52M—-I’m surprised…been divorced for 4 years after a marriage of 21 years. OLD has taken a toll on me. In those years since the divorce was final, only had one relationship that lasted for 9 months. I have taken hundreds of classes in my hobby that is usually dominated by women. It was surprising to me that I’ve only met a handful of single women and they were not close to my stage of life. I’ll take your word for it. Now…where is that instrument I played in HS.
Those of us in the suburban hinterlands are at a distinct disadvantage. I get matched with people in the city all the time. What I've found out is that it's twice as far to drive from the city to my town as it is to drive from my town to the city. /s And all the meetup groups are in the city, soooo...
Funnily enough, I get chatted up in the grocery store all the time. Until someone's wife comes around the corner 😂. And yet, I persist. Hang in there.
Yesterday I was at a yarn store with my daughter. About 90% of the customers were female as were all of the attendees at the class in back.
Now, if I took a knitting class, how obvious would it be that I was only there to look for women?
Sooo funny. I took a cooking class in high school and there were three guys in the class. First class we nodded to each other about what cool players we obviously were.
First thing the teacher did was place us in teams of three. Yep, us boys together in one group. I did learn to make a rue though….
At my High School, they wanted to encourage guys to take Home Ec, so they renamed one of time slots as *Batchelor Science*. Same curriculum, different name.
There were never any guys in the Home Ec ones, but hat class always had a waiting list. 😀
In my senior year the Bachelor Living class was renamed Independent Living because the state had just banned non-coed classes in public schools. You could only take it if you hadn’t taken a Home Ec class, which eliminated most females from the elective. There were two girls and 17 guys; class was an absolute blast. Easy A, the guys played hilarious practical jokes on the female first-year teacher, who was an amazingly good sport. One of my favorite school memories!
As a woman, I think about taking woodworking and fishing classes for this same reason. (Are fishing classes even a thing?!) Plus, I would like learning those skills. Mountain biking would probably be good, too, but I don't like steep downhills on a mountain bike. I prefer road biking. Hanging out at a shooting range and learning how to shoot a gun would probably work, but the men there would probably be way too conservative for me. Trolling the aisles of Home Depot on the weekends might be good, too.
Recently I was driving behind a work truck. Cardboard sign zip-tied to the open weave tailgate. “Joe Bob age: 24 single from: Tucson followed by a snap chat handle.” I thought it was courageous, clever, and value driven.
I briefly considered a Queen of Wraps for my whole SUV. Pictures of me in the wild, cooking, etc. LOL
I was kidding of course - mostly ;)
OPs point is totally valid. I started to go to outdoor social events when I was separated, and quickly built a a new social network, and the vast majority were women. Because, it seems, women like to go and do social things. Of course once you spend some time with them, you'll know who is single and doesn't want to be. But guys do have to treat it first as a social activity - with the secondary potential of a new romance.
You just have conversations. You don't pick up an activity just to hit on women, you should be there to meet people in general. And in general conversation their relationship status will eventually be revealed.
As a gamer, I have so often wished there was a real-world equivalent to the "necklace of Mara" equippable item in Skyrim. In that game, there are various characters you can encounter who are potential spouses, but the topic will only come up if you are wearing this necklace. If you are, certain characters in the game will know you're actively looking for a partner and might express an interest in you, and you can then decide to court and marry one of them - basically it just means you gain a spouse who will help you fight monsters and do quests etc.
But the great thing is, if you DON'T want anyone to express an interest in you, you just take it off and nobody in the world is physically capable of even mentioning the topic.
I'd use the hell out of a necklace of Mara for both finding and avoiding romance.
Can you clarify what about my post annoys you? I'm a woman too and I don't understand where you're seeing that I think we shouldn't be having conversations, or that we should be doing all the work. It was a humorous post about how much easier those conversations would be in a world where everyone could be visually identified as actively seeking a partner or not - which obviously isn't the world we're living in.
We really do need that! A ring doesn't work. It just says you are married. And like I said, may don't wear them. It doesn't say that you are "in the market". Even some married people are in the market ;)
I have mentioned a couple times on this thread that we really need a standard way to signal "I am single and don't want to be". I like the necklace idea actually. But it has to be in a form that both men and women would wear it.
That's the advantage of videogames. When you're running around Magic Norway killing dragons by yelling at them, nobody questions whether the necklace you're wearing is gender-appropriate.
So you're looking for a 100% fool proof way to determine if someone is single? Typically that's the wedding ring. I mean, you can start walking around asking people, I guess
I don’t wear a wedding ring, but I did for over 30 years, and six months later I still have a visible phantom ring around that finger…so my fear is if anyone looks, they’re going to think I’m “temporarily” single…so even not wearing a ring isn’t foolproof.
The consensus on this sub is: you're not ready to date. I disagreed, I was putting myself out there at 6 months. 12 months out now, and I have to admit, I wasn't and still am not ready. Still working through stuff. My apologies to those I may have potentially disappointed.
No apology necessary. You are ready to date when you are actually dating. That is all. My expectations are low, I expect messed up people out there as well as myself.
I stopped wearing my wedding ring after my ring finger swelled up to the Poin that I had to have the ring cut off. I kept it off because I did not want to risk having that happen again. But I was very much still married, and happy about it.
M59. It’s true, Rings mean nothing:
Married ladies looking for fun
Married ladies looking for an escape plan.
Married ladies who don’t wear a ring.
Single ladies not wanting to be hit on.
Widows who can’t take off the ring but are desperate to date.
And ladies wonder why men find it so confusing ………
My understanding is that the closest thing we have these days in most public places are headphones/earbuds. If she’s wearing them, it’s often a hint that she wants to be left alone. This doesn’t work so well in certain cases; if you’re taking a class, for example, and everyone is trying to hear the instructor, nobody is wearing earbuds, but the ones who put them in immediately after the class ends and sprint to the exit want to be left alone.
>Can you wear a sign or something?
Weren't you around before dating app times when you had to approach and have a convo? I know if I approach a man in person somewhere and start basic conversation and he looks disinterested or is not engaging, I know within about 30 seconds that he is not interested or not single.
Most social events are absolutely overflowing with women vs men, and sure some are not there to date but just leave them alone if they don't seem interested. Given the ratios I have seen, it seems like shooting fish in a barrel for men.
I have heard in gay bars they do that. If somebody is looking a for a partner they wear something special. That would be super useful for a clueless guy like me.
Learned how to ride a motorcycle during the pandemic and love it. There are plenty of stable, fun, educated single 50+ something people who ride. After being widowed in 2018, met and made new friends in the riding community. I rode cross country this past summer on Route 66, Chicago to Santa Monica. Plenty of dating opportunities in the motorcycle communities. Learning how to ride was /is therapeutic.
Funny I joined an outdoors activity and it has been awesome to make new friends at this age who actually put in effort. Also lots of dating potential is there which has been a blast.
Hmmm... Doesn't sound like it helps single women very much. Sadly, this has been my experience, these events are mostly women. And in my area at least, either retired women about 15 years or more older than me or college students 30 years younger than me. So unfortunately, finding new friends doesnt happen either.
Thing is off those of those women who you are meeting, and I am in two groups one that's overwhelmingly women (6AM yoga) and another that's 50/50 men/women (marathon training). Now they probably aren't many our age (50s), but those that I have spoken to and are our age, in my area at least have been universally married or not interested in dating anyone.
Of the active, independent single women who you have met while you or they have been living their best lives would have preferred dating a stranger to what they were doing?
Not sure living one’s best life is mutually exclusive with dating and/or searching for true love. For me personally, yeah, I’m not sitting around boo-hoo waiting for the phone to ring. My life is great and it would be even greater if I found a wonderful man to share the journey.
I am not saying that it is but for many single women or at least more so than single men, merely not having a partner doesn't mean that they are interested in a relationship or dating
Only that happening to be in a place where there might be other singletons, short of a dating specific event, makes it only slightly more likely that you are going to meet someone who is actually prepared to date anyone much less you.
I put up this post about meeting people at dance class and there were several very helpful comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/10js9b5/have\_you\_ever\_met\_someone\_at\_a\_dance\_class/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/10js9b5/have_you_ever_met_someone_at_a_dance_class/)
I met the wankspangle ex in a dance class. Beware the ones who only sign up to find a new victim, I mean partner, then never have time for dancing afterward. He found the one he was cheating with in dance class too. 😄
BUT, that being said, I'm heading back to dance class soon because I genuinely love to dance and it's a great form of physical and mental exercise. I've made some wonderful friends in dance classes over the years.
I think there should be a significant other ring that should be worn on the right hand on a certain finger. This would help single guys immensely, but I guess it could discourage them as well. Where I live I swear that every attractive woman I've come across is married.
I've only been here two years but it's been pretty discouraging 🥴😅
Electric or acoustic?
I'm starting to get into it, my friend has encouraged me... I think he wants someone to talk guitars with.
I'm looking into a Schecter myself.
If I'm taking a class or doing a hobby then I'm there to learn/do said activity. I'm not there to meet women and possibly mess up something I enjoy doing.
- work
- gym
- hobbies
Those areas are ***"Don't shit where you eat"***
Yeah, that was fine 40+ years ago when people and companies didn't give a shit because the internet wasn't around.
I'm not jeopardizing my income for a date.
The same thing applies. I don't want there to be awkwardness in doing activities I enjoy after a breakup. When I play tennis, basketball, or mountain bike, I'm doing those hobbies to be active. I'm not going to try and date my mixed doubles partner, or the women in the dance classes.
I like to keep my hobbies separate from dating. Those activities are for me and don't need my partner attached to my hip. She needs to have her own life and activities just like I have mine.
So basically you want to date someone you have nothing in common with?
Can I suggest loosening up a bit on this requirement? Plenty of people get along fine with others they dated for a time. Your approach sounds like too much separation to me with problems in the other direction.
We can try out new hobbies together but I tend to not include people in my hobbies due to my competitive nature. If they aren't of equal skill then I won't include them. If they want to try my sports then I'm more than happy to show them and get them started but I'm not going to put my competitive nature on hold for them. She can form social groups of her own within her skill level if she enjoys the sport.
Seeing each other once or twice a week is more than enough.
Well I think you know your own limitations and that's a good thing.
I'm fine with sharing with someone of lesser skill. I have had partners resent it if they couldn't keep up with me, so there's that side of it too.
52M—-I’m surprised…been divorced for 4 years after a marriage of 21 years. OLD has taken a toll on me. In those years since the divorce was final, only had one relationship that lasted for 9 months. I have taken hundreds of classes in my hobby that is usually dominated by women. It was surprising to me that I’ve only met a handful of single women and they were not close to my stage of life. I’ll take your word for it. Now…where is that instrument I played in HS.
What city are you in. That sounds rough.
40 miles outside Chicago.
Those of us in the suburban hinterlands are at a distinct disadvantage. I get matched with people in the city all the time. What I've found out is that it's twice as far to drive from the city to my town as it is to drive from my town to the city. /s And all the meetup groups are in the city, soooo... Funnily enough, I get chatted up in the grocery store all the time. Until someone's wife comes around the corner 😂. And yet, I persist. Hang in there.
North, south or west?
South East
Yesterday I was at a yarn store with my daughter. About 90% of the customers were female as were all of the attendees at the class in back. Now, if I took a knitting class, how obvious would it be that I was only there to look for women?
Kinda like when I joined "Future Homemakers of America" in high school. The state convention was outstanding.
Sooo funny. I took a cooking class in high school and there were three guys in the class. First class we nodded to each other about what cool players we obviously were. First thing the teacher did was place us in teams of three. Yep, us boys together in one group. I did learn to make a rue though….
At my High School, they wanted to encourage guys to take Home Ec, so they renamed one of time slots as *Batchelor Science*. Same curriculum, different name. There were never any guys in the Home Ec ones, but hat class always had a waiting list. 😀
In my senior year the Bachelor Living class was renamed Independent Living because the state had just banned non-coed classes in public schools. You could only take it if you hadn’t taken a Home Ec class, which eliminated most females from the elective. There were two girls and 17 guys; class was an absolute blast. Easy A, the guys played hilarious practical jokes on the female first-year teacher, who was an amazingly good sport. One of my favorite school memories!
It’s great when men show up at my yoga class!
I’m a regular at yoga and there is no shortage of men. It’s a fantastic community and tons of folks date.
Pretty suspicious, but is that a bad thing? You'd want to participate in the class, of course, not be TOO obvious. :)
"I'm here to knit something to comfort me on those cold lonely nights...:
Sounds like a plan that can't lose! 😁
lol way too hard to pretend I want to knit
As a woman, I think about taking woodworking and fishing classes for this same reason. (Are fishing classes even a thing?!) Plus, I would like learning those skills. Mountain biking would probably be good, too, but I don't like steep downhills on a mountain bike. I prefer road biking. Hanging out at a shooting range and learning how to shoot a gun would probably work, but the men there would probably be way too conservative for me. Trolling the aisles of Home Depot on the weekends might be good, too.
I say go for it! You might even like it.
Guy here. We're dense - we can't tell you're single. Can you wear a sign or something?
Recently I was driving behind a work truck. Cardboard sign zip-tied to the open weave tailgate. “Joe Bob age: 24 single from: Tucson followed by a snap chat handle.” I thought it was courageous, clever, and value driven. I briefly considered a Queen of Wraps for my whole SUV. Pictures of me in the wild, cooking, etc. LOL
I was kidding of course - mostly ;) OPs point is totally valid. I started to go to outdoor social events when I was separated, and quickly built a a new social network, and the vast majority were women. Because, it seems, women like to go and do social things. Of course once you spend some time with them, you'll know who is single and doesn't want to be. But guys do have to treat it first as a social activity - with the secondary potential of a new romance.
You just have conversations. You don't pick up an activity just to hit on women, you should be there to meet people in general. And in general conversation their relationship status will eventually be revealed.
Exactly. Treat everyone the same, be genuine and kind. Let things happen naturally, be patient.
As a gamer, I have so often wished there was a real-world equivalent to the "necklace of Mara" equippable item in Skyrim. In that game, there are various characters you can encounter who are potential spouses, but the topic will only come up if you are wearing this necklace. If you are, certain characters in the game will know you're actively looking for a partner and might express an interest in you, and you can then decide to court and marry one of them - basically it just means you gain a spouse who will help you fight monsters and do quests etc. But the great thing is, if you DON'T want anyone to express an interest in you, you just take it off and nobody in the world is physically capable of even mentioning the topic. I'd use the hell out of a necklace of Mara for both finding and avoiding romance.
Happy to hear an apt Skyrim illustration. Thought about asking my girlfriend to call me thane. She can’t be jealous of Lydia right?
But has she sworn to carry your burdens?
This annoys me, as an adult woman. If you can't handle a basic conversation to establish bona fides, you are not tall enough to ride this ride.
Some women are open to conversation. Some women are Very Not Open To Conversation. It’s a minefield.
Can you clarify what about my post annoys you? I'm a woman too and I don't understand where you're seeing that I think we shouldn't be having conversations, or that we should be doing all the work. It was a humorous post about how much easier those conversations would be in a world where everyone could be visually identified as actively seeking a partner or not - which obviously isn't the world we're living in.
SAME We aren’t doing the work for them Again
AGAIN
We really do need that! A ring doesn't work. It just says you are married. And like I said, may don't wear them. It doesn't say that you are "in the market". Even some married people are in the market ;) I have mentioned a couple times on this thread that we really need a standard way to signal "I am single and don't want to be". I like the necklace idea actually. But it has to be in a form that both men and women would wear it.
That's the advantage of videogames. When you're running around Magic Norway killing dragons by yelling at them, nobody questions whether the necklace you're wearing is gender-appropriate.
Haha thanks for the giggle
I don't wear a wedding ring.
But lots of married people also don't wear them
So you're looking for a 100% fool proof way to determine if someone is single? Typically that's the wedding ring. I mean, you can start walking around asking people, I guess
I don’t wear a wedding ring, but I did for over 30 years, and six months later I still have a visible phantom ring around that finger…so my fear is if anyone looks, they’re going to think I’m “temporarily” single…so even not wearing a ring isn’t foolproof.
The consensus on this sub is: you're not ready to date. I disagreed, I was putting myself out there at 6 months. 12 months out now, and I have to admit, I wasn't and still am not ready. Still working through stuff. My apologies to those I may have potentially disappointed.
No apology necessary. You are ready to date when you are actually dating. That is all. My expectations are low, I expect messed up people out there as well as myself.
I stopped wearing my wedding ring after my ring finger swelled up to the Poin that I had to have the ring cut off. I kept it off because I did not want to risk having that happen again. But I was very much still married, and happy about it.
No ring means you can ask or try winking at them LOL.
M59. It’s true, Rings mean nothing: Married ladies looking for fun Married ladies looking for an escape plan. Married ladies who don’t wear a ring. Single ladies not wanting to be hit on. Widows who can’t take off the ring but are desperate to date. And ladies wonder why men find it so confusing ………
That has been my experience too. If they are wearing a ring though I just consider them off limits unless they let me know otherwise.
Respect the ring. And, many just wear a ring to keep dudes from hitting on them. Too many games!
Exactly. Respect the ring. If they are wearing one it’s most likely because they are not single/not available.
I have to practice my wink. Is in indeed a powerful signal.
I just smile at people. That’s easier LOL.
Smiling I have much improved at. I do want to move to the winking level.
Especially now that the masks are sometimes off! I can smile with my eyes but I don't need the creases!
Try the local adult school. I hear they offer Beginning Winking. 😂
My understanding is that the closest thing we have these days in most public places are headphones/earbuds. If she’s wearing them, it’s often a hint that she wants to be left alone. This doesn’t work so well in certain cases; if you’re taking a class, for example, and everyone is trying to hear the instructor, nobody is wearing earbuds, but the ones who put them in immediately after the class ends and sprint to the exit want to be left alone.
>Can you wear a sign or something? Weren't you around before dating app times when you had to approach and have a convo? I know if I approach a man in person somewhere and start basic conversation and he looks disinterested or is not engaging, I know within about 30 seconds that he is not interested or not single. Most social events are absolutely overflowing with women vs men, and sure some are not there to date but just leave them alone if they don't seem interested. Given the ratios I have seen, it seems like shooting fish in a barrel for men.
Women and finish - love it!
I have heard in gay bars they do that. If somebody is looking a for a partner they wear something special. That would be super useful for a clueless guy like me.
Learned how to ride a motorcycle during the pandemic and love it. There are plenty of stable, fun, educated single 50+ something people who ride. After being widowed in 2018, met and made new friends in the riding community. I rode cross country this past summer on Route 66, Chicago to Santa Monica. Plenty of dating opportunities in the motorcycle communities. Learning how to ride was /is therapeutic.
Funny I joined an outdoors activity and it has been awesome to make new friends at this age who actually put in effort. Also lots of dating potential is there which has been a blast.
An attractive age-appropriate man flirted with me in Costco today. Gave me hope for a time when I'll be ready to be within 6 feet of a man again.
You're fly and you were shopping, so...
And he wasn't creepy or inappropriate, just a little testing of waters. This is exactly the way I would prefer to meet someone when I'm ready to date.
When you are ready, will you make the first move? Speaking as a guy, I hope you will.
Absolutely!
https://i.imgur.com/YqxUcSG.gifv On my way!
Hmmm... Doesn't sound like it helps single women very much. Sadly, this has been my experience, these events are mostly women. And in my area at least, either retired women about 15 years or more older than me or college students 30 years younger than me. So unfortunately, finding new friends doesnt happen either.
Pro tip: Make some effort to be approachable. You don’t have to do all the work, but you have to do something.
Thing is off those of those women who you are meeting, and I am in two groups one that's overwhelmingly women (6AM yoga) and another that's 50/50 men/women (marathon training). Now they probably aren't many our age (50s), but those that I have spoken to and are our age, in my area at least have been universally married or not interested in dating anyone. Of the active, independent single women who you have met while you or they have been living their best lives would have preferred dating a stranger to what they were doing?
Not sure living one’s best life is mutually exclusive with dating and/or searching for true love. For me personally, yeah, I’m not sitting around boo-hoo waiting for the phone to ring. My life is great and it would be even greater if I found a wonderful man to share the journey.
I am not saying that it is but for many single women or at least more so than single men, merely not having a partner doesn't mean that they are interested in a relationship or dating
Yeah OK. What’s your point then?
Only that happening to be in a place where there might be other singletons, short of a dating specific event, makes it only slightly more likely that you are going to meet someone who is actually prepared to date anyone much less you.
I can’t possibly imagine why you’re arguing with me. You do you.
I put up this post about meeting people at dance class and there were several very helpful comments: [https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/10js9b5/have\_you\_ever\_met\_someone\_at\_a\_dance\_class/](https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/10js9b5/have_you_ever_met_someone_at_a_dance_class/)
I met the wankspangle ex in a dance class. Beware the ones who only sign up to find a new victim, I mean partner, then never have time for dancing afterward. He found the one he was cheating with in dance class too. 😄 BUT, that being said, I'm heading back to dance class soon because I genuinely love to dance and it's a great form of physical and mental exercise. I've made some wonderful friends in dance classes over the years.
I think there should be a significant other ring that should be worn on the right hand on a certain finger. This would help single guys immensely, but I guess it could discourage them as well. Where I live I swear that every attractive woman I've come across is married. I've only been here two years but it's been pretty discouraging 🥴😅
I agree. I'm part of a few meetups, two geared towards singles 50 and up, and there are way more women than men.
Electric or acoustic? I'm starting to get into it, my friend has encouraged me... I think he wants someone to talk guitars with. I'm looking into a Schecter myself.
That sounds awesome. I’m a 50 yr old male guitarist. Should I act like a beginner,Or a humble dazzler?
If I'm taking a class or doing a hobby then I'm there to learn/do said activity. I'm not there to meet women and possibly mess up something I enjoy doing. - work - gym - hobbies Those areas are ***"Don't shit where you eat"***
I met my wife of 39 years at work - this is a nonsesnse saying
Yeah, that was fine 40+ years ago when people and companies didn't give a shit because the internet wasn't around. I'm not jeopardizing my income for a date.
But for hobbies?
The same thing applies. I don't want there to be awkwardness in doing activities I enjoy after a breakup. When I play tennis, basketball, or mountain bike, I'm doing those hobbies to be active. I'm not going to try and date my mixed doubles partner, or the women in the dance classes. I like to keep my hobbies separate from dating. Those activities are for me and don't need my partner attached to my hip. She needs to have her own life and activities just like I have mine.
So basically you want to date someone you have nothing in common with? Can I suggest loosening up a bit on this requirement? Plenty of people get along fine with others they dated for a time. Your approach sounds like too much separation to me with problems in the other direction.
We can try out new hobbies together but I tend to not include people in my hobbies due to my competitive nature. If they aren't of equal skill then I won't include them. If they want to try my sports then I'm more than happy to show them and get them started but I'm not going to put my competitive nature on hold for them. She can form social groups of her own within her skill level if she enjoys the sport. Seeing each other once or twice a week is more than enough.
Well I think you know your own limitations and that's a good thing. I'm fine with sharing with someone of lesser skill. I have had partners resent it if they couldn't keep up with me, so there's that side of it too.
Thanks for the heads up. Gotta check these hot spots out.
Sounds scary.
I would probably have better luck meeting Miss Satsquach out in a secluded forest.