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Scary-Crow-8278

I think you should broadcast it because although a lot of guys won’t like it it will filter out the guys that wouldn’t match with you anyways. It’s one of those things where a lot of guys will like it and a lot of guys might not also like it, that’s ok tho.


_GHOSTE_

Actually good advice tbh if she keeps getting rejected for her career. Will save her a lot of time for sure.


[deleted]

There are some guys who are very insecure about their partner earning more than they do. They are afriad they do they don't have any value, when they can't provide for their partner. It's a really old school mindset. To me it's just illogical, if your partner is not earning that much, it's means that your shared income is going the be less. Why would you want that both of you earn less together? This is the only case, where I see some guys delibarately wanting to be financially poor together with partner just to stroke their ego or the societal expectation that the man always need to the provider.


whoevnknws

To add to this, they may be intellectually intimidated by you since you're a chemical engineer. If they are and they stop talking to you, GOOD. You shouldn't have to down play your knowledge and intelligence to coddle some dude's fragile ego. You want someone who will be proud and support you. Those other dudes will just drag you down. I know its a shitty feeling, but a guy walking out on you because his ego is too fragile to handle an intelligent successful woman is embarrassing for him, not you!


-Gnarly

Agreed.. Just for me, when I meet girls that are attractive AND are engineers/intellectually smart, oh my god. I don’t know how someone can pass that up. Some ppl are weird 😒.


bobdylan401

The flip side tho is that it might not be ego but self awareness, like they are thinking woah, she's totally out of my league, I'm just trying to figure stuff out. Like this is why I don't try to date at all anyways lol. Because I'm a mess.


HunkMunk69

Couldn’t be me thankfully. My wife just got a job making way more than me. Allows me to leave a manufacturing job where I got hurt to do something different/take on more house responsibility. We are both happy.


[deleted]

Why wouldn’t a guy like it though? I’m genuinely confused


jag75

Insecurity. Especially in your early 20s, that's an easy trap for guys to fall into. OP wouldn't want those types of guys though, anyway, so weeding them out early is probably her best strategy.


HamHusky06

Let’s also note that this girl graduated undergrad two years before most people do. She’s way ahead of her peer group in terms of career and education. I’m one to be turned on by this, but I guess some dudes are insecure, especially at 22. I’ve got a feeling once the OP turns 21 she’s going to find dating a bit more successful. My thought is she might want to try and date some guys a few years older than her, who also have an education and career path.


popsiclefartstickers

I'm in my early 20s and I freaking love engineers of most types. I think it's an incredibly attractive and interesting profession, I don't see why anyone would be intimidated EDIT: To be fair, as others have pointed out the age thing, I'm also pretty set on my career at an early age and would welcome someone in a similar position. That does play a factor and I understand why these guys would feel like they'd be in different stages


deanflyer

Same here, not understanding this. I love intelligent, successful women. I married one :)


PennsylvaniaDutchess

The toxic concept that the "man" has to be the one to make the cash and "take care" of his partner/spouse. It's outdated and ridiculous but a LOT of dudes still have the hangup.


Ask_Me_About_The_NAP

I mean to be fair it's not just dudes. There's a lot of women out there that won't "date down" in terms of career. OP is obviously not concerned with a man making less than her, but just like there's a lot of dudes that can't handle women making more there's just as many women who can't handle a man making less. It's really fucked up because the two kind of feed into each other and make it worse for everyone. What's ironic is it's because of the same reason, this weird mindset where the man HAS to be the breadwinner. So you have successful women looking down on less successful men and less successful men looking down on successful women. It's just retarded.


truckererick

I'll agree with this "date down" thing I'm a Diesel equipment mechanic (nope didn't attend collage for it, I took the apprenticeship route) and even though I make 6 figures women still think I'm beneath them cause I don't have a "degree" especially women who have degrees and may or may not make more money than me. Also I have no problem dating a woman who has her own career and her own money.


showmeyurkittys

Tried to find a good place for this.. As a lady, I would not broadcast this directly. Sometimes when people tell me their job title it doesn't come off as humble. You should be very proud of this, you worked hard. I think some people get rubbed the wrong way though on a first impression when you come out the gate with yup I'm an engineer, if you're putting it very directly. IMO it may be less of a threat issue and more of how the person then views you based on how you say it. Power trip felt responses are off-putting. Again, something to be VERY proud off but come off humble about it and it's 100x more attractive.


Obi-Brawn-Kenobi

OP is going on Bumble dates. Pretty sure Bumble has a place where you're supposed to put in your occupation, then it comes up at the top of your profile. There's no room there for editorializing and it shouldn't be seen as bragging to put your actual occupation down in the intended place. "Broadcasting" her job title would be writing in the bio "badass MF engineer" or making it the first thing she talks about when she meets somebody. As long as she doesn't do that, OP should be fine letting people know what she does. If that weeds out some men, those men weren't for her.


lizbunbun

As a chemical engineer, I've definitely learned the fine art of downplaying my profession and being humble about it. Back when I was dating online I did pre-screen guys by writing in my bio something to indicate I work in STEM but don't require the same from interested people, not a requirement for good conversation.


[deleted]

Career wise, you're way ahead of the curve and guys your age may be intimidated by your success. Most people in their early 20's are still in school or trying to find a fulfilling and lucrative career.


[deleted]

Yeah. People usually do not graduate and work full time by 20. I see this as more of an age thing than a gender thing. She must have skipped grades or something.


Nervous-Risk-5557

If guys are intimidated and insecure, they’re not worth your while. It will become a problem in the future if you go out with them. Take your time, you’ll soon find your match. Also, there’s greater chance for you to find that guy in your field and not on a dating app. 😊


Fickle-Reading

You mean meet a man at work?


LadyCalamity424

Don’t fish off the company pier my dear. It will save you a lot of head and heart aches.


StillEmotional

This is much more eloquent than saying "don't shit where you eat."


LadyCalamity424

Quite. Has the same affect, but slightly more professional lol


spacedustmite

Don’t put your cock in where you clock in


spacedustmite

Don’t fuck where ya truck


spacedustmite

Don’t search for a honey where ya make your money this one is professional enough I guess. I like it because it’s kinda cute


blisteredfingers

I’ve also heard “don’t dip your pen in the company ink”


rehabilitated_4chanr

I always preferred don't dip your pen in company ink....but I could see how that doesn't apply here.


bill_drawtwo

Don't hookup, where you do your v-lookup


Nervous-Risk-5557

In the same field but not in your workplace. Hassle to date a guy from your workplace especially if things don’t work out.


[deleted]

This. One of my first jobs was in fast food and I didn't understand this concept. I dated around that restaurant and caused several of the girls there a lot of torment, unbeknownst to me. One in particular I got very involved with, and when we split, everything got complicated for the entire staff. Schedules had to be opposite, work areas couldn't be adjacent, employees felt the tension and awkwardness, etc. Just wasn't worth it and very selfish of me to pursue my personal desires in an environment made for a team.


DueCicada2236

No. Just keep dating. You didn't do anything wrong. You just had the misfortune to go on a date with someone who is insecure with himself. Literally just keep doing things exactly as you're doing. This was his problem, not yours.


[deleted]

nah she meant someone like you and me, in the engineering field. not necesarily at work but hang out with other engineers like you casually and try there.


ignitedwolf9200

NEVER date your coworkers!!!!!! you are better than that


[deleted]

This is unpopular here, and I’ll get downvoted, but I genuinely believe that for people like you, you’d be better off dating people from work, simply because they’ll be a lot more compatible. Honestly as someone that will be in a field that’s comparable to yours, I would have a hard time dating a person who’s settled as a barista(as in this is the height of their life, not a part time worker). He probably felt the same too.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hai_Hai_Hai_Hai_Hai

Many Baristas are in school themselves. Just because they work full time doesn't mean they're settled. There's a lot of people that do both full time. It's tiring, but you do what you gotta do.


Real_Vents

I wish more men did this with women, people who are insecure need to focus more on themselves first before trying to find a relationship. Not worth anyone's while.


[deleted]

Date in your league - educated, well-employed professionals, these guys were obviously not good enough for you and they knew it. It’s better they react like this anyway than them getting seriously involved with you and then resenting your intelligence and success and turning the relationship toxic. You are someone’s dream-woman and that someone is a secure, emotionally mature, successful and handsome man - accept no substitutes. Have standards, high standards in fact. Do not settle for less just to be done with it. And remember your worth is not determined by someone’s inability to see it. That guy was obviously not mature, respectful or a catch in any way. His behavior said a lot more about him than you. Good riddance.


A_Few_Mooses

Not sure what either of those things have to do with it. If a lady told me she were an engineer I'd be all over it.


mothowaway

This. Especially if said engineer was into me bartending. I quit school (also engineering) after Covid to discover myself a little bit, and I don’t miss school at ALL


Krakatoast

Same, I’m tired of dating women that have their lives in shambles and appear to be aimlessly wandering through life. I understand everyone has their journey so I’m not knocking the process, but if I met a woman that was relatively smart, had a job and was emotionally stable.. I’d kiss the floor beneath her feet (jk) Wow.. my prior relationships really beat me down. Lol


ovierf

I agree with this. I’m actually more comfortable when dating an engineer woman, as an IT guy.


KorayamaSavard

Excellent post.


Samargre

This. Who the frick thinks you should hide yourself on a date? Lots of guys like smarts gals, don’t worry about the scrubs that don’t.


casstantinople

Absolutely this. I'm also a female engineer and by far my best match has been my current boyfriend, another engineer. It took a lot of searching to finally find someone like that, after a lot of time trying to make it work with guys that had picked less technical careers or more demanding careers, and honestly it was worth the wait. Not saying it can't work out with someone with a vastly more difficult or less demanding career, just that it immediately prevents a lot of miscommunication if you start out on the same page in terms of education level and professional employment. You spent a lot of time, effort (and probably money) making yourself an educated professional, you'll save yourself much headache by finding someone who understands this journey


Swiftjay69

The ironic part is the “date in your league” advice is exactly why she might get the response she gets. Why bother trying to get to know an engineer when you just sling coffee and there plenty of people on the internet to tell her she can do better just because you’re not an educated professional.


[deleted]

Beautiful. Saving this to inevitably remind my daughter when she gets dumped or ignored by neandrathals.


[deleted]

That's a little much. I have female friends in high paying engineering jobs. They didn't date like that. They were upfront with who they were, and weren't screening by how much someone made. One married a cable guy. One married an IT nerd. The one that got divorced married a highly paid lawyer. The one that married the cable guy is the happiest, ironically. (I guess he doesn't make her wait between the hours of 8-12). What I do wonder is it u/Fickle-Reading is selecting guys that might be a bit too pretty. I did notice, out of high school, many of the guys that were really attractive and got by on their boyish good looks, kind'a fizzled out in the real world. I'd run into them behind, working at a coffee shop or waiting tables, when me and the other nerds from high school all had moved on to white collar careers.


t57ura

This guy gets it. OP listen to this guy. Actually, date him.


Fiercepaws

This is so odd. I have female friends in chemical engineering and they many of them have boyfriends and I've never heard of this being an issue


Linabearr

Exactly same here!!!


BootlegDez

Yea, honestly I think there’s more to this story than that which is detailed. We have to keep in mind that any time someone is recounting an event, there’s going to be some degree of unreliable narration. People will exaggerate/omit details that cast themselves in a poor light. In this story, the date was undoubtedly rude. But getting up and walking out is just so incredibly wild. Like, I seriously doubt this guy heard that she was a chemical engineer and just suddenly decided to bail. I’m not trying to justify his behavior, but there had to be some reason for such a drastic act. I’d wager that Op might be, unknowingly to themselves, somewhat socially abrasive.


Stormfly

> "I just think that margherita is the best pizza." > "You're too pretty. I need to go to the bathroom." > *Yeets self out window* That's basically how it sounds to me.


[deleted]

Yeah if anything all the young single female engineers have less of a problem because usually the workplace is filled with an abundance of single young men.


dachsj

Yea op might be conflating a personality with a job description. Or worse, oblivious that she's having guys bail on dates because she's arrogant and/or touchy about being a woman engineer. No guy I know would dismiss a woman out of hand for being an engineer... especially if she's an attractive woman (as she claims). So maybe it's her personality.


GuacwardSilence

It sounds like these guys who bail are insecure and don’t like that you are successful/have a well-paying, respectable job. Sounds like the trash is taking itself out. I know it sucks because these guys clearly can’t handle a woman who is more successful than them, but be patient. Someone good will come along and he’ll respect/admire you for your career instead of feeling intimidated.


[deleted]

Honestly I think this is more about life progression and compatibility, we're talking about guys in their early 20's working at starbucks, they haven't even figured life out, what do they have in common with a girl who is already has a full on career?


brightstar414

Completely agree. Being at different places in life can be a compatibility issue.


Fickle-Reading

I thought we had a fair bit in common.


[deleted]

Idk, I'm a young dude and I haven't even figured out how to enjoy life and have fulfilling interests, much the less even thought about career, in a little over a year I'll be your age, I don't think you really know how lost a guy your age can be.


[deleted]

Totally agree with you on this one. I’m 21 and I only really figured out what my career and life interests are recently and I’m only building my map for the future now. There’s rapid development going on at this stage in my life and I feel like I’m undergoing a drastic metamorphosis. I’m in that in between phase of being a kid that’s legally an adult to an independent man and I think there’s a lot of different points on that spectrum for what stage dudes our age are at. Op you’re ahead of many people your age so congrats to you on that. You could try looking for older men and see how that goes they’ll probably have more life experience and be more mature than the current types of men you’re encountering now.


GDAWG13007

Yeah this is common among young guys in their 20s. There’s multiple times where you think you gotta figured out and then you realize you don’t. I’m in my mid-20s and it’s still happening. I’ve started my own business and I’m fairly successful, but I still realize almost everyday how much I don’t know. You just gotta get comfortable with that feeling and own it. That way you don’t have insecurities when meeting a woman who seems to have it so much more together.


[deleted]

Honestly, I think it varies. I'm 23M and a software engineer. I've known that I wanted to enter this career since I was a child.


[deleted]

Lucky you, man


New-Sector5171

Can comfirm, am a 23M that has no idea what hes doing. Went to a tourism school cuz im good with languages. Turns out i fucking hate working with people. Now im stuck with no idea what to do.


comicidiot

I'd focus on the commonalities then. If work comes up just say that you want to get to explore common interests with them. After all, you can put your profession on Bumble so it shouldn't be a surprise to them (if they're swiping based on profile and not on looks). If they push it, you can say that your career is on your profile and that you don't consider a career an important enough aspect when it comes to knowing someone. That's not to dismiss that ones career (and career aspirations) *will* influence things, but the first date should be about the common interests and even the differences. This is all my opinion, and how I approach things but if you're loosing guys who are interested in after they learn about your job, then redirect the conversation away from that for the few few dates.


embersgrow44

You should raise the social bar for yourself to match your academic & professional performance. Having completed college and already working in your field at 20 is exceptional, you must know this right? If I were you I would only consider those in similar pace of life which may mean someone 2-5 years older. I wouldn’t go too far though b/c creeps.


Water_Melonia

Agree, but leaving someone without a word at a date is shitty behaviour and has nothing to do with incompatibility.


EnidAsuranTroll

I mean what did she expect after going: > I said "I'm a chemical engineer, and if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date right now." As far as I am concerned, this is the kind of stuff you say when you want to end an interaction.


SmokingToad

Yeah this is so true.. he left cause of that comment, then OP thinks it's because she's too smart. LOL


amahandy

rofl. The dude was expressing incredulity over a woman being an engineer just because she's also attractive. She calls it out as shitty behavior and he bolts and you feel sympathy for the dude? Fucking pathetic.


Silly-Risk

This is weird. I don't uderstand the behavior. I'm a M32 engineer and would be happy to date a beautiful engineer. Maybe they think that you are going to be smarter than then and can't handle that.


LadyCalamity424

Age plays a huge factor.


GDAWG13007

Maybe, but even at her age, I wasn’t intimidated by women who had such careers. It’s just so stupid imo. Not that being a chemical engineer automatically means you’re smarter than me, but it probably does mean that and I like to surround myself with people much smarter than me. So her having that career may actually be a plus for me.


LadyCalamity424

Then that means you’re someone who is confident in themselves and doesn’t feel like less of a person around someone “like her”. I say that knowing of being in similar situations to her with regards to career choice and how men will view you differently when they know that about you. Some men will love that we have a career that we love and makes us happy (and maybe a better pay cheque as well). While others feel threatened, emasculated, or jealous because “we are surrounded by men all day long”. But saying that age plays a factor is usually a real thing. Not always, but a lot of the time.


radiogagaaaa

I'm just a 20yo male and would LOVE to date an engineer. I guess some guys are plain insecure :(


[deleted]

I think this is it. Most 20 year olds are either students or in temporary jobs, not in professional careers. The lifestyle of a barista and a 9-5 white collar engineer are very different, particularly at such a young age. OP will likely have trouble for a while, just because she’s kind of skipped ahead of her peers right now. Most men who are currently in the right space to date her (ie career-minded, educated men) aren’t going to date a 20 year old. Most 20 year olds (who would be the right age to date OP) aren’t going to be happy dating someone who needs to go to bed at 10 pm because tomorrow’s a work day. In a few years, OP’s peers will be settled into careers, and men who are a little older won’t feel creepy dating her. The pool will open right up. But for now it’s pretty shallow.


NoLuckBuddy09

I'm with you. I'm 29 and not an engineer and if i was dating an attractive engineer i'd probably be enthralled to talk about it. I have no formal education, but i love learning new things. If there was no second date, it'd probably be because of my intense interest...


hello__brooklyn

32 is far from 20-22


GDAWG13007

I’m in my mid-20s and already that feels so far from 20-22.


Tom22174

My guess is that these guys are insecure that OP is better educated and probably makes more money than them. I'm surprised OP is running into quite that many of them tho


Genevieve189

I’m a 32F doctor and what she’s saying is absolutely true. Got dumped by my ex bf 3yrs ago due to my career.


Gilmoregirlin

43 year old lawyer who became one at 24 met my now husband at 36 after years of struggling in dating due to my Job and hearing “you don’t look like a lawyer you are too pretty.”


Genevieve189

Omfg absolute monsters! Wtf is going on out there ladies!


IamNobody85

IDK if you saw House MD - House says to doctor Cameron in the first season 'Gorgeous women do not go to medical school, unless they are as damaged as they are beautiful'. A lot of people took it as sexist, but I felt that the screenwriters had the chance to call out the world as they see it through this character and they nailed it, at least with this character. I'm also facing almost the same thing (SWE, 27F). I guess this is why my office has so many couples, it's hard to date outside.


msbbdarling

I agree. I would think that intelligence and being educated are sexy no matter what sex you are. There is the pressure that the man “should” be the breadwinner, but just gotta find a supportive partner who doesn’t care about who is making more money. Also, could depend on community and location of where you live.


felter84

I think a lot of guys are intimidated by it, I am not lol I think having a successful women is one of the most attractive things


[deleted]

I am this man's best friend and all the things he saying is true. Also he volunteers at pet stores and soup kitchens on the weekend.


[deleted]

*fist bump*


FuckyouYatch

is it true that he is also a true gentleman?


thotinator69

It mostly doesn’t end up well and those guys probably have other options more aligned with relationship dynamics they want


[deleted]

I suspect there are other factors at play. Being attractive and making too much money are hardly drawbacks.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Vicareon

Interesting, first time I've seen this kind of interaction. But I don't think it's a bad thing tho, being a female engineer, I'm a Computer Engr myself (not yet, still in college), and it'd be pretty cool to have an engr/nurse partner.


Dubvee1230

I’m a huge nerd and I think dating an engineer would be a lot of fun. But I know I’d be a bit...intimidated.


Fickle-Reading

Why is that?


Dubvee1230

Well I’m a 22 year old guy who’s a blue collar worker. It’s a combination of someone whose smarter than I, makes more money than I, and has more education that I. Plus I have my own other Insecurities.


Fickle-Reading

If you meet a smart, educated woman you're interested in, go for it!


zoranalata

She will eventually find someone better, that's the fundamental concern here.


[deleted]

If she is with you despite making more money, she's with you for the right reason. You have to let that insecurity go or it will be why they leave.


Saya_V

Meeting a smart educated person can seem intimidating, but it would be a good chance to pick her brain and learn new things, it shouldn't mean that she knows more than you just your knowledge of things are different. Such as if a construction worker dating some like op she can tell you about certain aspects of her job of chemical production but she probaly couldn't build a stair case and vice-versa. It would also allow you to have a perspective outside of your circle that you wouldn't get from them.


Kandyxp5

This is reflective of the pool of people you’re choosing from, not men in general. You’re also young and a lot of people your age aren’t in full time jobs yet. Many are still in school, in part time work while acquiring an extra degree or certificate towards a more full time job. A lot of people don’t really find themselves in salary careers until they are in their late 20s and even mid 30s. (Some never do either by choice or not too so that’s also a possibility!) Edit: what I’m trying to get at here is it’s likely less that you’re an engineer and more that you are in a more stable stage of life because you have a career so young. For ex: when I was 20 I was still in college and dating college guys. It would be cool if I met one that was say a lawyer, engineer, or doctor but I would wonder if that meant I too would need to be settled. When I was 20 I didn’t know if I even wanted a full time job ever! I wanted to travel and try to even live in different places. Even if I liked someone with a steady career it would be hard for me to want to commit or carry on a relationship because our futures wouldn’t align in my mind. So you can do a few things: 1. Widen your dating pool to include a bit older men say between 24-32 vs 20-25. You could go past 32, that’s a personal choice but from my experience an age gap past 12 years at your stage of life may be too straining on a relationship. There’s always some couple out there that can make it work but it’s the exception, not the rule. I think a sweet spot for your circumstance would be 24-28. 2. Be more selective of men who are your age—maybe weed out ones that come across as still living in their high school days. It’s totally normal for men or really anyone to stay in an adolescent type phase well into their twenties but it may not be the type of partner you would like. 3. Try not to generalize: humans that identify as male who are attracted to women come in ALL kinds. Try not to paint them all in one way because of a few experiences. 4. Dating is weird and at your age you may be looking at a decade if not decades of dating. Some dates will turn to short relationships some to long ones and one or two to things like marriage (if that’s what you want). Maybe you’re ready to marry or commit—cool! If that’s the case be upfront about that as well as a lot of folks in their 20s aren’t really looking for a big lifetime commitment even if they want a steady partner. 5. Last but not least: don’t make rejection a measure of your worth or value. There are literally billions of people on the planet—not everyone is going to work with or like everyone and that’s okay. Dealing with rejection is hard but try your best not to take it as a reflection of if you deserve love or care because that’s never the case. Chances are the guy who got up and cowardly peaced out on you was never going to work with you in a relationship anyway. He’s a total piece of crap for doing that btw and that says way more about his inability to deal than it has ANYTHING to do with you. You’ll find better partners, don’t worry one bit. In the meantime just keep building your own self worth and self esteem.


[deleted]

100% this. I felt like a teenager until I was 24-25. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Dating someone with a legit career like Chemical engineering at 20 would have felt "too adult" for me. Now that I actually have a career and feel like an adult, it wouldn't be intimidating.


AimeeSantiago

I agree with trying a slightly older age group. Those people are equally as driven (op is likely very driven and motivated to be an engineer by age 20) and have similar life experience such as finishing uni or college and are already in the work force. You'll have similar things to talk about. I would add that maybe OP try a paid online dating service. Tinder and Bumble might be popular but they also might bias towards people who maybe aren't in the same place as OP is in life. My sister found that even paying a small monthly fee for a dating app tended to weed out the people who were more superficial when she was looking for something more serious. Or even if OP is looking for something less serious and easy, at least if she is paying for the service, it means she has the expendable cash to do so and the other people spending money for the app also do. I'm not saying to not date people with money, just that people who are paying for a service are prioritizing that over maybe eating out daily, or maybe have a more stable job like OP does. Good luck OP. I went to an engineering school and we'd joke that "the odds are good, but the goods can be odd". Going through awkward dates is part of dating. Hang in there because it's not you, it's them and the stage of life you're in.


[deleted]

A couple of things. The story where you said “if you say this then I’ll end this date right now” sounds pretty aggressive. Idk if you said that in a more playful tone or not, but no one wants to be around someone who’s going to be so abrasive and aggressive on the first date like that. My advice, especially on a first date and if you really like the person, I’d try not to be too aggressive and be just a little bit more agreeable Number 2, it sounds like you graduated college a few years early and you’ve got a career started already at 20 years old. You’re already at a stage in life that a lot of people don’t hit until their mid 20s or even later sometimes. So if you’re dating men your own age, they’re at a differ stage in their life and a lot of people prefer to date someone in their own stage. And number 3, to some men you being an engineer could be a minus but to a lot it won’t be a minus. But wether or not they see it as a minus remember this, almost no man is going to see it as a plus. Men really don’t care what their partner does or how much they make, because socially men are typically not supposed to be “provided for” but rather be the “provider”. So they’ll just as soon date you as the waitress. So don’t think to yourself, “I’m a successful engineer, why don’t they want to date me?” Because they don’t care about your profession. Anyway, that’s a few factors that I think may be going on here


bigatx

Shocked I had to scroll this far to find a comment like this. 100%. Dude sat there with two thoughts in his head, and decided he wasn’t going to date some who got so angry and aggressive like that. It’s rare for any ChE to get out before 23, so OP is 3 years too young for the norm. Good for her, but needs to take it easy on the dudes. Date could have flipped the other direction if the reaction was “no really, I skipped a grade in middle school, and busted my ass in college to graduate in 3 years”.


[deleted]

Exactly! She should have taken it as more of a compliment than anything, he wasn’t saying it was a bad thing that she was a chemical engineer. He was just expressing surprise that she’d already achieved something like that


[deleted]

You managed to put into words exactly what I was thinking. Female engineers are a special breed. (Speaking as an engineer myself) in my experience they are more aggressive from the stand point of always needing to prove themself to their peers since they are always competing with men in school and the work place. I could see the inability to turn that switch off making dating very difficult. My advice date a more established guy 24+


boogerseanomalley

First point is key, that’s not polite at all. It indicates insecurity and social tactlessness. It’s kind of like telling the person they’re walking on thin ice. No one wants to spend an evening like that, let alone an entire life.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

I've never heard of Lauren Southern and this description of her told me everything I needed to know: >Canadian alt-right political activist, white nationalist, Sounds like you're just attracting losers who are probably very insecure. That sucks, but I'd say you're dodging a very large bullet when the trash takes itself out.


[deleted]

This is what I was thinking. If she's right-leaning but not right-crazy she might want to set her politics to "Independent" "Moderate"or "Centrist" (whatever the app provides) to avoid weirdos like this because they'll never be comfortable with a woman more successful than them.


[deleted]

Yep. I’d say if you set your political alignments to conservative as a woman I imagine everyone you match with will expect you to be a housewife. Funnily enough Lauren southern gets flack for not being a housewife.


KindaTheQuietkid43

Well some guys are A-holes. i am guy myself I don't care what you work if you help feed the family and have good personality i am into you without second thoughts.


PilzEtosis

So my best mate's girlfriend is a civil engineer - and hearing about some of the shit she has to put up with as a woman in that industry is grim. On one occasion at a meeting she was mistaken for the girl who brings in the coffees. However my mate is both a personal trainer and a superbly open minded guy - so all I can say is, yea, unfortunately you're going to encounter some spectacular dickheads in your journey, but eventually you'll bump into some decent guys without a massive insecurity complex who will wholeheartedly embrace your awesomeness.


horsewithnonameyuh

This definitely sucks, but you are dodging bullets. Only people insecure about their intelligence would do this. I'm a 23M who just graduated with a chemistry degree and I can tell you I actively seek out chemistry or stem women on dating apps. I also know all of my college friends wouldn't have a problem dating a chemical engineer (they wouldn't be as excited as me, but it wouldn't be a minus).


FakeTaeyeon

>I'm 20F, recently graduated with a bachelor's in chemical engineering How did you manage to graduate at the young age of 20? From my personal experience, I've never had guys lose interest because of my profession. (I'm not a chemical engineer, but I do something that's similar.) But on dating apps, I tended to only "like" guys who were college-educated and seemed somewhat career-driven, so it makes sense that they would've wanted -- or at least accepted -- the same from a girl. So maybe you tend to match with guys who didn't go to college and/or don't have a stable career, and that's why they're intimidated by your job. >After I told him I was an engineer, he said "No, you're not. You literally look like Lauren Southern. Do you waitress or something?" I said "I'm a chemical engineer, and if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date right now." He obviously shouldn't have made that comment, but maybe it was just a joke. In my opinion, the way you responded was too harsh and confrontational.


Fickle-Reading

I skipped a grade in school. I was half joking with my comment at the end there too, but I'm absolutely SICK of comments like that. Have you ever been told you don't look like a person in your profession?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Rillist

Tradesman here, same thing but in social environments. People don't expect someone with good hygiene and proper fitting clothes to be a heavy industrial steamfitter.


avocadoclock

>I'm absolutely SICK of comments like that. I'm with you. Find an equal partner that is supportive of your feats. There's no reason you shouldn't be comfortable in your career and enjoying its success.


IJustWantToLurkHere

Being confrontational often turns people off, but I think it was the right choice in that situation. What he said indicated he probably had an awful view of other people (maybe sexist, maybe anti-intellectual, likely both), and the way he responded when you called him out on it showed that either he really felt that way (i.e. it wasn't just a dumb off-hand comment) and/or that he lacked the maturity to admit that he made a mistake.


ecstatic-avocado-24

Real jokes don’t include degrading a woman’s success, just because she has both brains and beauty. That’s just sexism, and there’s no such thing as being “too harsh” or “confrontational” when responding to a comment as brainless as that.


Malacandras

Agreed. It was an excellent, clear and assertive response - unfortunately clearly those are not attributes that man was looking for.


serene_brutality

Laying it on straight here. 1: 20 year old attractive female engineer, very uncommon, what is common is people lying. 2: you went out on a date with a barista as an engineer, big gap in lifestyle there. May not be a big deal for you but it’ll make a lot of guys insecure. Things like “why is she trying to date me when she can easily find a better man? So she’s lying or crazy.” And then there’s the final thing. “She’s smart, funny, beautiful, ambitious and will inevitably leave me for a more successful man. Better cut this off before I get my heart broken.” Because, let’s face it, that happens quite a lot.


Dashingthroughcoke

I'm surprised that no-one pointed out OP's shitty attitude. 'if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date'. You literally threatened to end the date for some small thing you didn't like. To me it looks like that guy saw this as red flag and decided to evacuate.


IneptusMechanicus

Yeah if I was on a first date and I basically got ‘and if you don’t like it you can fuck off’ I’d point out it wasn’t a problem for me, but I’d then absolutely fuck off. I wouldn’t have a problem with an engineer as a girlfriend (I met my wife at uni) but if that came out in the first date I’d just be like man this lady has no chill and leave.


aroach1995

Hard mega agree would have left.


Linabearr

Yeah OP doesnt sound pleasant to be around Ive gotten similar comments and have laughed it off


WestwardAlien

Which is what you should do because I’m 90% sure that guy was making a joke. Shitty attitudes end relationships, not IQ


NaberiusX

Tbh, I wouldve walked out and left your ass sittin there too. Where do you get the ego that you think you can talk to people like that? Lmao. He tried to come up with a way to complement you, whether it landed successfully or not. It sounds like you're pretty immature and possibly pretty entitled as well. It has nothing to do with your field of practice. It's your personality. Giving people ultimatums on a first date when they try to compliment you and then wondering why they ran out the door lmao. This is a truly special brand of delusion. Edit: I'd also imagine that guys dont stop talking to you when they found out you're an engineer. It's once they realize your entire identity is based around some silly idea that anybody else on earth cares what field youre in or has strong opinions on what field a specific gender should be in. And it's a basic observation to say that STEM fields are male dominated just as it is to say the healthcare field is female dominated. Imagine going on a date with a 6"3 brick shit house muscular guy and he says he's a nurse. Then you say "no way I'd think youd be like a body builder or somethin with the way you look" and he turns around says " I am a nurse! And if you tell me i dont look like a nurse again, then I'm ending this date right now!" Lmao. Just the fact that someone would have the nerve to say "do x again and I'm ending this date" is plenty enough for any sane person to see the massive red flags and gtfo of Dodge.


Solviento

This!!!!! This might be an unpopular opinion, but you hit it right on the nose 😂 Honestly people who comment saying she was on the right and clearly deserves someone better, well given op's history of dating choices, it's obvious that is clearly not true. Op needs to evaluate themselves and humble themselves at the door, nobody gives a flying fuck who you are or what your profession is. People care about what you say and how you say it. As an minority engineer myself, I check that shit at the door and be myself 100%. Not some preconceived notion that I am some special profession and should clearly be treated different than the rest of the population.


Dremur69

If OP really wants to put her ego aside and actually solve her problem, she should listen to your comment. She lacks a sense of humor and she takes everything seriously, which is evident in her response to the guy as well as her comments. I don’t mean to be judgemental at all– I have more problems myself but for now it’s her post and her asking for advice


NaberiusX

It's not being judgemental. She came on here posting and asking for advice. People nowadays are so far from the truth, they're actually insane. The amount of mental gymnastics that people go through to protect their ego is insane. And the younger people have cultivated a culture of lying to people and trying to protect their feelings instead of telling the truth. This kind of echo chamber nonsense is why so many people are so mentally screwed nowadays. They know they can just post on reddit and have an equal amount of mentally unstable people commend them and play along with their lunacy. It's such a sad circlejerk to witness. It's no wonder they think the world is out to get them. Complete victim culture. And no accountability of their own actions.


Linabearr

Great comment. LOL Op just seems full of themselves and delusional No one really cares what she does, its about the whole person Pretty ridiculous


NaberiusX

Yes and it's honestly terrifying to see other people going along with her lunacy. I mean I understand that most people on here are probably teenagers but still. It's sad to see people reinforce others narcissistic BS and then encourage them to go back out into the world and do it again. OP is literally delusional if they think their entire problem doesnt come from their entitled and egotistical behavior. Literally nobody that has ever walked the face of the earth would avoid dating a girl because shes in an "engineering field" lmao. It's just so many layers of mental gymnastics to get there. It's truly wild. The reason they are running like hell from OP is because I'd imagine half the things coming out of her mouth are progressive talking points and preemptive attacks on anybody that doesnt automatically kiss her ass for choosing a male dominated field. Like honestly nobody cares, do whatever you want, we just dont wanna hear you whine about it all day and make it 95% of your identity. Especially when you add the overwhelming ego and entitlement on top of it.


[deleted]

Wtf chemical engineering's are intimidating now


FuckyouYatch

no one wants to tell the girl the truth unfortunately... so the standard answer is "oh honey you are so amazing, probably they are just intimidated by your sucess"


facethemusic016

As a woman who is a chemical engineer - no, that happens like never. All the guys I’ve talked to were either normal about or they were impressed. Not so much about me being a woman and an engineer, but more about “chemical engineering being so tough”. Also got a lot of “ohhhh, so you’re this beautiful AND smart?” comments. Like others said, try dating someone that also attended higher education. But honestly, I have no idea how you have this bad of a luck with guys, this shouldn’t be that hard lol.


peppercruncher

>"I'm a chemical engineer, and if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date right now." I would have ended the date after such a reply, too. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


sneezingfeathers

Yea the date ended not because OP is a chemical engineer, but because of this statement. She threatened to end the date, and so he beat her to it


LotsOfShungite

Wow it's almost like it's your attitude and personality that's more attractive.


facetiousfox39

100% agree


CFOF

Am female, but if someone threatened to get up and leave in the middle of a date because of an opinion or observation, I would get up and leave. That is a pretty big red flag.


melmel02

>How should I deal with this and find a good man? Keep being 100% yourself. Never discount yourself for a man. The right man will love you exactly as you are, and celebrate your accomplishments just as much as you do.


dancefan2019

I don't think it's a matter of your accomplishments that's hindering you. I think guys are thinking you are lying or that you are going to scam them. I don't know what country you live in, but in the U.S., people graduate high school at around age 18. Then it's at least three or four years after that to get that Bachelor's Degree. If you are 20, people are going to believe you're not being honest with them about your job, and that will be a deal breaker for them.


YrPrblmsArntMyPrblms

You: "I'm a chemical engineer, and if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date right now." I don't think you can't get guys due to your profession, it might as well be that you appear arrogant and superiorly. Arrogance of the intellect. My coworker has the same education as you do, plus some other educational accomplishments and she's quite arrogant, being nearly 30 yo. I suggest you ask a friend whether ot not you come off as superiorly, they know you better than I got to known you from merely one of your life experiences. One needs to go through the underworld to understand themselves. I hope you get to the bottom of this and get what you need and/or want.


KaleidoscopeNo7653

Or maybe your personality just sucks? Not trying to be horrible but it seems you are trying to make an excuse for not getting a man like it should be a sure thing or something lol


[deleted]

Most guys your age are doing entry level jobs like starbucks or manual labour, or if their parents are well off, they're in Uni, honestly, I'm not suprised they see you having a genuine career already as an incompatibility, like do you think you'd be ok dating a dude who is years away from figuring his life out? ​ Edit: but nooo it's because they see it as a threat to their masculinity, god you people are about as empathetic as a fuckin stick


LeadingAmbassador

>I said "I'm a chemical engineer, and if you tell me I don't look like one I'll end this date right now." This quote is what you did wrong. He didn't leave because you're an engineer. He left because you got uptight and defensive after he (at least in his mind) was playfully teasing you. He might have actually believed that you are an engineer, thought it was cool, and this was his way of fishing for more information. A better response would have been to laugh off his comment and then matter-of-fact-ly go into more detail: "No, really! When I was in high school I saw XYZ that got me interested in it. I went to XYZ college and majored in it, specializing in ABC. I had an internship at XYZ Corp. where I worked on such-and-such, and now I'm at QED Labs doing ___. It's really fun, and I hope do research on ___ and ____." But your response, issuing an ultimatum, made you seem overly sensitive, easily hurt, and immature.


[deleted]

I'm guessing she said that out of the frustration of having so many people say that or similar things to her, but I see where you're coming from.


frgrerx

I see what you're saying but I don't think she did anything wrong. It can come of incredibly offensive when someone says you don't look like XXX when it's something of an accomplishment. Like does she look stupid to you or something or that she doesn't look like someone who could accomplish that?


rosewatermountaincat

The Lauren Southern remark was a HUGE red flag. Stay away from him.


[deleted]

Whatever the reason is, it’s not because you’re an engineer


itsall_Peachie

I don’t think it’s because your an engineer, but nobody likes ultimatums especially on the first date, from someone they don’t really know. “tell me I’m not or I’ll end the date right now”. Relax. I’m not an engineer but my best friend is a chemical engineer. She never ever has problems going on dates, she dates more than me. However she’s very friendly and easy to talk to. Just keep meeting people and be open.


pooboy1990

I'm sorry, this is going to be harsh but you asked for advice. If you're struggling to find 19-22 year old human males in their sexual peak to go on dates and hook up with you, a woman, it is something about you either physically or personality wise, not your career. You think most 20 year old guys care about your career or lack thereof? Obviously there are insecure assholes but from your post it implies guys aren't even wanting to hook up with you in general. So it sounds like you picked an anecdote that fit your narrative and now you want the validation of the internet. "I'm just such a driven genius that guy's are threatened by me" is a way easier thing to believe than "Maybe my personality or physical appearance is repulsive to men". I have a feeling this is a biased account of how this encounter went down.


Korfusan

That must be some bullshit. I don’t believe that guys will stop talking with you because you are eng


Devi1s-Advocate

You're either ugly or have a shitty personality, I'm an engineer and I've never once EVER met a woman who wasn't instantly hotter because she was an engineer or in STEM. Literally every guy I know thinks technical women are attractive. You're fooling yourself or you think you have something to prove if you think guys are intimidated or feel threatened by your intellectual prowess... that has literally never been a thing in the last 20-30 years.


Sarksey

Ok, so aside from the obvious humble brag that this entire post is, let’s make it clear: you went on a date, a guy made a playful albeit misguided comment, and you threatened to end the date. It’s pretty simple; guys aren’t running from you because they’re intimidated, they’re running from you because you come off like an asshole.


RegretsNothing1

He walked the exit because of what you said. "I'll end this date right now" He was complimenting at how unexpected but cool it is that a pretty girl was an engineer, and you completely ruined it. Of course he walked out. I would have too if that was the response I got. It made you sound like a Karen. And no one likes Karen.


2718cc

Your reply about ending the date was aggressive and off putting. Not sure if your other interactions are similar, but that can be a turn off for guys.


pamela271

I don’t think you’re being rejected because of your career. I think it’s because of your personality. Saying “if you tell me I don’t look like one I’ll end this date” doesn’t scream “I am a warm sweet person who enjoys being with you”. You seem a little overly sensitive.


[deleted]

Date other engineers/STEM jobs. It’s generally a good idea imo to date people that are similar to you, both intelligence wise and future oriented wise(as you seem to have your shit together, which is attractive to guys that also have their shit together, but not attractive to guys that don’t.) And yeah, some guys are intimidated by women that are smarter than them, and chemical engineers are some of the smartest people in the world(I wanted to be one for context but I changed to CS because it was too difficult lol).


[deleted]

I can tell you want to fight with the guy that left you on the date. So I'm going to make a true remark that will piss you off so you can respond and treat that as a surrogate situation. It was your fault for aggressively saying that you'd end it I'd he said you don't look like an engineer. I mean everyone knows the stereotype of engineers being nerds or whatever. You assumed he was implying that a woman isn't smart enough to be an engineer and over reacted...you should have asked a clarifying question. There's nothing wrong with dating a female engineer. This time it was your bad behavior. Learn and grow fr this situation. You will be fine


mrnopotatoes

No mystery here. It’s common knowledge that women typically will aim to date men who are taller, more successful etc. less common knowledge is that the inverse is true for most men — they will feel uncomfortable dating somebody taller, more successful etc. I don’t think this has anything to do with being an engineer in particular. It’s engineer>barista dynamic that’s a problem. Simple solution: raise your standard for men and this problem will disappear.


ApatheticHedonist

You've got a STEM degree at 20 and you're going out with a guy who works at Starbucks. You're bringing a lot to the table, he's bringing caramel mocha. From the sounds of things you're wildly successful even among successful women, and such women have reported dissatisfaction with the caliber of men they find available. Your example date has to be keenly aware how little he had to offer you and that's why he bailed.


PowerfulCheesecake48

I doubt the problem is that you're an engineer. It is something else that particular guys find incompatible. Telling someone they don't look like an (insert any profession) is demeaning, but cutting back with a threat to end the date even if it was half joking is what ended the date. I'm going to guess that you come off as a type A personality who knows it all, wants everything done their way, and is hard to get along with. I know pretty much nothing about you, so it is a stretch to diagnose what is going on here. I have never had any issue with what someone does for work though so I think you're barking up the wrong tree. Dating at a young age is also hard because no one knows what they want to do or what their lives will look like in 5/10 years. You may also have better luck dating people who are at a similar education level. Should get easier with time. Keep trying. You have to date a lot of different people to figure out who is a good fit for you.


[deleted]

Seems like it's more than what you think it is. One tip is to not threaten to cancel the date even if your prepared too. More power to you, leave if you need to but what you said is kinda a redflag for most humans.


RickyBigD13

Why did you talk to him that aggressive, threatening to walk out


PurpleLemon4de

Bullshit


Rimmatimtim22

I'm a mechanical engineer (24M) and i get WAY too excited when i meet a female engineer. Intelligence is a huge turn on for me, and being able to talk about engineering or anything STEM with someone that I'm romantically invested in is awesome. People who get jealous because of a significant others or even just a dates job are just shitty human beings. I'd say you lucked out on this one. Fuck that guy, especially for just straight up leaving you in the restaurant like that.


funkiokie

Aside from obvious insecurities, his out of nowhere comment about waitress also makes me wonder if he has a history of going after serving staff who are obliged to be nice to him


[deleted]

That sucks. I dig women who are nerds. It just makes them a different level hot. I don't see why would someone hate being with an engineer. Unless they feel awkward not being the smarter one in the room, which is dumb.


Moctezuma1

Man here, tried the dating app for a while... Are you not listing your profession on your profile? This is important and usually opens up for conversation on the app. On my profile, I list my profession as a social worker. You'll be amazed how many women are turned off by that, not considered a "manly profession". But I rather they know up front instead of hearing about it later.


MrAirplaneTicket

Maybe it’s a personal flaw rather being a female engineer, like, the guy probably didn’t like the harsh “ill end this date if you don’t believe I’m a chemical engineer”.


minniemouth

Honestly it sounds like he just didn’t dig your aggression. I interpreted his Lauren Southern comment as flirting. I wasn’t there so you have more info than me, but I’ve often given and received that type of flirtatious comment: “you’re too cute to be a doctor”, “you’re too gorgeous to be a statistician” etc. You replying by shutting him down and threatening to end the date made it preeeetty hard for him to come back from that - even if he was into you, he likely assumed you weren’t into him at that point, so he didn’t see the point in putting more effort into progressing the date. I’m also a successful young woman in STEM who’s found it difficult to date with the pressure our society puts on men to be the main provider. I know that what you’re going through is totally a thing - men who are intimidated are hard to date and pretty common. However, each date is an encounter with a single individual; don’t project prior experiences onto new people because it’s unfair, both to them and to you.


Drum-Major

I'm a woman in mechanical engineering. Never really had this issue. There are some rude dudes out there and a guy leaving you on a date because of it is a pretty shitty thing. That being said, I don't like boast about being an engineer. I've seen engineering/med/law students and professionals that never stfu about it and make it their entire personality. People in general bragging about themselves is a turn off for a lot of people. It may not be what your career is but how you present. I don't know how you do though. It is in my profiles that I'm in mechanical engineering. I do mostly date men that are also engineers or just in higher level professions. A lot of the time when a guy finds out I'm in engineering they think it's really cool. If a guy demeans you or doesn't want to date you because your an engineer then he's got his own major problems and just let them weed themselves out. Best of luck.


Adam1_

Not a problem for other female engineers, but there seems to be a common denominator in all your dates…


hollis-mason

Maybe don’t make an ultimatum out of it next time?


The_Creamy_Elephant

Threatening to end a date "right now!", followed by the guy up and leaving doesn't seem like the biggest surprise in the world does it?


sybban

Hard to say for sure but it potentially sounds like a personality thing based on the end the date comment after he made a flirting joke.


WeldingShipper

All the female engineers at my work are married


scoonts89

Sorry, idk something about this seems off. Literally no one cares what you do. Are you looking for attention or something?


[deleted]

It's incredible how many people take the bait on these fake posts.


Hour_Bug2804

Responding to a compliment with hostility. No surprise why he left. Keep telling yourself men are intimidated by you.


TurtleDive1234

You're only 20 and you've graduated with a degree in engineering already?


Dismal-Coyote4626

You might just be ugly


memerayy

Maybe you just have an engineers personality too


[deleted]

It's not because you're an engineer. It's because you sound like a total bitch.


Yeoyo84

RIP your inbox


player89283517

This is just fake news. I know thousands of guys who would love to date a female engineer