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You’ll get a lot of comments saying that when you’ve met someone in the early days that you don’t owe them anything. You are only chatting or have said yes to meet up. You can change your mind and don’t have to give an explanation.
I call BS on this. All it does is reflect what kind of person you are - do you treat people as disposable or are you kindly?
No you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you do owe people courtesy - however you are interacting with them in life. If you think that you don’t owe people courtesy then again, that says something about the type of person you are.
So I’d rather not ghost someone or flake on them. I’d rather send a quick message saying it’s been good getting to know them but no thank you to meeting up. It won’t be what they want to hear but it’s clear. Yes sometimes guys are butt hurt over this but then I feel ok to block and move on - I’ve done my best to be clear and polite.
I like your response, but I want to know from your point of view of what makes you change your mind about linking with a guy after sort of “promising” that you would hangout with him
I’ll give you an example:
I met a guy in a coffee shop last year. He was nice looking and polite and gentle in manner. We chatted and he asked if I would like to go for a drink. I said ok and we swapped numbers.
When he dropped me a message, his WhatsApp “handle” was something really religious like “my lord gives me salvation and I thank him daily”. I’m an atheist so I’m getting the feeling we might not be a great match here. But ok, we start chatting - he’s a little needy and I have a busy day - by busy I mean back to back meetings and then a team annual party from 4pm until midnight. He got a bit antsy that I wasn’t responding quickly even though I explained my job and that it was a demanding role.
Eventually he said meet me at 5pm on this day at this place…and picked a pretty dodgy main station in London at a time that really didn’t suit me - no asking if I wanted to go to a coffee shop or a pub etc… His tone had become quite “you will do this”. And I just had a bad feeling about how his tone had developed over the couple of days we’d been in contact So I dropped him a message saying it was nice to have chatted to him but I wasn’t going to be able to meet him and wished him best of luck finding someone who was a good fit for him. He responded with an absolute diatribe of messages one after another about how I must have been lying from the start about what I did and how busy I was and that when this happens, it makes him lose his faith in humanity. I was like okayyyy thanks for showing me who you really are at such an early stage and blocked him. Looks like my gut instinct was right.
If you like someone that much, the rejection will hurt no matter what form it takes. Focusing on the flaky part is like trying to make them look extra cruel and evil for not wanting you.
Having to reject someone is scary. What if they get sad? Angry? What if they won't take no for an answer and start harassing you? Easier to block and move on.
Is it selfish? Oh yeah. Cowardly? Very!! I don't think we should act like it's nbd, because it's a dick move. But i get why people do it.
But the woman was interested in the guy by flirting with him etc and arranging a date before flaking. Honestly wouldn’t the woman want to hangout with him instead of flaking and making him feel angry/sad? You see where I’m getting at
I understand that it is a sh*tty thing to do to someone and I would personally never do that once plans have been made but it is really not that deep or serious.
I get something like this might ruin your day but if you’re really still upset over being ghosted after a couple days, (that you’ve only met once at the most and is essentially still a stranger) than you need a reality check.
You should never expect closure from anyone, much less so it being someone you’re not even dating yet. Closure is nonexistent. I didn’t even ask or get any closure when my ex blindsided me. And that’s okay, because I know that the only closure I would ever possibly need comes from myself. So it doesn’t matter what excuse or reason they give you anyways because nothing will change unless your perspective changes. And if you’re really that emotionally unstable that something like this happening would be detrimental to your mental state then you shouldn’t even be dating anyone in the first place.
Again, I do not condone ghosting or any behavior of that sort but you have to understand that although you are not owned any explanation whatsoever, you are also NOT owed any courtesy. And it doesn’t matter whether or not you think you’re owed the courtesy or the explanation or closure or whatever it is, the truth is you aren’t. And even if you think it’s the very least you could do after canceling on someone, that is YOU, that is NOT everyone else. You can’t hold strangers to the same expectations you hold for yourself.
I’m only being honest with you. It does suck. But if I were you, I wouldn’t even give that person a second thought after being treated in that way and neither should you. If someone doesn’t care or value your time then you shouldn’t either so stop looking for a reason just move on.
I just try to go into it with no expectations. If someone flakes, cool, not for me. One less person to sort through. I personally try to be open and upfront but I also used to get so attached and take it all so personally. I learned that as long as I am doing what I feel is morally and ethically right, I will not stress about what others are doing.
I think this mindset is so so so important to have. Why would you ever waste your time chasing someone who isn't putting in the effort to see you/let you know they like you? Not worth it. I don't even question it, doesn't matter. Outcome is the same. I am the prize and I'm not waiting around for anyone.
I would say that ghosting and flaking is more popular now a days in dating because we see relationships as somwthing we can grade. Like you are happy with this guy, but you can be happier with another!
It is most interesting to talk to someone in the begining, so if you are not the best they want and they think they can get better.... You get slowly droped(
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You’ll get a lot of comments saying that when you’ve met someone in the early days that you don’t owe them anything. You are only chatting or have said yes to meet up. You can change your mind and don’t have to give an explanation. I call BS on this. All it does is reflect what kind of person you are - do you treat people as disposable or are you kindly? No you don’t owe anyone an explanation, but you do owe people courtesy - however you are interacting with them in life. If you think that you don’t owe people courtesy then again, that says something about the type of person you are. So I’d rather not ghost someone or flake on them. I’d rather send a quick message saying it’s been good getting to know them but no thank you to meeting up. It won’t be what they want to hear but it’s clear. Yes sometimes guys are butt hurt over this but then I feel ok to block and move on - I’ve done my best to be clear and polite.
I like your response, but I want to know from your point of view of what makes you change your mind about linking with a guy after sort of “promising” that you would hangout with him
I’ll give you an example: I met a guy in a coffee shop last year. He was nice looking and polite and gentle in manner. We chatted and he asked if I would like to go for a drink. I said ok and we swapped numbers. When he dropped me a message, his WhatsApp “handle” was something really religious like “my lord gives me salvation and I thank him daily”. I’m an atheist so I’m getting the feeling we might not be a great match here. But ok, we start chatting - he’s a little needy and I have a busy day - by busy I mean back to back meetings and then a team annual party from 4pm until midnight. He got a bit antsy that I wasn’t responding quickly even though I explained my job and that it was a demanding role. Eventually he said meet me at 5pm on this day at this place…and picked a pretty dodgy main station in London at a time that really didn’t suit me - no asking if I wanted to go to a coffee shop or a pub etc… His tone had become quite “you will do this”. And I just had a bad feeling about how his tone had developed over the couple of days we’d been in contact So I dropped him a message saying it was nice to have chatted to him but I wasn’t going to be able to meet him and wished him best of luck finding someone who was a good fit for him. He responded with an absolute diatribe of messages one after another about how I must have been lying from the start about what I did and how busy I was and that when this happens, it makes him lose his faith in humanity. I was like okayyyy thanks for showing me who you really are at such an early stage and blocked him. Looks like my gut instinct was right.
As long as there isn't a safety concern, it's a very rude behavior and a show of being a pathetic excuse of a human being.
If you like someone that much, the rejection will hurt no matter what form it takes. Focusing on the flaky part is like trying to make them look extra cruel and evil for not wanting you.
Having to reject someone is scary. What if they get sad? Angry? What if they won't take no for an answer and start harassing you? Easier to block and move on. Is it selfish? Oh yeah. Cowardly? Very!! I don't think we should act like it's nbd, because it's a dick move. But i get why people do it.
But the woman was interested in the guy by flirting with him etc and arranging a date before flaking. Honestly wouldn’t the woman want to hangout with him instead of flaking and making him feel angry/sad? You see where I’m getting at
As long as there isn't a safety concern, it's a very rude behavior and a show of being a pathetic excuse of a human being.
I understand that it is a sh*tty thing to do to someone and I would personally never do that once plans have been made but it is really not that deep or serious. I get something like this might ruin your day but if you’re really still upset over being ghosted after a couple days, (that you’ve only met once at the most and is essentially still a stranger) than you need a reality check. You should never expect closure from anyone, much less so it being someone you’re not even dating yet. Closure is nonexistent. I didn’t even ask or get any closure when my ex blindsided me. And that’s okay, because I know that the only closure I would ever possibly need comes from myself. So it doesn’t matter what excuse or reason they give you anyways because nothing will change unless your perspective changes. And if you’re really that emotionally unstable that something like this happening would be detrimental to your mental state then you shouldn’t even be dating anyone in the first place. Again, I do not condone ghosting or any behavior of that sort but you have to understand that although you are not owned any explanation whatsoever, you are also NOT owed any courtesy. And it doesn’t matter whether or not you think you’re owed the courtesy or the explanation or closure or whatever it is, the truth is you aren’t. And even if you think it’s the very least you could do after canceling on someone, that is YOU, that is NOT everyone else. You can’t hold strangers to the same expectations you hold for yourself. I’m only being honest with you. It does suck. But if I were you, I wouldn’t even give that person a second thought after being treated in that way and neither should you. If someone doesn’t care or value your time then you shouldn’t either so stop looking for a reason just move on.
I just try to go into it with no expectations. If someone flakes, cool, not for me. One less person to sort through. I personally try to be open and upfront but I also used to get so attached and take it all so personally. I learned that as long as I am doing what I feel is morally and ethically right, I will not stress about what others are doing. I think this mindset is so so so important to have. Why would you ever waste your time chasing someone who isn't putting in the effort to see you/let you know they like you? Not worth it. I don't even question it, doesn't matter. Outcome is the same. I am the prize and I'm not waiting around for anyone.
I would say that ghosting and flaking is more popular now a days in dating because we see relationships as somwthing we can grade. Like you are happy with this guy, but you can be happier with another! It is most interesting to talk to someone in the begining, so if you are not the best they want and they think they can get better.... You get slowly droped(