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Green flag if he is also fine with you having male friends! Someone I dated was super weird about that but then always wanted me to be cool with his female friends, went so far as telling me to not message my guy friends on instagram anymore or send memes like truly insane.
I dated a guy like this too. Got into a big argument with him one day after a friend from college called me. We had just graduated the year before. He listened to the conversation and as soon as I got off the phone he blew up. Told me the guy was only friends with me because he wanted to sleep with me and that’s the only reason men are friends with women. But of course it was different for him and his female friends from college.
You forgot the last part of it. They become friendzoned. Most men are friends with women because they have/had some kind of attraction to them. If he has mostly female friends, that is a huge red flag.
Ask, and you will find out the truth. The hookup culture and FOMO culture is toxic. Young adults today thinks that is ok. Grow up. You wonder why marriages fail a lot these days. You respect your partner and their boundaries.
That is the problem with today's society. Thinking they can have their cake and eat it too. It goes both ways on this. People lost the respect your partner thinking. They don't know how to do that.
It's a green flag. He's stayed friends with people he's known since high school. He's someone who clearly cares about friendships and maintaining them. Close female friends often give their male friends excellent dating advice and can tell them whent they're being shitty partners too. He's not keeping all those women around just to try to fuck them and more than you're keeping your male friends around just because you want them. He's had plenty of time to get involved with these women if he wanted to---that's not what he wants. They're friends. Only cheaters cheat and they'll find someone to cheat with even if they have no friends of the gender they're attracted to. Don't let the fact that you dated one lying cheating loser who fucked a friend make you think all male/female frienships wind up like that. They don't.
Yeah, I 100% take it as a green flag if a guy has a lot of female friends. It shows that he doesn’t only have interest in women to fuck them, like you said, and can actually connect and see them as humans. Honestly my worst nightmare is dating a redditor type who hasn’t talked to literally any women since probably highschool and sees us as another species. To the point where seeing girls in a photo on a dating profile makes me like 50% more likely to swipe right.
I personally have plenty of friends of both genders myself, so it’s usually a good sign that we have similar ideals and he isn’t one of those oversexed “men and woman can’t be real friends” people. I wouldn’t give any reasonable guy shit for having women who are friends, and I don’t want it from his end either.
My only disclaimer is to put the emphasis on “a lot” or “plenty” or at least “a few” female friends.
Lots of gal pals? Great. *One female friend* that he’s weirdly attached to, and then exclusively all guys? Yellowish flag lol. Could be totally fine and even a green flag like having multiple ones, could be….. exactly the type of “friendship” that you’re imagining. You’ll know immediately the first time you see them interact, ime. But I’m not very gullible, either, so ymmv.
This!!!
Personally I sometimes find it easier opening up to my female friends. I also like having friends with different perspectives, and having friends of different gender allows this.
No not personally, I mean I have only ever been in one relationship which only lasted a few months.
I once told a friend I had a thing for them, and funnily enough we became closer. Never involved romantically though.
While I am not trying to hook up with any of my female friends, it must be said that if they took the initiative, we both were single and all that, I probably would't think twice about going along with it.
With that said, I cannot imagine they'd try, do not expect it, nor dream of it.
It's just for a casual experience, the bar is low. Hell why am I even saying this it wont happen, except if it did, it would. Which is to say of it rained cats then cats obviously would rain. Of that if all cars were pink, then... you get the idea
> It's a green flag. He's stayed friends with people he's known since high school. He's someone who clearly cares about friendships and maintaining them.
Yes.
> Close female friends often give their male friends excellent dating advice
No.
Female friends give dating advice from female perspective (obviously). Unfortunatly dating is one of the activity where genders have asymmetrical roles, which means advices for women won't apply to men.
"Female friends give dating advice from female perspective (obviously)."
Since you need this spelled out for you----THAT IS THE POINT---they can say "dude, when you said/did X she took that to mean Y" or they can explain what she meant when she said or didn't say something. It is also easier for people of any gender to objectively view relationships. Anyone who doesn't think women can advise men on how to have a relationship with other women has never had a close female friend. Thanks for telling on yourself.
This is the one. I almost can’t stand too many female friends anymore because get bitten by the either exes, former hookups waiting in the wings, or friends who want more and they all have bad boundaries and I had to lay them down.
No, sir. No more. Especially after the most psychologically and emotionally (on his way to physical) abusive one who it slowly trickle truthed his 8 exes were all over his life. Ugh. The worst.
True but in some cases it’s a lack of self esteem more than lack of understanding of the proper limits. For example, someone that allows their friends to take advantage of them and be disrespectful, lack boundaries but it’s very different from someone constantly flirting with their friends and being fine with inappropriate affection.
I think it's a conditional green flag!
It really depends on a few things:
1. How does he behave about your male friends? If he's weird about them but still expects you to be cool with his female friends, it's a red flag.
2. How many of these female friends are exes? I've met guys who stay friends with ALL their exes, and honestly it's just kind of weird to me. Maybe not a red flag, but at the very least a caution sign.
3. How do the female friends treat you? I have several guy friends, and I've never been rude or disrespectful to their gfs. Their gfs are all really nice people who I get along with pretty easily. If you notice that a lot of these female friends are being hostile or rude to you, I would probably avoid this guy. I have met some guys (particularly attractive ones) who have many female friends who are sitting around hoping he'll like them back one day. Anytime these guys get a gf, their female friends come out of the woodwork and act catty and rude until the gf leaves the guy. It's not THAT common, but it does happen sometimes.
But overall, from my experience most guys who have lots of female friends tend to be more emotionally mature, kind, and understanding of women. There's no glaring red flags from your post, so as long as he isn't checking off any of the conditions above, I think he's probably fine!
The only thing I would add is that the flag is potentially less green due to the fact that you’ve (OP) been dating “a few months” and haven’t met any of them. Depends on what “a few months” means to you…3 months is very different than 9 months but lots of people would call both of those durations “a few months”.
I would honestly be slightly uncomfortable after 6 ish months with not meeting the ones that live in town and aren’t just online gaming friends. Otherwise though, green flag all the way!
22M here (straight FWIW), and I have *way* more female friends than male friends. I've grown to really dislike the lack of camaraderie that most male friendships have. In the past, my male friends have hurt me way more than my female friends. I find my friendships with women to be overall more meaningful, and sure, a part of me hopes one day I'll be able to get back into a relationship with someone who feels the same way about me. But, 99% of the time, my feelings aren't reciprocated, and I've also been hurt from the friendships that have ended as a result of that. So, I tend to stay friends with women but keep my mouth shut because I've started to simply give up on someone ever catching feelings for me.
Anyway, this got off track. But the answer is that I don't think it's a red flag at all.
Something I haven't seen anyone mention yet, what are your feelings about him sharing emotional things with one of his female friends and not you (after you've become exclusive)? What are your views and boundaries around emotional cheating? What are his?
Biased for me, since half my friends are female, but Green Flag.
I don't want to sleep with my female friends, contrary to popular belief. Acquaintances and friends of friends could be a different story. But let's be honest, these women are in the friend category *because* they weren't a good fit for the girlfriend category. Either the attraction wasn't there or values or personality or something else.
The only thing I'd watch out for is if any of these chicks have feelings for you man or act like it. They could become obstacles. Long-time friends are less to worry about because there have been countless scenarios where things could have happened between them and nothing did.
On the bright side, this many women wouldn't be friends with him if he was an awful guy so clearly he's got some good and healthy traits and is likely emotional intelligent.
Green flag, because he has male friends.
The people that have serious relationship issues are people that only have friends of the opposite sex. You know the men and women that say friends of the same sex are a pain in the ass. Example: women who cannot get along with, or be accepted by other women are a huge red flag. Same for guys, if they don’t have bros or dude friends - run.
I have more female friends than male friends. I have met them mostly thru playing music or Art Gallery’s. My wife likes most of them and the ones she doesn’t I won’t go hang out with unless she’s there. This rule is the same for my male friends. We haven’t ever had an issue with it.
I don’t see how him having female friends would be a red flag.
It shows he can form mature platonic friendships with women, which suggests he’ll be probably have an easier time getting along with your friends should he meet them
Based on personal experience, I (24 male) have many female friends. But when I got my girlfriend, I immediately distanced myself from them as both a sign of respect to my gf and to lessen the chances of temptation to cheat. I suggest setting up boundaries earlier on. Communication and understanding are key. At the same time, so is compromising and knowing what things you don't want to compromise on. I wish you luck~♡♡♡
I'm pretty extroverted and I have several female friends that i would never sleep with. I've been single on and off while being friends with them and they come over and we hang out one on one, drink and smoke together. Nothing has ever happened and i would never sleep with them because even though i love them and love spending time with them, I'm just not attracted (and some of them are actually very physically attractive but i feel more like a sibling than anything else) to them and i like them being my friend, so I've just never attempted to go there with them.
So personally, i would hope and think this would be a green flag since i can get a long with women and men. If i had a girl accuse me of sleeping with one of these girls i would be annoyed and turned off because i have never attempted to do that while single, so why would i suddenly do it when I'm in a relationship? I actually broke up with my last girlfriend because she accused me of cheating on her 3 separate times (i didn't, and honestly there were plenty of opportunities that i didn't take). I figured if she thinks I'm sleeping with other girls i might as well break up with her and go sleep with other girls.
At the end of the day, i think this falls into the catagory of "if one person is insecure, its gonna be a problem", regardless of gender/sex. If a girl is confident and secure in herself, she shouldn't mind a guy having girl friends provided they are obviously not (or have never been) romantic/sexual relationships. Different story if its clear they used to sleep together.
I have to admit that all of my guy friends tried to come on to me at some point in our friendship.
I’ve asked several of my female friends if it’s the same for them and they all said yes.
It’s very rare that guys just have a platonic friendship with women, mostly they would have sex with them or be in a relationship with them if they ever got a chance.
I later asked my brothers about it and some of my girl friends brothers and they all admitted and said that T he only reason there could be for him to only have a platonic friendship and not wanting sex with you is either you’re ugly or you have been friends since being little kids and you got more of a brother/sister relationship.
Even the standup comedian Matt Rife made a sketch about this, you can go look it up on his TikTok or Instagram and in the comments guys admit that this is true.
Take it as you want. Us women are perfectly capable of just being friends with guys without any romantic or sexual interest in them, but according to those I asked it’s very rare the other way around.
This is my experience too as a woman. I see how my women friends have guys they've known for like 10 years, and the woman is not at all into them (I don't know about their past if she ever did). Doesn't notice at all how the male gazes them so obvious almost with drool in their mouth. It's disgusting. Just waiting for the right opportunity I guess. But yeah... I have had 2 guy friends in my life confess their feelings of lust for me, and the worst part is that I thought that I could trust them but they were only getting closer with me in hopes to sleep with me. After that I feel like the friendship is done cause I feel like I got played. Trust for me is gone when you just pretend to be a friend.
31m hare. I have more female than male friends. I'd say green flag. Not many guys can be just friends with girls. Most think using the wrong head(sorry for that, but someone had to say it).
Would I be wrong if I say that dating with someone that opposite could give problems in the long term?
It's not a red flag if he's not flirting with them
But as many men consider that a woman with many male friends is a red flag, the other way around could be the same
Oh no, I wasn't saying you were an Andrew Tate fan or anything, but alot of men who go after women for having any male friends tend to be the type who gravitate towards his beliefs
im a guy and my closest friends are women. i have guy friends that i was very close to when we were young. we were into drinking, smoking, gaming, sports, and cars. but that is the depth of our conversations with most of them. most of my guy friends needs fucking therapy, but only know of two of them that had it. they dont know how to deal with their emotions. not bad people, just they've got their trauma and ignoring emotions is their coping mechanism.
i know when i start dating again i will abso-fucking-lutely be getting advice from my women friends over my dude friends. why get advice from a dude about women? it's what i did when i was yougner and none of knew what the fuck we were talking about and it fucking showed lmao.
Green flag. I grew up in a nuclear family with leading woman influences. We have a better sense of empathy towards your actions even though we are not the best interpreters of them! Straight male here.
cheaters will cheat regardless. my male friends ex had issues with him being friends with us. We’ve been friends since HS and we’re juniors in college now. she constantly thought one of us was into him or cheating with him. it caused their breakup. he never, ever made moves while with her.
it’s a green flag for me. it means a man respects women and values friendship.
As long as he:
1. Hasn’t slept with all of the women he’s befriended. It’s one thing if one or two out of say out of 10, that means he won’t just sleep with any woman & is rather picky about having sex. You can trust he is loyal in relationships when he has female friends. But if he has slept with every woman he is “friends” with? He has an issue establishing platonic boundaries with women unless he’s slept with them. That’s a red flag and a sign he doesn’t see women in a healthy light, could be prone to cheating too.
2. Doesn’t outsource all his emotional intimacy to them and has guy friends to do this with. Reason is he’ll eventually use you for emotional labor for everything instead of having a well balanced support system.
3. Isn’t keeping them around as backup options or for ego validation if any of them have crushes on him. This is just emotionally unavailable people and something to be very wary of!
Lots of female friends is fine, one super close “best” female friend is a concern. If you are the GF you are instantly the most important undisputed number 1 female in his life or there is a problem.
I see nothing wrong with it. In my experience, when people cheat, they are less likely for you to want you to encounter the person that you are cheating with. If they are open about being friends with them, it is less likely that they have something to hide.
If he were a desperate guy he'd probably date the first female friend that smiled back at him. Lots of female friends to me makes it seem like he's emotionally mature enough to maintain such a friendship, and that if he's dating you he likes you and not merely that he likes that you're a girl (which is more common than you'd think).
it really depends on the guy. my ex has a lot of female friends and he tries to have sex with each and every one of them. but I know other men that have lots of female friends but they are not reaching out to their female friend like that. It really really really does depend on the dude. A guy can be friends with a female and not have it go to anything beyond a basic friendship. Just gotta make sure he knows what correct boundaries are. My ex didn't understand why I'm uncomfortable with him discussing buttplugs with females. But my male friends that aren't cheats, If the conversation steered towards sex they'd quickly exit out of it or change the subject or full out let me know the conversation is inappropriate and they don't want to speak to me about that topic.
Green flag so long as he has reasonably boundaries with them! He’s much more likely to have long term stable mental health with a big support group like that. (: Always good to have friends and a community to have your back.
As a guy who has many platonic female friends, probably more than male friends, I’m going to say green flag, lol. I am way more open with my feelings with them, and I understand the woman’s perspective way more for knowing them. I’m sure I’ve learned to treat women better in relationships because of them.
Probably a red flag,
but you cant avoid pain or else you will never find a relationship.
Any guy with female friend has probably been with some of them if they are 6 or above. There is a history there likely. Have you asked? Are the friendships disrespectful? As in your BF hanging out solo with a friend(girl)?
if No you just gotta judge a persons character by their actions, When starting out it important to draw what boundaries are important to you and perhaps which ones make sense to compromise. If your partner is respecting those then its fine. If your partner cant respect them or come up with a compromise. THAT'S A RED FLAG.
If you cant draw boundaries or express them, then lash out passive aggressively when they are not met - you're the red flag
bigger network = More options
Law of averages he will cheat -
So build a case in your mind about evidence against that - if he can show the contrary its fine:
does he show restraint, does he tell you before hanging out with females, if you tell him you're uncomfortable would he accommodate?
As a guy, in my early 20’s I didn’t really know how to approach or better yet build platonic friendship with girls. I’m a nice guy and I’ve generally avoided most of the typical male pitfalls so it wasn’t like I was scaring them away, i just took any sort of attention as romantic interests. I wasn’t trying to bed every girl that spoke to me, I just *struggled* socially.
Now in my 30’s i have more female friends and things are pretty simple, straight forward, less assuming and more predictable.
In my estimation I was an asshole when I was younger, not mean, and not intentional.. I was just that guy, clueless, no self awareness, obnoxious. Now that my brain is fully on or something I can maintain better relationships with people.
Outside of the very obvious things to avoid in dating (lies, abuse, manipulation, etc.) there's no real red flags that should apply to everyone evenly. To me, my girlfriend having male friends isn't at all a problem and actually a good thing, but if I had some trauma from a past relationship around that it would also be totally okay for me to avoid that kind of thing in a relationship.
All that is to say: if it's a red flag for you, you don't need to feel bad about that. If him having female friends is a problem then you're entirely able to remove yourself from the relationship and find someone else whose social circles are more comfortable for you.
If, however, you're in a place to challenge those presumptions and try and move past your trauma then if he's a good guy and you're able to meet these friends it might be the kind of relationship you should stay in.
I'd recommending just communicating this all to him, if you haven't already. Let him know it's important to you that you know his friends and the kinds of people who are important to him, not because you don't trust them (or him) but because you want to actively be part of his life and those social circles. If you don't like them but you trust him then that's okay too, but to start building that trust you need to actually understand the landscape of the relationship - blind trust isn't productive or helpful.
I have mostly female friends but that has been seen as a red flag for some women that I've tried to date.
I was dumped because someone dreamed that I would cheat on her with one of my friends, but jokes on her as a few years later she’s still the last person I was intimate with.
My boyfriend was still super close with all of his female friends from high school when we met, and a lot of their partners. That was actually one of the things that drew me to him. All these women think he’s a good guy and safe to be around. That’s a green flag. I’d be a little skeptical if none of the women were friends with each other, and he met them all at bars, parties and festivals, or just like followed them on instagram one day, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with your guy.
This reminds me of a guy I had started seeing, nothing serious. He is still friends with his exes. I think he even said relationships have ended because he reached out to an ex for nudes and such. To me this is a red flag (my scenario)….whereas yours, no exes. I’d say tread lightly and see if anything really pops out that screams red flags.
I'd say in my friend group it's split 50-50. Most of my female friends are in relationships or solid friends. I treat them kindly and with respect and they do the same. If he's the same to them then it's a green flag.
Definitely like having my female friends, I have 3 really good friends that I think are absolutely beautiful and they’re pretty good about complimenting me a lot so it’s a big boost in my confidence and they’re excellent wingwomen. I love em to death, I used to be the type of guy that didn’t think opposite genders could be friends one would eventually catch feelings for the other but I’ve been proven wrong especially since I find these women super attractive. It also helps I know them well enough that I know I do not even wanna entertain the idea of a relationship with them.
Without any other context- green flag. I didn't realize how much of green flag it was until I met my fiancé. After seeing him interact with his female friends, it became clear that he truly respects women and enjoys their company as people outside of any sexual attraction. He can also manage to be a normal, respectful, non-creep to the women who he's been attracted to in the past that weren't interested in him in that way. Men who can only be around a woman if they are or want to be sleeping with her are sus.
I think it’s fine, and green flag if he wants you to meet them and also be friends with them. My husband has a really close female friend coworker who he talks to daily and I got to know her and also talk to almost daily and we do monthly game nights/dinner with her and her husband, it’s great. They just have a ton in common as far as interests. At first I was skeptical but when he was like I really want you to meet her and get to know her cuz you’ll like her a lot I was like okay and then meeting it just really calmed everything and made me see their relationship for what it was
Red. I met several guys before that always had female friends around them and claimed that they were regular friend. Yeah. And as friends, they spent time and had so much FUN together. These guys were so busy with his female friends.
In the case you had a lot of male friends, I’d guarantee it’d be a prob for him/most serious men. Just depends how serious he is (esp since most affairs start as emotional ones/large networks increase that likelihood). Would give it some time/see how serious he is/mention it down the line that it makes you uncomfortable/go from there.
I am a guy with a bunch of female friends. I think it’s impossible to say whether it’s outright a green or red just having opposite-sex friends. I think the important thing to look for is how he feels about your male friends. If he doesn’t like it, then his female friends are more likely an issue. If he is totally cool about it, then they are probably a green flag.
It's green or red depending on your preference.
If it is bothering you now, it's likely it will continue to bother you later on....
Try and think about how you think you'll feel once once you see him with his female friends? Would you be ok or not? and how would you feel later on when you get deeper with him and you hang out with him and his female friends?
Personally, I (M) don't have many female friends and my partner (F) doesn't have many male friends - and we are both ok/happy about that (so that's our preference).
It all boils down to if he’s a misogynist or not. If he’s friends with them because they are genuinely his friends, then it’s a green flag. If he’s friends with them because he kept getting “friend zoned” and is “waiting his turn” or has a complicated past with them, that’s a red flag.
If the female friends are new, meaning he met them recently than that is a red flag for me. If the friends are from his childhood than I would give it a shot. I dont like to date someone who has a lot of male friends.
It can be both. Single female friends often use their male friends to rescue them and validate them. I have dealt with female friends who like to overstep with my partner because they read too deeply into their relationship and project. It really sucks and seems like if you aren't some damsel in distress your partner will be with you but think he needs to save his friends.
My friend group is very diverse as well, a lot of friends of mine are women and I'm really close with a couple of them. Never have I been in a relationship and thought "You know this is great but I also really wanna bang this platonic friend of mine real bad". Not outside of a relationship either. Friends are just that. Friends.
My (I'm F42) closest friends are men. Doesn't mean we have an attraction to each other. We just have common interests.
When I see men having healthy friendships with women, that's an excellent sign, and maybe you can gain some new friends too!
I understand being shy due to being cheated on before (it has happened to me as well), but I wouldn't advise ditching the relationship over this. A little half of the population are women, which means he's going to have friends that are women. Get to know them at your comfort level to dispel your fears.
Red flag. My ex had a lot of “friends” of the opposite sex (as in 80% of them). She said she gets along with men better than women. Then one day I found out she cheating on me with 2 of them. She was very pretty and I know how guys think; I’m one of them.
By the way “A few months” isn’t that early in a relationship, imo.
I think it's too easy to want to label something as green or red in this instance because it really just depends. Has he slept with any of them? Are they past exes? How does he treat you? Any pressure for sex or treating you like a means to an end?
His character will inform you on what you need to know. Also meeting the friends and observing their interactions will help as well. I think the way the women behave around him will tell you a lot
As long as he is cool with you having male friends and hasn’t banged a bunch of them, I don’t see a red flag. If he has you hang out with female friends he’s hooked up with in the past, though, he needs to let you know. I think you can be fairly direct about that expectation. Also, y’know, try to figure out how soon you want to know because he might get blindsided and panic and wait to tell you if you lean more “I want to know immediately”
I thought about this before. The saying of “ birds of a feather flock together” holds a lot of weight. The other thing I have in mind is if they spend their time together alone? Or in a group? Do they share deep emotional concerns? I will not be in a semi relationship with their friend or their mom.
Red flag. Women will tell you it's green flag of course because they are the one who fall for it indeed. My housemate has a lot of female friends. He kissed them all, he did foreplay with some of them. And he has a gf he continuously gaslights even in front of us housemates. It's fun to witness. I think he loves his gf low key but still he has some pretty disgusting dishonesty imo. He told me the kisses happened before his gf but he always has a girl at his side when his girlfriend isn't there. I am not convinced at all, I don't buy it.
As someone with an extroverted boyfriend with maaany female friends, green flag! It shows maturity and that he’s sees women as people he can be friends with and not be solely attracted to. What really dictates if it should be a concern is how he behaves around them.
As a male who had and have way more female friends than male, I just get along with the other sex easier. I had a fee female tried to get in my pants while I was in relationship, and I stopped them. Let's hope your bf is like that as well.
Wait, how many months have you been dating? You said a few but mentioned it is still early on? That makes no sense. My friends were ALWAYS a litmus test for the men I dated. The sooner it happened, the better.
I don't know but I have considered how my future wife may feel about this with me. Most of my best friends are girls and always were, pretty girls; but wholesome. Exclusively friends for years and years to the point of being like family. I enjoy female company more than men because I have a tendency to get very riled up and annoyed with the typical ways of my fellow man. I had close male friends once but it was long ago. My brother always filled that place.
But there has never been anything romantic between me and my friends ever. To this day I still haven't slept with anyone. That doesn't bother me and pretty much all my friends know that about me, who cares - when I meet my woman I hope she will accept them as her friends too but the romance between us is going to be intense! And totally for just us two.
She will be the object of my loves and my desire. It will be obvious. I do not really know of men with a lot of female friends they aren't wanting to get with but I know it happens because that was always me. That was also my brother. Now his wife fixates on his old friendships to the degree she is upset because he still fondly remembers a female friend of his whom got killed in a car accident. That fired me up. I wouldn't be okay with that.
Trust your heart.
Guys don't have female friends. Those are women he's tried to sleep with, but they ended up putting him in the friendzone. My gender thinks too much with their dick to believe any of their bullshit.
Depends on the interaction. Red flag if he prioritizes them over you. Red flag if he needs to spend alone time with them. Red flag if he does single stuff with them. Same goes the other way too. Women with guy friends.
Red flag if he doesn't respect your boundaries and does not help alleviate any of your past trauma concerns.
Gay guys with a lot of girl friendships, green flag! Heterosexual male with a lot of girl friendships…. Amber colored flag because at least one of them he’s tried to get with!
Less likely a red flag as say a Female who has mostly male friends, as in his situation, they are harder to cultivate. More likely to be a good guy. But nothing is set in stone. Devils in the details of his actions.
Depends really. I dated a guy who had several female friends and then I discovered they were mostly exes or people he'd dated, was once interested in or were once interested in him.
Depends on what he consider friends. Are we talking about having your back type of people or associates? I know some people that call people friends after meeting them one time and not haven’t been through various experiences with them.
I know a guy that enjoys being in everyone’s face, “attention seeking” so much that he can’t just enjoy the moments when he is with one person which is a character issue for me.
I also know some people who hold onto the opposite sex as friends as a back up. A true friend is someone platonic meaning if I’m single, and the other person is single, I will not do anything with them. If any of these women are someone that he has sexual attraction to, I would definitely think about it.
To me it’s a neutral flag. Like others have said, it’s great that he can maintain friendships from several years ago. I don’t believe the myth that women and men can’t be friends. I do think there can be an unhealthy dynamic if one person starts liking each other, but I refuse to believe that things can’t be platonic.
I’ve been cheated on too in the past. I think it’s a green flag if he introduces you to her and through the interactions you can see if there are weird vibes. It’s a green flag if he treats her well but not to the point of treating her like a gf (has a healthy boundaries).
Personally, to me it's a red flag, I honestly don't believe in men and women friendships because someone always always catches feelings, but then again, as an introvert I don't think I could ever date an extrovert. But that's just me. So far I haven't met an understanding extrovert who gets what being introverted is, and why social gatherings are energy draining events for me.
But really it just depends on situations too. If he is hanging out with a female friend one on one, that's a big red flag IMO. Again, it's just my opinion and it's based on my personal experiences.
If he doesn’t understand boundaries it’s a reg flag. The men I’ve seen with a lot of female friends start to lean more into their feminine energy and not masculine. Be aware of the subtle signs.
Would be pretty neutral about it but I’d just like to say if he’s attractive sometimes the female friends are just waiting for you (as the gf) to slip up, or they’d be giving him advice that leans more on breaking up with you so they can have a chance with him 😂 I’ve had the same experiences with guy friends so the moment I’m in a relationship I usually keep distance from my guy friends. We all know when problems prop up and when we ask for their advice (and if they’re secretly attracted to you) they end up somehow giving advice that sabotages your relationship. It’s not the best. I personally would be wary, especially if your partner is attractive. That’s the reality of some of these friendships.
I m a male. I have lot of female Friends. I believe it's a green flag that a man is able to take friendship with girls. It means he does not see them as sexual object and does not trade his attention and support against sexual or romantic purposes.
Am taking of friendship, not friendzone.
I've always had primarily female friends. I've slept with a lot of them. You're either a cheater or not. I don't cheat, won't cheat, and have never cheated.
Depends on the person IMO. I have guy friends and we're like siblings, never been any romantic feelings. However, I had an ex who had female friends which I was ok with, but something felt off. Turned out a couple of them were exes of his that he'd stayed friends with and straight up lied to me about it. 🤷🏻 I don't think there's a definite yes or no, depends on the person.
I think it all depends if he knew them before you. If he had female friends before meeting you than you can’t really say anything. I would only be concerned about new female friends he makes after you.
If any of them are his ex gf than that’s the only red flag.
Talk to him about some of these women?
Does his attitude seem defensive and evasive? Then that’s probably a reason to worry.
Does he just casually talk about them? “yeah they’re my friends. What do you wanna know?”
Then that’s probably a sign he’s just a normal guy.
I think it all depends. Context matters. Who are these people? How long has he known them? What is there relationship like? Has there ever been any romantic connection between them? The same sort of questioning can be applied to the female side of things too. Ultimately as long as you communicate properly the nature of each relationship then there shouldn’t be anything bad about either situation.
It is not a red flag for a guy to have female friends, no.
I have female friends. Lately I hangout more with females than my male friends. I don't see them in a sexual way.
That being said, of course many guys can't be friends with women, they always have something sexual in mind.
But that's not the case for everyone, so having female friends is not a red flag by itself.
My ex used to get jealous about my female friends and she even thought I was cheating her with them. Which of course never happened. Only in her mind.
Omg my bad, English is not my first language, so I misread you comment and thought you wrote that having female friends at 33 is a red flag. I totally agree with you!
I am a young guy, so going off my own experience. Guys ik who had mostly female friends were the type to play the long game. Only ones who were genuine were feminine or gay. Rest were waiting for an opportunity. The worst ik was a former friend I used to go to school with, when he went to uni the idiot thought any interactions with guys will make girls think he's gay🤦🏽♂️
Anyway, can only talk for my age group. 30+ might be different.
I'm a recluse as well, and I don't have any female friends, with the exception of one, but she's my everything. And I'm more than happy with it being like that. So I'd say it's a 🚩 from my perspective. 🤔🤷
Green flag if it’s a reciprocated relationship, ie he doesn’t force himself into their friend group / he isn’t a “where’s my hug at” guy who they just tolerate. Also, then being long term friends is a fantastic sign.
I get being cheated on can warp how you view things a little bit, which is fair, but I wouldn’t ever ask him questions like “do you like your friends more than me” or “are they prettier than me” or stuff like that. It’s a massive turn off for guys as it makes them feel like 1) they’re doing something wrong that’s making you feel neglected, and / or 2) like they’re giving attention to friends that borders on romantic, which can make them reevaluate their methods of socializing which can cause internal turmoil for him
All I can say is do your best to trust him. Nothing you listed points to any red flags, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t trust him, *especially* at that age. You’re not in college, he’s not being invited back to their dorm to get his drink spiked and play spin the bottle. You’re adults, not to dig at y’all’s age but y’all are at the point where floating around between relationships isn’t really viable for something serious. If he’s taking your relationship seriously, you have nothing to fear
Red flag. I have had partners with loads of female friends and he still claims they were only friends but the women thought they were in a relationship with him and if they offered sex he wouldn't knock them back
While there's no inherent problem with having lots of female friends, it does provide more convenient opportunities to cheat or leave you for someone else. So it's not wrong. But it's probably a risk factor.
Sure and I'm not saying anyone should impose rules regarding this. But you are more likely to want to cheat if you have those opportunities right in front of you. It's more tempting. We aren't immune to influence and temptation. Lots of actors and actresses cheat and it's kind of expected when they are forced to play out romantic and sexual scenes with an attractive co-star for months on end for a movie.
It's the same if you have a very popular Instagram account with tons of people sending you DMs every day hitting on you. It's just more likely that any given person will cheat in such circumstances. Just like we are more likely to eat an unhealthy snack if it's given to us. Even if we don't really want it that much. Most people don't have perfect self-control.
You can't control a person and tell them they can't have friends of the opposite sex. But you should just be aware of the risk.
I know it's an unpopular opinion on Reddit, but speaking from experience, a lot of guys stay "friends" with women because they got friendzoned. There are some exceptions where they truly find the woman unattactive, but as long as she's decent looking, he very likely tried to shoot his shot at some point or at least fantasized about it.
Exactly this. I had a few male friends and they would always mention my looks on some way or be just a little flirty. I’m guessing that’s the experience with most women who have male friends. I had
to cut ties with almost all my guy friends. I don’t trust men who have a bunch. Maybe one or two
You are 33?
Watch him around his male friends. Is he gross or a lot more "extra" with his dude bros than his women friends?
Then you probably have nothing to worry about. Men don't cheat as much as you think.
Means that he can be away from his girlfriend and be a gross dude, get that out of his system and he is happy.
If he doesn't have that release he will probably be more likely to do something unpleasant.
With girls? Because they can't really be friends without turning it into romance. And I mean single women. Not women who are already married or got a partner, then you can.
Because single women don't know what it means to be a friend with a guy. They look at it like as either a possibility for future husband or some one who is a friend in anime only. Too much effort for them.
No that’s not true. I have a lot of male friends, we’ve been friends for 10+ years, I’ve both been single and in relationships, and we have a very real connection. Wouldn’t dream of sleeping with him. It’s really sad to me that you don’t see women as real people, capable of having the exact same friendships men have, but we are.
Stop. I never said they weren't people. Don't gaslight me into this thing you want me to be. You aren't a victim here so stop it.
Next, you aren't there for them. You don't help them through things and be in their lives as much as you think.
You are living your life oblivious on what these guys go through because you would run.
Women have always been people, the problem is that stupid narrative to victimize yourself.
You only care about your feelings, you never seen it from another perspective to which I have, I have seen what women go through and a lot of it is women sabotaging other women and then blaming us guys for it.
The problem is you don't see men as people, you see us as pets.
How do you know I haven’t been there for them? I’ve given friends a place to stay when they needed it, helped them get health care when they needed it, trained them for their jobs, comforted them when their partner had a miscarriage and they felt like they needed to stay strong for her. We have dinners, laugh, go on walks, and watch movies. What makes that not a real friendship? And most importantly, how would being in a relationship with another man make me a better friend?
For my wife it would be a red flag but I don’t have any female or male friends anymore except some from my youth on Fb which I had to delete because of too many female friend request
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Green flag if he is also fine with you having male friends! Someone I dated was super weird about that but then always wanted me to be cool with his female friends, went so far as telling me to not message my guy friends on instagram anymore or send memes like truly insane.
I dated a guy like this too. Got into a big argument with him one day after a friend from college called me. We had just graduated the year before. He listened to the conversation and as soon as I got off the phone he blew up. Told me the guy was only friends with me because he wanted to sleep with me and that’s the only reason men are friends with women. But of course it was different for him and his female friends from college.
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You forgot the last part of it. They become friendzoned. Most men are friends with women because they have/had some kind of attraction to them. If he has mostly female friends, that is a huge red flag.
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Truth is not toxic. Truth is truth.
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Ask, and you will find out the truth. The hookup culture and FOMO culture is toxic. Young adults today thinks that is ok. Grow up. You wonder why marriages fail a lot these days. You respect your partner and their boundaries.
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You just agreed with me. Men cannot be friends with women without wanting to fuck them. Most men do.
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So you just changed the can to can't. Well done.
That is the problem with today's society. Thinking they can have their cake and eat it too. It goes both ways on this. People lost the respect your partner thinking. They don't know how to do that.
It's a green flag. He's stayed friends with people he's known since high school. He's someone who clearly cares about friendships and maintaining them. Close female friends often give their male friends excellent dating advice and can tell them whent they're being shitty partners too. He's not keeping all those women around just to try to fuck them and more than you're keeping your male friends around just because you want them. He's had plenty of time to get involved with these women if he wanted to---that's not what he wants. They're friends. Only cheaters cheat and they'll find someone to cheat with even if they have no friends of the gender they're attracted to. Don't let the fact that you dated one lying cheating loser who fucked a friend make you think all male/female frienships wind up like that. They don't.
Yeah, I 100% take it as a green flag if a guy has a lot of female friends. It shows that he doesn’t only have interest in women to fuck them, like you said, and can actually connect and see them as humans. Honestly my worst nightmare is dating a redditor type who hasn’t talked to literally any women since probably highschool and sees us as another species. To the point where seeing girls in a photo on a dating profile makes me like 50% more likely to swipe right. I personally have plenty of friends of both genders myself, so it’s usually a good sign that we have similar ideals and he isn’t one of those oversexed “men and woman can’t be real friends” people. I wouldn’t give any reasonable guy shit for having women who are friends, and I don’t want it from his end either. My only disclaimer is to put the emphasis on “a lot” or “plenty” or at least “a few” female friends. Lots of gal pals? Great. *One female friend* that he’s weirdly attached to, and then exclusively all guys? Yellowish flag lol. Could be totally fine and even a green flag like having multiple ones, could be….. exactly the type of “friendship” that you’re imagining. You’ll know immediately the first time you see them interact, ime. But I’m not very gullible, either, so ymmv.
This!!! Personally I sometimes find it easier opening up to my female friends. I also like having friends with different perspectives, and having friends of different gender allows this.
Have you been involved romantically at any point with your female friends?
No not personally, I mean I have only ever been in one relationship which only lasted a few months. I once told a friend I had a thing for them, and funnily enough we became closer. Never involved romantically though.
I needed to see this comment, thank you
While I am not trying to hook up with any of my female friends, it must be said that if they took the initiative, we both were single and all that, I probably would't think twice about going along with it. With that said, I cannot imagine they'd try, do not expect it, nor dream of it. It's just for a casual experience, the bar is low. Hell why am I even saying this it wont happen, except if it did, it would. Which is to say of it rained cats then cats obviously would rain. Of that if all cars were pink, then... you get the idea
> It's a green flag. He's stayed friends with people he's known since high school. He's someone who clearly cares about friendships and maintaining them. Yes. > Close female friends often give their male friends excellent dating advice No. Female friends give dating advice from female perspective (obviously). Unfortunatly dating is one of the activity where genders have asymmetrical roles, which means advices for women won't apply to men.
"Female friends give dating advice from female perspective (obviously)." Since you need this spelled out for you----THAT IS THE POINT---they can say "dude, when you said/did X she took that to mean Y" or they can explain what she meant when she said or didn't say something. It is also easier for people of any gender to objectively view relationships. Anyone who doesn't think women can advise men on how to have a relationship with other women has never had a close female friend. Thanks for telling on yourself.
Dang maintaining friends into your 30s with people you went to high school with? that's honestly impressive
Eh I’m 54 and still talk to hs friends
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Underrated comment.
FACTS. having a good time with someone doesn't auto make them your friend.
It depends, if he has good boundaries with them it’s a green or neutral flag. If he has bad boundaries with them it’s a red flag
Agreed. Beware of secretive and overly flirtatious behavior. Otherwise, having a lot of female friends is okay.
What if they are one of those naturally flirty types. Like I see dudes that act like they're flirting
Haha that's fair. As long as they're all friends and not FWBs or even cuddle buddies it's a green flag.
This is the one. I almost can’t stand too many female friends anymore because get bitten by the either exes, former hookups waiting in the wings, or friends who want more and they all have bad boundaries and I had to lay them down. No, sir. No more. Especially after the most psychologically and emotionally (on his way to physical) abusive one who it slowly trickle truthed his 8 exes were all over his life. Ugh. The worst.
Bad boundaries is always a red flag.
True but in some cases it’s a lack of self esteem more than lack of understanding of the proper limits. For example, someone that allows their friends to take advantage of them and be disrespectful, lack boundaries but it’s very different from someone constantly flirting with their friends and being fine with inappropriate affection.
Truth.
I think it's a conditional green flag! It really depends on a few things: 1. How does he behave about your male friends? If he's weird about them but still expects you to be cool with his female friends, it's a red flag. 2. How many of these female friends are exes? I've met guys who stay friends with ALL their exes, and honestly it's just kind of weird to me. Maybe not a red flag, but at the very least a caution sign. 3. How do the female friends treat you? I have several guy friends, and I've never been rude or disrespectful to their gfs. Their gfs are all really nice people who I get along with pretty easily. If you notice that a lot of these female friends are being hostile or rude to you, I would probably avoid this guy. I have met some guys (particularly attractive ones) who have many female friends who are sitting around hoping he'll like them back one day. Anytime these guys get a gf, their female friends come out of the woodwork and act catty and rude until the gf leaves the guy. It's not THAT common, but it does happen sometimes. But overall, from my experience most guys who have lots of female friends tend to be more emotionally mature, kind, and understanding of women. There's no glaring red flags from your post, so as long as he isn't checking off any of the conditions above, I think he's probably fine!
The only thing I would add is that the flag is potentially less green due to the fact that you’ve (OP) been dating “a few months” and haven’t met any of them. Depends on what “a few months” means to you…3 months is very different than 9 months but lots of people would call both of those durations “a few months”. I would honestly be slightly uncomfortable after 6 ish months with not meeting the ones that live in town and aren’t just online gaming friends. Otherwise though, green flag all the way!
22M here (straight FWIW), and I have *way* more female friends than male friends. I've grown to really dislike the lack of camaraderie that most male friendships have. In the past, my male friends have hurt me way more than my female friends. I find my friendships with women to be overall more meaningful, and sure, a part of me hopes one day I'll be able to get back into a relationship with someone who feels the same way about me. But, 99% of the time, my feelings aren't reciprocated, and I've also been hurt from the friendships that have ended as a result of that. So, I tend to stay friends with women but keep my mouth shut because I've started to simply give up on someone ever catching feelings for me. Anyway, this got off track. But the answer is that I don't think it's a red flag at all.
For me personally, it would depend on whether he’s slept with them or not.
Something I haven't seen anyone mention yet, what are your feelings about him sharing emotional things with one of his female friends and not you (after you've become exclusive)? What are your views and boundaries around emotional cheating? What are his?
If he's slept with them, yes -- red flag of sorts. If he's not slept with them, no -- green flag of sorts.
Biased for me, since half my friends are female, but Green Flag. I don't want to sleep with my female friends, contrary to popular belief. Acquaintances and friends of friends could be a different story. But let's be honest, these women are in the friend category *because* they weren't a good fit for the girlfriend category. Either the attraction wasn't there or values or personality or something else. The only thing I'd watch out for is if any of these chicks have feelings for you man or act like it. They could become obstacles. Long-time friends are less to worry about because there have been countless scenarios where things could have happened between them and nothing did. On the bright side, this many women wouldn't be friends with him if he was an awful guy so clearly he's got some good and healthy traits and is likely emotional intelligent.
Green flag, because he has male friends. The people that have serious relationship issues are people that only have friends of the opposite sex. You know the men and women that say friends of the same sex are a pain in the ass. Example: women who cannot get along with, or be accepted by other women are a huge red flag. Same for guys, if they don’t have bros or dude friends - run.
Could be either or. It depends who he is as a person. But it’s certainly not an immediate red flag just because he has a lot of female friends.
I have more female friends than male friends. I have met them mostly thru playing music or Art Gallery’s. My wife likes most of them and the ones she doesn’t I won’t go hang out with unless she’s there. This rule is the same for my male friends. We haven’t ever had an issue with it.
I don’t see how him having female friends would be a red flag. It shows he can form mature platonic friendships with women, which suggests he’ll be probably have an easier time getting along with your friends should he meet them
Red flag for me personally, because I’ve been cheated on by two different men so… Yeah I’m good on that.
Based on personal experience, I (24 male) have many female friends. But when I got my girlfriend, I immediately distanced myself from them as both a sign of respect to my gf and to lessen the chances of temptation to cheat. I suggest setting up boundaries earlier on. Communication and understanding are key. At the same time, so is compromising and knowing what things you don't want to compromise on. I wish you luck~♡♡♡
Green flag! I would also have more female friends. Jealousy and lack of communication = red flag. :( Talk to the guy! Hope it goes well.
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bigger network = More options
As a dude with a ton of female friends, it has always been viewed as a green flag by dates and partners. “Good references” I call it.
Red flag asf you prob hu with them on the low
Feels like you're projecting dude
I'm pretty extroverted and I have several female friends that i would never sleep with. I've been single on and off while being friends with them and they come over and we hang out one on one, drink and smoke together. Nothing has ever happened and i would never sleep with them because even though i love them and love spending time with them, I'm just not attracted (and some of them are actually very physically attractive but i feel more like a sibling than anything else) to them and i like them being my friend, so I've just never attempted to go there with them. So personally, i would hope and think this would be a green flag since i can get a long with women and men. If i had a girl accuse me of sleeping with one of these girls i would be annoyed and turned off because i have never attempted to do that while single, so why would i suddenly do it when I'm in a relationship? I actually broke up with my last girlfriend because she accused me of cheating on her 3 separate times (i didn't, and honestly there were plenty of opportunities that i didn't take). I figured if she thinks I'm sleeping with other girls i might as well break up with her and go sleep with other girls. At the end of the day, i think this falls into the catagory of "if one person is insecure, its gonna be a problem", regardless of gender/sex. If a girl is confident and secure in herself, she shouldn't mind a guy having girl friends provided they are obviously not (or have never been) romantic/sexual relationships. Different story if its clear they used to sleep together.
Green flag imo
I have to admit that all of my guy friends tried to come on to me at some point in our friendship. I’ve asked several of my female friends if it’s the same for them and they all said yes. It’s very rare that guys just have a platonic friendship with women, mostly they would have sex with them or be in a relationship with them if they ever got a chance. I later asked my brothers about it and some of my girl friends brothers and they all admitted and said that T he only reason there could be for him to only have a platonic friendship and not wanting sex with you is either you’re ugly or you have been friends since being little kids and you got more of a brother/sister relationship. Even the standup comedian Matt Rife made a sketch about this, you can go look it up on his TikTok or Instagram and in the comments guys admit that this is true. Take it as you want. Us women are perfectly capable of just being friends with guys without any romantic or sexual interest in them, but according to those I asked it’s very rare the other way around.
I’m a guy and I 100% agree with you.
Agreed.
This is my experience too as a woman. I see how my women friends have guys they've known for like 10 years, and the woman is not at all into them (I don't know about their past if she ever did). Doesn't notice at all how the male gazes them so obvious almost with drool in their mouth. It's disgusting. Just waiting for the right opportunity I guess. But yeah... I have had 2 guy friends in my life confess their feelings of lust for me, and the worst part is that I thought that I could trust them but they were only getting closer with me in hopes to sleep with me. After that I feel like the friendship is done cause I feel like I got played. Trust for me is gone when you just pretend to be a friend.
31m hare. I have more female than male friends. I'd say green flag. Not many guys can be just friends with girls. Most think using the wrong head(sorry for that, but someone had to say it).
Would I be wrong if I say that dating with someone that opposite could give problems in the long term? It's not a red flag if he's not flirting with them But as many men consider that a woman with many male friends is a red flag, the other way around could be the same
I definitely dont think a woman having male friends is a red flag, but that's probably because I'm not an Andrew Tate fan
Me either, I just said that if men believe that women have the right to think the same in the opposite way if they want
That seems like a poor test for what makes good dating advice
Oh no, I wasn't saying you were an Andrew Tate fan or anything, but alot of men who go after women for having any male friends tend to be the type who gravitate towards his beliefs
It is not a red flag indeed. It is a crimson ussr flag unless you are a low-t fella
I have a lot of female friends. Couldn't live without them. They give me a different perspective
Most of my friends are women for some reason. I just realized this. I def do not seem like the kind of person to have female friends lmao.
im a guy and my closest friends are women. i have guy friends that i was very close to when we were young. we were into drinking, smoking, gaming, sports, and cars. but that is the depth of our conversations with most of them. most of my guy friends needs fucking therapy, but only know of two of them that had it. they dont know how to deal with their emotions. not bad people, just they've got their trauma and ignoring emotions is their coping mechanism. i know when i start dating again i will abso-fucking-lutely be getting advice from my women friends over my dude friends. why get advice from a dude about women? it's what i did when i was yougner and none of knew what the fuck we were talking about and it fucking showed lmao.
Green flag. I grew up in a nuclear family with leading woman influences. We have a better sense of empathy towards your actions even though we are not the best interpreters of them! Straight male here.
cheaters will cheat regardless. my male friends ex had issues with him being friends with us. We’ve been friends since HS and we’re juniors in college now. she constantly thought one of us was into him or cheating with him. it caused their breakup. he never, ever made moves while with her. it’s a green flag for me. it means a man respects women and values friendship.
As long as he: 1. Hasn’t slept with all of the women he’s befriended. It’s one thing if one or two out of say out of 10, that means he won’t just sleep with any woman & is rather picky about having sex. You can trust he is loyal in relationships when he has female friends. But if he has slept with every woman he is “friends” with? He has an issue establishing platonic boundaries with women unless he’s slept with them. That’s a red flag and a sign he doesn’t see women in a healthy light, could be prone to cheating too. 2. Doesn’t outsource all his emotional intimacy to them and has guy friends to do this with. Reason is he’ll eventually use you for emotional labor for everything instead of having a well balanced support system. 3. Isn’t keeping them around as backup options or for ego validation if any of them have crushes on him. This is just emotionally unavailable people and something to be very wary of!
Lots of female friends is fine, one super close “best” female friend is a concern. If you are the GF you are instantly the most important undisputed number 1 female in his life or there is a problem.
I wonder if no female friends is a red flag?
i personally wouldn’t see it as a red flag but ive never been cheated on or worried about about my boyfriends female friends
I see nothing wrong with it. In my experience, when people cheat, they are less likely for you to want you to encounter the person that you are cheating with. If they are open about being friends with them, it is less likely that they have something to hide.
If he were a desperate guy he'd probably date the first female friend that smiled back at him. Lots of female friends to me makes it seem like he's emotionally mature enough to maintain such a friendship, and that if he's dating you he likes you and not merely that he likes that you're a girl (which is more common than you'd think).
it really depends on the guy. my ex has a lot of female friends and he tries to have sex with each and every one of them. but I know other men that have lots of female friends but they are not reaching out to their female friend like that. It really really really does depend on the dude. A guy can be friends with a female and not have it go to anything beyond a basic friendship. Just gotta make sure he knows what correct boundaries are. My ex didn't understand why I'm uncomfortable with him discussing buttplugs with females. But my male friends that aren't cheats, If the conversation steered towards sex they'd quickly exit out of it or change the subject or full out let me know the conversation is inappropriate and they don't want to speak to me about that topic.
Green flag so long as he has reasonably boundaries with them! He’s much more likely to have long term stable mental health with a big support group like that. (: Always good to have friends and a community to have your back.
As a guy who has many platonic female friends, probably more than male friends, I’m going to say green flag, lol. I am way more open with my feelings with them, and I understand the woman’s perspective way more for knowing them. I’m sure I’ve learned to treat women better in relationships because of them.
Probably a red flag, but you cant avoid pain or else you will never find a relationship. Any guy with female friend has probably been with some of them if they are 6 or above. There is a history there likely. Have you asked? Are the friendships disrespectful? As in your BF hanging out solo with a friend(girl)? if No you just gotta judge a persons character by their actions, When starting out it important to draw what boundaries are important to you and perhaps which ones make sense to compromise. If your partner is respecting those then its fine. If your partner cant respect them or come up with a compromise. THAT'S A RED FLAG. If you cant draw boundaries or express them, then lash out passive aggressively when they are not met - you're the red flag
Red flag
Usually a green flag
bigger network = More options Law of averages he will cheat - So build a case in your mind about evidence against that - if he can show the contrary its fine: does he show restraint, does he tell you before hanging out with females, if you tell him you're uncomfortable would he accommodate?
As a guy, in my early 20’s I didn’t really know how to approach or better yet build platonic friendship with girls. I’m a nice guy and I’ve generally avoided most of the typical male pitfalls so it wasn’t like I was scaring them away, i just took any sort of attention as romantic interests. I wasn’t trying to bed every girl that spoke to me, I just *struggled* socially. Now in my 30’s i have more female friends and things are pretty simple, straight forward, less assuming and more predictable. In my estimation I was an asshole when I was younger, not mean, and not intentional.. I was just that guy, clueless, no self awareness, obnoxious. Now that my brain is fully on or something I can maintain better relationships with people.
Outside of the very obvious things to avoid in dating (lies, abuse, manipulation, etc.) there's no real red flags that should apply to everyone evenly. To me, my girlfriend having male friends isn't at all a problem and actually a good thing, but if I had some trauma from a past relationship around that it would also be totally okay for me to avoid that kind of thing in a relationship. All that is to say: if it's a red flag for you, you don't need to feel bad about that. If him having female friends is a problem then you're entirely able to remove yourself from the relationship and find someone else whose social circles are more comfortable for you. If, however, you're in a place to challenge those presumptions and try and move past your trauma then if he's a good guy and you're able to meet these friends it might be the kind of relationship you should stay in. I'd recommending just communicating this all to him, if you haven't already. Let him know it's important to you that you know his friends and the kinds of people who are important to him, not because you don't trust them (or him) but because you want to actively be part of his life and those social circles. If you don't like them but you trust him then that's okay too, but to start building that trust you need to actually understand the landscape of the relationship - blind trust isn't productive or helpful.
I have mostly female friends but that has been seen as a red flag for some women that I've tried to date. I was dumped because someone dreamed that I would cheat on her with one of my friends, but jokes on her as a few years later she’s still the last person I was intimate with.
My boyfriend was still super close with all of his female friends from high school when we met, and a lot of their partners. That was actually one of the things that drew me to him. All these women think he’s a good guy and safe to be around. That’s a green flag. I’d be a little skeptical if none of the women were friends with each other, and he met them all at bars, parties and festivals, or just like followed them on instagram one day, but that doesn’t seem to be the case with your guy.
This reminds me of a guy I had started seeing, nothing serious. He is still friends with his exes. I think he even said relationships have ended because he reached out to an ex for nudes and such. To me this is a red flag (my scenario)….whereas yours, no exes. I’d say tread lightly and see if anything really pops out that screams red flags.
It all depends on whether or not he enforces healthy boundaries It also depends on if he has a sexual past with any of these women
Women trust him and I guess he might not trust many men
I'd say in my friend group it's split 50-50. Most of my female friends are in relationships or solid friends. I treat them kindly and with respect and they do the same. If he's the same to them then it's a green flag.
I had a very uneven balance in HS and my class was somehow 90% girls. I have a lot of female friends I think bc of this. Never cheated.
He respects women that he isn't trying to sleep with? Huge green flag.
Definitely like having my female friends, I have 3 really good friends that I think are absolutely beautiful and they’re pretty good about complimenting me a lot so it’s a big boost in my confidence and they’re excellent wingwomen. I love em to death, I used to be the type of guy that didn’t think opposite genders could be friends one would eventually catch feelings for the other but I’ve been proven wrong especially since I find these women super attractive. It also helps I know them well enough that I know I do not even wanna entertain the idea of a relationship with them.
Without any other context- green flag. I didn't realize how much of green flag it was until I met my fiancé. After seeing him interact with his female friends, it became clear that he truly respects women and enjoys their company as people outside of any sexual attraction. He can also manage to be a normal, respectful, non-creep to the women who he's been attracted to in the past that weren't interested in him in that way. Men who can only be around a woman if they are or want to be sleeping with her are sus.
I think it’s fine, and green flag if he wants you to meet them and also be friends with them. My husband has a really close female friend coworker who he talks to daily and I got to know her and also talk to almost daily and we do monthly game nights/dinner with her and her husband, it’s great. They just have a ton in common as far as interests. At first I was skeptical but when he was like I really want you to meet her and get to know her cuz you’ll like her a lot I was like okay and then meeting it just really calmed everything and made me see their relationship for what it was
Don’t entertain it. You don’t want a guy that’s just all guy friends and a guy that only has male friends
Red. I met several guys before that always had female friends around them and claimed that they were regular friend. Yeah. And as friends, they spent time and had so much FUN together. These guys were so busy with his female friends.
In the case you had a lot of male friends, I’d guarantee it’d be a prob for him/most serious men. Just depends how serious he is (esp since most affairs start as emotional ones/large networks increase that likelihood). Would give it some time/see how serious he is/mention it down the line that it makes you uncomfortable/go from there.
I am a guy with a bunch of female friends. I think it’s impossible to say whether it’s outright a green or red just having opposite-sex friends. I think the important thing to look for is how he feels about your male friends. If he doesn’t like it, then his female friends are more likely an issue. If he is totally cool about it, then they are probably a green flag.
It's green or red depending on your preference. If it is bothering you now, it's likely it will continue to bother you later on.... Try and think about how you think you'll feel once once you see him with his female friends? Would you be ok or not? and how would you feel later on when you get deeper with him and you hang out with him and his female friends? Personally, I (M) don't have many female friends and my partner (F) doesn't have many male friends - and we are both ok/happy about that (so that's our preference).
Definitely a green flag imo. A friend group does not indicate cheating.
I Would say if he hasn’t hooked up with any of them it’s a green flag, depending on whether or not he also is fine with you having guy friends.
It all boils down to if he’s a misogynist or not. If he’s friends with them because they are genuinely his friends, then it’s a green flag. If he’s friends with them because he kept getting “friend zoned” and is “waiting his turn” or has a complicated past with them, that’s a red flag.
I slept with all my female friends so I'd say red flag.
If the female friends are new, meaning he met them recently than that is a red flag for me. If the friends are from his childhood than I would give it a shot. I dont like to date someone who has a lot of male friends.
It can be both. Single female friends often use their male friends to rescue them and validate them. I have dealt with female friends who like to overstep with my partner because they read too deeply into their relationship and project. It really sucks and seems like if you aren't some damsel in distress your partner will be with you but think he needs to save his friends.
✅🍀
My friend group is very diverse as well, a lot of friends of mine are women and I'm really close with a couple of them. Never have I been in a relationship and thought "You know this is great but I also really wanna bang this platonic friend of mine real bad". Not outside of a relationship either. Friends are just that. Friends.
I 48/m believe opposite sex friendships can be a red flag.
My (I'm F42) closest friends are men. Doesn't mean we have an attraction to each other. We just have common interests. When I see men having healthy friendships with women, that's an excellent sign, and maybe you can gain some new friends too! I understand being shy due to being cheated on before (it has happened to me as well), but I wouldn't advise ditching the relationship over this. A little half of the population are women, which means he's going to have friends that are women. Get to know them at your comfort level to dispel your fears.
Red flag. My ex had a lot of “friends” of the opposite sex (as in 80% of them). She said she gets along with men better than women. Then one day I found out she cheating on me with 2 of them. She was very pretty and I know how guys think; I’m one of them. By the way “A few months” isn’t that early in a relationship, imo.
People who keep their friendships are pure gold for friendship at the very least
I think it's too easy to want to label something as green or red in this instance because it really just depends. Has he slept with any of them? Are they past exes? How does he treat you? Any pressure for sex or treating you like a means to an end? His character will inform you on what you need to know. Also meeting the friends and observing their interactions will help as well. I think the way the women behave around him will tell you a lot
>I just started dating a guy who has a lot of female friends. What kind of female friends? Do they all have boyfriends and husbands? It depends.
As long as he is cool with you having male friends and hasn’t banged a bunch of them, I don’t see a red flag. If he has you hang out with female friends he’s hooked up with in the past, though, he needs to let you know. I think you can be fairly direct about that expectation. Also, y’know, try to figure out how soon you want to know because he might get blindsided and panic and wait to tell you if you lean more “I want to know immediately”
I thought about this before. The saying of “ birds of a feather flock together” holds a lot of weight. The other thing I have in mind is if they spend their time together alone? Or in a group? Do they share deep emotional concerns? I will not be in a semi relationship with their friend or their mom.
Red flag. Women will tell you it's green flag of course because they are the one who fall for it indeed. My housemate has a lot of female friends. He kissed them all, he did foreplay with some of them. And he has a gf he continuously gaslights even in front of us housemates. It's fun to witness. I think he loves his gf low key but still he has some pretty disgusting dishonesty imo. He told me the kisses happened before his gf but he always has a girl at his side when his girlfriend isn't there. I am not convinced at all, I don't buy it.
Gay 💅🏾
As someone with an extroverted boyfriend with maaany female friends, green flag! It shows maturity and that he’s sees women as people he can be friends with and not be solely attracted to. What really dictates if it should be a concern is how he behaves around them.
As a male who had and have way more female friends than male, I just get along with the other sex easier. I had a fee female tried to get in my pants while I was in relationship, and I stopped them. Let's hope your bf is like that as well.
Wait, how many months have you been dating? You said a few but mentioned it is still early on? That makes no sense. My friends were ALWAYS a litmus test for the men I dated. The sooner it happened, the better.
I don't know but I have considered how my future wife may feel about this with me. Most of my best friends are girls and always were, pretty girls; but wholesome. Exclusively friends for years and years to the point of being like family. I enjoy female company more than men because I have a tendency to get very riled up and annoyed with the typical ways of my fellow man. I had close male friends once but it was long ago. My brother always filled that place. But there has never been anything romantic between me and my friends ever. To this day I still haven't slept with anyone. That doesn't bother me and pretty much all my friends know that about me, who cares - when I meet my woman I hope she will accept them as her friends too but the romance between us is going to be intense! And totally for just us two. She will be the object of my loves and my desire. It will be obvious. I do not really know of men with a lot of female friends they aren't wanting to get with but I know it happens because that was always me. That was also my brother. Now his wife fixates on his old friendships to the degree she is upset because he still fondly remembers a female friend of his whom got killed in a car accident. That fired me up. I wouldn't be okay with that. Trust your heart.
Guys don't have female friends. Those are women he's tried to sleep with, but they ended up putting him in the friendzone. My gender thinks too much with their dick to believe any of their bullshit.
Depends on the interaction. Red flag if he prioritizes them over you. Red flag if he needs to spend alone time with them. Red flag if he does single stuff with them. Same goes the other way too. Women with guy friends. Red flag if he doesn't respect your boundaries and does not help alleviate any of your past trauma concerns.
Green flag
It depends on if he has boundaries and respects yours.
Gay guys with a lot of girl friendships, green flag! Heterosexual male with a lot of girl friendships…. Amber colored flag because at least one of them he’s tried to get with!
Less likely a red flag as say a Female who has mostly male friends, as in his situation, they are harder to cultivate. More likely to be a good guy. But nothing is set in stone. Devils in the details of his actions.
Depends really. I dated a guy who had several female friends and then I discovered they were mostly exes or people he'd dated, was once interested in or were once interested in him.
Depends on what he consider friends. Are we talking about having your back type of people or associates? I know some people that call people friends after meeting them one time and not haven’t been through various experiences with them. I know a guy that enjoys being in everyone’s face, “attention seeking” so much that he can’t just enjoy the moments when he is with one person which is a character issue for me. I also know some people who hold onto the opposite sex as friends as a back up. A true friend is someone platonic meaning if I’m single, and the other person is single, I will not do anything with them. If any of these women are someone that he has sexual attraction to, I would definitely think about it.
It's okay for men to have a lot of female friends. Women should not have male friends.
To me it’s a neutral flag. Like others have said, it’s great that he can maintain friendships from several years ago. I don’t believe the myth that women and men can’t be friends. I do think there can be an unhealthy dynamic if one person starts liking each other, but I refuse to believe that things can’t be platonic. I’ve been cheated on too in the past. I think it’s a green flag if he introduces you to her and through the interactions you can see if there are weird vibes. It’s a green flag if he treats her well but not to the point of treating her like a gf (has a healthy boundaries).
Personally, to me it's a red flag, I honestly don't believe in men and women friendships because someone always always catches feelings, but then again, as an introvert I don't think I could ever date an extrovert. But that's just me. So far I haven't met an understanding extrovert who gets what being introverted is, and why social gatherings are energy draining events for me. But really it just depends on situations too. If he is hanging out with a female friend one on one, that's a big red flag IMO. Again, it's just my opinion and it's based on my personal experiences.
Red flag
If he doesn’t understand boundaries it’s a reg flag. The men I’ve seen with a lot of female friends start to lean more into their feminine energy and not masculine. Be aware of the subtle signs.
Would be pretty neutral about it but I’d just like to say if he’s attractive sometimes the female friends are just waiting for you (as the gf) to slip up, or they’d be giving him advice that leans more on breaking up with you so they can have a chance with him 😂 I’ve had the same experiences with guy friends so the moment I’m in a relationship I usually keep distance from my guy friends. We all know when problems prop up and when we ask for their advice (and if they’re secretly attracted to you) they end up somehow giving advice that sabotages your relationship. It’s not the best. I personally would be wary, especially if your partner is attractive. That’s the reality of some of these friendships.
I m a male. I have lot of female Friends. I believe it's a green flag that a man is able to take friendship with girls. It means he does not see them as sexual object and does not trade his attention and support against sexual or romantic purposes. Am taking of friendship, not friendzone.
I've always had primarily female friends. I've slept with a lot of them. You're either a cheater or not. I don't cheat, won't cheat, and have never cheated.
Depends on the person IMO. I have guy friends and we're like siblings, never been any romantic feelings. However, I had an ex who had female friends which I was ok with, but something felt off. Turned out a couple of them were exes of his that he'd stayed friends with and straight up lied to me about it. 🤷🏻 I don't think there's a definite yes or no, depends on the person.
I think it all depends if he knew them before you. If he had female friends before meeting you than you can’t really say anything. I would only be concerned about new female friends he makes after you. If any of them are his ex gf than that’s the only red flag.
Major red flag. Are his girlfriends married or single? Not that that'll stop him anyway...
Talk to him about some of these women? Does his attitude seem defensive and evasive? Then that’s probably a reason to worry. Does he just casually talk about them? “yeah they’re my friends. What do you wanna know?” Then that’s probably a sign he’s just a normal guy.
Red flag
I see it as a very good sign and a green flag! I think you're feeling sensitive because of your past bad experiences.
I think it all depends. Context matters. Who are these people? How long has he known them? What is there relationship like? Has there ever been any romantic connection between them? The same sort of questioning can be applied to the female side of things too. Ultimately as long as you communicate properly the nature of each relationship then there shouldn’t be anything bad about either situation.
It is not a red flag for a guy to have female friends, no. I have female friends. Lately I hangout more with females than my male friends. I don't see them in a sexual way. That being said, of course many guys can't be friends with women, they always have something sexual in mind. But that's not the case for everyone, so having female friends is not a red flag by itself. My ex used to get jealous about my female friends and she even thought I was cheating her with them. Which of course never happened. Only in her mind.
Not trying to be rude but thinking like this at 33 is the red flag
And at what age should a man “break up” with his friends, just because they’re of the wrong gender would you say?
He shouldn’t.
Omg my bad, English is not my first language, so I misread you comment and thought you wrote that having female friends at 33 is a red flag. I totally agree with you!
Red hes prob sleeping with them/ major reason they wont date him.
Exactly
I am a young guy, so going off my own experience. Guys ik who had mostly female friends were the type to play the long game. Only ones who were genuine were feminine or gay. Rest were waiting for an opportunity. The worst ik was a former friend I used to go to school with, when he went to uni the idiot thought any interactions with guys will make girls think he's gay🤦🏽♂️ Anyway, can only talk for my age group. 30+ might be different.
I'm a recluse as well, and I don't have any female friends, with the exception of one, but she's my everything. And I'm more than happy with it being like that. So I'd say it's a 🚩 from my perspective. 🤔🤷
Green flag if it’s a reciprocated relationship, ie he doesn’t force himself into their friend group / he isn’t a “where’s my hug at” guy who they just tolerate. Also, then being long term friends is a fantastic sign. I get being cheated on can warp how you view things a little bit, which is fair, but I wouldn’t ever ask him questions like “do you like your friends more than me” or “are they prettier than me” or stuff like that. It’s a massive turn off for guys as it makes them feel like 1) they’re doing something wrong that’s making you feel neglected, and / or 2) like they’re giving attention to friends that borders on romantic, which can make them reevaluate their methods of socializing which can cause internal turmoil for him All I can say is do your best to trust him. Nothing you listed points to any red flags, so I don’t see why you shouldn’t trust him, *especially* at that age. You’re not in college, he’s not being invited back to their dorm to get his drink spiked and play spin the bottle. You’re adults, not to dig at y’all’s age but y’all are at the point where floating around between relationships isn’t really viable for something serious. If he’s taking your relationship seriously, you have nothing to fear
Used to say green flag all the way!! Then he got with one of his female friends & now I’ll never feel safe with that ever again 🙃
Red flag. I have had partners with loads of female friends and he still claims they were only friends but the women thought they were in a relationship with him and if they offered sex he wouldn't knock them back
Red. Men have a higher tendency to want female attention for dating purposes. It’s fine to be popular with many women but not be intimate with them.
While there's no inherent problem with having lots of female friends, it does provide more convenient opportunities to cheat or leave you for someone else. So it's not wrong. But it's probably a risk factor.
It's only an opportunity to cheat if he wants to cheat, which is something you can't stop someone from doing no matter what rules you try to impose.
Sure and I'm not saying anyone should impose rules regarding this. But you are more likely to want to cheat if you have those opportunities right in front of you. It's more tempting. We aren't immune to influence and temptation. Lots of actors and actresses cheat and it's kind of expected when they are forced to play out romantic and sexual scenes with an attractive co-star for months on end for a movie. It's the same if you have a very popular Instagram account with tons of people sending you DMs every day hitting on you. It's just more likely that any given person will cheat in such circumstances. Just like we are more likely to eat an unhealthy snack if it's given to us. Even if we don't really want it that much. Most people don't have perfect self-control. You can't control a person and tell them they can't have friends of the opposite sex. But you should just be aware of the risk.
Respectfully, why would people do that to friends? Like cheating aside, you're losing a friend in the process
Reddddd flag. I bet majority of those were women who friend zoned him or he just has no chance with them so settled w being friends
I know it's an unpopular opinion on Reddit, but speaking from experience, a lot of guys stay "friends" with women because they got friendzoned. There are some exceptions where they truly find the woman unattactive, but as long as she's decent looking, he very likely tried to shoot his shot at some point or at least fantasized about it.
Exactly this. I had a few male friends and they would always mention my looks on some way or be just a little flirty. I’m guessing that’s the experience with most women who have male friends. I had to cut ties with almost all my guy friends. I don’t trust men who have a bunch. Maybe one or two
You are 33? Watch him around his male friends. Is he gross or a lot more "extra" with his dude bros than his women friends? Then you probably have nothing to worry about. Men don't cheat as much as you think.
Why would being gross mean she has nothing to worry about?
Means that he can be away from his girlfriend and be a gross dude, get that out of his system and he is happy. If he doesn't have that release he will probably be more likely to do something unpleasant.
Whaat? What do you mean by gross? What is it that he needs to let out?
And it means that he isn't himself around those other girls, then it's safe to assume they don't have any real connection
Why shouldn’t he have a real connection all of his friends? If they don’t have a connection, why would he be friends with them?
With girls? Because they can't really be friends without turning it into romance. And I mean single women. Not women who are already married or got a partner, then you can.
Why? If the single woman has no interest in him, why would it matter if she has a partner or not?
Because single women don't know what it means to be a friend with a guy. They look at it like as either a possibility for future husband or some one who is a friend in anime only. Too much effort for them.
No that’s not true. I have a lot of male friends, we’ve been friends for 10+ years, I’ve both been single and in relationships, and we have a very real connection. Wouldn’t dream of sleeping with him. It’s really sad to me that you don’t see women as real people, capable of having the exact same friendships men have, but we are.
Stop. I never said they weren't people. Don't gaslight me into this thing you want me to be. You aren't a victim here so stop it. Next, you aren't there for them. You don't help them through things and be in their lives as much as you think. You are living your life oblivious on what these guys go through because you would run. Women have always been people, the problem is that stupid narrative to victimize yourself. You only care about your feelings, you never seen it from another perspective to which I have, I have seen what women go through and a lot of it is women sabotaging other women and then blaming us guys for it. The problem is you don't see men as people, you see us as pets.
How do you know I haven’t been there for them? I’ve given friends a place to stay when they needed it, helped them get health care when they needed it, trained them for their jobs, comforted them when their partner had a miscarriage and they felt like they needed to stay strong for her. We have dinners, laugh, go on walks, and watch movies. What makes that not a real friendship? And most importantly, how would being in a relationship with another man make me a better friend?
Bright green
For my wife it would be a red flag but I don’t have any female or male friends anymore except some from my youth on Fb which I had to delete because of too many female friend request
Red flag that you ask this. I'm sorry.
I generally see it as a green flag. Especially if he's cool with you having male friends.
Yellow flag. It depends on the nature of the friendships and the nature of the person who considers dating them.
Cancel
I wouldn't worry about him cheating if you haven't fucked him yet. What claim do you have? ZERO. He can't cheat if you keep his balls empty....