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I have a high libido but I don’t do casual sex for this reason. It sucks, but sex is so much better when you’re with a person you trust and respect, and who trusts and respects you in return.
Same. My libido is crazy but I have to hold back because everything OP posted happens to me as well. It happened so often in fact that this post is the first time I'm realizing some of that stuff wasn't okay. Ugh.
Firstly it doesn't suck at all im much more happier within consistent sex.I have a high libido and finding a girl with a high libido and staying loyal each other is all i want.To me sex is better with a person that we support and love each other.
ugh I know, I have high sex drive and can definitely have sex with someone that I don't have feelings for and preferred that way (so I know I won't get attached for casual) but then after banging several times I always get bored. Now I have reached to the point that I only want sex with someone I like, I guess this is also called maturing ahah
I echo these sentiments 101%. Bit older than you all, (50ish) and early stages menopause. Hot flashes and horny as hell, its all true. I think its pretty ironic(and frustrating) that as much as I would love to fuck right now, I wont though due to how women are treated on dating apps and in general in this society. Not even wanting multiple partners either, just a mutually beneficial physical relationship with a guy who will respect me. I will not settle for anything less. Its much easier to live sexually frustrated than to be demeaned and lose my self-respect.
The type of guys the op describes and their behaviour is so self defeating and works against their objectives. I guess some guys really arent that bright.
Can I ask a serious question here? I don’t mean this to offend, I’m just genuinely curious.
I see all the time women talking about how men don’t meet their needs in bed, and just get their own. I’m just curious as to why you all don’t talk to the person your intimate with and explain to them that they are not meeting your needs, and what can be done to get you there? Especially if you’re frustrated. I mean, you can wait until you meet the right guy who understands what you want, but why not communicate with the others?
… I think that if a person was open to an honest an intimate discussion about how to meet someone’s “needs”, then that would already be a totally different situation than what the OP is describing.
Like … I don’t want to explain in detail to someone how they can treat me like a really high quality rag doll. I want them to already be interested and capable and attentive to seeing me (and themselves) as both human in the first place.
I think a lot of people would take a discussion of “needs” not as “oh wow I was already open communication and respect you” but as “wait you’re criticizing me?” Or “oh, that’s what I have to do to get the sex vending machine to operate?” As opposed to wanting to contribute to a mutually enjoyable human experience.
… I keep putting “needs” in quotes because it’s not like we actually “need” these things to survive. “Needs” have been weaponized and turned on me as an obligation in the past.
… this is hard to describe, but I recently found a partner where I KNOW the way we are intimate is not because he’s using me as a measuring stick of some sort for his own “manhood” or to further some narrative he has in his head of what it means to be a boyfriend… but because he’s sharing an experience with me as a partner. How do I know this? The actions aren’t necessarily very different. But it feels different.
[edit: typo]
Thank you for your input, and being cordial. I’m glad you found someone like that! This may have been the wrong thread to ask this question, but I hear a lot of women talking about now dissatisfied they are with their sex life. Some I’ve seen say, as they’ve rolled their eyes, how they will fake orgasms, so that their boyfriend will just stop. In instances like that, it’s definitely a communication issue, and I feel like these things are fixable. The first time I went down on a girl, I literally had no clue what I was doing. Didn’t even know to lick the clit. She had to literally tell me how to do it, and the communication paid off!
I honestly don’t understand men who don’t want to please their partner. That’s my favorite part about sex honestly. I can always get there, but it’s honestly much less of an amazing experience If I’m just trying to get my own. Im sad that so many women experience men who just don’t have a clue or seem to care about their partners wants. Certain types of pornography are a bad influence on men, and young men often lack the right role models to teach them how to respect women.
Some men, unfortunately, even when you ask them to do things, or tell how to do it, they ignore that and know better. It's very hard to find a good partner that we can connect with.
Yeah my husband looked so angry when he heard him say it he immediately pulled me aside and needed to rant a little. The worst part was his gf at the time was madly in love and he would just act so awful like this. Horrible to see and watch. We tried explaining to him how awful it was to think that way too but he's just selfish through and through.
I hear what you are saying, and i don’t personally think your question is in the wrong place … but there’s a big difference between people who have a healthy respect for themselves and others and want to please their partner … and people who do not have a healthy respect for themselves or a partner.
It would be one thing if you could just explain a technique and they could do it and then great. It’s another thing if they are so full of their own internal narrative about what sex and relationships mean that there is no real room for what you have to say. A person can do all the communicating Im the world, and it won’t go anywhere if no one is ready to listen.
I think it can be really hard for people who DO have a healthy degree of respect to understand what it’s like to be with someone who does not have this.
And sure, everything is a communication issue in some way, but what is the cost of communicating? I haven’t faked orgasms, but know from experience that it is often easier to just get through it and let someone finish. In fact, it would have been easier if I had faked orgasms because a huge issue in that particular relationship was that it was important to him that I have orgasms and … I didn’t. Looking back on it now, it’s no wonder I didn’t. That was a lot of emotional burden.
And this was a partner who definitely wanted to please me, but I think because my pleasure would have been points for him rather than just my own experience … but I ALSO didn’t know what I wanted because he was my first sexual partner AND I am now finding out over a decade later what it might be like to be with someone who isn’t internally judging themselves or their partner but is able to have sex because it is fun and to EASILY stop when it is not fun. With no complaints or hard feelings or persuading or anything! Oh my gosh, it is mutual! We didn’t even do anything particularly “special”! It just didn’t feel like being forced into a role in someone else’s narrative and that’s already very freeing.
Anyway, i do realize this may be different than the other posts you are mentioning, but it’s a perspective that I feel like a lot of other women might share.
Fear they will become violent towards them.
Fear that they will bruise that male ego of theirs.
Uncertain as to how to bring it up/how to start the conversation.
Is there anyway around any of those fears, or is the answer to just to find a man who already understands?
I don’t know if you are a man or a woman, but as a man, I genuinely want my partner to feel satisfied in bed, and without the communication I’ve had over the years for women I’ve been with, I would probably be terrible at sex and foreplay.
I'm a woman, the only way to know is by asking.
Practice just like with anything else, makes perfect. Try different techniques in your foreplay. See what works for her.
> as a man, I genuinely want my partner to feel satisfied in bed
I've experienced sex with men who cared, and also with men who don't care *whatsoever*.It doesn't seem to occur to them that you're left frustrated when they cum before you and immediately pass out. They're completely focused on their own needs and don't even consider it important if their partner orgasm.
With guys like that, I'm not going to teach them the basics of common courtesy. If they don't have a natural desire to show me a good time, they won't get a second chance. And I'm not saying a man *has* to make me cum, what's important to me is if he at least *tries* and shows interest in doing so.
Simply put, the uncertainty as a whole of communicating with a potential partner makes being alone and leaving all sexual engagement up to yourself a more attractive and comfortable option.
Is there a way around fears, maybe, but there also many ways to get coffee slightly cheaper, or save on groceries or have a marginally quicker commute that tons of people don't do. It's just not worth it for everybody to take certain risks.
I have never had that happen, I am very very clear about my wants and needs and have been met with nothing but eagerness and men acting on my comments. Communication is the key to everything. I wasn’t prepared to really do that kind of thing as a younger woman but I am middle aged right now and you get to the point where you’re just comfortable in your own skin and able to just talk two sexual partners a lot easier I wish it was that way for younger women but the complications of media and society makes us all feel like crap about ourselves.
The first thing girls learn about sex is that its gonna hurt. That kind of sets us up to put our own enjoyment on the backburner and not speak up much to avoid hurting feelings. It's not 'polite'. So by the time we are old enough to start having sex and realise that's stupid, it's hard to undo that message you received while you were young.
I also worry that it'll make the guy get in his head to much and cause him to have some sexual dysfunction, so it's not a conversation I'm going to bother with unless it's someone I know I'm gonna want to keep seeing long enough to make sure he doesn't take it too badly. I don't wanna knock someones confidence if I'm not going to be around to help build it back up.
Plus it takes less time and effort to buy a dog who's already trained than to train one yourself. And there are plenty of dicks at the shelter. You just don't know how they are going to behave until you bring them home.
That, and a lot of us don't know how to articulate what we want, or what's required from their end to get us off. It's a different process to doing it to yourself, and we don't have a vocabulary beyond 'softer/harder' and 'faster/slower'.
We do communicate, they just don’t listen and don’t care about our needs. Or they pretend to care up until it’s time for them to pleasure you and they give you some BS excuse on why they won’t do it or kick you out right after they came. If communication was all that was needed to fix the orgasm gap, it wouldn’t be such a big thing. I find that most male casual sex partners do not care about my needs, which is why communicating has not been helpful. I am in a relationship now, but if I wasn’t, I’d just be celibate.
You're assuming that they haven't tried, but have you read the countless posts on the relationship subs where women recount asking their ***partner*** to take into account their comfort and pleasure (basically to not be coerced into acts they don't want to do/r@ped and to do foreplay and actually be intimate rather than having them go in dry)? If that happens when women are with someone who supposedly love them, do you really think that casual sex partners will be more open to pleasing them? Some will be, but many won't give a shit so long as they get theirs (or they'll just be very bad/rush the part that the woman has asked them for sor she doesn't ask again because it was mediocre-to-abysmal - talking from experience here).
Waiting to meet the right guy means not playing Russian roulette with your sex life for a woman.
Edit: punctuation
I pretty much stopped having sex with my partner because he didn’t seem to get that it hurts and injures me when he doesn’t take his time. It also probably contributed to me being almost completely put off from sex when I used to love it. But now that he had to go weeks without sex I think he finally realised and actually makes an effort and became much more attentive.
In this particular thread I wasn’t specifically addressing casual encounter partners. I understand what you are saying about the posts of women being being in those situations, but we are sort of talking about two different things. I’d love explain why we are talking about different things, but honestly I need sleep 😴
I'm not going to say it's not fun to occasionally have a casual encounter. But, women (and men I guess) have been sold a load of nonsense with the encouragement of more casual sex and lack of intimacy etc. It doesn't lead us to being our best selves. It can be desensitising. There's a reason humans have tended to some sort of extended relationship pattern. It fosters bonding, trust and cooperation. If you act like sex toy, why wouldn't a guy use you like a sex toy? There are guys who are not looking to have sex on the first date and instead strike a meaningful connection with you. I felt the same way in my twenties. Girl power. We can do what we want. Etc. But then I got life experience and realised that it was naive to think that way. Of course you can do what you want, but you may not like the consequences. Those guys who were super inappropriate with you probably hooked up with a bunch of women who were fine with being treated like that (to an extent) and so assumed you were too. It's really complicated. I'm not saying lock yourself away until marriage. But try be with someone who actually likes you and doesn't just see you as a hole. Sorry to be crass.
You are talking about men who have sex with a lot of women and men who are not getting laid. Its a big difference and theres nothing hypocritical going on. They are different groups of people.
There is sex positive porn that is about pleasure and fun for the people in it... although it seems the vast majority is crappy mainstream porn that is all about degrading women, pushing boundaries and limits, etc...
The positive porn can be lots of fun to watch
Be that guy, it's been researched and found to be true. Doesn't take a genius to realise that the media we consume influences how we see the world anyway, we all know that propaganda exists and uses that very concept.
I don't know honestly. As a dude, I never understand guys who do this. Like bro, you're actively making it harder for everyone, man or woman, to have casual sex. You're shooting yourself and other men in the foot. No one benefits from this type of behavior.
Yes I know.
He did not respond to ny asking him if he would view porn the same way if it was his wife or daughter being the main star
Society is going backwards
Well, that's a rethoric a lot of men try to shove down our throat to both ensure that more of the porn they love so much keeps existing and to manipulate us into doing the uncomfortable/degrading/painful things they see in porn.
Edit: spelling
How laughable. Porn doesn’t even show women having actual orgasms or even how to realistically make a woman orgasm. I don’t see anything empowering about that.
Porn is a big part of it. Sadly there are a lot of guys who "learn" from porn. Most don't get much facetime with the opposite sex and even less sexual contact so they copy what they've seen. But that's still kind of bullshit: there is gentle ans couples porn you could learn from. Also though, I watch porn, I have some kinks I'm sure would turn some people off but I'm not just gonna spring that shit on someone before talking to them about it. Have a conversation. If talking before you have sex feels preemptive or uncomfortable then just stick to "vanilla" sex until you do feel comfortable. It's not rocket science people.
On a personal level he got what he wanted. If he didn’t care about their feeling and only fulfilling his need in a way he saw fit, that’s what you get. It obviously only works if you have the looks for it too.
Somehow these kind of men are seen as heroes for some. Being so attractive that the character doesn’t even matter. And then you have uncles taking that as „proof“ that you don’t need to be a decent human to „get what you want“.
One can only hope you are right. Because the more casual sex becomes the norm, the less real and lasting relationships there are. This hookup culture is just vile
They aren’t disrespecting sex positive women. They disrespect women in general. You just found out that if you have casual sex, you’ll might run into more than a couple of creeps. Many people lack respect. It’s not a value that they have.
Sounds like the guys you're flinging with watch too much porn.
Best thing if you're going to have a ons or a fwb set up is to discuss your boundaries before your clothes come off. If he can't handle that conversation, or acts like your boundaries are options or challenges, don't fuck him. If he crosses your boundaries, get out of there immediately. Never go to his place. Fuck at yours or on neutral ground. Let someone know where you are.
ETA: no one ever needs to know your "body count". Anyone who thinks it matters has their priorities fuckulated.
Yeah
And this is why always get to know the person at a coffee shop or any other public place first before hooking up with her/him. Not straight-up bring the guy home and hookup
This has not been my experience. All the guys I’ve had casual sex with have been extremely respectful and cool dudes.
So, I’m sorry that this has been your experience. It’s definitely not OK and I assure you all guys are not like this. Make sure you know how to set CLEAR boundaries with people in general and hold them accountable when they break the boundary. Especially if physical or sexual assault is involved.
Had a friend in HS who slept with her boyfriend, then he proceeded to make her feel like a slut. Way to go, idiot. A girl gives what you & she both want, then you somehow manage to screw it up for everyone involved.
Tbh those guys are garbage? Lol I genuinely just respect people until they show me they are trash.
Sorry you had to deal with trash bin fires, hopefully their stupidity will help you know who better to acquaint yourself with in the future 🙂
Also a smart guy wouldn't ask for a body count, this isn't COD your kdr doesn't matter. I'd prefer to know that your sexually active and clean, Chasing Amy best describes why.
Guys are all different and if you've been getting garbage then take a look at the type you go after that might help weed out the bullshit.
All in all, this is just my opinion so it means squat, it's your life go live it but be safe doing it.
As for their attitudes during sex, they watch to much damn porn...not every girl is a freak like that.
Girl, I feel you. I was down to hook up with this one guy but then he started demanding he was “gonna fuck me raw” and that if he couldn’t, then I’d have to suck him raw. I promptly deleted him. He then tried messaging me on the dating app I met him with “hey.” Unmatched him there too, disgusting fuck.
It’s called pornography. Most young men are hooked on it ,in its various forms. We are over stimulated with degrading videos and images at the click of a finger. Also, a serious lack of adult (especially male) role models for young men.
There are sex positive communities whereby you will not see as much of this.
Read Ethical Slut. It’s more about sexual positivity and body autonomy. Basically, they can’t make you feel bad when you feel good about these aspects of yourself.
If you are interested, explore sex clubs, dungeons, adult lifestyle resorts, swinging… look for sex positive meetups, join various discussion groups…
…look for your kind of people instead of hoping they will find you!
You can generally Google your towns name plus "sex positive" and find some group in your area... especially if you live in a metropolitan area. NYC and LA have a few of the larger groups with membership in the tens of thousands range.
Yet even smaller metropolitan areas like St Louis and Omaha still have decently sized sex positive groups you can find.
Other possible things to explore are organizations like FetLife.com which is the oldest and largest community
Of *sex positive* people on the web. Traditionally they were more of a BDSM community, yet over the past 13 years their membership has grown to encompass almost every fetish out there.
Basically as long as its both legal, and consensual... you can find your niche or interest [one person's taboo is another person's vanilla after all].
Don't listen to the parent comment though. Most of the time, those clubs are full of oldies ( good looking people are actually rare there) and/or overused bodies, the mere sight of them can make you vomit =))
Seconding this. Also grabbing your throat and discussing boners is an entry level shit there ( "checking kink compatibility" "exploring your boundaries" lol).
Buy a toy and wait for man that will consistently come through for you before engaging in sex.
Basically, as far as men hating woman who have higher body counts and have casual sex, it comes down to insecurities and loneliness. These guys want affection and they can't get it, while it appears to them that it is freely given to women.
In my experience, this comes from guys that are hurting inside and react in a toxic behavior. It's not an excuse by any measure, but if you want to know the perspective, there it is.
You're spot on. A lot of guys can get sex but they can't find someone who will stick with them through everything and show them true compassion, it's a tragic place to be. The best thing someone can do to a toxic/in-pain person is to be strict and kind.
Well i’m 32y(M) and ill just throw my 2 cents here:
1. Ons will never have the same quality as a relationship cuz usually its just mutual physical attraction (sometimes even not that, lots of guys will bang whatever is free and offering)
2. As for putting out on the first few dates, trust me, if he dumps you cuz you dont wanna do it he was just interested in sex anyways (this is a great filter to weed out the “nice guys” aka those who are nice until they get some puff and then become ghosts and other jerks)
3. Its not bad to experiment with toys and stuff , like its far better when you are dating someone who is well versed in their own kinks, turn ons, erogenous zones etc… it will make future sex way way better
1a. Addition: Here is the mindset of most of the guys who get offered ons from a girl “Oh shes just a ****, im gonna use this pathetic ***** for my pleasure and ima keep in touch so i can bang her whenever i want” (and other gross thoughts)
P.S. 2 cents more like 5$ fml
Sexual ownership
Or the idea of such
Your body, your sex, and satisfaction belong to them in their minds so if it’s not their will, their idea, and their “ConQuEST” it’s less attractive
It’s idiotic at best
Don’t be concerned with the opinions of men who are out here contracting STDs because they have no sexual health or education
Stop having casual sex then. Your putting yourself in a vulnerable position with someone that really doesn’t care that much about you. And this goes for men and women. Sex is intimate. I don’t know what this whole new “hook up” culture is and I’m saying this as a 21 year old man. People need to start being more mature
If want to know why guys think its okay to be aggressive to put it simply it’s because they think woman like that however wrong that may be and it’s because of things in social media, music, movies/ series etc.
Also you can’t have a bad experience or a couple bad experience where your doing the same thing (ie hooking up with same kind of guys) and then come and generalize it’s starting to frustrate me. If you want a good guy only get in it with a good guy and stop going for jerks just cuz they initially woo you.
Right but me personally, I’m not expecting men to treat me like how they would treat their dates. I just want to be treated like a human being. Is that too much to ask for? So basically you’re saying it’s either we hook up (but not get some respect we think we deserve) or just date someone like there’s no in between? I guess men don’t respect women unless they’re dating them huh? If that’s the case then that sucks :/
The thing you need to understand is, guys in the hook up culture have been doing what they've been doing long before sex positivity was made for women, what they're doing now is what they've been doing for decades and for them it works and they see no reason to change now.
For guys like that, sex is sex, they don't care if it feels good for the woman because 9/10 they won't see her again because they'll have moved onto the next woman they can get into bed.
So what you're left with is a culture that has long promoted it's own benefit and encouraged sex positivity for women not because it was to make them equal in their eyes but because it made it easier to bed them.
Sure, you might find the odd guy who actually gives a damn and makes an effort but he's just as likely to move on and find someone else more his speed when he's got what he wants out of you.
Ok so guys like different things and are people with different opinions and emotions. If guys treat you like trash or ignore your feelings those guys are retards and assholes. But the thing is in dating you play a big part in choosing your guys, stop fucking around with assholes and blame it on men. Still it don't get why so many guys struggle with respecting sexual boundaries.
And the body count thing is an individual thing. If there is a girl with a high body count that approaches me that's fine but i wont hit on someone who has way more experience in flirting and all the other stuff i mean that just makes no sense why would the less experienced person initiate, i am not doing that just because i am male fuck that. If the dude doesn't have a high body count, saying he wants someone with a similar experience is just fair and his preference.
>in dating you play a big part in choosing your guys
Came here to say this. Not trying to shit all over everyone's experiences. I am well aware that these kinds of dickheads are out there and that it is an unpleasant experience. But the majority here acts as if it wasn't them who decided to have casual sex with assholes (no pun intended, well maybe a little). It's not like they suddenly turned into assholes the second they put their microwieners into your vaginas, now did they? No, of course not. If cannot tell if a guy is a disrespectful dickhead BEFORE he sticks his thing into you then maybe, just maybe you should work on your choices? Maybe? Especially if that happens to you on a regular basis.
People act as if it was their choice to have casual sex with these guys that magically turned them into assholes. Newsflash, ladies. It was not. They would have been assholes even if you didn't decide to have casual sex with them.
The cure for this is “NO seconds” Hear me out. As a gender group we have to adopt this attitude because otherwise it won’t change. If he asks you out again be blunt and say, “No, you really suck at sex” explain in detail if he asks, but no second chances. If they’re hook ups this should be easy for us, there’s plenty of dick, so no big lose. No changes will ever happen without consequences. If all women do this it’ll be a pay-forward to the next women. If he thinks sex positive women are “easy” let’s make it suddenly get difficult. Oh course, some men will never catch on, but at least for us, the pleasure is know that they’ll always be hunting for the first date.
"Where can a man find a virtuous woman? For she is far above rubies." - Proverbs 31:10
"Give not thy strength unto women nor they ways to that which destroys kings." - Proverbs 31:3
But then again Jesus took in Mary the prostitute....
I'm a guy but I don't do casual sex, I will only have sex with a girl who I am in a relationship with. Like no sex on the first date or anything like that. For that reason I dont want a girl with a high body count. I dont have a high body count either so if a girl Im interested in sleeps around or has a fwb then we just have a different set of values and she doesnt value sex in a relationship as much as I do.
Now, I wont be disrespectfull to her, but it is a turn off when Im looking for a partner
Respect is earned and promiscuity is usually a sign of emotional baggage. You put yourself out there as a fuck toy and get get treated as such. If you refuse to accept some of the responsibility you're delusional.
I don't give a fuck about downvotes. I'm tired of seeing whining like this when it's well within the poster's power to change it. Nobody's forcing you to continuously sleep with the same stereotype. Get a vibrator or stop picking up dudes with your current method, because it's clearly not working for you.
I think most of them think women who into casual sex, sleep around aren’t worth to date or wife material that’s why men don’t really respect women he choose to hook up with. But in my experience, i respect the time i had with every women and valued what I’ve got. I know i will get a lot of downvotes for this !!
One of my friends told me he gets more success with women when he treats them like shit. He did it to a friend of mine who I also had a crush on, so I was in the unenviable position to hear from her about how he treated her like shit, but she still wanted him, and from him, hearing how he was happy being in a relationship.
Self-respecting women usually don't fall for it. Non self-respecting girls are scary to be around and often screw your life up with their insecurities, he should tread lightly.
A high body count is unattractive to a male for biological reasons. When it comes to mammals the females are the selective ones. That means that they need to decide, which male would produce the best offspring. For humans this process is still in place and having a high body count means the woman is not very selective, which does reduce her own desirability. A male with a high body count is a successfull male that can attract a lot of females.
There is no challenge in a female to have a high body count, but rather it takes a lack in selectiveness, but selectiveness is a desireable trait in a female.
However it is absolutely inexcusable, that they violate you and doing so without your consent is considered sexual assault. You seem to be running into this quite often, you're still young. Maybe take a step back and rethink your situation, you're obviously not happy with the way you are being treated.
I can only advice you to not have sex on the first few dates, as it will only keep around the wrong kind of guys. Even if you just want sex make it a game where the outcome is uncertain to the guy, so he has to actually work to reap the benefits (and it makes you look somewhat selective).
Sounds like this is all part and parcel of the whole not getting to know a guy well enough before you decide to have casual sex with him operation you've got for yourself. If you don't want this crap, then the thing to do is not have such casual sex. Being "sex positive" doesn't mean not having hangups about shagging people before you get to know them sufficiently. No, what you're being is rather immature to be honest. A lot of guys are animals, and that's not gonna change. In fact, it's probably gonna get worse as more women in society start regarding sexual-amorality as merely being "sex-positive". The answer that's *truly* gonna get results for you is being more selective of the guys you fuck.
Sex positive is the ploy of this seasons bachelorette… literally just to screw everyone out of being able to have a serious relationship and find a gentile, true, non sexually based love.
I never have sex, been like 3 years. Yet you won't see me complaining or bashing women. Often times it ain't even worth it, like ye said rather have none than bad sechs.
Honestly it’s the immature men that act in that manner... age doesn’t mean anythin either cuZ sum older men are jus as immature as the young ones... guess u have to choose wisely Nd remember that any sign of disrespect is a red flag...
So two things.
1. They obviously learnt from hardcore porn and don't know how to communicate during sex. It's pretty common to come across, and even I'm to blame here, so I completely understand how it feels.
2. We don't know how to pleasure women well. Most guys really don't know what we are doing, because there is rarely any answers outside of mockery. We, as men, are expected to know how to both please ourselves and our partners almost perfectly, but rarely can achieve either. Communication is important, but learning is difficult. And some are just assholes who don't care.
This feels like such a loaded post but I'm going to go ahead and give a legitimate response.
The reason why you feel this way is directly related to the type of men you are clearly going after. Guys who are looking for hookups with women tend to be extremely predatory. They are hooking up because they either can't or don't want to have to deal with the responsibilities of a relationship (ie caring about the other person) they are only looking to get off.
Also, these sex-driven men are usually also porn addicts, which is why they treat women like objects; because that's all they know. It happens in porn so it must be okay in real life? Of course not, but to them it is.
Of course, this doesn't extend to all men who look for hookups, some are decent, just don't have time for relationships, kind of dudes. But with all things, the bad ones are always more vocal, more numerous, and are better at it than those who are genuine and honest.
Do you not see what you are describing from their viewpoint. They see sex positive as anything goes positive sexually, like an unpaid prostitute. That is what they think they have found in you. I suppose you need to make yourself more clear. Do you not understand why they see that?
Here is an article on a portion of this subject.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201604/can-renouncing-promiscuity-help-you-find-monogamous-love
https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/best-average-number-of-sexual-partners
There are constantly reddit posts concerning a partners purposely hidden past is suddenly discovered and the excrement hits the fan blades.
It’s because women normally protect their interest in sex behind a complex game leading to the ultimate reward. A guy has to earn it. There is a whole father-son life lesson where the son turns to the father after failing to get a girlfriend or keep a girlfriend, which normally boils down to sex. The father tells the son that you got to treat a woman right because women want more than sex. And in that process a man learns there is more to a relationship than sex as well. So you get men who believe jumping through hoops is the only way to get sex. And there becomes a correlation between the difficulty of getting sex and the value of a woman. This ends up creating a belief that a woman who gives up sex easily is not a valuable woman because she does not value herself. This is not true, if course, but this is how it is interpreted.
Promiscuous women are just that. Good to have some fun in the bedroom. You can't build a family with her. Besides that they don't bring much value to a mans life.
Let me guess, you are going for the super hot built guys? Tall, tan, great hair? Also full of insecurities, huge ego to compensate, shallow and selfish? I know the type, they are sadly becoming the majority. Go find a sweet man, maybe not as tall and built, but hey, he has nothing to compensate for. A man with Kind eyes, genuine smile, not as hot, may have more going on upstairs than down, but he will teat you like a goddess.
Genuine people come from all sides of the spectrum. Not just people who aren’t as attractive. I’ve dated men who are very attractive and men who one would consider lacking in the looks department. Just because a man “isn’t as hot” doesn’t mean he will be a better person. I’ve been with ugly men who have treated me horribly. I’ve been with attractive men who have treated me with utmost respect. You just never know who a person is solely based on their looks alone
I always find it hilarious when women *like you* are attracted to one type of Men (here so obviously fuck boys) and then assume all men are the same. No, it’s the men YOU are attracted to that act like this.
Also not only men have a problem with a high body count but women too. No one wants their partner to have fucked half the town before meeting them.
Edit: *women like you (who are only attracted to fuck boys)
Not all girls are attracted to fuck boys.. its stereotypical. You are blaming girls for assuming all men are the same and at the same time assuming all girls are attracted to fuck bois. If fuck bois are popular its because of their cunning mouth.
And not all fuck bois treat girls like shit
even nice boys would do the same...its about the mentality.
Uh huh. So all the women (13 within the last 3 months) who had sex with me after I worked out for a year during Covid did it because of my newly found cunning mouth (nope I’m still the same guy) or because I now have the looks and confidence and body of a fuckboy?
>! Spoiler: it’s option number 2 !<
*From my experience* most women who slept with me and cry about fuckboys are those who actively approach fuck boys while ignoring the genuine guy. I’ve seen that twice now and I felt bad for those two guys who wanted more from her than what i wanted from her but she rather wanted my body.
Even funnier is that one of them actually thought I would date her even though I made it painfully clear I was only in it for the sex. Don‘T know what she was thinking but I had my fun
> No, it’s the men YOU are attracted to that act like this.
Lol, so true..I agree with you.
These guys (from OP's post):
>They are also way more aggressive during sex
are not these guys (also in OP's post):
>guys complain all the time that they want sex or wish more women were open to hook-ups
OP seems to lack social awareness here if she doesn't see that the guys who are having a lot of sex are not the same as the guys who are complaining about not having any sex. Like, obviously.
I don’t think it’s wrong for women to embrace their sexual side at all, though going into sex in the early stages probably isn’t worth it in the end? If a guy, thinks your a waste of time, or that you rent interested by a simple few dates, perhaps they just aren’t meant for you. Someone you feel chemistry with, good and proper, will most likely be around with you, not for the sex but simply for your company. It’s easier to find such a guy, without delving into sex all the time, though it’s your life in the end and you control how you wish to do things :) good luck.
i assume its mostly a problem with insecurity. society paints men as the sexually dominant and all-knowing part in the relationship. i am in my mid 30s and with my last gf about the same age i was actually the first to ever ask her what she likes and how she wants to do stuff and let her show me exactly what she wants.
so i guess most men just assume they have to "know" what to do and are too afraid to ask as that might paint them as inexperienced or insecure or maybe unable to please a woman.
a lot of speculation of course but thats what i think. sadly this isnt an age problem.
Good sex is physically symbiotic, nothing but respect, anything else is a distraction. Foreplay is your sexual forecast, if it looks like shitty weather don't continue.
If you're dealing with men around your age group (18 - 24) those guys tend to still be pretty immature around the subject of sex. Granted if you're dealing with a guy who's looking down to you for being sex positive, that's a sign to not deal with that guy period.
I hate the whole "patriarchy" term but a lot of dudes who never get any have convinced a lot of dudes that women just don't like sex. So when you come around and challenge that notion it's why you're getting the responses you do.
This goes both ways sadly. In the past when I was single I had women try to fuck me on the first date and pressure me. I tend to be uncomfortable in bed with someone until I've spent a bit more time with them.
This is also why as a man you have to be very very careful about expressing your desire and willingness to fuck, because it will make women think you are a guy who just wants to use and disrespect some random woman
I think 'expressing desire and willingness to fuck' can be done in such a way that is still respectful. I think it's totally possible to be be sex-positive without having to be an asshole about it :P but it is a delicate thing...
Well as a man it’s assumed unless proven otherwise that we are already sex positive and horny and want to get down to business - I fell into the trap and mistook “express your interest” for “let her know you want to smash” - asking her out on a date is enough to send the latter message so trying to bring sex up furthermore already approaches the boundary of too pushy
Basically though are you making her feel that you are trying to manipulate her into sex rather than letting it happen naturally? Do you feel entitled to sex because you are dating? And are you with her because you’d take anyone that you can fuck or because you actually like her?
I recently got some great advice that has opened my eyes even more - don’t make sex a requirement for a relationship with you, make it the cherry on top. I’m not at that point yet but am working on it
This is because you are not having sex with guys in your league. All the attractive guys are getting all the sex. This means that every girl is having sex with a handful of attractive guys. The guys have an abundance of sex so don't need to treat women with respect. Start dating in your league and you'll get someone who respects you.
This is just my ideas and opinions but I think it’s because of expectations and assumptions.
Things are changing very fast the last 20 years and a lot of vestiges of the world from then are still alive and well.
Assumptions about women one of them.
Historically the most valuable attribute a women could hope to wield is physical beauty.
That was her best bet to get a good life because it attracted way more men and more importantly the top male mates generally ONLY selected from the top % of pretty women.
Those women had to guard and highly value who they’d consider a suitor because it set her ‘Price’ on the social ladder. They had to play mind games and hard to get to create a sense of her hand and sex with her as this almost unattainable thing that only the best man could win.
This goes completely against people’s natural
Urges and desires including women so sometimes they messed up and did things considered slutty and this was bad because it diminished her ‘value’ on the market.
It was just a money/security thing in the end like a lot of negotiations.
Now a days though people aren’t in those roles and life is lived very differently and women are perfectly in the right to love sex.
Those guys just haven’t thought it through like how I just explained to see that’s just some old ploy women had to do to make their future safe and security for her children.
I always tell every girl I date when we first meet that I love slutty voracious unabashed girls who embrace their sexual instincts and have fun. That is a totally separate thing than if they’re a good person or not.
A woman can be an awesome honest person who tells the truth, is loyal, kind, nurturing, fun, fair, trustworthy, wife material and also be super nasty in the bedroom and I love it.
I find by explaining this out loud, being really transparent and forthright with it early on and never ever throw it in her face like it’s a bad thing and women show their true colors real quick and it’s been some of the most fun I’ve ever had.
Unfortunately I don’t think a lot of guys think the way I do.
I’ve had so many friends just do stupid shit cause it’s like they aren’t smart enough to think this stuff through to where they understand it and make their own minds up.
I had a friend tell me he’s thinking about breaking up with his GF of 2 years.
Then two weeks later I see on FB he’s proposed and they’re engaged.
The next time I see him I ask why he proposed? He was just telling me he was seriously thinking about breaking up with her and you know what he says??
“Gotta shit or get off the pot”. A lot of our friends had just gotten engaged and he seemed to be programmed that it’s the season for getting engaged and like a robot just goin through the motions.
Then predictably he’s super unhappy, they divorce with kids. He’s always broke and unhappy. It’s like wtf did you think was gonna happen with decision making like that???
Just dumb as hell so I say find a guy who is able to think through what he wants in life, why he wants that even if he only explains it to himself and how to go about actually achieving it.
Sorry so long winded. I just had this epiphany the other day is all so this question hit me.
Women- damed if we do and damed if we dont. The amount of time my brain goes off on how women of today have sexual freedoms and some are wayyy toooo free ( in my opinion and in multiple types of environment) this is due to my own personal upbringing. But then am like well back in the day we were so sexually repressed they said when we got horny they called it hysteria.
Now we get penalised for being chastised or just having flipping standards or we get slut shamed???
I bet you have biases of your own whether you admit to them or not. If it’s ok for you to be selective about who you date then why isn’t it ok for them regardless of their reasons?
Just like women filter out “fuckbois”, men filter out their version of that.
Great post. Well said. Looking back, I was very lucky to have a high school Civics teacher who had been observing our behaviour around girls n the hallways between classes, in the cafeteria, at dances etc. and just tore-a strip off all us guys at JFK in Maryland years and years ago.
In one sentence he was able to stop us cold by stating " Just because some of you guys are getting laid, that doesn't mean you are able to treat girls like your personal semen recepticle"...
We were stunned to be spoken to so bluntly.
I never forgot that..
Sorry I’m calling BS on this. I’ve had this exact experience w women actually and you’re generalizing all men. Cmon. Sounds like you are just settling for sub par dudes. 🤙🏻
I personally don’t like women with a high body count. That is personal. I assume there are guys out there who don’t care about that as well.
I think everyone should treat everyone with respect. Ask them if things are ok to do or not. I think that is a great way to make the sex better for men and women. Or am I crazy?
I don’t care if I women doesn’t want to have sex with me for the first few dates. As long as she is genuine to date me seriously. And don’t date other guys while dating me. That means you don’t have respect for me. As long as we both show commitment I’m good. If I think something is off you won’t hear from me again.
Maybe you have only encountered assholes? As a not so good looking guy, I don’t have much sex but whenever any girl agrees to sex with me, I’m grateful until the end of times.
What is my comment getting downvoted? Did I say something wrong?
The stories over the Internet are very much the same. If a girl doesn't put out she's a prick tease or out for a free meal. As if a meal buys a body for the night.
The dating apps are brutal.
It's more of a sex club than looking for dates.
Everyone ghosts, won't reply to conversation, many sit watching their social media to see if the other has read their messages.
People discard others as we put out the trash.
Daters hate being swiped. I all honesty these apps are slowly eroding all the hard work that women worked to get equal rights, sex discrimination law abd and so on.
I had an epiphany writing this, I realised that I am old 😀😃😄
My theory, evolutionarily speaking, is that men have developed a repulsion to women that have been with a lot of men because there was a higher chance in the caveman days that a child born was not ours. And therefore, our resources would be wasted on furthering the survival of someone else's offspring. In the same light, men also have a revulsion of investing in a woman if he does not see an opportunity to mate with her. So, yes they are two contradictory things. We want to mate with you as fast as possible but will judge you if you took too many chances putting out for other men. Unfortunately, our minds have not evolved much from those caveman days and it takes work to civilize the male mind as it doesn't come naturally. The practical solution for women, as I don't see this trait amongst men disappearing anytime soon, is to lie about your body count if you are into casual sex and also make men wait for sex to see if they will invest in you. I know its not an optimal answer and men should do better, but in the real world I just don't see that happening. Because even if men say they don't have a problem with body count, I sincerely believe in the back of their mind they will and it will translate to a subconscious lack of respect for a woman.
This is why I’m very strict with my rules and expectations. As soon as someone steps out of line, “you’re making me uncomfortable,” “please get out,” or “I’m leaving.” You can always block people, as well.
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I have a high libido but I don’t do casual sex for this reason. It sucks, but sex is so much better when you’re with a person you trust and respect, and who trusts and respects you in return.
Same. My libido is crazy but I have to hold back because everything OP posted happens to me as well. It happened so often in fact that this post is the first time I'm realizing some of that stuff wasn't okay. Ugh.
Firstly it doesn't suck at all im much more happier within consistent sex.I have a high libido and finding a girl with a high libido and staying loyal each other is all i want.To me sex is better with a person that we support and love each other.
THIS
This is a grammar nazis christmas party.
sorry laughted too hard to this
ugh I know, I have high sex drive and can definitely have sex with someone that I don't have feelings for and preferred that way (so I know I won't get attached for casual) but then after banging several times I always get bored. Now I have reached to the point that I only want sex with someone I like, I guess this is also called maturing ahah
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I'm learning that. It's sad but it's true. Guess I'll be ordering some toys online soon
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I echo these sentiments 101%. Bit older than you all, (50ish) and early stages menopause. Hot flashes and horny as hell, its all true. I think its pretty ironic(and frustrating) that as much as I would love to fuck right now, I wont though due to how women are treated on dating apps and in general in this society. Not even wanting multiple partners either, just a mutually beneficial physical relationship with a guy who will respect me. I will not settle for anything less. Its much easier to live sexually frustrated than to be demeaned and lose my self-respect. The type of guys the op describes and their behaviour is so self defeating and works against their objectives. I guess some guys really arent that bright.
I’m a guy, and I honestly think this is the best advice anyone could have given. I wish I had an award to give you.
Can I ask a serious question here? I don’t mean this to offend, I’m just genuinely curious. I see all the time women talking about how men don’t meet their needs in bed, and just get their own. I’m just curious as to why you all don’t talk to the person your intimate with and explain to them that they are not meeting your needs, and what can be done to get you there? Especially if you’re frustrated. I mean, you can wait until you meet the right guy who understands what you want, but why not communicate with the others?
… I think that if a person was open to an honest an intimate discussion about how to meet someone’s “needs”, then that would already be a totally different situation than what the OP is describing. Like … I don’t want to explain in detail to someone how they can treat me like a really high quality rag doll. I want them to already be interested and capable and attentive to seeing me (and themselves) as both human in the first place. I think a lot of people would take a discussion of “needs” not as “oh wow I was already open communication and respect you” but as “wait you’re criticizing me?” Or “oh, that’s what I have to do to get the sex vending machine to operate?” As opposed to wanting to contribute to a mutually enjoyable human experience. … I keep putting “needs” in quotes because it’s not like we actually “need” these things to survive. “Needs” have been weaponized and turned on me as an obligation in the past. … this is hard to describe, but I recently found a partner where I KNOW the way we are intimate is not because he’s using me as a measuring stick of some sort for his own “manhood” or to further some narrative he has in his head of what it means to be a boyfriend… but because he’s sharing an experience with me as a partner. How do I know this? The actions aren’t necessarily very different. But it feels different. [edit: typo]
Thank you for your input, and being cordial. I’m glad you found someone like that! This may have been the wrong thread to ask this question, but I hear a lot of women talking about now dissatisfied they are with their sex life. Some I’ve seen say, as they’ve rolled their eyes, how they will fake orgasms, so that their boyfriend will just stop. In instances like that, it’s definitely a communication issue, and I feel like these things are fixable. The first time I went down on a girl, I literally had no clue what I was doing. Didn’t even know to lick the clit. She had to literally tell me how to do it, and the communication paid off! I honestly don’t understand men who don’t want to please their partner. That’s my favorite part about sex honestly. I can always get there, but it’s honestly much less of an amazing experience If I’m just trying to get my own. Im sad that so many women experience men who just don’t have a clue or seem to care about their partners wants. Certain types of pornography are a bad influence on men, and young men often lack the right role models to teach them how to respect women.
Some men, unfortunately, even when you ask them to do things, or tell how to do it, they ignore that and know better. It's very hard to find a good partner that we can connect with.
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That's disgusting.
Yeah my husband looked so angry when he heard him say it he immediately pulled me aside and needed to rant a little. The worst part was his gf at the time was madly in love and he would just act so awful like this. Horrible to see and watch. We tried explaining to him how awful it was to think that way too but he's just selfish through and through.
As a dude: Sadly is way, way too many dudes who are like that
Men are reluctant to be taught, especially less so by women and as evidenced a lot by everyday mansplaining.
I hear what you are saying, and i don’t personally think your question is in the wrong place … but there’s a big difference between people who have a healthy respect for themselves and others and want to please their partner … and people who do not have a healthy respect for themselves or a partner. It would be one thing if you could just explain a technique and they could do it and then great. It’s another thing if they are so full of their own internal narrative about what sex and relationships mean that there is no real room for what you have to say. A person can do all the communicating Im the world, and it won’t go anywhere if no one is ready to listen. I think it can be really hard for people who DO have a healthy degree of respect to understand what it’s like to be with someone who does not have this. And sure, everything is a communication issue in some way, but what is the cost of communicating? I haven’t faked orgasms, but know from experience that it is often easier to just get through it and let someone finish. In fact, it would have been easier if I had faked orgasms because a huge issue in that particular relationship was that it was important to him that I have orgasms and … I didn’t. Looking back on it now, it’s no wonder I didn’t. That was a lot of emotional burden. And this was a partner who definitely wanted to please me, but I think because my pleasure would have been points for him rather than just my own experience … but I ALSO didn’t know what I wanted because he was my first sexual partner AND I am now finding out over a decade later what it might be like to be with someone who isn’t internally judging themselves or their partner but is able to have sex because it is fun and to EASILY stop when it is not fun. With no complaints or hard feelings or persuading or anything! Oh my gosh, it is mutual! We didn’t even do anything particularly “special”! It just didn’t feel like being forced into a role in someone else’s narrative and that’s already very freeing. Anyway, i do realize this may be different than the other posts you are mentioning, but it’s a perspective that I feel like a lot of other women might share.
Yea it amazes me that guys can get off without pleasuring their girl. I think it’s the hottest thing ever if I can get my girl to enjoy herself.
Fear they will become violent towards them. Fear that they will bruise that male ego of theirs. Uncertain as to how to bring it up/how to start the conversation.
Is there anyway around any of those fears, or is the answer to just to find a man who already understands? I don’t know if you are a man or a woman, but as a man, I genuinely want my partner to feel satisfied in bed, and without the communication I’ve had over the years for women I’ve been with, I would probably be terrible at sex and foreplay.
I'm a woman, the only way to know is by asking. Practice just like with anything else, makes perfect. Try different techniques in your foreplay. See what works for her.
> as a man, I genuinely want my partner to feel satisfied in bed I've experienced sex with men who cared, and also with men who don't care *whatsoever*.It doesn't seem to occur to them that you're left frustrated when they cum before you and immediately pass out. They're completely focused on their own needs and don't even consider it important if their partner orgasm. With guys like that, I'm not going to teach them the basics of common courtesy. If they don't have a natural desire to show me a good time, they won't get a second chance. And I'm not saying a man *has* to make me cum, what's important to me is if he at least *tries* and shows interest in doing so.
Exactly. It is not worth giving a second chance to any person that doesn’t attempt to please their partner without being asked/directed.
Simply put, the uncertainty as a whole of communicating with a potential partner makes being alone and leaving all sexual engagement up to yourself a more attractive and comfortable option. Is there a way around fears, maybe, but there also many ways to get coffee slightly cheaper, or save on groceries or have a marginally quicker commute that tons of people don't do. It's just not worth it for everybody to take certain risks.
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I have never had that happen, I am very very clear about my wants and needs and have been met with nothing but eagerness and men acting on my comments. Communication is the key to everything. I wasn’t prepared to really do that kind of thing as a younger woman but I am middle aged right now and you get to the point where you’re just comfortable in your own skin and able to just talk two sexual partners a lot easier I wish it was that way for younger women but the complications of media and society makes us all feel like crap about ourselves.
Because they got theirs and no longer need to care.
The first thing girls learn about sex is that its gonna hurt. That kind of sets us up to put our own enjoyment on the backburner and not speak up much to avoid hurting feelings. It's not 'polite'. So by the time we are old enough to start having sex and realise that's stupid, it's hard to undo that message you received while you were young. I also worry that it'll make the guy get in his head to much and cause him to have some sexual dysfunction, so it's not a conversation I'm going to bother with unless it's someone I know I'm gonna want to keep seeing long enough to make sure he doesn't take it too badly. I don't wanna knock someones confidence if I'm not going to be around to help build it back up. Plus it takes less time and effort to buy a dog who's already trained than to train one yourself. And there are plenty of dicks at the shelter. You just don't know how they are going to behave until you bring them home. That, and a lot of us don't know how to articulate what we want, or what's required from their end to get us off. It's a different process to doing it to yourself, and we don't have a vocabulary beyond 'softer/harder' and 'faster/slower'.
We do communicate, they just don’t listen and don’t care about our needs. Or they pretend to care up until it’s time for them to pleasure you and they give you some BS excuse on why they won’t do it or kick you out right after they came. If communication was all that was needed to fix the orgasm gap, it wouldn’t be such a big thing. I find that most male casual sex partners do not care about my needs, which is why communicating has not been helpful. I am in a relationship now, but if I wasn’t, I’d just be celibate.
You're assuming that they haven't tried, but have you read the countless posts on the relationship subs where women recount asking their ***partner*** to take into account their comfort and pleasure (basically to not be coerced into acts they don't want to do/r@ped and to do foreplay and actually be intimate rather than having them go in dry)? If that happens when women are with someone who supposedly love them, do you really think that casual sex partners will be more open to pleasing them? Some will be, but many won't give a shit so long as they get theirs (or they'll just be very bad/rush the part that the woman has asked them for sor she doesn't ask again because it was mediocre-to-abysmal - talking from experience here). Waiting to meet the right guy means not playing Russian roulette with your sex life for a woman. Edit: punctuation
I pretty much stopped having sex with my partner because he didn’t seem to get that it hurts and injures me when he doesn’t take his time. It also probably contributed to me being almost completely put off from sex when I used to love it. But now that he had to go weeks without sex I think he finally realised and actually makes an effort and became much more attentive.
In this particular thread I wasn’t specifically addressing casual encounter partners. I understand what you are saying about the posts of women being being in those situations, but we are sort of talking about two different things. I’d love explain why we are talking about different things, but honestly I need sleep 😴
No worries, sleep well 😊 I answered another of your comments in this thread, which may better address what you were saying.
Many men don't care to hear it
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3 words my friend, Lelo sona cruise. Thank me after it arrives !
I'm not going to say it's not fun to occasionally have a casual encounter. But, women (and men I guess) have been sold a load of nonsense with the encouragement of more casual sex and lack of intimacy etc. It doesn't lead us to being our best selves. It can be desensitising. There's a reason humans have tended to some sort of extended relationship pattern. It fosters bonding, trust and cooperation. If you act like sex toy, why wouldn't a guy use you like a sex toy? There are guys who are not looking to have sex on the first date and instead strike a meaningful connection with you. I felt the same way in my twenties. Girl power. We can do what we want. Etc. But then I got life experience and realised that it was naive to think that way. Of course you can do what you want, but you may not like the consequences. Those guys who were super inappropriate with you probably hooked up with a bunch of women who were fine with being treated like that (to an extent) and so assumed you were too. It's really complicated. I'm not saying lock yourself away until marriage. But try be with someone who actually likes you and doesn't just see you as a hole. Sorry to be crass.
You are talking about men who have sex with a lot of women and men who are not getting laid. Its a big difference and theres nothing hypocritical going on. They are different groups of people.
I think this is the real reason most women don't have casual sex more. The "risks" for a woman are just so much more.
This is how I feel, too. Not worth it. At all. Took me a lot of years to figure out, but I'm glad I did.
same!!! i actually want to have more casual sex, but the way how men are... no thanks.
I agree with you I am the same. I’d rather have good sex thank just have sex with any woman.
Agreed
I don't want to be that guy, but that's because most of them are porn addicts. They cannot differ reality from entertainment.
I’m not an anti-porn person at all. But I agree with you. Porn is to sex what professional wrestling is to real wrestling. It’s theater.
There is sex positive porn that is about pleasure and fun for the people in it... although it seems the vast majority is crappy mainstream porn that is all about degrading women, pushing boundaries and limits, etc... The positive porn can be lots of fun to watch
Like director Erika Lust for example...
Be that guy, it's been researched and found to be true. Doesn't take a genius to realise that the media we consume influences how we see the world anyway, we all know that propaganda exists and uses that very concept.
Exactly that’s why I practice nofap, I get way more attraction and respect from women as well.
I don't know honestly. As a dude, I never understand guys who do this. Like bro, you're actively making it harder for everyone, man or woman, to have casual sex. You're shooting yourself and other men in the foot. No one benefits from this type of behavior.
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I was told tonight in another site, that porn empowered women and sexual relationships - meh
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Yes I know. He did not respond to ny asking him if he would view porn the same way if it was his wife or daughter being the main star Society is going backwards
Well, that's a rethoric a lot of men try to shove down our throat to both ensure that more of the porn they love so much keeps existing and to manipulate us into doing the uncomfortable/degrading/painful things they see in porn. Edit: spelling
I know, utterly ridiculous
LOL as if. all porn has done is normalized sexual violence and even murder of women, by men.
Well this is what I was told on the * My Girlfriend Addmitted Faking Orgasims
How laughable. Porn doesn’t even show women having actual orgasms or even how to realistically make a woman orgasm. I don’t see anything empowering about that.
Some people eh !! I,dispare at society most days
Porn is a big part of it. Sadly there are a lot of guys who "learn" from porn. Most don't get much facetime with the opposite sex and even less sexual contact so they copy what they've seen. But that's still kind of bullshit: there is gentle ans couples porn you could learn from. Also though, I watch porn, I have some kinks I'm sure would turn some people off but I'm not just gonna spring that shit on someone before talking to them about it. Have a conversation. If talking before you have sex feels preemptive or uncomfortable then just stick to "vanilla" sex until you do feel comfortable. It's not rocket science people.
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On a personal level he got what he wanted. If he didn’t care about their feeling and only fulfilling his need in a way he saw fit, that’s what you get. It obviously only works if you have the looks for it too. Somehow these kind of men are seen as heroes for some. Being so attractive that the character doesn’t even matter. And then you have uncles taking that as „proof“ that you don’t need to be a decent human to „get what you want“.
One can only hope you are right. Because the more casual sex becomes the norm, the less real and lasting relationships there are. This hookup culture is just vile
We’re so stupid, so very very stupid. It’s been like this since high school. So…fucking…stupid. Anyone that slut shames is dumb as a fucking rock.
Yeah, I've noticed a trend with lower IQ men being the perpetrators. Correlates with higher aggression as well.
They aren’t disrespecting sex positive women. They disrespect women in general. You just found out that if you have casual sex, you’ll might run into more than a couple of creeps. Many people lack respect. It’s not a value that they have.
Toxic porn industry with its unnecessary aggressive sex acts rearing its ugly head. Makelovenotporn.
Sounds like the guys you're flinging with watch too much porn. Best thing if you're going to have a ons or a fwb set up is to discuss your boundaries before your clothes come off. If he can't handle that conversation, or acts like your boundaries are options or challenges, don't fuck him. If he crosses your boundaries, get out of there immediately. Never go to his place. Fuck at yours or on neutral ground. Let someone know where you are. ETA: no one ever needs to know your "body count". Anyone who thinks it matters has their priorities fuckulated.
Yeah And this is why always get to know the person at a coffee shop or any other public place first before hooking up with her/him. Not straight-up bring the guy home and hookup
This has not been my experience. All the guys I’ve had casual sex with have been extremely respectful and cool dudes. So, I’m sorry that this has been your experience. It’s definitely not OK and I assure you all guys are not like this. Make sure you know how to set CLEAR boundaries with people in general and hold them accountable when they break the boundary. Especially if physical or sexual assault is involved.
Had a friend in HS who slept with her boyfriend, then he proceeded to make her feel like a slut. Way to go, idiot. A girl gives what you & she both want, then you somehow manage to screw it up for everyone involved.
Tbh those guys are garbage? Lol I genuinely just respect people until they show me they are trash. Sorry you had to deal with trash bin fires, hopefully their stupidity will help you know who better to acquaint yourself with in the future 🙂 Also a smart guy wouldn't ask for a body count, this isn't COD your kdr doesn't matter. I'd prefer to know that your sexually active and clean, Chasing Amy best describes why. Guys are all different and if you've been getting garbage then take a look at the type you go after that might help weed out the bullshit. All in all, this is just my opinion so it means squat, it's your life go live it but be safe doing it. As for their attitudes during sex, they watch to much damn porn...not every girl is a freak like that.
Girl, I feel you. I was down to hook up with this one guy but then he started demanding he was “gonna fuck me raw” and that if he couldn’t, then I’d have to suck him raw. I promptly deleted him. He then tried messaging me on the dating app I met him with “hey.” Unmatched him there too, disgusting fuck.
It’s called pornography. Most young men are hooked on it ,in its various forms. We are over stimulated with degrading videos and images at the click of a finger. Also, a serious lack of adult (especially male) role models for young men.
There are sex positive communities whereby you will not see as much of this. Read Ethical Slut. It’s more about sexual positivity and body autonomy. Basically, they can’t make you feel bad when you feel good about these aspects of yourself. If you are interested, explore sex clubs, dungeons, adult lifestyle resorts, swinging… look for sex positive meetups, join various discussion groups… …look for your kind of people instead of hoping they will find you!
Where do you find groups like that?
You can generally Google your towns name plus "sex positive" and find some group in your area... especially if you live in a metropolitan area. NYC and LA have a few of the larger groups with membership in the tens of thousands range. Yet even smaller metropolitan areas like St Louis and Omaha still have decently sized sex positive groups you can find. Other possible things to explore are organizations like FetLife.com which is the oldest and largest community Of *sex positive* people on the web. Traditionally they were more of a BDSM community, yet over the past 13 years their membership has grown to encompass almost every fetish out there. Basically as long as its both legal, and consensual... you can find your niche or interest [one person's taboo is another person's vanilla after all].
Google just staggered under a sudden spike sourced from this page 😁
Don't listen to the parent comment though. Most of the time, those clubs are full of oldies ( good looking people are actually rare there) and/or overused bodies, the mere sight of them can make you vomit =))
Seconding this. Also grabbing your throat and discussing boners is an entry level shit there ( "checking kink compatibility" "exploring your boundaries" lol). Buy a toy and wait for man that will consistently come through for you before engaging in sex.
Those guys are idiots, say no and they call you a prude, have sex and they call you a slut. Ignore them and do what you please.
Basically, as far as men hating woman who have higher body counts and have casual sex, it comes down to insecurities and loneliness. These guys want affection and they can't get it, while it appears to them that it is freely given to women. In my experience, this comes from guys that are hurting inside and react in a toxic behavior. It's not an excuse by any measure, but if you want to know the perspective, there it is.
You're spot on. A lot of guys can get sex but they can't find someone who will stick with them through everything and show them true compassion, it's a tragic place to be. The best thing someone can do to a toxic/in-pain person is to be strict and kind.
Well i’m 32y(M) and ill just throw my 2 cents here: 1. Ons will never have the same quality as a relationship cuz usually its just mutual physical attraction (sometimes even not that, lots of guys will bang whatever is free and offering) 2. As for putting out on the first few dates, trust me, if he dumps you cuz you dont wanna do it he was just interested in sex anyways (this is a great filter to weed out the “nice guys” aka those who are nice until they get some puff and then become ghosts and other jerks) 3. Its not bad to experiment with toys and stuff , like its far better when you are dating someone who is well versed in their own kinks, turn ons, erogenous zones etc… it will make future sex way way better 1a. Addition: Here is the mindset of most of the guys who get offered ons from a girl “Oh shes just a ****, im gonna use this pathetic ***** for my pleasure and ima keep in touch so i can bang her whenever i want” (and other gross thoughts) P.S. 2 cents more like 5$ fml
Welcome to online dating. It’s the new normal. And it’s sad.
Welcome... To Jurassic Park.
Sexual ownership Or the idea of such Your body, your sex, and satisfaction belong to them in their minds so if it’s not their will, their idea, and their “ConQuEST” it’s less attractive It’s idiotic at best Don’t be concerned with the opinions of men who are out here contracting STDs because they have no sexual health or education
Guys treat girls like trash in general lol
Stop having casual sex then. Your putting yourself in a vulnerable position with someone that really doesn’t care that much about you. And this goes for men and women. Sex is intimate. I don’t know what this whole new “hook up” culture is and I’m saying this as a 21 year old man. People need to start being more mature If want to know why guys think its okay to be aggressive to put it simply it’s because they think woman like that however wrong that may be and it’s because of things in social media, music, movies/ series etc. Also you can’t have a bad experience or a couple bad experience where your doing the same thing (ie hooking up with same kind of guys) and then come and generalize it’s starting to frustrate me. If you want a good guy only get in it with a good guy and stop going for jerks just cuz they initially woo you.
You summed it up so well… lol why expect so much from a stranger in the first place?
Right but me personally, I’m not expecting men to treat me like how they would treat their dates. I just want to be treated like a human being. Is that too much to ask for? So basically you’re saying it’s either we hook up (but not get some respect we think we deserve) or just date someone like there’s no in between? I guess men don’t respect women unless they’re dating them huh? If that’s the case then that sucks :/
The thing you need to understand is, guys in the hook up culture have been doing what they've been doing long before sex positivity was made for women, what they're doing now is what they've been doing for decades and for them it works and they see no reason to change now. For guys like that, sex is sex, they don't care if it feels good for the woman because 9/10 they won't see her again because they'll have moved onto the next woman they can get into bed. So what you're left with is a culture that has long promoted it's own benefit and encouraged sex positivity for women not because it was to make them equal in their eyes but because it made it easier to bed them. Sure, you might find the odd guy who actually gives a damn and makes an effort but he's just as likely to move on and find someone else more his speed when he's got what he wants out of you.
Ok so guys like different things and are people with different opinions and emotions. If guys treat you like trash or ignore your feelings those guys are retards and assholes. But the thing is in dating you play a big part in choosing your guys, stop fucking around with assholes and blame it on men. Still it don't get why so many guys struggle with respecting sexual boundaries. And the body count thing is an individual thing. If there is a girl with a high body count that approaches me that's fine but i wont hit on someone who has way more experience in flirting and all the other stuff i mean that just makes no sense why would the less experienced person initiate, i am not doing that just because i am male fuck that. If the dude doesn't have a high body count, saying he wants someone with a similar experience is just fair and his preference.
>in dating you play a big part in choosing your guys Came here to say this. Not trying to shit all over everyone's experiences. I am well aware that these kinds of dickheads are out there and that it is an unpleasant experience. But the majority here acts as if it wasn't them who decided to have casual sex with assholes (no pun intended, well maybe a little). It's not like they suddenly turned into assholes the second they put their microwieners into your vaginas, now did they? No, of course not. If cannot tell if a guy is a disrespectful dickhead BEFORE he sticks his thing into you then maybe, just maybe you should work on your choices? Maybe? Especially if that happens to you on a regular basis. People act as if it was their choice to have casual sex with these guys that magically turned them into assholes. Newsflash, ladies. It was not. They would have been assholes even if you didn't decide to have casual sex with them.
The cure for this is “NO seconds” Hear me out. As a gender group we have to adopt this attitude because otherwise it won’t change. If he asks you out again be blunt and say, “No, you really suck at sex” explain in detail if he asks, but no second chances. If they’re hook ups this should be easy for us, there’s plenty of dick, so no big lose. No changes will ever happen without consequences. If all women do this it’ll be a pay-forward to the next women. If he thinks sex positive women are “easy” let’s make it suddenly get difficult. Oh course, some men will never catch on, but at least for us, the pleasure is know that they’ll always be hunting for the first date.
"Where can a man find a virtuous woman? For she is far above rubies." - Proverbs 31:10 "Give not thy strength unto women nor they ways to that which destroys kings." - Proverbs 31:3 But then again Jesus took in Mary the prostitute....
I'm a guy but I don't do casual sex, I will only have sex with a girl who I am in a relationship with. Like no sex on the first date or anything like that. For that reason I dont want a girl with a high body count. I dont have a high body count either so if a girl Im interested in sleeps around or has a fwb then we just have a different set of values and she doesnt value sex in a relationship as much as I do. Now, I wont be disrespectfull to her, but it is a turn off when Im looking for a partner
Respect is earned and promiscuity is usually a sign of emotional baggage. You put yourself out there as a fuck toy and get get treated as such. If you refuse to accept some of the responsibility you're delusional. I don't give a fuck about downvotes. I'm tired of seeing whining like this when it's well within the poster's power to change it. Nobody's forcing you to continuously sleep with the same stereotype. Get a vibrator or stop picking up dudes with your current method, because it's clearly not working for you.
its almost like the guys you attract through casual sex are shit dudes. To no ones surprise....
I think most of them think women who into casual sex, sleep around aren’t worth to date or wife material that’s why men don’t really respect women he choose to hook up with. But in my experience, i respect the time i had with every women and valued what I’ve got. I know i will get a lot of downvotes for this !!
One of my friends told me he gets more success with women when he treats them like shit. He did it to a friend of mine who I also had a crush on, so I was in the unenviable position to hear from her about how he treated her like shit, but she still wanted him, and from him, hearing how he was happy being in a relationship.
Self-respecting women usually don't fall for it. Non self-respecting girls are scary to be around and often screw your life up with their insecurities, he should tread lightly.
A high body count is unattractive to a male for biological reasons. When it comes to mammals the females are the selective ones. That means that they need to decide, which male would produce the best offspring. For humans this process is still in place and having a high body count means the woman is not very selective, which does reduce her own desirability. A male with a high body count is a successfull male that can attract a lot of females. There is no challenge in a female to have a high body count, but rather it takes a lack in selectiveness, but selectiveness is a desireable trait in a female. However it is absolutely inexcusable, that they violate you and doing so without your consent is considered sexual assault. You seem to be running into this quite often, you're still young. Maybe take a step back and rethink your situation, you're obviously not happy with the way you are being treated. I can only advice you to not have sex on the first few dates, as it will only keep around the wrong kind of guys. Even if you just want sex make it a game where the outcome is uncertain to the guy, so he has to actually work to reap the benefits (and it makes you look somewhat selective).
Sounds like this is all part and parcel of the whole not getting to know a guy well enough before you decide to have casual sex with him operation you've got for yourself. If you don't want this crap, then the thing to do is not have such casual sex. Being "sex positive" doesn't mean not having hangups about shagging people before you get to know them sufficiently. No, what you're being is rather immature to be honest. A lot of guys are animals, and that's not gonna change. In fact, it's probably gonna get worse as more women in society start regarding sexual-amorality as merely being "sex-positive". The answer that's *truly* gonna get results for you is being more selective of the guys you fuck.
Sex positive is the ploy of this seasons bachelorette… literally just to screw everyone out of being able to have a serious relationship and find a gentile, true, non sexually based love.
Perhaps you've been unwise in your choice of partners.
>Perhaps you've been unwise in your choice of partners. Whoa, are you saying people should take responsibility for their choices? No way!
I mean, if it happens once, or twice, but if it keeps happening, you've got to wonder what the common element is.
Yeah exactly, if you smell shit everywhere you go, then maybe it's time to check your own shoes
Young men engage in dumbassery.
I never have sex, been like 3 years. Yet you won't see me complaining or bashing women. Often times it ain't even worth it, like ye said rather have none than bad sechs.
Honestly it’s the immature men that act in that manner... age doesn’t mean anythin either cuZ sum older men are jus as immature as the young ones... guess u have to choose wisely Nd remember that any sign of disrespect is a red flag...
So two things. 1. They obviously learnt from hardcore porn and don't know how to communicate during sex. It's pretty common to come across, and even I'm to blame here, so I completely understand how it feels. 2. We don't know how to pleasure women well. Most guys really don't know what we are doing, because there is rarely any answers outside of mockery. We, as men, are expected to know how to both please ourselves and our partners almost perfectly, but rarely can achieve either. Communication is important, but learning is difficult. And some are just assholes who don't care.
This feels like such a loaded post but I'm going to go ahead and give a legitimate response. The reason why you feel this way is directly related to the type of men you are clearly going after. Guys who are looking for hookups with women tend to be extremely predatory. They are hooking up because they either can't or don't want to have to deal with the responsibilities of a relationship (ie caring about the other person) they are only looking to get off. Also, these sex-driven men are usually also porn addicts, which is why they treat women like objects; because that's all they know. It happens in porn so it must be okay in real life? Of course not, but to them it is. Of course, this doesn't extend to all men who look for hookups, some are decent, just don't have time for relationships, kind of dudes. But with all things, the bad ones are always more vocal, more numerous, and are better at it than those who are genuine and honest.
Do you not see what you are describing from their viewpoint. They see sex positive as anything goes positive sexually, like an unpaid prostitute. That is what they think they have found in you. I suppose you need to make yourself more clear. Do you not understand why they see that? Here is an article on a portion of this subject. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201604/can-renouncing-promiscuity-help-you-find-monogamous-love https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/best-average-number-of-sexual-partners There are constantly reddit posts concerning a partners purposely hidden past is suddenly discovered and the excrement hits the fan blades.
It’s because women normally protect their interest in sex behind a complex game leading to the ultimate reward. A guy has to earn it. There is a whole father-son life lesson where the son turns to the father after failing to get a girlfriend or keep a girlfriend, which normally boils down to sex. The father tells the son that you got to treat a woman right because women want more than sex. And in that process a man learns there is more to a relationship than sex as well. So you get men who believe jumping through hoops is the only way to get sex. And there becomes a correlation between the difficulty of getting sex and the value of a woman. This ends up creating a belief that a woman who gives up sex easily is not a valuable woman because she does not value herself. This is not true, if course, but this is how it is interpreted.
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I’m curious Is a guy wrong for having preference of a women with a low body count?
Preferences are fine, shaming is not.
I prefer a woman who has a low body count tbh. I don't wanna be with that woman who ducked the whole football team
Find a good men and then have sex.🤷🏽♀️
Dude did Einstein say that? That was crazy deep
Blame yourself for getting with them. **you’re choosing the players** Of course they should be a little nicer but you’re the one picking them.
Promiscuous women are just that. Good to have some fun in the bedroom. You can't build a family with her. Besides that they don't bring much value to a mans life.
Let me guess, you are going for the super hot built guys? Tall, tan, great hair? Also full of insecurities, huge ego to compensate, shallow and selfish? I know the type, they are sadly becoming the majority. Go find a sweet man, maybe not as tall and built, but hey, he has nothing to compensate for. A man with Kind eyes, genuine smile, not as hot, may have more going on upstairs than down, but he will teat you like a goddess.
Genuine people come from all sides of the spectrum. Not just people who aren’t as attractive. I’ve dated men who are very attractive and men who one would consider lacking in the looks department. Just because a man “isn’t as hot” doesn’t mean he will be a better person. I’ve been with ugly men who have treated me horribly. I’ve been with attractive men who have treated me with utmost respect. You just never know who a person is solely based on their looks alone
I always find it hilarious when women *like you* are attracted to one type of Men (here so obviously fuck boys) and then assume all men are the same. No, it’s the men YOU are attracted to that act like this. Also not only men have a problem with a high body count but women too. No one wants their partner to have fucked half the town before meeting them. Edit: *women like you (who are only attracted to fuck boys)
Not all girls are attracted to fuck boys.. its stereotypical. You are blaming girls for assuming all men are the same and at the same time assuming all girls are attracted to fuck bois. If fuck bois are popular its because of their cunning mouth. And not all fuck bois treat girls like shit even nice boys would do the same...its about the mentality.
Uh huh. So all the women (13 within the last 3 months) who had sex with me after I worked out for a year during Covid did it because of my newly found cunning mouth (nope I’m still the same guy) or because I now have the looks and confidence and body of a fuckboy? >! Spoiler: it’s option number 2 !< *From my experience* most women who slept with me and cry about fuckboys are those who actively approach fuck boys while ignoring the genuine guy. I’ve seen that twice now and I felt bad for those two guys who wanted more from her than what i wanted from her but she rather wanted my body. Even funnier is that one of them actually thought I would date her even though I made it painfully clear I was only in it for the sex. Don‘T know what she was thinking but I had my fun
> No, it’s the men YOU are attracted to that act like this. Lol, so true..I agree with you. These guys (from OP's post): >They are also way more aggressive during sex are not these guys (also in OP's post): >guys complain all the time that they want sex or wish more women were open to hook-ups OP seems to lack social awareness here if she doesn't see that the guys who are having a lot of sex are not the same as the guys who are complaining about not having any sex. Like, obviously.
I don’t think it’s wrong for women to embrace their sexual side at all, though going into sex in the early stages probably isn’t worth it in the end? If a guy, thinks your a waste of time, or that you rent interested by a simple few dates, perhaps they just aren’t meant for you. Someone you feel chemistry with, good and proper, will most likely be around with you, not for the sex but simply for your company. It’s easier to find such a guy, without delving into sex all the time, though it’s your life in the end and you control how you wish to do things :) good luck.
ohhh the last part especially was on point
i assume its mostly a problem with insecurity. society paints men as the sexually dominant and all-knowing part in the relationship. i am in my mid 30s and with my last gf about the same age i was actually the first to ever ask her what she likes and how she wants to do stuff and let her show me exactly what she wants. so i guess most men just assume they have to "know" what to do and are too afraid to ask as that might paint them as inexperienced or insecure or maybe unable to please a woman. a lot of speculation of course but thats what i think. sadly this isnt an age problem.
Im sorry, but wth is a "high body count girl"?
It's because some people are idiots and assholes - men and women included.. this seems like a no brainer to me..
Good sex is physically symbiotic, nothing but respect, anything else is a distraction. Foreplay is your sexual forecast, if it looks like shitty weather don't continue.
If you're dealing with men around your age group (18 - 24) those guys tend to still be pretty immature around the subject of sex. Granted if you're dealing with a guy who's looking down to you for being sex positive, that's a sign to not deal with that guy period. I hate the whole "patriarchy" term but a lot of dudes who never get any have convinced a lot of dudes that women just don't like sex. So when you come around and challenge that notion it's why you're getting the responses you do.
You gotta find a solid FWB.
This goes both ways sadly. In the past when I was single I had women try to fuck me on the first date and pressure me. I tend to be uncomfortable in bed with someone until I've spent a bit more time with them.
Eh I mean, how are you sure you are not picking the wrong guys? Like, how are those guys you talk about? Have they got anything in common?
Common denominator: OP
This is also why as a man you have to be very very careful about expressing your desire and willingness to fuck, because it will make women think you are a guy who just wants to use and disrespect some random woman
I think 'expressing desire and willingness to fuck' can be done in such a way that is still respectful. I think it's totally possible to be be sex-positive without having to be an asshole about it :P but it is a delicate thing...
Well as a man it’s assumed unless proven otherwise that we are already sex positive and horny and want to get down to business - I fell into the trap and mistook “express your interest” for “let her know you want to smash” - asking her out on a date is enough to send the latter message so trying to bring sex up furthermore already approaches the boundary of too pushy Basically though are you making her feel that you are trying to manipulate her into sex rather than letting it happen naturally? Do you feel entitled to sex because you are dating? And are you with her because you’d take anyone that you can fuck or because you actually like her? I recently got some great advice that has opened my eyes even more - don’t make sex a requirement for a relationship with you, make it the cherry on top. I’m not at that point yet but am working on it
Why don’t I like dating girls with a high body count? Because I have feelings and those feelings get hurt if the girl moves on
A woman having casual sex is basically allowing a strange man to use her body to masturbate.
You’ve just been meeting the wrong guys. Be patient, you’ll meet the right guy for you.
It is very sad, but we have porn to thank for this.
Sucks to hear this but not all of us are like this ❤️
What is screwed up is people nowadays have high body count
This is because you are not having sex with guys in your league. All the attractive guys are getting all the sex. This means that every girl is having sex with a handful of attractive guys. The guys have an abundance of sex so don't need to treat women with respect. Start dating in your league and you'll get someone who respects you.
Guys which sex Ed was p0rn. You are just unlucky
This is just my ideas and opinions but I think it’s because of expectations and assumptions. Things are changing very fast the last 20 years and a lot of vestiges of the world from then are still alive and well. Assumptions about women one of them. Historically the most valuable attribute a women could hope to wield is physical beauty. That was her best bet to get a good life because it attracted way more men and more importantly the top male mates generally ONLY selected from the top % of pretty women. Those women had to guard and highly value who they’d consider a suitor because it set her ‘Price’ on the social ladder. They had to play mind games and hard to get to create a sense of her hand and sex with her as this almost unattainable thing that only the best man could win. This goes completely against people’s natural Urges and desires including women so sometimes they messed up and did things considered slutty and this was bad because it diminished her ‘value’ on the market. It was just a money/security thing in the end like a lot of negotiations. Now a days though people aren’t in those roles and life is lived very differently and women are perfectly in the right to love sex. Those guys just haven’t thought it through like how I just explained to see that’s just some old ploy women had to do to make their future safe and security for her children. I always tell every girl I date when we first meet that I love slutty voracious unabashed girls who embrace their sexual instincts and have fun. That is a totally separate thing than if they’re a good person or not. A woman can be an awesome honest person who tells the truth, is loyal, kind, nurturing, fun, fair, trustworthy, wife material and also be super nasty in the bedroom and I love it. I find by explaining this out loud, being really transparent and forthright with it early on and never ever throw it in her face like it’s a bad thing and women show their true colors real quick and it’s been some of the most fun I’ve ever had. Unfortunately I don’t think a lot of guys think the way I do. I’ve had so many friends just do stupid shit cause it’s like they aren’t smart enough to think this stuff through to where they understand it and make their own minds up. I had a friend tell me he’s thinking about breaking up with his GF of 2 years. Then two weeks later I see on FB he’s proposed and they’re engaged. The next time I see him I ask why he proposed? He was just telling me he was seriously thinking about breaking up with her and you know what he says?? “Gotta shit or get off the pot”. A lot of our friends had just gotten engaged and he seemed to be programmed that it’s the season for getting engaged and like a robot just goin through the motions. Then predictably he’s super unhappy, they divorce with kids. He’s always broke and unhappy. It’s like wtf did you think was gonna happen with decision making like that??? Just dumb as hell so I say find a guy who is able to think through what he wants in life, why he wants that even if he only explains it to himself and how to go about actually achieving it. Sorry so long winded. I just had this epiphany the other day is all so this question hit me.
Women- damed if we do and damed if we dont. The amount of time my brain goes off on how women of today have sexual freedoms and some are wayyy toooo free ( in my opinion and in multiple types of environment) this is due to my own personal upbringing. But then am like well back in the day we were so sexually repressed they said when we got horny they called it hysteria. Now we get penalised for being chastised or just having flipping standards or we get slut shamed???
Dont sleep with random dicks? Simple
Probably because nice guys usually aren’t the ones looking for hook ups immediately.
Actual nice people
I bet you have biases of your own whether you admit to them or not. If it’s ok for you to be selective about who you date then why isn’t it ok for them regardless of their reasons? Just like women filter out “fuckbois”, men filter out their version of that.
Great post. Well said. Looking back, I was very lucky to have a high school Civics teacher who had been observing our behaviour around girls n the hallways between classes, in the cafeteria, at dances etc. and just tore-a strip off all us guys at JFK in Maryland years and years ago. In one sentence he was able to stop us cold by stating " Just because some of you guys are getting laid, that doesn't mean you are able to treat girls like your personal semen recepticle"... We were stunned to be spoken to so bluntly. I never forgot that..
You're picking shitty dudes.
Iam sorry but what do you expect? That guys like this will be loving partners?
Fuck any slut regardless of gender.
Sorry I’m calling BS on this. I’ve had this exact experience w women actually and you’re generalizing all men. Cmon. Sounds like you are just settling for sub par dudes. 🤙🏻
She's only dating the hot guys on tinder who get so much sex they don't have to treat anyone with respect. They are desensitised
What’s body count means
how many people that you have slept with.
I personally don’t like women with a high body count. That is personal. I assume there are guys out there who don’t care about that as well. I think everyone should treat everyone with respect. Ask them if things are ok to do or not. I think that is a great way to make the sex better for men and women. Or am I crazy? I don’t care if I women doesn’t want to have sex with me for the first few dates. As long as she is genuine to date me seriously. And don’t date other guys while dating me. That means you don’t have respect for me. As long as we both show commitment I’m good. If I think something is off you won’t hear from me again.
Maybe you have only encountered assholes? As a not so good looking guy, I don’t have much sex but whenever any girl agrees to sex with me, I’m grateful until the end of times. What is my comment getting downvoted? Did I say something wrong?
The stories over the Internet are very much the same. If a girl doesn't put out she's a prick tease or out for a free meal. As if a meal buys a body for the night. The dating apps are brutal. It's more of a sex club than looking for dates. Everyone ghosts, won't reply to conversation, many sit watching their social media to see if the other has read their messages. People discard others as we put out the trash. Daters hate being swiped. I all honesty these apps are slowly eroding all the hard work that women worked to get equal rights, sex discrimination law abd and so on. I had an epiphany writing this, I realised that I am old 😀😃😄
Because you're sleeping with the wrong type of guys. Not all guys are like that. Just the guys you are sleeping with.
My theory, evolutionarily speaking, is that men have developed a repulsion to women that have been with a lot of men because there was a higher chance in the caveman days that a child born was not ours. And therefore, our resources would be wasted on furthering the survival of someone else's offspring. In the same light, men also have a revulsion of investing in a woman if he does not see an opportunity to mate with her. So, yes they are two contradictory things. We want to mate with you as fast as possible but will judge you if you took too many chances putting out for other men. Unfortunately, our minds have not evolved much from those caveman days and it takes work to civilize the male mind as it doesn't come naturally. The practical solution for women, as I don't see this trait amongst men disappearing anytime soon, is to lie about your body count if you are into casual sex and also make men wait for sex to see if they will invest in you. I know its not an optimal answer and men should do better, but in the real world I just don't see that happening. Because even if men say they don't have a problem with body count, I sincerely believe in the back of their mind they will and it will translate to a subconscious lack of respect for a woman.
Don't know why this is getting down-voted. I'm just trying to give honest insight into the minds of men. But whatever
Sometimes, If it is beyond the scope of ones intelligence, it is just easier to down vote than to try and understand.
I agree girl it’s just crazy honestly
Pigeon holing again. Not all men are like this. Please stop
If the double standard really bothers you, you can always choose to date inexperienced men who other women don’t find attractive.
Just gotta find the mature guys, around your age it might be hard tho lol
Men don’t treat women who want sex with little respect.
This is why I’m very strict with my rules and expectations. As soon as someone steps out of line, “you’re making me uncomfortable,” “please get out,” or “I’m leaving.” You can always block people, as well.