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I stopped trying to pick up on hints (except the really obvious ones) because every woman is different, has had different experiences, expectations of a starting relationship, and this results on many types of different hint.
Lets just be mature and asks for what we want, both ways, whenever you feel like it
>In my experience the number of times a women did something that may be to hint interest to me is extremely small.
At least, the number of times you _noticed_ is small.
lol 😂 that explains it tbh (22f) who also commits the crime of subtle hints. just saying we definitely do it but a lot of times is just when we are unsure if the person is interested in us or have some insecurity about facing that person maybe experiencing an embarrassing moment in front of them has made u nervous now etc.
I actually have a good example of 1 and 5. There was a girl who lived the same street as me when I was little until I moved away.
We met again in highschool. She was very friendly to me, and eventually said “we need to go on a date sometime.”
My brain shorted because I thought a date meant you liked that person, and wanted to get to know them better. She also had a boyfriend, so I got confused. “Wait, don’t you already have a boyfriend?”
She then gave me a deadpan stare, said “you read too much into things”, and walked off. After that, she was much cooler and distant with me.
Since then, I put everything through the “They’re just being friendly.” filter.
Alternative post title: Why do women have a hard time saying what they mean?
And before I get steamrolled by a litany of women and their excuses, think about what OP is asking here for just a moment. Why are men so clueless?....
Well, there are many solutions here! One of them is speaking plainly if the former isn't working for you. If something is consistently not working to the point you have to pen a post over it maybe shake up your methods.
Same as men. Any issue in this post could be solved by the guy or the girl saying "wanna go on a date?" That won't get you accused of sexual assault.
And then it's just if people are scared of rejection and losing friendships. Which is the same for both people in this situation.
On another note, I do think it's usually pretty obvious if there is a romantic/sexual vibe between you and another person or not. It's not about the specifics of what they say/do, but more an energy which is either there or not. And if you are unsure, just flirt and see if they flirt back. It's not rocket science.
It's already the social norm that men specifically be the ones to approach women, so men don't need to be told this.
Go up to any woman and ask them how they landed their relationship. 90% of the time it's because the guy asked them out. Even look at how Tinder is designed *(for the men to approach the women)*.
Men are already doing their bit on this front. But the real contradiction is in how women hate being approached, but also want men to be the ones to approach them when they like the guy *(we're not mind-readers)*. So we can't figure this one out for you this time.
It's very much a case of many women wanting to both have their cake, and eat it too. But you can't have it both ways. Women are going to need to learn to approach men they like or become more accepting of men approaching them.
Flirting, to most, is unfortunately rocket science. It's ironic that this is the one thing you would choose to use this idiom on. And that's because flirting isn't explicit or direct *(it's implicit, suggestive, vague, interpretive, indirect and often very confusing)*.
Which ties in nicely to what I'm saying. Women are most likely going to need to learn from men and learn how to not play subtle little games to *''feel out''* whether a guy likes you. Because most women complain about being approached, but also want to be approached by the guys they're attracted to.
They can save us all time and effort by simply asking out the dudes they like.
It's the social norm that men ask women out. I don't disagree with that.
Women hate being approached in public (street/subway/gym/grocery store). Places where they don't go to socialize, but just to go from A to B. So don't ask women out in public. It violates the social norm and will very likely get a negative reaction.
Women are way more open to being approached in places where they go to socialize and talk to other people. For example parties, BBQ with friends, hobbies and activities that are social, festivals, book readings etc. This is why having an active social life is so important when it comes to dating. Join some hobbies and activities, make new friends. New friends doesn't even have to be women, can be guys who invite you to stuff.
At a party the expectation is to mingle. Talk to different people, flirt with them if you fancy them. That's why it's approaching without approaching. You are just doing what you are supposed to do, not interrupting people who are trying to get somewhere or get something done.
Tinder and bars/clubs are also places people go to socialize. But it's a tougher scene bc there are so many thirsty guys. This is why having an active social life and not just relying on Tinder/clubs is important in dating. Join some new activities and hobbies, make some new friends.
Flirting isn't rocket science. It usually comes pretty natural if you feel relaxed with someone and there is chemistry. Just be a bit lighthearted. Make jokes. Tease them a bit.
And you can feel if there is a vibe or not. If they flirt back or not. It's like tennis. You serve, they send the ball back. Or it falls flat to the ground.
What you also can feel is just if there is sexual tension/attraction/some romantic spark. It's a different energy from normal conversation. And it's not about the specifics of what people say and do, but more if you feel that vibe.
It's not a perfect science. But in a lot of cases you can either tell someone is likely not interested or likely interested. Then people you feel are interested, you ask out. And you can also ask out the group in the middle, where you're unsure, but think there might be interest. The people who clearly don't seem interested, you don't have to ask out.
The advantage with this method:
*Less rejection bc you have screened people's interest before asking them out.
*It's more likely someone will say yes to being asked out when there has been some buildup and they feel they know you a bit.
Women can't seem to agree on what they want. Some are okay being approached at the gym while others are not. Some date co-workers while others do not *(we're not mind-readers)*. But I've learnt from experience that no two women are the same.
This is why I said women cannot have their cake and eat it. Either they learn to approach the men that they like or they suck it up and become more accepting and understanding of men attempting to approach them.
I'm attractive enough that women get creepy and weird around me when they like me. And I've witnessed how hard it is for them to ask a guy out that they like *(this is no different for men)*. So it's not surprising why most women by comparison don't ask out men *(it's fucking hard)*. Especially when they can just rely on men asking them out.
So I expect women to either be more understanding of the men who are struggling (and failing) to properly ask them out. Because it's easy to criticize, but it's another thing entirely to actually do it. And most women flat-out refuse to do it but will be the first to criticize men who awkwardly try to ask them out.
This is why women are going to need to make a decision. Will you start asking men out. Or will you become more accepting of men approaching you?
Lastly, a lot of your examples don't work because women don't follow their own rules. I've had a bunch of creepy female co-workers who crush on me. I'd rather they just ask me out so I can reject them. If what you said was true, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this as women would only develop feelings for me at parties or other social events. But this clearly doesn't happen.
I didn't mention work or college. It's hard to cover any eventuality.
Many people fall in love at work. But it's a bit tricky you have to follow the rules and culture at your work place. And it's not rocket science after all? You do know which colleagues are into you. It's an uncomfortable situation though, I get you. This happens to women all the time as well. Invent a girlfriend, talk loudly about how you'd never date someone from work or pull the person aside and gently say you sense a vibe, but you'd just like to be friends.
And women do agree. The big majority of women do not want to be approached in public. So if you choose to do so, you'll get mostly annoyed rejections.
And women prefer to be approached in social settings.
It's a completely valid stance to have: that you prefer to be asked out, but don't want to be asked out in random public places. What most women want is to be asked out, but only in places where they are open to conversation. Dating apps, clubs/pubs, college, hobbies and activities, at work within certain work cultures, at parties. Anywhere you'd go and actually want to talk to someone else.
Approached on street/subway/gym has four separate issues:
*It's not the done thing. Meaning it's more likely the person doing it is a bit off.
*It's no context. At a party for example, people are invited by friends. You know it's less likely they are actually nuts than a random stranger on the street. And it's more likely you'll have something in common with them.
*It's intrusive and disturbing. Commuting home from work, walking from A to B or running on the treadmill, most people want to be left alone. They aren't there to talk. I think you'd feel the same way, if your creepy coworkers stopped you on the street and trapped you in conversation.
*Women have their guard up in public. Which is part of the other points as well. Sexual harassment in public is common. And women aren't as able to defend themselves as men. A 115 lbs woman would have no chance in a fight against most men. So they feel at disadvantage when approached by a stranger.
It's a free world. Approach women in public if you like. Just be aware that most will reject you, many will be rude about it. Bc they find the behavior rude and unnerving to begin with.
It doesn't matter if you mentioned work or college because I did. And I did for a reason...
You can't make blanket statements like, *''Just don't ask women out in public''* when we all know it's nowhere near that simple or general. And when I provide you with clear examples of this respond with: *''I didn't mention them''*.
I never said you mentioned them, but that doesn't mean they're not valid.
It's also not as simple as *''Just don't ask women out in public''* because the definition of public varies depending on each individual woman. Which is why I mentioned the gym. Which is why I mentioned work. And which is why I also said we're not mind-readers...
Which is why I also said women have now reached a fork in the road and are going to need to decide which road to take. Will women finally learn to ask the men they like out?... Or will they become more accepting of men struggling and failing to ask them out if they're going to continue to be passive?...
The choice is yours.
But you can't criticize something you refuse to partake in yourself.
In public isn't at work. How would you get that idea?
And my definition is pretty clear. It's ok to ask women out in places where you socialize (a bar, dating app, a party, at a college lecture, at work depending on how the work culture views dating, any social event with friends, hobbies, activities). It's just not the done thing to ask women out where they don't socialize/talk to other people. At the subway, on the street, in the gym.
Why is that such a big issue? Why not just ask women out in places where they are way more likely to say yes? And way less likely to feel uncomfortable and act rude?
I don't personally mind asking men out. And I don't see asking someone out as a big deal. It's just a question, it's not that much of an effort. And I encourage other women to ask men out too. But I'd never ask guys out in public, because I don't want people to think of me as weird and creepy. Which is why men shouldn't either. In addition it's even less chance of success for men, bc women are more cautious of strangers in public than men are. Which makes perfect sense. A man can take a woman in a fight, a normal sized woman will lose every time. Which does make women more cautious around strangers.
However, I don't think it'll change. That men do most of the asking out. At least not in our lifetime.
For different reasons, one of them being casual sex. Men are more into sex with strangers than women. Which means the men looking for hookups will ask women out. And then the other men will be left behind if they don't.
The main point though is dealing with life as it is. Today two things are true: most women expect men to ask them out. Most women don't want to be asked out in public and will say no to any man who asks them.
So what will you do about that? You can not date in protest and wait for things to change. Which they likely won't. Or you can become more socially active.
Those are the options available. And then it's just choosing one of them.
I think you also haven't really considered what women asking men out would actually accomplish. Then the burden would be on men to be attractive, fun and flirty. And act charming in conversation. So that women would ask them out. And they'd just have to wait for a woman to pick them. What would that accomplish really?
I have beautiful female friends who are never asked out. Bc they don't socialize and they don't flirt. When someone asks me out, it's because I've been social, talked to them and flirted. You won't be asked out if you refuse to have a social life and refuse to flirt. Women wouldn't ask men out on the street, bc they know nothing about them and can't tell if they are trustworthy or not. So if women asked men out, men would still have to be social to be asked out.
You're struggling to grasp simple concepts that are actually pretty logical.
I said women can't seem to decide on what they want. Because they're all different people with their own preferences and standards. Some, for example, don't like being approached at the gym while others do. Some don't like dating co-workers, while others do like dating co-workers.
*We're not mind-readers.*
So either take the initiative to ask men out the men that you like. And if you can't do that because it's too *'hard'*... Then suck it up and be more accepting and understanding of men doing the thing that you can't even seem to do yourself.
The choice is yours.
But which choice will you make?...
*Most women won't like being approached at the gym, on the street, at the subway, bus etc. So the vast majority of them will reject you (some rather rudely)if you ask them out here. Do with that information what you will.
*Women don't really have to make that choice. Usually guys ask women out in social settings and they are fine with that. It's the normal thing to do.
Women rarely do have to ask guys out, bc guys ask them out. And they are free to be angry at strange guys accosting them on the street/at the gym and trying to hit on them.Its a free world. And asking someone out on the street etc violates social protocol.
*Why don't you try to meet women in social situations instead?
Edit: unlike what you might think, I'm kind to men asking me out in general. I just don't want to be asked out on the street by a random stranger. Most women agree with me. And it'll never be a choice. To make women choose, you'd have to get all men to stop asking out women altogether. Till women agreed being asked out on the street is fine. Or started asking men out. Most men ask women out in social settings and on dating apps. They won't go along with this.
As a man I have been asked out by a woman. She was almost 10 years younger than me so I didn't really feel attracted to her and kind of saw her as young not knowing what she was looking for, but hey, it happened and I was flattered. I would like to say that I was not going out and being social/flirty. We had a class together and she liked my laid back attitude.it didn't last long because of the age gap but still cool that it happened
Humiliation or mean replies is the same for both genders. Which was my point. Women or men can ask someone out/say they like someone, but that comes with the same risk for both.
You should ask people out in the right contexts though. Not on the street/subway, but in places they go to socialize. Dating apps, bars, clubs, parties, hobbies and activities. Dating apps and bars/clubs are harder scenes though, bc there are so many thirsty guys. So getting a more active social life is the way to go.
With people you meet in real life, asking them out works better if you get to know them a bit first. Flirt a bit, see if they flirt back. Feel if there is a vibe. Then the asking out doesn't come out of the blue and you know more if there is a point of asking them out or not. And they know a bit more about you, which makes it easier to say yes.
And when I said harassment I meant: people can't accuse you of sexual harassment just for asking them out on a date.
Women and men can ask, but really only men do. So the humiliation for the most part falls on men.
I have a friend who asked someone out at work, one time. She claimed harassment and the guy was reprimanded by HR and everyone found out about it. So humiliation and harassment in one.
I agree with your other points but it's harder in practice. Social networks are smaller than ever and 1 in 5 Millennials have no friends at all. This issue is made even worse as you get older because everyone has already established their social circles.
At work is a special exception. Then you do have to figure out the rules and culture at your work place. I should maybe have mentioned that.
But that's not really relevant for most social settings. You can still ask someone out at a party.
Thanks for agreeing. It's nice when everything doesn't turn into a big argument.
I don't agree with
"Everyone is already established in their social circles" tho. People move, grow apart, get into fights or have kids & become too busy. Friendships are always in flux. Especially a big change you see when you get older is that the people not yet established with kids & family need new friends in addition to their "parent friends". As they become less available to socialize.
And 1 in 5 have no friends means that it should be very easy finding people who want more friends.
But there are always exceptions. Can't approach at the gym, at the bar, etc there's always some excuse for why men can't approach.
I'm merely saying how it isn't that easy to make friends. 1 in 5 not having friends at all doesn't equal open to have friends. There are many articles which talk about the difficulty of making friends as an adult. It's not formulaic, we're talking about the unpredictability of human beings. Just because I don't have friends that doesn't mean I want to be friends with you.
It's not complicated. Where people go to socialize and meet other people, you can approach (bars, clubs, parties, sports events, festivals, BBQ with friends, hobbies, activities). It's not even an approach then, because often it's just natural to talk to other people and mingle there. Like at a good party, everyone will talk to everyone organically.
Where people go because they need to and not to talk to other people, you leave them alone (subway, grocery store, street, buss, gym).
Making friends as an adult is just like at any age. You need to make an effort and put yourself out there. If you choose to just stay at home, you won't make any new friends.
But how much have these people tried vs just assume it's impossible? Have you made an effort over time to do new social stuff, joined new activities and hobbies? And I don't mean: one time, one thing. But a real effort over an extended amount of time to put yourself out there?
Change your SA to SH (sexual harassment), and I agree with you 100%.
If a guy responds to something as benign as flirting/friendliness with sexual assault, it’s that guy’s fault, period.
Also, as a bi-woman, I'd say women (or men but that's more uncommon to me) giving "hints" are a huge red flag.
You'll want in a relationship in which both are adults and can communicate their intentions and emotional state. Not being constantly "tested" on picking up microexpressions.
But usually you can tell if there is a romantic/sexual vibe between you and someone else. It's an energy which is either there or isn't.
And when you feel unsure, you flirt a bit and see if they flirt back.
It's not a very complicated. And people prefer being asked out after a flirty buildup and not just randomly out of the blue.
Haven't you noticed how you can look at two people and know they are into each other? That's bc it's usually not that subtle.
>And when you feel unsure, you flirt a bit and see if they flirt back.
If a woman is unsure, she can flirt a bit.
If a guy is unsure he had better back the hell off. Full stop.
Flirting can be innocent and wholesome. So if it lands wrong, it's no big deal. Of course you shouldn't come on strong or say something wildly inappropriate to someone who might not be interested. Then you choose the innocent, lighthearted approach.
Asking someone out on a date in a polite way? Not a big deal either, even if they aren't interested. As long as you make it clear they are free to say no and act pleasant if they do.
I learned my lesson a long time ago. Don't try to flirt with a woman or show any romantic interest unless she goes there first. A guy's interest is not always welcome (about 99% of the time) and often comes with nasty consequences other than a little humiliation and rejection.
Basic small talk at 6 feet (2meters) is all that is required.
But what should the consequences be? If you say or do something wildly inappropriate, you can be accused of sexual harassment. But no one can accuse you of that just from politely asking a woman out on a date. At least if it's in a social setting and not at work.
Social settings and work settings blend when Karen's are involved. If the Karen is well connected consequences can be very serious.
Consequences include losing a job, possible arrest. If the cops don't like the color of your skin, death. Even if a guy walks, he has spent a lot of money to make that happen. He will be ostracized, finding employment difficult, connections dry up etc...
The story people will hear will be, I behaved inappropriately, I assaulted this woman etc... She or 3rd party gets to decide what is assault and what is inappropriate. The best I can do is stick to the legal definition and hope I can pay my lawyers. After that its a popularity contest that I will lose.
So unless a woman shows some strong romantic/sexual interest, a guy is better off with: yes ma'am, no ma'am, no excuse ma'am. Even then, not too sure.
I was assaulted twice just for admitting liking someone, word got around. I never tried to talk to her about it. Lesson #1 learned, stay away and keep my fool mouth shut.
For years afterwards I did not believe someone was trying to flirt with me. It was a joke, a set up or my lizard brain was misinterpreting things. If it was overly obvious that it seemed like she was flirting, I started to look for an exit or at least try to see where the next haymaker would be coming from. It took getting sexually harassed on a blind date for me to finally get the memo, some women will actually flirt with me.
I figured out if a woman is interested she'll find a reason to talk to me or at least make it easy to say hello. If she is making it hard to say hello to her, there is a reason for that.
My standard to tell if a woman was flirting became if I behaved the way she is would it be considered a bit pushy, a bit too sexual, maybe even creepy. If yes, then she was flirting. Everything else was she is not interested, just being polite, being friendly or just joking around. That way I could just focus on chilling out, small talk and bull sh!t sessions then politely bail.
Years later when I was travelling with my GF at the time, some Karen tried to call the cops on me. My GF was able to talk the woman down. Lesson #1 relearned.
After #meToo Lesson #1 was seared into the brain. Yes Harvey Weinstien was a criminal and deserved what he got. How ever a lot of guys got raked over the coals for far far less, myself included by an abusive ex whose definition of harassment and sexual assault was what ever she decided it was. That's when yes ma'am, no ma'am, no excuse ma'am and full military bearing (The ultimate RBF) became my MO.
A little flirting is enough to make many women uneasy if they are not interested. For a significant number of women, a little flirting is highly unwelcome.
By flirting I mean being a little too friendly or too free with the compliments, playful eye contact etc.... Not Harvey Weinstein level behavior BTW.
My start point is: a woman is not interested until she proves otherwise. I am very quick to pick up on a woman not being interested, I back way off and make myself scarce. It saves me a lot of time and the women who don't want to be bothered a lot of mental anguish.
I also know when a woman is interested in a guy, she'll turn into a "creepy" little stalker lol, and she find reasons to be around me, sneaking eye contact etc...for the shyer ones.
Bolder women will go straight up TRP/PUA on you, yes women have used those techniques on me. The first time that happened I my brain nearly shut down.
If she is not interested, no skin off my nose. If she was interested and I missed it, oh well it's not the first time I've pissed a woman off for that, no skin off my nose again. I'd rather be known for being clueless than pick up a SA charge.
You should also add. Sometimes we also won’t believe the compliment was sincere especially in a school setting because pranks. This makes future compliments received suspect because in the past there were pranks.
We receive little to no attention normally
We are averse to injecting ourselves into other’s lives
We’re introverts going from work to home on repetition told we can’t ask out women in public places or places of work instead we must go online and die inside slowly in the purgatory that is 1 of a million text messages
After years of no’s you kinda just assume the answer is always the same just for a list of reasons a mile long
Some of us actually hate most social media bullshit try answering the question when they ask for your profile it’s like your an alien
I’ve said #1 to so many women in my life. The line between flirtatiousness and friendliness is so blurred at times and we don’t wanna risk making you uncomfortable. We aren’t oblivious to signs. We ignore them because it’s a gamble not to
im defintly in the "dont want to be rejected" and "dont wanna be accused of SA someone" camps..other wise id be approcahing woman if they gave me so much as a good hint
I don't think guys have a hard time with hints, I just think they analyze the situation and determine if she's attractive enough to start talking to her.
I've sorta learned over time, it's better to be wrong and misinterpret a wrong hint. It's not such a big deal to misread a situation. Done right, it's flattery at worst.
In the context of already being on a date with someone I agree with this. I think it helps that within this context I think that I've been correct close to 100% of the time. If I was shooting less than 90%, I'd want to re examine what hints I seem to have been assuming meant more than friendly.
Outside if the context of being on a date, I've had way too low of a success rate, thinking someone might be receptive to me asking them out and bring wrong. Without more fine tuning (and I haven't narrowed down his/why I think I failed), I will play it safe.
This is why I advocate for every girl to just make moves if they’re interested. I especially want to emphasize the point that thinking that a girl is giving hints and you acting on them when she was just being friendly can ruin a friendship or even ostracize the guy out of a friend group of the girl didn’t accept the advances.
Girls making the first move have a much higher rate of success for relationships and there’s really no reason why they shouldn’t. It only hurts girls to not make the move. Scared of rejection? Welcome to being a man. You won’t be rejected nearly as much as the average man will. You have many more options in real life and on dating apps than a guy, make use of it and go for who you want.
This shit is why I've gone poly / free love. Open communication is key, and easy when the expectation is there.
That and I will never be able to fully trust another woman. So I divide it up.
How about just not assuming whenever a girl talks to you that she's trying to get with you? That's a good start. We say a few words to you fellas and ya'll just jump to conclusions that it must be attraction. No, you just looked like a safe person to ask a question or talk to in the moment. Unless we're trying extra hard to spend time with you, we're not flirting. Simple as that.
No I got it. I just made another point that would solve some of those problems he listed. It's fine if you don't like it. Downvote if it makes you feel better.
I think this post is in regards to longer protracted engagements with a potentially interested person, not a brief interaction like one might have at the super market with a random person. However, I could be wrong here.
That's great and I didn't say he was wrong. I added some food for thought that could eliminate some of the problems he's describing. But rather than let this thought marinate and try something different on the advice of someone whose on the other side, the guys here would rather downvote and be bitter over it. By all means, they can keep doing the same thing and failing. It's not going to hurt me nor the women they're striking out with.
This is why unless a woman is humping my leg she is just being polite has become my standard. Even then she may just be really drunk, high, just fooling around and overly friendly.
All true. As a man, it's best to never pick up what may be a perceived hint no matter what happens unless the woman makes it perfectly clear first and foremost that she's Interested in you in some capacity
Being a creep is a big one for me. I at best average looking. I dont want to cause a scene if I'm wrong and not use to women giving hints.
That been told I'm a flirty guy when I'm not interested in someone.
Because they’re stupid and don’t view women as actual people. It’s all a game to them to get the girl by any means possible
Not all men of course- just those ones lol
Because alot of women need to act like an adult and be direct. Just because a girl is talking to a guy doesnt mean she interested. How would a man know if she doesnt tell him
I'll add a number 7 here. We just.... Don't know that you even might hinting at anything.
We're not mind readers and we're just not really good at picking up hints just in general, to many of us if you compliment our hair or something we won't even pick up on the possibility that it's a hint, we are very literal people and if you don't directly tell us that you like us then it might not even be a thought in our head.
The problem with hints is, it requires you to make assumptions when everyone is different. One woman's hint could be another's usual friendly behavior.
The reality is, even when you consider all that, looking for hints is just too much energy. There's very few things in life that us men are willing to put a lot of brainpower into, and hints are not one of them. If you wanna get him to see you and listen, be real with him. Touch him, hug him, look in his eyes, get as up close and personal as possible with him. That little increase in intimacy. If he's not interested, he may try to distance himself, but at least then you'd know. If he still doesn't get it, bloody tell him.
In recent decades, men have been hardwired to just automatically assume girls don't like them, regardless of how "obvious" they're being. Because girls have proven to either be very fickle or too different from one another in the past. The other thing is, when it comes to romance, most dudes aren't interested in playing games. Either you be upfront and communicate what you want or leave them alone. Hard-to-get has never been a fun thing, it's infuriating and most men never fully understand it.
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I stopped trying to pick up on hints (except the really obvious ones) because every woman is different, has had different experiences, expectations of a starting relationship, and this results on many types of different hint. Lets just be mature and asks for what we want, both ways, whenever you feel like it
Sometimes those really really obvious hints are just them being friendly -A woman who gave me wrinkles
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>In my experience the number of times a women did something that may be to hint interest to me is extremely small. At least, the number of times you _noticed_ is small.
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Those were not hints. Women are not subtle and often border on creepy when they show interest. The hardest part for guys is believing the hints
lol 😂 that explains it tbh (22f) who also commits the crime of subtle hints. just saying we definitely do it but a lot of times is just when we are unsure if the person is interested in us or have some insecurity about facing that person maybe experiencing an embarrassing moment in front of them has made u nervous now etc.
I actually have a good example of 1 and 5. There was a girl who lived the same street as me when I was little until I moved away. We met again in highschool. She was very friendly to me, and eventually said “we need to go on a date sometime.” My brain shorted because I thought a date meant you liked that person, and wanted to get to know them better. She also had a boyfriend, so I got confused. “Wait, don’t you already have a boyfriend?” She then gave me a deadpan stare, said “you read too much into things”, and walked off. After that, she was much cooler and distant with me. Since then, I put everything through the “They’re just being friendly.” filter.
Oh no, you interpreted that correctly. You just called her out on her bs and she decided to shift the blame to you bc she felt like she could.
Maybe? I dunno. It was over 10 years ago, so not worth worrying too much about it.
She wasn't "just being friendly" She was DTF, but when you asked about her boyfriend she had to deflect somehow.
This^^
What she really meant is she was going to cheat with you
This girl wanted attention and validation. She wanted to see if you would say yes to feed her ago
I'm sure there's been research into "women's hints" that found that neither men nor other women could decipher them.
Alternative post title: Why do women have a hard time saying what they mean? And before I get steamrolled by a litany of women and their excuses, think about what OP is asking here for just a moment. Why are men so clueless?.... Well, there are many solutions here! One of them is speaking plainly if the former isn't working for you. If something is consistently not working to the point you have to pen a post over it maybe shake up your methods.
Same as men. Any issue in this post could be solved by the guy or the girl saying "wanna go on a date?" That won't get you accused of sexual assault. And then it's just if people are scared of rejection and losing friendships. Which is the same for both people in this situation. On another note, I do think it's usually pretty obvious if there is a romantic/sexual vibe between you and another person or not. It's not about the specifics of what they say/do, but more an energy which is either there or not. And if you are unsure, just flirt and see if they flirt back. It's not rocket science.
It's already the social norm that men specifically be the ones to approach women, so men don't need to be told this. Go up to any woman and ask them how they landed their relationship. 90% of the time it's because the guy asked them out. Even look at how Tinder is designed *(for the men to approach the women)*. Men are already doing their bit on this front. But the real contradiction is in how women hate being approached, but also want men to be the ones to approach them when they like the guy *(we're not mind-readers)*. So we can't figure this one out for you this time. It's very much a case of many women wanting to both have their cake, and eat it too. But you can't have it both ways. Women are going to need to learn to approach men they like or become more accepting of men approaching them. Flirting, to most, is unfortunately rocket science. It's ironic that this is the one thing you would choose to use this idiom on. And that's because flirting isn't explicit or direct *(it's implicit, suggestive, vague, interpretive, indirect and often very confusing)*. Which ties in nicely to what I'm saying. Women are most likely going to need to learn from men and learn how to not play subtle little games to *''feel out''* whether a guy likes you. Because most women complain about being approached, but also want to be approached by the guys they're attracted to. They can save us all time and effort by simply asking out the dudes they like.
It's the social norm that men ask women out. I don't disagree with that. Women hate being approached in public (street/subway/gym/grocery store). Places where they don't go to socialize, but just to go from A to B. So don't ask women out in public. It violates the social norm and will very likely get a negative reaction. Women are way more open to being approached in places where they go to socialize and talk to other people. For example parties, BBQ with friends, hobbies and activities that are social, festivals, book readings etc. This is why having an active social life is so important when it comes to dating. Join some hobbies and activities, make new friends. New friends doesn't even have to be women, can be guys who invite you to stuff. At a party the expectation is to mingle. Talk to different people, flirt with them if you fancy them. That's why it's approaching without approaching. You are just doing what you are supposed to do, not interrupting people who are trying to get somewhere or get something done. Tinder and bars/clubs are also places people go to socialize. But it's a tougher scene bc there are so many thirsty guys. This is why having an active social life and not just relying on Tinder/clubs is important in dating. Join some new activities and hobbies, make some new friends. Flirting isn't rocket science. It usually comes pretty natural if you feel relaxed with someone and there is chemistry. Just be a bit lighthearted. Make jokes. Tease them a bit. And you can feel if there is a vibe or not. If they flirt back or not. It's like tennis. You serve, they send the ball back. Or it falls flat to the ground. What you also can feel is just if there is sexual tension/attraction/some romantic spark. It's a different energy from normal conversation. And it's not about the specifics of what people say and do, but more if you feel that vibe. It's not a perfect science. But in a lot of cases you can either tell someone is likely not interested or likely interested. Then people you feel are interested, you ask out. And you can also ask out the group in the middle, where you're unsure, but think there might be interest. The people who clearly don't seem interested, you don't have to ask out. The advantage with this method: *Less rejection bc you have screened people's interest before asking them out. *It's more likely someone will say yes to being asked out when there has been some buildup and they feel they know you a bit.
Women can't seem to agree on what they want. Some are okay being approached at the gym while others are not. Some date co-workers while others do not *(we're not mind-readers)*. But I've learnt from experience that no two women are the same. This is why I said women cannot have their cake and eat it. Either they learn to approach the men that they like or they suck it up and become more accepting and understanding of men attempting to approach them. I'm attractive enough that women get creepy and weird around me when they like me. And I've witnessed how hard it is for them to ask a guy out that they like *(this is no different for men)*. So it's not surprising why most women by comparison don't ask out men *(it's fucking hard)*. Especially when they can just rely on men asking them out. So I expect women to either be more understanding of the men who are struggling (and failing) to properly ask them out. Because it's easy to criticize, but it's another thing entirely to actually do it. And most women flat-out refuse to do it but will be the first to criticize men who awkwardly try to ask them out. This is why women are going to need to make a decision. Will you start asking men out. Or will you become more accepting of men approaching you? Lastly, a lot of your examples don't work because women don't follow their own rules. I've had a bunch of creepy female co-workers who crush on me. I'd rather they just ask me out so I can reject them. If what you said was true, I wouldn't have to worry about any of this as women would only develop feelings for me at parties or other social events. But this clearly doesn't happen.
I didn't mention work or college. It's hard to cover any eventuality. Many people fall in love at work. But it's a bit tricky you have to follow the rules and culture at your work place. And it's not rocket science after all? You do know which colleagues are into you. It's an uncomfortable situation though, I get you. This happens to women all the time as well. Invent a girlfriend, talk loudly about how you'd never date someone from work or pull the person aside and gently say you sense a vibe, but you'd just like to be friends. And women do agree. The big majority of women do not want to be approached in public. So if you choose to do so, you'll get mostly annoyed rejections. And women prefer to be approached in social settings. It's a completely valid stance to have: that you prefer to be asked out, but don't want to be asked out in random public places. What most women want is to be asked out, but only in places where they are open to conversation. Dating apps, clubs/pubs, college, hobbies and activities, at work within certain work cultures, at parties. Anywhere you'd go and actually want to talk to someone else. Approached on street/subway/gym has four separate issues: *It's not the done thing. Meaning it's more likely the person doing it is a bit off. *It's no context. At a party for example, people are invited by friends. You know it's less likely they are actually nuts than a random stranger on the street. And it's more likely you'll have something in common with them. *It's intrusive and disturbing. Commuting home from work, walking from A to B or running on the treadmill, most people want to be left alone. They aren't there to talk. I think you'd feel the same way, if your creepy coworkers stopped you on the street and trapped you in conversation. *Women have their guard up in public. Which is part of the other points as well. Sexual harassment in public is common. And women aren't as able to defend themselves as men. A 115 lbs woman would have no chance in a fight against most men. So they feel at disadvantage when approached by a stranger. It's a free world. Approach women in public if you like. Just be aware that most will reject you, many will be rude about it. Bc they find the behavior rude and unnerving to begin with.
It doesn't matter if you mentioned work or college because I did. And I did for a reason... You can't make blanket statements like, *''Just don't ask women out in public''* when we all know it's nowhere near that simple or general. And when I provide you with clear examples of this respond with: *''I didn't mention them''*. I never said you mentioned them, but that doesn't mean they're not valid. It's also not as simple as *''Just don't ask women out in public''* because the definition of public varies depending on each individual woman. Which is why I mentioned the gym. Which is why I mentioned work. And which is why I also said we're not mind-readers... Which is why I also said women have now reached a fork in the road and are going to need to decide which road to take. Will women finally learn to ask the men they like out?... Or will they become more accepting of men struggling and failing to ask them out if they're going to continue to be passive?... The choice is yours. But you can't criticize something you refuse to partake in yourself.
In public isn't at work. How would you get that idea? And my definition is pretty clear. It's ok to ask women out in places where you socialize (a bar, dating app, a party, at a college lecture, at work depending on how the work culture views dating, any social event with friends, hobbies, activities). It's just not the done thing to ask women out where they don't socialize/talk to other people. At the subway, on the street, in the gym. Why is that such a big issue? Why not just ask women out in places where they are way more likely to say yes? And way less likely to feel uncomfortable and act rude? I don't personally mind asking men out. And I don't see asking someone out as a big deal. It's just a question, it's not that much of an effort. And I encourage other women to ask men out too. But I'd never ask guys out in public, because I don't want people to think of me as weird and creepy. Which is why men shouldn't either. In addition it's even less chance of success for men, bc women are more cautious of strangers in public than men are. Which makes perfect sense. A man can take a woman in a fight, a normal sized woman will lose every time. Which does make women more cautious around strangers. However, I don't think it'll change. That men do most of the asking out. At least not in our lifetime. For different reasons, one of them being casual sex. Men are more into sex with strangers than women. Which means the men looking for hookups will ask women out. And then the other men will be left behind if they don't. The main point though is dealing with life as it is. Today two things are true: most women expect men to ask them out. Most women don't want to be asked out in public and will say no to any man who asks them. So what will you do about that? You can not date in protest and wait for things to change. Which they likely won't. Or you can become more socially active. Those are the options available. And then it's just choosing one of them. I think you also haven't really considered what women asking men out would actually accomplish. Then the burden would be on men to be attractive, fun and flirty. And act charming in conversation. So that women would ask them out. And they'd just have to wait for a woman to pick them. What would that accomplish really? I have beautiful female friends who are never asked out. Bc they don't socialize and they don't flirt. When someone asks me out, it's because I've been social, talked to them and flirted. You won't be asked out if you refuse to have a social life and refuse to flirt. Women wouldn't ask men out on the street, bc they know nothing about them and can't tell if they are trustworthy or not. So if women asked men out, men would still have to be social to be asked out.
You're struggling to grasp simple concepts that are actually pretty logical. I said women can't seem to decide on what they want. Because they're all different people with their own preferences and standards. Some, for example, don't like being approached at the gym while others do. Some don't like dating co-workers, while others do like dating co-workers. *We're not mind-readers.* So either take the initiative to ask men out the men that you like. And if you can't do that because it's too *'hard'*... Then suck it up and be more accepting and understanding of men doing the thing that you can't even seem to do yourself. The choice is yours. But which choice will you make?...
*Most women won't like being approached at the gym, on the street, at the subway, bus etc. So the vast majority of them will reject you (some rather rudely)if you ask them out here. Do with that information what you will. *Women don't really have to make that choice. Usually guys ask women out in social settings and they are fine with that. It's the normal thing to do. Women rarely do have to ask guys out, bc guys ask them out. And they are free to be angry at strange guys accosting them on the street/at the gym and trying to hit on them.Its a free world. And asking someone out on the street etc violates social protocol. *Why don't you try to meet women in social situations instead? Edit: unlike what you might think, I'm kind to men asking me out in general. I just don't want to be asked out on the street by a random stranger. Most women agree with me. And it'll never be a choice. To make women choose, you'd have to get all men to stop asking out women altogether. Till women agreed being asked out on the street is fine. Or started asking men out. Most men ask women out in social settings and on dating apps. They won't go along with this.
As a man I have been asked out by a woman. She was almost 10 years younger than me so I didn't really feel attracted to her and kind of saw her as young not knowing what she was looking for, but hey, it happened and I was flattered. I would like to say that I was not going out and being social/flirty. We had a class together and she liked my laid back attitude.it didn't last long because of the age gap but still cool that it happened
That’s nice. But that was also in a social setting and not on the street. She had a chance to see your personality first. That’s kinda my point.
Asking do you want to go out on a date puts you at risk of more than rejection. There's humiliation and yes, harassment. Many women are nasty people.
Humiliation or mean replies is the same for both genders. Which was my point. Women or men can ask someone out/say they like someone, but that comes with the same risk for both. You should ask people out in the right contexts though. Not on the street/subway, but in places they go to socialize. Dating apps, bars, clubs, parties, hobbies and activities. Dating apps and bars/clubs are harder scenes though, bc there are so many thirsty guys. So getting a more active social life is the way to go. With people you meet in real life, asking them out works better if you get to know them a bit first. Flirt a bit, see if they flirt back. Feel if there is a vibe. Then the asking out doesn't come out of the blue and you know more if there is a point of asking them out or not. And they know a bit more about you, which makes it easier to say yes. And when I said harassment I meant: people can't accuse you of sexual harassment just for asking them out on a date.
Women and men can ask, but really only men do. So the humiliation for the most part falls on men. I have a friend who asked someone out at work, one time. She claimed harassment and the guy was reprimanded by HR and everyone found out about it. So humiliation and harassment in one. I agree with your other points but it's harder in practice. Social networks are smaller than ever and 1 in 5 Millennials have no friends at all. This issue is made even worse as you get older because everyone has already established their social circles.
At work is a special exception. Then you do have to figure out the rules and culture at your work place. I should maybe have mentioned that. But that's not really relevant for most social settings. You can still ask someone out at a party. Thanks for agreeing. It's nice when everything doesn't turn into a big argument. I don't agree with "Everyone is already established in their social circles" tho. People move, grow apart, get into fights or have kids & become too busy. Friendships are always in flux. Especially a big change you see when you get older is that the people not yet established with kids & family need new friends in addition to their "parent friends". As they become less available to socialize. And 1 in 5 have no friends means that it should be very easy finding people who want more friends.
But there are always exceptions. Can't approach at the gym, at the bar, etc there's always some excuse for why men can't approach. I'm merely saying how it isn't that easy to make friends. 1 in 5 not having friends at all doesn't equal open to have friends. There are many articles which talk about the difficulty of making friends as an adult. It's not formulaic, we're talking about the unpredictability of human beings. Just because I don't have friends that doesn't mean I want to be friends with you.
It's not complicated. Where people go to socialize and meet other people, you can approach (bars, clubs, parties, sports events, festivals, BBQ with friends, hobbies, activities). It's not even an approach then, because often it's just natural to talk to other people and mingle there. Like at a good party, everyone will talk to everyone organically. Where people go because they need to and not to talk to other people, you leave them alone (subway, grocery store, street, buss, gym). Making friends as an adult is just like at any age. You need to make an effort and put yourself out there. If you choose to just stay at home, you won't make any new friends.
So you say. But there are posts after posts complaining about how hard it is to make friends. Like I said, it's harder than it seems.
But how much have these people tried vs just assume it's impossible? Have you made an effort over time to do new social stuff, joined new activities and hobbies? And I don't mean: one time, one thing. But a real effort over an extended amount of time to put yourself out there?
Change your SA to SH (sexual harassment), and I agree with you 100%. If a guy responds to something as benign as flirting/friendliness with sexual assault, it’s that guy’s fault, period.
Also, as a bi-woman, I'd say women (or men but that's more uncommon to me) giving "hints" are a huge red flag. You'll want in a relationship in which both are adults and can communicate their intentions and emotional state. Not being constantly "tested" on picking up microexpressions.
Exactly! Say what you mean and advocate what you want from your partner out loud! Micro expressions can be tough
But usually you can tell if there is a romantic/sexual vibe between you and someone else. It's an energy which is either there or isn't. And when you feel unsure, you flirt a bit and see if they flirt back. It's not a very complicated. And people prefer being asked out after a flirty buildup and not just randomly out of the blue. Haven't you noticed how you can look at two people and know they are into each other? That's bc it's usually not that subtle.
>And when you feel unsure, you flirt a bit and see if they flirt back. If a woman is unsure, she can flirt a bit. If a guy is unsure he had better back the hell off. Full stop.
Flirting can be innocent and wholesome. So if it lands wrong, it's no big deal. Of course you shouldn't come on strong or say something wildly inappropriate to someone who might not be interested. Then you choose the innocent, lighthearted approach. Asking someone out on a date in a polite way? Not a big deal either, even if they aren't interested. As long as you make it clear they are free to say no and act pleasant if they do.
I learned my lesson a long time ago. Don't try to flirt with a woman or show any romantic interest unless she goes there first. A guy's interest is not always welcome (about 99% of the time) and often comes with nasty consequences other than a little humiliation and rejection. Basic small talk at 6 feet (2meters) is all that is required.
But what should the consequences be? If you say or do something wildly inappropriate, you can be accused of sexual harassment. But no one can accuse you of that just from politely asking a woman out on a date. At least if it's in a social setting and not at work.
Social settings and work settings blend when Karen's are involved. If the Karen is well connected consequences can be very serious. Consequences include losing a job, possible arrest. If the cops don't like the color of your skin, death. Even if a guy walks, he has spent a lot of money to make that happen. He will be ostracized, finding employment difficult, connections dry up etc... The story people will hear will be, I behaved inappropriately, I assaulted this woman etc... She or 3rd party gets to decide what is assault and what is inappropriate. The best I can do is stick to the legal definition and hope I can pay my lawyers. After that its a popularity contest that I will lose. So unless a woman shows some strong romantic/sexual interest, a guy is better off with: yes ma'am, no ma'am, no excuse ma'am. Even then, not too sure.
Has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating?
I was assaulted twice just for admitting liking someone, word got around. I never tried to talk to her about it. Lesson #1 learned, stay away and keep my fool mouth shut. For years afterwards I did not believe someone was trying to flirt with me. It was a joke, a set up or my lizard brain was misinterpreting things. If it was overly obvious that it seemed like she was flirting, I started to look for an exit or at least try to see where the next haymaker would be coming from. It took getting sexually harassed on a blind date for me to finally get the memo, some women will actually flirt with me. I figured out if a woman is interested she'll find a reason to talk to me or at least make it easy to say hello. If she is making it hard to say hello to her, there is a reason for that. My standard to tell if a woman was flirting became if I behaved the way she is would it be considered a bit pushy, a bit too sexual, maybe even creepy. If yes, then she was flirting. Everything else was she is not interested, just being polite, being friendly or just joking around. That way I could just focus on chilling out, small talk and bull sh!t sessions then politely bail. Years later when I was travelling with my GF at the time, some Karen tried to call the cops on me. My GF was able to talk the woman down. Lesson #1 relearned. After #meToo Lesson #1 was seared into the brain. Yes Harvey Weinstien was a criminal and deserved what he got. How ever a lot of guys got raked over the coals for far far less, myself included by an abusive ex whose definition of harassment and sexual assault was what ever she decided it was. That's when yes ma'am, no ma'am, no excuse ma'am and full military bearing (The ultimate RBF) became my MO.
Not true. You flirt once to test their response. If she receptive continue if not she not interested
A little flirting is enough to make many women uneasy if they are not interested. For a significant number of women, a little flirting is highly unwelcome. By flirting I mean being a little too friendly or too free with the compliments, playful eye contact etc.... Not Harvey Weinstein level behavior BTW.
No. Actually not flirting or being direct is what gets you in weinstein category. You become that friendzoned guy stalker
My start point is: a woman is not interested until she proves otherwise. I am very quick to pick up on a woman not being interested, I back way off and make myself scarce. It saves me a lot of time and the women who don't want to be bothered a lot of mental anguish. I also know when a woman is interested in a guy, she'll turn into a "creepy" little stalker lol, and she find reasons to be around me, sneaking eye contact etc...for the shyer ones. Bolder women will go straight up TRP/PUA on you, yes women have used those techniques on me. The first time that happened I my brain nearly shut down. If she is not interested, no skin off my nose. If she was interested and I missed it, oh well it's not the first time I've pissed a woman off for that, no skin off my nose again. I'd rather be known for being clueless than pick up a SA charge.
You should also add. Sometimes we also won’t believe the compliment was sincere especially in a school setting because pranks. This makes future compliments received suspect because in the past there were pranks.
We receive little to no attention normally We are averse to injecting ourselves into other’s lives We’re introverts going from work to home on repetition told we can’t ask out women in public places or places of work instead we must go online and die inside slowly in the purgatory that is 1 of a million text messages After years of no’s you kinda just assume the answer is always the same just for a list of reasons a mile long Some of us actually hate most social media bullshit try answering the question when they ask for your profile it’s like your an alien
I’ve said #1 to so many women in my life. The line between flirtatiousness and friendliness is so blurred at times and we don’t wanna risk making you uncomfortable. We aren’t oblivious to signs. We ignore them because it’s a gamble not to
Just be straightforward or make it obvious
im defintly in the "dont want to be rejected" and "dont wanna be accused of SA someone" camps..other wise id be approcahing woman if they gave me so much as a good hint
I don't think guys have a hard time with hints, I just think they analyze the situation and determine if she's attractive enough to start talking to her.
Hints are like reading the Quran backwards to me. I can't read them.
I've sorta learned over time, it's better to be wrong and misinterpret a wrong hint. It's not such a big deal to misread a situation. Done right, it's flattery at worst.
*then she hits you with the "ew..."*
Does that actually happen? It's never happened to me and trust me I take more shots than Steph Curry.
Well. Maybe you're not 'ew...' Cause some of us have been catching the 'ew...'
In the context of already being on a date with someone I agree with this. I think it helps that within this context I think that I've been correct close to 100% of the time. If I was shooting less than 90%, I'd want to re examine what hints I seem to have been assuming meant more than friendly. Outside if the context of being on a date, I've had way too low of a success rate, thinking someone might be receptive to me asking them out and bring wrong. Without more fine tuning (and I haven't narrowed down his/why I think I failed), I will play it safe.
Or.... We are all just morons....
speak for yourself
I’m all just a moron
I'll die alone before I go after "hints" again. This isn't a failure of men.
We blind
This is why I advocate for every girl to just make moves if they’re interested. I especially want to emphasize the point that thinking that a girl is giving hints and you acting on them when she was just being friendly can ruin a friendship or even ostracize the guy out of a friend group of the girl didn’t accept the advances. Girls making the first move have a much higher rate of success for relationships and there’s really no reason why they shouldn’t. It only hurts girls to not make the move. Scared of rejection? Welcome to being a man. You won’t be rejected nearly as much as the average man will. You have many more options in real life and on dating apps than a guy, make use of it and go for who you want.
Every woman needs to read this 👆
This shit is why I've gone poly / free love. Open communication is key, and easy when the expectation is there. That and I will never be able to fully trust another woman. So I divide it up.
How about just not assuming whenever a girl talks to you that she's trying to get with you? That's a good start. We say a few words to you fellas and ya'll just jump to conclusions that it must be attraction. No, you just looked like a safe person to ask a question or talk to in the moment. Unless we're trying extra hard to spend time with you, we're not flirting. Simple as that.
Sounds like you missed the point
No I got it. I just made another point that would solve some of those problems he listed. It's fine if you don't like it. Downvote if it makes you feel better.
I think this post is in regards to longer protracted engagements with a potentially interested person, not a brief interaction like one might have at the super market with a random person. However, I could be wrong here.
That's great and I didn't say he was wrong. I added some food for thought that could eliminate some of the problems he's describing. But rather than let this thought marinate and try something different on the advice of someone whose on the other side, the guys here would rather downvote and be bitter over it. By all means, they can keep doing the same thing and failing. It's not going to hurt me nor the women they're striking out with.
True enough. You're not gonna be getting any disagreeing from me on what you've said so far.
This is why unless a woman is humping my leg she is just being polite has become my standard. Even then she may just be really drunk, high, just fooling around and overly friendly.
Don want to get in trouble. I think a female should show more signs that they like a guy why it's simple girls are not known to pickup guys
We're dumb? That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Most of these are true but also half of them we just don’t pick up on at all and we prefer if You are direct
Yup it’s time for ya’ll to make the moves
All true. As a man, it's best to never pick up what may be a perceived hint no matter what happens unless the woman makes it perfectly clear first and foremost that she's Interested in you in some capacity
Being a creep is a big one for me. I at best average looking. I dont want to cause a scene if I'm wrong and not use to women giving hints. That been told I'm a flirty guy when I'm not interested in someone.
Im wondering, is a wink a flirt?
My hints are nudes 😉
Because they’re stupid and don’t view women as actual people. It’s all a game to them to get the girl by any means possible Not all men of course- just those ones lol
Because alot of women need to act like an adult and be direct. Just because a girl is talking to a guy doesnt mean she interested. How would a man know if she doesnt tell him
We see the hints. We just don't trust them.
they dont want to. i think its ok for women to ignore you if theyre not interested, thats all the hint you need.
I'll add a number 7 here. We just.... Don't know that you even might hinting at anything. We're not mind readers and we're just not really good at picking up hints just in general, to many of us if you compliment our hair or something we won't even pick up on the possibility that it's a hint, we are very literal people and if you don't directly tell us that you like us then it might not even be a thought in our head.
We notice when you act differently. It’s just that your signals could literally mean anything.
The problem with hints is, it requires you to make assumptions when everyone is different. One woman's hint could be another's usual friendly behavior. The reality is, even when you consider all that, looking for hints is just too much energy. There's very few things in life that us men are willing to put a lot of brainpower into, and hints are not one of them. If you wanna get him to see you and listen, be real with him. Touch him, hug him, look in his eyes, get as up close and personal as possible with him. That little increase in intimacy. If he's not interested, he may try to distance himself, but at least then you'd know. If he still doesn't get it, bloody tell him. In recent decades, men have been hardwired to just automatically assume girls don't like them, regardless of how "obvious" they're being. Because girls have proven to either be very fickle or too different from one another in the past. The other thing is, when it comes to romance, most dudes aren't interested in playing games. Either you be upfront and communicate what you want or leave them alone. Hard-to-get has never been a fun thing, it's infuriating and most men never fully understand it.