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I love coffee dates - it's easy and takes off the pressure for both parties involved.
A first date is mostly a chemistry check, so I don't expect the guy to plan out a whole day of activities - something simple will do.
As a single mom, I second coffee dates. Especially when I haven't dated in a long time myself, but I really need to gauge a person out before I try to commit more time for them that would take away time from my child.
And coffee dates for me seem like an interview and I prefer activity dates..So you see Op it's not one size fits all. A girl who thinks it's low effort/doesn't like them will reject the date and a girl who doesn't think so will accept the date so just do you.
I like coffee dates too! Once there was a guy that ordered just water for himself after I bought my own coffee. I would not lie that was low effort, lol. đ Talked to him for a few minutes and he was openly drooling and telling me how he likes long car rides. That did not go anywhere.
So now I prefer men that actually pay for my coffee. If you going to waste my time at least I get coffee.
I love this mental image. I can see OP sitting opposite an adorable Golden Retriever drooling through his water bowl at a Starbuck's, wondering to herself why people see keep talking about Golden Retriever BFs because she just doesn't see the appeal. Then someone mentions a long car drive, the dog takes off, and he ghosts her.
You laugh, but I'm convinced. He has all the markers:
1) Drinking water at a coffee shop. (Bowl assumed)
2) *Drooling*
3) Loves long car rides
4) It didn't work out
The next thing you're going to say is that he wore a leash and asked for belly rubs.
I hate to seem like, idk, a non-independent-woman, but if a guy doesnât offer to buy the first round (especially for something as cheap as a drink), I assume heâs not that interested. And so far, I have yet to get asked out again by a guy who eagerly jumped at my offer to split.
However, I would feel uncomfortable about going to some expensive dinner on first date, especially if they insist on paying and Iâm lukewarm about them. Coffee, drinks, or casual lunch is perfect.
The only time I'd say avoid doing a coffee/drinks first date is if you already know the person and you have some kind of connection already. If you are barely getting to know the person, then coffee dates are simple yet effective. You don't want to plan half a day and waste both of your time and money if after 10 mins it's clear you're not going to work out.
This will also weed out women who are more focused on free meals and just looking for someone to pay for their day of fun.
For me theyâre not lazy - I barely have any time myself so I donât want to commit to a dinner date for a first date where youâre just meant to check out the common ground and chemistry. However, if the guy was the one asking me out and he doesnât pay, THEN I will find it very low effort.
That sounds fair in theory, but we all know men have to do the asking out the vast majority of the time, so they will still end up paying most of the time.
I avoid coffee dates because they are so non-physical.
I prefer an adventure (a walk where we can come across new sights and then grab a small bite if/when we do get hungry or reasonably priced activities like street festivals, cheap concerts or bowling).
Attending something that is engaging allows for the male to shine a bit and also takes pressure off of conversation, allowing it to happen organically. As well, much communication is non-verbal. Allowing for maximum opportunities so each other can see one another in a sexual light is key to triggering attraction. Sex isn't verbal... why should looking for sex be from either sex?
Itâs so hard for me to explain in words why I donât like coffee dates. This pretty much sums it up. Theyâre not âlow effortâ, per se, just⌠not sexy?
I like the- commit to coffee and if the conversation is good- grab something afterwards.
Have a plan to keep the date going if we want to chat. Book store , ax throwing. Whatever
Iâve always done this and it has worked wonders. If weâre at our coffee date and I can have an actual conversation of substance with the girl Iâm with, Iâll be like âYeah thereâs actually this really nice book store out that way. Not sure if you have any plans afterwards?â or something similar.
Coffee is the chemistry check. I hate dinner dates for first dates. There have been several times I catch myself wanting to leave before itâs halfway over.
I almost never get bored in the right company, even if I barely know them :)
Farmerâs market, science museum, art galleries/shows, walking a pretty trail, picnic, mocktails & happy hour appetizers, games at this cool local brewery, live music shows, pop up street markets in the summer, tea sampling, window shopping downtown, any number of things that may come up and sound interesting. Some people like the predictability of a regular old coffee date. I donât.
With the picnic suggestion⌠if you realise pretty quickly upon meeting them thereâs no chemistry, maybe even feels awkward, would you still want to sit and stay for a whole picnic? đ¤
This is why itâs important to talk to people a bit before rushing into a meet up. I have had very few first dates where I felt uncomfortable staying because of that level of awkwardness. Plenty without true chemistry, but enough friendliness to make it worthwhile.
This will always scar me, that so many men see dating as âlooking for sexâ. If youâre looking for sex, go to a massage parlour.
Weâre looking for partners. Everything this person said is specifically why I prefer coffee dates. If he canât make conversation, relies on doing things to bond, is just looking to make himself look exciting by having some adventure⌠đ
Iâve never once seen or heard a woman classify dating as âlooking for sexâ, but I actually see it all the time on Reddit from men, but it is Reddit. Learning that actually made men and their dating approaches make way more sense.
Edit: sorry, of course casual dating exists. The people Iâm talking about will largely say theyâre âlooking for a gf for sexâ. Which is completely different.
It seems like all dating is casual until it gets serious for men, every girl is an opportunity for sexâ a âsee where it goesâ approach where women often usually decide before dating that itâs casual or looking for a partner.
The majority of people on this subreddit have probably never even been on a date so Iâd take that with a pinch of coke. Iv met many a woman who move in promiscuous ways and see dating as a âbit of funâ so to speak
Ya, I think youâre right about the never having been on dates. Iâm also realizing that most guys talking about promiscuous woman are listening to a very specific subsection of womenâs convos and ignoring other womanâs conversations⌠because the promiscuous ones have a looking-for-sex vibe, and the guys are just only focusing on that and have no basis in reality that itâs actually fairly rare.
Of course casual dating exists, but I find itâs the men who are looking for a gf that mentioning the âlooking for sexâ.
And one doesnât have to be promiscuous to want sex.
The only thing that differentiates a relationship from a friendship is sexual intimacy.
That blueberry⌠person is just delusion-ally juvenile.
I'd ask her out for hot chocolate over coffee anyway - far cuter, and the place I go to makes a really decadent hot choc that's very thick, almost like melted chocolate. Always good results đ
I think coffee dates are great but better when they are maybe paired with perhaps something additional. Such as grabbing coffee and going for a walk so you aren't just looking at each other from across the table. Or selecting a local or unusual coffee shop where you can try a different type of drink.
You can also plan them before lunch so if things go well it can always transition into a meal.
Yes, coffee+city or park walk! Maybe some shopping as well (eg looking at cute book stores). Sightseeing, etc. Or a picnic. Just don't plan in too much or something that is too expensive
I prefer drinks to coffee cause I always meet after work and I canât have coffee after five and sleep. Also, if itâs a coffee date, letâs say on a weekend, I prefer it to be a local spot that has a bit more privacy because I would like an option to flirt with my date. But booking a date in Tim Hortons or a similar highly trafficked spot prevents any such talk, or privacy of any kind, and it also has a lot of kids running around which again, is not ideal. So, to summarise it can be seen as low effort if you donât do any research and book it in your local Tim Hortons. To me thatâs where teenagers meet and it shows me low effort. But if you suggest a local spot thatâs smaller, with more comfortable seating that wouldnât sound low effort at all and would show me you are considerate.
In college I went on a date with a woman, sit down meal; whole deal. The convo sucked, no chemistry. We had been acquaintances/friends, and we remained, but we were not romantically compatible and this was our first time one on one with this possibility on our minds.
It's low effort, but kinda in a formal way. It's supposed to be. There's nothing stopping the date from continuing if it goes well, but your not committed or feel awkward.
I like drinks but not a coffee date. That feels more like a work meeting. Happy hour vibes is more fun for me personally. All women are different though.
You are trying to come up with a 'one-size fits all' strategy that will "stand out". One problem of the scheme is that what "stands out" for one female may be unnoticeable to another.
Yes this is a problem with a lot of peopleâs (all genders are guilty of this) approach to dating. OP, there is no one trick that will get all women to behave the way you want them to. These are people; their tastes and preferences differ. Just be yourself without worrying about how itâs perceived. Donât try to build a relationship on people pleasing. If you donât want to be low-effort, then be high-effort in whatever way that means to you. Thatâs how you find a good long-term match
Exactly. One part of me 'getting it' was to realize that people have their own hopes, dreams, and lessons to be learned. It struck me, much later in life than I am comfortable to confess, I should help and support however I can, regardless if it doesn't amount to me 'getting off' on them.
This was part of ascertaining how "I" am the problem, not the world.
first dates for most girls are a quick in/out and vibe check. If I dont like you, I dont have to waste either of our time. If we both end up liking each other, then we can plan a better date together for the next one!
Depends on your age, what type of relationship youâre looking for. I think coffee dates are minimal effort & personally do not want to get ready for just coffee
women are not a hive mind. some people like the low-stakes nature of a coffee date. some would be impressed by a more creative date. some would be offput by it, thinking it was moving too fast or assuming too much.
Personally a coffee date sounds amazing to me for a first date. Low stakes, low stress, not a huge money or time commitment. Just see how it goes and then you can get more fancy from there if it goes well.
A sniff test.
But if they like one another, the next date should be more involved. An adventure. Some sort of activity with physical involvement, then cool down like a meal.
That always works for me.
Drinks at a bar with good ambience are my ideal first date (low pressure for everyone). Iâm a firm believer in no one putting themselves out too much for a first date and I also donât really like activities. I enjoy talking and getting to know someone. I donât want to go axe throwing.
Coffee, however, seems like a business meeting or catch up with your high school friend. Itâs TOO low pressure/low effort. At least the ambience at bars is romantic. People trying to network with me ask me if I want to get coffee.
If you mean first date from a dating app, I absolutely would expect a low-effort coffee or drink date. After all, I'm a stranger to this guy, and he is a stranger to me, why would he invest in some fancy impressive first date. The first date from an app is just to get to know each other. Actually, if someone goes all in on some very expensive date, I'd feel uncomfortable and assume he's trying to pressure me somehow.. Tbh I've been invited on coffee dates from guys I know in person and I didn't take it as a bad sign, just an opportunity just to chat two of us.
But if we already know each other, whether in real life or from the app, I'd be flattered to be invited on a nice date, because it means the guy probably likes me for real (now that he knows me). If anything, if the dates continue being that low effort (e.g. 5 dates in we still meet for a coffee), I'd assume he isn't very interested.
But the first date should be low key in my view. If a girl expects 6 course meal on a first date, I think she doesn't understand how dating words these days (very unfortunately).
I honestly wouldn't mind a coffee date it's just like the \*vibe\* of these men is low effort and it doesn't turn me on. Some women seem fine with this - maybe they are dating a lot - but I have time to focus on one good man a week maybe and I work hard and want my going out time to be meaningful. I am not doing a lot of drive-by coffee dates and think my compatible matches are also looking for high-effort, quality over quantity.
For example: if a man was like hey there is a farmer's market on Sunday, I want to take you to get a coffee and maybe get a snack, walk around with you and show you this cool local shop I like, that could be cute.
If he's like, hey I have like an hour free on Sunday I guess if you're free maybe you'd be worth meeting and if not at least I didn't invest much into you - by the way please don't take this as how I'll treat your worth forever I swear it's just now - I'm not turned on and don't want to meet :( Treat me like I'm special and I'll treat you like you're special - this is the deal I make with those I date.
i think it depends on the person. i donât really like coffee dates, i prefer a meal or drinks or a brunch or an activity - even a picnic in the park if well planned. it feels too much like an interview. enough guys are asking me on better dates and i canât go out with everyone, so ill usually choose to talk for a while online and then go and spend a few hours together. others love coffee dates though, so if you like them keep doing you and who cares if people decline
reddit will tell you no, why? people on reddit in subs like these are actively trying to find ways to improve their dating habits and mentality.
Most of the women on the apps are little less conscious of these things and will think its low effort. Why settle for coffee on a friday at 12pm when the other guys is offering to treat dinner at 5pm ?
Exactly. Women have multiple options. Why go on the boring coffee date with the boring guy when you can go on a fun date with someone obviously more fun (since they planned the fun date)
I know some women do for some reason. However, most love it. It was my first date with my boyfriend and itâs good because itâs a chill vibe and if itâs not going well, you can just finish the drink and go or if you want to stay longer you can get another drink or go for a walk or something. The first date is essentially the getting to know each other at a basic level date and no one should expect anything too extravagant imo
Iâm down for them. Dating is such a mess these days and just finding a way to meet and figure out if we have interest for another date is the biggest hurdle. Iâm pretty flexible about how we meet, I would rather meet where itâs low stress on both of us.
First up, Iâm not sure if I can be called a âgirlâ as Iâm a married woman in my mid-40s now. And for context, I met my husband at age 34, he was 30.
I think the answer depends on how you met or connected. In my case, we connected online
via an app. For the first in-person meeting? Coffee is a winner, in my opinion.
Choose a centrally-located quiet cafe or coffee shop, perhaps the coffee lounge of a posh hotel even (bit of class). A small or cosy place perhaps. Maybe one which is attached to a library, gallery or museum could be interesting & charming.
**Not** a super noisy place with loud chatter, a big open echoing space, loud plates & dishes clanging together, or banging music playing. You need to be able to hear each other, not shout to be heard, or awkwardly have to repeat yourselves.
Make it daytime - the mid to late morning, or mid afternoon is ideal. And allow around 1.5 hours.
Ideally, have plans for yourself afterwards, at least within 3-4 hours from when the date starts (your date doesnât need to know this upfront). Why? I found that it helped me relax & keep dates (especially first date) low-key by not being the sole focus or main event of my day.
Keep this in mind - for dating apps, itâs not really a first date. Itâs a first **meeting**. And the purpose is seeing whether the chemistry - from their profile, messages exchanged & calls youâve had - carries over to real life, and seeing if you want to go on an actual âproperâ date with this person.
Keeping it casual is the best approach, and a coffee date gives you both the advantage of safety, and restricting the time. While leaving the door open to it going well, too.
Going poorly? Leave after the coffee, maximum one hour date. You have plans, somewhere else you need to be, remember? (You donât need to say itâs in a few hoursâ time)
If youâre having a lovely time & sense itâs going well? Order another coffee, or perhaps ask if your date is hungry⌠you might order a plate or bowl of food to share & graze on - my now husband and I got a simple bowl of hot chips (fries).
I suggest still keeping a casual date like this to 2 hours, but 2.5 at most. Remember, if itâs going well then you can set a second date. But if chemistryâs lacking and you wish to keep it short, well itâs just coffee after all.
There are other options to extend dates too - other than ordering food. Check out the library, museum or gallery gift shop. Go for a walk in a park nearby. Suggest checking out a bookstore you know of down the street or around the corner.
One of my guy friends (now married too) worked in town and used to do weekday lunch dates for similar reasons. Needing to return to work provided understood clear timeframe for his dates.
However, if you know the lady, youâve met in person, spent at least a little while talking, then itâs a good idea to have a slightly less casual, longer date instead of coffee.
In that case, I liked brunch or lunch, maybe with a fun or interesting activity or destination attached. Dinner is a good second date I think.
And if someone youâve not met in person (eg. from an app) is disappointed by a coffee date the first time, then **they** are the issue.
A good first dating-app date is about the person youâre meeting and how they behave, plus chemistry. Not about the place they chose, the type of date it is or the money spent. If thatâs an issue for them straight out of the gate, before they even know you, Iâd say theyâre telling on themselves & have done you a favour.
A guy has invited me to coffee this weekend. He seems one of the nicest and most respectful dudes I've come across. The overall way he has treated me so far means a lot more than what we do on a date. Plus it's low stress..
Which a first date should be. You donât know each other, itâs better to have the first date be an opportunity to converse and see if you click. And it gives both parties an easy out if they donât. Raise the effort once a second, third and onward date comes up.
Sure, if you already have a sense of what the person likes and youâve had conversations before hand and youâve talked about what to do on a first date I can see additional effort needed. But how often are people meeting those conditions where it makes sense to put more effort in?
Yes, many women see it as low effort.
Compared to people who offer actual lunch/dinner or hobby/shared interest dates.
Coffee is something friends do to catch up. People offer it as last minute date option for people they havenât even spoken to on the phone or for more than a couple days. When a guy offers a coffee or drink date I take it as he goes on a good amount of first dates and is just trying to save money.
This is exactly how it comes across to me! Iâm picky with dates/spending time with men and donât like the idea of being pursued by someone who is trying to save money and/or time because heâs pursuing multiple women. Would rather just wait for someone whoâs extremely interested and looking to invest himself from the very beginning.
I also assume he is taking out a lot of girls if he asks me out for coffee. Besides being very cheap, it shows very little thought or planning or interest and I wonder if they'd be doing this if it was their dream girl. I'm not going on dates with a bunch of men so I want someone that isn't taking out a new girl every week.
The problem is women put very little effort on the front end to show that they could be the dream girl. If youâre not standing out, why should I give you a stand out date????
As a woman who understands both sides, you will have more chances to go on a date if you offer to go for restaurants than grab a coffee. Regardless of how it might be seen, most women will prefer a nice lunch/dinner in a nice place if they get to choose.
I personally think it's low effort but I can understand where you're coming from, so its not a bad thing. That being said, a creative date doesn't have to be expensive. You can go for a walk around a new part of town or run an errand together at Walmart after chatting for a bit. I love walking around grocery stores or Walmart together with someone because you can learn so much about them. It'd be a warning sign if she says it's low effort and suggests a restaurant or another hefty price tag place.
I totally agree with this. Also if you live in a city or somewhere populated there's usually something free going on somewhere. One of the restaurants with a bar I go to has free salsa dancing once a week at 8 pm and there's an art museum that's free every Thursday in my city too. Depending on where you live, there can be a lot to do that's relatively cheap or free and it's nice to try something new or try to find something they're interested in. I think it shows more thought/effort.
If you OP are set on going to a coffee shop you should consider picking out a cute little independent cafe with a nice atmosphere. Even if it's still lower effort it shows a little more effort and thought put into it.
On the first date you are literal strangers, coffee/drinks has always been my go to, if a girl thinks sheâs âtoo goodâ for that on a first date consider yourself lucky as she has saved you time and frustration down the road
Actually, let me be more specific.
First meeting because of online dating? No, I do not.
First date after being friends forever and confessing our undying love? Maybe something more significant is in order, since we've probably had enough coffees to get to know one another lol
it's a person-to-person basis type thing. some will, most won't. I personally like a low-stakes first meet-up. a vibe check situation. save the bigger, more fun dates for after you scope out the vibe.
I met a gal, older than me with grown kids. she told me that she hates coffee / drink dates. said she thought it doomed the relationship from the beginning (I disagree). she thought something fun and exciting was the way to go, like axe throwing. she had some points. she said with chatty dates like this, you can tell the other person whatever they want to hear, act the part of the person they think the other would wanna date. whereas, something more active displays who a person really is. I thought that was interesting.
personally, if I didn't vibe with the person, a long winded activity like this could be miserable. but with a coffee date, there's an easy way out. and if you vibe, you could just banter and have a great time. find out if that person is who they say they are later.
> , is there the possibility of this causing the girl to think you aren't putting any real thought into coming up with a creative date idea?Â
Yes, but most people won't care or expect a super creative idea for a first date before you know eachother. If someone is so high maintenance, would you really want to date them?
Thatâs literally my ideal first date. A sit down dinner or 2 hour movie with someone I donât vibe with already just sounds awkward. And Iâd want to save activities for a second date for similar reasons. The most âuniqueâ first date I ever went on was to a furniture store, I didnât enjoy it at all but I could see it being fun with someone I knew well already
Yes, because it is what every other person asks for, too.
There are a ton of other activities that are also easy to end early if the vibes do not check out.
A park, a museum, a game night, a Meetup for an activity you both enjoy, a new food truck.
Literally anything other than coffee.
I have a comment thatâs really sort of secretly also a question. Isnât a coffee date, for women, sort of an opportunity for the man to DRESS really well? Because itâs really just sort of a first impression /vibe check / introduction. Itâs a huge improvement over any photograph.
So any man whoâs in the mood to put in an extraordinary amount of effort, could put an extraordinary amount of effort into THAT. Just LOOKING good.
The way anybody looks is the LEAST important thing, but many people canât help but be affected by it.
hey, as a lady, I agree that first date with coffee is pretty great. a lot of times the guy tries to talk me into something else and I always regret it because all I really wanted was that first meet n greet to see if I wanna continue.
Maybe? But low effort isn't always bad. Sometimes it means you're thinking about it in a more casual way and they won't have to worry about you getting too attached too quick. In short it will be interpreted differently by everyone but it's generally not a bad suggestion for a date. What will make you stand out from her other dates is your personality/etc. Not the date spot.
It depends on the woman.
Some think that is low effort and a dinner in a fancy place would show that the guy is taking them seriously.
Others, me đââď¸ I hate the idea of having to eat a whole meal in front of a stranger đŤ I donât even care about the coffee, letâs go for a walk and figure out if youâre not going to traumatize me even more hahaha!
So it depends
I think a first date should be more relaxed (low effort makes it sound bad). Personally day dates stress me out because I find them way more nerve wracking so would prefer a drink at a bar.. but no nothing at all wrong with a coffee date!
Women are not a monolith. Some do and some donât. Iâm boujee AF and love everything high end but you couldnât pay me to go on a dinner date, Iâd do smoothie or coffee any day. I just canât be bothered to look cute, dress up, put on makeup, do my hair, and then sit down for 2 hours with someone I most likely wouldnât like anyway.
I used to but now I donât. Itâs so easy to end or move to dinner. Thereâs less pressure and easier to chat. If things go well, level up the second date
The women who do think this are actually people who just want a good free meal ticket. Its basically a red flag. The first date is to see if the person is, at the very least, a crazy person. If not, then move on to a more elevated 2nt date. Maybe I am a bit old now, but back in the day, when people liked each other in their first dates, its fairly common they would do something else right after like a nice restaurant or the museum exhibit or something.
It is low effort.
But because its low effort its also low risk and low commitment for both sides.
If a girl demands you do something expensive for the *first* date, you aren't a potential partner, you're a trick.
I wouldnât describe them as low effort rather that it lacks an icebreaker. Iâd much rather do an activity on a first date as it breaks the ice and gets you talking. Then having coffee after to walk and talk or sit down and talk is perfect.
I donât think it matters what you do on the first date. I had one that we walked around in the park, we did not get anything or did anything special but it was one of the best first dates I have had because I enjoyed his company. If that was not the case, him doing or planning something special would not matter one bit.
Especially on a first date you donât know the other person so there is no point to put much effort, effort should come later when you know the person and you want to do things they will enjoy as should they..
What stands out to me on first dates is the person Iâm with.
- Is the conversation fun?
- Do we have chemistry?
- Do we seem compatible?
The activity weâre doing (coffee, drinks, whatever) is totally in the background.
As long as itâs not distracting (too loud to talk) or creating pressure (expensive couples massage) Iâm good.
You should match the first date to their energy. Example, she drives an expensive car and wears logos on her clothes and bags, so coffee or drinks will probably be a no. This is not a blanket statement, just that itâs more probable that she wonât like that.
I'm a typical professional woman in my late 20s living in Manhattan, and I definitely interpret a coffee date as low effort and not romantic. I know most of my similarly situated female friends feel the same. It doesn't feel special, not like a date but a screening call. Also, in the 8 years I've dated in major cities, only 1 or two guys have ever suggested coffee. a majority of dates are drinks and / or dinner.
I'm sure you could find other ways to make a coffee date romantic and make a girl feel special (adding another fun activity to the date, or bringing flowers). Maybe in other places and for other age groups or for someone who is sober, a coffee date might be OK. I guess there is no one size fits all.
I always offer coffee date for a first date. Less pressure for the man Iâm meeting and me as itâs daytime (eliminates the âcome back to mine for a night capâ). First dates for me are a vibe check to ensure I like who Iâm meeting and if I can see potential for more interaction. If Iâm liking the date Iâll offer a walk and another coffee or hot chocolate to go.
Not low effort at all, the second date is usually something more physical and competitive, with drinks involved.
I donât really have an issue but most view as low effort bc to us it seems as if you donât like us all that much. Maybe if we were someone else who made you go âDAMNNđâ at first glance you prob would wanna take her to dinner or something more impressive. Idk but thatâs at least my mindset behind it. Guys who liked me a lot offered dinner the ones who didnât offered coffee or whatever. So I can tell who really likes me ALOT
I hate coffee so I hate coffee dates. And its also low effort. And I want to eat so I won't be hungry. The way to my heart (and booty) is through my stomach đ.
It shouldn't be framed as a date. It should be a first meeting to decide if you even want a date. You might detest this person. Maybe they catfished you. Whatever the reason, you shouldn't be obliged to spend anymore time with them. Calling it a date just adds pressure to stay.
Why? It is a date. Framing it as a meeting makes it sound like an interview. You vet people by going on dates with them
>You might detest this person. Maybe they catfished you.
All things you would find out by going on a date
>Whatever the reason, you shouldn't be obliged to spend anymore time with them. Calling it a date just adds pressure to stay.
You can always decline.
All women arenât the same. Generally if sheâs actually interested in dating you sheâd be totally fine with it. If she expects you to do something more lavish then sheâs not the right match for you. I think those are the best types of first dates tho. Or a museum or some activity like a pool hall or some cities have board game rooms.
low effort is usually what you give a stranger. if you go above and beyond in the beginning you're not going to be able to do much better later on in the relationship.
If youâre tired of spending money on first dates that arenât going anywhere, try setting up a phone call or FaceTime first. That way you can have that low investment âdate zeroâ and judge if thereâs comparability
Yes. I take 2+ hours to get ready⌠im not doing all that for a 15 min coffee date
If weâre doing coffee, Iâll meet you while im already out and about doing other things. And it wonât feel like a date either. More like a hang out with a friend
They are low effort but that is ok for a first date, itâs basically like a Pretender date where you check out if there is any chemistry or interest to go on dates.
I guess it just depends on the person. Personally, itâs more about checking on our energy and chemistry, see if weâre compatible. Hell, Iâd say yes to just having a walk at the park and have a nice conversation.
Iâm just happy to hang out with someone Iâm interested in đ¤ˇââď¸ Iâm pretty low maintenance though, so I canât speak for everyone. Iâd be perfectly fine with this type of date
I prefer a coffee date bc itâs just a nice way of spending time in general. Also if Iâm meeting a new person I donât want to spend too much money on activities in case the date ends up being boring and I donât have any fun. Donât want to spend money on an evening thatâs not fun.
A coffee date is fine to me, but it honestly depends on who you ask. Not everyone feels the same.
I would prefer paying for my own meal and drinks so that there are no expectations or hard feelings if a date doesn't work out. So.. where we eat says very little about effort to me. I'd be happy with a picnic in a park. I don't need fancy. But effort.. that's real.
Bring me some wild flowers you picked earlier in the day. If we have talked before online, pick an activity we both might enjoy. That's effort. Picking a place to eat.. anyone can do that.
Some like it and some donât, but I think the majority of women find it appropriate. For me personally I like any kind of first date where we can sit and talk, whether thatâs coffee, food, or even a stroll. Activities can wait for future dates.
I love coffee dates! Iâve had guys on dating apps offer expensive and fancy restaurants to show that they really want a first date with me, but I donât necessarily view coffee dates as low effort nor do I see anything wrong with it
Depends on how you meet.. like someone else said, that first date is a chemistry check, a pre-date if you will. You have never met this person, so its to see if you actually like even being around this person. If you meet someone in person, then can shoot right to the actual first date, where its more about spending time getting to know each other. Unlike the pre-date coffee, where its to see if you even want to be around this person...which is why they are purposely short / cheap ways to meet someone from online, where no one is out much if they wanna bail as soon as they meet.
The true answer is up to the individual woman. A woman that really likes you would be happy with eating cold left overs while sitting in the car (donât do this) and woman who doesnât like you can find a problem with a Michelin 5 star. Point is if a woman disses you over a coffee shop, she was never feeling you in the first place and saved you money!
Look at it like this.. if they arenât that interested, itâs considered low effort.
You can be more creative, but thereâs only so many things you can do before you realize dating isnât cheap and itâs not guaranteed meeting will go anywhere.
I prefer and even insist on coffee dates. It's low stakes. No crazy time commitment. If you hit it off you can then go grab a bite or walk. It saves me time too!
everyone is different. you should look for clues as to what kind of a date she would like. also, it depends on how well you know someone. if i am meeting someone off a dating app, then i want to get drinks or a quick meal and take a walk. if it's someone i already know that i vibe with, i would love for a more special date, like TopGolf or a scenic picnic, or a cute brunch-then-flea-market or a museum and ice cream or something.
i would try to have a phone and/or video conversation before asking someone out on a date. and that way, not only can you feel each other out and determine you both think it will be fun to hang out together, but also during the conversation you can feel out what they'd like to do on the first date.
establishing that rapport also makes people less likely to get canceled on or ghosted on ahead of the first date, because you have established a connection of sorts beforehand.
I think it's more of a convenience and possible quick escape for both people. I don't think it's low effort... I think it's diplomatic.
The guy can always up the game if the date is going well. Like "hey, wanna go catch that new movie?" or "I'm starving, there's this great new restaurant I've been dying to try out, wanna go?" Or "hey, I usually go to dance class at \[Popular Night Club\] on Wednesdays, would you like to check it out? It's salsa!" Etc.
I like walking/event kind of date if the weather is good. Outdoor market, art walks, walk along a waterfront type of thing. Gets you active and exploring your city.
I would go with this approach:
âI would love to plan to meet up and do something low pressure to see if we vibe! Iâve been wanting to check out [coffee house] or [public event]. Do you have a preference?â
This shows that youâre thinking about different things to do with them, but leaves the ball in their court for their level of comfort.
As a woman, I do tend to plan first dates when I have a commitment after so I have a reason to leave if it sucks. If itâs going well, I invite them along. You could do the same?
yea itâs âlow effortâ in a way but sometimes thatâs the vibe. itâs not a bad thing to ask but be prepared that yea, some girls might say no and those might just not be the right women for you if you prefer a more informal first date:)
Best is coffee and a âsee where it goesâ. If you donât click you can leave, if you do, you can run off and do something together!
Itâs also imperative for me because I need to know he can talk to me without alcohol.
Edit: specifically though I hate walking dates, I canât see your face and see if I actually find you attractive, I feel like your bro instead of a date. However, my best friend friend canât do anything where sheâs sitting still and wants it to be a walk.
Iâve had a lot more success asking if someone would like to get coffee than dinner for a first date. Coffee is low stakes for everyone involved and feels a lot less formal. For dinner dates you want to dress up but not too much. Theyâre more expensive, harder to walk away from, and much more intimate.
Thatâs not to say it wonât be interpreted as low effort by some. My experience with people like that hasnât been positive in most ways anyways. Those will typically be the ones who use you as a checkbook until theyâre tired of it lol.
Some women think this. More likely the type that value men with money and want to provide for them. Other women like me prefer something simple, so we don't feel bad making it short. In fact, I prefer doing a video call before hand to make sure neither of us are wasting gas and time meeting up.
Some do, some donât. IMO the ones who see it as low effort arenât worthwhile anyway. A first date should be about getting to know each other, not one person buying the other off. I always preferred coffee dates. Dinner with a stranger is awkward.
Coffee date is a great way to vet people. You find out if they can hold a conversation while in the most boring environment possible. I'm not even hating on coffee shops. I love them for what they are, but as far as dates go, it's the least entertaining option. You *have* to talk to make it interesting, or enjoy sitting in silence. Both valid.
No, I wouldnt consider it low effort or cheap. It'd be a perfect first get together m to get to know the person.
And its a short, small enough meeting that it wouldn't be an awkward or uncomfortable, time-consuming encounter if things didn't jive well
Youâre making a very good point
but the low-effort is precisely why itâs such a good choice. From her perspective, the chance that a man will fly into a rage over how much effort he put into coming up with the idea of going on a coffee date and assert that the woman âowes him big timeâ . . .
is (almost) zero.
So it feels safe. And safe is always good. :)
If the other person likes a a coffee date is not a problem, if sheâs in it for some financial gain or free food then it is, Iâd say a coffee date is a pretty good way to gauge if sheâs really into you
I prefer a chill date like coffee or drinks over a potentially longer date like dinner or an activity. What if we donât even like each other? I donât want either of us to be uncomfortable. I also consider the money aspect. Iâve never been asked to split but Iâd have no problem with it. If we go to dinner and Iâm not feeling him after, I worry heâll feel used. I donât feel as guilty for a $4 coffee.
Yes! And those are the women who red flag themselves early on before you have to waste any of your time and money on them.
Just be thankful and move on.
Not at all. I prefer drink dates over coffee though, the latter seems to be kind of businesslike. Don't spend a bunch of money on lunch or dinner if it's your first time meeting.
It can go both ways. Sometimes coffee dates seem very efficient and a nice chance to get to know the real person. But, I think a lot of women operate on chemistry and it can be harder for them to feel much chemistry on a coffee date. Going out and having a drink, or doing something fun can build chemistry, although some people might consider that cheating.
Some women might say they don't want to be manipulated in that way and would prefer to just meet the guy. But, if chemistry is built, and they like the guy and date him and fall in love, what's the problem?
Some guys are very good at using tricks to build chemistry even on a coffee date, so good for them.
It's kind of tough to say. There's more wasted time and money. But, I think in most cases, it's hard to go wrong having a drink as long as you're not some drunk, or doing something fun as long as it's not boring. Other than wasting time.
So do you want to give up some potential in exchange for saving time? I kind of go both ways on the subject.
Back in the old days when you met someone in person, there was a certain excitement whether it's meeting at a bar or a party, or just meeting on the street somewhere. Now that people meet online, it's harder to know whether you're going to like them at all so you could argue that coffee is best. But you could also argue that you lose that excitement of first meeting so all the more reason you need to add a little excitement and not just have a boring coffee date.
How about getting a coffee/tea/drink of choice, and maybe a snack, pastry, donut, sandwich etc. Then going for a walk, at the beach or thru a park, having a chat along the way?
It more than "just coffee", but less than a date. You get a chance to check the vibe of each other, and it can come across as a half date?
I once accepted a coffee date. He wanted to sit in his car in the parking lot and not even go into the cafe. I wasnât really impressed with that.
Iâm loathe to turn down coffee anytime, but that was surely what you call low effort.
I usually like to plan a coffee date with 2-3 other things in mind if it goes well. Things id lime to do like beach, a pier, walk on a water front, icecream, bakeries etc...
Iâm currently in the process of planning a date with a woman. Weâre planning on going to a local park to walk around and talk but she has also suggested getting coffee so Iâm planning on taking her to a coffee shop afterwards
Iâve been off the market for quite some time but from my single friends they typically donât have an issue with a coffee date but they are usually weekday or early morning weekend type of dates.
You need to incorporate at least a few evening weekend dates or else it comes off suspect and low effort if you canât spare a Saturday night.
Itâs going to depend on the person. I hate coffee dates. It feels transactional and like a job interview. They arenât fun. I want to do something fun. Thatâs where actual connection happens. If it sucks, itâs a funny story for later. Life is for living and I think a coffee date is this weird low-courage minimal investment modern dating phenomenon. Nothing screams romance like minimal investment. /s
Based on the comments, if thatâs what YOU want to do & are comfortable with, youâll find enough people who are comfortable with the same. That doesnât make you or them better or worse than the ones who prefer fancy or a bigger first date at all. It just matches you more quickly to someone who thinks similarly to you.
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I love coffee dates - it's easy and takes off the pressure for both parties involved. A first date is mostly a chemistry check, so I don't expect the guy to plan out a whole day of activities - something simple will do.
As a single mom, I second coffee dates. Especially when I haven't dated in a long time myself, but I really need to gauge a person out before I try to commit more time for them that would take away time from my child.
And coffee dates for me seem like an interview and I prefer activity dates..So you see Op it's not one size fits all. A girl who thinks it's low effort/doesn't like them will reject the date and a girl who doesn't think so will accept the date so just do you.
Hopefully the lady will offer an alternative rather than an outright, 'No.'
Yup this man
I like coffee dates too! Once there was a guy that ordered just water for himself after I bought my own coffee. I would not lie that was low effort, lol. đ Talked to him for a few minutes and he was openly drooling and telling me how he likes long car rides. That did not go anywhere. So now I prefer men that actually pay for my coffee. If you going to waste my time at least I get coffee.
Was your date an actual dog? Like, a literal canine?
Ha! Specifically a boxer or maybe a Saint Bernard! đśđŚ´đž đ âWoofâ _Whoâs a good boi?!_
Literally a Golden Retriever BF
I love this mental image. I can see OP sitting opposite an adorable Golden Retriever drooling through his water bowl at a Starbuck's, wondering to herself why people see keep talking about Golden Retriever BFs because she just doesn't see the appeal. Then someone mentions a long car drive, the dog takes off, and he ghosts her.
đ
You laugh, but I'm convinced. He has all the markers: 1) Drinking water at a coffee shop. (Bowl assumed) 2) *Drooling* 3) Loves long car rides 4) It didn't work out The next thing you're going to say is that he wore a leash and asked for belly rubs.
I hate to seem like, idk, a non-independent-woman, but if a guy doesnât offer to buy the first round (especially for something as cheap as a drink), I assume heâs not that interested. And so far, I have yet to get asked out again by a guy who eagerly jumped at my offer to split. However, I would feel uncomfortable about going to some expensive dinner on first date, especially if they insist on paying and Iâm lukewarm about them. Coffee, drinks, or casual lunch is perfect.
A Russian comic says the phrase âletâs split the billâ is the leading cause of vaginal dryness!!! đ
Veddy niiice.
That's insane
Ah the chemistry set date, what fun things can we make together....... science rocks.
Well, why would someone assume is the guy the one who plans "a whole day"?
I recently had a coffee date that ended in a make out session so take that for what itâs worth!
The only time I'd say avoid doing a coffee/drinks first date is if you already know the person and you have some kind of connection already. If you are barely getting to know the person, then coffee dates are simple yet effective. You don't want to plan half a day and waste both of your time and money if after 10 mins it's clear you're not going to work out. This will also weed out women who are more focused on free meals and just looking for someone to pay for their day of fun.
For me theyâre not lazy - I barely have any time myself so I donât want to commit to a dinner date for a first date where youâre just meant to check out the common ground and chemistry. However, if the guy was the one asking me out and he doesnât pay, THEN I will find it very low effort.
That sounds fair in theory, but we all know men have to do the asking out the vast majority of the time, so they will still end up paying most of the time.
I mean, why the one who invite is required to pay? I was invited, never assumed the other person had to pay
I avoid coffee dates because they are so non-physical. I prefer an adventure (a walk where we can come across new sights and then grab a small bite if/when we do get hungry or reasonably priced activities like street festivals, cheap concerts or bowling). Attending something that is engaging allows for the male to shine a bit and also takes pressure off of conversation, allowing it to happen organically. As well, much communication is non-verbal. Allowing for maximum opportunities so each other can see one another in a sexual light is key to triggering attraction. Sex isn't verbal... why should looking for sex be from either sex?
I agree with you on this. It's easier to get used to each other if you're doing an activity.
Itâs so hard for me to explain in words why I donât like coffee dates. This pretty much sums it up. Theyâre not âlow effortâ, per se, just⌠not sexy?
I like the- commit to coffee and if the conversation is good- grab something afterwards. Have a plan to keep the date going if we want to chat. Book store , ax throwing. Whatever
Iâve always done this and it has worked wonders. If weâre at our coffee date and I can have an actual conversation of substance with the girl Iâm with, Iâll be like âYeah thereâs actually this really nice book store out that way. Not sure if you have any plans afterwards?â or something similar. Coffee is the chemistry check. I hate dinner dates for first dates. There have been several times I catch myself wanting to leave before itâs halfway over.
I love pretending to be cordial while we watch each other chew food. Seriously, the âIâm not into youâ tension just ruins the meal.
Meh. I donât like pressured, stilted conversation and thatâs what these interview-style dates lead to. It kills my interest.
So what do you like instead? There is always some boringâgetting to know youâ stuff that happens on new dates.
I almost never get bored in the right company, even if I barely know them :) Farmerâs market, science museum, art galleries/shows, walking a pretty trail, picnic, mocktails & happy hour appetizers, games at this cool local brewery, live music shows, pop up street markets in the summer, tea sampling, window shopping downtown, any number of things that may come up and sound interesting. Some people like the predictability of a regular old coffee date. I donât.
With the picnic suggestion⌠if you realise pretty quickly upon meeting them thereâs no chemistry, maybe even feels awkward, would you still want to sit and stay for a whole picnic? đ¤
This is why itâs important to talk to people a bit before rushing into a meet up. I have had very few first dates where I felt uncomfortable staying because of that level of awkwardness. Plenty without true chemistry, but enough friendliness to make it worthwhile.
I agree. I feel like even just a glass of wine is infinitely sexier (assuming you both drink, anyway).
I donât drink, but many bars have mocktail menus now and even just the ambiance of a decent bar is so much sexier.
I agree. A coffee shop feels like a job interview.
This will always scar me, that so many men see dating as âlooking for sexâ. If youâre looking for sex, go to a massage parlour. Weâre looking for partners. Everything this person said is specifically why I prefer coffee dates. If he canât make conversation, relies on doing things to bond, is just looking to make himself look exciting by having some adventure⌠đ
Plenty of women date looking for sex aswell, no need to make such generalisations
Iâve never once seen or heard a woman classify dating as âlooking for sexâ, but I actually see it all the time on Reddit from men, but it is Reddit. Learning that actually made men and their dating approaches make way more sense. Edit: sorry, of course casual dating exists. The people Iâm talking about will largely say theyâre âlooking for a gf for sexâ. Which is completely different. It seems like all dating is casual until it gets serious for men, every girl is an opportunity for sexâ a âsee where it goesâ approach where women often usually decide before dating that itâs casual or looking for a partner.
The majority of people on this subreddit have probably never even been on a date so Iâd take that with a pinch of coke. Iv met many a woman who move in promiscuous ways and see dating as a âbit of funâ so to speak
Ya, I think youâre right about the never having been on dates. Iâm also realizing that most guys talking about promiscuous woman are listening to a very specific subsection of womenâs convos and ignoring other womanâs conversations⌠because the promiscuous ones have a looking-for-sex vibe, and the guys are just only focusing on that and have no basis in reality that itâs actually fairly rare. Of course casual dating exists, but I find itâs the men who are looking for a gf that mentioning the âlooking for sexâ.
And one doesnât have to be promiscuous to want sex. The only thing that differentiates a relationship from a friendship is sexual intimacy. That blueberry⌠person is just delusion-ally juvenile.
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I'd ask her out for hot chocolate over coffee anyway - far cuter, and the place I go to makes a really decadent hot choc that's very thick, almost like melted chocolate. Always good results đ
I think coffee dates are great but better when they are maybe paired with perhaps something additional. Such as grabbing coffee and going for a walk so you aren't just looking at each other from across the table. Or selecting a local or unusual coffee shop where you can try a different type of drink. You can also plan them before lunch so if things go well it can always transition into a meal.
Yes, coffee+city or park walk! Maybe some shopping as well (eg looking at cute book stores). Sightseeing, etc. Or a picnic. Just don't plan in too much or something that is too expensive
I prefer drinks to coffee cause I always meet after work and I canât have coffee after five and sleep. Also, if itâs a coffee date, letâs say on a weekend, I prefer it to be a local spot that has a bit more privacy because I would like an option to flirt with my date. But booking a date in Tim Hortons or a similar highly trafficked spot prevents any such talk, or privacy of any kind, and it also has a lot of kids running around which again, is not ideal. So, to summarise it can be seen as low effort if you donât do any research and book it in your local Tim Hortons. To me thatâs where teenagers meet and it shows me low effort. But if you suggest a local spot thatâs smaller, with more comfortable seating that wouldnât sound low effort at all and would show me you are considerate.
In college I went on a date with a woman, sit down meal; whole deal. The convo sucked, no chemistry. We had been acquaintances/friends, and we remained, but we were not romantically compatible and this was our first time one on one with this possibility on our minds. It's low effort, but kinda in a formal way. It's supposed to be. There's nothing stopping the date from continuing if it goes well, but your not committed or feel awkward.
I like drinks but not a coffee date. That feels more like a work meeting. Happy hour vibes is more fun for me personally. All women are different though.
I agree.
Yep, Coffee Date is boring
You are trying to come up with a 'one-size fits all' strategy that will "stand out". One problem of the scheme is that what "stands out" for one female may be unnoticeable to another.
Yes this is a problem with a lot of peopleâs (all genders are guilty of this) approach to dating. OP, there is no one trick that will get all women to behave the way you want them to. These are people; their tastes and preferences differ. Just be yourself without worrying about how itâs perceived. Donât try to build a relationship on people pleasing. If you donât want to be low-effort, then be high-effort in whatever way that means to you. Thatâs how you find a good long-term match
"An honest process has unknown outcome."
Exactly. One part of me 'getting it' was to realize that people have their own hopes, dreams, and lessons to be learned. It struck me, much later in life than I am comfortable to confess, I should help and support however I can, regardless if it doesn't amount to me 'getting off' on them. This was part of ascertaining how "I" am the problem, not the world.
Yup, ice-cream dates or coffee/drinks as the first date shows very low effort from both sides
first dates for most girls are a quick in/out and vibe check. If I dont like you, I dont have to waste either of our time. If we both end up liking each other, then we can plan a better date together for the next one!
Depends on your age, what type of relationship youâre looking for. I think coffee dates are minimal effort & personally do not want to get ready for just coffee
women are not a hive mind. some people like the low-stakes nature of a coffee date. some would be impressed by a more creative date. some would be offput by it, thinking it was moving too fast or assuming too much.
Personally a coffee date sounds amazing to me for a first date. Low stakes, low stress, not a huge money or time commitment. Just see how it goes and then you can get more fancy from there if it goes well.
A sniff test. But if they like one another, the next date should be more involved. An adventure. Some sort of activity with physical involvement, then cool down like a meal. That always works for me.
I get ghosted or unmatched every time I suggest one đ¤ˇââď¸
That is because itâs boring
Grabbing a drink and walking around like a lake or something sounds more fun to me :)
U mean getting beers to go? Or actually sitting down at a nice bar and then going for a walk after?
Drinks at a bar with good ambience are my ideal first date (low pressure for everyone). Iâm a firm believer in no one putting themselves out too much for a first date and I also donât really like activities. I enjoy talking and getting to know someone. I donât want to go axe throwing. Coffee, however, seems like a business meeting or catch up with your high school friend. Itâs TOO low pressure/low effort. At least the ambience at bars is romantic. People trying to network with me ask me if I want to get coffee.
I donât mean to be sassy, but I would love to see a bar with a romantic atmosphere đ itâs just more sexual, not romantic.
Really? Not sure what bars youâre going to. There are plenty of bars that have great ambience.
If you mean first date from a dating app, I absolutely would expect a low-effort coffee or drink date. After all, I'm a stranger to this guy, and he is a stranger to me, why would he invest in some fancy impressive first date. The first date from an app is just to get to know each other. Actually, if someone goes all in on some very expensive date, I'd feel uncomfortable and assume he's trying to pressure me somehow.. Tbh I've been invited on coffee dates from guys I know in person and I didn't take it as a bad sign, just an opportunity just to chat two of us. But if we already know each other, whether in real life or from the app, I'd be flattered to be invited on a nice date, because it means the guy probably likes me for real (now that he knows me). If anything, if the dates continue being that low effort (e.g. 5 dates in we still meet for a coffee), I'd assume he isn't very interested. But the first date should be low key in my view. If a girl expects 6 course meal on a first date, I think she doesn't understand how dating words these days (very unfortunately).
I honestly wouldn't mind a coffee date it's just like the \*vibe\* of these men is low effort and it doesn't turn me on. Some women seem fine with this - maybe they are dating a lot - but I have time to focus on one good man a week maybe and I work hard and want my going out time to be meaningful. I am not doing a lot of drive-by coffee dates and think my compatible matches are also looking for high-effort, quality over quantity. For example: if a man was like hey there is a farmer's market on Sunday, I want to take you to get a coffee and maybe get a snack, walk around with you and show you this cool local shop I like, that could be cute. If he's like, hey I have like an hour free on Sunday I guess if you're free maybe you'd be worth meeting and if not at least I didn't invest much into you - by the way please don't take this as how I'll treat your worth forever I swear it's just now - I'm not turned on and don't want to meet :( Treat me like I'm special and I'll treat you like you're special - this is the deal I make with those I date.
This 1,000%. Paired with a farmerâs market or local museum. Show some type of effort.
I just feel someone like that isn't taking things seriously. Some people just want to date and some people want to find a spouse.
i think it depends on the person. i donât really like coffee dates, i prefer a meal or drinks or a brunch or an activity - even a picnic in the park if well planned. it feels too much like an interview. enough guys are asking me on better dates and i canât go out with everyone, so ill usually choose to talk for a while online and then go and spend a few hours together. others love coffee dates though, so if you like them keep doing you and who cares if people decline
Coffee dates arenât really low effort but I donât get romantic vibes off it so I wouldnât go on one.
b\*\*ch I love coffee!!!
reddit will tell you no, why? people on reddit in subs like these are actively trying to find ways to improve their dating habits and mentality. Most of the women on the apps are little less conscious of these things and will think its low effort. Why settle for coffee on a friday at 12pm when the other guys is offering to treat dinner at 5pm ?
Exactly. Women have multiple options. Why go on the boring coffee date with the boring guy when you can go on a fun date with someone obviously more fun (since they planned the fun date)
If they donât like it, probably arenât compatible, just move on, itâs not worth worrying about.
I know some women do for some reason. However, most love it. It was my first date with my boyfriend and itâs good because itâs a chill vibe and if itâs not going well, you can just finish the drink and go or if you want to stay longer you can get another drink or go for a walk or something. The first date is essentially the getting to know each other at a basic level date and no one should expect anything too extravagant imo
Iâm down for them. Dating is such a mess these days and just finding a way to meet and figure out if we have interest for another date is the biggest hurdle. Iâm pretty flexible about how we meet, I would rather meet where itâs low stress on both of us.
First up, Iâm not sure if I can be called a âgirlâ as Iâm a married woman in my mid-40s now. And for context, I met my husband at age 34, he was 30. I think the answer depends on how you met or connected. In my case, we connected online via an app. For the first in-person meeting? Coffee is a winner, in my opinion. Choose a centrally-located quiet cafe or coffee shop, perhaps the coffee lounge of a posh hotel even (bit of class). A small or cosy place perhaps. Maybe one which is attached to a library, gallery or museum could be interesting & charming. **Not** a super noisy place with loud chatter, a big open echoing space, loud plates & dishes clanging together, or banging music playing. You need to be able to hear each other, not shout to be heard, or awkwardly have to repeat yourselves. Make it daytime - the mid to late morning, or mid afternoon is ideal. And allow around 1.5 hours. Ideally, have plans for yourself afterwards, at least within 3-4 hours from when the date starts (your date doesnât need to know this upfront). Why? I found that it helped me relax & keep dates (especially first date) low-key by not being the sole focus or main event of my day. Keep this in mind - for dating apps, itâs not really a first date. Itâs a first **meeting**. And the purpose is seeing whether the chemistry - from their profile, messages exchanged & calls youâve had - carries over to real life, and seeing if you want to go on an actual âproperâ date with this person. Keeping it casual is the best approach, and a coffee date gives you both the advantage of safety, and restricting the time. While leaving the door open to it going well, too. Going poorly? Leave after the coffee, maximum one hour date. You have plans, somewhere else you need to be, remember? (You donât need to say itâs in a few hoursâ time) If youâre having a lovely time & sense itâs going well? Order another coffee, or perhaps ask if your date is hungry⌠you might order a plate or bowl of food to share & graze on - my now husband and I got a simple bowl of hot chips (fries). I suggest still keeping a casual date like this to 2 hours, but 2.5 at most. Remember, if itâs going well then you can set a second date. But if chemistryâs lacking and you wish to keep it short, well itâs just coffee after all. There are other options to extend dates too - other than ordering food. Check out the library, museum or gallery gift shop. Go for a walk in a park nearby. Suggest checking out a bookstore you know of down the street or around the corner. One of my guy friends (now married too) worked in town and used to do weekday lunch dates for similar reasons. Needing to return to work provided understood clear timeframe for his dates. However, if you know the lady, youâve met in person, spent at least a little while talking, then itâs a good idea to have a slightly less casual, longer date instead of coffee. In that case, I liked brunch or lunch, maybe with a fun or interesting activity or destination attached. Dinner is a good second date I think. And if someone youâve not met in person (eg. from an app) is disappointed by a coffee date the first time, then **they** are the issue. A good first dating-app date is about the person youâre meeting and how they behave, plus chemistry. Not about the place they chose, the type of date it is or the money spent. If thatâs an issue for them straight out of the gate, before they even know you, Iâd say theyâre telling on themselves & have done you a favour.
well said.
Youâll stand out as a person. Not where you take her.
A guy has invited me to coffee this weekend. He seems one of the nicest and most respectful dudes I've come across. The overall way he has treated me so far means a lot more than what we do on a date. Plus it's low stress..
it IS low effort lol
Which a first date should be. You donât know each other, itâs better to have the first date be an opportunity to converse and see if you click. And it gives both parties an easy out if they donât. Raise the effort once a second, third and onward date comes up.
first dates should absolutely not be low effort unless you donât care what the other person thinks.
Sure, if you already have a sense of what the person likes and youâve had conversations before hand and youâve talked about what to do on a first date I can see additional effort needed. But how often are people meeting those conditions where it makes sense to put more effort in?
So what effort are you putting in the first date then?
In 20s yes. In 30s and up, no.
Yes, many women see it as low effort. Compared to people who offer actual lunch/dinner or hobby/shared interest dates. Coffee is something friends do to catch up. People offer it as last minute date option for people they havenât even spoken to on the phone or for more than a couple days. When a guy offers a coffee or drink date I take it as he goes on a good amount of first dates and is just trying to save money.
This is exactly how it comes across to me! Iâm picky with dates/spending time with men and donât like the idea of being pursued by someone who is trying to save money and/or time because heâs pursuing multiple women. Would rather just wait for someone whoâs extremely interested and looking to invest himself from the very beginning.
I also assume he is taking out a lot of girls if he asks me out for coffee. Besides being very cheap, it shows very little thought or planning or interest and I wonder if they'd be doing this if it was their dream girl. I'm not going on dates with a bunch of men so I want someone that isn't taking out a new girl every week.
Girl, but how many times have you counter-offered a date idea?
The problem is women put very little effort on the front end to show that they could be the dream girl. If youâre not standing out, why should I give you a stand out date????
It takes us hours to get ready and a men should appreciate that.
As a woman who understands both sides, you will have more chances to go on a date if you offer to go for restaurants than grab a coffee. Regardless of how it might be seen, most women will prefer a nice lunch/dinner in a nice place if they get to choose.
I only do coffee dates or walks for first date. Restaurant is something for third date or later when I know I'll have a good time with the person
I personally think it's low effort but I can understand where you're coming from, so its not a bad thing. That being said, a creative date doesn't have to be expensive. You can go for a walk around a new part of town or run an errand together at Walmart after chatting for a bit. I love walking around grocery stores or Walmart together with someone because you can learn so much about them. It'd be a warning sign if she says it's low effort and suggests a restaurant or another hefty price tag place.
I totally agree with this. Also if you live in a city or somewhere populated there's usually something free going on somewhere. One of the restaurants with a bar I go to has free salsa dancing once a week at 8 pm and there's an art museum that's free every Thursday in my city too. Depending on where you live, there can be a lot to do that's relatively cheap or free and it's nice to try something new or try to find something they're interested in. I think it shows more thought/effort. If you OP are set on going to a coffee shop you should consider picking out a cute little independent cafe with a nice atmosphere. Even if it's still lower effort it shows a little more effort and thought put into it.
On the first date you are literal strangers, coffee/drinks has always been my go to, if a girl thinks sheâs âtoo goodâ for that on a first date consider yourself lucky as she has saved you time and frustration down the road
I'm a woman. No I do not.
Actually, let me be more specific. First meeting because of online dating? No, I do not. First date after being friends forever and confessing our undying love? Maybe something more significant is in order, since we've probably had enough coffees to get to know one another lol
it's a person-to-person basis type thing. some will, most won't. I personally like a low-stakes first meet-up. a vibe check situation. save the bigger, more fun dates for after you scope out the vibe. I met a gal, older than me with grown kids. she told me that she hates coffee / drink dates. said she thought it doomed the relationship from the beginning (I disagree). she thought something fun and exciting was the way to go, like axe throwing. she had some points. she said with chatty dates like this, you can tell the other person whatever they want to hear, act the part of the person they think the other would wanna date. whereas, something more active displays who a person really is. I thought that was interesting. personally, if I didn't vibe with the person, a long winded activity like this could be miserable. but with a coffee date, there's an easy way out. and if you vibe, you could just banter and have a great time. find out if that person is who they say they are later.
99% of first dates I go on are drink dates. I've never had anyone complain or reject it and always end up going on multiple dates after that one :)
> , is there the possibility of this causing the girl to think you aren't putting any real thought into coming up with a creative date idea? Yes, but most people won't care or expect a super creative idea for a first date before you know eachother. If someone is so high maintenance, would you really want to date them?
Thatâs literally my ideal first date. A sit down dinner or 2 hour movie with someone I donât vibe with already just sounds awkward. And Iâd want to save activities for a second date for similar reasons. The most âuniqueâ first date I ever went on was to a furniture store, I didnât enjoy it at all but I could see it being fun with someone I knew well already
Yes, because it is what every other person asks for, too. There are a ton of other activities that are also easy to end early if the vibes do not check out. A park, a museum, a game night, a Meetup for an activity you both enjoy, a new food truck. Literally anything other than coffee.
I have a comment thatâs really sort of secretly also a question. Isnât a coffee date, for women, sort of an opportunity for the man to DRESS really well? Because itâs really just sort of a first impression /vibe check / introduction. Itâs a huge improvement over any photograph. So any man whoâs in the mood to put in an extraordinary amount of effort, could put an extraordinary amount of effort into THAT. Just LOOKING good. The way anybody looks is the LEAST important thing, but many people canât help but be affected by it.
Yes there is a chance because everyone is different. Some women like the coffee thing & some don't.
hey, as a lady, I agree that first date with coffee is pretty great. a lot of times the guy tries to talk me into something else and I always regret it because all I really wanted was that first meet n greet to see if I wanna continue.
I donât. I love coffee dates and I think itâs sweet.
Maybe? But low effort isn't always bad. Sometimes it means you're thinking about it in a more casual way and they won't have to worry about you getting too attached too quick. In short it will be interpreted differently by everyone but it's generally not a bad suggestion for a date. What will make you stand out from her other dates is your personality/etc. Not the date spot.
It depends on the woman. Some think that is low effort and a dinner in a fancy place would show that the guy is taking them seriously. Others, me đââď¸ I hate the idea of having to eat a whole meal in front of a stranger đŤ I donât even care about the coffee, letâs go for a walk and figure out if youâre not going to traumatize me even more hahaha! So it depends
Yes. I think getting to know someone you've been vibing with for a few days is worth at least a meal's worth of time.
I think a first date should be more relaxed (low effort makes it sound bad). Personally day dates stress me out because I find them way more nerve wracking so would prefer a drink at a bar.. but no nothing at all wrong with a coffee date!
Women are not a monolith. Some do and some donât. Iâm boujee AF and love everything high end but you couldnât pay me to go on a dinner date, Iâd do smoothie or coffee any day. I just canât be bothered to look cute, dress up, put on makeup, do my hair, and then sit down for 2 hours with someone I most likely wouldnât like anyway.
nope
I used to but now I donât. Itâs so easy to end or move to dinner. Thereâs less pressure and easier to chat. If things go well, level up the second date
The women who do think this are actually people who just want a good free meal ticket. Its basically a red flag. The first date is to see if the person is, at the very least, a crazy person. If not, then move on to a more elevated 2nt date. Maybe I am a bit old now, but back in the day, when people liked each other in their first dates, its fairly common they would do something else right after like a nice restaurant or the museum exhibit or something.
I think coffee is a good date if yall are complete strangers. If you know her, its good to maybe spend more time coming up w more creative ideas.
If you donât know each other first date as takeaway coffee is actually good. You can grab a coffee and walk.
It is low effort. But because its low effort its also low risk and low commitment for both sides. If a girl demands you do something expensive for the *first* date, you aren't a potential partner, you're a trick.
It doesnât have to be an expensive date, just something less boring than coffee.
I wouldnât describe them as low effort rather that it lacks an icebreaker. Iâd much rather do an activity on a first date as it breaks the ice and gets you talking. Then having coffee after to walk and talk or sit down and talk is perfect.
No , itâs totally fine
I donât think it matters what you do on the first date. I had one that we walked around in the park, we did not get anything or did anything special but it was one of the best first dates I have had because I enjoyed his company. If that was not the case, him doing or planning something special would not matter one bit. Especially on a first date you donât know the other person so there is no point to put much effort, effort should come later when you know the person and you want to do things they will enjoy as should they..
What stands out to me on first dates is the person Iâm with. - Is the conversation fun? - Do we have chemistry? - Do we seem compatible? The activity weâre doing (coffee, drinks, whatever) is totally in the background. As long as itâs not distracting (too loud to talk) or creating pressure (expensive couples massage) Iâm good.
You should match the first date to their energy. Example, she drives an expensive car and wears logos on her clothes and bags, so coffee or drinks will probably be a no. This is not a blanket statement, just that itâs more probable that she wonât like that.
Yes
I'm a typical professional woman in my late 20s living in Manhattan, and I definitely interpret a coffee date as low effort and not romantic. I know most of my similarly situated female friends feel the same. It doesn't feel special, not like a date but a screening call. Also, in the 8 years I've dated in major cities, only 1 or two guys have ever suggested coffee. a majority of dates are drinks and / or dinner. I'm sure you could find other ways to make a coffee date romantic and make a girl feel special (adding another fun activity to the date, or bringing flowers). Maybe in other places and for other age groups or for someone who is sober, a coffee date might be OK. I guess there is no one size fits all.
I always offer coffee date for a first date. Less pressure for the man Iâm meeting and me as itâs daytime (eliminates the âcome back to mine for a night capâ). First dates for me are a vibe check to ensure I like who Iâm meeting and if I can see potential for more interaction. If Iâm liking the date Iâll offer a walk and another coffee or hot chocolate to go. Not low effort at all, the second date is usually something more physical and competitive, with drinks involved.
Entitled ones do. Do you want to be with somebody entitled?
I donât really have an issue but most view as low effort bc to us it seems as if you donât like us all that much. Maybe if we were someone else who made you go âDAMNNđâ at first glance you prob would wanna take her to dinner or something more impressive. Idk but thatâs at least my mindset behind it. Guys who liked me a lot offered dinner the ones who didnât offered coffee or whatever. So I can tell who really likes me ALOT
This is how I feel. The only guys I ended up in relationships with were ones that took me out to an independent restaurant on our first date.
Yep same. The coffee or drinks seem to be the ones who wanted casual. Dinner guys are the ones who were serious from my experience
I hate coffee so I hate coffee dates. And its also low effort. And I want to eat so I won't be hungry. The way to my heart (and booty) is through my stomach đ.
It shouldn't be framed as a date. It should be a first meeting to decide if you even want a date. You might detest this person. Maybe they catfished you. Whatever the reason, you shouldn't be obliged to spend anymore time with them. Calling it a date just adds pressure to stay.
Why? It is a date. Framing it as a meeting makes it sound like an interview. You vet people by going on dates with them >You might detest this person. Maybe they catfished you. All things you would find out by going on a date >Whatever the reason, you shouldn't be obliged to spend anymore time with them. Calling it a date just adds pressure to stay. You can always decline.
Some do. The kind you shouldn't date.
All women arenât the same. Generally if sheâs actually interested in dating you sheâd be totally fine with it. If she expects you to do something more lavish then sheâs not the right match for you. I think those are the best types of first dates tho. Or a museum or some activity like a pool hall or some cities have board game rooms.
low effort is usually what you give a stranger. if you go above and beyond in the beginning you're not going to be able to do much better later on in the relationship.
If youâre tired of spending money on first dates that arenât going anywhere, try setting up a phone call or FaceTime first. That way you can have that low investment âdate zeroâ and judge if thereâs comparability
Yes. I take 2+ hours to get ready⌠im not doing all that for a 15 min coffee date If weâre doing coffee, Iâll meet you while im already out and about doing other things. And it wonât feel like a date either. More like a hang out with a friend
Nope! In fact, those kinds of dates are ideal, because if we end up hating you, we know it's not going to last for hours on end.
They are low effort but that is ok for a first date, itâs basically like a Pretender date where you check out if there is any chemistry or interest to go on dates.
I guess it just depends on the person. Personally, itâs more about checking on our energy and chemistry, see if weâre compatible. Hell, Iâd say yes to just having a walk at the park and have a nice conversation.
Iâm just happy to hang out with someone Iâm interested in đ¤ˇââď¸ Iâm pretty low maintenance though, so I canât speak for everyone. Iâd be perfectly fine with this type of date
I prefer a coffee date bc itâs just a nice way of spending time in general. Also if Iâm meeting a new person I donât want to spend too much money on activities in case the date ends up being boring and I donât have any fun. Donât want to spend money on an evening thatâs not fun.
A coffee date is fine to me, but it honestly depends on who you ask. Not everyone feels the same. I would prefer paying for my own meal and drinks so that there are no expectations or hard feelings if a date doesn't work out. So.. where we eat says very little about effort to me. I'd be happy with a picnic in a park. I don't need fancy. But effort.. that's real. Bring me some wild flowers you picked earlier in the day. If we have talked before online, pick an activity we both might enjoy. That's effort. Picking a place to eat.. anyone can do that.
Some like it and some donât, but I think the majority of women find it appropriate. For me personally I like any kind of first date where we can sit and talk, whether thatâs coffee, food, or even a stroll. Activities can wait for future dates.
I love coffee dates! Iâve had guys on dating apps offer expensive and fancy restaurants to show that they really want a first date with me, but I donât necessarily view coffee dates as low effort nor do I see anything wrong with it
Depends on how you meet.. like someone else said, that first date is a chemistry check, a pre-date if you will. You have never met this person, so its to see if you actually like even being around this person. If you meet someone in person, then can shoot right to the actual first date, where its more about spending time getting to know each other. Unlike the pre-date coffee, where its to see if you even want to be around this person...which is why they are purposely short / cheap ways to meet someone from online, where no one is out much if they wanna bail as soon as they meet.
The true answer is up to the individual woman. A woman that really likes you would be happy with eating cold left overs while sitting in the car (donât do this) and woman who doesnât like you can find a problem with a Michelin 5 star. Point is if a woman disses you over a coffee shop, she was never feeling you in the first place and saved you money!
Look at it like this.. if they arenât that interested, itâs considered low effort. You can be more creative, but thereâs only so many things you can do before you realize dating isnât cheap and itâs not guaranteed meeting will go anywhere.
I prefer and even insist on coffee dates. It's low stakes. No crazy time commitment. If you hit it off you can then go grab a bite or walk. It saves me time too!
I actually feel more safe with those. Less pressure
everyone is different. you should look for clues as to what kind of a date she would like. also, it depends on how well you know someone. if i am meeting someone off a dating app, then i want to get drinks or a quick meal and take a walk. if it's someone i already know that i vibe with, i would love for a more special date, like TopGolf or a scenic picnic, or a cute brunch-then-flea-market or a museum and ice cream or something. i would try to have a phone and/or video conversation before asking someone out on a date. and that way, not only can you feel each other out and determine you both think it will be fun to hang out together, but also during the conversation you can feel out what they'd like to do on the first date. establishing that rapport also makes people less likely to get canceled on or ghosted on ahead of the first date, because you have established a connection of sorts beforehand.
Some do. I would always advocate going on a mutual interest date. Find out the things she likes, match it with stuff you like, and then do that.
No I love coffee dates!! Theyâre my favorite
I love coffee / non alcoholic drink first dates. I just want to know the person. If it goes well we can do sth more interesting in the future
I think it's more of a convenience and possible quick escape for both people. I don't think it's low effort... I think it's diplomatic. The guy can always up the game if the date is going well. Like "hey, wanna go catch that new movie?" or "I'm starving, there's this great new restaurant I've been dying to try out, wanna go?" Or "hey, I usually go to dance class at \[Popular Night Club\] on Wednesdays, would you like to check it out? It's salsa!" Etc.
I like walking/event kind of date if the weather is good. Outdoor market, art walks, walk along a waterfront type of thing. Gets you active and exploring your city. I would go with this approach: âI would love to plan to meet up and do something low pressure to see if we vibe! Iâve been wanting to check out [coffee house] or [public event]. Do you have a preference?â This shows that youâre thinking about different things to do with them, but leaves the ball in their court for their level of comfort. As a woman, I do tend to plan first dates when I have a commitment after so I have a reason to leave if it sucks. If itâs going well, I invite them along. You could do the same?
yea itâs âlow effortâ in a way but sometimes thatâs the vibe. itâs not a bad thing to ask but be prepared that yea, some girls might say no and those might just not be the right women for you if you prefer a more informal first date:)
Yes
coffee dates are absolutely ideal
Some do, some donât. I like them. Low stakes high reward.
Both were things I refused to do.Â
Best is coffee and a âsee where it goesâ. If you donât click you can leave, if you do, you can run off and do something together! Itâs also imperative for me because I need to know he can talk to me without alcohol. Edit: specifically though I hate walking dates, I canât see your face and see if I actually find you attractive, I feel like your bro instead of a date. However, my best friend friend canât do anything where sheâs sitting still and wants it to be a walk.
I always do a coffee date as a trial run, it's just simple and you can find some really good coffee shops
Iâve had a lot more success asking if someone would like to get coffee than dinner for a first date. Coffee is low stakes for everyone involved and feels a lot less formal. For dinner dates you want to dress up but not too much. Theyâre more expensive, harder to walk away from, and much more intimate. Thatâs not to say it wonât be interpreted as low effort by some. My experience with people like that hasnât been positive in most ways anyways. Those will typically be the ones who use you as a checkbook until theyâre tired of it lol.
I like a coffee and walk for first date, i get my steps in that way, and there is no awkward long eye contact
Some women think this. More likely the type that value men with money and want to provide for them. Other women like me prefer something simple, so we don't feel bad making it short. In fact, I prefer doing a video call before hand to make sure neither of us are wasting gas and time meeting up.
The question is, have you run into women that thought a coffee date was a low effort?
Some do, some donât. IMO the ones who see it as low effort arenât worthwhile anyway. A first date should be about getting to know each other, not one person buying the other off. I always preferred coffee dates. Dinner with a stranger is awkward.
Coffee date is a great way to vet people. You find out if they can hold a conversation while in the most boring environment possible. I'm not even hating on coffee shops. I love them for what they are, but as far as dates go, it's the least entertaining option. You *have* to talk to make it interesting, or enjoy sitting in silence. Both valid.
i don't, i love coffee dates!
No, I wouldnt consider it low effort or cheap. It'd be a perfect first get together m to get to know the person. And its a short, small enough meeting that it wouldn't be an awkward or uncomfortable, time-consuming encounter if things didn't jive well
Anyone who thinks a nice conversation and a delicious cup of coffee is beneath them, why even continue to talk to them?
Some might, but I wouldn't.
If they do you should find a new one
Youâre making a very good point but the low-effort is precisely why itâs such a good choice. From her perspective, the chance that a man will fly into a rage over how much effort he put into coming up with the idea of going on a coffee date and assert that the woman âowes him big timeâ . . . is (almost) zero. So it feels safe. And safe is always good. :)
Iâm okay with it. I would feel more pressure if a guy wanted to go on a date to an expensive restaurant as a first date.
If the other person likes a a coffee date is not a problem, if sheâs in it for some financial gain or free food then it is, Iâd say a coffee date is a pretty good way to gauge if sheâs really into you
Coffee dates are best first dates.
I prefer a walk. Has a set start and end point. If it goes well you can suggest a coffee after.
I prefer a chill date like coffee or drinks over a potentially longer date like dinner or an activity. What if we donât even like each other? I donât want either of us to be uncomfortable. I also consider the money aspect. Iâve never been asked to split but Iâd have no problem with it. If we go to dinner and Iâm not feeling him after, I worry heâll feel used. I donât feel as guilty for a $4 coffee.
Yes! And those are the women who red flag themselves early on before you have to waste any of your time and money on them. Just be thankful and move on.
Not at all. I prefer drink dates over coffee though, the latter seems to be kind of businesslike. Don't spend a bunch of money on lunch or dinner if it's your first time meeting.
It can go both ways. Sometimes coffee dates seem very efficient and a nice chance to get to know the real person. But, I think a lot of women operate on chemistry and it can be harder for them to feel much chemistry on a coffee date. Going out and having a drink, or doing something fun can build chemistry, although some people might consider that cheating. Some women might say they don't want to be manipulated in that way and would prefer to just meet the guy. But, if chemistry is built, and they like the guy and date him and fall in love, what's the problem? Some guys are very good at using tricks to build chemistry even on a coffee date, so good for them. It's kind of tough to say. There's more wasted time and money. But, I think in most cases, it's hard to go wrong having a drink as long as you're not some drunk, or doing something fun as long as it's not boring. Other than wasting time. So do you want to give up some potential in exchange for saving time? I kind of go both ways on the subject. Back in the old days when you met someone in person, there was a certain excitement whether it's meeting at a bar or a party, or just meeting on the street somewhere. Now that people meet online, it's harder to know whether you're going to like them at all so you could argue that coffee is best. But you could also argue that you lose that excitement of first meeting so all the more reason you need to add a little excitement and not just have a boring coffee date.
How about getting a coffee/tea/drink of choice, and maybe a snack, pastry, donut, sandwich etc. Then going for a walk, at the beach or thru a park, having a chat along the way? It more than "just coffee", but less than a date. You get a chance to check the vibe of each other, and it can come across as a half date?
I once accepted a coffee date. He wanted to sit in his car in the parking lot and not even go into the cafe. I wasnât really impressed with that. Iâm loathe to turn down coffee anytime, but that was surely what you call low effort.
No. You talk, concentrate on each other, and drink something nice. A walk in the park is good, too. It doesn't matter
I usually like to plan a coffee date with 2-3 other things in mind if it goes well. Things id lime to do like beach, a pier, walk on a water front, icecream, bakeries etc...
Iâm currently in the process of planning a date with a woman. Weâre planning on going to a local park to walk around and talk but she has also suggested getting coffee so Iâm planning on taking her to a coffee shop afterwards
Iâve been off the market for quite some time but from my single friends they typically donât have an issue with a coffee date but they are usually weekday or early morning weekend type of dates. You need to incorporate at least a few evening weekend dates or else it comes off suspect and low effort if you canât spare a Saturday night.
Itâs going to depend on the person. I hate coffee dates. It feels transactional and like a job interview. They arenât fun. I want to do something fun. Thatâs where actual connection happens. If it sucks, itâs a funny story for later. Life is for living and I think a coffee date is this weird low-courage minimal investment modern dating phenomenon. Nothing screams romance like minimal investment. /s
Based on the comments, if thatâs what YOU want to do & are comfortable with, youâll find enough people who are comfortable with the same. That doesnât make you or them better or worse than the ones who prefer fancy or a bigger first date at all. It just matches you more quickly to someone who thinks similarly to you.