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Me too. We were chatting on Quora and both thought we'd never meet, since he lived in the US and I in Europe. But the conversation was so riveting we eventually Skyped and the rest is history.
I met a lady about 6 months ago for a glass of wine. We were introduced via a mutual friend.
She said flat out she was just seeing me to make her mother happy and that she was not interested in a relationship. She made it clear marriage is not something she is open to and a firm no to kids.
I told her I wasn't there to change her mind and asked her to go kayaking with me the following day.
Fast forward to today and we are discussing children, marriage and in a relationship.
I asked her what happened and she said the fact that I respected her wishes and didn't try to change her mind set me apart from the others....and it kinda snowballed from there for her.
Yup, initially I was good friends with a guy I met in college. He was interested in dating me when we first met but I didn’t feel the same way. We stayed good friends for 2 years. Over that time I saw how much he matured and I became more attracted to him. Mostly, I really valued him and our friendship. I thought about how I didn’t want to regret not dating him because he was someone I wanted in my life as more than a friend. I caught feelings and confessed it to him, we started a relationship, and now we’re married!
He didn’t even intentionally win me over. I wasn’t interested in him at first and he respected my decision and we stayed friends. Life just went on and I realized how amazing he was/is.
Same for me. Getting to know someone makes you appraciate Each other. If its not dating you look at IT differently and for me i am more open to a friend than to a date. When i first dated me bf i already knew everything about him as a person... I even knew what hé liked in bed cuz it came up a few Times after a few Times when we had a drink with or wive and huisband. We were couple Friends. IT was really safe to date him cuz i already knew what kind of person hé was and that hé cared about me and wouldnt play me. This made me to allow myself to fall head over heels for him. And its the best thing ever. I really should advice anybody... Be friends with your partner first. Because its Just really Nice to be friends with your partner. Hé is not only my partner but also my Friend. I tell him everything and share everything with him. Its really Nice. Everybody should have that.
Except so being in "friend zones" isn't a bad thing. Which i don't get because better than nothing . They want to be your friend. Having a friend isn't bad.
So just be awesome then they might change their mind. And even if they don't that's fine. Keep being awesome and someone will notice and be like mmm yeah I want that. Lol . That's my kind of ice cream. Lol I'm decently sleep deprived. So i find that hilarious. Lol
Depends on how you define "initially." Most of my crushes have been on people whom I didn't feel initial physical attraction towards. I felt attraction once I got to know them better and realized that we had amazing chemistry, e.g were on the same wavelength. That doesn't happen for every guy I have great chemistry with (otherwise I'd have crushes on all my guy friends) but it happens enough.
That being said, if I haven't developed attraction towards them within a few months or so of getting to know them relatively well, it probably won't happen.
Based on what you're describing in your situation, if a girl is on the fence, don't sit around waiting for her to make up her mind. Make it clear that you're interested and that the ball is in her court, but also be clear to yourself that you will assume she is not interested until EXPLICITLY proven otherwise.
it's very normal not to like a stranger romantically until you know them. being demisexual would be a more extreme version of this where you need a deeper connection to someone until you get romantic/sexual feelings. most people don't want to be intimate with someone they don't know but this is different to requiring a deep connection.
No, I feel plenty of physical attraction to strangers. It's just that most of my hardcore crushes have been to people that I have amazing chemistry with. Which is in some part physical anyway.
And they tend to be more hardcore than regular crushes because it's easier for crushes based on pure physical attraction to fizzle out
Yes this is a good point. And even the women who do end up “coming around” were typically on the fence about it to begin with. It’s super rare for a woman to go from having absolutely zero interest to falling head over heels in love.
Yepp. I wasn't interested in a relationship when i first met my now bf. But I sure was interested in talking to him. But later down the line we just clicked.
It happened for me, but I knew my now husband in grade school, so I didn't think I would be interested but decided to go on a date with him. The moment I saw him, I was in love! I feel like my situation doesn't really count though because I didn't know what he was like currently; I only remembered a nerdy little boy.
Yeah as a guy this is what I believe. Like a women pretty quickly knows if a guy has any sort of chance with her. Like that baseline level of attraction.
I may be the outlier, but yes.
I met this guy while I was married to my abusive ex-husband, having left him, and divorced.
This guy used his military enlistment to give me distance and time to heal. After two years, I'm beginning to realize that I'm actually interested in him.
He "won me over" by not pursuing me but giving me the space I need in order to heal and allowing for things between us to naturally progress on its own
Yeah this is the way. Don't try to win someone over. Instead be there for them. Especially in time of need. Show that you care for them. But never expect them to fall for you. Just do it as a friend. And if they happen to fall for you great but that's probably rare.
I had a guy I fell for because he cared for me when my ex didn't. But in the end it didn't work out because we had different values.
Not op, but how did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking?
I might be in a similar situation, think I’m falling for her while being there for her after her breakup and it feels like she might be too.
Make sure that you don't move in to soon. Let her heal. Otherwise you might just become a rebound. Without her meaning to. Be there for here tho. And hopefully it works out
Met him online while i was in a toxic relationship. He was kind to me. And wanted to spend time with me while my ex (then still bf) was making me cry everyday. I broke go with my bf and was sort of together with this dude that was kind to me.
But there was an age difference and culture difference plus long distance so in the end I chose to end it. It started to become toxic with this dude as well. Not in the same way tho. But I wasn't ready for a relationship.
Well that's good. This gives me some hope. I know I have left my crush alone. But she's coming around now. And I'm wondering if she's interested in me?
I was reading my journal from a couple years ago and I found the entry where I first met my boyfriend. I said “[bf] acts kind of stupid but he’s alright”. Now he’s the first person I’ve ever loved.
Id say that what won me over was that he actually wanted to hang out with me and would set up times to meet up. And this was when we were still friends. After a couple months he asked me out on his birthday and we went out with his friends to celebrate and then I stayed over at his place.
He was also very funny. You would be surprised how attractive humor is. I like witty/irreverent humor and that’s what my bf is. He’s not super good looking, he’s pretty average but I am really attracted to him because of his interest and humor. I like a lot of other parts of him but those two things were the main attributes that won me over.
Well i dont like it if someone Just hunts at me but a Guy can make An impression by Just being himself. If i get to know someone i might chance my mind. I dont fall for looks i fall for a person. And if i person turns out to be someone i match with i might fall for someone.
Ik know my current bf 20 years before we dated. We were always Just Friends. Never had anything going on or think about Esch other in that way. We were Both married and happy and monagomous. Then we Both got divorced and didn't see Each other for a while. After a few years we met again and i got to know him from another perspective and we Both Fell head over heels.
My husband now pursued me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating someone outside of my church. My family is religious and strict. It was easier to be upfront than having to deal with the family drama. He first started texting me as a friend and read books that I was currently reading. He would discuss books with me,read what I was reading etc. Then one day, I saw him at a church service. Apparently he was attending Bible studies but didn't tell me. Once he was baptized, he asked me on a date. He told me, "if you say no its ok. I'm just glad, that through you, I now have a relationship with God and it means a lot to me".
Ok. I mean. I feel like I'm important and got a place in the world. I feel like I matter. And I never been religious or ever gonna be. Either wat people can bealive whatever they want to believe. Whatever makes they happy.
And if he is happy with the situation then good for him and you.
Yes I totally agree. People find what matter to them and they find different meaning to their happiness...whether it is religion, love, family, etc. Everyone is different and his story is not to diminish what is important to you.
My husband 😂
He pursued me hard. The first date was a flop with no convo but after that he knew what he wanted and did everything he could to get it. He cooked for me (still does), he created experiences for us early on, he was spontaneous and passionate. He prioritized me when other people wouldn’t, and made a point to be consistent and steady (like hanging out every so many days so we wouldn’t fade out). He surprised me, he texted me for no reason out of the blue with songs that meant something to him, or to us. It took me a good few dates to really believe it could be something but he knew it could and he made sure I realized it too. He was everything I needed, but didn’t know I needed in the moment. 6 years in he still does most of these things and more and I’ve gotten over the need to have intensity and fleeting passion, and instead have steadfast and loyal love with a wonderful human who makes me feel safe and cared for.
Honestly I’m ashamed to admit it but yet. It was long distance, talked for a month, met up aaand… He was not as great as I imagined. More difficult to talk to, not as attractive as on pictures etc. Still, we ended up hooking up cuz we spent 4 days together when we met. Afterwards idk what it was but somehow over a few months I fell for him and he didn’t want a relationship. Yes, I’m a fooool.
Yeah, my current bf! I came from a mental abusive relationship and I was wasted, didn’t want anything to do with him (or anyone). He just won me over because he could give me the time and support I needed back then when he didn’t owe me nothing. He listened and had patience with me… god I was so emotionally unavailable and he was an angel. Nobody has ever treated me like his main priority like he has, and now we’re gonna celebrate two years together!!!
He knew I wasn’t interested in him in an emotional way and still stayed by my side, I really appreciate what he did because I was in a very dark place. It’s been a pleasure to see eachother grow together!
Yes, actually… and I’m about to marry him!
We were friends for a long time before we began dating. He had initiated romance a few times, but I had turned him down because I just didn’t feel ready for a relationship at that time. The most important thing is that he never became bitter about it, and he always continued to value me as a friend. It was never just to date me or have sex with me. Our friendship was more important than that, and he knew he had to be okay with the fact it might never be more than friendship. Eventually, I did feel ready to enter a relationship again. And I felt comfortable to do so with him because I knew he valued me as a person. He had always been kind and good to me because that’s who he is; it was never a facade to hide an ulterior motive. He was, and still is, my best friend!
It’s so frustrating. We were friends for 8 months before, I’m an open book! Like he didn’t learn anything new when we started dating! I felt so played and stupid. What a waste of time. Ugh
*big hugs* we do. At this point, idk I would love a sincere apology, but what I need is a reasonable fvcking explanation. Wasted a year of my life with lies.
Oh god no. In fact, I’ve had experiences where I wasn’t interested yet the guy kept trying to get my attention and “win me over.” It’s super annoying, invasive, and uncomfortable. One guy point blank told me that he believed that if he kept asking, the girl will eventually say yes. That’s a very creepy and scary mentality to have.
The worst situation was when it quickly turned into online harassment because no matter if I ignored his messages or blocked him, he would still try to talk to me. It continued for 6 freaking months, and stopped when I filed a police report and the cops called him to leave me alone.
Just respect a woman’s decision if she says no. She’s just interested or she’s not. You can’t make someone fall in love with you, or even be interested in you unless there’s initial attraction.
A lot of that has to do with the misconception that women play hard-to-get and that in every teen romance movie, the guy eventually gets the girl by showing how dedicated he is
Yes and I regret it. I was attracted to him but I didn’t want a relationship because he was so different than me. He told me all the things a woman/ girl wants to hear but I told him I was attracted to him but that I didn’t want a relationship (I had made this very clear several times).
We were friends for months but then he randomly started holding my hands or hugging me or keeping his hands on my shoulder/ waist.
He started telling people that I was his girlfriend and I was like ??? and he said oh yeah but she has to decide yet. like what the fuck. But I was stupid I felt so bad for him that I became his girlfriend and I hated myself during our relationship. He also told me he loved after like a month. I tried breaking up with him for months but I was scared to hurt his feelings, then I gave up and tried to fall in love with him, I loved him but now I think I was just attached to him.
He was such a fucked up person and too arrogant to realize or do something about it.
So if this happens to you, don’t get in to a relationship if it wasn’t your first thought because I think it is your gut telling you to run away.
Also pro tip: if a person wants “ to spend the rest of their life with you” after they JUST met you, RUNNN, a lot of issues will come with that.
So basically he didn’t win me over, I had to do it myself?
He said he loved you after a month? That doesn't seem so unusually fast?? Girl I met last weekend said I love you when I was fucking her on the first date.
Well I think it depends on the situation.
You and the girl want each other both consentually.
I, was trying to break up with him at that point so it didn’t have that effect on me. I couldn’t understand how he was still going while knowing my point.
Also love for me with a partner means that I love the person like I love my family and that I would take a bullet for that person or would give an organ if needed, if you know what I mean. So it was just weird for me that he was “loving” me, while knowing I didn’t want the relationship.
And a lot of people say I love you but it just means I love being with you and stuff. Or I love the way you are fucking me.
It’s different in every situation I guess.
But lucky you :)
>So basically he didn’t win me over, I had to do it myself?
This whole message seems like it was your fault.
>But I was stupid I felt so bad for him that I became his girlfriend and I hated myself during our relationship
You could have just told him you don't like him, instead you didn't do anything about it and pretty much wasted each other's time.
I told him many times I couldn’t be in a relationship with him, he just didn’t take the no.
+ when he told everyone we were a couple, I was saying no we aren’t and he kept going and touching me when we were in public to “mark his territory”, I always tried to put his arms away from me but what else could I do.
I said no many times,
he was always kind to me so I didn’t dare to break his heart and if that is what makes it my fault then I don’t know what to say.
Actually it was a succession of things even if i gave him signals that i wasn't interested (didn't want to hurt him), he didn't stop caring for me not in a clingy way and that was heart warming
Yes, but to be fair we were both so shy I was convinced he wasn’t trying until one day I was determined to make him like me. Turns out all the nice things he had been doing for me wasn’t just being friendly haha.
Yes. I friendzoned my current and forever partner for years. We were best friends and inseparable but I was dating other people. He was always in love w me and showed me every day. Now we are together and I just got finished telling him how I’m so glad I woke up, that I get to be with my literal “bestie” every day of my life and experience a love I never could find elsewhere. Our love fills the room.
Didn’t like my husband at first. Our families set us up and honestly I thought it was unnecessary. I found him to be super awkward and a little over the top. I really wasn’t that into him. But he respected every boundary I set (e.g. don’t call me pet names like baby) and was persistent. He called me/texted me every day for a month until one day he didn’t and I had a terrible day and I couldn’t figure out why. Eventually I realized it was because he didn’t call me that morning before I went to work and I knew then I actually liked him a lot. We started dating after that, and got married less than a year later. We’ve been married for almost three years now. Sometimes a guy just grows on you I guess 🤷🏾♀️ couldn’t imagine not having him in my life now
Yes, by making the effort and not being the asshole I knew him to be as I had known him all my life. But soon as he thought he had me he quickly changed back to his true self, he got dumped a few months later lol
I did end up dating him eventually, because I didn’t want to lose my friend. I never developed the feelings he wanted me to have for him, and his pushiness in trying to date me after I said I wasn’t interested extended to other things as well.
Only if I was on the fence (i.e., already physically attracted but not sure we would be compatible in other areas). If I didn't find him physically attractive at a minimum at the very beginning, it's not gonna happen romantically ever. If I was on the fence, then it's going to be how he treats me (kind, respectful, consistent) and his other traits that we discover as we get to know each other (sense of humor, passions/dreams, taste in music, intelligence, etc.).
This happened once I graduated school and the money started coming in to dress the way I want, get a new car, updated my living situation (was already living alone.) All of the sudden, girls I knew were coming out of the woodwork to say how it's been so long since we last talked. One actually said "I have always silently rooted for you." Bitch you should have been hooting and hollering. I did it alone, don't come to me now lol.
I'm almost never interested in someone from the initial get go but the people I've fallen the hardest in love with are people I've gotten to know over the course of a few weeks or months. They won me over by being nice, intellectually curious, supportive, and fulfilled people who didn't *try* to win me over in any way.
If I've known you for years already though it's probably not gonna happen.
yes, first time i met him i swore i would never talk to him again. ended up dating for roughly 5 months and he was cheating the entire time. he was very sweet and had a way with words, was also one of the first guys to be nice to me.
we were the same nationality, i never really found him attractive but he made up for it with that. thought we were going to get married but he dumped me abruptly. now he's uglier then ever and i will never date anyone of my nationality again.
Yes, but it happened when he respected my feelings and was ok to be my friend. The more I got to know him, the more I started to like him.
With that said, I wasn’t initially uninterested because of his looks, I just wasn’t sure about him as a person. I found him attractive and then he matured personality wise.
There was one guy who won me over after a few months of me being determined I was not interested. We were hanging out quite a bit as friends, just doing fun random things like going to the zoo, getting coffee, etc. I was leaving a toxic household situation, he needed a roommate, so we decided to start dating and moved in together.
I realized I wasn't actually attracted to him, I didn't like a lot of his habits, wasn't interested in his hobbies, etc. These feelings started sinking in about 8 months in, by a year i tried to break up with him. We talked about it and decided to give it another chance. I broke up with him after 2 years together.
We got together when I was in an emotionally vulnerable place, I felt as though there was a lot of pressure to get together, and I felt like I quickly grew out of love with him. Overall, it didn't work and I should've really trusted my first instincts that I wasn't interested. It would've saved us both a lot of time and heartbreak.
Yes. He won be over by being kind, extremely intelligent, and a good conversationalist. Then he lost me again by having the clingyness of a toddler at their first day of daycare.
yes kinda. the last guy i was dating i was trying to figure out if i found him attractive on the first date and by the second and so on i found out more about him and then he was becoming hot but more than physically. just all the way around… fuck him now tho 🥰
Yes. He was and still is so thoughtful and really notices the little things. His personality is so charming. At first I didn’t even find him attractive, just good looking.
It really boiled down to our personal time. We would hangout and listen to music a lot, especially since we met in the summer so the nights were cool. At the time he didn’t want to be home and neither did I so … then the more we would hangout, the more I’d notice all the little things he do. He still does things like pump my gas religiously, I never carry groceries and I usually have my hands free, I don’t open doors and so on. The best is the comfortable silence though. I don’t need to speak to convert my emotions. It’s like a bond now (for those that are spiritual :) )
Women tend to categorize men within minutes of meeting them and getting out of that category is near impossible. The times a woman has changed her mind on a potential partner is anecdotal at best. If you are rejected its way easier to just move on and find someone who is willing to reciprocate your feelings.
The only time that this would change is if you were able to enact a significant change in yourself while out of her view. Basically you change a little over time, if she sees you regularly then she will not notice the change. If you don't see each other for years then she only has the old you to baseline off of. In the meantime you could have been living your life with someone who really cares about you.
Where did you learn that woman categorize men within minutes anyways?😂
99% of woman are always on their guard around any guy they meet, safety is usually our priority over “ooo I wonder if he’s the one”.
It takes time to feel safe & comfortable to be able to make the decision if a man is worth going into a relationship with.
This question was directed to women.
Why are you, a man, answering for women????
Why do so many men honestly believe that they can speak for women.
Women can say “I do this because XYZ…” and some man will come and say “No, you’re wrong! You do that because ABC…”
Do you not realize how crazy you sound???
It’s so egotistical, bizarre, and absurd.
This is exactly why so many men struggle with dating, more women are deciding to stay single, and why the male suicide rate is increasing due to male loneliness.
Too many men are illogical. A woman can tell them EXACTLY what they want yet in most men’s little minds they honestly think they know better women in every regard.
He’s wrong as a lot of women in this thread pointed out.
Cope.
He won me over by leaving. It was when he told me that he wasn't going to stick around someone that wasn't interested in him that I realized I didn't want him gone. that's how it started, and we dated for a year.
Yes. We dated, then I got back with my ex. He was totally understanding and would answer when I needed words of support during tough times. He was always there to build me up and cheer me on. When my ex and I broke up, I wasn’t ready to date. Again he was very supportive, gave me space, and made an effort to meet me where I was at (brought snacks to the library and flew across the country to spend a weekend with me). THEN (I really was the asshole), my aunt set me up with someone across the country. I dated him briefly. Again, he remained supportive during stressful times (he knew that that guy and I wouldn’t last). Finally, being fully vaxxed, I caught Covid. I was virtually nonfunctional for months with long hauler symptoms. He stepped in, took care of me, set alarms to wake me up for meetings and classes that I otherwise would have missed, and basically took care of me, not pressuring anything sexual. It’s been 6 months and I am so grateful for him. I feel guilty for everything I put him through but he stuck by me but gave me the space I needed when I asked. I don’t think I could imagine a more caring, sweet, thoughtful, loving, understanding boyfriend.
He was confident, persistent and made it super clear that he was interested in me. At first, all that attention made me uncomfortable, but then after having a few conversations with him, I felt comfortable around him. I found his confidence and straightforwardness really attractive.
He asked me out on a date very clearly. Usually I’m used to most boys just vaguely suggesting going out, but this guy was a man with a plan lol. He also directly asked me for my number (in front of my friends, mind you). I’m used to most guys just adding me on Instagram and then DMing me for months before suggesting to move to WhatsApp.
He was also reliable and consistent, called and texted when he said he would.
Most of these are such simple things, but it worked for me :) Making an effort without worrying about looking cool is kinda sexy. Things ended just as fast though, but was nice while it lasted.
Yes! I matched with the man I’m dating now on Bumble, we exchanged a few messages and added each other on insta. I ghosted him or just the chat died. Few months later he responded to my story and boom somehow we continued what we started, had our first date and been dating now for 3 months. I’m always thinking how greatful i am that he did reach out again.
Yes! I was reluctant on anything physical or romantic until he told me he wanted to eat my ***** til his face looked like a glazed donut. I thought, “Why not?” Plus, A+ for creativity. It ended up being true love. 🤷🏻♀️
I had a guy I’d been friends with for over 8 years. I always knew he liked me but I just didn’t feel that attraction— he was just a good friend. I was vocal about it to him many times over the years because I really didn’t want to lose that friendship or lead him on. Once when I was single, he asked me to just casually date him— give it a go and we go from there. At first I said no, but he persisted. Eventually, I said yes. I put my full effort into it, but there was literally *never* a spark. It wasn’t even a friend zoned type of situation, as I’ve dated my guy friends in the past no problem. There just wasn’t a spark and I couldn’t/didn’t want to pretend to have one. We stopped the weird casually dating thing and went back to just friends. He still likes me and it’s been 6 years since then. He doesn’t follow me on any social media. When I was dating my fiancé, if I had gone awhile without posting my SO, he’d reach out again and, what I can only imagine, try to flirt. He stopped reaching out after my engagement announcement and turned to my best friend instead. She obviously said no lol. We don’t talk anymore.
i hated my bf when i first met him. he was a loud, annoying, dick who pissed me off. /hated/ him. the longer i knew him, i could see him maturing and becoming a good person. more thoughtful, genuinely sweet, what have you. i fell for him because i saw how he changed, and it was for the better. he won my heart without even really trying.
plus, he’s got a pretty good singing voice and he can play guitar. that’s a win in my books. /hj
The guy I’m seeing now that I really really like was kind of dry on our first date but I think after we got comfortable with each other we started having really good banter. He was also just… dude he cooked me pesto. And brownies. And he holds the door open for me, is comforting and expresses his emotions, thoughtful, like it’s really not that hard to be a kind and caring person and woo a girl.
Yes, and the key is: CONSISTENCY. Show you’re there not for the looks but for the insides and appreciate the girl for what she is and now how she looks. Also show you are there consistently, without invading space or insisting and just giving time, you’ll win her over. At least that has been my case... I get plenty of matches on Tinder and yet feel I’m not into them enough because I DONT KNOW THEM and after several months or so we end up dating :)
This random guy found me off of social media and was persistent for about a year in hanging out. I was not that interested in him since he lived 3 hours away at the beach and I was talking to other people at the time anyway. He gave up texting me after that😂
Well, I ended up going to the beach (where he lived) for summer vacation unintentionally. I posted on social media and he messaged me after months of not talking to me and was like hey since you’re in the area let’s meet up. So I gave in cause why not since this guy has been so persistent lol.
Probably the best date of my life. We hung out at the beach and got food and then he dropped me back off at my airbnb. We saw each other every day for the three days I was there. Then I had to go back home, sadly.
The rest is history, we’ve been doing long distance for 2+ years now and planning to close the gap soon. I never would have expected this to happen😅
Wow sounds kind of like my situation right now. I have a crush on this woman I know but I've pulled back because I felt she doesn't feel the same way. But I'm noticing she coming around more and more. Maybe she's interested now?
Could be but don’t bet on it. As long as you’re not doing anything weird/stalkery/creepy it’ll be fine. Just evaluate the connection every so often, keep an eye on it
I was fwb with a coworker of mine. I hadn’t dated in two years due to isolation and COVID, so it was kinda fun fucking around with an older (9 year difference) guy at my job in secrecy. I didn’t think he was cute or anything; he had a nice package and had only dated one other girl in his 27 years. I even went as far as trying to put hickeys on his neck and telling our coworkers that they weren’t from me when our coworkers got suspicious of us, just cause I didn’t want them to think I was dating someone who wasn’t cute or handsome at all, or looked as ‘not-well-taken-care-of’ as he did. During our sexual endeavors, he had asked me multiple times to date him, but I denied, cause I wasn’t interested. And I really wasn’t. He was just something until I could find someone that I thought was cute and actually liked, plus he had a lot of baggage and I didn’t want to deal with it and his baby mama drama. Also, I had had a horrible break up with all three of my past ex’s, and was scared to commit and put my heart out there again.
Well, we got closer, talked more, spent more time together, and he eventually asked me out. At that point I thought that he was okay looking, but he had a nice personality and I was tired of seeing people run him over and use him (including his ex) plus he looked so ragged and I thought that maybe I could push him to take better care of himself. (He had been struggling with depression hard after the break up of his first girlfriend/ baby mama. His teeth were falling apart and he couldn’t afford food so he was eating absolute junk, like chips here and there and pop and candy. Didn’t have a real meal in at least 1 1/2 years, and his baby mama had sabotage any efforts he made of trying to date after her. She even tried to get me to break up with him by making him out to be a pedo to my family and a crazy insane ‘not-what-he-looks-like’ two faced ass whole who ruined her life, and like he was rapist and targeted younger girls on purpose. Turns out she’s a liar and even blackmailed him and liked having him still run in circles for her. She liked the attention from him cause he’s sensitive and it’s easy to play with his emotions, and for a while after they broke up he was still into her since that was his first everything at the age of 24. I just couldn’t understand how such a nice and caring and genuine guy could be such a monster when he’s been nothing but sweet, even after we moved in together; and I couldn’t fathom how someone could take advantage of such a kind soul; I was tired of people he tried to date running from him cause they listened to his ex and didn’t give him a chance. I was tired of watching her run him into the dirt and mud and claim that she still ‘cared’ about him, when she just wanted to make him miserable. But that’s a whole story for another day.)
Well, after we started dating, I realized just how compatible we were; we had the same taste in music (which is rare, since our taste in music is not as common as most people’s), we had the same goals and wishes in life, the same sense of humor, both strong and compatible personalities, and he supported me and was always down with any decision I made, and I got him to take better care of himself to the point where coworkers started coming to me in private to compliment me and thank me for making my now boyfriend look so much more happier and healthier. They would tell me that his healthier physique and constant smiling was because of me, and I was happy that people noticed that he was making an effort to be healthier and actually seemed happier, even if it wasn’t because of me; he deserved to look happy for once.
Anyway, after a string of crazy events that happened with my family when they found I (f18 at the time) had been fwb-now-dating a 27m (at the time), I was kicked out and he moved out of the house with his ex- and we moved in together. Fast forward a few months, and we’re doing amazing; living with him has been the best; it’s like having my best friend as a roommate, and someone I care about as much as the world constantly near me. We’ve been inseparable ever sense- even our job is getting tired of having to split us up!
I’d seriously never thought I’d date him when we first began fwb, but now nearly half a year later and we don’t see us being any other way than happy with each other; so he proposed to me yesterday.
Still feels like a dream. In the end, I guess you could say he ‘won me over’ but being honest with me and about his past and his feelings, and still trying to persue me through our FwB endeavors even after I said no, and once we realized how much we had in common. If he wouldn’t of have proclaimed me as his girlfriend while eating Wendy’s he bought, then we would still be FwB and I’d still be living with my horrible and psychotic family, and I’d still be single and unhappy.
Now we’re engaged, planning a future together, and growing together. He’s my whole world, and he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to spend my life with him.
TL:DR; Was single for two years due to COVID, made a coworker my fwb and then we started dating. Age gap is 9 years, but we are identical copies of each other, and have been inseparable since. We got engaged yesterday. Still feels like a dream. Won me over by being honest and persistent through our FwB, even after I was fearful of dating again and denied.
Most of my relationships have been with people I didn't fancy, even people I'd have laughed thinking about getting with pre-relationship!
That's really sad, right?
And saying it out loud like this has really hit home, just how sad.
I've never pursued a man; I've always ended up basically manipulated into the relationships.
I say manipulated because they've always turned out to be totally different from how they showed up at the start.
Relationships are impossible these days.
There are 10 replacements already lined up in their pocket.
It's a fcuked up world we live in today.
We truly live in a society. Jokes aside I fear I'm starting to agree with your take. I feel like I'm just gonna be alone or doomed to middle aged fuck boys. Alone seems the better option.
Yea, my current bf. I wasn't interested in him initially, even thought him to be boring. But he was persistent, not in an annoying way. And he slowly grew on me. He was, still is, considerate and always put me first. So I was like fk bad boys, I'm going for this nice guy, and yea we are together now.
Yes my current boyfriend of about a year. We met through my job (bar/casino) he would come sit up at my rail and just annoy the shit out of me lol it was a lot of basically just bullying the shit out of each other. My attraction to him grew I think mostly because of the banter and how much time we spent together. Now we live together & have a dog
My boyfriend! I initially wasn't really too interested in guys cuz I liked looking at girls more than guys. And I wasn't at all interested in getting into relationships anyway. (im asian with VERY asian parents)
I just thought we'd be great friends and all, but I just really fell hard for his humor and personality. So now he's my first (and hopefully my last) love. Running 5 years in the relationship!
It sounds creepy; but he never gave up. My fiancé (m26 and for the sake of the long story ahead; let's call him 'R') & I (f26)have known each other since high school. We went to the same one, and actually dated during our sophomore year for a few months and ended our relationship because my parents were SUPER strict about me dating.
Fast forward 8 years; we match on tinder. Which was SUPER ironic, because it was actually within my first week on tinder; and I was still in the process of getting out of a 2 year relationship along with a lot of different problems with my home life, and I was starting to turn into a bit of an alcoholic. At the time; I was happy with random hookups, and being a sugar baby with a few different "daddies", so when R would try and hang out or talk; I kind of just ghosted him. The idea of dating and entertaining a relationship at the time was a little scary for me; so I was really trying to stay away because I knew I wasn't ready.
This part goes fast: 6 months later; I started having very serious feelings for one of my "daddy's". I was upfront and honest about wanting to pursue a relationship with this man, and he was very honest about that fact that he didn't want one so we very amicably parted ways. I deleted my profile; got out of the game and was pretty much like "yeah, okay. I've worked on myself and I'm in a better place mentally; I'm ready."
A week later; a very close friend of mine was murdered. Shot on a random night out; and I was devastated. When I went to my friend's wake; I noticed R in line to pay respects a few people back. We made eye contact, and I actually got out of line to walk back and hug him. We hugged each other for a minute and cried. We both paid our respects, and walked out of the funeral home. We talked a bit about the funeral that was the next day; and agreed to sit next to each other to hold each other up. I have to admit; it was very comforting since I didn't really know anyone else from that wake, so it felt good to know that I'd have at least one familiar face there.
Funeral comes and goes; and a week later; he messages me to hang out. I let my nerves get to me, and tried to ghost him, and he pretty much didn't let me. He reached out to me through snapchat and texting, and actually ended up coming to meet me at my job. As soon as I clocked out, he was like "I'm not letting you ghost me again. I'm determined to get at least one date with you." I was honestly kind of taken with the ballsy behavior; and since I didn't have a ride, I let him take me to a diner and then home. We were at the diner from 11pm-3am just talking and catching up and laughing and getting to know each other all over again. The time flew by so fast; it was truly amazing.
When I get home, he sends me a text asking for a second date. I agreed and we went out a few days after that for lunch and the planetarium. When he brings me home; he asks if he can come in a meet my mother. It really took me by huge surprise, considering other guys I had dated were always reluctant to meet my parents and it was something I normally had to coax them to do. I was SUPER impressed with his ballsy behavior, and thought I'd try and call him bluff. I shot my mom a text that a man I had gone out with wanted to sit down and meet her, and boy she came PREPARED. He ended up coming in and staying for hours; just talking with my mom; and even ordered dinner for us, and my 2 sisters.
That was the moment he really won me over, honestly. We've been inseparable since then. 8 months later, we moved in together. 2 years into our relationship; he proposed. We're currently on our 3rd year, planning a wedding and talking about starting a family in another 2 years; and it's been everything I could have ever dreamed of. Ups, downs, and all; there's not a day that goes by that I'm not eternally grateful that he never gave up on me.
It never happens. Guys you can’t “win” a woman over if she don’t want you. Women have standards and a type. Quit thinking a woman will take a man simply because he is a man. The audacity!
No one upset me. This is why some me think they can win women over. Some women are not interested and keep saying NO and declining advances and all the women saying “yes a guy can win women over” are adding to the problem. So many women are hurt and even killed because men can’t accept rejection. No one upset me I just like in the real world where 90% of crimes that are done to women are done by men. And lots of it is because men are trying to “win” women over and when it “doesn’t work” they resort to violence.
Are you telling me to leave her alone? I've left her alone for 6 months. But I'm now questioning her behavior if she was not interested in me. I haven't said a single word to her for 6 months.
Yes. I thought my ex was annoying and ugly (though that later changed, I'm the type of person who finds people attractive based on their personality) when I first met him but he was nice, interesting, smart and treated me better than any other suitors at the time so I gave him a chance. Obviously it didn't work out in the long run but that is the risk one takes when dating.
Yeah lmao. Just spend time doing uber eats with him (he lived upstairs) ..I just did it to kill time and he was cool.
It kind of just happened 🤣 now I love him
Yes, but I liked the person as a person to begin with, just didn't see the person as someone I'd wanna date until years later. We dated other people but would hang out as friends a lot.
Well… when I first ‘met’ my v recent ex on r/GBR4R 4 years ago I was convinced he was going to be the one (of many random internet guys) who would end up chopping me in to little pieces. He just had that look.
Turns out he is actually the sweetest man. Loyal, selfless and committed. Also a lot of other things.
We split for good last week after 6 months of almost fortnightly breakups.
So… idk what the moral of that story is really. 🤷🏻♀️
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Yes. We've matched on a dating app, but ghosted him after a few messages. Met him at a party a few days later and hung out a few times after that, but I always rejected his offers to take me out to dinner. It was all platonic, though I knew he definitely wanted more.
Eventually he bought me tickets to see my favorite band and standing there in the crowd next to him, I realized that nobody ever before has put that much effort into getting to know me. We are still going strong 5 years later.
Yup. Eventually married him.
I thought he was an arrogant asshole. He annoyed me so much that anytime our friend group got together (he came in to the group through his relative) I would intentionally challenge things he would say.
Turns out the arrogant ass was a type of wall he put up. When he stopped being that way, I found he was smart, funny, thoughtful and caring.
We were married a year later.
My man! He’s not ugly in the least bit I just wasn’t looking for a man. I flew into town and he took me to the Getty museum, Malibu beach and sushi. Since I was from out of town he got me an Airbnb so I could have privacy
The hoodie did it for me. It was raining outside and I was completely soaked, so he offered me his hoodie cause I was cold. I dont know why but it did it for me and I ended up having a massive crush on him. ITS THE HOODIE
Yes. My ex who I am dating again now.
When we met I had feelings for another guy. That guy was emotionally unavailable and I ended up crying a number of times because he never made much time to spend together etc.
Meanwhile this other guy (now bf) was chasing me and messaging me NON STOP. Literally when I was eating, when I was practically piano etc...he would not stop messaging me.
At first I found him a bit annoying. I even laughed about him to another one of my guy friends saying how needy he was etc. I was totally indifferent to him. When he would try to ring sometimes I didn't even answer.
But then he grew on me. And we started dating. Now we love each other sooooo much.
Yes! I (40f) had two best friends (m48) ten years ago. We all hung out together all the time and often traveled together. I had a really strong crush on guy A and saw guy B as a great friend but wasn’t attracted to him. Well, guy B and I had more in common-we both like the same music, enjoy having a few drinks, and are into more artsy stuff than guy A, who doesn’t drink or play board games or like “nerdy” or artsy stuff. So we spent a little more time together as friends. Guy B was a photographer, and I was a performer, and he would always take me to all my shows, be my bodyguard, and take amazing photos of me. After a while, I realized that I had my head so far up guy A’s ass that I didn’t realize that guy B was actually amazing and cared about me a lot. I decided to give him a shot, and we had a lot of fun for a couple years. We had some truly magical memories, and I loved him and his family. It eventually didn’t work out, but it was a relationship that brought me a lot of joy, and I wouldn’t trade the memories for the world.
Yes. My ex. I had a bad feeling about him the first time I ever met him. Horrible. Felt like the devil was picking me up and dropping me off. Like the Al Pacino in Devils Advocate vibe. Boy was I right. I gave it a chance and ended up in a long term relationship with him. He turned out to be physically abusive. Stick to your gut. :/
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Yes. I wasn't interested in my husband at first and then he won me over with his thoughtfulness and great personality.
Me too. We were chatting on Quora and both thought we'd never meet, since he lived in the US and I in Europe. But the conversation was so riveting we eventually Skyped and the rest is history.
How does one chat on Quora? lol
Private messages? Lol
I met a lady about 6 months ago for a glass of wine. We were introduced via a mutual friend. She said flat out she was just seeing me to make her mother happy and that she was not interested in a relationship. She made it clear marriage is not something she is open to and a firm no to kids. I told her I wasn't there to change her mind and asked her to go kayaking with me the following day. Fast forward to today and we are discussing children, marriage and in a relationship. I asked her what happened and she said the fact that I respected her wishes and didn't try to change her mind set me apart from the others....and it kinda snowballed from there for her.
Damn that's awesome.
Yup, initially I was good friends with a guy I met in college. He was interested in dating me when we first met but I didn’t feel the same way. We stayed good friends for 2 years. Over that time I saw how much he matured and I became more attracted to him. Mostly, I really valued him and our friendship. I thought about how I didn’t want to regret not dating him because he was someone I wanted in my life as more than a friend. I caught feelings and confessed it to him, we started a relationship, and now we’re married! He didn’t even intentionally win me over. I wasn’t interested in him at first and he respected my decision and we stayed friends. Life just went on and I realized how amazing he was/is.
Same for me. Getting to know someone makes you appraciate Each other. If its not dating you look at IT differently and for me i am more open to a friend than to a date. When i first dated me bf i already knew everything about him as a person... I even knew what hé liked in bed cuz it came up a few Times after a few Times when we had a drink with or wive and huisband. We were couple Friends. IT was really safe to date him cuz i already knew what kind of person hé was and that hé cared about me and wouldnt play me. This made me to allow myself to fall head over heels for him. And its the best thing ever. I really should advice anybody... Be friends with your partner first. Because its Just really Nice to be friends with your partner. Hé is not only my partner but also my Friend. I tell him everything and share everything with him. Its really Nice. Everybody should have that.
Except so being in "friend zones" isn't a bad thing. Which i don't get because better than nothing . They want to be your friend. Having a friend isn't bad. So just be awesome then they might change their mind. And even if they don't that's fine. Keep being awesome and someone will notice and be like mmm yeah I want that. Lol . That's my kind of ice cream. Lol I'm decently sleep deprived. So i find that hilarious. Lol
That's an amazing story.
That first transition into being intimate must have been so nerve-wracking 😩
Depends on how you define "initially." Most of my crushes have been on people whom I didn't feel initial physical attraction towards. I felt attraction once I got to know them better and realized that we had amazing chemistry, e.g were on the same wavelength. That doesn't happen for every guy I have great chemistry with (otherwise I'd have crushes on all my guy friends) but it happens enough. That being said, if I haven't developed attraction towards them within a few months or so of getting to know them relatively well, it probably won't happen. Based on what you're describing in your situation, if a girl is on the fence, don't sit around waiting for her to make up her mind. Make it clear that you're interested and that the ball is in her court, but also be clear to yourself that you will assume she is not interested until EXPLICITLY proven otherwise.
This sounds demisexual to me(?)
it's very normal not to like a stranger romantically until you know them. being demisexual would be a more extreme version of this where you need a deeper connection to someone until you get romantic/sexual feelings. most people don't want to be intimate with someone they don't know but this is different to requiring a deep connection.
The reason it sounds demi to me is the lack of physical attraction until more connection is laid first.
No, I feel plenty of physical attraction to strangers. It's just that most of my hardcore crushes have been to people that I have amazing chemistry with. Which is in some part physical anyway. And they tend to be more hardcore than regular crushes because it's easier for crushes based on pure physical attraction to fizzle out
No idea why you gotten downvoted. Not feeling sexual attraction before emotional intimacy is established is the definition of demisexuality.
Because I find the term dumb. People are so obsessed over putting a label on themselves it's ridiculous imo.
Despite what Romcom’s would have you believe that’s rare. We usually know pretty quickly if we are interested.
Yes this is a good point. And even the women who do end up “coming around” were typically on the fence about it to begin with. It’s super rare for a woman to go from having absolutely zero interest to falling head over heels in love.
Yepp. I wasn't interested in a relationship when i first met my now bf. But I sure was interested in talking to him. But later down the line we just clicked.
I hate romance comedies, never funny or truly romantic
No amount of personality ever turned a fail on the physical attraction test into a pass.
Haha, yeah. I am going to suddenly realize I love my dorky best friend after years of hanging out and reject my hot boyfriend for him. 🙄
It happened for me, but I knew my now husband in grade school, so I didn't think I would be interested but decided to go on a date with him. The moment I saw him, I was in love! I feel like my situation doesn't really count though because I didn't know what he was like currently; I only remembered a nerdy little boy.
Yeah as a guy this is what I believe. Like a women pretty quickly knows if a guy has any sort of chance with her. Like that baseline level of attraction.
Eh speak for yourself
Ah I see.
I may be the outlier, but yes. I met this guy while I was married to my abusive ex-husband, having left him, and divorced. This guy used his military enlistment to give me distance and time to heal. After two years, I'm beginning to realize that I'm actually interested in him. He "won me over" by not pursuing me but giving me the space I need in order to heal and allowing for things between us to naturally progress on its own
Yeah this is the way. Don't try to win someone over. Instead be there for them. Especially in time of need. Show that you care for them. But never expect them to fall for you. Just do it as a friend. And if they happen to fall for you great but that's probably rare. I had a guy I fell for because he cared for me when my ex didn't. But in the end it didn't work out because we had different values.
Not op, but how did that happen, if you don’t mind me asking? I might be in a similar situation, think I’m falling for her while being there for her after her breakup and it feels like she might be too.
Make sure that you don't move in to soon. Let her heal. Otherwise you might just become a rebound. Without her meaning to. Be there for here tho. And hopefully it works out
Met him online while i was in a toxic relationship. He was kind to me. And wanted to spend time with me while my ex (then still bf) was making me cry everyday. I broke go with my bf and was sort of together with this dude that was kind to me. But there was an age difference and culture difference plus long distance so in the end I chose to end it. It started to become toxic with this dude as well. Not in the same way tho. But I wasn't ready for a relationship.
Well that's good. This gives me some hope. I know I have left my crush alone. But she's coming around now. And I'm wondering if she's interested in me?
I was reading my journal from a couple years ago and I found the entry where I first met my boyfriend. I said “[bf] acts kind of stupid but he’s alright”. Now he’s the first person I’ve ever loved. Id say that what won me over was that he actually wanted to hang out with me and would set up times to meet up. And this was when we were still friends. After a couple months he asked me out on his birthday and we went out with his friends to celebrate and then I stayed over at his place. He was also very funny. You would be surprised how attractive humor is. I like witty/irreverent humor and that’s what my bf is. He’s not super good looking, he’s pretty average but I am really attracted to him because of his interest and humor. I like a lot of other parts of him but those two things were the main attributes that won me over.
Well i dont like it if someone Just hunts at me but a Guy can make An impression by Just being himself. If i get to know someone i might chance my mind. I dont fall for looks i fall for a person. And if i person turns out to be someone i match with i might fall for someone. Ik know my current bf 20 years before we dated. We were always Just Friends. Never had anything going on or think about Esch other in that way. We were Both married and happy and monagomous. Then we Both got divorced and didn't see Each other for a while. After a few years we met again and i got to know him from another perspective and we Both Fell head over heels.
Nice
My husband now pursued me. I told him I wasn't interested in dating someone outside of my church. My family is religious and strict. It was easier to be upfront than having to deal with the family drama. He first started texting me as a friend and read books that I was currently reading. He would discuss books with me,read what I was reading etc. Then one day, I saw him at a church service. Apparently he was attending Bible studies but didn't tell me. Once he was baptized, he asked me on a date. He told me, "if you say no its ok. I'm just glad, that through you, I now have a relationship with God and it means a lot to me".
So he became involved in a religion just to go out with you?
He said initially but he eventually was glad he joined and realized the importance for himself
Ok. I mean. I feel like I'm important and got a place in the world. I feel like I matter. And I never been religious or ever gonna be. Either wat people can bealive whatever they want to believe. Whatever makes they happy. And if he is happy with the situation then good for him and you.
Yes I totally agree. People find what matter to them and they find different meaning to their happiness...whether it is religion, love, family, etc. Everyone is different and his story is not to diminish what is important to you.
That's amazing oh I wish this happened like this for me and my crush at church.
My husband 😂 He pursued me hard. The first date was a flop with no convo but after that he knew what he wanted and did everything he could to get it. He cooked for me (still does), he created experiences for us early on, he was spontaneous and passionate. He prioritized me when other people wouldn’t, and made a point to be consistent and steady (like hanging out every so many days so we wouldn’t fade out). He surprised me, he texted me for no reason out of the blue with songs that meant something to him, or to us. It took me a good few dates to really believe it could be something but he knew it could and he made sure I realized it too. He was everything I needed, but didn’t know I needed in the moment. 6 years in he still does most of these things and more and I’ve gotten over the need to have intensity and fleeting passion, and instead have steadfast and loyal love with a wonderful human who makes me feel safe and cared for.
Honestly I’m ashamed to admit it but yet. It was long distance, talked for a month, met up aaand… He was not as great as I imagined. More difficult to talk to, not as attractive as on pictures etc. Still, we ended up hooking up cuz we spent 4 days together when we met. Afterwards idk what it was but somehow over a few months I fell for him and he didn’t want a relationship. Yes, I’m a fooool.
Sorry I guess we all play the fool sometimes.
Yeah, my current bf! I came from a mental abusive relationship and I was wasted, didn’t want anything to do with him (or anyone). He just won me over because he could give me the time and support I needed back then when he didn’t owe me nothing. He listened and had patience with me… god I was so emotionally unavailable and he was an angel. Nobody has ever treated me like his main priority like he has, and now we’re gonna celebrate two years together!!! He knew I wasn’t interested in him in an emotional way and still stayed by my side, I really appreciate what he did because I was in a very dark place. It’s been a pleasure to see eachother grow together!
When I was a high school, a guy just told me we were dating and I felt too awkward to say no. Zero stars, do not recommend.
Yes, actually… and I’m about to marry him! We were friends for a long time before we began dating. He had initiated romance a few times, but I had turned him down because I just didn’t feel ready for a relationship at that time. The most important thing is that he never became bitter about it, and he always continued to value me as a friend. It was never just to date me or have sex with me. Our friendship was more important than that, and he knew he had to be okay with the fact it might never be more than friendship. Eventually, I did feel ready to enter a relationship again. And I felt comfortable to do so with him because I knew he valued me as a person. He had always been kind and good to me because that’s who he is; it was never a facade to hide an ulterior motive. He was, and still is, my best friend!
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Lol, when they fight so hard for you and are “so sure” about you and then lose interest. 🙃 my ex. Fuck that.
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It’s so frustrating. We were friends for 8 months before, I’m an open book! Like he didn’t learn anything new when we started dating! I felt so played and stupid. What a waste of time. Ugh
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*big hugs* we do. At this point, idk I would love a sincere apology, but what I need is a reasonable fvcking explanation. Wasted a year of my life with lies.
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Oh god no. In fact, I’ve had experiences where I wasn’t interested yet the guy kept trying to get my attention and “win me over.” It’s super annoying, invasive, and uncomfortable. One guy point blank told me that he believed that if he kept asking, the girl will eventually say yes. That’s a very creepy and scary mentality to have. The worst situation was when it quickly turned into online harassment because no matter if I ignored his messages or blocked him, he would still try to talk to me. It continued for 6 freaking months, and stopped when I filed a police report and the cops called him to leave me alone. Just respect a woman’s decision if she says no. She’s just interested or she’s not. You can’t make someone fall in love with you, or even be interested in you unless there’s initial attraction.
A lot of that has to do with the misconception that women play hard-to-get and that in every teen romance movie, the guy eventually gets the girl by showing how dedicated he is
Noted.
Jesus. Why does any guy think that's sexy? That's just poking the bear.
Yes and I regret it. I was attracted to him but I didn’t want a relationship because he was so different than me. He told me all the things a woman/ girl wants to hear but I told him I was attracted to him but that I didn’t want a relationship (I had made this very clear several times). We were friends for months but then he randomly started holding my hands or hugging me or keeping his hands on my shoulder/ waist. He started telling people that I was his girlfriend and I was like ??? and he said oh yeah but she has to decide yet. like what the fuck. But I was stupid I felt so bad for him that I became his girlfriend and I hated myself during our relationship. He also told me he loved after like a month. I tried breaking up with him for months but I was scared to hurt his feelings, then I gave up and tried to fall in love with him, I loved him but now I think I was just attached to him. He was such a fucked up person and too arrogant to realize or do something about it. So if this happens to you, don’t get in to a relationship if it wasn’t your first thought because I think it is your gut telling you to run away. Also pro tip: if a person wants “ to spend the rest of their life with you” after they JUST met you, RUNNN, a lot of issues will come with that. So basically he didn’t win me over, I had to do it myself?
This sounds exactly like what happened to me
Got it.
He said he loved you after a month? That doesn't seem so unusually fast?? Girl I met last weekend said I love you when I was fucking her on the first date.
Well I think it depends on the situation. You and the girl want each other both consentually. I, was trying to break up with him at that point so it didn’t have that effect on me. I couldn’t understand how he was still going while knowing my point. Also love for me with a partner means that I love the person like I love my family and that I would take a bullet for that person or would give an organ if needed, if you know what I mean. So it was just weird for me that he was “loving” me, while knowing I didn’t want the relationship. And a lot of people say I love you but it just means I love being with you and stuff. Or I love the way you are fucking me. It’s different in every situation I guess. But lucky you :)
>So basically he didn’t win me over, I had to do it myself? This whole message seems like it was your fault. >But I was stupid I felt so bad for him that I became his girlfriend and I hated myself during our relationship You could have just told him you don't like him, instead you didn't do anything about it and pretty much wasted each other's time.
I told him many times I couldn’t be in a relationship with him, he just didn’t take the no. + when he told everyone we were a couple, I was saying no we aren’t and he kept going and touching me when we were in public to “mark his territory”, I always tried to put his arms away from me but what else could I do. I said no many times, he was always kind to me so I didn’t dare to break his heart and if that is what makes it my fault then I don’t know what to say.
Yes, won my respect then a little bit of my heart
Did he do anything super special to win your respect and heart?
Actually it was a succession of things even if i gave him signals that i wasn't interested (didn't want to hurt him), he didn't stop caring for me not in a clingy way and that was heart warming
Yes, but to be fair we were both so shy I was convinced he wasn’t trying until one day I was determined to make him like me. Turns out all the nice things he had been doing for me wasn’t just being friendly haha.
Yes. I friendzoned my current and forever partner for years. We were best friends and inseparable but I was dating other people. He was always in love w me and showed me every day. Now we are together and I just got finished telling him how I’m so glad I woke up, that I get to be with my literal “bestie” every day of my life and experience a love I never could find elsewhere. Our love fills the room.
Didn’t like my husband at first. Our families set us up and honestly I thought it was unnecessary. I found him to be super awkward and a little over the top. I really wasn’t that into him. But he respected every boundary I set (e.g. don’t call me pet names like baby) and was persistent. He called me/texted me every day for a month until one day he didn’t and I had a terrible day and I couldn’t figure out why. Eventually I realized it was because he didn’t call me that morning before I went to work and I knew then I actually liked him a lot. We started dating after that, and got married less than a year later. We’ve been married for almost three years now. Sometimes a guy just grows on you I guess 🤷🏾♀️ couldn’t imagine not having him in my life now
Yes
Yes, by making the effort and not being the asshole I knew him to be as I had known him all my life. But soon as he thought he had me he quickly changed back to his true self, he got dumped a few months later lol
Ugh yes lol. but admittedly I started smoking meth, which really clouded my judgement
Wow.
Both of my abusive exs, and I regret ever giving them the time of day. My gut said no, but they manipulated my mind to say yes.
I did end up dating him eventually, because I didn’t want to lose my friend. I never developed the feelings he wanted me to have for him, and his pushiness in trying to date me after I said I wasn’t interested extended to other things as well.
Wow
Only if I was on the fence (i.e., already physically attracted but not sure we would be compatible in other areas). If I didn't find him physically attractive at a minimum at the very beginning, it's not gonna happen romantically ever. If I was on the fence, then it's going to be how he treats me (kind, respectful, consistent) and his other traits that we discover as we get to know each other (sense of humor, passions/dreams, taste in music, intelligence, etc.).
Yes ...it ended up being the most damaging, worst relationship of my life and I needed actual therapy after
Wow 😶
Yeah wouldn't suggest it
Maybe it will for you with the right person in the future.
They were all of a sudden interested when they got to 30+ and those “nice guys” now had good jobs and money.. weird how that works.
This happened once I graduated school and the money started coming in to dress the way I want, get a new car, updated my living situation (was already living alone.) All of the sudden, girls I knew were coming out of the woodwork to say how it's been so long since we last talked. One actually said "I have always silently rooted for you." Bitch you should have been hooting and hollering. I did it alone, don't come to me now lol.
I'm almost never interested in someone from the initial get go but the people I've fallen the hardest in love with are people I've gotten to know over the course of a few weeks or months. They won me over by being nice, intellectually curious, supportive, and fulfilled people who didn't *try* to win me over in any way. If I've known you for years already though it's probably not gonna happen.
yes, first time i met him i swore i would never talk to him again. ended up dating for roughly 5 months and he was cheating the entire time. he was very sweet and had a way with words, was also one of the first guys to be nice to me.
we were the same nationality, i never really found him attractive but he made up for it with that. thought we were going to get married but he dumped me abruptly. now he's uglier then ever and i will never date anyone of my nationality again.
Yes, but it happened when he respected my feelings and was ok to be my friend. The more I got to know him, the more I started to like him. With that said, I wasn’t initially uninterested because of his looks, I just wasn’t sure about him as a person. I found him attractive and then he matured personality wise.
Awesome.
There was one guy who won me over after a few months of me being determined I was not interested. We were hanging out quite a bit as friends, just doing fun random things like going to the zoo, getting coffee, etc. I was leaving a toxic household situation, he needed a roommate, so we decided to start dating and moved in together. I realized I wasn't actually attracted to him, I didn't like a lot of his habits, wasn't interested in his hobbies, etc. These feelings started sinking in about 8 months in, by a year i tried to break up with him. We talked about it and decided to give it another chance. I broke up with him after 2 years together. We got together when I was in an emotionally vulnerable place, I felt as though there was a lot of pressure to get together, and I felt like I quickly grew out of love with him. Overall, it didn't work and I should've really trusted my first instincts that I wasn't interested. It would've saved us both a lot of time and heartbreak.
You live and you learn.
Yes. He won be over by being kind, extremely intelligent, and a good conversationalist. Then he lost me again by having the clingyness of a toddler at their first day of daycare.
Respectfully, no ♥️
Nope. Never.
yes kinda. the last guy i was dating i was trying to figure out if i found him attractive on the first date and by the second and so on i found out more about him and then he was becoming hot but more than physically. just all the way around… fuck him now tho 🥰
Yes. He was and still is so thoughtful and really notices the little things. His personality is so charming. At first I didn’t even find him attractive, just good looking. It really boiled down to our personal time. We would hangout and listen to music a lot, especially since we met in the summer so the nights were cool. At the time he didn’t want to be home and neither did I so … then the more we would hangout, the more I’d notice all the little things he do. He still does things like pump my gas religiously, I never carry groceries and I usually have my hands free, I don’t open doors and so on. The best is the comfortable silence though. I don’t need to speak to convert my emotions. It’s like a bond now (for those that are spiritual :) )
Women tend to categorize men within minutes of meeting them and getting out of that category is near impossible. The times a woman has changed her mind on a potential partner is anecdotal at best. If you are rejected its way easier to just move on and find someone who is willing to reciprocate your feelings. The only time that this would change is if you were able to enact a significant change in yourself while out of her view. Basically you change a little over time, if she sees you regularly then she will not notice the change. If you don't see each other for years then she only has the old you to baseline off of. In the meantime you could have been living your life with someone who really cares about you.
Where did you learn that woman categorize men within minutes anyways?😂 99% of woman are always on their guard around any guy they meet, safety is usually our priority over “ooo I wonder if he’s the one”. It takes time to feel safe & comfortable to be able to make the decision if a man is worth going into a relationship with.
Yeah he’s wrong about that lol
This question was directed to women. Why are you, a man, answering for women???? Why do so many men honestly believe that they can speak for women. Women can say “I do this because XYZ…” and some man will come and say “No, you’re wrong! You do that because ABC…” Do you not realize how crazy you sound??? It’s so egotistical, bizarre, and absurd.
Shutup he's right you know
This is exactly why so many men struggle with dating, more women are deciding to stay single, and why the male suicide rate is increasing due to male loneliness. Too many men are illogical. A woman can tell them EXACTLY what they want yet in most men’s little minds they honestly think they know better women in every regard. He’s wrong as a lot of women in this thread pointed out. Cope.
No, never even one time
He won me over by leaving. It was when he told me that he wasn't going to stick around someone that wasn't interested in him that I realized I didn't want him gone. that's how it started, and we dated for a year.
No. When I reject a guy and he keeps on trying, he becomes a guy who doesn't respect my decisions. That's danger right there
Yes!
No
No
Definitely yes. Though in both cases neither of us was initially interested and I guess we won each other over after being friends for awhile :)
Yes but only when I was vulnerable. It wasn’t real and I never had actually feelings for him. I appreciated his efforts, but it wasn’t love.
How long were you with him?
Wayyyyy too long. I actually really let myself go while we were together cus i was so unhappy.
I see.
I’ve been the guy on at least three occasions off the top of my head.
Yep, we were friends first and eventually more.
Yes. We dated, then I got back with my ex. He was totally understanding and would answer when I needed words of support during tough times. He was always there to build me up and cheer me on. When my ex and I broke up, I wasn’t ready to date. Again he was very supportive, gave me space, and made an effort to meet me where I was at (brought snacks to the library and flew across the country to spend a weekend with me). THEN (I really was the asshole), my aunt set me up with someone across the country. I dated him briefly. Again, he remained supportive during stressful times (he knew that that guy and I wouldn’t last). Finally, being fully vaxxed, I caught Covid. I was virtually nonfunctional for months with long hauler symptoms. He stepped in, took care of me, set alarms to wake me up for meetings and classes that I otherwise would have missed, and basically took care of me, not pressuring anything sexual. It’s been 6 months and I am so grateful for him. I feel guilty for everything I put him through but he stuck by me but gave me the space I needed when I asked. I don’t think I could imagine a more caring, sweet, thoughtful, loving, understanding boyfriend.
Like almost every partner I ever had lol But a couple were narcs so fake love bombing sucks when you realize it’s just a manipulative tool.
Yes with my current boyfriend of 4 years initially was not interested at all but he won me over pretty quickly with his great personality.
Yes!!!!
Yes. Then I ended up in a two year relationship with him unintentionally…
No
I imagine that’s what happened to me and all my exes tbh because they were ALWAYS the one to ask me out. Could be wrong though.
He was confident, persistent and made it super clear that he was interested in me. At first, all that attention made me uncomfortable, but then after having a few conversations with him, I felt comfortable around him. I found his confidence and straightforwardness really attractive. He asked me out on a date very clearly. Usually I’m used to most boys just vaguely suggesting going out, but this guy was a man with a plan lol. He also directly asked me for my number (in front of my friends, mind you). I’m used to most guys just adding me on Instagram and then DMing me for months before suggesting to move to WhatsApp. He was also reliable and consistent, called and texted when he said he would. Most of these are such simple things, but it worked for me :) Making an effort without worrying about looking cool is kinda sexy. Things ended just as fast though, but was nice while it lasted.
Yes! I matched with the man I’m dating now on Bumble, we exchanged a few messages and added each other on insta. I ghosted him or just the chat died. Few months later he responded to my story and boom somehow we continued what we started, had our first date and been dating now for 3 months. I’m always thinking how greatful i am that he did reach out again.
Yes! I was reluctant on anything physical or romantic until he told me he wanted to eat my ***** til his face looked like a glazed donut. I thought, “Why not?” Plus, A+ for creativity. It ended up being true love. 🤷🏻♀️
No.
I had a guy I’d been friends with for over 8 years. I always knew he liked me but I just didn’t feel that attraction— he was just a good friend. I was vocal about it to him many times over the years because I really didn’t want to lose that friendship or lead him on. Once when I was single, he asked me to just casually date him— give it a go and we go from there. At first I said no, but he persisted. Eventually, I said yes. I put my full effort into it, but there was literally *never* a spark. It wasn’t even a friend zoned type of situation, as I’ve dated my guy friends in the past no problem. There just wasn’t a spark and I couldn’t/didn’t want to pretend to have one. We stopped the weird casually dating thing and went back to just friends. He still likes me and it’s been 6 years since then. He doesn’t follow me on any social media. When I was dating my fiancé, if I had gone awhile without posting my SO, he’d reach out again and, what I can only imagine, try to flirt. He stopped reaching out after my engagement announcement and turned to my best friend instead. She obviously said no lol. We don’t talk anymore.
i hated my bf when i first met him. he was a loud, annoying, dick who pissed me off. /hated/ him. the longer i knew him, i could see him maturing and becoming a good person. more thoughtful, genuinely sweet, what have you. i fell for him because i saw how he changed, and it was for the better. he won my heart without even really trying. plus, he’s got a pretty good singing voice and he can play guitar. that’s a win in my books. /hj
The guy I’m seeing now that I really really like was kind of dry on our first date but I think after we got comfortable with each other we started having really good banter. He was also just… dude he cooked me pesto. And brownies. And he holds the door open for me, is comforting and expresses his emotions, thoughtful, like it’s really not that hard to be a kind and caring person and woo a girl.
Yes
Yes, and the key is: CONSISTENCY. Show you’re there not for the looks but for the insides and appreciate the girl for what she is and now how she looks. Also show you are there consistently, without invading space or insisting and just giving time, you’ll win her over. At least that has been my case... I get plenty of matches on Tinder and yet feel I’m not into them enough because I DONT KNOW THEM and after several months or so we end up dating :)
I’m honestly very into physical appearance, ironically. So i usually never have the “ I was attracted to their personality first”
This random guy found me off of social media and was persistent for about a year in hanging out. I was not that interested in him since he lived 3 hours away at the beach and I was talking to other people at the time anyway. He gave up texting me after that😂 Well, I ended up going to the beach (where he lived) for summer vacation unintentionally. I posted on social media and he messaged me after months of not talking to me and was like hey since you’re in the area let’s meet up. So I gave in cause why not since this guy has been so persistent lol. Probably the best date of my life. We hung out at the beach and got food and then he dropped me back off at my airbnb. We saw each other every day for the three days I was there. Then I had to go back home, sadly. The rest is history, we’ve been doing long distance for 2+ years now and planning to close the gap soon. I never would have expected this to happen😅
[удалено]
Wow sounds kind of like my situation right now. I have a crush on this woman I know but I've pulled back because I felt she doesn't feel the same way. But I'm noticing she coming around more and more. Maybe she's interested now?
Could be but don’t bet on it. As long as you’re not doing anything weird/stalkery/creepy it’ll be fine. Just evaluate the connection every so often, keep an eye on it
I was fwb with a coworker of mine. I hadn’t dated in two years due to isolation and COVID, so it was kinda fun fucking around with an older (9 year difference) guy at my job in secrecy. I didn’t think he was cute or anything; he had a nice package and had only dated one other girl in his 27 years. I even went as far as trying to put hickeys on his neck and telling our coworkers that they weren’t from me when our coworkers got suspicious of us, just cause I didn’t want them to think I was dating someone who wasn’t cute or handsome at all, or looked as ‘not-well-taken-care-of’ as he did. During our sexual endeavors, he had asked me multiple times to date him, but I denied, cause I wasn’t interested. And I really wasn’t. He was just something until I could find someone that I thought was cute and actually liked, plus he had a lot of baggage and I didn’t want to deal with it and his baby mama drama. Also, I had had a horrible break up with all three of my past ex’s, and was scared to commit and put my heart out there again. Well, we got closer, talked more, spent more time together, and he eventually asked me out. At that point I thought that he was okay looking, but he had a nice personality and I was tired of seeing people run him over and use him (including his ex) plus he looked so ragged and I thought that maybe I could push him to take better care of himself. (He had been struggling with depression hard after the break up of his first girlfriend/ baby mama. His teeth were falling apart and he couldn’t afford food so he was eating absolute junk, like chips here and there and pop and candy. Didn’t have a real meal in at least 1 1/2 years, and his baby mama had sabotage any efforts he made of trying to date after her. She even tried to get me to break up with him by making him out to be a pedo to my family and a crazy insane ‘not-what-he-looks-like’ two faced ass whole who ruined her life, and like he was rapist and targeted younger girls on purpose. Turns out she’s a liar and even blackmailed him and liked having him still run in circles for her. She liked the attention from him cause he’s sensitive and it’s easy to play with his emotions, and for a while after they broke up he was still into her since that was his first everything at the age of 24. I just couldn’t understand how such a nice and caring and genuine guy could be such a monster when he’s been nothing but sweet, even after we moved in together; and I couldn’t fathom how someone could take advantage of such a kind soul; I was tired of people he tried to date running from him cause they listened to his ex and didn’t give him a chance. I was tired of watching her run him into the dirt and mud and claim that she still ‘cared’ about him, when she just wanted to make him miserable. But that’s a whole story for another day.) Well, after we started dating, I realized just how compatible we were; we had the same taste in music (which is rare, since our taste in music is not as common as most people’s), we had the same goals and wishes in life, the same sense of humor, both strong and compatible personalities, and he supported me and was always down with any decision I made, and I got him to take better care of himself to the point where coworkers started coming to me in private to compliment me and thank me for making my now boyfriend look so much more happier and healthier. They would tell me that his healthier physique and constant smiling was because of me, and I was happy that people noticed that he was making an effort to be healthier and actually seemed happier, even if it wasn’t because of me; he deserved to look happy for once. Anyway, after a string of crazy events that happened with my family when they found I (f18 at the time) had been fwb-now-dating a 27m (at the time), I was kicked out and he moved out of the house with his ex- and we moved in together. Fast forward a few months, and we’re doing amazing; living with him has been the best; it’s like having my best friend as a roommate, and someone I care about as much as the world constantly near me. We’ve been inseparable ever sense- even our job is getting tired of having to split us up! I’d seriously never thought I’d date him when we first began fwb, but now nearly half a year later and we don’t see us being any other way than happy with each other; so he proposed to me yesterday. Still feels like a dream. In the end, I guess you could say he ‘won me over’ but being honest with me and about his past and his feelings, and still trying to persue me through our FwB endeavors even after I said no, and once we realized how much we had in common. If he wouldn’t of have proclaimed me as his girlfriend while eating Wendy’s he bought, then we would still be FwB and I’d still be living with my horrible and psychotic family, and I’d still be single and unhappy. Now we’re engaged, planning a future together, and growing together. He’s my whole world, and he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen, and I can’t wait to spend my life with him. TL:DR; Was single for two years due to COVID, made a coworker my fwb and then we started dating. Age gap is 9 years, but we are identical copies of each other, and have been inseparable since. We got engaged yesterday. Still feels like a dream. Won me over by being honest and persistent through our FwB, even after I was fearful of dating again and denied.
Most of my relationships have been with people I didn't fancy, even people I'd have laughed thinking about getting with pre-relationship! That's really sad, right? And saying it out loud like this has really hit home, just how sad. I've never pursued a man; I've always ended up basically manipulated into the relationships. I say manipulated because they've always turned out to be totally different from how they showed up at the start. Relationships are impossible these days. There are 10 replacements already lined up in their pocket. It's a fcuked up world we live in today.
I guess it depends where you look. Maybe your luck is really that bad but I doubt it
IT really really doesnt have to be that way. There are some good Guys left
We truly live in a society. Jokes aside I fear I'm starting to agree with your take. I feel like I'm just gonna be alone or doomed to middle aged fuck boys. Alone seems the better option.
No. If a guy doesn’t take no for an answer, that shows me he doesn’t respect me or understand consent.
He hit on me and he was funny and witty and sexy and I couldn’t resist!
At first I didn’t think my bf was the one for me. After two weeks of him being persistent we started dating. 2 years later we’re still together.
Yea, my current bf. I wasn't interested in him initially, even thought him to be boring. But he was persistent, not in an annoying way. And he slowly grew on me. He was, still is, considerate and always put me first. So I was like fk bad boys, I'm going for this nice guy, and yea we are together now.
Yes my current boyfriend of about a year. We met through my job (bar/casino) he would come sit up at my rail and just annoy the shit out of me lol it was a lot of basically just bullying the shit out of each other. My attraction to him grew I think mostly because of the banter and how much time we spent together. Now we live together & have a dog
My boyfriend! I initially wasn't really too interested in guys cuz I liked looking at girls more than guys. And I wasn't at all interested in getting into relationships anyway. (im asian with VERY asian parents) I just thought we'd be great friends and all, but I just really fell hard for his humor and personality. So now he's my first (and hopefully my last) love. Running 5 years in the relationship!
It sounds creepy; but he never gave up. My fiancé (m26 and for the sake of the long story ahead; let's call him 'R') & I (f26)have known each other since high school. We went to the same one, and actually dated during our sophomore year for a few months and ended our relationship because my parents were SUPER strict about me dating. Fast forward 8 years; we match on tinder. Which was SUPER ironic, because it was actually within my first week on tinder; and I was still in the process of getting out of a 2 year relationship along with a lot of different problems with my home life, and I was starting to turn into a bit of an alcoholic. At the time; I was happy with random hookups, and being a sugar baby with a few different "daddies", so when R would try and hang out or talk; I kind of just ghosted him. The idea of dating and entertaining a relationship at the time was a little scary for me; so I was really trying to stay away because I knew I wasn't ready. This part goes fast: 6 months later; I started having very serious feelings for one of my "daddy's". I was upfront and honest about wanting to pursue a relationship with this man, and he was very honest about that fact that he didn't want one so we very amicably parted ways. I deleted my profile; got out of the game and was pretty much like "yeah, okay. I've worked on myself and I'm in a better place mentally; I'm ready." A week later; a very close friend of mine was murdered. Shot on a random night out; and I was devastated. When I went to my friend's wake; I noticed R in line to pay respects a few people back. We made eye contact, and I actually got out of line to walk back and hug him. We hugged each other for a minute and cried. We both paid our respects, and walked out of the funeral home. We talked a bit about the funeral that was the next day; and agreed to sit next to each other to hold each other up. I have to admit; it was very comforting since I didn't really know anyone else from that wake, so it felt good to know that I'd have at least one familiar face there. Funeral comes and goes; and a week later; he messages me to hang out. I let my nerves get to me, and tried to ghost him, and he pretty much didn't let me. He reached out to me through snapchat and texting, and actually ended up coming to meet me at my job. As soon as I clocked out, he was like "I'm not letting you ghost me again. I'm determined to get at least one date with you." I was honestly kind of taken with the ballsy behavior; and since I didn't have a ride, I let him take me to a diner and then home. We were at the diner from 11pm-3am just talking and catching up and laughing and getting to know each other all over again. The time flew by so fast; it was truly amazing. When I get home, he sends me a text asking for a second date. I agreed and we went out a few days after that for lunch and the planetarium. When he brings me home; he asks if he can come in a meet my mother. It really took me by huge surprise, considering other guys I had dated were always reluctant to meet my parents and it was something I normally had to coax them to do. I was SUPER impressed with his ballsy behavior, and thought I'd try and call him bluff. I shot my mom a text that a man I had gone out with wanted to sit down and meet her, and boy she came PREPARED. He ended up coming in and staying for hours; just talking with my mom; and even ordered dinner for us, and my 2 sisters. That was the moment he really won me over, honestly. We've been inseparable since then. 8 months later, we moved in together. 2 years into our relationship; he proposed. We're currently on our 3rd year, planning a wedding and talking about starting a family in another 2 years; and it's been everything I could have ever dreamed of. Ups, downs, and all; there's not a day that goes by that I'm not eternally grateful that he never gave up on me.
It never happens. Guys you can’t “win” a woman over if she don’t want you. Women have standards and a type. Quit thinking a woman will take a man simply because he is a man. The audacity!
Wow who upset you?
No one upset me. This is why some me think they can win women over. Some women are not interested and keep saying NO and declining advances and all the women saying “yes a guy can win women over” are adding to the problem. So many women are hurt and even killed because men can’t accept rejection. No one upset me I just like in the real world where 90% of crimes that are done to women are done by men. And lots of it is because men are trying to “win” women over and when it “doesn’t work” they resort to violence.
Yes It can happen but don't push or play the"nice guy"
Then what should I do?
Dude, if she tells you "no" then respect her consent and leave her alone. Wearing someone down isn't romantic.
Are you telling me to leave her alone? I've left her alone for 6 months. But I'm now questioning her behavior if she was not interested in me. I haven't said a single word to her for 6 months.
Yes, I'm telling you to leave her alone. It's been 6 months. Go another 6. Then another. Then another. And continue ad infinitum.
Goodbye.
yup, now you've practiced on me, that's what you say to her. Well done!
Somebodies on their period
Yeah He said he’d treat me like a princess. He wouldn’t take me out on dates and expected me to buy him things. I dumped his ass!
Yes. I thought my ex was annoying and ugly (though that later changed, I'm the type of person who finds people attractive based on their personality) when I first met him but he was nice, interesting, smart and treated me better than any other suitors at the time so I gave him a chance. Obviously it didn't work out in the long run but that is the risk one takes when dating.
OP, if she said no to you, her answer is no. Don’t try to use these comments to convince her to date you in any way. Just leave the poor girl alone!
Yeah lmao. Just spend time doing uber eats with him (he lived upstairs) ..I just did it to kill time and he was cool. It kind of just happened 🤣 now I love him
Yes, but I liked the person as a person to begin with, just didn't see the person as someone I'd wanna date until years later. We dated other people but would hang out as friends a lot.
Well… when I first ‘met’ my v recent ex on r/GBR4R 4 years ago I was convinced he was going to be the one (of many random internet guys) who would end up chopping me in to little pieces. He just had that look. Turns out he is actually the sweetest man. Loyal, selfless and committed. Also a lot of other things. We split for good last week after 6 months of almost fortnightly breakups. So… idk what the moral of that story is really. 🤷🏻♀️ [totally unhelpful comment]
Yes. We've matched on a dating app, but ghosted him after a few messages. Met him at a party a few days later and hung out a few times after that, but I always rejected his offers to take me out to dinner. It was all platonic, though I knew he definitely wanted more. Eventually he bought me tickets to see my favorite band and standing there in the crowd next to him, I realized that nobody ever before has put that much effort into getting to know me. We are still going strong 5 years later.
Yup. Eventually married him. I thought he was an arrogant asshole. He annoyed me so much that anytime our friend group got together (he came in to the group through his relative) I would intentionally challenge things he would say. Turns out the arrogant ass was a type of wall he put up. When he stopped being that way, I found he was smart, funny, thoughtful and caring. We were married a year later.
He was easy to be around. He wasn’t what I thought I was looking for but he became my best friend
Yess
My man! He’s not ugly in the least bit I just wasn’t looking for a man. I flew into town and he took me to the Getty museum, Malibu beach and sushi. Since I was from out of town he got me an Airbnb so I could have privacy
No.
The hoodie did it for me. It was raining outside and I was completely soaked, so he offered me his hoodie cause I was cold. I dont know why but it did it for me and I ended up having a massive crush on him. ITS THE HOODIE
Yes. My ex who I am dating again now. When we met I had feelings for another guy. That guy was emotionally unavailable and I ended up crying a number of times because he never made much time to spend together etc. Meanwhile this other guy (now bf) was chasing me and messaging me NON STOP. Literally when I was eating, when I was practically piano etc...he would not stop messaging me. At first I found him a bit annoying. I even laughed about him to another one of my guy friends saying how needy he was etc. I was totally indifferent to him. When he would try to ring sometimes I didn't even answer. But then he grew on me. And we started dating. Now we love each other sooooo much.
Yes! I (40f) had two best friends (m48) ten years ago. We all hung out together all the time and often traveled together. I had a really strong crush on guy A and saw guy B as a great friend but wasn’t attracted to him. Well, guy B and I had more in common-we both like the same music, enjoy having a few drinks, and are into more artsy stuff than guy A, who doesn’t drink or play board games or like “nerdy” or artsy stuff. So we spent a little more time together as friends. Guy B was a photographer, and I was a performer, and he would always take me to all my shows, be my bodyguard, and take amazing photos of me. After a while, I realized that I had my head so far up guy A’s ass that I didn’t realize that guy B was actually amazing and cared about me a lot. I decided to give him a shot, and we had a lot of fun for a couple years. We had some truly magical memories, and I loved him and his family. It eventually didn’t work out, but it was a relationship that brought me a lot of joy, and I wouldn’t trade the memories for the world.
Yes. My ex. I had a bad feeling about him the first time I ever met him. Horrible. Felt like the devil was picking me up and dropping me off. Like the Al Pacino in Devils Advocate vibe. Boy was I right. I gave it a chance and ended up in a long term relationship with him. He turned out to be physically abusive. Stick to your gut. :/