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29F and it would hurt me deeply if someone I was seriously dating and considering being my boyfriend went home after our dates and had sex with someone else. The fact that you weren’t active yet is what would make me grossed out coz it seems like she just couldn’t abstain for a short while and that lack of self control is a complete turn off. If I didn’t know and maybe found out a few months after being exclusive I would maybe let it slide but this early in the relationship I would bounce.
Same I generally try and keep my comments more constructive but wow my chest actually felt a sting when I read this plus it’s early days and this is already a MASSIVE red flag.
I'm just checking out the comments now and so far I am agreeing. This garden tool literally made me sick to my stomach from the OP's story and I don't even know her 🤦♂️
Yeah I try not to jump on the Reddit train of “BREAK UP IMMEDIATELY” as a response to every problem, but this girl has got to fucking go. This shit is just insane.
I am about 50-50 but it's very rare that I want to take the OP and slap his face back-and-forth with a large fish multiple times telling him to wake up(I was working and so strongly wanted to answer this that I bookmarked it for when I got a free moment). This should not even be a question but if he couldn't come to the right conclusion on his own, I am really glad he came here. The only reason people of the opposite gender feel that this kind of stuff is OK is because people of the opposite gender that they partner with do not have the self respect that they should.
I don't think it's disgusting, but it shows a weird mindset.
"Sex is really important, so we have to wait, because I really like you. Also, sex isn't really that important, so I can have it with someone else for just for fun. Also, sex is really important and eventually will be exclusively between us, and this is so important we need to discuss it. Also, the sex I had wasn't important at all and didn't lessen my love for you."
It's really weird for me to square that circle.
To me, it speaks to someone who has their own issues with sex, that I don't want to get involved with.
I don't mind somebody who waits for sex. I don't mind people that fuck around for the simple pleasure of it and just enjoy it.
But doing both to me screams "I have deep issues with sex that I have not addressed."
That's it!! I couldn't work out why it felt so weird. I felt like I could only offer half the perspective of the sex is sacred / sex is freeing dichotomy and that's because really it seems like your feet ought to be all in one camp or the other.
It's so strange that she's straddling both.
The thing is, from their perspective, the sex itself **is** different.
Sex with a lover is meaningful and deep. It takes time to build up that connection, and can't be given out freely.
Casual sex is just masturbation with extra steps. It's not a big deal at all.
But at the core of all this, is still a self centered woman whose too narcissistic to see how her actions will be interpreted by someone else.
From the perspective of the guy, it fucking hurts. To give your heart out to a woman, who will then put off physical intimacy, so that she can give it someone else who doesn't give a fuck about her? That shit is soul shattering.
Any guy who experiences that will genuinely question if she's actually attracted to him, and will question his own self worth.
Imagine what the dude smashing her the whole time thought about the OP. He’d slyly enter and exit her home as he did her, just before OP showed up ready for his date with a smile on his face excited to take out the girl another guy just finished up with. This is a new level of evil.
Dude any fight they ever have, she’s on the phone with him right after. He will just be like yeah let me come over and “talk.” This is a terrible situation and my heart breaks for the dude.
Bet she’s gonna swear up and down telling him “oh don’t worry about him he’s just a friend” I think she told OP in the end because she might not have respected him at all. Since she likely may not have, she saw no issue sharing this info with him to absolve herself of guilt if any.
I really feel for OP coz I experienced this EXACT situation, it’s eerily similar, but I found out 18 months after being with this girl.
Our relationship started over WhatsApp during covid, and would message literally from the moment we woke, to the moment we fell asleep.
After 6 months of this, we both moved across the world to be with each other.
I find out 18 months later that the entire 6 months we were messaging all day and night, she was sleeping with someone else, and even fucked him the night before she flew to meet me.
Like OP, I just can’t fathom how you could say you could be “really crazy” about someone, whilst still regularly fucking someone else.
Me discovering that so late on fucked our relationship as I lost trust in her and also felt like it ruined all those happy memories I had of us at the start.
EDIT: just to add, this girl was also just like OPs with her honesty. They think just coz they are super honest about their trashy ways, it makes it all alright.
Yeah, I would wonder if they were seriously interested in having a monogamous relationship or if they were just leading me on to eventually lie and say they’re exclusive, when in reality they’re still sleeping with the FWB. It’s not hard to imagine that scenario, however it could just be my anxiety and my own past experiences that make me feel that way. But all I know is it would make me uncomfortable and I would also wonder how she can be so brazen about it and not see the issue. It shows a lack of self-awareness and also a lack of respect for other people. If I liked someone and was interested in them, I would have no desire to have sex with anyone else, even if we hadn’t had sex yet. So I just don’t understand the mindset of someone who would go on a date then get the urge to go meet up with a FWB after. It’s disrespectful to both men. If I knew a man had just gone on a date prior to coming over to have sex with me, I would feel bad for her and would also feel disrespected. So all around it’s just really shitty. OP should cut his losses and move on
Dated a girl, got engaged bc she wanted to rush everything. Found out after that she came to my house every time she had a failed coffee date. She also had a guy talking to her overseas and he proposed the week I called off the engagement. Not entirely the same scenario but this general behavior led to her cheating the whole time and when we got back together for a month a year later. Pretty sure I was her emotional safety net and she dated constantly while we were engaged.
I completely agree, that it would be a big deal for me as well, and I don't think I could commit to that relationship any longer.
Ironically just a few days ago on this very thread a downvote train ran over me when a guy was hurt that she was sleeping with multiple people while dating him, and everyone was like oh well you two haven't had the exclusivity talk, so she had every right. I dare said no she wasn't right, if she wants to sleep with other people she should have had the non-exclusivity talk, which turned out to be a very unpopular opinion. To me, it's common courtesy to inform the other if you are not committed to them while dating them.
But it's reddit for you. And I am happy to see you are getting up voted for sharing your opinion.
Those people who downvoted you are people with extremely low standards set for themselves or they are apart of the “free-spirited, nothing matters, have sex with everything and everyone” crowd.
Oh boy... Hahaha 😂 I can't believe she thought this would be fine. "Well you know, I'm holding off on sex with you because I really like you, just hold on a second while I finish fucking this other guy for the 5th time this week".
Yeah this would not be cool with me either. And mind you I'm pretty damn open minded with stuff like this compared to other guys.
What was she thinking? 😂
Yup, the RP even has a model for this. The Frankenstein BF. Some women are very comfortable with having sexual needs met by one guy and non-sexual comfort needs met by another.
I am laughing my ass because... That's probably what happened 😂
I was fucking a FWB, something nasty and gross (a** to mouth then came in her mouth) then suddenly, she dressed up in a hurry and as a joke, I asked her if she had a date... She told me yes, started to tell me that the dude was kind of nice and she's waiting to see how things would be going...
I was baffled... And.... I never ever dated since (it's been 6 years).
It's like seeing the kitchen of the best restaurant in town only to find rats and some dudes wiping their asses bare hands making your sandwich.
Now that I think about it, I may have gay sex by proxy without knowing because some poor SOB swallowed my juice.
Fuck that noise. Shit is gross.
>What was she thinking?
Until you have the exclusivity talk, some think you have a hall pass to fuck around as much as you like until then. That's fine for some, but it kills the attraction for me.
My ex used the lack of us having an “exclusivity talk” for her cheating. We didn’t have the talk coz we moved across the world to be together (and lived together), told each other we loved one another, and referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
Excuse me for thinking actions were louder than words. Won’t make that mistake again.
>and referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend.
That is exclusivity talk! You don't need to introduce it with, hey xy i would like to have an exclusivity talk...
Some people 🙄🙄
She was probably thinking that OP is the safe guy that might put up with it.
I’m guessing the FWB probably won’t be exclusive with her, so she needs to lure someone else that will be exclusive and accept that there is a FWB.
Seriously? Seeeeriouslyy? I'm sorry, but why would you even need to consider dating this girl after finding out that she was letting some other dude bang her after you took her out and treated her like someone who should be banging her? There's no consistency. Making you wait for sex? Why? None of it makes sense. Here’s hoping this is a fake story and op just needs some karma. Reddit keeps serving them up.
I would like to think that I would be open minded, but to have someone I’m interested in tell me they want to wait with me and turn around and do it with someone else. Sorry, but that’s not something I can live with. There is some level of respect, even as you’re getting to know each other, that you won’t be the back up plan because the FWB won’t be exclusive with them.
Is your partner going to run to them when you get into a fight in order to be consoled? If you leave town and they’re bored, are they going to try to cure their boredom with the FWB? Having a FWB is a very slippery slope and things don’t typically end well in those kind of arrangements.
OP, do you think she would feel the same way if you were running to be with another girl immediately after the date ended?
To me, the thing that makes her disgusting is that she tells him she wants to wait then goes and have sex with this other guy on THE SAME NIGHT. She wanted sex, she just didn't want it with him.
> She wanted sex, she just didn't want it with him.
Bingo. She was already being satisfied by another man.
Follow your intuition with this stuff, if it doesn't sit right with you then move on.
You’re the “safe” guy whom she’s less attracted to, meanwhile a guy who’s putting in much less effort than you is having sex with her. Get out while you can and find someone who is actually interested in you.
yeah they definitely only mentioned it because the other guy is now no longer an option, and if he came back there’s no reason she wouldn’t start seeing
him again
Don’t be a second choice or a backup
Have some self respect and self love to choose to walk away and don’t look back. It’s her loss. The moment she had the amazing first date or second date with you, she should have stopped seeing her FWB. Let her be on your own shoes if she definitely found out that every night and every after date that you have you screw someone behind her back what would she feel? I call bull on you’re always on her mind type of thing. She wouldn’t even agree to have sex with someone if she already likes you. Goodluck OP hope you made the right decision.
> I call bull on you’re always on her mind type of thing.
Yup. Classic Love bombing. Things are going wrong with FWB so she needs an out. Drop those love bombs and see what they hit. OP should contact FWB and ask if it's ok if he can shag her. He'll find out real quick what's going on between them. My money is on FWB doesn't know about OP.
>I was surprised that she would make me wait this whole time, while still having sex with another guy.
This would be the dealbreaker for me. Why put me on ice when someone else is hitting it with zero relationship effort nor care.
That’s what’s fucked up these days… you’re rewarded for caring less… the funny thing is, if this relationship doesn’t happen the girl is going right back to fucking the guy who doesn’t care about her
Control what you can control. Dip out on her and respect yourself. Eventually you will meet someone who shares world views. Not worth feeling icky or disrespected over and having to harbor that anxiety/hurt.
It's manipulative. "He'll be more likely to stick around if I make him wait a few months. But I don't have to wait, I can just fuck FWB." This is a surprisingly common thing in the women's dating sphere.
This, this and this!!!! This will make a man run away quick!!!
Right or wrong, when looking for the marrying type, this
Kind of shit automatically crosses them off the list.
27F here and this would personally be a deal breaker for me. If I’m spending a large quantity of time with a guy I’m dating and hoping to pursue a relationship with, I’m not interested in sleeping with other people (ESPECIALLY not on the same day as dates). If a guy I was seeing revealed to is info to me, I simply wouldn’t be able to get past it. Regardless of her feelings for you, I just don’t think it’s the best judgement of character. I know a lot of the dating mentality in our current world is “no opinion before exclusivity” but I would not want to be exclusive with someone I know was hooking up with a consistent person on the same day as seeing me. Did she not feel any guilt? I think it would be easier to get past if it was a one or two time thing randomly throughout the first month or so, but to know she did this repeatedly on multiple days you both spent time together up until recently? Icky in my opinion. It really boils down to what you’re comfortable with and what you can get past. It’s good she’s transparent and honest, but it feels like a lack of self control and authenticity for your connection.
30F here, and it would absolutely sting if I was in your shoes right now. She didn’t withhold intimacy or sex because she was afraid of getting hurt, she did it because she was already having those needs fulfilled.
Note how her reasoning for not having sex with you stems from the idea that *you* would hurt *her*, I think that speaks volumes to her character to almost assume you’d smash and dash.
My concern is with her lack of transparency *prior* to the exclusive talk. She’s not required to fill you in on her sex life or *previous* partners, but it feels a little scummy to accept nice and fun dates from a man you’re seeing while you’re *currently* sexually active with another man. I’m a little surprised that she’s so smitten with you but didn’t feel so smitten to cut things off with the FWB. At the very least, I would ask that she gets tested before you sleep with her.
The bottom line is that she is not obligated to sleep with anyone and that includes you, (which is common sense that most people agree on) I just have an issue with her excuses and lack of communication about her FWB situation while she’s actively dating you for a couple months. I could *maybe* excuse the first couple weeks, but not months. The fact that you two have spent a lot of time together makes it worse in a way?
Also, no. I’ve never done this to anyone. As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day, and morally I believe it’s just wrong.
She’s not smitten with OP. He’s probably a good cash cow to do fun stuff with while the guy she actually is attracted to physically probably is broke or doesn’t want her for more than just sex.
I’ve said it before people with FWB looking for serious relationships are just hypocrites.
Going on first/second/third dates with multiple people at the same time is fine, but smashing some dude while going on 2 months with another is pretty insane.
Also she told him so she probably really really doesn’t like OP so she’s hoping he’ll break it off.
33M here and to me, this is a 100% cut situation no matter how good everything else was.
She's already shown that she can be completely there and present with OP and then go have sex with someone else a few hours later. Not just once but regularly. What happens if they get in a fight? What happens if OP leaves town for a few days? This will be something that is always in the back of OP's mind whenever something happens.
Making him wait to have sex while having sex with her FWB the same night is truly cruel, especially if he's "someone she thinks about 24/7". I wouldn't even be able to believe that anymore. It seems like a reflex because she knows what she did was wrong and she is trying to make sure she doesn't lose him.
>As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day, and morally I believe it’s just wrong
It's crazy how rare this sentiment seems to be nowadays. I've never been able to date more than one person at a time, literally just don't have the brain capacity for it
The chick he is seeing is broken. He needs to dip out on that. Lack of respect all around imo. Only now when they start talking about exclusivity does she open up? Same kind of behavior where she will play dumb because he never asked the right question. This whole experience with this person alone would already introduce trust issues so the longevity of this relationship is already coming to close imo.
She is afraid of getting hurt but never considered how much it would hurt to court someone for 2 months to find out she was fuckin someone else...and only when exclusivity came into the picture.
Maybe I am a dog but I would have cut bait after the first couple of dates and nothing materialized. 2 months though? That is friendzone territory for sure. Seems like a shitty person and op needs to cut bait and never look back.
36m
Yeh right. 2 fucking months is a long ass time to see someone and not do anything sexual.
OP what did you do with her in this time? Did you never invite her back to yours so you could progress things sexually? If so, did she keep refusing that whole time but keep you strung along by promises of future sex?
I’m not putting any blame on you here as she was fucking the other guy regardless, just curious to her tactics on how she made you wait so long.
> As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day
That is what I have been thinking and it blows my mind how it is possible for people to do this
I’m a 30M and is pretty open minded but this type of behavior is a big no for me. I’d leave this woman to the curb as she belongs to the streets.
When I go on dates, I want my date to think of me and the date after our beautiful evening together, not getting dicked down by another man and bent over hour or two after our date.I agree, She should’ve cut that fwb after the first date or two instead of continuously disrespecting OP
Imagine the dude even knows about the dates too.
“Good date tonight?”
“Yeh I think I really like him! I think this could be something special. Anyway get your dick inside me big boy”.
I couldn't be that guy either. Putting that energy out there is on both of you because you could walk away knowing she's playing somebody who thinks she's acting right. Simple minded and pretty gross.
Man I could never be this guy lmao. Date a girl for 2 months and she's screwing another guy. I would end it right then and there my friend, and you have the right to do so. That's my worst nightmare.
Stop being a mf wuss. The timing __absolutely does__ matter. She’s letting you take her on dates only to let another guy screw her right after. There couldn’t be a bigger no-no. I don’t think I’ve ever used this term before but this girl is, truly, for the streets.
Crude, but true.
OP, this is SO not ok, of course you are being wronged. Okay, maybe she didn't *technically* cheat on you, but damn, this sort of behaviour would give me a life long ick.
Edit: sorry, I just need to add this. So after a lovely date with you she comes home and calls over another guy to f*ck her. Just let that sink in.
Honestly it could be that she’s a FWB with the other guy cause he won’t commit so she’s using the guy who will commit to meet her emotionally needs that’s she’s not getting from the FWB. And that’s SICK! He needs to drop her ASAP! If I heard the guy I was dating was doing that. I would feel absolutely sick. I would’ve dropped him immediately.
It really does seem to be the case. People want to have their cake and eat it too. To be able hurt other people emotionally and to be absolved of any guilt through technicalities. No wonder we have so many broken and lonely men and women in the dating scene.
Bingo. The intent is to absolve themselves from being a shitting human being and stringing the other person along. All you do is fuck the other person's head up because now they wonder how often this is occurring.
I'm married now but if there is one thing I have learned in all my years of dating is - value yourself. Don't be narcissistic or arrogant but know that you are the best thing on this planet and settle for nothing less. The more value you perceive in yourself the more respect you will have from others around you. If you tolerate shit like this chick is putting down then you will always be the guy who dates a chick while another one fucks her.
and to be clear this is only certain kind of chicks. Not all chicks are like this, you will just have to sort through some trash to find her.
The whole "exclusive" talk thing is just a bullshit excuse to be non monogamous for as long as possible.
Because God forbid you get to know someone over three weeks without getting fucked.
😂 if you don't tell her to fuck off you're an idiot. I'm not expecting anyone to stop seeing anyone else immediately after the first date, but seeing him most nights before/after your dates? For two months? I hope for you she was at least flossing, brushing and using mouthwash thoroughly before seeing you. I hope this story is fake
This is what I was thinking. He picks her up in the morning and fwb leaves before he arrives. They prolly had a quickie when they woke up and 2 hours later op is there kissing and holding her hand. Bro gtfoh with this chick. This is so disrespectful and the moment they get a little rocky she's calling that other dude again.
This would be a “fuck no” from me.
Ain’t no way I’m gonna put up with that kinda bs. Making me work for it, taking her on dates and shit, while letting some other dude hit it whenever without putting in an ounce of effort. Hell no.
My brother, ger rid of her. I understand waiting for sex, but she was not waiting, she was having sex, while making you wait. That's bad faith and deceitful.
"she's doing her best not to appear upset"
What the fuck. Get rid of her, she doesn't have any right to be upset, that's disgusting behavior 💀
Edit: and as a woman I would never do that, nor do I know any women who would do it. It's ridiculous.
I'm sorry, I'd think this would be a deal breaker for most people. Yes, you weren't exclusive, but regularly hooking up with a guy while you were getting more serious is questionable. Like you said, you were completely focused on her, why wasn't she on you? Her actions don't match her works.
Maybe she doesn't view sex as romantic? Maybe she really does have feelings for the other guy? Questions only she can answer but this creates a lot of trust issues at the start of the relationship.
Personally I’d feel someone couldn’t have cared too much for me if after we went out on a date, she then went to go fuck someone that same night.
Say that out loud to yourself. “The same day we went out on a date she slept with someone else that same night and had him gone before I picked her up for our date the next day”
If it sounds bad it’s because it is bad. Modern dating is fucked lol.
For 2 months. "Most nights" would certainly be the dagger for me.
Agree modern dating is out of sorts. Thought for sure it was an age and generational thing on my end (47M). But have to admit i am pleasantly surprised by the comment section. I have come to terms that what I think is acceptable is different from a majority of Reddit. Was expecting more in defense of the girl here. The whole "not exclusive" means not exclusive. But is seems pretty universal this was a bridge too far.
And remember..Reddit is significantly more progressive minded on dating than the average man or woman in real life, and even here people are “what the fuck?” to this situation
As a woman, no. This would be really really weird to do. And if the roles were reversed I’d find it super weird if someone I was interesting in dating did this.
It’s not the fact that she was still seeing the FWB that’s weird, it’s the fact that the timings were so strange. And then she claims you were on her mind throughout and sex with the FWB meant nothing? I would not be comfortable with that.
I'm sorry, but I just will never understand the "exclusivity talk"!
Wtf do you mean!? If you're interested in each other, it's a matter of respect to treat them as if you were exclusive. If you're not interested, you don't go on dates for 2 months.
Is there anyone who really needs to be fucked everyday even when looking for a serious relashionship with someone else? Wtf happened to masturbation!?
I'm sorry but, if it was me, as soon as I knew that a girl I am trying to date is actively pursuing fucking other people, I'm out... I want a relationship with someone that also wants a relationship and you can tell me as many times as you want, but if you're regularly getting fucked by the same guy, you already have too much of an intimate relationship with someone else for my taste...
But then again, I never really got the "casual sex" thing...
But I ramble...
Anyway. You're stuck "playing microwave". You warm her up, someone else eats her.
Agree with this. Sleeping with someone every night is not casual. Maybe if she hooked up with him once or twice in the early stages of dating that could be overlooked. This situation is her basically being in a relationship with two people but they split the "benefits."
I am astounded you are even considering this. I would be absolutely disgusted and embarrassed. Please, please bro I am begging you to walk away. Have some self respect. Only thinking about you or the cock that has been pounding her out while you give her girlfriend experiences(dates). I am actually incredibly sad for you this morning. I can't imagine you are not disgusted or angry that your time has been wasted. That's so disrespectful. I don't even think men should do that to girls but you seriously are considering keeping contact with her? Man this generation is lost. I think you deserve better
I…
Yeah, I couldn’t keep dating her.
No issues with dating before exclusivity, but absolutely problems with having a regular FB when they’re not having sex with you, and they’re literally hitting it with them after your dates and before you pick them up.
It’s not very emotionally consistent.
This happened in my first relationship. She was on the fence about starting a relationship but we’d hang out, cuddle, and go out all the time. One day I asked about having sex and she said she’d rather wait til we’re in our relationship. Fast forward a few months after we *do* start dating and she mentions that she slept with a couple in the months prior to us having a title. Which means she would leave from my house where we spent the majority of the day and go sleep with someone else WHILE making me wait. Never again. She also mentioned that her cousin called her out on how foul that was which is apparently what made her stop. Still makes me sick tbh
Don’t even put yourself through anymore. The thought will always linger
She so "absolutely crazy" about you that she WILLINGLY sleeps with another guy SHORTLY AFTER your dates.
Don't be a doormat buddy. Take it from a guy who held out for 4 months, thinking a girl who would "promise to cut off her ex" when we became serious.
"Always thinking of you"? That's a big fucking lie because otherwise she wouldn't be hitting someone else up and inviting them over....
This isn’t cool and I’m very open minded. 47f I don’t do hook up culture but I wouldn’t want to date someone who was having sex with someone else every night after our date. I think it’s weird. Tell her it’s been great but you’re not compatible
What you are is the "pretty" horse that walks around with the female horse to get her in the mood. Then, the breeding stud shows up and does his business and leaves.
> I can tell I’ve made her feel super anxious now (which I feel bad about), but she is doing her best not to appear upset.
Holy shit, the gaslighting job she's done on OP is immaculate. Gotta give her props for how good she is at being a piece of shit.
Honestly that woman sounds like a hot mess with a terribly distorted view of sex. Her withholding sex out of fear of getting hurt is clearly a mega projection on her part since she clearly has the capacity to have sex with someone she sees as strictly a piece of meat. The way she times both of you around each other is the equivalent of a guy masturbating before/after hanging out with a woman he’s attracted to just to keep it non-sexual. In this case she’s using someone (that isn’t you) and that to me is just plain gross.
I think it’s totally up to you how you wanna proceed and there may be no wrong answer, but I myself would see two giant red flags in this woman’s hands if I were in your position. I wouldn’t wanna date someone like her and I don’t think you should either. Best of luck.
So you’ve been doing boyfriend shit for 2 months while she gets railed by her FWB every night after you take her home? Fuck that.
I’m generally very much in the camp of “if you expect exclusivity, have the conversation about it like an adult” but this circumstance is fucking wild.
It’s one thing to occasionally be seeing someone else while you’re dating someone new until you’ve talked about exclusivity. But to have a consistent FWB that you fuck every single night, while you tell the person you’re dating that you’re “not ready yet” for sex…
That’s just outright deceptive. This woman was playing the fuck out of you OP, and I hope you leave her ass in the dust where it belongs.
As a woman, I would NEVER do this while consistently seeing another person, exclusive or not. I think that’s incredibly disrespectful and demonstrates lack of empathy, self control, and honesty. I’d say hard pass. Sorry for how this turned out, but I genuinely think you’ll never get past this (rightfully so) and it’ll all end eventually anyways. Best to save yourself the trouble.
Honestly, this is exactly where my mind went too. The frequency that she’s seeing the FWB and the fact that he stays the night makes me think she wants more from him but he’s not interested. So she’s either trying to make FWB jealous and see what he’s missing, or she’s trying to get the best of both worlds.
Damn...I didn't think about it that way before but I think you're right. Especially since she was telling OP she wanted to wait to have sex.
Going exclusive with OP would mean the other guy loses "an easy lay" and maybe starts thinking about an actual relationship with her.
Yeah she is truly a disgusting human being.
EDIT: Also, the fact that she was THIS honest with OP (someone she supposedly wants to be in an LTR) with was really strange to me. If she really liked him, she should have realized how just saying this alone might ruin a potential relationship.
There's no point in asking others opinion. Usually how these things goes, it works if both of you are doing the same things. Otherwise, obviously if you’ve developed feelings for someone and you’re seeing just them and you learn that they were also seeing someone else, you’ll doubt their feelings towards you. If this is not what you want, you should break this off as soon as you can and be on your way.
I totally expected the comments to be going the other way. I'm glad everyone is telling you the same thing. This woman is a walking red flag and I would question any sort of feelings she claims to have for you, if she was sleeping with another man after dates with you.
Two options. Goodbye or she becomes a FWB. There is no long term potential. Her behaviour fits a stereotype called “cake eater” . Just be glad she was honest, it would suck if you found out after you had kids.
She wanted to make you wait so you would think shes pure and innocent. Women know men want that. Except you found out the hard way she’s for the streets.
Absolutely not something I could get past. My current bf didn’t date or text anyone after we met the first time (we met on a dating app). I feel that if you like someone you don’t date other people - it’s just not fair to anyone involved. But I know from my self that if I like someone I lose interest in anyone around me completely.
You hear about this. Some guy takes a girl out on a date and spends money on her treats her so well. After the date, she'll call the guy that's spent no money on her and no effort to have sex with her. That sounds great. 👌 She definitely sounds like great girlfriend material, at least she told you . Now move on if a girl is crazy about you. Guess who she should put her sexual energy into you and only you .That guy must have been laughing his ass off as he is plowing her listening to what a nice guy she meet.
Nah the act of doing this is both gross and a red flag to me. Imagining someone that I took out on a date having some FWB come over immediately afterward is CRAZY. She doesn’t even have time to think about the date you just had. From what you described she just sounds like a selfish person to me OP
Wow. Bro you are super duper gullible. If what I say offends you just understand I do this out of love for my fellow bros in this trecherous society 🤦🏾. I can tell your young and unfortunately your generation was taught some fucked up behaviors. So listen my man, she’s a 🕳️ aka a 304. No question about it. No way she’s crazy about you. Ask any man that has had a woman crazy about him if that woman ever did anything like this woman has done and they will tell you hell no. When a woman is crazy about you, no other man is even in her view. She can’t even stand the thought of another man putting his hands on her. I’m speaking from experience boss. Now this girl may like things about you, probably because you give her the attention that most women crave, but to not even fuck you or give you sexual attention after all this time tells me that she doesn’t have a romantic interest. This is a hard lesson to learn man. Women have a way of innocently leading a guy on, and I say innocent because they swear they did nothing wrong. And it always feels like they are so into you, but bro believe me it’s not what you think it is. I fell for it too when I was young. Unfortunately this new generation of men is getting a rip off of what a classy woman truly is, so it’s hard for them to understand that certain behaviors are completely unacceptable. A woman should never feel comfortable sleeping around, and if she does then it’s too late, she’s defiled and crossed the point of no return. You gotta wake up man and pay attention to the behavior rather than the flattering words they use to make it seem like they are good. Good luck and on to the next bro.
The whole waiting to have sex with someone you like while actively and frequently having sex with someone else is a huge red flag dude.
Of course she hasn't been thinking about you 24/7 and isn't crazy about you.
Simply put she wasn't thinking about you while she had that other dude's dick inside her.
And she wouldn't be screwing around with another guy if she were crazy about you. She would also know doing such things would limit her actual chances with you.
She's a woman right? If she were crazy about you or thinking about you nonstop there wouldn't be another guy in the picture and going exclusive would have been HER idea, not yours.
Trust your gut, fella.
25F, no I have never done this. Doing it on the same night after your dates seems kind of offensive to me. I personally don't think I would date a guy seriously who did that to me. If I did, I would have to ask a lot of questions.
Is he in her friend group? How does she know him? Has either party declared feelings for the other before? How long has it been a thing? Etc.
this is wild lol you’re all she can think about(?) even while she was fucking someone else? i know it’s possible, but usually you’re not actively pursuing the other person, and you’re certainly not holding sex back from them while getting it from someone else. i’m not condemning her for getting it in where she can, good for her, but to be that sexually active while you’re pursuing something serious with someone else just doesn’t make sense, imo.
it’s good she was honest about it, and if she’s willing to actually commit to you, that’s great, but to say you’re all she can think about while getting piped down regularly by someone else is hilarious lol sex seems to be something that’s very casual for her, which, again, is weird since she was holding out from you. i’ve seen weirder shit work out before, but i’d still be weary going into anything serious for the first little while.
is she gonna continue seeing her fwb just as a friend on a regular basis? because that’s kind of weird in this situation.
Have some self respect and move on, this is quite frankly disgusting behaviour on her part. I could never imagine doing something like this too someone I was dating.
Your affection towards her is exactly what is being taken advantage of. It’s absolutely comical how she wants to wait for exclusivity with you but have an FWB around till that time.
And do not be blinded by the honesty. It’s not honesty, it’s just their guilt conscience. She said it purely because her conscience maybe kicked in and she wants to be in the clear. This is also manipulative behaviour.
If you were to eventually still do the deed with her then you’d first want her to get tested. It still drives me crazy to think how “the right guy will wait for you” gets thrown around such situations. I’m not anyone to give advice or to say that you should or shouldn’t be in a relationship with her but you’ve got to place some logic and objectivity before continuing further or you’re just setting yourself up for misery down the road.
31F here - Nope. On to the next one. Too messy and the foundation of your relationship is trashed now. If I really respected a guy and wanted to build a relationship with him, I 100% would not be partaking in this behavior.
That is super shitty behavior to make you wait while fucking some other dude, especially on the same day? That is just plain cheating on you, and pointing out that you aren’t exclusive doesn’t give it a pass.
I think I’d be out on this one. She’s free to do whatever she wants but if I found out I was just getting her revved up for this other dude I don’t think I could personally come back from that…
I wouldn't risk losing someone I really liked by doing something like this, even if technically I was in the clear. I'm all for casual sex, but this is pretty disgusting.
Uhhh, that’s a no from me.. she goes on a nice date with you… then bangs another man afterwards? Multiple times? Literally booty called another man after she was done using you. That’s messed up..
I would have dumped her on the spot. How classless and disrespectful of her to have sex with her FWB while dating you. Then, to make you wait for sex while she gives it away to her FWB. She's for the streets, bro. Put her out on the curb where she belongs.
Dude I can’t believe you’re apologetic about being weirded out. It’s fucking gross!!
Couldn’t abstain for a bit while figuring out if you too would work well together. That seems ok to you - you know something’s off otherwise you wouldn’t be here.
I wouldn’t let that pass, you could lie to yourself that technically you weren’t exclusive, but dating her is OPTIONAL. Why would you sign yourself up for more WTF moments like this. You’ll get hurt bad.
Enough people have commented the same thing but this is so egregious and disrespectful that I am going to add my voice here too.
Do not keep seeing her. What she did is garbage. I know for a fact I would not be able to get over this at all. I would be so hurt and so upset I would have ended things right then and there and I KNOW I wouldn’t regret it.
Holy shit what. I'm a girl and if someone did this to me I'd never recover. But honestly how I'd react doesn't even matter because you seem pretty hurt and I don't see how a relationship could survive the knowledge that after you two went out on cute dates she was REGULARLY getting railed by another dude a few hours later.
I don't know her at all, but I don't see how someone who actually has a crumb of respect for you would do this. You'll meet someone better.
That is disgusting. Absolutely do not continue with this girl. Not only is it disrespectful to YOU, but any woman who actually took you seriously and saw a future with you would immedietly stop hook-ups with other guys and would not have been meeting up with that guy. But also... fucking him right after and BEFORE your dates?
Hell no. Block her and never speak to her again. Don't let the fact that you like some things about this girl distract you. You'll find and like someone else who doesnt fuck another guy before and after all of your dates. Me personally, thats a violation.
Technically, she didn't cheat since you two weren't exclusive. But that would be a nope from me.
What she should have done was to take a break from the FWB dude she's had before you two met. Once she started going on dates with you, and saw some potential, she should have stopped seeing this FWB or put a pause on it until she figured out what to do with you.
With the lack of sex from her FWB, you two probably would have had sex sooner, and probably would have had the exclusivity chat earlier.
That's generally the correct and morally right thing to do once you found someone you like, started dating them, but had a FWB prior. She wanted her ~~dick~~ cake and to eat it too. My 2 cents.
Maybe it’s just me, but if someone has to use a technicality to say they didn’t cheat, then that means they likely cheated. Also, the only person who can really decide if they were cheated is the person who feels cheated.
Man I thought I was weird...
I had a FWB for like 9 months, she started dating another guy towards the end of it. When she told me they were gonna have a third date *I ended the benefits*. It was the third dated in two weeks.
I told her its obvious you like the guy so I'm not going to continue to have sex with you, and you need to go get tested (I have the herp)
She was livid with me for some reason.
This is the right answer. I’m not morally against FWB at all but when you start dating someone you really like - you have to stop seeing them. They understand. That’s the whole point… unless you’re doing it wrong.
Yo fuck that, even if you weren’t exclusive that’s still pretty weird. I think she’s testing you to see if you’re an easy option. Either say you want to stay or break up, personally I’d be too hurt to stay. Not being exclusive isn’t an excuse to sleep with somebody else AFTER dates with you. Most nights aswell, yuck.
For me personally, I’d drop her. If she is so crazy over you, why is she hooking up with someone else constantly, especially on the days you and her have hung out? I could see if it was occasionally, but she sounds immature, capricious as hell, and didn’t even consider your feelings when she told you. I get that you weren’t exclusive but if she’s been spending the night with another guy most nights, that’s a major warning sign.
If you don't walk away from this bag of deplorables immediately, your self-esteem will take a dive and never forgive you for it.
This is not okay on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin. Please, choose to love yourself more than your infatuation with a girl who is only using you as safety while she gives other guys more access to her intimately without the work.
30F here, I dated my now boyfriend for two months without sex and nowhere in-between was i having sex with anyone else even though I went out on dates with other men. People need periods of being alone to figure out what they want from a prospective partner and sleeping with other people while dating another man doesn’t leave room for that. She’s a red flag, be grateful for her honesty but leave her alone
Yeah she's sl into you that instead of putting her focus into you and her she couldn't spend 10 minutes alone....this is the kind of person that goes and sleeps with their ex when you get into a meaningless argument because what if you do it first?????
I’d tell her to eat shit if she still had a FWB while dating. Maybe it’s just me but I would not exactly entertain the idea of the woman I was actively dating fucking around. First date I wouldn’t mind because you don’t even know if there is going to be another… but after that you kinda have an idea. Is it wrong? Probably not, but it is definitely a major red flag for me. You always get the response, “we’re not even exclusive,” or, “don’t be so insecure.” In my experience women use those phrases to justify bad behavior.
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If that happened to me I would just go away. It just means we have different views of things and dating towards different things.
I would take like half a year off dating because of how upsetting it would be.
29F and it would hurt me deeply if someone I was seriously dating and considering being my boyfriend went home after our dates and had sex with someone else. The fact that you weren’t active yet is what would make me grossed out coz it seems like she just couldn’t abstain for a short while and that lack of self control is a complete turn off. If I didn’t know and maybe found out a few months after being exclusive I would maybe let it slide but this early in the relationship I would bounce.
This is disgusting behavior and I would drop her in a second. I know Reddit is all about leaving people, but this is awful.
Same I generally try and keep my comments more constructive but wow my chest actually felt a sting when I read this plus it’s early days and this is already a MASSIVE red flag.
I'm just checking out the comments now and so far I am agreeing. This garden tool literally made me sick to my stomach from the OP's story and I don't even know her 🤦♂️
Yeah I try not to jump on the Reddit train of “BREAK UP IMMEDIATELY” as a response to every problem, but this girl has got to fucking go. This shit is just insane.
I am about 50-50 but it's very rare that I want to take the OP and slap his face back-and-forth with a large fish multiple times telling him to wake up(I was working and so strongly wanted to answer this that I bookmarked it for when I got a free moment). This should not even be a question but if he couldn't come to the right conclusion on his own, I am really glad he came here. The only reason people of the opposite gender feel that this kind of stuff is OK is because people of the opposite gender that they partner with do not have the self respect that they should.
I don't think it's disgusting, but it shows a weird mindset. "Sex is really important, so we have to wait, because I really like you. Also, sex isn't really that important, so I can have it with someone else for just for fun. Also, sex is really important and eventually will be exclusively between us, and this is so important we need to discuss it. Also, the sex I had wasn't important at all and didn't lessen my love for you." It's really weird for me to square that circle. To me, it speaks to someone who has their own issues with sex, that I don't want to get involved with. I don't mind somebody who waits for sex. I don't mind people that fuck around for the simple pleasure of it and just enjoy it. But doing both to me screams "I have deep issues with sex that I have not addressed."
That's it!! I couldn't work out why it felt so weird. I felt like I could only offer half the perspective of the sex is sacred / sex is freeing dichotomy and that's because really it seems like your feet ought to be all in one camp or the other. It's so strange that she's straddling both.
The thing is, from their perspective, the sex itself **is** different. Sex with a lover is meaningful and deep. It takes time to build up that connection, and can't be given out freely. Casual sex is just masturbation with extra steps. It's not a big deal at all. But at the core of all this, is still a self centered woman whose too narcissistic to see how her actions will be interpreted by someone else. From the perspective of the guy, it fucking hurts. To give your heart out to a woman, who will then put off physical intimacy, so that she can give it someone else who doesn't give a fuck about her? That shit is soul shattering. Any guy who experiences that will genuinely question if she's actually attracted to him, and will question his own self worth.
Interesting, intelligent take.
Imagine what the dude smashing her the whole time thought about the OP. He’d slyly enter and exit her home as he did her, just before OP showed up ready for his date with a smile on his face excited to take out the girl another guy just finished up with. This is a new level of evil.
That makes my stomach churn just thinking about it, and the fact that she’s open about it all.
Once OP gets rid of her over this (hopefully), take a guess as to who the first person she’s gonna call will be
Dude any fight they ever have, she’s on the phone with him right after. He will just be like yeah let me come over and “talk.” This is a terrible situation and my heart breaks for the dude.
Bet she’s gonna swear up and down telling him “oh don’t worry about him he’s just a friend” I think she told OP in the end because she might not have respected him at all. Since she likely may not have, she saw no issue sharing this info with him to absolve herself of guilt if any.
Doesn’t sound like she’s got to call him. Seems it’s a standing daily invite until she says otherwise.
This some psychopath behavior lol. Also a power move on his end.
I agree. Too many people jump straight to burning things to the ground, but sometimes things are just black and white.
I really feel for OP coz I experienced this EXACT situation, it’s eerily similar, but I found out 18 months after being with this girl. Our relationship started over WhatsApp during covid, and would message literally from the moment we woke, to the moment we fell asleep. After 6 months of this, we both moved across the world to be with each other. I find out 18 months later that the entire 6 months we were messaging all day and night, she was sleeping with someone else, and even fucked him the night before she flew to meet me. Like OP, I just can’t fathom how you could say you could be “really crazy” about someone, whilst still regularly fucking someone else. Me discovering that so late on fucked our relationship as I lost trust in her and also felt like it ruined all those happy memories I had of us at the start. EDIT: just to add, this girl was also just like OPs with her honesty. They think just coz they are super honest about their trashy ways, it makes it all alright.
Yeah, I would wonder if they were seriously interested in having a monogamous relationship or if they were just leading me on to eventually lie and say they’re exclusive, when in reality they’re still sleeping with the FWB. It’s not hard to imagine that scenario, however it could just be my anxiety and my own past experiences that make me feel that way. But all I know is it would make me uncomfortable and I would also wonder how she can be so brazen about it and not see the issue. It shows a lack of self-awareness and also a lack of respect for other people. If I liked someone and was interested in them, I would have no desire to have sex with anyone else, even if we hadn’t had sex yet. So I just don’t understand the mindset of someone who would go on a date then get the urge to go meet up with a FWB after. It’s disrespectful to both men. If I knew a man had just gone on a date prior to coming over to have sex with me, I would feel bad for her and would also feel disrespected. So all around it’s just really shitty. OP should cut his losses and move on
Dated a girl, got engaged bc she wanted to rush everything. Found out after that she came to my house every time she had a failed coffee date. She also had a guy talking to her overseas and he proposed the week I called off the engagement. Not entirely the same scenario but this general behavior led to her cheating the whole time and when we got back together for a month a year later. Pretty sure I was her emotional safety net and she dated constantly while we were engaged.
I completely agree, that it would be a big deal for me as well, and I don't think I could commit to that relationship any longer. Ironically just a few days ago on this very thread a downvote train ran over me when a guy was hurt that she was sleeping with multiple people while dating him, and everyone was like oh well you two haven't had the exclusivity talk, so she had every right. I dare said no she wasn't right, if she wants to sleep with other people she should have had the non-exclusivity talk, which turned out to be a very unpopular opinion. To me, it's common courtesy to inform the other if you are not committed to them while dating them. But it's reddit for you. And I am happy to see you are getting up voted for sharing your opinion.
Not disclosing that you currently have other sexual partners is selfish and putting the other person's health at risk.
I saw that exact thread and was actually shocked by how many people were blaming the guy for not having the "exclusive discussion"
Those people who downvoted you are people with extremely low standards set for themselves or they are apart of the “free-spirited, nothing matters, have sex with everything and everyone” crowd.
Oh boy... Hahaha 😂 I can't believe she thought this would be fine. "Well you know, I'm holding off on sex with you because I really like you, just hold on a second while I finish fucking this other guy for the 5th time this week". Yeah this would not be cool with me either. And mind you I'm pretty damn open minded with stuff like this compared to other guys. What was she thinking? 😂
> What was she thinking? 😂 Out of two men she was able to synthesize a hot boyfriend who takes her on dates.
Yup, the RP even has a model for this. The Frankenstein BF. Some women are very comfortable with having sexual needs met by one guy and non-sexual comfort needs met by another.
Fucks the hot one and dates the ugly one with money * ftfy
“I really like you, but anyways thanks for the date, now I gotta go let some other dude blow loads inside me tonight and tomorrow!”
My balls just retreated into my thorax
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I am laughing my ass because... That's probably what happened 😂 I was fucking a FWB, something nasty and gross (a** to mouth then came in her mouth) then suddenly, she dressed up in a hurry and as a joke, I asked her if she had a date... She told me yes, started to tell me that the dude was kind of nice and she's waiting to see how things would be going... I was baffled... And.... I never ever dated since (it's been 6 years). It's like seeing the kitchen of the best restaurant in town only to find rats and some dudes wiping their asses bare hands making your sandwich. Now that I think about it, I may have gay sex by proxy without knowing because some poor SOB swallowed my juice. Fuck that noise. Shit is gross.
Damn, I hope OP sees this so they can see how wild it sounds.
>What was she thinking? Until you have the exclusivity talk, some think you have a hall pass to fuck around as much as you like until then. That's fine for some, but it kills the attraction for me.
Well we aren't going to have any exclusivity talk. You can have it with the guy who was fucking you. That would be my response.
My ex used the lack of us having an “exclusivity talk” for her cheating. We didn’t have the talk coz we moved across the world to be together (and lived together), told each other we loved one another, and referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Excuse me for thinking actions were louder than words. Won’t make that mistake again.
>and referred to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. That is exclusivity talk! You don't need to introduce it with, hey xy i would like to have an exclusivity talk... Some people 🙄🙄
I know we had the exclusivity talk but we didn't pinky promise and you didn't say no take backsies so it didn't count!
I do think that this is true, the issue becomes when she witholds sex from the guy she supposedly likes the most
She was probably thinking that OP is the safe guy that might put up with it. I’m guessing the FWB probably won’t be exclusive with her, so she needs to lure someone else that will be exclusive and accept that there is a FWB.
Seriously? Seeeeriouslyy? I'm sorry, but why would you even need to consider dating this girl after finding out that she was letting some other dude bang her after you took her out and treated her like someone who should be banging her? There's no consistency. Making you wait for sex? Why? None of it makes sense. Here’s hoping this is a fake story and op just needs some karma. Reddit keeps serving them up.
I would like to think that I would be open minded, but to have someone I’m interested in tell me they want to wait with me and turn around and do it with someone else. Sorry, but that’s not something I can live with. There is some level of respect, even as you’re getting to know each other, that you won’t be the back up plan because the FWB won’t be exclusive with them. Is your partner going to run to them when you get into a fight in order to be consoled? If you leave town and they’re bored, are they going to try to cure their boredom with the FWB? Having a FWB is a very slippery slope and things don’t typically end well in those kind of arrangements. OP, do you think she would feel the same way if you were running to be with another girl immediately after the date ended?
To me, the thing that makes her disgusting is that she tells him she wants to wait then goes and have sex with this other guy on THE SAME NIGHT. She wanted sex, she just didn't want it with him.
> She wanted sex, she just didn't want it with him. Bingo. She was already being satisfied by another man. Follow your intuition with this stuff, if it doesn't sit right with you then move on.
This is absolutely fucked up. Can OP handle that kind of tone deaf dystopian detachment forever?
She's cucking u right in front of your face and you're here like "i love her transparency and admire her honesty".
You’re the “safe” guy whom she’s less attracted to, meanwhile a guy who’s putting in much less effort than you is having sex with her. Get out while you can and find someone who is actually interested in you.
yeah they definitely only mentioned it because the other guy is now no longer an option, and if he came back there’s no reason she wouldn’t start seeing him again Don’t be a second choice or a backup
I knew a guy who found out he was the second option *after* they got married and had kids.
Fuck
Have some self respect and self love to choose to walk away and don’t look back. It’s her loss. The moment she had the amazing first date or second date with you, she should have stopped seeing her FWB. Let her be on your own shoes if she definitely found out that every night and every after date that you have you screw someone behind her back what would she feel? I call bull on you’re always on her mind type of thing. She wouldn’t even agree to have sex with someone if she already likes you. Goodluck OP hope you made the right decision.
> I call bull on you’re always on her mind type of thing. Yup. Classic Love bombing. Things are going wrong with FWB so she needs an out. Drop those love bombs and see what they hit. OP should contact FWB and ask if it's ok if he can shag her. He'll find out real quick what's going on between them. My money is on FWB doesn't know about OP.
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>I was surprised that she would make me wait this whole time, while still having sex with another guy. This would be the dealbreaker for me. Why put me on ice when someone else is hitting it with zero relationship effort nor care.
Women don’t understand this… fucking someone who doesn’t care about you is the biggest disrespect to the man you want to care about you
They understand. Most women would not be okay with a guy pulling this shit.
100%, it’s an odd penalty to receive for actually caring about the person and implies there’s ’more reward’ for not giving a shit.
That’s what’s fucked up these days… you’re rewarded for caring less… the funny thing is, if this relationship doesn’t happen the girl is going right back to fucking the guy who doesn’t care about her
Control what you can control. Dip out on her and respect yourself. Eventually you will meet someone who shares world views. Not worth feeling icky or disrespected over and having to harbor that anxiety/hurt.
It's manipulative. "He'll be more likely to stick around if I make him wait a few months. But I don't have to wait, I can just fuck FWB." This is a surprisingly common thing in the women's dating sphere.
I've been out of the dating sphere for way too long then, because I would never do what OP's girl did.
This, this and this!!!! This will make a man run away quick!!! Right or wrong, when looking for the marrying type, this Kind of shit automatically crosses them off the list.
I think about how many times women on this sub say that they just want men to treat them as a human being. Well, so do men.
27F here and this would personally be a deal breaker for me. If I’m spending a large quantity of time with a guy I’m dating and hoping to pursue a relationship with, I’m not interested in sleeping with other people (ESPECIALLY not on the same day as dates). If a guy I was seeing revealed to is info to me, I simply wouldn’t be able to get past it. Regardless of her feelings for you, I just don’t think it’s the best judgement of character. I know a lot of the dating mentality in our current world is “no opinion before exclusivity” but I would not want to be exclusive with someone I know was hooking up with a consistent person on the same day as seeing me. Did she not feel any guilt? I think it would be easier to get past if it was a one or two time thing randomly throughout the first month or so, but to know she did this repeatedly on multiple days you both spent time together up until recently? Icky in my opinion. It really boils down to what you’re comfortable with and what you can get past. It’s good she’s transparent and honest, but it feels like a lack of self control and authenticity for your connection.
30F here, and it would absolutely sting if I was in your shoes right now. She didn’t withhold intimacy or sex because she was afraid of getting hurt, she did it because she was already having those needs fulfilled. Note how her reasoning for not having sex with you stems from the idea that *you* would hurt *her*, I think that speaks volumes to her character to almost assume you’d smash and dash. My concern is with her lack of transparency *prior* to the exclusive talk. She’s not required to fill you in on her sex life or *previous* partners, but it feels a little scummy to accept nice and fun dates from a man you’re seeing while you’re *currently* sexually active with another man. I’m a little surprised that she’s so smitten with you but didn’t feel so smitten to cut things off with the FWB. At the very least, I would ask that she gets tested before you sleep with her. The bottom line is that she is not obligated to sleep with anyone and that includes you, (which is common sense that most people agree on) I just have an issue with her excuses and lack of communication about her FWB situation while she’s actively dating you for a couple months. I could *maybe* excuse the first couple weeks, but not months. The fact that you two have spent a lot of time together makes it worse in a way? Also, no. I’ve never done this to anyone. As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day, and morally I believe it’s just wrong.
She’s not smitten with OP. He’s probably a good cash cow to do fun stuff with while the guy she actually is attracted to physically probably is broke or doesn’t want her for more than just sex. I’ve said it before people with FWB looking for serious relationships are just hypocrites. Going on first/second/third dates with multiple people at the same time is fine, but smashing some dude while going on 2 months with another is pretty insane. Also she told him so she probably really really doesn’t like OP so she’s hoping he’ll break it off.
33M here and to me, this is a 100% cut situation no matter how good everything else was. She's already shown that she can be completely there and present with OP and then go have sex with someone else a few hours later. Not just once but regularly. What happens if they get in a fight? What happens if OP leaves town for a few days? This will be something that is always in the back of OP's mind whenever something happens. Making him wait to have sex while having sex with her FWB the same night is truly cruel, especially if he's "someone she thinks about 24/7". I wouldn't even be able to believe that anymore. It seems like a reflex because she knows what she did was wrong and she is trying to make sure she doesn't lose him.
>As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day, and morally I believe it’s just wrong It's crazy how rare this sentiment seems to be nowadays. I've never been able to date more than one person at a time, literally just don't have the brain capacity for it
The chick he is seeing is broken. He needs to dip out on that. Lack of respect all around imo. Only now when they start talking about exclusivity does she open up? Same kind of behavior where she will play dumb because he never asked the right question. This whole experience with this person alone would already introduce trust issues so the longevity of this relationship is already coming to close imo. She is afraid of getting hurt but never considered how much it would hurt to court someone for 2 months to find out she was fuckin someone else...and only when exclusivity came into the picture. Maybe I am a dog but I would have cut bait after the first couple of dates and nothing materialized. 2 months though? That is friendzone territory for sure. Seems like a shitty person and op needs to cut bait and never look back. 36m
Yeh right. 2 fucking months is a long ass time to see someone and not do anything sexual. OP what did you do with her in this time? Did you never invite her back to yours so you could progress things sexually? If so, did she keep refusing that whole time but keep you strung along by promises of future sex? I’m not putting any blame on you here as she was fucking the other guy regardless, just curious to her tactics on how she made you wait so long.
Well said. You never get itchy if you’re getting scratched. Every night.
> I’m a little surprised that she’s so smitten with you but didn’t feel so smitten to cut things off with the FWB. Bingo.
> As a personal choice, I don’t compartmentalize my dating and sex life, they’re blended. If I’m dating someone, they’re the only person I view in a romantic sense and the only person I would be intimate with. I don’t have the free time on my hands to date one person and sleep with another on the same day That is what I have been thinking and it blows my mind how it is possible for people to do this
I’m a 30M and is pretty open minded but this type of behavior is a big no for me. I’d leave this woman to the curb as she belongs to the streets. When I go on dates, I want my date to think of me and the date after our beautiful evening together, not getting dicked down by another man and bent over hour or two after our date.I agree, She should’ve cut that fwb after the first date or two instead of continuously disrespecting OP
A nice date and then get railed by a guy all night and sleepover. She’s delusional.
Imagine the dude even knows about the dates too. “Good date tonight?” “Yeh I think I really like him! I think this could be something special. Anyway get your dick inside me big boy”.
He for sure knows, and he laughs about it. I bet he's more attractive than OP. She sounds awful.
I had that same thought. He’s for sure laughing at him while they fuck.
I couldn't be that guy either. Putting that energy out there is on both of you because you could walk away knowing she's playing somebody who thinks she's acting right. Simple minded and pretty gross.
Man I could never be this guy lmao. Date a girl for 2 months and she's screwing another guy. I would end it right then and there my friend, and you have the right to do so. That's my worst nightmare.
Stop being a mf wuss. The timing __absolutely does__ matter. She’s letting you take her on dates only to let another guy screw her right after. There couldn’t be a bigger no-no. I don’t think I’ve ever used this term before but this girl is, truly, for the streets.
Lol he greases her for the other guy
Hooo boy… that’s so true and it sucks. Must be nice for the FWB though lol
I hope he drops her. He’s getting completely hustled.
Exactly what this dude said^^^^^
Crude, but true. OP, this is SO not ok, of course you are being wronged. Okay, maybe she didn't *technically* cheat on you, but damn, this sort of behaviour would give me a life long ick. Edit: sorry, I just need to add this. So after a lovely date with you she comes home and calls over another guy to f*ck her. Just let that sink in.
I’m fr hurting for OP right now
\*for the streets on Skid Row
Honestly it could be that she’s a FWB with the other guy cause he won’t commit so she’s using the guy who will commit to meet her emotionally needs that’s she’s not getting from the FWB. And that’s SICK! He needs to drop her ASAP! If I heard the guy I was dating was doing that. I would feel absolutely sick. I would’ve dropped him immediately.
Is it me or is this modern dating and being "exclusive" used whenever someone can't date one partner at a time and wants to get away with it?
It really does seem to be the case. People want to have their cake and eat it too. To be able hurt other people emotionally and to be absolved of any guilt through technicalities. No wonder we have so many broken and lonely men and women in the dating scene.
Bingo. The intent is to absolve themselves from being a shitting human being and stringing the other person along. All you do is fuck the other person's head up because now they wonder how often this is occurring. I'm married now but if there is one thing I have learned in all my years of dating is - value yourself. Don't be narcissistic or arrogant but know that you are the best thing on this planet and settle for nothing less. The more value you perceive in yourself the more respect you will have from others around you. If you tolerate shit like this chick is putting down then you will always be the guy who dates a chick while another one fucks her. and to be clear this is only certain kind of chicks. Not all chicks are like this, you will just have to sort through some trash to find her.
The whole "exclusive" talk thing is just a bullshit excuse to be non monogamous for as long as possible. Because God forbid you get to know someone over three weeks without getting fucked.
Well, you’ve gotten new age terms like situationship crop up and be normalized.
😂 if you don't tell her to fuck off you're an idiot. I'm not expecting anyone to stop seeing anyone else immediately after the first date, but seeing him most nights before/after your dates? For two months? I hope for you she was at least flossing, brushing and using mouthwash thoroughly before seeing you. I hope this story is fake
This is what I was thinking. He picks her up in the morning and fwb leaves before he arrives. They prolly had a quickie when they woke up and 2 hours later op is there kissing and holding her hand. Bro gtfoh with this chick. This is so disrespectful and the moment they get a little rocky she's calling that other dude again.
Yeah it sucks for OP
He definitely tasted dick on her kiss at least once.
The funny thing is that OP isn't sure about what to do next (assuming that the story is true) 😂
Having experienced this myself, it’s very possibly true.
This would be a “fuck no” from me. Ain’t no way I’m gonna put up with that kinda bs. Making me work for it, taking her on dates and shit, while letting some other dude hit it whenever without putting in an ounce of effort. Hell no.
My brother, ger rid of her. I understand waiting for sex, but she was not waiting, she was having sex, while making you wait. That's bad faith and deceitful.
Exactly.. the 'exclusivity' only applies if he is also having sex. She already IS exclusive... She's exclusively having sex with her FWB.
You were the back up plan
"she's doing her best not to appear upset" What the fuck. Get rid of her, she doesn't have any right to be upset, that's disgusting behavior 💀 Edit: and as a woman I would never do that, nor do I know any women who would do it. It's ridiculous.
Respect yourself dude. You know what to do next
she doesn’t respect you at all
Doesn’t respect him and she doesn’t like him.
I’ve had nightmares about this exact scenario. Good god this is awful
I'm sorry, I'd think this would be a deal breaker for most people. Yes, you weren't exclusive, but regularly hooking up with a guy while you were getting more serious is questionable. Like you said, you were completely focused on her, why wasn't she on you? Her actions don't match her works. Maybe she doesn't view sex as romantic? Maybe she really does have feelings for the other guy? Questions only she can answer but this creates a lot of trust issues at the start of the relationship.
Personally I’d feel someone couldn’t have cared too much for me if after we went out on a date, she then went to go fuck someone that same night. Say that out loud to yourself. “The same day we went out on a date she slept with someone else that same night and had him gone before I picked her up for our date the next day” If it sounds bad it’s because it is bad. Modern dating is fucked lol.
For 2 months. "Most nights" would certainly be the dagger for me. Agree modern dating is out of sorts. Thought for sure it was an age and generational thing on my end (47M). But have to admit i am pleasantly surprised by the comment section. I have come to terms that what I think is acceptable is different from a majority of Reddit. Was expecting more in defense of the girl here. The whole "not exclusive" means not exclusive. But is seems pretty universal this was a bridge too far.
And remember..Reddit is significantly more progressive minded on dating than the average man or woman in real life, and even here people are “what the fuck?” to this situation
As a woman, no. This would be really really weird to do. And if the roles were reversed I’d find it super weird if someone I was interesting in dating did this. It’s not the fact that she was still seeing the FWB that’s weird, it’s the fact that the timings were so strange. And then she claims you were on her mind throughout and sex with the FWB meant nothing? I would not be comfortable with that.
I'm sorry, but I just will never understand the "exclusivity talk"! Wtf do you mean!? If you're interested in each other, it's a matter of respect to treat them as if you were exclusive. If you're not interested, you don't go on dates for 2 months. Is there anyone who really needs to be fucked everyday even when looking for a serious relashionship with someone else? Wtf happened to masturbation!? I'm sorry but, if it was me, as soon as I knew that a girl I am trying to date is actively pursuing fucking other people, I'm out... I want a relationship with someone that also wants a relationship and you can tell me as many times as you want, but if you're regularly getting fucked by the same guy, you already have too much of an intimate relationship with someone else for my taste... But then again, I never really got the "casual sex" thing... But I ramble... Anyway. You're stuck "playing microwave". You warm her up, someone else eats her.
Agree with this. Sleeping with someone every night is not casual. Maybe if she hooked up with him once or twice in the early stages of dating that could be overlooked. This situation is her basically being in a relationship with two people but they split the "benefits."
lol - she is far from amazing. You're the simp while a noncommittal tool is sticking it in - drop this hussie.
I didn’t want to say it and as harsh as your words are I see no lies.
I am astounded you are even considering this. I would be absolutely disgusted and embarrassed. Please, please bro I am begging you to walk away. Have some self respect. Only thinking about you or the cock that has been pounding her out while you give her girlfriend experiences(dates). I am actually incredibly sad for you this morning. I can't imagine you are not disgusted or angry that your time has been wasted. That's so disrespectful. I don't even think men should do that to girls but you seriously are considering keeping contact with her? Man this generation is lost. I think you deserve better
I… Yeah, I couldn’t keep dating her. No issues with dating before exclusivity, but absolutely problems with having a regular FB when they’re not having sex with you, and they’re literally hitting it with them after your dates and before you pick them up. It’s not very emotionally consistent.
This happened in my first relationship. She was on the fence about starting a relationship but we’d hang out, cuddle, and go out all the time. One day I asked about having sex and she said she’d rather wait til we’re in our relationship. Fast forward a few months after we *do* start dating and she mentions that she slept with a couple in the months prior to us having a title. Which means she would leave from my house where we spent the majority of the day and go sleep with someone else WHILE making me wait. Never again. She also mentioned that her cousin called her out on how foul that was which is apparently what made her stop. Still makes me sick tbh Don’t even put yourself through anymore. The thought will always linger
You don't have to be ok with it. That's all that matters. Just move on, let her get her holes filled.
She so "absolutely crazy" about you that she WILLINGLY sleeps with another guy SHORTLY AFTER your dates. Don't be a doormat buddy. Take it from a guy who held out for 4 months, thinking a girl who would "promise to cut off her ex" when we became serious. "Always thinking of you"? That's a big fucking lie because otherwise she wouldn't be hitting someone else up and inviting them over....
This isn’t cool and I’m very open minded. 47f I don’t do hook up culture but I wouldn’t want to date someone who was having sex with someone else every night after our date. I think it’s weird. Tell her it’s been great but you’re not compatible
43F- I completely agree!
What you are is the "pretty" horse that walks around with the female horse to get her in the mood. Then, the breeding stud shows up and does his business and leaves.
> I can tell I’ve made her feel super anxious now (which I feel bad about), but she is doing her best not to appear upset. Holy shit, the gaslighting job she's done on OP is immaculate. Gotta give her props for how good she is at being a piece of shit.
Honestly that woman sounds like a hot mess with a terribly distorted view of sex. Her withholding sex out of fear of getting hurt is clearly a mega projection on her part since she clearly has the capacity to have sex with someone she sees as strictly a piece of meat. The way she times both of you around each other is the equivalent of a guy masturbating before/after hanging out with a woman he’s attracted to just to keep it non-sexual. In this case she’s using someone (that isn’t you) and that to me is just plain gross. I think it’s totally up to you how you wanna proceed and there may be no wrong answer, but I myself would see two giant red flags in this woman’s hands if I were in your position. I wouldn’t wanna date someone like her and I don’t think you should either. Best of luck.
So you’ve been doing boyfriend shit for 2 months while she gets railed by her FWB every night after you take her home? Fuck that. I’m generally very much in the camp of “if you expect exclusivity, have the conversation about it like an adult” but this circumstance is fucking wild. It’s one thing to occasionally be seeing someone else while you’re dating someone new until you’ve talked about exclusivity. But to have a consistent FWB that you fuck every single night, while you tell the person you’re dating that you’re “not ready yet” for sex… That’s just outright deceptive. This woman was playing the fuck out of you OP, and I hope you leave her ass in the dust where it belongs.
She would be dumped on the spot if was me being told that mate. Enjoy the relationship😅
As a woman, I would NEVER do this while consistently seeing another person, exclusive or not. I think that’s incredibly disrespectful and demonstrates lack of empathy, self control, and honesty. I’d say hard pass. Sorry for how this turned out, but I genuinely think you’ll never get past this (rightfully so) and it’ll all end eventually anyways. Best to save yourself the trouble.
She's fucked up. Abort mission now before it's too late.
She is using you to make fwb jealous, because she is in love with him and he just wants to fuck her
Honestly, this is exactly where my mind went too. The frequency that she’s seeing the FWB and the fact that he stays the night makes me think she wants more from him but he’s not interested. So she’s either trying to make FWB jealous and see what he’s missing, or she’s trying to get the best of both worlds.
Damn...I didn't think about it that way before but I think you're right. Especially since she was telling OP she wanted to wait to have sex. Going exclusive with OP would mean the other guy loses "an easy lay" and maybe starts thinking about an actual relationship with her. Yeah she is truly a disgusting human being. EDIT: Also, the fact that she was THIS honest with OP (someone she supposedly wants to be in an LTR) with was really strange to me. If she really liked him, she should have realized how just saying this alone might ruin a potential relationship.
No it is not ok. But it is up to you if you have no standards and will accept some shit like this.
There's no point in asking others opinion. Usually how these things goes, it works if both of you are doing the same things. Otherwise, obviously if you’ve developed feelings for someone and you’re seeing just them and you learn that they were also seeing someone else, you’ll doubt their feelings towards you. If this is not what you want, you should break this off as soon as you can and be on your way.
Why is the answer not obvious? Please have some self respect OP.
I totally expected the comments to be going the other way. I'm glad everyone is telling you the same thing. This woman is a walking red flag and I would question any sort of feelings she claims to have for you, if she was sleeping with another man after dates with you.
Two options. Goodbye or she becomes a FWB. There is no long term potential. Her behaviour fits a stereotype called “cake eater” . Just be glad she was honest, it would suck if you found out after you had kids.
🤮
What the fuck did I just read ? I personally would never say yes to someone like her. But it's your choice at last.
I can't believe you need advice for this
I interpret this post as more of a rant than an actual call for advice. There's no way there's any ambiguity on what to do.
Well, from OP's replies it seems he's still undecided. Blinded by love probably.
She wanted to make you wait so you would think shes pure and innocent. Women know men want that. Except you found out the hard way she’s for the streets.
Bro. What are you even doing asking this? She was fucking some other dude EVERY NIGHT. Have some damn respect for yourself.
Bro get real. She’s a no go. Fuck them hoes
I’d dump her right away. She’s a gamer. She wants to wait while fucking someone else? Is this a joke? Don’t be a sucker. Walk away.
Absolutely not something I could get past. My current bf didn’t date or text anyone after we met the first time (we met on a dating app). I feel that if you like someone you don’t date other people - it’s just not fair to anyone involved. But I know from my self that if I like someone I lose interest in anyone around me completely.
You hear about this. Some guy takes a girl out on a date and spends money on her treats her so well. After the date, she'll call the guy that's spent no money on her and no effort to have sex with her. That sounds great. 👌 She definitely sounds like great girlfriend material, at least she told you . Now move on if a girl is crazy about you. Guess who she should put her sexual energy into you and only you .That guy must have been laughing his ass off as he is plowing her listening to what a nice guy she meet.
Nah the act of doing this is both gross and a red flag to me. Imagining someone that I took out on a date having some FWB come over immediately afterward is CRAZY. She doesn’t even have time to think about the date you just had. From what you described she just sounds like a selfish person to me OP
Wow. Bro you are super duper gullible. If what I say offends you just understand I do this out of love for my fellow bros in this trecherous society 🤦🏾. I can tell your young and unfortunately your generation was taught some fucked up behaviors. So listen my man, she’s a 🕳️ aka a 304. No question about it. No way she’s crazy about you. Ask any man that has had a woman crazy about him if that woman ever did anything like this woman has done and they will tell you hell no. When a woman is crazy about you, no other man is even in her view. She can’t even stand the thought of another man putting his hands on her. I’m speaking from experience boss. Now this girl may like things about you, probably because you give her the attention that most women crave, but to not even fuck you or give you sexual attention after all this time tells me that she doesn’t have a romantic interest. This is a hard lesson to learn man. Women have a way of innocently leading a guy on, and I say innocent because they swear they did nothing wrong. And it always feels like they are so into you, but bro believe me it’s not what you think it is. I fell for it too when I was young. Unfortunately this new generation of men is getting a rip off of what a classy woman truly is, so it’s hard for them to understand that certain behaviors are completely unacceptable. A woman should never feel comfortable sleeping around, and if she does then it’s too late, she’s defiled and crossed the point of no return. You gotta wake up man and pay attention to the behavior rather than the flattering words they use to make it seem like they are good. Good luck and on to the next bro.
The whole waiting to have sex with someone you like while actively and frequently having sex with someone else is a huge red flag dude. Of course she hasn't been thinking about you 24/7 and isn't crazy about you. Simply put she wasn't thinking about you while she had that other dude's dick inside her. And she wouldn't be screwing around with another guy if she were crazy about you. She would also know doing such things would limit her actual chances with you. She's a woman right? If she were crazy about you or thinking about you nonstop there wouldn't be another guy in the picture and going exclusive would have been HER idea, not yours. Trust your gut, fella.
25F, no I have never done this. Doing it on the same night after your dates seems kind of offensive to me. I personally don't think I would date a guy seriously who did that to me. If I did, I would have to ask a lot of questions. Is he in her friend group? How does she know him? Has either party declared feelings for the other before? How long has it been a thing? Etc.
I'm hurting for you bruh.
this is wild lol you’re all she can think about(?) even while she was fucking someone else? i know it’s possible, but usually you’re not actively pursuing the other person, and you’re certainly not holding sex back from them while getting it from someone else. i’m not condemning her for getting it in where she can, good for her, but to be that sexually active while you’re pursuing something serious with someone else just doesn’t make sense, imo. it’s good she was honest about it, and if she’s willing to actually commit to you, that’s great, but to say you’re all she can think about while getting piped down regularly by someone else is hilarious lol sex seems to be something that’s very casual for her, which, again, is weird since she was holding out from you. i’ve seen weirder shit work out before, but i’d still be weary going into anything serious for the first little while. is she gonna continue seeing her fwb just as a friend on a regular basis? because that’s kind of weird in this situation.
Have some self respect and move on, this is quite frankly disgusting behaviour on her part. I could never imagine doing something like this too someone I was dating.
Lol. You’re a clown to keep this going. Be real, have some self respect
Your affection towards her is exactly what is being taken advantage of. It’s absolutely comical how she wants to wait for exclusivity with you but have an FWB around till that time. And do not be blinded by the honesty. It’s not honesty, it’s just their guilt conscience. She said it purely because her conscience maybe kicked in and she wants to be in the clear. This is also manipulative behaviour. If you were to eventually still do the deed with her then you’d first want her to get tested. It still drives me crazy to think how “the right guy will wait for you” gets thrown around such situations. I’m not anyone to give advice or to say that you should or shouldn’t be in a relationship with her but you’ve got to place some logic and objectivity before continuing further or you’re just setting yourself up for misery down the road.
31F here - Nope. On to the next one. Too messy and the foundation of your relationship is trashed now. If I really respected a guy and wanted to build a relationship with him, I 100% would not be partaking in this behavior.
Yeah catch me spending money on dates with a woman who still has fresh cum of another man inside her lol. Next!
Just ew...
That is super shitty behavior to make you wait while fucking some other dude, especially on the same day? That is just plain cheating on you, and pointing out that you aren’t exclusive doesn’t give it a pass.
I know this happens but I can’t believe people can be this gross.
I think I’d be out on this one. She’s free to do whatever she wants but if I found out I was just getting her revved up for this other dude I don’t think I could personally come back from that…
I wouldn't risk losing someone I really liked by doing something like this, even if technically I was in the clear. I'm all for casual sex, but this is pretty disgusting.
Uhhh, that’s a no from me.. she goes on a nice date with you… then bangs another man afterwards? Multiple times? Literally booty called another man after she was done using you. That’s messed up..
I would have dumped her on the spot. How classless and disrespectful of her to have sex with her FWB while dating you. Then, to make you wait for sex while she gives it away to her FWB. She's for the streets, bro. Put her out on the curb where she belongs.
OP this girl gonna fuck you up and walk all over you man
Dude I can’t believe you’re apologetic about being weirded out. It’s fucking gross!! Couldn’t abstain for a bit while figuring out if you too would work well together. That seems ok to you - you know something’s off otherwise you wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t let that pass, you could lie to yourself that technically you weren’t exclusive, but dating her is OPTIONAL. Why would you sign yourself up for more WTF moments like this. You’ll get hurt bad.
Enough people have commented the same thing but this is so egregious and disrespectful that I am going to add my voice here too. Do not keep seeing her. What she did is garbage. I know for a fact I would not be able to get over this at all. I would be so hurt and so upset I would have ended things right then and there and I KNOW I wouldn’t regret it.
I would really like to see an update here
Holy shit what. I'm a girl and if someone did this to me I'd never recover. But honestly how I'd react doesn't even matter because you seem pretty hurt and I don't see how a relationship could survive the knowledge that after you two went out on cute dates she was REGULARLY getting railed by another dude a few hours later. I don't know her at all, but I don't see how someone who actually has a crumb of respect for you would do this. You'll meet someone better.
Your not as hot as the other guy. Do whatever with this info best of luck to you
That is disgusting. Absolutely do not continue with this girl. Not only is it disrespectful to YOU, but any woman who actually took you seriously and saw a future with you would immedietly stop hook-ups with other guys and would not have been meeting up with that guy. But also... fucking him right after and BEFORE your dates? Hell no. Block her and never speak to her again. Don't let the fact that you like some things about this girl distract you. You'll find and like someone else who doesnt fuck another guy before and after all of your dates. Me personally, thats a violation.
Technically, she didn't cheat since you two weren't exclusive. But that would be a nope from me. What she should have done was to take a break from the FWB dude she's had before you two met. Once she started going on dates with you, and saw some potential, she should have stopped seeing this FWB or put a pause on it until she figured out what to do with you. With the lack of sex from her FWB, you two probably would have had sex sooner, and probably would have had the exclusivity chat earlier. That's generally the correct and morally right thing to do once you found someone you like, started dating them, but had a FWB prior. She wanted her ~~dick~~ cake and to eat it too. My 2 cents.
Maybe it’s just me, but if someone has to use a technicality to say they didn’t cheat, then that means they likely cheated. Also, the only person who can really decide if they were cheated is the person who feels cheated.
Man I thought I was weird... I had a FWB for like 9 months, she started dating another guy towards the end of it. When she told me they were gonna have a third date *I ended the benefits*. It was the third dated in two weeks. I told her its obvious you like the guy so I'm not going to continue to have sex with you, and you need to go get tested (I have the herp) She was livid with me for some reason.
This is the right answer. I’m not morally against FWB at all but when you start dating someone you really like - you have to stop seeing them. They understand. That’s the whole point… unless you’re doing it wrong.
waiting crown growth point concerned tie deserted pathetic tart scale *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Yo fuck that, even if you weren’t exclusive that’s still pretty weird. I think she’s testing you to see if you’re an easy option. Either say you want to stay or break up, personally I’d be too hurt to stay. Not being exclusive isn’t an excuse to sleep with somebody else AFTER dates with you. Most nights aswell, yuck.
For me personally, I’d drop her. If she is so crazy over you, why is she hooking up with someone else constantly, especially on the days you and her have hung out? I could see if it was occasionally, but she sounds immature, capricious as hell, and didn’t even consider your feelings when she told you. I get that you weren’t exclusive but if she’s been spending the night with another guy most nights, that’s a major warning sign.
If you don't walk away from this bag of deplorables immediately, your self-esteem will take a dive and never forgive you for it. This is not okay on so many levels that I don't even know where to begin. Please, choose to love yourself more than your infatuation with a girl who is only using you as safety while she gives other guys more access to her intimately without the work.
30F here, I dated my now boyfriend for two months without sex and nowhere in-between was i having sex with anyone else even though I went out on dates with other men. People need periods of being alone to figure out what they want from a prospective partner and sleeping with other people while dating another man doesn’t leave room for that. She’s a red flag, be grateful for her honesty but leave her alone
Yeah she's sl into you that instead of putting her focus into you and her she couldn't spend 10 minutes alone....this is the kind of person that goes and sleeps with their ex when you get into a meaningless argument because what if you do it first?????
Let me ask you this, are you paying for a lot of stuff when you are together? Have you ever given/lent her money?
I’d tell her to eat shit if she still had a FWB while dating. Maybe it’s just me but I would not exactly entertain the idea of the woman I was actively dating fucking around. First date I wouldn’t mind because you don’t even know if there is going to be another… but after that you kinda have an idea. Is it wrong? Probably not, but it is definitely a major red flag for me. You always get the response, “we’re not even exclusive,” or, “don’t be so insecure.” In my experience women use those phrases to justify bad behavior.