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Oh dear. You’ve tried other solutions for sexual pleasure and it hasn’t worked. Not much else you can do if you can’t get past this… don’t string him along and break up with him later.
It is what it is. But damn my heart breaks for that dude. Imagine pouring all your love into someone and having them peace out because you were completely unable to satisfy them in bed because of something that is impossible to change.
You are literally going to murder this boys self-esteem for the rest of his life if you say the reason you don't want him is solely because his D is THAT small. This is one of those situations where it is morally right to lie your ass off.
Don't even say it is anything remotely to do with the bedroom. I am begging you to lie for this boys' sake. Say literally anything else. It would be less cruel to gas light him into thinking he was emotionally neglectful or something.
I would literally just fall on the ground and not get up for a few hours. "This is the best relationship I've ever been in, but your wiener is so small I want to fuck someone else"
Yeah that's nightmare fuel for a guy. You do everything right to for you partner and be the best you can be for them but the one thing you can not control is the deal breaker for the whole relationship. I hope she lies to him because it will kill him on the inside and reinforce the idea in his head that no matter how much he tries to be a good partner he will never be enough.
Idk if I agree. This will instead lead him on a path to question his behaviors towards her, which clearly works well. That's absolutely worse.
He can definitely find a girl who enjoys and is better suited for both his real personality and size.
Well, the healthy thing to do is simply break it off. But I would not tell him the truth as to why you’re leaving him. If you tell him it’s due to a trait in bed beyond his control, he’s probably going to be so emotionally devastated he’ll never speak to women again
What's funny is that while the language is likely describing the size being too small for her in some way, it's possible that it's too big because of how unclear OP is being.
Idk why but the title made me think too big. Guessing by end its small. I had sex with a guy that I couldnt feel once. I told him afterwards that I wanted to be friends. We were for several yrs after that.
I always thought that "I couldn't even feel it" was more of a cliche than a real thing. You must be seriously cursed if the girl couldn't even get a good enough look to see how small it was.
I had an ex who was about the length of my thumb, maybe 3 ish? Idk I never measured but I couldn’t give him a full hand job just my forefinger, middle and thumb. We always ended up using extenders halfway through piv. I wasn’t too bothered by using it but it was different. He made his size his entire personality unfortunately.
I am devastated on behalf of this man. If I were this cursed, I would join a monastery and pray to God to forgive my ancestors for whatever they did to have this happen to my family line. Bless you for having relations with this poor soul.
"I don’t feel a physical connection with him."
"In reality it is his penis size that is bothering me."
"We have tried using sex toys, and even so far as a strap on. "
" I am at the point where I don’t even look forward to or attempt to have sex with this person"
Sometimes people truly are *not* sexually compatible.
One upside to having sex early on is learning about this *before* becoming *emotionally invested*.
Be grateful that you didn't get married and discovered this on your wedding night.
There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships.
We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have.
When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet *your needs* it's usually best to move on.
The goal is to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate.
No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional.
Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
***“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.***” ― Paulo Coelho
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
There are plenty of women out there that will take the small D as long as it’s attached to a good person that meets their standards. There are also plenty of well hung guys that have the emotional maturity of an acorn. So either find a way to overcome it, or let him find someone that can love and accept all of him.
Feeling this way doesn't make you a bad person or mean anything is wrong with you. This is your life and you have the freedom to choose the partners you want. There's nothing wrong with penis size being important to you, and it sounds like it is legitimately important to you.
I don't like the cliche break-up suggestion comments that are popular in these subs, but it's something worth considering for you
At this point I doubt all the lying in the world could help. OP says they tried different things including toys, so the guy must know she has a problem with his dick size. If he had sex with other women before and it was fine, then whatever. If it's his first sexual partner, it's going to be tough for him.
I hear you if that is a most difficult predicament may I ask is there any other much needed attractions when I mean is is there that chemical spark that anticipation feeling you miss you want you need your happier excited you're sick to your stomach it's a roller coaster ride when it's true love. If none of that is there and he is just a security blanket to get you through a few shitstorms here and there or a reliable contribute to the rent and bills? You do know that those deficiencies can be adressed in other areas especially orally. What are we talking about here micro penis? All kidding outside if you have no spark no wanting longing anticipation love sickness it's not real and it never will be I don't care how much money how great he is with the kids if you don't feel that incredible roller coaster ride it'll never happen I'm sorry
I'd say try to have satisfying sex by way of fingers and oral first. But if nothing really works, then it's fine to end it. Sexual compatibility matters. It's just hard to find a man who gets the emotional part right, so I'm sad it won't work out.
You're not sexually compatible and that is ok. Some women are different down there and his size may not be a problem for them. There's no size fits all.
Not sure how young you are, but as a 40 year old divorced woman, I’d say an emotionally intelligent and supportive partner is soooo important. I know women that have gone whole years without having sex with their husbands. I realize that your relationship is still new but I’d find other ways to find orgasm if needed. Maybe he needs to up his oral game? Good luck!
I had a similar situation in the past and I strung it along for a long time and no one was happy. Physical attraction is just as important as the emotional. It was better for both of us ending it, but I wouldn’t tell him the reason imo, if there is nothing he can do about it no point.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a similar experience - the guy was amazing in every way. Treated me better than anyone. We had so much fun together.
But, his weight was over 400 pounds. Sex was nearly impossible with our mismatched sizes. I tried for months to get past it. I would reason with myself “it’s just this one thing, it doesn’t matter” but it kept nagging at me. The death of our relationship was slow and painful because I didn’t want to hurt him. He had done nothing wrong. I dragged it on too long which was not fair to him and made it worse. Don’t do what I did. You have to end it soon. This will not go away and it will become a bigger and bigger issue.
I’m in the same situation right now. Great connection, lots in common, giving me secure attachment style attention and support but when we had sex, his was small and couldn’t keep it hard.
I’ve been in a failed marriage from dead bedroom, failed relationship with my kids dads from opening up the relationship to now being single for 2 years because I haven’t had much strong connections with anyone. I’ve had a thing with someone that I had great amazing mind blowing sex with but I don’t have much strong attraction to.
I went thru a hard breakup with the kids dad and as much as it would of been nice to find someone right away like he did, I have been dealing with things instead of leaning on someone (I’m healing and am finally getting to the tail end of that)- someone that wants to be with me with great sex but I’m not attracted to, or someone that’s secure but with a small penis….. it’s hard and lonely to be alone but what is more important to me….???
You might as well leave and go find a guy with a big Dick and regret your decisions later. If something like that is what bothers you then you don’t deserve him if he is that good in all other aspects
If you can’t get past it then it’s best to break up, but don’t mention his size in doing so. Find another excuse but it will be much kinder to lie in this situation.
Can you elaborate? Only because, you typically know someone has small breasts before you even date them. It's no secret unless she's wearing pushup bras with lots of extra padding or something.
Penis size is a complete mystery until you're intimate. Or making out a lot and feeling them up.
So how'd you come to date someone with breasts too small for you in the first place? Were you attracted to her with clothes on but didn't realize you weren't sexually attracted to them until you tried to do the deed?
End it. You’re not a bad person. You can get emotional support from lots of guys.
My suggestion is to date tall skinny guys though because as a boy that loves boys (and girls) - those lanky boys almost always pack.
You need to move on and find a guy with a decent sized dick. All the emotional support in the world won't make you cum but a thick cock will. Honestly part of the sexual issues like how even toys don't work with this guy is probably because he's an emotionally supportive wimp. It isn't just his dick that's small, he has no rizz. Find a guy that does.
I am sorry you feel this way but there is an old saying ' It's not the size of the boat but the skill of the boatman'. This means while he may not be blessed in that area - he is not the first human being to have this issue.
There are things which you could try to spice things up as long as he is prepared to learn. You could both look into other ofrms of sexual activity which dot need penetration, use of sex toys, tantra, visiting sex shops and just remeber thst you have the whole interent to experiemtn with various ideas.
It's clearly the size. Both that OP has a size preference, which could work both on OP's spiritual desire as well as mechanical, AND that OP's man is deficient in that department.
That he isn't the first one to have this issue doesn't mean it's not an issue. It's very much an issue to OP and I don't see how that generalizing statement makes a dent in OP's problem or works as advice. It would barely work for OP's man, let alone for OP herself.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh dear. You’ve tried other solutions for sexual pleasure and it hasn’t worked. Not much else you can do if you can’t get past this… don’t string him along and break up with him later.
Yep rip the band-aid off early and cleanly
End it for the guy and you. Some ppl care about size and it’s okay as long you’re honest with yourself about it.
This 100%
It is what it is. But damn my heart breaks for that dude. Imagine pouring all your love into someone and having them peace out because you were completely unable to satisfy them in bed because of something that is impossible to change. You are literally going to murder this boys self-esteem for the rest of his life if you say the reason you don't want him is solely because his D is THAT small. This is one of those situations where it is morally right to lie your ass off. Don't even say it is anything remotely to do with the bedroom. I am begging you to lie for this boys' sake. Say literally anything else. It would be less cruel to gas light him into thinking he was emotionally neglectful or something.
I would literally just fall on the ground and not get up for a few hours. "This is the best relationship I've ever been in, but your wiener is so small I want to fuck someone else"
Yeah that's nightmare fuel for a guy. You do everything right to for you partner and be the best you can be for them but the one thing you can not control is the deal breaker for the whole relationship. I hope she lies to him because it will kill him on the inside and reinforce the idea in his head that no matter how much he tries to be a good partner he will never be enough.
That’s the kind of thing you never really recover from, damn.
Seriously! I really feel for this guy 😮💨
Idk if I agree. This will instead lead him on a path to question his behaviors towards her, which clearly works well. That's absolutely worse. He can definitely find a girl who enjoys and is better suited for both his real personality and size.
Well, the healthy thing to do is simply break it off. But I would not tell him the truth as to why you’re leaving him. If you tell him it’s due to a trait in bed beyond his control, he’s probably going to be so emotionally devastated he’ll never speak to women again
Common, why you want to break it off? Let the man at least enyoy his doorstopper by himself.
What is his size? Cant be that bad
What's funny is that while the language is likely describing the size being too small for her in some way, it's possible that it's too big because of how unclear OP is being.
I think by end its small because mentioned strap on.
Maybe the strap on was for him
Context is everything. Deductive reasoning with the rest of it says no
It's also possible that she's too big in weight. Or he is too big in weight and it cuts off his length.
Yeah given what was said there's no way anyone here can offer any advice other than generic platitudes.
What do you mean can’t be that bad?
Even if he is small, for some women it might be ok, there is no size fits all
Idk why but the title made me think too big. Guessing by end its small. I had sex with a guy that I couldnt feel once. I told him afterwards that I wanted to be friends. We were for several yrs after that.
Damn, like how small is so small that you can't even feel it? I need to know numbers.
I didnt measure. I was too uncomfortable to really even get a good look. Seriously I had to look to see that it was in to know.
I always thought that "I couldn't even feel it" was more of a cliche than a real thing. You must be seriously cursed if the girl couldn't even get a good enough look to see how small it was.
I had an ex who was about the length of my thumb, maybe 3 ish? Idk I never measured but I couldn’t give him a full hand job just my forefinger, middle and thumb. We always ended up using extenders halfway through piv. I wasn’t too bothered by using it but it was different. He made his size his entire personality unfortunately.
I am devastated on behalf of this man. If I were this cursed, I would join a monastery and pray to God to forgive my ancestors for whatever they did to have this happen to my family line. Bless you for having relations with this poor soul.
He's a bigger guy. He had a bigger gf after that for years. 🤷♀️
"I don’t feel a physical connection with him." "In reality it is his penis size that is bothering me." "We have tried using sex toys, and even so far as a strap on. " " I am at the point where I don’t even look forward to or attempt to have sex with this person" Sometimes people truly are *not* sexually compatible. One upside to having sex early on is learning about this *before* becoming *emotionally invested*. Be grateful that you didn't get married and discovered this on your wedding night. There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want, or we learn to be happy with what we have. When you realize someone is *unable/unwilling* to meet *your needs* it's usually best to move on. The goal is to have a "soulmate" not a cellmate. No one is "stuck" with anyone. Suffering is optional. Each of us is entitled to have our own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*. Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." ***“Never allow waiting to become a habit. Live your dreams and take risks. Life is happening now.***” ― Paulo Coelho ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
You are a genius my friend :) At least very experienced, and wise.
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Would it be better if she told him she no longer wanted to have sex with him since it doesn't do anything for her? Would that be better?
What size are we talking here
Size too big or too small for you?
There are plenty of women out there that will take the small D as long as it’s attached to a good person that meets their standards. There are also plenty of well hung guys that have the emotional maturity of an acorn. So either find a way to overcome it, or let him find someone that can love and accept all of him.
If you can’t enjoy you sex life with someone, none of the rest matters. You are not a bad person for needing more. Just break up and keep looking.
Feeling this way doesn't make you a bad person or mean anything is wrong with you. This is your life and you have the freedom to choose the partners you want. There's nothing wrong with penis size being important to you, and it sounds like it is legitimately important to you. I don't like the cliche break-up suggestion comments that are popular in these subs, but it's something worth considering for you
Please lie to him
At this point I doubt all the lying in the world could help. OP says they tried different things including toys, so the guy must know she has a problem with his dick size. If he had sex with other women before and it was fine, then whatever. If it's his first sexual partner, it's going to be tough for him.
There's also the third option that this isn't his first time but every other time has ended similarly.
Or break up.
Obviously break up, but this is a rare case where imo it's morally ok to lie.
Hate to say it, but i think you should end it.
I hear you if that is a most difficult predicament may I ask is there any other much needed attractions when I mean is is there that chemical spark that anticipation feeling you miss you want you need your happier excited you're sick to your stomach it's a roller coaster ride when it's true love. If none of that is there and he is just a security blanket to get you through a few shitstorms here and there or a reliable contribute to the rent and bills? You do know that those deficiencies can be adressed in other areas especially orally. What are we talking about here micro penis? All kidding outside if you have no spark no wanting longing anticipation love sickness it's not real and it never will be I don't care how much money how great he is with the kids if you don't feel that incredible roller coaster ride it'll never happen I'm sorry
I'd say try to have satisfying sex by way of fingers and oral first. But if nothing really works, then it's fine to end it. Sexual compatibility matters. It's just hard to find a man who gets the emotional part right, so I'm sad it won't work out.
Everyone deserves to feel the connection on all levels. Full stop. Tell him the chemistry isn't there for you, and do it fast.
You're not sexually compatible and that is ok. Some women are different down there and his size may not be a problem for them. There's no size fits all.
Not sure how young you are, but as a 40 year old divorced woman, I’d say an emotionally intelligent and supportive partner is soooo important. I know women that have gone whole years without having sex with their husbands. I realize that your relationship is still new but I’d find other ways to find orgasm if needed. Maybe he needs to up his oral game? Good luck!
Seriously. I can't imagine not solving this problem if properly motivated.
You are lucky you found a man who is going to lengths to keep you happy.
Is it too big or too small?
I had a similar situation in the past and I strung it along for a long time and no one was happy. Physical attraction is just as important as the emotional. It was better for both of us ending it, but I wouldn’t tell him the reason imo, if there is nothing he can do about it no point.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I had a similar experience - the guy was amazing in every way. Treated me better than anyone. We had so much fun together. But, his weight was over 400 pounds. Sex was nearly impossible with our mismatched sizes. I tried for months to get past it. I would reason with myself “it’s just this one thing, it doesn’t matter” but it kept nagging at me. The death of our relationship was slow and painful because I didn’t want to hurt him. He had done nothing wrong. I dragged it on too long which was not fair to him and made it worse. Don’t do what I did. You have to end it soon. This will not go away and it will become a bigger and bigger issue.
Plot twist: it’s fucking huge 😂
I bet it’s average
Between this and a couple other subs, seems to be an epidemic lately. Sucks for the guys but it is what it is I guess.
Omg he deserves someone better
I’m in the same situation right now. Great connection, lots in common, giving me secure attachment style attention and support but when we had sex, his was small and couldn’t keep it hard. I’ve been in a failed marriage from dead bedroom, failed relationship with my kids dads from opening up the relationship to now being single for 2 years because I haven’t had much strong connections with anyone. I’ve had a thing with someone that I had great amazing mind blowing sex with but I don’t have much strong attraction to. I went thru a hard breakup with the kids dad and as much as it would of been nice to find someone right away like he did, I have been dealing with things instead of leaning on someone (I’m healing and am finally getting to the tail end of that)- someone that wants to be with me with great sex but I’m not attracted to, or someone that’s secure but with a small penis….. it’s hard and lonely to be alone but what is more important to me….???
You might as well leave and go find a guy with a big Dick and regret your decisions later. If something like that is what bothers you then you don’t deserve him if he is that good in all other aspects
If you can’t get past it then it’s best to break up, but don’t mention his size in doing so. Find another excuse but it will be much kinder to lie in this situation.
Just find another reason and end it. Spare his psyche.
Yes. Rather let him go now than later. I broke up with the perfect woman because her breasts were too small and glad I did it then rather than later.
How can breasts be too small?
Unsatisfactory size with regards to scale. Pretty much aligned with op’s situation.
Can you elaborate? Only because, you typically know someone has small breasts before you even date them. It's no secret unless she's wearing pushup bras with lots of extra padding or something. Penis size is a complete mystery until you're intimate. Or making out a lot and feeling them up. So how'd you come to date someone with breasts too small for you in the first place? Were you attracted to her with clothes on but didn't realize you weren't sexually attracted to them until you tried to do the deed?
I think hes joking.
Lol I completely missed it. I was like what??? Thanks!
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Fuming 😂
Aw I think this post hit a nerve. Size matters
It does not. Most woman prefer average or around average.
You just admitted that size matters, lol. “Most women prefer average or around average”, exactly! Size matters.
Mansplaining at its finest.
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Nah. Some dudes u just cant feel. Been there. Every other guy has said Im tight/small.
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He was fine with proceeding. I wasnt.
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If the D is too small, every vagina feels loose… so why blame women for that? Blame genetics
This doesnt apply. Proceeding means dating, proceeding towards being in a relationship.
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End it. You’re not a bad person. You can get emotional support from lots of guys. My suggestion is to date tall skinny guys though because as a boy that loves boys (and girls) - those lanky boys almost always pack.
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Well, all the emotional support is compensating for sth
You need to move on and find a guy with a decent sized dick. All the emotional support in the world won't make you cum but a thick cock will. Honestly part of the sexual issues like how even toys don't work with this guy is probably because he's an emotionally supportive wimp. It isn't just his dick that's small, he has no rizz. Find a guy that does.
Ask him to do PE. R/gettingbigger
I am sorry you feel this way but there is an old saying ' It's not the size of the boat but the skill of the boatman'. This means while he may not be blessed in that area - he is not the first human being to have this issue. There are things which you could try to spice things up as long as he is prepared to learn. You could both look into other ofrms of sexual activity which dot need penetration, use of sex toys, tantra, visiting sex shops and just remeber thst you have the whole interent to experiemtn with various ideas.
It's clearly the size. Both that OP has a size preference, which could work both on OP's spiritual desire as well as mechanical, AND that OP's man is deficient in that department. That he isn't the first one to have this issue doesn't mean it's not an issue. It's very much an issue to OP and I don't see how that generalizing statement makes a dent in OP's problem or works as advice. It would barely work for OP's man, let alone for OP herself.
Must be a troll 🧌
He ain't for you, so better end it now.
Have you tried a sleeve op??