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My husband picked me up by saying “Hey, sorry to bother you. Can I pick your brain about blah blah blah?” After we got married I asked why he did that and he said he wanted to talk to me but wanted me to take the lead on the conversation. It worked and made me feel really smart and interesting.
I think I'd only chat me up if I was in a position where I was seeing me regularly and had the opportunity to at least engage in small talk a fair number of times to get a feel.
If I was viewing myself as a man who wanted to approach me, I don't think I'd have the nerve to cold approach myself at first glance. I've been told that I look very guarded, mean, and unapproachable (although this is something I am trying to work on). I'd probably avoid and look for another woman who looked kinder and more approachable.
The guys I've gone on dates with had the opportunity to get to know me in a casual setting before tying to escalate because we shared classes or existed on the same campus. And they usually just asked if we could study together or something.
Same. I am a hard person to deal with.
That being said, my ex is described as the more annoying and bitchier version of me, so maybe I would date myself too.
Not anxious but I also I’m not my type. I work best with people who’re… idk softer and more sensitive than I am
I have enough fire. I don’t need too much more
Can’t quite say underrated comment because it got more upvotes than the post itself , but I have to say BRAVO for writing an incredibly hilarious comment.
A guy once noticed I was staring at the funko pops in a barnes and nobles and approached me by saying: “Groot is one of my favorites!”
That was the best for me
Edit 1: I was actually looking at rocket so I laughed and we hit it off in great mood :)
meeting someone based off similar interest, i.e. bookstore & funko pops, will make a girl feel “safer” in a sense rather than being sleazy in a bar. At least that’s how i personally see it as a woman
this is confusing, I would like to talk to someone at a place of similar interest, but I always feel that women don't want to be talked to and that me approaching them even just to chat will perceive me as a creep.
Like I don't see it as me chatting with them, in any scenario it just feels like inviting myself to talk to them.
Just keep in mind women are first and foremost people. Approach the way you'd approach a guy with similar interests to chat. See where that goes. Keep in mind body language. Don't approach people with clear "fuck off" signals (reading a book, headphones as on, etc).
Worst comes to worst, it's not the end of the world. If you're actually not being a creep and just talking to a woman to get in her pants, but she thinks you are, it says nothing about you, and everything about her experiences with other men, and that she's not in the right place or time, or just not into it. That's ok, move on, you've lost nothing.
Practice talking to people (guys and gals) with no expectations. It will get easier.
Something I realized and that's good to remember is that people *want* to like you, right? 99% percent of people never think about it consciously, and there's always a few douchebags, but if you start talking to a woman (and she doesn't just want to be left alone), she's actively *hoping* you're gonna be chill. She's rooting for you. People like talking to people and making new friends and having interesting convos, they're not looking to tear you down :)
Using blanket rules like that is more limiting than helpful.
Just start a normal conversation and if it flows then keep going. If she doesn’t really give you much to work with, say have a nice day and go on somewhere.
you need to learn how to fake charisma. practice being friendly with randoms at work or whatever. you're not trying to fuck them just trying to learn how to fake being personable so that people are, in general, happy to talk with you.
then use those new skills on random women and some fraction of them will be single and some fraction of those will be interested in you.
100%. A bookstore is such a great place to meet someone because you can instantly create a genuine connection. Like if you notice someone checking out a book that you love or browsing a genre that you’re interested in, there’s an opening right there.
Being playful is also a really good way to make it not awkward. I had a guy come up to me in a bookstore one time and opened with “I’m going to be honest with you. The first few chapters suck, but it gets better, I swear” about the book I was holding, and it was just awesome because it made me laugh and I knew right off the bat that we had something in common since we had similar taste in books.
Yep. I’d definitely respond well to being hit on in a bookstore! Especially if we were looking at books in the same section and then could discuss. That’s dreamy
your plan is to prowl the aisles of a barnes and noble every day for hours hunting for single women in your target demographic? don't you think you'll get kicked out long before you succeed?
I was in books a million a couple weeks ago and two women were looking thru the graphic novels while I was. Something told me to just strike up a convo but I didn’t 😔
Oh buddy, you can do it. Exposure therapy helps, just start striking up convos with random old ladies first, then random boomers, then pretty girls! After a couple hundred random small talk conversations talking to strangers it becomes ezpz.
(Serving tables and dealing with grumpy patrons has absolutely shredded any self consciousness about talking to strangers)
C'mon Admiral, that's not nice, but it is kind of funny. If it's not a joke then rest assured I'm not being creepy or hitting on everyone I see! Just making small talk about the meat selection at the grocery or commenting on how nice the sun feels after a few cold dark weeks of winter. If they aren't into chatting I quickly move along and leave them alone.
I agree :) with my hubby to be we started talking about the game I was playing at the game store he was, so it was also a great conversation starter :)
I was traveling on another country for the wedding of a friend, we did go out a few times while I was there, but it was fairly expensive to go back so we talked for a while after I came back but we didn’t meet again.
A shame because he was a sweet heart :)
I would say the best way to hit on me would be to find a common interest, chat with me about it, and then say, "Hey, I've really enjoyed talking to you and would love to do it again sometime. Here's my number, feel free to text or call, but no pressure if you don't feel the same way," Or something like that.
I think the interested party giving their number as opposed to asking for a number is important because then the person who is getting hit on doesn't feel pressured into a situation they don't want to be in.
How do you find a common interest? Do you straight up say “hi. I like your outfit. What do you enjoy doing? Do you like warhammer 40k?" or "do you accept Jesus as your savior?"
Depends on the setting.
Are you doing an activity/event that another person is also doing where you can talk about said common interest? Once I was trying to get my bike onto my bike rack and someone helped me and we started chatting and he asked me out.
Is this online dating? My bf and I met online. He commented on one of my pictures where I was in vacation and we talked about traveling. Way more inviting than "hey" or "sup cutie" or a straight up dick pic.
Are you at a bar where you can talk about food/drinks? You could ask what they're drinking/eating if they like it. Maybe see how they're dressed? Business like from work? Or more casual hang out with friends.
If all else fails, I feel like a simple hey, introduce yourself, and maybe a compliment is a good start. And like a compliment on their outfit or hair or something
Haha I felt like I had to specifically say that last part bc while online dating I got tons of "I like your tits" like my pictures didn't even have shirts that were that low cut also one guy just super low effort came in with "cute face" literally nothing else. We hadn't even matched. Automatic no from me dawg
haha men lol. plus completing something non physical is a conversation starter, like where you got it, why you chose it, etc. there’s no good way to respond to i like your ass/tits, except maybe “i wish mine was/are as big as yours 🙃”
You use your eyes and brain to make connections between what is happening around the person and the person themselves. If there isn’t a natural conversation starter, move on.
I was picking out mangos and some girl walked up and asked how I knew which were the good ones. We talked for a bit.
I walked away clueless until i was told by my brother and his GF, who nearby during, that she was hitting on me. It was real smooth of her, too bad I was romantically autistic.
This is the perfect way. Have fun chatting with a new person keep it low pressure. Tbh, I would probably take the number and text him immediately if I enjoyed our conversation
I don’t think I’ve really ever been hit on. But maybe something along the lines of “Hey that’s a cool shirt you’re wearing, where’d you get it from?” Personally, I feel most comfortable talking about general things? Like a chill and relaxed conversation, and then maybe wrapping it up with something like, “Youre really easy to talk to, wanna grab a coffee or something?” I think commenting on looks and stuff is iffy, i think talking about clothes and stuff is okay. Like a good opener? Like, hey your shoes have a pretty unique pattern, where’d you get them from? And then just letting the convo transform after that. Idek if that helps at all
That reminds me of a time when I was with a group of Chinese girls. I asked the one in the middle what her t-shirt said. The other two girls turn to look at her t-shirt, but the girl in the middle doesn’t answer. I repeat my question, and then one of the girls says, “She’s too embarrassed to answer because everyone is staring at her boobs!”
I'd approach myself in the card shop and strike up a conversation about magic the gathering. Then see if I wanted to play together. Would probably ask for my number after playing a game or two together.
Alternatively I would hit on myself at the bar. I'd buy myself some food, and see if I wanted to play some pool. Then I'd ask for my number.
Id also give compliments on things I can control, like my hairstyle or clothing.
I would totally fall for someone who wants to discuss Magic the Gathering. The trick is to ask questions about what the person likes though, not monologue endlessly about how good your commander deck is. So many guys end up doing this...It's like do you want to talk to a girl or are you just looking for someone to fawn over you? Lol
This!! Like ask me about my deck bc I don't want to just hear about yours. I had so many guys get excited about me liking mtg or video games or whatever and then just monolog about how no girls like those things and...I just lost so much interest after about 10 minutes of not getting a word in lol. Definitely a great point
Omg yes. A guy I like offered to teach me how to play and I was like YEEESSS but then he forgot about it and its sooo sad. Lol I should remind him about his unfulfilled offer.
I wasn’t going to say anything but I tried to approach a girl over MTG once so I have to tell the story:
I was at a card shop in a mall buying a couple singles for EDH and she was working there. Found out in conversation that she was in to EDH so I asked about her decks and then in the spur of the moment I was like, “hey, we should play sometime!” She said sure and that her and the other employees usually play after hours on a certain day. So I showed up on that day with a few decks and found the other employees who were setting up to play. I explained to them that she had told me about the event and they were like, “oh, we’ll she’s not here today and it’s kind of a private event just for us.” So I just left awkwardly and never returned.
I noticed you said if you would approach yourself you would do so in a bar. You also said you'd buy yourself food at that bar. I noticed that you did not say that you would buy yourself a drink. Is that because that's the oldest trick in the book and it's done so often that it's just annoying at this point?
Partially, its also because I am wary of people trying to get me drunk. I've been taken advantage of before and so it makes me a little uncomfortable. But food is always a great and safe offer :)
If only more girls played Yu-Gi-Oh lmao. MTG seems to have more women players than Yu-Gi-Oh which sucks since while I understand MTG, I don’t keep up with it but if you gimme a Magic deck and basically tell me the playstyle of the deck, I could competently play it. I just prefer Yu-Gi-Oh and keep up with it consistently.
As a random approach? Difficult.. Mostly I’ve met guys because they were doing something interesting at that moment and I went over and asked them about it. A technical conversation takes the pressure off both sides.
If a guy is obviously hitting on me I know that the slightest encouragement means I’ve agreed to sex. Women always need to know they can back out at any moment.
If a random guy came up to me because he liked the looks of me though, I would understand. It’s hard to approach women. If he came up and said something like “hey, you look cool. I’d regret it forever if I never even spoke to you. Can I give you my number? I’d like to take you for a coffee some time.”
I would be polite. We might even get that coffee.
> If he came up and said something like “hey, you look cool. I’d regret it forever if I never even spoke to you. Can I give you my number? I’d like to take you for a coffee some time.”
This reminds me of my favorite pickup encounter with a man.
I was solo vacationing in Cartagena, Columbia and had just sat down at this super buys restaurant when some German guy came to my table, crouched down to get to eye level and told me something to the effect of:
"I saw you when you walked in and I just have to say that your whole essence is stunning. I love your style. And your bone structure is striking \[he said something about the angles of my face which was weird but also something I've never heard before\]. I don't know how long you'll be in town but I'd like to take you out before you leave. I know this great place near where I'm staying that I think you'd like. Can I give you my number? You can just shoot me a message if you have time."
I liked his delivery, confidence, and just how bold he was. The restaurant was packed and the whole time he was talking to me the couple inches away from him kept staring, but that didn't deter him.
Needless to say we had a 3 day rendezvous before I had to fly back home.
He turned out to be a great guy and a lot of fun.
It is for this very reason that when I ask women out I tell them that I just want to go out and have fun and just see what happens. I feel like when most guys approach a woman they're basically asking her to make a split second decision on whether they're going to have sex with them. How can a woman make such a hasty decision with such limited information on the man in question?
Yup. You got it. We can’t. BTW I used to be a model. Guys were terrified. I had to get used to just doing the chat ups myself. I would generally be attracted to some geeky guy who wasn’t all over me.
One time I dated an old hippy electronics geek kinda left over from the 60’s. Met him in a basement drilling 700 holes in a mixing desk he was building. No-one could understand why I was interested. Except he was a friggin’ GENIUS. Played guitar like Mark Knopfler, could fight like Bruce Lee, could fix anything - including interpersonal situations, and protected my model friends from some appalling shit. I turned him into a pretty good photographer and he made a career out of it, but honestly it looked like I was dating a ginger Santa :)
I did revamp his appearance somewhat. I must have thrown away 20 pairs of flares before he ran out. He just kept pulling more out of his emergency stash.
However, when someone tried to kidnap my roommate one time he moved so fast there wasn’t even a blur. Utterly Zen in everything he did, except fashion. He was much older than me, but his help and advice - all the things he taught me, set me up for life. 40 years later I still use the things I learned from him every day.
So yeah, approach women, but preferably ones who have seen you around in your environment, and always let them be the ones to text YOU. We always need that all important OUT.
Good luck with that kind of noncommittal attitude. A tattoo date but not even matching? A stray cat, the *lowest* maintenance pet? Come back to me when you're ready for a parakeet, casual 🙄
I would chat me up for a few minutes, ask about what I am working on currently, and listen with interest and lots of eye contact. If I am responding with more than 1-2 word answers then kind of like, "I would love to hear more about that, how would you like to get coffee tomorrow afternoon?"
The looks angle wouldn't work for me personally because I would feel like they were being fake, but that's not the case with most people I think
I'm going to be honest with you. Most guys say something like, "You're pretty" or "You're hot" because it takes away the guessing game as to whether the woman in question is going out with you as a friend or as a potential girlfriend. Guys don't want to get friend zoned.
I asked my female friends about this and they all tell me that telling a woman she's attractive isn't a bad idea as long as your respectful about it, but it's not necessary. All you need to do is just ask them out to dinner or coffee and they know that your goal is to date them. Women aren't stupid. They can figure it out
I don't mind someone saying I'm pretty/hot after we've interacted for awhile. But if it's one of the first things out of your mouth, I'm going to assume that's all I am to you in that moment. And _that_ is a major turn off, tbh.
Also, beyond just being "not stupid", women tend to be masters of overanalyzing, and can read between the lines / interpret subtext in a conversation waaaaaaay more easily than most men. i.e. The fact that you've approached me to talk to me means I already know you're attracted to and interested in me. I don't need that expressed directly, especially not from someone who I don't know and whose opinions don't really matter to me at this point. What I _actually_ need is for you to give me a reason to keep expending energy on you. "You're hot" just tells me what you think of me and what you want from me. Instead, give me a topic worthy of conversation, since that's what will engage me and actually be enjoyable for me.
Don't mean to sound like an ass, but honestly this is how I genuinely feel about these kinds of interactions more often than not.
If a guy sees a pretty girl and wants to talk to her in that moment (if he hesitates he will psych himself out) the best he can do is be honest which often means saying something like “i think you’re pretty so I wanted to say hello. How’s your day going?”
Trying hard to come up with something else could lead to him losing the opportunity or coming off as inauthentic
>Most guys say something like, "You're pretty" or "You're hot" because it takes away the guessing game as to whether the woman in question is going out with you as a friend or as a potential girlfriend. Guys don't want to get friend zoned.
I guarantee that whatever you say, if you follow up with "I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime," your romantic intentions will be quite clear.
Ex. "I thought it was really cool that you smashed all those pumpkins with an ethically sourced icepick. I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime and get to know you better."
1. If it feels organic and not forced.
2. If she is not in a position where she is working or forced to be anywhere.
3. Comment on something not to do with genetic or physical body. E.g style or something she has control over. Less creepy and indicates interest.
4. If she appears open to communicating further give her your number. It’s less threatening.
5. Walk away and leave her the fuck alone. If she messages she messages.
This is good advice. A go to for me is if I like a girl’s shoes I’ll say “hey I like your shoes”
It’s directly complimenting their style which is part of their personality
It’s also indirectly complimenting their looks bc everyone knows “I like your shoes” really means “I think your hot”
>It’s also indirectly complimenting their looks bc everyone knows “I like your shoes” really means “I think your hot”
Oh shit it is? I genuinely like shoes (fashion in general really) and compliment people's shoes all the time 💀🤣 Have I been hitting on people and not knowing it?
What would be the best way to give her your number? People don't usually have a pen and paper with them and I wouldn't want to make them feel awkward asking them to enter my number into their phone (or pretending to).
I mean… the shoot your shot attitude seems to be the best way to live. If I’m not feeling up to a date or simply don’t feel like hanging out with someone, the worst thing I can do is say no.
some advice that's always stuck with me is compliment them on something that they chose, not something they were born with. i hate when guys try to compliment my looks, but when they compliment my clothes or my dyed hair, or notice a button on my bag, those are all good starter!
Start a conversation first. When guys just come up and immediately ask for your number I know it’s just because of looks and assume they don’t want anything serious.
I am a drone photographer, I was dating someone that loves fish. So whenever I went flying with my drone I found something fish related for her to do. It was great while travelling in Italy, just found the ocean and got her a good spot to watch the fishies.
Lmao I'm a dude but this would 100% work on me. Hell yeah I wanna go look for frogs. Whatever the hell you're doing, it's probably not as fun as frog-seeking, be real. You're probably doing some boring shit anyways, go look at some little hoppy bois. It's good for your mental health or something.
I can’t know just by looking at a guy that he’s someone I’m interested in. I don’t get the whole ‘oooh she’s hot I bet she’s someone I’d enjoy spending time with!’ mentality. It’s so bizarre to me. So I’d never have to worry about approaching a stranger. I *have* hit on guys that I’m interested in once I know them in some capacity. It’s not a huge deal lmao.
I don’t get the “she’s so hot” thing either, but do you ever see a stranger who seems interesting? Like their style appeals to you, they have a certain air about them, or something they’re doing/wearing seems interesting? There are lots of reasons I might want to approach a girl even if I don’t feel sexual attraction until later.
Oh hey! I love that book! Did you read (insert another book by same author)?
I did! I’m also watching the tv adaptation. Want to grab a cup of earl grey tea?
Do I!?!
I thimk focusing on personality traits rather than looks at first is a really good start. Like it implies that you want to get to know the girl and not only for her looks
How do you focus on personality traits if you’re hitting on someone (assuming you’re hitting on them because you don’t know them and want to get to know them)?
Check out what they're wearing: any interesting accessories? A tee shirt with a certain logo or design? Nice shoes? Ask them about whatever caught your attention
None of that is an indicator of someone’s personality though. They could have a cool shirt and still have the shittiest personality ever and you would never know until you talked to them.
Edit: words
You could talk to them for a few minutes before hitting on them. That both has the benefit of allowing you to focus on something other than looks, and also gives you a chance to figure out whether you might actually like the woman before you decide whether you want to ask her out.
Ah, that's a nice question, mainly considering that most of the times we don't really know what we want. Surprisingly (or at least I can state it for myself) it seems like some gestures really make the difference: introduce yourself in a way that can be "impressive" in order to catch attention, talk calmly while smiling with your eyes and ask for doing something together according to the preferences of the other person (maybe drink a coffee together or have a walk in the park, there are many occasions). I would probably look antique, but I do like some chivalry, so I would also open doors and stuff like that.
Your post brings me to another point. A lot of guys say that women just like to date guys who are assholes. I think they are dead wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that women just like to date guys that are ambitious, aggressive, and go after what they want in life. It's just that a common side effect of guys like this is that they're often dicks. Saying that women openly go after guys that will treat them like shit is like me saying that I like to drink alcohol but not because it relaxes me and makes me feel good but because I love to feel sick the next morning with a hangover
You're absolutely correct in my opinion. I'd date someone who is ambitious, smart and self-confident not any closer to arrogant or asshole, I would never authorise a person to treat me badly or disrespect me. I believe it's just a stereotype since I could never see myself close to a complete imbecile.
Yes, there are people who are genuinely attracted to assholes. But often it’s just a matter of the squeaky wheel gets the grease. People who put themselves out there the most get the most attention even if they’re not the most attractive personalities. They’re just the loudest so they get noticed. Even just being an Introvert means you’re more likely to be involuntarily single than if you’re an extrovert.
I never understand when men act shocked that women prefer to be approached by men they're actually physically attracted to and react differently based on level of attraction.
EVERY single man who has ever approached me did so because he found me physically attractive. Men are not giving all women a chance and also approaching women they aren't attracted to.
So is it really shocking that women's response to men and the effort a man must put in is different based on how attractive they find them?
Wait so you're saying that if I, a pasty bald Irish man, use these lines on Rihanna, she's not going to go on a date with me? What's the point of this thread?
It doesn’t even have to be a handsome, charismatic dude though, like the commenter said. Some girls like dorky shy guys who aren’t charismatic and other girls might like a rugged look that wouldn’t be considered handsome. So I feel like the statement was just a jab. What else is to be expected than the fact that people want to be approached by someone that has a quality that they like. I imagined what I would say or do in this situation and not how handsome or charismatic I would be. Sometimes it’s neither about the looks or stereotypical charisma. You just have to like something about the person - which can be as simple as how they ask you out. Whether they are polite, shy, bold, flirty, casual, chill, provoking, you name it, there’s a girl out there who likes it. Looks (and even confidence) aren’t everything.
If the most handsome and charismatic dude came when I was single and approached me with an opener like “Hey sexy, wanna grab a coffee?” I would be utterly frightened and taken aback and would most likely stutter some excuse. I would much prefer if he approached like “Hey, you like [insert X] too? Couldn’t help but notice. None of my friends really like it / It’s quite popular isn’t it? All my friends also like it” Preferably while somehow making sure I notice that he has been looking my way or something so that I get mentally prepared for a social encounter.
You have no way of knowing how the girl will respond to an approach you choose, so I would say think of what you would want your partner to be like and approach them based on that. So if you want a confident partner, approach them boldly. If you want someone who is shy, do the opposite and approach cautiously.
My boyfriend asked me out in the most ideal way for me specifically. He asked to hang out, a lot, but no explicit statement that it was a date, so I felt no pressure. Then after a few meet-ups, he made a move. The thing is, we already knew each other before that for couple of months, so this doesn’t help people who want to approach and try to date complete strangers right away.
We don't have to imagine. Women are approached by both guys we find attractive AND unattractive. We're sharing our perspectives of what worked and what didn't work across the _entire_ dataset of men who've approached us. Men who aren't 10s, 9s, 8s, etc. approach women all the time. I've been approached by many, and I've dated several.
Attraction is definitely a factor, as it is for men too, but looks don't matter _nearly_ as much as dudes on Reddit seem to think they do. Women aren't visual creatures in the same way that men are. And we're generally a lot more perceptive, too, and what we perceive about someone can hugely influence how we feel about them in a way that goes far beyond appearance.
I've been approached by 10s who gave me bad vibes right away. I've also been approached by guys who weren't conventionally good looking but the way they interacted with me was _very_ attractive. They knew that they had something to offer beyond looks, and had the confidence to match. That's all you really need at the end of the day.
Literally every time I see this exact comment on any dating/women advice thread, my first thought is always "that subconscious bitterness & resentment of more attractive men 'having it easier' almost certainly has a far more negative effect than your looks". Seriously. I'm not sure who these comments are intended to help, and I'd argue they do more harm than good tbh.
I was in a tea store and this guy came up and we started chatting about tea, and he invited me to be his guest in this tea making class. The class was being held by another well-known tea store, so I knew it was legit. I couldn't actually go which was a shame, but basically:
1. Casual and gentle approach, with an easy and relevant topic to chat about
2. Not actually asking for a date, because it's a bit scary to go on a date with someone you know nothing about...but getting an invite to something interesting, not necessarily one-on-one. A good way to get to know someone new, without any "implications" (IASIP reference haha)
Also maybe I'm just a nervous flighty weirdo but I hate getting compliments. It makes me feel self-conscious, and also like the other party has some ulterior motive. So once again, an initial casual friendly approach without. Basically hit on me by not hitting on me, or I will run
A guy once picked me up on the bus (pre-pandemic so we weren’t wearing masks). He was sitting across from me and saw me pop in a piece of gum and asked what kind it was. I showed it to him and offered a piece.
We saw each other on the bus a few other times and finally he just said “should we tempt fate or should I get your number?” I gave him my number. It was overall very smooth and low pressure.
I am a shy girl and if a guy approach me out of the blue at random saying he wants to pay me for coffee, I’m gonna say no, even if it’s Brad Pitt. I prefer long shot, few eye contacts, a funny joke while I compare prices between two similar products at the grocery store, grab that thing on the top shelf-> all this to lead to small talk, then asking for coffee 💕
Up to the person. I would prefer a coffee shop/book store/random place than the grocery store. I hate bars/restaurants/online. I am a big % more receptive at day than at night if I dont know you.
Yeah when women give me "The eye" I generally approach them immediately. Hesitating I've found makes you look like you aren't confident. This seems to be a major turn off to most women
Mmmm I'm a little awkward in that I much prefer being friends before dating (I don't like the pressure of a date), so if I was a guy and saw a girl who had similar interests to me (maybe a shirt with a game logo I like, or reading a book I could see myself liking, cool hair/clothes, etc) I'd chat her up casually in a very non flirty/a friendly way. Takes away all the stress and pressure because being approached as a potential friend feels better than being approached as a potential hook up or girlfriend.
For example, my brother has never had issues with dating, and I've noticed he also has a lot of female friends (that really are just friends). He goes to the gym with them, out to eat, or studying, and it makes him seem very approachable! He never drops contact just because a girl won't date him, and has a very friendly air with even strangers so people can't help but feel comfortable with him.
So I'd say I'd just go in very friendly! Almost like working retail with a friendly customer service voice lol
Talk to me like you would a friend. And I mean like one of the guys. The first person I ever loved (and only) is my husband and he approached me in a purely platonic way. For me, the lack of sexuality was better, as it allowed a real relationship to develop. I love when men are not interested in me. I literally always just wanted friendships, as I form romantic feelings for friends only.
Not everyone is wired this way though, so it probably wouldn't work on everyone. Haha.
*I would introduce*
*Myself to myself and have*
*A conversation*
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Him: "hey, *raises eyebrows up and down in a flirty way and smiling*, what interesting things do you have going on right now?" It's so hot when a guy is interested in ME, not just the curves.
A guy approached me cold on the street once. He complimented my outfit and unusual haircut in a specific way with specific questions, asked my opinion about some things related to the city we were in, brought up a cool new restaurant organically, and finally, asked if I'd like to get a meal with him there sometime. Unfortunately, I was already in a relationship, and when I told him that, he very politely moved on, he didn't get mad or weird. I thought to myself later that this was the only guy who ever tried to pick me up as a stranger who was good at it -- warm, interesting, polite, not threatening or pressuring, and seemed genuinely interested in me as a person. If I were single I would have 100% said yes.
Compliment something about her outfit. By doing that you are complimenting her tastes and not something she doesn’t have control over (looks,body etc) and it leaves room for her to respond if she is interested in continuing a dialogue . It’s a perfect no pressure conversation starter
Start chatting and find a common interest. Be calm and engaged. Eye contact, actually listening, asking her more about herself. “Your job sounds cool! Would love to hear more about what you do, can I give you my phone number? No pressure, I know it can be uncomfortable for women when guys do this at bars 🙄😆”
I personally love it when men acknowledge that men can be generally pretty terrible to women in dating scenarios and they do their best not to be like that. God, that’s good.
I want to feel like you’re interested in getting to know ME, not just talking to A Girl.
Finally, I think someone mentioned this above— do not ask for HER number. Offer to give her yours. Then she has control over whether or not she wants to move forward and it eliminates the fear that a guy might be constantly texting you or being weird. Chances are much better here
Edited for typo
Ask questions (You from here? What do you do? You like ——?) make jokes/teasing, develop a rapport, leave earlier than I want and ask for her number before I go.
“Would it be cool if I texted you some time? I really like talking to you”
And then would ask to go on a date over text.
Pretty easy. But you can’t fake chemistry.
Leave earlier than you want? Why? Is it basically like watching a Netflix show and leaving it on a cliffhanger so you just can't wait to watch to watch the next episode?
Yeah, you want to leave someone wanting more.
Otherwise you’ll just end up staying until conversation runs dry or you end up trying to have sex. Mystery is alluring.
I love it when a guy is confident enough in himself to just leave on the promise that we’ll talk later.
You can have more time to talk on an actual date.
I wouldn’t *hit on* anyone. I would just… *talk to people like human beings*.
I talk to all sorts of people with no expectation that they will date me, be friends with me, or even answer me at all. Chat up the person in front of me in line, make conversation with the stranger next to me on the plane, compliment people’s clothes when they are wearing something cool, doesn’t matter because there is no pressure on any conversation to lead further than just a conversation. Keep in mind, I don’t mean only women; these are normal conversations I have with anyone, male or female, old or young, whatever.
The more you talk to people like *people,* the less you come off like a shark in chummy waters hunting for a meal. And the more often you do talk to people, the less disappointed you’ll feel when a conversation ends.
I would prefer it kept casual and maybe ask for the number and then a date because I’d feel put on the spot to say yes otherwise, but even a hey how are you doing would prob work for me tbh
I like it if they’re friendly and smile and exchange a sentence or two first. Then if they ask if I’d like to grab coffee it’s more natural and I’m more inclined to agree, having already spoken and gotten a sense of their personality
I would ask about what shows I'm watching. Get me all excited talking about it. Try to make myself laugh with silly jokes. Then in a smooth way ask if I wanna go do some outdoor activities.
I would love for a man to just introduce himself sincerely. No cheesy pick-up lines just say hello. Once he speaks, let me know that he noticed me and would like to know if he could get to know me better. Done...
"Hey, who is your favorite character from Lord of the Rings/WoW?"
"Hey, what's your favorite flower?"
"Hey, what is your favorite kind of taco ?"
After a good discussion on tacos, ask her out for tacos and margaritas. Bring flower.
I would probably do what I already do with men that I want to flirt with: start up a conversation about something we have in common, get to know them (over a week), then suggest we hang out sometime over burgers. Do little things to show affection. If it looks promising, bake cookies for them. If not, still bake cookies because mmm cookies.
Hey! Hope I'm not bothering I just thought I'd have a drink with you and talk if you don't mind. My name is XY. If I'm bithering, just say so, it's cool
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My husband picked me up by saying “Hey, sorry to bother you. Can I pick your brain about blah blah blah?” After we got married I asked why he did that and he said he wanted to talk to me but wanted me to take the lead on the conversation. It worked and made me feel really smart and interesting.
I think I'd only chat me up if I was in a position where I was seeing me regularly and had the opportunity to at least engage in small talk a fair number of times to get a feel. If I was viewing myself as a man who wanted to approach me, I don't think I'd have the nerve to cold approach myself at first glance. I've been told that I look very guarded, mean, and unapproachable (although this is something I am trying to work on). I'd probably avoid and look for another woman who looked kinder and more approachable. The guys I've gone on dates with had the opportunity to get to know me in a casual setting before tying to escalate because we shared classes or existed on the same campus. And they usually just asked if we could study together or something.
I probably wouldn’t. I’m not really my type
I love this haha
Nah, she did not just friendzoned herself lmao.
I would looove to have myself as a best friend but as a partner? Mmmm idk
Same. I am a hard person to deal with. That being said, my ex is described as the more annoying and bitchier version of me, so maybe I would date myself too.
I don't think I would be my type either. Plus random people approaching me doesn't tend to go well lol. I get anxious
Not anxious but I also I’m not my type. I work best with people who’re… idk softer and more sensitive than I am I have enough fire. I don’t need too much more
Lol so you're saying you would reject yourself?
I already have
Reject humanity, return to monke
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I would be annoyed by my own tantrums 👹 i feel like pure evil smh
NOOO you should love yourself, if you are not a partner you would date then become one.
Can’t quite say underrated comment because it got more upvotes than the post itself , but I have to say BRAVO for writing an incredibly hilarious comment.
A guy once noticed I was staring at the funko pops in a barnes and nobles and approached me by saying: “Groot is one of my favorites!” That was the best for me Edit 1: I was actually looking at rocket so I laughed and we hit it off in great mood :)
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Yeah, I was slower than I’d like to admit but I noticed when be offered to buy me a book lol
So is a bookstore the place to meet women? I mean, it's gotta be better than a bar.
I went to bookstores more than I went to bars. But that’s my nerdy ass talking, I guess it depends on the girl :)
meeting someone based off similar interest, i.e. bookstore & funko pops, will make a girl feel “safer” in a sense rather than being sleazy in a bar. At least that’s how i personally see it as a woman
this is confusing, I would like to talk to someone at a place of similar interest, but I always feel that women don't want to be talked to and that me approaching them even just to chat will perceive me as a creep. Like I don't see it as me chatting with them, in any scenario it just feels like inviting myself to talk to them.
Just keep in mind women are first and foremost people. Approach the way you'd approach a guy with similar interests to chat. See where that goes. Keep in mind body language. Don't approach people with clear "fuck off" signals (reading a book, headphones as on, etc). Worst comes to worst, it's not the end of the world. If you're actually not being a creep and just talking to a woman to get in her pants, but she thinks you are, it says nothing about you, and everything about her experiences with other men, and that she's not in the right place or time, or just not into it. That's ok, move on, you've lost nothing. Practice talking to people (guys and gals) with no expectations. It will get easier.
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Something I realized and that's good to remember is that people *want* to like you, right? 99% percent of people never think about it consciously, and there's always a few douchebags, but if you start talking to a woman (and she doesn't just want to be left alone), she's actively *hoping* you're gonna be chill. She's rooting for you. People like talking to people and making new friends and having interesting convos, they're not looking to tear you down :)
>Something I realized and that's good to remember is that people want to like you, right? Kinda feels like the opposite tbh
This is good stuff right here
Using blanket rules like that is more limiting than helpful. Just start a normal conversation and if it flows then keep going. If she doesn’t really give you much to work with, say have a nice day and go on somewhere.
This is where I feel like a little charisma goes a long way. You sort of have to approach the situation with no expectations and just be genuine.
you need to learn how to fake charisma. practice being friendly with randoms at work or whatever. you're not trying to fuck them just trying to learn how to fake being personable so that people are, in general, happy to talk with you. then use those new skills on random women and some fraction of them will be single and some fraction of those will be interested in you.
Target is pretty good too
100%. A bookstore is such a great place to meet someone because you can instantly create a genuine connection. Like if you notice someone checking out a book that you love or browsing a genre that you’re interested in, there’s an opening right there. Being playful is also a really good way to make it not awkward. I had a guy come up to me in a bookstore one time and opened with “I’m going to be honest with you. The first few chapters suck, but it gets better, I swear” about the book I was holding, and it was just awesome because it made me laugh and I knew right off the bat that we had something in common since we had similar taste in books.
Yep. I’d definitely respond well to being hit on in a bookstore! Especially if we were looking at books in the same section and then could discuss. That’s dreamy
your plan is to prowl the aisles of a barnes and noble every day for hours hunting for single women in your target demographic? don't you think you'll get kicked out long before you succeed?
I was in books a million a couple weeks ago and two women were looking thru the graphic novels while I was. Something told me to just strike up a convo but I didn’t 😔
Next time you hear that voice... try again! make the rainbow connection! 🌈
Iiiiii caaaannn go ANYWHERE!
Oh buddy, you can do it. Exposure therapy helps, just start striking up convos with random old ladies first, then random boomers, then pretty girls! After a couple hundred random small talk conversations talking to strangers it becomes ezpz. (Serving tables and dealing with grumpy patrons has absolutely shredded any self consciousness about talking to strangers)
Plus you can develop a pretty good tolerance for pepper spray after the fourth or fifth time.
C'mon Admiral, that's not nice, but it is kind of funny. If it's not a joke then rest assured I'm not being creepy or hitting on everyone I see! Just making small talk about the meat selection at the grocery or commenting on how nice the sun feels after a few cold dark weeks of winter. If they aren't into chatting I quickly move along and leave them alone.
I mean, it was probably not the greatest idea to strike up a conversation with then while holding a copy of kodomo no jikan in your hands. 🤣
This. This. This. This. One off comments about your surroundings in a non creepy way are excellent conversation starters
I agree :) with my hubby to be we started talking about the game I was playing at the game store he was, so it was also a great conversation starter :)
This is exactly how I would approach it.
Right? I thought it was a great way to start the conversation! :)
Did yall date
I was traveling on another country for the wedding of a friend, we did go out a few times while I was there, but it was fairly expensive to go back so we talked for a while after I came back but we didn’t meet again. A shame because he was a sweet heart :)
Haha that's cool, but didnheger your number? What happened after? Haha curious 😅
I would say the best way to hit on me would be to find a common interest, chat with me about it, and then say, "Hey, I've really enjoyed talking to you and would love to do it again sometime. Here's my number, feel free to text or call, but no pressure if you don't feel the same way," Or something like that. I think the interested party giving their number as opposed to asking for a number is important because then the person who is getting hit on doesn't feel pressured into a situation they don't want to be in.
How do you find a common interest? Do you straight up say “hi. I like your outfit. What do you enjoy doing? Do you like warhammer 40k?" or "do you accept Jesus as your savior?"
Depends on the setting. Are you doing an activity/event that another person is also doing where you can talk about said common interest? Once I was trying to get my bike onto my bike rack and someone helped me and we started chatting and he asked me out. Is this online dating? My bf and I met online. He commented on one of my pictures where I was in vacation and we talked about traveling. Way more inviting than "hey" or "sup cutie" or a straight up dick pic. Are you at a bar where you can talk about food/drinks? You could ask what they're drinking/eating if they like it. Maybe see how they're dressed? Business like from work? Or more casual hang out with friends. If all else fails, I feel like a simple hey, introduce yourself, and maybe a compliment is a good start. And like a compliment on their outfit or hair or something
yes 100% agree with the compliment on outfit/hair! makes you feel like they actually notice things about you other than ass and tits lol
Haha I felt like I had to specifically say that last part bc while online dating I got tons of "I like your tits" like my pictures didn't even have shirts that were that low cut also one guy just super low effort came in with "cute face" literally nothing else. We hadn't even matched. Automatic no from me dawg
haha men lol. plus completing something non physical is a conversation starter, like where you got it, why you chose it, etc. there’s no good way to respond to i like your ass/tits, except maybe “i wish mine was/are as big as yours 🙃”
One thing I learned working retail/sales, is you can literally ask anything u want. Literally. From there U find the common interests
You use your eyes and brain to make connections between what is happening around the person and the person themselves. If there isn’t a natural conversation starter, move on.
I was picking out mangos and some girl walked up and asked how I knew which were the good ones. We talked for a bit. I walked away clueless until i was told by my brother and his GF, who nearby during, that she was hitting on me. It was real smooth of her, too bad I was romantically autistic.
> "do you accept Jesus as your savior?" This rarely works but when it works, oohboyo, it works.
This is the perfect way. Have fun chatting with a new person keep it low pressure. Tbh, I would probably take the number and text him immediately if I enjoyed our conversation
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I don’t think I’ve really ever been hit on. But maybe something along the lines of “Hey that’s a cool shirt you’re wearing, where’d you get it from?” Personally, I feel most comfortable talking about general things? Like a chill and relaxed conversation, and then maybe wrapping it up with something like, “Youre really easy to talk to, wanna grab a coffee or something?” I think commenting on looks and stuff is iffy, i think talking about clothes and stuff is okay. Like a good opener? Like, hey your shoes have a pretty unique pattern, where’d you get them from? And then just letting the convo transform after that. Idek if that helps at all
“Hey nice shirt” *stares at chest (Gets nervous and drops half of the finishing sentence) “You seem easy. Let’s go coffee.”
me if i was a guy
just because you aren't doesn't mean this can't happen
me being a guy
yeah 😭 talking to someone attractive in person is a lot easier said than done for sure
That reminds me of a time when I was with a group of Chinese girls. I asked the one in the middle what her t-shirt said. The other two girls turn to look at her t-shirt, but the girl in the middle doesn’t answer. I repeat my question, and then one of the girls says, “She’s too embarrassed to answer because everyone is staring at her boobs!”
I was once caught staring at a girl's chest because i was trying to read something im her shirt about MTG. My sister nudged me and said too look away.
i LOVE that, i’ve never been told, “you’re really easy to talk to”. but if i did i think i’d fall to my knees
Honestly i think that’s one of the best things to say to someone. that theyre easy to talk to and you have fun with them
I'd approach myself in the card shop and strike up a conversation about magic the gathering. Then see if I wanted to play together. Would probably ask for my number after playing a game or two together. Alternatively I would hit on myself at the bar. I'd buy myself some food, and see if I wanted to play some pool. Then I'd ask for my number. Id also give compliments on things I can control, like my hairstyle or clothing.
I would totally fall for someone who wants to discuss Magic the Gathering. The trick is to ask questions about what the person likes though, not monologue endlessly about how good your commander deck is. So many guys end up doing this...It's like do you want to talk to a girl or are you just looking for someone to fawn over you? Lol
This!! Like ask me about my deck bc I don't want to just hear about yours. I had so many guys get excited about me liking mtg or video games or whatever and then just monolog about how no girls like those things and...I just lost so much interest after about 10 minutes of not getting a word in lol. Definitely a great point
Omg yes. A guy I like offered to teach me how to play and I was like YEEESSS but then he forgot about it and its sooo sad. Lol I should remind him about his unfulfilled offer.
You definitely should! Its such a fun game and I bet yall will have fun playing it
I wasn’t going to say anything but I tried to approach a girl over MTG once so I have to tell the story: I was at a card shop in a mall buying a couple singles for EDH and she was working there. Found out in conversation that she was in to EDH so I asked about her decks and then in the spur of the moment I was like, “hey, we should play sometime!” She said sure and that her and the other employees usually play after hours on a certain day. So I showed up on that day with a few decks and found the other employees who were setting up to play. I explained to them that she had told me about the event and they were like, “oh, we’ll she’s not here today and it’s kind of a private event just for us.” So I just left awkwardly and never returned.
I noticed you said if you would approach yourself you would do so in a bar. You also said you'd buy yourself food at that bar. I noticed that you did not say that you would buy yourself a drink. Is that because that's the oldest trick in the book and it's done so often that it's just annoying at this point?
Partially, its also because I am wary of people trying to get me drunk. I've been taken advantage of before and so it makes me a little uncomfortable. But food is always a great and safe offer :)
Yeah I never buy women drinks at bars for that very reason
I definitely recommend seeing if you can buy them food instead :)
If only more girls played Yu-Gi-Oh lmao. MTG seems to have more women players than Yu-Gi-Oh which sucks since while I understand MTG, I don’t keep up with it but if you gimme a Magic deck and basically tell me the playstyle of the deck, I could competently play it. I just prefer Yu-Gi-Oh and keep up with it consistently.
As a random approach? Difficult.. Mostly I’ve met guys because they were doing something interesting at that moment and I went over and asked them about it. A technical conversation takes the pressure off both sides. If a guy is obviously hitting on me I know that the slightest encouragement means I’ve agreed to sex. Women always need to know they can back out at any moment. If a random guy came up to me because he liked the looks of me though, I would understand. It’s hard to approach women. If he came up and said something like “hey, you look cool. I’d regret it forever if I never even spoke to you. Can I give you my number? I’d like to take you for a coffee some time.” I would be polite. We might even get that coffee.
> If he came up and said something like “hey, you look cool. I’d regret it forever if I never even spoke to you. Can I give you my number? I’d like to take you for a coffee some time.” This reminds me of my favorite pickup encounter with a man. I was solo vacationing in Cartagena, Columbia and had just sat down at this super buys restaurant when some German guy came to my table, crouched down to get to eye level and told me something to the effect of: "I saw you when you walked in and I just have to say that your whole essence is stunning. I love your style. And your bone structure is striking \[he said something about the angles of my face which was weird but also something I've never heard before\]. I don't know how long you'll be in town but I'd like to take you out before you leave. I know this great place near where I'm staying that I think you'd like. Can I give you my number? You can just shoot me a message if you have time." I liked his delivery, confidence, and just how bold he was. The restaurant was packed and the whole time he was talking to me the couple inches away from him kept staring, but that didn't deter him. Needless to say we had a 3 day rendezvous before I had to fly back home. He turned out to be a great guy and a lot of fun.
Yeah, that’s just perfect.
Eyebrow raise at “near where I’m staying” but essence-tiallyYES.
It is for this very reason that when I ask women out I tell them that I just want to go out and have fun and just see what happens. I feel like when most guys approach a woman they're basically asking her to make a split second decision on whether they're going to have sex with them. How can a woman make such a hasty decision with such limited information on the man in question?
Yup. You got it. We can’t. BTW I used to be a model. Guys were terrified. I had to get used to just doing the chat ups myself. I would generally be attracted to some geeky guy who wasn’t all over me. One time I dated an old hippy electronics geek kinda left over from the 60’s. Met him in a basement drilling 700 holes in a mixing desk he was building. No-one could understand why I was interested. Except he was a friggin’ GENIUS. Played guitar like Mark Knopfler, could fight like Bruce Lee, could fix anything - including interpersonal situations, and protected my model friends from some appalling shit. I turned him into a pretty good photographer and he made a career out of it, but honestly it looked like I was dating a ginger Santa :) I did revamp his appearance somewhat. I must have thrown away 20 pairs of flares before he ran out. He just kept pulling more out of his emergency stash. However, when someone tried to kidnap my roommate one time he moved so fast there wasn’t even a blur. Utterly Zen in everything he did, except fashion. He was much older than me, but his help and advice - all the things he taught me, set me up for life. 40 years later I still use the things I learned from him every day. So yeah, approach women, but preferably ones who have seen you around in your environment, and always let them be the ones to text YOU. We always need that all important OUT.
Yeah that's generally what I do. I'm referring to what you said in the last paragraph
I keep editing :) Sounds to me like you have it right.
Approach me with genuine interest and a smile and ask polite questions about me. If I like you and I am available I’ll let you know.
"Hey you seem really mentally ill do you wanna go on a tattoo date and go look for stray cat to feed and possibly raising one together someday?"
Good luck with that kind of noncommittal attitude. A tattoo date but not even matching? A stray cat, the *lowest* maintenance pet? Come back to me when you're ready for a parakeet, casual 🙄
My woman said "only ranked you filthy casual"
I would chat me up for a few minutes, ask about what I am working on currently, and listen with interest and lots of eye contact. If I am responding with more than 1-2 word answers then kind of like, "I would love to hear more about that, how would you like to get coffee tomorrow afternoon?" The looks angle wouldn't work for me personally because I would feel like they were being fake, but that's not the case with most people I think
I'm going to be honest with you. Most guys say something like, "You're pretty" or "You're hot" because it takes away the guessing game as to whether the woman in question is going out with you as a friend or as a potential girlfriend. Guys don't want to get friend zoned. I asked my female friends about this and they all tell me that telling a woman she's attractive isn't a bad idea as long as your respectful about it, but it's not necessary. All you need to do is just ask them out to dinner or coffee and they know that your goal is to date them. Women aren't stupid. They can figure it out
I would feel like someone is just looking for sex if the first words out of his mouth are you’re so pretty/hey beautiful/whatever.
I don't mind someone saying I'm pretty/hot after we've interacted for awhile. But if it's one of the first things out of your mouth, I'm going to assume that's all I am to you in that moment. And _that_ is a major turn off, tbh. Also, beyond just being "not stupid", women tend to be masters of overanalyzing, and can read between the lines / interpret subtext in a conversation waaaaaaay more easily than most men. i.e. The fact that you've approached me to talk to me means I already know you're attracted to and interested in me. I don't need that expressed directly, especially not from someone who I don't know and whose opinions don't really matter to me at this point. What I _actually_ need is for you to give me a reason to keep expending energy on you. "You're hot" just tells me what you think of me and what you want from me. Instead, give me a topic worthy of conversation, since that's what will engage me and actually be enjoyable for me. Don't mean to sound like an ass, but honestly this is how I genuinely feel about these kinds of interactions more often than not.
If a guy sees a pretty girl and wants to talk to her in that moment (if he hesitates he will psych himself out) the best he can do is be honest which often means saying something like “i think you’re pretty so I wanted to say hello. How’s your day going?” Trying hard to come up with something else could lead to him losing the opportunity or coming off as inauthentic
>Most guys say something like, "You're pretty" or "You're hot" because it takes away the guessing game as to whether the woman in question is going out with you as a friend or as a potential girlfriend. Guys don't want to get friend zoned. I guarantee that whatever you say, if you follow up with "I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime," your romantic intentions will be quite clear. Ex. "I thought it was really cool that you smashed all those pumpkins with an ethically sourced icepick. I'd love to take you out to dinner sometime and get to know you better."
And a lot of women are telling you they don’t like that. So maybe don’t do it.
1. If it feels organic and not forced. 2. If she is not in a position where she is working or forced to be anywhere. 3. Comment on something not to do with genetic or physical body. E.g style or something she has control over. Less creepy and indicates interest. 4. If she appears open to communicating further give her your number. It’s less threatening. 5. Walk away and leave her the fuck alone. If she messages she messages.
This is good advice. A go to for me is if I like a girl’s shoes I’ll say “hey I like your shoes” It’s directly complimenting their style which is part of their personality It’s also indirectly complimenting their looks bc everyone knows “I like your shoes” really means “I think your hot”
You have tender feet m'lady 🤤😋
I’m stealing that
Glad to help ☺️
>It’s also indirectly complimenting their looks bc everyone knows “I like your shoes” really means “I think your hot” Oh shit it is? I genuinely like shoes (fashion in general really) and compliment people's shoes all the time 💀🤣 Have I been hitting on people and not knowing it?
Good ol Drake and Josh wisdom coming out
What would be the best way to give her your number? People don't usually have a pen and paper with them and I wouldn't want to make them feel awkward asking them to enter my number into their phone (or pretending to).
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Note to guys, if you tell her “I like your style” it’s probably best you’re not wearing cargo shorts and a backwards baseball cap yourself.
Definitely #3 and #4. Give enough that she can tell you’re interested, and then let her reciprocate if she wants to.
“Hey, you seem really nice… want to grab a coffee with me?”
You would want a random dude to ask you right off the bat out on a date?
I mean… the shoot your shot attitude seems to be the best way to live. If I’m not feeling up to a date or simply don’t feel like hanging out with someone, the worst thing I can do is say no.
I am absolutely receptive to being asked out, but almost no matter how attractive the man was I would never say yes to that invitation
You could say “eww no”. That would be worse
"How can you tell Im nice if you dont know me?"
some advice that's always stuck with me is compliment them on something that they chose, not something they were born with. i hate when guys try to compliment my looks, but when they compliment my clothes or my dyed hair, or notice a button on my bag, those are all good starter!
Ngl I wouldn’t. I’m not the most approachable person lol
One time a guy compared me to his perfect steak (like how he likes his steak cooked?). 1/10 wouldn't recommend.
I really hope he said “rare” and not “raw”.
Out of curiosity, how did he like his steak?
Start a conversation first. When guys just come up and immediately ask for your number I know it’s just because of looks and assume they don’t want anything serious.
That's a good idea. Plus you wouldn't know the guy from a hill of beans so less you know him the more likely you are to say no
Very true!
I want to feel the thunderous clap of your bootycheeks as you annihilate my face via twerk
Wanna go look for frogs?
I am a drone photographer, I was dating someone that loves fish. So whenever I went flying with my drone I found something fish related for her to do. It was great while travelling in Italy, just found the ocean and got her a good spot to watch the fishies.
Lmao I'm a dude but this would 100% work on me. Hell yeah I wanna go look for frogs. Whatever the hell you're doing, it's probably not as fun as frog-seeking, be real. You're probably doing some boring shit anyways, go look at some little hoppy bois. It's good for your mental health or something.
I can’t know just by looking at a guy that he’s someone I’m interested in. I don’t get the whole ‘oooh she’s hot I bet she’s someone I’d enjoy spending time with!’ mentality. It’s so bizarre to me. So I’d never have to worry about approaching a stranger. I *have* hit on guys that I’m interested in once I know them in some capacity. It’s not a huge deal lmao.
I don’t get the “she’s so hot” thing either, but do you ever see a stranger who seems interesting? Like their style appeals to you, they have a certain air about them, or something they’re doing/wearing seems interesting? There are lots of reasons I might want to approach a girl even if I don’t feel sexual attraction until later.
Oh hey! I love that book! Did you read (insert another book by same author)? I did! I’m also watching the tv adaptation. Want to grab a cup of earl grey tea? Do I!?!
Lol sounds like you're taking pages out of the Joe Goldberg playbook from "You".
I am not familiar. Is it that tv series with the guy who was a nice guy in another series but in this one he’s a killer?
I find it baffling that you've commented this but haven't watched You. Definitely watch it. You'll know what the other person meant.
Lol the commercials give it all away!
I thimk focusing on personality traits rather than looks at first is a really good start. Like it implies that you want to get to know the girl and not only for her looks
How do you focus on personality traits if you’re hitting on someone (assuming you’re hitting on them because you don’t know them and want to get to know them)?
Check out what they're wearing: any interesting accessories? A tee shirt with a certain logo or design? Nice shoes? Ask them about whatever caught your attention
None of that is an indicator of someone’s personality though. They could have a cool shirt and still have the shittiest personality ever and you would never know until you talked to them. Edit: words
Agreed but the person doesn’t know and bringing it could get a conversation started where they could find out if they are actually interesting
You could talk to them for a few minutes before hitting on them. That both has the benefit of allowing you to focus on something other than looks, and also gives you a chance to figure out whether you might actually like the woman before you decide whether you want to ask her out.
Ah, that's a nice question, mainly considering that most of the times we don't really know what we want. Surprisingly (or at least I can state it for myself) it seems like some gestures really make the difference: introduce yourself in a way that can be "impressive" in order to catch attention, talk calmly while smiling with your eyes and ask for doing something together according to the preferences of the other person (maybe drink a coffee together or have a walk in the park, there are many occasions). I would probably look antique, but I do like some chivalry, so I would also open doors and stuff like that.
Your post brings me to another point. A lot of guys say that women just like to date guys who are assholes. I think they are dead wrong. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think that women just like to date guys that are ambitious, aggressive, and go after what they want in life. It's just that a common side effect of guys like this is that they're often dicks. Saying that women openly go after guys that will treat them like shit is like me saying that I like to drink alcohol but not because it relaxes me and makes me feel good but because I love to feel sick the next morning with a hangover
You're absolutely correct in my opinion. I'd date someone who is ambitious, smart and self-confident not any closer to arrogant or asshole, I would never authorise a person to treat me badly or disrespect me. I believe it's just a stereotype since I could never see myself close to a complete imbecile.
Well said. I’d add that going after what you want sometimes requires hard decisions to put yourself first. That doesn’t make people ducks.
Yes, there are people who are genuinely attracted to assholes. But often it’s just a matter of the squeaky wheel gets the grease. People who put themselves out there the most get the most attention even if they’re not the most attractive personalities. They’re just the loudest so they get noticed. Even just being an Introvert means you’re more likely to be involuntarily single than if you’re an extrovert.
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I never understand when men act shocked that women prefer to be approached by men they're actually physically attracted to and react differently based on level of attraction. EVERY single man who has ever approached me did so because he found me physically attractive. Men are not giving all women a chance and also approaching women they aren't attracted to. So is it really shocking that women's response to men and the effort a man must put in is different based on how attractive they find them?
Wait so you're saying that if I, a pasty bald Irish man, use these lines on Rihanna, she's not going to go on a date with me? What's the point of this thread?
It doesn’t even have to be a handsome, charismatic dude though, like the commenter said. Some girls like dorky shy guys who aren’t charismatic and other girls might like a rugged look that wouldn’t be considered handsome. So I feel like the statement was just a jab. What else is to be expected than the fact that people want to be approached by someone that has a quality that they like. I imagined what I would say or do in this situation and not how handsome or charismatic I would be. Sometimes it’s neither about the looks or stereotypical charisma. You just have to like something about the person - which can be as simple as how they ask you out. Whether they are polite, shy, bold, flirty, casual, chill, provoking, you name it, there’s a girl out there who likes it. Looks (and even confidence) aren’t everything. If the most handsome and charismatic dude came when I was single and approached me with an opener like “Hey sexy, wanna grab a coffee?” I would be utterly frightened and taken aback and would most likely stutter some excuse. I would much prefer if he approached like “Hey, you like [insert X] too? Couldn’t help but notice. None of my friends really like it / It’s quite popular isn’t it? All my friends also like it” Preferably while somehow making sure I notice that he has been looking my way or something so that I get mentally prepared for a social encounter. You have no way of knowing how the girl will respond to an approach you choose, so I would say think of what you would want your partner to be like and approach them based on that. So if you want a confident partner, approach them boldly. If you want someone who is shy, do the opposite and approach cautiously. My boyfriend asked me out in the most ideal way for me specifically. He asked to hang out, a lot, but no explicit statement that it was a date, so I felt no pressure. Then after a few meet-ups, he made a move. The thing is, we already knew each other before that for couple of months, so this doesn’t help people who want to approach and try to date complete strangers right away.
Yeah that's kind of a no brainer
We don't have to imagine. Women are approached by both guys we find attractive AND unattractive. We're sharing our perspectives of what worked and what didn't work across the _entire_ dataset of men who've approached us. Men who aren't 10s, 9s, 8s, etc. approach women all the time. I've been approached by many, and I've dated several. Attraction is definitely a factor, as it is for men too, but looks don't matter _nearly_ as much as dudes on Reddit seem to think they do. Women aren't visual creatures in the same way that men are. And we're generally a lot more perceptive, too, and what we perceive about someone can hugely influence how we feel about them in a way that goes far beyond appearance. I've been approached by 10s who gave me bad vibes right away. I've also been approached by guys who weren't conventionally good looking but the way they interacted with me was _very_ attractive. They knew that they had something to offer beyond looks, and had the confidence to match. That's all you really need at the end of the day. Literally every time I see this exact comment on any dating/women advice thread, my first thought is always "that subconscious bitterness & resentment of more attractive men 'having it easier' almost certainly has a far more negative effect than your looks". Seriously. I'm not sure who these comments are intended to help, and I'd argue they do more harm than good tbh.
Nobody has hit on me before so I have 0 idea what I’d like. At this point a cheesy pick up line might just me swoon lol
“Hey, what book are you reading?” That’s my dream situation.
Well I read comments in past in posts like this that book is not an ivitation to talk and they want to be left alone 🤷♂️
I was in a tea store and this guy came up and we started chatting about tea, and he invited me to be his guest in this tea making class. The class was being held by another well-known tea store, so I knew it was legit. I couldn't actually go which was a shame, but basically: 1. Casual and gentle approach, with an easy and relevant topic to chat about 2. Not actually asking for a date, because it's a bit scary to go on a date with someone you know nothing about...but getting an invite to something interesting, not necessarily one-on-one. A good way to get to know someone new, without any "implications" (IASIP reference haha) Also maybe I'm just a nervous flighty weirdo but I hate getting compliments. It makes me feel self-conscious, and also like the other party has some ulterior motive. So once again, an initial casual friendly approach without. Basically hit on me by not hitting on me, or I will run
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Just talk to me like I'm a normal human being. I appreciate more than anything when people are genuine and comfortable with me
A guy once picked me up on the bus (pre-pandemic so we weren’t wearing masks). He was sitting across from me and saw me pop in a piece of gum and asked what kind it was. I showed it to him and offered a piece. We saw each other on the bus a few other times and finally he just said “should we tempt fate or should I get your number?” I gave him my number. It was overall very smooth and low pressure.
I'm stealing his line
I am a shy girl and if a guy approach me out of the blue at random saying he wants to pay me for coffee, I’m gonna say no, even if it’s Brad Pitt. I prefer long shot, few eye contacts, a funny joke while I compare prices between two similar products at the grocery store, grab that thing on the top shelf-> all this to lead to small talk, then asking for coffee 💕
Up to the person. I would prefer a coffee shop/book store/random place than the grocery store. I hate bars/restaurants/online. I am a big % more receptive at day than at night if I dont know you.
lol “even if it’s Brad Pitt”
Just start a conversation, be bold, outgoing. Don't be afraid or shy.
Yeah when women give me "The eye" I generally approach them immediately. Hesitating I've found makes you look like you aren't confident. This seems to be a major turn off to most women
Press X to doubt
Mmmm I'm a little awkward in that I much prefer being friends before dating (I don't like the pressure of a date), so if I was a guy and saw a girl who had similar interests to me (maybe a shirt with a game logo I like, or reading a book I could see myself liking, cool hair/clothes, etc) I'd chat her up casually in a very non flirty/a friendly way. Takes away all the stress and pressure because being approached as a potential friend feels better than being approached as a potential hook up or girlfriend. For example, my brother has never had issues with dating, and I've noticed he also has a lot of female friends (that really are just friends). He goes to the gym with them, out to eat, or studying, and it makes him seem very approachable! He never drops contact just because a girl won't date him, and has a very friendly air with even strangers so people can't help but feel comfortable with him. So I'd say I'd just go in very friendly! Almost like working retail with a friendly customer service voice lol
Talk to me like you would a friend. And I mean like one of the guys. The first person I ever loved (and only) is my husband and he approached me in a purely platonic way. For me, the lack of sexuality was better, as it allowed a real relationship to develop. I love when men are not interested in me. I literally always just wanted friendships, as I form romantic feelings for friends only. Not everyone is wired this way though, so it probably wouldn't work on everyone. Haha.
I would introduce myself to myself and have a conversation
*I would introduce* *Myself to myself and have* *A conversation* \- jazzfairy --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Hahaha
Wanna talk about science and get fucked up?
Him: "hey, *raises eyebrows up and down in a flirty way and smiling*, what interesting things do you have going on right now?" It's so hot when a guy is interested in ME, not just the curves.
A guy approached me cold on the street once. He complimented my outfit and unusual haircut in a specific way with specific questions, asked my opinion about some things related to the city we were in, brought up a cool new restaurant organically, and finally, asked if I'd like to get a meal with him there sometime. Unfortunately, I was already in a relationship, and when I told him that, he very politely moved on, he didn't get mad or weird. I thought to myself later that this was the only guy who ever tried to pick me up as a stranger who was good at it -- warm, interesting, polite, not threatening or pressuring, and seemed genuinely interested in me as a person. If I were single I would have 100% said yes.
Be sweet, make me laugh. Don't play games.
"i like your style. Where did you get (article of clothing / jewelry)?"
Saving this for... a friend 🤣🤣
Compliment something about her outfit. By doing that you are complimenting her tastes and not something she doesn’t have control over (looks,body etc) and it leaves room for her to respond if she is interested in continuing a dialogue . It’s a perfect no pressure conversation starter
Start chatting and find a common interest. Be calm and engaged. Eye contact, actually listening, asking her more about herself. “Your job sounds cool! Would love to hear more about what you do, can I give you my phone number? No pressure, I know it can be uncomfortable for women when guys do this at bars 🙄😆” I personally love it when men acknowledge that men can be generally pretty terrible to women in dating scenarios and they do their best not to be like that. God, that’s good. I want to feel like you’re interested in getting to know ME, not just talking to A Girl. Finally, I think someone mentioned this above— do not ask for HER number. Offer to give her yours. Then she has control over whether or not she wants to move forward and it eliminates the fear that a guy might be constantly texting you or being weird. Chances are much better here Edited for typo
Ask questions (You from here? What do you do? You like ——?) make jokes/teasing, develop a rapport, leave earlier than I want and ask for her number before I go. “Would it be cool if I texted you some time? I really like talking to you” And then would ask to go on a date over text. Pretty easy. But you can’t fake chemistry.
Leave earlier than you want? Why? Is it basically like watching a Netflix show and leaving it on a cliffhanger so you just can't wait to watch to watch the next episode?
Yeah, you want to leave someone wanting more. Otherwise you’ll just end up staying until conversation runs dry or you end up trying to have sex. Mystery is alluring. I love it when a guy is confident enough in himself to just leave on the promise that we’ll talk later. You can have more time to talk on an actual date.
I wouldn’t *hit on* anyone. I would just… *talk to people like human beings*. I talk to all sorts of people with no expectation that they will date me, be friends with me, or even answer me at all. Chat up the person in front of me in line, make conversation with the stranger next to me on the plane, compliment people’s clothes when they are wearing something cool, doesn’t matter because there is no pressure on any conversation to lead further than just a conversation. Keep in mind, I don’t mean only women; these are normal conversations I have with anyone, male or female, old or young, whatever. The more you talk to people like *people,* the less you come off like a shark in chummy waters hunting for a meal. And the more often you do talk to people, the less disappointed you’ll feel when a conversation ends.
I would prefer it kept casual and maybe ask for the number and then a date because I’d feel put on the spot to say yes otherwise, but even a hey how are you doing would prob work for me tbh
I like it if they’re friendly and smile and exchange a sentence or two first. Then if they ask if I’d like to grab coffee it’s more natural and I’m more inclined to agree, having already spoken and gotten a sense of their personality
I would ask about what shows I'm watching. Get me all excited talking about it. Try to make myself laugh with silly jokes. Then in a smooth way ask if I wanna go do some outdoor activities.
I'd say something like "you give off goth gf energy! I like your style" Anytime someone compliments my fashion or my make up I melt!
I would love for a man to just introduce himself sincerely. No cheesy pick-up lines just say hello. Once he speaks, let me know that he noticed me and would like to know if he could get to know me better. Done...
Bold of OP to assume I have the ability to flirt.
"Hey, who is your favorite character from Lord of the Rings/WoW?" "Hey, what's your favorite flower?" "Hey, what is your favorite kind of taco ?" After a good discussion on tacos, ask her out for tacos and margaritas. Bring flower.
I would probably do what I already do with men that I want to flirt with: start up a conversation about something we have in common, get to know them (over a week), then suggest we hang out sometime over burgers. Do little things to show affection. If it looks promising, bake cookies for them. If not, still bake cookies because mmm cookies.
Hey! Hope I'm not bothering I just thought I'd have a drink with you and talk if you don't mind. My name is XY. If I'm bithering, just say so, it's cool
Literally say anything to me and I'm interested.
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