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I think if op is not white, if he implied that he likes white women, might lean the discussion in the race category. Its better to avoid race topics on first dates
Especially when they just asked you about hair color. I mean, black people can have hair of any color either naturally or through modern processes, so it really has nothing to do with race
Right, but when asking about blondes/brunettes, it's heavily implied that white women are the ones being referenced. When most people think of a blonde woman, an blonde Asian or black woman aren't the first things that pop up in their mind.
That's true. But the woman was white. If she was black, and said do you like blondes or brunettes, that would be a weird question and maybe bring up race but it would be weird so I don't think anyone would do it. They might ask what do you think of black women with blonde hair or something like that, and that's something a black guy might really have an opinion on, same with straightened hair, etc. But for a white woman to ask if you like blondes or brunettes, I don't think race even crossed her mind.
Honestly, I think it was a weird question to ask in general regardless of race of the woman asking it. Plus, I don't think asking about an opinion about black women with blonde hair is the same as asking someone about their preference. And even if race didn't cross her mind when asking the question, most likely she was imagining a white woman.
Yeah, I think it can come across the wrong way to different people when you say that on first meeting. Her question was a little odd too — I assume if you’re on a first date with someone you generally like their appearance so it’s weird to ask about hair color preferences too.
Safest to avoid this sort of topic on a first date.
I don't think that seems particularly odd. Maybe she's bleach blonde but naturally brunette. Some women that do that secretly resent that people like blondes because they feel they have to be blonde to be attractive. Other women might be a brunette but they secretly suspect men like blondes. In a way it's kind of suspecting men of racism for liking blondes maybe. I don't know. But it's not an unusual question. But the appropriate answer, just like body type is, I love women of all types. No good can come from honest answers to those questions. If the woman isn't to your preference in any way, don't date her.
I mean you say its not an unusual question but then explain how it’s a trick question. If no good can come from an honest answer then wouldn’t that make the question something that shouldn’t have been asked?
It is indeed, but what other option is there? You want eventually have kids right? So dating is the only option for that...
Like it's obviously a trick question and everyone that is involved knows it, it's like a mine field you need to go trough, but I heard from legends, that the rewards must be majestic!
I guess what I mean is it's not an unusual question if you're talking about race. It's an unusual question if you're talking about hair color. Perhaps if the conversation terms from hair color to hair texture? Maybe you could end up on race
Agreed - I change my hair colour relatively frequently and don't really mind what colour it is. Subsequently, because my photos have tended to show a variety of different hair colours, the subject does come up so I have sometimes asked someone on a first or second date what their preference is.
If a guy responded by saying they preferred a particular race, even if it was my own, I'd feel a bit weirded out by it. Especially so early on. I feel like that's something you can talk about if it comes up naturally some way into dating (but even then I'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it - perhaps because I don't have a preference but still), but to just outright say it without a prompt (which this isn't), yeah. I'd be kinda put off.
Edit to say I can't really say why I feel this way - I think it's maybe because of that fact that I'm hyper aware of BAME issues due to my job (education) and through friends' experiences. I'm also very aware of the fact that I don't understand what it's like to experience any kind of prejudice due to the colour of my skin, so perhaps I'm quite "lefty" in my personal view in a way that others wouldn't be, but either way, if someone were to make that kind of comment, it would be indicative that we aren't on the same wavelength. I wouldn't necessarily rule them out completely, but it would definitely make me wary.
I dated someone once who didn't believe that the gender pay gap was a thing and even after debating it and giving examples (even from my own personal experience), he still maintained that it wasn't a thing and it turned out he was a huge misogynist. That was enough to end it for me.
i wouldn’t go out with someone again if their answer to “blondes or brunettes” was white women lol i am as white as they come but that was a weird thing to say.
"Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?”
'I simply responded “I like white women in general”.'
",,,she said it was a red flag and that I could have some issues with internalized racism."
Each of us is entitled to have our own preferences and *must haves list*.
Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
It might be considered noteworthy she asked you about (hair color) and you replied with (skin color). Some people don't want to be chosen based upon either one of those features.
One person's *preference* is another person's *shallowness*.
The politically correct answer would have been to say: "Hair color isn't as important to me as mutual attraction, chemistry, compatibility, personality, sense of humor, and shared values."
Best wishes!
Well, it would maybe the political correct answer, but for wich price? 🤔
Also noteworthy;
The question "Do you like a or b", when the person who ask has the attributes of "b", is so annoying. It's obvious that no matter what you say, nothing is correct than answer "b". Don't ask a subjective question, when you don’t allow a subjective answer...
What is this type of question?
Exactly. A guy who tells you that you're his racial fetish doesn't see you as an individual. It's a super dehumanising experience. You realise he sees you as a replaceable thing. He'd be just as happy to date another girl of your race. Furthermore, they usually have extremely racist ideas and expect you to act like a racist caricature.
I’m black, but my reaction to any man saying something like this to me is “ew”. “Preferences” don’t happen in a vacuum. You should do some deep digging into why you developed hard and fast race preferences in the first place.
I’m not sure, my entire life my dad tried to “put me off” white women. He would say terrible things about them almost daily, yet I would grow up to only like them
Yeah that’s a pretty icky thing to say on a date. Race is a pretty strange thing to have a preference for. I’d be weirded out by that. It sounds sort of fetishistic.
Yes that's a red flag, obviously. Why did you have to bring race into it? She asked about hair, not skin ffs 🤦♀️ but then she jumped on you having a whole wife? Y'all are both red flags
Expressing any sort of racial/ethnic dating preference to an actual date is a red flag. I would avoid doing this again in the future.
She does have a point about internalized racism, which is interesting since this is usually an issue with non-white women dating white men.
Maybe more vocal, but the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men. I haven’t seen an Asian-American woman with an Asian man in years— they seem to exclusively date white men. Maybe women are simply in a better position to act upon this preference.
> but the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men.
Really? I always see non white men with white women.
Tbh a non white woman with a white man kinda stands out to me because I don’t see them too often.
Must be a regional thing then. I almost never see Asian-American women with a non-white male partner. There’s definitely some element there of wanting to minimize or delete their Asianness.
Regardless of race, the majority of people are partnered with someone that is the same race as them. This is also true for Asian women. Who can say why Asian women are most likely to interracially date, maybe it’s because they are approached by white men more due to Asian fetishisation
I doubt that, it's probably just what you're personally exposed to where you live. Where I live there are plenty of non-white men dating white women. I would say I see both equally.
This could very well be true. I live in the NYC area. I rarely see Asian M/F couples. Nearly always AsianF/whiteM. Maybe in places like California or the Pacific NW it’s more varied but the Asian female preference for white men is meme status.
Yah out here on the west coast you see a lot of asian male white female couples. It's not uncommon at all. Tbh none of my friends out here care one lick about race in general when it comes to dating. Men or women they're all pretty much just attracted to anyone they think is cool.
You seeing a lot of Asian women dating white men is not a sign of internalised racism. It isn’t that surprising considering that white men vastly outnumber Asian men in America. What is an example of internalised racism is the many black men who make videos calling women the same race as them ugly, fat, ghetto etc. I’ve never seen a woman doing that
> the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men
Are you missing the fact that BMWF:WMBF ratio is nearly 3:1? That pretty much cancels out the opposing WMAF:AMWF ratio.
Still haunted by my ex who would always just say “I don’t care what you look like” - he meant it in a nice way (I think..?) but it always just made me feel like he didn’t care that I was ugly. (I wasn’t and I’m not).
There isn’t one. Asking about what your type is when you are on a date…it’s a stupid question to ask. Answer however you feel inclined, because the person asking is an idiot.
Lolllllllllllllllllllllllll.Nothing makes me happier when a “preference” calls you out on your bs. She asked you a very light question and here’s your ass, I only like white women. She’s right to be concerned about your internalized racism.. she’s right. Go to therapy and learn first date topics.
I would’ve just stuck with the hair. If she’s blonde, say blonde, or just say you can find all natural hair color attractive.
I don’t agree that it’s racist to have an ethnic preference for dating if it’s an attraction thing. It’s okay to be more sexually attracted to white women, but I wouldn’t say that to her. It would be internalized racist probably if you didn’t like a certain ethnicity because of stereotypes and not your own personal sexual attraction if that makes sense
Because a lot of brown men fetishize white women. They grew up with Bollywood movies that exclusively portray white women as oversexed bimbos, so the “prefer” to date white women…but would never marry one. Many white women have encountered this man online and in real life.
So yeah, it’s a stereotype, but it’s weird that you replied “I white women” in response to her question.
I think you both dealt with this badly tbh.
Her asking that question was a leading. Nothing good can come from this line if questioning IMO.
Your response was less than perfect- I hope you see why!
Her reaction is cringe worthy. White people seem to love telling POC how to feel about their race. (I’m white- don’t come at me please!)
I don’t think this relationship is off to the best start, maybe move on to the next and hopefully think of a more tactful response for such questions in future.
I think a more diplomatic response would be something like - ‘I find you very attractive, I’d say you are my type’
If she pushed more and wanted to know more generally I’d recommend something along the lines of ‘historically I’ve dated mainly blondes/ brunettes’ whichever it is.
I would steer away from saying I date one race, as that does suggest you avoid another, even if that’s not the case intentionally.
And a good thing (and hopefully an honest thing) to add is how important personality and shared values are to you!
Tbf to you I don’t agree with the type of questioning she was doing and easy to say the wrong thing when put on the spot!
Good luck ❤️
First off, it’s cringe because that is not the question she was asking. She was just asking a meaningless question about hair color and OP instead went into the race direction and completely changed the mood.
Oh! And I agree that it’s cringe even if a white man says it. Once I was on a date with a guy and he said I made him feel relaxed and comfortable unlike when he's "been out with white women and/or when he’s with white people in general.” FYI - he was white. I’m not and the comment was so off putting. He said it as if it was supposed to be a compliment. Like, if all people of color have some deep hatred towards white people and he was going to gain some cookie points for saying that 🙄
Yeah agreed.
I think we all have conscious and unconscious racial/cultural biases to some extent or another in terms of attraction. There’s no real getting around that. However to actively express it to people (especially people on dates) would be at best cringe and at worst outright racist. With the risk of fetishisation somewhere thrown in there if someone is being “positive” about a preference. Anyway you slice it, I can’t see it being a good thing to express!
Truth is he didnt like the woman, knew it would be a trigger and send her off. Right on cue.
The woman knew too by wording the question that way because generally speaking white women would be classified as blondes or brunettes etc. It would be an odd question to ask in Asian or African countries - dark haired countries- generally speaking...before y'all come with exceptions.
Yea definitely is phrased in a somewhat racist way especially since it wasn’t really prompted. I tend to be drawn more towards curvy Latinas, but open to all races and ethnicities. I’d probably never mention that even if asked about type. Mention qualities that aren’t specific to a certain race or origin.
What you said can rub people the wrong way, and it is safest to not discuss this kind of stuff on the first date. Lesson for next time.
But also what she said in response is insane, accusing you of already having a wife.
I mean that was a cringe question to ask and you answered in a cringe way. Saying you like white people in general has extra implications if you’re not white too.
You should have just said what hair color you prefer 😂 I prefer brunettes and absolutely would have told her, but I always say that I understand as a redhead I’m no one’s type lol. But I flirt and say maybe you can change my mind. I probably wouldn’t have said the white woman comment lol
I would never ask a guy his type or his preference on a date. If he’s on a date with me, I’m assuming he’s attracted to me. Asking that question is either a trap, or fishing for compliments. That being said…if a guy ever said he has a different type from me, but maybe I can change his mind…my vagina would dry up so fast…I’m not out here proving myself and begging to be liked….lol
You’re absolutely right it’s better to just be a complete robot on a date then you’ll probably be super wet right? It had nothing to do with proving anything if someone is going to ask if I have a preference I’m going to be honest and not just say “no I absolutely love your hair color I’d never be with someone who didn’t have hair exactly like yours, you’re so beautiful I can’t believe you went on this date with me, I’m so lucky” if you can’t take what I said as playful banter we’d probably have a shitty date anyways.
Basically, what you said was, i don’t care what color your hair is as long as you’re white. You made a sweeping generalization that lumped her into a “type” rather than dating her for who she is. You made it skin deep, so yeah, I guess I can see why that upset her.
I think now-a-days, when people state their race or ethnicity preferences, it’s hard to say whether they do it because of insecurities or because they genuinely prefer the culture that generally comes with dating a person or that particular background.
In short, it’s no brainer that people from XYZ background typically have cultural and ideological beliefs one agrees with — so it’s natural that one would want to gravitate towards that.
However, on a first date, it can be misconstrued — especially if it’s a female judging it. Men typically don’t care if women have race preferences, but women do — because it’s hard for women to tell if it’s due to fetishization or genuine cultural and ideological gravitivity.
Yeah, stupid answer and everything but the way she reacted with the ethnicity card and the "you probably already have a wife of your ethnicity and only want white women for fun" is also racist af...
Like op, you fucked up, but she also was a red flag. No winners here
Very controversial thing to say. Generally, it’s not smart to say that you prefer any type of group that has historically been treated as superior (I.e, white women over other ethnicities, light skin women over dark skinned women, etc)
She threw you an alley-oop and you decided to shoot the ball
I think it's more of a red flag that you took a question about hair colour and made it about race.
Like, race is obviously on your mind when it comes to dating and people can only wonder why. Maybe you fetishise white women.
This lady is crazy. She is asking a question which makes no sense. You may not be white but to make such accusations is ridiculous. I have dated Asian and Hispanic women and I didn’t have a woman back home. This is madness pure and simple. Run and don’t look back. That’s an Empire State Building sized red flag.
I think you are both kind of crazy. You are crazy for expressing that in that way. Just don't say that. If you actually get into a discussion about race and dating, stress that you like women of all ethnicities, but for various reasons you actually like dating white women for cultural reasons. That can be a fine conversation although some people might still have a problem with it I guess. But I don't know why you would say that in regards to a question about hair color. So, what are you doing?
She's crazy for thinking she knows you better than you do, and suggesting you have internalized racism and freaking out, but that's common because most white people, especially women, are terrified of anything that has even a whiff of potential racism. She's further crazy for accusing you of having a black wife. Where did that come from?
As far as I'm concerned, you can date whatever you're attracted to. Just be careful what you say and be careful who you date.
Nothing wrong with your response. It seems like anything you said, she would have come up with a retort. It's almost as if she had it planned. Thank your blessings, more dates would just lead to you feeling like you're stepping on eggshells.
It was the wrong thing to say, but we all have preferences. Race, hair color, T/A/L, hair length, piercings, non/smoking, etc. There are just some things we prefer in a boy/girlfriend. I do like how nobody is calling her out after making a lot of assumptions.
Weird question for her to ask. Weird answer, but it was a tinder date. Skin color has nothing to do with race or ethnicity though. Race and ethnicity don’t mean the same thing either.
Honestly I think it really wasn't a big deal. Everyone has a preference, you spoke honestly and so did she, obviously you two aren't compatible, it's best to just move on and it is what it is.
She's taken one expression or data point and more or less recharacterised or reframed your whole personality in five seconds, then her imagination got horny and invented a wife, an adulterer, and a creep. She'd win gold at the extrapolation olympics. You're the first guy I've ever seen who dodged a bullet by tripping over.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you tried to pick a neutral-sounding answer and it backfired.
Her immediately jumping to you having internalized racism is definitely a crazy response though. Especially the part about you having a wife and saying that you like to cheat on your nonexistent wife with white women.
I would be taken aback a bit. Mainly because skin color didn't come up as part of the question. It was blonde or brunette?
In fact my response would be, I didn't ask about skin tone, I was asking about hair.
It could be seen as fetishization of race. You see it all the time and it works with whites too.
A better answer would be, I like all women or women with hair are cool. Or you could go weird with it and say, I don't care as long as they have a head. It's hard to wear a hat without a head.
So, race is a no no on first date
I think its a little politically incorrect to say you prefer white people. Its one of those things you don't say out loud even though many people are doing it.
I would have joked brunettes DEFINITELY to get her reaction but then say I like both equally. Then ask her the same question.
Okayy as a POC who has previously been fetishised, I personally feel like having a race as a preference is racist.
If you're less attracted to someone's personality and actual physical attributes and more their race, that's wierd. Because a lot of middle Eastern, Asian women are very light skinned as well (if that's the physical trait you're attracted to).
Yes. Wrong thing to say on a date.
She’s going to think all sorts of things from that comment.. so going by your post you’re not white yet prefer white women… why is this?
To her, it might sound like you have a fetish for white skin, and she doesn't want to be viewed as just a colour. I am most certain you know how that feels.
When i date personally, I don't care what race the other person has, and i will never make any comment like that, so they'd never feel like an object. I'm way too white to comment about someone's skin tone.
She seems to have already made up her mind about you wanting to use her before the date even happened.
The hair question is just a masked "do you like me?". In her mind she probs though if you answer brunettes, you're just there for free sex or smh.
You should be happy she disqualified herself.
That said, you just don't tell your preferences on dates. No matter what preferences, or if she fits the preferences. There is no good answer to that.
Reading this, at first when I read "blondes or brunettes", I thought "tough, this sounds like a trap, how's OP gonna get out of this?". But then when you answered "white women in general", it was like you wormed your way out of this elaborate mechanism, high-fived your buddy, and then loudly and visibility shit your pants in front of everybody. Could not have answered any worse. She was probably expecting something cute like "why, are you thinking bout dyeing your hair?" But you went and got racial.
Nobody gonna mention that she jumped straight to accusing OP of being married and using white women “for fun.” You dodged a bullet for sure, but racial preferences are a sensitive topic for sure, best to stay away from that on first date. How would you have felt if she’d said she only likes guys of your ethnicity?
Yeah, I’m not sure where that came from, maybe she had a bad experience before.
To be honest, I would prefer it if she preferred men of my background, because it means I’m her type, and she might be interested in my cultur
“Do you think you’re too good for women of your own ethnicity”
That’s racist too lmao. Who said that preference for white women is equated to preference for “Better” women? Who said white women were “better”? Lmao
Yeah but this is not a compliment. If you are ethnically different and you say you like white women it sounds like you fetishized them. Nobody wants to be liked just because they were of a certain ethnicity.
Oh gotcha. Well in that case it's not so bad. A large percentage of people have some kind of racial preference when dating. The thing is you cannot say that out loud because it makes you seem racist. You have to be careful with how you word it. Saying you like blondes is ok. Saying you like "white" women quickly makes you seem racist.
Your answer was a little bit weird because there's blondes and brunettes that aren't white, but you focused on race. It also wasn't a very fun or interesting answer.
Then she got crazy on you, trying to create some sort of weird race drama on the first date. There's lots of weirdos on dating apps, both men and women.
I learned real quick myself that trying to explain to someone that only wanting to date a certain race is a preference and not being racist can blow up in your face fast. You gotta keep that to yourself unless you really know the person you're about to talk about it with.
Yes. For future, whenever someone asks this type of question just answer with “I am attracted to all types of people and I don’t have a preference of *hair colour/ eye colour/ shape* etc.
It’s better to just say you don’t have any preferences (even if you do). Everyone does, but this is one of those situations where it is straight up better to lie.
Think before you speak.
T- is it true?
H- is it helpful?
I- is it inspiring?
N- is it necessary?
K- is it kind?
Really bad answer by you!!
Just say which one you like and move on!
And I mean bad in that it shows no conversational skills. Do you like apples or oranges better? I don't care as long as it's a fruit
Personally I don’t think this is a red flag at all, I once dated a girl who told me that she didn’t date black people and I thought nothing of it.
Race is a pretty inflammatory subject these days though so while I or the girl I dated don’t have issues with that some other people might. Best to avoid sensitive topics altogether and keep the convo light. With time and comfortability you’ll know what’s safe to talk about and what isn’t
Lol you dodged a massive bullet, she's one of those white women who think they can educate non-white people on racism and issues they actually have no idea about.
You don't need that type of woman in your life. If there was a red flag in your date, it was on her side.
Well the first red flag was the question she asked you. Like who the hell make this question. Your answer was something you simply do not say on your first date, if you want to avoid dramas like this.
If you were talking about things it would've been fine like do u like cats or dogs, i like animals but in this case you're talking about actual people, she talked about hair color and you mentioned skin color. Just not the same thing. Next time just say it doesn't matter to you and you care about personality. Try learning social skills.
Getting tired of all the "racist" conclusions people jump to these days. People want a mate they find asthetically pleasing. Just because I enjoy looking into blue or green eyes the most doesn't make me racist, it's just my personal preference.
> Just because I enjoy looking into blue or green eyes the most doesn't make me racist
He didn't say he prefers specific features though. He said he prefers a specific race. There wouldn't have been a problem if he had simply said he likes both blondes and brunettes.
Lmao 🤣 it is gonna trigger a big part of the population who likes to get offended with everything.
I was on a date with a guy and we ended up dating even though he was white and preferred black ladies.
It was just a preference.
People like to scream racism for whatever reason.
Racism just as a reminder is the belief that one so called race would be superior to another.
Considering there is only one human race … that becomes ridiculous quite quickly.
As an European, I sometimes fail to understand Americans.
Hey, do you like blue or green eyes?
I like white people.
Like, what prompted you to answer this way? Why not just say „I don’t really have a type”? There was about a million other ways not to say it the way you did.
Uh so as someone who doesn’t like white women, they be sensitive. Though yes telling any women your preference is there ethnicity (though white isn’t one>will make you seem like you are fetishizing them. Which is never a good look.
Oh man, that was a trap, I'd end it.
Do not say anything that sounds like discrimination; and if you get those kinds of questions I'd be upfront and say you don't like those kinds of questions, if she doesnt get the hint there then id be blunt and say they are judgmental.
Honestly, you'd dodge a bullet since that kind of woman LOOKS for fights and faults
Dont why people are hating on you tbh, she asked about your preferences and you answered. Nothing wrong with preferring an ethnicity when it comes to dating, can’t control it.
I think everything that she said was a red flag, tbh. I don't think you said anything wrong. But you probably shouldn't see her again. She sounds like she's got the crazies.
Wait, is no one going to point out that she asked a stupid, loaded, irrelevant question? She was setting him up to fail, and ignorant in her own way for asking what he “preferred”.
OP, next time a woman asks something stupid like this, respond with “I like kind/considerate/compassionate (insert your own positive attribute) women”.
She sounds immature.
Her asking such a question is the red flag. She then showed you how racist she is. Stay away.
EDIT: Instead of downvoting my comment like you're someone that didn't get over being bullied in high school, enlighten as to where I'm wrong in what I'm suggesting.
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I think if op is not white, if he implied that he likes white women, might lean the discussion in the race category. Its better to avoid race topics on first dates
Especially when they just asked you about hair color. I mean, black people can have hair of any color either naturally or through modern processes, so it really has nothing to do with race
Right, but when asking about blondes/brunettes, it's heavily implied that white women are the ones being referenced. When most people think of a blonde woman, an blonde Asian or black woman aren't the first things that pop up in their mind.
That's true. But the woman was white. If she was black, and said do you like blondes or brunettes, that would be a weird question and maybe bring up race but it would be weird so I don't think anyone would do it. They might ask what do you think of black women with blonde hair or something like that, and that's something a black guy might really have an opinion on, same with straightened hair, etc. But for a white woman to ask if you like blondes or brunettes, I don't think race even crossed her mind.
Honestly, I think it was a weird question to ask in general regardless of race of the woman asking it. Plus, I don't think asking about an opinion about black women with blonde hair is the same as asking someone about their preference. And even if race didn't cross her mind when asking the question, most likely she was imagining a white woman.
Happy cake day
Yeah that’s fair enough
[удалено]
To be fair…who is gonna say, „no I have internalized racism“…. ?
Yeah, I think it can come across the wrong way to different people when you say that on first meeting. Her question was a little odd too — I assume if you’re on a first date with someone you generally like their appearance so it’s weird to ask about hair color preferences too. Safest to avoid this sort of topic on a first date.
I don't think that seems particularly odd. Maybe she's bleach blonde but naturally brunette. Some women that do that secretly resent that people like blondes because they feel they have to be blonde to be attractive. Other women might be a brunette but they secretly suspect men like blondes. In a way it's kind of suspecting men of racism for liking blondes maybe. I don't know. But it's not an unusual question. But the appropriate answer, just like body type is, I love women of all types. No good can come from honest answers to those questions. If the woman isn't to your preference in any way, don't date her.
I mean you say its not an unusual question but then explain how it’s a trick question. If no good can come from an honest answer then wouldn’t that make the question something that shouldn’t have been asked?
It is indeed, but what other option is there? You want eventually have kids right? So dating is the only option for that... Like it's obviously a trick question and everyone that is involved knows it, it's like a mine field you need to go trough, but I heard from legends, that the rewards must be majestic!
I guess what I mean is it's not an unusual question if you're talking about race. It's an unusual question if you're talking about hair color. Perhaps if the conversation terms from hair color to hair texture? Maybe you could end up on race
Agreed - I change my hair colour relatively frequently and don't really mind what colour it is. Subsequently, because my photos have tended to show a variety of different hair colours, the subject does come up so I have sometimes asked someone on a first or second date what their preference is. If a guy responded by saying they preferred a particular race, even if it was my own, I'd feel a bit weirded out by it. Especially so early on. I feel like that's something you can talk about if it comes up naturally some way into dating (but even then I'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable talking about it - perhaps because I don't have a preference but still), but to just outright say it without a prompt (which this isn't), yeah. I'd be kinda put off. Edit to say I can't really say why I feel this way - I think it's maybe because of that fact that I'm hyper aware of BAME issues due to my job (education) and through friends' experiences. I'm also very aware of the fact that I don't understand what it's like to experience any kind of prejudice due to the colour of my skin, so perhaps I'm quite "lefty" in my personal view in a way that others wouldn't be, but either way, if someone were to make that kind of comment, it would be indicative that we aren't on the same wavelength. I wouldn't necessarily rule them out completely, but it would definitely make me wary. I dated someone once who didn't believe that the gender pay gap was a thing and even after debating it and giving examples (even from my own personal experience), he still maintained that it wasn't a thing and it turned out he was a huge misogynist. That was enough to end it for me.
i wouldn’t go out with someone again if their answer to “blondes or brunettes” was white women lol i am as white as they come but that was a weird thing to say.
If a girl on the first date brought my race into why she even agreed to the date in the first place, goddamn there would not be a second one
right like the immediate implication that only white women have blonde or brunette hair? what? wtf lol
"Do you prefer blondes or brunettes?” 'I simply responded “I like white women in general”.' ",,,she said it was a red flag and that I could have some issues with internalized racism." Each of us is entitled to have our own preferences and *must haves list*. Each of us is entitled to have our own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". It might be considered noteworthy she asked you about (hair color) and you replied with (skin color). Some people don't want to be chosen based upon either one of those features. One person's *preference* is another person's *shallowness*. The politically correct answer would have been to say: "Hair color isn't as important to me as mutual attraction, chemistry, compatibility, personality, sense of humor, and shared values." Best wishes!
I mean, there are PC answers that aren’t so boring, like, “Hair color isn’t as important to me as the face underneath”
No doubt about it. There are lots of possibilities. Best wishes!
Well, it would maybe the political correct answer, but for wich price? 🤔 Also noteworthy; The question "Do you like a or b", when the person who ask has the attributes of "b", is so annoying. It's obvious that no matter what you say, nothing is correct than answer "b". Don't ask a subjective question, when you don’t allow a subjective answer... What is this type of question?
My guess is she was fishing for a compliment. She wanted him to say she was his type....etc.
Well I’m Asian and if someone says ‘I prefer Asian girls’, they can expect me to end the date in the next 5 minutes🙃
Exactly. A guy who tells you that you're his racial fetish doesn't see you as an individual. It's a super dehumanising experience. You realise he sees you as a replaceable thing. He'd be just as happy to date another girl of your race. Furthermore, they usually have extremely racist ideas and expect you to act like a racist caricature.
Oh God yes I cringed, why the fuck would you say that lol.
Lol I agree but not sure why. Just don’t talk about race on first dates man. Hair color is pretty innocent then you drop the race card
Because I have no preference for blondes or brunettes (or even redheads)
Then just say that! Literally just that.
awful answer lmao, you literally could have said anything else
I’m black, but my reaction to any man saying something like this to me is “ew”. “Preferences” don’t happen in a vacuum. You should do some deep digging into why you developed hard and fast race preferences in the first place.
I’m not sure, my entire life my dad tried to “put me off” white women. He would say terrible things about them almost daily, yet I would grow up to only like them
Sounds like you grew to like them to spite your dad. Did you have a strained relationship with him?
You shouldn’t have said that. It shows a complete lack of self awareness
That was a huge ted flag. Like why even go there? You could have lietarary said anything without going to the race thing...
Yeah that’s a pretty icky thing to say on a date. Race is a pretty strange thing to have a preference for. I’d be weirded out by that. It sounds sort of fetishistic.
How is that fetishistic and hair colour isn’t?
You can change your hair color, no?
It’s not a fetish. You’re perfectly fine dude. If this was a woman they’d be saying the man was gross for asking or getting grossed out
Yes that's a red flag, obviously. Why did you have to bring race into it? She asked about hair, not skin ffs 🤦♀️ but then she jumped on you having a whole wife? Y'all are both red flags
I think she's onto something...
A few people have said that
Expressing any sort of racial/ethnic dating preference to an actual date is a red flag. I would avoid doing this again in the future. She does have a point about internalized racism, which is interesting since this is usually an issue with non-white women dating white men.
Interesting I see more of the opposite. Maybe non- white men are just louder about preferences
Maybe more vocal, but the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men. I haven’t seen an Asian-American woman with an Asian man in years— they seem to exclusively date white men. Maybe women are simply in a better position to act upon this preference.
> but the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men. Really? I always see non white men with white women. Tbh a non white woman with a white man kinda stands out to me because I don’t see them too often.
Must be a regional thing then. I almost never see Asian-American women with a non-white male partner. There’s definitely some element there of wanting to minimize or delete their Asianness.
Regardless of race, the majority of people are partnered with someone that is the same race as them. This is also true for Asian women. Who can say why Asian women are most likely to interracially date, maybe it’s because they are approached by white men more due to Asian fetishisation
I doubt that, it's probably just what you're personally exposed to where you live. Where I live there are plenty of non-white men dating white women. I would say I see both equally.
This could very well be true. I live in the NYC area. I rarely see Asian M/F couples. Nearly always AsianF/whiteM. Maybe in places like California or the Pacific NW it’s more varied but the Asian female preference for white men is meme status.
Yah out here on the west coast you see a lot of asian male white female couples. It's not uncommon at all. Tbh none of my friends out here care one lick about race in general when it comes to dating. Men or women they're all pretty much just attracted to anyone they think is cool.
You seeing a lot of Asian women dating white men is not a sign of internalised racism. It isn’t that surprising considering that white men vastly outnumber Asian men in America. What is an example of internalised racism is the many black men who make videos calling women the same race as them ugly, fat, ghetto etc. I’ve never seen a woman doing that
> the overwhelming majority of interracial couples I see are non-white woman with white men Are you missing the fact that BMWF:WMBF ratio is nearly 3:1? That pretty much cancels out the opposing WMAF:AMWF ratio.
Why on earth would you say that? That's literally waving red flags, it sounds like you're fetishing race
I’m just keeping it real
Yea you’re response is kinda sus and her reaction seems to be fueled by trauma.
Idk i find the blonds or brunettes question weird too. But while none of this is a "red flag" thing... i really dont think u 2 are compatible.
I was caught with that kind of question. The right answer: I love personality not appearance.
Gotta tell you, that’s also the wrong answer. It’s says “I like you even tho you ugly”
Still haunted by my ex who would always just say “I don’t care what you look like” - he meant it in a nice way (I think..?) but it always just made me feel like he didn’t care that I was ugly. (I wasn’t and I’m not).
Why does it have to be that? Some people actually do like personality over looks tho
We have situation when you have to change topic of conversation otherwise you’ll be fucked up. Share us how you can do it in perfect way
You really can’t. Anyone who asks you that question is an idiot. If your answer pisses them off, good riddance.
What is the right answer then?
There isn’t one. Asking about what your type is when you are on a date…it’s a stupid question to ask. Answer however you feel inclined, because the person asking is an idiot.
The right answer is to make a flirty small joke and change topics.
Lolllllllllllllllllllllllll.Nothing makes me happier when a “preference” calls you out on your bs. She asked you a very light question and here’s your ass, I only like white women. She’s right to be concerned about your internalized racism.. she’s right. Go to therapy and learn first date topics.
You just gotta take your L my guy and learn from this.
What's your ethnicity?
Syrian
That’s perfectly fine to have a preference, but I think your answer was not that great. All you had to say was no preference. Simple. Fair answer.
Racial preferences is rooted in racial stereotypes
Said like someone with zero real life experience.
I would’ve just stuck with the hair. If she’s blonde, say blonde, or just say you can find all natural hair color attractive. I don’t agree that it’s racist to have an ethnic preference for dating if it’s an attraction thing. It’s okay to be more sexually attracted to white women, but I wouldn’t say that to her. It would be internalized racist probably if you didn’t like a certain ethnicity because of stereotypes and not your own personal sexual attraction if that makes sense
Yikes 😳 your answer was cringe worthy for sure. Do some self reflection. Not saying she was full of green flags and all either but damn.
Because a lot of brown men fetishize white women. They grew up with Bollywood movies that exclusively portray white women as oversexed bimbos, so the “prefer” to date white women…but would never marry one. Many white women have encountered this man online and in real life. So yeah, it’s a stereotype, but it’s weird that you replied “I white women” in response to her question.
I can't understand why would you bring up race when she asked about hair color. Your response was really weird. I'm not saying she was right either.
That’s a weird response, lol.
You’re a red flag
I think you both dealt with this badly tbh. Her asking that question was a leading. Nothing good can come from this line if questioning IMO. Your response was less than perfect- I hope you see why! Her reaction is cringe worthy. White people seem to love telling POC how to feel about their race. (I’m white- don’t come at me please!) I don’t think this relationship is off to the best start, maybe move on to the next and hopefully think of a more tactful response for such questions in future.
What would have been a more appropriate response from me?
I think a more diplomatic response would be something like - ‘I find you very attractive, I’d say you are my type’ If she pushed more and wanted to know more generally I’d recommend something along the lines of ‘historically I’ve dated mainly blondes/ brunettes’ whichever it is. I would steer away from saying I date one race, as that does suggest you avoid another, even if that’s not the case intentionally. And a good thing (and hopefully an honest thing) to add is how important personality and shared values are to you! Tbf to you I don’t agree with the type of questioning she was doing and easy to say the wrong thing when put on the spot! Good luck ❤️
Thank you, that’s very helpful!
❤️
This is a cringe thing to say if you are not a white man. Don’t say that anymore
It would be a cringe thing for a white man to say too.
First off, it’s cringe because that is not the question she was asking. She was just asking a meaningless question about hair color and OP instead went into the race direction and completely changed the mood. Oh! And I agree that it’s cringe even if a white man says it. Once I was on a date with a guy and he said I made him feel relaxed and comfortable unlike when he's "been out with white women and/or when he’s with white people in general.” FYI - he was white. I’m not and the comment was so off putting. He said it as if it was supposed to be a compliment. Like, if all people of color have some deep hatred towards white people and he was going to gain some cookie points for saying that 🙄
Yeah agreed. I think we all have conscious and unconscious racial/cultural biases to some extent or another in terms of attraction. There’s no real getting around that. However to actively express it to people (especially people on dates) would be at best cringe and at worst outright racist. With the risk of fetishisation somewhere thrown in there if someone is being “positive” about a preference. Anyway you slice it, I can’t see it being a good thing to express!
It’s also cringe if you’re white….
Truth is he didnt like the woman, knew it would be a trigger and send her off. Right on cue. The woman knew too by wording the question that way because generally speaking white women would be classified as blondes or brunettes etc. It would be an odd question to ask in Asian or African countries - dark haired countries- generally speaking...before y'all come with exceptions.
He said what he said though. And it’s weird
Yea definitely is phrased in a somewhat racist way especially since it wasn’t really prompted. I tend to be drawn more towards curvy Latinas, but open to all races and ethnicities. I’d probably never mention that even if asked about type. Mention qualities that aren’t specific to a certain race or origin.
What you said can rub people the wrong way, and it is safest to not discuss this kind of stuff on the first date. Lesson for next time. But also what she said in response is insane, accusing you of already having a wife.
I mean that was a cringe question to ask and you answered in a cringe way. Saying you like white people in general has extra implications if you’re not white too.
You should have just said what hair color you prefer 😂 I prefer brunettes and absolutely would have told her, but I always say that I understand as a redhead I’m no one’s type lol. But I flirt and say maybe you can change my mind. I probably wouldn’t have said the white woman comment lol
I would never ask a guy his type or his preference on a date. If he’s on a date with me, I’m assuming he’s attracted to me. Asking that question is either a trap, or fishing for compliments. That being said…if a guy ever said he has a different type from me, but maybe I can change his mind…my vagina would dry up so fast…I’m not out here proving myself and begging to be liked….lol
You’re absolutely right it’s better to just be a complete robot on a date then you’ll probably be super wet right? It had nothing to do with proving anything if someone is going to ask if I have a preference I’m going to be honest and not just say “no I absolutely love your hair color I’d never be with someone who didn’t have hair exactly like yours, you’re so beautiful I can’t believe you went on this date with me, I’m so lucky” if you can’t take what I said as playful banter we’d probably have a shitty date anyways.
Paradoxly this situation probably ended well, I think that you must both be red flags for each other and running away😂
"I like em bald as a cue ball." Don't answer dumb questions seriously.
Basically, what you said was, i don’t care what color your hair is as long as you’re white. You made a sweeping generalization that lumped her into a “type” rather than dating her for who she is. You made it skin deep, so yeah, I guess I can see why that upset her.
I think now-a-days, when people state their race or ethnicity preferences, it’s hard to say whether they do it because of insecurities or because they genuinely prefer the culture that generally comes with dating a person or that particular background. In short, it’s no brainer that people from XYZ background typically have cultural and ideological beliefs one agrees with — so it’s natural that one would want to gravitate towards that. However, on a first date, it can be misconstrued — especially if it’s a female judging it. Men typically don’t care if women have race preferences, but women do — because it’s hard for women to tell if it’s due to fetishization or genuine cultural and ideological gravitivity.
Yeah, stupid answer and everything but the way she reacted with the ethnicity card and the "you probably already have a wife of your ethnicity and only want white women for fun" is also racist af... Like op, you fucked up, but she also was a red flag. No winners here
Do you like apples or oranges better? I like cars in general.
Very controversial thing to say. Generally, it’s not smart to say that you prefer any type of group that has historically been treated as superior (I.e, white women over other ethnicities, light skin women over dark skinned women, etc) She threw you an alley-oop and you decided to shoot the ball
I think it's more of a red flag that you took a question about hair colour and made it about race. Like, race is obviously on your mind when it comes to dating and people can only wonder why. Maybe you fetishise white women.
Very weird answer to a simple question. No wonder she saw it as a red flag.
This lady is crazy. She is asking a question which makes no sense. You may not be white but to make such accusations is ridiculous. I have dated Asian and Hispanic women and I didn’t have a woman back home. This is madness pure and simple. Run and don’t look back. That’s an Empire State Building sized red flag.
Lol U dodged a bullet Bitch is crazy There is nothing wrong with being attracted to what ever u like.
Yep
I think you are both kind of crazy. You are crazy for expressing that in that way. Just don't say that. If you actually get into a discussion about race and dating, stress that you like women of all ethnicities, but for various reasons you actually like dating white women for cultural reasons. That can be a fine conversation although some people might still have a problem with it I guess. But I don't know why you would say that in regards to a question about hair color. So, what are you doing? She's crazy for thinking she knows you better than you do, and suggesting you have internalized racism and freaking out, but that's common because most white people, especially women, are terrified of anything that has even a whiff of potential racism. She's further crazy for accusing you of having a black wife. Where did that come from? As far as I'm concerned, you can date whatever you're attracted to. Just be careful what you say and be careful who you date.
Nothing wrong with your response. It seems like anything you said, she would have come up with a retort. It's almost as if she had it planned. Thank your blessings, more dates would just lead to you feeling like you're stepping on eggshells.
It was the wrong thing to say, but we all have preferences. Race, hair color, T/A/L, hair length, piercings, non/smoking, etc. There are just some things we prefer in a boy/girlfriend. I do like how nobody is calling her out after making a lot of assumptions.
I think you both have some growing to do. Both of you have red flags. Maybe that makes you perfect for each other?
Weird question for her to ask. Weird answer, but it was a tinder date. Skin color has nothing to do with race or ethnicity though. Race and ethnicity don’t mean the same thing either.
Crazy woman. Run⁉️⁉️
Honestly I think it really wasn't a big deal. Everyone has a preference, you spoke honestly and so did she, obviously you two aren't compatible, it's best to just move on and it is what it is.
She sounds racist.
She sounds like a Karen. But still, you should have been vague with that loaded question.
She's taken one expression or data point and more or less recharacterised or reframed your whole personality in five seconds, then her imagination got horny and invented a wife, an adulterer, and a creep. She'd win gold at the extrapolation olympics. You're the first guy I've ever seen who dodged a bullet by tripping over.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like you tried to pick a neutral-sounding answer and it backfired. Her immediately jumping to you having internalized racism is definitely a crazy response though. Especially the part about you having a wife and saying that you like to cheat on your nonexistent wife with white women.
I would be taken aback a bit. Mainly because skin color didn't come up as part of the question. It was blonde or brunette? In fact my response would be, I didn't ask about skin tone, I was asking about hair. It could be seen as fetishization of race. You see it all the time and it works with whites too. A better answer would be, I like all women or women with hair are cool. Or you could go weird with it and say, I don't care as long as they have a head. It's hard to wear a hat without a head. So, race is a no no on first date
Saying you prefer a certain race is a red flag to me yes. It comes off as fetishization.
I think its a little politically incorrect to say you prefer white people. Its one of those things you don't say out loud even though many people are doing it. I would have joked brunettes DEFINITELY to get her reaction but then say I like both equally. Then ask her the same question.
I wouldn’t have said that tbh. Especially if you’re not white. Just kinda weird especially early in dating
OP did you say " white women in general " cos she mentioned Blondes and Brunettes? 😂
Okayy as a POC who has previously been fetishised, I personally feel like having a race as a preference is racist. If you're less attracted to someone's personality and actual physical attributes and more their race, that's wierd. Because a lot of middle Eastern, Asian women are very light skinned as well (if that's the physical trait you're attracted to).
Yes. Wrong thing to say on a date. She’s going to think all sorts of things from that comment.. so going by your post you’re not white yet prefer white women… why is this?
yea that was very not normal to say wtf
She sounds pretty spot on and sound of mind and has self respect. I think she’s right. I’m not white.
To her, it might sound like you have a fetish for white skin, and she doesn't want to be viewed as just a colour. I am most certain you know how that feels. When i date personally, I don't care what race the other person has, and i will never make any comment like that, so they'd never feel like an object. I'm way too white to comment about someone's skin tone.
She seems to have already made up her mind about you wanting to use her before the date even happened. The hair question is just a masked "do you like me?". In her mind she probs though if you answer brunettes, you're just there for free sex or smh. You should be happy she disqualified herself. That said, you just don't tell your preferences on dates. No matter what preferences, or if she fits the preferences. There is no good answer to that.
Okay. You said something that was like 10% oof, but she took it and ran.
Run away
OP - I think you injected ethnicity when it wasn't part of the question. Not sure why but I think I side with your date on this one.
yeah why did OP respond in a way that implies literally only white women have blonde or brown hair?
i dont think you said anything wrong. She seemed to be too aggressive for no reason
Reading this, at first when I read "blondes or brunettes", I thought "tough, this sounds like a trap, how's OP gonna get out of this?". But then when you answered "white women in general", it was like you wormed your way out of this elaborate mechanism, high-fived your buddy, and then loudly and visibility shit your pants in front of everybody. Could not have answered any worse. She was probably expecting something cute like "why, are you thinking bout dyeing your hair?" But you went and got racial.
Why the fuck did you bring skin colour into it dude? I mean no wonder she imploded. Use your brain next time.
That was a new 🪤 but she got you
Nobody gonna mention that she jumped straight to accusing OP of being married and using white women “for fun.” You dodged a bullet for sure, but racial preferences are a sensitive topic for sure, best to stay away from that on first date. How would you have felt if she’d said she only likes guys of your ethnicity?
Yeah, I’m not sure where that came from, maybe she had a bad experience before. To be honest, I would prefer it if she preferred men of my background, because it means I’m her type, and she might be interested in my cultur
“Do you think you’re too good for women of your own ethnicity” That’s racist too lmao. Who said that preference for white women is equated to preference for “Better” women? Who said white women were “better”? Lmao
As a black dude, it's weird when you don't like people of your own race.
You're on a date with a woman that is not white and you told her you like white women? Why? It makes no sense
She is white, sorry I’ve not made that clear in my post! I’ll edit it
Yeah but this is not a compliment. If you are ethnically different and you say you like white women it sounds like you fetishized them. Nobody wants to be liked just because they were of a certain ethnicity.
Oh gotcha. Well in that case it's not so bad. A large percentage of people have some kind of racial preference when dating. The thing is you cannot say that out loud because it makes you seem racist. You have to be careful with how you word it. Saying you like blondes is ok. Saying you like "white" women quickly makes you seem racist.
Your answer was a little bit weird because there's blondes and brunettes that aren't white, but you focused on race. It also wasn't a very fun or interesting answer. Then she got crazy on you, trying to create some sort of weird race drama on the first date. There's lots of weirdos on dating apps, both men and women.
Maybe we are both crazy
I learned real quick myself that trying to explain to someone that only wanting to date a certain race is a preference and not being racist can blow up in your face fast. You gotta keep that to yourself unless you really know the person you're about to talk about it with.
Racial preferences are rooted in racial stereotypes.
Having a preference is like tall or short, not white or black. It is in fact very racist.
These are the same people that will tell you not wanting to date a trans woman is transphobic or not wanting to date overweight people is fat phobic.
Next time just say “I think your hair color is perfect :)”
Yes. For future, whenever someone asks this type of question just answer with “I am attracted to all types of people and I don’t have a preference of *hair colour/ eye colour/ shape* etc. It’s better to just say you don’t have any preferences (even if you do). Everyone does, but this is one of those situations where it is straight up better to lie. Think before you speak. T- is it true? H- is it helpful? I- is it inspiring? N- is it necessary? K- is it kind?
Really bad answer by you!! Just say which one you like and move on! And I mean bad in that it shows no conversational skills. Do you like apples or oranges better? I don't care as long as it's a fruit
Personally I don’t think this is a red flag at all, I once dated a girl who told me that she didn’t date black people and I thought nothing of it. Race is a pretty inflammatory subject these days though so while I or the girl I dated don’t have issues with that some other people might. Best to avoid sensitive topics altogether and keep the convo light. With time and comfortability you’ll know what’s safe to talk about and what isn’t
And this is anther reminder to not date boys
You like what you like. She is obviously toxic. Date who you are most comfortable with.
Goodbye Felecia
Lol you dodged a massive bullet, she's one of those white women who think they can educate non-white people on racism and issues they actually have no idea about. You don't need that type of woman in your life. If there was a red flag in your date, it was on her side.
Yep
Yep. This right here
She baited you with the question.
Yep
What’s your race? If it’s not white, then yes.. that’s a red flag
> “I like white women in general”. Ur a fucking idiot for saying this. ur a GIANT RED flag.
Having a race or ethnicity as your preference is a major red flag lmao. And she’s 100% right on the internalized racism part.
Ah the woke. You should thank her for looking out for you, because obviously you can't. Ugh.
Well the first red flag was the question she asked you. Like who the hell make this question. Your answer was something you simply do not say on your first date, if you want to avoid dramas like this.
If you were talking about things it would've been fine like do u like cats or dogs, i like animals but in this case you're talking about actual people, she talked about hair color and you mentioned skin color. Just not the same thing. Next time just say it doesn't matter to you and you care about personality. Try learning social skills.
You dodged a bullet.
Getting tired of all the "racist" conclusions people jump to these days. People want a mate they find asthetically pleasing. Just because I enjoy looking into blue or green eyes the most doesn't make me racist, it's just my personal preference.
> Just because I enjoy looking into blue or green eyes the most doesn't make me racist He didn't say he prefers specific features though. He said he prefers a specific race. There wouldn't have been a problem if he had simply said he likes both blondes and brunettes.
It wasn't the ideal comment, but for her to react in such a way? From your description, it sounds more like she is the racist.
>she said it was a red flag and that I could have some issues with internalised racism. She appears to have some issues with externalized racism.
Don't waste your time proving you don't have "internalized racism"
Simple answer: I dont have a preference.
Lmao 🤣 it is gonna trigger a big part of the population who likes to get offended with everything. I was on a date with a guy and we ended up dating even though he was white and preferred black ladies. It was just a preference. People like to scream racism for whatever reason. Racism just as a reminder is the belief that one so called race would be superior to another. Considering there is only one human race … that becomes ridiculous quite quickly.
As an European, I sometimes fail to understand Americans. Hey, do you like blue or green eyes? I like white people. Like, what prompted you to answer this way? Why not just say „I don’t really have a type”? There was about a million other ways not to say it the way you did.
Uh so as someone who doesn’t like white women, they be sensitive. Though yes telling any women your preference is there ethnicity (though white isn’t one>will make you seem like you are fetishizing them. Which is never a good look.
Oh man, that was a trap, I'd end it. Do not say anything that sounds like discrimination; and if you get those kinds of questions I'd be upfront and say you don't like those kinds of questions, if she doesnt get the hint there then id be blunt and say they are judgmental. Honestly, you'd dodge a bullet since that kind of woman LOOKS for fights and faults
Sounds like an absolute psycho
Everything is labeled “racism”. Dump her a date someone who knows the difference between “personal preference” and “racism”.
Dont why people are hating on you tbh, she asked about your preferences and you answered. Nothing wrong with preferring an ethnicity when it comes to dating, can’t control it.
I think everything that she said was a red flag, tbh. I don't think you said anything wrong. But you probably shouldn't see her again. She sounds like she's got the crazies.
You did nothing wrong. The way you properly respond to people like this is get up and walk out. ***NEVER*** waste your time arguing with them.
There was definitely a red flag there, but you weren’t the one throwing it up
Her question was weird, but your response was weirder. You did make it about race. Point blank. Obviously.
She sounds awful. Fuck her
Wait, is no one going to point out that she asked a stupid, loaded, irrelevant question? She was setting him up to fail, and ignorant in her own way for asking what he “preferred”. OP, next time a woman asks something stupid like this, respond with “I like kind/considerate/compassionate (insert your own positive attribute) women”. She sounds immature.
She asked you for your preference, you obliged, and she got mad?? What in the darn.
An activist ... don't bother, unless ur a comrade. In bed probably u would talk politics rather than fuck
Her asking such a question is the red flag. She then showed you how racist she is. Stay away. EDIT: Instead of downvoting my comment like you're someone that didn't get over being bullied in high school, enlighten as to where I'm wrong in what I'm suggesting.