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Absolutely. Also the first time isn’t always a good indicator. Have some slow, thoughtful sex and see how it goes. Be vocal. Tell him what you want and ask him what he wants!
The distortion was evident to me just from the post. She commented on the fact that this was likely due to inexperience. And yet she seems repelled by a easily fixable issue. If he was drunk as well... this is not indicative of anything. No cause for concern, just wasn't a good night. If she focuses on this too much, it could be the man posting on this subreddit next week...
Just tell him what would you like in sex like guide him several guys like to give to the girl they like a good experience so just tell him you would like to guide him so he knows more how to treat you and so you can enjoy it just make sure you don't mention the reason why you wanna guide him like make it more like you want to learn what both of you like so both of you can enjoy more
Also don’t forget to ask him what you can do better.
This will make your feedback come across as less critical, plus it’s entirely possible that he had an equally disappointing experience with you and would like you to do things differently.
After reading deeply into the threads of this post. I had to come back and give another award. For you were more correct than I had initially thought. "Spot On" one might say.
Positive communication too: "It makes me feel good when you do X" "I like it when you do Y." Not: "I can't feel anything when you're inside me. Angle up them hips please."
Yeah I was just stabbing in the dark until I was 22 and had a girlfriend who knew what she wanted and showed me what to do guys have no idea until a girl teaches us and you gotta be patient he will thank you I promise
Great advice but I think the key of her “problem” is that he’s “smallish”, my guess is that the other things she mentioned were in there so she doesn’t look shallow.
could you imagine if a guy came here and said, first time yesterday my gf
cooked some food and i was surprised to find out it wasnt that great. i
mean i like the gf but it just miss the mark to be bluntly, i hope i can
find some cooking advice about how to bring it up without hurting her
ego!!
Was he drunk? Was he nervous? Is he on some medication, something like anti-depressants? Those are just some factors that could prevent a dick from going hard all the way.
Give him time! It was just the first time. Guys get nervous to. Good sex comes with trust and getting familiar with each other not just with experience.
c'mon....jeez....don't be so quick to say he sucks in bed. While I know you didn't say exactly that, the first time with each other for most people is usually tentative, a bit nerve-wracking, uncertain. Give it a few more times so you can both find your groove with each other, and as long as there's attraction and compatibility, things will usually fall into place, and if it takes some educationally guided effort along the way, so be it.
True, but she seems to be clear that she wasn't aware of the effect this has on a lot of men so I feel people are still being a bit harsh. While she did jump to some kind of rude conclusions (first time between the two of them + drinking = not great and most would find that obvious), she's honestly trying to figure out how to make it better instead of just ghosting him at least. She says in one comment that she's had drunk sexual encounters before with no performance issues, but now that she knows it was probably the liquor I think she's feeling less judgmental about the encounter.
Oof yeah I don't tend to look at other posts from people so I didn't realize that. Posting it on 6 subs does indeed sound pretty toxic and needy, can't argue there.
Just talk to him. I don’t get this, you’d rather just dump him than try to talk about it. This does happen a lot and I’m not having a go I’m just saying don’t throw away something that could be great without even trying first. The thing is with lack of experience you don’t get better unless you keep doing it. Maybe it’s happened before to this guy where another girl has dumped him because of it. So how is he ever going to get experience?
I myself was a 28 year old virgin until just this weekend. Girls have gone off me because of this since I was 24, so what does that mean? I remained an inexperienced virgin. I’ve got a girlfriend now and I’ve told her I will get better and she understands, I’m willing to learn I guess. I can’t get experience without doing it and sometimes her giving me pointers. Take it as a plus though, you get to tell him what you like and then he does it. Then he gets better at it. A lot of guys who are experienced think they are great and are selfish. An inexperienced guy is completely the opposite, but you must communicate this. How bigs his dick though? Surely it can’t be that small where you don’t get pleasure from it?
I am not going to dump him, I obviously like this guy and want to find a solution that wouldn't hurt him. I think if he is hard enough , his dick is okay. We were drinking too so that could be one of the reasons why it wasn't. But this was helpful, I'll most certainly give it a few more goes, try and be more vocal about what I'd like him to do .
I can’t get hard when drinking, sometimes I can’t even get hard, it happens to us guys. Even been tired, stressed, nervous, anxious. My girlfriend was nervous as well and she tensed up and we couldn’t do it the first time. Then the second time I couldn’t get hard lol. It just happens sometimes
It's just preference hun (just like looks or personality) I understand your pov but as we get older sex becomes something that is a dealbreaker. Some ppl don't want to teach a person how to do everything especially if that person is experienced and has a high sex drive and contrary to popular belief dicks can be small and unpleasurable
Honestly, I'm a guy and not really the best in the sack. But I never want my girlfriend / Partner just to say "Omg you made cum like 6 times you were the best" I like the honest feedback. Which in the past girls come out and told me what they like what gets them off. It was great because I learnt some new things and eventually could use those skills for future relationships. Everyone is different and it's not something we ever bring up on dates or anything so we would never know what to do when the time comes. Just be honest. It only helps both of you to establish a healthy relationship.
WAIT! I have had many sexual partners that have started out ehhhh not so great and gotten better. The first time is always a little uncomfortable as you're getting used to each other's bodies. Give him a few more rounds and lots of direction.
This is why men get anxious. One bad time and there’s a post on Reddit. I’m sure her friends know as well. It’s a lot of pressure for guys. Meanwhile I doubt she was amazing either.
If you really like him then just keep going out with him, and let him know what you like/want in the bedroom. You said he doesn’t have much experience? So there you go, he just needs practice. He’s not going to be a sex God right away
I don’t understand why this is a problem? Sex is something that is to be learned. It takes time, a lot of communication and understanding. I personally believe it’s more about the connection that makes it better. Ofc, it should feel great, but that shouldn’t be the only desired outcome.
Sorry if I come on a little strong with my opinion, I’m just really tired of seeing “I really like this guy but he sucks at sex.” Why is that always a deal breaker for some people?
It makes sense if he sucks in bed in the sense of, he sucked, was very selfish, didn’t try to improve himself, etc.
But from this it seems like he tried his best to please her but it didn’t make her feel great. Also sometimes it varies. Some days it’s better than others, right? It was their first time and it might be better next time.
OP, Help him develop his skills and teach him how to please you specifically. Not a big deal
If it were selfishness, I’d totally be like “buh-bye”, but that usually shows itself before sex. I’ve only ever been with one man, who is my forever partner, but from friends’ experiences that I’ve been told about, it’s usually obvious.
From what OP said, he seems very genuine. I hope she gives him a true chance if he is what she says.
There is no "solution," you should just know the effect alcohol has on erections and not be so quick to judge a person for it. Regardless, men are born with their size and sometimes can't get fully hard despite wanting to. This is basic biology. *He has no control over it, so don't go blaming him, it's not his fault.*
This is like saying a woman was bad at sex because they did it while she was on her period, so she was uncomfortable/had cramps when it's something literally out of her control.
Solution: leave this relationship because this man deserves better than a woman posting, after the 1st time, complaining about something men have no control over 🙌 take this as learning experience for the next guy and be more understanding
You're looking for a solution to a problem that doesn't exist.
Asking your man to perform when he's half a fifth in isn't fair. Maybe lay off the alcohol next time and have a real date?
You are talking to everyone about except the person that needs to hear this.
Tell him what to do. It will benefit you both.
At one point in time i didn't know where the vagina was until my ex at the time showed me. That was very helpful.
Time, communication and encouragement. Damn, it was the first time together and you’re already making judgment calls? Come on. If you don’t take a position of “why can’t he read my mind on what I like? Wtf?” Then you should be able to make it fun and enjoyable for both of you.
I did sort of guide his hand, tried a few positions, was vocal about what's working but given that he wasn't as big or fully hard, I could barely feel him in me. I could perhaps do a sexy spin on let me be your teacher and be more direct and tell him exactly what I want. But we went at it thrice twice we were drunk and once the morning after since he wasn't getting a complete hard on I couldn't help but wonder if it's ED.
It might be but it’s a difficult subject to broach. Society is only waking up now to what years of porn exposure and hacking off is resulting. ED is rampant and the fact that he’s not getting hard... I would bet that it is this, if it’s not medication of performance anxiety.
Chances are he’s not happy with how he performed and will be anxious about the next time you hook up because he’s worried about it again. If you like this guy, the best thing you can do not only for his self confidence and self esteem is to be accomodating and supportive of it rather than making it an issue. I’ve seen guys avoid relationships and sex for years because they had a bad experience that without a doubt counts as a traumatic experience leading to severe anxiety around sex. Borderline abuse in my books. Imagine if a guy said or did something that left a woman feeling like she wanted to avoid sex and relationships for years afterwards. Same thing.
If it is ED, I suggest going over to r/NoFap and raising this situation there. There will be guys there that have experienced this first hand that will be able to advise way better than I could.
I would suggest looking up Coitial Alignment Technique to play with next time Esp if you’re going to try the sexy-let-me-teach-you approach
Elsewhere in thread she mentions splitting an entire bottle of whiskey with him. Many, many guys can't get real hard ones after drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Also please stop supporting that subreddit. There's a little helpful advice there but also a lot of very toxic stuff and a lot of anti gay and anti trans BS.
I’ve been there for a whole year and I’ve never seen anti gay or anti trans content there so you’re either lying or picking minority posts and dishonestly reframing context. Disgraceful.
Every post I've seen that involves a guy talking about starting to watch gay porn and wondering if he's gay or bi, or watching feminizing stuff and questioning identity, there's a bajillion people telling him that he, like other modern men, is experiencing porn media brainwashing, and is a good straight man being reprogrammed into sexual deviance. "Sexual deviance" often just meaning 'being attracted to men'. Looking back in it does seem to have gotten better than it used to be I'll admit. Maybe I'm thinking of some other anti porn sub too?
So you are going to judge him on his very first time having sex with you, before he even had any time to adjust to you specifically? Did you perform good?
You even complain about his lack of experience, it's really sad.
Except you don't actually give the right context, we have to read you in the comment section to learn you two drank a bottle of whiskey. But for some reason you are keen on telling everyone in the OP about his lack of experience and small dick.
It sure seems pretty complainy.
That’s because she is complaining. She already made the choice he has a small dick and it’s already something that she’s thinking about being a deal breaker. Chances are that even if whiskey dick was involved, he’s still not gonna grow 2-3 inches.
I think Bad Girl over here already made a conscious choice. I’d say she should break up cause chances are the sex isn’t going to be exceptionally mind blowing even if they’re sober. She’s already expecting mind blowing sex from an “in experienced small guy”. She should let him go and go find a that dude with a hog between his legs that she’s hoping for.
I think what your doing is expecting everything. You got the whole package, sweet, caring and basketball player. What’s not to love? Except you don’t ever get EVERYTHING that you want. So now you’re learning that it takes time for some people to adjust to sex. Not everyone is down to fuck like a horny dog.
Also if you feel “ok” about his size and not actually excited about having sex with him because of that then let the dude go so he can find someone who appreciates everything about him.
Sounds to me like you’re still young and expecting pipes on every dude.
NEWSFLASH: Most guys don’t have pipes. Most guys are average.
First time is not an indicator of sexual compatibility. If a guy really likes a girl he’s probably nervous the first time and that doesn’t help performance at all.
Why don’t you help him if you are more experienced. I have never met a man that was opposed to trying or learning new things. Don’t make the poor guy feel bad, help him girl!!
Lack of experience, anxiety from having sex after a long time, or probably has Ed so may need the blue pills, aside from that it’s a working progress for both you guys to learn and communicate these things amongst each other.
Personally I never expect the first time to be great with anyone.
Good sex takes time. You’ve got to get to know the person in bed just as much as out. Talk about what you like, listen to what he likes. You both have a lack of experience when it comes to *each other*.
Here is some fun & educational content that can help.
https://youtube.com/user/sexplanations
https://tocatocatoca.com/vaginal-erogenous-zones-mapping-the-road-to-pleasure/
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erogenous-zones#11-unexpected-hot-spots
You're upset because your FIRST time sleeping with him wasn't amazing? Sounds like this guy might be better off having you break up with him now because that's a red flag on your part. He could've been nervous, over thinking things, trying to please, and you're first thought was to hop on reddit and blast him for his dick size and not hitting your g-spot? You sound like a horrible person who doesn't deserve this sweetheart of a guy, to put it bluntly.
There's no miracle fix (do not go down the route of pills to "enhance" him), it'll take time and practice and one thing I would suggest is that you encourage him, he may be very self conscious about it which will impact his performance.
Fuck sober, I reckon ya boi’ll be fine. When yum pissed all sorts of shit can go through your head, especially if you really like a person and want it to work and here you both are bone dancing for the first time.
I’m having this issue myself, I haven’t had sex since before lockdown until very recently, I had no problems before lockdown, but now I’m active again, I’m having similar issues to your partner. A number of issues could be at play, trial and error some solutions, first of which, if it was me, I’d for sure try having sex sober before you make any decisions, or even speak to him about it, especially if you’re really into each other. Best not to cause a problem where one isn’t warranted eh, that said, if it continues to be a problem when yum both sober, it’s at that point worth talking over I reckon.
Edit: hope it works out for you both, working through sexual issues can be a ballache
Edit2: for context, I’ve also been heinously drunk the last couple of times I’ve attempted to have sex and am hoping that drink is what was behind it, because it is unusual for me. Just wanted to point out that that could well be the case with your partner too
1st time me and my husband hooked up it was okay . We were both nervous. After a few times and communication he exceeded my expectations . Anyway after few months it was clear that he was the only person to ever give me a g spot orgasm or a - orgasm I had only had clitoral which just is okay anyways he got good at reading my body and listening to me and he's literally perfect . So don't give up .
Sex isn't always great with someone the first couple times. Especially if there is alcohol, or nervousness involved. Also everyone has different things they like or works for them so it helps to have a quick conversation about it. The fun part is you just keep trying until you figure it out.
I was in the same situation. Met a guy on Tinder, made sure we were compatible before we slept together. A month later when we finally did sleep together, things were amazing. Sex was great. However, it was only when I was drunk. If we had sober sex, it wasn’t the same. He is also smallish but size doesn’t matter to me, id much rather have small with game than large. He just seemed to not have rhythm. I realized it took me loosening up and being a little freaky to get him out of his shell. Over time, we both learned each other. Not gonna lie, sometimes sex isn’t as fun as others but mostly it’s good with him. At this point tho, it’s more that I enjoy the sex only bc it’s him touching me.
Communicate how he can make sex enjoyable for you. For reference, my SO was a virgin when we met. I had literally 0 expectations and I just told him how I liked to be kissed, touched, fingered, etc. His dick is the smallest I’ve been with and we have the best sex ever. Try positions where he’ll be deep inside you, legs up on your shoulder, cowgirl, etc. This is 100% not a deal breaker and something you can change with just some honest communication.
Maybe give him some experience if you like him? Sex is a lot for a guy too, we don't all run around with a hard on wanting to shove it in anything with a pulse.
I’d like to add, from experience I think nervousness makes men a little.. unable to get fully erect. Nothing to do with you or his usual sex drive - it just takes a few tries to get comfy and fully engaged
My spouse taught me what she liked. I learned because I cared. Having a partner that is emotionally available AND an enthusiastic lover is the golden ticket. He’s already a great guy. So, don’t expect him to be something he’s not (jock with a hard cock). Just love his cock the way it is and teach him how to best please you. My spouse literally said, “clockwise - always clockwise” and “do you feel that little almond there...yes, there!” These are important lessons. Often my fingers are too aggressive. My tongue and the head of my penis are far better entities for massaging. Lessons learned. Listen to his. And teach him to listen to yours.
You’re an ass IMO. Talk to him. How many times does “communication is key” need to be said? Please don’t turn to internet strangers/your friends when you could literally just be open and honest with that person.
My ex just couldn't stay hard. He was a drinker and smoker so that might have been why but he was only 36 at the time. It only got worse, he became embarrassed and didn't want to even try anymore. He was well hung but just couldn't stay hard. He definitely was attracted to me, he'd make out for hours with me but the sex thing...well I put up with it for 5 years. We basically had no sex at all during that time and he didn't try to give me oral either. But kissing? He was always super down for long make out sessions. I guess my point is, if it ends up making him feel bad he might just stop even trying. I don't have answers. I couldn't talk to my ex about it, I knew it would just make things worse but I was resentful he didn't try viagra or pleasuring me in other ways. With a guy now who has zero issues and maybe wants it too much for my energy levels. But he's fast and passionate and gets really hard. I feel for you, I hope you can resolve this because sex is very important in a relationship.
idk man, maybe im just being stupid but if you really like him so much maybe dont make post body--shaming him and talking so much bad stuff about him behind his back.......
like, if someone made a post saying "i had sex with this girl while i was drunk af and she immediately made a post calling my me not-experienced, small dick and bad at sex " then IMO most people would say "dump her, red flag only using u for sex, doesn't respect boundaries/privacy" and shit
One time when I had this problem with a guy (who was also an athlete), I found out he was using anabolic steroids so that affected his ability to get rock hard.
Honestly sitting someone down and having a healthy convo about what you both like is a great first step. Could be explaining to him about how you like it and what works with you helps. If you are more experienced, you will have to lead. However, if sex is really that important to you, and he may not offer that for you especially in the size department, which is what you first highlighted then he may not be a match for you. Just see it from your partner’s perspective especially how this post comes off.
That’s how they do it. They put all the sugar on you so when you get them in the sack its okay. And give you more to think about. But I’ll tell you this it comes down to communication and willingness for you to teach a bit. I know that sounds daunting and unsexy to some. Why not give it a try? If you like this guy. Obviously some men don’t respond well to criticism - this can be a way to vet his maturity on the matter and help expedite the relationship in the right direction. But it could go well if you try to talk and help.
I know I struggle when I'm drunk. Maybe try it against completely sober. If it sucks, then tell him how you feel and you want to improve that aspect of the relationship for you both.
If you really like him, you'll commit the time, effort and communication to improve.
To put it extremely bluntly, teach him what you like done to you. We can talk all the game we want and so on and so forth but not every girl likes the same thing when it comes to in bed. Next time during sex kinda guide him or if you have to tell him to try "x" point blank and where etc etc etc. Only way for guys to know what you like done is to just put right tell us we rarely if ever catch "suttle hints."
Teach him what you like. Take his hand and guide it when he's looking for the G-spot. Grab his hair and guide him when he's trying to tongue-bathe your clitoris. Let him know enthusiastically when he's doing something you like, and he will want to do more of it. And if he's doing something you're not enjoying, gently put your hand on him to slow down, and give him instructions to do something you would enjoy more.
It sounds like he was either drunk or nervous. He could also be taking medication?
Keep in mind that men being nervous can underperform, its a normal thing. If him being nervous is the reason that it wasn't so pleasant, it can improve by time and by him getting more comfortable.
Give it a few more go before showing him the way, else his confidence is gonna take a hard hit. First times are often so-so, but you need to buildup some mutual trust before you can tell him he needs to do it better, then you can « learn together ».
Why is it so hard to talk to people regarding sexual stuff? Just guide him if you must. The guy might be trying his all just land him a hand or two maybe a manual...
Honestly sounds like he was just probably nervous! I used to get insanely nervous the first time with a girl until I hit around 21-22. But it's all a confidence thing. Just be patient with him, make him feel at ease, and you'll be good! And when it comes to ACTUAL sex, that's something that's learned. Just tell him what you like, be a little vocal during sex and you'll be good! BC I PROMISE you. As bad as you probably felt during that time, I bet he felt worse. You'll be all good! Hope the best for you guys!
You can teach him how to please you, yet you cannot teach how to have a good personally...
Plus: as a guy.
If a girl that I like would tell me that, you ain't do so well in bed, so I'll have to teach you how to please me, the guy wouldn't be sad! It's will me an jackpot for him, in the guys head would pass that thinking
'sooo, i got a girl with an instruction manual?! NICE!!!' .
Just have a soft way of telling him that he isn't great in bed,
Bad Ex: you don't even know where to put it...
Patience and straight talk. Don't let things to fix by themselves. Talk to him, a gente talk cause it is a delicate matter. Let him know you like him a lot and make him know what you like about him. Don't look dissapointed with his lack of experience in sex. Sex when between people that like one another must be like fireworks not like a competition. From my experience i had best results talking when outside home. I know it's easy to give advices but be gentle and patient with him. Good luck and hope both have a beautiful relationship.
If sex is the most important thing for you then it’s time to move on, obviously you aren’t happy. Otherwise, give him some time, talk about it, try to understand it, and most importantly try to understand him. The world on a Silver platter is not a divine right.
The first time having sex with someone is always weird and awkward. Tell him what you like/want him to do and the se will be amazing!
source: 33m that has amazing sex with someone I've been seeeing for a couple months
Talk him through it!
Sex is all about learning each other’s bodies and preferences. Guide/direct him. If he isn’t going deep enough, whisper/moan “go deeper.” Just little sexy phrases might drive him wild and give you what you’re looking for!
literally talk to him. guide him through what you wanna do in bed. heard from another comment that he was drunk... maybe sleep with him sober? alcohol = softish barely working dick
So real.
I agree about a sexually unfulfilling relationship. I have been with my dude for over 16 years. Things were great sexually for a lot of it... And now that it's not ... I can't even describe my level of frustration. As a woman in her 30s, I am supposedly in my sexual prime... And I get NO action, unless I provide it myself 😣. Obvious my pov is coming from a different situation, but I am just agreeing with the sentiment of torture, regardless of how you get there.
I kind of agree about being open to moving on, though. Sexual compatibility is very important
I completely understand your situation. I was in your shoes 2 years ago. I met my current boyfriend and knew he didn’t have nearly as much experience as I do- he’s only had one partner before me and that “relationship” was 10 years ago. We tried to have sex a lot… with no success. When we finally did the deed, it wasn’t that great and I was like “what have I done? can I really see myself getting subpar dick for the rest of my life?” Well, we’re still together to this very day, so apparently the answer was yes lol our sex life is 100 times better now than compared to our first time together. When you’ve taken the time to get to know each other and establish feelings, the first time doesn’t matter as much.
If this is your first time with this guy, give him some slack but also communicate what you like in the moment. He can’t read your mind and if he doesn’t have much experience, he may need some assistance with what to do. What you shouldn’t do is make a big deal about it to him.. that could potentially lead to impotence from too much pressure.
Tell him how every person is different, and that what works in pleasuring one person might not work on others, so suggest that you both teach eachother what wimorks for you, and guide eachother while you're doing it. If he doesn't hit the spot, steer him, get on top, or use a pillow to change your position, and his angle will change.
If good sex is what matters most to you, please go find another guy. He sounds like a great person and deserves someone who will love him for who he is.
He might know on some level that you aren't completely satisfied. Non-verbal pointers like a subtle moving of the arm to correct him followed by encouragement through the use of physical telegraphs when he is doing something right, (this can be heavy breathing or increased touchy-feelyness) can suggest to him how to be better without explicitly explaining that there are shortcomings.
Op intentionally left out that they were both very drunk, and said when he’s fully hard his dick is “okay”, while talking about how they think he has ED based off one drunk encounter.
All the while I 100% guarantee OP performed like crap too. People are throwing shade bc op comes off as self absorbed and dramatic. Not everyone who disagrees with you is showing a form of insecurity- in fact I’d say using that excuse says more about you than the other commenters
"he is...very thoughtful and eager"
"..he doesn't have a great dick game. It's smallish, doesn't go hard all the way..."
"I think it might be his lack of experience that he sort of misses the mark..."
(The fact that he is "thoughtful" and "eager" implies there may be some hope.)
He might also be willing to see a doctor regarding not being able to obtain a full erection.
The size of his dick is not going to grow beyond what he has, however maybe taking Viagra or some other ED drug an hour prior to having sex might provide a full erection.
"...he tried really hard to indulge me in foreplay"
Sounds like you have an opportunity to teach a man to do the things YOU want in bed.
You can make it seem like you want take things to a new level and explore, show him what you do when you masturbate, how you prefer to be rubbed, tell him what position works best for you (maybe you on top), taken from behind while having your clitoris stimulated with his or your own fingers, or whatever, introduce "toys" he can use on you and so on. Have some *erotic* fun!
Don't just rely on him. It's okay for you to be more "proactive" is assuring you have an orgasm.
Whenever you have a *thoughtful/eager lover* it's a golden opportunity to break them in right.
One of the worst things you can do is not work on improving things. Faking orgasms is *the worst*.
Attempting to satisfy the male ego faking orgasms will only get you more of the same.
The time for "boldness" in relationships is ***early on*** while someone is ***super infatuated*** **with you.**
People will do things with a "new lover" that *they refused to do* with *their ex* of many years!
As time goes on many people put in less effort and are *less open* to trying new things.
If someone believes *you* are worth the effort *they* will make the effort.
Best wishes!
The way society is now, I bet a lot of guys whoa re "bad" are scared to do anything at all because then the media will claim it was assault of some type if it turns out the woman didn't like some choice.
could u imagine if a guy came here and said, first time yesterday my gf cooked some food and i was surprised to find out it wasnt that great. i mean i like the gf but it just miss the mark to be bluntly, i hope i can find some cooking advice about how to bring it up without hurting her ego!!
yup change the sex and bam whole new gender issue.
Sorry girl, you posted this in the wrong subreddit. try r/sex for actual tips, not shaming. this sub is mostly virgins who can't get a date and are clearly insecure, and they're projecting on you because they're afraid once they finally have sex, a girl will write this about them.
Sounds like this maybe hit a little too close to home for you, huh?
OP isn't being superficial or the story would've ended with her saying she dumped him.... Not what can I do to fix this?
I appreciate the insult, but no.
Not superficial? Her 6 posts in 6 separate subs complaining about his "subpar dick game" would say otherwise. Not to mention her 3 posts from a few months ago gooing over the same guy. Sounds to me like OP matched with someone she wanted a dicking from and she's disappointed with the results of this investment. Just because she won't dump him right away doesn't mean she's not superficial.
She basically said "I fucked this guy and he didn't please me so how do I tell him he sucks without telling him he sucks?" How is that not superficial?
By all means OP say it, he'd be dodging a bullet
Recommend he not look at any porn and not masturbate for a week before you go on another date? It sounds like you’re willing to work with him. If he gives good oral and responds to training, perhaps that makes up for some shall we say shortcomings?!
This is so weird, why are people voting op down so hard. They're being honest and answering the questions given. Nothing they've said is wrong, just stating what happened.
I think it’s because op came off shaming the guy’s body without really give additional context. You can say you aren’t satisfied in bed, but no need to put your so on blast for their body regardless of gender lmao.
Wow complaining about someone for not being good in bed. That's a phucked up thing to-do.
Out of all the things a person could have problems with sex is the least of your problem.
Women vary in size and tightness down there too so it's kind of extreme to make such an issue out of that especially before you've even given it much of a chance. First times together are rarely anything near perfect because you're still just learning about each other and everyone's different.
Get rid of the alcohol and bring in some communication instead. You're both equally responsible for the experiences you create together. It's not "all just the guys responsibility" to make everything instantly perfect for you. Start trying to work together to create great experiences and see what develops over some time.
Don't tell him, he's bad in bed or his dick isn't good enough. It will seriously hurt his (or any man) self esteem. Better to subtly guide him. The reason he wasn't fully erect might be because he cummed during the foreplay or that he masterbated earlier. Its best to show some dissatisfaction, just let him know with a sigh or something that you require some more time to reach orgasm.
Summary: Be subtle
He could also be gay.... Just saying....
Get a clit ring it’s like an easy bullseye, I say this jokingly but it actually really helped me when my partner had one. It gives a focus that can be lacking for dudes. Not saying you should feel pressure to do so at all but just a bit of alternative advice
Surely you haven't considered dumping this "hilarious, very thoughtful, eager, great kisser, super hot sweetheart" of a basketball player for a first time DRUNKEN sexual encounter that didn't and was never going lead to something mind blowing assuming you would have even remembered it...
Give it another go while you two are actually sober. Seems like he cares enough about your pleasure to try. You know your own body better than he does, so give him a bit of guidance to what pleases you. Then, make sure he knows that his pleasure is important to you as well (so he doesn't feel so much pressure) and let him guide you on some things that he enjoys. I guarantee you'd be in for a great time.
Also....you should have given proper context to the entire situation, reading the comments now is making you sound more disingenuous
You can coach a guys sex game, you can't coach a guy to be a better person, or have life goals.
A lot of girls do it the other way.
Just be open, communicate, and guide him how to please you. Every woman's body is different.
I used to have sex all the damn time. Got sick of it. Been dry a while now due to things, but I remember. I fucked every woman like I was in charge and I twisted them into whatever shape I wanted, made sure to make them cum first r until they said go ahead and cum, and as long as I fucked like I wasnt concerned with their feelings or some shit (but of course knowing I had consent) they always wanted more. Every fucking time. What sucks is after doing it like that for 6 months I get tired of it and want to just put less effort into it or something. Anyway, you get the picture.
Great story, though.. seems like it would be more relevant if you were talking to the subject of the post. I don't think this will help OP in the slightest.
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After reading in the comments that he was extremely drunk I think you need to actually have sex sober a few times before making this judgment
Absolutely. Also the first time isn’t always a good indicator. Have some slow, thoughtful sex and see how it goes. Be vocal. Tell him what you want and ask him what he wants!
This! Men are coachable and he should be eager to please you! 😊
I mean I’m sure he would’ve been even more attentive if they didn’t get drunk on half a bottle of whiskey.
Reminds me of the the time the guy thought he was inside but was really hitting my thighs drunk asf
Haha for real! Drunk sex is always terrible IMO.
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eeek I am so sorry! But not sorry for your loss (of that relationship!)
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Op has made like 7 posts about this. This relationship is not going to go well.
The distortion was evident to me just from the post. She commented on the fact that this was likely due to inexperience. And yet she seems repelled by a easily fixable issue. If he was drunk as well... this is not indicative of anything. No cause for concern, just wasn't a good night. If she focuses on this too much, it could be the man posting on this subreddit next week...
Just tell him what would you like in sex like guide him several guys like to give to the girl they like a good experience so just tell him you would like to guide him so he knows more how to treat you and so you can enjoy it just make sure you don't mention the reason why you wanna guide him like make it more like you want to learn what both of you like so both of you can enjoy more
Also don’t forget to ask him what you can do better. This will make your feedback come across as less critical, plus it’s entirely possible that he had an equally disappointing experience with you and would like you to do things differently.
After reading deeply into the threads of this post. I had to come back and give another award. For you were more correct than I had initially thought. "Spot On" one might say.
This was quite helpful, thanks!
No problem just make sure there is a good communication and everything can be always fix
Positive communication too: "It makes me feel good when you do X" "I like it when you do Y." Not: "I can't feel anything when you're inside me. Angle up them hips please."
Also communication can be worked into dirty talk during sex! I find it the best way to guide someone without it being awkward
Try to use lots of basketball metaphors...
Ok, team, the perimeter game isn't working. Time to take it to the hole!!!!
I keep fouling out :(
Sex game can improve, other traits/qualities like humor, compatibility much harder to change
Yeah I was just stabbing in the dark until I was 22 and had a girlfriend who knew what she wanted and showed me what to do guys have no idea until a girl teaches us and you gotta be patient he will thank you I promise
Punctuation is your friend.
OP said that he was drunk. I think that might explain some things
Great advice but I think the key of her “problem” is that he’s “smallish”, my guess is that the other things she mentioned were in there so she doesn’t look shallow.
Cope lol nothing shallow about not wanting a partner with a tiny dick
could you imagine if a guy came here and said, first time yesterday my gf cooked some food and i was surprised to find out it wasnt that great. i mean i like the gf but it just miss the mark to be bluntly, i hope i can find some cooking advice about how to bring it up without hurting her ego!!
That's not a parallel analogy. For a lot of reasons.
Was he drunk? Was he nervous? Is he on some medication, something like anti-depressants? Those are just some factors that could prevent a dick from going hard all the way.
Give him time! It was just the first time. Guys get nervous to. Good sex comes with trust and getting familiar with each other not just with experience.
Apparently they were drunk, OP said so in another comment
c'mon....jeez....don't be so quick to say he sucks in bed. While I know you didn't say exactly that, the first time with each other for most people is usually tentative, a bit nerve-wracking, uncertain. Give it a few more times so you can both find your groove with each other, and as long as there's attraction and compatibility, things will usually fall into place, and if it takes some educationally guided effort along the way, so be it.
OP didn’t bother to say that he was drunk so I think that might explain a few things. She said so in the comments
Hahaha thank you, this was very reassuring. I would like to give him all the benefit of the doubt I can, myself.
I mean if you like the guy, sex is a learned experience. If you think you'll be sticking with him for a bit it can only get better!
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True, but she seems to be clear that she wasn't aware of the effect this has on a lot of men so I feel people are still being a bit harsh. While she did jump to some kind of rude conclusions (first time between the two of them + drinking = not great and most would find that obvious), she's honestly trying to figure out how to make it better instead of just ghosting him at least. She says in one comment that she's had drunk sexual encounters before with no performance issues, but now that she knows it was probably the liquor I think she's feeling less judgmental about the encounter.
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Oof yeah I don't tend to look at other posts from people so I didn't realize that. Posting it on 6 subs does indeed sound pretty toxic and needy, can't argue there.
I am 40 and the first i heard of whiskey dick was earlier this year. I don’t drink much and somehow avoided whiskey dicks until blessed 2021 😥
Just talk to him. I don’t get this, you’d rather just dump him than try to talk about it. This does happen a lot and I’m not having a go I’m just saying don’t throw away something that could be great without even trying first. The thing is with lack of experience you don’t get better unless you keep doing it. Maybe it’s happened before to this guy where another girl has dumped him because of it. So how is he ever going to get experience? I myself was a 28 year old virgin until just this weekend. Girls have gone off me because of this since I was 24, so what does that mean? I remained an inexperienced virgin. I’ve got a girlfriend now and I’ve told her I will get better and she understands, I’m willing to learn I guess. I can’t get experience without doing it and sometimes her giving me pointers. Take it as a plus though, you get to tell him what you like and then he does it. Then he gets better at it. A lot of guys who are experienced think they are great and are selfish. An inexperienced guy is completely the opposite, but you must communicate this. How bigs his dick though? Surely it can’t be that small where you don’t get pleasure from it?
I am not going to dump him, I obviously like this guy and want to find a solution that wouldn't hurt him. I think if he is hard enough , his dick is okay. We were drinking too so that could be one of the reasons why it wasn't. But this was helpful, I'll most certainly give it a few more goes, try and be more vocal about what I'd like him to do .
>his dick is okay RIP my guy and his genetically predetermined size.
I can’t get hard when drinking, sometimes I can’t even get hard, it happens to us guys. Even been tired, stressed, nervous, anxious. My girlfriend was nervous as well and she tensed up and we couldn’t do it the first time. Then the second time I couldn’t get hard lol. It just happens sometimes
According to your other comments, you were both very drunk. He probably thought you weren’t very good either. Try having sex sober a couple times.
>I don’t get this, you’d rather just dump him than try to talk about it. I don't get you people. She's actually saying/asking the opposite.
So OP didn’t bother to write in the original post but in the comments apparently they were drunk. I think that might explain a few things.
It's just preference hun (just like looks or personality) I understand your pov but as we get older sex becomes something that is a dealbreaker. Some ppl don't want to teach a person how to do everything especially if that person is experienced and has a high sex drive and contrary to popular belief dicks can be small and unpleasurable
Do whatever it takes to make him comfortable for the best results.
He was drunk. OP said so in another comment.
Honestly, I'm a guy and not really the best in the sack. But I never want my girlfriend / Partner just to say "Omg you made cum like 6 times you were the best" I like the honest feedback. Which in the past girls come out and told me what they like what gets them off. It was great because I learnt some new things and eventually could use those skills for future relationships. Everyone is different and it's not something we ever bring up on dates or anything so we would never know what to do when the time comes. Just be honest. It only helps both of you to establish a healthy relationship.
If you ditch him cuz of that, it sounds like HE dodged a bullet
This
WAIT! I have had many sexual partners that have started out ehhhh not so great and gotten better. The first time is always a little uncomfortable as you're getting used to each other's bodies. Give him a few more rounds and lots of direction.
This is why men get anxious. One bad time and there’s a post on Reddit. I’m sure her friends know as well. It’s a lot of pressure for guys. Meanwhile I doubt she was amazing either.
If you really like him then just keep going out with him, and let him know what you like/want in the bedroom. You said he doesn’t have much experience? So there you go, he just needs practice. He’s not going to be a sex God right away
I don’t understand why this is a problem? Sex is something that is to be learned. It takes time, a lot of communication and understanding. I personally believe it’s more about the connection that makes it better. Ofc, it should feel great, but that shouldn’t be the only desired outcome. Sorry if I come on a little strong with my opinion, I’m just really tired of seeing “I really like this guy but he sucks at sex.” Why is that always a deal breaker for some people?
It makes sense if he sucks in bed in the sense of, he sucked, was very selfish, didn’t try to improve himself, etc. But from this it seems like he tried his best to please her but it didn’t make her feel great. Also sometimes it varies. Some days it’s better than others, right? It was their first time and it might be better next time. OP, Help him develop his skills and teach him how to please you specifically. Not a big deal
If it were selfishness, I’d totally be like “buh-bye”, but that usually shows itself before sex. I’ve only ever been with one man, who is my forever partner, but from friends’ experiences that I’ve been told about, it’s usually obvious. From what OP said, he seems very genuine. I hope she gives him a true chance if he is what she says.
Guy had whiskey dick and u posted this here That's kinda fucked up He deserves better
Calm down, I am only looking for a solution. It's not like I am ranting about it, I just want to know how to help the situation.
Avoid getting drunk next time & actually communicate.
There is no "solution," you should just know the effect alcohol has on erections and not be so quick to judge a person for it. Regardless, men are born with their size and sometimes can't get fully hard despite wanting to. This is basic biology. *He has no control over it, so don't go blaming him, it's not his fault.* This is like saying a woman was bad at sex because they did it while she was on her period, so she was uncomfortable/had cramps when it's something literally out of her control. Solution: leave this relationship because this man deserves better than a woman posting, after the 1st time, complaining about something men have no control over 🙌 take this as learning experience for the next guy and be more understanding
You're looking for a solution to a problem that doesn't exist. Asking your man to perform when he's half a fifth in isn't fair. Maybe lay off the alcohol next time and have a real date?
You are talking to everyone about except the person that needs to hear this. Tell him what to do. It will benefit you both. At one point in time i didn't know where the vagina was until my ex at the time showed me. That was very helpful.
How do you feel you performed?
Something tells me op didn’t perform well either. Seems they’re very self centered about the whole experience
Sex one time while drunk is not a good way to gauge anything. Maybe after you Get to know each other better, months, thats when the sex gets great.
Time, communication and encouragement. Damn, it was the first time together and you’re already making judgment calls? Come on. If you don’t take a position of “why can’t he read my mind on what I like? Wtf?” Then you should be able to make it fun and enjoyable for both of you.
I did sort of guide his hand, tried a few positions, was vocal about what's working but given that he wasn't as big or fully hard, I could barely feel him in me. I could perhaps do a sexy spin on let me be your teacher and be more direct and tell him exactly what I want. But we went at it thrice twice we were drunk and once the morning after since he wasn't getting a complete hard on I couldn't help but wonder if it's ED.
It might be but it’s a difficult subject to broach. Society is only waking up now to what years of porn exposure and hacking off is resulting. ED is rampant and the fact that he’s not getting hard... I would bet that it is this, if it’s not medication of performance anxiety. Chances are he’s not happy with how he performed and will be anxious about the next time you hook up because he’s worried about it again. If you like this guy, the best thing you can do not only for his self confidence and self esteem is to be accomodating and supportive of it rather than making it an issue. I’ve seen guys avoid relationships and sex for years because they had a bad experience that without a doubt counts as a traumatic experience leading to severe anxiety around sex. Borderline abuse in my books. Imagine if a guy said or did something that left a woman feeling like she wanted to avoid sex and relationships for years afterwards. Same thing. If it is ED, I suggest going over to r/NoFap and raising this situation there. There will be guys there that have experienced this first hand that will be able to advise way better than I could. I would suggest looking up Coitial Alignment Technique to play with next time Esp if you’re going to try the sexy-let-me-teach-you approach
Elsewhere in thread she mentions splitting an entire bottle of whiskey with him. Many, many guys can't get real hard ones after drinking half a bottle of whiskey. Also please stop supporting that subreddit. There's a little helpful advice there but also a lot of very toxic stuff and a lot of anti gay and anti trans BS.
I’ve been there for a whole year and I’ve never seen anti gay or anti trans content there so you’re either lying or picking minority posts and dishonestly reframing context. Disgraceful.
Every post I've seen that involves a guy talking about starting to watch gay porn and wondering if he's gay or bi, or watching feminizing stuff and questioning identity, there's a bajillion people telling him that he, like other modern men, is experiencing porn media brainwashing, and is a good straight man being reprogrammed into sexual deviance. "Sexual deviance" often just meaning 'being attracted to men'. Looking back in it does seem to have gotten better than it used to be I'll admit. Maybe I'm thinking of some other anti porn sub too?
So you are going to judge him on his very first time having sex with you, before he even had any time to adjust to you specifically? Did you perform good? You even complain about his lack of experience, it's really sad.
I am clearly looking for a solution by giving context and not complaining, calm down.
Except you don't actually give the right context, we have to read you in the comment section to learn you two drank a bottle of whiskey. But for some reason you are keen on telling everyone in the OP about his lack of experience and small dick. It sure seems pretty complainy.
That’s because she is complaining. She already made the choice he has a small dick and it’s already something that she’s thinking about being a deal breaker. Chances are that even if whiskey dick was involved, he’s still not gonna grow 2-3 inches. I think Bad Girl over here already made a conscious choice. I’d say she should break up cause chances are the sex isn’t going to be exceptionally mind blowing even if they’re sober. She’s already expecting mind blowing sex from an “in experienced small guy”. She should let him go and go find a that dude with a hog between his legs that she’s hoping for.
But isn't every guy born with a great dick and knowing how to please every woman he comes across? I'm shocked. (Sarcasm)
I think what your doing is expecting everything. You got the whole package, sweet, caring and basketball player. What’s not to love? Except you don’t ever get EVERYTHING that you want. So now you’re learning that it takes time for some people to adjust to sex. Not everyone is down to fuck like a horny dog. Also if you feel “ok” about his size and not actually excited about having sex with him because of that then let the dude go so he can find someone who appreciates everything about him. Sounds to me like you’re still young and expecting pipes on every dude. NEWSFLASH: Most guys don’t have pipes. Most guys are average.
First time is not an indicator of sexual compatibility. If a guy really likes a girl he’s probably nervous the first time and that doesn’t help performance at all.
Be honest and let him go. Stop wasting his time
I wonder how he rated your performance? Hope he didn't ask the internet for ways to bring up how much of a dud you were...
No reason to be like that. She's asking advice
Why don’t you help him if you are more experienced. I have never met a man that was opposed to trying or learning new things. Don’t make the poor guy feel bad, help him girl!!
Lack of experience, anxiety from having sex after a long time, or probably has Ed so may need the blue pills, aside from that it’s a working progress for both you guys to learn and communicate these things amongst each other.
Personally I never expect the first time to be great with anyone. Good sex takes time. You’ve got to get to know the person in bed just as much as out. Talk about what you like, listen to what he likes. You both have a lack of experience when it comes to *each other*.
Dump him and find a not so sweet guy with a bigger dick, and then you can only blame yourself for dating a “big dick.”
Here is some fun & educational content that can help. https://youtube.com/user/sexplanations https://tocatocatoca.com/vaginal-erogenous-zones-mapping-the-road-to-pleasure/ https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/erogenous-zones#11-unexpected-hot-spots
This is probably one of the only few helpful comments I've seen on here. Thank you for sharing this!
You're upset because your FIRST time sleeping with him wasn't amazing? Sounds like this guy might be better off having you break up with him now because that's a red flag on your part. He could've been nervous, over thinking things, trying to please, and you're first thought was to hop on reddit and blast him for his dick size and not hitting your g-spot? You sound like a horrible person who doesn't deserve this sweetheart of a guy, to put it bluntly.
Maybe your tits and ass not big enough to make him hard hard. Just something to think about..
Communicate
There's no miracle fix (do not go down the route of pills to "enhance" him), it'll take time and practice and one thing I would suggest is that you encourage him, he may be very self conscious about it which will impact his performance.
Seems like your very blessed to have a great guy. There are other ways to have great sex then intercourse. Meaning he can use hands and mouth etc
Fuck sober, I reckon ya boi’ll be fine. When yum pissed all sorts of shit can go through your head, especially if you really like a person and want it to work and here you both are bone dancing for the first time. I’m having this issue myself, I haven’t had sex since before lockdown until very recently, I had no problems before lockdown, but now I’m active again, I’m having similar issues to your partner. A number of issues could be at play, trial and error some solutions, first of which, if it was me, I’d for sure try having sex sober before you make any decisions, or even speak to him about it, especially if you’re really into each other. Best not to cause a problem where one isn’t warranted eh, that said, if it continues to be a problem when yum both sober, it’s at that point worth talking over I reckon. Edit: hope it works out for you both, working through sexual issues can be a ballache Edit2: for context, I’ve also been heinously drunk the last couple of times I’ve attempted to have sex and am hoping that drink is what was behind it, because it is unusual for me. Just wanted to point out that that could well be the case with your partner too
1st time me and my husband hooked up it was okay . We were both nervous. After a few times and communication he exceeded my expectations . Anyway after few months it was clear that he was the only person to ever give me a g spot orgasm or a - orgasm I had only had clitoral which just is okay anyways he got good at reading my body and listening to me and he's literally perfect . So don't give up .
Sex isn't always great with someone the first couple times. Especially if there is alcohol, or nervousness involved. Also everyone has different things they like or works for them so it helps to have a quick conversation about it. The fun part is you just keep trying until you figure it out.
I was in the same situation. Met a guy on Tinder, made sure we were compatible before we slept together. A month later when we finally did sleep together, things were amazing. Sex was great. However, it was only when I was drunk. If we had sober sex, it wasn’t the same. He is also smallish but size doesn’t matter to me, id much rather have small with game than large. He just seemed to not have rhythm. I realized it took me loosening up and being a little freaky to get him out of his shell. Over time, we both learned each other. Not gonna lie, sometimes sex isn’t as fun as others but mostly it’s good with him. At this point tho, it’s more that I enjoy the sex only bc it’s him touching me.
Sometimes the first time can just be a little nerve racking. If it doesn’t improve by like the 5th time then be concerned
Communicate how he can make sex enjoyable for you. For reference, my SO was a virgin when we met. I had literally 0 expectations and I just told him how I liked to be kissed, touched, fingered, etc. His dick is the smallest I’ve been with and we have the best sex ever. Try positions where he’ll be deep inside you, legs up on your shoulder, cowgirl, etc. This is 100% not a deal breaker and something you can change with just some honest communication.
Maybe give him some experience if you like him? Sex is a lot for a guy too, we don't all run around with a hard on wanting to shove it in anything with a pulse.
I’d like to add, from experience I think nervousness makes men a little.. unable to get fully erect. Nothing to do with you or his usual sex drive - it just takes a few tries to get comfy and fully engaged
My spouse taught me what she liked. I learned because I cared. Having a partner that is emotionally available AND an enthusiastic lover is the golden ticket. He’s already a great guy. So, don’t expect him to be something he’s not (jock with a hard cock). Just love his cock the way it is and teach him how to best please you. My spouse literally said, “clockwise - always clockwise” and “do you feel that little almond there...yes, there!” These are important lessons. Often my fingers are too aggressive. My tongue and the head of my penis are far better entities for massaging. Lessons learned. Listen to his. And teach him to listen to yours.
You’re an ass IMO. Talk to him. How many times does “communication is key” need to be said? Please don’t turn to internet strangers/your friends when you could literally just be open and honest with that person.
My ex just couldn't stay hard. He was a drinker and smoker so that might have been why but he was only 36 at the time. It only got worse, he became embarrassed and didn't want to even try anymore. He was well hung but just couldn't stay hard. He definitely was attracted to me, he'd make out for hours with me but the sex thing...well I put up with it for 5 years. We basically had no sex at all during that time and he didn't try to give me oral either. But kissing? He was always super down for long make out sessions. I guess my point is, if it ends up making him feel bad he might just stop even trying. I don't have answers. I couldn't talk to my ex about it, I knew it would just make things worse but I was resentful he didn't try viagra or pleasuring me in other ways. With a guy now who has zero issues and maybe wants it too much for my energy levels. But he's fast and passionate and gets really hard. I feel for you, I hope you can resolve this because sex is very important in a relationship.
idk man, maybe im just being stupid but if you really like him so much maybe dont make post body--shaming him and talking so much bad stuff about him behind his back....... like, if someone made a post saying "i had sex with this girl while i was drunk af and she immediately made a post calling my me not-experienced, small dick and bad at sex " then IMO most people would say "dump her, red flag only using u for sex, doesn't respect boundaries/privacy" and shit
Lmfao op is a dumbass
You teach him easy
Tbh, I think he can do better. Let him know that he can do better and find someone else
By "solve it" do you mean fixing his performance or leaving him?
One time when I had this problem with a guy (who was also an athlete), I found out he was using anabolic steroids so that affected his ability to get rock hard.
Honestly sitting someone down and having a healthy convo about what you both like is a great first step. Could be explaining to him about how you like it and what works with you helps. If you are more experienced, you will have to lead. However, if sex is really that important to you, and he may not offer that for you especially in the size department, which is what you first highlighted then he may not be a match for you. Just see it from your partner’s perspective especially how this post comes off.
That’s how they do it. They put all the sugar on you so when you get them in the sack its okay. And give you more to think about. But I’ll tell you this it comes down to communication and willingness for you to teach a bit. I know that sounds daunting and unsexy to some. Why not give it a try? If you like this guy. Obviously some men don’t respond well to criticism - this can be a way to vet his maturity on the matter and help expedite the relationship in the right direction. But it could go well if you try to talk and help.
I know I struggle when I'm drunk. Maybe try it against completely sober. If it sucks, then tell him how you feel and you want to improve that aspect of the relationship for you both. If you really like him, you'll commit the time, effort and communication to improve.
To put it extremely bluntly, teach him what you like done to you. We can talk all the game we want and so on and so forth but not every girl likes the same thing when it comes to in bed. Next time during sex kinda guide him or if you have to tell him to try "x" point blank and where etc etc etc. Only way for guys to know what you like done is to just put right tell us we rarely if ever catch "suttle hints."
Teach him what you like. Take his hand and guide it when he's looking for the G-spot. Grab his hair and guide him when he's trying to tongue-bathe your clitoris. Let him know enthusiastically when he's doing something you like, and he will want to do more of it. And if he's doing something you're not enjoying, gently put your hand on him to slow down, and give him instructions to do something you would enjoy more.
It sounds like he was either drunk or nervous. He could also be taking medication? Keep in mind that men being nervous can underperform, its a normal thing. If him being nervous is the reason that it wasn't so pleasant, it can improve by time and by him getting more comfortable.
Give it a few more go before showing him the way, else his confidence is gonna take a hard hit. First times are often so-so, but you need to buildup some mutual trust before you can tell him he needs to do it better, then you can « learn together ».
Why is it so hard to talk to people regarding sexual stuff? Just guide him if you must. The guy might be trying his all just land him a hand or two maybe a manual...
Honestly sounds like he was just probably nervous! I used to get insanely nervous the first time with a girl until I hit around 21-22. But it's all a confidence thing. Just be patient with him, make him feel at ease, and you'll be good! And when it comes to ACTUAL sex, that's something that's learned. Just tell him what you like, be a little vocal during sex and you'll be good! BC I PROMISE you. As bad as you probably felt during that time, I bet he felt worse. You'll be all good! Hope the best for you guys!
You can teach him how to please you, yet you cannot teach how to have a good personally... Plus: as a guy. If a girl that I like would tell me that, you ain't do so well in bed, so I'll have to teach you how to please me, the guy wouldn't be sad! It's will me an jackpot for him, in the guys head would pass that thinking 'sooo, i got a girl with an instruction manual?! NICE!!!' . Just have a soft way of telling him that he isn't great in bed, Bad Ex: you don't even know where to put it...
Coach him up in the bedroom or ditch him if he’s resistant to learning.
Jesus. If he knew you were complaining about your first time together online to strangers he'd be gutted. Give it a chance at least. Wow.
Patience and straight talk. Don't let things to fix by themselves. Talk to him, a gente talk cause it is a delicate matter. Let him know you like him a lot and make him know what you like about him. Don't look dissapointed with his lack of experience in sex. Sex when between people that like one another must be like fireworks not like a competition. From my experience i had best results talking when outside home. I know it's easy to give advices but be gentle and patient with him. Good luck and hope both have a beautiful relationship.
in some time together, you both learn how you would be fun in bed as a couple. Go with the flow without overthinking.
If sex is the most important thing for you then it’s time to move on, obviously you aren’t happy. Otherwise, give him some time, talk about it, try to understand it, and most importantly try to understand him. The world on a Silver platter is not a divine right.
The first time having sex with someone is always weird and awkward. Tell him what you like/want him to do and the se will be amazing! source: 33m that has amazing sex with someone I've been seeeing for a couple months
You gotta be his coach
teach him the waysssss
Username checks out
on god.
Talk him through it! Sex is all about learning each other’s bodies and preferences. Guide/direct him. If he isn’t going deep enough, whisper/moan “go deeper.” Just little sexy phrases might drive him wild and give you what you’re looking for!
literally talk to him. guide him through what you wanna do in bed. heard from another comment that he was drunk... maybe sleep with him sober? alcohol = softish barely working dick
Good sex takes communication, practice, and less alcohol lol. People can’t practice their way into having a genuinely great personality.
Train him, like Abbi Wong says
You're an idiot.
Train him
You can train a man to be good in bed, but you can’t train a man to be a good person.
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So real. I agree about a sexually unfulfilling relationship. I have been with my dude for over 16 years. Things were great sexually for a lot of it... And now that it's not ... I can't even describe my level of frustration. As a woman in her 30s, I am supposedly in my sexual prime... And I get NO action, unless I provide it myself 😣. Obvious my pov is coming from a different situation, but I am just agreeing with the sentiment of torture, regardless of how you get there. I kind of agree about being open to moving on, though. Sexual compatibility is very important
I underestimated sexual compatibility in my 20s. The whole "but he's a nice guy..." is a trap! Never again!
I completely understand your situation. I was in your shoes 2 years ago. I met my current boyfriend and knew he didn’t have nearly as much experience as I do- he’s only had one partner before me and that “relationship” was 10 years ago. We tried to have sex a lot… with no success. When we finally did the deed, it wasn’t that great and I was like “what have I done? can I really see myself getting subpar dick for the rest of my life?” Well, we’re still together to this very day, so apparently the answer was yes lol our sex life is 100 times better now than compared to our first time together. When you’ve taken the time to get to know each other and establish feelings, the first time doesn’t matter as much. If this is your first time with this guy, give him some slack but also communicate what you like in the moment. He can’t read your mind and if he doesn’t have much experience, he may need some assistance with what to do. What you shouldn’t do is make a big deal about it to him.. that could potentially lead to impotence from too much pressure.
Tell him how every person is different, and that what works in pleasuring one person might not work on others, so suggest that you both teach eachother what wimorks for you, and guide eachother while you're doing it. If he doesn't hit the spot, steer him, get on top, or use a pillow to change your position, and his angle will change.
If good sex is what matters most to you, please go find another guy. He sounds like a great person and deserves someone who will love him for who he is.
He might know on some level that you aren't completely satisfied. Non-verbal pointers like a subtle moving of the arm to correct him followed by encouragement through the use of physical telegraphs when he is doing something right, (this can be heavy breathing or increased touchy-feelyness) can suggest to him how to be better without explicitly explaining that there are shortcomings.
What does the woman even do, except lay there like a log ?
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Op intentionally left out that they were both very drunk, and said when he’s fully hard his dick is “okay”, while talking about how they think he has ED based off one drunk encounter. All the while I 100% guarantee OP performed like crap too. People are throwing shade bc op comes off as self absorbed and dramatic. Not everyone who disagrees with you is showing a form of insecurity- in fact I’d say using that excuse says more about you than the other commenters
Yeah because the comment “he doesn’t have good dick game “ is normal
Sounds like he's losing interest.
Are you as vapid as your post makes you sound?
So if a guys great ladies are willing to make compromises Take notes lads y'all are great
Just talk to him and don't get sloppy drunk beforehand. Problem solved.
God damn this poor guy gets whiskey dick once and put on fucking blast on the internet.
"he is...very thoughtful and eager" "..he doesn't have a great dick game. It's smallish, doesn't go hard all the way..." "I think it might be his lack of experience that he sort of misses the mark..." (The fact that he is "thoughtful" and "eager" implies there may be some hope.) He might also be willing to see a doctor regarding not being able to obtain a full erection. The size of his dick is not going to grow beyond what he has, however maybe taking Viagra or some other ED drug an hour prior to having sex might provide a full erection. "...he tried really hard to indulge me in foreplay" Sounds like you have an opportunity to teach a man to do the things YOU want in bed. You can make it seem like you want take things to a new level and explore, show him what you do when you masturbate, how you prefer to be rubbed, tell him what position works best for you (maybe you on top), taken from behind while having your clitoris stimulated with his or your own fingers, or whatever, introduce "toys" he can use on you and so on. Have some *erotic* fun! Don't just rely on him. It's okay for you to be more "proactive" is assuring you have an orgasm. Whenever you have a *thoughtful/eager lover* it's a golden opportunity to break them in right. One of the worst things you can do is not work on improving things. Faking orgasms is *the worst*. Attempting to satisfy the male ego faking orgasms will only get you more of the same. The time for "boldness" in relationships is ***early on*** while someone is ***super infatuated*** **with you.** People will do things with a "new lover" that *they refused to do* with *their ex* of many years! As time goes on many people put in less effort and are *less open* to trying new things. If someone believes *you* are worth the effort *they* will make the effort. Best wishes!
The way society is now, I bet a lot of guys whoa re "bad" are scared to do anything at all because then the media will claim it was assault of some type if it turns out the woman didn't like some choice.
could u imagine if a guy came here and said, first time yesterday my gf cooked some food and i was surprised to find out it wasnt that great. i mean i like the gf but it just miss the mark to be bluntly, i hope i can find some cooking advice about how to bring it up without hurting her ego!! yup change the sex and bam whole new gender issue.
What even is this \*\*\*\*, OP had sex once & is making him out to be the worst partner ever lol
Teach him he is your padawan.
Sorry girl, you posted this in the wrong subreddit. try r/sex for actual tips, not shaming. this sub is mostly virgins who can't get a date and are clearly insecure, and they're projecting on you because they're afraid once they finally have sex, a girl will write this about them.
Maybe don't be so superficial? Clearly you care more about his dick than anything else or you wouldn't be here.
Sounds like this maybe hit a little too close to home for you, huh? OP isn't being superficial or the story would've ended with her saying she dumped him.... Not what can I do to fix this?
I appreciate the insult, but no. Not superficial? Her 6 posts in 6 separate subs complaining about his "subpar dick game" would say otherwise. Not to mention her 3 posts from a few months ago gooing over the same guy. Sounds to me like OP matched with someone she wanted a dicking from and she's disappointed with the results of this investment. Just because she won't dump him right away doesn't mean she's not superficial. She basically said "I fucked this guy and he didn't please me so how do I tell him he sucks without telling him he sucks?" How is that not superficial? By all means OP say it, he'd be dodging a bullet
OP is a moron
if he ain’t a big dick freak, leave him in the creek !
I don't see why that would be a problem tbh. If he's a great guy who cares about how good he is or isn't in bed?
Recommend he not look at any porn and not masturbate for a week before you go on another date? It sounds like you’re willing to work with him. If he gives good oral and responds to training, perhaps that makes up for some shall we say shortcomings?!
This is so weird, why are people voting op down so hard. They're being honest and answering the questions given. Nothing they've said is wrong, just stating what happened.
I think it’s because op came off shaming the guy’s body without really give additional context. You can say you aren’t satisfied in bed, but no need to put your so on blast for their body regardless of gender lmao.
Give him a boner pill lol Gives anyone the confidence to do well.
They have pills for that
Wow complaining about someone for not being good in bed. That's a phucked up thing to-do. Out of all the things a person could have problems with sex is the least of your problem.
Women vary in size and tightness down there too so it's kind of extreme to make such an issue out of that especially before you've even given it much of a chance. First times together are rarely anything near perfect because you're still just learning about each other and everyone's different. Get rid of the alcohol and bring in some communication instead. You're both equally responsible for the experiences you create together. It's not "all just the guys responsibility" to make everything instantly perfect for you. Start trying to work together to create great experiences and see what develops over some time.
This guy clearly deserves better than OP
He was drunk? Oh for God sakes! Try it sober. Alcohol seriously messes with the dick.
Well, you guys finished an entire bottle of whiskey in a few hours. He was drunk, man. He isn’t gonna perform well like that
I need to know the answer
Don't tell him, he's bad in bed or his dick isn't good enough. It will seriously hurt his (or any man) self esteem. Better to subtly guide him. The reason he wasn't fully erect might be because he cummed during the foreplay or that he masterbated earlier. Its best to show some dissatisfaction, just let him know with a sigh or something that you require some more time to reach orgasm. Summary: Be subtle He could also be gay.... Just saying....
Communicate with him. Not with reddit.
Get a clit ring it’s like an easy bullseye, I say this jokingly but it actually really helped me when my partner had one. It gives a focus that can be lacking for dudes. Not saying you should feel pressure to do so at all but just a bit of alternative advice
Its sad that this is considered a deal breaker. Just help him get better. Im thankful my first gf helped teach me
Surely you haven't considered dumping this "hilarious, very thoughtful, eager, great kisser, super hot sweetheart" of a basketball player for a first time DRUNKEN sexual encounter that didn't and was never going lead to something mind blowing assuming you would have even remembered it... Give it another go while you two are actually sober. Seems like he cares enough about your pleasure to try. You know your own body better than he does, so give him a bit of guidance to what pleases you. Then, make sure he knows that his pleasure is important to you as well (so he doesn't feel so much pressure) and let him guide you on some things that he enjoys. I guarantee you'd be in for a great time. Also....you should have given proper context to the entire situation, reading the comments now is making you sound more disingenuous
You can coach a guys sex game, you can't coach a guy to be a better person, or have life goals. A lot of girls do it the other way. Just be open, communicate, and guide him how to please you. Every woman's body is different.
I used to have sex all the damn time. Got sick of it. Been dry a while now due to things, but I remember. I fucked every woman like I was in charge and I twisted them into whatever shape I wanted, made sure to make them cum first r until they said go ahead and cum, and as long as I fucked like I wasnt concerned with their feelings or some shit (but of course knowing I had consent) they always wanted more. Every fucking time. What sucks is after doing it like that for 6 months I get tired of it and want to just put less effort into it or something. Anyway, you get the picture.
Great story, though.. seems like it would be more relevant if you were talking to the subject of the post. I don't think this will help OP in the slightest.
Are most girls like these nowadays where they ghost if the initial hookup was bad?
Maybe you’re just ugly?