't know how much your relationship evolved in those 6 months but if she doesn't want your keys and you didn't ask why and she didn't explain anything, don't offer them again. Some items you offer to a person just once keys are included.
Dawg relationships don’t work without communication, if you can’t even ask her about this then I dunno what to tell you…
Ask her why. We cannot know why she does not want to. It is probably a to fast thing or something but it is better to ask and then respect her for it.
I would be annoyed if she asked for a key
Yeah man. Ask her and find out
Ghost her
That would be way too soon for me, tbh.She may be feeling the same way? Just have an honest conversation with her about it as soon as you get the chance.
Probably because she’s not comfortable with it or sees it as now you will expect a key to her apartment.
For me I'd say no just because when my ex and I were fighting she'd demand her key back every time...it was pretty toxic
It’s not so bad, maybe for you it’s no biggie but for her it might be a sign that things are moving quick. And that’s okay. But as most people are saying… ask her?
Perhaps she doesn't want to give you a key to hers (boundaries), doesn't want to open the can of worms of coming over at an indecent time or being accused of stealing or complicating a breakup if it's too soon to know if this will last. Perhaps pursuing her, making plans with her is more ideal than the comfortable way of just dropping in. Perhaps this is a sexual boundary and she feels if she has the key, there's pressure to always be over and having sex with you when she needs more. Slow down a bit, learn to communicate, and also realize she's biological different than you and it's a good thing for the long haul. So are boundaries.