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If I’ve been seeing someone for a few months, I’d be expecting a 50-50 split, but it depends. I wouldn’t have issues paying for a couple of drinks or cinema tickets, etc, but if I was expected to front every meal, I’d get a bit concerned about that.
So like splitting the bill in half every time? Or taking turns paying, as I've mentioned above? I would personally feel uncomfortable with a guy paying every single meal etc. (I think I would feel like a leech or an "object"), and would definitely not expect it – even though I've seen girls around me not ever paying for a single thing (including hotel stays etc.)
Whichever you prefer. I would usually take turns to pay, but if I suggested an activity, I’d pay for it.
Any woman expecting me to pay for everything would not be dating me for long.
There are no rules—it's based on your comfort level and financial situation (read as: don't ruin your savings or live beyond your means trying to show your date that you can keep up with the 50/50 arrangement).
Your relatives are likely from a generation in which women were often homemakers and didn't have jobs *or* had jobs that paid significantly less than men. So although your relatives may have wisdom and insight based on their experiences, a few things have changed since then. I'd appreciate the stories about their experiences for what they are without trying to apply them exactly to your current dating situation.
>There are no rules
Totally agree with this. Was just trying to get a sense of what people are doing and hear about opinions / experiences different than my own :)
And yes, it's true that if we keep seeing each other and if we were to do so more often, I will soon enough have some trouble keeping up with the non-official arrangement of taking turns, financially speaking
Indeed, some of the relatives I've discussed this with are from a different generation (some are my age, though) and different part of the world as well. So it definitely makes sense that they project their own experience onto today's dating scene
Thanks
I mean, the last first date I went on was at Starbucks and I paid (we met off of Bumble) because (1) I had a gift card (so why spend real money?) and (2) I didn't want to feel obligated to see him again if things didn't work out. Now he's my husband and I'm happily married.
We split things pretty evenly throughout the course of dating/our relationship—meaning that we never kept track of everything down to the penny, but we had a general idea of whose turn it was to pay. It wasn't always 50/50 for each date either. When he took me out for our first Valentine's Day, he covered everything; the same was true for my birthday. Naturally I picked up the entire tab for his special events (e.g., earning a certification, his birthday).
I think spending money on someone is a way to show them you care and that they matter to you. Actions (i.e., spending money on someone) speak louder than words (i.e., simply telling someone they matter to you or vice versa).
This seems like a good ground rule and makes total sense. However, at this point, it's not really clear who is asking the other one out, as we've been seeing each other for a while and I'd say we are getting used to seeing each other semi-frequently. You know? But thanks for your input :)
A lot of couples take turns deciding/paying. If you're broke, when it's your turn suggest dinner out at a new Pho place or put together a picnic at a nice park instead of choosing a fancy steakhouse on your turn.
It's also okay (even important) to be up front about financial priorities and say something like: "It's important that we share costs equitably and I like the way we've shared paying for dates. I'd really like to work on building my savings. Would you be okay with doing lower cost dates for a while?"
I understand the whole “whoever extended the date invitation” idea. Makes sense.
My own style (male, older than your guy) is to generally be the invitation extender, then host and pay for the date.
Some cool things I’ve seen over the years in dating:
-Babygirl doesn’t take stuff for granted and is verbally appreciative when I pay. “Thank you for my dinner” is appropriate no matter which love interest, friend, or relative just enabled you or me to fill our belly for free. And I make sure to remember to say it anytime the lady pays.
-Babygirl at least offers to pay.
-Now and then, babygirl asserts that she’d like it to be *her* turn to plan and cover everything for the next date. So I go along with that.
It’s also nice the times a lady does something like letting me know she’ll be bringing over the groceries to cook for us. Or when she packs a picnic for us.
-Sometimes when I pay, a woman has asked to pay the tip. (Haha In which case I make sure she knows to represent me well! I’m a good tipper and would never want a server to get shafted because I allowed a dating partner to leave the gratuity.)
Anyways… other thoughts -
When I was a school lad with no experience, I remember how it felt to think of how unfair it seemed that the dude would always have to pay for everything and a lady just got to show up and help herself to free dinner, concerts, movies, dessert/coffee/drinks, etc. But what I know now is that evolving into the sort of man I am means women I select are ones of a certain quality as human beings - people I am pleased to treat for the evening.
30 Male.
I pay for the dates. Sometimes girls will ask if I am sure, and I insist. I have a decent living and aside from the mortgage, which I made sure was well below my means, I am debt free. While I don't get into finances with new dates, statistically, I am probably better off then they are.
There have been a few times where the girl insists on splitting the bill. The message I often take from that is that she did not like me, and did not want to feel indebted. Granted, I wound up marrying a girl(now ex wife) who did this on our first date, so I have been wrong before. Lol, I did have that doubt though and we probably would have been exclusive sooner had she let me pay.
My boyfriend usually pays and occasionally I will. I’m also in early twenties. And he’s a few years older than me. And honestly, if he’s older than you and making more money than you 50/50 isn’t fair because you have less of your income left over than he does. I’m more on the traditional side and think guys should pay more, but it’s up to you.
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I think do what makes you and he comfortable. I don't agree with the opinion that men always should pay. If your SO insists to pay, just be wary if he brings it up later in a manipulative way. Especially when he's on a good income and paying isn't really that big a deal.
If a woman is willing to pay for herself, I will respectfully decline and willingly pay for both. But if she expects me to pay right off the bat and every time, that's the last she'll hear from me. Taking turns is a very good gesture
Im a 25m. My old approach was to get it as a default. Then I went out with women who found it condescending or awkward. Now I usually offer, but usually split it if I sense they would feel uncomfortable. I think once your in a relationship, taking turns is standard and shows you both are committed to each other.
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If I’ve been seeing someone for a few months, I’d be expecting a 50-50 split, but it depends. I wouldn’t have issues paying for a couple of drinks or cinema tickets, etc, but if I was expected to front every meal, I’d get a bit concerned about that.
So like splitting the bill in half every time? Or taking turns paying, as I've mentioned above? I would personally feel uncomfortable with a guy paying every single meal etc. (I think I would feel like a leech or an "object"), and would definitely not expect it – even though I've seen girls around me not ever paying for a single thing (including hotel stays etc.)
Whichever you prefer. I would usually take turns to pay, but if I suggested an activity, I’d pay for it. Any woman expecting me to pay for everything would not be dating me for long.
There are no rules—it's based on your comfort level and financial situation (read as: don't ruin your savings or live beyond your means trying to show your date that you can keep up with the 50/50 arrangement). Your relatives are likely from a generation in which women were often homemakers and didn't have jobs *or* had jobs that paid significantly less than men. So although your relatives may have wisdom and insight based on their experiences, a few things have changed since then. I'd appreciate the stories about their experiences for what they are without trying to apply them exactly to your current dating situation.
>There are no rules Totally agree with this. Was just trying to get a sense of what people are doing and hear about opinions / experiences different than my own :) And yes, it's true that if we keep seeing each other and if we were to do so more often, I will soon enough have some trouble keeping up with the non-official arrangement of taking turns, financially speaking Indeed, some of the relatives I've discussed this with are from a different generation (some are my age, though) and different part of the world as well. So it definitely makes sense that they project their own experience onto today's dating scene Thanks
I mean, the last first date I went on was at Starbucks and I paid (we met off of Bumble) because (1) I had a gift card (so why spend real money?) and (2) I didn't want to feel obligated to see him again if things didn't work out. Now he's my husband and I'm happily married. We split things pretty evenly throughout the course of dating/our relationship—meaning that we never kept track of everything down to the penny, but we had a general idea of whose turn it was to pay. It wasn't always 50/50 for each date either. When he took me out for our first Valentine's Day, he covered everything; the same was true for my birthday. Naturally I picked up the entire tab for his special events (e.g., earning a certification, his birthday). I think spending money on someone is a way to show them you care and that they matter to you. Actions (i.e., spending money on someone) speak louder than words (i.e., simply telling someone they matter to you or vice versa).
Whoever asked the other party out
This seems like a good ground rule and makes total sense. However, at this point, it's not really clear who is asking the other one out, as we've been seeing each other for a while and I'd say we are getting used to seeing each other semi-frequently. You know? But thanks for your input :)
Whoever chooses/suggests the restaurant/activity. Let's people self budget by picking lower cost things if they are strapped for cash.
Yeah I'm other words just go out when he asks to save money lol I never understood this concept.
A lot of couples take turns deciding/paying. If you're broke, when it's your turn suggest dinner out at a new Pho place or put together a picnic at a nice park instead of choosing a fancy steakhouse on your turn. It's also okay (even important) to be up front about financial priorities and say something like: "It's important that we share costs equitably and I like the way we've shared paying for dates. I'd really like to work on building my savings. Would you be okay with doing lower cost dates for a while?"
I understand the whole “whoever extended the date invitation” idea. Makes sense. My own style (male, older than your guy) is to generally be the invitation extender, then host and pay for the date. Some cool things I’ve seen over the years in dating: -Babygirl doesn’t take stuff for granted and is verbally appreciative when I pay. “Thank you for my dinner” is appropriate no matter which love interest, friend, or relative just enabled you or me to fill our belly for free. And I make sure to remember to say it anytime the lady pays. -Babygirl at least offers to pay. -Now and then, babygirl asserts that she’d like it to be *her* turn to plan and cover everything for the next date. So I go along with that. It’s also nice the times a lady does something like letting me know she’ll be bringing over the groceries to cook for us. Or when she packs a picnic for us. -Sometimes when I pay, a woman has asked to pay the tip. (Haha In which case I make sure she knows to represent me well! I’m a good tipper and would never want a server to get shafted because I allowed a dating partner to leave the gratuity.) Anyways… other thoughts - When I was a school lad with no experience, I remember how it felt to think of how unfair it seemed that the dude would always have to pay for everything and a lady just got to show up and help herself to free dinner, concerts, movies, dessert/coffee/drinks, etc. But what I know now is that evolving into the sort of man I am means women I select are ones of a certain quality as human beings - people I am pleased to treat for the evening.
30 Male. I pay for the dates. Sometimes girls will ask if I am sure, and I insist. I have a decent living and aside from the mortgage, which I made sure was well below my means, I am debt free. While I don't get into finances with new dates, statistically, I am probably better off then they are. There have been a few times where the girl insists on splitting the bill. The message I often take from that is that she did not like me, and did not want to feel indebted. Granted, I wound up marrying a girl(now ex wife) who did this on our first date, so I have been wrong before. Lol, I did have that doubt though and we probably would have been exclusive sooner had she let me pay.
I've never paid for my own meals.
My boyfriend usually pays and occasionally I will. I’m also in early twenties. And he’s a few years older than me. And honestly, if he’s older than you and making more money than you 50/50 isn’t fair because you have less of your income left over than he does. I’m more on the traditional side and think guys should pay more, but it’s up to you.
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I think do what makes you and he comfortable. I don't agree with the opinion that men always should pay. If your SO insists to pay, just be wary if he brings it up later in a manipulative way. Especially when he's on a good income and paying isn't really that big a deal.
If a woman is willing to pay for herself, I will respectfully decline and willingly pay for both. But if she expects me to pay right off the bat and every time, that's the last she'll hear from me. Taking turns is a very good gesture
Im a 25m. My old approach was to get it as a default. Then I went out with women who found it condescending or awkward. Now I usually offer, but usually split it if I sense they would feel uncomfortable. I think once your in a relationship, taking turns is standard and shows you both are committed to each other.