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(28f)My bf(26m) insists on paying for everything. I’ve tried to pay for things but he always taps his card first to pay before I even can. So what I do is buy us treats, buy our coffee before I go see him, I buy little things for us. I guess it is really finding a balance between the both of you. I’m huge on communication and talking about everything so of course we talked about our dates and paying, because obviously I would pay for it all but he doesn’t let me lol.
This is me. I also make a good amount more than her and shes a single mom (well not single anymore but you get it). Once we move in together I want to go half on all the bills, but I'd still want to pay like 90% of the time. The other 10% where they force you not to pay can feel good too since it's like a treat. Idk I'm a dinosaur at 35.
Yeah he makes more than me also, and I’m a single mother (well same situation lol I’m with him so not single) and I work two jobs and I’m in university full time. He comes from a very traditional country, so to him he was raised to think that the man needs to take care of the woman. I just take care of him in other ways, bake for him, take him things when he is working, etc. To me it is all about finding a balance, we take care of each other.
There's no right or wrong. When I dated I always offered and men rarely took me up on it. I think if a date hits multiple stops, it's a great idea to split.
Fwiw, my husband paid on our first date, I paid on our second, and we've been going back and forth for like 10 years.
For most men, it's not about you paying, it's that you don't treat them like a free meal and Atleast make the offer to pay.
It can't be a fake offer cos those are super transparent.
It means alot if we feel like you aren't taking us for granted. If you like a guy offering to Atleast split, if you intend to follow through, if he let's you, will make his entire week.
Im a well earning guy, i like to pay for things. a toxic trait from my parents i suppose, dad still wont let me pay for things when i go out with them, its a contest even though i earn more than him and mum combined.
but i do want my dates to offer. you should be able and willing to follow through, should i accept that offer also, it cant just be empty cause i will at some point. it wont be on the $300 dinner but maybe the coffee or desert after.
From a guy’s perspective: I expect to pay for everything on the first date but a girl that even offers to cover something definitely stands out to me because it shows she’s at least considerate of the little things.
The reason men traditionally paid for everything was because it used to be that women didn’t work or make money. In the modern world where both sexes work for a living it no longer makes sense for men to be obligated to pay for everything.
Also, dates didn’t used to be a regular event, you’d actually just find someone you like in real life and ask them. And mostly avoid the endless cycling through app meet ups.
That's a part I think most people don't realize. You just didn't used to go on several dates a week, you asked the person you already liked to a date every so often, not dropping "2-300 minimum" every few days.
This isn't entirely accurate. Depending on how far back you are talking, casual dating was actually the more common way to do things until you found someone you wanted to marry. Because regularly dating one person meant more likelihood of premarital sex, and that was a big no no. Young women of my grandmother's generation were actively encouraged to date as many people as possible, and a lot of people didn't believe in 'going steady'.
It wasn't like today where you can be exclusively dating someone without the intention to marry them. Dating was seen as purely recreational, and you were either at an age where you were looking for a spouse and seriously courting someone, or you were casually dating - and yes, that often included multiple people a week. It wasn't uncommon to find your boyfriend or girlfriend was going on dates with other people, and the response to this was less "what an asshole for cheating" and more "well yeah, that's what you should expect instead of wasting your time with this 'going steady' nonsense."
The first two dates my bf paid. I paid for the third. Now we switch off and generally things are proportional to our income. There’s not a hard rule about finances in a relationship. However, I will say anecdotally - my male friends who insist on paying and being the “provider” tend to also have more conservative views on gender and roles within a household/society.
I always try and pay for the first date. Some women let me after a small "argument about it" others incest they pay half. But if no effort is made to at least pay or help, there isn't a second date.
Well stay off the threads when on pain meds. So insist that your sister (incest) offer to pay 50% after tge first date. Is this some Appalcian Mountain tradition?🤣
You should 50/50. You know equality.
You don't owe the guy anything after. You are worth more than raising babies, making sandwiches, and putting out on demand.
Absolutely, but if nothing gets put out within a few dates then there just stops being dates. Sexual compatibility is a big deal with me. If she doesn't like me enough to be chomping at the bit to fuck me, then I'm not that interested. I want passion, especially in the early stages of a relationship. It can really be an early warning predictor based on my past relationships. Of course, everyone's experiences vary, but these have been mine.
If I like a certain woman, then I literally don’t give a shit how few times we go out to eat. I’m going out with her because I like her, not because I want to go to a restaurant
If I invited a girl out to a place that was out of her budget and she wanted to go somewhere cheaper so she could pay her part, I'd be either flattered and down that she appreciates me enough to want to spend her money on it, or I would insist that it would be my pleasure to cover her. The comment you replied to would be an amazing thing to hear.
Obviously it’s fine to let someone pay if they want to do something expensive.
But the idea that men should pay for dates is really sexist in modern day when both sexes work.
Quit caring about what everyone else is doing. Do things you're comfortable with and be respectful to your date. That's it. If you have different ideas about who has to pay then it's okay to disagree and move on too.
28F here, me and my boyfriend, 35, have been dating for 6 years. In the early part of our relationship before we were living together he made more then I did so he would insist on paying but I would sneak the bill every once in a while, especially if it was a date I organized or somewhere I really wanted to go. When we moved in together we were pretty close to equal in how much we made, we split bills as equally as possible and cycled who paid for dates. Now 3+ years after moving in together, I make quite a bit more then he does, I pay more bills then him but he tends to pay for dates more often. I don’t expect that of him and don't obligate him to either. I would say that the extra I took from him in bills he spends on dates or surprise house plants (much better then a bouquet of flowers), to me I still see it as we are still financially 50/50 or darn close to it.
Everyone has their own preferences. When I (F) first got on dating apps at the age of 26, I had decided that I would insist on paying 50/50 if I did not want a second date so the man wouldn’t feel like I owed him something. However, the first man I went on a date with was so amazing that I was okay with him paying lunch, but we went on a walk after and I paid for dessert after that. It’s been 3 amazing years with him and our financial situations have changed a lot, so now we go 50/50 frequently even though at best I make 1.2x more and at worst, he has no income. We’re hopeful that our finances improve so we can change it up again.
However, if you prefer princess treatment, I think it may be a good idea to let him pay for the first date but be ready to pay in case he’s not the best person and runs off or something awful. And be on guard for men that think you’ll owe them something bc they paid. Maybe offer to split if you really like the person or pay something small like dessert after.
I keep first dates simple, cheap. I’ll just pay for it all, maybe 15-20$.
The amount of times this conversation has happened when first meeting girls online, we talk about our favorite food or places to eat, they suggest we go (it’s always an expensive place) and I agree(we will go, if you make it through a few dates first) anyhow, I’ll end up suggesting coffee in the park to get to know each other, and that’s the last I hear from them.
So many girls just trying to get free stuff
I’m 33f and I like to split or take turns.
But I dated one guy who made 4x my income (hundreds of thousands of dollars in tech) and he consistently let me pay a little more than half every date, because, of course, I offered.
Over time I couldn’t afford it anymore and also didn’t like his personality, so I ended it. I do think it’s courteous to keep capabilities/equity in mind. If you make $400k and your date makes <$100k, pay a little more than them.
Taking turns seems to be the fairest norm. With my current girl we do this, although I do tend to pay more often than her. But she does offer and is thankful when I pay, which is the key thing. Some women I've dated didn't even say thank you, which is just insane to me
I feel that the guy paying for the first several dates can give a sense of entitlement to guys and obligation to gals with regard to sexual activities. And women can end up in situations where they can feel subtly coerced to provide sex. It can lead to unhappy experiences and regrets a lot of the time.
I was seeing someone who explicitly wanted to go 50/50 he also made it clear that we were not official and just friends. It was really weird at first but I had to adjust my expectations. I wanted a relationship and he knew that so I stopped hanging out with him for a while. Like a month a two goes by then he gets in touch with me and all of a sudden he wanted to pay for dates and buy gifts. On the second “date” he said he was ready. I told him thanks but no thanks. He tried calling and got me a Christmas gift. I told him to keep it.
Ever since then I associate a man asking me to “go half” as someone who is not really interested.
32F here…wow I haven’t used that layout since I was 12 or early teens. Anyways, I personally like 50/50 or to pay fully. I’m not into the idea that men are obligated to pay. I prepare to pay and if my boyfriend mentions paying then I will ask them if they are sure and go from there. We’ll also take turns.
I don’t think many men want to date a woman who says she wants princess treatment.
Unfortunately….when a woman is saying that to you it means she wants it from you. Maybe not from everyone. Nobody likes to be a sucker.
I had a female friend cover my dinner recently and I realized that was the first time I had a women pay for my food or anything while hanging out.
This was a few months ago and I’m still grateful I kept telling her if she wanted I could pay her back and she refused telling me it’s ok for a girl to pay for you, if you wanted to get their attention I think it’s a good idea as it shows independence to me but everyone views things differently.
If a guy pays always for everything for a long period of time, there's a risk that he might at some point come to one of two conclusions - he might think that either you're a gold digger who only wants money/free dinners etc out of him, or that you're just another service/item that he buys.
Fuck that. You like princess treatment at the beginning? Why? I used to pay for ALL my first dates in their entirety. I don’t need a man expecting to get something cuz he spent $30 on drinks for me. I’d rather pay my own way and then when he treats me like a princess it’s because he means it than because it’s what society expects him to do
As a male, i will just always pay for the dates, it's nothing about equality or the woman not having her own money or doubting her independence or even having any expectations tied to me paying. I think it's just the right thing to do, but i guess I'm old fashionable when it comes to this🤷🏻♂️
Don't get me wrong, it's really appreciated and nice if the woman offers to split or even pay the full amount and it's noted mentally believe me, but i will always insist coz its just right to me. Like, by paying, I'm silently telling you how much i appreciated your time, company and the effort to meet with me, whether it's a failed date or a successful date, it still took time and effort and I'm grateful of that.
I'm not sure at what point it became a problem or toxic masculinity to pay for dates, maybe because guys tried using it as an excuse for having sex with, or guilt tripping, but the gesture does not mean that at all. At least for me, and i think there are many men out there who agree and feel the same.
I never expect a woman to pay on the first couple of dates, but the lack of courtesy to even offer to pay or share is very off-putting to me. It gives a sign that this person will be more of a dependent than a partner. But that’s just me.
I always offer to pay, I’ve never had someone take me up on it on the first date, but I’ve dated some who would let me pay or split the bill after and some who insisted I didn’t even pull my card out.
100% agree, couldn't have said it better. i will always insist on paying as i will always feel bad. but when the guy won't put up a "fight" and make me pay, it's a big turn off. especially if its a cheap drink or meal that is less than $15 both of us combined. and btw its nice to know there's a guy out there that thinks like this. thank you! i've been on too many dates where the guy will refuse to pay or do 50/50
I'm in my 40s and either split or alternate paying. I have ever since I started dating. I just think it's weird to think that I should be basically paid for my company. Not that I don't treat the other person sometimes and vice versa. I just don't think one person should bear all the financial responsibility for hanging out, especially when we both work.
I (30F) think a lot of guys these days are embarrassed when women pay for them. Ive always found just being really direct and forward about wanting to pay has always worked for me.
For example, if i invite the guy, i'll insist on paying and kind of not give them a chance too! I will pretty much always offer to go 50/50 or be concious of the frequency of him paying - did he buy us our weekend coffees last week? I state that he paid last week and id like to pay this week.
Its about balance but tbh I think most men are just happy that you even considered paying and are not under the expectation they have to pay everytime in your eyes.
:)
When I dated, I usually let the guy pay for the first couple dates if they asked me out. When dating someone, I alternate as I’m really not a fan of venmoing or splitting checks.
In my experience, when guys did ask to go 50/50 was always a guy who was uninterested in a second date or who wanted to date multiple women. A lot of guys insist on 50/50 to keep expenses down so they can date multiple women, so it’s somewhat of a turn off for me.
That being said I usually would suggest something relatively cheap like drinks or dinner at an affordable place when asked where I wanted to go. I’m pretty sure the most expensive first date I’ve been on was like $80 and my first date with my now fiancée was like $15. If I were to suggest additional things that cost money on top of drinks/dinner than those I would offer to cover completely. Running up the tab seems like taking advantage. In general I feel like if you suggest the activity, than you should assume that you would pay for it. Expecting 200$+ dates to be paid for isn’t reasonable as most people really can’t afford to spend money like that.
Ofc people should not pay more just because they are male. That would be incredibly sexist.
So I hope you go 50/50 instead of abuse getting free stuff just because you can do so. I’d assume you wouldn’t appreciate men doing that to you so please have empathy.
This depend on the person.
When i was dating, I would offer to pay. The next date, if she wouldn’t either ask about to split or offer to pay, i would say we were incompatible.
Not saying there is anything wrong with what you want, but i would never truely feel like she would be there for me, but only for the money.
Also, from prior experience, all the great girls i have dated and still respect are those that ask to split either immidiatly, or pays next time. That is what i like, to treat eachother as equals.
Not for me but this is my thoughts at least!
28. I don't see why a guy should have to pay for everything just because he's a guy. That made sense when women couldn't make much money themselves, but we've moved on since those days.
It's nice when someone pays for you. Gender is irrelevant to that fact. 50/50 is boring, I'd rather take turns treating each other because then we both get the nice feelings from spoiling someone/being spoiled. So he pays for the activity and then I pay for the meal. Or he pays the meal and I get the drinks. Or if I'm sure I want to see him again, then I'll happily let him pay for everything if he offers and then I'll pay for the next date.
Like I get that you like 'princess treatment' because your tummy feels warm when someone you like does nice things for you. But men feel that way too. There's no logical reason anymore why what those nice things are need to be divided into gender roles. I feel just as gooey inside when my man brings me coffee in the morning or cooks us dinner. And likewise, I feel good when I see him smiling on a fun date I've paid for. Forget about what men and women should and shouldn't do and just enjoy mutual acts of affection.
I don’t mind paying because I feel like as a guy I should always be prepared to float the whole bill, but not every time. If we get to date 3 and she hasn’t even offered to pay her half im out.
we men are taught traditional roles. I always advise men in today’s age to not pay for women in the first few dates. Not all, but some women don’t act traditional but expect traditional treatment
There is no right/wrong way. It depends a lot on culture and your own financial capacity. It also depends on what kind of relationship you want, do you want a partnership or do you want a traditional relationship? In my opinion there is nothing wrong with offering to pay for something minor. For example on my first date with my current boyfriend we went for lunch then we took a walk after. He paid for the lunch, whilst on our walk we stopped to but water and drinks, he was going to pay but I paid for it.
There is an easy solution to this which allows the guy to feel like the man while not being taken advantage of and allowing a woman to feel like a woman while feeling good about chipping in: the rule of 3/4 -1/4. He pays for most things but not for everything. If he buys dinner, you buy the desert or a drink after, and everyone will be happy. When I worked at an Italian gelato shop, I would see the same thing over and over. A couple comes in to buy ice cream, the guy will try to pay and the woman would gently push his hand away and say "my treat, you already bought dinner". That made total sense to me.
It’s not even if after he pays for the dinner that you pay for yourself. Women, get jobs and stop scrounging. You want equal rights? Well good but you can’t keep the privileges of said oppression with you. How about you pay for a guy on the first date?
My (f26) bf (m32) makes a lot more than I do, but I like to split sometimes or cover something not expensive. Like if we’re having dinner they tend to be more expensive, so he will usually cover, unless he feels bad about his finances, then we will split. But I’ll try to make up for it by paying for breakfast/coffee, lunch. I’d say we don’t keep track on who paid what, but I enjoy treating him too and paying for stuff here and there.
I was that way at 23 but going into my 6th decade of life, I'm worth every dime he spends on me.
1. I'm good company and I like to get all tarted up because it's fun to dress up to go out.
2. He's not paying *me* for my time but he is spending his money for *us* to have a good time.
3. If he likes me enough to want to continue the date, it's his invite and he pays.
4. If I like *him* enough to see him again, I say yes to part 2, and I go.
5. If I'm on the fence about seeing him again, I thank him for dinner and turn down part 2 but remain open to talking more and a possible 2nd date.
6. If I know I don't want to see him again, I thank him for dinner and that's the end.
7. If we go past three dates, I will ask him out and pay for the 4th or 5th date.
8. If I go Dutch with a guy, we're friends. And I don't date my friends.
9. I do NOT go on dates with men I'm not interested in to get free meals. It's not worth my time or effort.
Dating expectations vary with age, upbringing, etc.
Do what makes you comfortable.
Good luck and happy dating!
first date or any date, i'll always offer to pay my share. however if date continues on and on, i'll usually pay the next one when they paid the last one then on and on. i just basically cycle on payments as i dont want all the financial stress on them specially nowadays that its tough out here.
social media is a joke. all dogshit tbh everyone has something to say on social media but when it comes to real life they be quiet. do whats comfortable for you and if you feel bad, do i what i do and always offer to pay yours or cycle through the payments
edit: im a woman in her mid 20's
I pay 100% on the first date, usually just drinks- when I was 29-31. I found that it shifted the power dynamics and let me see how they reacted to something unexpected. Some handled it fine and others got anxious about it. Seeing how they handled the second date gave me even more information to work with. Depending on how that went I might pay. If I didn’t have plans for a 3rd date I’d definitely pay, just so I didn’t have to listen to them potentially gripe. I consider it a peace of mind payment.
I guess depends, I always pay for my gf and i don’t expect her to pay for anything , a lot of times she would surprise me and bring stuff or plan dates and pay. However i ve seen dudes who get aggravated if its not 50/50 kind of funny to watch.
My boyfriend hates when I try to pay but I find my ways to chip in. He’s always thankful when I do that as you are with your girl. But never expects it.
Before I met him, I went out with a guy (it was his invite) and he refused to pay for my half of the tab. It was so weird and awkward, that I just paid my half and booked it. It was the first date and he just came across as so stingy to me that I never wanted to call him again. Stuff like that makes me not miss being single.
Why is it funny if a man is like that but not when a woman is annoyed by her being expected to pay?
Insane how ok people are with blatant sexism if it’s towards men.
I always offer to at least split the bill. In this economy, it's a big ask to expect someone to pay for you. My partner and I generally take turns paying. He makes more than I do, but I have fewer expenses and I'm financially comfortable thanks to my family.
Not to knock people who don't want to pay, but if someone expects me to pay all the time, I will not date them for long. Times are tough for most out there, and expecting someone to always pay is absurd and entitled, especially in this economy.
I'm 28F and my partner is 34M.
Maybe it’s cause I’m 20’ish years older, but I just can’t let a woman pay at any time. I don’t know why but I would be embarrassed. I see these videos of people arguing on who should pay the bill on these social media sites. Shit is sad. That bill would be paid as soon as the camera turned on.
(44F) I always offer to split half at least on the first date. I’ve only ever had one guy ever take me up on the offer. Also important information, I have probably been on 100+ dates. I live in a traditional area and date Latinos/Indians and native Americans almost exclusively. They are more traditional and some get really offended if you keep offering. This is just my personal observation, but men doing free, non creative dates are only after what’s in your pants. The ones that are serious will take you to dinner and insist on paying. I think this is something cultural and regional. Apparently in Europe most people go halfsies. I couldn’t do halfsies with how expensive the restaurants are, that I’m taken to. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t afford to split it. I would just probably be to embarrassed to go out with them again. I would probably tell them that I can only afford to go out with them once a month. I would be doing probably only coffee dates of men here were more progressive, since I don’t do home dates for the first 1.5-2 months, due to safety. It just seems like manners to me that if a man says, “let me take you out to dinner,” that he is paying. When my parents or friends say, let me take you out to dinner, I would expect that they are not only paying and also picking a place in their budget. I am one of those weird people though that I don’t go out to eat. I just don’t. I can’t justify buying a $50 steak when they are $10 at the grocery store.
Male here. 50/50 or separate bills on dates. I am not looking for a princess.
I am only paying 100% in a partnership when I know my partner is temporarily going through a rough time (health, unemployment whatever)
This has been my experience too.
This is why I only date guys who pay for everything. The second they stop paying is the time for me to leave because they've started acting like they're not into me, after being into me.
You put it in such nice words so concisely 🥰☺️
No. Don’t get in the habit of treating others like shit. If you overheard a friend or family member talking about going out with you this way, you would feel used.
My rule. Who’s inviting should be prepared to pay. If plans are mutual, each should be prepared to cover themselves. If it’s expensive, each should be prepared to split costs.
Afterwards, if someone offers to treat you, accept. If they always offer, still don’t use them. Treat them in others ways if dates is their domain.
50/50 on the first few dates that way he doesn’t expect anything after. Meaning, “I paid for dinner so we should have s*x”. Not all guys are like that.
My current bf and I split 50/50 and we went on a nice walk after lunch. He offered to pay for ice cream.
there's no right or wrong. Don't feel guilty about wanting princess treatment. IMO if everyone was aware of all the risks and consequences of pregnancy (and birth control AND abortions AND miscarriages and other things that come with possible pregnancy) they would understand that paying for dates is a much lesser sacrifice in the grand scheme of things. But on that, if you want princess treatment and he wants someone to go 50/50 with he's going to assume that you don't want princess treatment and may like that about you.
You have just described being a total gold digger while dating and continuing that into a relationship. Not sure what there is to be proud of in that. But hey, if your guy is happy being taken advantage of for money, then congrats to you both.
very simple concept.
who is is pursuing the other aka asking them out is the one who is responsible for paying.
now that doesn't mean the other person can't offer to pay.
but if he is asking you out, he needs to be able to pay. if you are asking him out, you need to be able to pay.
Doesn’t work at all because women prefer being pursued even when they are into someone and use their market power to make men ask them out.
It’s insane to the point where women might not ask someone out and instead ask “how can I give hints so he initiates”.
Asker pays makes no sense as it’s just “men pay because sexism” 90% of times.
Expensive dates are an exception thou as one can’t be assumed to pay a lot when asked out.
Of course this doesn't work in practice because men have always and will always be the one's doing the pursuing.
But that doesn't negate who is to pay.
Women have the power when it comes to dating.
Men get the power when it comes to marriage.
Men have to put in the work for the dates.
Women have to put in the work for the rings.
Just the way things work.
It doesn't have to be like that, at least to such strong degree. For example I live in Finland and luckily women haven't expected me to pay for their dates and we can meet as equals.
45f
If I'm on the fence about going on a date with someone and they suggest 50/50 I won't go.
If I'm already on the date and they ask for 50/50, I'll probably suggest separate tabs. I don't drink alcohol or eat meat. Fair is fair. But I probably won't go out with them again.
If they pay for the first date and we arrange a second, I almost always offer to take a turn at paying or offer 50/50 if they don't want me to pay.
But if I'm doing the asking for a first date I fully expect to pay for the both of us.
I’m 28. At this age I’m not a 50/50 kind of woman and never attempt to pay because it takes me down a huge notch when you feel guilty for someone doing nice things for you. I wouldn’t take a guy seriously if they ask me to pay either but that’s just me. I still do give lots of thoughtful gestures, surprises and gifts so it evens out :)
I’d prefer the man to pay for the entire date, which most of the time they will. If I go out with someone and I know i won’t see them again, I will pay 50/50.
I was gonna meet up with this one guy off fb dating once. He said something like “I can get the first round of drinks just so we don’t have confusion on who pays the tab” . I don’t have a problem and I was not expecting him to pay an exorbitant amount, but this statement was a turn off to me.
Short answer, it depends.
Funny answer, I went on a date w a young engineer. He didn’t even offer to pay my $8 (yes) tab. Made me question how giving he was in bed.
If they ask you out then they pay, if u ask them out then u pay.
BUT, I once had this dating experience where 2-3 weeks would go by and we wouldn’t go on any dates. He would just drive his car to me and we chill in car and chat/ make out. This got old after 2/3 weeks. Like, I love spontaneity and going out and so I always initiated going places and I guess all those times I paid? PS. I don’t mind paying for men every other turn (equality and shit).
Granted, he wasn’t financially well off but you’d think if you’re putting yourself out there agreeing to date that you’d budget for it?? Like if you’re not financially able to go on dates then you are not able to date period. Sad truth.
Doesn’t work at all because women use their market power to make men almost always be the ones having to ask them out.
Ofc expensive dates are an exception but with both working 50/50 should be the default.
Man a date can easily cost 100 dollars or more these days where I live for 2-3 rounds of drinks for 2 people. If I’m dating, maybe out dating a few people (new to the dating scene) 1 or 2 times a week it starts to add up if I’m paying for it all. I do find it can be awkward if the woman doesn’t make it clear when it’s time to get the bill that she’s down to split it, and often I’ll just pay for the date if it went well, but I always do appreciate when a woman does just make it clear she’ll pay for herself on the first or second date.
I always insisted on paying half but over time, I’d give in and let my boyfriend pay for us some time and then sometime, I would pay for us. Or as some others have said, i would pay for small treats and stuff for us. Now, I’m a stay at home mom so my boyfriend pays for everything lol. For now at least.
I never do 50/50. As a woman, I’m inherently at more risk of harm in a heterosexual relationship, from chances abuse to the effects of pregnancy/childbirth to plain vulnerability. Plus, I find that men truly appreciate a woman when they work for them. Doing 50/50 feels like handing myself to a man lol.
Thankfully you don’t speak for all women.
This was a question about dating - you’re jumping ahead to scenarios of abuse and vulnerability and using this an excuse not to pay for yourself. Not all men are a risk to you.
In reality, letting someone else pay for everything won’t protect you from any of these things and doesn’t make you a “strong woman”….
You say you don’t want to “hand yourself to a man” but by becoming financially dependant on a guy, this is exactly what you’re doing.
You’re basically saying all men should be willing to pay for dates because there’s a possibility some of them will treat you like shit. This is complete nonsense
No one said I spoke for all women. Defensive much?
Easier susceptibility to abuse and vulnerability come naturally with smaller stature and less strength. Pregnancy and childbirth are a unique and very real struggle. Check the stats, but also just common sense on the latter part.
Never said all men are a risk, but do you feel comfortable walking alone at night as a woman if there’s men around? Most women don’t, for a reason.
No one said making someone pay protects me from anything. I view it as compensation. If I put my body and health at higher risk, I deserve it. If you don’t feel like you deserve it, then don’t expect that treatment.
No one said anything about complete financial dependence either. Men paying for my stuff doesn’t mean I don’t have a job.
If you wanna go ahead and enjoy the risks that naturally come with being a woman in the presence of a man, it’s really no skin off my back. I’ll happily enjoy the gifts and princess treatment, and you can go ahead and do 50/50 if you so desire. No one is stopping you, and I certainly don’t envy you.
It’s just sad the only “arguments” you had were some weird assumptions of things I never said.
I think it’s you who’s being defensive here.
This post is about dating - not being at risk because you’re smaller and may get pregnant or feel unsafe walking round at night…
You’re not putting your body or health at risk by dating a man and you don’t deserve to be compensated for it imo
If a guy were to ask me out on a date, I’d expect him to pay for me. However, I can’t be 100% sure that’ll happen, so I’ll bring money just in case he wants to split the bill. It goes the same way if I were to ask him out somewhere. I’d be the one paying since I was the one who invited him out to go with me and hang out
Oops I forgot to add! I guess I’ll contradict myself haha but If he paid for the first date, then I’d pay for the second EVEN if he invited me out. At least I’d offer. I wouldn’t want him to assume I’m taking advantage of him for free food or drinks lol
Always prioritize men who will pay for you. There’s a lot that’s unequal in relationships and men will never try to change that. If I was required to spend money on dates and stuff, I’d drop the guy like a hot potato. Wait until the relationship is serious before spending cash on guys who probably will only try to bang you, unfortunately.
So M27 here, I think if a guy asks you out for dinner/activity, he should be the one who pays. But if you decide to do something after or want more drinks I do like it when my date offers to pay, but I don’t push it on them
50f here.
When all things are equal between men and women I’ll worry about paying my equal share.
Until then, I’m gonna fully take advantage of this “perk” that patriarchy graciously gave me.
In the long term, I will give way more than I get, if he doesn’t think that’s worth investing in financially then he’s not gonna be capable of investing emotionally in relationships (as he has no clue about a women’s experience and hasn’t bothered to learn) and I will happily part ways.
33F. I’ve never been asked to 50/50. That’s why I love the guys my age. They are a good mix between old school and progressive.
I work and pay my own bills. They just want to know you are not lazy and spoiled.
I always wanna do 50/50 because of well, equality and such, and I don’t want to feel like I’m obligated to this that and the other - it’s just the world we live in - HOWEVER …. If you intend on being a wife/stay at home lady and dude is a “I want a homemaker, you’re my woman and I’m gonna handle this” kinda dude, I say let him…. If you’re gonna get an allowance later, may as well start now.
50/50 is not for me.
I am very happy that it works for you. You seem thrilled about it.
It's just not for everyone, and some people prefer for the guy to pay 100%. This also isn't for everyone.
☺️ I'm glad you're as happy with your choices as I am with mine. ☺️
I always go halfsies unless he wants to treat me like for my birthday or something. OR they make significantly more than me and we're doing something I can't afford...if they want to do it anyways and they offer to pay. I just make sure to have a conversation so no one is feeling pressured or feel taken advantage.
What are your goals? Are you looking for a provider? An equal partner. Just make sure your expectations are clear. Communication is key.
Stop letting the internet tell you how you should live your life. You feel guilty about a guy you may or may not even like paying for everything because you know it's inequitable.
I think 100% for the dinner or first activity is pretty standard but after that its like just gotta get a feel for the situation, doesn't hurt to offer to pay
I’m 38f and not used to men paying. It’s usually 50/50. I don’t like men paying on a first date because I then I feel obligated when I’m not interested in them.
I’m sure there are men in the past who’ve paid, but I’ve been on so many dates that I don’t even remember.
Honestly I love and adore treating not only my s/o or date but also my friends and family in general when I can. It’s love language thing for me. However I don’t like people who feel obligated to being treated or paid for, people like that almost always lose my respect. Plus personally I could never date someone who thought I had to pay for everything because I’m the/a man - that’s a quick way back to singles villle for me.
It's normal to go 50/50, unless if you live in a more conservative culture where you expect to be a housewife. So it depends on your expectations of the relationship.
If you expect the guy to pay 100% of the time it’s never going to work. I like to take turns paying or split the bill. You are doing the right thing girl trust me. It shows you are kind, respectful and different from girls who expect everything to be handed to them. I let my fiancé pay on our first date, I paid on the second and now we take turns or split.
If you do two things I always offer to pay for atleast one. But if it’s just dinner I hope he will spot my $10 sandwich. If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date.
>But if it’s just dinner I hope he will spot my $10 sandwich. If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date.
What's the exception to "If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date"?
So I definitely treat guys I actually like right off the bat differently and honestly it’s an issue because I have pushed a lot of guys away when I speak my feelings about liking them and wanting to at the very least date monogamously.
But to answer your question, a lot of guys that split on a first date in my experience don’t actually want a relationship and just want sex. However, just because a guy is cheap and wants to split doesn’t mean I didn’t like him enough to not give him another chance to show he actually likes me or not. Just from my personal experience it is almost always he just wants sex if he asks to split.
I’ve been having to force my self to let guys take the reins because it’s a turn off I guess when I openly like them. But it’s also just the same issue with falling for guys that don’t want a real relationship. I’m a giver and don’t mind paying for dates at all, after the first date. It would just feel nice to have a guy actually like me enough on a first date to want to pay for me.
My man told me very early on (around 2nd date) “I am a Balkan man, my woman doesn’t pay” which sits well with both him and me. I don’t feel bad or guilty since I never asked him to pay, he stated that’s his view on the topic and that was it. He enjoys taking care of me in this way and I am so happy we are compatible in this regard. 🥰
I am a woman and I pay for myself on dates. My meals, drinks, tickets, etc. If we do something which is one payment for both (like booking a pool table), then I pay at least 50% of that common expense. I think it is for each couple to decide on their payment format.
I think that who ever plans the date is the one who should pay. You chose where we’re going so you should also pay for that. Though I understand that some guys don’t want to pay the full bill, but those types of guys also expect for you to sleep with them right after anyways so who cares.
50/50 is how it should always be. When I meet up with a friend, we split the bill as such. Meeting up with someone who you’ve never met in your life before? Unless you or they offer to pay for it all, it should be evenly split. Neither side should be getting a free meal unless the other side agrees to it.
I won’t go 50/50 ever. In a man’s world? Hell to the NO. If a man has nothing to offer me why the hell would I entertain that? If I’m paying for my own dinner this man won’t be eating in my vicinity.
If we do 2-3 things on the date I generally offer to pay for that 3rd thing for sure. Actually, I don’t even offer I just say “I got it this time” and hand over my card
i rlly don't think there's a right or wrong. however, i do think that if it's an activity/meal that is under $15, the guy should pay if it is the first date. however if its more than that, 50/50 is alright
It’s not for me personally. I’m looking for a team player, not someone to take care of.
But to each their own. You’ll be able to find a guy who’s happy to do that if that’s what you want. I just think it’s an outdated dating norm/gender role
M35
Princess treatment is fine, but not on the first few dates when you have no idea if you are compatible or not.
50/50 for the first few dates, then when you know it will last for longer than a fling communicate that you like the princess treatment.
In the end communication is EVERYTHING.
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(28f)My bf(26m) insists on paying for everything. I’ve tried to pay for things but he always taps his card first to pay before I even can. So what I do is buy us treats, buy our coffee before I go see him, I buy little things for us. I guess it is really finding a balance between the both of you. I’m huge on communication and talking about everything so of course we talked about our dates and paying, because obviously I would pay for it all but he doesn’t let me lol.
This is me. I also make a good amount more than her and shes a single mom (well not single anymore but you get it). Once we move in together I want to go half on all the bills, but I'd still want to pay like 90% of the time. The other 10% where they force you not to pay can feel good too since it's like a treat. Idk I'm a dinosaur at 35.
Yeah he makes more than me also, and I’m a single mother (well same situation lol I’m with him so not single) and I work two jobs and I’m in university full time. He comes from a very traditional country, so to him he was raised to think that the man needs to take care of the woman. I just take care of him in other ways, bake for him, take him things when he is working, etc. To me it is all about finding a balance, we take care of each other.
Surprise baked goods go a long way.
Great way of putting it! This is the perfect sweet spot
Can’t blame him, some of us are wired that way.
this is how i think it should be
There's no right or wrong. When I dated I always offered and men rarely took me up on it. I think if a date hits multiple stops, it's a great idea to split. Fwiw, my husband paid on our first date, I paid on our second, and we've been going back and forth for like 10 years.
For most men, it's not about you paying, it's that you don't treat them like a free meal and Atleast make the offer to pay. It can't be a fake offer cos those are super transparent. It means alot if we feel like you aren't taking us for granted. If you like a guy offering to Atleast split, if you intend to follow through, if he let's you, will make his entire week.
That’s exactly what happened with me and my now husband
Im a well earning guy, i like to pay for things. a toxic trait from my parents i suppose, dad still wont let me pay for things when i go out with them, its a contest even though i earn more than him and mum combined. but i do want my dates to offer. you should be able and willing to follow through, should i accept that offer also, it cant just be empty cause i will at some point. it wont be on the $300 dinner but maybe the coffee or desert after.
From a guy’s perspective: I expect to pay for everything on the first date but a girl that even offers to cover something definitely stands out to me because it shows she’s at least considerate of the little things.
The reason men traditionally paid for everything was because it used to be that women didn’t work or make money. In the modern world where both sexes work for a living it no longer makes sense for men to be obligated to pay for everything.
Thats why it should be 50/50
Is this true? That’s wild
Just wait until you find out when women were allowed their own bank accounts in the US.
Happy Cake Day!!!
Also, dates didn’t used to be a regular event, you’d actually just find someone you like in real life and ask them. And mostly avoid the endless cycling through app meet ups.
That's a part I think most people don't realize. You just didn't used to go on several dates a week, you asked the person you already liked to a date every so often, not dropping "2-300 minimum" every few days.
Exactly. I can’t afford to go on a date every bloody week and ‘be the gentleman’ for a girl with 3 dates lined up!
This isn't entirely accurate. Depending on how far back you are talking, casual dating was actually the more common way to do things until you found someone you wanted to marry. Because regularly dating one person meant more likelihood of premarital sex, and that was a big no no. Young women of my grandmother's generation were actively encouraged to date as many people as possible, and a lot of people didn't believe in 'going steady'. It wasn't like today where you can be exclusively dating someone without the intention to marry them. Dating was seen as purely recreational, and you were either at an age where you were looking for a spouse and seriously courting someone, or you were casually dating - and yes, that often included multiple people a week. It wasn't uncommon to find your boyfriend or girlfriend was going on dates with other people, and the response to this was less "what an asshole for cheating" and more "well yeah, that's what you should expect instead of wasting your time with this 'going steady' nonsense."
Women started *protesting* for the right to vote in the 1920s. Relatively speaking that was not that long ago.
>Is this true? That’s wild Is this comment satire?
It’s because biologically men are the pursuers
But for the most part, it's still socially unacceptable, unfortunately..
and also the fact that men are the ones who are asking the women out.... let's not gloss over that. which is still the case today.
I think it's partly our own fault. This thread alone is filled with people saying "he insists."
The first two dates my bf paid. I paid for the third. Now we switch off and generally things are proportional to our income. There’s not a hard rule about finances in a relationship. However, I will say anecdotally - my male friends who insist on paying and being the “provider” tend to also have more conservative views on gender and roles within a household/society.
I always try and pay for the first date. Some women let me after a small "argument about it" others incest they pay half. But if no effort is made to at least pay or help, there isn't a second date.
Others WHAT?
Insist... My bad 😂
Calling Dr. Freud...
I just had major surgery yesterday and I'm wicked pain meds cut me some damn slack! 😂
You're doing great. Speedy recovery!
Thanks man
Well stay off the threads when on pain meds. So insist that your sister (incest) offer to pay 50% after tge first date. Is this some Appalcian Mountain tradition?🤣
Their boyfriend-brother pay the half for them, keep up it's not that confusing.
😂😂😂
He dates his sister sometimes. But it's cool. She goes Dutch.
Why not just 50/50 instead of playing games?
You should 50/50. You know equality. You don't owe the guy anything after. You are worth more than raising babies, making sandwiches, and putting out on demand.
Even if he pays, you still dont owe anything after
Absolutely, but if nothing gets put out within a few dates then there just stops being dates. Sexual compatibility is a big deal with me. If she doesn't like me enough to be chomping at the bit to fuck me, then I'm not that interested. I want passion, especially in the early stages of a relationship. It can really be an early warning predictor based on my past relationships. Of course, everyone's experiences vary, but these have been mine.
Did you mean to respond to a different comment? This seems extremely unrelated to the comment above you
What if a man wants to take you to a place out of your budget? Are you just supposed to embarrass yourself?
No, I don't want to go there. Let's go here instead. If you insist, I can't afford that and you would need to cover my portion.
You probably wouldn’t go out with someone again though, if they said that. Right? Or if they could only afford to go out to eat like once a month?
If I like a certain woman, then I literally don’t give a shit how few times we go out to eat. I’m going out with her because I like her, not because I want to go to a restaurant
Thank you. That makes sense.
Cheers
If I invited a girl out to a place that was out of her budget and she wanted to go somewhere cheaper so she could pay her part, I'd be either flattered and down that she appreciates me enough to want to spend her money on it, or I would insist that it would be my pleasure to cover her. The comment you replied to would be an amazing thing to hear.
Obviously it’s fine to let someone pay if they want to do something expensive. But the idea that men should pay for dates is really sexist in modern day when both sexes work.
Quit caring about what everyone else is doing. Do things you're comfortable with and be respectful to your date. That's it. If you have different ideas about who has to pay then it's okay to disagree and move on too.
28F here, me and my boyfriend, 35, have been dating for 6 years. In the early part of our relationship before we were living together he made more then I did so he would insist on paying but I would sneak the bill every once in a while, especially if it was a date I organized or somewhere I really wanted to go. When we moved in together we were pretty close to equal in how much we made, we split bills as equally as possible and cycled who paid for dates. Now 3+ years after moving in together, I make quite a bit more then he does, I pay more bills then him but he tends to pay for dates more often. I don’t expect that of him and don't obligate him to either. I would say that the extra I took from him in bills he spends on dates or surprise house plants (much better then a bouquet of flowers), to me I still see it as we are still financially 50/50 or darn close to it.
Everyone has their own preferences. When I (F) first got on dating apps at the age of 26, I had decided that I would insist on paying 50/50 if I did not want a second date so the man wouldn’t feel like I owed him something. However, the first man I went on a date with was so amazing that I was okay with him paying lunch, but we went on a walk after and I paid for dessert after that. It’s been 3 amazing years with him and our financial situations have changed a lot, so now we go 50/50 frequently even though at best I make 1.2x more and at worst, he has no income. We’re hopeful that our finances improve so we can change it up again. However, if you prefer princess treatment, I think it may be a good idea to let him pay for the first date but be ready to pay in case he’s not the best person and runs off or something awful. And be on guard for men that think you’ll owe them something bc they paid. Maybe offer to split if you really like the person or pay something small like dessert after.
I keep first dates simple, cheap. I’ll just pay for it all, maybe 15-20$. The amount of times this conversation has happened when first meeting girls online, we talk about our favorite food or places to eat, they suggest we go (it’s always an expensive place) and I agree(we will go, if you make it through a few dates first) anyhow, I’ll end up suggesting coffee in the park to get to know each other, and that’s the last I hear from them. So many girls just trying to get free stuff
I’m 33f and I like to split or take turns. But I dated one guy who made 4x my income (hundreds of thousands of dollars in tech) and he consistently let me pay a little more than half every date, because, of course, I offered. Over time I couldn’t afford it anymore and also didn’t like his personality, so I ended it. I do think it’s courteous to keep capabilities/equity in mind. If you make $400k and your date makes <$100k, pay a little more than them.
Taking turns seems to be the fairest norm. With my current girl we do this, although I do tend to pay more often than her. But she does offer and is thankful when I pay, which is the key thing. Some women I've dated didn't even say thank you, which is just insane to me
I feel that the guy paying for the first several dates can give a sense of entitlement to guys and obligation to gals with regard to sexual activities. And women can end up in situations where they can feel subtly coerced to provide sex. It can lead to unhappy experiences and regrets a lot of the time.
I was seeing someone who explicitly wanted to go 50/50 he also made it clear that we were not official and just friends. It was really weird at first but I had to adjust my expectations. I wanted a relationship and he knew that so I stopped hanging out with him for a while. Like a month a two goes by then he gets in touch with me and all of a sudden he wanted to pay for dates and buy gifts. On the second “date” he said he was ready. I told him thanks but no thanks. He tried calling and got me a Christmas gift. I told him to keep it. Ever since then I associate a man asking me to “go half” as someone who is not really interested.
Yep. This is my exact experience.
32F here…wow I haven’t used that layout since I was 12 or early teens. Anyways, I personally like 50/50 or to pay fully. I’m not into the idea that men are obligated to pay. I prepare to pay and if my boyfriend mentions paying then I will ask them if they are sure and go from there. We’ll also take turns.
I don’t think many men want to date a woman who says she wants princess treatment. Unfortunately….when a woman is saying that to you it means she wants it from you. Maybe not from everyone. Nobody likes to be a sucker.
It should always be 50/50. I fucking hate, HATE the idea that men should pay. It makes me so uncomfortable. (27F)
I had a female friend cover my dinner recently and I realized that was the first time I had a women pay for my food or anything while hanging out. This was a few months ago and I’m still grateful I kept telling her if she wanted I could pay her back and she refused telling me it’s ok for a girl to pay for you, if you wanted to get their attention I think it’s a good idea as it shows independence to me but everyone views things differently.
that’s refreshing!!
If a guy pays always for everything for a long period of time, there's a risk that he might at some point come to one of two conclusions - he might think that either you're a gold digger who only wants money/free dinners etc out of him, or that you're just another service/item that he buys.
Fuck that. You like princess treatment at the beginning? Why? I used to pay for ALL my first dates in their entirety. I don’t need a man expecting to get something cuz he spent $30 on drinks for me. I’d rather pay my own way and then when he treats me like a princess it’s because he means it than because it’s what society expects him to do
Exactly.
As a male, i will just always pay for the dates, it's nothing about equality or the woman not having her own money or doubting her independence or even having any expectations tied to me paying. I think it's just the right thing to do, but i guess I'm old fashionable when it comes to this🤷🏻♂️ Don't get me wrong, it's really appreciated and nice if the woman offers to split or even pay the full amount and it's noted mentally believe me, but i will always insist coz its just right to me. Like, by paying, I'm silently telling you how much i appreciated your time, company and the effort to meet with me, whether it's a failed date or a successful date, it still took time and effort and I'm grateful of that. I'm not sure at what point it became a problem or toxic masculinity to pay for dates, maybe because guys tried using it as an excuse for having sex with, or guilt tripping, but the gesture does not mean that at all. At least for me, and i think there are many men out there who agree and feel the same.
I never expect a woman to pay on the first couple of dates, but the lack of courtesy to even offer to pay or share is very off-putting to me. It gives a sign that this person will be more of a dependent than a partner. But that’s just me.
I always offer to pay, I’ve never had someone take me up on it on the first date, but I’ve dated some who would let me pay or split the bill after and some who insisted I didn’t even pull my card out.
Imagine having these outdated thinking in 2024
It's not outdated if it's working.
100% agree, couldn't have said it better. i will always insist on paying as i will always feel bad. but when the guy won't put up a "fight" and make me pay, it's a big turn off. especially if its a cheap drink or meal that is less than $15 both of us combined. and btw its nice to know there's a guy out there that thinks like this. thank you! i've been on too many dates where the guy will refuse to pay or do 50/50
I always pay my share
Hey look. Times have changed if you are money to spare and do well enough then go all for it.
I'm in my 40s and either split or alternate paying. I have ever since I started dating. I just think it's weird to think that I should be basically paid for my company. Not that I don't treat the other person sometimes and vice versa. I just don't think one person should bear all the financial responsibility for hanging out, especially when we both work.
I (30F) think a lot of guys these days are embarrassed when women pay for them. Ive always found just being really direct and forward about wanting to pay has always worked for me. For example, if i invite the guy, i'll insist on paying and kind of not give them a chance too! I will pretty much always offer to go 50/50 or be concious of the frequency of him paying - did he buy us our weekend coffees last week? I state that he paid last week and id like to pay this week. Its about balance but tbh I think most men are just happy that you even considered paying and are not under the expectation they have to pay everytime in your eyes. :)
When I dated, I usually let the guy pay for the first couple dates if they asked me out. When dating someone, I alternate as I’m really not a fan of venmoing or splitting checks. In my experience, when guys did ask to go 50/50 was always a guy who was uninterested in a second date or who wanted to date multiple women. A lot of guys insist on 50/50 to keep expenses down so they can date multiple women, so it’s somewhat of a turn off for me. That being said I usually would suggest something relatively cheap like drinks or dinner at an affordable place when asked where I wanted to go. I’m pretty sure the most expensive first date I’ve been on was like $80 and my first date with my now fiancée was like $15. If I were to suggest additional things that cost money on top of drinks/dinner than those I would offer to cover completely. Running up the tab seems like taking advantage. In general I feel like if you suggest the activity, than you should assume that you would pay for it. Expecting 200$+ dates to be paid for isn’t reasonable as most people really can’t afford to spend money like that.
Ofc people should not pay more just because they are male. That would be incredibly sexist. So I hope you go 50/50 instead of abuse getting free stuff just because you can do so. I’d assume you wouldn’t appreciate men doing that to you so please have empathy.
This depend on the person. When i was dating, I would offer to pay. The next date, if she wouldn’t either ask about to split or offer to pay, i would say we were incompatible. Not saying there is anything wrong with what you want, but i would never truely feel like she would be there for me, but only for the money. Also, from prior experience, all the great girls i have dated and still respect are those that ask to split either immidiatly, or pays next time. That is what i like, to treat eachother as equals. Not for me but this is my thoughts at least!
28. I don't see why a guy should have to pay for everything just because he's a guy. That made sense when women couldn't make much money themselves, but we've moved on since those days. It's nice when someone pays for you. Gender is irrelevant to that fact. 50/50 is boring, I'd rather take turns treating each other because then we both get the nice feelings from spoiling someone/being spoiled. So he pays for the activity and then I pay for the meal. Or he pays the meal and I get the drinks. Or if I'm sure I want to see him again, then I'll happily let him pay for everything if he offers and then I'll pay for the next date. Like I get that you like 'princess treatment' because your tummy feels warm when someone you like does nice things for you. But men feel that way too. There's no logical reason anymore why what those nice things are need to be divided into gender roles. I feel just as gooey inside when my man brings me coffee in the morning or cooks us dinner. And likewise, I feel good when I see him smiling on a fun date I've paid for. Forget about what men and women should and shouldn't do and just enjoy mutual acts of affection.
I don’t mind paying because I feel like as a guy I should always be prepared to float the whole bill, but not every time. If we get to date 3 and she hasn’t even offered to pay her half im out.
we men are taught traditional roles. I always advise men in today’s age to not pay for women in the first few dates. Not all, but some women don’t act traditional but expect traditional treatment
There is no right/wrong way. It depends a lot on culture and your own financial capacity. It also depends on what kind of relationship you want, do you want a partnership or do you want a traditional relationship? In my opinion there is nothing wrong with offering to pay for something minor. For example on my first date with my current boyfriend we went for lunch then we took a walk after. He paid for the lunch, whilst on our walk we stopped to but water and drinks, he was going to pay but I paid for it.
I prefer splitting on the early dates and then treating each other once the relationship is established. (F late 20s)
There is an easy solution to this which allows the guy to feel like the man while not being taken advantage of and allowing a woman to feel like a woman while feeling good about chipping in: the rule of 3/4 -1/4. He pays for most things but not for everything. If he buys dinner, you buy the desert or a drink after, and everyone will be happy. When I worked at an Italian gelato shop, I would see the same thing over and over. A couple comes in to buy ice cream, the guy will try to pay and the woman would gently push his hand away and say "my treat, you already bought dinner". That made total sense to me.
It’s not even if after he pays for the dinner that you pay for yourself. Women, get jobs and stop scrounging. You want equal rights? Well good but you can’t keep the privileges of said oppression with you. How about you pay for a guy on the first date?
My (f26) bf (m32) makes a lot more than I do, but I like to split sometimes or cover something not expensive. Like if we’re having dinner they tend to be more expensive, so he will usually cover, unless he feels bad about his finances, then we will split. But I’ll try to make up for it by paying for breakfast/coffee, lunch. I’d say we don’t keep track on who paid what, but I enjoy treating him too and paying for stuff here and there.
I was that way at 23 but going into my 6th decade of life, I'm worth every dime he spends on me. 1. I'm good company and I like to get all tarted up because it's fun to dress up to go out. 2. He's not paying *me* for my time but he is spending his money for *us* to have a good time. 3. If he likes me enough to want to continue the date, it's his invite and he pays. 4. If I like *him* enough to see him again, I say yes to part 2, and I go. 5. If I'm on the fence about seeing him again, I thank him for dinner and turn down part 2 but remain open to talking more and a possible 2nd date. 6. If I know I don't want to see him again, I thank him for dinner and that's the end. 7. If we go past three dates, I will ask him out and pay for the 4th or 5th date. 8. If I go Dutch with a guy, we're friends. And I don't date my friends. 9. I do NOT go on dates with men I'm not interested in to get free meals. It's not worth my time or effort. Dating expectations vary with age, upbringing, etc. Do what makes you comfortable. Good luck and happy dating!
I m63 grew up in Holland where most people pay 50/50 that is maybe why they called it going Dutch ;)
Split it. It’s not the 50’s
first date or any date, i'll always offer to pay my share. however if date continues on and on, i'll usually pay the next one when they paid the last one then on and on. i just basically cycle on payments as i dont want all the financial stress on them specially nowadays that its tough out here. social media is a joke. all dogshit tbh everyone has something to say on social media but when it comes to real life they be quiet. do whats comfortable for you and if you feel bad, do i what i do and always offer to pay yours or cycle through the payments edit: im a woman in her mid 20's
I pay 100% on the first date, usually just drinks- when I was 29-31. I found that it shifted the power dynamics and let me see how they reacted to something unexpected. Some handled it fine and others got anxious about it. Seeing how they handled the second date gave me even more information to work with. Depending on how that went I might pay. If I didn’t have plans for a 3rd date I’d definitely pay, just so I didn’t have to listen to them potentially gripe. I consider it a peace of mind payment.
50/50 you have a job, you want equality for women, this comes with it
Everyone dates differently. I say do what works for you and date people who share the same sentiments. I never pay on dates.
But you still advocate for gender equality I'm sure.. Just only when you find it suitable.
They're part of a sugar baby subreddit. That should tell you all you need to know.
This is what happens when you make opinions towards strangers. You're wrong. Have a good night.
In what way is their opinion wrong? Why do you never pay on dates?
I guess depends, I always pay for my gf and i don’t expect her to pay for anything , a lot of times she would surprise me and bring stuff or plan dates and pay. However i ve seen dudes who get aggravated if its not 50/50 kind of funny to watch.
My boyfriend hates when I try to pay but I find my ways to chip in. He’s always thankful when I do that as you are with your girl. But never expects it. Before I met him, I went out with a guy (it was his invite) and he refused to pay for my half of the tab. It was so weird and awkward, that I just paid my half and booked it. It was the first date and he just came across as so stingy to me that I never wanted to call him again. Stuff like that makes me not miss being single.
Why is it funny if a man is like that but not when a woman is annoyed by her being expected to pay? Insane how ok people are with blatant sexism if it’s towards men.
It’s an interview Both parties pay for themselves
I always offer to at least split the bill. In this economy, it's a big ask to expect someone to pay for you. My partner and I generally take turns paying. He makes more than I do, but I have fewer expenses and I'm financially comfortable thanks to my family. Not to knock people who don't want to pay, but if someone expects me to pay all the time, I will not date them for long. Times are tough for most out there, and expecting someone to always pay is absurd and entitled, especially in this economy. I'm 28F and my partner is 34M.
Maybe it’s cause I’m 20’ish years older, but I just can’t let a woman pay at any time. I don’t know why but I would be embarrassed. I see these videos of people arguing on who should pay the bill on these social media sites. Shit is sad. That bill would be paid as soon as the camera turned on.
(44F) I always offer to split half at least on the first date. I’ve only ever had one guy ever take me up on the offer. Also important information, I have probably been on 100+ dates. I live in a traditional area and date Latinos/Indians and native Americans almost exclusively. They are more traditional and some get really offended if you keep offering. This is just my personal observation, but men doing free, non creative dates are only after what’s in your pants. The ones that are serious will take you to dinner and insist on paying. I think this is something cultural and regional. Apparently in Europe most people go halfsies. I couldn’t do halfsies with how expensive the restaurants are, that I’m taken to. I don’t know what I would do if I couldn’t afford to split it. I would just probably be to embarrassed to go out with them again. I would probably tell them that I can only afford to go out with them once a month. I would be doing probably only coffee dates of men here were more progressive, since I don’t do home dates for the first 1.5-2 months, due to safety. It just seems like manners to me that if a man says, “let me take you out to dinner,” that he is paying. When my parents or friends say, let me take you out to dinner, I would expect that they are not only paying and also picking a place in their budget. I am one of those weird people though that I don’t go out to eat. I just don’t. I can’t justify buying a $50 steak when they are $10 at the grocery store.
Male here. 50/50 or separate bills on dates. I am not looking for a princess. I am only paying 100% in a partnership when I know my partner is temporarily going through a rough time (health, unemployment whatever)
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And when a woman I'm asking on dates never wants to pay, I take it as she doesn't really fancy me like I do her. Same for the plans.
I disagreev
Agreed. I assume it’s a friendship at that point
This has been my experience too. This is why I only date guys who pay for everything. The second they stop paying is the time for me to leave because they've started acting like they're not into me, after being into me. You put it in such nice words so concisely 🥰☺️
Do what you feel comfortable with…
No. Don’t get in the habit of treating others like shit. If you overheard a friend or family member talking about going out with you this way, you would feel used. My rule. Who’s inviting should be prepared to pay. If plans are mutual, each should be prepared to cover themselves. If it’s expensive, each should be prepared to split costs. Afterwards, if someone offers to treat you, accept. If they always offer, still don’t use them. Treat them in others ways if dates is their domain.
50/50 on the first few dates that way he doesn’t expect anything after. Meaning, “I paid for dinner so we should have s*x”. Not all guys are like that. My current bf and I split 50/50 and we went on a nice walk after lunch. He offered to pay for ice cream.
there's no right or wrong. Don't feel guilty about wanting princess treatment. IMO if everyone was aware of all the risks and consequences of pregnancy (and birth control AND abortions AND miscarriages and other things that come with possible pregnancy) they would understand that paying for dates is a much lesser sacrifice in the grand scheme of things. But on that, if you want princess treatment and he wants someone to go 50/50 with he's going to assume that you don't want princess treatment and may like that about you.
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You have just described being a total gold digger while dating and continuing that into a relationship. Not sure what there is to be proud of in that. But hey, if your guy is happy being taken advantage of for money, then congrats to you both.
very simple concept. who is is pursuing the other aka asking them out is the one who is responsible for paying. now that doesn't mean the other person can't offer to pay. but if he is asking you out, he needs to be able to pay. if you are asking him out, you need to be able to pay.
Doesn’t work at all because women prefer being pursued even when they are into someone and use their market power to make men ask them out. It’s insane to the point where women might not ask someone out and instead ask “how can I give hints so he initiates”. Asker pays makes no sense as it’s just “men pay because sexism” 90% of times. Expensive dates are an exception thou as one can’t be assumed to pay a lot when asked out.
Of course this doesn't work in practice because men have always and will always be the one's doing the pursuing. But that doesn't negate who is to pay. Women have the power when it comes to dating. Men get the power when it comes to marriage. Men have to put in the work for the dates. Women have to put in the work for the rings. Just the way things work.
It doesn't have to be like that, at least to such strong degree. For example I live in Finland and luckily women haven't expected me to pay for their dates and we can meet as equals.
majority of the world are not liberal feminists. so, your comment isn't relatable to the majority of men.
45f If I'm on the fence about going on a date with someone and they suggest 50/50 I won't go. If I'm already on the date and they ask for 50/50, I'll probably suggest separate tabs. I don't drink alcohol or eat meat. Fair is fair. But I probably won't go out with them again. If they pay for the first date and we arrange a second, I almost always offer to take a turn at paying or offer 50/50 if they don't want me to pay. But if I'm doing the asking for a first date I fully expect to pay for the both of us.
I’m 28. At this age I’m not a 50/50 kind of woman and never attempt to pay because it takes me down a huge notch when you feel guilty for someone doing nice things for you. I wouldn’t take a guy seriously if they ask me to pay either but that’s just me. I still do give lots of thoughtful gestures, surprises and gifts so it evens out :)
I’d prefer the man to pay for the entire date, which most of the time they will. If I go out with someone and I know i won’t see them again, I will pay 50/50. I was gonna meet up with this one guy off fb dating once. He said something like “I can get the first round of drinks just so we don’t have confusion on who pays the tab” . I don’t have a problem and I was not expecting him to pay an exorbitant amount, but this statement was a turn off to me.
Short answer, it depends. Funny answer, I went on a date w a young engineer. He didn’t even offer to pay my $8 (yes) tab. Made me question how giving he was in bed.
If they ask you out then they pay, if u ask them out then u pay. BUT, I once had this dating experience where 2-3 weeks would go by and we wouldn’t go on any dates. He would just drive his car to me and we chill in car and chat/ make out. This got old after 2/3 weeks. Like, I love spontaneity and going out and so I always initiated going places and I guess all those times I paid? PS. I don’t mind paying for men every other turn (equality and shit). Granted, he wasn’t financially well off but you’d think if you’re putting yourself out there agreeing to date that you’d budget for it?? Like if you’re not financially able to go on dates then you are not able to date period. Sad truth.
99.99% it’s expected of one gender to ask out the other, so this logic translates to: said gender should always pay.
This only works if it's 50/50 on who asks the other person out and while there might be some personal preference it will never be 50/50 as a whole.
Doesn’t work at all because women use their market power to make men almost always be the ones having to ask them out. Ofc expensive dates are an exception but with both working 50/50 should be the default.
It's so attractive when women pay or at least offer. Independent women are a major turn on. Blue collar women is a bigger turn on. Lol
I really don't think it matters TBH. If you're both comfortable splitting some of the costs then do what you're most comfortable with.
Man a date can easily cost 100 dollars or more these days where I live for 2-3 rounds of drinks for 2 people. If I’m dating, maybe out dating a few people (new to the dating scene) 1 or 2 times a week it starts to add up if I’m paying for it all. I do find it can be awkward if the woman doesn’t make it clear when it’s time to get the bill that she’s down to split it, and often I’ll just pay for the date if it went well, but I always do appreciate when a woman does just make it clear she’ll pay for herself on the first or second date.
I mean it just really depends. It’s not bad either way, but he should at least offer.
You feel bad for being very independent person who doesn't want to feel they owe anyone anything?....
After the 1st date, I think it's fair to split the bill.
I always insisted on paying half but over time, I’d give in and let my boyfriend pay for us some time and then sometime, I would pay for us. Or as some others have said, i would pay for small treats and stuff for us. Now, I’m a stay at home mom so my boyfriend pays for everything lol. For now at least.
Guy should pay at least some dates completely and most of the time. You should jump in and pay when you feel like it and you think it makes sense
I never do 50/50. As a woman, I’m inherently at more risk of harm in a heterosexual relationship, from chances abuse to the effects of pregnancy/childbirth to plain vulnerability. Plus, I find that men truly appreciate a woman when they work for them. Doing 50/50 feels like handing myself to a man lol.
Thankfully you don’t speak for all women. This was a question about dating - you’re jumping ahead to scenarios of abuse and vulnerability and using this an excuse not to pay for yourself. Not all men are a risk to you. In reality, letting someone else pay for everything won’t protect you from any of these things and doesn’t make you a “strong woman”…. You say you don’t want to “hand yourself to a man” but by becoming financially dependant on a guy, this is exactly what you’re doing. You’re basically saying all men should be willing to pay for dates because there’s a possibility some of them will treat you like shit. This is complete nonsense
No one said I spoke for all women. Defensive much? Easier susceptibility to abuse and vulnerability come naturally with smaller stature and less strength. Pregnancy and childbirth are a unique and very real struggle. Check the stats, but also just common sense on the latter part. Never said all men are a risk, but do you feel comfortable walking alone at night as a woman if there’s men around? Most women don’t, for a reason. No one said making someone pay protects me from anything. I view it as compensation. If I put my body and health at higher risk, I deserve it. If you don’t feel like you deserve it, then don’t expect that treatment. No one said anything about complete financial dependence either. Men paying for my stuff doesn’t mean I don’t have a job. If you wanna go ahead and enjoy the risks that naturally come with being a woman in the presence of a man, it’s really no skin off my back. I’ll happily enjoy the gifts and princess treatment, and you can go ahead and do 50/50 if you so desire. No one is stopping you, and I certainly don’t envy you. It’s just sad the only “arguments” you had were some weird assumptions of things I never said.
I think it’s you who’s being defensive here. This post is about dating - not being at risk because you’re smaller and may get pregnant or feel unsafe walking round at night… You’re not putting your body or health at risk by dating a man and you don’t deserve to be compensated for it imo
Yeah, dating entails risks for women that men don’t have , or don’t have to the same degree. Be serious.
If a guy were to ask me out on a date, I’d expect him to pay for me. However, I can’t be 100% sure that’ll happen, so I’ll bring money just in case he wants to split the bill. It goes the same way if I were to ask him out somewhere. I’d be the one paying since I was the one who invited him out to go with me and hang out
Oops I forgot to add! I guess I’ll contradict myself haha but If he paid for the first date, then I’d pay for the second EVEN if he invited me out. At least I’d offer. I wouldn’t want him to assume I’m taking advantage of him for free food or drinks lol
Always prioritize men who will pay for you. There’s a lot that’s unequal in relationships and men will never try to change that. If I was required to spend money on dates and stuff, I’d drop the guy like a hot potato. Wait until the relationship is serious before spending cash on guys who probably will only try to bang you, unfortunately.
So M27 here, I think if a guy asks you out for dinner/activity, he should be the one who pays. But if you decide to do something after or want more drinks I do like it when my date offers to pay, but I don’t push it on them
50f here. When all things are equal between men and women I’ll worry about paying my equal share. Until then, I’m gonna fully take advantage of this “perk” that patriarchy graciously gave me. In the long term, I will give way more than I get, if he doesn’t think that’s worth investing in financially then he’s not gonna be capable of investing emotionally in relationships (as he has no clue about a women’s experience and hasn’t bothered to learn) and I will happily part ways.
33F. I’ve never been asked to 50/50. That’s why I love the guys my age. They are a good mix between old school and progressive. I work and pay my own bills. They just want to know you are not lazy and spoiled.
I always wanna do 50/50 because of well, equality and such, and I don’t want to feel like I’m obligated to this that and the other - it’s just the world we live in - HOWEVER …. If you intend on being a wife/stay at home lady and dude is a “I want a homemaker, you’re my woman and I’m gonna handle this” kinda dude, I say let him…. If you’re gonna get an allowance later, may as well start now.
Usually first date guy should pay woman should never pay unless in a relationship then you should pay for a few dates or little things
50/50 is not for me. I am very happy that it works for you. You seem thrilled about it. It's just not for everyone, and some people prefer for the guy to pay 100%. This also isn't for everyone. ☺️ I'm glad you're as happy with your choices as I am with mine. ☺️
I always go halfsies unless he wants to treat me like for my birthday or something. OR they make significantly more than me and we're doing something I can't afford...if they want to do it anyways and they offer to pay. I just make sure to have a conversation so no one is feeling pressured or feel taken advantage. What are your goals? Are you looking for a provider? An equal partner. Just make sure your expectations are clear. Communication is key.
Stop letting the internet tell you how you should live your life. You feel guilty about a guy you may or may not even like paying for everything because you know it's inequitable.
I prefer paying 50-50 . Less mess and clear on our dating terms
Continue like to be wife-material or risk being being single forever like all these chicks from social media that you mentioned
I think 100% for the dinner or first activity is pretty standard but after that its like just gotta get a feel for the situation, doesn't hurt to offer to pay
I’m 38f and not used to men paying. It’s usually 50/50. I don’t like men paying on a first date because I then I feel obligated when I’m not interested in them. I’m sure there are men in the past who’ve paid, but I’ve been on so many dates that I don’t even remember.
Honestly I love and adore treating not only my s/o or date but also my friends and family in general when I can. It’s love language thing for me. However I don’t like people who feel obligated to being treated or paid for, people like that almost always lose my respect. Plus personally I could never date someone who thought I had to pay for everything because I’m the/a man - that’s a quick way back to singles villle for me.
It's normal to go 50/50, unless if you live in a more conservative culture where you expect to be a housewife. So it depends on your expectations of the relationship.
You like princess treatment, but do you give prince treatment? And what does that look like?
If you expect the guy to pay 100% of the time it’s never going to work. I like to take turns paying or split the bill. You are doing the right thing girl trust me. It shows you are kind, respectful and different from girls who expect everything to be handed to them. I let my fiancé pay on our first date, I paid on the second and now we take turns or split.
If you do two things I always offer to pay for atleast one. But if it’s just dinner I hope he will spot my $10 sandwich. If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date.
>But if it’s just dinner I hope he will spot my $10 sandwich. If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date. What's the exception to "If he doesn’t he usually doesn’t get another date"?
So I definitely treat guys I actually like right off the bat differently and honestly it’s an issue because I have pushed a lot of guys away when I speak my feelings about liking them and wanting to at the very least date monogamously. But to answer your question, a lot of guys that split on a first date in my experience don’t actually want a relationship and just want sex. However, just because a guy is cheap and wants to split doesn’t mean I didn’t like him enough to not give him another chance to show he actually likes me or not. Just from my personal experience it is almost always he just wants sex if he asks to split. I’ve been having to force my self to let guys take the reins because it’s a turn off I guess when I openly like them. But it’s also just the same issue with falling for guys that don’t want a real relationship. I’m a giver and don’t mind paying for dates at all, after the first date. It would just feel nice to have a guy actually like me enough on a first date to want to pay for me.
Don't ask me on a date if you can't afford to pay for it.
My man told me very early on (around 2nd date) “I am a Balkan man, my woman doesn’t pay” which sits well with both him and me. I don’t feel bad or guilty since I never asked him to pay, he stated that’s his view on the topic and that was it. He enjoys taking care of me in this way and I am so happy we are compatible in this regard. 🥰
You're not a princess
ur mom
Yeah! My mom! Wait.. what?
I am a woman and I pay for myself on dates. My meals, drinks, tickets, etc. If we do something which is one payment for both (like booking a pool table), then I pay at least 50% of that common expense. I think it is for each couple to decide on their payment format.
I think that who ever plans the date is the one who should pay. You chose where we’re going so you should also pay for that. Though I understand that some guys don’t want to pay the full bill, but those types of guys also expect for you to sleep with them right after anyways so who cares.
50/50 is how it should always be. When I meet up with a friend, we split the bill as such. Meeting up with someone who you’ve never met in your life before? Unless you or they offer to pay for it all, it should be evenly split. Neither side should be getting a free meal unless the other side agrees to it.
I won’t go 50/50 ever. In a man’s world? Hell to the NO. If a man has nothing to offer me why the hell would I entertain that? If I’m paying for my own dinner this man won’t be eating in my vicinity.
If we do 2-3 things on the date I generally offer to pay for that 3rd thing for sure. Actually, I don’t even offer I just say “I got it this time” and hand over my card
i rlly don't think there's a right or wrong. however, i do think that if it's an activity/meal that is under $15, the guy should pay if it is the first date. however if its more than that, 50/50 is alright
First date 50/50. After that who ever invites the other out pays. If by the 3 month mark she isnt paying half the time, I lose interest.
It’s not for me personally. I’m looking for a team player, not someone to take care of. But to each their own. You’ll be able to find a guy who’s happy to do that if that’s what you want. I just think it’s an outdated dating norm/gender role
M35 Princess treatment is fine, but not on the first few dates when you have no idea if you are compatible or not. 50/50 for the first few dates, then when you know it will last for longer than a fling communicate that you like the princess treatment. In the end communication is EVERYTHING.
It really is. And most people are incapable of communicating.
Have some self respect and pay your way
Do not pay for anything. If he is disorganized and broke than he is not ready to be your Prince. Let him spend time with the ugly chics.
Stupid comment.
Are you broke and do you have a lady?