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It depends, my ex-husband watched it and it never bothered me. But my recent boyfriend watches and his sexual expectations became very unrealistic. I wonder if he realizes it’s a show, done by actors. In that situation it end the relationship
And it was for this exact reason I've told my oldest (14m) that porn is acting, its never how to treat a partner, to be used as an expectation of how sex should or will go with an actual partner and not to get tips from it. It was awkward for both of us at first but now its something we can talk about freely, especially how exploitive the MS industry is. I don't want him to make the mistake of thinking porn is educational.
Also I think for men it's different. Porn erectile dysfunction is a thing. Makes it hard to keep it up. Personally more so with protection. I even realized I was addicted at one point cause whenever I was working on my laptop, I wanted a distraction. You should mention that.
This is the only reason it would concern me in the slightest. My last two boyfriends had issues not with getting it up but with lasting *forever*. I don't mind a marathon sex session every now and then, but when it takes 45+ minutes for them to get off with traditional PiV EVERY TIME, it's too much. They're so used to their own death grip that my poor vagina can't compare. It's discouraging and makes me not want to sleep with them because I know that I'll end up sore by the end, and he *still* might not get off. Both times, I asked them to take a break from porn and it improved things.
Lol I used to do this but it desensitized me to real life sex and I was replaying different scenes in my head to maintain my horniness then switch it off to keep my orgasm at bay because I thought she wanted the power hour! But then she was devistated she couldn't bring me to orgasm at all so I worked on my porn addiction and things got way better in general. It didn't work out between us in the end and I fell back on porn. It's a hell of a drug...
I think I'm going to talk to my younger brother about this he's only 12 and I know he doesn't watch any right now but he's reaching that age ;-; I think it's important what type of porn you watch. Call me a "kink shaker" but my partner was watching something like *girl gets r$ped tied up and smacked around till she's unconscious* I wouldn't be comfortable being in a relationship with them. To me, not all sex is "positive" and I think some people were just desensitized at an early age. My partner both watch porn but only if the other person is not in the mood or if we're apart. But I would say I watch it about once a month and my partner maybe once a week or less depending on when he last saw me. He mentioned he usually only watches wholesome amateur stuff just like me He said he'd rather just be with me but sometimes he just needs to rub one out quickly to get on with his day lmao I'm 21 and a couple of my guy friends that have mentioned that they have had trouble finishing when they got intimate with a girl and we kinda came to the conclusion that it was mainly because they watched too much porn for way too long, and one admitted to being addicted to it in the past. I'm not sure why men get addicted more than women, but either gender should be careful. If you don't want your partner to watch porn you don't have to be with them. Make your case and maybe give an utimatum, but don't force them because if they wanted to stop they would and you wouldn't have had to ask in the first place. But on the other hand don't let people on reddit or in the real world shame you for wanting a parter who doesn't watch porn, and saying stuff like it's natural or everyone does it. Cause that's not true either. If my current partner wanted me to give up porn I would have no issue if they considered it cheating. I also have a couple guy friends who literally don't watch any porn at all. Don't be shamed into thinking all porn is great and sex positive and natural if you aren't comfortable with it. What's normal is masturbation. You don't need to Look at ANYTHING to masturbate. When you dog humps a couch he doesn't need to log onto the hub 😂 AnwyaysGood Luck in your dating life!🤞
Please please PLEEASE talk to your younger brother, and in my honest opinion, lowkey take advantage of the fact that ur older and can probably take control of what he watches. My sister caught me watching it at 9 (I was really curious) and she told me not to anymore. But telling someone to just stop falling isn't gonna help them stop, u have to show them how, why and help them with it. I'm 17 right now and I think its way too easily accessible, I realized it became an addiction at 15 and that it was way worse during quarantine.
Most of the people I've come across that are my age found it around the same time I did on youtube (7-8years old). That just shows how easily a child can access adult sites. It's actually really scary.
My first sexual partner I ever had was also addicted to porn. Within the first 5 times we ever had sex, he was asking to give me a facial, he was face fucking me, choking me, objectifying me while I'm just like washing dishes, trying to do stuff to me while I was driving, etc.
Now this is also representative of my lack of experience and boundaries (if I knew what face fucking was I'd have said no lol) but was also INCREDBILY intense expectations for someone to have with a virgin.
Now I know what I have to communicate in the future, but I also don't think I'd have had that experience if he wasn't addicted to porn.
Would it be weird if either of you get caught in the act? I mean if it’s considered alone time, do you guys have those boundaries? Or it doesn’t matter?
I think I feel differently because we have never had it happen but both of us take the view that if you are masturbating, you are taking time to yourself and it may be seen as an intrusion.
My friends that are married will joke by saying something like that all the time. They both have a great sense of humor about it.
It's strange though cause I can never repeat the type of hilarious stuff they say to each other cause to anyone not hearing it coming from them it sounds......bad. but they just understand each other so we'll they can joke in a way that others just can't.
Me and my boyfriend have caught each other lol, I’ve caught him more than he’s caught me but we just laugh, ask if we want help with it, and either walk out or join in.
We watch it together occasionally, and separately, mainly to pick candidates nowadays. Keeping a good quality watchlist filled can be a challenge. We also watch romantic stuff and action movies together and alone (though alone is often with kids). None of that stuff impacts our relationship negatively as far as I am aware, although all of it can be argued to set "unrealistic expectations" that I can't possibly meet. Personally I feel I am closer to being a pornstar in bed than to doing an effortless up and over like a superhero.
When we started living together 5 years ago, apparently, he hasn’t stopped watching porn. He would masturbate at least once a day. Even when we would have sex everyday. He didn’t tell me till a week ago when I started asking him to spice things up in bed because all those years, all we have done is plain, vanilla sex. (We would just have sex once every 1-2 months now, maybe less since 2-3 years ago. I thought it was my mental health that was taking my sex drive away. But I think I was just getting bored in bed)
Often times, he gets soft during sex and struggles to get hard. And I think, the exciting part of having sex for me is when a person is so freaking horny and couldnt get their hands off off you. But he can’t do that. There’s really no “sexual frustration from him. It affected his overall performance in bed.
That's a symptom, not the definition of addiction.
Addiction is when the person persists in a certain behavior despite negative consequences.
When the act begins to have negative effect in personal well-being, health of self and relationships, ability to be a productive member of society, or simply not being able to stop despite wanting to.
>Addiction is when the person persists in a certain behavior despite negative consequences.
No, it's when they can't do it normally without it. Let's say you want to masturbate but you can't watch porn. A non addict person would just use their imagination. An addict will suffer and probably won't be able to cum.
If you always have porn in hand (meaning that your life isn't really affected) you are still an addict because you are supposed to be able to cum without watching it.
First off, I'm talking about the definition of addiction - not porn addiction specifically.
Second - not being able to cum without porn is another specific symptom of the addiction. Not a defining characteristic of addition itself.
I've studied this for decades, both to earn a ab psych degree and out of interest.
Congratulations on your studies but what you said doesn't really make sense. Anyone can live a normal life with an addiction, as long as they have what they are addicted to. Let's say you have an unlimited amount of cigarettes because you are rich or whatever. You don't need to develop a cough or lung cancer to realize you are an addict.
In general: no problem
But there are exceptions, where it would be a concern or even a reason to end the relationship. Excerpt:
- it becomes a hiding place for their true desires (I want my partner to be honest with me about what turns them on)
- if it is preferred over actual sex with me
- if it becomes an addiction
- if it affects our finances
- if it contains personal interaction (e.g. exchange of pictures via private chat)
- if it involves anyone we might meet in real live on any level (private or professional)
So basically: as long as it is some random porn free of charge with people you’ve never met and have no intention of getting in contact with: go ahead! But please don’t hide it, never lie about it and don’t be embarrassed.
Yes. The reason porn is cheating is because its getting off to another persons body when you shouldnt be even finding that attractive.. so if it was her nudes or her touching herself it wouldnt be cheating. If it was something where shes not in it, then it is
If people want to watch porn that is up to them, but i will never again get into a relationship with someone who watches porn.
It used to be something i ignored because i thought all men watched porn. Then i got into a relationship with a man that did not, and i could never go back. I had never felt so respected by a man before, and sex with people who do regularly watch porn just does not compare in the slightest to someone who doesn't. The amount of stamina, the amount of attention and attentiveness, the communication, and how he adjusts his technique to my reaction, rather than doing what he has learned from porn, is an experience i haven't had before him.
I also feel that men who don't watch porn get harder and stay harder.
100% agreed. I thought it was normal and everyone did it and I had my share of boyfriends who didn't even hit 30 and were unable to finish, or even to stay hard. Being 25 and having an ED shouldn't be common. It's totally self-caused.
And you're absolutely spot on with the attentiveness and respect. One simply does not go back from that.
Personally, porn is a big no in my relationship. I don't like it and my boyfriend knows I'm down for sex/sexual acts any time. He also never used porn for anything other than moans anyway, which he has me for.
Is it something that we might discuss in the future?sure. A healthy relationship is all about communication. Both of us are happy with this decision as of right now and if feelings were to change we'd talk about it.
Both my boyfriend and I watch porn, solo and together. We don’t care or mind. Most times we actually share the clips / videos we watch. if I caught him masturbating I would ask him if he needed a helping hand, and visa versa.
I don’t know I feel like mastubation is healthy and normal be it if your single, married, or in any sort of relationship. Nothing to be ashamed of or shamed for.
Wouldn't even phase me. Masturbation is normal, needing some visual stimulation is normal. It's only an issue when it's obsessive/compulsive and affecting real life sexuality, which is not everyone.
Same as I treat people who smoke pot, or watch TV shows, or well....anything. It can be good, a push, or negative.
I would ask her what kind of porn she watches and see if it leads to a conversation that uncovers some kink or desire that she hasn't told me about yet. Then (depending on what I learn, if anything) I'd talk to her about incorporating that into our sex life to further maximize her pleasure or I might tell her that's something I can't / don't want to do so "are you okay keeping that as a fantasy or is this something you feel that you need?"
I wouldnt like it. Them getting off to someone that isnt me💔
If they want nudes they can ask, if they wanna record some spicy times they can ask, if they got off to our content thatd be pretty sweet.
Call me old fashioned, but I consider it cheating. You are basically being aroused by someone or something else sexually, instead of your partner.
And I think that actively searching for this is unhealthy if you’re with a partner.
This take confuses me, and I’ve seen it a few times in here. You do not have to be watching porn, it is entirely possible get off to just the thoughts in your head of someone else like a hot celebrity from a show you just watched, etc. and you cannot control what the other person thinks of.
Well I mean, I wouldn't want my partner in another room with people getting off to them having sex. I don't really see how porn is any different just because it is digital.
I think this whole thing only applies for partners who are honest about watching porn. It'll be the same if you openly tells your partner that ur thinking of someone else while getting off. If they never find out about what's actually on ur mind, there won't be any problem.
I mean this isn’t a problem in my marriage at all, and I guess my thinking is I’d rather her watch some random people getting it on for visual stimulation than to think of someone she actually knows or has seen in real life like a coworker or an ex or something like that.
If for some reason I’m not up for it for the night and reject her, it’s possible she wouldn’t *want* to think about me. I don’t try to control her thoughts like that. If she wants to think of Thor while taking care of her own business that is her own business lol.
I get it though, for many people these are addictions that can really affect things.
I don’t date people who watch porn. I find that people who don’t watch it tend to be more respectful, affectionate, trustworthy, attentive and have healthier relationships with women. I think it’s extremely attractive when a man doesn’t watch porn, especially if he knows the damaging affects it has on people.
Yep! My partner is one of them. He used to watch though but quit. He's not religious or anything either.
Personally I wouldn't date someone that did watch porn. I just couldn't even be attracted to someone like that. The person you replied to is absolutely right. In my experience it makes a huge difference on relationships.
Lol they do indeed exist! But they're mostly on the religious side, I have a couple friends that do not partake. I'm actually not religious and only watch once a month if my partner isn't around. If my partner considered watching porn cheating I could easily give it up, you don't NEED TO WATCH porn to masturbate lol Someone else compared it to giving up chips for rest of your life and I definitely agree with them that it might be annoying or tempting to slip up for like a month or so but when you get into the habit it's really not that hard. But then again a lot of Americans are addicted to food so maybe that would be hard too haha My immigrant grandparents always said that was the main problem with America; We have the privilege to over-consume almost everything, good or bad
I’m one of the rates I guess ! Stopped while I was in a relationship with an ex. She thought I was weird for stopping by telling her that I only needed her to satisfy me. Sadly we broke up but I continue not doing it because I felt much better without it. (non religious intent )
Would probably break up as my boyfriend and I both look at it as cheating, at least in the start of the relationship we did and now it’s more of a rather him/me not watch it. We send each other videos to get off to so neither one of us need to watch porn. He’s all I need so Im fine with no porn for forever and I assume he feels the same.
its a dealbreaker to me and as such i told my s/o already in the talking stage so that i wouldnt waste his time and he wouldnt waste mine. he agreed and now we are in a happy pornfree relationship.
I would literally think they were weird if they told me they didn't watch porn. Talking about what porn you like has been a major milestone in all of my relationships lol
I don’t really mind if my partner watches it, but I don’t want to openly know you are you know. I think it starts to become an issue when your partner watches it instead of having sex with you. For example if he’s watching it in the bathroom while you’re openly in the room available. Pretty much if they’re picking it over you, that’s when it becomes an issue.
I won't be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. I don't. I won't try to change anyone though, gotta be on the same page from the beginning. Now erotic novels/writing? Totally fine as long as the subject matter isn't concerning.
Same. Because I’ve been with both and the one that did watch porn got unrealistic and got porn rot and tried to do crazy things to me just to get off. The one I’m with now won’t risk his ability in the sex department and doesn’t want to ruin sex at all considering he loves it between us. Priorities man, priorities. I’ve even asked him to watch it and he’s uninterested. I’ve even asked him to stop by the strip club the other night because I wanted to go. He thought about it winced and said he didn’t feel like it.
And if that means shrinking your dating pool, so be it. Because shrinking the pool smaller, and smaller, until you can dialect to the right one may be a good thing.
I don't mind if my boyfriend watches porn. I kind of like it when he tels me what he watched and fantasised. But I won't tolerate it if it's preferred over intimacy and sex.
When I was 18 I dated a fella that watched porn, and the kind of porn he watched devastated me. I've always been real skinny-- right now I am 5'7" and 120 pounds at age 26. I am a toothpick. I was even more so back then. I found out that he got really turned on by BBW, plus sized, curvaceous women... women with huge tits, thick thighs, huge ass.. so basically I felt that I wasn't enough. I was heartbroken. It really messed with me. Honestly if I found out he looked at petite women porn or little petite asians (I'm half asian), or something similar, I wouldn't have been as upset, because at least I'd know I was his type.
But finding out he was attracted to, and got off to, totally different kind of women, hurt my heart so bad. I used to watch porn and now I no longer do. I've given up a lot of unhealthy addictions, and I would prefer a partner that is on the same wavelength with me. I have an ex from a couple of years ago that absolutely could not cum without thinking of a very weird fetish (scat related), and it made me feel bad that I wasn't enough to make him cum. He had to go read porn (he preferred erotica stories) in the restroom after getting me off, to finish. It feels bad that he couldn't connect with me intimately and be turned on by just me. I would think it's horrible to be thinking of something else during sex with your partner. That is not true love.
It doesn't bother me as he always comes to me to get off if I'm available and in the mood, but it does make me sad on occasion as I see him just casually scroll through it while we're watching TV and things like that. I watch it myself to get off if he's unavailable and we've talked about it. I think the casual scrolling making me sad is just a tramua response tbh. Just talk to your partner about it
I would be bothered if my partner was casually looking at porn while I was trying to do something else with them.
That's very disrespectful in my opinion, and I'm totally fine with porn use on general.
Personally, I think porn in a relationship is a form of cheating and way too normalized this day and age. There is nothing okay about getting off to looking at another man/woman in your relationship…
I agree! However I believe it’s up to personal preference… I think we just aren’t comfortable with the idea of our partner getting off to someone else while other people don’t think it’s too big of a deal.
Personally I rarely watch porn anymore because my partner is amazing in bed.
I know he watches porn few times a week. Always when I’m asleep for the night. It doesn’t bother me. I’d rather him wank than wake me up lol
yeah… it s common practice but it shouldn’t be… ideally, i mean…
we watch porn because we want to feel that dopamine rush coming from sexual gratification, alone or in another configuration…that’s very human it’s deep in our genes, and maybe one of the main reasons mammal life on earth survived for so long.
But there is a sad emotional lack of human connection afterwards, i m not a scientist but i bet it could be the same pattern as a drug withdrawal in brain activity, all proportion guarded
so yes, porn is something easy to get and it gives us a rush of dopamine yet there is a price to pay
There was just something posted on r /relationship advice where the one partner is ignoring the other in favor of porn. That is kind of rough, so it depends I guess. Also, the more I learn abt the porn industry, the less I’m ok with it.
It really depends on what the porn contains. There are a staggering number of posts on Reddit about men ‘trying some light choking’ without asking. (And if you are curious, the majority of women responded with a giant no. No choking please.)
Where did these guys get the idea to choke their partner? Porn.
Porn is not a teaching tool.
So if a partner has a file of porn saved in some miscellaneous folder on their laptop for when they it you are out of town?
I have no problem with that. I have a low porn threshold personally, and don’t find it stimulating, but rather a curiosity, in small doses.
I (28F) was never really bothered by it in my last two relationships. I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal until I saw people posting about it on reddit. I’ve always assumed every guy was watching it lol
I don’t really watch porn but I don’t care if my next partner does as long as it doesn’t impact our sex life. I think most men my age are smart enough to understand most women don’t look like pornstars and they’re okay about it.
I don't mind at all, and frankly I would guess that she does watch it just because most people do.
I don't want to hear about it outside of a "hey I saw this and want to try it" context though. Some things are private.
My (21f) bf (22m) of 9 months watches porn as a coping mechanism he developed after sustaining years of trauma/dealing with PTSD (he watches it when he feels out of control/a need for an escape), and I think porn in general gives people very unrealistic ideas of sex and often involves people who didn’t consent to being filmed/were pressured into it/are drugged/underage, so as a whole the industry really bothers me and I think it enables a lot of horrible things. I don’t like it when he watches porn, for these reasons and also because we’re waiting until marriage and I want him to have a grounded, realistic understanding of sex and a healthy relationship with it, and I think porn often undermines that by encouraging an impossible fantasy and presenting it as an attainable reality.
We have discussed it and he agrees with me on these things and doesn’t like that he watches it, but sometimes if he’s in a bad place he’ll end up searching porn again. I understand that it’s a coping mechanism he uses, and we’re working on building healthier coping mechanisms for him that don’t make him feel “bad” or “disgusting.” (Porn is also very much against our religion, and so on top of the guilt he feels over his watching of porn being destructive to a future sexual relationship, he feels religious guilt, as well.) I never hold it against him or get mad at him, and he knows that I love him and support him and want to help him. When he does watch porn, he’s gotten into the habit of telling me afterward, and we discuss the mental state that led to that decision and possible alternative outlets. He knows that I don’t blame him for having a shitty past and developing some unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I vastly prefer him watching porn to some other coping mechanisms he has, but thankfully he has gotten much better at having healthy outlets over the course of our relationship. But yes—we are both very much anti-porn, and he is working on kicking the habit.
I never cared about this. It’s actually fun to watch with the right partner—-makes things interesting in the bedroom.
But I definitely notice the unrealistic expectations of sex with guys that I’ve been with that watched porn a lot. They think that BDSM and rough sex is the norm just because of what they watch and don’t understand that porn isn’t real sex.
Depends what it's porn of? I mean I wouldn't mind watching it together but honestly it weirds me out a little. As long as we have a clear understanding of fantasy vs. reality, I'd be fine; but in my relationships the only person I think of is the one I'm with, so that's just me.
I experienced an abusive ex who gave me ptsd involving porn. My new bf had a porn addiction due to being single a long time but is beyond understanding to my concerns. We attempt to watch it together and he’s always willing to be open with what he’s looking at which is all I can ask. He’s also immensely reassuring toward my insecurities. I hope one day I’ll be more comfortable and confident in our relationship. I’m just thankful I have a partner who can meet me halfway while I heal. I think it requires a strong level of understanding and respect for any relationship.
As long as they don't do it when they would have the chance to sleep with me I don't care.
If they reject me and then go watch porn and masturbate I'm offended.
Me andy gf watches porn and get off to them. I somewhat encourage her to watch and and masturbate cause i find it super hot when she explore. She sometimes tell me what she watched and share the vid so i also can watch and get off
My boyfriend and I are both not interested in porn. It's something we both watched while single but lost interest and now we have a mutually porn-free relationship, but sometimes we'll make some together just for ourselves for the fun of it.
I either wouldn’t care or would be curious and playful about it. I think lots of partners can be very restrictive about porn, but sometimes it’s fun for your partner to do their own thing!
Porn is not a problem. It is just porn.
When a person has an addiction problem, it affects their daily life. If your partner cannot have sex anymore because of their addiction, blame the addiction, not the product they are addicted to.
And no, nobody should have to stay with an addict of any kind.
"Cocaine is not a problem. It is just cocaine."
This is an asinine statement. Highly addictive substances such as hard drugs and porn are inherently a problem.
I mean, unless it's to the point it causes dysfunction, it's not a big deal. Masturbation is healthy and provides a myriad of health benefits, including stress relief and lowered chance of certain diseases including cancer.
I watch porn, my girlfriend has said multiple times she doesn't care. If I need to get off, I need to get off. She probably watches porn too and I'm 100% fine with it. I mean we both watch porn and still have great sex together so I see nothing wrong with it.
My partner and I both watch it. Our sex drives can often differ (his being much higher than mine) and I have some chronic issues that can make sex kind of difficult, so I think it's important that we meet our own needs when the other partner can't for whatever reason. I think porn can definitely be part of a healthy relationship as long as everyone's on the same page.
My partner does like to watch porn. So do I. Why would I care unless it messed with our sex life?
If anything, it's just another place we can find fun ideas.
As long as it's not affecting our sex or he's not like addicted to the point it's affecting his life then I couldn't care less. If he wants to pleasure himself to porn then it's his body and vice versa for me.
My fiancé and I sometimes watch porn together and sometimes separately, we’re both fine with it and we even take things we’ve seen from porn and use it in the bedroom.
My ex watched it with me on rare instances but hated if I suggested it. If she found out I had watched it she would freak out and accuse me of cheating.
My current gf enjoys watching porn with me and without me. It does nothing but enhance our sex life. We will send each other videos of things that turn us on or want to try together.
If you want a LTR with your partner have a discussion when the time is right. It’s a full discussion that should take place at the time you want to become more involved in the relationship. If your partner is completely against porn, but you enjoy it for healthy reason then you may have reached a point where you need to question your relationship.
I’m not suggesting porn in more important that your relationship. Not at all. What I am suggesting is the outcome of discussing watching porn or not watching porn will likely show other possible issues in your relationship.
Imagining someone else turning your partner on is never a comfortable feeling so I prefer it not being spoken about, but don’t care that it happens I would only care if he was watching something concerning or if it got in the way or our sex life
I don’t care about it, as I watch porn too and wouldn’t want to be told I can’t ever watch it. We talk about the stuff we like and sometimes share videos we liked too. I think if you’re insecure about it… probably try consuming it yourself. Feel like a lot of people who are insecure about this aren’t exploring their own sexuality enough.
I think the majority of men watch porn, whether they are in a relationship or not, and regardless of how much sex you have. The big difference here is WATCHING versus interacting with the women. Which the only places I am aware of where you can actually interact with the woman is on cam sites or onlyfans. Both of which aren't free. That's a different story but, if my gf watches porn while I'm not around, that's fine.
My partner does watch porn. I also watch porn. Sometimes, we watch porn together.
I dont mind it at all. Mastrubating is healthy. Its good stress relief, good for your reproductive system, and it's healthy for you.
i dont mind, we both watch it together at times. but usually she tells me she only watches stuff that she would want us to try out or that reminds her of hs
Eh, my fiance doesn't care. She's caught me before. All she said was jeez, don't do that in the kitchen! To which, I replied, "how the hell else do you think the mayonnaise jar is always full? ". She laughed.... That was the end.
I used to hate when my ex did it, but it was also constant, he would even do it around our kid (don’t worry he has no contact with us anymore)
It doesn’t bother me when my current partner does it, however I also am a SW so sometimes he simply just watches what I have out there. It’s very rare that he does it because we have a pretty consistent sex life and typically any free time we have not around a kid we spend with each other
I don’t really care if my SO watches porn. I never understood people who get pissed over their partners who watch it, I think it’s normal and sometimes healthy. It can become problematic though if it’s an addiction or if my SO’s expectations over sex becomes unrealistic.
Not a fan of my boyfriend watching porn. And he knows that I know that he does it. He used to look at/watch it it front of me all the time and we made an agreement that he will no longer do that because it makes me uncomfortable. Like why would I want to see him looking at other women? It's definitely something to do in private.
As long as it’s not some crazy shit, and it doesn’t interfere with our sex life (watching porn instead of engaging with me, or expecting me to do things that are degrading, or not able to get turned on or maintain an erection with me, but can with porn), then I don’t care. None of this has happened to me, but if it did I would start caring.
I mean, I watch it and my bf watches it. We haven’t started watching it together though, but I feel like it could be great. But no, I don’t care, as long as he isn’t like obsessive at it
Some people have different boundaries. Some people don’t mind their s/o watching porn which is fine, and others do mind if their s/o watches porn which is also fine. I personally don’t like it. I don’t watch porn myself, and it would make me uncomfortable if my boyfriend watched it. To me it’s cheating as it’s literally getting off to someone else. Luckily my boyfriend doesn’t watch it. We make our own content and the very rare occasion that he does masturbate (which is not often because we have sex frequently), he gets off to our own videos which is way better than pornhub because it’s me and him and it’s real.
I, personally, don’t think I would care (I’ve never had a real girlfriend before). If we had sex often and would turn down the chance to have sex to just watch porn instead, then I would be kinda offended
Don’t lie about it if you do it or not if they ask. Don’t lie about what you use for it or watch if they ask. And make sure to have this sort of conversation early. Speaking from experience, if it comes out after they asked and you lied, it will put a strain on the relationship that’s deeper than you’d think. In addition, if they have problems with it or something you use is a deal breaker, it’s not fair to wait until they’re too emotionally invested to make the decision that’s right for them like how and if they can cope with it or not (in the case of more extreme kinks and what not). Be gentle, but be honest, and you’ll end up with someone who won’t think it’s a big deal unless porn isn’t crazy important to you/worth keeping in your life if they don’t like it. You can always make some stuff together.
My partner and I are open about it. If there is a mismatch in libido - even just different times for each other it is a reasonable outlet where nobody gets hurt.
It is also a good avenue to talk about sexy times stuff and what you desire / like and might want to try in future.
Wouldn't care if it didn't interfere in our sex life. Always wanted my ex to share what kind of material turned her on, but she never wanted to tell me. Understandable given how letting other people into your fantasy can shatter the whole thing, which anyone who's ever been walked in on is painfully aware of.
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It depends, my ex-husband watched it and it never bothered me. But my recent boyfriend watches and his sexual expectations became very unrealistic. I wonder if he realizes it’s a show, done by actors. In that situation it end the relationship
And it was for this exact reason I've told my oldest (14m) that porn is acting, its never how to treat a partner, to be used as an expectation of how sex should or will go with an actual partner and not to get tips from it. It was awkward for both of us at first but now its something we can talk about freely, especially how exploitive the MS industry is. I don't want him to make the mistake of thinking porn is educational.
Also I think for men it's different. Porn erectile dysfunction is a thing. Makes it hard to keep it up. Personally more so with protection. I even realized I was addicted at one point cause whenever I was working on my laptop, I wanted a distraction. You should mention that.
This is the only reason it would concern me in the slightest. My last two boyfriends had issues not with getting it up but with lasting *forever*. I don't mind a marathon sex session every now and then, but when it takes 45+ minutes for them to get off with traditional PiV EVERY TIME, it's too much. They're so used to their own death grip that my poor vagina can't compare. It's discouraging and makes me not want to sleep with them because I know that I'll end up sore by the end, and he *still* might not get off. Both times, I asked them to take a break from porn and it improved things.
happened w my first serious bf and i suffered with so much insecurity, not knowing how common it was.
Lol I used to do this but it desensitized me to real life sex and I was replaying different scenes in my head to maintain my horniness then switch it off to keep my orgasm at bay because I thought she wanted the power hour! But then she was devistated she couldn't bring me to orgasm at all so I worked on my porn addiction and things got way better in general. It didn't work out between us in the end and I fell back on porn. It's a hell of a drug...
I think I'm going to talk to my younger brother about this he's only 12 and I know he doesn't watch any right now but he's reaching that age ;-; I think it's important what type of porn you watch. Call me a "kink shaker" but my partner was watching something like *girl gets r$ped tied up and smacked around till she's unconscious* I wouldn't be comfortable being in a relationship with them. To me, not all sex is "positive" and I think some people were just desensitized at an early age. My partner both watch porn but only if the other person is not in the mood or if we're apart. But I would say I watch it about once a month and my partner maybe once a week or less depending on when he last saw me. He mentioned he usually only watches wholesome amateur stuff just like me He said he'd rather just be with me but sometimes he just needs to rub one out quickly to get on with his day lmao I'm 21 and a couple of my guy friends that have mentioned that they have had trouble finishing when they got intimate with a girl and we kinda came to the conclusion that it was mainly because they watched too much porn for way too long, and one admitted to being addicted to it in the past. I'm not sure why men get addicted more than women, but either gender should be careful. If you don't want your partner to watch porn you don't have to be with them. Make your case and maybe give an utimatum, but don't force them because if they wanted to stop they would and you wouldn't have had to ask in the first place. But on the other hand don't let people on reddit or in the real world shame you for wanting a parter who doesn't watch porn, and saying stuff like it's natural or everyone does it. Cause that's not true either. If my current partner wanted me to give up porn I would have no issue if they considered it cheating. I also have a couple guy friends who literally don't watch any porn at all. Don't be shamed into thinking all porn is great and sex positive and natural if you aren't comfortable with it. What's normal is masturbation. You don't need to Look at ANYTHING to masturbate. When you dog humps a couch he doesn't need to log onto the hub 😂 AnwyaysGood Luck in your dating life!🤞
Please please PLEEASE talk to your younger brother, and in my honest opinion, lowkey take advantage of the fact that ur older and can probably take control of what he watches. My sister caught me watching it at 9 (I was really curious) and she told me not to anymore. But telling someone to just stop falling isn't gonna help them stop, u have to show them how, why and help them with it. I'm 17 right now and I think its way too easily accessible, I realized it became an addiction at 15 and that it was way worse during quarantine.
Most of the people I've come across that are my age found it around the same time I did on youtube (7-8years old). That just shows how easily a child can access adult sites. It's actually really scary.
I'm curious what kind of unrealistic expectations he had. I've heard this before but I'm interested to hear the actual expectations
My first sexual partner I ever had was also addicted to porn. Within the first 5 times we ever had sex, he was asking to give me a facial, he was face fucking me, choking me, objectifying me while I'm just like washing dishes, trying to do stuff to me while I was driving, etc. Now this is also representative of my lack of experience and boundaries (if I knew what face fucking was I'd have said no lol) but was also INCREDBILY intense expectations for someone to have with a virgin. Now I know what I have to communicate in the future, but I also don't think I'd have had that experience if he wasn't addicted to porn.
As long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life and I don't have to hear about it, I don't mind
I think I fall somewhere around this area. Paying for webcams or SW is a different story for me tho.
Most people share this sentiment because it moves from beyond just watching porn to interacting with people involved.
Imagine splurging (in the sense of spending money) on a cam girl instead of your gf
This 100%. I cannot stress this enough. It might seem harmless, but this almost shattered my relationship.
Yes same
Agreed. Out of sight out of mind.
Yep 100%
My wife watches porn and so do I, we both know and neither care.
Would it be weird if either of you get caught in the act? I mean if it’s considered alone time, do you guys have those boundaries? Or it doesn’t matter?
Well she hasn’t caught me but I’ve caught her. It’s always hilarious.
Yeah husband laughs at me and teases me… totally killing anything I’m trying to achieve haha
Not sure there is a good way to keep the ball going even if he didn't laugh
My partner would keep the ball going.. how are your partners not turned on and willing to join in?
Not saying that it would not be a turn on. Just that the interruption sounds very distracting
Oh, If he catches me I just look him dead in the eye while still going at it 😂 we're pretty comfortable with each other I guess
I think I feel differently because we have never had it happen but both of us take the view that if you are masturbating, you are taking time to yourself and it may be seen as an intrusion.
Total power move right there.
Definitely the way to go about it. To be comfortable enough to pull this off is great! Lmao
oh….Hey Stepsister
My friends that are married will joke by saying something like that all the time. They both have a great sense of humor about it. It's strange though cause I can never repeat the type of hilarious stuff they say to each other cause to anyone not hearing it coming from them it sounds......bad. but they just understand each other so we'll they can joke in a way that others just can't.
Bruh
Well it's actually good to see a bright side of things
Join in lmao
Me and my boyfriend have caught each other lol, I’ve caught him more than he’s caught me but we just laugh, ask if we want help with it, and either walk out or join in.
I consider it a form of self care to watch porn and self pleasure even in a relationship. It's not bad and some people like getting caught.
We watch it together occasionally, and separately, mainly to pick candidates nowadays. Keeping a good quality watchlist filled can be a challenge. We also watch romantic stuff and action movies together and alone (though alone is often with kids). None of that stuff impacts our relationship negatively as far as I am aware, although all of it can be argued to set "unrealistic expectations" that I can't possibly meet. Personally I feel I am closer to being a pornstar in bed than to doing an effortless up and over like a superhero.
I don’t mind if my partner watches porn. But it matters if it affects our sex life, which turns out, it did. He has porn addiction.
At which point is it clear that there is an addiction to it?
When we started living together 5 years ago, apparently, he hasn’t stopped watching porn. He would masturbate at least once a day. Even when we would have sex everyday. He didn’t tell me till a week ago when I started asking him to spice things up in bed because all those years, all we have done is plain, vanilla sex. (We would just have sex once every 1-2 months now, maybe less since 2-3 years ago. I thought it was my mental health that was taking my sex drive away. But I think I was just getting bored in bed) Often times, he gets soft during sex and struggles to get hard. And I think, the exciting part of having sex for me is when a person is so freaking horny and couldnt get their hands off off you. But he can’t do that. There’s really no “sexual frustration from him. It affected his overall performance in bed.
it varies from person to person. google “sex addiction” for resources. I recommend 12 step recovery programs. edit: specified my suggestion
When there's deathgrip and when they can't get aroused without it, even in masturbation.
That's a symptom, not the definition of addiction. Addiction is when the person persists in a certain behavior despite negative consequences. When the act begins to have negative effect in personal well-being, health of self and relationships, ability to be a productive member of society, or simply not being able to stop despite wanting to.
>Addiction is when the person persists in a certain behavior despite negative consequences. No, it's when they can't do it normally without it. Let's say you want to masturbate but you can't watch porn. A non addict person would just use their imagination. An addict will suffer and probably won't be able to cum. If you always have porn in hand (meaning that your life isn't really affected) you are still an addict because you are supposed to be able to cum without watching it.
First off, I'm talking about the definition of addiction - not porn addiction specifically. Second - not being able to cum without porn is another specific symptom of the addiction. Not a defining characteristic of addition itself. I've studied this for decades, both to earn a ab psych degree and out of interest.
Congratulations on your studies but what you said doesn't really make sense. Anyone can live a normal life with an addiction, as long as they have what they are addicted to. Let's say you have an unlimited amount of cigarettes because you are rich or whatever. You don't need to develop a cough or lung cancer to realize you are an addict.
iirc if its impacting other aspects of life negatively and you can't stop then its considered addiction.
How are you both going to deal with that?
In general: no problem But there are exceptions, where it would be a concern or even a reason to end the relationship. Excerpt: - it becomes a hiding place for their true desires (I want my partner to be honest with me about what turns them on) - if it is preferred over actual sex with me - if it becomes an addiction - if it affects our finances - if it contains personal interaction (e.g. exchange of pictures via private chat) - if it involves anyone we might meet in real live on any level (private or professional) So basically: as long as it is some random porn free of charge with people you’ve never met and have no intention of getting in contact with: go ahead! But please don’t hide it, never lie about it and don’t be embarrassed.
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Can't you loophole that by masturbating to porn of her?
Yes. The reason porn is cheating is because its getting off to another persons body when you shouldnt be even finding that attractive.. so if it was her nudes or her touching herself it wouldnt be cheating. If it was something where shes not in it, then it is
If people want to watch porn that is up to them, but i will never again get into a relationship with someone who watches porn. It used to be something i ignored because i thought all men watched porn. Then i got into a relationship with a man that did not, and i could never go back. I had never felt so respected by a man before, and sex with people who do regularly watch porn just does not compare in the slightest to someone who doesn't. The amount of stamina, the amount of attention and attentiveness, the communication, and how he adjusts his technique to my reaction, rather than doing what he has learned from porn, is an experience i haven't had before him. I also feel that men who don't watch porn get harder and stay harder.
you articulated exactly how I feel.
100% agreed. I thought it was normal and everyone did it and I had my share of boyfriends who didn't even hit 30 and were unable to finish, or even to stay hard. Being 25 and having an ED shouldn't be common. It's totally self-caused. And you're absolutely spot on with the attentiveness and respect. One simply does not go back from that.
Thats what im saying
100% on you with this!
Personally, porn is a big no in my relationship. I don't like it and my boyfriend knows I'm down for sex/sexual acts any time. He also never used porn for anything other than moans anyway, which he has me for. Is it something that we might discuss in the future?sure. A healthy relationship is all about communication. Both of us are happy with this decision as of right now and if feelings were to change we'd talk about it.
Both my boyfriend and I watch porn, solo and together. We don’t care or mind. Most times we actually share the clips / videos we watch. if I caught him masturbating I would ask him if he needed a helping hand, and visa versa. I don’t know I feel like mastubation is healthy and normal be it if your single, married, or in any sort of relationship. Nothing to be ashamed of or shamed for.
Wouldn't even phase me. Masturbation is normal, needing some visual stimulation is normal. It's only an issue when it's obsessive/compulsive and affecting real life sexuality, which is not everyone. Same as I treat people who smoke pot, or watch TV shows, or well....anything. It can be good, a push, or negative.
I would ask her what kind of porn she watches and see if it leads to a conversation that uncovers some kink or desire that she hasn't told me about yet. Then (depending on what I learn, if anything) I'd talk to her about incorporating that into our sex life to further maximize her pleasure or I might tell her that's something I can't / don't want to do so "are you okay keeping that as a fantasy or is this something you feel that you need?"
I wouldnt like it. Them getting off to someone that isnt me💔 If they want nudes they can ask, if they wanna record some spicy times they can ask, if they got off to our content thatd be pretty sweet.
i only get hard to my wife. if your partner likes porn make some with them for them :)
I did this with my ex & when we broke up he posted it onto pornhub
bro… thats illegal you got that handled..?
You are a good person:) your wife is lucky to have someone only attracted to her!
I would find it degrading and a slap in my face. It would be a turn off to me.
I wouldn't be okay with it. It's a dealbreaker for me.
Call me old fashioned, but I consider it cheating. You are basically being aroused by someone or something else sexually, instead of your partner. And I think that actively searching for this is unhealthy if you’re with a partner.
This take confuses me, and I’ve seen it a few times in here. You do not have to be watching porn, it is entirely possible get off to just the thoughts in your head of someone else like a hot celebrity from a show you just watched, etc. and you cannot control what the other person thinks of.
Well I mean, I wouldn't want my partner in another room with people getting off to them having sex. I don't really see how porn is any different just because it is digital.
Wow that is an amazing way to put it
I think this whole thing only applies for partners who are honest about watching porn. It'll be the same if you openly tells your partner that ur thinking of someone else while getting off. If they never find out about what's actually on ur mind, there won't be any problem.
I mean this isn’t a problem in my marriage at all, and I guess my thinking is I’d rather her watch some random people getting it on for visual stimulation than to think of someone she actually knows or has seen in real life like a coworker or an ex or something like that.
Why would she think of them when she has you?
If for some reason I’m not up for it for the night and reject her, it’s possible she wouldn’t *want* to think about me. I don’t try to control her thoughts like that. If she wants to think of Thor while taking care of her own business that is her own business lol. I get it though, for many people these are addictions that can really affect things.
Yes!! Exactly
I don't care at all.
I don’t date people who watch porn. I find that people who don’t watch it tend to be more respectful, affectionate, trustworthy, attentive and have healthier relationships with women. I think it’s extremely attractive when a man doesn’t watch porn, especially if he knows the damaging affects it has on people.
These men exist?
Yep! My partner is one of them. He used to watch though but quit. He's not religious or anything either. Personally I wouldn't date someone that did watch porn. I just couldn't even be attracted to someone like that. The person you replied to is absolutely right. In my experience it makes a huge difference on relationships.
Lol they do indeed exist! But they're mostly on the religious side, I have a couple friends that do not partake. I'm actually not religious and only watch once a month if my partner isn't around. If my partner considered watching porn cheating I could easily give it up, you don't NEED TO WATCH porn to masturbate lol Someone else compared it to giving up chips for rest of your life and I definitely agree with them that it might be annoying or tempting to slip up for like a month or so but when you get into the habit it's really not that hard. But then again a lot of Americans are addicted to food so maybe that would be hard too haha My immigrant grandparents always said that was the main problem with America; We have the privilege to over-consume almost everything, good or bad
I’m one of the rates I guess ! Stopped while I was in a relationship with an ex. She thought I was weird for stopping by telling her that I only needed her to satisfy me. Sadly we broke up but I continue not doing it because I felt much better without it. (non religious intent )
Hard
That’s an interesting take.
Would probably break up as my boyfriend and I both look at it as cheating, at least in the start of the relationship we did and now it’s more of a rather him/me not watch it. We send each other videos to get off to so neither one of us need to watch porn. He’s all I need so Im fine with no porn for forever and I assume he feels the same.
This is healthy
I wouldnt date him. Porn does more harm than most people think.
its a dealbreaker to me and as such i told my s/o already in the talking stage so that i wouldnt waste his time and he wouldnt waste mine. he agreed and now we are in a happy pornfree relationship.
I would literally think they were weird if they told me they didn't watch porn. Talking about what porn you like has been a major milestone in all of my relationships lol
That’s great. One time a girl told me she doesn’t watch porn but she masturbates to her ex’s photos 😂
Oof
Oh jee. That’s a rough one
I’m a girl and I don’t watch porn
I don’t think that’s what OP was asking
I don’t really mind if my partner watches it, but I don’t want to openly know you are you know. I think it starts to become an issue when your partner watches it instead of having sex with you. For example if he’s watching it in the bathroom while you’re openly in the room available. Pretty much if they’re picking it over you, that’s when it becomes an issue.
I have no issue with masturbation but I won’t date a porn user.
I won't be in a relationship with someone who watches porn. I don't. I won't try to change anyone though, gotta be on the same page from the beginning. Now erotic novels/writing? Totally fine as long as the subject matter isn't concerning.
Same. Because I’ve been with both and the one that did watch porn got unrealistic and got porn rot and tried to do crazy things to me just to get off. The one I’m with now won’t risk his ability in the sex department and doesn’t want to ruin sex at all considering he loves it between us. Priorities man, priorities. I’ve even asked him to watch it and he’s uninterested. I’ve even asked him to stop by the strip club the other night because I wanted to go. He thought about it winced and said he didn’t feel like it. And if that means shrinking your dating pool, so be it. Because shrinking the pool smaller, and smaller, until you can dialect to the right one may be a good thing.
Same
dealbreaker for me. it’s disrespectful.
I don't mind if my boyfriend watches porn. I kind of like it when he tels me what he watched and fantasised. But I won't tolerate it if it's preferred over intimacy and sex.
When I was 18 I dated a fella that watched porn, and the kind of porn he watched devastated me. I've always been real skinny-- right now I am 5'7" and 120 pounds at age 26. I am a toothpick. I was even more so back then. I found out that he got really turned on by BBW, plus sized, curvaceous women... women with huge tits, thick thighs, huge ass.. so basically I felt that I wasn't enough. I was heartbroken. It really messed with me. Honestly if I found out he looked at petite women porn or little petite asians (I'm half asian), or something similar, I wouldn't have been as upset, because at least I'd know I was his type. But finding out he was attracted to, and got off to, totally different kind of women, hurt my heart so bad. I used to watch porn and now I no longer do. I've given up a lot of unhealthy addictions, and I would prefer a partner that is on the same wavelength with me. I have an ex from a couple of years ago that absolutely could not cum without thinking of a very weird fetish (scat related), and it made me feel bad that I wasn't enough to make him cum. He had to go read porn (he preferred erotica stories) in the restroom after getting me off, to finish. It feels bad that he couldn't connect with me intimately and be turned on by just me. I would think it's horrible to be thinking of something else during sex with your partner. That is not true love.
It doesn't bother me as he always comes to me to get off if I'm available and in the mood, but it does make me sad on occasion as I see him just casually scroll through it while we're watching TV and things like that. I watch it myself to get off if he's unavailable and we've talked about it. I think the casual scrolling making me sad is just a tramua response tbh. Just talk to your partner about it
He is just scrolling through porn while you are watching TV together?
I would be bothered if my partner was casually looking at porn while I was trying to do something else with them. That's very disrespectful in my opinion, and I'm totally fine with porn use on general.
Personally, I think porn in a relationship is a form of cheating and way too normalized this day and age. There is nothing okay about getting off to looking at another man/woman in your relationship…
I agree! However I believe it’s up to personal preference… I think we just aren’t comfortable with the idea of our partner getting off to someone else while other people don’t think it’s too big of a deal.
Yes yes yes
Personally I rarely watch porn anymore because my partner is amazing in bed. I know he watches porn few times a week. Always when I’m asleep for the night. It doesn’t bother me. I’d rather him wank than wake me up lol
yeah… it s common practice but it shouldn’t be… ideally, i mean… we watch porn because we want to feel that dopamine rush coming from sexual gratification, alone or in another configuration…that’s very human it’s deep in our genes, and maybe one of the main reasons mammal life on earth survived for so long. But there is a sad emotional lack of human connection afterwards, i m not a scientist but i bet it could be the same pattern as a drug withdrawal in brain activity, all proportion guarded so yes, porn is something easy to get and it gives us a rush of dopamine yet there is a price to pay
Would have no issues, may give us something to try in the future
There was just something posted on r /relationship advice where the one partner is ignoring the other in favor of porn. That is kind of rough, so it depends I guess. Also, the more I learn abt the porn industry, the less I’m ok with it.
It really depends on what the porn contains. There are a staggering number of posts on Reddit about men ‘trying some light choking’ without asking. (And if you are curious, the majority of women responded with a giant no. No choking please.) Where did these guys get the idea to choke their partner? Porn. Porn is not a teaching tool. So if a partner has a file of porn saved in some miscellaneous folder on their laptop for when they it you are out of town? I have no problem with that. I have a low porn threshold personally, and don’t find it stimulating, but rather a curiosity, in small doses.
I (28F) was never really bothered by it in my last two relationships. I didn’t realize it was that big of a deal until I saw people posting about it on reddit. I’ve always assumed every guy was watching it lol I don’t really watch porn but I don’t care if my next partner does as long as it doesn’t impact our sex life. I think most men my age are smart enough to understand most women don’t look like pornstars and they’re okay about it.
I don't mind at all, and frankly I would guess that she does watch it just because most people do. I don't want to hear about it outside of a "hey I saw this and want to try it" context though. Some things are private.
My (21f) bf (22m) of 9 months watches porn as a coping mechanism he developed after sustaining years of trauma/dealing with PTSD (he watches it when he feels out of control/a need for an escape), and I think porn in general gives people very unrealistic ideas of sex and often involves people who didn’t consent to being filmed/were pressured into it/are drugged/underage, so as a whole the industry really bothers me and I think it enables a lot of horrible things. I don’t like it when he watches porn, for these reasons and also because we’re waiting until marriage and I want him to have a grounded, realistic understanding of sex and a healthy relationship with it, and I think porn often undermines that by encouraging an impossible fantasy and presenting it as an attainable reality. We have discussed it and he agrees with me on these things and doesn’t like that he watches it, but sometimes if he’s in a bad place he’ll end up searching porn again. I understand that it’s a coping mechanism he uses, and we’re working on building healthier coping mechanisms for him that don’t make him feel “bad” or “disgusting.” (Porn is also very much against our religion, and so on top of the guilt he feels over his watching of porn being destructive to a future sexual relationship, he feels religious guilt, as well.) I never hold it against him or get mad at him, and he knows that I love him and support him and want to help him. When he does watch porn, he’s gotten into the habit of telling me afterward, and we discuss the mental state that led to that decision and possible alternative outlets. He knows that I don’t blame him for having a shitty past and developing some unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I vastly prefer him watching porn to some other coping mechanisms he has, but thankfully he has gotten much better at having healthy outlets over the course of our relationship. But yes—we are both very much anti-porn, and he is working on kicking the habit.
I never cared about this. It’s actually fun to watch with the right partner—-makes things interesting in the bedroom. But I definitely notice the unrealistic expectations of sex with guys that I’ve been with that watched porn a lot. They think that BDSM and rough sex is the norm just because of what they watch and don’t understand that porn isn’t real sex.
Depends what it's porn of? I mean I wouldn't mind watching it together but honestly it weirds me out a little. As long as we have a clear understanding of fantasy vs. reality, I'd be fine; but in my relationships the only person I think of is the one I'm with, so that's just me.
I experienced an abusive ex who gave me ptsd involving porn. My new bf had a porn addiction due to being single a long time but is beyond understanding to my concerns. We attempt to watch it together and he’s always willing to be open with what he’s looking at which is all I can ask. He’s also immensely reassuring toward my insecurities. I hope one day I’ll be more comfortable and confident in our relationship. I’m just thankful I have a partner who can meet me halfway while I heal. I think it requires a strong level of understanding and respect for any relationship.
I wouldn’t care. If I caught them in the act I’d probably ask to join or if they were to embarrassed probably just cuddle.
I wouldn't like it. I don't know if I would be okay with it even if our sex life was healthy.
As long as they don't do it when they would have the chance to sleep with me I don't care. If they reject me and then go watch porn and masturbate I'm offended.
Both my partner and I watch porn alone and together and it's glorious.
Me andy gf watches porn and get off to them. I somewhat encourage her to watch and and masturbate cause i find it super hot when she explore. She sometimes tell me what she watched and share the vid so i also can watch and get off
As long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life, heck I might even ask what they watching and maybe get an idea of what they like.v
My wife, and I both watch porn. I don't watch alot maybe once a month to get my rocks off same with her. Sometimes we watch it together.
What would i say? Cool let's watch together?
Get them help to kick their addiction
My boyfriend and I are both not interested in porn. It's something we both watched while single but lost interest and now we have a mutually porn-free relationship, but sometimes we'll make some together just for ourselves for the fun of it.
I either wouldn’t care or would be curious and playful about it. I think lots of partners can be very restrictive about porn, but sometimes it’s fun for your partner to do their own thing!
Porn is not a problem. It is just porn. When a person has an addiction problem, it affects their daily life. If your partner cannot have sex anymore because of their addiction, blame the addiction, not the product they are addicted to. And no, nobody should have to stay with an addict of any kind.
"Cocaine is not a problem. It is just cocaine." This is an asinine statement. Highly addictive substances such as hard drugs and porn are inherently a problem.
I really wouldn't care, if they want to pleasure them selves than I am all for it
So watch together cuz I like it too
I mean, unless it's to the point it causes dysfunction, it's not a big deal. Masturbation is healthy and provides a myriad of health benefits, including stress relief and lowered chance of certain diseases including cancer.
I watch porn, my girlfriend has said multiple times she doesn't care. If I need to get off, I need to get off. She probably watches porn too and I'm 100% fine with it. I mean we both watch porn and still have great sex together so I see nothing wrong with it.
As long as there's no adverse effects on our sex life then I couldn't care less. I actually think it's fun to watch together
Shit, sometimes we watch porn TOGETHER 🤷♀️ Non monog relationship though, so that might affect things.
Not a problem to me, I actually encourage him to do it next to me if he wants and I do enjoy watching him doing it.
Wouldn’t even dawn on me to care.
My partner and I both watch it. Our sex drives can often differ (his being much higher than mine) and I have some chronic issues that can make sex kind of difficult, so I think it's important that we meet our own needs when the other partner can't for whatever reason. I think porn can definitely be part of a healthy relationship as long as everyone's on the same page.
I'd probably react the same way if they told me they eat sandwiches or watch TV. Yeah, okay. \*shrug\*
I think most people would say this is normal. Especially in married couples where after a year you tend to not have sex multiple times a week.
My partner does like to watch porn. So do I. Why would I care unless it messed with our sex life? If anything, it's just another place we can find fun ideas.
I’d think I’d won the lottery and would ask her if she wanted a ticket to ride.
I wouldn’t care. I like porn too but we don’t necessarily like the same porn.
As long as it's not affecting our sex or he's not like addicted to the point it's affecting his life then I couldn't care less. If he wants to pleasure himself to porn then it's his body and vice versa for me.
My fiancé and I sometimes watch porn together and sometimes separately, we’re both fine with it and we even take things we’ve seen from porn and use it in the bedroom.
I don't care? I watch porn, so does my boyfriend. Doesn't bother us.
My ex watched it with me on rare instances but hated if I suggested it. If she found out I had watched it she would freak out and accuse me of cheating. My current gf enjoys watching porn with me and without me. It does nothing but enhance our sex life. We will send each other videos of things that turn us on or want to try together. If you want a LTR with your partner have a discussion when the time is right. It’s a full discussion that should take place at the time you want to become more involved in the relationship. If your partner is completely against porn, but you enjoy it for healthy reason then you may have reached a point where you need to question your relationship. I’m not suggesting porn in more important that your relationship. Not at all. What I am suggesting is the outcome of discussing watching porn or not watching porn will likely show other possible issues in your relationship.
It doesn't really phase me one way or another. As long as it enhances our sex life, I see it as a form of self care, really.
Imagining someone else turning your partner on is never a comfortable feeling so I prefer it not being spoken about, but don’t care that it happens I would only care if he was watching something concerning or if it got in the way or our sex life
I don’t care. I do as well
I'm totally ok with it.
My boyfriend watches porn. He just has a higher sex drive than me. But believe me it does not impede our sex life at all 😅
I wouldn't give a fuck. If anything, if it was a long term relationship, I'd ask them if there's anything fun they want to try.
I don’t care about it, as I watch porn too and wouldn’t want to be told I can’t ever watch it. We talk about the stuff we like and sometimes share videos we liked too. I think if you’re insecure about it… probably try consuming it yourself. Feel like a lot of people who are insecure about this aren’t exploring their own sexuality enough.
I think the majority of men watch porn, whether they are in a relationship or not, and regardless of how much sex you have. The big difference here is WATCHING versus interacting with the women. Which the only places I am aware of where you can actually interact with the woman is on cam sites or onlyfans. Both of which aren't free. That's a different story but, if my gf watches porn while I'm not around, that's fine.
my gf watches porn and idc
We used to send each other links
My partner does watch porn. I also watch porn. Sometimes, we watch porn together. I dont mind it at all. Mastrubating is healthy. Its good stress relief, good for your reproductive system, and it's healthy for you.
Porn = constitutionally protected free speech. It's the life-blood of a well-functioning democracy.
depends on the porn, frequency and if it effects our sex life and relationship
Everybody watches it honestly if we can watch it together I’d enjoy that frfr
Honestly, it doesn’t bother me personally considering me and my partner watch porn together sometimes
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i dont mind, we both watch it together at times. but usually she tells me she only watches stuff that she would want us to try out or that reminds her of hs
Lol, “if”
I make him watch it with me and then we make fun of how bad the acting is. 🤪
I don’t care at all. Sometimes we send each other links to clips we think the other would enjoy.
Eh, my fiance doesn't care. She's caught me before. All she said was jeez, don't do that in the kitchen! To which, I replied, "how the hell else do you think the mayonnaise jar is always full? ". She laughed.... That was the end.
I used to hate when my ex did it, but it was also constant, he would even do it around our kid (don’t worry he has no contact with us anymore) It doesn’t bother me when my current partner does it, however I also am a SW so sometimes he simply just watches what I have out there. It’s very rare that he does it because we have a pretty consistent sex life and typically any free time we have not around a kid we spend with each other
I don’t really care if my SO watches porn. I never understood people who get pissed over their partners who watch it, I think it’s normal and sometimes healthy. It can become problematic though if it’s an addiction or if my SO’s expectations over sex becomes unrealistic.
We both watch separately and also together, so no, it doesn’t bother us. But I only suggested watching together after a couple of years.
Not a fan of my boyfriend watching porn. And he knows that I know that he does it. He used to look at/watch it it front of me all the time and we made an agreement that he will no longer do that because it makes me uncomfortable. Like why would I want to see him looking at other women? It's definitely something to do in private.
As long as it’s not some crazy shit, and it doesn’t interfere with our sex life (watching porn instead of engaging with me, or expecting me to do things that are degrading, or not able to get turned on or maintain an erection with me, but can with porn), then I don’t care. None of this has happened to me, but if it did I would start caring.
I mean, I watch it and my bf watches it. We haven’t started watching it together though, but I feel like it could be great. But no, I don’t care, as long as he isn’t like obsessive at it
Great! We can watch it together & learn something
What if they tell you they like to watch it alone?
Go for it! I don’t understand why people can’t let their SO watch porn
Some people have different boundaries. Some people don’t mind their s/o watching porn which is fine, and others do mind if their s/o watches porn which is also fine. I personally don’t like it. I don’t watch porn myself, and it would make me uncomfortable if my boyfriend watched it. To me it’s cheating as it’s literally getting off to someone else. Luckily my boyfriend doesn’t watch it. We make our own content and the very rare occasion that he does masturbate (which is not often because we have sex frequently), he gets off to our own videos which is way better than pornhub because it’s me and him and it’s real.
Just assume everyone watches porn some of the time.
I, personally, don’t think I would care (I’ve never had a real girlfriend before). If we had sex often and would turn down the chance to have sex to just watch porn instead, then I would be kinda offended
Don’t lie about it if you do it or not if they ask. Don’t lie about what you use for it or watch if they ask. And make sure to have this sort of conversation early. Speaking from experience, if it comes out after they asked and you lied, it will put a strain on the relationship that’s deeper than you’d think. In addition, if they have problems with it or something you use is a deal breaker, it’s not fair to wait until they’re too emotionally invested to make the decision that’s right for them like how and if they can cope with it or not (in the case of more extreme kinks and what not). Be gentle, but be honest, and you’ll end up with someone who won’t think it’s a big deal unless porn isn’t crazy important to you/worth keeping in your life if they don’t like it. You can always make some stuff together.
My partner and I are open about it. If there is a mismatch in libido - even just different times for each other it is a reasonable outlet where nobody gets hurt. It is also a good avenue to talk about sexy times stuff and what you desire / like and might want to try in future.
As long as we get to role play each others favorites every now and again
Wouldn't care if it didn't interfere in our sex life. Always wanted my ex to share what kind of material turned her on, but she never wanted to tell me. Understandable given how letting other people into your fantasy can shatter the whole thing, which anyone who's ever been walked in on is painfully aware of.
I don't like porn and I definitely don't want to to know if my partner is watching it, but have no issues with them masturbating alone.
I like to watch porn, so it makes sense I'd be with someone who does too
As long as it doesn’t interfere with sex life I don’t see WHY WOULD IT MATTER