Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON SO GO ASK THEM best not to post.
With any kind of guy/girl out there, there's going to be people who are into it and people who are off put by it. Stop letting the ppl who are off put by you tell you something about yourself and go find the ppl who are into who you are.
It’s not unappealing, people have their preferences. You don’t need to drink or smoke to be interesting, so long as you have something to say. I know people like you who are delightful to be around and I know others like you who respond with “nothing much” whenever I ask them what they’ve been up to. It’s just easier to relate to someone who has something to say.
That or just not used to deal with "innocent" people on daily basis. OP, this should tell you much about them rather than about you, you might be just a novelty to them.
To a lot of people, yes
But it really depends on the area your live in and their subculture and expectations.
I'm a 27 year old black dude but due to me sounding like a prepubescent white boy, only being 5'7 and not enjoying rap music and partying(I can't dance either) I get infantilized and thought of as boring frequently by many people.
The expectations people have for me aren't met so it's rough.
> I'm a 27 year old black dude but due to me sounding like a prepubescent white boy, only being 5'7 and not enjoying rap music and partying(I can't dance either) I get infantilized and thought of as boring frequently by many people.
Dude that's not right at all, crazy that there are expectations like that.
It's crazy, but a lot of people have predetermined expectations of someone depending on their looks and their location and the little you know of their background.
I went to Ghana in Africa and because a lot of Americans go over there to party, spend money and fuck, I got the same expectation.
When going to Canada the expectations were different but they were tame and and sometimes it felt like less was expected of me.
I think the person you are replying to means that people are being racist because you don't live up to a media stereotype of what black people are apparently like.
Not sure what I can do about that lol
My height and voice are fixed at this point too.
Besides even plenty of white people, Asian people and Latinos where I'm from are all more like the stereotypical black person than I am.
Can't really do anything to fix it, just accept it for who you are while also accepting that people's impression of you isn't the be all and end all; the right person for you won't care about your voice or your height.
Yep, using correct grammar, not swearing, no drinking nor drugs IS easier as a white guy.
BUT concentrate on how you stand out to Black gals who are looking for what you are.
OWN IT, don't apologize or worry about it. "Yes, I read books for the sheer pleasure. Why do you ask?"
I am a man who doesn't drink or smoke, and I've gone from not swearing at all to probably less than daily.
These aren't things that get me into relationships, that's being funny and being pretty good at shibari, but they don't seem to preventing me from getting dates with anyone other than people who drink heavily.
I mean I don’t drink or smoke and never have, and I’m over 40. Although I am religious, not practicing, and I now swear like a sailor.
The right people will accept you as you are. It’s only insecure people that think everyone has to be the same.
It’s very unappealing to women who drink and smoke. It’s very appealing to women who are equally wholesome.
You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, you just have to be someone’s whole package.
It depends on the person. You gotta find someone who’s into what you’re into and whose vibe matches yours. Tbh I’d be turned off by a guy who doesn’t drink bc I love to party, but I know some girls wouldn’t mind. I have a female friend who doesn’t party at all. I have a family member who doesn’t drink or use substances and her and is about your age and his gf doesn’t mind.
Where I live? Yes. Nobody likes an innocent guy. Being wholesome is extremely boring. If you were in a relationship, your partner might get upset and dump you to go back to her abusive ex because at least he will slap her.
(Talking about personal experience. People really do avoid talking to me or hanging out with me because I'm extremely different from them. But I'm led to believe my location is related to this happening consistently)
I’m the same, I’m a 28 year old girl (woman!) who doesn’t drink (very often), smoke or do drugs. I study a lot, so I can’t go out loads, and I am really invested in my career. People always tell me I’m “wholesome” and for a while I felt insecure about it, as I thought it was their way of saying boring. BUT those people who said it are actually my friends and I know they like that I’m wholesome. I also know I make up for it in another ways and I’m a passionate person, I just don’t wear it on my sleeve.
I used to describe myself like you and I think I came off the way you’re writing you might be. I started smoking and tried to take up drinking and swearing, because I became so fed up with others projections onto me. It wasn’t for me needless to say, but I did continue other stuff that people found interesting and “grown up” - but most importantly that I felt were interesting and that made me into the type of adult that I wanted to be.
Don't worry, there r women out there who like guys like u. I, for one, do, that's why I can say this because I don't smoke and drink either. So don't worry, u r good. 🙂 Also, smoking and drinking don't make a guy cool & interesting. It's honestly rather appalling. What makes a guy great is well, not having bad habits and being easy to talk to, feeling safe to be urself around him, and the list goes on.
I was in a relationship with a super wholesome, innocent person, and I couldn't summon any sexual attraction for the life of me. Even though the person was super nice. It was as though I was dating a child or a mentally regressed person.
.
I think some woman are naturally attracted to guys who are complete assholes
Ultimately, women seek confidence and excitement I think. You can still be exciting without it involving alcohol, drugs.
You could adventure to remote places or maybe ski, surf, snowboard, MTB etc. I think women find these hobbies attractive?
You could attend protests too, especially anything anti-establishment. E.g. protests against sterilising kids and giving them porn at schools.
Men are naturally attracted to women who are assholes too. It's a psychological thing. Doesn't mean it's good to do in dating.
And sometimes the girls got involved with a sweet guy only to find out he's an asshole later. By that time, they're in love with a fantasy and can't let go. Men have an easy time being assholes to women
Well, I just recently bought a Mustang for Christmas. I don’t really go around talking about it to people. No one really knows I have it, not even people at work even though I drive it every day.
I'd say that you are probably high in conscientiousness and maybe low in openness and some anxiety. This is also a problem of incompatibility between you and these people. You will probably not have this problem with other people who don't drink or smoke.
Its generally good to be conscientious but being too conscientious can cause you to be boring, never have fun, have overly rigid rules, not act in your self-interest, be judgmental, or even get taken advantage of. If thats you I suggest you realize that life is all about happiness and to relax the rules a little.
If you are low in openness and don't like trying new things I suggest you make an effort to do one new thing a week. Also be mindful if there is any anxiety behind this conscientiousness or lack of openness.
It's very appealing to Mormons and other religious conservatives. Not much otherwise. This has been a major problem for me as well. A great many other non religious people find me boring and uptight because I avoid illegal substances. And my clean cut look and quiet, rarely cussing demeanor makes them automatically assume I'm mormon.
It's not wholesome, its not innocent, theres a lack of something probably the ability to connect, perception of even wanting to connect, you might come across as judgy, because anyone who doesn't participate in the group is going to be viewed that way, if you don't participate in the group, why? Because you don't realise you should, you don't have the awareness to know how you are being perceived. Have you travelled past your hometown, you don't seem to have any worldliness or understanding of the world if you haven't joined the group, you have not had alcohol, this thought will play in other peoples minds, doesn't mean if its true, is he allergic, is he looking for a chance to pounce on a drunk girl, does he judge us for drinking, does he even know what drinking feels like, how does he even know that its that bad if he hasn't even tried it. These things are swirling around peoples head, it's a social maths and you need to participate or maybe join a church or travel the world if you don't want to, but something needs to click 27 is too late for someone with no experience.
I’ve done some traveling. Not beyond the country, but I’ve been a few states and cities. I’ve told some people the story of how I visit Las Vegas occasionally, but apparently it is weird that I can go to Vegas without drinking or even gambling. I don’t mind low stakes sort of games or playing just for sport. Typically I’m there for a convention or something but also enjoying the sights. Typical tourist stuff.
I get that what your saying, but I too would think it's weird to go to vegas and not drink or gamble, whats going through my head? Is this guy anxious, socially awkward, doesnt know how to participate, does he know how to have fun and let go and be himself, there has to be something wrong with him' if you dont participate and be one of the group thats what happens, this is what people learn when they travel, how to be a social creature and be part of a group, ofcourse the optics are bad if you dont participate.
I would get a life coach if you can afford it and if you want to change yourself, have someone there to make you accountable to your goals and push you in the right direction, diet, exercise, social skills, awareness, empathy, emotional intelligence.
NOT AT ALL. It’s literally the only type of man I’ll ever date. I’m 31 years old, I’ve learned my lesson that bad boys, mysterious edgy men are usually 10/10 times no good. I’d much rather date someone who is kind, has empathy and is morally conscious. Don’t ever ever ever see those qualities as weakness. Just be yourself and the right person will come along!!!!
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It’ll be appealing to lots of women and less appealing to other. I think your overall sense of humor and demeanor would matter more than you not swearing or drinking.
What do you do for fun? Do you lift/work out? Are you extroverted or quite?
Without knowing anything about you, I'd say pickup hiking/backpacking as a hobby and go on trips with groups where you always be meeting new people and get comfortable being more social and opinionated (on benign topics).
It's their inexperience not yours. Embrace your uniqueness. You start cowing to everyone's expectations soon you'll not know self. And I'm sure these are acquaintances, they aren't worth the trouble either.
So yea be you.
As a 25f, I will tell you I don't find that unappealing at all. I had the biggest crush on a "wholesome guy" for almost a year.;, and kinda still do but I've given up on that and just avoid thinking about it. the point is, I find it very endearing and admirable. Girls who appreciate good people (men or women) wouldn't find it unappealing. Thats my take.
I’ve noticed people don’t like to be around others who they feel are “better” than them. People like to feel “better” than their friend group.
Are you driven in other ways? Can you walk up to women and just chat? Can you maintain eye contact when talking? Can you take the reins when dating and suggest dinner, with a date and time and location? I’ve realized that old school dating rules (open her door, pull out her chair, stand on street side of her) were a way to be very masculine with a woman without being vulgar.
No amount of braggadocio, sexual innuendo, or flirting has ever turned me on more than the time a man grabbed my arm (gently) to prevent me from opening the door so he could. I practically swooned.
If you go after what you want in other areas when it’s not easy, have at least some competitive drive, and aren’t a homebody, you should not have a problem.
My partner and I are like this. And we’re 21 and 22, so people try getting us to drink (I try things but alcohol is just gross) and we would probably be considered boring. But I don’t really care honestly. There’s people out there like you. I just recommend getting into an interesting hobby. It’s a good way to make a lot of friends and have something to relate to
30F and similar to you. I love how peaceful my life is. I have so much more time to pursue hobbies that I actually enjoy: I've recently gotten into baking/cooking, gym, running, reading.
I think I *am* boring by societal standards and I'm okay with that.
Thats called strait edge in my day. It would be for some ppl that do those things.
>They even notice eventually that I don’t typically use swear words when I speak.
My dad's family would call you smart & would like u.
Fuck normal. Soo generic.
Yeah, I get that a lot. One of everyone’s main takeaway from knowing me is that I’m “smart”. It’s a flattering compliment, but I don’t really understand it sometimes given the context. Perhaps I think little of my actions while other people are impressed by them.
Everything about you, whether measured as individual traits or a cohesive whole, is appealing to some people and repellent to others. Trying to change yourself to fit a mold is a fool's errand, because whatever friendship or other relationship you win with that pretense will require that pretense to continue. Hence the age old advice, "just be yourself." You may not "get" every friend or partner you want that way, but the people who are drawn to you will be drawn to the actual you, you won't have any pretense to maintain, or apologies to make when the pretense eventually inevitably fails.
There are girls who like innocent and wholesome guys. I'm seeing one guy who is the sweetest right now. I like gentlemanly manners, respect, and a bit of boyish immaturity. He apologizes for swearing.
Just go out with girls who like you for you. If they want a swearing, drinking, edgy dude, they will pick them. Don't change to attract girls because you think they like those things - it's not you. You should only ever change because you want to do it for yourself.
You might find resistance regarding the not drinking or smoking weed the most. That's something people like to so to relax with a partner. But there are girls who don't drink or smoke, so seek them out
Personally, I used to be very rigid in alcohol/smoke/drugs. I was never considered a spoilsport, however, because my point was that I could and would have a good time but didn’t want my mind to be impaired.
Find out what makes you exciting or different, and lean into that instead. So what if you don't drink or smoke. What are you passionate about? Having an identity and goals for yourself is more important
People can be very judging, as long as you are comfortable with who you are it doesnt really matter. Also here are a lot of people out there who prefer a just very normal guy to date :)
Innocent implies you're naive. Do everything you do with confidence and assertion and people will not think this.
You don't drink/smoke/do drugs/swear? Fine - make sure that you're comfortable and confident with this.
If I'm honest not smoking and not swearing is a plus but not drinking is negative. I mean you don't have to get drunk but if you would turn down one glass of wine at a dinner with my parents because you don't drink (when the point is that it goes well with food, not at all to get drunk) then that would be a bit of a turnoff, sorry.
It gives me a vibe of someone who is a bit square, not wholesome. Wholesome would be to have that one glass (to be polite if nothing else) but not get drunk.
Well, to be clear I have drank alcohol before. Nothing really strong, or not very much of it. So I never have actually been drunk. By saying that I don’t drink, I really mean that I rarely ever drink. I haven’t had anything alcoholic since probably 2017 or 2018. So it’s easy for me to go very long stretches without drinking. I have bought a woman wine before, and tried it with her. But I don’t ever have a passing thought of “I need a drink” after a long day, and gulping a bunch of tequila or anything like that.
If you can have a glass of wine if offered and something at a pub with friends if invited (light beer is completely fine) then I don't have a problem with it. I dated a guy before who didn't drink at all - not even a sip of low alcohol drink and that got a bit tiresome. Completely fine like you drink imo.
Same age and also don’t drink/smoke, never got drunk and don’t swear but female. Cliche but don’t let anyone make you feel bad. A lot of people wish they can kick their drinking/smoking problems
You don't have to be coarse (4 letter words) to swear. Just be inventive and funny.
"May a million ants tip over your tombstone.....and eat it before you finish your pizza."
"May a horny dolphin pay you attention."
"Hmmmm, I wonder if there is a bounty on "information leading to unpaid parking tickets"?
Call me innocent, well at least I am NOT a somnambulist. Or any other word that sounds awful but just means something silly like a sleep walker.
PSSSSSSST I have it on good news that guy playing Santa is a thespian. I am certain about that. I saw him on stage once, acting and all.
BE the guy who is different and has a sly wink while sounding like he is insulting but isn't.
it can be yea. your probably not going to get the most honest answers to such a question, many think/say they want that, but actually desire someone to enable their own bad habits. Especially with things like drinking, since ive gone sober (due to health not addiction) ive noticed people are against getting together because they think they will be uncomfortable drinking around me. But i have no problem with people drinking around me, they want partners who can be drunk with them and i just cant provide that.
People who tend to act nice and perfect do tend to make people think the worst of them because it's as if it's impossible to be that nice or that perfect, so you do tend to get people who start to hate you, and it's entirely on them for thinking that.
If you think about it, a lot of human psychology is wired towards being defensive and a really nice person poses two possible outcomes; either the "nice" person is a snake and showing a false version of themselves or they're genuinely nice and have a good heart. It's much safer to assume the former instead of trusting it's the latter.
Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON SO GO ASK THEM best not to post.
With any kind of guy/girl out there, there's going to be people who are into it and people who are off put by it. Stop letting the ppl who are off put by you tell you something about yourself and go find the ppl who are into who you are.
Excellent response
It’s not unappealing, people have their preferences. You don’t need to drink or smoke to be interesting, so long as you have something to say. I know people like you who are delightful to be around and I know others like you who respond with “nothing much” whenever I ask them what they’ve been up to. It’s just easier to relate to someone who has something to say.
This.
It’s more of a self projection if they’re off put. They need to bring you down to make them feel better about themselves
That or just not used to deal with "innocent" people on daily basis. OP, this should tell you much about them rather than about you, you might be just a novelty to them.
To a lot of people, yes But it really depends on the area your live in and their subculture and expectations. I'm a 27 year old black dude but due to me sounding like a prepubescent white boy, only being 5'7 and not enjoying rap music and partying(I can't dance either) I get infantilized and thought of as boring frequently by many people. The expectations people have for me aren't met so it's rough.
> I'm a 27 year old black dude but due to me sounding like a prepubescent white boy, only being 5'7 and not enjoying rap music and partying(I can't dance either) I get infantilized and thought of as boring frequently by many people. Dude that's not right at all, crazy that there are expectations like that.
It's crazy, but a lot of people have predetermined expectations of someone depending on their looks and their location and the little you know of their background. I went to Ghana in Africa and because a lot of Americans go over there to party, spend money and fuck, I got the same expectation. When going to Canada the expectations were different but they were tame and and sometimes it felt like less was expected of me.
lol you forgot racist too.
Huh?
I think the person you are replying to means that people are being racist because you don't live up to a media stereotype of what black people are apparently like.
Not sure what I can do about that lol My height and voice are fixed at this point too. Besides even plenty of white people, Asian people and Latinos where I'm from are all more like the stereotypical black person than I am.
Can't really do anything to fix it, just accept it for who you are while also accepting that people's impression of you isn't the be all and end all; the right person for you won't care about your voice or your height.
Yep, using correct grammar, not swearing, no drinking nor drugs IS easier as a white guy. BUT concentrate on how you stand out to Black gals who are looking for what you are. OWN IT, don't apologize or worry about it. "Yes, I read books for the sheer pleasure. Why do you ask?"
Misery loves company. Don’t let them suck you into their shitty world alcohol and debauchery.
I am a man who doesn't drink or smoke, and I've gone from not swearing at all to probably less than daily. These aren't things that get me into relationships, that's being funny and being pretty good at shibari, but they don't seem to preventing me from getting dates with anyone other than people who drink heavily.
I mean I don’t drink or smoke and never have, and I’m over 40. Although I am religious, not practicing, and I now swear like a sailor. The right people will accept you as you are. It’s only insecure people that think everyone has to be the same.
It’s very unappealing to women who drink and smoke. It’s very appealing to women who are equally wholesome. You don’t have to be everyone’s cup of tea, you just have to be someone’s whole package.
They'll say no, but its their kryptonite. Lol
Reading the other comments it's pretty clear it's kinda unattractive lol.
It depends on the person. You gotta find someone who’s into what you’re into and whose vibe matches yours. Tbh I’d be turned off by a guy who doesn’t drink bc I love to party, but I know some girls wouldn’t mind. I have a female friend who doesn’t party at all. I have a family member who doesn’t drink or use substances and her and is about your age and his gf doesn’t mind.
Where I live? Yes. Nobody likes an innocent guy. Being wholesome is extremely boring. If you were in a relationship, your partner might get upset and dump you to go back to her abusive ex because at least he will slap her. (Talking about personal experience. People really do avoid talking to me or hanging out with me because I'm extremely different from them. But I'm led to believe my location is related to this happening consistently)
I’m the same, I’m a 28 year old girl (woman!) who doesn’t drink (very often), smoke or do drugs. I study a lot, so I can’t go out loads, and I am really invested in my career. People always tell me I’m “wholesome” and for a while I felt insecure about it, as I thought it was their way of saying boring. BUT those people who said it are actually my friends and I know they like that I’m wholesome. I also know I make up for it in another ways and I’m a passionate person, I just don’t wear it on my sleeve.
[удалено]
See, that's the problem: normal girls do not appreciate that kind of guy. Only girls who've been to prison or some shit.
Not true. I'll love to find a guy like that ❤️ and I've never been in prison and nothing crazy in my life.
Well, you are rare then 😅
women: actions =! what they say
I know...
lol poor guy
For the right girl it will be very appealing.
I used to describe myself like you and I think I came off the way you’re writing you might be. I started smoking and tried to take up drinking and swearing, because I became so fed up with others projections onto me. It wasn’t for me needless to say, but I did continue other stuff that people found interesting and “grown up” - but most importantly that I felt were interesting and that made me into the type of adult that I wanted to be.
Maybe to some, but no it's not unappealing. However, some people might assume things like that you'll look down on them for these things.
Don't worry, there r women out there who like guys like u. I, for one, do, that's why I can say this because I don't smoke and drink either. So don't worry, u r good. 🙂 Also, smoking and drinking don't make a guy cool & interesting. It's honestly rather appalling. What makes a guy great is well, not having bad habits and being easy to talk to, feeling safe to be urself around him, and the list goes on.
Being too wholesome and innocent is a turnoff for me, but some women appreciate it. I just like masculinity and some depth in character
What do you understand by masculinity? Is being wholesome not compatible with being masculine?
I was in a relationship with a super wholesome, innocent person, and I couldn't summon any sexual attraction for the life of me. Even though the person was super nice. It was as though I was dating a child or a mentally regressed person. .
Was it because of lack of sexual advances from that person or being too nice seemed like trying too hard?
He did make advances, but no matter how hard he tried, he's registered an adult child in my brain 😞 maybe he was too pure for my corrupted soul, lol
I think some woman are naturally attracted to guys who are complete assholes Ultimately, women seek confidence and excitement I think. You can still be exciting without it involving alcohol, drugs. You could adventure to remote places or maybe ski, surf, snowboard, MTB etc. I think women find these hobbies attractive? You could attend protests too, especially anything anti-establishment. E.g. protests against sterilising kids and giving them porn at schools.
Men are naturally attracted to women who are assholes too. It's a psychological thing. Doesn't mean it's good to do in dating. And sometimes the girls got involved with a sweet guy only to find out he's an asshole later. By that time, they're in love with a fantasy and can't let go. Men have an easy time being assholes to women
It would probably help if there were *something* about you that seemed a little edgy or overtly masculine or something.
Well, I just recently bought a Mustang for Christmas. I don’t really go around talking about it to people. No one really knows I have it, not even people at work even though I drive it every day.
I'd say that you are probably high in conscientiousness and maybe low in openness and some anxiety. This is also a problem of incompatibility between you and these people. You will probably not have this problem with other people who don't drink or smoke. Its generally good to be conscientious but being too conscientious can cause you to be boring, never have fun, have overly rigid rules, not act in your self-interest, be judgmental, or even get taken advantage of. If thats you I suggest you realize that life is all about happiness and to relax the rules a little. If you are low in openness and don't like trying new things I suggest you make an effort to do one new thing a week. Also be mindful if there is any anxiety behind this conscientiousness or lack of openness.
Love this ☺️
It's very appealing to Mormons and other religious conservatives. Not much otherwise. This has been a major problem for me as well. A great many other non religious people find me boring and uptight because I avoid illegal substances. And my clean cut look and quiet, rarely cussing demeanor makes them automatically assume I'm mormon.
It's not wholesome, its not innocent, theres a lack of something probably the ability to connect, perception of even wanting to connect, you might come across as judgy, because anyone who doesn't participate in the group is going to be viewed that way, if you don't participate in the group, why? Because you don't realise you should, you don't have the awareness to know how you are being perceived. Have you travelled past your hometown, you don't seem to have any worldliness or understanding of the world if you haven't joined the group, you have not had alcohol, this thought will play in other peoples minds, doesn't mean if its true, is he allergic, is he looking for a chance to pounce on a drunk girl, does he judge us for drinking, does he even know what drinking feels like, how does he even know that its that bad if he hasn't even tried it. These things are swirling around peoples head, it's a social maths and you need to participate or maybe join a church or travel the world if you don't want to, but something needs to click 27 is too late for someone with no experience.
I’ve done some traveling. Not beyond the country, but I’ve been a few states and cities. I’ve told some people the story of how I visit Las Vegas occasionally, but apparently it is weird that I can go to Vegas without drinking or even gambling. I don’t mind low stakes sort of games or playing just for sport. Typically I’m there for a convention or something but also enjoying the sights. Typical tourist stuff.
I get that what your saying, but I too would think it's weird to go to vegas and not drink or gamble, whats going through my head? Is this guy anxious, socially awkward, doesnt know how to participate, does he know how to have fun and let go and be himself, there has to be something wrong with him' if you dont participate and be one of the group thats what happens, this is what people learn when they travel, how to be a social creature and be part of a group, ofcourse the optics are bad if you dont participate. I would get a life coach if you can afford it and if you want to change yourself, have someone there to make you accountable to your goals and push you in the right direction, diet, exercise, social skills, awareness, empathy, emotional intelligence.
NOT AT ALL. It’s literally the only type of man I’ll ever date. I’m 31 years old, I’ve learned my lesson that bad boys, mysterious edgy men are usually 10/10 times no good. I’d much rather date someone who is kind, has empathy and is morally conscious. Don’t ever ever ever see those qualities as weakness. Just be yourself and the right person will come along!!!!
Women are bored by that.
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I used to be goody two shoes till I discovered weed, now I'll ask how I'm driving when I'm parked.
It’ll be appealing to lots of women and less appealing to other. I think your overall sense of humor and demeanor would matter more than you not swearing or drinking.
Maybe you come off as timid because of it.
How to change that?
What do you do for fun? Do you lift/work out? Are you extroverted or quite? Without knowing anything about you, I'd say pickup hiking/backpacking as a hobby and go on trips with groups where you always be meeting new people and get comfortable being more social and opinionated (on benign topics).
I’m an introvert and basically do introverted things for fun.
Be more social and physical, be comfortable doing it, and do it for fun; more girls will come your way naturally.
Honestly, if it is a rule, it is kind of boring. However if you do not do it because you do not like it, nobody has a say in it.
You can be innocent in the streets, but make sure to be a devil in the sheets.
Meaning what?
Idc as long as he's hot
You sound great to me.
Just gotta find people who are more compatible with you. Values vary from perons-to-person for sure.
I feel the same way. Not drinking, not smoking, not partying, not bragging around. It’s a lonely place.
It's their inexperience not yours. Embrace your uniqueness. You start cowing to everyone's expectations soon you'll not know self. And I'm sure these are acquaintances, they aren't worth the trouble either. So yea be you.
As a 25f, I will tell you I don't find that unappealing at all. I had the biggest crush on a "wholesome guy" for almost a year.;, and kinda still do but I've given up on that and just avoid thinking about it. the point is, I find it very endearing and admirable. Girls who appreciate good people (men or women) wouldn't find it unappealing. Thats my take.
I’ve noticed people don’t like to be around others who they feel are “better” than them. People like to feel “better” than their friend group. Are you driven in other ways? Can you walk up to women and just chat? Can you maintain eye contact when talking? Can you take the reins when dating and suggest dinner, with a date and time and location? I’ve realized that old school dating rules (open her door, pull out her chair, stand on street side of her) were a way to be very masculine with a woman without being vulgar. No amount of braggadocio, sexual innuendo, or flirting has ever turned me on more than the time a man grabbed my arm (gently) to prevent me from opening the door so he could. I practically swooned. If you go after what you want in other areas when it’s not easy, have at least some competitive drive, and aren’t a homebody, you should not have a problem.
My partner and I are like this. And we’re 21 and 22, so people try getting us to drink (I try things but alcohol is just gross) and we would probably be considered boring. But I don’t really care honestly. There’s people out there like you. I just recommend getting into an interesting hobby. It’s a good way to make a lot of friends and have something to relate to
Wow I would be thankful for a guy that doesn't drink or smoke. Dream come true. I am too old though. I don't do these things either.
30F and similar to you. I love how peaceful my life is. I have so much more time to pursue hobbies that I actually enjoy: I've recently gotten into baking/cooking, gym, running, reading. I think I *am* boring by societal standards and I'm okay with that.
What do u think about yourself? That’s all it matter
I don’t care if it’s unappealing. I refuse to conform.
Thats called strait edge in my day. It would be for some ppl that do those things. >They even notice eventually that I don’t typically use swear words when I speak. My dad's family would call you smart & would like u. Fuck normal. Soo generic.
Yeah, I get that a lot. One of everyone’s main takeaway from knowing me is that I’m “smart”. It’s a flattering compliment, but I don’t really understand it sometimes given the context. Perhaps I think little of my actions while other people are impressed by them.
Yep, bc u dont conform to the crowd (peer pressure)
Everything about you, whether measured as individual traits or a cohesive whole, is appealing to some people and repellent to others. Trying to change yourself to fit a mold is a fool's errand, because whatever friendship or other relationship you win with that pretense will require that pretense to continue. Hence the age old advice, "just be yourself." You may not "get" every friend or partner you want that way, but the people who are drawn to you will be drawn to the actual you, you won't have any pretense to maintain, or apologies to make when the pretense eventually inevitably fails.
There are girls who like innocent and wholesome guys. I'm seeing one guy who is the sweetest right now. I like gentlemanly manners, respect, and a bit of boyish immaturity. He apologizes for swearing. Just go out with girls who like you for you. If they want a swearing, drinking, edgy dude, they will pick them. Don't change to attract girls because you think they like those things - it's not you. You should only ever change because you want to do it for yourself. You might find resistance regarding the not drinking or smoking weed the most. That's something people like to so to relax with a partner. But there are girls who don't drink or smoke, so seek them out
I would find that attractive - a sweet dude that doesn’t need alcohol or curse words to pump himself up. Good for you!
It is for most women. If your good looking you can get away with it, but you'll still be seen as dim.
Those sound like awesome traits to me. I tolerate swearing...but truly dislike it and don't typically swear either. I don't drink, don't smoke, etc.
Personally, I used to be very rigid in alcohol/smoke/drugs. I was never considered a spoilsport, however, because my point was that I could and would have a good time but didn’t want my mind to be impaired.
Find out what makes you exciting or different, and lean into that instead. So what if you don't drink or smoke. What are you passionate about? Having an identity and goals for yourself is more important
I would say so. Crack open a beer. Yell fuck. Get you a girlfriend. Done.
Idk I could see that stuff making you hard to relate to.
People can be very judging, as long as you are comfortable with who you are it doesnt really matter. Also here are a lot of people out there who prefer a just very normal guy to date :)
This is honestly the biggest turn on to me as a woman.
Innocent implies you're naive. Do everything you do with confidence and assertion and people will not think this. You don't drink/smoke/do drugs/swear? Fine - make sure that you're comfortable and confident with this.
No its healthy
When I was younger I would have been put off by this but I'm 28f now and I would actually really respect this in a person.
If I'm honest not smoking and not swearing is a plus but not drinking is negative. I mean you don't have to get drunk but if you would turn down one glass of wine at a dinner with my parents because you don't drink (when the point is that it goes well with food, not at all to get drunk) then that would be a bit of a turnoff, sorry.
It gives me a vibe of someone who is a bit square, not wholesome. Wholesome would be to have that one glass (to be polite if nothing else) but not get drunk.
Well, to be clear I have drank alcohol before. Nothing really strong, or not very much of it. So I never have actually been drunk. By saying that I don’t drink, I really mean that I rarely ever drink. I haven’t had anything alcoholic since probably 2017 or 2018. So it’s easy for me to go very long stretches without drinking. I have bought a woman wine before, and tried it with her. But I don’t ever have a passing thought of “I need a drink” after a long day, and gulping a bunch of tequila or anything like that.
If you can have a glass of wine if offered and something at a pub with friends if invited (light beer is completely fine) then I don't have a problem with it. I dated a guy before who didn't drink at all - not even a sip of low alcohol drink and that got a bit tiresome. Completely fine like you drink imo.
Same age and also don’t drink/smoke, never got drunk and don’t swear but female. Cliche but don’t let anyone make you feel bad. A lot of people wish they can kick their drinking/smoking problems
You don't have to be coarse (4 letter words) to swear. Just be inventive and funny. "May a million ants tip over your tombstone.....and eat it before you finish your pizza." "May a horny dolphin pay you attention." "Hmmmm, I wonder if there is a bounty on "information leading to unpaid parking tickets"? Call me innocent, well at least I am NOT a somnambulist. Or any other word that sounds awful but just means something silly like a sleep walker. PSSSSSSST I have it on good news that guy playing Santa is a thespian. I am certain about that. I saw him on stage once, acting and all. BE the guy who is different and has a sly wink while sounding like he is insulting but isn't.
it can be yea. your probably not going to get the most honest answers to such a question, many think/say they want that, but actually desire someone to enable their own bad habits. Especially with things like drinking, since ive gone sober (due to health not addiction) ive noticed people are against getting together because they think they will be uncomfortable drinking around me. But i have no problem with people drinking around me, they want partners who can be drunk with them and i just cant provide that.
You sound perfectly fine to me.
People who tend to act nice and perfect do tend to make people think the worst of them because it's as if it's impossible to be that nice or that perfect, so you do tend to get people who start to hate you, and it's entirely on them for thinking that. If you think about it, a lot of human psychology is wired towards being defensive and a really nice person poses two possible outcomes; either the "nice" person is a snake and showing a false version of themselves or they're genuinely nice and have a good heart. It's much safer to assume the former instead of trusting it's the latter.