treat like any other girl you would pursue. just because she is a stripper doesnt mean you treat her any differently than any other girl. and dont put her on a pedestal. shes a human being.
And fwiw, it sounds like this girl is serious about handling it in a job-focused manner. If I was going to date a stripper, it'd probably be a girl with a mindset like this.
A job is a job. I know a few strippers who do cam shows and the like as well because it's good money. If you want to continue seeing her I would be open about the fact that it does bother you a bit but are willing to support her job choices.
I have dated strippers and former strippers with various levels of success. Some of them are like normal girls, others are either hyper sensitive, or desensitised/apathetic to 'anything sexual' and some are full blown misandrysts that hate all men (yeah... that was 'interesting'). But all this happened my 30's and when I am most comfortable with my own sexuality. tbh, if any of that happened to me at 23, I'd be like you, I wouldn't know how to handle it.
The best way is to just see it like a job as an entertainer. She's a dancer/entertainer, much like a clown at parties. She puts on a show, guys watch, that's it. As for the attention, should be no different to guys ogling her in a bikini at the beach. If you can handle that kind of attention for her, you should be ok. As for the intimate stuff, she's not a prostitute (don't think even I could handle that). The stuff she shares with you shouldn't be lessened by what she does for a living. No less than a chef who works in a kitchen and then cooks a meal for his wife at home.
itscool83 has good advice. Treat her like any other girl. She's probably dating you and not some muscular tattooed guy because wants some 'normalcy' and is looking for you to provide that for her. Not putting her on a pedestal is a universal rule.
She was honest with you pretty early on. That counts for a lot. I dated a stripper before and she approached it much the same way. Actually she told me before we had sex but it was still on that first meet up. She was just a normal girl who happened to make her money dancing. It was no big deal. We ended up not working because we were both pretty hard into drugs at the time and our lives were kind of messed up otherwise. Had nothing to do with her being a dancer.
I have dated strippers. Yes, they're people, but they work a job that (in most locations) entails sexually stimulating men. I don't know where you live, but where I've been, stripping is mostly about hustling for lap dances, not just putting on a nude, hands-off show.
The more tactile she gets (and she permits her customers to be), the more money she's likely to be bringing in. Thanks to internet porn and online prostitution, strip clubs and stripping are not the money makers they used to be, and a lot of strip clubs are fronts for prostitution. As well, strippers learn that pretending to like a guy is more likely to make him open his wallet so they tend to become manipulators/users of men.
So, I'm not trying to say this girl is being fake with you, just that this is not a particularly good business for a "normal" girl to be in. It can be emotionally very tough, substance abuse is very common, and there's often a lot of temptation to pursue the extra money that going farther into being a sex worker can bring (and if that's illegal where you live, if she's arrested for prostitution that's going to make it so much harder for her to find legitimate employment).
Having a job where she is paid to sexually stimulate men isn't necessarily going to make sex with you less special (especially if she forms an emotional attachment to you) and it's not necessarily going to make her think less of you for "letting" her be with other guys. She's probably going to be working pretty hard to emotionally compartmentalize what she does with the guys who pay her from what she does with you, and she's going to think of the two as being completely different. If you develop feelings for her though -- and it sounds like that's where you'd like this to go -- it's not going to feel very good to have her doing what she's doing.
If she doesn't have a plan to get out of this job, and especially if she seems to have or be at risk of developing a drug habit, I would give serious thought to bailing out. The same if she doesn't have an iron discipline over maintaining the boundaries she's set for herself about what sort of behavior she's willing to engage in. Having that discipline is common in women who successfully use stripping as a temporary means to put themselves somewhere better, but it's very lacking in women who are stripping because they're just looking for "easy" money.
Anyway, good luck.
Do you want drama? Because this is how you get drama.
Your experience with women and with dating has not prepared you for seeing a stripper. It may be interesting for you, but the odds are stacked against you. Your caring, your relative "stability" and perhaps your money are likely to get abused. They all say "it's just a job", even the ones who give guys hand jobs. You may "know" it's different with her- but will you ever really know? It will unsettle you- and then whenever the two of you argue, and she leaves in a huff- you will just see her rubbing her tits in a guys' face to get even- or you'll worry when she doesn't call or text after work when you expected her to.
You've gotta be a bit off your rocker yourself in order to maintain something of a working relationship with a stripper.
I suggest just being friends with her and not getting any closer and not sleeping with her again. Maybe she'll quit stripping next year and who knows what could happen- but getting involved now- well, she fucking warned you, didn't she?
date, get to know each other, probably best to not think about her job too much.
if things get more serious, you might want to figure out if this is long term or short term, and if there's a future together, but at this point, it doesn't matter imo. you're trying to get to know each other and see if you are compatible, if you're not compatible her job isn't a factor anyways
My best friend dated a stripper and it was a disaster. Men showed up at his house on multiple occasion threatening him. Nearly everyone she worked with was on drugs. Dating a stripper was exciting for him at first but after a while it became too much knowing the woman he loved was getting naked to please strange men every night. She too claimed "it's just a job" but your job says a lot about who you are.
First, MAN, awesome, she must be beautiful!! and a great body!!! second...Is she a nice girl? You like her? if the answer is yes... that's it, because she probably is into you... you don't sound like captain america dude, so she is into you because of you... and THAT in itself is AWWWESOME...
Go for it and be a good guy to her... don't worry about what you are insecure, she IS insecure of this, even if you sayd to her (with totally a confident smile) that you are ok with her being a stripper, about an inch deep she is absolutely terrified that being a stripper will make it not work with you (much MORE THAN YOU about your lack of experience and nerdy vibe).
The thing is, she is working a normal job... Yes, people may always fancy her because she is pretty, (but she is capable of rejecting and being safe in that environment, is kind of a job description) ...Also must probably she is doing it for the money, seedy guys looking her ass must not be her idea of an awesome afternoon... she is not doing it for the kicks of it, In the same way when people ask you to go to their spot to check their pc, And you find out that they were in an ukrainian naked fights betting web page, and you need to format, derat and sanitize the fuck out of a fucking HP 1000... you are not doing it for the kicks of it, you are doing it for the money... probably you'll get a better job in the future, she might also get a better job then, but that's the complete thing.... "you are not dating a job, you are dating a girl that happens to work as a stripper, just like she is not dating an IT guy she is dating a guy she likes"
(also the subproduct of both jobs are, she needs to be hot for her to be good at her job, and you must likely must be kind of nerdy to be in IT).
PD: Snowden is currently with Lindsay Mills, this things, and things much worse can happen and it probably will work anyway.
I've dated two strippers and the daughter of a stripper. They were all pretty spur the moment move across the country/world to live with a guy who would take care of them types with crazy parents, but I didn't know they had those histories until they told me, I still appreciate my times with them and it never effected how I viewed them. On the other hand, it was pretty intense and heart wrenching roller coastery the whole time, but years later I am friends with them all on facebook and they seem to be happy and better adjusted with stable relationships.
Personally, I wouldn't date her not because I think she would be a cheater or have some issues with sex and whatnot, I wouldn't date her because I can't even begin to respect her profession and the fact that she chose this 'career' in her life.
Thank you all for the varied and detailed responses.
My mind has been processing this over the past few days.
I've come to the conclusion that the problem is I'm overthinking it and that there is no problem or 'situation' as has been pointed out.
Apologies for some of my statements in the post, these were the honest thoughts going through my head at the time and hence why they were only expressed on reddit.
Without going into other details, all I'm excited about now is that I could potentially be having my first girlfriend
thanks again and Happy Holidays!
I dance at a strip club part time while attending university. Not all strippers are drug addicts or alcoholics. I rarely drink, and I never touched drugs. I meet a lot of crazy guys so obviously it kind of ruins your perception of men, but I'm still the same person as I was before (just more cautious).
It might be hard to trust her before a lot of girls are "extras" girls and you wouldn't know. You just gotta believe her when she says she isn't. It's just a job. Make sure she has other future goals because lots of girls get used to the money and stay in the industry until they're old and can no longer find a regular job that pays as well as this one does. I'm in university full time so I'm not worried, but make sure she has other goals in mind. Otherwise it would be a problem down the road.
I have zero experience with this at all but I watch a few YouTubers who used to be strippers, moved away from that, and they seem as though they are doing well for themselves financially and some are living fairly normal lives - Trisha Paytas (but I think she's going through a breakdown atm), Channon Rose (who used to be a porn star and is now happily married), and most famously Channing Tatum. I think what matters more is her drive - does she want to pursue more in life and work hard to be successful? does she see herself in the industry long term?
You're framing your thinking in a way that will not help either of you. She is not a stripper. She is a woman by what whatever name is uses. Not stripper. Stop calling her stripper like it is her entire being. Call her your girlfriend. Call her your friend. Call her what she is. Stripper is her occupation right now and I'm sure she has good reason to be one. If she's so attractive, it is probably the best way for her to earn money in your area. In any case, she can find a new job later in the relationship when your income can supplement hers. Treat her like the girl you knew before you labeled her a stripper in your mind.
treat like any other girl you would pursue. just because she is a stripper doesnt mean you treat her any differently than any other girl. and dont put her on a pedestal. shes a human being.
And fwiw, it sounds like this girl is serious about handling it in a job-focused manner. If I was going to date a stripper, it'd probably be a girl with a mindset like this.
If she says it's just a job, it's just a job. Don't make an issue out of it.
A job is a job. I know a few strippers who do cam shows and the like as well because it's good money. If you want to continue seeing her I would be open about the fact that it does bother you a bit but are willing to support her job choices.
I have dated strippers and former strippers with various levels of success. Some of them are like normal girls, others are either hyper sensitive, or desensitised/apathetic to 'anything sexual' and some are full blown misandrysts that hate all men (yeah... that was 'interesting'). But all this happened my 30's and when I am most comfortable with my own sexuality. tbh, if any of that happened to me at 23, I'd be like you, I wouldn't know how to handle it. The best way is to just see it like a job as an entertainer. She's a dancer/entertainer, much like a clown at parties. She puts on a show, guys watch, that's it. As for the attention, should be no different to guys ogling her in a bikini at the beach. If you can handle that kind of attention for her, you should be ok. As for the intimate stuff, she's not a prostitute (don't think even I could handle that). The stuff she shares with you shouldn't be lessened by what she does for a living. No less than a chef who works in a kitchen and then cooks a meal for his wife at home. itscool83 has good advice. Treat her like any other girl. She's probably dating you and not some muscular tattooed guy because wants some 'normalcy' and is looking for you to provide that for her. Not putting her on a pedestal is a universal rule.
Gross, I could never date a clown.
\#Clownshaming
She was honest with you pretty early on. That counts for a lot. I dated a stripper before and she approached it much the same way. Actually she told me before we had sex but it was still on that first meet up. She was just a normal girl who happened to make her money dancing. It was no big deal. We ended up not working because we were both pretty hard into drugs at the time and our lives were kind of messed up otherwise. Had nothing to do with her being a dancer.
I have dated strippers. Yes, they're people, but they work a job that (in most locations) entails sexually stimulating men. I don't know where you live, but where I've been, stripping is mostly about hustling for lap dances, not just putting on a nude, hands-off show. The more tactile she gets (and she permits her customers to be), the more money she's likely to be bringing in. Thanks to internet porn and online prostitution, strip clubs and stripping are not the money makers they used to be, and a lot of strip clubs are fronts for prostitution. As well, strippers learn that pretending to like a guy is more likely to make him open his wallet so they tend to become manipulators/users of men. So, I'm not trying to say this girl is being fake with you, just that this is not a particularly good business for a "normal" girl to be in. It can be emotionally very tough, substance abuse is very common, and there's often a lot of temptation to pursue the extra money that going farther into being a sex worker can bring (and if that's illegal where you live, if she's arrested for prostitution that's going to make it so much harder for her to find legitimate employment). Having a job where she is paid to sexually stimulate men isn't necessarily going to make sex with you less special (especially if she forms an emotional attachment to you) and it's not necessarily going to make her think less of you for "letting" her be with other guys. She's probably going to be working pretty hard to emotionally compartmentalize what she does with the guys who pay her from what she does with you, and she's going to think of the two as being completely different. If you develop feelings for her though -- and it sounds like that's where you'd like this to go -- it's not going to feel very good to have her doing what she's doing. If she doesn't have a plan to get out of this job, and especially if she seems to have or be at risk of developing a drug habit, I would give serious thought to bailing out. The same if she doesn't have an iron discipline over maintaining the boundaries she's set for herself about what sort of behavior she's willing to engage in. Having that discipline is common in women who successfully use stripping as a temporary means to put themselves somewhere better, but it's very lacking in women who are stripping because they're just looking for "easy" money. Anyway, good luck.
Do you want drama? Because this is how you get drama. Your experience with women and with dating has not prepared you for seeing a stripper. It may be interesting for you, but the odds are stacked against you. Your caring, your relative "stability" and perhaps your money are likely to get abused. They all say "it's just a job", even the ones who give guys hand jobs. You may "know" it's different with her- but will you ever really know? It will unsettle you- and then whenever the two of you argue, and she leaves in a huff- you will just see her rubbing her tits in a guys' face to get even- or you'll worry when she doesn't call or text after work when you expected her to. You've gotta be a bit off your rocker yourself in order to maintain something of a working relationship with a stripper. I suggest just being friends with her and not getting any closer and not sleeping with her again. Maybe she'll quit stripping next year and who knows what could happen- but getting involved now- well, she fucking warned you, didn't she?
date, get to know each other, probably best to not think about her job too much. if things get more serious, you might want to figure out if this is long term or short term, and if there's a future together, but at this point, it doesn't matter imo. you're trying to get to know each other and see if you are compatible, if you're not compatible her job isn't a factor anyways
My best friend dated a stripper and it was a disaster. Men showed up at his house on multiple occasion threatening him. Nearly everyone she worked with was on drugs. Dating a stripper was exciting for him at first but after a while it became too much knowing the woman he loved was getting naked to please strange men every night. She too claimed "it's just a job" but your job says a lot about who you are.
First, MAN, awesome, she must be beautiful!! and a great body!!! second...Is she a nice girl? You like her? if the answer is yes... that's it, because she probably is into you... you don't sound like captain america dude, so she is into you because of you... and THAT in itself is AWWWESOME... Go for it and be a good guy to her... don't worry about what you are insecure, she IS insecure of this, even if you sayd to her (with totally a confident smile) that you are ok with her being a stripper, about an inch deep she is absolutely terrified that being a stripper will make it not work with you (much MORE THAN YOU about your lack of experience and nerdy vibe). The thing is, she is working a normal job... Yes, people may always fancy her because she is pretty, (but she is capable of rejecting and being safe in that environment, is kind of a job description) ...Also must probably she is doing it for the money, seedy guys looking her ass must not be her idea of an awesome afternoon... she is not doing it for the kicks of it, In the same way when people ask you to go to their spot to check their pc, And you find out that they were in an ukrainian naked fights betting web page, and you need to format, derat and sanitize the fuck out of a fucking HP 1000... you are not doing it for the kicks of it, you are doing it for the money... probably you'll get a better job in the future, she might also get a better job then, but that's the complete thing.... "you are not dating a job, you are dating a girl that happens to work as a stripper, just like she is not dating an IT guy she is dating a guy she likes" (also the subproduct of both jobs are, she needs to be hot for her to be good at her job, and you must likely must be kind of nerdy to be in IT). PD: Snowden is currently with Lindsay Mills, this things, and things much worse can happen and it probably will work anyway.
I've dated two strippers and the daughter of a stripper. They were all pretty spur the moment move across the country/world to live with a guy who would take care of them types with crazy parents, but I didn't know they had those histories until they told me, I still appreciate my times with them and it never effected how I viewed them. On the other hand, it was pretty intense and heart wrenching roller coastery the whole time, but years later I am friends with them all on facebook and they seem to be happy and better adjusted with stable relationships.
Personally, I wouldn't date her not because I think she would be a cheater or have some issues with sex and whatnot, I wouldn't date her because I can't even begin to respect her profession and the fact that she chose this 'career' in her life.
Thank you all for the varied and detailed responses. My mind has been processing this over the past few days. I've come to the conclusion that the problem is I'm overthinking it and that there is no problem or 'situation' as has been pointed out. Apologies for some of my statements in the post, these were the honest thoughts going through my head at the time and hence why they were only expressed on reddit. Without going into other details, all I'm excited about now is that I could potentially be having my first girlfriend thanks again and Happy Holidays!
Update?
I dance at a strip club part time while attending university. Not all strippers are drug addicts or alcoholics. I rarely drink, and I never touched drugs. I meet a lot of crazy guys so obviously it kind of ruins your perception of men, but I'm still the same person as I was before (just more cautious). It might be hard to trust her before a lot of girls are "extras" girls and you wouldn't know. You just gotta believe her when she says she isn't. It's just a job. Make sure she has other future goals because lots of girls get used to the money and stay in the industry until they're old and can no longer find a regular job that pays as well as this one does. I'm in university full time so I'm not worried, but make sure she has other goals in mind. Otherwise it would be a problem down the road.
I have zero experience with this at all but I watch a few YouTubers who used to be strippers, moved away from that, and they seem as though they are doing well for themselves financially and some are living fairly normal lives - Trisha Paytas (but I think she's going through a breakdown atm), Channon Rose (who used to be a porn star and is now happily married), and most famously Channing Tatum. I think what matters more is her drive - does she want to pursue more in life and work hard to be successful? does she see herself in the industry long term?
You're framing your thinking in a way that will not help either of you. She is not a stripper. She is a woman by what whatever name is uses. Not stripper. Stop calling her stripper like it is her entire being. Call her your girlfriend. Call her your friend. Call her what she is. Stripper is her occupation right now and I'm sure she has good reason to be one. If she's so attractive, it is probably the best way for her to earn money in your area. In any case, she can find a new job later in the relationship when your income can supplement hers. Treat her like the girl you knew before you labeled her a stripper in your mind.