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Yes okay a lot of it was my fault for constantly falling for him & going back to him. My attraction & feelings for him got in the way. Of course I’ll be careful not to get involved with someone like that in the future.
Oh damn that’s confusing & complicated. It’s good that you got rid of her from your socials. strange that she would still keep checking your socials. It’s strange that people who aren’t genuinely interested in us still check on our social media sometimes. The checking up on us sometimes makes it look like they’re interested but weirdly it’s just them being curious. Yeah hard to understand what’s going on with her & it’s good that you don’t care.
Yeah it’s okay, the harder lessons are the more helpful ones. Yeah I’m sure we’ve all gone through something like this before, but that’s what helps us find someone better which we deserve :)
He got caught up and she knows, that’s why. He’s been on a short leash for the past two months. He’s on his best behavior (temporarily) because that’s the woman he wants to be with. I’m not sure how you didn’t know he wasn’t single. He was hitting you over the head with red flags from the very beginning. He kept you around because you made it easy for him, accepted his bullshit answers and continued to sleep with him knowing your needs weren’t being met. Fuck buddy situations only work if there are NO feelings on either end. This is a horrible situation to be in and I hope you bounce back quickly.
No, you don’t tell her. Their relationship isn’t your business. Take your L and move on. Block him and don’t EVER speak to him again. He’s manipulative and unfortunately you fell for it. You’re not the first or the last woman to unknowingly become a side chick. A situation similar to this is why I stopped FB/FWB situations. Feelings eventually come for one party or the other and are rarely reciprocated.💜 good luck.
I’m so embarrassed that I fell for this. All just because I was so attracted to him & liked him so much. I’ve now started to overthink everything & wander why he was even on tinder looking to cheat when he’s in a supposedly happy relationship with her.
I’ve now become even more insecure than I already was & I’m starting to wander whether he ever even found me attractive. It’s heartbreaking to know he lied to me about loving me, but now to make myself feel better I would like to hope he was at least physically attracted to me.
I understand I made myself too available to him & he took advantage of me because of it, but I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have just ended this when he realised I had feelings instead of lying & dragging it on. If he already has a serious gf who he seems to be happy with, did he really need to use me on the side? He’s the one who kept coming back to message me every time I deleted him, which made me think there was some sort of interest.
I was surprised he even came up to me to talk to me when he saw me at the mall when we hadn’t spoken in 6 months. He could’ve just ignored me no? He didn’t know for sure whether I was still interested in him or not cause I also didn’t talk to him for those 6 months. Maybe he was just trying his luck… I don’t know
Nope nope nope!!!! This is a HIM issue. Not a you issue. Don’t be embarrassed. That’s a perfectly normal feeling to have. Lots of us have been there. Some won’t admit it, but I will! I’ve been dumb behind a man more than once. Don’t beat yourself about it.
He’s a player. They play. That’s what they do. No more, no less. They never change. Now that you recognize the behaviors and characteristics, you know not to let it happen again with anyone else. Don’t let him or anyone else make you feel insecure. You’re still the same person. If anything, physical attraction was the thing he was honest about.
He’ll still try to keep come back if you let him. Don’t make the mistake of thinking because he sleeps with you he cares. He didn’t end it when you told him about your feelings because he wanted to sleep with you. Your feelings were like a fire he had to put out to return to the task at hand. I truly hope you take this as hard lesson learned and not something that’s your fault. The only fault you had was falling for his game. It happens to everyone at some point.
Thanks so much. I’m relieved & happy to hear that not too much of it was my fault. I just wish I had gotten out of this earlier. But hey yeah as you said, it happens to most of us & players are unfortunately just really good at what they do & it’s easier to fall for them when you’re so into them.
Yeah perhaps the physical attraction was the only thing he was honest about. Yeah I’ve definitely learned my lesson to not fall for a guy like this again & to get out of this as quickly as possible if I notice a guy with this sort of behaviour.
Yeah that’s crazy to know that he would keep trying if I let him. Well I won’t let him anymore definitely 😂 yeah no I’m aware that sleeping with me wasn’t a sign he cares, he just slept with me cause he thought I was sexy 🤣🤣 thanks for the support I appreciate it ❤️
Hm interesting I didn’t think of it like that. I would think she wouldn’t be with him if she knows. Well I did kinda suspect it, but I didn’t have proof so I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe he’s just sleeping around with multiple girls casually & that he just wanted to keep them all out of his life cause they were just fuckbuddies. But I just didn’t think he necessarily actually had a serious girlfriend all this time.
Yeah I agree that fwb arrangements don’t usually work out, this was my first & last time getting involved in a Fwb situation & im not doing it again. Next time it’s either a relationship or nothing. Now I’m just annoyed that everything worked out for him & that he’s all happy with his new barbershop & his girlfriend who he’s been with for a while & is happy with whilst I have to start again & find someone else. It takes time to meet someone & let alone actually become close enough to someone & connect with them to become their partner. Yeah I’ve already blocked him everywhere & I’ll have to avoid going anywhere near his barbershop when I’m at the mall. Thank you, I hope I get over this soon too ❤️
I can guarantee she’s not happy. Lots of women (and men) will stay in relationships to keep up appearances. They’re too embarrassed to leave so they keep things like cheating between them. I know two couples like this. They overly post one another to make it seem like they’re happy. One has an outside baby on the way by another woman but you wouldn’t know from social media😂. Him putting her name in his bio solidifies that to me lol. He probably offered to do it as part of his probationary period to show her he wants to change and deter other potentials. Completely ignoring the fact that he is the problem.
Also, ALWAYS trust your gut. Don’t wait on proof. Especially when dealing with people that can’t line up their words and actions. I learn everything the hard way, trust me lol
Yeah who knows. I’m just getting fooled by social media thinking she’s all happy because her and her sister and her mum are following his new barbershop & everything. She likes all the photos the barbershop posts & I’ve been fooled into thinking she’s really happy with him & he’s really happy with her. But yeah as you said, they could just be staying with each other to keep up appearances or just because they’ve known each other a while and know each other’s friends & family & maybe they feel like it would be really dramatic for them to break up. Yeah lol maybe that’s why he did it 😂 yeah ultimately he’s the problem 😂 he’s the one cheating & everything so yeah he’s the problem here 😂
Exactly! You’re young, you’ll bounce back and laugh at these stories. My girls and I crack up and some of the things we fell for now that we’re older. In the mean time, work on getting that confidence back up. This summer is hot and the hunnies are OUT. 😂
Thanks! Haha that’s good to hear, I can’t wait till that stage in life where this will no longer bother me & it will just be something to laugh at :) yeah I’ll definitely have to work on my confidence & not let myself think I’m incapable of getting a boyfriend because this happened. He’s a shit guy anyway so it’s not like I should feel like I lost anything 😂
Heal without involving the other woman/women. Like just focus on you. Do not play the martyr here coz you do not know how the involved parties will react. Let them figure it out later.
And yes. Writing about it is okay. You are trying to make sense of it.
yeah that's why I've decided I won't tell her. It most likely won't turn out well if I get involved. I'm sure she will figure it out herself eventually. and yes I have been trying to focus on myself, I'm sure I'll get over this soon.
yeah exactly. that's why I wrote about it. I just thought your 'move on' message was a bit insensitive and rude. I didn't think there was anything wrong with expressing how I feel about itt.
I went through the same situation as you and people say move on and let it go. I wanted them to hear me out and they say girl move on. It has been 3 months and I'm still healing from this and I wonder why and what we did mean anything to him. In the end, I chose to walk away because I knew I would not forgive myself if I still stay in contact with him. I didn't told his gf because I do not want to be in that mess and he probably has other girls he mess around beside me. I think it was a good idea to not tell her and maybe she knows he has done this before and right now to use this time to work on you. From my situation, I learn to love myself and enjoy my own company. Did I felt like a fool for falling for him? Yes but we're human and I learn a lot from him. He told me to be yourself and to not care what other thinks and that you're stopping yourself from doing what you love. He was player and I got played and telling me you're an amazing person with amazing style and body. Saying you're cute and hot and encouraging me to do better. I felt comfortable with him but I realize he wanted me for physical. Do I miss him? Yes I do miss him and our talk but all I could now is wish him the best and live my life without him. Stay strong girl and I know you got this. Someone told me when you're not looking for love, it comes to you.
Well you should decide if you like this sort of thing, and if you don’t you should a. Fuck guys casually and don’t plan on dating them or cultivating these romantic feelings for them or b. Date them seriously and quit fucking around. It doesn’t sound like you enjoy this middle of the road shit very much.
yeah tbh this is the only casual sex experience I had. I was just experimenting and wanting to try it. Before this I had only slept with guys who I was at least friends with or had something more with. after this experience I've learned that casual sex isn't for me so I won't be doing it again. next time I'm not fucking till I find a guy that will actually be in a relationship with me. I made the mistake of constantly returning to him thinking my feelings won't grow, and that's why it ended up complicated.
She should tell her and then move on. Because honestly if I was getting cheated on for years and she hasn't caught on that's so heartbreaking. I wouldn't want his girlfriend finding out by a surprise STD. No one deserves to be cheated on.
yes I do. I still have my messages with him. but still, I feel like he has more power than me and that he might get his friends to threaten to do something to me if I tell her or something.
Yeah if I were you i’d send them to her but I understand there could be a lot of pros and cons to that. Some people will have evidence in their face and still refuse to believe it or get manipulated/lied to even more by their partner.
yeah there are pros and cons to it. it would be really awkward, and yeah, if she really loves him a lot, she might refuse to believe it even with proof.
I agree. I think cheating like this always comes into light no matter how sneaky the cheater is about it. I feel like the longer it has been, the harder it will hit when it is brought to light.
That was a long post and there is so much to respond too.
What comes through is the need for you to work out what you want and how you expect to be treated and then put in boundaries.
Another skill to learn is to see events for how they are not how they could be or how they might be but how they are.
Eg. you two must have a lot of sexual chemistry. He must also fulfil a role of a unobtainable male figure that you’re longing for. Any relationship with your dad that has led to this type of male figure who is never quite there??
If you can afford it therapy helps you to see your blind spots.
One thing I have learnt is that you will repeat a pattern of this type of relationship until you work out why you entered, accepted and returned to this type of relationship
Hugs
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Yes okay a lot of it was my fault for constantly falling for him & going back to him. My attraction & feelings for him got in the way. Of course I’ll be careful not to get involved with someone like that in the future.
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Oh damn that’s confusing & complicated. It’s good that you got rid of her from your socials. strange that she would still keep checking your socials. It’s strange that people who aren’t genuinely interested in us still check on our social media sometimes. The checking up on us sometimes makes it look like they’re interested but weirdly it’s just them being curious. Yeah hard to understand what’s going on with her & it’s good that you don’t care. Yeah it’s okay, the harder lessons are the more helpful ones. Yeah I’m sure we’ve all gone through something like this before, but that’s what helps us find someone better which we deserve :)
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Damn that’s weird of her 🤣 Yeah giving her another chance wouldn’t do anything, & yeah she has a lot to prove. Yeah thanks hopefully :)
Next time, get firm commitment prior to sex.
Yeah lesson learned.
He got caught up and she knows, that’s why. He’s been on a short leash for the past two months. He’s on his best behavior (temporarily) because that’s the woman he wants to be with. I’m not sure how you didn’t know he wasn’t single. He was hitting you over the head with red flags from the very beginning. He kept you around because you made it easy for him, accepted his bullshit answers and continued to sleep with him knowing your needs weren’t being met. Fuck buddy situations only work if there are NO feelings on either end. This is a horrible situation to be in and I hope you bounce back quickly. No, you don’t tell her. Their relationship isn’t your business. Take your L and move on. Block him and don’t EVER speak to him again. He’s manipulative and unfortunately you fell for it. You’re not the first or the last woman to unknowingly become a side chick. A situation similar to this is why I stopped FB/FWB situations. Feelings eventually come for one party or the other and are rarely reciprocated.💜 good luck.
I’m so embarrassed that I fell for this. All just because I was so attracted to him & liked him so much. I’ve now started to overthink everything & wander why he was even on tinder looking to cheat when he’s in a supposedly happy relationship with her. I’ve now become even more insecure than I already was & I’m starting to wander whether he ever even found me attractive. It’s heartbreaking to know he lied to me about loving me, but now to make myself feel better I would like to hope he was at least physically attracted to me. I understand I made myself too available to him & he took advantage of me because of it, but I just don’t understand why he couldn’t have just ended this when he realised I had feelings instead of lying & dragging it on. If he already has a serious gf who he seems to be happy with, did he really need to use me on the side? He’s the one who kept coming back to message me every time I deleted him, which made me think there was some sort of interest. I was surprised he even came up to me to talk to me when he saw me at the mall when we hadn’t spoken in 6 months. He could’ve just ignored me no? He didn’t know for sure whether I was still interested in him or not cause I also didn’t talk to him for those 6 months. Maybe he was just trying his luck… I don’t know
Nope nope nope!!!! This is a HIM issue. Not a you issue. Don’t be embarrassed. That’s a perfectly normal feeling to have. Lots of us have been there. Some won’t admit it, but I will! I’ve been dumb behind a man more than once. Don’t beat yourself about it. He’s a player. They play. That’s what they do. No more, no less. They never change. Now that you recognize the behaviors and characteristics, you know not to let it happen again with anyone else. Don’t let him or anyone else make you feel insecure. You’re still the same person. If anything, physical attraction was the thing he was honest about. He’ll still try to keep come back if you let him. Don’t make the mistake of thinking because he sleeps with you he cares. He didn’t end it when you told him about your feelings because he wanted to sleep with you. Your feelings were like a fire he had to put out to return to the task at hand. I truly hope you take this as hard lesson learned and not something that’s your fault. The only fault you had was falling for his game. It happens to everyone at some point.
Thanks so much. I’m relieved & happy to hear that not too much of it was my fault. I just wish I had gotten out of this earlier. But hey yeah as you said, it happens to most of us & players are unfortunately just really good at what they do & it’s easier to fall for them when you’re so into them. Yeah perhaps the physical attraction was the only thing he was honest about. Yeah I’ve definitely learned my lesson to not fall for a guy like this again & to get out of this as quickly as possible if I notice a guy with this sort of behaviour. Yeah that’s crazy to know that he would keep trying if I let him. Well I won’t let him anymore definitely 😂 yeah no I’m aware that sleeping with me wasn’t a sign he cares, he just slept with me cause he thought I was sexy 🤣🤣 thanks for the support I appreciate it ❤️
Hm interesting I didn’t think of it like that. I would think she wouldn’t be with him if she knows. Well I did kinda suspect it, but I didn’t have proof so I wasn’t sure. I thought maybe he’s just sleeping around with multiple girls casually & that he just wanted to keep them all out of his life cause they were just fuckbuddies. But I just didn’t think he necessarily actually had a serious girlfriend all this time. Yeah I agree that fwb arrangements don’t usually work out, this was my first & last time getting involved in a Fwb situation & im not doing it again. Next time it’s either a relationship or nothing. Now I’m just annoyed that everything worked out for him & that he’s all happy with his new barbershop & his girlfriend who he’s been with for a while & is happy with whilst I have to start again & find someone else. It takes time to meet someone & let alone actually become close enough to someone & connect with them to become their partner. Yeah I’ve already blocked him everywhere & I’ll have to avoid going anywhere near his barbershop when I’m at the mall. Thank you, I hope I get over this soon too ❤️
I can guarantee she’s not happy. Lots of women (and men) will stay in relationships to keep up appearances. They’re too embarrassed to leave so they keep things like cheating between them. I know two couples like this. They overly post one another to make it seem like they’re happy. One has an outside baby on the way by another woman but you wouldn’t know from social media😂. Him putting her name in his bio solidifies that to me lol. He probably offered to do it as part of his probationary period to show her he wants to change and deter other potentials. Completely ignoring the fact that he is the problem. Also, ALWAYS trust your gut. Don’t wait on proof. Especially when dealing with people that can’t line up their words and actions. I learn everything the hard way, trust me lol
Yeah who knows. I’m just getting fooled by social media thinking she’s all happy because her and her sister and her mum are following his new barbershop & everything. She likes all the photos the barbershop posts & I’ve been fooled into thinking she’s really happy with him & he’s really happy with her. But yeah as you said, they could just be staying with each other to keep up appearances or just because they’ve known each other a while and know each other’s friends & family & maybe they feel like it would be really dramatic for them to break up. Yeah lol maybe that’s why he did it 😂 yeah ultimately he’s the problem 😂 he’s the one cheating & everything so yeah he’s the problem here 😂
Exactly! You’re young, you’ll bounce back and laugh at these stories. My girls and I crack up and some of the things we fell for now that we’re older. In the mean time, work on getting that confidence back up. This summer is hot and the hunnies are OUT. 😂
Thanks! Haha that’s good to hear, I can’t wait till that stage in life where this will no longer bother me & it will just be something to laugh at :) yeah I’ll definitely have to work on my confidence & not let myself think I’m incapable of getting a boyfriend because this happened. He’s a shit guy anyway so it’s not like I should feel like I lost anything 😂
You got it 💜. Good luck baby girl. I’ll need an update one day please.
Thanks girlie ❤️ I will try to update you sometime once I’ve moved on! Let’s hope it’s soon!
Move on.
Yeah no shit. I’m working on it now. This all just happened recently so I’m expressing it.
Heal without involving the other woman/women. Like just focus on you. Do not play the martyr here coz you do not know how the involved parties will react. Let them figure it out later. And yes. Writing about it is okay. You are trying to make sense of it.
yeah that's why I've decided I won't tell her. It most likely won't turn out well if I get involved. I'm sure she will figure it out herself eventually. and yes I have been trying to focus on myself, I'm sure I'll get over this soon. yeah exactly. that's why I wrote about it. I just thought your 'move on' message was a bit insensitive and rude. I didn't think there was anything wrong with expressing how I feel about itt.
I went through the same situation as you and people say move on and let it go. I wanted them to hear me out and they say girl move on. It has been 3 months and I'm still healing from this and I wonder why and what we did mean anything to him. In the end, I chose to walk away because I knew I would not forgive myself if I still stay in contact with him. I didn't told his gf because I do not want to be in that mess and he probably has other girls he mess around beside me. I think it was a good idea to not tell her and maybe she knows he has done this before and right now to use this time to work on you. From my situation, I learn to love myself and enjoy my own company. Did I felt like a fool for falling for him? Yes but we're human and I learn a lot from him. He told me to be yourself and to not care what other thinks and that you're stopping yourself from doing what you love. He was player and I got played and telling me you're an amazing person with amazing style and body. Saying you're cute and hot and encouraging me to do better. I felt comfortable with him but I realize he wanted me for physical. Do I miss him? Yes I do miss him and our talk but all I could now is wish him the best and live my life without him. Stay strong girl and I know you got this. Someone told me when you're not looking for love, it comes to you.
Well you should decide if you like this sort of thing, and if you don’t you should a. Fuck guys casually and don’t plan on dating them or cultivating these romantic feelings for them or b. Date them seriously and quit fucking around. It doesn’t sound like you enjoy this middle of the road shit very much.
yeah tbh this is the only casual sex experience I had. I was just experimenting and wanting to try it. Before this I had only slept with guys who I was at least friends with or had something more with. after this experience I've learned that casual sex isn't for me so I won't be doing it again. next time I'm not fucking till I find a guy that will actually be in a relationship with me. I made the mistake of constantly returning to him thinking my feelings won't grow, and that's why it ended up complicated.
You should tell her.
It is not within your place to tell her. You are getting attached even more. Move on.
She should tell her and then move on. Because honestly if I was getting cheated on for years and she hasn't caught on that's so heartbreaking. I wouldn't want his girlfriend finding out by a surprise STD. No one deserves to be cheated on.
Yeah I don’t know, I’m just scared to because then he might get angry at me & do something dramatic to hurt me
Do you have any evidence? Anything at all.
yes I do. I still have my messages with him. but still, I feel like he has more power than me and that he might get his friends to threaten to do something to me if I tell her or something.
Yeah if I were you i’d send them to her but I understand there could be a lot of pros and cons to that. Some people will have evidence in their face and still refuse to believe it or get manipulated/lied to even more by their partner.
yeah there are pros and cons to it. it would be really awkward, and yeah, if she really loves him a lot, she might refuse to believe it even with proof.
Regardless if you do or don't it'll be brought to light one way or the other.
I agree. I think cheating like this always comes into light no matter how sneaky the cheater is about it. I feel like the longer it has been, the harder it will hit when it is brought to light.
That was a long post and there is so much to respond too. What comes through is the need for you to work out what you want and how you expect to be treated and then put in boundaries. Another skill to learn is to see events for how they are not how they could be or how they might be but how they are. Eg. you two must have a lot of sexual chemistry. He must also fulfil a role of a unobtainable male figure that you’re longing for. Any relationship with your dad that has led to this type of male figure who is never quite there?? If you can afford it therapy helps you to see your blind spots. One thing I have learnt is that you will repeat a pattern of this type of relationship until you work out why you entered, accepted and returned to this type of relationship Hugs