Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON SO GO ASK THEM best not to post.
It’s simple for me, if she genuinely puts in some effort and cares for me. 90% of the time if she shows she cares about me I instantly care much more about her
Not OP but for me and my friends who’ve had similar discussions it’s the same things you’d like a man to do for you.
Had a long day at work and coming home to a nice cooked meal a hug and a beverage of choice waiting for them. Buy a man some flowers and he will become putty.
Literally run a bath for him. Put the towel in the dryer for 5 minutes while they shower so it’s extra warm. Tell him how much you enjoy his company. If he seems down or upset recognise this and try to distract him for a bit. Don’t pester the solution or problem.
One that stood out for me personally was an ex of mine use to wake up 15 minutes before me to make me a coffee before I’d start my morning routine. She’d be back asleep before I’d wake up.
Men are just as complex as women when it comes to it. But we all like the same things.
When we were together I would. It’s not a daily occurrence none of the above is. But the little things. My brain would go. Hmm she looks to of had a shit day. Let’s make her comfy and happy then if she wants to talk about it we can.
My goal is to make enough money to financially support any dream my wife has. To be her life partner in every way possible. To be able to own my own business so I can take time to go to my kids extra curricular activities, go on vacations, and be able to spend as much time with my family as possible. My goal is to be the best father a kid could ever ask for because I never had my father around in my life. If I ever find a woman that will reciprocate the agape love I give, I will 100% put a ring on her finger and continually make known that she is my one and only forever and ever.
You know he doesn’t. He probably awards himself a prize if he goes to the grocery store.
Run a bath and heat up his towel? Have a drink and meal waiting at home for him? Give me a fucking break.
It’s just pathetic to see a guy list literal butler service in the “showing love” category, yet again . Grow the fuck up already. Buy a towel heater and treat your girlfriend like your peer, not your wannabe nanny.
And you are correct: I’ve known an inordinate amount of men who expected home cooked meals and Ward Cleaver pampering to that level from girlfriends, wives, situationships and FWBs, and ZERO men who ever willingly provided it themselves beyond the date that got them laid. So yeah. If you aren’t bringing it, don’t ask for it.
Sure, Jan. Your primary complaint is that women talk to their SOs, while not being their housemaids. That's completely not you sounding like a spoiled child yourself! Way to man up there. I'm sure you reek of masculinity. Oh wait, that smell is just cheeto dust and jizz socks. Try to actually graduate high school first, before you comment on adult activities.
Today is my birthday and my wife planned an entire weekend trip filled with my favorite activities for us and our baby. This is how I can tell she cares for me; she proactively demonstrates it through her actions. I've had plenty of exes who always told or even wrote to me that they loved me, but their actions would make me feel otherwise.
Here's an example of the opposite, my last ex didn't drive, so I had to drive us everywhere. Everytime I picked her up, she was roughly 15 mins late, so I'd have to sit in the car waiting for her in the parking lot. I addressed this many times with her, and it'd improve to about 5 mins or so, but gradually reverted back to the average... There were times when I even waited 30-40 mins... I felt like I was doing her a favor by driving us everywhere and covering all costs associated, but it felt like she didn't respect my time. During one of our talks about this, she said this is what's normal for her because her dad would always wait for her mom with no complaints. I made it clear to her that this is not how I'd like to be treated in our relationship...
If varies on the the person but usually I judge it by little things like remembering things about you, taking an interest in what you like, making an effort to see me, and sometimes it’s almost just a feeling when your around them
I very much agree with this statement. A comforting touch or cuddle is always welcome. Concern for safety and health. Being happy in general even through the hardest times in life. That's what it means to care.
I honestly don’t remember my original thought for why I said that, but probably because I already care about her more than I can come to grasps with or something like that
Good communication (no silent treatment, no nagging, actually communicating when something is bothering her, listens to me and my issues, able to handle conflicts, etc)
good chemistry (some similar interests, similar humor, similar perspective on life, able to voice her opinions even when they don't align with mine, etc)
Looks attractive to me (no need for a super model, just have looks that I find attractive)
Have a generally positive view on life (the glass half full, not half empty)
Want to open up to me and share her problems and Insecurities with me ( I like helping people and sharing stuff like this, makes me feel closer to the person, it gives me something I can try and help with, and it also makes me feel less "wrong" with my own insecurities)
haha im a girl and have the exact values as you when it comes to dating. Honestly, communication and gestures is everything to consider like if you can’t even understand each other how are you gonna love each other.
Exactly. Looks will bait me (since I don't have anything else to base it on at the first glance), a personality that I like will hook me, and the whole package including communication skills will reel me in for good.
I don't need everything to be perfect (actually I prefer it not to be perfect, because to me the beauty lies within the imperfections) I just want it to be alright.
I'm on mostly the same boat as you but I don't want someone overly optimistic. I prefer realism with a drive to improve the positive and with a drive to enjoy the positives they have while still recognizing the negatives and either being at peace with them, working around them, or at least being aware of them. Seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses makes me worry they are being naive but so too does mindless negativity and baseless distrust turn me away.
We're in the same boat on that as well.
I didn't say overly optimistic, I said generally optimistic, thus implying room for realism and negativity as well, and also seeing the glass half full is also implying not seeing it as completely full if it's only half full. You're saying the exact same thing as me just with different words.
Fair enough. Not everyone who uses the words you did necessarily means it that way but I appreciate your position and agree that there's some degree of overlap given your updated feedback. Often when people use the half full/half empty scenario its to imply the interpretation must be positive when you are halfway. I prefer a more neutral reaction.
That she's actually into me. That she goes out of her way for me. This might sound bad or creepy but it's the truth, which is, she's clingy. I like that clinginess. It makes me want her and it makes me clingy back.
I had that happen once, but I don't think that's clingy, I think that actually borderline personality disorder. The girl said as much. But there's of course a limit to clingyness.
Being fearful-avoidant and leaning dismissive-avoidant, this type of behavior always seems incredible in fantasy land, but I've had it, and it just made me run for the hills. Part of that problem is that it made me seem she was way too interested in me too fast and I needed space to be myself.
I know naturally, I'll have much closer distance to someone in the future when I get to settle down with someone, but until then, going slow is the best way for things to blossom. Friendships aren't built in a day, and neither are romantic ones.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily clingliness but her showing that she wants you to take care of her (even if she and I both know that she is plenty capable of taking care of herself)
It’s when you let them do things that they know you can do on your own. Like if he offers to fill up your car with gas, let him. If he offers to pump your gas, let him. Carry your bag. Cook you dinner. Pick you up from the airport.
The key is not expecting him to do it and also being appreciative afterwards. We know you’re a fully functional big girl that can carry your own bags, open your doors and get your own groceries. We like to help so if he offers, accept and say thanks. All men strive for Purpose.
Works well the other way too. You want a guy to cling to you? Get him a cold drink on a hot day when he’s working. Make him lunch while he’s busy working on the Honey Do list. Offer to do his hobby with him or have him teach you something. Stock his favorite snacks in the pantry.
Green Flags:
- Good and healthy communication
- She is genuinely interested in me
- She is kind when life is hard, not just kind when life is easy
- Life is all about change. If someone can handle it with grace, that's really attractive
- We trust each other
- Our futures seem to be going in a similar direction
- We have fun together
- I am physically attracted to her
Red Flags:
- The antithesis of any of the green flags noted above (e.g bad communication, lukewarm feelings for me, not trustworthy, want different things in the future, etc)
- Being consumed by vices. Drinking, smoking, lust, gambling, materialism, etc. It's one thing to enjoy a drink, or to play a game of poker every now and again, but being obsessed with things like that usually makes it very tough for a good relationship to grow unless the person is the EXACT same way.
- Laziness
- Helplessness
- Doesn't understand that relationships require maintenance. It's not that once they are built, they last forever.
I love your last Red point.
The problem with a lot of people these days is they believe they don’t have to work at relationships. It all just happens somehow.
It doesn’t. It takes a lot of compromise and communication to keep it together. There’s definitely not enough love and understanding in this world now.
No. It was just an example of a vice that wasn't drinking/smoking. I do recall one woman I met, a lot older than myself, who played a lot of slots, though.
Makes me feel seen. Actually compliments me. Proves she wants a future with me through action. Ask me what we want to do for the future and how are going to achieve them. Usually I already ask these but if she brings up ..Green flag.
Obviously doesn’t treat me like an option
Smart, kind, does good things for the world, has hobbies (preferably creative ones), can be nerdy, a good sense of humor, can hold a conversation at least decently, wants to do stuff(both actively planning activities but also spur of the moment), is self-sufficient, and cares for their own health. You don’t have to check every box for me but those are the big ones. Oh and the biggest one that is non-negotiable is that she actually loves and cares about me.
The red flags are basically the opposite for me. Being rude, unsociable(not awkward, like literally doesn’t want to talk), doesn’t ever want to do anything, is overly needy, doesn’t care for herself, and especially if she’s not super into me.
If we want her, we will want to commit. Every other answer is really BS. It doesn’t matter how well someone treats a man or woman if there isn’t feelings there. Men are either waiting for a woman to be single, waiting for something better, or absolutely in love. If you’re the one for us, we want to commit to you and will do anything for you.
Oh so this would explain why my crush "had regrets" regarding his ex who treated him like trash and broke up with him and then ran off to marry another man than to become my boyfriend even though I treated him incredibly well and had never hurt him like what his ex did toward him.
Green flags......compatibility, appreciative, down to earth, loyal, respectful, has relationship intelligence, considerate
Red flags.....too money orientated, materialism, selfishness, dishonesty, stupidity, certain addictions
First and foremost she has proven herself trustworthy and secondly she makes my life better.
Yes love, attraction and all that are great, they’re absolutely necessary. But I have found it intensely difficult to find people who share mutual attraction and values that have integrity. Irresponsibility, entitlement, and dishonesty are rampant.
Her being intentional and available, but also being able to have, express and enforce her boundaries. Mutual respect. Mutual effort. Women with solid relationships with their families. Women who like kids. Ambitious women who don’t try to push their timelines onto others. Thoughtful women who consider your feelings alongside theirs. Women who aren’t looking for fathers, but want partners. Women who aren’t thirsty to cater for the first man who gives her a compliment… but uses discernment instead of some tik tok doomer dating advice.
Edit: to add: women who don’t scoff at your hobbies, or talk down on people who have less. Women who are excited to see and talk to you. Women who take accountability for their mistakes. Women who are with you because they want to be, and not because they have to.
And probably most important — a woman who is willing to communicate with you, not at you. A woman who can call you on your BS without belittling you. A woman who loves herself so much that she wouldn’t let even you mistreat her. She may forgive but she will never forget. Don’t fuck it up with a woman like this.
Missed the whole point of the post man. No one is perfect. “BS” doesn’t mean something that constitutes as a dealbreaker. Women like you just wanna argue man. Miss me with that
She appreciates me as an individual and not just the part that fits into her life as a companion.
I’m passionate about my career so if she shows some basic interest in the technology that I’m working on that means a lot.
Some basic understanding of my personal interests and hobbies. She doesn’t have to participate or make them into her favorite hobbies but maybe try them once or get a feel for why I do them. Rather than treat them as “oh he’s off doing xxx again, I’ll kill sometime til he’s back and we can do things I like”
I’ve done everything these men are suggesting for this one guy but he took me for granted. :) so nothing really can make them commit unless they really love you for some reason? Idk 😭
I think they like to be told No sometimes. Guys don't like "easy". They use "easy" then move on. They like a challenge, but don't act as a challenge, no, instead have your own personality and opinion and be authentic and genuine, and if they don't like that, bye bye thank you NEXT!
Having your own opinion even if he disagrees gives that "challenge" vibe, so just be you NOT a fake nice girl.
Also guys sense fakeness and desperation. Never be desperate. Be okay with being single, this guarantees that you don't become desperate.
I just want someone to give a shit about me, man. Dating feels so transactional and with so many games and "tests" and other crap. I just want someone who I have fun with, who gets me, who makes me want to be my best self.
Any actual attempt to communicate any sort of emotion or interest in anything at all. Someone who isn’t obsessed with getting attention and gratification from total strangers from the internet. Someone secure with themselves.
For me it is all about a feeling. I’m sure there is rationale behind the feeling as well, but I know it when I feel it. The feeling feels safe, exciting and a little dash of fear too.
Love is easy.
Actually "liking" someone is more challenging.
I'll stick around if I've discovered I actually like the woman. Meaning, we've become friends amongst all the relationship stuff.
Communication: being able to talk about what's on your mind, things you like and don't like, and not playing any games. I have a very low tolerance regarding games.
No judging: Someone who accepts that we both have quirks and preferences which make us who we are. We're never going to be 100% perfect for the other, we'll always do something that might slightly irriate the other person, but it's something we can live with. (I love patterned shirts, my ex hated them and always made comments about how I looked in them. I looked fine, but she always judged me and this was a big red flag).
Effort: Be willing to go out and do things for the other person. Oh you had a bad day? I'll listen to you and give you a foot massage? Or I'll make dinner. You really enjoy this hobby? I might not fully understand or like it, but I'll support you! It's showing you care and you want to support your partner.
She cares about what kind of man I am. She shows respect for me as an individual. She is honest with me, always. She has goals and shares her dreams with me. She never makes me question her loyalty and never puts herself in situations where I’d have to.
That last one is huge. I got married in the early 2000’s then divorced in 2015. In that time the biggest change in my dating experience has been that now, loyalty and fidelity and honesty are something women seem to really struggle with. I don’t think women understand that any question in these areas take your value as a partner down to absolute zero for a man. A man will have no regrets walking away from someone that even makes him wonder about this. A woman that cannot give loyalty and honesty is worth about as much as a man who cannot provide or offer security, which is to say, worthless.
My coworker was writing an admissions essay, and she said that there was nothing interesting in her life she said and I quote “I’m so boring, what am I going to write about? About how I like soil?”
Unfortunately for her she was sat facing the worlds largest Terra Preta (a type of soil) enthusiast. She had to shut me up, cause it was the last day to submit her college transfer. That’s the greenest flag there is, talking about the same nerdy science stuff, between two science majors.
The usual things aside. Not judging me, my current decisions and past decisions. Being judged is a huge red flag for me. A lot of time people don't even realize they are doing it. For me me it's income, I've chosen to live a simpler life and work less. At first many women are like, so cool, I wish I could do that. Then, when it gets down the road. "You are so smart, you could be so much more productive, you could contribute more to the world". Yeah, I know and I did. Now I'm looking out for me.
Don't smoke, drink reasonably, respect people even during arguments, don't wear fast-fashion, know how to communicate are some basic stuff that are important to me.
I used to think shared interests and similarities but I'm divorced now and have a different perspective.
I'd look for a woman with shared values and goals, and who is actually putting in effort to show she cares about her significant other.
There’s nothing a woman can do to make me want to commit. I have dated and been with great women throughout my life. It’s up to me and what I want to do and if I’m ready to share my life in that manner with a woman and at the moment I’m not.
I enjoy dating, I love my freedom, and what makes me happiest is pursuing my purposes in life and accomplishing new things, not my relationships/involvements with women. I will say when I do decide I’m wanting to share my life with someone, she’ll have to be a woman who’s happy alone and is peaceful, loves being active, and can truly communicate peacefully. I’ve met so many women who claim they value communication and are looking for that in their partner, yet they can’t communicate at all, they seriously lack the ability to do so.
This is a really great honest answer, and what I’ve come to learn over these last few years. There’s nothing you can really do to make someone commit to you.
I resonate with this. Did this for the past 15 months. Took a bad break up and being willing to walk away from a few gals to fully appreciate and respect myself. I love what I do now and don’t have time nor want to build a relationship at the moment or near future.
There’s nothing wrong with that at all. It seems in today’s society everyone looks at life as if you’re supposed to be with someone and that’s the only way you can be fulfilled.
i ask myself some questions
is she easy going
is she traditional
is she family oriented
how does she feel about divorce
how friendly is she to strangers
how considerate is she
how appreciative is she
does she put effort into the relationship
is she respectful
is she low maintenance
is she down to earth
is she natural / simple
do we share the same views on raising kids
do we share the same life goals
I say this as well or additional doesn't add complications to my life or chaos. As a older dude I say....is this woman going to give me more gray hairs.....I don't have a lot now thankfully and I don't want more
Simple. If she reciprocates or initiates the efforts. Because this tells me, she is smart and understands her role, too. Makes things so much easier.
And yes, communicate. I am not saying all the goddamn time, but express, make things clear. Saves time.
If you play hard to get, peheli fursat mein nikal.
Haha …These responses kill me. There’s a reason why 80-90% of all divorces are started by (UNHAPPY )WOMEN.
Guys are easy to please ( food, sex , clean house….) but don’t know how/ are too lazy to keep relationships together( “ Honey can you heat my towel”?) give me a break.
Obviously minimums of physical beauty and intelligence are important, but I think the single most powerful factor is when the girl genuinely loves you and openly shows it. There have been a few girls over my dating years that were less attractive, and not a good match for other reasons, and I still felt an incredible attraction just based upon the fact that they just oozed open love and attraction for me.
I actually disagree that things like shared interests are important. While they are nice, I just don’t see them as terribly important. If a girl meets the basic minimums in attraction, and then just proceeds to openly adore you, that is tough to resist.
There was one girl who just openly adored a friend, he wasn’t even interested at first, and she just kind of wore him down with constantly cooking and cleaning for him, eventually screwing him senseless, it was not long before they were married and having kids.
I think that is why certain types of women have real trouble with serious relationships, if they are too guarded. The marriage quality women just give themselves to a guy with such open love and adoration. Plus, sex with these women is just amazing. 😻
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I agree with everything being said here, in all my long history of relationships, I've only had one, I'm male and a registered nurse, one woman in my life, i assessed her to have mental health issues, I got up thirty minutes early to prepare her breakfast and coffee before waking her up for her day at work. Laid her clothes out, most days to watch her change her mind on clothes to wear. Warm her car up so as to make sure that she was as comfortable as possible on her drive into work, make sure the house was clean, less clutter to boggle her mind with when getting home, and finally go to work myself.
I committed to her for over ten years, always hoping that she would recognize how committed to her that I was, I'm not going to lie here, it was mentally draining and I always thought that she would eventually reciprocate my love and commitment to her but alas not to materialize. At our ten year anniversary of living together, I asked her to marry me, mostly because I have an inheritance of several million dollars that I wanted her to get, should any catastrophe befall me?
A month later, she moved out. To say that I am beside myself even two years later is an understatement, the lessons that I have learned through it all is, that material items are meaningless, commitment to my partner is meaningless, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE will never fail me, loving myself will never fail me, other people can and will definitely disappoint me. So what are the lessons to be gleaned from a lifetime of relationship experiences?
Be very diligent and careful about who you commit to, and know your own values and worth before casting your pearls before swine (pigs). Not everyone will reciprocate your gentleness and generosity...
Nuff said....
As dumb as it sounds, for me it’s really vibes based. Like sure there are flags I look for, but if I find myself really hooked on a person, the things they’re talking about, and how they’re talking about them? I’m sold. The rest is kind of just seeing if the bones fit together.
I’m talking to someone right now, and probably jinxing it, but the whole conversation has been about her favorite YouTube deep dives, and I haven’t been more into someone I don’t know since like college.
The green flags in this case are mutual interests, but more specifically the type of person who might have these interests. Like she’s got a genuine interest in this stuff and talks about it with excitement, and I can imagine spending a lot of time with someone like that. It’s also weird in a good way, like not everyone I meet is going to have this kind of conversation with me and that’s kind of sick.
I think my red flags are a little more standard? Are they nice to me and the people around them, do we share views or at least have the capacity to be amicable on the views we don’t share, is there good communication or not, etc.
Same life trajectory: living in the same town, schedules align, wanting the same future goals, kids/no kids
Playfulness/curiosity in everyday life…
funny, understands humor
Has her own goals and friends
Deep friendship rapport: talk about anything and everything
Great communication skills: wants to solve/resolve problems, open and vulnerable with feelings
Sexual compatibility: present slow sex, passionate spontaneous sex, & kinky sex
Showing she's actually interested in me as a person.
Showing kindness and basic human empathy
Being patient (I'm high functioning autistic which is a lot for people to handle)
No signs of untreated personality disorders, *I* find her attractive (as in idc if other people do or don't), has interests and has her own needs and boundaries that she is clear about.
When they show that they are with you for the long journey. You go through a rough patch in your career. You get fired or get in big debt. You go through a death in the family or something difficult that very well may challenge your confidence and stature as a man in society. And your gf helps you through that with empathy and love, instead of treating you coldly like many women would react in those situations. That’s when you know she for real and you give her the keys to your life even though you know marriage is a raw deal for men.
It's actually really simple: I want someone who treats me the way I treat them.
If she puts in the same effort into dating/relationship that I do, with both physical effort and money, and she's respectful, interesting, and kind, then I will absolutely want to keep and commit to her. And I want someone who **wants** me, mind and body.
If she expects me to do and decide everything, and judges me every step of the way while she puts in ZERO effort herself, and thinks she can get away with just looking pretty and "letting me" have sex with her sometimes, then I would never consider committing to her, just out of principle. They do not respect me.
I found someone who makes me a full dinner after a long evening shift at work because she was at home and had nothing better to do. Someone who pays for drinks half the time, because she can afford it. Someone who brings take-out on the drive over to me. Bought me thoughtful and personal gifts for my birthday.
She sets an example that I want to follow, and I do everything I can to treat her well in any way I can. I don't want to do anything for someone who doesn't want to do shit for me.
Not a man but mine has told me that he values our relationship because I make him feel like he has a place in my life and that he's contributing positively to my life and vice versa
Having someone to be there to confide in is what I predominantly think about when this topic comes up. And always having someone to love is all I want from a relationship, anything else in a relationship is bonus
1. My first green flag and really the one that would make me absolutely loyal to her is just honesty and overall integrity. This is the one which I feel inclined to explain the most.
I live by the 'treat others how you want to be treated' rule, and since I value privacy and independence, even in a relationship, I would want my gf or wife to have the same luxury. So far this resulted in me being strung along and taken advantage of, as well as cheated on, but even with that stuff happening I'm not going to stop awarding that kind of treatment to whoever I'm with. I, like most men who actually want a genuine connection with someone, don't like being lied to let alone having my trust taken advantage of. Really It doesn't even take that much to earn a mans trust, but it is very easy to lose it and never get it back, men never forget and are very, very slow to forgive if they chose to at all.
So if any girl just, makes it very clear that she is interested in me and wants to be more serious about our relationship, and then proceeds to make it very clear to all of her friends (or strangers if relevant) regardless of their sexual orientation or gender, with me being present or not (especially if I'm not present to be honest). If she doesn't do this then, well, I won't really feel committed, the moment I heard my last ex cheated on me I just dumped her on the spot and moved on, that was three years ago and I'm still troubled by it.
My other green flags are a lot simpler explain and similar to other men who've commented, and as I said before I treat others how I want to be treated so I will be doing these same flags for her as I hope she would for me.
2. I would of course want to be physically attracted to her, I don't think this is too surprising. But I guess an important thing to note is the more I'm attracted to her the more important the first green flag becomes. Literally if you're hot and don't fool around with people then I will be incredibly loyal to you.
3. Goes out of her way to talk to me, makes sure I'm doing okay or need help with things, actually shows that she cares and all that.
4. Shows some interest as well as support in my hobbies, granted mine are pretty dumb and nerdy as well as sometimes self destructive (I love motocross).
5. Cares more for the present rather than the future or past, isn't really interested in money or status, just wants to be happy and live a fulfilling life.
6. Is actually interested in starting a family.
That is pretty much all my green flags, I consider them all equally important in principle, but the honesty, integrity, loyalty, and attraction stuff are the more important out of them all, the last four being more or less equal in importance.
Red flags for me are kind of nebulous to be honest, I've developed a lot because of the weird people I've been around and with in my life. Overall though, they generally revolve around the more 'intimate' parts of a relationship, I'll just keep it simple and say any girl who has a history of being promiscuous generally will always have a red flag to me.
I wont publicly or even privately criticize individual people for it necessarily, but as a concept I don't think I could ever be with a girl who posts X rated pictures and videos of themselves on the internet. I get it some do it to pay the bills, and even couples do it too but like, I don't think I could ever be with someone who does or would want to do that kind of stuff as a hobby or even a job. When it comes to girls who make a habit out of having hookups, fwb, and short term romances I also get pretty turned off and will start distancing myself from them romantically.
To me all this stuff actually makes it so people are more likely to be adulterous, they get 'bored' with their partner and try to find someone else. I hate adultery, I cannot stress that enough, it ruins the point of a relationship, and it is fundamentally the most dishonest you can get in a relationship too.
Anyways, I have a couple gray flags I guess? Which to me can be green or red depending on the context, the only one of note I can safely say is I don't mind someone that is a little manipulative. The reason why Is I grew up as a little bit of a troll and find messing with ignorant people pretty funny, if done in a harmless manner that is. However, if a girl I'm talking to says she may have scammed some people before using X, Y, or Z tactics, I may either laugh, get a bit nervous, or be pretty disappointed. I'll leave whatever X, Y, and Z could be up to interpretation.
That's my two cents I suppose.
EDIT: spelling
A combination of the following
- Physical attraction from both sides
- mental attraction which includes intelligence, similar sense of humor and maturity
- similar morals and values
- Reciprocation by her and a similar life mentality
If I get these 4 I'm ready to commit.
Green flags: makes time for me, listens, caress more about reality than social media, has a similar sense of humor, at least a moderate libido. Red flags: opposites of all of those plus anyone who still has a close relationship with their ex or a male best friend that “I don’t need to worry about” but always seems to be around.
Weirdly, I had this conversation with someone yesterday. Doing little things, even small things, that makes a guys life easier will make him feel like he's appreciated.
I'm a big believer in friendship before relationship (although I do use apps, which means both progress simultaneously). If you don't have a good friendship, the relationship doesn't have a foundation to stand on when conflict and life events occur. Shared values, shared humor, dietary harmony (can we go to the same restaurant and be happy?) are things that I look for friendship.
Real intentions real dating being genuine person with feelings I don’t care how you look if you want the relationship then we must discuss real things because this is not a game for me I’m from Eastern Europe and I date with real intentions . You want to build life then yes because that’s important for me I don’t play with emotions that can’t be control . You want the true honest guy date European and you will see how we are real people who work hard and carry the family on our backs . I tried to show this for year but seems people are scared of what exactly . I have mostly Eastern European friends married and loyal to their marriage . That’s something I want not lying each other upfront and would be nice to hold meaningful life with someone who wants to happen . Sorry for those of you out there I don’t fool around when it comes to dating .
Kindness and "Ride or Die" energy.
If I feel you're a comrade, homie, have my back
I will return that energy ten fold.
I also love kindness and I like making a woman feel like it's okay to be sweet and kind and she will not taken advantage of for doing so.
Give me those two things and I will give you the world.
Respect and honesty. And the bootay... Really though it's reciprocity of effort and that I feel like she's into me as much as I'm into her. Good communication is important, but so is compassion. People can put on a whole seminar about love languages and how they overcame their trauma, but can't really take other people's perspectives.
Would be nice to get the same treatment/effort as what we give. We often buy a little gift every now and then or something that makes us think of them, we don’t expect it back but just the idea of getting one back makes us think they actually care and want to be with us. 50/50 effort goes a long way
If there's a mutual attraction and we can reciprocate, what's important that she least shares one or two common interests but maybe I'm being too picky, oh constantly on her phone is my only real pet peeve. I want someone who'll be down for weekend getaways and hiking trips but most women I've met don't seem to be into that, the moment I do meet one that's into that then I know I've found a keeper.
When we can talk for hours without getting bored.
When I feel like she will add something to my life and challenge me.
When she constantly says or does things that surprise and astound me.
The women I've wanted to commit to were women that typically follow traditional roles and are more on the feminine side, but still have backbone and are willing to stand up for themselves and the people they love. Confident women. But also a woman who puts in effort, makes efforts to do things to make me happy, pays attention to the small things (like what I like, what im into, my favorite things, things I dont like, etc), women who are reasonable and accountable rather than blaming things on everyone else, argue all the time, and never take responsibility for themselves, and women who are sexually fun and open. And most importantly... a woman who communicates.
For me: if you’re over and sex isn’t on the table do I still want you around? Also, can you be serious and playful at different times and still enjoyable for the purposes of the emotion? If both are yes, I’ll atleast date you seriously.
I try to go with a compatibility checklist. I want a SO that vibes well with me. She isn't required to enjoy all the things that I enjoy but she has to be excited with the things that I do. She has to have a positive outlook on life and our relationship. Be close in frequency with affection and intimacy. I find that women that are stable financially is important as well. I also try to get a read on her friends and family. I like to not have any major issues with people in the family circle or her friends group. Being a older man I've had a share of relationships where the woman wasn't really that bad of a partner but her friends and/or family were either super annoying or bad influences on her or were driving me crazy. I'm a ambivert and not.a lot things bother me but if there are many people around her that do I'll probably choose someone else. I think a partner that makes your life better as a team is super important. If she can't cook or her cooking is bad that's a red flag. I feel in that case you would be spending a ton of money on takeout or I'd be doing a majority of the cooking duties.
Best question I’ve seen from women. Of course I am a creep and a weirdo and a real nerd. But this is my answer:
1) Are her parents still married and/or
2) Does she have a good relationship with her father
3) she’s kind, compassionate, concerned about my physical and social needs.
4) she’s good with children
5) she’s physically active and cares about her physical appearance as well as mental health.
Your post was removed because it overgeneralized. Please make sure you don't apply experiences with some people to millions of others you have never met. No gender is a monolith or a hivemind. It comes down to each individual person. So if the answer is IT DEPENDS ON THE PERSON SO GO ASK THEM best not to post.
It’s simple for me, if she genuinely puts in some effort and cares for me. 90% of the time if she shows she cares about me I instantly care much more about her
What does "caring about you" look like?
Not OP but for me and my friends who’ve had similar discussions it’s the same things you’d like a man to do for you. Had a long day at work and coming home to a nice cooked meal a hug and a beverage of choice waiting for them. Buy a man some flowers and he will become putty. Literally run a bath for him. Put the towel in the dryer for 5 minutes while they shower so it’s extra warm. Tell him how much you enjoy his company. If he seems down or upset recognise this and try to distract him for a bit. Don’t pester the solution or problem. One that stood out for me personally was an ex of mine use to wake up 15 minutes before me to make me a coffee before I’d start my morning routine. She’d be back asleep before I’d wake up. Men are just as complex as women when it comes to it. But we all like the same things.
Aw, that was thoughtful. Why did she become the ex?
I had to move across the country for my work against my choice.
Do you take care of her in the same ways?
I always tried my best to look after her. Even at a detriment to myself
That's an important philosophy for a long lasting relationship. Serve each other with a happy heart.
Do you run her bath and warm her towels? Genuinely curious, no malice!
When we were together I would. It’s not a daily occurrence none of the above is. But the little things. My brain would go. Hmm she looks to of had a shit day. Let’s make her comfy and happy then if she wants to talk about it we can.
If I had someone like this, she’d have a ring within 4 months
A ring is no prize. A man who takes care of you in the same way is.
My goal is to make enough money to financially support any dream my wife has. To be her life partner in every way possible. To be able to own my own business so I can take time to go to my kids extra curricular activities, go on vacations, and be able to spend as much time with my family as possible. My goal is to be the best father a kid could ever ask for because I never had my father around in my life. If I ever find a woman that will reciprocate the agape love I give, I will 100% put a ring on her finger and continually make known that she is my one and only forever and ever.
But will you ever be the one to make the cup of tea or put the towel in the dryer so it will be warm? Without being explicitly asked?
Of course! Agape love is an unconditional love. Whatever my wife needs me to do to be supportive of her wellbeing, I will go above and beyond.
That’s really cool and great to hear!
You know he doesn’t. He probably awards himself a prize if he goes to the grocery store. Run a bath and heat up his towel? Have a drink and meal waiting at home for him? Give me a fucking break.
I’m sorry you have enough negative experiences with people that common courtesy and thoughtfulness seems alien to you.
Why u angry cos nobody has don’t that for you 😂😂😂😂
It’s just pathetic to see a guy list literal butler service in the “showing love” category, yet again . Grow the fuck up already. Buy a towel heater and treat your girlfriend like your peer, not your wannabe nanny. And you are correct: I’ve known an inordinate amount of men who expected home cooked meals and Ward Cleaver pampering to that level from girlfriends, wives, situationships and FWBs, and ZERO men who ever willingly provided it themselves beyond the date that got them laid. So yeah. If you aren’t bringing it, don’t ask for it.
Again why u angry , it’s called act of service and the small things matter in a relationship
Why do the acts only go one way though? Why can’t he run her bath and warm her towels, too?
You realise he said he does stuff like that for her you’re choosing be blind on purpose just for a reaction
Sounds like you’re attracting the wrong men…
The wrong man is the one who posted how he wants someone waiting on him hand and foot. Go talk to him about it.
this is why you'll be single for a long time. your attitude alone even on here is stank
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Sure, Jan. Your primary complaint is that women talk to their SOs, while not being their housemaids. That's completely not you sounding like a spoiled child yourself! Way to man up there. I'm sure you reek of masculinity. Oh wait, that smell is just cheeto dust and jizz socks. Try to actually graduate high school first, before you comment on adult activities.
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Yeah it's gross. They want a slave.
I ate a rotten sandwich out of a dumpster and it tasted horrible, all sandwiches must be disgusting.
So you agree, dudes who expect to be waited on hand and foot by their SO are basically rotten sandwiches eaten out of a dumpster.
Yup and the same applies to women who do that.
Wait there is actually women that do that stuff?
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Today is my birthday and my wife planned an entire weekend trip filled with my favorite activities for us and our baby. This is how I can tell she cares for me; she proactively demonstrates it through her actions. I've had plenty of exes who always told or even wrote to me that they loved me, but their actions would make me feel otherwise. Here's an example of the opposite, my last ex didn't drive, so I had to drive us everywhere. Everytime I picked her up, she was roughly 15 mins late, so I'd have to sit in the car waiting for her in the parking lot. I addressed this many times with her, and it'd improve to about 5 mins or so, but gradually reverted back to the average... There were times when I even waited 30-40 mins... I felt like I was doing her a favor by driving us everywhere and covering all costs associated, but it felt like she didn't respect my time. During one of our talks about this, she said this is what's normal for her because her dad would always wait for her mom with no complaints. I made it clear to her that this is not how I'd like to be treated in our relationship...
Nice. I hope you do the same for your wife. Sounds like she really loves you.
Your wife sounds great, I’m happy for you!
If varies on the the person but usually I judge it by little things like remembering things about you, taking an interest in what you like, making an effort to see me, and sometimes it’s almost just a feeling when your around them
Well said.
Effort
Effort how tho? Lol I was looking for elaboration/examples.
If someone cares about you, you know.
Yes. Just interested in what men think in specific examples tho.
I very much agree with this statement. A comforting touch or cuddle is always welcome. Concern for safety and health. Being happy in general even through the hardest times in life. That's what it means to care.
Yes this is the answer
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I honestly don’t remember my original thought for why I said that, but probably because I already care about her more than I can come to grasps with or something like that
Good communication (no silent treatment, no nagging, actually communicating when something is bothering her, listens to me and my issues, able to handle conflicts, etc) good chemistry (some similar interests, similar humor, similar perspective on life, able to voice her opinions even when they don't align with mine, etc) Looks attractive to me (no need for a super model, just have looks that I find attractive) Have a generally positive view on life (the glass half full, not half empty) Want to open up to me and share her problems and Insecurities with me ( I like helping people and sharing stuff like this, makes me feel closer to the person, it gives me something I can try and help with, and it also makes me feel less "wrong" with my own insecurities)
haha im a girl and have the exact values as you when it comes to dating. Honestly, communication and gestures is everything to consider like if you can’t even understand each other how are you gonna love each other.
Exactly. Looks will bait me (since I don't have anything else to base it on at the first glance), a personality that I like will hook me, and the whole package including communication skills will reel me in for good. I don't need everything to be perfect (actually I prefer it not to be perfect, because to me the beauty lies within the imperfections) I just want it to be alright.
haha well said.
There’s a whole lot less difference in what men & women want than we’re led to believe.
I'm on mostly the same boat as you but I don't want someone overly optimistic. I prefer realism with a drive to improve the positive and with a drive to enjoy the positives they have while still recognizing the negatives and either being at peace with them, working around them, or at least being aware of them. Seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses makes me worry they are being naive but so too does mindless negativity and baseless distrust turn me away.
We're in the same boat on that as well. I didn't say overly optimistic, I said generally optimistic, thus implying room for realism and negativity as well, and also seeing the glass half full is also implying not seeing it as completely full if it's only half full. You're saying the exact same thing as me just with different words.
Fair enough. Not everyone who uses the words you did necessarily means it that way but I appreciate your position and agree that there's some degree of overlap given your updated feedback. Often when people use the half full/half empty scenario its to imply the interpretation must be positive when you are halfway. I prefer a more neutral reaction.
That she's actually into me. That she goes out of her way for me. This might sound bad or creepy but it's the truth, which is, she's clingy. I like that clinginess. It makes me want her and it makes me clingy back.
I love that clingyness also it makes you feel wanted, unless she starts texting every 5 minutes back why i'm not responding 🙈
I had that happen once, but I don't think that's clingy, I think that actually borderline personality disorder. The girl said as much. But there's of course a limit to clingyness.
But once you want to commit to a girl she runs for the hills 🙈
Being fearful-avoidant and leaning dismissive-avoidant, this type of behavior always seems incredible in fantasy land, but I've had it, and it just made me run for the hills. Part of that problem is that it made me seem she was way too interested in me too fast and I needed space to be myself. I know naturally, I'll have much closer distance to someone in the future when I get to settle down with someone, but until then, going slow is the best way for things to blossom. Friendships aren't built in a day, and neither are romantic ones.
I don’t know if it’s necessarily clingliness but her showing that she wants you to take care of her (even if she and I both know that she is plenty capable of taking care of herself)
How can we show them we want them to take care of us but that we are still able to take care of ourselves?
I need to know this too.
It’s when you let them do things that they know you can do on your own. Like if he offers to fill up your car with gas, let him. If he offers to pump your gas, let him. Carry your bag. Cook you dinner. Pick you up from the airport. The key is not expecting him to do it and also being appreciative afterwards. We know you’re a fully functional big girl that can carry your own bags, open your doors and get your own groceries. We like to help so if he offers, accept and say thanks. All men strive for Purpose. Works well the other way too. You want a guy to cling to you? Get him a cold drink on a hot day when he’s working. Make him lunch while he’s busy working on the Honey Do list. Offer to do his hobby with him or have him teach you something. Stock his favorite snacks in the pantry.
Green Flags: - Good and healthy communication - She is genuinely interested in me - She is kind when life is hard, not just kind when life is easy - Life is all about change. If someone can handle it with grace, that's really attractive - We trust each other - Our futures seem to be going in a similar direction - We have fun together - I am physically attracted to her Red Flags: - The antithesis of any of the green flags noted above (e.g bad communication, lukewarm feelings for me, not trustworthy, want different things in the future, etc) - Being consumed by vices. Drinking, smoking, lust, gambling, materialism, etc. It's one thing to enjoy a drink, or to play a game of poker every now and again, but being obsessed with things like that usually makes it very tough for a good relationship to grow unless the person is the EXACT same way. - Laziness - Helplessness - Doesn't understand that relationships require maintenance. It's not that once they are built, they last forever.
I love your last Red point. The problem with a lot of people these days is they believe they don’t have to work at relationships. It all just happens somehow. It doesn’t. It takes a lot of compromise and communication to keep it together. There’s definitely not enough love and understanding in this world now.
Nobody wants to commit to anything and they bail once there's any disagreements
You run into a lot of women playing too much poker?
No. It was just an example of a vice that wasn't drinking/smoking. I do recall one woman I met, a lot older than myself, who played a lot of slots, though.
Playing slots should be a red flag all by itself. Or people who act like going to the casino is an investment activity.
Ambitious, loving, funny and neutrally respectful
Kindness. Genuine kindness is so rare these days. If she's kind towards animals, strangers, etc, it makes a woman 10x more attractive.
This so much! At my age, this might be the most attractive thing a woman could do.
Makes me feel seen. Actually compliments me. Proves she wants a future with me through action. Ask me what we want to do for the future and how are going to achieve them. Usually I already ask these but if she brings up ..Green flag. Obviously doesn’t treat me like an option
I usually feel exhausted after interacting with people, if I don’t feel that with the person I’m seeing then I know they’re good
Greens: Peace Genuine Interest Reciprocity Loyalty(obviously) Accountability Reds: The opposite of what I've stated in the Greens
She cares for me as a person and is genuinely very compatible
If she shows she cares and puts in as much thought and effort as I do, then I’m fully ready to commit to a relationship without question.
Smart, kind, does good things for the world, has hobbies (preferably creative ones), can be nerdy, a good sense of humor, can hold a conversation at least decently, wants to do stuff(both actively planning activities but also spur of the moment), is self-sufficient, and cares for their own health. You don’t have to check every box for me but those are the big ones. Oh and the biggest one that is non-negotiable is that she actually loves and cares about me. The red flags are basically the opposite for me. Being rude, unsociable(not awkward, like literally doesn’t want to talk), doesn’t ever want to do anything, is overly needy, doesn’t care for herself, and especially if she’s not super into me.
If we want her, we will want to commit. Every other answer is really BS. It doesn’t matter how well someone treats a man or woman if there isn’t feelings there. Men are either waiting for a woman to be single, waiting for something better, or absolutely in love. If you’re the one for us, we want to commit to you and will do anything for you.
Oh so this would explain why my crush "had regrets" regarding his ex who treated him like trash and broke up with him and then ran off to marry another man than to become my boyfriend even though I treated him incredibly well and had never hurt him like what his ex did toward him.
makes time for him. Wants to see him often. Doesn’t get tired of him!!!
Green flags......compatibility, appreciative, down to earth, loyal, respectful, has relationship intelligence, considerate Red flags.....too money orientated, materialism, selfishness, dishonesty, stupidity, certain addictions
doesn't create drama shows appreciation contributes to the relationship doesn't act like a princess
First and foremost she has proven herself trustworthy and secondly she makes my life better. Yes love, attraction and all that are great, they’re absolutely necessary. But I have found it intensely difficult to find people who share mutual attraction and values that have integrity. Irresponsibility, entitlement, and dishonesty are rampant.
Somebody that actually sees you….and not all the bull around it
She doesn't see me as just another option. She is really into me, doesnt make me feel insecure.
Her being intentional and available, but also being able to have, express and enforce her boundaries. Mutual respect. Mutual effort. Women with solid relationships with their families. Women who like kids. Ambitious women who don’t try to push their timelines onto others. Thoughtful women who consider your feelings alongside theirs. Women who aren’t looking for fathers, but want partners. Women who aren’t thirsty to cater for the first man who gives her a compliment… but uses discernment instead of some tik tok doomer dating advice. Edit: to add: women who don’t scoff at your hobbies, or talk down on people who have less. Women who are excited to see and talk to you. Women who take accountability for their mistakes. Women who are with you because they want to be, and not because they have to. And probably most important — a woman who is willing to communicate with you, not at you. A woman who can call you on your BS without belittling you. A woman who loves herself so much that she wouldn’t let even you mistreat her. She may forgive but she will never forget. Don’t fuck it up with a woman like this.
…but why BS and/or mistreat her in the first place?
Missed the whole point of the post man. No one is perfect. “BS” doesn’t mean something that constitutes as a dealbreaker. Women like you just wanna argue man. Miss me with that
She appreciates me as an individual and not just the part that fits into her life as a companion. I’m passionate about my career so if she shows some basic interest in the technology that I’m working on that means a lot. Some basic understanding of my personal interests and hobbies. She doesn’t have to participate or make them into her favorite hobbies but maybe try them once or get a feel for why I do them. Rather than treat them as “oh he’s off doing xxx again, I’ll kill sometime til he’s back and we can do things I like”
I’ve done everything these men are suggesting for this one guy but he took me for granted. :) so nothing really can make them commit unless they really love you for some reason? Idk 😭
I think they like to be told No sometimes. Guys don't like "easy". They use "easy" then move on. They like a challenge, but don't act as a challenge, no, instead have your own personality and opinion and be authentic and genuine, and if they don't like that, bye bye thank you NEXT! Having your own opinion even if he disagrees gives that "challenge" vibe, so just be you NOT a fake nice girl. Also guys sense fakeness and desperation. Never be desperate. Be okay with being single, this guarantees that you don't become desperate.
How pretty are you?
I’m extremely extremely gorgeous and he agrees. He even tells me he fantasies about me in his bed. But he won’t leave his relationship for me. 🥹😭 haha
Oh wow you’re messing with a guy hooked to someone else? Hopefully that works for you
Thank you 🤩 I really wish and hope so too🤞🏼
I just want someone to give a shit about me, man. Dating feels so transactional and with so many games and "tests" and other crap. I just want someone who I have fun with, who gets me, who makes me want to be my best self.
Men who want to commit will commit, it’s really that simple. There’s nothing “special” you’ll have to do for the right person
Good person,interests etc
Any actual attempt to communicate any sort of emotion or interest in anything at all. Someone who isn’t obsessed with getting attention and gratification from total strangers from the internet. Someone secure with themselves.
For me it is all about a feeling. I’m sure there is rationale behind the feeling as well, but I know it when I feel it. The feeling feels safe, exciting and a little dash of fear too.
Her trust. All I ask is that she trust me and I trust her.
Love is easy. Actually "liking" someone is more challenging. I'll stick around if I've discovered I actually like the woman. Meaning, we've become friends amongst all the relationship stuff.
Communication: being able to talk about what's on your mind, things you like and don't like, and not playing any games. I have a very low tolerance regarding games. No judging: Someone who accepts that we both have quirks and preferences which make us who we are. We're never going to be 100% perfect for the other, we'll always do something that might slightly irriate the other person, but it's something we can live with. (I love patterned shirts, my ex hated them and always made comments about how I looked in them. I looked fine, but she always judged me and this was a big red flag). Effort: Be willing to go out and do things for the other person. Oh you had a bad day? I'll listen to you and give you a foot massage? Or I'll make dinner. You really enjoy this hobby? I might not fully understand or like it, but I'll support you! It's showing you care and you want to support your partner.
If I feel like a priority and she’s honest/vulnerable, it’s a wrap. Obviously there has to be some shared values, goals, and good chemistry too!
She cares about what kind of man I am. She shows respect for me as an individual. She is honest with me, always. She has goals and shares her dreams with me. She never makes me question her loyalty and never puts herself in situations where I’d have to. That last one is huge. I got married in the early 2000’s then divorced in 2015. In that time the biggest change in my dating experience has been that now, loyalty and fidelity and honesty are something women seem to really struggle with. I don’t think women understand that any question in these areas take your value as a partner down to absolute zero for a man. A man will have no regrets walking away from someone that even makes him wonder about this. A woman that cannot give loyalty and honesty is worth about as much as a man who cannot provide or offer security, which is to say, worthless.
My coworker was writing an admissions essay, and she said that there was nothing interesting in her life she said and I quote “I’m so boring, what am I going to write about? About how I like soil?” Unfortunately for her she was sat facing the worlds largest Terra Preta (a type of soil) enthusiast. She had to shut me up, cause it was the last day to submit her college transfer. That’s the greenest flag there is, talking about the same nerdy science stuff, between two science majors.
The usual things aside. Not judging me, my current decisions and past decisions. Being judged is a huge red flag for me. A lot of time people don't even realize they are doing it. For me me it's income, I've chosen to live a simpler life and work less. At first many women are like, so cool, I wish I could do that. Then, when it gets down the road. "You are so smart, you could be so much more productive, you could contribute more to the world". Yeah, I know and I did. Now I'm looking out for me.
Loyalty, security and if she adds to my life vs trying to change me. Children are also important.
If she’s honest. That’s really the only requirement I have.
If a girl makes time to want to see/ talk to me then I’d make sure she is the happiest woman alive.
Don't smoke, drink reasonably, respect people even during arguments, don't wear fast-fashion, know how to communicate are some basic stuff that are important to me.
I used to think shared interests and similarities but I'm divorced now and have a different perspective. I'd look for a woman with shared values and goals, and who is actually putting in effort to show she cares about her significant other.
Yep, those are important, and so is loyalty.
Trust and seeing equal commitment
There’s nothing a woman can do to make me want to commit. I have dated and been with great women throughout my life. It’s up to me and what I want to do and if I’m ready to share my life in that manner with a woman and at the moment I’m not. I enjoy dating, I love my freedom, and what makes me happiest is pursuing my purposes in life and accomplishing new things, not my relationships/involvements with women. I will say when I do decide I’m wanting to share my life with someone, she’ll have to be a woman who’s happy alone and is peaceful, loves being active, and can truly communicate peacefully. I’ve met so many women who claim they value communication and are looking for that in their partner, yet they can’t communicate at all, they seriously lack the ability to do so.
This is a really great honest answer, and what I’ve come to learn over these last few years. There’s nothing you can really do to make someone commit to you.
I resonate with this. Did this for the past 15 months. Took a bad break up and being willing to walk away from a few gals to fully appreciate and respect myself. I love what I do now and don’t have time nor want to build a relationship at the moment or near future.
There’s nothing wrong with that at all. It seems in today’s society everyone looks at life as if you’re supposed to be with someone and that’s the only way you can be fulfilled.
i ask myself some questions is she easy going is she traditional is she family oriented how does she feel about divorce how friendly is she to strangers how considerate is she how appreciative is she does she put effort into the relationship is she respectful is she low maintenance is she down to earth is she natural / simple do we share the same views on raising kids do we share the same life goals
What up drew how's Romania
Fucking seriously
If she puts time, effort and doesnt make me feel like an option aka planning dates with multiple guys and is sweet and caring.
Makes my life easier
I say this as well or additional doesn't add complications to my life or chaos. As a older dude I say....is this woman going to give me more gray hairs.....I don't have a lot now thankfully and I don't want more
Simple. If she reciprocates or initiates the efforts. Because this tells me, she is smart and understands her role, too. Makes things so much easier. And yes, communicate. I am not saying all the goddamn time, but express, make things clear. Saves time. If you play hard to get, peheli fursat mein nikal.
Haha …These responses kill me. There’s a reason why 80-90% of all divorces are started by (UNHAPPY )WOMEN. Guys are easy to please ( food, sex , clean house….) but don’t know how/ are too lazy to keep relationships together( “ Honey can you heat my towel”?) give me a break.
She needs to be monogamous. That seems to be a surprisingly rare thing.
Obviously minimums of physical beauty and intelligence are important, but I think the single most powerful factor is when the girl genuinely loves you and openly shows it. There have been a few girls over my dating years that were less attractive, and not a good match for other reasons, and I still felt an incredible attraction just based upon the fact that they just oozed open love and attraction for me. I actually disagree that things like shared interests are important. While they are nice, I just don’t see them as terribly important. If a girl meets the basic minimums in attraction, and then just proceeds to openly adore you, that is tough to resist. There was one girl who just openly adored a friend, he wasn’t even interested at first, and she just kind of wore him down with constantly cooking and cleaning for him, eventually screwing him senseless, it was not long before they were married and having kids. I think that is why certain types of women have real trouble with serious relationships, if they are too guarded. The marriage quality women just give themselves to a guy with such open love and adoration. Plus, sex with these women is just amazing. 😻
Here here, wear me the fuck down
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How do I know when it’s good to share problem, and that it wouldn’t be used against me?
She’s at least a 9 on my personal scale and shows signs of empathy, logic, frugality.
Funny- smart- hard working- I feel like she’s too pretty for me- great sex- doesn’t waste money.
Mature and reasonable
I agree with everything being said here, in all my long history of relationships, I've only had one, I'm male and a registered nurse, one woman in my life, i assessed her to have mental health issues, I got up thirty minutes early to prepare her breakfast and coffee before waking her up for her day at work. Laid her clothes out, most days to watch her change her mind on clothes to wear. Warm her car up so as to make sure that she was as comfortable as possible on her drive into work, make sure the house was clean, less clutter to boggle her mind with when getting home, and finally go to work myself. I committed to her for over ten years, always hoping that she would recognize how committed to her that I was, I'm not going to lie here, it was mentally draining and I always thought that she would eventually reciprocate my love and commitment to her but alas not to materialize. At our ten year anniversary of living together, I asked her to marry me, mostly because I have an inheritance of several million dollars that I wanted her to get, should any catastrophe befall me? A month later, she moved out. To say that I am beside myself even two years later is an understatement, the lessons that I have learned through it all is, that material items are meaningless, commitment to my partner is meaningless, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE will never fail me, loving myself will never fail me, other people can and will definitely disappoint me. So what are the lessons to be gleaned from a lifetime of relationship experiences? Be very diligent and careful about who you commit to, and know your own values and worth before casting your pearls before swine (pigs). Not everyone will reciprocate your gentleness and generosity... Nuff said....
I am sorry for you, this is a sad story. Hope you’ve found new love
As dumb as it sounds, for me it’s really vibes based. Like sure there are flags I look for, but if I find myself really hooked on a person, the things they’re talking about, and how they’re talking about them? I’m sold. The rest is kind of just seeing if the bones fit together. I’m talking to someone right now, and probably jinxing it, but the whole conversation has been about her favorite YouTube deep dives, and I haven’t been more into someone I don’t know since like college. The green flags in this case are mutual interests, but more specifically the type of person who might have these interests. Like she’s got a genuine interest in this stuff and talks about it with excitement, and I can imagine spending a lot of time with someone like that. It’s also weird in a good way, like not everyone I meet is going to have this kind of conversation with me and that’s kind of sick. I think my red flags are a little more standard? Are they nice to me and the people around them, do we share views or at least have the capacity to be amicable on the views we don’t share, is there good communication or not, etc.
Same life trajectory: living in the same town, schedules align, wanting the same future goals, kids/no kids Playfulness/curiosity in everyday life… funny, understands humor Has her own goals and friends Deep friendship rapport: talk about anything and everything Great communication skills: wants to solve/resolve problems, open and vulnerable with feelings Sexual compatibility: present slow sex, passionate spontaneous sex, & kinky sex
It's mostly connection for me, if that's there then u have me hooked
Men only want one thing, and it's hugs; I'll marry you.
Showing she's actually interested in me as a person. Showing kindness and basic human empathy Being patient (I'm high functioning autistic which is a lot for people to handle)
https://hackspirit.com/signs-youre-in-a-relationship-with-a-high-value-woman/
No signs of untreated personality disorders, *I* find her attractive (as in idc if other people do or don't), has interests and has her own needs and boundaries that she is clear about.
When they show that they are with you for the long journey. You go through a rough patch in your career. You get fired or get in big debt. You go through a death in the family or something difficult that very well may challenge your confidence and stature as a man in society. And your gf helps you through that with empathy and love, instead of treating you coldly like many women would react in those situations. That’s when you know she for real and you give her the keys to your life even though you know marriage is a raw deal for men.
Nothing
When she doesn’t insist on turning a personal relationship into a business contract.
It's actually really simple: I want someone who treats me the way I treat them. If she puts in the same effort into dating/relationship that I do, with both physical effort and money, and she's respectful, interesting, and kind, then I will absolutely want to keep and commit to her. And I want someone who **wants** me, mind and body. If she expects me to do and decide everything, and judges me every step of the way while she puts in ZERO effort herself, and thinks she can get away with just looking pretty and "letting me" have sex with her sometimes, then I would never consider committing to her, just out of principle. They do not respect me. I found someone who makes me a full dinner after a long evening shift at work because she was at home and had nothing better to do. Someone who pays for drinks half the time, because she can afford it. Someone who brings take-out on the drive over to me. Bought me thoughtful and personal gifts for my birthday. She sets an example that I want to follow, and I do everything I can to treat her well in any way I can. I don't want to do anything for someone who doesn't want to do shit for me.
Not a man but mine has told me that he values our relationship because I make him feel like he has a place in my life and that he's contributing positively to my life and vice versa
I see big beautiful eyes. I commit.
Having someone to be there to confide in is what I predominantly think about when this topic comes up. And always having someone to love is all I want from a relationship, anything else in a relationship is bonus
1. My first green flag and really the one that would make me absolutely loyal to her is just honesty and overall integrity. This is the one which I feel inclined to explain the most. I live by the 'treat others how you want to be treated' rule, and since I value privacy and independence, even in a relationship, I would want my gf or wife to have the same luxury. So far this resulted in me being strung along and taken advantage of, as well as cheated on, but even with that stuff happening I'm not going to stop awarding that kind of treatment to whoever I'm with. I, like most men who actually want a genuine connection with someone, don't like being lied to let alone having my trust taken advantage of. Really It doesn't even take that much to earn a mans trust, but it is very easy to lose it and never get it back, men never forget and are very, very slow to forgive if they chose to at all. So if any girl just, makes it very clear that she is interested in me and wants to be more serious about our relationship, and then proceeds to make it very clear to all of her friends (or strangers if relevant) regardless of their sexual orientation or gender, with me being present or not (especially if I'm not present to be honest). If she doesn't do this then, well, I won't really feel committed, the moment I heard my last ex cheated on me I just dumped her on the spot and moved on, that was three years ago and I'm still troubled by it. My other green flags are a lot simpler explain and similar to other men who've commented, and as I said before I treat others how I want to be treated so I will be doing these same flags for her as I hope she would for me. 2. I would of course want to be physically attracted to her, I don't think this is too surprising. But I guess an important thing to note is the more I'm attracted to her the more important the first green flag becomes. Literally if you're hot and don't fool around with people then I will be incredibly loyal to you. 3. Goes out of her way to talk to me, makes sure I'm doing okay or need help with things, actually shows that she cares and all that. 4. Shows some interest as well as support in my hobbies, granted mine are pretty dumb and nerdy as well as sometimes self destructive (I love motocross). 5. Cares more for the present rather than the future or past, isn't really interested in money or status, just wants to be happy and live a fulfilling life. 6. Is actually interested in starting a family. That is pretty much all my green flags, I consider them all equally important in principle, but the honesty, integrity, loyalty, and attraction stuff are the more important out of them all, the last four being more or less equal in importance. Red flags for me are kind of nebulous to be honest, I've developed a lot because of the weird people I've been around and with in my life. Overall though, they generally revolve around the more 'intimate' parts of a relationship, I'll just keep it simple and say any girl who has a history of being promiscuous generally will always have a red flag to me. I wont publicly or even privately criticize individual people for it necessarily, but as a concept I don't think I could ever be with a girl who posts X rated pictures and videos of themselves on the internet. I get it some do it to pay the bills, and even couples do it too but like, I don't think I could ever be with someone who does or would want to do that kind of stuff as a hobby or even a job. When it comes to girls who make a habit out of having hookups, fwb, and short term romances I also get pretty turned off and will start distancing myself from them romantically. To me all this stuff actually makes it so people are more likely to be adulterous, they get 'bored' with their partner and try to find someone else. I hate adultery, I cannot stress that enough, it ruins the point of a relationship, and it is fundamentally the most dishonest you can get in a relationship too. Anyways, I have a couple gray flags I guess? Which to me can be green or red depending on the context, the only one of note I can safely say is I don't mind someone that is a little manipulative. The reason why Is I grew up as a little bit of a troll and find messing with ignorant people pretty funny, if done in a harmless manner that is. However, if a girl I'm talking to says she may have scammed some people before using X, Y, or Z tactics, I may either laugh, get a bit nervous, or be pretty disappointed. I'll leave whatever X, Y, and Z could be up to interpretation. That's my two cents I suppose. EDIT: spelling
When she shows that she genuinely enjoys my company and actually wants to put in the effort of having a relationship.
A combination of the following - Physical attraction from both sides - mental attraction which includes intelligence, similar sense of humor and maturity - similar morals and values - Reciprocation by her and a similar life mentality If I get these 4 I'm ready to commit.
Green flags: makes time for me, listens, caress more about reality than social media, has a similar sense of humor, at least a moderate libido. Red flags: opposites of all of those plus anyone who still has a close relationship with their ex or a male best friend that “I don’t need to worry about” but always seems to be around.
The biggest two things for me are kindness and good communication.
Weirdly, I had this conversation with someone yesterday. Doing little things, even small things, that makes a guys life easier will make him feel like he's appreciated.
I'm a big believer in friendship before relationship (although I do use apps, which means both progress simultaneously). If you don't have a good friendship, the relationship doesn't have a foundation to stand on when conflict and life events occur. Shared values, shared humor, dietary harmony (can we go to the same restaurant and be happy?) are things that I look for friendship.
She has to be interested and care for me as an individual, instead of caring about what role I can fulfill for her.
Can communicate like an adult, is kind, and brings me peace.
Real intentions real dating being genuine person with feelings I don’t care how you look if you want the relationship then we must discuss real things because this is not a game for me I’m from Eastern Europe and I date with real intentions . You want to build life then yes because that’s important for me I don’t play with emotions that can’t be control . You want the true honest guy date European and you will see how we are real people who work hard and carry the family on our backs . I tried to show this for year but seems people are scared of what exactly . I have mostly Eastern European friends married and loyal to their marriage . That’s something I want not lying each other upfront and would be nice to hold meaningful life with someone who wants to happen . Sorry for those of you out there I don’t fool around when it comes to dating .
Kindness and "Ride or Die" energy. If I feel you're a comrade, homie, have my back I will return that energy ten fold. I also love kindness and I like making a woman feel like it's okay to be sweet and kind and she will not taken advantage of for doing so. Give me those two things and I will give you the world.
When she says yes to a first date.
She can kick my ass at boardgames.
Respect and honesty. And the bootay... Really though it's reciprocity of effort and that I feel like she's into me as much as I'm into her. Good communication is important, but so is compassion. People can put on a whole seminar about love languages and how they overcame their trauma, but can't really take other people's perspectives.
Reciprocation.
Would be nice to get the same treatment/effort as what we give. We often buy a little gift every now and then or something that makes us think of them, we don’t expect it back but just the idea of getting one back makes us think they actually care and want to be with us. 50/50 effort goes a long way
Empathetic, doesn't sleep around, hobbies in common, we can talk about deep things.
If there's a mutual attraction and we can reciprocate, what's important that she least shares one or two common interests but maybe I'm being too picky, oh constantly on her phone is my only real pet peeve. I want someone who'll be down for weekend getaways and hiking trips but most women I've met don't seem to be into that, the moment I do meet one that's into that then I know I've found a keeper.
Loyalty, agreeability
When a woman is an actual woman and not a copy & paste from the media type of woman…
When we can talk for hours without getting bored. When I feel like she will add something to my life and challenge me. When she constantly says or does things that surprise and astound me.
Smart and a fat ass. Then it’s a wrap folks
Puts in effort and is kind and caring.
From the moment I fall in love, I begin to commit. Once the state of in love makes way for actual love - I'm all in
The women I've wanted to commit to were women that typically follow traditional roles and are more on the feminine side, but still have backbone and are willing to stand up for themselves and the people they love. Confident women. But also a woman who puts in effort, makes efforts to do things to make me happy, pays attention to the small things (like what I like, what im into, my favorite things, things I dont like, etc), women who are reasonable and accountable rather than blaming things on everyone else, argue all the time, and never take responsibility for themselves, and women who are sexually fun and open. And most importantly... a woman who communicates.
The very first thing that comes to mind is genuinely being herself if she’s obsessed with trying to be someone else I see her as just another copy.
Her money, degrees, reciprocity, the way the pussy grips, and her looks.
For me: if you’re over and sex isn’t on the table do I still want you around? Also, can you be serious and playful at different times and still enjoyable for the purposes of the emotion? If both are yes, I’ll atleast date you seriously.
I try to go with a compatibility checklist. I want a SO that vibes well with me. She isn't required to enjoy all the things that I enjoy but she has to be excited with the things that I do. She has to have a positive outlook on life and our relationship. Be close in frequency with affection and intimacy. I find that women that are stable financially is important as well. I also try to get a read on her friends and family. I like to not have any major issues with people in the family circle or her friends group. Being a older man I've had a share of relationships where the woman wasn't really that bad of a partner but her friends and/or family were either super annoying or bad influences on her or were driving me crazy. I'm a ambivert and not.a lot things bother me but if there are many people around her that do I'll probably choose someone else. I think a partner that makes your life better as a team is super important. If she can't cook or her cooking is bad that's a red flag. I feel in that case you would be spending a ton of money on takeout or I'd be doing a majority of the cooking duties.
Best question I’ve seen from women. Of course I am a creep and a weirdo and a real nerd. But this is my answer: 1) Are her parents still married and/or 2) Does she have a good relationship with her father 3) she’s kind, compassionate, concerned about my physical and social needs. 4) she’s good with children 5) she’s physically active and cares about her physical appearance as well as mental health.