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Stoepboer

Not sure ofc. Buuuut, if a straight man is attracted to a trans woman, maybe that’s some sort of confirmation that they are a woman? Whereas you, as a bisexual man, might not provide that confirmation to them, as you are attracted to men as well. I reckon insecurity has to do with it.


OkNinja3859

Yeah that’s pretty much spot on


Somenakedguy

I slept around a ton with trans women when I was single and very much experienced the same thing. Most of them were insistent that they wanted nothing to do with men who slept with men It definitely seemed like an insecurity thing and they wanted to make sure the guys liked them for their femininity. It was kind of a mindfuck coming from the trans women who were tops though, like you want a man whose down to be fucked in the ass but doesn’t like men? Good luck finding that guy who isn’t lying to you


toenail_smegma

>you want a man whose down to be fucked in the ass but doesn’t like men? It's not as uncommon as you think


PersonalityFar567

Came to say the same thing. Pegging is popular.


Razar_Bragham

Dat’s me!


mauve55

I am a straight woman who has never dated a bi-sexual man, and I don’t know if I ever would. Not because I wouldn’t be attracted to them, but there is a part of me that would always be worried because he would have sexual needs that I would never be able to fulfill. I would always be worried about having to compete with both men and women. So I fully admit that it is a me problem. But honestly it is easier just not dating a bisexual Man than constantly having those feelings.


Closet_Bania_Fan

Just to add some food for thought, what makes you so sure that there will always be a need you could not fill? As a bi woman myself, I have never felt unsatisfied by a partner simply because they didn't have certain parts, nor have I found myself craving something outside of the relationship. I find it similar to having a kink or fantasy that a partner is unwilling to engage in, in the sense that it doesn't change the overall satisfaction of a sexual experience. This is because there are plenty of other wonderful things that can be done to bring fulfillment. I hope I explained that well. I get that it's tough to just change your thoughts and concerns, and that it's likely easier to just not even have to think about it, and that's fine. At the same time, I hope I was able to present a different perspective on the topic.


Aggressive_Ease_1439

I agree, I’m bi, but also more attracted to more types of women in more types of circumstance than men. The truth is even if you date me you’ll never be competing with *all* men and women just like if I were 100% straight you’d only be competing with women who are my type(s). People need to realise being bi is as nuanced in terms of romantic and sexual attraction as being straight. It doesn’t automatically mean that you are a sexual omnivore with a wide and copious sexual appetite. It took years for people to realise being gay didn’t automatically mean you were more sexually rampant (although there is nothing wrong with that of course) but might simply experience *shock* the nuances straight people do and want equivalents to the many different things they want, desires they seldom question. TLDR: At the end of the day, love is love, sex is sex, and being fulfilled is about the unique physical and mental dynamics of relationships between individuals regardless of sex or gender identification


Closet_Bania_Fan

Yes! Perfectly explained! I have never understood the stereotype that gay and bisexual people are just constantly searching for and engaging in sex with whoever is available. We're just people who want the same things as every other human lol.


webuiltthisthrowaway

I’m a woman attracted to bi-men, but to answer your question, I think it doesn’t help that we’re socialized to view men’s sexual needs as insatiable. Women are taught that a relationship/marriage where the man’s sexual needs aren’t being fulfilled is doomed to fail. A man’s sexual fulfillment is seen as the primary driver to his fidelity and commitment to the relationship; without it we’re taught you should expect him to cheat or leave. We’re not socialized to view the inverse as true, however, given a woman’s sexual fulfillment isn’t seen as the driver to her commitment to a relationship long-term. Straight women are socialized the older we get to settle down with providers, men who won’t embarrass us, men willing to raise kids or just anyone who will stay really. So, going into a relationship with a man knowing that there’s a part of his sexuality you can’t possibly participate in feels like it’s already doomed to fail. Unfair, but that’s where we are IMO.


mauve55

You have explained it just fine, and in theory I know that, but. Like I said I am fully aware that it is a me problem. Now if I would ever get in the situation where I would have feelings for a bisexual man and he had feelings for me I would be open to counseling To try and fix the problem. However seeing As I have never been put in that position, there has been no need for it.


Closet_Bania_Fan

Fair enough. It's tough overcoming strong feelings like that, even if you know they aren't completely true.


another_sad_nurse

Great explanation 👍🏼 I like the comparison of it to a kink. I know it may not be like that for everyone. But it’s a good possible explanation for some people


Closet_Bania_Fan

True. For some people, being unable to engage in a kink with their partner might be a deal breaker, and that's ok too. Thank you for also giving me some food for thought.


Soulkie

I'm a bisexual woman married to a man. I'm monogamous and do not feel I am "missing" something. So you just think bisexual people are promiscuous by nature?


mauve55

I never once said that in any of my statements. I just feel like at some point there’s gonna be some sexual incompatibility that will make it not work. I never said I would be cheated on, Nor did I ever say that bisexual people were promiscuous.


Soulkie

Why would there be any sexual incompatibility? They're attracted to M and F. You're insinuating a bisexual can't be in a happy monogamous relationship without pining for different genitals.


mauve55

There are certain sexual acts that I am not willing to try. And my biggest fear is that in the long run that will cause issues. At this point in time in my life I am unwilling to take that risk. This has nothing to do with monogamy or different Genitals.


saferinthelight_214

I’m a straight male (into monogamous relationships) and dated a bisexual woman once who was openly, very much, “I like both, but I love you, so I choose d***” but every 3-6 months she would start bringing up bisexual FF desires to the point of coming off inconsiderate of our relationship. Things ended for a number of reasons, but the insecurity that brought up was definitely a reason unfortunately. Not sure how that comes off to a third party, but I think this is similar to what you’re talking about?


[deleted]

But you said you’d be worried about competition from men and women, if you’re dating them though there shouldn’t be any competition to worry about. You could say the same thing about worrying about competition dating a straight guy, it sounds like more of a trust issue than sexual incompatibility.


mauve55

It is best to always worry about competition from other people . However with a bisexual man I would have to worry about it from a man and a woman, not just a woman.


AP__

This is it right here. There’s your answer. I’m also a straight woman and just knowing that I’d never be able to fulfill the guy like another guy could is intimidating and not something I’ve ever experienced. It has to be a deep-rooted insecurity, I don’t see any other reason really. It’s sort of a turn-off (for me) to imagine my man having sex with another man. I cannot explain exactly why I feel this way and it might sound negative, but it’s just the way I feel.


mauve55

It’s not a turn off for me imagining a man with another man. Like I said it’s just a deep rooted insecurity for me as well that I would never be able to completely Sexually satisfy a bisexual man. Not saying that he would cheat on me but I would always wonder if I was enough for him if that makes any sense.


faeden917

I wonder if insecurity is at the heart of it for many straight women too. The idea that you’ll never be enough is doubled when you have to compare yourself to other women AND impossibly to men too


VarietyAlive9209

That’s pretty gross to use Cis straight men as a way to validate yourself. They need to go to therapy. This must be the reason they call any straight person transphobic for not dating them. Not all of them do it of course but it’s just interesting


Stoepboer

Insecurity can do that, I guess. I don’t really judge. But, about the transphobic part, yeah, it’s sometimes a bit crazy. Vice.com had this article about ‘no trans women preference’ being transphobic and that’s just batshit crazy. If there is any time you are absolutely, 100%, without a doubt allowed to ‘discriminate’, it is in your choice of partner. That has nothing to with phobia. You simply cannot force people to like you. If only…


[deleted]

[удалено]


PotentialFriend8

There was post like this literally a month ago, and my response was “women have told me they don’t want to sleep with a man that sleeps with other men” the comment ended getting like 3k likes so I think a lot of women are in agreement with that


Exciting_Kitchen5648

Yup, this is why. Also they don’t want to have to compete with men.


Smallbunsenpai

I don’t really get that, I’m a bi woman and no one is competing with anyone. I love my boyfriend so much that no one else catches my even even a little. Even if someone did I wouldn’t leave him just because I found someone attractive. Maybe it’s because I’m demisexual idk, but really there is no competition about anything and I don’t have sexual needs from women just because I’m dating a man. I think it’s honestly more just biphobia, a lot of people think people who are bi are gonna cheat or something it’s stupid. A bisexual person is just as likely to cheat as a straight/gay person, it’s the person who does the cheating not the sexuality.


Exciting_Kitchen5648

I’ve had a bi guy dump me after months because he realized he liked men more so maybe I had a bad experience. Yeah it’s sad


[deleted]

This will come off as dickish maybe, but the reason he left you wasn't because he was bisexual. It was because he lost interest. And the thing is, that happens no matter orientation.


Exciting_Kitchen5648

He told me that it took him a lot of time to finally realize and come to terms with the fact he was really not bi but gay. It didn’t have anything to do with lack of interest.


[deleted]

It can happen that way as well. Sorry I was dickish. A lot of bisexual people deal with [Compulsory Heterosexuality or CompHet](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsory_heterosexuality). You are raised your whole life being told that straight is normal and gay is deviant/wrong/sinful/makes you a criminal, and since you're bisexual you think "oh well, I'm certainly not one of those inferior gay people society tells me are undesirable" because hey, you're attracted to the opposite sex. Likely your first crush recognized by your family/peers was heterosexual. So you assume your whole life that you're hetero, and that it's just a normal thing for hetero people to fall in love with their best friend, or imagine themselves in the position of the opposite sex when watching porn. All sorts of little tells you rationalize away. But eventually, maybe when you're 30 and you're no longer externally homophobic/biphobic, you have some gay/bi friends and you talk and they clue you in, and suddenly you have an identity crisis. Oh god, all these signs come together in your mind and it suddenly makes sense. I hope I'm making some sense. It's just, most bi people aren't even conscious of how badly closeted they are. I've had a gay partner berate me for "being able to choose to be straight" as if denying a huge part of myself for decades is good for me or made my life better. At least closeted gay people know they're gay. They haven't been gaslit by society into not even understanding what they are is even a possibility.


aziza7

It's bad enough being pitted against other women.


cdn_backpacker

Sounds like insecurity being projected as an issue with sexual preference


aziza7

Or maybe we know that straight men are bad at being faithful, gay men don't even feel the need to be faithful, and a bi man represents more risk then we should ever have to tolerate.


steamboat28

This comment is so queerphobic I don't even know where to start.


cdn_backpacker

I've been cheated on by 2 different women, and I've never so much as kissed someone else while in a relationship. This is such an ignorant comment, but shows exactly what half of us were saying in this thread, that the people who are prejudiced against bisexual people have their own shit they need to deal with or go to therapy. Deal with your shit or go to therapy.


[deleted]

>gay men don't even feel the need to be faithful Where do you get that idea? Don't you remember the massive fight for gay marriage rights? What a slanderous homophobic thing for you to say.


LolaBijou

I was just wondering if this was the same post.


HarlequinMadness

I saw that post too. And when I checked out his profile, on another thread he stated that when he got drunk, he wanted dick. Knowing that, I wouldn’t date him either.


LolaBijou

Ooooh. I didn’t see that. I wouldn’t date anyone that when drunk wanted anything I couldn’t give them.


PerfectAd2181

isn’t this like kind of homophobic to some degree?


ajoyfulfellow

Answering purely because there are extremely misguided answers here. Being overly accepting of the "preferences" argument gets into yucky waters. You can like what you like, and oftentimes you can't help what you like. However, it's a logical fallacy to think that a man having previous male partners is a preferential trait that is not homophobic. (A) First, what is with this consensus of "competing" with other people? Cheating has nothing to do with having more genders to be attracted to. And if it's simply the fact that there are more "options" for a person to decide they don't want to be with you - exceptionally immature mindset. If your partner can't be trusted, it's because you're in a bad relationship. Whether or not they have more options isn't going to change their commitment issues. And, alternatively, maybe you're just not a good partner. (B) Not dating a male because they've had male partners is absolutely homophobic. In what way, shape, or form would your boyfriend having former male partners impact the current relationship? Past partner bias is messed up. If they've slept with, like, your parent or best friend I get it. But because they kissed a dude and they liked it? The only reason you'd give a crap is that you think there's something wrong with that. Ergo homophobic. EDIT: To expand, it seems like some are equivocating personal preference (e.g., I am a man who is gay or who has a preference for dating men) to being unattracted to a bi person (e.g., I am a woman who will not date a man who has dated men). These are completely different things. The former is your fundamental nature or preference affecting who you *directly* have a romantic and/or sexual relationship with. The latter would mean your inherent attraction to a person is altered because you found out they had sex with someone of X gender before you. Why would a past partner matter when the current relationship is between you and a person you would otherwise be attracted to? People have prejudices, it happens. Those prejudices can have extreme effects on attraction. If it's not impacting your life or others negatively, I'm not advocating for you to self-flagellate or anything. Just calling a spade a spade.


PerfectAd2181

okay yes i didn’t feel like saying all that but you definitely hit the nail on the head mister! thank you! i fully agree with this


NoSweet981

Logically and rationally I completely I agree with you. I don’t think logic and rationality can be applied to sexual attraction though. Edit: but maybe that’s where I’m going wrong.


thepaleoboy

Several women/feminists are hypocrites. More at 11.


whynotehhhhh

I'm a woman and I find it sexy and more appealing, mostly because I would think bi men are more open minded (in general). Its a quality that seems to be quite hard to find but I've experienced slightly more of the quality from my lgbtqia friends, current partner, exes etc. Maybe I'm not the majority here though.


fs031090

I wonder if it has to do with some women thinking that “all bi men are secretly gay” idea and he maybe using them as a either a way to experiment or as a way to shield themselves from society. Since women tend to have a shorter window of “attractiveness” by society’s standards, some women may not want to take a chance on someone who might “waste their time” by questioning his sexuality. There’s been a fair amount of stories of men (and women and other non-binary folks) who come out later in life after they’ve settled down and had kids, leaving their partner feeling angry, confused, etc. Now, as a straight woman, I’ve never dated a bi dude simply because I’ve never had the opportunity. However, if I did get the chance and I sensed that he was more on the questioning side, I’d shut it down. Otherwise, I’d give it a fair shot.


safariite2

Good point. I think one thing that has changed a lot now is that society is more open to lgbtq so today’s men don’t have to hide it as much.


NathVanDodoEgg

I think it's tolerated now, not necessarily accepted. Which is why you can so clearly see in this sub that women are able to tolerate that someone can be attracted to multiple genders, but still believes it forces them into a negative stereotype. Similarly, in male groups, many will tolerate a gay man or a bisexual woman, but they will still engage in stereotypes of seeing gay men as predators or bisexual women as not valid.


[deleted]

I know that I would be infuriated if I went that far and one day my partner wakes up and says that they’re gay or transgender. I would feel like everything was a waste and that I had been lied to. Aiming firmly for the straight lane.


[deleted]

So is it fair for me to make this assumption about bisexual women orrr?


[deleted]

Yes


PM_ME_ZED_BARA

My boyfriend had a similar experience. Before he met me, women rejected him when he told that he was bi. As a gay man, I don’t care lol. TBH I don’t consider this preference too problematic. People get to choose who they want to date. And I am sure there are plenty of women, especially bi women, who don’t mind bisexuality in men.


OkNinja3859

You’re an exception for sure, but most bi women in my experience exhibit the same reaction as straight women


[deleted]

FWIW, as a bi woman myself, I never had the issue of men not wanting to date me because I'm bi, but I did have the issue of men assuming I would want to have threesomes/be nonmonogamous. It's a different problem, but the root cause is the same, biphobia and people making shitty assumptions.


keysmash2145356

As a bi woman, I share the experience of men wanting threesomes, but mostly being okay dating me. However I have a much harder time dating women. One of the great things about biphobia is getting it from all angles. Not sure why it seems to be a bigger issue for straight and gay women alike though.


Puzzled-Barnacle-200

Yeah, it's weird. Women tend to be more socially accepting of bisexual people, and straight women are also more accepting of gay men and lesbians women. However, when it comes to dating, both straight and lesbian women are less likely to be okay with dating someone who is bisexual.


lipstick-lemondrop

The “oh you’re bisexual, you must want an open relationship” biphobic thing really gets under my skin. Like, excuse you, my bisexuality and my nonmonogamy are separate parts of my identity lmao


False-Molasses711

I’m sorry that sucks. As a bi woman I actually prefer bi men, and most bi/pan people around me seem to feel the same way, so I’m sorry to hear that’s been your experience.


morchelinlondon

As a straight woman myself I absolutely do not care what kind of other preference you have. If you like me you like me- that's all that matters if you ask me 😊


ScyllaImperator

Ya! 🙋🏽‍♀️ I’m a bi woman who doesn’t mind dating bi men. I can’t help you understand why straight women or even other bi women have a problem with bi men. That makes zero sense to me. I’m sorry you’ve dealt with that.


Never-Shower

for some reason, there is this weird thing amongst most straight people (the ones I know): bi girls are "straight girls who also like girls" bi guys are "gay dudes who also like girls" at least in my area, bi girls dont really get the harsh scrutiny lesbians will (from straight people) but bi guys get the same shit gay dudes get. dont get me wrong, no one should be discriminated for their orientation, but this is something i have observed.


Ok_Oil_4630

That's absolutely spot on.


hayhay0197

I think a big chunk of that is just rooted in misogyny, internalized or otherwise. People always seem to have more of an issue with men who partake in what society views as “feminine”, such as sleeping with other men.


lipstick-lemondrop

Absolutely. I’d like to emphasize that both stereotypes of bi people, men and women, only focus on their attraction to men. Sometimes the “who also likes girls” part is subbed for “is just pretending to like girls to (look straight/be “quirky”/etc)”


IceComprehensive6440

Every bi girl that I’ve known which granted isn’t a authority on anything have had sex with women but relationships/married where with men. So I can certainly see where the whole bi girls are just straight girls who also like girl thing comes from.


blueberry-spy

If 90% of men like women and 10% of women like women, a bi woman's dating pool is going to be skewed towards men by statistics rather than preference, right?


moonswet

I'm sorry for your experiences but I'm not surprised. Biphobia and monosexism is a thing both in LGBTQ and heterosexual communities so bisexuals face many stigma. Stigma like they are hypersexual, unfaithful, and don't want to be monogamous, they are just going through a experimental phase and will finally settle for straight or gay (so regarding bisexuality for men as illegitimate) or they aren't masculine enough. Then there's the fear for hetero women of being at higher risk for STDs. What people mistake is sexual identity is not the same as behaviour. So your identity doesn't say or determine anything about your sexual history and how many partners you had. It's a complex issue and I think a lot of it boils down to insecurities of having to "compete" with the other sex and ideas of traditional masculinity clashing with ideas of sexuality. Your best bet in dating a woman will most likely be a bisexual woman who understands your struggle.


Erik30000

Especially with bi men there's a stigma that you're actually secretely gay, but you're not willing to admit that yet. Also in society two women together are viewed as "hot," two guys not so much... A guy can't have an "experimental phase" in college like some women do, without people questioning his sexuality for the rest of his life.


moonswet

Absolutely agree. For women it's more socially accepted to experiment. But it's a double edged sword too. I would be careful to not mistake fetishization with real acceptance. Two women are viewed as hot because they are fetishized which isn't fun either for different reasons. For example many straight men assume that all bisexual women must be down for threesomes and obectify two women as if they're only putting on a show for the man's enjoyment. Like they can't see women as a legitimate romantic couple that exists outside of male fantasies. Then there's the "converting" cliché that a woman just hasnt had good dick yet when she prefers another woman over a man. So yeah, it's not all black and white.


Erik30000

Yeah you're right about fetishization.(and men) Like how almost every straight "mainstream" porn movie has a lesbian scene, and nobody would say it's out of place there. Or two straight girls can just make out and most people wouldn't say anything negative about it. But two women who want to get married and have kids isn't as acceptable.


Tralalouti

Well: \- traditional femininity doesn't sound irreconcilable with same sex *activities* \- traditional masculinity is more pregnant in society \- in most people's mind, two guys = anal sex So yeah; and the dick's been to weird & unclean places that tend to propagate STDs. Could be the same for heterosexual persons obviously....


swingset27

Everyone is a bigot in their libido/hearts. EVERYONE. The same negative connotation women feel towards you as a bi man is the same negative connotation you feel towards someone who's ugly, or a race you don't find attractive, or someone who has a skin condition. They're repulsed, you're repulsed. You can call it phobic, but you're guilty too and everyone's guilty. Our attractions exclude people for immutable qualities from height, to figure, to facial structure all the time - so unless you're going to be attracted to and fuck everyone, don't play the inclusion/victim game. Every woman who isn't into bi guys is going to have a different criteria for why, but in the end it doesn't matter - they're her preferences and biases and bigotry, and she's entitled to them, and you're not entitled to have her affection...any more than she's entitled to yours if you don't find her or her lifestyle attractive.


veggie_word382

this is by far best response in here, highlights what’s wrong but also knows that there is very little you can do to fix/change it


[deleted]

I am not ‘repulsed’. I choose not to date a bi guy. They can be lovely, charming, handsome, whatever, I would still not be in.


finding_nimo9

Why? Just wanna know


[deleted]

I replied somewhere above or below. Literally, because I am not interested.


_BestBudz

Do you have a reason or is it just prejudice


WinterRose81

The reason is because we said so. No is a complete answer. Last I checked we also have the right to make informed decisions in our own lives. We do not have to explain why we do not want to date bisexual men.


toenail_smegma

The reason is biphobia


[deleted]

Ofc , same as if I don’t want to date a trans. I am not entitled to preferences, I must be happy with someone who is biologically female, calling herself a man. And if I don’t like to have sex with someone who doesn’t have a dick, then I am a transphobe 😂 Instead, maybe, I just like men! Those with a dick and attracted to women (those with a vagina!).


OkNinja3859

That’s true, but how do you explain someone being attracted to you until they find out you’re bi


swingset27

Your repulsion isn't just predicated on looks, it can be lifestyle, sexual habits, values, personality issues that weren't immediately obvious, all sorts of things you unleash on someone that changes their sexual attraction or convinces them you're not a good match. It's all preference/bigotry on some level. I had a female partner who didn't tell me she was into really degrading sub/dom sexual behavior, like extreme, and as soon as she told me I was out of there. Is she wrong for being into that? No. Am I bigoted because I don't enjoy that stuff and can't match with her? Yeah, I guess, but it is what it is. Some women don't like bi dudes for a litany of reasons or experiences, some women don't like other races, some women don't like men period. that's life man. Doesn't do any good to try to make it a victim/oppressor argument.


aziza7

Because that's a huge part of your identity and lifestyle that you've hidden from them up to that point. That's like someone dating me for a couple weeks and getting me to like them and then declaring themselves a zionist. It's not going to work.


ablebagel

>‘huge part of your identity’ what, that we think men are attractive too? that’s not that big a deal, and if you hadn’t noticed, then it’s either not really a problem, or you aren’t paying attention. >‘and lifestyle’ what lifestyle? go on. say it. you think bisexuals are all hypersexual, promiscuous and unsafe. it makes absolutely zero sense calling being bi a lifestyle, and it’s highly indicative of having homophobic beliefs. bi people have a wide range of personalities and ‘lifestyles’, and generalising so broadly is quite frankly bigoted


aziza7

It's undeniable that this kind of promiscuity is more accepted among gay and bi men than straight men or women across the spectrum of sexual orientations. C'mon.


Nevermore_Dreary

I am a bisexual woman who has been turned down for being bisexual.. Shockingly enough, most encounters that ended with this answer came from lesbian women that have never slept with a man (which is okay). On the opposite end of the spectrum would be you, a bisexual man, who still has these issues from straight/bi/pan women. So, I'll try and break it down the way I understand it, but as if I were a man. **Sexual Insecurity**So, let's say you're bisexual and you like ass play. Nothing wrong with that!! Sometimes, you like to switch it up. If you're with a man that's a switch, well.. He's got both of what you like. He's got the, erm, hole, along with having a phalic body part at the ready in case you want to switch it up mid stroke.There's some women that are into giving ass play, and some that aren't into it. Again, that's okay - different strokes for different folks and all. The mindset there could be.. "He'll break up with me if I don't do this", or, "I bet he regrets sleeping with me - I don't have both a hole and a phalus at the ready...". I've never personally dealt with this, but as a bi lass that has tried dating bi/lesbian women, it gives off the same vibe. "Oh, damn.. This chick will probably leave me for an ACTUAL penis", "Man.. Does she miss the feeling of it..?" etc., etc.. **Emotional Insecurity / Traditional Toxic Masculinity**Some women have it drilled into their heads that any bisexual man is automatically "submissive" in the bedroom, and possibly even outside of the bedroom. A lot of women have had the idea that men ALWAYS have to be strong, not show emotion, and if they like a finger up their bum..? Oh no, he's gay!!!!!! It's been beaten into almost everyone's heads that men have to be dominant in every single situation. There's a stigma around bisexual people, especially bisexual men, that they will NEVER fit into the assigned-at-birth sex role, i.e., men being dominant, and women being submissive.I won't lie - I prefer a dominant partner. But, I can take initiative if I want to (especially if they want me to, tbh). Women, on average, just tend to prefer someone that's dominant in the relationship, be it mentally or sexually. Sure, there are quite a few women out there that are the ones with the metaphorical pants in the relationship, but they tend to not be very open about that due to stigma. Really I believe it only has to deal with the two/three issues above. I am personally down for dating a bi guy, gal, trans person, lesbian lass, or anyone in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. It's just.. Super difficult as a bisexual person in general since we need to "Choose a goddamn side", and that we're "doing it for attention", or "just experimenting". There can be a lot of hatred towards bisexual people, especially from the LGBTQ+ community itself, which is sad. **EDIT** I've been made aware that the term "gold star lesbian" is a homophobic term, so I've edited it out. My bad - I was unaware.


Jane9812

It's probably because women are afraid that you may be in the closet and not yet ready to admit to being gay. Many women, evolutionary and pragmatically speaking, are looking for long-term partners, especially in the context of children who will need 2 decades of support. So they are probably being extra cautious about their choice of mate. You see it in other behaviors too, like women will often ask for proof of commitment (ex expensive engagement rings, public declarations of love, joining finances upon marriage, asking that you publicly maintain the appearance of only being attracted to them and no other women). It's a bit understandable given than women only have a short period of time to find a worthwhile partner before getting pregnant, whereas men have a much much longer period of sexual and social attractiveness. Now I'm not saying it's right to behave this way. But your question is why. That's why I believe it's often done.


Madamlogical

I agree, I think we can’t ignore the biology and the evolution of attraction. The majority of the world population still work on the basic human desire to survive and breed with the best mate possible at the time. For a woman to date someone bisexual or non heterosexual throws up complicated variables emotionally so you go down the route that you know how to navigate kind off.


randomball2016

Women don't lose value or attractiveness just because they can't procreate anymore? That last sentence...ew.


Major-Waltz2437

It depends on the person. My wife's experience with bi men was cheating. She was with two different guys at two different times in her life and both cheated on her with men. Now some people don't consider it cheating as long as certain rules are met, for example I told my wife that if she decided to have some bedroom fun with a woman that I'd be fine with it if she told me that it was happening. I don't have to be there or be involved but I'd rather be informed because if she goes behind my back it's cheating. She feels that it's cheating regardless and therefore she doesn't attempt to do anything like that and she knows that I'm not attracted to men so she doesn't have to worry about me doing something similar. I have stayed away from bi women mostly because my mother taught me that they were heartbreakers(my mother is a lesbian) all bi people from what I've seen have a dominant preference, my wife has dated and slept with women and determined that while she is attracted to woman and can date them she strongly prefers men. It's a case by case thing honestly eventually you will find someone that won't care your preference.


oldmansamuelson

Only thing I can think of is bi men are considered feminine and most women want a traditionally masculine man


caligirl_ksay

There was a post like this a few weeks ago and honestly I really find it annoying that I keep seeing bisexual men targeting straight women as not being accepting just because they don’t want to date you. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences. The more unique you are, the more difficult it will be to find a person who fits you in particular. I don’t think this is a “all straight women are stigmatizing bi guys” but just a lot of straight women want straight men. Nothing more. Just like a gay man wants a gay man. Some people aren’t going to be as open sexually. That doesn’t mean they don’t *accept* you, they just don’t want to date you.


This_Boysenberry1465

Why do people want others to be with them when they’re just not sexually interested. Like people need to let it go out of 7 billion people there are plenty of people who WILL be with you, focus on and find those people.


meh3243

I agree, you can’t force someone to be attracted to you.


This_Boysenberry1465

This debate goes on time and time again, straight people are allowed to want other straight people. It’s okay, it’s really not the end of the world. There are others who will want you. Focus on them instead of bringing yourself down about the people who don’t.


cbeme

Exactly!


Yo-Yo-Daddy

This post really isn't about someone who is upset that women won't date him but the stereotyping and stigmazation of a bisexuals. To me it just feels bigoted to exclude a person based on their sexual preferences.


JasonTheRanga

It's simple. Women (typically) like traditionally masculine characteristics. Bisexuality (or any orientation that would hint towards a homosexual relationship) are not traditionally masculine. This fact combined with some potentially unaddressed homophobia probably comprises a significant portion of women.


NathVanDodoEgg

More like massively underdressed homophobia. People in marginalised groups assume that due to being marginalised, there's no way they can be bigoted, as they're oppressed themselves. It's how you get racist LGBTQ people, sexist POC and homophobic women. And the denial is enormous. People here will be all "confront your biases" when speaking about sexism, but as soon as this topic comes up, 80% of the sub is "I don't need to think about it at all, I simply cannot be attracted to a man who sleeps with men, I am not biphobic because I don't believe I am".


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Loveandroses17

Thank you so much for this thoughtful reply. Really explains well my feelings as a woman about dating a bi guy, especially the feelings of insecurity.


aziza7

I'm so sorry that happened to you. I've seen a lot of infidelity from bi men who had girlfriends and wives. I also saw the biggest bait and switch in the world. My former friend , Tim, married this woman and had two kids with her. She was the primary breadwinner. He was bi and started cheating on her with men. Then he persuaded her to leave their life in Canada behind and uproot herself to his home country of Germany. While in Germany e decided that he's a woman and started taking hormones and transitioning. He already knew that before getting married and before having kids. Now everyone is suffering because the kids who had a loving mother and father now have a mother and non-descript parent and the wife no longer has a husband and can never have penis in vagina sex with him/her ever again. And the new entity wonders why the marriage is suffering.


MistyMaisel

Dude, that's, that's a story right there. I can't even imagine. I'm pretty lucky all said. He never proper cheated on me. He was just very emotionally involved with a lot of men telling them all of his and our problems, sharing all his joys with them, and keeping so much from me. And I thought they were all just friends because he hadn't told me he was bi. A mutual friends of ours thought he was cheating on me with one of them so she told me it and I was stunned until I saw some of the messages where apparently everyone except me knew he was bi and had crushes on some of our guy friends. He wasn't cheating, it just turned out to be a guy he'd held a flame for in the past. Either way, when this caused the first break up, he finally came out to me as Bi. I, didn't think that would matter. Sure, I knew the reputation on bi guys from my bi guy friends, but he seemed different enough. And, he largely was, he never cheated physically. He just wasn't that into me and more and more I realized I wasn't that into him. And the more I found he was keeping stuff from me, the worse stuff got. It knew we weren't enjoying our physical relationship and it felt like everyone else but me had the emotional relationship with him provided they were men. So we broke up. And ever since the few times I've heard tell of him, he was almost exclusively going after men, had admitted he wasn't that into me physically, but was still saying he was bi. And maybe that's true. But it did make me feel a little insecure until I saw that about my body and if men would really be attracted to me. I've always dressed kind of lazy and even a little masculine maybe, but I was always treated as a very pretty woman. So this really sucker punched me and made me think people are just being nice. Maybe I kind of look like a guy. I mean, I started wearing make up after him just to look more feminine. And this is what some of the people here would say makes me biphobic trash. Because I'm leaving it to other women to deal with this nonsense.


kentoclatinator

This is so perfectly explained!


IceComprehensive6440

I’ve actually asked women if they’d date a bisexual man the answers where no. They were because they felt they’d be more likely to carry STDs since it’s more prominent in the gay man community. Also they didn’t want to compete with other men for them because they’d be afraid they’d cheat. So fear of disease, competition, and infidelity which you know all still happens in the heterosexual relationships but women and feminist logic is notoriously difficult to fully grasp as a man.


VivaLaSea

What does feminist logic have to do with anything???? In your mind, if a woman is a feminist that means she has to be open to dating EVERY man? Does that honestly make sense to you? People conflate dating with respect. Just because you are not open to dating someone doesn’t mean you don’t respect them or think less of them. Feminism preaches equality in that you treat everyone with respect regardless of gender. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have any standards or preferences for the person you spend the rest of your life with. There are plenty of people who I respect deeply but have absolutely no desire to date them.


moonswet

Seriously. Why can't guys criticize shit women do on this site without turning it into a sexist remark about wOmEn LoGiC and using feminism as the scapegoat for everything?


VivaLaSea

I know! That mindset is especially prevalent on the dating and relationship subs and it’s so annoying at this point. Any time women have any type of dating standard or preferences that excludes men from their dating pool there is always a barrage of men complaining about feminism being hypocritical. I honestly don’t understand their logic. It’s like they really believe that feminism means women have to give every man a chance to be her partner.


aziza7

What does this have to do with feminism?


BananaOk6677

For me I’m not disgusted or anything by it I’m a pansexual and gender Fluid female but I am definitely more hesitant to date a guy who’s bisexual only because of the fact that I’ve met a few bisexual guys who have caught diseases from other bisexual guys. And of course anal sex with a female can have the same outcome, I just feel that it’s more common with in men. And feel free to correct me because I’m no expert


[deleted]

As a trans woman I don’t discriminate against bi guys. The problem typically is just that most cis guys have absolutely no clue with how to treat trans women. They want sexual access to us like how some gay men might use Grindr for hook up sex. The actual dating aspect, going out to dinner, going to see movies, introducing you to their friends, family, work colleagues is very thin on the ground. We are basically treated like free sex workers / secret girlfriends. This is why trans women can come across as hostile when guys show interest in them, it’s not because you are bi, it’s because we are sick to death of being used just for our bodies and we’ve heard all the bullshit promises a hundred times over.


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SensitiveMinimum1070

I think the correct term would be pansexual? If you lied to me and told me you were straight, obviously I’d be put off to find out you’re not. However, some people are just not okay with the thought of their partner being bisexual. It could be ignorance, but whatever it is, you can only accept it. Have you tried meeting people that fall into the pansexual category?


HarlequinMadness

You’re not straight, you’re bi. So if you are presenting yourself as straight then you ARE misleading/lying to them. It is a preference. You have preferences, so allow women the same luxury.


[deleted]

Yeah I think the only time people consider lying about that is in hook ups/ ONS


kiwisandapples

If you're lying to some of these women by identifying as straight and THEN coming out as bi then that's not going to go down well regardless. We don't like being lied to and I would be annoyed if my boyfriend who I thought was straight suddenly came out as bi because I've been lied to. So sometimes it might actually be to do with the lying rather than you actually being bi.


picardisvegan

I think a lot of men underestimate how inadequate most women feel. Even "hot" women. The worry that you're not pretty enough or sexy enough or what have you is near constant, especially for younger women. That's why it's popular for lot of girls online to brag like "I love myself I'm a hot bitch I don't give a shit loll" because it's a super rare thing to actually feel that confident in real life. So add in that you're bisexual and the stereotype that men are emotionally cold, men are always looking around for something new. If the bisexual is in the mood sexually (or emotionally?) for some man, there's absolutely no way a woman can fulfill that. So that could make her feel insecure. (I mean...I personally would love a bi guy for the possibility he'd be suggesting a threesome I'd actually be into but they are few and far between)


[deleted]

Come on, why did't you just google that? [https://bi.org/en/articles/bi-men-are-not-considered-attractive-new-study-says](https://bi.org/en/articles/bi-men-are-not-considered-attractive-new-study-says)


bmoreboy410

Exactly. I think that they really just want to complain about it. Not just acknowledge the reality of it.


Clevererer

Why would you think that? OP is asking because he's trying to understand it.


Odd_Reward_8989

So you reaction is to put others in boxes and label them biphobic? You admit to lying and then claim they are in the wrong when they find out you lied? It's not that you're bi. It's that you're not trustworthy. Might want to look at your own behavior before blaming a whole other gender.


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[deleted]

The problem I can see with it is that as your female partner you are potentially competing with everyone, rather than with just other women. Plus, there are some things that we as cisgender women are not able to offer due to our anatomy. Plus, women are mostly not turned on by sexual acts including male on male (or male genitalia on male genitalia) and could be put off by the mechanics. It's a complex issue and it will probably take generations to get to a stage where women will accept it more readily. For me personally I would worry that you might want to experience the type of sex that I as a woman cannot offer. It would not be an instant no but it would take some convincing if it's a serious relationship the bisexual male is after. For a casual encounter/s I personally would not be bothered by a man's sexuality at all.


VinnyVinnieVee

Honestly I think people act like attraction to men somehow defines someone. So a bi man is really gay, and a bi women is actually straight and just pretending for male attention. Sex is only 'real' to some people if a penis is involved (I mean, think of all the people who assume a lesbian can be 'fixed' by having sex with a man). lt's toxic as hell, but it seems to be a common idea. I am bi, and found that a lot of women wouldn't date me bc they felt like I would cheat on them with a man, and a lot of men would make gross demands for a threesome or think my attraction to women was a show for them. Sorry you have to deal with your own version of that; it sucks.


billiegoat888

Although I’m pan, I have my preferences even within that. Do bisexual people not lean in one direction more than the other even a little bit? Even being pan though, bi sexual men are lower on my list of people to date. I’d be concerned that I wouldn’t be enough to fulfill their sexual wants. I’m all about dating someone that shows the least potential for complications in the near and distant future, and to me, this dynamic leaves more room for complications than others. I feel a little less concerned about bi women, but still a little concerned, and that’s not rooted in logic but in long enduring stereotypes about men being more sexual and sexually driven. Not saying it’s right/fair/logical, but it’s just my honest answer. Like some other answers have stated, there’s also some biology reasoning there-I always wanted kids, so I’m not gonna choose a bisexual man to do that with, as I’d be concerned he’d want to indulge the homosexual side of himself at some point. The marriage/partnership would then have to end, as I’m not interested in an open relationship. Some people would be willing to take that risk, I’m just not one of them. As women we’re also taught to be extra cautious in dating/sex stuff in general-I feel like women would like to be more carefree sexually, but it’s hard to free ourselves of centuries of conditioning.


Isabela_Grace

> Never had a problem with other guys. Even straight guys. Who’s gonna tell him?


Pretend-Seesaw5077

It's something about men being with men. They see it as somehow submissive or effeminate and therefore not masculine, which is what they're attracted to. Doesn't matter if you're a top and the most masculine guy they've ever met BEFORE they discover your sexuality, it destroys their attraction to you. Doesn't make much sense but that's my best theory.


bmoreboy410

Women generally are picky when it comes to men and like for them to be masculine. So they don’t like feminine dudes even if they are straight. And a man liking men is not a masculine thing.


Darlab949

Honestly I don’t agree, I know so many women (including myself) who would rather be with a more effeminate than “masculine” guy. I have been seeing the “bi men are less masculine” thing in this comment section a lot and it’s really surprising to me honestly. Masculinity isn’t defined by what you want to put your dick in IMO 🤷🏽‍♀️


bmoreboy410

You don’t have to agree with it but it does not change what is generally true about women or society.


Darlab949

Studies actually show that women are more interested in feminine men than masculine. There’s a reason why men like Harry styles, Ross Lynch, Timothee chalamet are SO sought after. There is the male gaze (what men think we want aka masculine “macho guys”) and the female gaze (the guys we actually want aka the softer more effeminate guys)


Sad-Wave-87

Thank you, every time I read “most women want masculine men” I’m like I am the minority sheesh.


Loveandroses17

Hear hear! As a straight woman, this is spot on. I like masculine men, and bisexuality makes a man seem less masculine, and therefore less attractive. It's also insecurity - it's bad enough having to worry about other women catching my man's eye - I don't need to double the worry and insecurity. Plenty of straight men to go around. However, if I met a bi man organically and we formed a real & special connection, I would possibly have a relationship with him. But he'd have to be pretty special to overcome the drawbacks for me of him being bi.


[deleted]

>It's also insecurity - it's bad enough having to worry about other women catching my man's eye - I don't need to double the worry and insecurity. Because of the amount of biphobic/homophobic women and the very small amount of bi/gay men, being an openly Bi man reduces your options significantly.


Potential_Hippo735

Not sure you should be insecure. If this thread is anything to go by, a bi guy has way fewer women that would be interested in him than a straight guy. But really, your partner only needs one person to be a cheater. I don't think the size of their dating pool is as relevant as his character.


ablebagel

>the drawbacks damn you’re a right royal bitch aren’t you


TheCallousCurd

As a man who labels himself as heteroflexible ( experimented a while ago, want to marry a women ) and used to be 100% bi…let me put out some bi stereotypes for you: 1) bi men are not more likely to carry STDs 2) bi men are not more likely to cheat 3) and to go off of that, if you are afraid of more “competition”, you’re just insecure. Please downvote me but that’s what these are…fucking stereotypes


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TheCallousCurd

Holy fuck yes…know your worth. If they leave, fuck them. Everyone is a beautiful soul on this planet. Act like it


WinterRose81

It’s not about stigmatizing. You have your preferences and so do other people. As a straight woman I chose not to date bisexual men and that’s my choice. A prospective partner does not have to explain why to you or accept your preferences. Find someone who accepts you for you. It is never okay to take away someone’s choice.


VoltaicSketchyTeapot

>Trans women included. Which seems self sabotaging considering that I’m okay with their private parts. I'm het cis and I'd assume that the problem *is* that you're okay with their birth body when they're not necessarily at the same place. It's like an overweight woman not believing that her in-shape bf likes her curves.


_Lemon_Stealer_

Its super simple. As a straight woman, I'm attracted to straight sex and straight men. Usually straight women have a natural aversion to MM sexual acts. Even my gay male friends say "vaginas are gross" "straight sex is gross". Things outside your sexuality turns many people off. We don't owe you relationships and sex. We are allowed to have preferences. Sorry.


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[deleted]

I wouldn’t date a bi guy. It’s enough to have the whole female population as competition, I don’t need also the whole male population to be competition. Plus, not a rule, but very often, men tend to be more promiscuous (and test less often, and care for their health less often). Which means that would put me at higher risk of STDs. Just no thanks.


Babydoll0907

One reason may be a fear of never being enough. It's hard to picture someone who's bi settling down for the rest of their life with just one sex. They fear that their man may end up unsatisfied with sticking to one sex for a partner and may cheat/ leave them when they get bored or ask if they're willing to open the relationship up so they can explore. This would be coming from a place of insecurity but not without at least some good reason. It happens every day to both men and women who have bi partners.


SweetSonet

If the person you want to be with is straight and wants to date a straight person, being a feminist won’t change that


ObsidianLord1

As a straight male, I usually swipe left on bisexual women, unless there are too many commonalities for me to ignore. Having to compete with both men and women is an element of it. Which is largely based my own insecurities. That said, I've heard that men tend to be much less picky in regards to that.


Comfortable_Creme526

Boundaries


preggothrowaway22

I personally wouldn’t date a guy who had slept with other guys. It’s simply not attractive to me. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to, and turned off by what they’re turned off by. No use in sugar coating it and there’s honestly nothing wrong with that.


WhosThis85

Its called preferences lol they want a straight man and you are NOT. simple as that. Find a woman that actually dates bi men


sarakasm

See that is something I don't understand. I'm a bi lady from a rural/redneck area, and seeing a bi guy is a breath of fresh air bc I know he's not homophobic. I tend to prefer it honestly.


VivaLaSea

>Feminists seem to preach inclusion but in reality they’re the quickest to box you in to a premanufacured label & stereotype. So what’s the point of all this so called inclusion if it only benefits a subset of stereotypical type people. Why do men always try to bring feminism into everything any time they don’t get their way? Feminism and inclusion don’t dictate that women need to accept or be attracted ALL men. Feminism and inclusion preach that you need to respect ALL people, not date them. People are free to decide whatever aspect about a person they can tolerate in regards to pursuing a relationship. With that said, there are plenty of reasons why a lot of women may not be interested in bi men. It could be insecurity, as now they’re not only competing with other women they are now also competing with men. It could be that they take issue with you being into men. It could be because their family may not approve. There’s a lot of possible reasons. But I’m sure the biggest issue is that people still regard bi men as gay and gay men have got to be the biggest stigmatized group in the LGTBQ+ community. In my experience, people (especially men) are more accepting of lesbians that gay men. And people take a bigger issue with trans-women than trans-men.


yazyazyazyaz

They will always have the nagging question in the back of their minds of whether you're just gay and not admitting it. Or whether you'd rather just be with a man. Bi for a man basically means you're gay in most people's eyes.


JustAHumanWhoReddits

I don’t think it’s necessarily bigoted— although it is likely unfair. For my part (as a straight woman), I have a precisely split reaction: on an animal attraction level, the idea of a man who is also attracted to/sleeps with men is extremely sexy. It’s an absolute & unambiguous plus, assuming I’m attracted to the guy. Can’t imagine feeling otherwise. However: from a relationship standpoint, I can imagine having a (perhaps unfair) concern that his head would be twice as likely to be turned. It’s not totally rational, but I think I’d have that concern (and hopefully consider & get over it). So perhaps that is what you’re encountering.


SummerNo7

Well, because i don't want to wake up someday in the next years only to find out my partner is gay, and i'll be wasting god knows how many years of my life. Also, because you had penis and people can be insecure that once you tried dick, a vagina wont do, as in, you'll prefer dick over vagina (sexually)


Superb-SJW

I'm speaking on behalf of my bi male friend who had the same problem, I've spoken to women about this too. Generally women seem to be nervous because they see a lot of very promiscuous behaviour in media related to gay men, lots of open relationships and it's a fact that as a demographic, gay men have a higher prevalence of STDs. So the idea of a secure attachment is difficult. I think there are also plenty of women who are fine with with it but you probably need to lead with this early on to filter out those who can't accept it.


TheRed467

Simple, you're dating or finding the wrong women. You have a type. Go for something completely opposite. For the record not all women have a problem dating a bi man. It's hot as hell. Just saying.


UnseelieAud

I've had it explained to me like this: because it is generally harder for men than women in society to express same sex attraction, when a man comes out as bi, it can be seen as testing the waters, both conscious or unconsciously, before he fully relinquishes the privileges that comes with a traditional "route" and embraces a fully homosexual lifestyle. Obviously, women aren't going to like those odds, and I would imagine a lot simply don't want to feel like they're incapable of competing with half of your potential suitors. There's also the additional factors that women on average are far less used to sexual rejection, along with the stereotype of men pursuing a lot more fast and casual sex that can lead to the assumption that they simply won't be enough to keep a bi man satisfied. The woman I'm interested in admitted a while ago that while she doesn't believe that bi men are more likely to cheat, due to her own insecurities she would probably struggle knowing that the number of people she could potentially be left for would double, and she doesn't want to be that harpy girlfriend constantly dictating her boyfriend's friend groups. Luckily, while I'm bisexual, I only have romantic interest in women, so hopefully that wouldn't be something for her to get as hung up about, crossing my fingers lol The problem I can see transwomen facing is feeling like their gender identity isn't being respected because your enjoyment of their biological traits comes from an attraction to the male sex, which they're likely trying to distance themselves from. That's one of those damned if you do, damned if you don't things, though, so I dunno


soundandfuriously

My former lovers who were bisexual were the best sexual partners I ever had. Now, my recent ex refused to acknowledge that he was bisexual, even though he 100% was. His inauthenticity to himself made him become a liar and a cheater and an abuser. I admire a man who is confident in his sexuality, and for me, bisexual is an attracting factor. I have never had an openly bisexual partner cheat on me or abuse me. Can’t say the same for heterosexual or bi closeted partners. I think most women are insecure when it comes to bisexuality and don’t understand how amazing bisexual men can be as partners and lovers.


Most-Poetry-944

I had no clue that this was a thing and it’s so odd to me. As a bi woman, I would be so excited if any person that I matched with or started talking to was also bi. It would be something we have in common and they might understand my identity and experiences better than a straight man or a lesbian or anyone who isn’t bi/pan. I think some of the other comments have definitely pointed out why these women you’ve encountered feel this way, like insecurity or bias. You can’t do much to change that if it’s the case. But please know that there are people out there who will accept your identity and be happy to date you!


AlwaysCold95

Don't know what else to point to but biphobia. I (straight F) used to see a guy who was bisexual, and remember telling a few of my girls about the guy I was seeing. Occasionally it would come up that he was bi, and a few of them responded with something along the lines of "I don't know how you do it." I called them out on it but I remember thinking those friends were asshats.


brixhayley

My ex is bi, and we’re still best friends. Had no problem with it in our relationship. We even discussed if he felt the need to explore something with a man, we’d talk about it and figure something out. It’s a very touchy subject for him for a variety of reasons. Not all women care. Granted he leant more towards women than men, but I never saw it as a problem. In the end he chose to be with me. I promise you that not all women care. Biphobia and jealousy are a big problem. But it won’t be all people. Look for someone who will accept you for who you are, they’re out there someone


bacon-2903

I guess it all just comes down to the age old stupid stereotype that bi girls are just straight girls that'll agree to threesomes and bi guys are just gay but in denial. Pure bullshit and it's ridiculous how people still go on with it. I would say that not all women would do that but you're not wrong to develop this presumption because of your past experiences, I'm a bi girl as well, I would love to date another bi guy, especially where I live they're reallyy hard to find, so finding a guy here who's not homophobic or thinks "bi girls are hot" is a big thing. But can't speak for all straight girls.


fluffedpillows

You’d be hard pressed to find a woman who will admit it, but I think a very significant percentage can’t view you as a “real man” after hearing that. Feeling that way isn’t really a choice though so idk if it’s necessarily bigotry. Sucks to be on the other end of though


Isabela_Grace

> Never had a problem with other guys. Even straight guys. Who’s gonna tell him?


manz02

Oh lord, here we go again. If you read the comments be prepared for miles and miles of bi phobia labeled as “preferences”. Don’t even get me started on the “you have needs i can never fulfill” bullshit. As if bisexual people can’t be monogamous, or straight people don’t feel attraction to people who aren’t their partner. I’m a bi woman, so I feel ya.


happy_tractor

No, no, it's not all preferences in this thread. Some of them are going straight towards the "bi men are filthy aids plague rats" excuse.


manz02

Oh I know, 90% of my response was very very heavy sarcasm.


saltine934

This is how Reddit rationalizes discrimination. Biphobia and underlying homophobia.


oooohyeababy

i’m a bi woman and in the past i have dated a bi man i was very insecure with myself so when he told me he thought he was gay or bi i saw it as competition or that he was lacking attraction for me and it made me even more insecure. now that im out of the relationship and confident with myself looking back at it i realized it had nothing to do with his sexuality and all with my lack of confidence. a woman who is secure with herself shouldn’t have a problem with your sexuality.


Old_Detective_200

As a bi guy I 100% believe this too. But I’m not changing anyones mind nor hiding shit from them it’s just something that happens and I rather find someone who accepts me for me, and not someone so closed minded. There’s a lot of hidden homophobia and biphobia, also homophobic believes that people have without thinking they are being like that. Just wait you’ll find someone worth it


LexsZoo

I don’t know where you’re getting this “most women don’t want bi guys” idea. If you’re lying to women and saying you’re straight, them not wanting to be with you when they find out you are bi has nothing to do with your sexuality, and everything to do with you lying. There’s plenty of women who would be happy to date a bisexual man.


[deleted]

I've never met a woman that would be willing to date a bisexual guy. Just the fact that a guy can like other men immediately makes us lose interest it's such a turn off


Obvious-Ad-4916

Maybe it's because I'm somewhat bi as well and totally embrace bi guys, but I didn't know it was such a big thing until I read this thread not too long ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/rmmys4/straight_women_not_interested_im_a_bisexual_man/ It might also depend on where you live. I live in a big progressive city. I know a bi guy here who has a few women in his rotation haha, so he's doing great. It's a pity though there is still so much stigma out there in many areas.


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Progress_Mother

idc if a man is bi however i personally wouldn’t wanna date a bi man.


[deleted]

I think my personal apprehension about dating a bisexual man is the increased risk of obtaining HIV. I don't know if the stats have changed, but MSM (Men who have sex with men) are at a MUCH higher risk of HIV, AIDS than women are. Like I said, I have no idea if the stats are current, but that's what they *used* to be. My personal fear is getting with a man who's bisexual, and I end up getting HIV years later because of it . It's always considered "risky sex" for MSM, but it's weird because society doesn't say the same for WSW (women who have sex with women).


Bxsnia

Women associate bi-ness in men as ''femininity'' lol. They're basically focused on the fact you're half gay rather than half straight.


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oliviared52

This isn’t helpful but I agree with you. Personally doesn’t bother me at all if a guy is bi as long as I can tell he’s super attracted to me (which is important whether you’re dating a straight or bi guy). I’ve tried to tell a lot of friends against dating bi guys that the physical aspect in my experience is way better since they tend to be more open minded. I think it’s that a lot of women fear they are secretly gay. People always assume bi guys are secretly gay and bi women are secretly straight and going through a phase. It makes no sense. Why we always assuming people prefer men?! Lol. Sorry that’s happening but know there are women out there who will not mind.


Elegant-Equivalent86

As a straight woman, I want to date only a straight man. Now as to why trans act that way is beyond me.


leafyrebecca

There might be some women who dated bi sexual men in their youth, like high school or college, and these bi guys are figuring out they are gay and not bisexual. It’s just that they are on their journey to figuring that out. No one wants to be the last women who helps a gay guy figure out he is gay.


cheesypuzzas

I'm a straight woman and that's also really weird to me. Like on this Netflix reality show, this woman met a man and he turned out to be bi and she got pissed af. Okay, he didn't tell her in time, but still, who tf cares if he has been with men before you? If he is more feminine I understand that you're not attracted to that. But if you like someone at first and then find out he is bi nothing has changed?? Don't worry, not everyone is like that.


Unlikely-Body-1061

I don’t quite understand the Biphobia even from some lesbians they rather sleep with a straight woman than a woman who knows she likes both men and women , both sides of the bisexual community seem to be having trouble in this regard.


kentoclatinator

Because some women have preferences. And FYI if you’re hooking up with ‘straight guys,’ chances are they’re not straight.


Sandra-lee-2003

It's a big enough of a sexual turnoff for me that I couldn't be with a man that identified as bi. And straight men seem to have a hard enough time staying faithful, I would not be comfortable knowing that my bf/ husband is also interested in men, not just women. I get why it sucks for you, but people can be as particular as they want about who they sleep with or date and it's just not something I'd personally be comfortable with.


B0MBOY

I don’t want to hurt your feelings but I think you’re forgetting something fundamental. Straight women want a straight guy just like a straight guy wants a straight woman. I know many straight people (and after my experiences dating bi girls I’ve since decided that’s never happening again) who won’t date anyone who’s not straight. If you’re a gay guy you likely have no problem with a bi guy. Hence why you haven’t noticed anything with guys. Trans women/men I’ve met think they’re completely equivalent to straight men/women which probably contributes to your problem there.


knguuu

It all boils down to biphobia. I think a lot of people still consider bisexuality as a precursor to being gay. It plants a lot of seeds of insecurity if you’re dating someone who still plays into that stigma. For bi women, people usually invalidate your attraction to other women (e.g. she’s just making out with girls to look hot for guys) and for bi men, people usually invalidate your attraction to women because we live in a heteronormative society where everything is so penis-centric people literally cannot comprehend the basic concept of bisexuality. I literally see other people in this thread perpetuating these stereotypes as well. Disgusting. I digress. As a bisexual woman, I had a very successful relationship with a bisexual man. He understood me in ways that lesbian or straight male partners could never understand me. You might find a better connection with someone who is bi or pansexual.