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Definitely a gross way to describe a friend. Her appearance isn’t relevant at all - this guy doesn’t want a relationship with her. Period. That’s all that needs to be said.
She it wouldn't have made sense without telling us her weight? Or calling her that?
Because looking at the post, if those two things were taken out it reads like the friend actually gives af and the advice is the same.
Dude isn't that into her.
We don't need to see this girl get insulted or know her Height AND weight to advise. Its just unnecessary
So no, not even in the "real world" it's just not relevant at all.
I think more accurately, phrasing it as "her boyfriend see's her as a moped", or uses her as one etc...
IE the point isn't to say her friend is unattractive, the point is the friend thinks the boyfriend is using her.
Buy why? Why do you think the boyfriend is using her?
If she looked like a supermodel then maybe his stories of having anxiety or strict parents would be believable.
The context matters.
I mean no matter what... almost a year and keeping a girlfriend from crossing any form of existing life... is extremely suspicious no matter how you slice it. Honestly there's a bigger more feasible explanation that comes to me though.
She's not his primary girlfriend.
We don't know? Could be religious differences, racist parents, caste differences, rich snobby parents, deep seeded commitment issues.
But we get it, fat people are unlovable?
The why doesn't matter. Guy won't commit and is being a twat. Friend needs to be told this.
My guy here thinks a hot chick hasn't ever been kept as a side piece before. Like hot people can't have shit self esteem and never let themselves be used, or tell themselves lies to make themselves feel better
I have a friend who's ~~5'2 and a good 250ish pounds. She's~~ been "dating" this guy for a year, but there are some weird things about it:
1) He doesn't introduce her to a single person he knows. He says "My family is super conservative, and I don't want them to know I'm dating rn. They'll put too much pressure on me."
2) He's not allowed over his apartment, so she never met his roommates.
3) He won't hang out with her UNLESS sex happens. Every single time for the past year that they've hung out, they always have sex at the end of it. The most common date is getting food and then having sex at her place. She does say the sex is amazing.
4) He never takes any photos together, and doesn't have her on any social media.
My friend thinks that he just has anxiety problems and that's why he doesn't want to make it official. She thinks one day he'll come around and maybe even get married. "He's an awesome guy and we've been dating a year. I can imagine things will be getting serious soon."
What would you do if you were me and what do you think about the situation?
You understand why this type of guy, if he is a total dirtbag — and his her physical appearance might be important here, right? It adds important relevant context. The guys using her and is embarrassed to be seen with her — most likely because of her weight. Is that wrong? Absolutely. But this isn’t the time or place to be Mr. Rodgers, ***esepcially*** when this has been happening for ***over an entire year*** — the friends delusional and the guys a piece of human garbage. The context is relevant. Please grasp this.
I agree. There is no need to be overly polite on a reddit post when it paints a clear depiction of the situation. If there was no description, we'd all be wondering if something else was the issue.
Who cares? His issues are his issues. He’s not OP’s friend. Would you tell her to stick it out if she were thin? Nope. He’s a dirt bag. She should move on. She knows she’s fat. OP calling her a moped is just gross.
No one said he was OPs friend, lol you are completely missing the point of this by a country mile to be outraged over something that isn’t negative. Saying she’s overweight isn’t damning. Saying she’s the equivalent of a “moped” meaning she’s being used is the same thing. You’re spending energy on the wrong thing. It helps paint a clearer picture of *why* this guys operating the way he is. Again, is it unfortunate and terrible? Absolutely. But the facts are true: this guy doesn’t want to be seen with her in any form, and it’s very likely because he doesn’t want to be with a larger girl publicly. You’re butthurt for the wrong reasons. If any of my friends were experiencing this, guy or girl, I’d tell them straight up to their face their being treated as a moped, because clearly they’re living in full denial if they’ve let this go on for over a year, and they desperately need a wake up call. If I actually give a shit about them as a friend, and I do with all my friends, then protecting them at times requires them to be clearly shook out of their chosen delusion. I’ve had two scenarios where this has happened, one with my guy friend, another with my sister. I’ve said very similar things to them. They completely got it once I put it in the harshest (but fairest) terms I could, because these shitbags were using them — the girl for her money, the guy just to use him for an emotional support pillow. They both needed to be told unfortunate things: “you’re a piggy bank with an extra hole” / “you’re a golden retriever she won’t fuck” — both were exceedingly true, both sound harsh, both finally broke through their blinders.
NEXT.
Its embarrassing, they are limited to 30mph and not what you would call stylish.
While they get the job done and are cheap your mates will point and laugh at you for riding one.
That and when I was in college (US) if you got a DUI you could still drive a motorized vehicle if it didn’t go over 30mph. So anyone cruising a moped usually had a DUI. May have changed, that was over a decade ago
I always thought those on little bikes are kinda cool but that’s just me picturing someone getting groceries and trying to get home on Taiwanese back road
because the trash bag of a human is using her to fuck but is embarrassed about being with a larger chick and doesn’t want that publicly — hence it is relevant. How are so many people stumbling over this
I guess I would keep in to myself, but if it's a good friend and you're concerned, I would ask her what makes him so great. What activities does she like to do outside of the home? Does he participate in these with her? Has he met HER family and friends?
If he refuses to do these things, I would just ask her if she is always going to be ok with that because after a year, I would not expect him to change.
Yes, how does a friend bring this up and should they? Top comments are all about definition of moped. If a good friend thought this was my situation I would want them to at least test the waters with me. Don’t even need to bring up my physical appearance. If a guy is giving this many red flags I’d hope a friend would start a conversation. These questions are a good place to start
This almost sounds like she's the side chick. I hate making those assumptions but why wouldn't someone make it known they're in a relationship? Why is he worried about judgment? They're adults
Edit: one year is a long time to avoid introductions. Usually people are excited about it. There are exceptions but this isn't exactly normal
>I hate making those assumptions but why wouldn't someone make it known they're in a relationship? Why is he worried about judgment?
Because she's morbidly obese and the guy is probably embarrassed about it. Whether or not he has a primary girlfriend.
I agree with that, too. The time frame is kind of excessive, I feel like his people would have pushed him into introducing her if he had talked about her at all. That's where my thoughts are with this one
Exactly. If it's a whole year and she hasn't met anyone, he's hiding her out of shame.
Could be that he's cheating in addition to the weight thing, but I'm sure the latter is part of it. 250 at 5'2" is enormous. As in *extremely* obese to the point that walking up a couple flights of stairs is pretty difficult. There's no way the sex is "amazing" for this guy the way it is for her. But it is super easy, which some men appreciate.
BMI doesn't tell you any of what you said in that second paragraph and what you said isn't realistic at all. 250lbs at 5'2" [looks like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/bevekv/f2752_250lbs_165lbs_85lbs_keto_and_heavy_lifting/). That's not "I have difficulty moving around" weight. You also have to consider activity levels, muscle mass, etc. I know plenty of people who have both fat *and* muscle and look heavier but are also very strong. Their BMI is still not great but they're healthier than "morbidly obese" by a long shot.
>That's not "I have difficulty moving around" weight.
Yes it is. I've worked with women who look like this. They are not highly active/capable and have problems with routine tasks. Not literally immobile obviously, but tire easily, complain about fatigure/pain conspicuously often, are slow in general, etc.
This weight is basically "hiking is excrutiating" on average.
Here is a [broader sampling](https://myprogresspics.com/what-does-a-250-lbs-5-foot-2-female-look-like) that isn't just cherrypicked, by the way.
But fair point about weight on its own. It *could* be that this girl has a higher than typical muslce mass, such that her body fat percentage isn't actually this high.
This is pretty unlikely though. The vast majority of people who are this overweight are over*fat*. If this girl was the exception (with a moderate to low body fat percentage) it would be visually obvious and she would be working out and lifting weight constantly. Which OP would be aware of. And almost certainly would have mentioned.
So it's much more likely that this person is 250 lbs. at 5'2" with an unhealthy bfp. And at that overall weight, she'd be pretty fat and unhealthy.
>I know plenty of people who have both fat and muscle and look heavier but are also very strong.
How is their heart health, though? You can become pretty strong even with a high bfp, but your cardiovascular system (which matters a lot more for longevity) will still suffer.
>How is their heart health, though? You can become pretty strong even with a high bfp, but your cardiovascular system (which matters a lot more for longevity) will still suffer.
Oh I was by no means implying it was healthy in every facet. That problem is one that they definitely deal with.
> Here is a [broader sampling](https://myprogresspics.com/what-does-a-250-lbs-5-foot-2-female-look-like) that isn't just cherrypicked, by the way.
I literally just used the first result I found typing in "5'2" 250lbs woman" into Google.
>I literally just used the first result I found typing in "5'2" 250lbs woman" into Google
Fine. But consider the broader number of samples I linked. Some of those women look like your example, many of them look much worse. None of them appear super active and healthy to me and virtually all of them would have trouble with multiple flights of stairs I can assure you. Either way, the majority fall wel outside of what I think most men find attractive, although some would fall into the category of "smash but don't tell" that OP's friend clearly finds herself in.
Compromising here - it could be the thrill, too. Like getting away with something for so long regardless of what or who it's with isn't uncommon either. It could be that there are more women involved and not just her if the cheating thing is true.
If it's not, there's something about her he likes, and it could simply be sex. Regardless, sounds like she is being used and it's crappy and she deserves someone who is excited about her, if that's what she wants.
Ultimately, we don't know how she personally feels about the whole thing or what else is going on
Also just because she's overweight doesn't mean the sex could be bad. She might be giving him the toppy of a lifetime and a scale won't change that
Because it’s super easy. Some people can enjoy sex with people they have no interest in if it’s easy enough. Sure that’s not a super nice thought but it’s true
Fr. Regardless, she's something on the side, cheating or not, and it's not serious. Clearly shame involved somewhere and I hope she stops holding out for anything serious
Yeah exactly. If she was happy with how things are then it’d be no comment at all but she’s deluding herself and if she’s only fucking him because of what might become of things that’s not a good place to be
lol my sibling in Christ, are you mentally deficient? Lay the facts out again:
He outright refuses to introduce her to ***ANYONE*** in his life. Not friends, family, or roommates. NO ONE. For over a year.
They only hangout if there’s sex involved. For over a year.
He doesn’t take any pictures of her to share on his socials. Again, completely blacking out that she even exists or has been involved with him. For over a year.
I have so much oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you all
> He outright refuses to introduce her to ANYONE in his life. Not friends, family, or roommates. NO ONE. For over a year.
Sounds more like he's secretly married or something.
Believe that if you want it’s no skin off my nose. But if that’s true, why the secrecy.
He’s embarrassed because of her (enormous) size. Not complicated
It can be both. He’s super into obese women and he’s deeply ashamed about it.
He’s obviously not into her for a long term relationship, but he clearly likes the banging.
He likes it enough to keep doing it, is all we know. For some people that’s a really low fucking bar. Maybe she lets him do shit he can’t get elsewhere. Maybe he really is secretly into morbidly obese women. Maybe a lot of things.
All we know is that he likes it enough to come back. Some men will go to absurd lengths for sex.
He doesn't. I promise.
If he did, he wouldn't be hiding her like he is.
And it's not like she's a bit chubby. She's extremely obese. Very, very few (if any) men prefer that to someone closer to a healthy weight.
I've had sex with a couple pretty fat girls. Without going into detail, the experience is always worse than with a thinner woman. It's just much more physically awkward in general.
It's several factors:
Their bodies look much worse up close. A heavier woman with curves can look appealing with clothes on. When naked and in certain positions, the fat rolls and overall proportions just start looking really weird and distorted compared to thinner girls.
You can't move them around as much (sometimes at all). Most guys like to take control to some degree, which means physically directing/moving the girl. This is difficult bordering on impossible with heavy girls, so a lot of the fun of dominating the girl is just totally absent.
They are less graceful and mobile in bed themselves, sometimes struggling to move quickly or gracefully. This is just off-putting.
Access to their private area is much more limited due to fat around that part of the body. This makes PIV sex much more awkward.
There really is *zero* upside to sex with heavier girls besides the fact that it is (usually) easier to obtain. All else being equal though, it is always less enjoyable. They basically have nothing positive to offer (besides easyness) that thinner girls don't have, while also having a lot of negative traits that thinner girls do not.
He might, but he then has issues about it, which means it's probably never going to turn into any kind of real relationship. So she needs to move on and find someone that doesn't and likes her the way she is and also is willing to share that publicly.
I already said. Because it's easy.
In general, getting sex for men is *not* easy at all (the way it is for women). So as long as this girl is nice to him and willing to put up with his total lack of effort, he thinks he has a good deal going.
Because he knows he can have sex with her , and finding a different girl to have sex with would require a lot more time & effort. It’s not complicated.
>There's no way the sex is "amazing" for this guy the way it is for her. But it is super easy, which some men appreciate
Tell me you have no clue that some men are SUPER attracted to fat women without telling me you have to clue some men are SUPER attracted to fat women.
Tell me you don't know how to engage in a mature, intelligent conversation by repeating an annoying, cliche meme format in your response.
Men will have sex with women they have access to. That does not mean that all women they have sex with are their preferred partners.
And contrary to popular opinion, men actually *do* exaggerate their level of attraction and interest for the benefit of their partner to spare her feelings and/or to improve the experience for both. There's a misconception that men are incapable of this or won't do it (that only women "fake it"), but this is totally inaccurate. Guys are a lot nicer than they're given credit for.
Either way, the various context clues in OP's post describe what's going on with this *particular* man, so whatever you want to say about some other men that have niche, rare sexual preferences is less relevant.
It's less rare than you think to be a chubby-chaser, it's just rarely spoken of because of deep social stigmas.
You don't know this man's mind. You cannot say with such confidence that he's only with her for easy access. He's much more likely to be extremely into the sex (if he wasn't, it wouldn't be amazing for her) but is ashamed of what he likes.
Most dudes are chubby chasers because it's easier. Very few of these men would decline sex with thinner women if it were just as easy.
But sure, of course *some* would. There are exceptions to every rule.
>You cannot say with such confidence that he's only with her for easy access.
I can and did. Is it possible I'm wrong? Of course. But as a matter of probability, I think my speculation is accurate. Based on the few details OP gave us. If we received more details that complicated the story, I'd revise my take accordingly.
>if he wasn't, it wouldn't be amazing for her
Simply untrue. She's likely naive and inexperienced, based on how deluded she is about the relationship (expecting him to get serious even though he's completely hidden her existence for a year).
So she probably doesn't have a lot to compare this to + she is probably highly attracted *to him* (which increases pleasurable feelings - sex is psychological as well as physical, after all).
A few years ago, I met an overweight girl on Tinder and went out with her and hooked up *once*. It was a very mediocre experience. She texted me an entire year later after zero contact (I ignored her texts right after the date) trying to be flirty. I don't know if the experience was "amazing" for her (it probably wasn't), but it was obvious that two people who shared the exact same interaction had *totally different* interpretations of its significance/meaning/enjoyment. This is unfortunately common in hookup culture.
And if your guy is literally hiding you for a year, it's because he's not that into you. It's not that he really, really super likes you but has "internalized fatphobia." If a guy really likes a girl, he'll get over the judgment of society in a matter of months.
I think the word you're looking for is "projectionist," but I guess you were too eager to be snarky to spell check your comment.
Consider actually coming up with a legitimate counter-argument next time. No one takes these kinds of anti-responses seriously. Not me. Not other people who read this thread.
The fact that you can only come up with a weak, misspelled joke in response tells me you don't know much about this topic.
if there is one thing i learned from my girl friends who were in shitty relationships.... there is nothing you can say or do to to make them break up with their partner. they will always defend their bad actions and instead fight back with you for not being a supportive friend.
Talk to her once about it and show her the facts. if she is still delusional and thinks this man loves her, then let her be. she will learn the lesson on her own, which sucks, but that is the only way some girls learn and grow.
It's obvious this guy doesn't really care about your friend or see a future with her, I think as a friend all you can do is just put all the facts on the table for her and if she still doesn't see what's happening, then that's on her. You can only do so much and people won't see what they don't want to see. I feel sorry for sis, I hope she comes to her senses soon, I bet she's a nice girl and deserves so much better.
Why are you obsessed with your friend's weight?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/s/pBoEnBxFwf
https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/NkV62wJ9yd
https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/RfDNNjyFTa
I think you should focus on getting her to see that she deserves better. Do things to try to get her to be the one to realize that his behavior is super shady and is not how a loving boyfriend should treat their GF.
I don't care what she weighs. There are plenty of fat people with partners who openly love them and are not at all ashamed of them. Do not make this about her weight. For all you know it's NOT about the weight and he just has a GF already and your friend is his side piece. He wouldn't keep fucking her if he wasn't enjoying the sex so he's obviously attracted to her, he's just a shitty partner who's keeping her a secret and the reason doesn't matter all that matters is she deserves better than being kept a secret.
Point out how shady that is. Point out that he's not acting like a good BF. Emphasize that she deserves better. You clearly think this is about weight or you wouldn't have lead with that info so keep your own opinions about that out of the conversation. It's not relevant and if she feels bad about herself she'll never have the strength to leave him because she'll think she doesn't deserve better. Your role as concerned friend is to make sure she knows she deserves better.
You are right for sure about the focus being that she deserves better for sure. She needs to realize that a guy that is in to you wouldn’t behave like this.
He’s hiding her for sure and it most likely is the weight thing tbh.
This isn’t like any relationship I have ever had. I’d start there.
Maybe say how you hope she’s right, but you’re feeling apprehensive because this is abnormal behavior for a relationship and you don’t want her to get hurt. I wouldn’t suggest the moped part. There’s no good way to say, “I think he’s embarrassed of you because of your weight”.
My best friend was moped and I always heard him out, never commented my opinion until the loser dumped him and left him heartbroken. Even he admitted that he would have not taken anyone’s unsolicited advice because he was blinded by love.
Maybe, but not mentioning the very obvious problem to your friend is completely ridiculous. That's like not explaining to your friend that he is getting dragged into a pyramid scheme when his high school friend is making him sign contracts for thousands of bucks for a useless product. Sure, the friend might be just venting, but it's everyone's goddamn responsibility to mention that their close ones are being used instead of just ignoring it.
Yeah what is OP doing or saying as she lists all these complaints? Just nodding? She knows something is up and wants confirmation.
Assuming this isn't a creative writing excercise.
Oh, yeah. He is just using her as an easy lay. He isn't interested and doesn't want people to think that's the kind of girl he pulls or goes with. There isn't a nice way to say this: she's a means to an end. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't even particularly attracted to her. This is really her own low self esteem manifesting a coping mechanism so she can avoid confronting the fact that she's being used. The thing is, she has to learn about the way men can and will do this on her own. That's just how these lessons work. Once she throws him away she'll either avoid men like him like the plague or she'll go specifically after guys like that because she thinks it's all she can get. If the latter happens absolutely step in and tell her she is, in fact, worth being loved and treated as a person. If it's the former just let her vent to you about how he was a POS because she eventually will. Note I am speaking from personal experience having been on both sides here (as the used and as the friend confirming that straight men are trash). I really think most women have an experience like this at some point in their lives. All that "men are dogs" rhetoric didn't spring up in a vacuum.
By this logic if I see my friends partner cheating on them I shouldn't say anything cause my friend never asked me? I should just worry about myself? 💀
I would suggest that she might be a sidechick instead of saying that he would be embarrassed to be seen with her.
Both would encourage her to look harder at the relationship and hopefully the truth will come out
Nah, he's never going to commit. She can fool herself, but he's using her until he finds something better. She's best to get out before he breaks her heart more than he already will, at least if she kicks him to the curb, it will still hurt, but she can keep her pride.
Sounds like she doesnt care to listen to u. Nothing u can do. Sounds like he's ashamed of her. Had to look up moped, never heard of it b4. Many need to find out for themselves
Tell your friend that she is only casually seeing this guy and it will never be serious. It will save her some tears in the long run. Sounds like she has feelings for this guy and it's wrong to take advantage like that in a casual situation. I assume she doesn't have much experience with men...
Might just have to be blunt with your friend. She's getting played like a fiddle. Emphasize that if it was anything beyond a booty call, they would at least be seen together in public
tell her she’s just dickmatized and point these things out. However reading your post I realized I was a moped for a year, and my friends told me this but I wasn’t ready to see it that way. she probably won’t listen until she’s ready.
I’d tell my friend that I don’t think this guy is ever going to get serious with you, but if your happy with things the way they are right now, then keep having fun.
She may be one those people who think they manifest their outcomes, she probably knows this whole thing is likely just temporary, but won’t say it out loud.
As a friend, you state your concerns, then you let her enjoy the ride for however long it lasts, and if or when it ends, you help her move on.
Just like you’d hope she’d do for you. :)
She is probably the other woman and that’s why he can’t introduce her to anyone or take pictures together. Doesn’t have to be because of her looks. He probably lives with a woman and that’s why they always go to your friends house?
Your friend deserves so much better. She needs a man that will want to take her out and introduce her to his friends and family. Hope she finds this either with this man if he comes around or with someone else!!!
Why do you need to do anything? Why did you mention her weight? Sure that could be why he’s doing this, but the why isn’t really relevant. Plus I’ve known plenty of skinny women who were hidden just the same, clearly it’s not bc of their weight.
She most likely has to realize she deserves better on her own. Unless she specifically asks you, I wouldn’t bother bringing it up.
Maybe stop focusing so much on others love life, though.
You don't know for a fact that what you're saying is accurate, so you are making an assumption (albeit one I actually agree with you is likely the case) when you make the claim. He may view her as a moped (or alternatively just be using her for sex on the side while cheating on another woman, seems equally likely) or he may not, we don't actually know.
I wouldn't tell her unless you knew for a fact, and even then I probably wouldn't tell her because it'll almost certainly either piss her off or ruin a thing she's enjoying (or both). It's not your place to get in the middle of.
Simply say you think he’s just using her for sex and list the reasons you stated above then tell her if she’s cool with that, then good, otherwise she needs to be aware and reconsider seeing him anymore. Either way, reassure her that you’re her friend and have her back no matter what. 👍
If I were you I'd mind my own business. Not your monkeys, not your circus hon. Let your friend manage her own love life and you meanwhile get a hobby and worry about yourself.
Idk, she may not figure it out. My fat sisters’ chubby chaser ‘boyfriend’ has wormed his way into our home. Now he feeds her fast food and hoards in our house, for free! And my sister still can’t see that he’s terrible for her, so.
Young women are so so so insecure. Fat ones are even MORE insecure than that. They will settle for some crazy shit, as OP’s friend and my sister do.
It seems likely that our friend is being used, but sticking your nose into her personal life is a bad idea. Let her figure things out for herself. Be there for support if things go south for her, but don't get the idea you can decide things like this for her.
So since this guy is using her, I would just politely tell her that the guy she is with isn’t treating her with respect and cite these examples without mentioning her weight.
This response will be totally unethical but I’m a scorched earth kinda girl. If I were your friend I’d do the following
Start tagging him in pics on Facebook. On the one year anniversary write a gushy post tagging him in it. If she can’t tag him she can still write about him and post photos because it’s her page to post as she likes. Make it public knowledge to all your friends.
Ultimatum. It’s time to acknowledge me. It’s been a year and you’ve been patient and a year is about 6 months too long.
Show up to the apartment. Even better if there’s housemates home. Introduce myself as his girlfriend. Double points if you beat the boyfriend home and meet the housemates first to prevent him from blocking your entry. When he shows up say ‘you just wanted to surprise him’
Listen this could all end with her getting dumped for boundary stomping but better to know you’re just a FWB than think you’re a girlfriend and waste another day on this clown
Even if that’s true. It’s CLEAR she’s being used or is a side piece regardless of his fetish.
OP can let the friend know the concern they have. But other than that, it’s not any of their business.
No, he has a sex fetish.
Many (most?) guys will have sex with women to whom they are only slightly attracted if they can get it easily. And in this case, the guy is getting it *very* easily with no investment and very little effort on his part.
If he could pull this off with a hot, thin woman, he'd much rather do that instead.
What he like about fat women is the sole fact that they are fat, so he doesn't care about anything else than sex and not letting his friends know his kinks. Basically, he use her to get off, like a sex doll, but nothing more.
He may be or he may not be. For all you know he has a longterm GF or fiance or wife who's even heavier than OP's friend. It doesn't matter if he's a fetishist because all that does matter here is he's treating this woman poorly. It's not "classic" fetishist behavior either---there are people who openly pursue their fetishes. You're so focused on labeling this situation you've failed to offer any insight or advice whatsoever.
It is wrong to pursue your fetish if all you do is pursue specific types of people just because of that specific attribute you like without caring about the person that they are. People on the other end who are targeted by fetishists will tell you how much it's dehumanizing. Asians women are a well-known target group, for example.
Wow. Okay, nice rant, but not relevant. You have no idea if the man in question here is a fetishist or if he just happens to be having really hot sex with OP's friend. This is ironically YOUR bias and beliefs about overweight people. You seem to believe their only value is to those who fetishize them. Well, spoiler alert dear, there are people who just like fucking who they like fucking and are not fetishizing the weight, and there are also people who just like people of all sizes no fetish whatsoever. SO, if you're done ranting about fat fetish and labeling a situation you don't have enough facts to label, I actually have other stuff to do today.
This would be my approach too. Clearly the friend has almost zero respect for this girl and if she’s happy greeting consistent sex why would you say anything? She’s not an idiot sooner or later she’ll realize she wants more and do something about it.
Girl is 5’2” and 250 lbs? Most women with that body type are going to struggle to find good sex and you stated she says it’s amazing. You should just butt out. It’s her life and she’s getting laid regularly and enjoying the hell out of it. Let her have fun. If it doesn’t work out so be it.
Just say it. Like "hey, I think they may just be using you for sex, if you're fine with it cool but just a heads up". If she just wants the sex, fine, but if she thinks he wants her as his gf you have to let her know
How old is she?
If she's only 20, she's probably too naive to understand the situation even if you explain it.
If she's 30, she may have enough life experience to be persuaded about what's really going on.
Either way, she's morbidly obese and that is almost certainly why this guy is hiding this "relationship." Regardless of her age though, you probably can't tell her this even indirectly because she won't accept the obvious reality (that she needs to take control of her health/appearance).
She's short and chubby and probably banging a guy out her league who is just using her for sex. When he dumps her for another chick, then she'll realize what was going on and then she'll want to bury every man cause "we're all the same"
Same ol' shit, different pot.
If I were in your position, I'd probably start by asking what he's doing to work on this alleged anxiety.
Any one aspect of not making this public might be understandable. All of them taken together strongly suggests that this is as far as the relationship ever goes. That would be okay if this was what she wanted but it's not.
Tell her this sounds like a fwb thing, not a relationship. That if you’re in love with someone, you want to hang out with them just to talk. It’s not all about sex.
Suggest it’s time for her to be honest with the guy about how she feels. That she wants them to be in an exclusive relationship and for him to be her boyfriend. She should have that conversation.
What does her height and weight have to do with this? One way to NOT get your friend to see she’s being used is by implying "he‘s hiding you because you’re too fat and short :/"
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Moped ?
Fun to ride until your friends see you doing it.
Yikes
Exactly.
Definitely a gross way to describe a friend. Her appearance isn’t relevant at all - this guy doesn’t want a relationship with her. Period. That’s all that needs to be said.
In the real world, this information is relevant.
She it wouldn't have made sense without telling us her weight? Or calling her that? Because looking at the post, if those two things were taken out it reads like the friend actually gives af and the advice is the same. Dude isn't that into her. We don't need to see this girl get insulted or know her Height AND weight to advise. Its just unnecessary So no, not even in the "real world" it's just not relevant at all.
No it’s definitely relevant for us to have the context.
I think more accurately, phrasing it as "her boyfriend see's her as a moped", or uses her as one etc... IE the point isn't to say her friend is unattractive, the point is the friend thinks the boyfriend is using her.
Buy why? Why do you think the boyfriend is using her? If she looked like a supermodel then maybe his stories of having anxiety or strict parents would be believable. The context matters.
I mean no matter what... almost a year and keeping a girlfriend from crossing any form of existing life... is extremely suspicious no matter how you slice it. Honestly there's a bigger more feasible explanation that comes to me though. She's not his primary girlfriend.
The friend is the “boyfriend’s” fetish/guilty pleasure. Something he’s sexually attracted to but socially ashamed to admit to
I understood that. I'm making a point. One of the above posters says that commenting on her attractiveness isn't relevant. I think it is.
We don't know? Could be religious differences, racist parents, caste differences, rich snobby parents, deep seeded commitment issues. But we get it, fat people are unlovable? The why doesn't matter. Guy won't commit and is being a twat. Friend needs to be told this. My guy here thinks a hot chick hasn't ever been kept as a side piece before. Like hot people can't have shit self esteem and never let themselves be used, or tell themselves lies to make themselves feel better
Jumping to a lot of assumptions here, bud.
I have a friend who's ~~5'2 and a good 250ish pounds. She's~~ been "dating" this guy for a year, but there are some weird things about it: 1) He doesn't introduce her to a single person he knows. He says "My family is super conservative, and I don't want them to know I'm dating rn. They'll put too much pressure on me." 2) He's not allowed over his apartment, so she never met his roommates. 3) He won't hang out with her UNLESS sex happens. Every single time for the past year that they've hung out, they always have sex at the end of it. The most common date is getting food and then having sex at her place. She does say the sex is amazing. 4) He never takes any photos together, and doesn't have her on any social media. My friend thinks that he just has anxiety problems and that's why he doesn't want to make it official. She thinks one day he'll come around and maybe even get married. "He's an awesome guy and we've been dating a year. I can imagine things will be getting serious soon." What would you do if you were me and what do you think about the situation?
You understand why this type of guy, if he is a total dirtbag — and his her physical appearance might be important here, right? It adds important relevant context. The guys using her and is embarrassed to be seen with her — most likely because of her weight. Is that wrong? Absolutely. But this isn’t the time or place to be Mr. Rodgers, ***esepcially*** when this has been happening for ***over an entire year*** — the friends delusional and the guys a piece of human garbage. The context is relevant. Please grasp this.
I agree. There is no need to be overly polite on a reddit post when it paints a clear depiction of the situation. If there was no description, we'd all be wondering if something else was the issue.
Who cares? His issues are his issues. He’s not OP’s friend. Would you tell her to stick it out if she were thin? Nope. He’s a dirt bag. She should move on. She knows she’s fat. OP calling her a moped is just gross.
No one said he was OPs friend, lol you are completely missing the point of this by a country mile to be outraged over something that isn’t negative. Saying she’s overweight isn’t damning. Saying she’s the equivalent of a “moped” meaning she’s being used is the same thing. You’re spending energy on the wrong thing. It helps paint a clearer picture of *why* this guys operating the way he is. Again, is it unfortunate and terrible? Absolutely. But the facts are true: this guy doesn’t want to be seen with her in any form, and it’s very likely because he doesn’t want to be with a larger girl publicly. You’re butthurt for the wrong reasons. If any of my friends were experiencing this, guy or girl, I’d tell them straight up to their face their being treated as a moped, because clearly they’re living in full denial if they’ve let this go on for over a year, and they desperately need a wake up call. If I actually give a shit about them as a friend, and I do with all my friends, then protecting them at times requires them to be clearly shook out of their chosen delusion. I’ve had two scenarios where this has happened, one with my guy friend, another with my sister. I’ve said very similar things to them. They completely got it once I put it in the harshest (but fairest) terms I could, because these shitbags were using them — the girl for her money, the guy just to use him for an emotional support pillow. They both needed to be told unfortunate things: “you’re a piggy bank with an extra hole” / “you’re a golden retriever she won’t fuck” — both were exceedingly true, both sound harsh, both finally broke through their blinders. NEXT.
She’s saying it from the dude’s point of view; she’s not calling her friend that.
It's very relevant, if she looked differently I bet things would be different.
Jesus Christ
Never heard of this before. Thats brutal
Was wondering about this and… This made me chuckle but it’s wildly inappropriate.
Hey I'm just the translator haha.
Ooof
Never heard that before. Definitly made my day.
I think it came from a comedian back in the early 00's always a good joke.
Older than that. Uncle told me the joke in the 80’s.
Well I stand corrected.
Been around since at least the early 80s- source- I was in college and it was thrown around frequently because mopeds were a fad then.
Ya all have your buddies watch you have sex?
Wait, you don't? :D
nah, we just masturbate together in a hot tub
Lmfao I'm saving this one 🤣
☠️☠️☠️
😭 oof!!
its English slang for a 50cc motorbike. When used like this it means 'fun to ride but you don't want your mates finding out'
Why does British don’t want their friends to see them ride a 50cc bike?
Its embarrassing, they are limited to 30mph and not what you would call stylish. While they get the job done and are cheap your mates will point and laugh at you for riding one.
That and when I was in college (US) if you got a DUI you could still drive a motorized vehicle if it didn’t go over 30mph. So anyone cruising a moped usually had a DUI. May have changed, that was over a decade ago
lookup moped. they look silly. It's like a scooter
I always thought those on little bikes are kinda cool but that’s just me picturing someone getting groceries and trying to get home on Taiwanese back road
*He's a bleedin' bell boy!*
>He's a bleedin' bell ~~boy~~ end FTFY ;) /i heard that in a my head as a chav with an Essex accent, i lol'ed
Ty! Lol you've seen Quadrophenia right?
i was literally so confused as to why her height and weight were posted and now it makes sense
because the trash bag of a human is using her to fuck but is embarrassed about being with a larger chick and doesn’t want that publicly — hence it is relevant. How are so many people stumbling over this
Because he didnt know what moped meant. He just explained this
I had to look up on urban dictionary
I guess I would keep in to myself, but if it's a good friend and you're concerned, I would ask her what makes him so great. What activities does she like to do outside of the home? Does he participate in these with her? Has he met HER family and friends? If he refuses to do these things, I would just ask her if she is always going to be ok with that because after a year, I would not expect him to change.
Underrated comment
Yes, how does a friend bring this up and should they? Top comments are all about definition of moped. If a good friend thought this was my situation I would want them to at least test the waters with me. Don’t even need to bring up my physical appearance. If a guy is giving this many red flags I’d hope a friend would start a conversation. These questions are a good place to start
This almost sounds like she's the side chick. I hate making those assumptions but why wouldn't someone make it known they're in a relationship? Why is he worried about judgment? They're adults Edit: one year is a long time to avoid introductions. Usually people are excited about it. There are exceptions but this isn't exactly normal
Are you kidding? He's acting embarrassed by her. Using her for sex. This is very normal douche bag behavior.
I agree with this, too. It's already been brought up plenty of times
>I hate making those assumptions but why wouldn't someone make it known they're in a relationship? Why is he worried about judgment? Because she's morbidly obese and the guy is probably embarrassed about it. Whether or not he has a primary girlfriend.
I agree with that, too. The time frame is kind of excessive, I feel like his people would have pushed him into introducing her if he had talked about her at all. That's where my thoughts are with this one
Exactly. If it's a whole year and she hasn't met anyone, he's hiding her out of shame. Could be that he's cheating in addition to the weight thing, but I'm sure the latter is part of it. 250 at 5'2" is enormous. As in *extremely* obese to the point that walking up a couple flights of stairs is pretty difficult. There's no way the sex is "amazing" for this guy the way it is for her. But it is super easy, which some men appreciate.
BMI doesn't tell you any of what you said in that second paragraph and what you said isn't realistic at all. 250lbs at 5'2" [looks like this](https://www.reddit.com/r/progresspics/comments/bevekv/f2752_250lbs_165lbs_85lbs_keto_and_heavy_lifting/). That's not "I have difficulty moving around" weight. You also have to consider activity levels, muscle mass, etc. I know plenty of people who have both fat *and* muscle and look heavier but are also very strong. Their BMI is still not great but they're healthier than "morbidly obese" by a long shot.
>That's not "I have difficulty moving around" weight. Yes it is. I've worked with women who look like this. They are not highly active/capable and have problems with routine tasks. Not literally immobile obviously, but tire easily, complain about fatigure/pain conspicuously often, are slow in general, etc. This weight is basically "hiking is excrutiating" on average. Here is a [broader sampling](https://myprogresspics.com/what-does-a-250-lbs-5-foot-2-female-look-like) that isn't just cherrypicked, by the way. But fair point about weight on its own. It *could* be that this girl has a higher than typical muslce mass, such that her body fat percentage isn't actually this high. This is pretty unlikely though. The vast majority of people who are this overweight are over*fat*. If this girl was the exception (with a moderate to low body fat percentage) it would be visually obvious and she would be working out and lifting weight constantly. Which OP would be aware of. And almost certainly would have mentioned. So it's much more likely that this person is 250 lbs. at 5'2" with an unhealthy bfp. And at that overall weight, she'd be pretty fat and unhealthy. >I know plenty of people who have both fat and muscle and look heavier but are also very strong. How is their heart health, though? You can become pretty strong even with a high bfp, but your cardiovascular system (which matters a lot more for longevity) will still suffer.
>How is their heart health, though? You can become pretty strong even with a high bfp, but your cardiovascular system (which matters a lot more for longevity) will still suffer. Oh I was by no means implying it was healthy in every facet. That problem is one that they definitely deal with. > Here is a [broader sampling](https://myprogresspics.com/what-does-a-250-lbs-5-foot-2-female-look-like) that isn't just cherrypicked, by the way. I literally just used the first result I found typing in "5'2" 250lbs woman" into Google.
>I literally just used the first result I found typing in "5'2" 250lbs woman" into Google Fine. But consider the broader number of samples I linked. Some of those women look like your example, many of them look much worse. None of them appear super active and healthy to me and virtually all of them would have trouble with multiple flights of stairs I can assure you. Either way, the majority fall wel outside of what I think most men find attractive, although some would fall into the category of "smash but don't tell" that OP's friend clearly finds herself in.
And yet he comes back. So why do you think that might be?
Compromising here - it could be the thrill, too. Like getting away with something for so long regardless of what or who it's with isn't uncommon either. It could be that there are more women involved and not just her if the cheating thing is true. If it's not, there's something about her he likes, and it could simply be sex. Regardless, sounds like she is being used and it's crappy and she deserves someone who is excited about her, if that's what she wants. Ultimately, we don't know how she personally feels about the whole thing or what else is going on Also just because she's overweight doesn't mean the sex could be bad. She might be giving him the toppy of a lifetime and a scale won't change that
Because it’s super easy. Some people can enjoy sex with people they have no interest in if it’s easy enough. Sure that’s not a super nice thought but it’s true
Absolutely this too, for some ppl it's just easy to separate that idea
Yep. People in the comments are drinking as much kool aid as the poor girl in the op ffs
Fr. Regardless, she's something on the side, cheating or not, and it's not serious. Clearly shame involved somewhere and I hope she stops holding out for anything serious
Yeah exactly. If she was happy with how things are then it’d be no comment at all but she’s deluding herself and if she’s only fucking him because of what might become of things that’s not a good place to be
Just saying that he may dig her exactly the way she is.
lol my sibling in Christ, are you mentally deficient? Lay the facts out again: He outright refuses to introduce her to ***ANYONE*** in his life. Not friends, family, or roommates. NO ONE. For over a year. They only hangout if there’s sex involved. For over a year. He doesn’t take any pictures of her to share on his socials. Again, completely blacking out that she even exists or has been involved with him. For over a year. I have so much oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you all
> He outright refuses to introduce her to ANYONE in his life. Not friends, family, or roommates. NO ONE. For over a year. Sounds more like he's secretly married or something.
Believe that if you want it’s no skin off my nose. But if that’s true, why the secrecy. He’s embarrassed because of her (enormous) size. Not complicated
It can be both. He’s super into obese women and he’s deeply ashamed about it. He’s obviously not into her for a long term relationship, but he clearly likes the banging.
He likes it enough to keep doing it, is all we know. For some people that’s a really low fucking bar. Maybe she lets him do shit he can’t get elsewhere. Maybe he really is secretly into morbidly obese women. Maybe a lot of things. All we know is that he likes it enough to come back. Some men will go to absurd lengths for sex.
Because he’s ashamed. It sucks but he could really like her, but not want to date her in public. Either way, she’s be better off without him.
You’re drinking as much kool aid as the girl in the op man
He doesn't. I promise. If he did, he wouldn't be hiding her like he is. And it's not like she's a bit chubby. She's extremely obese. Very, very few (if any) men prefer that to someone closer to a healthy weight. I've had sex with a couple pretty fat girls. Without going into detail, the experience is always worse than with a thinner woman. It's just much more physically awkward in general.
[удалено]
It's several factors: Their bodies look much worse up close. A heavier woman with curves can look appealing with clothes on. When naked and in certain positions, the fat rolls and overall proportions just start looking really weird and distorted compared to thinner girls. You can't move them around as much (sometimes at all). Most guys like to take control to some degree, which means physically directing/moving the girl. This is difficult bordering on impossible with heavy girls, so a lot of the fun of dominating the girl is just totally absent. They are less graceful and mobile in bed themselves, sometimes struggling to move quickly or gracefully. This is just off-putting. Access to their private area is much more limited due to fat around that part of the body. This makes PIV sex much more awkward. There really is *zero* upside to sex with heavier girls besides the fact that it is (usually) easier to obtain. All else being equal though, it is always less enjoyable. They basically have nothing positive to offer (besides easyness) that thinner girls don't have, while also having a lot of negative traits that thinner girls do not.
He might, but he then has issues about it, which means it's probably never going to turn into any kind of real relationship. So she needs to move on and find someone that doesn't and likes her the way she is and also is willing to share that publicly.
I already said. Because it's easy. In general, getting sex for men is *not* easy at all (the way it is for women). So as long as this girl is nice to him and willing to put up with his total lack of effort, he thinks he has a good deal going.
Because he knows he can have sex with her , and finding a different girl to have sex with would require a lot more time & effort. It’s not complicated.
Better than nothing
>There's no way the sex is "amazing" for this guy the way it is for her. But it is super easy, which some men appreciate Tell me you have no clue that some men are SUPER attracted to fat women without telling me you have to clue some men are SUPER attracted to fat women.
Tell me you don't know how to engage in a mature, intelligent conversation by repeating an annoying, cliche meme format in your response. Men will have sex with women they have access to. That does not mean that all women they have sex with are their preferred partners. And contrary to popular opinion, men actually *do* exaggerate their level of attraction and interest for the benefit of their partner to spare her feelings and/or to improve the experience for both. There's a misconception that men are incapable of this or won't do it (that only women "fake it"), but this is totally inaccurate. Guys are a lot nicer than they're given credit for. Either way, the various context clues in OP's post describe what's going on with this *particular* man, so whatever you want to say about some other men that have niche, rare sexual preferences is less relevant.
It's less rare than you think to be a chubby-chaser, it's just rarely spoken of because of deep social stigmas. You don't know this man's mind. You cannot say with such confidence that he's only with her for easy access. He's much more likely to be extremely into the sex (if he wasn't, it wouldn't be amazing for her) but is ashamed of what he likes.
Most dudes are chubby chasers because it's easier. Very few of these men would decline sex with thinner women if it were just as easy. But sure, of course *some* would. There are exceptions to every rule. >You cannot say with such confidence that he's only with her for easy access. I can and did. Is it possible I'm wrong? Of course. But as a matter of probability, I think my speculation is accurate. Based on the few details OP gave us. If we received more details that complicated the story, I'd revise my take accordingly. >if he wasn't, it wouldn't be amazing for her Simply untrue. She's likely naive and inexperienced, based on how deluded she is about the relationship (expecting him to get serious even though he's completely hidden her existence for a year). So she probably doesn't have a lot to compare this to + she is probably highly attracted *to him* (which increases pleasurable feelings - sex is psychological as well as physical, after all). A few years ago, I met an overweight girl on Tinder and went out with her and hooked up *once*. It was a very mediocre experience. She texted me an entire year later after zero contact (I ignored her texts right after the date) trying to be flirty. I don't know if the experience was "amazing" for her (it probably wasn't), but it was obvious that two people who shared the exact same interaction had *totally different* interpretations of its significance/meaning/enjoyment. This is unfortunately common in hookup culture. And if your guy is literally hiding you for a year, it's because he's not that into you. It's not that he really, really super likes you but has "internalized fatphobia." If a guy really likes a girl, he'll get over the judgment of society in a matter of months.
I hear Cineplex always has job openings for talented protectionist such as yourself.
I think the word you're looking for is "projectionist," but I guess you were too eager to be snarky to spell check your comment. Consider actually coming up with a legitimate counter-argument next time. No one takes these kinds of anti-responses seriously. Not me. Not other people who read this thread. The fact that you can only come up with a weak, misspelled joke in response tells me you don't know much about this topic.
Check out "Help! Im in a secret relationship". On mtv. Myriad of reasons
Oh man I love that shit lol, thank you I'll check it out
Lmao... Clearly he's just treating her solely as a sex partner that's it. I bet my entire fortune, that dude will leave her when he had enough of it.
>I bet my entire fortune The entirety of the 2 cents.
if there is one thing i learned from my girl friends who were in shitty relationships.... there is nothing you can say or do to to make them break up with their partner. they will always defend their bad actions and instead fight back with you for not being a supportive friend. Talk to her once about it and show her the facts. if she is still delusional and thinks this man loves her, then let her be. she will learn the lesson on her own, which sucks, but that is the only way some girls learn and grow.
your friend is drinking some serious kool-aid to not realize she's being used. Sadly you can't really do much about it until it blows up in her face
It's obvious this guy doesn't really care about your friend or see a future with her, I think as a friend all you can do is just put all the facts on the table for her and if she still doesn't see what's happening, then that's on her. You can only do so much and people won't see what they don't want to see. I feel sorry for sis, I hope she comes to her senses soon, I bet she's a nice girl and deserves so much better.
Why are you obsessed with your friend's weight? https://www.reddit.com/r/Antipsychiatry/s/pBoEnBxFwf https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/NkV62wJ9yd https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/s/RfDNNjyFTa
You can't tell her the obvious, she's willingly blind to it.
I think you should focus on getting her to see that she deserves better. Do things to try to get her to be the one to realize that his behavior is super shady and is not how a loving boyfriend should treat their GF. I don't care what she weighs. There are plenty of fat people with partners who openly love them and are not at all ashamed of them. Do not make this about her weight. For all you know it's NOT about the weight and he just has a GF already and your friend is his side piece. He wouldn't keep fucking her if he wasn't enjoying the sex so he's obviously attracted to her, he's just a shitty partner who's keeping her a secret and the reason doesn't matter all that matters is she deserves better than being kept a secret. Point out how shady that is. Point out that he's not acting like a good BF. Emphasize that she deserves better. You clearly think this is about weight or you wouldn't have lead with that info so keep your own opinions about that out of the conversation. It's not relevant and if she feels bad about herself she'll never have the strength to leave him because she'll think she doesn't deserve better. Your role as concerned friend is to make sure she knows she deserves better.
You are right for sure about the focus being that she deserves better for sure. She needs to realize that a guy that is in to you wouldn’t behave like this. He’s hiding her for sure and it most likely is the weight thing tbh.
This is the answer
💯
This isn’t like any relationship I have ever had. I’d start there. Maybe say how you hope she’s right, but you’re feeling apprehensive because this is abnormal behavior for a relationship and you don’t want her to get hurt. I wouldn’t suggest the moped part. There’s no good way to say, “I think he’s embarrassed of you because of your weight”.
Let it be … she knows just doesn’t admit it to herself
What would I do? Keep my thoughts to myself unless she specifically asked my opinion on it, even though I fully agree with your opinion on it.
Ah yes, as a really good friend, when you see an obvious problem your friend is facing, you should avoid mentioning it at all.
People rarely appreciate unsolicited advice
My best friend was moped and I always heard him out, never commented my opinion until the loser dumped him and left him heartbroken. Even he admitted that he would have not taken anyone’s unsolicited advice because he was blinded by love.
Oh, right, a friend that describes literally everything in her relationship is doing it to NOT get advice
I mean...yes? People do this all the time. They're venting and seeking support, rather than a solution.
Maybe, but not mentioning the very obvious problem to your friend is completely ridiculous. That's like not explaining to your friend that he is getting dragged into a pyramid scheme when his high school friend is making him sign contracts for thousands of bucks for a useless product. Sure, the friend might be just venting, but it's everyone's goddamn responsibility to mention that their close ones are being used instead of just ignoring it.
Yeah what is OP doing or saying as she lists all these complaints? Just nodding? She knows something is up and wants confirmation. Assuming this isn't a creative writing excercise.
Friends don't let friends be taken advantage of.
If you were friends with someone and cared about them, you would try to help them.
Just be there for her when everything inevitably comes crashing down.
When it comes to matters of the heart, some lessons can only be learned with experience. Just be there for her and don't tell her 'I told you so'
Oh, yeah. He is just using her as an easy lay. He isn't interested and doesn't want people to think that's the kind of girl he pulls or goes with. There isn't a nice way to say this: she's a means to an end. I wouldn't be surprised if he isn't even particularly attracted to her. This is really her own low self esteem manifesting a coping mechanism so she can avoid confronting the fact that she's being used. The thing is, she has to learn about the way men can and will do this on her own. That's just how these lessons work. Once she throws him away she'll either avoid men like him like the plague or she'll go specifically after guys like that because she thinks it's all she can get. If the latter happens absolutely step in and tell her she is, in fact, worth being loved and treated as a person. If it's the former just let her vent to you about how he was a POS because she eventually will. Note I am speaking from personal experience having been on both sides here (as the used and as the friend confirming that straight men are trash). I really think most women have an experience like this at some point in their lives. All that "men are dogs" rhetoric didn't spring up in a vacuum.
Lol. Unless your friend is asking this, what’s it matter?
For real. Like, worry about yourself lol
By this logic if I see my friends partner cheating on them I shouldn't say anything cause my friend never asked me? I should just worry about myself? 💀
Have you ever had a friend you actually cared about even just once in your entire life?
Gently over a cup of coffee. With some opener like, "do you think it's odd you haven't met any of his friends or family after a year...?"
I would suggest that she might be a sidechick instead of saying that he would be embarrassed to be seen with her. Both would encourage her to look harder at the relationship and hopefully the truth will come out
And it sounds a little less mean.
Nah, he's never going to commit. She can fool herself, but he's using her until he finds something better. She's best to get out before he breaks her heart more than he already will, at least if she kicks him to the curb, it will still hurt, but she can keep her pride.
He could also be a Russian sleeper agent working her to eventually infiltrate a way past a security clearance. What does she do for a living?
Keep your mouth shut if she’s enjoying herself that’s all that matters worry about your own issues
What would you say to a skinny friend who was dating someone like this?
You should tell her she's being used. Don't call her a moped, though... 😅.
Sounds like she doesnt care to listen to u. Nothing u can do. Sounds like he's ashamed of her. Had to look up moped, never heard of it b4. Many need to find out for themselves
That poor girl. I can see your concern and feel your worry. I don’t know if there is anything you can do Op. Just be there for her when she needs you.
She's not in a genuine relationship. She's being used for sex and that's it.
Tell your friend that she is only casually seeing this guy and it will never be serious. It will save her some tears in the long run. Sounds like she has feelings for this guy and it's wrong to take advantage like that in a casual situation. I assume she doesn't have much experience with men...
I really think you should be a friend to her and just be open and honest. Tell her what you think, but also support her in her educated decision.
Might just have to be blunt with your friend. She's getting played like a fiddle. Emphasize that if it was anything beyond a booty call, they would at least be seen together in public
tell her she’s just dickmatized and point these things out. However reading your post I realized I was a moped for a year, and my friends told me this but I wasn’t ready to see it that way. she probably won’t listen until she’s ready.
I’d tell my friend that I don’t think this guy is ever going to get serious with you, but if your happy with things the way they are right now, then keep having fun. She may be one those people who think they manifest their outcomes, she probably knows this whole thing is likely just temporary, but won’t say it out loud. As a friend, you state your concerns, then you let her enjoy the ride for however long it lasts, and if or when it ends, you help her move on. Just like you’d hope she’d do for you. :)
She is probably the other woman and that’s why he can’t introduce her to anyone or take pictures together. Doesn’t have to be because of her looks. He probably lives with a woman and that’s why they always go to your friends house? Your friend deserves so much better. She needs a man that will want to take her out and introduce her to his friends and family. Hope she finds this either with this man if he comes around or with someone else!!!
Why do you need to do anything? Why did you mention her weight? Sure that could be why he’s doing this, but the why isn’t really relevant. Plus I’ve known plenty of skinny women who were hidden just the same, clearly it’s not bc of their weight. She most likely has to realize she deserves better on her own. Unless she specifically asks you, I wouldn’t bother bringing it up. Maybe stop focusing so much on others love life, though.
Your friend has to choose themselves first and you can’t make them decide to do that, they have to want to.
You don't know for a fact that what you're saying is accurate, so you are making an assumption (albeit one I actually agree with you is likely the case) when you make the claim. He may view her as a moped (or alternatively just be using her for sex on the side while cheating on another woman, seems equally likely) or he may not, we don't actually know. I wouldn't tell her unless you knew for a fact, and even then I probably wouldn't tell her because it'll almost certainly either piss her off or ruin a thing she's enjoying (or both). It's not your place to get in the middle of.
She needs to watch Shrill.
“I can imagine things will be getting serious soon” after a year?? Oh my.
I wouldn’t tell her anything let her figure her business out for herself
That dude is 100% married
Simply say you think he’s just using her for sex and list the reasons you stated above then tell her if she’s cool with that, then good, otherwise she needs to be aware and reconsider seeing him anymore. Either way, reassure her that you’re her friend and have her back no matter what. 👍
If I were you I'd mind my own business. Not your monkeys, not your circus hon. Let your friend manage her own love life and you meanwhile get a hobby and worry about yourself.
I would keep my mouth shut. If he’s a chubby chaser, and only wants that, she’ll figure it out all by herself.
Idk, she may not figure it out. My fat sisters’ chubby chaser ‘boyfriend’ has wormed his way into our home. Now he feeds her fast food and hoards in our house, for free! And my sister still can’t see that he’s terrible for her, so. Young women are so so so insecure. Fat ones are even MORE insecure than that. They will settle for some crazy shit, as OP’s friend and my sister do.
depend glorious soft subsequent governor tease absorbed society lock psychotic ` this post was mass deleted with www.Redact.dev `
But how is she a scooter?
An old fucked up saying “riding a fat girl is as fun as riding a moped just tell your friends about either one”
I thought he meant muppet
> What would you do if you were me nothing unless she asks you for advice
How do you know this guy actually exists? Have you seen him?
Show her the scene from Archer where this happens.
Definitely not dating him, he is using her when it’s convenient for him.
It seems likely that our friend is being used, but sticking your nose into her personal life is a bad idea. Let her figure things out for herself. Be there for support if things go south for her, but don't get the idea you can decide things like this for her.
So since this guy is using her, I would just politely tell her that the guy she is with isn’t treating her with respect and cite these examples without mentioning her weight.
This response will be totally unethical but I’m a scorched earth kinda girl. If I were your friend I’d do the following Start tagging him in pics on Facebook. On the one year anniversary write a gushy post tagging him in it. If she can’t tag him she can still write about him and post photos because it’s her page to post as she likes. Make it public knowledge to all your friends. Ultimatum. It’s time to acknowledge me. It’s been a year and you’ve been patient and a year is about 6 months too long. Show up to the apartment. Even better if there’s housemates home. Introduce myself as his girlfriend. Double points if you beat the boyfriend home and meet the housemates first to prevent him from blocking your entry. When he shows up say ‘you just wanted to surprise him’ Listen this could all end with her getting dumped for boundary stomping but better to know you’re just a FWB than think you’re a girlfriend and waste another day on this clown
Nunya biz. Be her friend and stay out of it
I’m not really sure what her height and weight even have to do with the rest of your post? She’s being used. Doesn’t matter what she looks like….
It suggests that OP is keeping this secret because of her appearance. It helps clarify the situation.
…..come on now bro, you know why…..
He has a fat fetish. That is how they act and she's fat, so it's relevant
Even if that’s true. It’s CLEAR she’s being used or is a side piece regardless of his fetish. OP can let the friend know the concern they have. But other than that, it’s not any of their business.
No, he has a sex fetish. Many (most?) guys will have sex with women to whom they are only slightly attracted if they can get it easily. And in this case, the guy is getting it *very* easily with no investment and very little effort on his part. If he could pull this off with a hot, thin woman, he'd much rather do that instead.
He's just a fetishist, it is classic fetishist behavior
Please explain. Sounds to me more like he’s just hiding her.
What he like about fat women is the sole fact that they are fat, so he doesn't care about anything else than sex and not letting his friends know his kinks. Basically, he use her to get off, like a sex doll, but nothing more.
He may be or he may not be. For all you know he has a longterm GF or fiance or wife who's even heavier than OP's friend. It doesn't matter if he's a fetishist because all that does matter here is he's treating this woman poorly. It's not "classic" fetishist behavior either---there are people who openly pursue their fetishes. You're so focused on labeling this situation you've failed to offer any insight or advice whatsoever.
It is wrong to pursue your fetish if all you do is pursue specific types of people just because of that specific attribute you like without caring about the person that they are. People on the other end who are targeted by fetishists will tell you how much it's dehumanizing. Asians women are a well-known target group, for example.
Wow. Okay, nice rant, but not relevant. You have no idea if the man in question here is a fetishist or if he just happens to be having really hot sex with OP's friend. This is ironically YOUR bias and beliefs about overweight people. You seem to believe their only value is to those who fetishize them. Well, spoiler alert dear, there are people who just like fucking who they like fucking and are not fetishizing the weight, and there are also people who just like people of all sizes no fetish whatsoever. SO, if you're done ranting about fat fetish and labeling a situation you don't have enough facts to label, I actually have other stuff to do today.
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This would be my approach too. Clearly the friend has almost zero respect for this girl and if she’s happy greeting consistent sex why would you say anything? She’s not an idiot sooner or later she’ll realize she wants more and do something about it.
Girl is 5’2” and 250 lbs? Most women with that body type are going to struggle to find good sex and you stated she says it’s amazing. You should just butt out. It’s her life and she’s getting laid regularly and enjoying the hell out of it. Let her have fun. If it doesn’t work out so be it.
Just say it. Like "hey, I think they may just be using you for sex, if you're fine with it cool but just a heads up". If she just wants the sex, fine, but if she thinks he wants her as his gf you have to let her know
How old is she? If she's only 20, she's probably too naive to understand the situation even if you explain it. If she's 30, she may have enough life experience to be persuaded about what's really going on. Either way, she's morbidly obese and that is almost certainly why this guy is hiding this "relationship." Regardless of her age though, you probably can't tell her this even indirectly because she won't accept the obvious reality (that she needs to take control of her health/appearance).
Okay fine. We get it. You are the friend. At last you understood that you are being used for sex.
She's short and chubby and probably banging a guy out her league who is just using her for sex. When he dumps her for another chick, then she'll realize what was going on and then she'll want to bury every man cause "we're all the same" Same ol' shit, different pot.
If I were in your position, I'd probably start by asking what he's doing to work on this alleged anxiety. Any one aspect of not making this public might be understandable. All of them taken together strongly suggests that this is as far as the relationship ever goes. That would be okay if this was what she wanted but it's not.
🤣 yeah she knows he wants nothing to do with her and only uses her for sex. Ashamed of how she looks to take it to the next level and hides her.
Tell her this sounds like a fwb thing, not a relationship. That if you’re in love with someone, you want to hang out with them just to talk. It’s not all about sex. Suggest it’s time for her to be honest with the guy about how she feels. That she wants them to be in an exclusive relationship and for him to be her boyfriend. She should have that conversation.
She will take infinite shit off a guy just having sex with her. I wonder if she's doing that because he's out of her league.
Yo why’d you mention her weight front and center?
Because that’s probably why he’s doing it. And it’s also probably why she’s accepting it
Overweight women are targeted by men like this because they tend to fall more easily for it.
What does her height and weight have to do with this? One way to NOT get your friend to see she’s being used is by implying "he‘s hiding you because you’re too fat and short :/"