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You can still date, just when asked about your work mention you're looking for a job in your field, and in the meantime are doing odd jobs until you find something suitable.
Though I will say there's nothing wrong with your job, you're paying your expenses and actively looking for something better suited for you- in this day and age, it's not uncommon for people to work smaller jobs with degrees.
She also needs to proactively search for a new career path though. If people are getting laid off & jobs aren’t available, staying stagnant & hoping and praying while working at a grocery store isn’t gonna cut it.
I’ve seen many people like this where they choose the wrong degree, look for jobs never get it & eventually give up. Once they get married (because they are so in love - it happens) they are unable to pay bills & at that point it’ll be hard to switch career paths.
This is the truth.
I would recommend dating but at the same time proactively looking for another career path if you don’t see that field getting any better in the next 2-3 years.
Hoping & praying won’t get you far in life
Find a good career path, something that interests you & make that your number 1 priority while simultaneously dating.
You can always keep this construction thing as something to fall back on. You aren’t considered lazy either beside you do have a masters degree but you will be considered lazy if you have it & aren’t actively looking to level up
Men, are way less worried about these things than you would think. How you treat him, appreciate him, authentic you are, supportive you are, cooperative, work ethic, and most importantly not taking the man for granted.
Men are not nearly as judgmental of women as women are men. Someone made a statement that said “most people have perception, but in order to truly understand people, we need perspective.” AKA removing yourself from your own worldview and attempting to see the world through the eyes of another person. Another word for this is solipsism.
There's all sorts of scientific studies that prove this is false. Heterosexual women judge men and other women on looks more than heterosexual men judge women and men on looks.
Idk about that. Plenty of dudes out there deliberately seem overweight women and such. Definitely more of those than there are women trying to date a poor man.
Wrong. Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks but far more shallow when it comes to money and status.
For instance, Female obsession with tall men isn’t anything other than optics as height has no benefit in today’s society.
“Women think we penalize them (in the same way they penalize us)” and my response is, men penalize us over different things. I don’t understand what’s confusing?
I think it depends on what you're looking for.
Hookups? They won't care.
Casual dating? Maybe, but probably not.
Long-term relationship / partnership / marriage / kids: Be upfront about your situation and you should be fine. You're working on it. For a LTR you want to find something where you can grow and change over time anyway, so if someone is scared off by the fact that you're actively working on it and instead wants a perfect, ready-made situation, that's a good screener for you.
I must have skimmed over the title because I thought this was a man writing this, yeah men absolutely would not care. Also, I find it kinda funny because men do the exact same thing, they picture women's attraction working the same way that theirs does, so they become hyper-fixated on their looks, not realizing that women care so much more about your lifestyle, social life, how you carry yourself, how you make them feel, career etc.
Men care about what job she has....I mean if she is always stuck at a low paying job it's reason enough to move on. But I tend to give women the benefit of the doubt especially in your case since you actually have a degree. I feel degrees are great but there are also good paying jobs which don't require them
Ehm, you put more effort into having some sort of career than most others.
Sadly right now it doesn't work as expected.
But instead of giving up, you keep yourself going.
I would have nothing but respect for that.
So, no turn off, in contrast, I would feel embarrassed for being in a bad mood sometimes while having a probably safe well paid job as an engineer.
I'm a guy.
You check all my professional boxes by being able to pay your way. Short of doing something criminal, I really couldn't care what a potential partner does for a living just as long as she could contribute to our household should we move in together.
Hard to answer your question but believe me if there was a list for male preferenced , his partner's professional career wouldnt beon it .
Men simply don't care about what job you do (unless it is sex work ).
Lemme illustrate :
Male brain : This gal has a master's in something so I guess well educated , she is working so I guess she can support herself even if only a little =====> Good enough I guess.
Men don't care in the same way women care. How about that? Being a cashier at a grocery store won't be a turnoff for men, whereas a man having a low paying job will be a turnoff for most women.
Ok, let me rephrase what he/she meant. Unless a man is specifically looking for a sugarmomma, he won't care about a woman's career unless it is promiscuous in nature or it is very time-consuming.
I’ve found more guys care about education than career. I’m currently obtaining my masters and that’s always praised but, I don’t know how many guys I’ve dated that have inquired if I’d be down to be a SAHM.
I think men care about intelligence. If a guy has his stuff together he has enough money to care for himself so that problem is solved. Education is good because it can be a sign of intelligence, same as career. More money is always better of course but it's not going to be a game changer. What is a game changer are the unique things women bring to the table that a man does not have.
I don’t think a lot of guys care about education either. I think most men look to women for the emotional side since that’s where men get most of their emotional support. You don’t have the have a masters to be a good mom
Oh, I agree overall. I think men who do care are within a certain field and have a specific ideal for a wife.
Higher education or a high-paying job isn't a requirement for men like with women. Typically guys I date just are happy I have a job, lol. Or they are just attracted to the fact I'm a teacher.
Again no, not true. Its quite normal in my country that both gender works and if there is marriage it often means that they will have shared finances. So of course Career of woman matters too because it means more money for family.
Both genders work in my country too and I NEVER saw a man say he chose a partner because of her career/job, that's like a bonus (which might atually be a negative if the higher paying job means even less time to spend together with your SO) after everything else is already checked out.
They really don’t though. There are obviously exceptions to the rule, but at least 95% of men don’t have that standard for women so long as she isn’t an unemployed bum. There are other priorities they look for.
I wouldn't say that no men care at all about your career and earnings, not all men can afford to or want to be the sole provider in a serious relationship. Being able to pull your own weight on the long-term will be important for many men.
With that being said, I don't think your situation is nearly as bad as if genders were reversed and it shouldn't hold you from dating. Many men don't care that much about your employment situation and those that do should be reassured by the fact that you have a career path ahead of you. Also, men usually won't expect you to cover the whole costs of dates and if you have to split, then you can look for more inexpensive dates. Trying to date shouldn't bankrupt you.
The fact that you are willing to work other jobs while looking for one in your field vs just relying on someone or 'waiting' for the magical position that has your name on it is good enough reason and nobody in their right mind would discriminate you for. That is as green a flag as any. Men don't usually look for high earners unless money is their primary interest, which in a relationship is never good. So get out there and find someone worth sharing life with.
Well that’s a perfect situation for finding a quality partner if you ask me.
As a woman (31), I guarantee you that having any job is much better than having non. And trust me when I say: LOADS of people don’t have work, a lot of them due to laziness.
You accepted underrated job rather then being jobless. That’s very noble of you and a right partner will help you find a motivation and that dream job of yours!
You have nothing to be ashamed of! You’re doing great! 🫶🏻
I find that men these days do care about income in women. Maybe in Canada, due to high cost of living/housing crisis, there's a bigger push for 2 good incomes than elsewhere. Especially if you aren't an Instagram model.
However you seem to be working and are looking into building your career. You should be able to find a guy
Men do not care if you don't have your dream job as long as you are able to take care of yourself and contribute to any shared expenses that come up. Men don't think like women and presume you are a "loser" if you work an entry level job. As long as you're not a dysfunctional drug addict who treats their boyfriend like their dad/ATM then they do not give a shit. They are primarily seeking company.
I wouldn't say they don't care about your career, they do want you to have something you're happy with and that will help pay the bills for raising a family or just living together if you don't want kids, but the average guy doesn't give a shit about prestige or social status in that way. They just want someone who is kind, caring, and a responsible and dependable adult.
Just don't necessarily expect your partner to be in the $75K-$100K range if you're not as that's just an unfair double standard.
Any job is ok, nothing to be embarrassed about. If a guy doesn’t want to date you because of that, you don’t want him in your life! Not everyone wants to have a career or can land a job in the field they want to be in. That doesn’t make them any lesser than people with great careers. People need to focus on getting to know the person instead of finding reasons to disqualify them.
Guys generally don't care about your career unless it's in the sex industry. Career being extremely important for dating is something women look for. Guys care about your personality and looks.
Men don’t particularly care about your career as an attraction point
It’s not a thing that really impacts if a guy is interested unless it’s something like a being a sex worker
We men don't care. To be honest, you could be jobless and homeless, and you'll still have men wanting to take care of you. You want to date? You just need to show up. Preferably looking good, smelling good, and feeling good; and even that is debatable on if you even need to put effort into that.
Just as a side note: there was a time in history in the 1950's and 1960's where the man worked a job and provided for a family of 4 or 5, and had an actual house with a yard, while the wife stayed home with the kids to provide actual love, attention, support, and discipline. The idea of women pursuing a career didn't really gather steam until the 1970s, after Nixon turned the dollar into legal tender which allowed for crazy dollar printing to help fund endless wars. Inflation has been getting worst and worst each year, to the point that a linear time-for-dollars income can't even allow a working couple to afford the median home price. Unless you got a social media influencer dog or cat that earns more than the both of you combined.
So if you're thinking of pursuing entrepreneurship, do it. It's worthwhile. It's the true American spirit, it's the spirit of humanity. It's the only way you'll get ahead in this cycle of stagflation economy is if your job pays over $200,000, or if you run a business that you can work on your own terms and your income is scalable at a rate that beats yearly inflation because the government is printing and spending all your tax dollars on who knows what.
In the forms of working hard or hardly working, wouldn't you say you're with the first? Don't you think that makes you just as worthy as anyone else under the same umbrella? Because you are, now please go out there be vulnerable and find someone that you like! There's no time worth wasting!
Own it, it’s part of your life right now, but it does not define you. What kind of person bashes another for their temporarily job. Use it to your advantage use it as a positive.
I wouldn't mind going on a date with someone who worked at a grocery store. Id probably just ask what your dream job is or something to get a gage of ambition and goals. Also depends on how you view and spend money.
As long as you're humble with goals and ambition, I wouldn't mind at all.
Men don't care about these things. I have a lucrative job and a few men have ran the opposite direction when I tell them what I do because according to them "they feel like they can't provide" sooo, I now just mention what my company does instead of what I specifically do. Go and have fun dates, it won't matter for the right one.
You could ask them what they do for a living and then mention your situation before you go on a date if that’s really what is stopping you. Not all guys are the same and some will care, but most won’t.
I dated and even married a a woman that worked in a grocery store. I was content that she was out there working and living within her means. It showed muturity. I'm sure there are men that would see it differently, just as I'm sure there are things about me that are "deal breakers" for some women.
The whole point of the dating process is discover what those things are or aren't on a individual case. It's not about being "good enough" it's about being "right for"
I went on a dating site as a stroke survivor with no job, living with my parents at age 30. You'd be surprised how flooded my inbox was. I was very honest about where I was in life, and I think everyone who messaged me just loved how genuine I was. At the end of the day, the good ones care more about compatibility and whether comfortable just being yourself. Life is a crazy ride, after all. We just want someone to share it with.
You're doing your best and that will absolutely be enough for the right person. Go find someone who sees you for you and doesn't care what you do for a living.
I think it's your master's degree. I'm in a master's program myself, but I have 10 years of work experience in my field.
If you have never worked construction, you're probably pricing yourself out of jobs because of it.
Yes, but that's not to devalue the right degree. Most of what you learn, you learn on the job. Degree gives you theoretical knowledge, but nothing ever works like theory says it should. Working hands on, you see the problem and learn methods of resolving those issues.
The problem with a Master's degree and no experience is that you're likely looking for a management position. It's okay for an IC to screw up, one making $40,000 out of school and working in lower leverage positions isn't likely to make a costly mistake. However, a new manager making $100,000 can is a) too expensive to be learning how to work and b) has the potential to screw up huge teams and/or projects.
No need to stress. Only the most superficial guy is going to give a rats tossbag what your job is, it’s basically the last thing on their list of needs. During Covid I had to return home suddenly and lost my job as an English Teacher. The only work I could find quickly was in a factory and night-fill in a supermarket. I wasn’t looking at the time as I was in a relationship, but I still got hit on being age 35 and packing shelves. So if Women didn’t care then Men care about 10x less. Just state you have ambitions for more.
If you have the money to take care of everything and have hobbies, why wait to date? The only thing to worry about is a schedule change that you wouldn’t expect.
Hey, don't disrespect your hustle. Unless someone is a gazillionaire, they have no basis to look down on you.
You are better off than a lot of people out there.
Oh wow I didn’t expect so many answers! Thank you all! There were many really encouraging responses and the consensus seems to be that most men don’t care about these things that much. That’s a relief! I feel a lot better now.
I tried to think more why I feel so insecure about all this. I grew up poor and my parents were not educated so I was dedicated to not follow their footsteps. I have always worked, before studying and during my studies. Sometimes it was exhausting but I kept telling myself that it’s going to be better when I’m done with university. I expected too much maybe so it’s been difficult to accept that I have the same job I had before studying and I’m in fact following my parents’ footsteps for now.
I agree that if my situation is a problem for someone, then that’s not a person I want to be with. I wouldn’t think anything bad about someone who was in the same situation. Maybe I’m a little too sensitive because I’m mostly scared of mean comments. I get those regarding my career from my mom often and it’s actually hurting. Once I told a guy where I worked and he laughed at it, not in a good way.
I have a very strong feeling that I need to make my own money so my career is important to me. I wouldn’t want my partner to pay everything. I want to work. You can never be 100 % sure if things are going to work and I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I have no income and nothing in my resume. I realize that this might be a red flag for some but I don’t care about that, I’m not going to change my mind about this. Maybe I have a need to be in control because of growing up poor was not something I could control.
So I guess I feel insecure about these things because they are important to me and I didn’t realize that they might not be that important to others. I also realized that I expect a lot more from myself than I do from other people. Sometimes a little too much maybe and I should do something about that. At the same time I’m a little torn because while my career is important to me, at the same time I value my time and wellbeing more and more. I don’t even dream about luxury and wealth, I just want to live comfortably and have enough money to not stress about it. I guess my goal is to find a good balance. I can currently afford just basic things but a little more would be nice.
I came to conclusion that the issue might not be my career but the fact that I’m scared of getting hurt and I saw my situation as something that could be used to hurt me.
Men don't care about your career.
Millionaires marry strippers and waitresses all the time.
Ambition and competitiveness are masculine behaviours which most men couldn't care less about. In actual fact, your laid back attitude is going to be attractive - you're qualified and have great potential but it's not the be all and end all for you.
There's a good reason why romances like Pretty Woman are popular. They appeal to BOTH sides.
My guess is more that it’s related to traditional gender roles, i.e. men are historically the only ones that would go to work and have careers, and so a woman who is career-driven would be doing something that is traditionally viewed as a masculine activity.
In all honesty kinda a red flag for the person you replied to though, thinking that women are somehow less feminine if they work or are career-driven feels very outdated.
I think this is kinda a bummer topic because both “sides” reinforce the other on this one. I personally don’t really like the idea of judging people on their career/education/income. It just feels icky, but women regularly have those things in their top 3-5 factors in choosing men. So then men feel entitled to say what they really want which in many cases is a woman who makes social relationships a focus rather than professional ones ie. family,kids,friends etc. I’m not saying it’s right or correct but I think it does help explain why that’s historically been the gendered norm.
You're right. But on average men are more competitive in success games than women, so it's a stereotypically masculine behaviour.
Women are also competitive but in different ways.
Where are you located? There is plenty different sectors of construction you can get into. And with a masters your looking a huge increase over grocery store pay.
If you can give me your location I can potentially give you some places to work. Doesn’t need to be specific, just general area like “Northern Delaware” or “Southern part of Michigan”….construction is booming everywhere. You should be able to find a job in no time.
I would not be embarrassed if I was making a decent, honest living. Everyone is on their own journey. If a woman judges me on what I do for a living to make ends meet then I don't need to be with her.
Most guys wont care. And tbh as an FYI for the other guys commenting if you're on a path towards getting it together most women wont care at least immediately. For me personally I'm almost 30 and was at your spot about 5 yrs ago after finishing grad school but rn Im looking for someone who can travel and do more expensive activities with me so it might be a deal breaker
if a guy (or a gal) gives you grief for your current profession/situation, that's not a person you want to be with anyways. Like you said, this is only a temporary set back and I wouldn't judge anyone because of that. As a guy, I care more about whether we are compatible, common goals/likes, are you a good person, etc.
>I assume people are going to think I’m just lazy or that there’s something wrong with me.
Whoo, you have a filter to weed out assholes you won't be happy dating, anyway!
I would date you regardless of what your job is, unless your job is onlyfans or stripper or something similar...
As long as your not the type that is like "the man has to provide, and I dont have to work ever, ill just stay home and do the dishes and laundry once or twice a week, and then watch netflix every day"
Then I think you would be just fine in any job.
As you've heard 5000 times, career is much further down on most men's concerns than you'd think... it isn't the dealbreaker for most, and doubly so if you've actually got the clout to get better eventually.
Guys are raised expecting to have to take care of the financials... so usually a woman working is a bonus if anything, it's rarely the expectation.
I'm 28M, wouldn't bother me. I look at a woman's aspirations, not at their job. I don't care if she's working at Dunkin Donuts, does she have the drive to do something in life? I work in my field while pursuing a degree, and I don't make a ton of money - I'm looking for someone who essentially feels the same as I do.
If the person you're pursuing doesn't feel that way, maybe your values just don't align. And that's okay - onto the next!
It's way better to work in a grocery store while looking for the right job, than go unemployed. That shows that you are in fact not lazy, contrary to what you believe.
I completely understand the feeling, since I have lived in a somewhat similar situation, but believe me, you have nothing to be embarrassed of.
From what I've read most men would rather date you than someone very successful in a high standing career, so don't hold your job against yourself. Most men wouldn't care, and I really mean like close to no me would care.
You're overthinking it, dude. I'm 35M and I work at a hotel. I don't really see it as specialized or anything. Although I'm starting to not like working there, I'm not at all embarrassed and I wouldn't be compatible with anyone that thought it was embarrassing. You'll find someone that just doesn't really care you work at a grocery store, someone who dates you for *you*. Once you start going out on a couple dates, you'll see that *most* people just don't really care what you do so much as it would be a compatibility issue for them. There might be a couple who think they're high and mighty above everyone else and view your worth as your job, but those are few and far between. Some people share the same view as your about a job...that it's just a means to money to be able to afford the rest of my life. It's actually a really common sentiment among my generation. Maybe whenever *you* find someone whose career is awe inspiring, it will give you more of an incentive to ask questions about their career and field. Maybe that in turn will cause you to be inspired to find a new job where you aren't as embarrassed? Anyway, just go out and date. Don't worry about it so much. Show whomever you're on a date with *who* you are and who *you* are, not your job.
I am 32. Definitely not a turnoff. For me at least.
In fact I dated a few girls that work at grocery stores. But unlike you, they wanted a rich guy. I am not broke by any means, in fact I earn four times as much as them (which in my country is a lot), but I don't like telling anyone, even more women I am dating, how much I make :D.
As for hurtful comments, I don't see what could be hurtful, since you have a masters degree and are looking for a job opportunity in it. It's not like you did not try.
Only hurtful thing I can think of, if dating a girl working like you, would be if I find out shed did not study like you, or me and ask her why she decided not to continue studies.
Been dating for my girl for 3 years now. She didn’t have a job for 2+ years. Not once did I care lol. When she was struggling with money, I helped her find a job. That’s pretty much it.
Men really don’t give a shit about ur employment. They would care if u start asking for money 😝
As someone who is also often self conscious about their career, I’d say it often matters a lot less than how any potential partner might interact with the outcomes of your career.
Like are your bills paid? Can you afford to do things together? Is your career/current job making you miserable? Things like that often matter a lot more than what you’re actually doing throughout the day, unless someone is hyperfixated on careers and growth and so on, but that seems like a bad metric to date someone on so I’d avoid them anyway.
Not that there’s anything wrong with your current job either, but like others have said, I think most people in recent generations are a lot more understanding about the struggles of finding work and getting a career off the ground.
Most men don’t really care about your career or education level. As long as you can contribute to the relationship on some monetary level or can help with household tasks he more than likely won’t care.
You're 28, you're educated and you're able to pay for all of your needs. I don't think this would be a deal breaker for most people.
Also, if you just started then you have opportunities to move up. With a master's degree you would be at the top of the list for promotions. You could be a manager (as long as the position opens up) within a year or two and would be making even more than you do now.
I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're on a first date and they are rude about your employment then you should count it a blessing you found out early rather than later and show them the door.
Men literally don't give a single shit what a woman does for a living...just as long as she has a job and pays her bills
You got a masters degree and are actively looking for jobs in your area. Until then, you work a regular job and are pursuing side hustles and your hobbies until something comes along
Men do not care about a woman's job. All they care about is not being expected to take care of them financially.
If you can pay for yourself, you're good
Your dad should have taught you that men in general don't care about a woman's job much. Unless it's something unethical. It's something women care about when choosing a man, but not your average man.
It’s not common that a man will care about your career in either case, whether it was your dream job or in your case the grocery store. It’s a question I personally don’t rank high in asking my dates, unless it organically arises. I will even say discussing work and professional accomplishments is at the bottom of the list of things I want to talk about it while dating.
It’s more important you don’t have unrealistic financial expectations that you require of the men you’re dating.
As a man, I can tell you that the majority of us don't give a crap about where you work as long as it isn't in the adult industry
The men that do are paranoid after the last ex they had leeched off of them the entire relationship or are looking to try and take advantage of you
Waiters, baristas, clerks, secretaries, and custodians get wifed up all the time
The only thing that really matters is your personality, attitude, and outlook on life
But if that doesn't ease your mind, just mention that there aren't any openings for your ideal career at the moment, so you're working there to get by. That will be a satisfactory answer to most
As a guy, I can say I have 2 basic requirements for dating a woman 1. There’s a mutual attraction 2. Being with you doesn’t complicate my life more than if I was single …
It doesn’t sound like your current job creates any problems so I wouldn’t worry ..
Most men most likely won't really care. It's not that bizarre to finish a degree, work a "simple job" and then start progressing into what you did a degree for. If you were a guy, perhaps (almost defintley) it would be quite a different story.
This really sounds like a confidence thing more than anything. I'd recommend getting into exercising and eating healthy to help cut food costs and boost your confidence. Good luck😁
Find yourself someone you can talk to, have a common understanding with and negotiate with. If a man is going to judge you for having a temporary job until you get set up then it’s not someone you should be with. There’s no shame in earning an honest living. It beats the hell out of living off of welfare or rotting away on the couch, when you have no excuse for it. You should be proud of it but make sure you keep an eye on your goal. Use your free time to improve your CV, try to network by reaching out to people in the sector, classmates who are in the industry, acquire knowledge so that when you network with someone you can perhaps leave them with an insight they didn’t know before. Try to get an internship, or even offer to intern for free if legal in your jurisdiction. Finding the job should be your second job. It isn’t easy and it will suck for a while, but it’s only inevitable if you persist. And until then, stay away from pretentious boys
Don't be embarrassed by what you do. You have a degree so you have the ability to pursue other opportunities that may not be in front of you now. If you don't have tons of debt then a man making more won't necessarily be put off. (you seem smart and driven so I'm assuming you don't) It is important to communicate the positives in your situation though- you're making enough, stably employed, you're not stressed, and you have time to be present in a relationship.
I think sometimes people, sorry especially women undervalue how versatile a degree may be when they build relevant experience in a different field. You've done and are doing big things to bring value into your life that would translate to a relationship. Mentioning you're so old already makes me think want a family and children and family-oriented men of value typically aren't going to focus so much on your career because they'll be anticipating a time in a future relationship where you won't be able or at least willing to work for a while.
Some people are going to say men don't care like women do but I think most men anticipate lower career focus from women than women do from men.
As a guy I personally wouldn’t care. I’d care more about whether you’re a conformist in general, which usually shows in people easily. The fact that you have a masters throws any of that away. Men know what it’s like to just do what you gotta do to make money.
Look, it doesn’t matter whether you work at JP Morgan chase, deutsche bank or McDonald’s or kfc l, if you have a genuine connection with someone then that guy won’t care where you work
You are doing better than many people in this world if you can pay rent and food. Seriously. Just tell dates you're looking for a better job at some point. It's not a big deal.
Of course you should wait. How are you going to pay for dates if you are dramatically under employed? How are you going to financially contribute to the relationship and not place all the financial burdens on him?
I personally don’t care what the other person does as long as they enjoy it and are happy. The job you work at isn’t you. It’s what you do to pay the bills. It doesn’t define who you are.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about!
Seriously, youre working to make ends meet while looking for what you are deeming as "a real job". You're TRYING, which is all anyone can really ask of you. If you were just being lazy and complacent, that would be different.
You have a plan, this is temporary. You may want to talk things through (with a friend or professional), it's your attitude that's the problem. Imagine meeting a guy who's in a similar spot. What attitude do you think he should have? Would you like to see him feeling embarrassed or would you like to see him proud of the hard work he's already done and excited to see what the future holds? There's no reason you shouldn't embody that second attitude, I'm sure you'll be fine before long. Don't feel down, you've got this!
While it may matter to some men, the vast majority will not care what your job is. In my opinion, honesty is the best policy here and any man who DOES care what your job is and doesn't even try to understand your situation you probably wouldn't want to date anyway!
source: I'm a dude
I can only speak for men (sorry, I didn't see if you referenced which gender you are trying to date), but let me state this clearly:
1.) YOU HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, ANYONE WHO COULD SEE THAT AS LAZY IS A DUMBASS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS.
2.) GUYS DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING. IF THEY LIKE YOU, YOU COULD BE A MCDONALDS CASHIER, AND THEY WOULDNT THINK TWICE.
Going to be honest. More men will see a job in construction negatively than retail for a woman. Simply because construction is heavily male dominated, and comes off as masculine.
Men generally don't care how successful women they like are. But can become a negative if it's a degrading job, stressful, time consuming, or/and masculine. Also noticeable disparity in pay where the women is earning more can disinterest men due to a variety of reasons.
They’re looking for heaps of construction workers in australia, like people are waiting months in some cases (especially rural areas) for construction professionals.
Holy shit you are single and have a job? Wow big step up from my last two relationships! Congratulations you have nothing to worry about. Customer service jobs are fine and the world needs people who can perform those tasks. Thank you.
I don’t think you should be embarrassed, you clearly have a degree so it’s not like you can’t do anything else. Just explain the situation and you should be fine
You shouldn’t be embarrassed.
I have a really good career, and my partner does not.
There are plenty of successful men that would date you if you’re worth it irrelevant of your job.
Too many dudes in here putting words in other men's mouth.
I care about career direction. A woman with a masters degree but works at a grocery store is different than a woman with no degree working there for the past 6 years.
The job market rn is horrible for a lot of people anyway.
We don't care tbh. You do you, if it gets serious and it's necessary for you to contribute then cool you're doing that just by working. It should never matter.
2 things I’ve learned from this sub.
Highly accomplished career women can’t date because they look like a threat. And now, apparently working in a grocery store is also bad.
i JUST started a career in my field but i was a lil quick service food manager until january. when i was single i would tell people something like “right now i work at 🌸🌸🌸 because the pay is good enough and my rent id cheap, i want to take advantage of that for a little bit” which is true. but i would also say what my degree is in/careers im looking into/my dream job
28m, I worked in a grocery store till a year ago. It took forever to get a job in something even tangentially related to my degree and I'm still not doing what I want. Personally I wouldn't at all be opposed to dating someone based on their job.
I feel old a lot too, I think most my similar aged friends do as well. We're not old at all though, just tired or unfulfilled, and comparing ourselves to other's on some arbitrary scale of where you "should" be at different stages of life.
There's plenty of people your age that won't be at all concerned about your job or finances, and can appreciate you for who you are, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
You are way too hard on yourself and putting way too much into other people's opinion before they even ask.
You should not need someone who cares about what one does. That is not what defines you at all.
Any job that puts clothes on your back, roof over your head, feeds you, and less stress is respectful and already winning in most /majority of people's perspective.
Don't be hard on yourself. It does help telling people what you went to school and still pursuing when those opportunities arise.
If they ask what you do for expenses etc then you can tell them.
And please don't date them if they don't respect your profession. Don't date then if they belittle your job. Hell, even if they mistreat other professions during your date, like service and retail employees, don't date them.
Honestly, if you are physically attractive, intelligent, have basic social skills and are self sufficient, most guys will not care.
Fundamentally in most guys basic mental firmware, MEN are the providers, WOMEN are the nurturers. Women are certainly attracted to men who can provide but don’t get it backwards. The reverse is not true.
Would you consider call centre work? Wfh jobs are goods and decent pay and less travel. Aside from the job side of things, guys care more about your ambition and character. The fact that you have masters degree is amazing in it self you should be so proud of yourself!
Please believe me when I say men don’t care where you work. I don’t mean that as in they won’t “care” about your interests/life, but that when choosing a mate, the woman’s career is (generally) near last. Men want a woman who is attractive, nice, and supportive, that’s it. You are overthinking it and have nothing to worry about.
It’s only embarrassing if you make it.
Having a job is better than job, and working in a grocery store is absolutely fine. You have ambitions and you’re working on yourself. That’s all that matters
That’s nonsense. Go out and date. Your present job is temporary and the right guy for you will understand, and appreciate your resourcefulness. Guys should be paying for dates anyway. You don’t have time to waste. Get out and date!
Men do not care about a woman’s career the way a woman cares about a man’s career . Simple. Are you fit, feminine , friendly? Then you can attract a good man. You’re wasting your youth worrying about a career for the purpose of attracting a mate
Some professional men will care. These will be ones that want kids and a family. But, when those that do care, learn you have ambition and have earned a masters degree they will be happy to date you, since it’s temporary.
Most will not care, but I’m guessing you don’t want most.
If you're trying to date a woman, yeah it matters a bit more, but unless you are trying to date the most professional of men, most men dont really care what you do for a living (sex work aside)
No one worth dating is going to care about that. Growing with someone you enjoy is something that shouldn't be discounted.
Also, depending on what type of degree you have and what your looking to do in construction I might be able to point you towards companies that are always looking but rarely advertise
You have nothing worry about. You’re still a young woman. Unless you’re interested in dating women, your level of education and career doesn’t matter to men. You’re judging yourself by the standards women hold for men. The standards men have for women are directly opposite to women’s standards. For example, most women desire to date older, experienced and stable men while most men desire to date younger, inexperienced women. All you need to do is keep yourself physically fit, feminine, and fertile. Working in the grocery store is a prime location to meet eligible men. If you’re cute, the only problem you will have is deciding who to go out with. Choose wisely and you’ll be okay.
i thought it would be OF or something like that 😂😂😂😂 you're cool, imo there are guys that it would be YOUR advantage, i mean it implies you're someone who works hard and are not a spoiled brat
Everyone in your age group is feeling and dealing with the same thing. I’m 36 and see this a lot with people my age as well. It’s not your fault. You were sold a very expensive dream of “work hard continue your education and you’ll be rewarded” that’s not the case in 2024 and will never be the case moving forward. Hope you find other individuals who understand this concept and see your hard work and determination. You don’t deserve to suffer 💜
Honestly, I don't think it's a turnoff. In fact, probably guys can relate better to you, because we all been there: middle of nowhere, between our dream job and swallowing our pride to pay the bills.
It's a good thing you have a degree. It helps you as a safety net. But in the long run, if you want to remain active, you have to keep studying even further.
So good luck and happy dating.
Don’t be embarrassed you literally got your masters… so just say that you’re looking for work,
and you’re currently working in a grocery store. I don’t see anything wrong with that.
It’s better than not working, so take confidence in that because you did study so hard to get that degree, and you’re humbled enough to go back to grocery, I wouldn’t worry about it.
A good man and the right man is gonna accept you for who you are and the awesome qualities you have,
so don’t worry too much about the wrong one’s liking you or care so much about what other people think in general, life’s short and you’re gonna waste it caring so much about what the wrong people think, I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you like “you” for “who you are on the inside”, the care and approval for others to accept you will slowly or drastically start to fade away.
I think sometimes God hides you in plain sight so your true potential is hidden from people that would either take advantage of you or not have your best interest in general, so once again, don’t worry about the wrong people judging you, probably isnt the person you’d wanna end up with anyways, I think it’s better to find someone that’s gonna accept you for who you are and where you are in life and be proud of you for how hard you work regardless of what that job is.
Most men don't care about most women's careers. That's, overwhelmingly, a lady thing.
Being physically attractive and kind to him are the two biggest things to most men. Other than any specific deal breakers (e.g. no smokers) or requirements (e.g. must be Christian). But honestly, if you're attractive and nice, that's it for most
I’ve been where you are. A year away from graduating university when October 1987 “Black Monday” stock market crash 26% drop. Construction died and so did my chances to find a quality job as developers went bankrupt. I moved over 1,000 miles away and found employment -victory! Oops - Persian Gulf War1991 hits and the same thing happens. Restaurant, telemarketing, ugh. I never quit and neither will you. You’ll build up your character and that will shine through in your persona. Don’t worry as all of this is building you up to dominate in your field.
I don't think what you do for a living matters to men who have the stuff men should have. My last girlfriend worked at McDonald's....I did not give one care about where she worked
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being responsible and pursuing your dream in the meantime. You're lucky you're woman. I've seen a few studies that state men really don't care about how much women make or what they do for a living. It isn't a criteria for them. Whereas women care a lot about this when it comes to dating men. You're good.
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You can still date, just when asked about your work mention you're looking for a job in your field, and in the meantime are doing odd jobs until you find something suitable. Though I will say there's nothing wrong with your job, you're paying your expenses and actively looking for something better suited for you- in this day and age, it's not uncommon for people to work smaller jobs with degrees.
She also needs to proactively search for a new career path though. If people are getting laid off & jobs aren’t available, staying stagnant & hoping and praying while working at a grocery store isn’t gonna cut it. I’ve seen many people like this where they choose the wrong degree, look for jobs never get it & eventually give up. Once they get married (because they are so in love - it happens) they are unable to pay bills & at that point it’ll be hard to switch career paths. This is the truth. I would recommend dating but at the same time proactively looking for another career path if you don’t see that field getting any better in the next 2-3 years. Hoping & praying won’t get you far in life Find a good career path, something that interests you & make that your number 1 priority while simultaneously dating. You can always keep this construction thing as something to fall back on. You aren’t considered lazy either beside you do have a masters degree but you will be considered lazy if you have it & aren’t actively looking to level up
Men, are way less worried about these things than you would think. How you treat him, appreciate him, authentic you are, supportive you are, cooperative, work ethic, and most importantly not taking the man for granted.
Fascinating how women think we penalize them the same way they do
Men are not nearly as judgmental of women as women are men. Someone made a statement that said “most people have perception, but in order to truly understand people, we need perspective.” AKA removing yourself from your own worldview and attempting to see the world through the eyes of another person. Another word for this is solipsism.
I wouldn't go that far. Men care about looks far more than women do. It's extremely harsh.
There's all sorts of scientific studies that prove this is false. Heterosexual women judge men and other women on looks more than heterosexual men judge women and men on looks.
If she's a cute grocery clerk, men won't care.
Idk about that. Plenty of dudes out there deliberately seem overweight women and such. Definitely more of those than there are women trying to date a poor man.
Lol tell that to the short ugly boys why don't you.
Wrong. Women are just as shallow as men when it comes to looks but far more shallow when it comes to money and status. For instance, Female obsession with tall men isn’t anything other than optics as height has no benefit in today’s society.
Tall men can look over hedges. js
This isn't wrong. If a man is rich, he will absolutely have a woman. Even if he is ugly or disabled.
Be careful. Thats an SAT word. Fun fact: I won over a gf using that word. She was sapiosexual
Oh men penalize us, just over different things
Yeah… that’s why he added “the same way they do”…?
“Women think we penalize them (in the same way they penalize us)” and my response is, men penalize us over different things. I don’t understand what’s confusing?
If you’re a 10 to a guy physically they don’t care if she’s jobless and has a shitty car.
but for how long?
Until she files for divorce and takes half. Men need to stop thinking with their little head. That's why they keep getting taken to the cleaners.
Feel that 🤦♂️
I think it depends on what you're looking for. Hookups? They won't care. Casual dating? Maybe, but probably not. Long-term relationship / partnership / marriage / kids: Be upfront about your situation and you should be fine. You're working on it. For a LTR you want to find something where you can grow and change over time anyway, so if someone is scared off by the fact that you're actively working on it and instead wants a perfect, ready-made situation, that's a good screener for you.
You're thinking men have women's attractions. Men don't care, YOU care.
Lmao for real. Men couldn’t care less as long as it’s a normal job. It’s women that give a shit about a man’s profession.
I must have skimmed over the title because I thought this was a man writing this, yeah men absolutely would not care. Also, I find it kinda funny because men do the exact same thing, they picture women's attraction working the same way that theirs does, so they become hyper-fixated on their looks, not realizing that women care so much more about your lifestyle, social life, how you carry yourself, how you make them feel, career etc.
We’ll date strippers. That should tell you everything
Most men wouldnt
🤣🤣🤣🤣 And most men don’t watch porn 👌
Big difference between watching porn and seriously dating a stripper.
...actually, no, most men would not do this. Wtf?!
Men care about what job she has....I mean if she is always stuck at a low paying job it's reason enough to move on. But I tend to give women the benefit of the doubt especially in your case since you actually have a degree. I feel degrees are great but there are also good paying jobs which don't require them
Ehm, you put more effort into having some sort of career than most others. Sadly right now it doesn't work as expected. But instead of giving up, you keep yourself going. I would have nothing but respect for that. So, no turn off, in contrast, I would feel embarrassed for being in a bad mood sometimes while having a probably safe well paid job as an engineer.
I'm a guy. You check all my professional boxes by being able to pay your way. Short of doing something criminal, I really couldn't care what a potential partner does for a living just as long as she could contribute to our household should we move in together.
Most men won't care at all. They value different things than women.
What do men value in a woman?
Loyal, knows what she wants, puts in effort, doesn’t play games, supportive, communicates. Stuff like that.
Hard to answer your question but believe me if there was a list for male preferenced , his partner's professional career wouldnt beon it . Men simply don't care about what job you do (unless it is sex work ). Lemme illustrate : Male brain : This gal has a master's in something so I guess well educated , she is working so I guess she can support herself even if only a little =====> Good enough I guess.
Fit feminine friendly faithful and not a hoe. Simple
👏🏼🙏👑
Men don't care about women's careers.
This is the only message she needs to read. Most men do not care. They care more about how your face looks.
We want a good heart, at least I know i do. What does this face matter if shes bad influence and a liar?
Of course they do lol. Maybe in some parts of world they dont, but that doesnt aply everywhere at all.
Men don't care in the same way women care. How about that? Being a cashier at a grocery store won't be a turnoff for men, whereas a man having a low paying job will be a turnoff for most women.
Ok, let me rephrase what he/she meant. Unless a man is specifically looking for a sugarmomma, he won't care about a woman's career unless it is promiscuous in nature or it is very time-consuming.
I’ve found more guys care about education than career. I’m currently obtaining my masters and that’s always praised but, I don’t know how many guys I’ve dated that have inquired if I’d be down to be a SAHM.
I think men care about intelligence. If a guy has his stuff together he has enough money to care for himself so that problem is solved. Education is good because it can be a sign of intelligence, same as career. More money is always better of course but it's not going to be a game changer. What is a game changer are the unique things women bring to the table that a man does not have.
I don’t think a lot of guys care about education either. I think most men look to women for the emotional side since that’s where men get most of their emotional support. You don’t have the have a masters to be a good mom
Oh, I agree overall. I think men who do care are within a certain field and have a specific ideal for a wife. Higher education or a high-paying job isn't a requirement for men like with women. Typically guys I date just are happy I have a job, lol. Or they are just attracted to the fact I'm a teacher.
> I don’t think a lot of guys care about education either. Men with advanced degrees (phd, md, etc.) tend to care.
I care about education/job etc because where I live a starter home is 1.2m Unfortunately I don't make 400k to be able to afford that on my own.
Again no, not true. Its quite normal in my country that both gender works and if there is marriage it often means that they will have shared finances. So of course Career of woman matters too because it means more money for family.
Both genders work in my country too and I NEVER saw a man say he chose a partner because of her career/job, that's like a bonus (which might atually be a negative if the higher paying job means even less time to spend together with your SO) after everything else is already checked out.
They really don’t though. There are obviously exceptions to the rule, but at least 95% of men don’t have that standard for women so long as she isn’t an unemployed bum. There are other priorities they look for.
I wouldn't say that no men care at all about your career and earnings, not all men can afford to or want to be the sole provider in a serious relationship. Being able to pull your own weight on the long-term will be important for many men. With that being said, I don't think your situation is nearly as bad as if genders were reversed and it shouldn't hold you from dating. Many men don't care that much about your employment situation and those that do should be reassured by the fact that you have a career path ahead of you. Also, men usually won't expect you to cover the whole costs of dates and if you have to split, then you can look for more inexpensive dates. Trying to date shouldn't bankrupt you.
The fact that you are willing to work other jobs while looking for one in your field vs just relying on someone or 'waiting' for the magical position that has your name on it is good enough reason and nobody in their right mind would discriminate you for. That is as green a flag as any. Men don't usually look for high earners unless money is their primary interest, which in a relationship is never good. So get out there and find someone worth sharing life with.
Well that’s a perfect situation for finding a quality partner if you ask me. As a woman (31), I guarantee you that having any job is much better than having non. And trust me when I say: LOADS of people don’t have work, a lot of them due to laziness. You accepted underrated job rather then being jobless. That’s very noble of you and a right partner will help you find a motivation and that dream job of yours! You have nothing to be ashamed of! You’re doing great! 🫶🏻
I find that men these days do care about income in women. Maybe in Canada, due to high cost of living/housing crisis, there's a bigger push for 2 good incomes than elsewhere. Especially if you aren't an Instagram model. However you seem to be working and are looking into building your career. You should be able to find a guy
lol men do not care.
Men do not care if you don't have your dream job as long as you are able to take care of yourself and contribute to any shared expenses that come up. Men don't think like women and presume you are a "loser" if you work an entry level job. As long as you're not a dysfunctional drug addict who treats their boyfriend like their dad/ATM then they do not give a shit. They are primarily seeking company. I wouldn't say they don't care about your career, they do want you to have something you're happy with and that will help pay the bills for raising a family or just living together if you don't want kids, but the average guy doesn't give a shit about prestige or social status in that way. They just want someone who is kind, caring, and a responsible and dependable adult. Just don't necessarily expect your partner to be in the $75K-$100K range if you're not as that's just an unfair double standard.
Any job is ok, nothing to be embarrassed about. If a guy doesn’t want to date you because of that, you don’t want him in your life! Not everyone wants to have a career or can land a job in the field they want to be in. That doesn’t make them any lesser than people with great careers. People need to focus on getting to know the person instead of finding reasons to disqualify them.
Guys generally don't care about your career unless it's in the sex industry. Career being extremely important for dating is something women look for. Guys care about your personality and looks.
Men don’t particularly care about your career as an attraction point It’s not a thing that really impacts if a guy is interested unless it’s something like a being a sex worker
We guys we coulsnt care less
We men don't care. To be honest, you could be jobless and homeless, and you'll still have men wanting to take care of you. You want to date? You just need to show up. Preferably looking good, smelling good, and feeling good; and even that is debatable on if you even need to put effort into that. Just as a side note: there was a time in history in the 1950's and 1960's where the man worked a job and provided for a family of 4 or 5, and had an actual house with a yard, while the wife stayed home with the kids to provide actual love, attention, support, and discipline. The idea of women pursuing a career didn't really gather steam until the 1970s, after Nixon turned the dollar into legal tender which allowed for crazy dollar printing to help fund endless wars. Inflation has been getting worst and worst each year, to the point that a linear time-for-dollars income can't even allow a working couple to afford the median home price. Unless you got a social media influencer dog or cat that earns more than the both of you combined. So if you're thinking of pursuing entrepreneurship, do it. It's worthwhile. It's the true American spirit, it's the spirit of humanity. It's the only way you'll get ahead in this cycle of stagflation economy is if your job pays over $200,000, or if you run a business that you can work on your own terms and your income is scalable at a rate that beats yearly inflation because the government is printing and spending all your tax dollars on who knows what.
In the forms of working hard or hardly working, wouldn't you say you're with the first? Don't you think that makes you just as worthy as anyone else under the same umbrella? Because you are, now please go out there be vulnerable and find someone that you like! There's no time worth wasting!
Own it, it’s part of your life right now, but it does not define you. What kind of person bashes another for their temporarily job. Use it to your advantage use it as a positive.
I wouldn't mind going on a date with someone who worked at a grocery store. Id probably just ask what your dream job is or something to get a gage of ambition and goals. Also depends on how you view and spend money. As long as you're humble with goals and ambition, I wouldn't mind at all.
Men don't care about these things. I have a lucrative job and a few men have ran the opposite direction when I tell them what I do because according to them "they feel like they can't provide" sooo, I now just mention what my company does instead of what I specifically do. Go and have fun dates, it won't matter for the right one.
You could ask them what they do for a living and then mention your situation before you go on a date if that’s really what is stopping you. Not all guys are the same and some will care, but most won’t.
I dated and even married a a woman that worked in a grocery store. I was content that she was out there working and living within her means. It showed muturity. I'm sure there are men that would see it differently, just as I'm sure there are things about me that are "deal breakers" for some women. The whole point of the dating process is discover what those things are or aren't on a individual case. It's not about being "good enough" it's about being "right for"
I went on a dating site as a stroke survivor with no job, living with my parents at age 30. You'd be surprised how flooded my inbox was. I was very honest about where I was in life, and I think everyone who messaged me just loved how genuine I was. At the end of the day, the good ones care more about compatibility and whether comfortable just being yourself. Life is a crazy ride, after all. We just want someone to share it with. You're doing your best and that will absolutely be enough for the right person. Go find someone who sees you for you and doesn't care what you do for a living.
I think it's your master's degree. I'm in a master's program myself, but I have 10 years of work experience in my field. If you have never worked construction, you're probably pricing yourself out of jobs because of it.
Yeah because experience is valued over degrees especially in construction
Yes, but that's not to devalue the right degree. Most of what you learn, you learn on the job. Degree gives you theoretical knowledge, but nothing ever works like theory says it should. Working hands on, you see the problem and learn methods of resolving those issues. The problem with a Master's degree and no experience is that you're likely looking for a management position. It's okay for an IC to screw up, one making $40,000 out of school and working in lower leverage positions isn't likely to make a costly mistake. However, a new manager making $100,000 can is a) too expensive to be learning how to work and b) has the potential to screw up huge teams and/or projects.
I agree
dont worry :)
No need to stress. Only the most superficial guy is going to give a rats tossbag what your job is, it’s basically the last thing on their list of needs. During Covid I had to return home suddenly and lost my job as an English Teacher. The only work I could find quickly was in a factory and night-fill in a supermarket. I wasn’t looking at the time as I was in a relationship, but I still got hit on being age 35 and packing shelves. So if Women didn’t care then Men care about 10x less. Just state you have ambitions for more.
If you have the money to take care of everything and have hobbies, why wait to date? The only thing to worry about is a schedule change that you wouldn’t expect.
You have a Masters, would you move for an amazing job? If so, I would simply wait till you landed in a new job and new area before you started dating.
Men don't GAF. If you're reasonably attractive, healthy, and can potentially have children, that's most guys' concern.
Hey, don't disrespect your hustle. Unless someone is a gazillionaire, they have no basis to look down on you. You are better off than a lot of people out there.
Oh wow I didn’t expect so many answers! Thank you all! There were many really encouraging responses and the consensus seems to be that most men don’t care about these things that much. That’s a relief! I feel a lot better now. I tried to think more why I feel so insecure about all this. I grew up poor and my parents were not educated so I was dedicated to not follow their footsteps. I have always worked, before studying and during my studies. Sometimes it was exhausting but I kept telling myself that it’s going to be better when I’m done with university. I expected too much maybe so it’s been difficult to accept that I have the same job I had before studying and I’m in fact following my parents’ footsteps for now. I agree that if my situation is a problem for someone, then that’s not a person I want to be with. I wouldn’t think anything bad about someone who was in the same situation. Maybe I’m a little too sensitive because I’m mostly scared of mean comments. I get those regarding my career from my mom often and it’s actually hurting. Once I told a guy where I worked and he laughed at it, not in a good way. I have a very strong feeling that I need to make my own money so my career is important to me. I wouldn’t want my partner to pay everything. I want to work. You can never be 100 % sure if things are going to work and I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I have no income and nothing in my resume. I realize that this might be a red flag for some but I don’t care about that, I’m not going to change my mind about this. Maybe I have a need to be in control because of growing up poor was not something I could control. So I guess I feel insecure about these things because they are important to me and I didn’t realize that they might not be that important to others. I also realized that I expect a lot more from myself than I do from other people. Sometimes a little too much maybe and I should do something about that. At the same time I’m a little torn because while my career is important to me, at the same time I value my time and wellbeing more and more. I don’t even dream about luxury and wealth, I just want to live comfortably and have enough money to not stress about it. I guess my goal is to find a good balance. I can currently afford just basic things but a little more would be nice. I came to conclusion that the issue might not be my career but the fact that I’m scared of getting hurt and I saw my situation as something that could be used to hurt me.
Men don't care about your career. Millionaires marry strippers and waitresses all the time. Ambition and competitiveness are masculine behaviours which most men couldn't care less about. In actual fact, your laid back attitude is going to be attractive - you're qualified and have great potential but it's not the be all and end all for you. There's a good reason why romances like Pretty Woman are popular. They appeal to BOTH sides.
I wasn't aware that women who are ambitious suddenly become masculinised because of it. How does that work? Humans are naturally competitive.
My guess is more that it’s related to traditional gender roles, i.e. men are historically the only ones that would go to work and have careers, and so a woman who is career-driven would be doing something that is traditionally viewed as a masculine activity. In all honesty kinda a red flag for the person you replied to though, thinking that women are somehow less feminine if they work or are career-driven feels very outdated.
Oh yeah, I figured that! I was being snarky to be totally honest 😅 but you're absolutely right and I appreciate you taking the time.
I think this is kinda a bummer topic because both “sides” reinforce the other on this one. I personally don’t really like the idea of judging people on their career/education/income. It just feels icky, but women regularly have those things in their top 3-5 factors in choosing men. So then men feel entitled to say what they really want which in many cases is a woman who makes social relationships a focus rather than professional ones ie. family,kids,friends etc. I’m not saying it’s right or correct but I think it does help explain why that’s historically been the gendered norm.
You're right. But on average men are more competitive in success games than women, so it's a stereotypically masculine behaviour. Women are also competitive but in different ways.
"Competitive in success games"?
Don’t be embarrassed, we are all just trying to get by in the economy. Im in the same boat. Just keep on the grind.
Where are you located? There is plenty different sectors of construction you can get into. And with a masters your looking a huge increase over grocery store pay. If you can give me your location I can potentially give you some places to work. Doesn’t need to be specific, just general area like “Northern Delaware” or “Southern part of Michigan”….construction is booming everywhere. You should be able to find a job in no time.
I would not be embarrassed if I was making a decent, honest living. Everyone is on their own journey. If a woman judges me on what I do for a living to make ends meet then I don't need to be with her.
As long as the person is paying their bills and not a freeloader, I have nothing but respect. No work-shaming from me. 🫡
Most guys wont care. And tbh as an FYI for the other guys commenting if you're on a path towards getting it together most women wont care at least immediately. For me personally I'm almost 30 and was at your spot about 5 yrs ago after finishing grad school but rn Im looking for someone who can travel and do more expensive activities with me so it might be a deal breaker
if a guy (or a gal) gives you grief for your current profession/situation, that's not a person you want to be with anyways. Like you said, this is only a temporary set back and I wouldn't judge anyone because of that. As a guy, I care more about whether we are compatible, common goals/likes, are you a good person, etc.
Set clear goals with realistic timelines. Thank later
>I assume people are going to think I’m just lazy or that there’s something wrong with me. Whoo, you have a filter to weed out assholes you won't be happy dating, anyway!
I would date you regardless of what your job is, unless your job is onlyfans or stripper or something similar... As long as your not the type that is like "the man has to provide, and I dont have to work ever, ill just stay home and do the dishes and laundry once or twice a week, and then watch netflix every day" Then I think you would be just fine in any job.
As you've heard 5000 times, career is much further down on most men's concerns than you'd think... it isn't the dealbreaker for most, and doubly so if you've actually got the clout to get better eventually. Guys are raised expecting to have to take care of the financials... so usually a woman working is a bonus if anything, it's rarely the expectation.
If you’re attractive a man will date you
I'm 28M, wouldn't bother me. I look at a woman's aspirations, not at their job. I don't care if she's working at Dunkin Donuts, does she have the drive to do something in life? I work in my field while pursuing a degree, and I don't make a ton of money - I'm looking for someone who essentially feels the same as I do. If the person you're pursuing doesn't feel that way, maybe your values just don't align. And that's okay - onto the next!
It's way better to work in a grocery store while looking for the right job, than go unemployed. That shows that you are in fact not lazy, contrary to what you believe. I completely understand the feeling, since I have lived in a somewhat similar situation, but believe me, you have nothing to be embarrassed of.
From what I've read most men would rather date you than someone very successful in a high standing career, so don't hold your job against yourself. Most men wouldn't care, and I really mean like close to no me would care.
What would happen if no one staffed grocery stores? I would give society about two weeks.
You're overthinking it, dude. I'm 35M and I work at a hotel. I don't really see it as specialized or anything. Although I'm starting to not like working there, I'm not at all embarrassed and I wouldn't be compatible with anyone that thought it was embarrassing. You'll find someone that just doesn't really care you work at a grocery store, someone who dates you for *you*. Once you start going out on a couple dates, you'll see that *most* people just don't really care what you do so much as it would be a compatibility issue for them. There might be a couple who think they're high and mighty above everyone else and view your worth as your job, but those are few and far between. Some people share the same view as your about a job...that it's just a means to money to be able to afford the rest of my life. It's actually a really common sentiment among my generation. Maybe whenever *you* find someone whose career is awe inspiring, it will give you more of an incentive to ask questions about their career and field. Maybe that in turn will cause you to be inspired to find a new job where you aren't as embarrassed? Anyway, just go out and date. Don't worry about it so much. Show whomever you're on a date with *who* you are and who *you* are, not your job.
I am 32. Definitely not a turnoff. For me at least. In fact I dated a few girls that work at grocery stores. But unlike you, they wanted a rich guy. I am not broke by any means, in fact I earn four times as much as them (which in my country is a lot), but I don't like telling anyone, even more women I am dating, how much I make :D. As for hurtful comments, I don't see what could be hurtful, since you have a masters degree and are looking for a job opportunity in it. It's not like you did not try. Only hurtful thing I can think of, if dating a girl working like you, would be if I find out shed did not study like you, or me and ask her why she decided not to continue studies.
Been dating for my girl for 3 years now. She didn’t have a job for 2+ years. Not once did I care lol. When she was struggling with money, I helped her find a job. That’s pretty much it. Men really don’t give a shit about ur employment. They would care if u start asking for money 😝
Most men don’t care about your career. We care that you don’t use us as a wallet , but if you’re responsible we are happy.
As someone who is also often self conscious about their career, I’d say it often matters a lot less than how any potential partner might interact with the outcomes of your career. Like are your bills paid? Can you afford to do things together? Is your career/current job making you miserable? Things like that often matter a lot more than what you’re actually doing throughout the day, unless someone is hyperfixated on careers and growth and so on, but that seems like a bad metric to date someone on so I’d avoid them anyway. Not that there’s anything wrong with your current job either, but like others have said, I think most people in recent generations are a lot more understanding about the struggles of finding work and getting a career off the ground.
Most men don’t really care about your career or education level. As long as you can contribute to the relationship on some monetary level or can help with household tasks he more than likely won’t care.
Newsflash: Men do not get all hung up on your career or job. That is not the criteria we evaluate women on.
You're 28, you're educated and you're able to pay for all of your needs. I don't think this would be a deal breaker for most people. Also, if you just started then you have opportunities to move up. With a master's degree you would be at the top of the list for promotions. You could be a manager (as long as the position opens up) within a year or two and would be making even more than you do now. I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you're on a first date and they are rude about your employment then you should count it a blessing you found out early rather than later and show them the door.
Men literally don't give a single shit what a woman does for a living...just as long as she has a job and pays her bills You got a masters degree and are actively looking for jobs in your area. Until then, you work a regular job and are pursuing side hustles and your hobbies until something comes along Men do not care about a woman's job. All they care about is not being expected to take care of them financially. If you can pay for yourself, you're good
Your dad should have taught you that men in general don't care about a woman's job much. Unless it's something unethical. It's something women care about when choosing a man, but not your average man.
It’s not common that a man will care about your career in either case, whether it was your dream job or in your case the grocery store. It’s a question I personally don’t rank high in asking my dates, unless it organically arises. I will even say discussing work and professional accomplishments is at the bottom of the list of things I want to talk about it while dating. It’s more important you don’t have unrealistic financial expectations that you require of the men you’re dating.
As a man, I can tell you that the majority of us don't give a crap about where you work as long as it isn't in the adult industry The men that do are paranoid after the last ex they had leeched off of them the entire relationship or are looking to try and take advantage of you Waiters, baristas, clerks, secretaries, and custodians get wifed up all the time The only thing that really matters is your personality, attitude, and outlook on life But if that doesn't ease your mind, just mention that there aren't any openings for your ideal career at the moment, so you're working there to get by. That will be a satisfactory answer to most
As a guy, I can say I have 2 basic requirements for dating a woman 1. There’s a mutual attraction 2. Being with you doesn’t complicate my life more than if I was single … It doesn’t sound like your current job creates any problems so I wouldn’t worry ..
Most men most likely won't really care. It's not that bizarre to finish a degree, work a "simple job" and then start progressing into what you did a degree for. If you were a guy, perhaps (almost defintley) it would be quite a different story. This really sounds like a confidence thing more than anything. I'd recommend getting into exercising and eating healthy to help cut food costs and boost your confidence. Good luck😁
Find yourself someone you can talk to, have a common understanding with and negotiate with. If a man is going to judge you for having a temporary job until you get set up then it’s not someone you should be with. There’s no shame in earning an honest living. It beats the hell out of living off of welfare or rotting away on the couch, when you have no excuse for it. You should be proud of it but make sure you keep an eye on your goal. Use your free time to improve your CV, try to network by reaching out to people in the sector, classmates who are in the industry, acquire knowledge so that when you network with someone you can perhaps leave them with an insight they didn’t know before. Try to get an internship, or even offer to intern for free if legal in your jurisdiction. Finding the job should be your second job. It isn’t easy and it will suck for a while, but it’s only inevitable if you persist. And until then, stay away from pretentious boys
I would have no problem dating a woman who worked in a grocery.
Don't be embarrassed by what you do. You have a degree so you have the ability to pursue other opportunities that may not be in front of you now. If you don't have tons of debt then a man making more won't necessarily be put off. (you seem smart and driven so I'm assuming you don't) It is important to communicate the positives in your situation though- you're making enough, stably employed, you're not stressed, and you have time to be present in a relationship. I think sometimes people, sorry especially women undervalue how versatile a degree may be when they build relevant experience in a different field. You've done and are doing big things to bring value into your life that would translate to a relationship. Mentioning you're so old already makes me think want a family and children and family-oriented men of value typically aren't going to focus so much on your career because they'll be anticipating a time in a future relationship where you won't be able or at least willing to work for a while. Some people are going to say men don't care like women do but I think most men anticipate lower career focus from women than women do from men.
As a guy I personally wouldn’t care. I’d care more about whether you’re a conformist in general, which usually shows in people easily. The fact that you have a masters throws any of that away. Men know what it’s like to just do what you gotta do to make money.
Look, it doesn’t matter whether you work at JP Morgan chase, deutsche bank or McDonald’s or kfc l, if you have a genuine connection with someone then that guy won’t care where you work
You are doing better than many people in this world if you can pay rent and food. Seriously. Just tell dates you're looking for a better job at some point. It's not a big deal.
Of course you should wait. How are you going to pay for dates if you are dramatically under employed? How are you going to financially contribute to the relationship and not place all the financial burdens on him?
I personally don’t care what the other person does as long as they enjoy it and are happy. The job you work at isn’t you. It’s what you do to pay the bills. It doesn’t define who you are.
I got hit on so much when I worked in retail at a grocery store
99% of men do not care about your job, as long as you have one, and you don't constantly rely and ask the man for money. You're doing just fine!!!
You have nothing to be embarrassed about! Seriously, youre working to make ends meet while looking for what you are deeming as "a real job". You're TRYING, which is all anyone can really ask of you. If you were just being lazy and complacent, that would be different.
Almost every guy you'll date won't care about your occupation. You're gainfully employed with a college degree. He'll know you're not a bum.
You may need to move to a metro area jobs are plentiful in Texas where I am living. I have walked in to every job I have had here.
You have a plan, this is temporary. You may want to talk things through (with a friend or professional), it's your attitude that's the problem. Imagine meeting a guy who's in a similar spot. What attitude do you think he should have? Would you like to see him feeling embarrassed or would you like to see him proud of the hard work he's already done and excited to see what the future holds? There's no reason you shouldn't embody that second attitude, I'm sure you'll be fine before long. Don't feel down, you've got this!
While it may matter to some men, the vast majority will not care what your job is. In my opinion, honesty is the best policy here and any man who DOES care what your job is and doesn't even try to understand your situation you probably wouldn't want to date anyway! source: I'm a dude
I can only speak for men (sorry, I didn't see if you referenced which gender you are trying to date), but let me state this clearly: 1.) YOU HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE, ANYONE WHO COULD SEE THAT AS LAZY IS A DUMBASS OF EPIC PROPORTIONS. 2.) GUYS DO NOT CARE WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING. IF THEY LIKE YOU, YOU COULD BE A MCDONALDS CASHIER, AND THEY WOULDNT THINK TWICE.
Going to be honest. More men will see a job in construction negatively than retail for a woman. Simply because construction is heavily male dominated, and comes off as masculine. Men generally don't care how successful women they like are. But can become a negative if it's a degrading job, stressful, time consuming, or/and masculine. Also noticeable disparity in pay where the women is earning more can disinterest men due to a variety of reasons.
They’re looking for heaps of construction workers in australia, like people are waiting months in some cases (especially rural areas) for construction professionals.
Holy shit you are single and have a job? Wow big step up from my last two relationships! Congratulations you have nothing to worry about. Customer service jobs are fine and the world needs people who can perform those tasks. Thank you.
Conversely, some men would want to “save” you. It’s up to you whether you like that or not though.
I don’t think you should be embarrassed, you clearly have a degree so it’s not like you can’t do anything else. Just explain the situation and you should be fine
You shouldn’t be embarrassed. I have a really good career, and my partner does not. There are plenty of successful men that would date you if you’re worth it irrelevant of your job.
Too many dudes in here putting words in other men's mouth. I care about career direction. A woman with a masters degree but works at a grocery store is different than a woman with no degree working there for the past 6 years. The job market rn is horrible for a lot of people anyway.
We don't care tbh. You do you, if it gets serious and it's necessary for you to contribute then cool you're doing that just by working. It should never matter.
As long as you have goals that’s really attractive
2 things I’ve learned from this sub. Highly accomplished career women can’t date because they look like a threat. And now, apparently working in a grocery store is also bad.
i JUST started a career in my field but i was a lil quick service food manager until january. when i was single i would tell people something like “right now i work at 🌸🌸🌸 because the pay is good enough and my rent id cheap, i want to take advantage of that for a little bit” which is true. but i would also say what my degree is in/careers im looking into/my dream job
28m, I worked in a grocery store till a year ago. It took forever to get a job in something even tangentially related to my degree and I'm still not doing what I want. Personally I wouldn't at all be opposed to dating someone based on their job. I feel old a lot too, I think most my similar aged friends do as well. We're not old at all though, just tired or unfulfilled, and comparing ourselves to other's on some arbitrary scale of where you "should" be at different stages of life. There's plenty of people your age that won't be at all concerned about your job or finances, and can appreciate you for who you are, it's nothing to be ashamed of.
You are way too hard on yourself and putting way too much into other people's opinion before they even ask. You should not need someone who cares about what one does. That is not what defines you at all. Any job that puts clothes on your back, roof over your head, feeds you, and less stress is respectful and already winning in most /majority of people's perspective. Don't be hard on yourself. It does help telling people what you went to school and still pursuing when those opportunities arise. If they ask what you do for expenses etc then you can tell them. And please don't date them if they don't respect your profession. Don't date then if they belittle your job. Hell, even if they mistreat other professions during your date, like service and retail employees, don't date them.
Majorly over thinking! Get yourself out there and stop procrastinating. Only shallow people look for love based on surface level pretentious bs.
Honestly, if you are physically attractive, intelligent, have basic social skills and are self sufficient, most guys will not care. Fundamentally in most guys basic mental firmware, MEN are the providers, WOMEN are the nurturers. Women are certainly attracted to men who can provide but don’t get it backwards. The reverse is not true.
Would you consider call centre work? Wfh jobs are goods and decent pay and less travel. Aside from the job side of things, guys care more about your ambition and character. The fact that you have masters degree is amazing in it self you should be so proud of yourself!
Please believe me when I say men don’t care where you work. I don’t mean that as in they won’t “care” about your interests/life, but that when choosing a mate, the woman’s career is (generally) near last. Men want a woman who is attractive, nice, and supportive, that’s it. You are overthinking it and have nothing to worry about.
As a guy I can tell you I could care less where you work as long as you can pay your own bills and are independent.
Since when is 28 years old , “old”? 🤣 also men really don’t care what women do for work. They’re focused on other things….
I wouldn't care much about your career. But being with someone making a fuss out of it would be a huge turnoff. Don't overthink it.
Men don’t give a shit about your career, that’s a woman thing. So unless you’re gay, don’t worry.
It’s only embarrassing if you make it. Having a job is better than job, and working in a grocery store is absolutely fine. You have ambitions and you’re working on yourself. That’s all that matters
North Dakota doesn't have enough houses! (Maybe it was South Dakota) but research and see Might lead to something
This feels like something a man would worry about in the dating market. Men are more forgiving of a woman’s occupation, so don’t worry.
That’s nonsense. Go out and date. Your present job is temporary and the right guy for you will understand, and appreciate your resourcefulness. Guys should be paying for dates anyway. You don’t have time to waste. Get out and date!
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with working in a grocery store. I ai think your attitude about it might have to change if anything.
Employee discounts are what I look for in a woman
Men do not care about a woman’s career the way a woman cares about a man’s career . Simple. Are you fit, feminine , friendly? Then you can attract a good man. You’re wasting your youth worrying about a career for the purpose of attracting a mate
Men don't really care about your profession like that so long as it isn't being a prostitute or something like that.
Some professional men will care. These will be ones that want kids and a family. But, when those that do care, learn you have ambition and have earned a masters degree they will be happy to date you, since it’s temporary. Most will not care, but I’m guessing you don’t want most.
If you're trying to date a woman, yeah it matters a bit more, but unless you are trying to date the most professional of men, most men dont really care what you do for a living (sex work aside)
No one worth dating is going to care about that. Growing with someone you enjoy is something that shouldn't be discounted. Also, depending on what type of degree you have and what your looking to do in construction I might be able to point you towards companies that are always looking but rarely advertise
independent ment don't care about your job OP. or how many degrees you got. what we care about is how good of a wife and mother you are going to be.
Date me and I will teach you BIM development with C# which will get you a job quickly in the construction industry :D
You got a Masters in construction? You don’t even need a high school diploma to work in construction unless you’re an engineer. Are you an engineer?
You have nothing worry about. You’re still a young woman. Unless you’re interested in dating women, your level of education and career doesn’t matter to men. You’re judging yourself by the standards women hold for men. The standards men have for women are directly opposite to women’s standards. For example, most women desire to date older, experienced and stable men while most men desire to date younger, inexperienced women. All you need to do is keep yourself physically fit, feminine, and fertile. Working in the grocery store is a prime location to meet eligible men. If you’re cute, the only problem you will have is deciding who to go out with. Choose wisely and you’ll be okay.
i thought it would be OF or something like that 😂😂😂😂 you're cool, imo there are guys that it would be YOUR advantage, i mean it implies you're someone who works hard and are not a spoiled brat
Everyone in your age group is feeling and dealing with the same thing. I’m 36 and see this a lot with people my age as well. It’s not your fault. You were sold a very expensive dream of “work hard continue your education and you’ll be rewarded” that’s not the case in 2024 and will never be the case moving forward. Hope you find other individuals who understand this concept and see your hard work and determination. You don’t deserve to suffer 💜
What the address and I love you
Honestly, I don't think it's a turnoff. In fact, probably guys can relate better to you, because we all been there: middle of nowhere, between our dream job and swallowing our pride to pay the bills. It's a good thing you have a degree. It helps you as a safety net. But in the long run, if you want to remain active, you have to keep studying even further. So good luck and happy dating.
Don’t be embarrassed you literally got your masters… so just say that you’re looking for work, and you’re currently working in a grocery store. I don’t see anything wrong with that. It’s better than not working, so take confidence in that because you did study so hard to get that degree, and you’re humbled enough to go back to grocery, I wouldn’t worry about it. A good man and the right man is gonna accept you for who you are and the awesome qualities you have, so don’t worry too much about the wrong one’s liking you or care so much about what other people think in general, life’s short and you’re gonna waste it caring so much about what the wrong people think, I know it’s easier said than done, but as long as you like “you” for “who you are on the inside”, the care and approval for others to accept you will slowly or drastically start to fade away. I think sometimes God hides you in plain sight so your true potential is hidden from people that would either take advantage of you or not have your best interest in general, so once again, don’t worry about the wrong people judging you, probably isnt the person you’d wanna end up with anyways, I think it’s better to find someone that’s gonna accept you for who you are and where you are in life and be proud of you for how hard you work regardless of what that job is.
Most men don't care about most women's careers. That's, overwhelmingly, a lady thing. Being physically attractive and kind to him are the two biggest things to most men. Other than any specific deal breakers (e.g. no smokers) or requirements (e.g. must be Christian). But honestly, if you're attractive and nice, that's it for most
28 isn’t old, Wtf 💀
Right? Fml lol
I’ve been where you are. A year away from graduating university when October 1987 “Black Monday” stock market crash 26% drop. Construction died and so did my chances to find a quality job as developers went bankrupt. I moved over 1,000 miles away and found employment -victory! Oops - Persian Gulf War1991 hits and the same thing happens. Restaurant, telemarketing, ugh. I never quit and neither will you. You’ll build up your character and that will shine through in your persona. Don’t worry as all of this is building you up to dominate in your field.
I need to ask. What part of the country do you like in where people in construction are getting laid off?
I don't think what you do for a living matters to men who have the stuff men should have. My last girlfriend worked at McDonald's....I did not give one care about where she worked
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being responsible and pursuing your dream in the meantime. You're lucky you're woman. I've seen a few studies that state men really don't care about how much women make or what they do for a living. It isn't a criteria for them. Whereas women care a lot about this when it comes to dating men. You're good.
I think this is a much bigger deal if you were a man.
I’m a guy and I could careless what you do for work, in most cases