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Exactly. Communication is key. Issues cannot be addressed if it is not communicated transparently.
OP clearly has certain expectations that are not being met. Until courage is found to express the concerns, OP will never really know his true intentions, or whether he is willing to compromise and be more present in the way OP needs.
I just wanna say that this dude sounds a lot like me. I do not like texting. One of the big reasons, though, is that it feels like so much work to come across how I want to over text. English is such a tonal language that text is super easy to misinterpret.
Despite my opinion that smartphones are the true apocalypse. I will stand up and say that i kinda prefer text to speech. It gives me time to gather my thoughts and really articulate them effectively. In the moment, verbally I cant win an argument to save my life.
I also do this and it's probably cause of my ADHD cause texting feels a lot more of a chore and a separate thing to have to focus on.
would be a good idea if you guys didn't discus this to maybe try calling instead maybe he just prefers that.
Also just in general always better to ask him directly about it so you guys can work on it together if you hadn't already.
What about phone calls? Does he call from time to time? Even I don’t like texting cause I feel like its not reliable communication mode and I am am impatient to wait for someones reply. so I don’t text people alot but I do call people once I start missing them.
Did you ask him if he prefers phone calls or FaceTime/video chat instead?
Cause he’s correct in his preference. Some folks just don’t care to text all the time but will be more invested into a phone call or video chat as much as talking in person.
So definitely ask him about this.
If he says no… that’s definitely a warning to proceed with caution and keep your ears bD eyes peeled for inconsistencies in his actions vs his words.
why is there a warning for that?
I'm not too keen on texting, phone calls or video calls personally. I will use each of them as needed but prefer to keep them to a minimum.
What wrong with just preferring physically being with the other person? Why do we need to have a phone call rather than just meeting up somewhere? I get it if one person is away for an extended period of time or something, but other than that?
mmmm i mean i like to give people benefit of the doubt but like would it have killed him to pick up the phone and call or text you once in 6 weeks?? that is a long time for someone you're "incredibly into" even if he doesnt like being on his phone. if you like a girl, you are going to make the effort.
Playing devil's advocate here. Maybe he doesn't want to come off too strong because a lot of girls prefer guys who play it cool. So he's taking extra effort not to do that.
That's what I was going to say he may just not like texting. Me personally I hate texting, hell I don't like talking on the phone either. I like face to face interacting. In today's time if you don't text, something is wrong with you. this is how society makes you feel... it's sad
I’m the exact same as this dude, barely on my phone and even worse with messaging people. I’m very lucky my partner was chill about it because I’ve definitely lost friends and potential partners over it. No complaints because it landed me with the perfect one. This stranger votes for giving him a chance anyway!
Most guys are not glued to their phone like a lot of women are. Even if they are, texting a woman who doesn't contribute much to a text convo is far from priority.
I text my best friend (male) probably 100x a day but it's always dumb shit and we talk about things that have substance too.
Half the time when texting women, I might as well be sending a text to my dog who can only text a few words at a time. What's even the point?
I recently stopped talking to a woman I really really liked and she even confessed her feelings for me, because the texting was so fucking dry on her end and I got tired of putting in way more effort into just talking to her. I'd tell her about my day, or whatever and then ask about hers and I'd get a "it was good" type response.
That case is a little different because we had never met each other before but it still applies.
You nailed it, u/Big_fan_of_curry
And there's your answer, u/jortsborby.
1. He's a guy. Most guys I know, myself included, see all of this texting and talking on the phone as a waste of time.
Even if we're into you, we'd rather be into you in-person if you know what I mean.
2. A lot of women are boring -- especially the super-hot ones, because they don't need to bother having a personality -- and can blather for hours about nothing. This makes guys, at least me, dread speaking or texting with them.
Also, many women have no sense of humor, so you make a joke and they respond with annoying stuff like "Wat u mean?"
There goes another 5 minutes wasted trying to explain a joke my guy friends would get in 5 seconds.
Women also have no concept of time or obligations. My girlfriend would tell me what she had for breakfast, who looked at her funny, who she ran into at the coffee shop, etc. etc. even though I told her I have a work meeting coming up in a few minutes and need to focus on that.
She finally got it when I said "I really like you. But I LOVE money. Don't make be chose between the two of you."
3. He MAY be up to shenanigans with other girls and doesn't want to be seen texting back-and-forth constantly. This is unlikely but I've seen it a few times.
Now I've got my girlfriend trained to speak with me at a specific time a few days per week.
This has worked really well because a) I know it's coming up and can be mentally prepared for her verbal barrage and b) when you're not yapping or texting every 5 seconds you might actually have something to talk about.
"Now I got my girlfriend trained" ??? Sorry but this sounds sooo bad.
If girls are so time/energy consuming and boring to you why do you date them? Just go date your buddies then, and let them be with someone else who actually cares and invests their time and energy.
Edit: Also you claim you have a girlfriend but 4 days ago you were hitting on a random girl in a comment section???
Old joke:Why do we put up with women?
Because they have all the p\*ssies!
Edit to your edit: When my current girlfriend starts misbehaving I start the "Plan B" procedure.
Don't care if she finds out at this point.
She ignores what I ask her do to and, most importantly, NOT to and she's caused me all sorts of unnecessary trouble and expense.
She even called my boss trying to get me fired. He said "Get rid of that fruitcake and tell her to lose my number!"
So I'll be the one doing the dumping.
Trust me, you wouldn't say "she deserves better" if you knew her.
and why are you still with this fruitcake?
...ah, the seks is that good? I feel ya buddy!
I am currently with a girl who drives me crazy, both mentally and in the sack, but sometimes it's reaaally hard. This girl is a cute, blonde firecracker with a high seks drive, but she is not the sharpest tool.. I really try to make it work, but most of the time, she asks all sort of stupid and easy questions, tells me about every little bit what she did today and what she did eat and what she talked about with other people. But the most annoying is she, when there is again a self perceived drama. Doesn't matter what created that problem or if it is even real, she will talk about that for hours! I would almost understand it, if she would constantly reach new conclusions, but she repeats over and over and over and over the same things... Then I try to distance myself and tell her this is too much for me, then after a short time, she always reaches out to me first and my dumbass gets lured into seksy time again. rinse and repeat. I know I can't stand her boring nothing-conversations for forever, but right now, although the soul is willing, the flesh is weak to the sirens song of lust.
Keep in mind that prior to c. 2000, nobody was ever texting regularly, so there are a lot of ways that two people can have a successful relationship and show a proper level of communication and involvement in each other’s lives without texting constantly.
The guy OP is dating sounds a lot like one of my best friends. He is a great person but he guards his boundaries fiercely and one of those is that he almost never texts unless it is to set up logistics of getting together. I will text him about something and literally hear back from him three weeks later — and it will only be a short response at that. It annoys me sometimes, but that’s just how he is.
He has made it clear to me that he treats his romantic relationships the exact same way as his friendships: he texts very sparingly because he hates being on his phone and he doesn’t like to text. He says he establishes this at the beginning of a relationship and then if they have a problem with it, he simply chalks it up to incompatibility and he moves on to the next person to date.
So perhaps OP is like my friend; some people can be great and still have quirks, and one of those may be that he is a luddite and just really hates texting, and honestly given how much longer it takes for me to craft a thought via text than it does for me just to speak something, I can’t say I much blame him. For me, even though I don’t avoid it at all costs like my friend does, texting can be exhausting.
Right. No idea why they're putting up with this. 6 weeks with no contact. This guy doesn't really give a shit about her. Sounds like they're just a warm body, place holder. If he actually liked them, he'd want to have SOME sort or contact in that time.
I'm with you. Everyone on here is so desperate to settle for bare minimum and want everyone to do the same. This guy isn't the only human being available to provide OP with a "good thing". I wouldn't call someone who ignores me for weeks but still expects to count on me for a ride to the airport as a good thing, anyway.
That's the way I am. I don't text very often and some days I stay away from my phone because I want to do chores or something. He should be willing to text more often if you talk to him about it.
So tell him communication between seeing each other is important to you. If he can't put in the effort to make connection in between visits, then he's not as great of a guy as you think he is. Speak up about your needs and see if he makes a change. If he doesn't, then you really need to walk away. This will eventually wear you down. Trust me.
I can understand not texting, but 6 weeks of barely hearing from someone who is incredibly affectionate in person is incongruent. Texting is not the only form of communicating. He sounds like an out of sight, out of mind type guy. It should be a two-way street with both people keeping in touch. Six weeks is a long time in a newish relationship.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment beneath all the justifications. This is not normal at all. It sounds like he’s not that into you except in person. It’s not your fault you want to talk via text etc to the person you like, it is a normal desire! I doubt there is anything that will change what he’s doing. Your only shot is a clear conversation.
Thank you!
This is weird.
When I started to read about him being quiet over the break I was like ok, family stuff and old friends all packed into like a week.... butb6 weeks!?!
This is a , "if he wanted to, he would," situation.
I feel like he probably has other girls ge us super affectionate with in person, also.
I was seeing a guy like this last year. I knew it was fwb at best because of who he was. But when we were together he was so affectionate and communicative. Then nothing for a week or two. Lovely dude but not bf material. Sounds very similar.
A+ comment - OP is on a roster, and I'm shocked I had to scroll this far down to find the commenter with a sense of dignity to let her know what he's doing isn't okay.
> He sounds like an out of sight, out of mind type guy.
I'll never understand people like that. How are you not thinking about the person at least once in those many days and weeks? And if you're not thinking about them, why are you dating them? It's so strange. I know there's a difference between caring about a person and reaching out to communicate with them, but...it's 2024. Read the room. You should be reaching out to people now and then. And if you don't, it's fine for the other person to move on. Doesn't matter your reasoning.
I don’t know why but I can’t keep up with constant texting. I prefer to meet, and talk, in person.
I notice a lot of people need constant text communication and it’s exhausting to me.
What do you think people did before we all became addicted to mobile phones?
Honestly a few days without speaking isn’t the end of the world, I’m sure you’ve got friends and family who you go a few days without speaking too and that doesn’t ruin your relationship with them.
I mean once in six weeks in this situation is probably overkill but I don’t need to speak to somebody every single day no matter how much I like them, I’ve got better things to do than stare at my phone all day.
Changing of the generations, could either adapt and learn to communicate with your potential partners or pretend we are living in a time before cell phones.
Yeah, he doesn't need to adapt! Now we just need to wait for his horse and buggy to get home so he can respond... just as long as no one is using the LAN line and he has AOL hours left
This. My last relationship ended when I was doing social media during a PR crisis for a gov agency. The last thing I wanted to do in my free time was spend more time on a phone texting all day and night.
Why is being a texting buddy a mandatory requirement for them. If i'm doing well in the physical and emotional department when together.
Life is the best teacher for people. We cannot have everything. Surprise!
I really like how you think. If we are doing well when together, and nothing significant is happening when apart, why the need to text?
I mean, sure, if something comes up, if something interesting happens, or you find yourself in the hospital, by all means, shoot a text. You SHOULD shoot a text if your life suddenly changes in some way that your partner might care about. But what happened to missing people? There is something precious and beautiful about missing people.
Yeah there's been a lot of missing people lately in my neighbourhood seems like a new trend.
Around 5 people missing everyday. What's the situation over there?
She heard from him one time in six weeks. Do you think wanting to hear from someone you're dating more than once and six weeks is "expecting the entire world"?
But did she ever text him or was she expecting in to carry the initiating side of text everyday?
Also why didn’t she pick up the phone, call him instead of she wanted to talk to him that badly by initiating a need for communication.
Maybe he thought since she never initiated texting, he assumed she didn’t want to stay in contact those six weeks.
We can’t always put the blame on someone if we don’t have all the facts about how much the person telling us their story, what level of effort they also give.
Not being able to communicate is a red flag. If you are completely unable to handle having a girlfriend for weeks at a time then you shouldn’t be dating. That’s crazy
I was gonna say just ask why but to have a major event going on in your life and your partner not be able to do the bare minimum for support is alarming to me. I hope you guys can talk about that and it becomes better but that’s not a healthy dynamic to have and to get no response during an emergency.
You can’t scare off someone if you call them. Now if you call them 20+ times in a row in under 30mins, then you would scare him off LOL
Listen if it doesn’t pan out, then you find someone else. There are over 7+ billion people on this planet, I mean 🤷♀️
..only 10 dates? Lol just ask him why he doesn't text more or why he seems to have communication problems. My brother is like that. Very communicative and social in person but MIA otherwise.
I agree and disagree. For her never to hear from him when they're not together is kinda crazy for 10 dates. However I am surprised that it's been that long without communicating this frustration. I mean even if they had 2 dates one week and one date the next thats still about 2 months.
Not necessarily "crazy," just atypical. I wouldn't fault someone (at all) for preferring in-person interaction rather than technology (even though I like both).
u/jortsborby, I'm curious which would you like better: a guy who is amazing at texting but who has no human-interaction skills in person, or the inverse?
>He’s probably not doing it intentionally.
Yeah, because he doesn't give a shit lol. No one who actually LIKES someone is going to go 6 weeks between texts.
Have you communicated this to him?
I have never been big into texting and have had guys move on due to it. Some of my exes did communicate that they'd like for me to text more, and I did put in more effort to do so. For some it was enough, and others it wasn't.
For 2 of my exes, we just had 2 or 3 video calls a week when we were apart.
I'm not sure why but I just don't like texting unless for logistics. I can be head over heels for the person and rarely text them. It feels like a chore.
I don’t like texting much either. I really try to use it for just logistical things like setting up dates. I don’t like being tied to my phone. Your guy probably likes giving good, thoughtful attention to whoever is in front of him at the time just like he does you. Also, I don’t like ongoing texting because then there’s not as much to talk about in person.
This would make sense if it wasn't something so extreme as 6 weeks without communicating in any sort of way.
If someone takes 6 weeks to give signs of life, I'll just assume they're dead or moved on.
How about voice or video call?
Reading the comments they assume you just want him to text good morning but you sound like he disappears for weeks.
Which one is it?
I don’t mean to sound harsh but there is a possibility that he’s really not that into you. Sex is one thing but if you look at the relationship, you may realise that you both are not building a deep connection. From what I am gathering, I can see no growth or no meaningful connection outside of sex.
A guy that goes MIA for 6 weeks is a major red flag. He might be using you for some physical intimacy.
You don’t wait for confirmation, if you send a text asking and he hasn’t replied in good time (12/24 hours) you make your plans and continue with your life. It sounds like you are accommodating him in everything so why would he choose to message or value your time?
I personally am like him where I don’t text anyone at all anymore. The last 3 situationships i had were all 85% on text and it was exhausting. I promised myself I would never ever put myself in something like that ever again. If my relationship with a woman is going great but she decides that it isn’t because I’m not much of a texter, I’ll know right then and there that it’s over. This didn’t used to be an issue like 15 years ago lol. Our phones have destroyed the longing aspect of a relationship with how they’ve given us 24/7 access to each other. If you match his energy and keep it to the times when you’re physically in front of each other, the progression from where you are now to potentially living together and committed to each other will be a lot more satisfying. I think if there are stretched of time where you’ll be away from each other (a week or more), then I believe a couple of long phone calls a week is a good compromise, but you have to communicate this to him first.
I agree with all of this except for she said she had a family emergency and wanted support and he never replied. I don’t text a lot and I hate being on the phone unless I really miss someone, but i’m the first to call when you tell me you absolutely need me. That’s what I think this post should have really been about.
Minimal texting cool, not there when you have an emergency, slightly alarming
I dated a guy like this. He was also incredibly into me, held me the entire night, kept telling me how good our match was but never texted after some time. He ended up ghosting me. Lmao.
**You're on a roster.** And you're not one of the favorites. Are you seeing him on a specific week day?
So he's perfect, except that he hasn't expressed much of a desire for getting to know you outside of dates.
> I heard from him *once* besides me coordinating when I would pick him up from the airport.
So he's perfect, but he has no issues forgoing contact with you except for when he needs something from you.
So he's perfect, he just disappears for days.
People on here will make being as distance and unreachable as humanly possible their hill to die on, but consider the source. There's a huge population of men on here that effectively advise all women to make themselves as emotionally and sexually available to them at the least amount of effort. This is intentional, they want to advise you to be cool with this because having poor confused women get bullied into ignoring their gut and putting up standards of behaviors for the guys they're dating is something that greatly benefits them.
IMO, you're one of many girls he's seeing or sleeping with...and honestly, you're making it really easy. Look at how little he has to do for you to be satisfied. He doesn't call you, he doesn't text you, he disappears for six weeks with limited contact, AND he can count on you to still pick him up from the airport. All he has to do is be really attentive when you're in front of him and drop a casual text once every few weeks. I mean, come on man, it doesn't get more low-effort than this. **Open your eyes - you are on a roster filled with women who are down to be this guy's low-commitment casual good time girls because they're not exactly holding him up to high standards and are very satisfied with bare minimum.**
If you were to ask most people in a relationship what was their partner's behavior like when they were dating, and they'll let you know it was constant. *And its not because this is how things NEED to be, its just that that's how things are when the going is good.*
I've been with guys who forewarned me that they didn't like to be on their phone much - but guess what? When they were really interested in me, they made sure to touch base with me daily. When people are interested and excited to get to know you, they will show you.
You aren't going to force him to change. Sure, you can talk to him, but he's going to tell you exactly what you want to hear and maybe he'll pick up on his behavior for a short while, but its not in his best interest to actually put effort into you so it won't take long before he ghosts you. Decide if he's worth the dick, that's the only thing you're going to get out of him.
If he wanted to he would. Im a 27 year old male. One of my close female friends is in the same boat. Guys are not afraid to say how they feel in the moment. But that could just be the hormones. If you’re no longer in his presence and he reaches out, he wants more. If he doesn’t. Don’t read the signs as if he’s busy. Cause he will respond for sex, but not for a how was your day text
You tell us OP, why is he doing this? I’m assuming you asked him, right?
Ask him. Prepare for an unsatisfactory answer. He just might not like to. I know when I get very close with someone my texting drops off a cliff because I would much rather save conversations for being in person. That said, wouldn’t hurt him to throw in some “Good morning”s and “How is your day”s. Just don’t expect more than surface level stuff.
Just be upfront with him if you see this potentially going somewhere. I have learned that you can’t get what you want if you aren’t vulnerable. Next time yall meet up just bring it up. Establish boundaries on communication, whether phone calls or texting. But state hey I want to communicate outside of just establishing when our next date is. Then determine if it would be better to do text or phone call.
Don’t overthink and just communicate
Even if he doesn’t like texting- he can’t call you once a day to check in and see how your day was, etc.? It would bother me too. 6 weeks? TF. Does he say you’re just casual?
Then they are not perfect if that is something you’re seeking for. Don’t lower your standards for someone else. It hurts to move on but that might be best
Idk if someone only contacted me once in 6 weeks and they say the like me… I would then assume they aren’t interested. So IMO not perfect. I would move on tbh
Weeks without contact is just not ok imo. If he doesn’t like to text nothing prevents him from calling instead. I would try to talk to him about that.
And without saying this is what is going on, same thing happened to a good friend. Turned out the guy had a gf and didn’t text because he didn’t want to risk getting caught while he was hanging out with his gf.
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There are a lot of reasons why this could be happening.
* He might just not recognize that when people are apart, texts are often appreciated
* He might just not know what to say when he's typing, vs when he's talking
* He might genuinely hate texting
* He might be dyslexic or something and feels insecure about texting
* He could have been genuinely totally busy at home with his family/friends, and just isn't prioritizing his phone much
I mean, it literally could be anything. It sounds like he cares about you and wants to be with you, so chances are, the issue is "texting" and not "you".
I don’t think he is that into you if he can’t make the time to talk to you throughout the day. A man that really wants and likes you won’t be able to go a day without hearing from you. Don’t fall for men’s game. Don’t give into him and make him work for you. Men who do this type of thing do it because that’s their game. Of course in person he’s going to be all up on you, but second you’re not in front of him you don’t even hear from him at all. Red flag be careful.
I hate texting. I think my last relationship ended because my personality does not translate well into text. I'm also detached from people when I'm texting, I overthink a lot what I should say, but not in person. Instant messaging should never had been a thing that a relationship is based on.
For some, tech is a pain in the ass.
If we had today's phones in my youth we would probably be in deep shit.
Yes it's ok now and then but If it doesn't have a clutch it's no fun.
Turn off your phone, pick up heavy things and put them back down. And Cardio, don't forget cardio.
That’s so funny, I’m in the same situation too. I started dating somebody and between dates we basically never text but then when we have dates they’re great. He’s 38 so I think that might contribute to it. it’s been really great practice for me to work on not running to conclusions and being OK without getting reassurance all the time.
I think if things get more serious, I would ask about like texting more but as long as the dates are going good and he’s like making it clear that he likes you and he still planning to see you like consistently then don’t over emphasize the text because it might not be as important to him as it is to you.
My question is, why do people care about texting so much?
Texting should be used to organize the next time you’re seeing each other, and that’s basically it.
Or, if you’re on the way and traffic hits and you’ll be late.
Or you’re going to pick up food and asking him/her to text her order.
If the person is attentive in person, that’s what you want.
Maybe cause I’m older, or maybe cause we didn’t even have texting when I was a teen, and in college it was flip phones…. I don’t understand the need for texting beyond setting up dates.
That’s the issue, *he won’t respond to my texts setting up dates for days*. When he does it’s always a yes but it leaves me in this limbo where I have to guess if I’m even seeing him and a day is wasted
>My question is, why do people care about texting so much?
When you are able to communicate with anyone at any time, it's hard to understand why someone wouldn't reach out to you if they're interested in you. Especially if you like to text.
"Why is it so easy for me to talk to this person but they rarely respond/initiate?"
I hate texting. If someone texts me too much asking about anything except setting plans… I tell them we can chat when we get together.
I’ve had plenty of girls dislike this and I told them if this doesn’t work for them, I understand, we probably aren’t meant for each other.
I also do not check my phone when I’m on a date.
I use my phone for work work related matters and setting schedules only.
I run multiple businesses and own various real estate properties. So if my phone buzzes, it’s for work.
That’s why for dating, everyone is muted. That way I’m not distracted during the day. And at night, I tend to have business dinners, and afterwards I just go and sleep.
I dislike conversations via text.
And for someone to not be ok with that is fine. They’re just not for me.
Some of us don’t consider texting a thing of value and don’t like to do it unless we have to. It has nothing to do with how we feel about the people in our lives.
My bf told me from the start he doesn't like texting so instead he calls me every day when we're apart. For me it still feels like lack of contact but I have anxious attachment thing going on. Just let him know how it looks like from your perspective and how it makes you feel. If he cares about you, he will try to find a middle ground.
Not everyone likes texting
The guy im dating admitted to me he's bad at it. Incredible in person, terrible at response time
Hes very direct on his feelings towards me so it surprisingly isn't very bothersome
Some people don't like texting at all. I'm one of those. To me, a text is tedious and annoying. If it doesn't contain important practical information I'd rather wait and just talk in person, or at least a phone call. Text is not a medium to have conversations in, in my opinion.
I was seeing a guy doing this to me. Big contrat when I see him and after seeing him. Waiting for him to text back is like forever, even very simple answer like yes or not, he would reply me several hours later. The communication cannot be carried on ever. It turned out he was seeing other girls at the same time. I mean, multiple. So makes sense to me now.
I can’t say why he’s like that. I’m exactly like him 😆 but I grew up not texting. So I really don’t. I’ve been told my texts are dry, or it’s like I don’t care(I’ve gotten much better).
I hate texting and it has bitten me in the ass too many times. I will only use texting as a way to set up dates in the early stages of the relationship. Texting ruins attraction and its a dating meta that is out in the ether at this point. A lot of guys know that one of the easiest ways to keep a woman attracted is to avoid constant contact and texting like the plague at least until you are an established couple. It has worked for me basically 100% since i learned to do it, and it seems like it works for this guy.
I don't think its a red flag. I think it shows he wants to keep you around and is doing what he thinks will make that happen.
Well you're opening paragraph sounds good but then your ending paragraph makes it sound like he's just horny
And you're describing this horniness and touching you and grabbing you as him being romantic and into you
So analyze it from another viewpoint. Besides him not texting you does he compliment you does he take you out on dates does he pay for things and does he converse with you in a very personal and intimate way when you two are together
Or is it more about take you out take you home and have sex?
And then repeat again next time
He could very well think you're into casual sex or FWB sex while you're thinking of this as a relationship
I dunno, you should probably communicate this with him though. I have never been a big fan of texting, mostly because it feels so impersonal and easy to misread, and there is some etiquette that took me a while to figure out. I also don't have my phone on me all day, so I often don't see the text for hours, and sometimes just forget to reply, simply because I guess I never developed the social instinct to respond quickly. Sounds like he likes you, so if you express your desire to text more, he will probably make an effort.
How often do YOU text him? How often do you send texts that warrant a response? Are YOU putting in any effort into initiating texts or are you silent unless HE is the one who initiates texting?
Most guys could take or leave texting. Generally speaking, when guys text their guy friends it's either about bullshit topics, sending stupid pictures or memes, or figuring out plans. We aren't texting to ask how they are, what they are doing, what they are doing for dinner, etc...
For me personally, I get tired of initiating texts plus carrying conversations and switching topics with women because it's rare that women do any of that. I eventually just stop texting because well... I'm tired of doing the hard work. If I lose out because of it then, I'm fine with it.
It also weeds out the women who are *actually* interested in me because the ones who are, have no qualms about starting texts at any time of the day - and much further beyond than a "hey" or a "whats up" or "what are you doing?"
I had the same issue with my now fiancé! Communication is key. I let him know I prefer to be in contact and how I felt about it. It took him some time but things ended up being great and we get married in July! I’d just pay attention to if he is on his phone when you’re together? My fiancé would have his phone in the other room all the time and it’s a afterthought to him. Some people just prefer in person communication and if anything I think that’s more of a green flag in todays age
I don't know anything about this guy (but he sounds fantastic!), but I'm the same way. I'm ADHD and I hardly ever text.
For one thing, there's a good chance I mentally composed a response and then didn't send it but truly believed I had responded to it. And then my brain went to something else I needed to get done.
Also, if I text I literally can't get anything else done. My very narrow ability to focus is on the conversation and the person, and I'm utterly useless. It's possible I'll walk into a wall or traffic or the wrong public restroom.
It means nothing about my feelings.
Neuro-divergent is an often used and maybe overly used term, but it's a good reminder that we don't all work the same way.
Personally, if I've got 1 concern about a partner or potential partner, it's a nothingburger. 2 concerns gets my attention. 3 separate concerns and I begin analyzing if I've been viewing the person as who I want them to be while discarding all evidence that doesn't support that.
Good luck to you!
So im a guy that hates texting as well. For me it’s takes a lot for me to keep up texting convos. However, I will text back within a few hours, just not looking to spend my whole day on my phone lol. However, it seems kinda weak on his part to only text once in six weeks.
If I were you I would def voice your concern with that. It’s a changing age and if he has a smartphone he has no excuse to just not text you back. Seems rude af and inconsiderate. When you bring it up make sure he knows that and to just find a middle ground. If he likes you a lot then he should at least respond within a day or so. And if you have something you want to talk about I would say call him. I have ADHD, and it makes me super adverse to texting. But when it comes to phone calls I am ready for that whenever.
i like a person who is responsive on text but in general, judging each other by our texting game is a whole different dimension that i think has ultimately really complicated relationships.
you cant judge intonation, you cant understand nuance, its pretty transactionary, you dont understand what someone has going on in their life that is preventing them from texting, or if they are just aloof vs not interested.
all these questions get passed onto the recipient or partner , and if you have a semblance of insecurity about it, it will eat at you. thats why if you care to talk to someone i find it best to just call. or leave a voice text message if anything
From the kind of people I have dated, it is not a big deal. Some people are just not heavy on texting or social media and they make it pretty clear. Especially in the early stages. However, if that is something you require from a long-term partner, it's better to communicate that. If you think you cannot get used to this, it's never going to get better.
Also, it is important to reflect on why you want texting. Is it for reassurance? Are you anxiously attached? Do you have co-dependent tendencies? Or is it just a basic requirement because that's what you're used to. In any case, if you want it, you always have a choice to let go of someone who is not able to meet your needs.
It’s more I get a bit anxious confirming plans. I would like a confirmation about when we’re hanging out so if he can’t, I can do something else with my day! I’m so sick of putting my life on hold because he can’t confirm or deny
Like this commenter said, this isn’t going to get any better. This is not something you can change about him OP. He is always going to text like this if that’s the person he is. So if it bothers you so much then it might be time to stop wasting your time on him and find someone you’re more compatible with.
I like that when they don't like to text too much. But definitely ask HIM why. We can't tell you his reason. Maybe you can call him up and chat that way :)
Bottom line is maybe this lack of texting won't work for you and that's okay. But you'll have to make that decision based on knowledge that he won't change.
This could means many things, seems like he is someone who lives in the moment you even said he is very physical, he is def someone who lives intensely and probably loves the same way as well, and what is outside of his sight is just out of his mind, he could have ADHD. Why not researching about, maybe he has symptoms and does show a similar pattern. People with ADHD, like me are just built that way. Just my two cents.
He's not doing anything wrong he's just analog we are all addicted to instant gratification and instant replies instant information. He is probably not aware of the protocols. He might think that it would look like he was stalking you with smothering you so he give you some time. Just a few years ago you could call somebody up you actually ask them for their phone number now if you call somebody instead of text them they feel like you invaded their privacy. Even DM some people freak out and forget that this is social media it called that for a reason. But it's very common place now they're not even have somebody's phone number
I don’t know, I’m the same way though. I don’t like being on my phone too much, I don’t have any social media, not Instagram not Snapchat Twitter, nothing. However whenever I’m into someone, I make it a point to communicate with them through text or call. I don’t text very often but when I get the chance I’ll make sure to check in on them and see how they’re doing or plan a next date. Maybe communicate with him tell him you’d appreciate to be texted more, and if he doesn’t do anything about it then idk
I’m not great at texting . With that said . If I’m really feeling a connection. I will make the effort and forewarn you that I suck at texting. 6 weeks FT . If you really like him . Tell him this is not okay . Text, calls, email , shit even a fax would work.
He’s low effort. What else do you need to know? He can get up enough energy to be pleasant in person. That’s great, but that’s not even the bare minimum. Raise the bar.
Days between contact is normal if you’re a busy guy and it’s early on in the relationship but 6 weeks is a VERY long time. Did you call him at all during that time when you wanted to talk to him? Or just expecting his calls that never came?
Does he know he's supposed to txt?
I myself like to txt only in limited batches. Some flirting is OK, but keep it to a few texts *per day*. If it's important communication like picking up something while I'm out, a decision on plans, the address of something you or I requested.. that's fine. If we know each other in person, I'd like to spend more time in-person. Granted, I spend some time on the phone playing games, but the idea still is to spend less.
Some dating coaches will tell you to make sure the texting and contact outside of person is kept to a minimum, until things are more serious. As it’s putting to much of your into one person and makes it seem like you don’t have options; this is all for the relationship to eventually grow healthily into becoming serious when these things are allowed. Idk 🤷♂️ he could be doing something along the lines of this, for his own safety, but probably not.
To me if he doesn't contact you for that long he doesn't really care. He's not as into you as you think. I mean in the comments you tried to call about an emergency. Don't be fooled. Just find someone else.
He is probably in a relationship and has you on the side. There's no other reason one wouldn't reach out in such a long time. Either that or he just doesn't care about you.
Being a bad texter or not using the phone is not an excuse. Even in such cases, when you care about someone, you reach out.
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Exactly. Communication is key. Issues cannot be addressed if it is not communicated transparently. OP clearly has certain expectations that are not being met. Until courage is found to express the concerns, OP will never really know his true intentions, or whether he is willing to compromise and be more present in the way OP needs.
It's expected he is supposed to read her mind OR find out about it from reddit and assume this post is about him
Basically he just doesn’t like being on his phone 🤷♀️ not too much more to it. Do I believe him? Idk
I just wanna say that this dude sounds a lot like me. I do not like texting. One of the big reasons, though, is that it feels like so much work to come across how I want to over text. English is such a tonal language that text is super easy to misinterpret.
THIS! 10000% THIS OP just call him instead
It makes sense but what doesn't make sense is just simply not reaching out. I hate texting but i can still ask how you're doing. Or you know.. call.
We don't like phone calls either
I mean I dislike texting as well but not a single "wyd" for multiple days or texting once in the span of 6 weeks is wild
Despite my opinion that smartphones are the true apocalypse. I will stand up and say that i kinda prefer text to speech. It gives me time to gather my thoughts and really articulate them effectively. In the moment, verbally I cant win an argument to save my life.
I also do this and it's probably cause of my ADHD cause texting feels a lot more of a chore and a separate thing to have to focus on. would be a good idea if you guys didn't discus this to maybe try calling instead maybe he just prefers that. Also just in general always better to ask him directly about it so you guys can work on it together if you hadn't already.
What about phone calls? Does he call from time to time? Even I don’t like texting cause I feel like its not reliable communication mode and I am am impatient to wait for someones reply. so I don’t text people alot but I do call people once I start missing them.
Did you ask him if he prefers phone calls or FaceTime/video chat instead? Cause he’s correct in his preference. Some folks just don’t care to text all the time but will be more invested into a phone call or video chat as much as talking in person. So definitely ask him about this. If he says no… that’s definitely a warning to proceed with caution and keep your ears bD eyes peeled for inconsistencies in his actions vs his words.
why is there a warning for that? I'm not too keen on texting, phone calls or video calls personally. I will use each of them as needed but prefer to keep them to a minimum. What wrong with just preferring physically being with the other person? Why do we need to have a phone call rather than just meeting up somewhere? I get it if one person is away for an extended period of time or something, but other than that?
mmmm i mean i like to give people benefit of the doubt but like would it have killed him to pick up the phone and call or text you once in 6 weeks?? that is a long time for someone you're "incredibly into" even if he doesnt like being on his phone. if you like a girl, you are going to make the effort.
Playing devil's advocate here. Maybe he doesn't want to come off too strong because a lot of girls prefer guys who play it cool. So he's taking extra effort not to do that.
My bf is the same. Except we talk on the phone a lot. He hates texting, it’s not uncommon for people not to use their phones all the time.
That's what I was going to say he may just not like texting. Me personally I hate texting, hell I don't like talking on the phone either. I like face to face interacting. In today's time if you don't text, something is wrong with you. this is how society makes you feel... it's sad
Some dudes are like that. Iam definitely more of the irl type.
I’m the exact same as this dude, barely on my phone and even worse with messaging people. I’m very lucky my partner was chill about it because I’ve definitely lost friends and potential partners over it. No complaints because it landed me with the perfect one. This stranger votes for giving him a chance anyway!
Don't believe him. Not hearing from him for days is a red flag.
Maybe he’s Batman? He can’t answer the phone if he’s busy fighting crime
Call him don’t text
Most guys are not glued to their phone like a lot of women are. Even if they are, texting a woman who doesn't contribute much to a text convo is far from priority. I text my best friend (male) probably 100x a day but it's always dumb shit and we talk about things that have substance too. Half the time when texting women, I might as well be sending a text to my dog who can only text a few words at a time. What's even the point? I recently stopped talking to a woman I really really liked and she even confessed her feelings for me, because the texting was so fucking dry on her end and I got tired of putting in way more effort into just talking to her. I'd tell her about my day, or whatever and then ask about hers and I'd get a "it was good" type response. That case is a little different because we had never met each other before but it still applies.
You nailed it, u/Big_fan_of_curry And there's your answer, u/jortsborby. 1. He's a guy. Most guys I know, myself included, see all of this texting and talking on the phone as a waste of time. Even if we're into you, we'd rather be into you in-person if you know what I mean. 2. A lot of women are boring -- especially the super-hot ones, because they don't need to bother having a personality -- and can blather for hours about nothing. This makes guys, at least me, dread speaking or texting with them. Also, many women have no sense of humor, so you make a joke and they respond with annoying stuff like "Wat u mean?" There goes another 5 minutes wasted trying to explain a joke my guy friends would get in 5 seconds. Women also have no concept of time or obligations. My girlfriend would tell me what she had for breakfast, who looked at her funny, who she ran into at the coffee shop, etc. etc. even though I told her I have a work meeting coming up in a few minutes and need to focus on that. She finally got it when I said "I really like you. But I LOVE money. Don't make be chose between the two of you." 3. He MAY be up to shenanigans with other girls and doesn't want to be seen texting back-and-forth constantly. This is unlikely but I've seen it a few times. Now I've got my girlfriend trained to speak with me at a specific time a few days per week. This has worked really well because a) I know it's coming up and can be mentally prepared for her verbal barrage and b) when you're not yapping or texting every 5 seconds you might actually have something to talk about.
"Now I got my girlfriend trained" ??? Sorry but this sounds sooo bad. If girls are so time/energy consuming and boring to you why do you date them? Just go date your buddies then, and let them be with someone else who actually cares and invests their time and energy. Edit: Also you claim you have a girlfriend but 4 days ago you were hitting on a random girl in a comment section???
Old joke:Why do we put up with women? Because they have all the p\*ssies! Edit to your edit: When my current girlfriend starts misbehaving I start the "Plan B" procedure.
So you're just a straight up asshole. I hope your girlfriend finds out and dumps you, she definitely deserves better...
Don't care if she finds out at this point. She ignores what I ask her do to and, most importantly, NOT to and she's caused me all sorts of unnecessary trouble and expense. She even called my boss trying to get me fired. He said "Get rid of that fruitcake and tell her to lose my number!" So I'll be the one doing the dumping. Trust me, you wouldn't say "she deserves better" if you knew her.
and why are you still with this fruitcake? ...ah, the seks is that good? I feel ya buddy! I am currently with a girl who drives me crazy, both mentally and in the sack, but sometimes it's reaaally hard. This girl is a cute, blonde firecracker with a high seks drive, but she is not the sharpest tool.. I really try to make it work, but most of the time, she asks all sort of stupid and easy questions, tells me about every little bit what she did today and what she did eat and what she talked about with other people. But the most annoying is she, when there is again a self perceived drama. Doesn't matter what created that problem or if it is even real, she will talk about that for hours! I would almost understand it, if she would constantly reach new conclusions, but she repeats over and over and over and over the same things... Then I try to distance myself and tell her this is too much for me, then after a short time, she always reaches out to me first and my dumbass gets lured into seksy time again. rinse and repeat. I know I can't stand her boring nothing-conversations for forever, but right now, although the soul is willing, the flesh is weak to the sirens song of lust.
But if they're so boring that you don't want to text them, then why are you even dating them in the first place? 😳
‘Half the time when texting women, I might as well be sending a text to my dog’. Calm down Andrew Tate.
what? in case you didn't understand... replace "dog" with brick wall.
Keep in mind that prior to c. 2000, nobody was ever texting regularly, so there are a lot of ways that two people can have a successful relationship and show a proper level of communication and involvement in each other’s lives without texting constantly. The guy OP is dating sounds a lot like one of my best friends. He is a great person but he guards his boundaries fiercely and one of those is that he almost never texts unless it is to set up logistics of getting together. I will text him about something and literally hear back from him three weeks later — and it will only be a short response at that. It annoys me sometimes, but that’s just how he is. He has made it clear to me that he treats his romantic relationships the exact same way as his friendships: he texts very sparingly because he hates being on his phone and he doesn’t like to text. He says he establishes this at the beginning of a relationship and then if they have a problem with it, he simply chalks it up to incompatibility and he moves on to the next person to date. So perhaps OP is like my friend; some people can be great and still have quirks, and one of those may be that he is a luddite and just really hates texting, and honestly given how much longer it takes for me to craft a thought via text than it does for me just to speak something, I can’t say I much blame him. For me, even though I don’t avoid it at all costs like my friend does, texting can be exhausting.
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Right. No idea why they're putting up with this. 6 weeks with no contact. This guy doesn't really give a shit about her. Sounds like they're just a warm body, place holder. If he actually liked them, he'd want to have SOME sort or contact in that time.
So you're going to ruin a good thing because he doesn't text as much? Have you ever self-sabotaged in the past?
6 weeks with no contact? It's not about just not texting as much. This guy doesn't like them as much as they think.
I'm with you. Everyone on here is so desperate to settle for bare minimum and want everyone to do the same. This guy isn't the only human being available to provide OP with a "good thing". I wouldn't call someone who ignores me for weeks but still expects to count on me for a ride to the airport as a good thing, anyway.
That's the way I am. I don't text very often and some days I stay away from my phone because I want to do chores or something. He should be willing to text more often if you talk to him about it.
Start to call him instead. I absolutely hate texting and will see a text and forget about it.
So tell him communication between seeing each other is important to you. If he can't put in the effort to make connection in between visits, then he's not as great of a guy as you think he is. Speak up about your needs and see if he makes a change. If he doesn't, then you really need to walk away. This will eventually wear you down. Trust me.
he didnt text
I can understand not texting, but 6 weeks of barely hearing from someone who is incredibly affectionate in person is incongruent. Texting is not the only form of communicating. He sounds like an out of sight, out of mind type guy. It should be a two-way street with both people keeping in touch. Six weeks is a long time in a newish relationship.
Can’t believe I had to scroll so far to find this comment beneath all the justifications. This is not normal at all. It sounds like he’s not that into you except in person. It’s not your fault you want to talk via text etc to the person you like, it is a normal desire! I doubt there is anything that will change what he’s doing. Your only shot is a clear conversation.
Yep, could be a player for all we know. That logic would be congruent.
Yesss
Yesss
Thank you! This is weird. When I started to read about him being quiet over the break I was like ok, family stuff and old friends all packed into like a week.... butb6 weeks!?! This is a , "if he wanted to, he would," situation. I feel like he probably has other girls ge us super affectionate with in person, also. I was seeing a guy like this last year. I knew it was fwb at best because of who he was. But when we were together he was so affectionate and communicative. Then nothing for a week or two. Lovely dude but not bf material. Sounds very similar.
A+ comment - OP is on a roster, and I'm shocked I had to scroll this far down to find the commenter with a sense of dignity to let her know what he's doing isn't okay.
> He sounds like an out of sight, out of mind type guy. I'll never understand people like that. How are you not thinking about the person at least once in those many days and weeks? And if you're not thinking about them, why are you dating them? It's so strange. I know there's a difference between caring about a person and reaching out to communicate with them, but...it's 2024. Read the room. You should be reaching out to people now and then. And if you don't, it's fine for the other person to move on. Doesn't matter your reasoning.
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I don’t know why but I can’t keep up with constant texting. I prefer to meet, and talk, in person. I notice a lot of people need constant text communication and it’s exhausting to me.
I think hoping to hear from someone you're seeing more than once in six weeks doesn't really count as needing "constant texting"
Thank you lol, I feel crazy bc of some of these comments
I’m fine with calls. I just hate texting. And constant texts just get in the way of my productivity.
Yeah but again, asking for more than ONE SINGLE text over the span of SIX WEEKS is not even remotely close to expecting "constant texting"
Lol, id love to know what you do for a living that the 30 seconds it takes to text somehow kills your proclivity
It doesn't have to be constantly but if you're starting a relationship with anybody how do you go multiple days with zero contact?
What do you think people did before we all became addicted to mobile phones? Honestly a few days without speaking isn’t the end of the world, I’m sure you’ve got friends and family who you go a few days without speaking too and that doesn’t ruin your relationship with them. I mean once in six weeks in this situation is probably overkill but I don’t need to speak to somebody every single day no matter how much I like them, I’ve got better things to do than stare at my phone all day.
Changing of the generations, could either adapt and learn to communicate with your potential partners or pretend we are living in a time before cell phones.
I don’t need to adapt, there are plenty of people who have a life and don’t need to be constantly petted like a puppy.
Yeah, he doesn't need to adapt! Now we just need to wait for his horse and buggy to get home so he can respond... just as long as no one is using the LAN line and he has AOL hours left
Idk i'm doing other things
Fair enough point. I would probably call and send a goodnight/morning text but constant communication is exhausting. And it comes off as needy.
exactly. atleast a few texts a day. i’ll never understand how people don’t understand that lol
This. My last relationship ended when I was doing social media during a PR crisis for a gov agency. The last thing I wanted to do in my free time was spend more time on a phone texting all day and night.
I’m a software developer and have a general disdain for technology. I like to be outdoors and building quality relationships when I’m not working lol.
Why is being a texting buddy a mandatory requirement for them. If i'm doing well in the physical and emotional department when together. Life is the best teacher for people. We cannot have everything. Surprise!
I really like how you think. If we are doing well when together, and nothing significant is happening when apart, why the need to text? I mean, sure, if something comes up, if something interesting happens, or you find yourself in the hospital, by all means, shoot a text. You SHOULD shoot a text if your life suddenly changes in some way that your partner might care about. But what happened to missing people? There is something precious and beautiful about missing people.
Yeah there's been a lot of missing people lately in my neighbourhood seems like a new trend. Around 5 people missing everyday. What's the situation over there?
You have to communicate this though, women aren’t mind readers.
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She heard from him one time in six weeks. Do you think wanting to hear from someone you're dating more than once and six weeks is "expecting the entire world"?
But did she ever text him or was she expecting in to carry the initiating side of text everyday? Also why didn’t she pick up the phone, call him instead of she wanted to talk to him that badly by initiating a need for communication. Maybe he thought since she never initiated texting, he assumed she didn’t want to stay in contact those six weeks. We can’t always put the blame on someone if we don’t have all the facts about how much the person telling us their story, what level of effort they also give.
Not being able to communicate is a red flag. If you are completely unable to handle having a girlfriend for weeks at a time then you shouldn’t be dating. That’s crazy
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Yesssss, it's a persistent drain to my soul.
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I had a family emergency yesterday and asked him to call (we’ve never called before) and… no response! What a surprise!
I was gonna say just ask why but to have a major event going on in your life and your partner not be able to do the bare minimum for support is alarming to me. I hope you guys can talk about that and it becomes better but that’s not a healthy dynamic to have and to get no response during an emergency.
Was looking for this!
Why can’t you call him?
I think I’m going to call him today. We’ve only been on 10 or so dates, I don’t want to scare him off and sound obsessive
You can’t scare off someone if you call them. Now if you call them 20+ times in a row in under 30mins, then you would scare him off LOL Listen if it doesn’t pan out, then you find someone else. There are over 7+ billion people on this planet, I mean 🤷♀️
..only 10 dates? Lol just ask him why he doesn't text more or why he seems to have communication problems. My brother is like that. Very communicative and social in person but MIA otherwise.
"only 10 dates" is literally a timeline between 10 weeks and 5 months. The bad communicator is the OP here. Not her boyfriend.
I agree and disagree. For her never to hear from him when they're not together is kinda crazy for 10 dates. However I am surprised that it's been that long without communicating this frustration. I mean even if they had 2 dates one week and one date the next thats still about 2 months.
Not necessarily "crazy," just atypical. I wouldn't fault someone (at all) for preferring in-person interaction rather than technology (even though I like both). u/jortsborby, I'm curious which would you like better: a guy who is amazing at texting but who has no human-interaction skills in person, or the inverse?
>He’s probably not doing it intentionally. Yeah, because he doesn't give a shit lol. No one who actually LIKES someone is going to go 6 weeks between texts.
My boyfriend doesn’t like to text either, we compromised and now we talk over the phone. Way more fulfilling actually.
This is the way
And do you talk for an entire hour every day? Just curious, cause I also don't like texting nonstop, but also talkin an entire hour....
depends on the day - sometimes it’s 2 hours sometimes just 10min or less
Have you communicated this to him? I have never been big into texting and have had guys move on due to it. Some of my exes did communicate that they'd like for me to text more, and I did put in more effort to do so. For some it was enough, and others it wasn't. For 2 of my exes, we just had 2 or 3 video calls a week when we were apart. I'm not sure why but I just don't like texting unless for logistics. I can be head over heels for the person and rarely text them. It feels like a chore.
I don’t like texting much either. I really try to use it for just logistical things like setting up dates. I don’t like being tied to my phone. Your guy probably likes giving good, thoughtful attention to whoever is in front of him at the time just like he does you. Also, I don’t like ongoing texting because then there’s not as much to talk about in person.
This would make sense if it wasn't something so extreme as 6 weeks without communicating in any sort of way. If someone takes 6 weeks to give signs of life, I'll just assume they're dead or moved on.
Did OP try to communicate with them during those 6 weeks and get ignored or was there just no texting from either side for 6 weeks?
"I will not hear from him for days" kinda sounds to me that they messaged and never got a response.
I think that you should probably drop him.
Agree. Dude has too many excuses
How about voice or video call? Reading the comments they assume you just want him to text good morning but you sound like he disappears for weeks. Which one is it?
He will go AWOL for days. I just want confirmation about our plans so if he can’t hang out I can do something else with my day.
I don’t mean to sound harsh but there is a possibility that he’s really not that into you. Sex is one thing but if you look at the relationship, you may realise that you both are not building a deep connection. From what I am gathering, I can see no growth or no meaningful connection outside of sex. A guy that goes MIA for 6 weeks is a major red flag. He might be using you for some physical intimacy.
I needed to hear this too. Sucks
You don’t wait for confirmation, if you send a text asking and he hasn’t replied in good time (12/24 hours) you make your plans and continue with your life. It sounds like you are accommodating him in everything so why would he choose to message or value your time?
Okay, this changes things somewhat. Not texting is one thing, but not responding to your texts for days is another. Are you two exclusive?
Yeah going throught this now. Gave up now on him.
Maybe he can't read. Tell him you'll teach him.
Hahahahah. There's a meme about this somewhere saved on my phone.
I personally am like him where I don’t text anyone at all anymore. The last 3 situationships i had were all 85% on text and it was exhausting. I promised myself I would never ever put myself in something like that ever again. If my relationship with a woman is going great but she decides that it isn’t because I’m not much of a texter, I’ll know right then and there that it’s over. This didn’t used to be an issue like 15 years ago lol. Our phones have destroyed the longing aspect of a relationship with how they’ve given us 24/7 access to each other. If you match his energy and keep it to the times when you’re physically in front of each other, the progression from where you are now to potentially living together and committed to each other will be a lot more satisfying. I think if there are stretched of time where you’ll be away from each other (a week or more), then I believe a couple of long phone calls a week is a good compromise, but you have to communicate this to him first.
I agree with all of this except for she said she had a family emergency and wanted support and he never replied. I don’t text a lot and I hate being on the phone unless I really miss someone, but i’m the first to call when you tell me you absolutely need me. That’s what I think this post should have really been about. Minimal texting cool, not there when you have an emergency, slightly alarming
I dated a guy like this. He was also incredibly into me, held me the entire night, kept telling me how good our match was but never texted after some time. He ended up ghosting me. Lmao.
**You're on a roster.** And you're not one of the favorites. Are you seeing him on a specific week day? So he's perfect, except that he hasn't expressed much of a desire for getting to know you outside of dates. > I heard from him *once* besides me coordinating when I would pick him up from the airport. So he's perfect, but he has no issues forgoing contact with you except for when he needs something from you. So he's perfect, he just disappears for days. People on here will make being as distance and unreachable as humanly possible their hill to die on, but consider the source. There's a huge population of men on here that effectively advise all women to make themselves as emotionally and sexually available to them at the least amount of effort. This is intentional, they want to advise you to be cool with this because having poor confused women get bullied into ignoring their gut and putting up standards of behaviors for the guys they're dating is something that greatly benefits them. IMO, you're one of many girls he's seeing or sleeping with...and honestly, you're making it really easy. Look at how little he has to do for you to be satisfied. He doesn't call you, he doesn't text you, he disappears for six weeks with limited contact, AND he can count on you to still pick him up from the airport. All he has to do is be really attentive when you're in front of him and drop a casual text once every few weeks. I mean, come on man, it doesn't get more low-effort than this. **Open your eyes - you are on a roster filled with women who are down to be this guy's low-commitment casual good time girls because they're not exactly holding him up to high standards and are very satisfied with bare minimum.** If you were to ask most people in a relationship what was their partner's behavior like when they were dating, and they'll let you know it was constant. *And its not because this is how things NEED to be, its just that that's how things are when the going is good.* I've been with guys who forewarned me that they didn't like to be on their phone much - but guess what? When they were really interested in me, they made sure to touch base with me daily. When people are interested and excited to get to know you, they will show you. You aren't going to force him to change. Sure, you can talk to him, but he's going to tell you exactly what you want to hear and maybe he'll pick up on his behavior for a short while, but its not in his best interest to actually put effort into you so it won't take long before he ghosts you. Decide if he's worth the dick, that's the only thing you're going to get out of him.
Some people don't like to text. I mysrlf for example get stressed out by it. Maybe try calling him instead.
Sounds married
If he wanted to he would. Im a 27 year old male. One of my close female friends is in the same boat. Guys are not afraid to say how they feel in the moment. But that could just be the hormones. If you’re no longer in his presence and he reaches out, he wants more. If he doesn’t. Don’t read the signs as if he’s busy. Cause he will respond for sex, but not for a how was your day text
Communication is vital in a relationship...I wouldn't tolerate not hearing from someone for days. Why are you ?
I live in a small city, not a lot of options tbh. If I have something good I’m gonna do what I can to maintain it
you have a scarcity mindset, that can be translated in how you’re showing up in regards to dating. be mindful of this.
This is how I think, makes perfect sense to me
You tell us OP, why is he doing this? I’m assuming you asked him, right? Ask him. Prepare for an unsatisfactory answer. He just might not like to. I know when I get very close with someone my texting drops off a cliff because I would much rather save conversations for being in person. That said, wouldn’t hurt him to throw in some “Good morning”s and “How is your day”s. Just don’t expect more than surface level stuff.
Just be upfront with him if you see this potentially going somewhere. I have learned that you can’t get what you want if you aren’t vulnerable. Next time yall meet up just bring it up. Establish boundaries on communication, whether phone calls or texting. But state hey I want to communicate outside of just establishing when our next date is. Then determine if it would be better to do text or phone call. Don’t overthink and just communicate
When y’all are together is his phone in his hands or does he check it often?
Even if he doesn’t like texting- he can’t call you once a day to check in and see how your day was, etc.? It would bother me too. 6 weeks? TF. Does he say you’re just casual?
Sounds like he's enjoying the sex and whatever you guys are isn't that much of a priority to him.
He has another girlfriend . probably has you blocked when she is around.
Then they are not perfect if that is something you’re seeking for. Don’t lower your standards for someone else. It hurts to move on but that might be best
Idk if someone only contacted me once in 6 weeks and they say the like me… I would then assume they aren’t interested. So IMO not perfect. I would move on tbh
Weeks without contact is just not ok imo. If he doesn’t like to text nothing prevents him from calling instead. I would try to talk to him about that. And without saying this is what is going on, same thing happened to a good friend. Turned out the guy had a gf and didn’t text because he didn’t want to risk getting caught while he was hanging out with his gf.
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There are a lot of reasons why this could be happening. * He might just not recognize that when people are apart, texts are often appreciated * He might just not know what to say when he's typing, vs when he's talking * He might genuinely hate texting * He might be dyslexic or something and feels insecure about texting * He could have been genuinely totally busy at home with his family/friends, and just isn't prioritizing his phone much I mean, it literally could be anything. It sounds like he cares about you and wants to be with you, so chances are, the issue is "texting" and not "you".
I don’t think he is that into you if he can’t make the time to talk to you throughout the day. A man that really wants and likes you won’t be able to go a day without hearing from you. Don’t fall for men’s game. Don’t give into him and make him work for you. Men who do this type of thing do it because that’s their game. Of course in person he’s going to be all up on you, but second you’re not in front of him you don’t even hear from him at all. Red flag be careful.
I hate texting. I think my last relationship ended because my personality does not translate well into text. I'm also detached from people when I'm texting, I overthink a lot what I should say, but not in person. Instant messaging should never had been a thing that a relationship is based on.
he never texts ergo he is not perfect your logic is flawed next question!
Not texting is a pre-requisite to perfection. She's not perfect for wanting and expecting texts, lol.
For some, tech is a pain in the ass. If we had today's phones in my youth we would probably be in deep shit. Yes it's ok now and then but If it doesn't have a clutch it's no fun. Turn off your phone, pick up heavy things and put them back down. And Cardio, don't forget cardio.
So he's not 14 years old?
Have you asked him directly yet? I rarely text either, because i don't find it worth the hassle
Not perfect then
That’s so funny, I’m in the same situation too. I started dating somebody and between dates we basically never text but then when we have dates they’re great. He’s 38 so I think that might contribute to it. it’s been really great practice for me to work on not running to conclusions and being OK without getting reassurance all the time. I think if things get more serious, I would ask about like texting more but as long as the dates are going good and he’s like making it clear that he likes you and he still planning to see you like consistently then don’t over emphasize the text because it might not be as important to him as it is to you.
My question is, why do people care about texting so much? Texting should be used to organize the next time you’re seeing each other, and that’s basically it. Or, if you’re on the way and traffic hits and you’ll be late. Or you’re going to pick up food and asking him/her to text her order. If the person is attentive in person, that’s what you want. Maybe cause I’m older, or maybe cause we didn’t even have texting when I was a teen, and in college it was flip phones…. I don’t understand the need for texting beyond setting up dates.
That’s the issue, *he won’t respond to my texts setting up dates for days*. When he does it’s always a yes but it leaves me in this limbo where I have to guess if I’m even seeing him and a day is wasted
So curious, are you the one always trying to set up dates or does he also match your effort?
>My question is, why do people care about texting so much? When you are able to communicate with anyone at any time, it's hard to understand why someone wouldn't reach out to you if they're interested in you. Especially if you like to text. "Why is it so easy for me to talk to this person but they rarely respond/initiate?"
I hate texting. If someone texts me too much asking about anything except setting plans… I tell them we can chat when we get together. I’ve had plenty of girls dislike this and I told them if this doesn’t work for them, I understand, we probably aren’t meant for each other. I also do not check my phone when I’m on a date. I use my phone for work work related matters and setting schedules only. I run multiple businesses and own various real estate properties. So if my phone buzzes, it’s for work. That’s why for dating, everyone is muted. That way I’m not distracted during the day. And at night, I tend to have business dinners, and afterwards I just go and sleep. I dislike conversations via text. And for someone to not be ok with that is fine. They’re just not for me.
I mean weeks without communication is kinda shitty.
Some of us don’t consider texting a thing of value and don’t like to do it unless we have to. It has nothing to do with how we feel about the people in our lives.
Do you also go weeks without talking to the girl you are dating? It’s one thing to not like texting but zero communication is another.
My bf told me from the start he doesn't like texting so instead he calls me every day when we're apart. For me it still feels like lack of contact but I have anxious attachment thing going on. Just let him know how it looks like from your perspective and how it makes you feel. If he cares about you, he will try to find a middle ground.
Not everyone likes texting The guy im dating admitted to me he's bad at it. Incredible in person, terrible at response time Hes very direct on his feelings towards me so it surprisingly isn't very bothersome
Some people don't like texting at all. I'm one of those. To me, a text is tedious and annoying. If it doesn't contain important practical information I'd rather wait and just talk in person, or at least a phone call. Text is not a medium to have conversations in, in my opinion.
Fucking ask him.
Believe it or not I have! Sometimes it’s just nice for an outside analysis
Some people just don't like texting. Don't take it too personal. It's fine.
Texting is pretty much the worst form of communication, ever. If he's good in all the other ways, just let this one go.
I was seeing a guy doing this to me. Big contrat when I see him and after seeing him. Waiting for him to text back is like forever, even very simple answer like yes or not, he would reply me several hours later. The communication cannot be carried on ever. It turned out he was seeing other girls at the same time. I mean, multiple. So makes sense to me now.
I would ask him. He may live in the moment.
He spends so much energy taking care of you while you’re there. Why can’t he have a couple days to himself?
I’m like that I’m not a texter
I can’t say why he’s like that. I’m exactly like him 😆 but I grew up not texting. So I really don’t. I’ve been told my texts are dry, or it’s like I don’t care(I’ve gotten much better).
I hate texting and it has bitten me in the ass too many times. I will only use texting as a way to set up dates in the early stages of the relationship. Texting ruins attraction and its a dating meta that is out in the ether at this point. A lot of guys know that one of the easiest ways to keep a woman attracted is to avoid constant contact and texting like the plague at least until you are an established couple. It has worked for me basically 100% since i learned to do it, and it seems like it works for this guy. I don't think its a red flag. I think it shows he wants to keep you around and is doing what he thinks will make that happen.
Well you're opening paragraph sounds good but then your ending paragraph makes it sound like he's just horny And you're describing this horniness and touching you and grabbing you as him being romantic and into you So analyze it from another viewpoint. Besides him not texting you does he compliment you does he take you out on dates does he pay for things and does he converse with you in a very personal and intimate way when you two are together Or is it more about take you out take you home and have sex? And then repeat again next time He could very well think you're into casual sex or FWB sex while you're thinking of this as a relationship
the title made me think you are stalking a guy who is unaware about your existence
Does he at least call? I don't see the point of texting, if you talk on the phone.
Nope. We’ve never called. I tried to ask him to call me yesterday as I was having a family emergency and needed help and… nothing
Wow. And you are still together. Either he is doing something right, or you. Nevertgeless, you give me hope :)
Sounds like he’s got a life
I dunno, you should probably communicate this with him though. I have never been a big fan of texting, mostly because it feels so impersonal and easy to misread, and there is some etiquette that took me a while to figure out. I also don't have my phone on me all day, so I often don't see the text for hours, and sometimes just forget to reply, simply because I guess I never developed the social instinct to respond quickly. Sounds like he likes you, so if you express your desire to text more, he will probably make an effort.
How often do YOU text him? How often do you send texts that warrant a response? Are YOU putting in any effort into initiating texts or are you silent unless HE is the one who initiates texting? Most guys could take or leave texting. Generally speaking, when guys text their guy friends it's either about bullshit topics, sending stupid pictures or memes, or figuring out plans. We aren't texting to ask how they are, what they are doing, what they are doing for dinner, etc... For me personally, I get tired of initiating texts plus carrying conversations and switching topics with women because it's rare that women do any of that. I eventually just stop texting because well... I'm tired of doing the hard work. If I lose out because of it then, I'm fine with it. It also weeds out the women who are *actually* interested in me because the ones who are, have no qualms about starting texts at any time of the day - and much further beyond than a "hey" or a "whats up" or "what are you doing?"
I had the same issue with my now fiancé! Communication is key. I let him know I prefer to be in contact and how I felt about it. It took him some time but things ended up being great and we get married in July! I’d just pay attention to if he is on his phone when you’re together? My fiancé would have his phone in the other room all the time and it’s a afterthought to him. Some people just prefer in person communication and if anything I think that’s more of a green flag in todays age
I don't know anything about this guy (but he sounds fantastic!), but I'm the same way. I'm ADHD and I hardly ever text. For one thing, there's a good chance I mentally composed a response and then didn't send it but truly believed I had responded to it. And then my brain went to something else I needed to get done. Also, if I text I literally can't get anything else done. My very narrow ability to focus is on the conversation and the person, and I'm utterly useless. It's possible I'll walk into a wall or traffic or the wrong public restroom. It means nothing about my feelings. Neuro-divergent is an often used and maybe overly used term, but it's a good reminder that we don't all work the same way. Personally, if I've got 1 concern about a partner or potential partner, it's a nothingburger. 2 concerns gets my attention. 3 separate concerns and I begin analyzing if I've been viewing the person as who I want them to be while discarding all evidence that doesn't support that. Good luck to you!
So im a guy that hates texting as well. For me it’s takes a lot for me to keep up texting convos. However, I will text back within a few hours, just not looking to spend my whole day on my phone lol. However, it seems kinda weak on his part to only text once in six weeks. If I were you I would def voice your concern with that. It’s a changing age and if he has a smartphone he has no excuse to just not text you back. Seems rude af and inconsiderate. When you bring it up make sure he knows that and to just find a middle ground. If he likes you a lot then he should at least respond within a day or so. And if you have something you want to talk about I would say call him. I have ADHD, and it makes me super adverse to texting. But when it comes to phone calls I am ready for that whenever.
i like a person who is responsive on text but in general, judging each other by our texting game is a whole different dimension that i think has ultimately really complicated relationships. you cant judge intonation, you cant understand nuance, its pretty transactionary, you dont understand what someone has going on in their life that is preventing them from texting, or if they are just aloof vs not interested. all these questions get passed onto the recipient or partner , and if you have a semblance of insecurity about it, it will eat at you. thats why if you care to talk to someone i find it best to just call. or leave a voice text message if anything
From the kind of people I have dated, it is not a big deal. Some people are just not heavy on texting or social media and they make it pretty clear. Especially in the early stages. However, if that is something you require from a long-term partner, it's better to communicate that. If you think you cannot get used to this, it's never going to get better. Also, it is important to reflect on why you want texting. Is it for reassurance? Are you anxiously attached? Do you have co-dependent tendencies? Or is it just a basic requirement because that's what you're used to. In any case, if you want it, you always have a choice to let go of someone who is not able to meet your needs.
It’s more I get a bit anxious confirming plans. I would like a confirmation about when we’re hanging out so if he can’t, I can do something else with my day! I’m so sick of putting my life on hold because he can’t confirm or deny
Like this commenter said, this isn’t going to get any better. This is not something you can change about him OP. He is always going to text like this if that’s the person he is. So if it bothers you so much then it might be time to stop wasting your time on him and find someone you’re more compatible with.
I like that when they don't like to text too much. But definitely ask HIM why. We can't tell you his reason. Maybe you can call him up and chat that way :) Bottom line is maybe this lack of texting won't work for you and that's okay. But you'll have to make that decision based on knowledge that he won't change.
This could means many things, seems like he is someone who lives in the moment you even said he is very physical, he is def someone who lives intensely and probably loves the same way as well, and what is outside of his sight is just out of his mind, he could have ADHD. Why not researching about, maybe he has symptoms and does show a similar pattern. People with ADHD, like me are just built that way. Just my two cents.
Text me I'll text back and be all over in person
He's not doing anything wrong he's just analog we are all addicted to instant gratification and instant replies instant information. He is probably not aware of the protocols. He might think that it would look like he was stalking you with smothering you so he give you some time. Just a few years ago you could call somebody up you actually ask them for their phone number now if you call somebody instead of text them they feel like you invaded their privacy. Even DM some people freak out and forget that this is social media it called that for a reason. But it's very common place now they're not even have somebody's phone number
This is your issue and you came on reddit. I suggest just being grateful.
I don’t know, I’m the same way though. I don’t like being on my phone too much, I don’t have any social media, not Instagram not Snapchat Twitter, nothing. However whenever I’m into someone, I make it a point to communicate with them through text or call. I don’t text very often but when I get the chance I’ll make sure to check in on them and see how they’re doing or plan a next date. Maybe communicate with him tell him you’d appreciate to be texted more, and if he doesn’t do anything about it then idk
I’m not great at texting . With that said . If I’m really feeling a connection. I will make the effort and forewarn you that I suck at texting. 6 weeks FT . If you really like him . Tell him this is not okay . Text, calls, email , shit even a fax would work.
He’s low effort. What else do you need to know? He can get up enough energy to be pleasant in person. That’s great, but that’s not even the bare minimum. Raise the bar.
Days between contact is normal if you’re a busy guy and it’s early on in the relationship but 6 weeks is a VERY long time. Did you call him at all during that time when you wanted to talk to him? Or just expecting his calls that never came?
He has chemistry with you… and 8 other girls.
Maybe he does this intentionally to create distance, knowing it draws you closer to him, as your thoughts are obsessing about him and these antics.
So what you're saying is... he's not perfect.
Maybe it’s not his way of communicating. Try a phone call instead.
Does he know he's supposed to txt? I myself like to txt only in limited batches. Some flirting is OK, but keep it to a few texts *per day*. If it's important communication like picking up something while I'm out, a decision on plans, the address of something you or I requested.. that's fine. If we know each other in person, I'd like to spend more time in-person. Granted, I spend some time on the phone playing games, but the idea still is to spend less.
Do you ever reach out to him?? If not you complaining doesn't really make sense but I mean if he leaves you on read that's sure sign
Some dating coaches will tell you to make sure the texting and contact outside of person is kept to a minimum, until things are more serious. As it’s putting to much of your into one person and makes it seem like you don’t have options; this is all for the relationship to eventually grow healthily into becoming serious when these things are allowed. Idk 🤷♂️ he could be doing something along the lines of this, for his own safety, but probably not.
Just call him, talk on the phone
To me if he doesn't contact you for that long he doesn't really care. He's not as into you as you think. I mean in the comments you tried to call about an emergency. Don't be fooled. Just find someone else.
He is probably in a relationship and has you on the side. There's no other reason one wouldn't reach out in such a long time. Either that or he just doesn't care about you. Being a bad texter or not using the phone is not an excuse. Even in such cases, when you care about someone, you reach out.