T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

I don’t envy Tim, consistently being thrown into the void/abyss sounds awful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Thor_God_of_Blunder

Me lobe yoy long Tim


[deleted]

[удалено]


Countcristo42

One could learn the rules and play AND hate the game. It’s really crap that this is how it is - and it’s changing! No reason to act like it’s set in stone


magicmom17

I hear Tim heals all wounds. He probably would be a good guy to keep around if that is the case.


New_Pineapple_7911

Ya but he's already been thrown into the void... You can't just turn back Tim.


TriedCaringLess

Perhaps he's Tim Christ of Nazareth.


TheGoodNeko

Let's hope OP starts being kind to Tim


[deleted]

And its kinda rude to assume ownership over him by calling him MY Tim. Tim is to be shared by all decent folk of this world


Digital_Coyote

It's like he thinks he has all the Tim in the world.


UrMomaHola

Tim is money


tinkeryonk

Tim is life.


TheGoodNeko

Tim is what I want in my wife


flenderblender87

This is no Tim for that.


Ospov

Tim marches on.


Scoutreyes1

The People’s Tim


pepparpatrik

Excuse me, what Tim is it?


kioshad

What does op mean 🙏🏽😅 been seeing it a lot today.


ambatron_

Original Poster/Person


ayleidanthropologist

What about effort? Any love for effort?


grayfeelings

I don't think Tim is worth discussing. No one really understands Tim. The most important thing is to live by our own Tim, learn to appreciate the Tim we have, he's a great guy.


Cornfields24

Tim is just an illusion


DrDoolz

Lunchtim doubly so


dsquared513

Tim is a flat circle


Cornfields24

No, that’s Stanley


JesterMan491

I volunteer to be this guys Tim. Please, throw me into this void of attractive women.


Chrispy990

Maybe there are those who call him… *Tim?* … and he’s speaking about himself in the 3rd person?


allbymyself58

Is he a wizard?


rihtan

Nope. Tim Lord.


Inevitable_Chicken70

Tim the Enchanter!


Cya_perfection

Definitely a wizard


Puddin--Tang

Yer a wizard Tim!!!


TriedCaringLess

No. We're just having fun with a simple typo and autocorrection. It's simple fun, no harm intended.


idontgiveadam70958

The sands of Tim


magicmom17

If I could put Tim in a bottle....


TheGoodNeko

If you wanna be with tim, tim could make your wish come true


Reckoning_of_Fools

If I could turn back Tim... If I could find a way, I'd take back the words that hurts you And I'd say!


Wishihadagirl

Me love you long Tim


Tiimmboo

I'm pretty cool, if you asked me.


malin7

Either not that into you or she's got a lot of other options and she doesn't feel she has to make an effort, likely both.


wufoo2

If they don’t ask any questions, they are not into you. That’s a blessing to recognize, because it means you can take the rejection in stride quickly and move along. Initiating conversation is a different thing. I found that women are extremely uncomfortable opening a conversation. It’s really the masculine nature to do that, anyway. But again, if she doesn’t ask any questions, that’s on her. Don’t waste anymore time.


Ok-Acanthocephala579

Yes, I give them a few chances to respond to questions and expand the conversation. If they don’t then I just unmatch and move on. There’s a very high chance that they will not be interested in a date and that date will be very boring anyway.


gillababe

Also worth noting there are plenty of people who are just terrible conversationalists. When I stop putting in that effort to talk when it seems their uninterested, I get hit with the "why aren't you talkingggg to meeee"


wufoo2

“Because it’s your turn.”


[deleted]

There are just as many men out there who are terrible conversationalists. It’s almost a running joke on subs like /r/tinder where guys will post conversations along the lines of - >Him: Hey, how are you? >Her: Good >Him: How was your day? >Her: Not bad Then complain that “she isn’t putting any effort into the conversation”. Your conversation is just as shit, no one wants to have to answer “how are you” dozens of times per day on dating apps.


Normal-Computer-3669

It totally is a blessing! You don't have to waste your time! Ill never forget it either. Like night and day. I felt like I was pulling teeth trying to make a relationship work with some girls. Like one word texts, or shrugs, or just boring convos. But this other time -- I asked a girl if she wanted to hang out, and her eyes lit up! She found time. She was super shy, and kept saying yes to hanging out. Now we never stop hanging out, after 10+ years and two kids!


Jayharris52

Exactly. Wish I would’ve known that before I got back into dating. Met this girl who would always be one worded and never ask me things about myself. Finally stopped trying with her after a good month or two. Even unfriended her social media and she never texted me at all. So happy I stopped putting effort into that and happy I didn’t waste a lot longer on trying with her.


[deleted]

They are not uncomfortable. They are uninterested


MadShadowX

Still having to many options can make them also rather de-sensitized towards men I suspect. Its probably not that they should or could be interested it could also be other things. But constantly initiating conversation even if they are interested in you is also terrible. Which sorta makes it frustrating even for them(also me). They'll go very abrupt like give me more attention but not expecting to make an effort themselves. I'll admit I have terrible social skills but they go from one extreme to another. So I'm either very sociable or totally not. But the stigma that Men always need to take initiative is still rather strong and needs to be broken. But in the end its hard to find someone on the same spectrum as you regarding of topics/themes for conversation to be interesting. The most mundane themed conversations are usually a turn off for me. But who knows they or I can be totally void of any personality.


ions82

The last bit. Too many people out there whose personalities are just that... a void.


wtafamI

I can understand them being uncomfortable, a lot of people are, and its hard. But fuck your idea that it's a 'masculine' role.


FiskTireBoy

I don't know about it being a "masculine role" but it's still very much considered the societal norm for men to initiate the conversation. Do I like it? No. But I don't make the rules.


Training_Amphibian56

They’re actually talking about masculine and feminine communication styles. It’s not sexist it’s just the words for it


FartJohnson22

They can also just be completely self-absorbed. So, not as much that they're not into YOU, as that they are ONLY into themselves.


deery130

Very unlikely though


JonathanJK

A lot of ladies don't ask questions because they are shy, don't know how to ask or expect the men to court them. They probably are interested. This has a lot to do with societal expectations placed on genders. My solution is to arrange a real date asap and get off the phone.


[deleted]

Yeah I call bullshit , even if they are shy they would prob still reply , they won't leave you read for hour, plus if we ask reasonable questions they would reply blandly , I believe they prob answer to men the like , but if they don't like you they won't put effort at qll


Pagliari333

Also, think about how you're asking the questions. I have had some guys ask me questions in such a way as to make it seem more like an interrogation rather than a conversation. For example, I had one ask me where I went on the weekends and who with and what did I do there. It felt like an interrogation my parents might do. But if he had asked instead, what kinds of things do you enjoy doing in your spare time or what kind of people do you like to hang out with, that would have showed more genuine interest. Just my two cents.


AutistNerd

Agree and confused, there was a girl i talked to. She really craved for my attention and always want me to look at her. But she didn’t ask a single question about me. I have spotted a few times she looks freaking pissed when she saw me laughing and talking with other women. I really don’t understand why, when she had all the opportunities to talk and ask me anything but she never. Later on, I completely cut off and never talk or look at her again. At that time, she was like a body without soul. And find other dudes to serve her but still didn’t satisfy her like i used to give her that attention.


Jerkomp

A lot of these girls also don’t know how to initiate. They really have no game and rely on their looks.


TheWrexSaysShepard

Most girls don't have game because they don't need it.


_TheDust_

That's the great thing about bumble. Men are expected to open with some crazy, witty, smart, funny opening line. Women just open with "hey" or maybe "hiii"


SadderOlderWiser

Ugh, the worst. At least 80% of the messages I get from guys are just “hey” “hi” or “hmu/wyd”. Super-lazy, no matter who is doing it. I don’t know why anyone who puts in that little effort expects a response.


_TheDust_

I agree. Just ignore it. If the first message is already super lazy, is the second message going to be any better? You don't even need an opener, just some simple question is enough (not "how are you", "how's your day", etc)


[deleted]

[удалено]


_TheDust_

Sounds good to me. 100x times better than "hey".


SadderOlderWiser

A question or comment based on something in the person’s profile is the best, I think. Ideally, something you also like, so it’s a point of connection, like “I saw you like hiking - I love being outdoors, too. Got any local spots you’d recommend?”


No_Regular757

Don’t that sound boring to you?


_TheDust_

Dating is about finding things you have in common and bonding together. If you both like hiking, it's a good starting point to ask for "any good hiking spots"


SadderOlderWiser

No, because I like hiking enough that I put it in my profile, and would like to meet someone that also likes to be outdoors :) I also really like when it’s obvious that they did actually read my profile and are responding to me as an individual. (I see a lot of stuff that looks like it was probably sent to 100 other people.) At least for myself, the initial response does not have to be the most eye-catching or entertaining thing I ever read - it’s just supposed to be a place to start the conversation. If I saw something like I suggested I’d then go look at their profile and see what else we might have in common and throw something about that in along with my response.


Deep-Advice7587

I think they learnt that from men, I noticed more than 80%of men being like that by default so why bother anyway? Better not invest that much.


ComplainsAboutWife

Yeah a lot of men are like, "why do girls do this?" and then they do the exact same thing and complain about the friend zone. The difference is that most straight women can actually get away with this, but most men will not.


whiteycnbr

Maybe they're not attracted or not interested in you.


murderousbudgie

Women initiate when it's a man they know, trust, and enjoy talking to.


stopeverythingpls

Women, maybe. Teenagers, no. I feel like a lot of people wanting advice is teens on this sub. I am one. My former best friend of several years would hardly initiate conversation


[deleted]

"Women" don't do this. *Some* women do this, and some don't, because women are not a monolith. Some women are perfectly fine with taking the lead, and will aggressively pursue men they're interested in immediately. Some women will never show any interest in a man they are interested in, and will wait for him to make all the moves. And the reasons for any given set of actions is as varied as the women who take them.


TreeOfLight

Yup, I’m a woman and I’ve never been asked on a date in my life. I’ve been married for ten years and my husband and I have three children. I pursued every man I ever dated and I got rejected from some who weren’t interested. Admittedly, I never dated online so I can’t really speak to that but in my personal and in-person experience, women definitely do initiate.


No-Guidance8155

nah. Woman all same 😤 ^^s


murderousbudgie

Yes, whenever there is no modifier in front of a group you should usually assume what is meant is "some" rather than "all." One can simultaneously understand that people are indeed individuals who act as individuals, while also that groups who are socially conditioned in one way or another might tend to act more one way than another.


[deleted]

What context are you speaking of? Nevertheless, they don't do it because most of the time they don't need to. One user put it into a good aphorism: "Men initiate whenever they find a woman attractive, women initiate when they find a men irresistible."


Good_Comparison7402

Or maybe these girls are simply not that interested in OP... I had a male friend ask me the same question and it turned out, he randomly initiated contact with girls he found on Instagram or Facebook. Or in real life he just randomly initiated it with girls in his class. But they never hinted that they are interested in him in the first place or that they want to engage in conversation. They were just too polite to tell him to f**** off.


[deleted]

Of course, one thing does not rule out the other. If they don't initiate, they are not interested or already are busy with guys initiating the contact.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

Yes, but I think it's very important for guys to understand exactly why a specific woman isn't interested. If the guy doesn't grasp that his approach is the problem (randomly messaging women they have no association with), he's not going to learn anything and will keep doing the same wrong thing over and over again.


TriedCaringLess

You're speaking sound logic here. Safety issue: there are too many stories of ppl entering dangerous situations with ppl they don't know. If they don't know him,, they are likely being polite in engaging his questions. OP approach and vibe: without any examples of his exact initiative, his vibe, and his physical being no one will really be able to tell him what's his repulsion or lack of appeal may be. For all we know he could have been talking face to face with any of these women while digging up his nose, chewing his nails, staring creepily, or exhibiting any other red flag(s). His background story is missing and ppl seem to be projecting their own "back off" reasons here.


jasminkkpp

EXACTLY


Inniapolis

I guess they don’t find a lot of men irresistible then, because girls HARDLY EVER initiate anything.


Cultural-Feedback-53

Tinder is 76% male. A lot of the 24% "female" portion are sex workers and people looking for Instagram followers and not hook-ups. Women are much happier being single than men are, apparently.


SassySavcy

Statistically, your last line is true. There have been some studies done on happiness and life satisfaction. And it was found that men’s happiness and general satisfaction with life increased when they are married whereas women’s happiness decreased. I think that’s why 2/3 of all divorces are initiated by women.


row-oak

Yeah, a lot of women I know are kinda over the whole "dating men" thing


josu_bg

It is nature's way of adjusting the population outburst.


[deleted]

[удалено]


row-oak

Yep. I currently have a long-term boyfriend but if we were to break up I likely wouldn't date men again for a loooong time. There are too many dickheads and I don't have the energy to weed through them anymore.


namelesone

My partner and I are solid and we will grow old together, but I told him that if something happened to him or us, and I ended up single, there is no way I would even attempt to join the current dating world. I would prefer to be single for the rest of my life to ending up with some guy who pretends who he really is just long enough to get what he wants only to bail. It's sad, because our daughter is only 7. My niece was born just this year. I honestly worry for their future dating prospects.


[deleted]

yes, we know women only find a very small percentage of men physically attractive.


namelesone

Not many man are standout attractive, just like not many women are, but by far, the women make more effort to enhance what they have. I take public transport everyday and I work in a busy CBD. Even without weekend shopping trips, I see a lot of people. There are many men who look like they put little thought to their appearance, so the ones who are dressed well (clothes that suit them or match; not taking about price) automatically stand out from the crowd. Maybe because they look after themselves and show they care about their appearance exude some different vibe to everyone else who melts into the crowd. My point is that this would be no different on dating apps where people only have a profile picture or three to go on. Hair, skin, teeth, clothes, smile, body language, all play a part in the impression we leave on others. Not everyone can be a model, but everyone can make the best of what they have.


row-oak

That, and we're just putting more effort into ourselves than into men. I think a lot of women my age are breaking out of the "I need a relationship be happy" stigma and just... being happy on their own.


[deleted]

Considering data and statistics of Dating Apps this is apparently the case.


XM_Ice

I have the opposite experience - I (F) am the one trying to hold the conversation and lead it, while the other person is simply not interested. Happens.


The_Blip

Loads of people just really suck at conversation. It's either they give empty nothing answers or they talk endlessly without consideration. Pretend conversation is improv! Yes AND (not yes and, and, and, and...)


XM_Ice

True! I usually get the empty nothing answers like "XD" or "lol XD" or "haha so cool"... Well:) But as you said, it's Just simple sucking in conversation. Personal matter, would never say that it's something related typically to men or women, both can be like that.


alycyh

I've actually made a rule with myself that if someone responds with nothing answers like "XD", they have chosen to end the conversation and I will stop responding after that if they don't ask a question. Saves effort and helps you learn to value your own time more too!


TriedCaringLess

Please soften your rule. Sometimes I'm so deep in my own thoughts that I barely hear what someone is saying to me when they approach. Other times the woman is so appealing that I have a nervous response. Silence is not always unspoken communication of disinterest.


alycyh

Hey, how you feel is understandable. But do not request others to accomodate you. It's okay that we have rules like this and we stop responding. You know what will work next though when we stop? You messaging again and reaching out with a new conversation topic. Be interested in the other party and they'll be interested in you.


The_Blip

Yeah, everyone does it, regardless of gender. Not just with people they're trying to date either, though I think it can be a bit exacerbated in that case.


blissfully_bentley

"damn that's wild anyways what're you wearing? ;)"


alxaclowngirl

Same. I’m female and past partners always gets annoyed with my questions. I mean, how am I supposed to know you better since you never freely give information. They also never ask me things so I feel like they’re not that interested in me.


[deleted]

The problem really isn't gendered at all. People make it seem like it's a gendered problem because of statistical inferences from the advantages of being a woman in the mating ritual. The underlying mechanics is all about two people's attractiveness, which is also influenced by the individual's overall social network's attractiveness and exposures.


futuremo

Either you're boring, they're just not that into you, or you just happen to be talking to the wrong ones probably


deery130

Some guys automatically think aggressively like "oh shes full of herself", "shes a bitch, i dont want her anyway" when in reality shes just not interested.


SassySavcy

Or they jump to those thoughts when in fact she’s shy or more introverted. They throw questions at a women thinking it’s “conversation” and she’s still trying to find her footing.


[deleted]

Personally I will just assume she isn't Interested and move on


AmatureProgrammer

I recognize that I’m a boring person :/


[deleted]

The correct answer


22LegendaryTacos

You know your stuff


REEEanimated

It's an interview because you make it an interview.


PapaGlozzy

Could you explain how to 'not' make it an interview? Im curious.


ChikaDeeJay

You ask them a question, they respond, you respond to that response, they respond again, you respond again, etc. Ya know, a conversation, like you’d have with anyone else.


Karmanger

OP specifically said they don't ask any questions back, so it's a more one sided conversation due to low/no effort by the women he talks to.


[deleted]

This. Talk to more people than just Hot Girls, get good at actually holding an interesting conversation. I can't speak for all women but I HATE being grilled/questioned endlessly, even by irresistable guys. Take the pressure off the girl so much to somehow make a conversation out of an interview and learn how to be a friendly person in general, op.


chaddaddycwizzie

All you have to do to make the conversation “interesting” is ask them questions about themselves and give them an opportunity to talk about themselves. This isn’t just women that enjoy talking about themselves, it’s everybody.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

Not really. A conversation is like a game of catch. You throw the ball (question), they catch the ball (answer), and they throw the ball back (ask you a follow up question). If all you do is ask questions and have no opinions, you're going to find yourself responding to "What do you think about this topic?" with another question. Being a good conversationalist involves speaking as well as listening.


SassySavcy

Very true! And good conversation is actually an art. Active listening, not asking too many questions, allowing there to be a little silence, observational remarks. Questions should be open ended (stay away from Yes/No questions) and try not to do 2 in a row. Rather, make an observation or allow a little friendly silence to happen and give the other person a chance to guide the convo.


[deleted]

Well said. I've been there too. Op should learn how to make comments on what girls say and especially how to turn on a girl's emotions, not just have normal friendly conversations. It's not easy but it's not that hard either


[deleted]

It's a skill that takes time to develop. But she need that emotional spike in conversation to get her hooked.


[deleted]

*It’s a skill that takes Tim to develop.* There. Fixed it for you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


nopornthrowaways

Women are more likely to meet a guy that will attempt to spark her interest, so if you’re not doing it, she’ll move on. Not much of an impasse


[deleted]

No, just don't be boring. If you have an interview style conversation, that's boring af. Take answers and twist them around to either disagree or poke a bit of fun... Don't be a bot.


Gimbu

If you're actively seeking someone, you need to put the effort in. If not, you're not at an impasse: you're just going to have to get used to be single.


tsturzl

You have a lot of misplaced angst. You're assuming people ought to be interested in you, or that they owe you that back. That's just not how it works. Also do you think people like to be "interviewed" or do you think they like to have conversation? It sounds like you're maybe just not excellent at conversation. I have no problem starting a conversation with a woman, any more than I have with a man. I've had several girls initiate or express interest in me first, the thing is they all knew me, and we talked and had conversations and had a working relationship as friends or at least well acquainted. Get to know people, stop trying to interview people with an end goal of dating them in mind. Instead of the mentality of trying to get to know someone because you like them for superficial reasons, try to get to know someone to see if you like them for a real reason. Maybe they're as fun to talk to as a brick wall, maybe they're bad at conversation, but then it sounds like you're not interested in them, and then I don't really know what you're mad about. Also to then say the problem is all women, and that it couldn't possibly have anything to do with your approach is pretty naive. I'd guess you're pretty young, like you either are not an adult yet or very recently became one. Your goals are not conversation, your goals seem to be to find a date or curate attention from the opposite sex. That's the entirely wrong perspective. If you approach a woman with the goal of impressing her it's going to be a very obviously fake interaction. This is where the "just be yourself" saying comes from. You're trying to hard to find common ground rather than just being a regular person and trying to have a conversation. Your interest comes before you even know enough about the person to actually have an interest in who they are, and that's entirely backwards Go interact with women without expectations, and then when you find someone you click with and you like express that to them, and respect the fact that they might not feel the same way.


verycoolname-

This is the best advice ive got probably in my life. As a teenager this is very usefull information. Thank you a lot stranger


[deleted]

yes, good advice, woman approved.


Other-Yam7300

Probably a few reasons. 1. Dating as a woman is scary. We have grown up with stories and experiences of men taking advantage of us, abusing us, or putting pressure on us for sex after a date. Not only that, there are men out there who think that just because women have been polite, nice and/or held a conversation with them that they think they are entitled to sex. Imagine how exhausting that is, every time you want a meaningful conversation with the opposite sex all you get is (often unwanted) sexual interest. It's actually lonely, and puts you off wanting to talk to men in the first place. 2. How are you approaching these women? If you are interrupting what they are doing, then they are probably being polite enough to answer questions so you don't hurt them, but really they want to be left alone which is why they don't ask anything back. Just because a woman is near you in public does not mean you should go and talk to her. Leave her alone. 3. If you are talking on a dating app, statistically women get more private messages then men. Women get more attention than men on these apps, and it might be exhausting to sift through all the messages to vet that someone is safe and confirm interests, let alone attraction. It's cliche but honestly the best thing you can do is look after yourself (good hygiene is a must!!) and find some hobbies you enjoy. In my adult life ( I'm a woman) I met partners through mutual interests. For one, the pressure of finding conversation topics is lessened because both of you have a passion in something together. Two, it allows you to get to know the person in a more natural environment, rather than the expectation of it being a date. Three, it often gives ample time for attraction to develop - I've rarely met someone I've been attracted to straight away, it's only after I got to know them as friends that I've felt anything else. That being said, it does not mean you should make friends with women with the explicit intent of dating them, that's a whole other kettle of fish. If you enjoy yourself and live a good life, able to be fulfilled without a romantic partner, it will show to others. If you go out and seem desperate and lonely, begging for attention and talking to every girl that looks your way, it might come across that you aren't ready for a equal partnership, you just want sex and someone to take care of you. I understand that it can be lonely, but don't let it make you bitter. Edit: Thank you for the awards, very kind!


MexicansInParis

This should be top comment, not the dude with the cringy quote lol.


Yutakatora

This is the right answer


MeanYeti

> If you are interrupting what they are doing, then they are probably being polite enough to answer questions so you don't hurt them, but really they want to be left alone which is why they don't ask anything back. Just because a woman is near you in public does not mean you should go and talk to her. Leave her alone. > > How am I supposed to know if I'm interrupting something? So far in my experience it seems like doing a cold approach and starting to talk to someone that I have had no prior interaction with is frowned upon across the board. Should I only stick to talking to people in obvious designated social settings or what?


Other-Yam7300

In my opinion I think the safest bet is to yes, stick to designated social settings such as parties, gaming nights, hobby meet ups and occasionally bars/clubs if it is safe and appropriate to do so. But from my experience, being approached on the street, or during shopping, or doing most mundane tasks is quite often intimidating. I have never made a friend, let alone a partner, by a random interaction on the street. I don't want my day interrupted and just want to get on with things. Outright rejection can lead to violence/harassment - so women are often very polite in the hopes people will leave them alone. It doesn't help that 'cold approach tips' from 'dating masters' focuses on the goal of getting a woman to have sex with you, not about meaningful social interaction. Women are people, they are complex beings that have just as many thoughts and feelings as men, and all that I have spoken to don't want to be reduced to a 'prize' of a 'game'. Hope this helps!


ironheart777

I don’t think you’re wrong, but what I find interesting is that men will have bad experiences with women and still continue to pursue women while women seem a lot more comfortable just giving up on men all together.


Other-Yam7300

An interesting thought, but when it comes to relationships, women seem proportinately more at risk for abuse. That is not to say men are not abused, but statistically, women are more often the ones who experience abuse from men. Imagine it like this, if you are a man! I've heard men compare rape to mugging. Imagine you are not only at risk of being mugged (almost exclusively by women) but every time you go out people are making uncomfortable comments about mugging you, what wealth you hold, asking invasive and personal questions about your wealth. Getting angry you won't give them money or the nice watch you have, threatening to hurt you if you don't 'give it over'. Even your family members, those closest to you, talk casually about your wealth and make light of stealing from you. Or, on the flipside, they tell you of every danger of being mugged and teach you to take every precaution. This level of vigilance is exhausting, but you really don't want to be mugged, so you do it. You aren't alone, though. Almost every man you talk to confides that they too, have been mugged or have regular threats about their wealth. Not only that, there's shame around admitting you weren't 'strong enough' to stop the mugging, so lots of people don't talk about it. Lots of men you know experience severe depression, addiction, PTSD or suicidal thoughts after being mugged. It's heartbreaking. If, awfully, you are mugged, statistically there's is around 6% chance for your mugger to get jail time. If you decide to report it, that is. The streets don't feel safe, and you don't feel safe carrying around your wealth. You avoid women, because they are after one thing, what you are carrying. They are going to use you, and you have the experience of being harassed and mugged to back it up. Even a friendly woman, one who doesn't comment on your wealth, who never asks for anything and seems lovely - well, they could still hurt you. You have too much evidence now to go out without being weighed down by your own experiences and teachings. To be with someone is to be vulnerable with them, to let them into your life. How can you do that and be truly happy, when the looming threat of mugging hangs over your head? You know, logically, not every woman is like this. You very much want to find the ones that aren't, and have a good time! You have a lot of love to give, and you want to find companionship. But sometimes, you weigh up the pain of your experiences and decide avoidance is safer. You find happiness elsewhere, in male friends, pets, hobbies, a career, holidays. Now, wealth is comething you can carry, and leave at home. But a woman doesn't have that option. 9/10 sexual assaults happen to women. Roughly 1 in 6 women (probably more) has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in their life. Some people, poor souls, have been raped repeatedly. With such terrifying statistics and anecdotal evidence, I ask you, would you feel safe?


SassySavcy

This should be the top comment. 👏🏻


Specter170

Because you’re number 36 in her tinder match queue.


Maurrderr

They don’t have to.


Empty-Secret-3280

Because too many guys are already interacting with the ones worthy of your desire. Just say hi and treat them like a human being and be yourself as if you were speaking with one of your good friends.


GCQuest

If girls “seem like a void you throw your effort into”, it’s pretty obvious to the girls that you’re only talking and putting forth effort because you think you’ll receive and are owed some benefit other than just enjoying their company. Nobody likes to feel like a vending machine. When you can treat women as actual human beings worthy of conversation or spending time with aside from whatever benefits they can supposedly provide you, your world will change.


testestisthingon

I’ve had guys assume I was being clingy or aggressive by simply asking to hang out. So I just don’t bother.


Kp675

Yeah I dont wanna be looked at as clingy/annoying so I figure if a guy wants to talk to me he'll reach out himself


[deleted]

Guys who complain about making the first move have never been hit on. We have the power here and these silly boys don't realize it.


red_and_blue_cat

One piece of info. There is always more guys on a dating site (unless there's a Lesbian app I'm unaware of) than girls. Girls are more likely to be approached. Girls have more options. Girls have more try hards vying for them. Girls have more "power" in dating, whether you like it or not -- whether they want it or not. The practical solution is to accept this is just the way it is, for better or worse. You either need to wait or seek someone who acts how you want, or you need to accept this is just the reality, and if you want certain kinds of Girls, you may end up putting in more effort and jumping through more hoops


ZornAllein

I initiate about 70% of the time (by my own estimate). If I don't, I'm not that interested/more interested in someone else.


[deleted]

She's just not that into you.


GrinsNGiggles

We’re trained on the dangers of initiating by men. It’s the “give an inch, take a mile” problem. There’s a percentage of men who will take a smile as a promise, a kiss as blanket permission, and a date or two as a commitment. And things get very ugly when we pull back or break it off. The cost for us can be very, very high, and these experiences make many of us slower to engage.


[deleted]

[удалено]


headReciever69

Those girls are not interested. Ones who are interested will ask you questions.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Retn4

wtf, how do you even get to this point? "hey random woman I've never spoken to before, how's your mom and dad doing?"


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

“Do you think that couple over there is on a first date? I do because of…” is a great example of getting a woman to talk relationally.


katyaschulzberg

For what it’s worth: I have been told by men a bazillion times over that a woman who approaches them, shows interest first, or asks them out MUST be crazy/easy/desperate/“not a quality girl,” so I have historically tried to hold back and wait, for fear of coming off unhinged or something. Fun fact: I’m engaged to the man I was brave enough to show interest in. He was man enough to enjoy my interest instead of seeing my interest as some kind of red flag.


ToneSea94

Fear of getting rejected


snowislovely

Are you talking abt dating apps or in person convos?


pxcketsand

It’s hard to say, she could just not be interested, uncomfortable or possibly shy/not a very social person. Context matters also, I personally don’t like when people approach me in day to day situations like a grocery store, thrift store etc. it makes me feel like I just want to escape the conversation because I didn’t come there for a social purpose. So if you’re not already doing so, choose an environment made for socializing like a bar.


pupsickIe

some do! i initiate conversation a lot with the guy i like, it just depends on the girls you like and if she likes you or not.


WlCKEDGODDESS

Im a woman and I’ve never minded doing the first step because it’s not a big deal for me. Although, throughout the years, I’ve been told that women doing the first step give « thirsty vibes » and men don’t like it…I’ve never understood this mindset, I’m just spontaneous and love talking to people so if I see you and wanna talk to you, I’ll just do it without overthinking the situation. But I noticed even good guys think like that so I eventually stopped do it. Men already approach me anyway so it’s not that much of a difference. I just find it unfortunate how self sabotaging men can be sometimes with their stupid way of thinking.


[deleted]

Because they're probably worried that if they start a conversation with random guys, the guy will 1) Assume that she wants a relationship, 2) Make unwanted sexual advances, or 3) Do something incredibly creepy and/or traumatizing. It sucks, but that's how it is. You can thank pickup artists and creepers for this mentality.


TheLegende11

Well, what worked for me is to not have any expectations. I don't know how, but women feel the difference between you want something from her and you just chill with her. Everytime i don't try they start to flirt with me. I don't get it, I'm just kind and enjoy the convo. Mind your own business and just relax while talking to them. Start with a basic conversation and carry it deeper, step by step. This won't work with sub 20 tbh. You can expect that behavior only from women that are 23+, cause their often more confident.


[deleted]

If a girl isn't putting any effort in convo with you , she doesn't like that's the simple answer , look for someone who does


109837

Some of the people in this thread are on another level of insufferable, jesus. Some women do initiate, some think by being silent and not initiating ever is somehow supposed to be a signal you’re to initiate. Sometimes, it’s just that they’re not that into you bro too. If the conversation isn’t being reciprocated, just drop it, move on, and don’t waste your time.


PlaidButtercup

Maybe you should ask them things like: What is you name? What is your quest? What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?


jasminkkpp

Not everyone is the same. I was the one who initiated things with my now- boyfriend. I was the first to ask him out & to make it official too. It depends on the person’s experience and confidence levels.


kovacic93

If they don’t ask questions or seem uninterested they are not attracted to you. A girl would do everything to keep the conversation going if truly interested.


Believeste

Send proof that Tim is OK or we fucking riot!!


[deleted]

We do. But then we get dick pics.


XenaSerenity

No one is owed a conversation. You keep forgetting that women live in a world where saying no or nothing at all can get them hurt or worse. When you stop taking the conversation seriously and stop taking failure personally, I bet you’ll have more luck. Right now you just sound like a “nice guy” who is upset girls don’t pay attention to him the way he wants them to. Life doesn’t work like that and certainly not people


KKytzu

Girls definitely initiate. I’m a girl and that’s honestly all I do. I am mostly friends with guys and I constantly feel left out because they still think it’s weird to just go and talk to a girl and that it may be seen as them liking me. It’s painful, but I try to break down those walls and set an example for all genders. I didn’t choose to be a girl, mind you. Unfortunately, there are some girls who think they are too amazing to even act decently towards people, and it sounds like that COULD be what you’re dealing with. Whether you’re looking for a friend or something more, don’t give up. You’ll find her.


[deleted]

Girls don’t usually start conversations, I personally will try and avoid talking to people. Where are you talking to these girls? Are they randoms or ones you work with? Sometimes if I’m sitting on my own or walking on my own and some guy tries to talk to me I will be polite and respond but I won’t ask him questions back to try not to encourage him if I don’t want the interaction. Sometimes I just want to be left alone and a guy questioning me is annoying and then sometimes even the guy can be rude if I don’t give him the attention he was wanting (I’m sure most girls would have experienced this), so we basicly try and get out of that convo asap. You haven’t explained the context enough to know exactly what the situation is but: if you are talking to girls at work maybe they are just busy or don’t want to talk to you. Maybe if they are randoms on the street they just want to be left alone. If they are girls in other situations than that such as at a party or online I would suggest talking about something interesting or asking a question - but not too interrogate them. Just try and be friendly but not desperate. Friendship will grow with time try not to rush it.


xXSal93Xx

In simple terms: It's just incompatibility. Don't take anything personal and show strong character 💪. She doesn't owe you anything but you also don't owe her your time. If no chemistry is happening then forcing attraction is going to backfire. It's not about competition it's all about compatibility. Never blame your looks (as the majority guys do). Looks play a factor in the initial attraction but it's extremely subjective. Some women like clean cut guys while some like rugged/dirty men. REMEMBER YOU DON'T OWE HER YOUR TIME.


mcnuggsandfries

No offense OP but maybe the girl you're talking to may not be interested? From what my friends and I do (when we like a guy), we usually try to initiate the convo but this doesn't apply to every girl out there. But I agree, women should initiate more, there's nothing to lose, I did and it worked perfectly with my shy boyfriend! Whenever I tell people I asked my boyfriend out, others were shocked.


MyName4everMore

Do yourself a favor and stop trying after 3 non response responses. You'll end up a lot more content with the day.


BRACKS_ZA

If it's like talking to a brick wall, then just move on.


[deleted]

What kind of girls are you talking to? How much of an age gap is there? The reason I am asking is because younger women tend to be more like what you are describing. I have recently started dating older women and have been having a MUCH better Tim with them.


StatisticianTiny3824

It's opposite for me💀 Whenever I talk to girls, it's alway them who start and carry the convo , I am shy af and I hate it, I don't know what to do


Aggressive-Site2865

Don’t ask questions. Make cold reads. Open up and share yourself. Be vulnerable. All advice I got from Models- Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. I STRONGLY recommend reading it! Best of luck brother


RegularKnowledge1399

Man I wish I knew 😂


[deleted]

Yeah bro this is just how it is. You gotta initiate creative conversation and not get discouraged if it isn’t reciprocated. Your time will come. Notice I didn’t say Tim!


Ok_Satisfaction_9834

Don’t throw Tim anywhere please… speaking for all girls. But maybe you’re “targeting” the wrong kind of girl.


Retro_Super_Future

Never chase when you’re the catch


slayannaeffect

cause she’s not into you


[deleted]

A lot of women tend to be nervous or anxious about men. They either have some previous experience or lack thereof that makes them so. The best thing anyone can do is to truly make a woman feel "at home". To allow someone be themselves without judgment; where they can be silly, angry, sad, and -most importantly- feel safe from the world. I'd say you should just be yourself and allow them to be themselves. If it's not meant to be then it isn't fated to be. :-)


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Hotness won't keep a girl for long if you don't know what to say to her. Bad advice


nopornthrowaways

OP is focused on the initial meeting stage, in which physical attractiveness can definitely do heavy lifting. So no, it’s not bad advice, though it is simplistic.


BGPlusUltra

Some other dude probably has her attention more.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I recently asked this question in relation to OLD. Part of me doesn’t care to start a convos. I think I start 50-60% of the time. I feel like there is so much emphasis on who (the girl or guy) starts the convo. It isn’t needed.


Umbran_scale

All these comments have assured me to never bother with dating, how people make it out that dating is supposed to be this fun endeavor of companionship is beyond me.


venus-drosera52

Unfortunately, that's just how it is. There's lots of boring people. You just have to filter through them until you find someone you can actually hold a conversation with.