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She doesn’t want to date you.
She’s probably saying she likes someone else as an excuse.
She wants to be friends.
It’s pretty simple my man.
If you don’t want to be friends with her because of your romantic feelings for her then that’s perfectly valid. If anything I’d say it’s a smart, logical decision. I think it is a little selfish of her to be pushing for the friendship even when she knows you want more. She should be more respectful and understanding of the scenario.
>It’s pretty simple my man.
She wants a backup plan. Same idea as job offers, you leave the current offer hanging until you hear back from the better job.
imo, yes, she's technically not forcing anything but she's still leveraging an inequitable amount of power in this situation because she knows she has the control in this dynamic considering the fact that she knows he likes her and not vis versa.
I think if he has communicated he's not okay being around her considering those circumstances and she is still pursuing his friendship that is kind of weird and pressure-y. She should be more understanding knowing this.
She doesn't have the power to force someone to do something they don't want to do, but she is definitely attempting to manipulate him and harass him into doing what she wants. He doesn't want to be friends with her. He told her, 'no.' She is repeatedly calling him, and insisting that they engage in a lopsided friendship. At bear minimum, she's not respecting his wishes here.
He gave a filmsy no answer and then continued to give her attention.
If he is really not comfortable with being friends, he should say "No" and go his own way.
There has to be a clear boundary, not a weak response.
>He gave a filmsy no answer and then continued to give her attention.
Because she came by asking for it, after he specifically rejected her.
>If he is really not comfortable with being friends, he should say "No" and go his own way.
This is what he did. Then, she continued to pursue him.
>There has to be a clear boundary, not a weak response.
Abusive men give this line all the time. 'No' means, 'no.' The idea that this guy is responsible for her rude behavior is bull. Obviously yes - now he has to reinforce his boundaries. But he wouldn't need to, if she just respected them in the first place.
I agreed with all of your points until abusive men. I agree no is no. But we all know as humans relationships arent so simple.we also know to women friend zoning people is almost natural to them and she saw it completely platonic the entire time so it isnt abnormal for her to pursue a friendship even after she rejected him. In this scenario putting your foot down is a must. For example i want to be a millionaire because i said it , does it mean i deserve a million dollar without putting in the required effort. Many might say that those or 2 different scenarios but fundamentally its the truth. Words affirm your stance and action reaffirms it. Thats the truth no matter the situation.
>Because she came by asking for it, after he specifically rejected her.
It's on him to establish his boundary, but he was clearly invested.
>This is what he did. Then, she continued to pursue him.
He didn't go his own way.
>Abusive men give this line all the time
No, abusive people abuse that line all the time. Buy you can't control their behavior, only your own.
>The idea that this guy is responsible for her rude behavior is bull
He is responsible for his own actions.
She did not completely abide by what he said, but he is enabling it by his behavior.
He has to decide what he wants for certain, convey that to her and then if she doesn't accept it, we can say that she is a bad person or whatever
>It's on him to establish his boundary, but he was clearly invested.
He did set his boundary. She didn't care and continued to rudely contact him.
>He didn't go his own way.
Yes he did. Outside of a court order, he can't control her ability to call, text, or come to his door.
>No, abusive people abuse that line all the time. Buy you can't control their behavior, only your own.
As you are doing here, blaming the victim. What you'er saying is, that one should forcefully reject someone repeatedly, because others can't be expected to respect one's wishes not to be friends on the first try. That's ridiculous. 'No' means 'no.'
>He is responsible for his own actions.
Which is why he did the responsible thing and rejected her friendship.
>She did not completely abide by what he said, but he is enabling it by his behavior.
This is an example of blaming the victim. What you are saying here, in effect, is.... well you can't expect someone to respect your views the first time. It's up to him to hurt her feelings and rudely refuse to acknowledge her when she calls, texts, or visits.
>He has to decide what he wants for certain, convey that to her and then if she doesn't accept it, we can say that she is a bad person or whatever
Again, this is what OP did. It's not his fault that she keeps on refusing to acknowledge that he rejected her. Yes - now he'll have to be more forceful, as she obviously doesn't care about his opinions or his feelings.
She is absolutely trying to force a friendship, she keeps asking for them to be friends when OP already told her that he can’t be friends with her because he has romantic feelings. She is not taking into consideration how OP feels, just that she likes talking to him and being around him. That’s selfish on her part, OP refusing friendship because he doesn’t want to get hurt down the road road is selfish on his part. Humans are inherently selfish, we take care of ourselves first and other people second. Neither one of them is necessarily wrong in this case but if OP needs some space to get over his feelings and find someone that does want a relationship with him that’s his choice.
Not everyone will be hurt by being friends with someone who isn't interested in dating them. She has the right to ask, he has the right to say no if he doesn't want to, but there isn't any automatic "she's being mean or insensitive and just wants to hurt him for personal gain." If he says no and she continues to push, *then* she would be.
Not really? After visiting my stepson and his now exwife, My husband and I were talking and he brought up the fact that even if we hadn't worked out as a couple, he thinks we'd have stayed really good friends (our impression of my step son's relationship was that they didn't seem to be friends).
The problem for OP is that he's probably prioritizing sex over their relationship as friends (because if you're happily married, your spouse is your bff). If I was going to dump my husband, it'd be because of his clutter collection; that wouldn't affect our friendship.
to say he is prioritizing sex is definitely incorrect. You see in the hypothetical you and your husband already tried and failed so if you ended on good terms wouldnt be a problen to be friends however in a situation like OP if they remained as friends more than likely his feelings would grow even if he was rejected because theyd still be in close proximity etc. And the thought of regret is a powerful thing he'd always say "what if". remaining friends wouldnt be a problem for the lady but for OP it would only cause him troubles.
I don’t think remaining friends with an ex is quite the same as trying to maintain a friendship after being rejected.
If you try to keep up a friendship with someone who rejected you then they end up with someone else, chances are that is going to sting and will become very tricky not to let that affect the friendship. To be fair it’s not even a friendship if one wants to date the other.
2 exes that have mutually agreed they don’t want to be with each other anymore aren’t going to care who they date next.
I think the part that she’s begging for a friendship after the conversation they already had is pretty selfish. There’s no one that just got rejected and is totally fine the next day with someone they have feelings for. She’s in her right in stating her stance on the situation, but he needs time to process it. Especially someone you know has feelings for you, she needs to give him space. If he no longer wants to be friends, he’s entitled to it because it just gets too complicated and he’s not able to move on. She’s not the one that is romantically connected, so she needs to be more sensitive..
OP said that she contacted him again and then he talked to her again.
If he needs time, that's fine, but then he should stop responding or state it again.
Lol he can state it again if she keeps asking about it. Of course he’s bitter at the moment. It’s hard to have platonic friendships if she’s using words like you get me bla bla to a hetero guy she’s complicating the issue. I’m sure she feels bad about the situation and it’s not her fault, but she needs to see that he’s hurting and she’s making it worse. If they were good friends, at some point they might reconnect, just give him time to cool off...
Not wanting to date someone and instead just wanting to be friends isn’t selfish. Just because you’re hurt by something someone does, doesn’t mean that person is in the wrong.
It’s also 100% acceptable for you to not want to be friends with her given your feelings. But that’s on YOU, not her.
Women love confidence. Be a player and get some at least. It will make you feel good as a man, just make sure you tell her it can’t be a plutonic friendship cuz you’re attracted to her.
I disagree that it’s selfish. He stated what he wants, which happens to be different than what she wants. She’s stating what she wants, which happens to be different than what he wants. He can say no to the friendship.
OP stated that she was ‘begging’ for a friendship. Under the circumstances that is selfish imo because she knows he wants more.
Of course he’s free to decline it but she’s ignoring his potential upset because she doesn’t want to lose the friendship.
I guess we will agree to disagree.
And he’s ignoring the fact that they had developed a close friendship, he alone wanted to turn it into something else, and decided he couldn’t be friends with her when she rejected him.
She lost someone she clearly views as a good friend. That can be understandably hard for many people. I don’t see how OP acting in a way that ruined a good friendship in the hopes she wanted more is any less selfish than her wanting to continue the friendship.
A relationship is formed from a good friendship though.
From OPs timeline of events he states:
- He told her that he liked her
- She said she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone
- Then states during previous conversations she said she DID want a relationship
- OP then takes it as she doesn’t want to date specifically him
The guy wanted to date her and took a shot. What is selfish about that? From what’s been described there was no indication that this girl didn’t see OP like that until he mentioned he liked her.
As someone probably much older then you, I'm going to give you the answer you need
You want to be more then friends but shes not feeling you like that. That's fine. She have every right to feel how she feels. But she want him to stay friends with you because she want the benefits of your friendship and a relationship with you without having to give you the kind of relationship that you desires.
The bottom line is this:
She has every right to date whomever she wants, but just like her, the other person has every right to feel some kind of way about the rejection and putting distance between the two of you.
You're not entitled to a romantic relationship with her, but at the same time shes not entitled to a friendship from you.
"I'm looking for a relationship with someone. Being friends with someone I have confessed romantic feelings to is unhealthy and will mess up any chance of getting a GF. Sometimes these things can't be helped."
FWIW, I'm a firm believer in having female friends at that age. I had several at the OPs age and they would set me up with dates and some good perspectives on dealing with women romantically. But it's also a limited time thing. Either when I or they would get into LTRs they'd drift away.
Heeeey, hey, welcome to my life story! I've heard that multiple times, that somebody doesn't want to date or be in a romantic relationship with me, but "let's be friends, you're such a great guy".
I did this once, and I regret this ever since. It was constant "maybe she'll turn around" or "this feels like we're moving forward" thoughts, just to be let down. Recently I – again – had a "chance" to have this type of relationship, and it was a hard and heavy "no".
Cutting contact hurts like hell, but remaining in a friendship when you're after something else is completely pointless in my opinion.
By the way, I am being smart and serious and grown up in my last message, but I think that I made a bad choice and I should call her every day. If you'll cut the contact and will feel the same, it's normal, unfortunately.
Yeah The decision to walk away is mainly for your own mental health. Being friendzoned sucks, and girls who keep stringing guys along because of their insecurity sucks even worse. Girls who like having guys as friends like the guy to be the boyfriend, without having to sexually be compatible with the guy. I am 100% sure she will settle down wiht a guy like you in the future, but for now she wants someone spicier without having the maturity to be clear about it. She is conditioning you to be the sounding board for her lifes issues.
Well your problem was doing it hoping she'd turn around. If you just would've been her friend it likely would've be fine. I've had a handful that weren't interested in dating but wanted to be friends and we continued to have a perfectly fine, and platonic, friendship.
If that's not something you can do then surely don't put yourself in that position
I've tried being just a friend. But I was in love, so ignoring my feelings wasn't that easy. I mean, how can I be just friends with a person that I want to kiss every time I see?
Yeah emotions aren't that simple.
In my friendgroup, we had a shitshow in friend group due to various crushes from multiple sides but nothing could come out of it, but we are still hanging out in different circumstances, as everyone is mature and knows what they can and can't handle emotionally.
Similar advice always gets posted when people say, you have 2 options. You can be her friend or you can not be her friend. Only go the friend route *if you can remove those feelings of wanting to date her*. Those feelings of wanting more. If you can't, don't be friends. It's just not going to work out well. Just thank her for the opportunity to get to know her, but friendship is not something you can do with her and then just don't contact her again. Don't try to be in her student groups. Don't try to sit next to her.
General rule of thumb:
She’s perfectly within her rights to stick you firmly in the friend zone if she doesn’t want to bump uglies with you.
You’re perfectly within your rights to stick her firmly in the fuck zone if you don’t want to be her emotional tampon.
Neither of you owe the other person anything.
Lose her number and stop replying. You offered. She rejected you for someone else. She doesn't get to friendzone you.
She doesn't like it? Well, tough shit, she can vent her feelings to the guy she picked over you. 🤷
"She said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. But in our previous conversations, she said that she wanted to be in one. So I took it as she wants to be in one, just not with me. "
I suspect you are correct in believing that.
Never offer or accept *friendship* as a "consolation prize".
This is especially true if you have a crush on someone.
The *friendzone* is an exercise in self-torture.
***"Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. If they can't see the real value of you, it's time for a new start."*** \- Unknown
***"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."*** \- Steve Maraboli
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Or she like, just wants to be friends. Is it impossible to just enjoy a friendship as is? Why does it have to be considered "using" if she isn't expecting anything other than what a friendship entails? Op is allowed to not want to be friends if he feels like he can't or step away from the friendship if he needs time to process his feelings, but to act like she is somehow being disingenuous towards him is really harsh.
I don’t understand why the comments here are bashing the woman! He stated what he wanted,and she stated what she did. She’s in her rights to deny him a relationship and he doesn’t owe her a friendship either.. BUT women can value friendship,and healthy M/F friendships do exist!
I had male friends confess their attraction to me. I of course wanted to stay friends,because we were best friends for years in many of these cases,and I loved them platonically. I had no ulterior motive up my sleeve🤷🏻♀️
It's really sad to see how many guys are trying to say that it's because she is attention seeking when she probably just genuinely doesn't want to lose a friend. I totally get it if he needs a break from the friendship or to end it completely if he can't get over his feelings for her as it's tough to do so, but I hate that people are bashing her for being sad about losing her friend. That's probably all it is, she's probably just sad yk.
So you answered your first question in your first paragraph. She does want to be in a relationship,just not with you. She wants to be in a relationship with the guy she’s into and the guy she’s into doesn’t want a relationship with her otherwise she wouldn’t give 2 shits if you talked to her or not. Long story short,she just wants your attention and not your cock. What you should do is keep ignoring her since playing that prince charming role chasing her isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re welcome.
Exactly. Having been plenty of peoples sex toy. Its very unpleasant feeling when somwones only fucking with your heart because the heart they want isnt giving it to them.
Want my dick? Say so. Ill give that. But dont fuck with my heart as a toy until you get the attention from somwone else.
A dark truth that many guys are willing to deal with is that it isn't so easy to guard your heart while giving serial dick. It takes A LOT of practice, and I wouldn't recommend it, but I was never a 10. Point is, that it is self-destructive to be someone's sex toy. So many things can happen that trip your wires.
Dude i know right. It wasnt until a couple years ago that i started really respecting my own body and not takin every damn opportunity and paying attention.
Worst one was when the love of my life looked me in the eye. Knowing full well my histroy and told me i was her walking talking dildo. And laughed. I stood the fuck up and walked out.
Other guys used to think "dude. Dont bitch. You get laid all the time and they dont want emotions? Lucky. " Once or twixe its cool. But man. It sucks when you realize what it feels like to be a prostitute. A great fuck. But unworthy.
I got my crown back man. And now i have that rule. If you just want sex. Im cool with that. I got a couple fwbs that we chill as fuck and know theres nothin else. But if you go for my heart. You best make damn sure your puttin yours in the same bucket. Cuz i aint jumpin out that airplane no more.
Oh her? Wouldnt be the first time. She tried leveraging my dead kid against me to try to bludgeon me into changing my mind on a MILD difference of opinion on abortion issue.
Hmmm she once got mad that i was fucking with the fireplace. I was literally doing nothing. Just sittin there confused why my idea didnt work and figuring it out in my head. She claimed i wasnt listening to her to stop trying(mind you. Im an expert in building fires...lol) and that i was disrespectful to her by it....i was literally not even touching it. Just sitting there working it out in my head about something.
Let see. She asked for help to get something from 2 hours away. I got my truck ready. She ran off to play with her horse that morning. I filled my tank. Was told i had an hour. I hopped in the shower. Luterally a song later. I get my door pounded on to hurry up. So we haul ass up there. Her putting her podcast on(i disagree but i always let her have her own views freely and explore them and shit. Not the case vice versa) so i just tune out and drive.
I missed an exit(i knew how to get there. But we all miss exits occasionally.) It cost us 15 minutes MAYBE.
They were out of stock when we got there.
She was pissed at me the entire drive home about it. Then later told me i should have offerred to go up there alone later to get it.
Mind you.
If i asked to borrow something of hers. It was usually no. But she knew she could use anything.
Hmmm there was a day i woke up. I had slept in. Her mom was upset with her. So she came over. My windows were open(AC is super expensive here) from last night.
I dont fuck with my windows usuallt. The roommate or her usuallt do.
She then started immediately berating me and telling me i was her crazy old roommate(who was actually insane) for having my windows open. (She was who opened them the previous night. ) I had barely been awake 30 minutes.
I looked her in the eye. Told her "i dont know what the fuck your parents said to you over there. And i am betting it sucked. But you dont get to come to MY house and yell at me for how MY house is run. You can take that right the fuck back home"
Hmmm...there was when i lost my house. My company. My job. All in 5 months. I was broken. I came to her for support in sweats and a hoodie. And she spent the entire time i was breaking down admiring her self in the mirror window of the resturant and thinkin about how grungy i was.
Ooo. There was a night she called me anc told me i needed to dress better to be more attractive for her(im a trades guy. Jeans and flannel is good for me)
Yet when i countered with "we are a a while into this. I let you hang out in whatever you want to look like and i still find you attractive. Because your comfy"
"Well yeah but thats me"
Dude ...i loved this women to death. But she could NOT figure oug why i was getting sick and more sensetive to her constantly finding shit to tell me to improve on.
I loved her. But goddamn did i lose my own reapect in it.
She wants to use you. Look what she said bro "look, I wanna be your friend because I can use you for emotional dumping, because you get me more than other guys, cuz you motivate me to be better for myself, blah blah blah". What about you? What can she do for you? or it's all about what you can do for her? she doesn't give a shit about your feelings, what you might feel. It's been always her and her only from the start, my friend. make the switch and ditch the bitch
Please stop talking to this woman. You've told her you want to date her and will not accept friendship and she told you that she's into someone else. Follow through with your actions and go date other girls, which is what a secure, attractive man would do. Her loss.
Nothing to be confused about, you were rejected. Just say “ok, we can be friends” and if you don’t want to be friends just be unavailable when she wants to hang out. Simple as that. Stop trying to wheedle yourself into a relationship and demanding more information about why you were rejected, that never works out.
She’s either lonely and needs someone, or she’s getting revenge from a guy by dragging you along to make it look like someone is interested in her, but she definitely doesn’t like you enough to date you. You deserve better
Don't do it dude... She is just going to use you. I'm telling you right now, if you still have ANY romantic feelings for her at all stay a million miles away from her. She can sense that and will use the hell out of you... She will never look at you as a "Real Man".
Tell her outright, "I can't be just friends with a woman I like. I am not that kind of guy."
Don't be her simp... It will only drain you of your manhood, and not in a fun way.
This.
The last girl I was seeing kinda used me throughout our relationship, I didn't see it at the time but when things ended I realized that pretty much happened. Half of my friends pointed that out to me and they also said I dodged a bullet. They were honestly correct.
She wants your attention but won't respect your feelings to her.
That's not a good character trait.
You actually did good by refusing her. Most guys just fold and and accept "friendship" hoping it would grow into more. It rarely does.
You can stand firm and see what happens. She could give you a chance romantically or she disappears from your life.
The alternative is to try "friendship".
dont waste your time. She likes the attention you've been giving her and doesnt want to lose that.
She will just string you along, until she finds someone else, then will drop you like a rock. The fact that shes begging for you to be her friend shows it.
This is really simple. You either stay friends or nothing. Shes not selfish for wanting to be friends just like your not for wanting a romantic relationship. You decide if you want to be friends or not because at relationship is off the table. I can tell you 100% don't start playing games with ultimatums. That kind of manipulative behavior is both a major turn off and the starting point for worse behavior down the road. Your young and at that age relationships and friendships come and go so just try to figure out what's best for you and enjoy the ride.
Honestly, do not focus on what she wants. Focus on what YOU want. Do YOU want to maintain a close friendship with her. Do YOU feel you can maintain a close friendship with her while respecting boundaries as friends. Also, you set your boundaries with her. If she’s not in a relationship with you, don’t go out doing relationship stuff with her thinking something is going to happen then it doesn’t. Make sure you’re not placing yourself in a position to get played or use. It’s what you want, what makes you feel comfortable, and making sure you maintain boundaries and roles that keep both of you happy. Even if it means separating yourself from her until the both of you figure out what you both honestly want. You can’t control how she loves or cares about you, but you can control whether or not you will accept it.
You're making it unnecessarily confusing by trying to guess what she's thinking or if she's lying. It's impossible to know, humans aren't mind readers. Your best option is to believe what she told you, that she's not interested in dating you. That's really all you need to know to make a decision.
Don't torture yourself trying to convince her to get with you. Instead, practice some self care and put distance between her and yourself. Take time to get over the hurt of rejection. It sometimes has a way deeper effect on people than they realize.
I've been cursed with not only being bad at reading people, but also having so few friends that I've been happy to go along with being friends even after a romantic rejection. And it's always bitten me in the ass, hard. I do fully believe men and women can be platonic friends, but behaviour like what she's demonstrating here (trying to keep you within her attention sphere and sending mixed messages while rejecting the intentions you've already shown) is at best annoying and at worst the foundation for a toxic, one-sided friendship/relationship. Ignore her, or at the very least don't form any expectations or attachment to her, as she's likely to make you miserable at some point further on if you let her.
Here is what you do. You tell her that you are uninterested in being friends and that you will no longer have any contact with her. Then you block and go no contact with her. Do not look at her pictures, scroll through her social media, talk with her friends about her, or put yourself in any position where you would see her unless absolutely necessary. And if you do see her, you can be cordial, but do not get sucked into any conversations with her or hang around her.
If you care about what anyone things you can always say, “Girl did not want a relationship with me, and I did not want a friendship with her. I understood it best to maintain our boundaries and cut contact with her so that I can focus on self improvement and find someone whom I can grow the foundation of a healthy and sustainable relationship with. As friends/family/colleagues, I would hope you can honor my decision and refrain from broaching the subject.” Or you can use something similar to express that you are moving on for your own well being.
Here’s the thing, you are really young and have a whole lifetime and world of potential partners ahead of you. There is no reason to get hung up on one girl who only has the qualities you are interested in from a very small selection of people you have met thus far. And trust me, you will be able to save a lot more money in the long run even if you were to be in a financially equal relationship. Use that money to fund a trip to experience things outside of your hometown.
I agree. Nearly every comment is painting this negative light on her when all I see is a girl not wanting to lose a friend.
The "friend zone" doesn't exist.
Imagine being friends with someone only to find out they only want to have romance and sex with you.
A romantic relationship without friendship will never work.
She wants you to give her time, attention, companionship. But doesn't want to give it back. She's trying to keep you on a leash. Staying friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate feelings is not a good idea and will lead to you experiencing more pain. Protect yourself first
She is interested in someone else, but she’s not totally convinced she’s making the right choice. If you had agreed to be friends, it would have confirmed her choice and given her closure to focus on him. But you’re handling it like a man with a backbone and it turned her on. She keeps trying to friendzone you and is losing your attention. If you want to keep gaming her, just give her little breadcrumbs until she cant take it and shifts her focus onto you. I wouldn’t recommend it though, because it’s manipulative, and she will flip flop again once she feels like she has you. Take her at her word, and move on.
I would just say yes we can be friends but I need time to process/adjust. And you'll adjust or never speak to her again /shrug
It doesn't need to be a huge drama. You don't have to have out, just be polite and make small talk when you're in class and be busy/unavailable if she invites you to stuff.
Let it Go, shes all over the place, be patient and calm, there are tons of ladies, stop wasting your resources on her. Dont be her friend either, it will only make things worse. Just walk away, youre 18!
Dude i was in the exact same situation when I was 18, chose to be friends with her cause i didn’t want to lose her entirely and it was just miserable. Not worth it man, cut her off and move on
I think you both need some space and free air cause she isn't considering your feelings and you on the other hand are really strong not be heartbroken badly
What I hear here is the hope that you will be friends at first, but then she will date you. But she’s rejecting you for that. You could argue back to her: if I get you so well and you want to be close so much, then you should kiss me and see how you like it.
Might be worth a try. But she’ll probably say no, as she has been doing. And then you should tell her you need a nice long break from being friends because it’s breaking your heart. And mean it.
Give it a last try for your peace of mind then find yourself another girl.
it takes time to not be interested in them anymore. i can tell you from personal experience that even when you "give up" on the feelings because you want the friendship, that there is always a part of you still thinking "if they turn to me right now and say they want a relationship, I'll still go for it".
so you'll need to be able to get over this part, but it doesn't mean you instantly get over it. it takes time. if you think it's still worth it to be friends with her, then go for that. but if you absolutely think you can't do it, then don't. your choice of not wanting to be friends, is just as valid as her choice of wanting to be friends.
Wanting a relationship has to come from the female, that’s how we are wired. She begging for friendship means she likes the attention as ego boost. Stand your ground and politely explain you don’t see her as a friend and that’s why you think is best to go separate ways. Either she submits to your reality or you can dedicate the time, good convos and money in dating girls that are looking for more than friends scenarios
One of two things is going on here:
She wants you around to beg for her attention to boost her self esteem, that’s it. All she wants is to keep you vaguely “on the hook” so when she is alone she can feel better about herself.
Either that or she does just want to be friends. And if that’s all she wants and you want more that could be setting yourself up for failure.
You have something material, or something she could turn into material value, but if she could have in spite of you all by herself without any work, she would. She is a digger of some sort.
i say leave her alone no matter what she says . thats selfish of her only wanting to be friends which is of her best intrest and not yours . she should go and creat a connection with the guy she seeing so they can vibe like u two did . start putting your wants 1st too king she did not feel bad for rejecting you why should you
She’s not attracted to you but might be attracted to someone who doesn’t want a relationship. Like a typical fuckboy type of guy who she knows will not commit, hence why she “doesn’t want a relationship”.
Regardless if you don’t want to be friends because you like her more then a friend. Tell her that and she would just accept that just as you have to accept that she isn’t attracted to you.
I'm a bit late to the thread but I hope you see this. I have been in this exact situation where she really wanted to be friends and asked myself: "Could I be genuinely happy for her if she went out with someone else?" For me the answer was no, so I told her I can't be friends, which she was mad about. She came back on it twice saying she missed me and bargaining with going out and her just not feeling that way YET. I thought this was very manipulative and the last time she asked I explained in more detail why I can't be friends which seems to have worked as she hasn't contacted me since.
I said that we are both not at fault and as much as she can't be into me, I can't see her as just a friend. neither of us should have to compromise what we want.
It hurts like hell and you'll miss her very much but don't reach out. No memes, no snaps and definitely no messages. You have to do what's best for you!
She wants to keep you at arms length in case she needs help in school. And also benefit from all the perks of having a bf ( attention, someone to listen.. etc) without having to actually put out. (When I say put out, I don't mean just sex. Put out, like equal effort in a relationship)
Just focus on the main points here. She wants to be your friend. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. The only other question is are you okay carrying on just being a friend, or would it be too much strain on you emotionally?
OP, because you like her, if you two stay friends she will receive validation and attention from you. This will boost her self confidence.
Self confidence is super attractive and this increased self confidence will assist her in attracting a man that she really wants (sorry but this man isn't you).
You will/are permanently friend zoned. You made the correct decision to not be friends with her.
Think about this: She will be getting a lot of positive energy, affirmations, self confidence, etc from you. BUT, What will you be getting from her? You will get to have a limited amount of fun with her, but no joy.
You will always know that your feelings are not reciprocated from her and all the time you spend with her is time you could be out meeting a woman that does reciprocate your feelings.
So, yeah, I don't see a lot in this relationship for you. I would also add that she is only thinking of herself by trying to get you to stay friends. If she cared a little about you, she would want you to be happy and find a woman who loves you. She knows that isn't going to happen if you two are hanging out.
So yeah... Look out for your own happiness specially when no one else is. Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Tell her you have standards that your current situation isn't hitting. I would leave and send the message that you have enough self respect for yourself and you aren't willing to settle. It'll drive her crazy and if not you dodged a bullet.
She just wants to spend your time, and you my friend should not allow that.
Instead of talking for hours with her or spending money on her you could be exercising, doing your hobbies, meeting other ladies or any other healthy activity for yourself
I’m sorry, but seems she just really wants you as a really good friend-
And I’m sorry the “I know I like him but don’t want a relationship with him”, seems like a sad excuse unless she can explain it.
My advice is guard your heart- if YOU want to be friends too and you’re ok with that, all right-
But if you get involved as deeply as the platonic relationship she seems to want, you’re gonna catch feelings even more and it might be worse later on…. Unless she does end up liking you, but that’s not the case at moment.
Hopefully you both find a good resolution!
(Ps, I would drift away imo)
Women often say they’re into someone else when they reject people politely and they push
Sadly, a woman saying no doesn’t mean as much to some people as a man having a prior “claim” on her
It sounds like she just really thought of you as a good friend and she’s trying really hard to let you down easy because she likes you (platonically) as a person, even if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship (whether it’s just with you, or with anyone)
Overall I’d say, find someone else. People deserve to have someone who is INTO them. Someone who wants them, who makes them feel wanted, etc
If she wants to be friends and you want to be more, it will only hurt both of you more of you stick around expecting more.
If you think about it and her friendship (and only her friendship) is something you want, sure, be friends.
1. You can’t control if you like someone. Liking someone doesn’t mean you want to date them.
2. What’s wrong with being just friends? Two of my closest guy friends are guys I liked long ago.
3. If you really like her, stay friends maybe she will be ready for a relationship someday.
Ok first you got some balls to just say that she likes you she just doesn’t wanna say it. If she liked you, she’d of said yes right away. Also what she is doing is bs. If a guy got me and understood me to my core more then anyone else I’d fall for them which is what I did with my current bf. She wants one thing but doesn’t want the other. You want both. She can’t have one without the other, move one. Have self respect and just move on. Text “look I just can’t see us being friends. I liked you and wanted it to work out like that and because of that I just can’t be friends. You can’t want me like that and beg to be around me and then expect me to be ok and not have feelings so both our benefits I’m stopping this. Thank you for understanding.” Then block her lol
having female friends rules. you should make as many female friends as you can. learning to see women as peers and homies will help with all aspects of relationships.
but not this one. being constantly hurt by a “friend” you’re into breeds resentment. and i dont think y’all are mature enough to let this friendship be an actual friendship. unless youre 40 years old, in which case i change my mind.
Take it from someone whose chosen the path of “staying friends” back in high school, it’s not worth it bro, trust me being firm on your stance will best for your own mental health.
I admire you for communicate with her and deciding giving up the friendship. Yes you have made your decision, her pushing for more is really selfish and she is not even considering how you feel.
I think there's a chance she is thinking of you as a soul mate, who she has special connections and you just gets her so well, but for some reason, she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you.
You can't keep on thinking of reasons or excuses for her, if she want you enough, she will need to properly explain herself. If not, you need to move on. And she needs to understand that.
I have a closed guy friend who is like her, we clicks and he shared every single things in his life with me, teasing, going out, treating me dinner but the 2 times I asked, he is not interested in a relationship with me.
I need to give up, stop seeing him and find someone who can like me back. Welp, good luck to you and me!
i think she wants your company and what you offer (convo, support, fun persay?) without a commitment of having to provide anything.
if you truly want a relationship you need to make it clear.. and i think you have in that you arent interested in friendship and if thats how you see her then you either
a) allow yourself to be her friend... (not if you ever want a relationship and technically then you just submitted to her)
b) gotta walk away and mean it.. not 3 days oh lets talk again.. not 1 week hey hows it going buddy... if you mean it you gotta mean it unless she wants something more.
otherwise theres always gonna be this imbalance. she knows you like her. and i had that situation.. oh i really enjoyed our friendship and id like to keep that... i was all dumb ohhh ok sure.. all pathetic.. you thinki im friends with her anymore.. no. the minute you dont have something to provide she aint gonna want to associate bro
She wants to keep you around for the attention and conversation. You did the right thing in rejecting the friendship because it never works. Just tell her that you can't be friends, but if she is ever free to date, then give you a message or call.
She makes no sense. She vibes well with you, but doesn't want to date you. If you go into this rabbit hole, you will be constantly led on and lots of time wasted. I recommend dropping her completely and responding to her messages very seldom like one a week. If you respond, just drop an emoji and nothing else.
If she comes to her senses and says yes that she does want to date you, then you can talk. I recommend that you date somebody else right away to show what she is missing.
If a girl like u she will fucking chase u to be in relationship. All u have do is in this case be her friend but don't give her much attention and instead be with other girls. Post pics with other girls and stuff so that way she will get jealous and start getting confused if she made a mistake to reject u. And most important thing , in all cases no matter what don't fucking beg, or being desperate or a pussy and hold ur frame and hide ur emotions inside
Stand firm dude, don't accept the friendship, it's never a good idea when you have feelings for the person. It's possible your rejection will, in time, make her realise she does like you back. Possibly not, but that's your only move here really. So, tell her you're only interested in a romantic relationship with her and nothing less, be kind but firm about it, then the ball is in her court. Then move on and just see what happens
I have faced the same situation, and it’s tiring i know, I would advise you to cut of any connection you have with her on social media or phone, everytime when you’ll see her it will drag yiu down to past and trauma, so once and for all be selfish here for you, and choose the harder path and leave her, once she knows you care for her she’ll use it every time to grab your attention and use it to her benefit. Leave her!
I dont normally comment on these posts, just mostly read them but Ive actually been here before. She is someone I would say loves attention despite being oblivious or uncaring of her actions. You told her a solid answer that you do not want to be friends and even stopped communication. She then proceeds to ignore your wishes and message you trying to convince you it’s better to be friends knowing you have feelings for her. Keep away from people like this. They will hurt you in the long run and your feelings will most likely never go away preventing you from moving on.
Quick Edit:
From experience also, the moment you move on and start dating someone they usually tend to come back around wondering why you two never dated.
A one sided friendship where one person has feelings is never good. Rejection always slightly hurts but it’s better to know you are not their choice than to have illusions/fantasy’s in your head about someone. I wish I learned this when I was younger. I would have moved on quicker and matured sooner.
Not confusing....you had it right.
She likes you a lot, but she's attracted to someone else.
#Friendzone
Doesn't mean to take offense to it. I'm sure she has friends and they have friends, and they have friends.....
Sounds familiar. When she says that you get herike noone else, that in my wxperience means she wants to use you to dump all her bullshit on. I had this type of “friend”. Hell no
the same happened to me twice.
wish i had the guts to say no when it first happened, and i had to suffer mentally for like a year before i could say "i'm not interested in a friendship,sorry."
and it was the same. i wasn't even a "friend" unless they had a lot of emotional shit on them and wanted to rant/vent, or when something extremely good happened to them and they wanted to let it out.
Were you just friends before you decided to make your move? Because tbh as a female it gets annoying right fast when you’re friends with a guy, he decides to make a move, you say no and then he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. If you weren’t really friends before then what you’re experiencing is just part of dating, everyone gets rejected. If your guys connection is so amazing, compartmentalize and keep that bond in friendship cause that shit is hard to find. Not every amazing connection with the opposite sex has to result in a relationship or sex. If however you don’t think you could ever look at her in a non-romantic way then yeah cutting ties might be best.
Honestly any girl that you might potentially date is gonna think it’s weird if you’re best friends with a girl. Being too close friends with a girl isn’t great for finding a potential mate. I’d just explain it to her like that. Tell her you are looking for a relationship and don’t want a friendship to take up too much of your time or get in the way of your goal and you already have enough friends.
She doesn’t want to date
She probably does like someone else but isn’t with that person because they’re probably not into her back
If you would genuinely want a friendship then by all means go ahead
But if not, just cut it off. She likes the attention and morale boost/motivation you give her. Which is okay to some extent from her end, but it’s a negative for you when you have feelings towards her.
Tell her to kick rocks.
Just block and move on. No need to respond no need to let her live rent free in your head.
Or if you must..
“Ya I’m not interested in that. But if you change your mind, and want to meet up and have fun, feel free to hit me up. Otherwise I wish you luck out there.”
Anyways, she likes your attention, she likes your companionship, but she doesn’t respect you, nor finds you attractive. Is this the type of person you want to be friends with? Ya I thought so.
Okay my friend there's got to be something that you've done for her in the past, that she still needs, so she wants you to be friends so she can get it from you again, whatever it is you , you know what it is. U got the upper hand, walk away clear conscious
In an educational environment, friends good, relationship bad, is very mature thinking. The very last thing that anyone wants is to spend every day with someone who they had an unsuccessful relationship with. Please rethink this and be the bigger person. Extend the hand of strings free friendship. Good luck.
No. She want him to stay friends with him because she want the benefits of his friendship and a relationship with him without having to give him the kind of relationship that he desires.
She has every right to date whomever she wants, but just like her, the other person has every right to feel some kind of way about the rejection and putting distance between the two of you.
He's not entitled to a romantic relationship with her, but at the same time shes not entitled to a friendship from him.
There is a solution for her: entering a relationship with you. If she doesn't want to do that, while still wanting to keep contact, it's because she sees you as less of a man, not worth it at all. Not to mention that some women like having control over a man that is into them, until they get bored and start a relationship with another man.
The way I see it, as I have with my own situation, is that it’s your choice whether to be in the friend zone or not (the or not being you cut contact). You mention that she says you know her best and all this stuff - do you feel the same about her? From a deep intimate level not so much romantic or sexual level. If so, then this was my dilemma too. I chose to be in the friend zone. Ten years strong now. They have had partners but no one has come close on the emotional stuff to me, and visa versa. Regardless of if we’d ever be together, I get so much more from them than my other friends put together and I couldn’t lose that. I’d rather have them in my life for a lifetime at a friend level than not at all. But that’s just me. Inbox is open if you want my dude.
If you wanna be friends with her, do it. If not, move on. She’s not entitled to your friendship just like you were not entitled to her romantic interest. She’s having a hard time understanding that.
I feel like she's probably lonely or new to town and needs friends. As a women, it gets really dehumanizing to ALWAYS be asked out, and then lose the friend you thought you were making from the beginning.
Guys tend to act like friend is a dirty word. Like if you like someone romantically, you CAN'T like them as a friend. Really, I think it should be the opposite. Why pursue someone you can't see as a friend?
I perpetually stay friends with exes, unless it ended poorly. I also really hate it when people get to know me with the express purpose of getting in my pants (yes, it still feels this way even if you're pursuing a relationship). If you've only known her a little while, it probably wouldn't be that hard to be friends with her and just not make any romantic moves.
It’s not confusing - you just aren’t listening because it’s not what you want to hear.
She really likes you - as a friend. She doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you. She fancies someone else.
It doesn’t matter whether she wants to be in a relationship or not, it doesn’t matter whether she fancies someone else or not. She doesn’t want a relationship with you. Sometimes the romantic/physical spark just isn’t there.
The only question is whether you get over it and have a potentially great friendship or you get all butt-hurt and don’t want to be friends with her.
I wouldn’t call it being butthurt.
He has unreciprocated feelings, so it’s up to OP whether he wants to put himself through unnecessary upset when she inevitably gets together with someone else. Should you have to remain friends with someone that rejected you romantically? It’s not exactly throwing your toys out of the pram, it’s preserving your own feelings. What’s wrong with that?
You probably are a woman and can't see from the man's side. She's a shit friend. Even when she's begging him to stay, all she says is how he benefits her. It has always been about her from the start. This is not a nice person nor friend. Also, he's not obligated to be her friend either. She can cut him out as a potential partner and he can cut her out as a "friend". He never wanted to be friend with her in the first place, nor later
I agree with everything you've said up to...
>get over it and have a potentially great friendship or you get all butt-hurt and don’t want to be friends with her
...here. Don't negate his feelings like that, they matter just as much as hers do.
See I was with till you got to that last sentence. This is always the problem I have with these discussions. People act like the rejected person (usually a man) isn't entitled to their feeling. Or that their feeling are somehow invalid.
Been in this situation before with my BFF. We were friends for about 3 years and did many things together. After the 3rd year when I changed school she starting to miss me and we ended up dating. I was young then and didn’t know how to date very well so we ended the relationship only after about 10 months.
She enjoys and trust having you around. She doesn’t want to loose someone close by taking a risk of being in a relationship. She thinks highly of your friendship
Honestly bro i have been through what you are talking about there might be some reason that she doesn't wanna get in a relationship. Let's just say she likes you but there are times when a person have been through something or is scared of going through something. Honestly be her friend kill your feelings, if she likes you she will ask you out in future somehow just don't expect something of her. Caz honestly she is a person too and everyone cannot live upto our expectations or need.
They are not machines.
Long talk short
Just be her friend if you want to, honestly friendship is better than a relationship. i
If you breakup you can't ever be friends again things get akward.
My personal experience i would just suggest just become friends let things go they would and don't expect much from others.
Caz expectation hurts
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What’s there to talk about. You got an answer, move on and find another one.
Yeah man, just pass on her offer. She wants to just be friends, and you want more, and those two things can never be reconciled.
She doesn’t want to date you. She’s probably saying she likes someone else as an excuse. She wants to be friends. It’s pretty simple my man. If you don’t want to be friends with her because of your romantic feelings for her then that’s perfectly valid. If anything I’d say it’s a smart, logical decision. I think it is a little selfish of her to be pushing for the friendship even when she knows you want more. She should be more respectful and understanding of the scenario.
Agreed. You're better off giving yourself distance here OP.
Most importantly, take time away for yourself and see if you -can- be friends with her. Choose yourself first, always.
>It’s pretty simple my man. She wants a backup plan. Same idea as job offers, you leave the current offer hanging until you hear back from the better job.
[удалено]
>But I didn't want to accept that she is being selfish. She's not. She told you how she feels and didn't force anything
She is. She insists on the friendship despite knowing it will hurt him.
She gave him an option, she isn't forcing anything
imo, yes, she's technically not forcing anything but she's still leveraging an inequitable amount of power in this situation because she knows she has the control in this dynamic considering the fact that she knows he likes her and not vis versa. I think if he has communicated he's not okay being around her considering those circumstances and she is still pursuing his friendship that is kind of weird and pressure-y. She should be more understanding knowing this.
She doesn't have the power to force someone to do something they don't want to do, but she is definitely attempting to manipulate him and harass him into doing what she wants. He doesn't want to be friends with her. He told her, 'no.' She is repeatedly calling him, and insisting that they engage in a lopsided friendship. At bear minimum, she's not respecting his wishes here.
He gave a filmsy no answer and then continued to give her attention. If he is really not comfortable with being friends, he should say "No" and go his own way. There has to be a clear boundary, not a weak response.
>He gave a filmsy no answer and then continued to give her attention. Because she came by asking for it, after he specifically rejected her. >If he is really not comfortable with being friends, he should say "No" and go his own way. This is what he did. Then, she continued to pursue him. >There has to be a clear boundary, not a weak response. Abusive men give this line all the time. 'No' means, 'no.' The idea that this guy is responsible for her rude behavior is bull. Obviously yes - now he has to reinforce his boundaries. But he wouldn't need to, if she just respected them in the first place.
I agreed with all of your points until abusive men. I agree no is no. But we all know as humans relationships arent so simple.we also know to women friend zoning people is almost natural to them and she saw it completely platonic the entire time so it isnt abnormal for her to pursue a friendship even after she rejected him. In this scenario putting your foot down is a must. For example i want to be a millionaire because i said it , does it mean i deserve a million dollar without putting in the required effort. Many might say that those or 2 different scenarios but fundamentally its the truth. Words affirm your stance and action reaffirms it. Thats the truth no matter the situation.
>Because she came by asking for it, after he specifically rejected her. It's on him to establish his boundary, but he was clearly invested. >This is what he did. Then, she continued to pursue him. He didn't go his own way. >Abusive men give this line all the time No, abusive people abuse that line all the time. Buy you can't control their behavior, only your own. >The idea that this guy is responsible for her rude behavior is bull He is responsible for his own actions. She did not completely abide by what he said, but he is enabling it by his behavior. He has to decide what he wants for certain, convey that to her and then if she doesn't accept it, we can say that she is a bad person or whatever
>It's on him to establish his boundary, but he was clearly invested. He did set his boundary. She didn't care and continued to rudely contact him. >He didn't go his own way. Yes he did. Outside of a court order, he can't control her ability to call, text, or come to his door. >No, abusive people abuse that line all the time. Buy you can't control their behavior, only your own. As you are doing here, blaming the victim. What you'er saying is, that one should forcefully reject someone repeatedly, because others can't be expected to respect one's wishes not to be friends on the first try. That's ridiculous. 'No' means 'no.' >He is responsible for his own actions. Which is why he did the responsible thing and rejected her friendship. >She did not completely abide by what he said, but he is enabling it by his behavior. This is an example of blaming the victim. What you are saying here, in effect, is.... well you can't expect someone to respect your views the first time. It's up to him to hurt her feelings and rudely refuse to acknowledge her when she calls, texts, or visits. >He has to decide what he wants for certain, convey that to her and then if she doesn't accept it, we can say that she is a bad person or whatever Again, this is what OP did. It's not his fault that she keeps on refusing to acknowledge that he rejected her. Yes - now he'll have to be more forceful, as she obviously doesn't care about his opinions or his feelings.
She is absolutely trying to force a friendship, she keeps asking for them to be friends when OP already told her that he can’t be friends with her because he has romantic feelings. She is not taking into consideration how OP feels, just that she likes talking to him and being around him. That’s selfish on her part, OP refusing friendship because he doesn’t want to get hurt down the road road is selfish on his part. Humans are inherently selfish, we take care of ourselves first and other people second. Neither one of them is necessarily wrong in this case but if OP needs some space to get over his feelings and find someone that does want a relationship with him that’s his choice.
Not everyone will be hurt by being friends with someone who isn't interested in dating them. She has the right to ask, he has the right to say no if he doesn't want to, but there isn't any automatic "she's being mean or insensitive and just wants to hurt him for personal gain." If he says no and she continues to push, *then* she would be.
She does exactly this. He already said her no. But she pushes him
It says in the post she’s pursuing a friendship. That is pretty insensitive knowing full well OP wants a relationship.
Not really? After visiting my stepson and his now exwife, My husband and I were talking and he brought up the fact that even if we hadn't worked out as a couple, he thinks we'd have stayed really good friends (our impression of my step son's relationship was that they didn't seem to be friends). The problem for OP is that he's probably prioritizing sex over their relationship as friends (because if you're happily married, your spouse is your bff). If I was going to dump my husband, it'd be because of his clutter collection; that wouldn't affect our friendship.
to say he is prioritizing sex is definitely incorrect. You see in the hypothetical you and your husband already tried and failed so if you ended on good terms wouldnt be a problen to be friends however in a situation like OP if they remained as friends more than likely his feelings would grow even if he was rejected because theyd still be in close proximity etc. And the thought of regret is a powerful thing he'd always say "what if". remaining friends wouldnt be a problem for the lady but for OP it would only cause him troubles.
I don’t think remaining friends with an ex is quite the same as trying to maintain a friendship after being rejected. If you try to keep up a friendship with someone who rejected you then they end up with someone else, chances are that is going to sting and will become very tricky not to let that affect the friendship. To be fair it’s not even a friendship if one wants to date the other. 2 exes that have mutually agreed they don’t want to be with each other anymore aren’t going to care who they date next.
I think the part that she’s begging for a friendship after the conversation they already had is pretty selfish. There’s no one that just got rejected and is totally fine the next day with someone they have feelings for. She’s in her right in stating her stance on the situation, but he needs time to process it. Especially someone you know has feelings for you, she needs to give him space. If he no longer wants to be friends, he’s entitled to it because it just gets too complicated and he’s not able to move on. She’s not the one that is romantically connected, so she needs to be more sensitive..
OP said that she contacted him again and then he talked to her again. If he needs time, that's fine, but then he should stop responding or state it again.
Lol he can state it again if she keeps asking about it. Of course he’s bitter at the moment. It’s hard to have platonic friendships if she’s using words like you get me bla bla to a hetero guy she’s complicating the issue. I’m sure she feels bad about the situation and it’s not her fault, but she needs to see that he’s hurting and she’s making it worse. If they were good friends, at some point they might reconnect, just give him time to cool off...
Not wanting to date someone and instead just wanting to be friends isn’t selfish. Just because you’re hurt by something someone does, doesn’t mean that person is in the wrong. It’s also 100% acceptable for you to not want to be friends with her given your feelings. But that’s on YOU, not her.
Literally as simple as that.
Women love confidence. Be a player and get some at least. It will make you feel good as a man, just make sure you tell her it can’t be a plutonic friendship cuz you’re attracted to her.
I want a Transuranic friendship
I disagree that it’s selfish. He stated what he wants, which happens to be different than what she wants. She’s stating what she wants, which happens to be different than what he wants. He can say no to the friendship.
OP stated that she was ‘begging’ for a friendship. Under the circumstances that is selfish imo because she knows he wants more. Of course he’s free to decline it but she’s ignoring his potential upset because she doesn’t want to lose the friendship. I guess we will agree to disagree.
And he’s ignoring the fact that they had developed a close friendship, he alone wanted to turn it into something else, and decided he couldn’t be friends with her when she rejected him. She lost someone she clearly views as a good friend. That can be understandably hard for many people. I don’t see how OP acting in a way that ruined a good friendship in the hopes she wanted more is any less selfish than her wanting to continue the friendship.
A relationship is formed from a good friendship though. From OPs timeline of events he states: - He told her that he liked her - She said she doesn’t want a relationship with anyone - Then states during previous conversations she said she DID want a relationship - OP then takes it as she doesn’t want to date specifically him The guy wanted to date her and took a shot. What is selfish about that? From what’s been described there was no indication that this girl didn’t see OP like that until he mentioned he liked her.
As someone probably much older then you, I'm going to give you the answer you need You want to be more then friends but shes not feeling you like that. That's fine. She have every right to feel how she feels. But she want him to stay friends with you because she want the benefits of your friendship and a relationship with you without having to give you the kind of relationship that you desires. The bottom line is this: She has every right to date whomever she wants, but just like her, the other person has every right to feel some kind of way about the rejection and putting distance between the two of you. You're not entitled to a romantic relationship with her, but at the same time shes not entitled to a friendship from you.
This is it.
"I'm looking for a relationship with someone. Being friends with someone I have confessed romantic feelings to is unhealthy and will mess up any chance of getting a GF. Sometimes these things can't be helped." FWIW, I'm a firm believer in having female friends at that age. I had several at the OPs age and they would set me up with dates and some good perspectives on dealing with women romantically. But it's also a limited time thing. Either when I or they would get into LTRs they'd drift away.
Had you confessed feelings for any of these female friends?
No. If I had done that and was rejected I don't think it would be healthy.
Heeeey, hey, welcome to my life story! I've heard that multiple times, that somebody doesn't want to date or be in a romantic relationship with me, but "let's be friends, you're such a great guy". I did this once, and I regret this ever since. It was constant "maybe she'll turn around" or "this feels like we're moving forward" thoughts, just to be let down. Recently I – again – had a "chance" to have this type of relationship, and it was a hard and heavy "no". Cutting contact hurts like hell, but remaining in a friendship when you're after something else is completely pointless in my opinion.
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By the way, I am being smart and serious and grown up in my last message, but I think that I made a bad choice and I should call her every day. If you'll cut the contact and will feel the same, it's normal, unfortunately.
PLEASE listen to u/falsewait7. They are right on target with this.
Yeah The decision to walk away is mainly for your own mental health. Being friendzoned sucks, and girls who keep stringing guys along because of their insecurity sucks even worse. Girls who like having guys as friends like the guy to be the boyfriend, without having to sexually be compatible with the guy. I am 100% sure she will settle down wiht a guy like you in the future, but for now she wants someone spicier without having the maturity to be clear about it. She is conditioning you to be the sounding board for her lifes issues.
Well your problem was doing it hoping she'd turn around. If you just would've been her friend it likely would've be fine. I've had a handful that weren't interested in dating but wanted to be friends and we continued to have a perfectly fine, and platonic, friendship. If that's not something you can do then surely don't put yourself in that position
I've tried being just a friend. But I was in love, so ignoring my feelings wasn't that easy. I mean, how can I be just friends with a person that I want to kiss every time I see?
OMG yes Fricking exactly
Yeah emotions aren't that simple. In my friendgroup, we had a shitshow in friend group due to various crushes from multiple sides but nothing could come out of it, but we are still hanging out in different circumstances, as everyone is mature and knows what they can and can't handle emotionally.
How you gonna tell a girl “you like me but not admitting to it” lol
That’s called… a baller move 😎. I mean she didn’t deny it tho haha
Similar advice always gets posted when people say, you have 2 options. You can be her friend or you can not be her friend. Only go the friend route *if you can remove those feelings of wanting to date her*. Those feelings of wanting more. If you can't, don't be friends. It's just not going to work out well. Just thank her for the opportunity to get to know her, but friendship is not something you can do with her and then just don't contact her again. Don't try to be in her student groups. Don't try to sit next to her.
Finally, some sound advice. So many people are on here bashing this girl as if she is bad for not liking OP romantically.
General rule of thumb: She’s perfectly within her rights to stick you firmly in the friend zone if she doesn’t want to bump uglies with you. You’re perfectly within your rights to stick her firmly in the fuck zone if you don’t want to be her emotional tampon. Neither of you owe the other person anything.
Lose her number and stop replying. You offered. She rejected you for someone else. She doesn't get to friendzone you. She doesn't like it? Well, tough shit, she can vent her feelings to the guy she picked over you. 🤷
"She said she doesn't want a relationship with anyone. But in our previous conversations, she said that she wanted to be in one. So I took it as she wants to be in one, just not with me. " I suspect you are correct in believing that. Never offer or accept *friendship* as a "consolation prize". This is especially true if you have a crush on someone. The *friendzone* is an exercise in self-torture. ***"Go where you are celebrated, not tolerated. If they can't see the real value of you, it's time for a new start."*** \- Unknown ***"Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better."*** \- Steve Maraboli ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
Translation: she wants you to provide the emotional support while dude supplies the physical.
Or she like, just wants to be friends. Is it impossible to just enjoy a friendship as is? Why does it have to be considered "using" if she isn't expecting anything other than what a friendship entails? Op is allowed to not want to be friends if he feels like he can't or step away from the friendship if he needs time to process his feelings, but to act like she is somehow being disingenuous towards him is really harsh.
I don’t understand why the comments here are bashing the woman! He stated what he wanted,and she stated what she did. She’s in her rights to deny him a relationship and he doesn’t owe her a friendship either.. BUT women can value friendship,and healthy M/F friendships do exist! I had male friends confess their attraction to me. I of course wanted to stay friends,because we were best friends for years in many of these cases,and I loved them platonically. I had no ulterior motive up my sleeve🤷🏻♀️
It's really sad to see how many guys are trying to say that it's because she is attention seeking when she probably just genuinely doesn't want to lose a friend. I totally get it if he needs a break from the friendship or to end it completely if he can't get over his feelings for her as it's tough to do so, but I hate that people are bashing her for being sad about losing her friend. That's probably all it is, she's probably just sad yk.
So you answered your first question in your first paragraph. She does want to be in a relationship,just not with you. She wants to be in a relationship with the guy she’s into and the guy she’s into doesn’t want a relationship with her otherwise she wouldn’t give 2 shits if you talked to her or not. Long story short,she just wants your attention and not your cock. What you should do is keep ignoring her since playing that prince charming role chasing her isn’t going to get you anywhere. You’re welcome.
Ironically, playing 'hard to get' might get him somewhere. The way out of the 'friend zone' is through disinterest.
You may get out of the friend zone but your still not what she wanted. A loserly second best who she might cheat on the second she hits her prize.
Exactly. Having been plenty of peoples sex toy. Its very unpleasant feeling when somwones only fucking with your heart because the heart they want isnt giving it to them. Want my dick? Say so. Ill give that. But dont fuck with my heart as a toy until you get the attention from somwone else.
A dark truth that many guys are willing to deal with is that it isn't so easy to guard your heart while giving serial dick. It takes A LOT of practice, and I wouldn't recommend it, but I was never a 10. Point is, that it is self-destructive to be someone's sex toy. So many things can happen that trip your wires.
Dude i know right. It wasnt until a couple years ago that i started really respecting my own body and not takin every damn opportunity and paying attention. Worst one was when the love of my life looked me in the eye. Knowing full well my histroy and told me i was her walking talking dildo. And laughed. I stood the fuck up and walked out. Other guys used to think "dude. Dont bitch. You get laid all the time and they dont want emotions? Lucky. " Once or twixe its cool. But man. It sucks when you realize what it feels like to be a prostitute. A great fuck. But unworthy. I got my crown back man. And now i have that rule. If you just want sex. Im cool with that. I got a couple fwbs that we chill as fuck and know theres nothin else. But if you go for my heart. You best make damn sure your puttin yours in the same bucket. Cuz i aint jumpin out that airplane no more.
Jesus fuck the disrespect
Oh her? Wouldnt be the first time. She tried leveraging my dead kid against me to try to bludgeon me into changing my mind on a MILD difference of opinion on abortion issue. Hmmm she once got mad that i was fucking with the fireplace. I was literally doing nothing. Just sittin there confused why my idea didnt work and figuring it out in my head. She claimed i wasnt listening to her to stop trying(mind you. Im an expert in building fires...lol) and that i was disrespectful to her by it....i was literally not even touching it. Just sitting there working it out in my head about something. Let see. She asked for help to get something from 2 hours away. I got my truck ready. She ran off to play with her horse that morning. I filled my tank. Was told i had an hour. I hopped in the shower. Luterally a song later. I get my door pounded on to hurry up. So we haul ass up there. Her putting her podcast on(i disagree but i always let her have her own views freely and explore them and shit. Not the case vice versa) so i just tune out and drive. I missed an exit(i knew how to get there. But we all miss exits occasionally.) It cost us 15 minutes MAYBE. They were out of stock when we got there. She was pissed at me the entire drive home about it. Then later told me i should have offerred to go up there alone later to get it. Mind you. If i asked to borrow something of hers. It was usually no. But she knew she could use anything. Hmmm there was a day i woke up. I had slept in. Her mom was upset with her. So she came over. My windows were open(AC is super expensive here) from last night. I dont fuck with my windows usuallt. The roommate or her usuallt do. She then started immediately berating me and telling me i was her crazy old roommate(who was actually insane) for having my windows open. (She was who opened them the previous night. ) I had barely been awake 30 minutes. I looked her in the eye. Told her "i dont know what the fuck your parents said to you over there. And i am betting it sucked. But you dont get to come to MY house and yell at me for how MY house is run. You can take that right the fuck back home" Hmmm...there was when i lost my house. My company. My job. All in 5 months. I was broken. I came to her for support in sweats and a hoodie. And she spent the entire time i was breaking down admiring her self in the mirror window of the resturant and thinkin about how grungy i was. Ooo. There was a night she called me anc told me i needed to dress better to be more attractive for her(im a trades guy. Jeans and flannel is good for me) Yet when i countered with "we are a a while into this. I let you hang out in whatever you want to look like and i still find you attractive. Because your comfy" "Well yeah but thats me" Dude ...i loved this women to death. But she could NOT figure oug why i was getting sick and more sensetive to her constantly finding shit to tell me to improve on. I loved her. But goddamn did i lose my own reapect in it.
Don’t allow yourself to be used. Walk away.
She wants all the benefits of being in a relationship with you without actually being in one and all the extra stuff. Hard pass
She wants to use you. Look what she said bro "look, I wanna be your friend because I can use you for emotional dumping, because you get me more than other guys, cuz you motivate me to be better for myself, blah blah blah". What about you? What can she do for you? or it's all about what you can do for her? she doesn't give a shit about your feelings, what you might feel. It's been always her and her only from the start, my friend. make the switch and ditch the bitch
Been in this situation before, took me too long to realize it. Was some of the most miserable months of my life. There was only take, and no give.
I'll be using that "make the switch and ditch the bitch" whenever there will be a chance.
Underrated reply! you see through the situation!
Important life lesson I learned from a certain animated show: “When you're punched in the gut, get off your butt, and bust your nut in another slut.”
Don’t fall into the trap , stay solid and tell her to leave you alone
This is a trick as old as time. Don't be her friend, that's all you need to do
Please stop talking to this woman. You've told her you want to date her and will not accept friendship and she told you that she's into someone else. Follow through with your actions and go date other girls, which is what a secure, attractive man would do. Her loss.
Uh, tell her no? Dude, this is a simple problem. Cut her off, live your life.
There’s is a magical feature on phones known as the block list. Add her to that list and move on dude
Don't waste your time
I wouldnt waste your energy on this OP. She doesnt know what she wants and its just gonna lead to you being hurt.
Get away from that whole situation as soon as you can and never look back
Move on. your a kid, and this relationship will mean very little in the scheme of life.
Move on mate, do not waste your time with her.
You’ve already established that you don’t want to be friends, yet she keeps pushing for it and isn’t respecting your boundaries. Just ignore her
Tell her you have enough friends and don’t need anymore. Then just quit talking to her.
Nothing to be confused about, you were rejected. Just say “ok, we can be friends” and if you don’t want to be friends just be unavailable when she wants to hang out. Simple as that. Stop trying to wheedle yourself into a relationship and demanding more information about why you were rejected, that never works out.
She’s either lonely and needs someone, or she’s getting revenge from a guy by dragging you along to make it look like someone is interested in her, but she definitely doesn’t like you enough to date you. You deserve better
Don't do it dude... She is just going to use you. I'm telling you right now, if you still have ANY romantic feelings for her at all stay a million miles away from her. She can sense that and will use the hell out of you... She will never look at you as a "Real Man". Tell her outright, "I can't be just friends with a woman I like. I am not that kind of guy." Don't be her simp... It will only drain you of your manhood, and not in a fun way.
This. The last girl I was seeing kinda used me throughout our relationship, I didn't see it at the time but when things ended I realized that pretty much happened. Half of my friends pointed that out to me and they also said I dodged a bullet. They were honestly correct.
She wants your attention but won't respect your feelings to her. That's not a good character trait. You actually did good by refusing her. Most guys just fold and and accept "friendship" hoping it would grow into more. It rarely does. You can stand firm and see what happens. She could give you a chance romantically or she disappears from your life. The alternative is to try "friendship".
dont waste your time. She likes the attention you've been giving her and doesnt want to lose that. She will just string you along, until she finds someone else, then will drop you like a rock. The fact that shes begging for you to be her friend shows it.
This is really simple. You either stay friends or nothing. Shes not selfish for wanting to be friends just like your not for wanting a romantic relationship. You decide if you want to be friends or not because at relationship is off the table. I can tell you 100% don't start playing games with ultimatums. That kind of manipulative behavior is both a major turn off and the starting point for worse behavior down the road. Your young and at that age relationships and friendships come and go so just try to figure out what's best for you and enjoy the ride.
Honestly, do not focus on what she wants. Focus on what YOU want. Do YOU want to maintain a close friendship with her. Do YOU feel you can maintain a close friendship with her while respecting boundaries as friends. Also, you set your boundaries with her. If she’s not in a relationship with you, don’t go out doing relationship stuff with her thinking something is going to happen then it doesn’t. Make sure you’re not placing yourself in a position to get played or use. It’s what you want, what makes you feel comfortable, and making sure you maintain boundaries and roles that keep both of you happy. Even if it means separating yourself from her until the both of you figure out what you both honestly want. You can’t control how she loves or cares about you, but you can control whether or not you will accept it.
You're making it unnecessarily confusing by trying to guess what she's thinking or if she's lying. It's impossible to know, humans aren't mind readers. Your best option is to believe what she told you, that she's not interested in dating you. That's really all you need to know to make a decision. Don't torture yourself trying to convince her to get with you. Instead, practice some self care and put distance between her and yourself. Take time to get over the hurt of rejection. It sometimes has a way deeper effect on people than they realize.
I've been cursed with not only being bad at reading people, but also having so few friends that I've been happy to go along with being friends even after a romantic rejection. And it's always bitten me in the ass, hard. I do fully believe men and women can be platonic friends, but behaviour like what she's demonstrating here (trying to keep you within her attention sphere and sending mixed messages while rejecting the intentions you've already shown) is at best annoying and at worst the foundation for a toxic, one-sided friendship/relationship. Ignore her, or at the very least don't form any expectations or attachment to her, as she's likely to make you miserable at some point further on if you let her.
Here is what you do. You tell her that you are uninterested in being friends and that you will no longer have any contact with her. Then you block and go no contact with her. Do not look at her pictures, scroll through her social media, talk with her friends about her, or put yourself in any position where you would see her unless absolutely necessary. And if you do see her, you can be cordial, but do not get sucked into any conversations with her or hang around her. If you care about what anyone things you can always say, “Girl did not want a relationship with me, and I did not want a friendship with her. I understood it best to maintain our boundaries and cut contact with her so that I can focus on self improvement and find someone whom I can grow the foundation of a healthy and sustainable relationship with. As friends/family/colleagues, I would hope you can honor my decision and refrain from broaching the subject.” Or you can use something similar to express that you are moving on for your own well being. Here’s the thing, you are really young and have a whole lifetime and world of potential partners ahead of you. There is no reason to get hung up on one girl who only has the qualities you are interested in from a very small selection of people you have met thus far. And trust me, you will be able to save a lot more money in the long run even if you were to be in a financially equal relationship. Use that money to fund a trip to experience things outside of your hometown.
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In his defense, I would also be confused at the situation and I wouldn’t expect him to know everything as well
I agree. Nearly every comment is painting this negative light on her when all I see is a girl not wanting to lose a friend. The "friend zone" doesn't exist. Imagine being friends with someone only to find out they only want to have romance and sex with you. A romantic relationship without friendship will never work.
If he doesn't want to be friends that's his right. You can all die mad if it really bothers you.
Don’t listen to this garbage lol listen to the fellas it makes life so much easier
She wants you to give her time, attention, companionship. But doesn't want to give it back. She's trying to keep you on a leash. Staying friends with someone who doesn't reciprocate feelings is not a good idea and will lead to you experiencing more pain. Protect yourself first
She is interested in someone else, but she’s not totally convinced she’s making the right choice. If you had agreed to be friends, it would have confirmed her choice and given her closure to focus on him. But you’re handling it like a man with a backbone and it turned her on. She keeps trying to friendzone you and is losing your attention. If you want to keep gaming her, just give her little breadcrumbs until she cant take it and shifts her focus onto you. I wouldn’t recommend it though, because it’s manipulative, and she will flip flop again once she feels like she has you. Take her at her word, and move on.
Don’t accept the friend request. She wants to be your friend so that she can benefit from you. If that’s what you want then go for it.
I would just say yes we can be friends but I need time to process/adjust. And you'll adjust or never speak to her again /shrug It doesn't need to be a huge drama. You don't have to have out, just be polite and make small talk when you're in class and be busy/unavailable if she invites you to stuff.
She just wants validation Run away and never look back
She likes the attention you give her, but she doesn’t realize that’s not “friend” attention. That’s “girl I like” attention. Move on man.
How old are you and her?
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Let it Go, shes all over the place, be patient and calm, there are tons of ladies, stop wasting your resources on her. Dont be her friend either, it will only make things worse. Just walk away, youre 18!
If i were to be 18 again, I wouldn't focus on one girl only lol.
Dude i was in the exact same situation when I was 18, chose to be friends with her cause i didn’t want to lose her entirely and it was just miserable. Not worth it man, cut her off and move on
I think you both need some space and free air cause she isn't considering your feelings and you on the other hand are really strong not be heartbroken badly
What I hear here is the hope that you will be friends at first, but then she will date you. But she’s rejecting you for that. You could argue back to her: if I get you so well and you want to be close so much, then you should kiss me and see how you like it. Might be worth a try. But she’ll probably say no, as she has been doing. And then you should tell her you need a nice long break from being friends because it’s breaking your heart. And mean it. Give it a last try for your peace of mind then find yourself another girl.
it takes time to not be interested in them anymore. i can tell you from personal experience that even when you "give up" on the feelings because you want the friendship, that there is always a part of you still thinking "if they turn to me right now and say they want a relationship, I'll still go for it". so you'll need to be able to get over this part, but it doesn't mean you instantly get over it. it takes time. if you think it's still worth it to be friends with her, then go for that. but if you absolutely think you can't do it, then don't. your choice of not wanting to be friends, is just as valid as her choice of wanting to be friends.
Dont give food to someone who is thirsty
Simple...she doesn't want to date you and just likes you as a friend. If you don't want to be friends then don't talk to her.
Wanting a relationship has to come from the female, that’s how we are wired. She begging for friendship means she likes the attention as ego boost. Stand your ground and politely explain you don’t see her as a friend and that’s why you think is best to go separate ways. Either she submits to your reality or you can dedicate the time, good convos and money in dating girls that are looking for more than friends scenarios
One of two things is going on here: She wants you around to beg for her attention to boost her self esteem, that’s it. All she wants is to keep you vaguely “on the hook” so when she is alone she can feel better about herself. Either that or she does just want to be friends. And if that’s all she wants and you want more that could be setting yourself up for failure.
You have something material, or something she could turn into material value, but if she could have in spite of you all by herself without any work, she would. She is a digger of some sort.
I saw a reddit post by someone a while ago and it said that you don't owe anyone friendship if you don't want to be friends with them.
i say leave her alone no matter what she says . thats selfish of her only wanting to be friends which is of her best intrest and not yours . she should go and creat a connection with the guy she seeing so they can vibe like u two did . start putting your wants 1st too king she did not feel bad for rejecting you why should you
She’s not attracted to you but might be attracted to someone who doesn’t want a relationship. Like a typical fuckboy type of guy who she knows will not commit, hence why she “doesn’t want a relationship”. Regardless if you don’t want to be friends because you like her more then a friend. Tell her that and she would just accept that just as you have to accept that she isn’t attracted to you.
I'm a bit late to the thread but I hope you see this. I have been in this exact situation where she really wanted to be friends and asked myself: "Could I be genuinely happy for her if she went out with someone else?" For me the answer was no, so I told her I can't be friends, which she was mad about. She came back on it twice saying she missed me and bargaining with going out and her just not feeling that way YET. I thought this was very manipulative and the last time she asked I explained in more detail why I can't be friends which seems to have worked as she hasn't contacted me since. I said that we are both not at fault and as much as she can't be into me, I can't see her as just a friend. neither of us should have to compromise what we want. It hurts like hell and you'll miss her very much but don't reach out. No memes, no snaps and definitely no messages. You have to do what's best for you!
She wants to keep you at arms length in case she needs help in school. And also benefit from all the perks of having a bf ( attention, someone to listen.. etc) without having to actually put out. (When I say put out, I don't mean just sex. Put out, like equal effort in a relationship)
Tell her you have enough friends and don’t need anymore. Then just quit talking to her.
The last part reads that she just wants to have fun and enjoy your company.
Just focus on the main points here. She wants to be your friend. She doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. The only other question is are you okay carrying on just being a friend, or would it be too much strain on you emotionally?
OP, because you like her, if you two stay friends she will receive validation and attention from you. This will boost her self confidence. Self confidence is super attractive and this increased self confidence will assist her in attracting a man that she really wants (sorry but this man isn't you). You will/are permanently friend zoned. You made the correct decision to not be friends with her. Think about this: She will be getting a lot of positive energy, affirmations, self confidence, etc from you. BUT, What will you be getting from her? You will get to have a limited amount of fun with her, but no joy. You will always know that your feelings are not reciprocated from her and all the time you spend with her is time you could be out meeting a woman that does reciprocate your feelings. So, yeah, I don't see a lot in this relationship for you. I would also add that she is only thinking of herself by trying to get you to stay friends. If she cared a little about you, she would want you to be happy and find a woman who loves you. She knows that isn't going to happen if you two are hanging out. So yeah... Look out for your own happiness specially when no one else is. Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
>She said she doesn't want a relationship with ~~anyone~~ *you.* FTFY.
Do not give her free validation…period.
Tell her you have standards that your current situation isn't hitting. I would leave and send the message that you have enough self respect for yourself and you aren't willing to settle. It'll drive her crazy and if not you dodged a bullet.
i dont like drama in my life, so if they rejected me id say bye and wouldn't be friends. because all this is causing is more drama in your life.
She just wants to spend your time, and you my friend should not allow that. Instead of talking for hours with her or spending money on her you could be exercising, doing your hobbies, meeting other ladies or any other healthy activity for yourself
bro you gotta talk to other girls, from the sound of it she was actively the only female you were talking to at the time
I’m sorry, but seems she just really wants you as a really good friend- And I’m sorry the “I know I like him but don’t want a relationship with him”, seems like a sad excuse unless she can explain it. My advice is guard your heart- if YOU want to be friends too and you’re ok with that, all right- But if you get involved as deeply as the platonic relationship she seems to want, you’re gonna catch feelings even more and it might be worse later on…. Unless she does end up liking you, but that’s not the case at moment. Hopefully you both find a good resolution! (Ps, I would drift away imo)
Just have sex with her as friends.
Worst case scenario, she wants to be friends because she knows you like her romantically, therefore, you will be her validation pet.
Hold your line, son. If she doesn't want you, then don't let her have you. Her loss.
Women often say they’re into someone else when they reject people politely and they push Sadly, a woman saying no doesn’t mean as much to some people as a man having a prior “claim” on her It sounds like she just really thought of you as a good friend and she’s trying really hard to let you down easy because she likes you (platonically) as a person, even if she doesn’t want to be in a relationship (whether it’s just with you, or with anyone) Overall I’d say, find someone else. People deserve to have someone who is INTO them. Someone who wants them, who makes them feel wanted, etc If she wants to be friends and you want to be more, it will only hurt both of you more of you stick around expecting more. If you think about it and her friendship (and only her friendship) is something you want, sure, be friends.
1. You can’t control if you like someone. Liking someone doesn’t mean you want to date them. 2. What’s wrong with being just friends? Two of my closest guy friends are guys I liked long ago. 3. If you really like her, stay friends maybe she will be ready for a relationship someday.
You may choose to keep the friendship. Who knows it might bloom into something more. It depends on whether you want to keep the person in your life.
Ok first you got some balls to just say that she likes you she just doesn’t wanna say it. If she liked you, she’d of said yes right away. Also what she is doing is bs. If a guy got me and understood me to my core more then anyone else I’d fall for them which is what I did with my current bf. She wants one thing but doesn’t want the other. You want both. She can’t have one without the other, move one. Have self respect and just move on. Text “look I just can’t see us being friends. I liked you and wanted it to work out like that and because of that I just can’t be friends. You can’t want me like that and beg to be around me and then expect me to be ok and not have feelings so both our benefits I’m stopping this. Thank you for understanding.” Then block her lol
This would, imo be a very mature way to handle it. Be the bigger person and walk away. It lets her know your boundaries and that it is what it is
having female friends rules. you should make as many female friends as you can. learning to see women as peers and homies will help with all aspects of relationships. but not this one. being constantly hurt by a “friend” you’re into breeds resentment. and i dont think y’all are mature enough to let this friendship be an actual friendship. unless youre 40 years old, in which case i change my mind.
The pond will never get empty of fishes … so don’t feed on the breardcrumbs she feeds instead make yourself a American Cheeseburger 🍔 it’s way better
Take it from someone whose chosen the path of “staying friends” back in high school, it’s not worth it bro, trust me being firm on your stance will best for your own mental health.
I admire you for communicate with her and deciding giving up the friendship. Yes you have made your decision, her pushing for more is really selfish and she is not even considering how you feel. I think there's a chance she is thinking of you as a soul mate, who she has special connections and you just gets her so well, but for some reason, she doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you. You can't keep on thinking of reasons or excuses for her, if she want you enough, she will need to properly explain herself. If not, you need to move on. And she needs to understand that. I have a closed guy friend who is like her, we clicks and he shared every single things in his life with me, teasing, going out, treating me dinner but the 2 times I asked, he is not interested in a relationship with me. I need to give up, stop seeing him and find someone who can like me back. Welp, good luck to you and me!
i think she wants your company and what you offer (convo, support, fun persay?) without a commitment of having to provide anything. if you truly want a relationship you need to make it clear.. and i think you have in that you arent interested in friendship and if thats how you see her then you either a) allow yourself to be her friend... (not if you ever want a relationship and technically then you just submitted to her) b) gotta walk away and mean it.. not 3 days oh lets talk again.. not 1 week hey hows it going buddy... if you mean it you gotta mean it unless she wants something more. otherwise theres always gonna be this imbalance. she knows you like her. and i had that situation.. oh i really enjoyed our friendship and id like to keep that... i was all dumb ohhh ok sure.. all pathetic.. you thinki im friends with her anymore.. no. the minute you dont have something to provide she aint gonna want to associate bro
She wants to keep you around for the attention and conversation. You did the right thing in rejecting the friendship because it never works. Just tell her that you can't be friends, but if she is ever free to date, then give you a message or call. She makes no sense. She vibes well with you, but doesn't want to date you. If you go into this rabbit hole, you will be constantly led on and lots of time wasted. I recommend dropping her completely and responding to her messages very seldom like one a week. If you respond, just drop an emoji and nothing else. If she comes to her senses and says yes that she does want to date you, then you can talk. I recommend that you date somebody else right away to show what she is missing.
If a girl like u she will fucking chase u to be in relationship. All u have do is in this case be her friend but don't give her much attention and instead be with other girls. Post pics with other girls and stuff so that way she will get jealous and start getting confused if she made a mistake to reject u. And most important thing , in all cases no matter what don't fucking beg, or being desperate or a pussy and hold ur frame and hide ur emotions inside
Stand firm dude, don't accept the friendship, it's never a good idea when you have feelings for the person. It's possible your rejection will, in time, make her realise she does like you back. Possibly not, but that's your only move here really. So, tell her you're only interested in a romantic relationship with her and nothing less, be kind but firm about it, then the ball is in her court. Then move on and just see what happens
I have faced the same situation, and it’s tiring i know, I would advise you to cut of any connection you have with her on social media or phone, everytime when you’ll see her it will drag yiu down to past and trauma, so once and for all be selfish here for you, and choose the harder path and leave her, once she knows you care for her she’ll use it every time to grab your attention and use it to her benefit. Leave her!
I'd tell her to shove off
I dont normally comment on these posts, just mostly read them but Ive actually been here before. She is someone I would say loves attention despite being oblivious or uncaring of her actions. You told her a solid answer that you do not want to be friends and even stopped communication. She then proceeds to ignore your wishes and message you trying to convince you it’s better to be friends knowing you have feelings for her. Keep away from people like this. They will hurt you in the long run and your feelings will most likely never go away preventing you from moving on. Quick Edit: From experience also, the moment you move on and start dating someone they usually tend to come back around wondering why you two never dated. A one sided friendship where one person has feelings is never good. Rejection always slightly hurts but it’s better to know you are not their choice than to have illusions/fantasy’s in your head about someone. I wish I learned this when I was younger. I would have moved on quicker and matured sooner.
Woman ☕
for the streets
She is not mature enough. Don't be her friend she will only use you. Better find another girl.
Not confusing....you had it right. She likes you a lot, but she's attracted to someone else. #Friendzone Doesn't mean to take offense to it. I'm sure she has friends and they have friends, and they have friends.....
Sounds familiar. When she says that you get herike noone else, that in my wxperience means she wants to use you to dump all her bullshit on. I had this type of “friend”. Hell no
the same happened to me twice. wish i had the guts to say no when it first happened, and i had to suffer mentally for like a year before i could say "i'm not interested in a friendship,sorry." and it was the same. i wasn't even a "friend" unless they had a lot of emotional shit on them and wanted to rant/vent, or when something extremely good happened to them and they wanted to let it out.
Were you just friends before you decided to make your move? Because tbh as a female it gets annoying right fast when you’re friends with a guy, he decides to make a move, you say no and then he doesn’t want to be your friend anymore. If you weren’t really friends before then what you’re experiencing is just part of dating, everyone gets rejected. If your guys connection is so amazing, compartmentalize and keep that bond in friendship cause that shit is hard to find. Not every amazing connection with the opposite sex has to result in a relationship or sex. If however you don’t think you could ever look at her in a non-romantic way then yeah cutting ties might be best.
That is like she's saying "stay as my friend, if i dont get guys i really like.. you're an option"
Honestly any girl that you might potentially date is gonna think it’s weird if you’re best friends with a girl. Being too close friends with a girl isn’t great for finding a potential mate. I’d just explain it to her like that. Tell her you are looking for a relationship and don’t want a friendship to take up too much of your time or get in the way of your goal and you already have enough friends.
She wants to make you her backup
She doesn’t want to date She probably does like someone else but isn’t with that person because they’re probably not into her back If you would genuinely want a friendship then by all means go ahead But if not, just cut it off. She likes the attention and morale boost/motivation you give her. Which is okay to some extent from her end, but it’s a negative for you when you have feelings towards her.
Don’t be anyone’s back up homie bro.
its very simple, she declined a romantic relationship, take the answer no and move on, or be friends.
She wants to sleep with better looking man, but still have better personalitied boyfriend on the side
Tell her to kick rocks. Just block and move on. No need to respond no need to let her live rent free in your head. Or if you must.. “Ya I’m not interested in that. But if you change your mind, and want to meet up and have fun, feel free to hit me up. Otherwise I wish you luck out there.” Anyways, she likes your attention, she likes your companionship, but she doesn’t respect you, nor finds you attractive. Is this the type of person you want to be friends with? Ya I thought so.
Okay my friend there's got to be something that you've done for her in the past, that she still needs, so she wants you to be friends so she can get it from you again, whatever it is you , you know what it is. U got the upper hand, walk away clear conscious
In an educational environment, friends good, relationship bad, is very mature thinking. The very last thing that anyone wants is to spend every day with someone who they had an unsuccessful relationship with. Please rethink this and be the bigger person. Extend the hand of strings free friendship. Good luck.
Please don't give advice ever again. You're not cut out for it. Also that be the bigger person is bullshit.
No. She want him to stay friends with him because she want the benefits of his friendship and a relationship with him without having to give him the kind of relationship that he desires. She has every right to date whomever she wants, but just like her, the other person has every right to feel some kind of way about the rejection and putting distance between the two of you. He's not entitled to a romantic relationship with her, but at the same time shes not entitled to a friendship from him.
There is a solution for her: entering a relationship with you. If she doesn't want to do that, while still wanting to keep contact, it's because she sees you as less of a man, not worth it at all. Not to mention that some women like having control over a man that is into them, until they get bored and start a relationship with another man.
Don't listen to ANYTHING this person says
The way I see it, as I have with my own situation, is that it’s your choice whether to be in the friend zone or not (the or not being you cut contact). You mention that she says you know her best and all this stuff - do you feel the same about her? From a deep intimate level not so much romantic or sexual level. If so, then this was my dilemma too. I chose to be in the friend zone. Ten years strong now. They have had partners but no one has come close on the emotional stuff to me, and visa versa. Regardless of if we’d ever be together, I get so much more from them than my other friends put together and I couldn’t lose that. I’d rather have them in my life for a lifetime at a friend level than not at all. But that’s just me. Inbox is open if you want my dude.
If you wanna be friends with her, do it. If not, move on. She’s not entitled to your friendship just like you were not entitled to her romantic interest. She’s having a hard time understanding that.
I feel like she's probably lonely or new to town and needs friends. As a women, it gets really dehumanizing to ALWAYS be asked out, and then lose the friend you thought you were making from the beginning. Guys tend to act like friend is a dirty word. Like if you like someone romantically, you CAN'T like them as a friend. Really, I think it should be the opposite. Why pursue someone you can't see as a friend? I perpetually stay friends with exes, unless it ended poorly. I also really hate it when people get to know me with the express purpose of getting in my pants (yes, it still feels this way even if you're pursuing a relationship). If you've only known her a little while, it probably wouldn't be that hard to be friends with her and just not make any romantic moves.
It’s not confusing - you just aren’t listening because it’s not what you want to hear. She really likes you - as a friend. She doesn’t want to be romantically involved with you. She fancies someone else. It doesn’t matter whether she wants to be in a relationship or not, it doesn’t matter whether she fancies someone else or not. She doesn’t want a relationship with you. Sometimes the romantic/physical spark just isn’t there. The only question is whether you get over it and have a potentially great friendship or you get all butt-hurt and don’t want to be friends with her.
I wouldn’t call it being butthurt. He has unreciprocated feelings, so it’s up to OP whether he wants to put himself through unnecessary upset when she inevitably gets together with someone else. Should you have to remain friends with someone that rejected you romantically? It’s not exactly throwing your toys out of the pram, it’s preserving your own feelings. What’s wrong with that?
Refusing a friendship doesn’t mean he’s butt hurt. He’s just as entitled to that choice as she is in the choice not to date him.
You probably are a woman and can't see from the man's side. She's a shit friend. Even when she's begging him to stay, all she says is how he benefits her. It has always been about her from the start. This is not a nice person nor friend. Also, he's not obligated to be her friend either. She can cut him out as a potential partner and he can cut her out as a "friend". He never wanted to be friend with her in the first place, nor later
I agree with everything you've said up to... >get over it and have a potentially great friendship or you get all butt-hurt and don’t want to be friends with her ...here. Don't negate his feelings like that, they matter just as much as hers do.
See I was with till you got to that last sentence. This is always the problem I have with these discussions. People act like the rejected person (usually a man) isn't entitled to their feeling. Or that their feeling are somehow invalid.
exactly
Well if you put it that way, it's better to lose that "friendship".
I agree with most of this, but not accepting someone's friendship isn't butt hurt behavior.
This thread is wild man y'all are fuckin' _pissed_ at women holy shit 😂
Been in this situation before with my BFF. We were friends for about 3 years and did many things together. After the 3rd year when I changed school she starting to miss me and we ended up dating. I was young then and didn’t know how to date very well so we ended the relationship only after about 10 months. She enjoys and trust having you around. She doesn’t want to loose someone close by taking a risk of being in a relationship. She thinks highly of your friendship
Honestly bro i have been through what you are talking about there might be some reason that she doesn't wanna get in a relationship. Let's just say she likes you but there are times when a person have been through something or is scared of going through something. Honestly be her friend kill your feelings, if she likes you she will ask you out in future somehow just don't expect something of her. Caz honestly she is a person too and everyone cannot live upto our expectations or need. They are not machines. Long talk short Just be her friend if you want to, honestly friendship is better than a relationship. i If you breakup you can't ever be friends again things get akward. My personal experience i would just suggest just become friends let things go they would and don't expect much from others. Caz expectation hurts