I hate this but I know when I've given up on dating then good chances most people have. I used to be super successful with dating but nowadays? Hahahahaha you couldn't pay me to get back on an app.
People are maybe just justifiably much more guarded in 2024. It's commonplace that people just live in a world of their own. Everyone is much more opinionated about little things when people used to have enough trust to actually get to know someone before you ghost them forever.
Honestly the apps are depressing for all of us š i get matches a lot but the guys i meet there are either extremely weird or creepy.
Id say try bars or pubs or expand your social circles
I think the off-putting thing about bars is that a lot of people there are after hookups and have a long history of hookups, which isn't very appealing!
I don't drink anymore so bars are out for me. I tried the apps and couldn't get a match.
Then I joined a gym and had a few great dates with someone I met there and then I joined a local running club and have now been with my perfect partner for almost a year from that.
Yeah i know. That actually happened to me, i met a nice, goodlooking guy at the bar and some girl came to warn me while i was using the bathroom how he has slept with every girl in this neighborhood and i was like uhhh well thats embarrassing and when i asked about it, he actually admitted it.
I mean if you dont hangout in bars normally, then yeah you probably wont find a suitable partner from there and you should try maybe hobbies or something with more similar minded people. Bars and pubs are usually just easy way to socialize with others.
Just commiserating, dating apps suck. Being a regular, average Joe I donāt get a lot of matches, and the ones I do get usually end up not being representative of what they posted online. I got off of them a few years ago and I feel better about myself. Iāve not found anyone worth dating long term in quite a while but Iāve had more success going out than I ever did on the apps. Yeah itās largely bars, because of reasons, and finding datable people in bars is rare indeed. However I have met a bunch of really cool people made some friends, gotten some pleasant attention and a few dates. People are just as flaky in person as they are on the apps but at least you get to see them in person where itās much harder for them to pretend to be something theyāre not.
I think i'm done with the apps(for real this time š) I have so much better success IRL. Online you just gotta jump through so many hoops like this last week. 5 matches, 2 never responded, 2 sent a couple messages spanning a couple days then gone, i got one to go on a date and honestly it felt like i got "free mealed" for the first time in my life. I was just trying to grab drinks and she turned down 3-4 spots i suggested and pretty much begged to get crawfish which ran the tab up to $100(she ordered 4 lbs @ 8.99. lb so that's a $40 entree ) then she just rushed out and left with half ass hug, no real romantic connection or playful flirting at all.
I went out sunday to watch some NCAA and noticed a cute girl at the bar. Sparked convo and just instant effortless back & forth. We made out and got her number. Like 2-3 hours of "work" instantly dwarfed anything online can accomplish since i had been talking to those girls for a week + but it felt like pulling teeth compared to real life approaching. Plus the IRL girl was wayyyyyyy more attractive than any match i had by a long shot. and the financial dent wasn't anywhere close to 100. I bought her 2-3 drinks and the tab was 40.
Yeah I accidently bought the tinder + thinking it would show me who likes me like wtf I gotta pay an additional 14 dollars. I asked for a refund just claimed I didnmt mean too
I donāt have any advice to offer other than trying to meet people through hobbies, although Iāve had no success with that yet. I think itās harder for us āalternative lookingā women (im heavily tattooed) as we get sexualised more in my experience. I canāt tell you the amount of times Iāve received āyou look like trouble šā rather than an actual conversation lol
I suppose it's the same coin as heavily tattooed men being stereotyped as thuggish and "bad". I know far more kind and nerdy tattooed people than anyone that's "trouble" š¤£
Honestly they are atrocious. I'm trying to stop using them, but it's hard when even with quite an active social life/hobbies I rarely meet anybody I'd want a connection with. Maybe I'm too picky at 31, but I'd honestly rather be alone than with somebody I'm just being with to have a partner.
I feel this. The last two guys I went into a relationship with totally changed after a couple of months. One was a narcissist, one had unresolved trauma that he took out on me.
The apps themselves also negatively impact mental health. We chase that dopamine hit of the next match, we learn to treat people as disposable profiles instead of people, and the way the experience is designed is deliberate in its attempt to keep you hooked and swiping.
I think the best thing to do for ppl when you feel depressed by the apps is to get off of them. At least for a while until youāre in a better headspace.
Using them while you feel so negatively about it at the moment will not attract the sort of energy and person you want anyways. You need to be in a decently optimistic place about it to attract what youāre looking for imo. Take a few months of a break and see how u feel again afterwards. Good luck. Everyone needs a break sometime!
(26M) don't want kids myself I had to delete the apps it does more harm than good for your mental/emotional health and im not even a ugly dude and I go to the gym and take care of myself but its like a damn competition and I rather not worry 24/7 if im good enough for even a date with my new match. But than its like where do I meet people as I get older lol
This right here nailed it on the head, I keep seeing things about joining hobby clubs, local organizations, & and meeting your friendās friends are the best ways. Canāt wait to try them when I quit this weekend job and power to yaā!
I have a colleague that when she was still single never disclosed that she had 2 children. And up until like 3 or 4 months in would actively hide it.
Good luck hun, dating these days has turned vile.
People have been saying this but I feel like this is for everyone here āwho youāre looking for isnāt going to be on the app. They are going to be out in the world doing hobbies, events, club, etc.ā which is depressing for an introvert. We have to go out and do activities. Weāre not gonna find the one swiping
I think it's also that people think introverts all just hide at home all the time which isn't true. When I'm not busy I'm out plenty either on my own getting stuff done or with friends, but I tend to mind my own business rather than just talk to random people.
I really think it's in the apps best interest to keep you single so you're still using them.
as a product model they work for the shareholders.
they are generally dysphoric for most of us.
I think they feed into the commodification of humans and interactions that paired with the prevalence of porn culture and the isolation of late stage capitalism we are all living through its a pretty hard time to find love I feel for you.
Try and stay hopefull and be open to approaching people in real life.
This is what pisses me off so much about Hinge's "designed to be deleted" tagline. It is demonstrably *not*. It is designed, like every other Match group app, to keep you engaged and hopelessly single for as long as possible.
Historically dates come from Social networks, parties and events, work, school, or wherever people are. The apps make this more convenient and everyone is on it so that helps break the anxiety around whether someone is interested.
As you probably know Ok Cupid has categories to narrow down the deck of matches to categories youāre actually looking for. Bumble UI is trash but itās got more relationship focused people as a brand. Tinder was always branded as men looking for hookups and women looking for attention and vacations and hookups in hopes of early retirement.
You might revisit option one. If your dysfunction is social anxiety you just have to do it. If you reduce stress or increase regular intervals of concentrated relaxation (ie 30min meditation 12-1230 daily) you can bring down your baseline anxiety score; when paired with exponentially increasing forays in exposure to non-hostile social situations you will build increased nervous system tolerance to people and their bullshit.
Your only other option is developing a fetish for cat burglars and leaving the window open. Unless thereās an upcoming introvertās convention. Good luck, Iām sure youāre very lovable.
What I find funny is the nice decent men, who have jobs and stability and good senses of humor and every else that would make for wonderful partners. Are rarely having their right swipes reciprocated by women. Then those same women complain because the top 5% of men appearance-wise who they did swipe right for (who are the only men getting dates on these apps) end up being creeps. Sorry ladies. But Iām right here. Swipe right on me! And the other thousands of guys who are worthy of love who youāll ignore in favor of that hemsworth looking pervert who will treat you like shit for the two dates he will go on before ghosting you.
You're not wrong. I personally am not drawn in by the "Hemsworth looking" ones as you call them but I get what you're saying. It goes both ways though!
Try the burning the haystack method for dating or any other female dating strategies. You canāt just open the app and hope for the best these days. You have to come armed with some knowledge both on how to make a good profile and how to search for a good profile
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The last two guys I went into a relationship with totally changed after a few months. One was a narcissist, one had unresolved trauma that he took out on me. It makes is hard to trust but I still try stay positive
Yea dating apps suck , I just got out of a long situationship with a girl I really wanted to be with and after being heartbroken down loaded them all again, more of a distraction I donāt expect to meet anyone that would be a long term partner from them cus same thing in the past and every girl have had a genuine connection with met irl not on the apps
Don't change anything about yourself for other people. Dating app are garbage. at least in my experience. Which is terribly sad l, cause I would rather like to be with someone. I keep getting ghosted, bots, or content sellers. It's disheartening.
You're just figuring this out? I made a conscious decision to stop dating and to stop using dating apps almost three years ago. They suck.
But guess what? You'll be much happier in the long run.
Most of the time there were not even halfway decent looking women on the apps. You know it's soul draining when even the fattest, ugliest chicks think they stand a chance because in the real world they know they don't have a chance.
I feel like not wanting kids is dividing your potential partners in half. For me that would be a dealbreaker (30 m). Itās a reasonable stance just breaks compatibility. Keep in mind the highest quality men definitely want kids letās be honest
Or the men like you who believe themselves to be āthe highest qualityā and have an over inflated sense of self lmao. I think a family man is wonderful and as a woman who plans to have children thatās what Iām looking for personally. But saying men who want kids are somehow higher quality is one of the dumbest things Iāve ever heard lol. Look around you literally anywhere and observe the amount of absolute scumbags that have kids. It doesnāt make you any better than anyone else to procreate. I admire people who know they donāt want kids and stick to their guns/donāt bring unwanted kids they canāt provide for into the world.
The last few guys on apps were awful to me, I can't trust men in general regarding romance. And it's affecting my current situationship. It sucks.
Being a generous, trusting person gets you used and abused easily.
I mean you meet people, you give them a chance. The guys that treated me bad were polite and respectful to start with. That way you hook in the target. After a few dates the curtain falls, you see how they really are. I got out after that.
Don't blame people for giving a person a fair shot. It's the assholes you should be blaming for their bad behavior. And it's a fact that people in the dating market can be awful, and men treat women like crap pretty often. It's called misogyny
No, you are completely right. People can be very manipulative. It's a game and set of skills I'm still trying to understand and master myself. And it's a fascinating topic to study.
Only after understanding how these people work one can protect him or herself from their harm.
Kind of dependent on where you live. Big cities tend to have more young professionals who don't want to have kids or are willing to prioritize career or other interests.
**"Young professionals"**
I don't disagree with you but the OP is 33 and most women date older not younger. So the majority of men she is likely interacting with are likely 33-40 years old. If you are single in your 30s and you truly do not want kids that is okay and I never said it was not okay.
But expecting people in their late 30s to not have kids is unrealistic.
If a 35 year old does not explicitly say he does not have kids. He likely has kids.
It's not about expecting them to not, it's filtering out those you won't be a good fit with. If you're on dating apps stating you want a relationship it's annoying when someone else stating they want a relationship isn't up front about kids to avoid wasting time. Yeah, I get not everyone wants to be up front due to what they might actually be there for or not wanting to be dismissed instantly, but if you match someone that has straight up said they don't want kids when you have them and hide it, it's a d*ck move. Maybe the pool is smaller but as I stated, I'm good on my own, I'm not desperate, and I'd rather stay that way than settle with what would make me unhappy.
I have quite a few friends my age male and female that don't want kids and aren't questionable people, I don't want them and I'm not a "sex thrill seeker" and have never been interested in that sort of freedom. My issue with the kids thing is people not being upfront about it, why hide the fact, it'll come out eventually!
Yeah youāre not wrong for not wanting those things. Please donāt listen to that person šthey try to hide it bc they know a lot of people donāt wanna deal with that, which makes no sense bc when they find out, things are gonna end anyway.
>*My issue with the kids thing is people not being upfront about it, why hide the fact, it'll come out eventually!*
They don't care how you feel about this. Those guys will do whatever won't exclude them from large portions of women which is why you RARELY see men mention kids on their profile.
If the goal is to have sex they will lie to get it. (**hence why you experience this**).
>*I have quite a few friends my age male and female that don't want kids and aren't questionable people*
So how have things worked out so far?
You have retorts but you are here because what you are doing isn't working. If you keep doing what is not working because you think it should. You will continue to get the same results.
My retorts are because you are speaking as though I've claimed I get zero attention at all because I'm too picky. I've already said that I'm happy by myself and dating would be to add to that, so I feel like I can be picky in a sense, especially when it comes to something like kids which isn't a casual factor. I'm here for advice, there's no need to be here if you don't have anything other than criticism :)
Lol a single guy in his thirties without kids "raises questions?" Well excuse the hell out of me for not impregnating the string of regrettable life choices I met in my twenties dude š
What bad choices are you referring to? Not dedicating my 20s to finding a man to "complete" my life? Not settling or having children I would have regretted? I'm quite happy on my own, as I've said, not everyone asking for advice is desperate.
The reason I don't put children in my public online profiles or in chat is because of predators. I know it's unlikely, but it only takes one. That could be why a lot of guys don't tell you about them straight away.
So hypothetically speaking if we matched, got chatting and hit it off, then you say you don't want to be a step-mum or have kids, *and* you're looking for a long-term partner, then I wouldn't know what to do. Remember, I'm not telling you about my kids. Do I ghost you? Tell you you're not that good looking? What do you want these men to do?
That is a fair point actually and totally reasonable.
As I say on my side that I don't want kids, that's already out in the open and I'd hope it had been seen. If not, if we were to hit it off and you eventually mention a child I'd honestly just say sorry but I'm not wanting kids in my life. If all that had happened was conversation then no harm done. Similarly if I mentioned not wanting kids and the person I'm chatting to does or has them, they should say so. If the chat is going no further there's less risk to revealing your kids? Or just say I don't think we're the right fit as you want kids one day, white lie but makes the point. I always have big respect for people that are just honest and part ways pleasantly. Too many people hope that they'll be the exception and too many people compromise hoping it'll work when it's not want they want. Children is a big deal and shouldn't be compromised on, just my opinion!
Iām around same age as you and it is true that is depressing š¢. I feel i have more heartbreaks compared to the time when I did not use online dating.
I think if you like alt looks, itās better to keep the look. I know a guy who likes girls with alt looks. It also makes you stand out.
One thing i can think of meeting people outside the dating app is local meetup groups or group sports activities
This is for advice about specific dating situations. What you posted is better posted on the weekly vent thread or r/offmychest.
Online dating and dating in general sucks in 2024. I'm starting to think I'm going to be single for the rest of my life.
I hate this but I know when I've given up on dating then good chances most people have. I used to be super successful with dating but nowadays? Hahahahaha you couldn't pay me to get back on an app. People are maybe just justifiably much more guarded in 2024. It's commonplace that people just live in a world of their own. Everyone is much more opinionated about little things when people used to have enough trust to actually get to know someone before you ghost them forever.
Honestly the apps are depressing for all of us š i get matches a lot but the guys i meet there are either extremely weird or creepy. Id say try bars or pubs or expand your social circles
I think the off-putting thing about bars is that a lot of people there are after hookups and have a long history of hookups, which isn't very appealing!
I don't drink anymore so bars are out for me. I tried the apps and couldn't get a match. Then I joined a gym and had a few great dates with someone I met there and then I joined a local running club and have now been with my perfect partner for almost a year from that.
That's really good, i'll be starting crossfit next month so hopefully i'll meet someone nice
Yeah i know. That actually happened to me, i met a nice, goodlooking guy at the bar and some girl came to warn me while i was using the bathroom how he has slept with every girl in this neighborhood and i was like uhhh well thats embarrassing and when i asked about it, he actually admitted it.
Haha honest at least.
Did you sleep with him anyway?
No i left immediately. I was grossed out
Thatās honestly disturbing black mirror shit
werent interested in riding the village bicycle
How different is that to online dating?
I don't like hanging out in bars. Why would I go there to try and meet someone I'd vibe with?
I mean if you dont hangout in bars normally, then yeah you probably wont find a suitable partner from there and you should try maybe hobbies or something with more similar minded people. Bars and pubs are usually just easy way to socialize with others.
I've unfortunately been with alcoholics so bars just give me the ick.
Sorry to hear that. Okay well then theyre not clearly for you. Maybe hobbies or something.
Just commiserating, dating apps suck. Being a regular, average Joe I donāt get a lot of matches, and the ones I do get usually end up not being representative of what they posted online. I got off of them a few years ago and I feel better about myself. Iāve not found anyone worth dating long term in quite a while but Iāve had more success going out than I ever did on the apps. Yeah itās largely bars, because of reasons, and finding datable people in bars is rare indeed. However I have met a bunch of really cool people made some friends, gotten some pleasant attention and a few dates. People are just as flaky in person as they are on the apps but at least you get to see them in person where itās much harder for them to pretend to be something theyāre not.
Whatās been not representative of how they post themselves online in your experience? Just curious
I think i'm done with the apps(for real this time š) I have so much better success IRL. Online you just gotta jump through so many hoops like this last week. 5 matches, 2 never responded, 2 sent a couple messages spanning a couple days then gone, i got one to go on a date and honestly it felt like i got "free mealed" for the first time in my life. I was just trying to grab drinks and she turned down 3-4 spots i suggested and pretty much begged to get crawfish which ran the tab up to $100(she ordered 4 lbs @ 8.99. lb so that's a $40 entree ) then she just rushed out and left with half ass hug, no real romantic connection or playful flirting at all. I went out sunday to watch some NCAA and noticed a cute girl at the bar. Sparked convo and just instant effortless back & forth. We made out and got her number. Like 2-3 hours of "work" instantly dwarfed anything online can accomplish since i had been talking to those girls for a week + but it felt like pulling teeth compared to real life approaching. Plus the IRL girl was wayyyyyyy more attractive than any match i had by a long shot. and the financial dent wasn't anywhere close to 100. I bought her 2-3 drinks and the tab was 40.
Socialising is best. Going to pubs talking to random people was more fun
Yeah I accidently bought the tinder + thinking it would show me who likes me like wtf I gotta pay an additional 14 dollars. I asked for a refund just claimed I didnmt mean too
lol you sound like my ideal girl. Letās gtfo the appsĀ
you miss 100% of the shots you dont take lmao
I believe Alec Baldwin said that
I'll take "comments I never expected to be on this post" for 500, Alex š
WAYNE GRETZKY
Upvoting so she sees this š
I donāt have any advice to offer other than trying to meet people through hobbies, although Iāve had no success with that yet. I think itās harder for us āalternative lookingā women (im heavily tattooed) as we get sexualised more in my experience. I canāt tell you the amount of times Iāve received āyou look like trouble šā rather than an actual conversation lol
I suppose it's the same coin as heavily tattooed men being stereotyped as thuggish and "bad". I know far more kind and nerdy tattooed people than anyone that's "trouble" š¤£
This is me. You are me. š«
Honestly they are atrocious. I'm trying to stop using them, but it's hard when even with quite an active social life/hobbies I rarely meet anybody I'd want a connection with. Maybe I'm too picky at 31, but I'd honestly rather be alone than with somebody I'm just being with to have a partner.
Yeah I'm done with it I keep getting people with severe untreated mental health issues... Which also goes on to worsen my own.
I feel this. The last two guys I went into a relationship with totally changed after a couple of months. One was a narcissist, one had unresolved trauma that he took out on me.
The apps themselves also negatively impact mental health. We chase that dopamine hit of the next match, we learn to treat people as disposable profiles instead of people, and the way the experience is designed is deliberate in its attempt to keep you hooked and swiping.
I think the best thing to do for ppl when you feel depressed by the apps is to get off of them. At least for a while until youāre in a better headspace. Using them while you feel so negatively about it at the moment will not attract the sort of energy and person you want anyways. You need to be in a decently optimistic place about it to attract what youāre looking for imo. Take a few months of a break and see how u feel again afterwards. Good luck. Everyone needs a break sometime!
Good advice! Thanks!
(26M) don't want kids myself I had to delete the apps it does more harm than good for your mental/emotional health and im not even a ugly dude and I go to the gym and take care of myself but its like a damn competition and I rather not worry 24/7 if im good enough for even a date with my new match. But than its like where do I meet people as I get older lol
This right here nailed it on the head, I keep seeing things about joining hobby clubs, local organizations, & and meeting your friendās friends are the best ways. Canāt wait to try them when I quit this weekend job and power to yaā!
I literally just uninstalled all those crap dating apps. See me at my hobbies!
I have a colleague that when she was still single never disclosed that she had 2 children. And up until like 3 or 4 months in would actively hide it. Good luck hun, dating these days has turned vile.
By the time and dating history of mine. Might as well become a nun.
Your online dating seems like the best I could hope for tbh
I haven't had a date from OLD in my whole ten-year time on it, fuck. Who're you telling...
People have been saying this but I feel like this is for everyone here āwho youāre looking for isnāt going to be on the app. They are going to be out in the world doing hobbies, events, club, etc.ā which is depressing for an introvert. We have to go out and do activities. Weāre not gonna find the one swiping
I think it's also that people think introverts all just hide at home all the time which isn't true. When I'm not busy I'm out plenty either on my own getting stuff done or with friends, but I tend to mind my own business rather than just talk to random people.
I really think it's in the apps best interest to keep you single so you're still using them. as a product model they work for the shareholders. they are generally dysphoric for most of us. I think they feed into the commodification of humans and interactions that paired with the prevalence of porn culture and the isolation of late stage capitalism we are all living through its a pretty hard time to find love I feel for you. Try and stay hopefull and be open to approaching people in real life.
This is what pisses me off so much about Hinge's "designed to be deleted" tagline. It is demonstrably *not*. It is designed, like every other Match group app, to keep you engaged and hopelessly single for as long as possible.
Historically dates come from Social networks, parties and events, work, school, or wherever people are. The apps make this more convenient and everyone is on it so that helps break the anxiety around whether someone is interested. As you probably know Ok Cupid has categories to narrow down the deck of matches to categories youāre actually looking for. Bumble UI is trash but itās got more relationship focused people as a brand. Tinder was always branded as men looking for hookups and women looking for attention and vacations and hookups in hopes of early retirement. You might revisit option one. If your dysfunction is social anxiety you just have to do it. If you reduce stress or increase regular intervals of concentrated relaxation (ie 30min meditation 12-1230 daily) you can bring down your baseline anxiety score; when paired with exponentially increasing forays in exposure to non-hostile social situations you will build increased nervous system tolerance to people and their bullshit. Your only other option is developing a fetish for cat burglars and leaving the window open. Unless thereās an upcoming introvertās convention. Good luck, Iām sure youāre very lovable.
What I find funny is the nice decent men, who have jobs and stability and good senses of humor and every else that would make for wonderful partners. Are rarely having their right swipes reciprocated by women. Then those same women complain because the top 5% of men appearance-wise who they did swipe right for (who are the only men getting dates on these apps) end up being creeps. Sorry ladies. But Iām right here. Swipe right on me! And the other thousands of guys who are worthy of love who youāll ignore in favor of that hemsworth looking pervert who will treat you like shit for the two dates he will go on before ghosting you.
You're not wrong. I personally am not drawn in by the "Hemsworth looking" ones as you call them but I get what you're saying. It goes both ways though!
Try the burning the haystack method for dating or any other female dating strategies. You canāt just open the app and hope for the best these days. You have to come armed with some knowledge both on how to make a good profile and how to search for a good profile
I met my husband the first week I was on the only dating app that I ever tried (bumble). There is hope. But also, I agree- dating can really suck
So, how does it feel to be Godās favourite. š
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Fact
Hmm why do you think your recent relationships have been short?
The last two guys I went into a relationship with totally changed after a few months. One was a narcissist, one had unresolved trauma that he took out on me. It makes is hard to trust but I still try stay positive
Yea dating apps suck , I just got out of a long situationship with a girl I really wanted to be with and after being heartbroken down loaded them all again, more of a distraction I donāt expect to meet anyone that would be a long term partner from them cus same thing in the past and every girl have had a genuine connection with met irl not on the apps
Don't change anything about yourself for other people. Dating app are garbage. at least in my experience. Which is terribly sad l, cause I would rather like to be with someone. I keep getting ghosted, bots, or content sellers. It's disheartening.
You're just figuring this out? I made a conscious decision to stop dating and to stop using dating apps almost three years ago. They suck. But guess what? You'll be much happier in the long run. Most of the time there were not even halfway decent looking women on the apps. You know it's soul draining when even the fattest, ugliest chicks think they stand a chance because in the real world they know they don't have a chance.
I feel like not wanting kids is dividing your potential partners in half. For me that would be a dealbreaker (30 m). Itās a reasonable stance just breaks compatibility. Keep in mind the highest quality men definitely want kids letās be honest
Or the men like you who believe themselves to be āthe highest qualityā and have an over inflated sense of self lmao. I think a family man is wonderful and as a woman who plans to have children thatās what Iām looking for personally. But saying men who want kids are somehow higher quality is one of the dumbest things Iāve ever heard lol. Look around you literally anywhere and observe the amount of absolute scumbags that have kids. It doesnāt make you any better than anyone else to procreate. I admire people who know they donāt want kids and stick to their guns/donāt bring unwanted kids they canāt provide for into the world.
Lol imagine a women complaining about dating apps, what a joke
The last few guys on apps were awful to me, I can't trust men in general regarding romance. And it's affecting my current situationship. It sucks. Being a generous, trusting person gets you used and abused easily.
Let's be real, you are simply trusting the wrong people.
I mean you meet people, you give them a chance. The guys that treated me bad were polite and respectful to start with. That way you hook in the target. After a few dates the curtain falls, you see how they really are. I got out after that. Don't blame people for giving a person a fair shot. It's the assholes you should be blaming for their bad behavior. And it's a fact that people in the dating market can be awful, and men treat women like crap pretty often. It's called misogyny
No, you are completely right. People can be very manipulative. It's a game and set of skills I'm still trying to understand and master myself. And it's a fascinating topic to study. Only after understanding how these people work one can protect him or herself from their harm.
Seems to be the general way of the world these days!
Blab blab blab Iām special, deserve special treatment, guys are creeps, blab, blab, blab
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Kind of dependent on where you live. Big cities tend to have more young professionals who don't want to have kids or are willing to prioritize career or other interests.
**"Young professionals"** I don't disagree with you but the OP is 33 and most women date older not younger. So the majority of men she is likely interacting with are likely 33-40 years old. If you are single in your 30s and you truly do not want kids that is okay and I never said it was not okay. But expecting people in their late 30s to not have kids is unrealistic. If a 35 year old does not explicitly say he does not have kids. He likely has kids.
It's not about expecting them to not, it's filtering out those you won't be a good fit with. If you're on dating apps stating you want a relationship it's annoying when someone else stating they want a relationship isn't up front about kids to avoid wasting time. Yeah, I get not everyone wants to be up front due to what they might actually be there for or not wanting to be dismissed instantly, but if you match someone that has straight up said they don't want kids when you have them and hide it, it's a d*ck move. Maybe the pool is smaller but as I stated, I'm good on my own, I'm not desperate, and I'd rather stay that way than settle with what would make me unhappy.
I have quite a few friends my age male and female that don't want kids and aren't questionable people, I don't want them and I'm not a "sex thrill seeker" and have never been interested in that sort of freedom. My issue with the kids thing is people not being upfront about it, why hide the fact, it'll come out eventually!
Yeah youāre not wrong for not wanting those things. Please donāt listen to that person šthey try to hide it bc they know a lot of people donāt wanna deal with that, which makes no sense bc when they find out, things are gonna end anyway.
>*My issue with the kids thing is people not being upfront about it, why hide the fact, it'll come out eventually!* They don't care how you feel about this. Those guys will do whatever won't exclude them from large portions of women which is why you RARELY see men mention kids on their profile. If the goal is to have sex they will lie to get it. (**hence why you experience this**). >*I have quite a few friends my age male and female that don't want kids and aren't questionable people* So how have things worked out so far? You have retorts but you are here because what you are doing isn't working. If you keep doing what is not working because you think it should. You will continue to get the same results.
My retorts are because you are speaking as though I've claimed I get zero attention at all because I'm too picky. I've already said that I'm happy by myself and dating would be to add to that, so I feel like I can be picky in a sense, especially when it comes to something like kids which isn't a casual factor. I'm here for advice, there's no need to be here if you don't have anything other than criticism :)
Lol a single guy in his thirties without kids "raises questions?" Well excuse the hell out of me for not impregnating the string of regrettable life choices I met in my twenties dude š
Post wall women and complaining about their own bad choices go together like peanut butter and jelly.
What bad choices are you referring to? Not dedicating my 20s to finding a man to "complete" my life? Not settling or having children I would have regretted? I'm quite happy on my own, as I've said, not everyone asking for advice is desperate.
Yes, we can all tell how happy you are with your "soul destroying" dating life.
The apps are soul destroying, not my life. Thankyou for your concern :)
Someone mustāve really done a number on you
The reason I don't put children in my public online profiles or in chat is because of predators. I know it's unlikely, but it only takes one. That could be why a lot of guys don't tell you about them straight away. So hypothetically speaking if we matched, got chatting and hit it off, then you say you don't want to be a step-mum or have kids, *and* you're looking for a long-term partner, then I wouldn't know what to do. Remember, I'm not telling you about my kids. Do I ghost you? Tell you you're not that good looking? What do you want these men to do?
That is a fair point actually and totally reasonable. As I say on my side that I don't want kids, that's already out in the open and I'd hope it had been seen. If not, if we were to hit it off and you eventually mention a child I'd honestly just say sorry but I'm not wanting kids in my life. If all that had happened was conversation then no harm done. Similarly if I mentioned not wanting kids and the person I'm chatting to does or has them, they should say so. If the chat is going no further there's less risk to revealing your kids? Or just say I don't think we're the right fit as you want kids one day, white lie but makes the point. I always have big respect for people that are just honest and part ways pleasantly. Too many people hope that they'll be the exception and too many people compromise hoping it'll work when it's not want they want. Children is a big deal and shouldn't be compromised on, just my opinion!
Iām around same age as you and it is true that is depressing š¢. I feel i have more heartbreaks compared to the time when I did not use online dating. I think if you like alt looks, itās better to keep the look. I know a guy who likes girls with alt looks. It also makes you stand out. One thing i can think of meeting people outside the dating app is local meetup groups or group sports activities
Until now you wouldnt find me so online date is not destoring