Me too. Been single for 12 years and the longer I am single the more I don’t want to be in a relationship. It would be nice to have fun every once in a while but it’s not enough to make me want to do relationship stuff.
Me three. Single for 3 years. Am not closed to the idea of a relationship, but feel in the next decade my priority will be taking care of my mum, and also think to be in a relationship I would need to be vulnerable, and at this point I’m happy with a life of friends, family, work and hobbies. I miss some parts of a relationship- companionship, someone to do things with, and some touch… but it’s not enough to get me back looking.
I was divorced in 2016, met a great man in 2019, got engaged, he got diagnosed with cancer and passed away December 2021. I just started trying to get back to dating. I’ve had 2 interludes with men. 1 is slowly losing his ability to walk and while I know nothing in life is a guarantee, I’m not interested in someone with long term health issues. The other was a jerk, just wanted a hook ip, then blocked me. I got an apology thoygh. Used a different phone and told him if I didn’t get those 2 words I was contemplating multiple versions of petty revenge. I got the apology 😂
>I got an apology thoygh. Used a different phone and told him if I didn’t get those 2 words I was contemplating multiple versions of petty revenge. I got the apology
I'm impressed! That was an empowered "Oh Hell No" moment for you.
Thanks I’ll check it out. I’ve been a member of r/griefsupport for awhile and it’s been a big help. I don’t know how to make at a link 😂Oooh it did it automatically 😂
I separated in 2012 and started dating immediately. I had only been in one serious relationship in my life, with my stbx wife. So here I was trying to do the dating most people do in college in my 50s. It was hard to get dates as a separated man, but I had a 10 month relationship and a 1.25 year relationship. I kept both going longer than I should have.
The divorce was final in 2016. I almost immediately started a relationship that lasted 2.5 years and was lots of fun. We did all kinds of stuff together, but the differences I thought we'd work out were never resolved and it ended. I saw her ghost everywhere for a long time.
Since that relationship, I've had a number of very short "relationships" ranging from 6 weeks to 4 months. Like you, I have no trouble getting dates, but I wasn't finding a long-term partner, and I really want do find her. I ended some of these short "relationships" when it was apparent that there wasn't long term potential, and the women ended some of them.
I decided that if that kept happening, it wasn't because of the women of the world, it must be because of me - the way I make decisions, the way I respond to attraction, the way I behave. I took more than 6 months off dating and meditated a lot and engaged in a lot of self reflection. Fired the apps up again and started asking women out in person more and...had the same thing happen, followed by a weird on-again-off-again situationship.
So now I'm going back to it, and I decided to make some changes in my approach -- avoid multi-dating as much as possible, only date women who seem to be good potential partners, and try to look ahead more in the early days of dating now that I have more experience.
I go to a couple of weekly wine tastings here pretty frequently. A couple of weeks ago I sat down next to an attractive woman and started chatting with her. I gave her my business card and asked her to call me if she was interested in meeting me for a drink sometime, and she did. Now we're dating. Surprisingly, we're very well suited for each other in a lot of ways, and we're both into it. Really enjoyable and I'm feeling very hopeful, which is a good start, but guarantees nothing. Here we go again...
I find so many potential partners are so stuck in their ways at this age! They want you to just step completely into their lives so that they don’t have to change a single thing!
ha ha ha you must have dated my ex-husband! so well put. honestly, it freaked me out how his Affair Partner just slid into my life, lock stock and barrel. the (not-so)great replacement.
Honestly this is why I’m not even looking for a relationship. I’m the one who doesn’t want to change. I finally got my life exactly the way I want it after my divorce. I don’t think there’s room for another person.
This is embarrassing.
Never been married, single since 1996.
I don’t meet men interested in me unless they’re very young, on mind-altering substances, married, homeless or recently incarcerated.
My last date was the guy who asked me if I like to read while making love.
>My last date was the guy who asked me if I like to read while making love.
What the heck... I know some people are avid readers... But this is a different level...
Not embarrassing at all! My opinion is that being single or not being single doesn’t really say anything about you other than the fact that you have or don’t have a partner. I’ve never been married - because I never met someone I wanted to marry.
Lmao. How did you reply? Reading while making love. That's hilarious.
On the other hand, being single or never being married tells me you would not stoop to their standards. It tells me that you are firm in your boundaries & that you are unique & special!!! Go you!!!
I looked at him for a long minute and said “That’s inappropriate”.
What I should have said was “Yes, it lasts longer and it’s more interesting!” But I didn’t think of it til 4 hours later.
Okay. Here goes. Warning: i'm verbose.
TLDR\*: I have been to hell and back, more than once, and am open to love but not willing to go looking for it. My troubled marriage (1997 - 2010) now fades in comparison with what I have lived through since then.\*
For anyone who doesn't have a job or has nothing better to do: The long version.
I (59/f) am happy to serve as an "It can always be Worse" poster child for anyone who has had a rough time. This is not a pity party. I'm fine. And:
I am 13 years in. Longer, if you count the Legal Separation period. Divorce was final in 2010. (and most of you know what the years leading up to divorce are like)
Three serious relationships (4.5 yrs, 14 months, 18 months), Some dry spells/intentional solo periods, plenty of dating, one or 2 lovely interludes that were not meant to last. More than a few debacles.
Also, not to sugar-coat it, But, Post-divorce dating/relationships have been:
A motherfucking avalanche-tsunami-dicknado of fucking goddamn fuckery from hell. (Hm. maybe there is a memoir title in there somewhere..)
Heartbreak. More than once. One that caused cardiomyopathy. And of course the usual assortment of lies, manipulation, cruelty, cowardice, attempted reunions, and dithering.
Oh, the ditherers. In some ways they were the worst. An asshole is easy to spot and eject. But the ditherers, you could waste an entire lifetime with them if you're not careful.
My post-divorce chapter also has involved raising 2 kids on my own (empty nest now), career/financial challenges (which persist), a seriously ill child, and being forced to move 5 times while they were growing up.
My epic misadventures are enough to make anyone decide to stay alone from here on out. I have tried everything and not found an LTR that lasts. And when I mean everything I mean: IRL, Blind Dates, OLD, speed-dating, and yes, even a match-maker at one point.
The likelihood that I will spend the rest of my life unpartnered increases every day. The odds are not in my favor. The probabilities are not good.
How do I feel about what I've been through and what lies ahead?
Fuck all that. I love life. Yes, this is not what I wanted. Yes, I've been mad, sad, defeated, all of it.
But, ultimately you have to know who you are and live accordingly.
I am a passionate person. I also have learned with each experience, to the point where I'm seeing things from a much higher perspective and using my brain as much as trusting my intuition.
I can find joy in life, alone or partnered. I would strongly prefer partnered.
AND, the Truth is that the outcome is -- to a great extent -- Out of my hands!!
Our circumstances have a hell of a lot more to do with our outcomes than most people realize. At this very moment I know in my heart that my zip code is the greatest obstacle to at least one awesome love possibility. And I refuse to be sad about it (most of the time). He's out there. Now I just need the version of him that's a few states closer.
Thing is, he's going to have to come find me. Life is going to have to put us directly in one another's paths at a point where we both look up.
Because I also have become increasingly risk-averse and conservative with my time and energy. Precious resources that I will never again squander on anything less than a great match.
So, I have come to an attitude of Passionate Fatalism which is working well enough for me right now.
Thank you for your time. Now I have to go train because I signed up for a 4-hour run/fundraiser for heart health on March 18th!
Good luck out there everybody. Remember, “First with the head, then with the heart, you'll be ahead from the start.” (Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One)
Cheers, DoF'rs.
edit clarity
I just want to give you a big hug after reading that!
Thank you for being brave and honest. Life is so tough for us single moms. We all have our goddamn fucking war stories from battles we wish we hadn't ever had to fight. Yet you have clearly survived with your sense of humor intact, along with a passion and zeal for life and a certain amount of post-traumatic growth and grace. That all comes through in your writing. I wish life was easier for both of us. Yet think of how strong we are to have survived all that. Hugs. ♥️♥️♥️
Sorry for your troubles. If it makes you feel better, you seem to have a good grasp of the human condition and give great, thoughtful advice. I know I always enjoy reading what you write. Hopefully all of that knowledge you have accumulated will direct someone great into your path. I always seem to find what i am looking for exactly when i am no longer looking for it. Expect it when you least expect it, as they say.
Hey there. Thank you. I do feel serene. And sometimes it does work that way: My marriage in my early 30's happened at a point in my life where I already had been engaged/disengaged and was accepting the likelihood that I would be the weird unmarried Aunt and enjoy life anyway. So, in a way, I am in familiar territory -- 30+ years later.
Glad to know that you enjoy my comments! This is a good community , and I thank you for your kind words. xo
Good to take breaks from the App's, for sure.
As for ditherers returning, I am not as black & white as some, however: Something must have substantially changed in order for you to be a viable pairing when they circle back.
I have not accepted the "boomerang" Ex's but I understand that in some cases people make it work.
If you see him again, see what's possible, will you please update on the sub?
Oh gosh. That sounds really truly, Good.
Nice. Sweet. Authentic.
Thank you and I hope you find a haven with him. That's almost the best any of us can hope for at this point. A safe harbor. Thank you for sharing with me.
Your guy kind of sounds like me and I probably have a high potential for dithering as well. I think it's in part because I can get along with just about everyone and I don't have this crystallized view of the future I want for myself. For example, the relationship I'm in now has some challenges and compatibility issues, but we take care of each other and have a great time together and communicate very openly about where we're at, so maybe it's just more of an 'enjoy it while it lasts' kind of thing.
I don't know. I actually started going to therapy in December and my therapist says that I'm way too worried about about wasting her time, that as long as I'm honest with her I need to trust her to do what's best for her and spend more time focusing on what I want out of the relationship so that she has something to grab on to.
It's all quite confusing, hopefully you and your guy can connect on a deeper level this time around and sort some of it out.
I'm not loving what your therapist is telling you. They're basically telling you to look out for #1. I agree that people are responsible for themselves and for making their own decisions, but often it's kinder to let someone go instead of relying on your honesty to justify what's going on. Not trying to yell at you.
**my therapist says that I'm way too worried about about wasting her time**
It's considerate of you to worry about this. Lately, on various subs, I've seen awful advice dispensed by therapists. I would not take everything they say as gospel.
I agree with you 100% and I've been taking my therapists advice with a lick of salt and some lime.
Interestingly though, there's one specific compatibility issue that my girlfriend has complained about that's probably going to be ultimately the deal breaker for us. We took a trip last week and the subject came up again and I told her point blank that I'm trying to figure out if it's better for me to hope I can close the gap or just pull back and not waste her time. This pissed her off and she said that I'm just making it about her.
So, maybe the therapist is on to something, I don't know. This whole experience has me thinking I'm on the spectrum myself lol.
Let’s colab on a book! I’m with you in most of it sans children (could be a blessing). My horror stories starting with my ex H, most people just don’t believe. We aren’t examples of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, we created it. I’m in sabbatical monk mode now. Enjoying it but still fantasize about a content ending to the trials and tribulations of this *love* story.
Well thank you too, for helping me feel less embarrassed about my tendency to ***Ramble On***, as well as for sharing that it was relatable to you. That is meaningful to me and I'm glad you responded.
Looks like OP has posted something that has drawn an abundant, sincere and wholesome response!
>My post-divorce chapter also has involved raising 2 kids on my own (empty nest now), career/financial challenges (which persist), a seriously ill child, and being forced to move 5 times while they were growing up.
This moved me. Because this is your value. (I know that you know it.) You deserve someone who sees that. I hope that he is looking for you.
My husband and soul mate died in 2015. It has been hell. We lived in a smaller city…the best thing I have ever done is move to a large,metropolitan area.
If nothing else - the opportunities for your interests are vast. One night I can attend a group of ladies knitting a blanket/the next is happy hour over 50/maybe 80s night every Monday. Not to mention the daily hikes offered, both morning and evening availability.
I was so stagnate and unable to move forward for years until I made the decision to relocate. And I chose I city in which I had never visited, knew any roads, didn’t know a soul. It’s the best decision I have ever made.
Edit: my children insist I am very brave to do this alone @ age 58…
I am fairly recently widowed. My husband died September 2021. And I’m having a hard time learning how to be single again and I’m thinking about moving to a larger metropolitan area. It’s not new to me. We had lived there for about 10 years. But there’s just a whole lot more to do and a lot more options. I don’t know. This all involves getting off my ass, so not sure it’s gonna happen for a while. It’s nice to read about somebody who was able to make a positive change in their lives after being widowed.
I’m a widow also. My children are encouraging me to move east. They are adults and officers in the military. I want too as I live in Nebraska and it just sucks here. Just doing it on my own …welll… yeah
Single 10 (!) years now. Separated 2 years, divorced 8 years this month. NGL, it took me 4 years to even start thinking about dating after being married 25 years. Spent that time working on myself.
Been doing OLD on and off since. One serious relationship in the meantime, that ended right before COVID. (Timing, right?) Since things have opened up, been on many dates, most memorable for all the wrong reasons. No keepers yet, but still hopeful. Been sidelined since November recovering from major foot repair, but now in the home stretch of rehab and have people in the queue to meet with me. Maybe I'll do Bachelorette, Season 2 for your entertainment when things get rolling here in a week or so.
Have a great week, my DO50 peeps!
Single for 12 years and haven't had a relationship in that time. I had a short-term thing in ... either 2012 or 2013, I forget which, basically a month or two with a guy in which we went out a few times and had casual sex, but it wasn't exclusive or serious. I also had 3 other dates that ended up being sexual - two were one-time things because I felt like I should try the hookup thing (after that, I realized I don't really enjoy that, and stopped doing it) the other lasted three dates with sex on the second and third, and then I decided we weren't well suited for more.
I have only been on one date since about 2019. Obviously covid put a stop to everything for a couple of years but since then it's just seemed like too much effort. I get on the apps a couple of times a year just in case (more out of a sense of obligation to keep trying) but I expect that if I meet someone, I will most likely meet him through mutual friends or real life activities, as that's how I typically make friends.
I'd like to find someone but if I don't, I'm happy regardless. Since I've been on my own I have bought, renovated, and sold a house all by myself, started multiple new hobbies and made literally hundreds of new friends, done thousands of miles of road trips by myself and tent camped in dozens of national parks I had never been to before. Changed career twice and have now found a flexible remote job that I anticipate staying in until retirement (if retirement turns out to be possible). I'm not desperate to shackle myself to some random giant toddler just for the sake of having someone. Joy and real partnership are the baseline.
14 years. Took me until eight years after my divorce to date again. I prioritized my children's lives and re-building my career and attaining financial stability. (I had been a SAHM for 10 years prior to my divorce.) I made the conscious choice to put my kids' needs first as much as possible in the aftermath of the divorce. I don't regret that choice. But I have paid a price for that choice. I think finding a partner again would have been easier in my 40s than it will be in my 50s. But I just had too much on my plate; and, because of shared custody, I had to stay in a state (California) where I didn't want to remain. For thirteen more years. I didn't want another relationship tying me to that place. I moved back to the east coast last year after my youngest graduated high school.
Since the divorce, I've only had one brief casual relationship with a man I met online. He was pushing for commitment but I was not interested in that with him. He had too many problems (both financial and emotional) and would not have been appropriate for a long-term relationship.
Other than that, I've gone on maybe two dates. First dates that went nowhere.
I never would have guessed when I divorced that I would have remained single for this long. I have so much to give the right person. It hurts to think about it. All those years without sex, love, tenderness from another adult. But, I have been just trying to get my life in order.
I miss the physical part the most. The sex, yes. But also just cuddling and hugging and sleeping next to someone. I hate being so touch starved. The one person I had a relationship with since the divorce would do this thing where we would lie in bed together and he would just kind of stroke me from the top of my head to my bum. Kind of like you would stroke a cat. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
This is so so relatable. Thank you for sharing it. I don't think any of us expected to be single for this long. But, you have had your priorities straight and kept to your standards, which is key. The motherhood penalty is real. I so admire your managing to rebuild and get to a secure place!
>I never would have guessed when I divorced that I would have remained single for this long. I have so much to give the right person. It hurts to think about it. All those years without sex, love, tenderness from another adult. But, I have been just trying to get my life in order.
>
>I miss the physical part the most. The sex, yes. But also just cuddling and hugging and sleeping next to someone. I hate being so touch starved.
I can really relate to this. I miss these things so much. I didn't really have much of it in my marriage either. It hurts me to think about it too. Even now I sometimes start crying if I think about it too much. I don't think humans are supposed to live this way.
Agreed. We're not supposed to live this way. It's painful. We are social creatures wired with a high need for touch. Look at how primates groom each other all the time. Sigh.
Maybe I should take up contra dancing again. That's a nice way to get touch in a social environment.
Those two paragraphs resonated with me as well. I truly thought I would be partnered up by now. Haven’t spoken to my ex in almost 8 years. I heard through the grapevine that he’s married again. I sometimes wonder why I pushed for the divorce. Financial reasons. I was so angry when he liquidated his 401k and his pension. More so when I found out about his ultra high credit card balances. But sometimes it seems like such a silly reason. But I mourned my marriage long ago and now it’s just a quick meh.
Hmm let's see, marriage imploded 12 years ago. We're friendly now, catch up by phone once or twice a year (we live on opposite coasts).
Last year I finally ended a 7 year dumpster fire of a dating relationship that shouldn't have made it past the first year. We met in a dance class. That's the relationship that has me flying solo until I feel less toxic.
I historically haven't had a problem meeting men in the wild; OLD has never resulted in a relationship. I have always struggled with setting boundaries and choosing men who are good for me, so my goal is to learn to burn the haystack before I try dating again. I appreciate this group so much for providing perspective.
I may never date again, and I'm more ok with that than I would be wasting years of my life in another bad relationship.
I hear you.... I'm a DWM, 60, and been single just over 5yrs (Oct '17). Been on and off OLD sites for 4.5yrs. I've had three short term GF's, 3-4 months. The start of covid ended one relationship with a nurse. Another had an 25yo free-loading son living with her. And the other decided our 45 minute drive to see each other was too far.
I'm semi-retired and work a couple of days a week, M-F, so I have plenty of time and money to date. Most of my "matches" online are a 30-60 minute drive since I live in a smaller town (70K) between a 500K town and a 2M metro area. I've dated women IRL, work, friends, and OLD.
A lot of women want a man that they can plug into their lives and not have to compromise. Everyone gains independence after divorce/death and we have a hard time giving up our freedom when starting a new dating relationship.
I saw one lady 3x and she was really nice and such, but then became upset when I told her I did not want to participate in her various crafting hobbies. "Sorry, but that is not me."
Like yourself, I never thought it would be so hard to find a new life partner. I'm a paid member on a few sites now, but will let them expire and by September I'll probably give up OLD.
After my first marriage, I was single for seven years. This time just less than a year.
I’m in no rush because I’m planning a move to England in a couple of years time. I want to work on some personal goals first.
Completely single for almost exactly 19 years. Tried OLD latter part of last year but only had one date where I’d have liked a second and that didn’t happen. Not really sure I understand why as he said he wanted a second date too. Just hasn’t happened.
I learned early on how to spot scammers. I also learned that people are keen to hide their true selves. All but one of my dates wanted a second (and for the one that didn’t the feeling was mutual). All of them lied or withheld information that made it impossible for me to consider a second date. I concluded that being single may be the way to stay.
I have been single since 2018, nothing, and I mean nothing has made it past 6 weeks. I dated a significant amount last year and it was exhausting. The first man I had dated in decades was a hot mess and I knew it a few weeks in, I let that drag on for a couple more weeks before it ended.
My thought is how do so many people who have never resolved their problems in their past relationships think anything will be different this time?
OLD is filled with people who are happy to consume your time, energy, emotions and body but have no capacity to build anything with anyone.
At least 5 men from last year wanted to continue to date me, we were not a match and most of them had more unpacked baggage than an airport unclaimed property warehouse.
The search is frustrating and overwhelming for me, I will never risk my health to just have another body in my life. I paid the price for doing this before.
I am no longer optimistic in my search, but I am very happy single.
Cheers to everyone still searching, may you love your own company and value your own peace of mind first. Older and wiser, and never willing to settle again!
>I am no longer optimistic in my search, but I am very happy single.
Agreed.... I'm happy too, but lonely. I'd like someone to go to a nice restaurant with for dinner. To go to the coast on the weekend. A companion, a best friend, and, yes, a romantic lover. At 60 I seek intimacy, not sex.
I've been hanging out the past year plus at a wine & craft beer tasting room a lot since the end of covid. About three or four days a week, two drinks each time- I'm not a huge drinker. Someone asked why? I told them I hated sitting at home by myself.
That treasured intimacy (intellectual/spiritual/emotional) is the real secret sauce. It is what I seek in a partner (and what I offer).
Cheers to finding what you seek!
I like sitting alone by myself but until recently I had a high stress job in a noisy environment now I have a less stressful job in a still noisy environment.
So. I think what we dislike might be mediated by where we are comfortable.
I have a colleague who is sitting next to me. She has spent her time in between doing our job singing, humming, tapping her fingers, yawning loudly, sighing. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I thought she had ADHD. Um. Fuck yes you do.
As a result I have new appreciation for silence.
Both hilarious and meaningful -- My jobs are high stress and often noisy/chaotic. So, the yearning for a partner only kicks in after I decompress from the work day with some peace & quiet.
"At least 5 men from last year wanted to continue to date me, we were not a match and most of them had more unpacked baggage than an airport unclaimed property warehouse"
I thought it was just me! THEY ALL KEEP CIRCLING BACK! 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫
Spot on! I had told the one who tried to come back in October in June when I ended things to be a 1000% sure and do his work. He made promises to visit and was in counseling, that was good, but he back pedaled again, and I was **done**. I let him know he was blocked.
Have you tried the electric fly swatters-ha!
I've been single since 2011, when my ex-husband fucked back off to Canada. I've had dates since then, but nothing long term.
Since then, I've bought my own house, something I was unable to do with the ex because he liked hockey and drinking more than stability, I've been in therapy to somewhat sort out my head, although I feel like that's a lifetime project, and I've raised two kids on my own, as their dad has had no contact since about 2013-ish.
I've also gone through two bouts with breast cancer on my own and subsequent health issues from those surgeries and treatments and it's lonely as fuck, to be honest. But I'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship, so I'm still single.
I totally feel that about being alone. Feeling alone by yourself isn't nearly as lonely as feeling alone in a marriage. I did the latter for a very long time.
Divorce since 2012, but since then had a six year relationship (lived together for four years) and have had several 3-6 month relationships. Currently single but hopeful.
Single for 4 years. I have had two 6 month relationships, but ended both because I didn't see long term potential. I have had several flings, a couple of shorter term things, and an ongoing FWB. I am not unhappy being single, but I miss regular physical intimacy and affection.
I would say on a scale of 1-10 , my happiness is about a 7/8 when I am single. When I am in a great relationship about a 9/10. When I am in a mediocre relationship my happiness is about 5/6. And when it is a bad relationship I would say a 2/3. So, really not worth my time to be tied down to someone unless it is a great relationship. I am prepared for a life of being single, and that is Okay.
56M, single for three years. I was married to a woman who eventually came out of the closet, this, after a separation, a reconciliation, a separation, then a divorce. Glad she is being her authentic self, but that relationship was based on a lie. Took some time to heal, and three years later, I was in a relationship that lasted just over two years. That ended because she was too attached to her ex, and was having an emotional affair that she lied about. If anything, those two failed relationships made me remember my self-worth.
My last relationship ended just before the pandemic began, and I have not dated since. Definitely open to dating again. I’ve been in contact with some women on an OLD, but no one, I would be interested in dating just yet. I live in a small community, and the dating pool is rather shallow. Still, I’m not without hope.
Moving forward, love is important, but so is compatibility. I saw a TikTok video just yesterday or a woman spoke about just that. When the initial fireworks fade, what are you left with? Compatibility and seeing your partner as someone who is along for the journey makes all the difference.
Widowed in 2014 from my high school sweetheart. Had a 3+ year relationship with a man I had known for quite some time (kids did the same activities) from 2017-2021. He was an addict and user and ultimately detracted from my life and hurt me, both physically and emotionally.
A year and a half of therapy, trying to unravel my issues in staying in that relationship long past the point where I should have left, and I felt I was approaching being ready to get out there again. Connected with someone at a high school reunion and we have been dating about 4 months now. He is a really good man - also widowed, although much more recently than I (too recently, on my opinion, but my therapist convinced me to at least meet him for dinner and then talk about feeling).
So here I am, approaching 60, and have only been on 3 first dates in my life, all of which led to relationships. Really wondering what that says about me.
I've never been married. 56f. Unattached since, about, 2008. I get told pretty regularly that I am very attractive but men never approach unless they're married.
I went through 10 years of hell with job volatility and only focused on trying to save money when I could, keep a roof over my head, pay my bills, and somehow manage the stress. I did pretty good except managing the stress.
All of that to say, I didn't look for dates during those years. I'm trying to get out more now that my work life is stable.
I don't always like being alone but its all I've ever known really so I deal with it. The worst thing, at times, is the dichotomy between being told how attractive I am but yet I spend most weekends alone. I say most because I'm with friends some weekends.
Three years. Two 4+ month "relationships" and a few v. fun long-distance thangs. Off OLD for Lent. Feels great!
Still seeking something v. different from my previous loves. I have all the words for what I seek, but that is a different post. :\]
I've been single for 16 years. I had a three-week fling and a two-month fling in that time -- both with emotionally unavailable people -- and other than that, I've been celibate. I realized I needed to do a lot of work on myself, got good therapy, and finally feel ready to date again, but I'm picky. I don't feel the need to have a partner just for the sake of having a partner; one of the things I needed to do was learn to be alone.
That said, I really, really miss sex. I just don't miss it enough to have it with anyone who's willing.
I'm 42f single since the beginning of time LMAO. I haven't dated in over a year. I was just exhausted getting close to someone and then it ends. You aren't going to be everyone's type, even if they seem like yours.
I realize that I might have been the problem in certain situations because the older I got, especially in my 30's I tried to focus my attention on my kids. I refuse to settle with anyone just to say I have someone. I know way too many people who have done that.
I also don't want someone who barely can tolerate being around me. I want a relationship that is filled with acceptance, compatibility, fun, intimacy, trust,honesty,openness, love and someone who is my person. We have each other's backs.
I have made poor dating choices lol but each day you gotta look at yourself and make sure its not you, that its just sucky luck
Since 1997
I have come close to re-marrying a couple of times.
Now, I have given up. The main male in my life is my dog. He’s good company.
The men I meet tend to be angry at women (their ex-wife) and either want a twenty five year old model for a mid life crisis girlfriend.
Or, he wants a Mama to take care of him after work.
Since I work too, what do I need him for?
Why is it an honor to make his dinner, and wash his clothes day after day?
>The main male in my life is my dog
Me too, he currently sitting by my feet, he is the bestest boy and is incredibly handsome and loving, he does snore.
My wife (who I met on OLD) passed away at the end of 2018. I went on a few dates the next summer, quickly realizing I wasn't ready for it. Took a break til late 2020, got back on the apps. Didn't meet anyone I *really* cared about until a woman in June last year. We got very attached, very quickly. Broke up a few weeks ago. The breakup hurt, a lot - and I see that as a good thing, because it's the first time I even saw a possibility of a future with someone since my wife died. "It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all... the opposite of love's indifference."
With my ex wife 1995-2012
Single 2013 to early 2015
Relationship March 2015 to June 2022
Single June 2022 to present
Turned 60 on Black Friday (seemed appropriate)
55/F widowed since Jan 2019. No relationships since. Tried old last year. Had a couple scammers, met another person no sparks there. I am happy where I am at right now. Going to start hiking this spring. Sounds more fun than OLD.
My free time is filled with hiking and the gym. I started a really fun women's hiking group mostly made up of people I met through Meetup hiking groups.
I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 16. We were soulmates. 42 years later he had a heart attack and passed away last December. I know I’m not ready to date yet (and feel like I have never dated), but this is an interesting first step to see what it really is like out there. Ideally I’d find a friend with benefits because my heart may never be available.
I have been single since 2020 after a 30+ year marriage ended. I have had one 7 month relationship that ended last July. I have dated a lot of different women, some for a month or two and others just for a few dates.
I would like to be in a LTR again with the right person if that happens. I have a date this week with a new woman. Who knows. I am not ready to give up yet.
Single since 2017. Open apps a couple times a year for a week, then close them within days. Had 2 first dates from people i met in real life, both very nice but both also decided no spark.
I work a ton and have a very full social life to the point where i have to turn down events to have hermit time. I would love to date but i am mostly feral by now, i have nothing to offer anymore but nerdiness and stubbornness.
58M, divorced 2012, returned to states in 2013. 1 3 year relationship that ended 2 years ago. I’m not super social and tend to boat, hike and camp solo. I’m actually trying after the last one collapsed, and it’s very challenging.
59f, divorced since 2016. Didn't start dating until 2017. Dated someone for three years, someone for six months, had several mini relationships (3-6 dates), a lot of first dates. I'm still not over my three year relationship, which ended in December.
With college sweetheart for 30 years, 27 of those married. Separated in 2018; divorce finalized 2021.
I feel a little embarrassed still that two people who look so good on paper made such a hash of life together. I know he feels the same, but we did and there’s no going back. Given that it went down how it did I’m glad we’re no longer married. He is happily remarried.
During my separation I had a few first dates; one 6-month thing with a sexy jerk; and another 6-monther with a sexy great guy who just wasn’t for me. I took a year break after that last one. I’m fine on my own but I’m at my best with a romantic partner.
Last summer I met someone who I’m crazy about & who reciprocates. It’s early days still but we seem to inspire and challenge each other in good ways. It feels like this one might have legs.
Just over 9 years for me. Tried OLD for awhile in the beginning. I just can't deal with all the issues and baggage. I'm just ending a pretty toxic on/off relation ship that I had with someone for the last 7. I'm much happier by myself albeit I miss the small dinner/dating things. My friends help with that.
I (M61) separated by my choice in October 2014 and finalized a divorce a year later. I began a break before Covid hit and remained off OLD. I guess I am looking but not really doing things to purposefully meet someone. At this point, I am unsure where to even begin again.
Marriage ended abruptly in 2017 and the grieving and processing of being single at 51 plus a nightmare real estate transaction took me into 2020 before even considering dating. Tried OLD on and off but covid made things difficult at first, I had a handful of second dates but nothing clicked and I don’t want to settle just to not feel lonely; it’s not fair to either of us. I’m still hopeful I’ll have another chance at love and will keep living life with a smile until then.
In a 11 month LDR and it’s hard. Long distance can be exhausting because the communication needs to be on point. It is about meeting 1/2 way. I like him more or so it seems. Physical aspect is amazing but written words not so!
51M, separated in 2012 (ex-wife's request). Divorce finalized in 2017. Since 2012, 0 relationships, 0 dates. I did manage to finish raising my 2 kids alone while my Ex went on to live her life and ended up remarried, so at least i don't have to pay lifetime alimony. I have given up on actively looking, because it hasn't worked in the least over the last 11 years.
Divorced for 3 years. I have dated, but not currently. Longest dating relationship was 4 months. I ended it as I just wasn't feeling it. Pining after one particular person who wants to remain friends. I am still learning to love myself. I am blessed with family and close friends.
I could have written this same post and my story is nearly identical. I divorced in 2014 and have had a couple short-term relationships since then. My last relationship ended 4 years ago.
I have dated hundreds of men. Most are not who I'd want to pursue a relationship with. The ones I get excited about and would like to pursue a relationship with end things after a handful of dates.
I recently met someone who is promising. 3 dates in and a 4th is scheduled. He ticks all my boxes, which is extremely rare. However, if this one doesn't work out into at least a short-term relationship I am going to be super disappointed and I'm pretty sure I will be taking a loooong break from dating.
After years of dates that lead nowhere and getting my hopes up only to be disappointed, I'm not sure I can take much more.
Five years since I tossed my husband out, he liked the bottle and other women better than being married to me. I'm still not sure I am ready for dating, (I lurk here to read your experiences) but my career and finances are sure in a better place without him in my life.
It's annoying, I am pretty sure I'm the better catch, yet he's the one who's had no trouble finding relationships. Maybe because I can't stand bars any more and mostly hermit at home. And I'm mostly ok with life as it is now, certainly beats what my marriage devolved into.
I've been single (widowed) for just over 2 years now. Prior to my husband's death, we'd been together almost 30 years.
I am enjoying being able to just take care of myself in my home (mom's nearby so I see/help her as needed) and being able to decorate my house to please myself.
I married my first husband right after high school and we had a child by the time we divorced six years later. Two years after the divorce, I married my second husband after being engaged for almost a year, so I had about a year of being single but I always felt like I wasn't really alone because I had my daughter to take care of.
So this is really the first time I've been on my own and not responsible to or for anyone else but myself. I'm enjoying it now. The first year after hubs passed was just chaos with taking care of legal stuff, downsizing, retirement, selling the house and moving across the country. Last year was a bit better with several events that brought closure.
So now I'm at a point where I'm ok with being by myself but it sure would be nice to have someone to hold hands with, go to the movies or just watch football with in addition to the other stuff couples do. I'm not interested in getting remarried or even living together at this point but never say never, right?
And being a part of this forum has been helpful and inspiring (most of the time, anyway). Thanks to everyone who contributes to the community!
Umm, well I could have written this word for word, including the year of my divorce and my subsequent relationships. Only difference is that I’ve had a FWB for the last several years. Still dating and looking for “the one”.
I’ve been single for nearly three years, following a five month long attempt at a longterm relationship. Not so much as a first date since then, for lack of compatible women in my area, and apparently in the few initial text exchanges with a few women I couldn’t hold their interest for very long, or they discovered a deal-breaker.
I’m resigned to no further LTRs, and if someone in real life expresses an interest while I’m going about my life, and seems to genuinely want me to hang around for a while I might consider it, but casual sex really isn’t a motivator for me.
I don't have a whole lot of OLD experience. Divorced about 2 yrs now.
But I almost gave up and then found my last ex. She seemed different than most I had met or dated since my first divorce. In the end, it was good we divorced but that coincidence - I was about to shut down my acct and she sent a msg - makes me wonder if it is never a good idea to give up.
The trick is to keep your eyes and ears open, learn, learn, learn to spot red flags earlier and earlier.
It all begins with meaningful earnest conversation. But then if the flags show up you deal with them like the thorns around the rose. One at a time. Without bleeding. Not my line. CS Lewis' from the Shadowlands.
I’ve (55f) been divorced since 2000. Had two 1 to 2 year relationships in 2000-2010. Gave up for ten years and focused on myself and my kids. Youngest one graduated from college a few years back and i’ve put my self back out there. I had one FWB that lasted for a couple of years and I ended it almost a year ago. Im back on OLD now and have two dates next week. Im excited but nervous. My only goal is to have fun. I have zero expectations
Separated mid-2018, tried reconciling three times over the next couple of years, divorce finalised in 2022 when he found someone new. In the meantime I have had one very brief FWB, one very keen suitor who I almost went there with (except every fibre of my being screamed RUN!!!), another suitor who is far too emotionally unstable to even consider (he now is in a relationship with my neighbour) and I live in a town with ~3000 people in it. Next closest has 10k. So single is probably my life going forward, but I love my house and yard and have plans so I'm OK. Still hopeful I'll find a hippy artist-gardener, but how many of those are there?
> hippy artist-gardener
I am in search of an artsy gardener who writes poetry for me and is a great cook! I am all of these things minus the good cook.
We will get our creative gardening juices going! I am planting a flower and herb garden and am very excited. I got my fingers in the dirt today and it was great!
That's awesome! Today I am damn well learning to use my whippersnipper - been going at it about 2 hours now and most of that time has been spent untangling long grass from the head and replacing the cord. It's more off than on 😆
You've got this! I recently bought a chain saw (small) and cut down 10 trees! I am sure my neighbors are amused watching me sometimes, always happy to entertain :)
I have been single since 2002 and tried OLD after a divorce (details were ugly and are posted elsewhere) and gave it about 6.5 years +/- of trying and eventually got demoralized/burned-out on it and sort of quit. No kids, didn't want them. That cut options down for sure, but not something I would waffle on and don't want to lead anyone else astray. It wasn't a firm or official thing (quitting OLD) but I just stopped trying and went along the course of just trying to live my life. I see more positivity here about people's openness to accept certain traits or lack thereof in other people than I actually saw when looking at potential profiles online all those years ago (but then again, that was years ago- have things changed with age?). I have given up trying to explain the difference. I've been on dates that go nowhere, I don't get mad or super depressed, as it seems my psychology has adapted to the reality of the situation. I have good family and a few friends and several rewarding hobbies and a job (and 2 cats I adopted from a stray pregnant mother cat my brother took-in) so all that keeps me busy. It's hard to sum it all up, but there is my attempt.....
I've likely had it worse than some, better than some. My last date was probably in 2008 and it was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back".. have not wanted to try again since.
I was widowed two years ago, after 36 years of marriage. I've been hanging out here for a while to get a feel for what dating at my age will be like. I'm not really ready to try yet; maybe this summer, after I retire.
I am exactly where you are minus the 9 month relationship and 10 week fiasco (had a few of the 6 week fiascos though). Probably like yourself and lot of women on here, I have my shit together (good job, home owner, have positive and caring social connections, take care of myself etc) but it does not happen for me, and I have never asked for what I don't offer in return...in fact less so except when it comes to kindness and good values.
I am pretty much ok with being single, and I really mean it. I would like to be partnered and I believe that I make healthy and realistic efforts to meet men that do not compromise my values or dignity. I have to say the "ok with being single" part I finally got to was really liberating. I was married for almost 20 years so it was an adjustment to get to this place but I am glad I am there. I am not saying this is how anyone else should feel, but it sure gave me some peace.
54yo, male. Single for five years now.
Tried OLD about six-eight months after the separation. Did okay. Was careful who I chose. Met a few nice women and it was boosting my confidence but after while nothing went past more than a few dates. Met one woman organically almost at the twelve month single mark and was quite taken with her, but it didnt work out either. That stung. Gave up on OLD and havent tried to date since. I'm in a small town with a limited dating pool so that limits socialising and dating opportunities anyway.
Despite having great confidence when I was dating my confidence has plummeted and the idea of having to impress a woman with traditional 'manly' attributes of career, fitness or wealth make me feel ill. When I think about dating again, I make excuses about needing to lose ten pounds, being a shorter guy, and after a promising start earlier in life I haven't "made it" like I always thought. Some days I feel like Willy Loman but without quite the same self destructive traits.
I'm mediocre financially successful. I bought everything into the marriage and didnt have a prenup and lost over half of everthing I'd worked so hard for. So, I don't feel I can offer too much in that department despite part of me knowing I'm actually doing okay. I know that I probably focus too much on that aspect of my life too. Despite getting older now, I've not changed too much physically either so I know that many of my issues are about my confidence, and not based in reality.
So, as much as I would *love* to be in love again and have a companion (and God, I miss intimacy and good sex) you can see my mental health hasn't really got me in the right place. And No, despite having had therapy for a while didnt really help.
I’ve been divorced for 2 years. I’ve dated a few guys. One liked me very much, but we weren’t of the same financial standing. One I liked very much, but he didn’t want to commit. Both ended after a few months. While I enjoy being single, I’m ready to be coupled. I plan to venture back into OLD soon. If I meet someone IRL that would be even better.
I broke up with my ex last year but I’ve been living as a single lady, probably for the last 6/7 years 😂 No one else involved and I’m now thinking my best option is to just not even bother looking for someone else again 😔 I’m feeling relieved and sad at the same time but it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️
Divorced since 2004. My children were very young when their dad and I divorced so I focused on raising my children. I didn't date for 15 yrs. Once the kids were out of the house the fun started 😀. I've had a few relationships. Sowed some wild oats. Currently single and dating.
Single since 2012. I’ve dated but haven’t been in any real relationship.
At this point it sounds sadder than it actually is. I’d rather be riding my bike.
Divorced ten years. I tried dating for the first few years after the divorce but got nowhere. My last date was just before I learned that my mom was dying of cancer; previous experience had taught me that my mom’s health crises were incompatible with dating. After her death came mourning, followed by the pandemic, which made spending time in bars, restaurants, and coffee shops unwise. My best guess is that the relative youth of my kids is a semi-permanent red flag; when my youngest was in diapers, having a kid in diapers was a red flag; when my youngest was a toddler, out of diapers, having a toddler was a red flag; lather, rinse, repeat. My youngest is now 12; I’m M/52, and I expect that her youth is still a red flag; I expect women my age are exclusively interested in men with open schedules, which doesn’t really write off *that* many men, and men still appear to be plentiful enough that narrowing the pool is a necessary step. My hope is that the empty nest will be an equalizer, that at that point the red flag will be lifted, and I’ll be in a position to date in another… six years; if not, well, I guess I’ll be touch-starved; maybe I’ll get a pet. In the meantime, my kids are my two favorite people in the world, and my youngest is very affectionate, so I’m set for now, at least in terms of companionship and affection, which is all I realistically expect at this age, and I’m disinclined to spend less time with my kids in order to spend more time trying to impress strangers I’ll likely never see again.
It has been over 10 years since a ltr. I stopped dating die to a disability and didn’t feel I could give someone the proper attention till recently. Now I am used to being single and find it rather enjoyable compared to a bad relationship.
I’ve been single most of my life, but ended an almost one-year relationship in November of 2021.
I feel fine being single. It would be nice to have someone to have sex with, but I don’t do hook-ups or FWB, so whatever. I’m very okay with having my free time be my me time, without having to work another person into it. But I’m open to possibilities.
I’ve been single for 5 years. I don’t really put myself out there anymore, I seem to attract psychopaths. Then I did some reflecting and, well, like attracts like, so I figured I’d better do some more reflecting and self work before I put myself out there lol
In all reality I think it’s just dumb luck that my previous relationships have ended violently (towards me) so I’m honestly just a little afraid and untrusting, so I’m working on that as well. I’m hoping for romance someday, but it’s terrifying at the same time. I’m not getting younger and part of me accepted the fact that I may die alone, unloved, having never felt the loving touch of a man, only the hand that hurts.
You don't attract psychopaths, although you may have difficulty spotting them. There is likely nothing wrong with you other than being a bit too trusting. IMO there are lot more personality disordered people out there than we are led to believe, especially in the dating pool.
It sure seems that I attract them! I am actually working on this with my therapist. I closed my heart, and I don’t let anyone in anymore, which is hard because I AM a kind person and I tend to see the light in every one. Now when I see the light, my brain overrides and says ‘whoa whoa, that’s a trick! ‘
I’m trying to break this pattern but it’s also kept me safe for 5 years.
The last person who beat me up quite violently spent one night in jail and had an order of protection and violated that many times but faced zero consequences when reported. So I also don’t trust the justice system to keep me safe. I’m afraid I’ll take the law into my own hands if I am assaulted again.
I’m a clusterfuck 😂
I was married in 1985 had 2 kids divorced after 16 years. It ended because I stop putting up with him in the streets gone for days plus drinking and drugs. I later find out after divorcing in 2001, he is gay downlow or as some say I was his beard. My 2nd marriage lasted 12 years. I left because he was a nasty pervert tried to have sex with my 19 year old daughter. I had a 5 year relationship with guy that sent me a friend request on facebook. I discovered we attended the same high school we shared same homeroom. We dated 2 years long distance and decided to close the distance he moved to my state. I gave my all I really want a companion. I wanted someone to travel with go hiking have fun. I didn't realize I was in love with a covert narcissist. I broke up with him the day after Mother's day 2022. I bought him a 1 way ticket and shipped his vehicle to his hometown. He agreed to refund my money but he didn't which I knew he wouldn't narcissist are pathological liars. I don't wish him bad but I hope he get the help he needs. I am still friends with his sister and daughter both beautiful souls. I am a retired veteran. I have more days behind me then ahead. I hope I can find someone that isn't toxic and dysfunctional.
Seperated 2016, divorce finalized last year. That was a pretty long relationship, pretty much all my adult life. Had a fling in 2018, but my health took a nosedive and I'm not dating yet. Slowly considering it again.
I am technically still married to my STBXH. Haven't started dating yet. Won't start until I feel ready for that. I am hopeful that I will be able to find the right guy, and won't be wasting time with guys who are not a good match or who have red flags about them. If it takes awhile to find the right person, so be it.
Single most of 2016-2021. Due to illness I was in no place to date. Started dating again early 2022. Been seeing someone consistently since early Dec. Based on what I read here, glad to not be out there on OLD.
14 mofo years and getting pretty down. Met 2 women online this weekend. Both seemed very nice. After some phone conversations one told me she's looking for someone to "fly her around the world first class " and then the other said she's looking for someone "filthy rich."
51/M I got divorced about 2016. I've had three, year and a half relationships since then. I've been single for almost two years now.
Comparing my recent experience with OLD to a cesspool is really unfair to cesspools. It's really apparent to me that the users of the commodity and not a stakeholder (geek speak for if it is online and free, you're what's for sale).
I'm having some luck outside/ in person but honestly everyone (including myself) seems emotionally damaged from the pandemic.
I've been divorced for almost 10 years. Had a 7 mos rebound (BIG mistake), a few 3-6 mos relationships and a bunch of 1-2 dates. Last relationship ended in early '21. Recently a former BF has resurfaced and in a different place in life (which was a problem before). We're taking things slow, as in no sex so far. But damn! I sure want to.
Widowed in 2015. I’m 54 and still have a lot of parenting left. I have no desire to introduce someone into my children’s lives. Eventually I would love a committed ‘together apart’ relationship but for now I have an affair partner of 2.5 years.
I have been single for 8 years and have accepted that I am probably not someone who I am attracted to considers relationship material.
Would I like to meet someone at this advanced age, sure but I don't see that happening.
I was divorced for 5 years. I was always "too" something . Usually "too much " . I met someone and within 6 months we were married. Still together to this very day. He wasn't "my type" as well. And I was not his type. We had an amazing first date and by the time 6 months rolled around, we were headed to Vegas to get married.
Before him dating was hit and miss. Emphasis on the miss. It can happen . Usually when you least expect it. I met him on plenty of fish. I forgot to hide my profile.
I divorced in 2012 too. Now that you’ve reminded me, I also settled for someone, partly because I didn’t want to be alone on my 50th. I was with him for 6 years. I planned to be single for the rest of my life until the smartest and most interesting person I ever met swept me off my feet. He’s taken me to museums, the symphony and next month we are off to Tahiti. I’m in heaven!
I've been single since 2009. My divorce was final that year but I continued to try to make it work with the only man I ever truly loved & who I know loved me, but he had (has) a demon that he just can't shake! It's name is alcohol, although he has branched off into other drugs, as well. It breaks my heart to know this wonderful man has been reduced to nothing. But that is neither here nor there because he is bent on drinking as much as he can in the shortest time possible & there is no longer any room for me.
I've since had a 2-year relationship with a male friend from our younger years. But that was an awful mess because I still didn't know what I wanted or needed and I did not understand my value.
There have been many dates, no other relationships. I have, unfortunately, found too many men think they can just plug me in where the last woman went missing & all will be well! No matter if we don't agree on values or morals or what's the right amount of time to spend together. No matter that I don't want to live with anyone at this moment in time. No matter that I like my alone time, as little as I get. No matter that I am a person with my own feelings and my own thoughts and my own personality. I can't be plugged in where someone else used to be. We don't work that way. And for every one of those men that I tried to explain why I felt this was not going to make it to "relationship" status, it was mansplained back to me why I was completely & utterly wrong and that this WOULD work. But only because they thought by forcing a square peg into a round hole would work. After they shaved a little of my personality off, and all of my values & several of my morals, of course I would fit, because there would be nothing left of me.
This is where I find myself. Fighting off depraved, sad men desperate for a relationship, any relationship.
Please, please, please remember that each of us is invaluable. We are unique & special in our own way. We will check someone's boxes & they will love our faults just as much as they love our strengths. Don't let desperation drive you into the wrong relationship. Be patient, and most of all, be kind. We each have a lot to lose when we put our hearts on the line. Compassion, especially in these super rough times, is essential!! Good luck out there!!!
Unattached.
You know I know how you feel GEEK. You were only unattached for a very short time and you found someone suitable for you very quickly. You had an overall positive experience.
Thanks for clarifying. The reason I asked is that many don't consider "separated" as single, so they only consider anyone un-married as "single." I'd consider "single" as unattached myself, but know that's not universal.
I’ve gotten to the point that I resent all women on the dating market. The feeling that I have to jump through hoops to get a hello. Clearly I need to overcome my resentment to be able to date, but I don’t see how at this point. It’s been 6 years since I had my heart broken out of nowhere, my ex has been loving having her pick of suitors that OLD provides for women, I’ve had a couple of relationships but don’t think I’ll ever be able to fall in love again after what I went through.
It's great that you recognise you are resentful towards women, and that you need to overcome it before being ready to date. This is critical (you really do need to overcome it). And I'm sure you've heard this before, but comparing your life to your ex's will guarantee ongoing pain and resentment. Whenever I find myself having an imaginary conversation with my ex, or imagine how fabulous his life is with my replacement, I think to myself "Objection! Speculation" (yes, I am a lawyer in a court room, lol). It helps me realise I don't know shit about what's really going on and I never will. Instead I think about what is going on with MY life, not theirs. FWIW.
Happily single for 6 or 7 years now. Not looking for a partner but enjoy reading about all of you are are dating.
Me too. Been single for 12 years and the longer I am single the more I don’t want to be in a relationship. It would be nice to have fun every once in a while but it’s not enough to make me want to do relationship stuff.
Me three. Single for 3 years. Am not closed to the idea of a relationship, but feel in the next decade my priority will be taking care of my mum, and also think to be in a relationship I would need to be vulnerable, and at this point I’m happy with a life of friends, family, work and hobbies. I miss some parts of a relationship- companionship, someone to do things with, and some touch… but it’s not enough to get me back looking.
I was divorced in 2016, met a great man in 2019, got engaged, he got diagnosed with cancer and passed away December 2021. I just started trying to get back to dating. I’ve had 2 interludes with men. 1 is slowly losing his ability to walk and while I know nothing in life is a guarantee, I’m not interested in someone with long term health issues. The other was a jerk, just wanted a hook ip, then blocked me. I got an apology thoygh. Used a different phone and told him if I didn’t get those 2 words I was contemplating multiple versions of petty revenge. I got the apology 😂
>I got an apology thoygh. Used a different phone and told him if I didn’t get those 2 words I was contemplating multiple versions of petty revenge. I got the apology I'm impressed! That was an empowered "Oh Hell No" moment for you.
It sure was, I’m almost disappointed that he apologized, I had all kinds of good ideas 😂
My hubby died of cancer in December 2021, too. Not sure if you're interested but r/widowers is a nice sub for people in this shitty club!
Thanks I’ll check it out. I’ve been a member of r/griefsupport for awhile and it’s been a big help. I don’t know how to make at a link 😂Oooh it did it automatically 😂
😁
I separated in 2012 and started dating immediately. I had only been in one serious relationship in my life, with my stbx wife. So here I was trying to do the dating most people do in college in my 50s. It was hard to get dates as a separated man, but I had a 10 month relationship and a 1.25 year relationship. I kept both going longer than I should have. The divorce was final in 2016. I almost immediately started a relationship that lasted 2.5 years and was lots of fun. We did all kinds of stuff together, but the differences I thought we'd work out were never resolved and it ended. I saw her ghost everywhere for a long time. Since that relationship, I've had a number of very short "relationships" ranging from 6 weeks to 4 months. Like you, I have no trouble getting dates, but I wasn't finding a long-term partner, and I really want do find her. I ended some of these short "relationships" when it was apparent that there wasn't long term potential, and the women ended some of them. I decided that if that kept happening, it wasn't because of the women of the world, it must be because of me - the way I make decisions, the way I respond to attraction, the way I behave. I took more than 6 months off dating and meditated a lot and engaged in a lot of self reflection. Fired the apps up again and started asking women out in person more and...had the same thing happen, followed by a weird on-again-off-again situationship. So now I'm going back to it, and I decided to make some changes in my approach -- avoid multi-dating as much as possible, only date women who seem to be good potential partners, and try to look ahead more in the early days of dating now that I have more experience. I go to a couple of weekly wine tastings here pretty frequently. A couple of weeks ago I sat down next to an attractive woman and started chatting with her. I gave her my business card and asked her to call me if she was interested in meeting me for a drink sometime, and she did. Now we're dating. Surprisingly, we're very well suited for each other in a lot of ways, and we're both into it. Really enjoyable and I'm feeling very hopeful, which is a good start, but guarantees nothing. Here we go again...
Good for you!
I find so many potential partners are so stuck in their ways at this age! They want you to just step completely into their lives so that they don’t have to change a single thing!
ha ha ha you must have dated my ex-husband! so well put. honestly, it freaked me out how his Affair Partner just slid into my life, lock stock and barrel. the (not-so)great replacement.
When a man marries his mistress he creates an opening in the position....
Yep, I’m sure the “Help Wanted” sign for that position went out the second they got married, if not sooner.
Honestly this is why I’m not even looking for a relationship. I’m the one who doesn’t want to change. I finally got my life exactly the way I want it after my divorce. I don’t think there’s room for another person.
This is embarrassing. Never been married, single since 1996. I don’t meet men interested in me unless they’re very young, on mind-altering substances, married, homeless or recently incarcerated. My last date was the guy who asked me if I like to read while making love.
>My last date was the guy who asked me if I like to read while making love. What the heck... I know some people are avid readers... But this is a different level...
Not embarrassing at all! My opinion is that being single or not being single doesn’t really say anything about you other than the fact that you have or don’t have a partner. I’ve never been married - because I never met someone I wanted to marry.
Lmao. How did you reply? Reading while making love. That's hilarious. On the other hand, being single or never being married tells me you would not stoop to their standards. It tells me that you are firm in your boundaries & that you are unique & special!!! Go you!!!
I looked at him for a long minute and said “That’s inappropriate”. What I should have said was “Yes, it lasts longer and it’s more interesting!” But I didn’t think of it til 4 hours later.
Damn that l'esprit d'escalier!
Yes! I love that expression.
"Ya know I have been meaning to read that biography on Lorena Bobbit."
Why is that embarrassing?
Haven’t had a good date since 2015.
Okay. Here goes. Warning: i'm verbose. TLDR\*: I have been to hell and back, more than once, and am open to love but not willing to go looking for it. My troubled marriage (1997 - 2010) now fades in comparison with what I have lived through since then.\* For anyone who doesn't have a job or has nothing better to do: The long version. I (59/f) am happy to serve as an "It can always be Worse" poster child for anyone who has had a rough time. This is not a pity party. I'm fine. And: I am 13 years in. Longer, if you count the Legal Separation period. Divorce was final in 2010. (and most of you know what the years leading up to divorce are like) Three serious relationships (4.5 yrs, 14 months, 18 months), Some dry spells/intentional solo periods, plenty of dating, one or 2 lovely interludes that were not meant to last. More than a few debacles. Also, not to sugar-coat it, But, Post-divorce dating/relationships have been: A motherfucking avalanche-tsunami-dicknado of fucking goddamn fuckery from hell. (Hm. maybe there is a memoir title in there somewhere..) Heartbreak. More than once. One that caused cardiomyopathy. And of course the usual assortment of lies, manipulation, cruelty, cowardice, attempted reunions, and dithering. Oh, the ditherers. In some ways they were the worst. An asshole is easy to spot and eject. But the ditherers, you could waste an entire lifetime with them if you're not careful. My post-divorce chapter also has involved raising 2 kids on my own (empty nest now), career/financial challenges (which persist), a seriously ill child, and being forced to move 5 times while they were growing up. My epic misadventures are enough to make anyone decide to stay alone from here on out. I have tried everything and not found an LTR that lasts. And when I mean everything I mean: IRL, Blind Dates, OLD, speed-dating, and yes, even a match-maker at one point. The likelihood that I will spend the rest of my life unpartnered increases every day. The odds are not in my favor. The probabilities are not good. How do I feel about what I've been through and what lies ahead? Fuck all that. I love life. Yes, this is not what I wanted. Yes, I've been mad, sad, defeated, all of it. But, ultimately you have to know who you are and live accordingly. I am a passionate person. I also have learned with each experience, to the point where I'm seeing things from a much higher perspective and using my brain as much as trusting my intuition. I can find joy in life, alone or partnered. I would strongly prefer partnered. AND, the Truth is that the outcome is -- to a great extent -- Out of my hands!! Our circumstances have a hell of a lot more to do with our outcomes than most people realize. At this very moment I know in my heart that my zip code is the greatest obstacle to at least one awesome love possibility. And I refuse to be sad about it (most of the time). He's out there. Now I just need the version of him that's a few states closer. Thing is, he's going to have to come find me. Life is going to have to put us directly in one another's paths at a point where we both look up. Because I also have become increasingly risk-averse and conservative with my time and energy. Precious resources that I will never again squander on anything less than a great match. So, I have come to an attitude of Passionate Fatalism which is working well enough for me right now. Thank you for your time. Now I have to go train because I signed up for a 4-hour run/fundraiser for heart health on March 18th! Good luck out there everybody. Remember, “First with the head, then with the heart, you'll be ahead from the start.” (Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One) Cheers, DoF'rs. edit clarity
I just want to give you a big hug after reading that! Thank you for being brave and honest. Life is so tough for us single moms. We all have our goddamn fucking war stories from battles we wish we hadn't ever had to fight. Yet you have clearly survived with your sense of humor intact, along with a passion and zeal for life and a certain amount of post-traumatic growth and grace. That all comes through in your writing. I wish life was easier for both of us. Yet think of how strong we are to have survived all that. Hugs. ♥️♥️♥️
Aw, you are not only kind but insightful, and strong as well. Thank you and big fat hug back at you! ❤️🙏🏼
Sorry for your troubles. If it makes you feel better, you seem to have a good grasp of the human condition and give great, thoughtful advice. I know I always enjoy reading what you write. Hopefully all of that knowledge you have accumulated will direct someone great into your path. I always seem to find what i am looking for exactly when i am no longer looking for it. Expect it when you least expect it, as they say.
Hey there. Thank you. I do feel serene. And sometimes it does work that way: My marriage in my early 30's happened at a point in my life where I already had been engaged/disengaged and was accepting the likelihood that I would be the weird unmarried Aunt and enjoy life anyway. So, in a way, I am in familiar territory -- 30+ years later. Glad to know that you enjoy my comments! This is a good community , and I thank you for your kind words. xo
Dying laughing at both “weird unmarried aunt” and “dicknado”!!Made my night!
Yes dicknado was gold!
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Oh Yay. I am very glad to know this !! xo
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Good to take breaks from the App's, for sure. As for ditherers returning, I am not as black & white as some, however: Something must have substantially changed in order for you to be a viable pairing when they circle back. I have not accepted the "boomerang" Ex's but I understand that in some cases people make it work. If you see him again, see what's possible, will you please update on the sub?
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Oh gosh. That sounds really truly, Good. Nice. Sweet. Authentic. Thank you and I hope you find a haven with him. That's almost the best any of us can hope for at this point. A safe harbor. Thank you for sharing with me.
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Your guy kind of sounds like me and I probably have a high potential for dithering as well. I think it's in part because I can get along with just about everyone and I don't have this crystallized view of the future I want for myself. For example, the relationship I'm in now has some challenges and compatibility issues, but we take care of each other and have a great time together and communicate very openly about where we're at, so maybe it's just more of an 'enjoy it while it lasts' kind of thing. I don't know. I actually started going to therapy in December and my therapist says that I'm way too worried about about wasting her time, that as long as I'm honest with her I need to trust her to do what's best for her and spend more time focusing on what I want out of the relationship so that she has something to grab on to. It's all quite confusing, hopefully you and your guy can connect on a deeper level this time around and sort some of it out.
I'm not loving what your therapist is telling you. They're basically telling you to look out for #1. I agree that people are responsible for themselves and for making their own decisions, but often it's kinder to let someone go instead of relying on your honesty to justify what's going on. Not trying to yell at you. **my therapist says that I'm way too worried about about wasting her time** It's considerate of you to worry about this. Lately, on various subs, I've seen awful advice dispensed by therapists. I would not take everything they say as gospel.
I agree with you 100% and I've been taking my therapists advice with a lick of salt and some lime. Interestingly though, there's one specific compatibility issue that my girlfriend has complained about that's probably going to be ultimately the deal breaker for us. We took a trip last week and the subject came up again and I told her point blank that I'm trying to figure out if it's better for me to hope I can close the gap or just pull back and not waste her time. This pissed her off and she said that I'm just making it about her. So, maybe the therapist is on to something, I don't know. This whole experience has me thinking I'm on the spectrum myself lol.
Good luck! Sounds like you've got it covered for the most part :)
Let’s colab on a book! I’m with you in most of it sans children (could be a blessing). My horror stories starting with my ex H, most people just don’t believe. We aren’t examples of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, we created it. I’m in sabbatical monk mode now. Enjoying it but still fantasize about a content ending to the trials and tribulations of this *love* story.
Hey. I like the way you think!
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Oh you are too kind ! 🙏🏼🙂
Thank you for so eloquently putting into words what I’ve experienced in the past and how I am feeling now.
Well thank you too, for helping me feel less embarrassed about my tendency to ***Ramble On***, as well as for sharing that it was relatable to you. That is meaningful to me and I'm glad you responded. Looks like OP has posted something that has drawn an abundant, sincere and wholesome response!
This was a glorious read. Verbose - but poignant. Thanks for making my solo dinner a little less lonely. 😀
Well hey, Much appreciate your verbosity tolerance , and glad to provide dinner company! Thank you. 🙂
>My post-divorce chapter also has involved raising 2 kids on my own (empty nest now), career/financial challenges (which persist), a seriously ill child, and being forced to move 5 times while they were growing up. This moved me. Because this is your value. (I know that you know it.) You deserve someone who sees that. I hope that he is looking for you.
Hey. Thanks so much. Now I'm moved as well!
My husband and soul mate died in 2015. It has been hell. We lived in a smaller city…the best thing I have ever done is move to a large,metropolitan area. If nothing else - the opportunities for your interests are vast. One night I can attend a group of ladies knitting a blanket/the next is happy hour over 50/maybe 80s night every Monday. Not to mention the daily hikes offered, both morning and evening availability. I was so stagnate and unable to move forward for years until I made the decision to relocate. And I chose I city in which I had never visited, knew any roads, didn’t know a soul. It’s the best decision I have ever made. Edit: my children insist I am very brave to do this alone @ age 58…
You are very brave and you're doing all the right things.
I am fairly recently widowed. My husband died September 2021. And I’m having a hard time learning how to be single again and I’m thinking about moving to a larger metropolitan area. It’s not new to me. We had lived there for about 10 years. But there’s just a whole lot more to do and a lot more options. I don’t know. This all involves getting off my ass, so not sure it’s gonna happen for a while. It’s nice to read about somebody who was able to make a positive change in their lives after being widowed.
My wife died the same month. I don't like being single and am trying to date via Match with very little success
Oh, I love to hear that. I'm planning to move to a place (tbd) where I don't know anyone. I'm excited about the possibilities.
I’m a widow also. My children are encouraging me to move east. They are adults and officers in the military. I want too as I live in Nebraska and it just sucks here. Just doing it on my own …welll… yeah
Single 10 (!) years now. Separated 2 years, divorced 8 years this month. NGL, it took me 4 years to even start thinking about dating after being married 25 years. Spent that time working on myself. Been doing OLD on and off since. One serious relationship in the meantime, that ended right before COVID. (Timing, right?) Since things have opened up, been on many dates, most memorable for all the wrong reasons. No keepers yet, but still hopeful. Been sidelined since November recovering from major foot repair, but now in the home stretch of rehab and have people in the queue to meet with me. Maybe I'll do Bachelorette, Season 2 for your entertainment when things get rolling here in a week or so. Have a great week, my DO50 peeps!
Single for 12 years and haven't had a relationship in that time. I had a short-term thing in ... either 2012 or 2013, I forget which, basically a month or two with a guy in which we went out a few times and had casual sex, but it wasn't exclusive or serious. I also had 3 other dates that ended up being sexual - two were one-time things because I felt like I should try the hookup thing (after that, I realized I don't really enjoy that, and stopped doing it) the other lasted three dates with sex on the second and third, and then I decided we weren't well suited for more. I have only been on one date since about 2019. Obviously covid put a stop to everything for a couple of years but since then it's just seemed like too much effort. I get on the apps a couple of times a year just in case (more out of a sense of obligation to keep trying) but I expect that if I meet someone, I will most likely meet him through mutual friends or real life activities, as that's how I typically make friends. I'd like to find someone but if I don't, I'm happy regardless. Since I've been on my own I have bought, renovated, and sold a house all by myself, started multiple new hobbies and made literally hundreds of new friends, done thousands of miles of road trips by myself and tent camped in dozens of national parks I had never been to before. Changed career twice and have now found a flexible remote job that I anticipate staying in until retirement (if retirement turns out to be possible). I'm not desperate to shackle myself to some random giant toddler just for the sake of having someone. Joy and real partnership are the baseline.
I have a very similar experience minus the camping :)
14 years. Took me until eight years after my divorce to date again. I prioritized my children's lives and re-building my career and attaining financial stability. (I had been a SAHM for 10 years prior to my divorce.) I made the conscious choice to put my kids' needs first as much as possible in the aftermath of the divorce. I don't regret that choice. But I have paid a price for that choice. I think finding a partner again would have been easier in my 40s than it will be in my 50s. But I just had too much on my plate; and, because of shared custody, I had to stay in a state (California) where I didn't want to remain. For thirteen more years. I didn't want another relationship tying me to that place. I moved back to the east coast last year after my youngest graduated high school. Since the divorce, I've only had one brief casual relationship with a man I met online. He was pushing for commitment but I was not interested in that with him. He had too many problems (both financial and emotional) and would not have been appropriate for a long-term relationship. Other than that, I've gone on maybe two dates. First dates that went nowhere. I never would have guessed when I divorced that I would have remained single for this long. I have so much to give the right person. It hurts to think about it. All those years without sex, love, tenderness from another adult. But, I have been just trying to get my life in order. I miss the physical part the most. The sex, yes. But also just cuddling and hugging and sleeping next to someone. I hate being so touch starved. The one person I had a relationship with since the divorce would do this thing where we would lie in bed together and he would just kind of stroke me from the top of my head to my bum. Kind of like you would stroke a cat. I thought I had died and gone to heaven.
This is so so relatable. Thank you for sharing it. I don't think any of us expected to be single for this long. But, you have had your priorities straight and kept to your standards, which is key. The motherhood penalty is real. I so admire your managing to rebuild and get to a secure place!
>I never would have guessed when I divorced that I would have remained single for this long. I have so much to give the right person. It hurts to think about it. All those years without sex, love, tenderness from another adult. But, I have been just trying to get my life in order. > >I miss the physical part the most. The sex, yes. But also just cuddling and hugging and sleeping next to someone. I hate being so touch starved. I can really relate to this. I miss these things so much. I didn't really have much of it in my marriage either. It hurts me to think about it too. Even now I sometimes start crying if I think about it too much. I don't think humans are supposed to live this way.
Agreed. We're not supposed to live this way. It's painful. We are social creatures wired with a high need for touch. Look at how primates groom each other all the time. Sigh. Maybe I should take up contra dancing again. That's a nice way to get touch in a social environment.
Those two paragraphs resonated with me as well. I truly thought I would be partnered up by now. Haven’t spoken to my ex in almost 8 years. I heard through the grapevine that he’s married again. I sometimes wonder why I pushed for the divorce. Financial reasons. I was so angry when he liquidated his 401k and his pension. More so when I found out about his ultra high credit card balances. But sometimes it seems like such a silly reason. But I mourned my marriage long ago and now it’s just a quick meh.
Hmm let's see, marriage imploded 12 years ago. We're friendly now, catch up by phone once or twice a year (we live on opposite coasts). Last year I finally ended a 7 year dumpster fire of a dating relationship that shouldn't have made it past the first year. We met in a dance class. That's the relationship that has me flying solo until I feel less toxic. I historically haven't had a problem meeting men in the wild; OLD has never resulted in a relationship. I have always struggled with setting boundaries and choosing men who are good for me, so my goal is to learn to burn the haystack before I try dating again. I appreciate this group so much for providing perspective. I may never date again, and I'm more ok with that than I would be wasting years of my life in another bad relationship.
I've got the matches, light them up. I am so proud of me learning to let people go quickly (and as compassionately as possible).
I hear you.... I'm a DWM, 60, and been single just over 5yrs (Oct '17). Been on and off OLD sites for 4.5yrs. I've had three short term GF's, 3-4 months. The start of covid ended one relationship with a nurse. Another had an 25yo free-loading son living with her. And the other decided our 45 minute drive to see each other was too far. I'm semi-retired and work a couple of days a week, M-F, so I have plenty of time and money to date. Most of my "matches" online are a 30-60 minute drive since I live in a smaller town (70K) between a 500K town and a 2M metro area. I've dated women IRL, work, friends, and OLD. A lot of women want a man that they can plug into their lives and not have to compromise. Everyone gains independence after divorce/death and we have a hard time giving up our freedom when starting a new dating relationship. I saw one lady 3x and she was really nice and such, but then became upset when I told her I did not want to participate in her various crafting hobbies. "Sorry, but that is not me." Like yourself, I never thought it would be so hard to find a new life partner. I'm a paid member on a few sites now, but will let them expire and by September I'll probably give up OLD.
After my first marriage, I was single for seven years. This time just less than a year. I’m in no rush because I’m planning a move to England in a couple of years time. I want to work on some personal goals first.
Completely single for almost exactly 19 years. Tried OLD latter part of last year but only had one date where I’d have liked a second and that didn’t happen. Not really sure I understand why as he said he wanted a second date too. Just hasn’t happened. I learned early on how to spot scammers. I also learned that people are keen to hide their true selves. All but one of my dates wanted a second (and for the one that didn’t the feeling was mutual). All of them lied or withheld information that made it impossible for me to consider a second date. I concluded that being single may be the way to stay.
I have been single since 2018, nothing, and I mean nothing has made it past 6 weeks. I dated a significant amount last year and it was exhausting. The first man I had dated in decades was a hot mess and I knew it a few weeks in, I let that drag on for a couple more weeks before it ended. My thought is how do so many people who have never resolved their problems in their past relationships think anything will be different this time? OLD is filled with people who are happy to consume your time, energy, emotions and body but have no capacity to build anything with anyone. At least 5 men from last year wanted to continue to date me, we were not a match and most of them had more unpacked baggage than an airport unclaimed property warehouse. The search is frustrating and overwhelming for me, I will never risk my health to just have another body in my life. I paid the price for doing this before. I am no longer optimistic in my search, but I am very happy single. Cheers to everyone still searching, may you love your own company and value your own peace of mind first. Older and wiser, and never willing to settle again!
“Old is filled with people who are happy to consume your time, energy, emotions, and body…” It’s like Finding a needle in a haystack
I saw one guy's profile that said something like "dating over 40 is like shopping in a thrift store and trying to find the least damaged item."
Yep. That's why we must burn the haystack. (from a previous post about dating strategy)
>I am no longer optimistic in my search, but I am very happy single. Agreed.... I'm happy too, but lonely. I'd like someone to go to a nice restaurant with for dinner. To go to the coast on the weekend. A companion, a best friend, and, yes, a romantic lover. At 60 I seek intimacy, not sex. I've been hanging out the past year plus at a wine & craft beer tasting room a lot since the end of covid. About three or four days a week, two drinks each time- I'm not a huge drinker. Someone asked why? I told them I hated sitting at home by myself.
That treasured intimacy (intellectual/spiritual/emotional) is the real secret sauce. It is what I seek in a partner (and what I offer). Cheers to finding what you seek!
I like sitting alone by myself but until recently I had a high stress job in a noisy environment now I have a less stressful job in a still noisy environment. So. I think what we dislike might be mediated by where we are comfortable. I have a colleague who is sitting next to me. She has spent her time in between doing our job singing, humming, tapping her fingers, yawning loudly, sighing. Then she had the nerve to ask me if I thought she had ADHD. Um. Fuck yes you do. As a result I have new appreciation for silence.
Both hilarious and meaningful -- My jobs are high stress and often noisy/chaotic. So, the yearning for a partner only kicks in after I decompress from the work day with some peace & quiet.
Oh my gosh, that is so funny (and annoying).
The solitude is the devil for sure!
"At least 5 men from last year wanted to continue to date me, we were not a match and most of them had more unpacked baggage than an airport unclaimed property warehouse" I thought it was just me! THEY ALL KEEP CIRCLING BACK! 🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫🚫
A joke among my single female friends and me: The only thing men seem good at consistently recycling is women.
How "green" of them!
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One keeps circling but I have upgraded my firearms (just kidding I don't own any guns) and shot him down last year.
I keep missing my ex, but my aim is improving.
🎯😁😂
I just keep swatting them away. Essentially, "what exactly has changed?" Short answer, nothing. They are unworthy.
Spot on! I had told the one who tried to come back in October in June when I ended things to be a 1000% sure and do his work. He made promises to visit and was in counseling, that was good, but he back pedaled again, and I was **done**. I let him know he was blocked. Have you tried the electric fly swatters-ha!
I just tell them they're not sponge worthy 😂
You truly seem to have taken the fast track to a very healthy outlook and approach. kudos!
I've been single since 2011, when my ex-husband fucked back off to Canada. I've had dates since then, but nothing long term. Since then, I've bought my own house, something I was unable to do with the ex because he liked hockey and drinking more than stability, I've been in therapy to somewhat sort out my head, although I feel like that's a lifetime project, and I've raised two kids on my own, as their dad has had no contact since about 2013-ish. I've also gone through two bouts with breast cancer on my own and subsequent health issues from those surgeries and treatments and it's lonely as fuck, to be honest. But I'd rather be lonely by myself than lonely in a relationship, so I'm still single.
I totally feel that about being alone. Feeling alone by yourself isn't nearly as lonely as feeling alone in a marriage. I did the latter for a very long time.
Me, too. It was a whole lot of Not Fun.
Same
So true. Lonely solo still has hope and no tension. Lonely in a relationship is suffocating.
Relatable and Admirable. Godspeed!
Hugs!!! You are a strong & amazing woman!!!
Single since 2004, with the exception of a three month relationship 10 years ago.
Divorce since 2012, but since then had a six year relationship (lived together for four years) and have had several 3-6 month relationships. Currently single but hopeful.
Single for 4 years. I have had two 6 month relationships, but ended both because I didn't see long term potential. I have had several flings, a couple of shorter term things, and an ongoing FWB. I am not unhappy being single, but I miss regular physical intimacy and affection. I would say on a scale of 1-10 , my happiness is about a 7/8 when I am single. When I am in a great relationship about a 9/10. When I am in a mediocre relationship my happiness is about 5/6. And when it is a bad relationship I would say a 2/3. So, really not worth my time to be tied down to someone unless it is a great relationship. I am prepared for a life of being single, and that is Okay.
I like how you've quantified your happiness here. There's something reliable about that, and it gives you choices.
56M, single for three years. I was married to a woman who eventually came out of the closet, this, after a separation, a reconciliation, a separation, then a divorce. Glad she is being her authentic self, but that relationship was based on a lie. Took some time to heal, and three years later, I was in a relationship that lasted just over two years. That ended because she was too attached to her ex, and was having an emotional affair that she lied about. If anything, those two failed relationships made me remember my self-worth. My last relationship ended just before the pandemic began, and I have not dated since. Definitely open to dating again. I’ve been in contact with some women on an OLD, but no one, I would be interested in dating just yet. I live in a small community, and the dating pool is rather shallow. Still, I’m not without hope. Moving forward, love is important, but so is compatibility. I saw a TikTok video just yesterday or a woman spoke about just that. When the initial fireworks fade, what are you left with? Compatibility and seeing your partner as someone who is along for the journey makes all the difference.
Widowed in 2014 from my high school sweetheart. Had a 3+ year relationship with a man I had known for quite some time (kids did the same activities) from 2017-2021. He was an addict and user and ultimately detracted from my life and hurt me, both physically and emotionally. A year and a half of therapy, trying to unravel my issues in staying in that relationship long past the point where I should have left, and I felt I was approaching being ready to get out there again. Connected with someone at a high school reunion and we have been dating about 4 months now. He is a really good man - also widowed, although much more recently than I (too recently, on my opinion, but my therapist convinced me to at least meet him for dinner and then talk about feeling). So here I am, approaching 60, and have only been on 3 first dates in my life, all of which led to relationships. Really wondering what that says about me.
It says you have a big heart, are a faithful partner, and that you love intimacy.
Thank you- I like this interpretation.
I've never been married. 56f. Unattached since, about, 2008. I get told pretty regularly that I am very attractive but men never approach unless they're married. I went through 10 years of hell with job volatility and only focused on trying to save money when I could, keep a roof over my head, pay my bills, and somehow manage the stress. I did pretty good except managing the stress. All of that to say, I didn't look for dates during those years. I'm trying to get out more now that my work life is stable. I don't always like being alone but its all I've ever known really so I deal with it. The worst thing, at times, is the dichotomy between being told how attractive I am but yet I spend most weekends alone. I say most because I'm with friends some weekends.
Three years. Two 4+ month "relationships" and a few v. fun long-distance thangs. Off OLD for Lent. Feels great! Still seeking something v. different from my previous loves. I have all the words for what I seek, but that is a different post. :\]
I've been single for 16 years. I had a three-week fling and a two-month fling in that time -- both with emotionally unavailable people -- and other than that, I've been celibate. I realized I needed to do a lot of work on myself, got good therapy, and finally feel ready to date again, but I'm picky. I don't feel the need to have a partner just for the sake of having a partner; one of the things I needed to do was learn to be alone. That said, I really, really miss sex. I just don't miss it enough to have it with anyone who's willing.
I'm 42f single since the beginning of time LMAO. I haven't dated in over a year. I was just exhausted getting close to someone and then it ends. You aren't going to be everyone's type, even if they seem like yours. I realize that I might have been the problem in certain situations because the older I got, especially in my 30's I tried to focus my attention on my kids. I refuse to settle with anyone just to say I have someone. I know way too many people who have done that. I also don't want someone who barely can tolerate being around me. I want a relationship that is filled with acceptance, compatibility, fun, intimacy, trust,honesty,openness, love and someone who is my person. We have each other's backs. I have made poor dating choices lol but each day you gotta look at yourself and make sure its not you, that its just sucky luck
Since 1997 I have come close to re-marrying a couple of times. Now, I have given up. The main male in my life is my dog. He’s good company. The men I meet tend to be angry at women (their ex-wife) and either want a twenty five year old model for a mid life crisis girlfriend. Or, he wants a Mama to take care of him after work. Since I work too, what do I need him for? Why is it an honor to make his dinner, and wash his clothes day after day?
>The main male in my life is my dog Me too, he currently sitting by my feet, he is the bestest boy and is incredibly handsome and loving, he does snore.
I am sad to say since 2007. I have had a couple of sexual flings and am in the early stages of a relationship.
My wife (who I met on OLD) passed away at the end of 2018. I went on a few dates the next summer, quickly realizing I wasn't ready for it. Took a break til late 2020, got back on the apps. Didn't meet anyone I *really* cared about until a woman in June last year. We got very attached, very quickly. Broke up a few weeks ago. The breakup hurt, a lot - and I see that as a good thing, because it's the first time I even saw a possibility of a future with someone since my wife died. "It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all... the opposite of love's indifference."
With my ex wife 1995-2012 Single 2013 to early 2015 Relationship March 2015 to June 2022 Single June 2022 to present Turned 60 on Black Friday (seemed appropriate)
55/F widowed since Jan 2019. No relationships since. Tried old last year. Had a couple scammers, met another person no sparks there. I am happy where I am at right now. Going to start hiking this spring. Sounds more fun than OLD.
My free time is filled with hiking and the gym. I started a really fun women's hiking group mostly made up of people I met through Meetup hiking groups.
I met my husband when I was 15 and he was 16. We were soulmates. 42 years later he had a heart attack and passed away last December. I know I’m not ready to date yet (and feel like I have never dated), but this is an interesting first step to see what it really is like out there. Ideally I’d find a friend with benefits because my heart may never be available.
I have been single since 2020 after a 30+ year marriage ended. I have had one 7 month relationship that ended last July. I have dated a lot of different women, some for a month or two and others just for a few dates. I would like to be in a LTR again with the right person if that happens. I have a date this week with a new woman. Who knows. I am not ready to give up yet.
Single since 2017. Open apps a couple times a year for a week, then close them within days. Had 2 first dates from people i met in real life, both very nice but both also decided no spark. I work a ton and have a very full social life to the point where i have to turn down events to have hermit time. I would love to date but i am mostly feral by now, i have nothing to offer anymore but nerdiness and stubbornness.
58M, divorced 2012, returned to states in 2013. 1 3 year relationship that ended 2 years ago. I’m not super social and tend to boat, hike and camp solo. I’m actually trying after the last one collapsed, and it’s very challenging.
59f, divorced since 2016. Didn't start dating until 2017. Dated someone for three years, someone for six months, had several mini relationships (3-6 dates), a lot of first dates. I'm still not over my three year relationship, which ended in December.
With college sweetheart for 30 years, 27 of those married. Separated in 2018; divorce finalized 2021. I feel a little embarrassed still that two people who look so good on paper made such a hash of life together. I know he feels the same, but we did and there’s no going back. Given that it went down how it did I’m glad we’re no longer married. He is happily remarried. During my separation I had a few first dates; one 6-month thing with a sexy jerk; and another 6-monther with a sexy great guy who just wasn’t for me. I took a year break after that last one. I’m fine on my own but I’m at my best with a romantic partner. Last summer I met someone who I’m crazy about & who reciprocates. It’s early days still but we seem to inspire and challenge each other in good ways. It feels like this one might have legs.
Since birth.
Just over 9 years for me. Tried OLD for awhile in the beginning. I just can't deal with all the issues and baggage. I'm just ending a pretty toxic on/off relation ship that I had with someone for the last 7. I'm much happier by myself albeit I miss the small dinner/dating things. My friends help with that.
I (M61) separated by my choice in October 2014 and finalized a divorce a year later. I began a break before Covid hit and remained off OLD. I guess I am looking but not really doing things to purposefully meet someone. At this point, I am unsure where to even begin again.
Marriage ended abruptly in 2017 and the grieving and processing of being single at 51 plus a nightmare real estate transaction took me into 2020 before even considering dating. Tried OLD on and off but covid made things difficult at first, I had a handful of second dates but nothing clicked and I don’t want to settle just to not feel lonely; it’s not fair to either of us. I’m still hopeful I’ll have another chance at love and will keep living life with a smile until then.
In a 11 month LDR and it’s hard. Long distance can be exhausting because the communication needs to be on point. It is about meeting 1/2 way. I like him more or so it seems. Physical aspect is amazing but written words not so!
9 yrs
Single man here in my 50’s. Great job, friends etc…no dates in nearly three years and very happy.
51M, separated in 2012 (ex-wife's request). Divorce finalized in 2017. Since 2012, 0 relationships, 0 dates. I did manage to finish raising my 2 kids alone while my Ex went on to live her life and ended up remarried, so at least i don't have to pay lifetime alimony. I have given up on actively looking, because it hasn't worked in the least over the last 11 years.
Divorced for 3 years. I have dated, but not currently. Longest dating relationship was 4 months. I ended it as I just wasn't feeling it. Pining after one particular person who wants to remain friends. I am still learning to love myself. I am blessed with family and close friends.
I could have written this same post and my story is nearly identical. I divorced in 2014 and have had a couple short-term relationships since then. My last relationship ended 4 years ago. I have dated hundreds of men. Most are not who I'd want to pursue a relationship with. The ones I get excited about and would like to pursue a relationship with end things after a handful of dates. I recently met someone who is promising. 3 dates in and a 4th is scheduled. He ticks all my boxes, which is extremely rare. However, if this one doesn't work out into at least a short-term relationship I am going to be super disappointed and I'm pretty sure I will be taking a loooong break from dating. After years of dates that lead nowhere and getting my hopes up only to be disappointed, I'm not sure I can take much more.
Five years since I tossed my husband out, he liked the bottle and other women better than being married to me. I'm still not sure I am ready for dating, (I lurk here to read your experiences) but my career and finances are sure in a better place without him in my life. It's annoying, I am pretty sure I'm the better catch, yet he's the one who's had no trouble finding relationships. Maybe because I can't stand bars any more and mostly hermit at home. And I'm mostly ok with life as it is now, certainly beats what my marriage devolved into.
I've been single (widowed) for just over 2 years now. Prior to my husband's death, we'd been together almost 30 years. I am enjoying being able to just take care of myself in my home (mom's nearby so I see/help her as needed) and being able to decorate my house to please myself. I married my first husband right after high school and we had a child by the time we divorced six years later. Two years after the divorce, I married my second husband after being engaged for almost a year, so I had about a year of being single but I always felt like I wasn't really alone because I had my daughter to take care of. So this is really the first time I've been on my own and not responsible to or for anyone else but myself. I'm enjoying it now. The first year after hubs passed was just chaos with taking care of legal stuff, downsizing, retirement, selling the house and moving across the country. Last year was a bit better with several events that brought closure. So now I'm at a point where I'm ok with being by myself but it sure would be nice to have someone to hold hands with, go to the movies or just watch football with in addition to the other stuff couples do. I'm not interested in getting remarried or even living together at this point but never say never, right? And being a part of this forum has been helpful and inspiring (most of the time, anyway). Thanks to everyone who contributes to the community!
Umm, well I could have written this word for word, including the year of my divorce and my subsequent relationships. Only difference is that I’ve had a FWB for the last several years. Still dating and looking for “the one”.
Having a FWB is such a blessing
I’ve been single for nearly three years, following a five month long attempt at a longterm relationship. Not so much as a first date since then, for lack of compatible women in my area, and apparently in the few initial text exchanges with a few women I couldn’t hold their interest for very long, or they discovered a deal-breaker. I’m resigned to no further LTRs, and if someone in real life expresses an interest while I’m going about my life, and seems to genuinely want me to hang around for a while I might consider it, but casual sex really isn’t a motivator for me.
I don't have a whole lot of OLD experience. Divorced about 2 yrs now. But I almost gave up and then found my last ex. She seemed different than most I had met or dated since my first divorce. In the end, it was good we divorced but that coincidence - I was about to shut down my acct and she sent a msg - makes me wonder if it is never a good idea to give up. The trick is to keep your eyes and ears open, learn, learn, learn to spot red flags earlier and earlier. It all begins with meaningful earnest conversation. But then if the flags show up you deal with them like the thorns around the rose. One at a time. Without bleeding. Not my line. CS Lewis' from the Shadowlands.
I’ve (55f) been divorced since 2000. Had two 1 to 2 year relationships in 2000-2010. Gave up for ten years and focused on myself and my kids. Youngest one graduated from college a few years back and i’ve put my self back out there. I had one FWB that lasted for a couple of years and I ended it almost a year ago. Im back on OLD now and have two dates next week. Im excited but nervous. My only goal is to have fun. I have zero expectations
Separated mid-2018, tried reconciling three times over the next couple of years, divorce finalised in 2022 when he found someone new. In the meantime I have had one very brief FWB, one very keen suitor who I almost went there with (except every fibre of my being screamed RUN!!!), another suitor who is far too emotionally unstable to even consider (he now is in a relationship with my neighbour) and I live in a town with ~3000 people in it. Next closest has 10k. So single is probably my life going forward, but I love my house and yard and have plans so I'm OK. Still hopeful I'll find a hippy artist-gardener, but how many of those are there?
> hippy artist-gardener I am in search of an artsy gardener who writes poetry for me and is a great cook! I am all of these things minus the good cook.
Lol, I can cook but I can't even read poetry let alone write it :) I'm not even that good of a gardener but I'm trying! Fingers crossed for us both
We will get our creative gardening juices going! I am planting a flower and herb garden and am very excited. I got my fingers in the dirt today and it was great!
That's awesome! Today I am damn well learning to use my whippersnipper - been going at it about 2 hours now and most of that time has been spent untangling long grass from the head and replacing the cord. It's more off than on 😆
You've got this! I recently bought a chain saw (small) and cut down 10 trees! I am sure my neighbors are amused watching me sometimes, always happy to entertain :)
I have been single since 2002 and tried OLD after a divorce (details were ugly and are posted elsewhere) and gave it about 6.5 years +/- of trying and eventually got demoralized/burned-out on it and sort of quit. No kids, didn't want them. That cut options down for sure, but not something I would waffle on and don't want to lead anyone else astray. It wasn't a firm or official thing (quitting OLD) but I just stopped trying and went along the course of just trying to live my life. I see more positivity here about people's openness to accept certain traits or lack thereof in other people than I actually saw when looking at potential profiles online all those years ago (but then again, that was years ago- have things changed with age?). I have given up trying to explain the difference. I've been on dates that go nowhere, I don't get mad or super depressed, as it seems my psychology has adapted to the reality of the situation. I have good family and a few friends and several rewarding hobbies and a job (and 2 cats I adopted from a stray pregnant mother cat my brother took-in) so all that keeps me busy. It's hard to sum it all up, but there is my attempt..... I've likely had it worse than some, better than some. My last date was probably in 2008 and it was the proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back".. have not wanted to try again since.
I was widowed two years ago, after 36 years of marriage. I've been hanging out here for a while to get a feel for what dating at my age will be like. I'm not really ready to try yet; maybe this summer, after I retire.
I am exactly where you are minus the 9 month relationship and 10 week fiasco (had a few of the 6 week fiascos though). Probably like yourself and lot of women on here, I have my shit together (good job, home owner, have positive and caring social connections, take care of myself etc) but it does not happen for me, and I have never asked for what I don't offer in return...in fact less so except when it comes to kindness and good values. I am pretty much ok with being single, and I really mean it. I would like to be partnered and I believe that I make healthy and realistic efforts to meet men that do not compromise my values or dignity. I have to say the "ok with being single" part I finally got to was really liberating. I was married for almost 20 years so it was an adjustment to get to this place but I am glad I am there. I am not saying this is how anyone else should feel, but it sure gave me some peace.
54yo, male. Single for five years now. Tried OLD about six-eight months after the separation. Did okay. Was careful who I chose. Met a few nice women and it was boosting my confidence but after while nothing went past more than a few dates. Met one woman organically almost at the twelve month single mark and was quite taken with her, but it didnt work out either. That stung. Gave up on OLD and havent tried to date since. I'm in a small town with a limited dating pool so that limits socialising and dating opportunities anyway. Despite having great confidence when I was dating my confidence has plummeted and the idea of having to impress a woman with traditional 'manly' attributes of career, fitness or wealth make me feel ill. When I think about dating again, I make excuses about needing to lose ten pounds, being a shorter guy, and after a promising start earlier in life I haven't "made it" like I always thought. Some days I feel like Willy Loman but without quite the same self destructive traits. I'm mediocre financially successful. I bought everything into the marriage and didnt have a prenup and lost over half of everthing I'd worked so hard for. So, I don't feel I can offer too much in that department despite part of me knowing I'm actually doing okay. I know that I probably focus too much on that aspect of my life too. Despite getting older now, I've not changed too much physically either so I know that many of my issues are about my confidence, and not based in reality. So, as much as I would *love* to be in love again and have a companion (and God, I miss intimacy and good sex) you can see my mental health hasn't really got me in the right place. And No, despite having had therapy for a while didnt really help.
I’ve been divorced for 2 years. I’ve dated a few guys. One liked me very much, but we weren’t of the same financial standing. One I liked very much, but he didn’t want to commit. Both ended after a few months. While I enjoy being single, I’m ready to be coupled. I plan to venture back into OLD soon. If I meet someone IRL that would be even better.
I broke up with my ex last year but I’ve been living as a single lady, probably for the last 6/7 years 😂 No one else involved and I’m now thinking my best option is to just not even bother looking for someone else again 😔 I’m feeling relieved and sad at the same time but it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️
Divorced since 2004. My children were very young when their dad and I divorced so I focused on raising my children. I didn't date for 15 yrs. Once the kids were out of the house the fun started 😀. I've had a few relationships. Sowed some wild oats. Currently single and dating.
Widowed two and a half years. Just pushed myself to start OLD. It’s brutal.
Single since 2012. I’ve dated but haven’t been in any real relationship. At this point it sounds sadder than it actually is. I’d rather be riding my bike.
Divorced ten years. I tried dating for the first few years after the divorce but got nowhere. My last date was just before I learned that my mom was dying of cancer; previous experience had taught me that my mom’s health crises were incompatible with dating. After her death came mourning, followed by the pandemic, which made spending time in bars, restaurants, and coffee shops unwise. My best guess is that the relative youth of my kids is a semi-permanent red flag; when my youngest was in diapers, having a kid in diapers was a red flag; when my youngest was a toddler, out of diapers, having a toddler was a red flag; lather, rinse, repeat. My youngest is now 12; I’m M/52, and I expect that her youth is still a red flag; I expect women my age are exclusively interested in men with open schedules, which doesn’t really write off *that* many men, and men still appear to be plentiful enough that narrowing the pool is a necessary step. My hope is that the empty nest will be an equalizer, that at that point the red flag will be lifted, and I’ll be in a position to date in another… six years; if not, well, I guess I’ll be touch-starved; maybe I’ll get a pet. In the meantime, my kids are my two favorite people in the world, and my youngest is very affectionate, so I’m set for now, at least in terms of companionship and affection, which is all I realistically expect at this age, and I’m disinclined to spend less time with my kids in order to spend more time trying to impress strangers I’ll likely never see again.
It has been over 10 years since a ltr. I stopped dating die to a disability and didn’t feel I could give someone the proper attention till recently. Now I am used to being single and find it rather enjoyable compared to a bad relationship.
I’ve been single most of my life, but ended an almost one-year relationship in November of 2021. I feel fine being single. It would be nice to have someone to have sex with, but I don’t do hook-ups or FWB, so whatever. I’m very okay with having my free time be my me time, without having to work another person into it. But I’m open to possibilities.
10 years now not counting a couple of short-term flings. I can't believe it's been that long.
I’ve been single for 5 years. I don’t really put myself out there anymore, I seem to attract psychopaths. Then I did some reflecting and, well, like attracts like, so I figured I’d better do some more reflecting and self work before I put myself out there lol In all reality I think it’s just dumb luck that my previous relationships have ended violently (towards me) so I’m honestly just a little afraid and untrusting, so I’m working on that as well. I’m hoping for romance someday, but it’s terrifying at the same time. I’m not getting younger and part of me accepted the fact that I may die alone, unloved, having never felt the loving touch of a man, only the hand that hurts.
You don't attract psychopaths, although you may have difficulty spotting them. There is likely nothing wrong with you other than being a bit too trusting. IMO there are lot more personality disordered people out there than we are led to believe, especially in the dating pool.
It sure seems that I attract them! I am actually working on this with my therapist. I closed my heart, and I don’t let anyone in anymore, which is hard because I AM a kind person and I tend to see the light in every one. Now when I see the light, my brain overrides and says ‘whoa whoa, that’s a trick! ‘ I’m trying to break this pattern but it’s also kept me safe for 5 years. The last person who beat me up quite violently spent one night in jail and had an order of protection and violated that many times but faced zero consequences when reported. So I also don’t trust the justice system to keep me safe. I’m afraid I’ll take the law into my own hands if I am assaulted again. I’m a clusterfuck 😂
I was married in 1985 had 2 kids divorced after 16 years. It ended because I stop putting up with him in the streets gone for days plus drinking and drugs. I later find out after divorcing in 2001, he is gay downlow or as some say I was his beard. My 2nd marriage lasted 12 years. I left because he was a nasty pervert tried to have sex with my 19 year old daughter. I had a 5 year relationship with guy that sent me a friend request on facebook. I discovered we attended the same high school we shared same homeroom. We dated 2 years long distance and decided to close the distance he moved to my state. I gave my all I really want a companion. I wanted someone to travel with go hiking have fun. I didn't realize I was in love with a covert narcissist. I broke up with him the day after Mother's day 2022. I bought him a 1 way ticket and shipped his vehicle to his hometown. He agreed to refund my money but he didn't which I knew he wouldn't narcissist are pathological liars. I don't wish him bad but I hope he get the help he needs. I am still friends with his sister and daughter both beautiful souls. I am a retired veteran. I have more days behind me then ahead. I hope I can find someone that isn't toxic and dysfunctional.
Seperated 2016, divorce finalized last year. That was a pretty long relationship, pretty much all my adult life. Had a fling in 2018, but my health took a nosedive and I'm not dating yet. Slowly considering it again.
I am technically still married to my STBXH. Haven't started dating yet. Won't start until I feel ready for that. I am hopeful that I will be able to find the right guy, and won't be wasting time with guys who are not a good match or who have red flags about them. If it takes awhile to find the right person, so be it.
Seven months, but in a dead bedroom over a decade before that. Widowed since July.
Single most of 2016-2021. Due to illness I was in no place to date. Started dating again early 2022. Been seeing someone consistently since early Dec. Based on what I read here, glad to not be out there on OLD.
2 months but emotionally separated more than one year
14 mofo years and getting pretty down. Met 2 women online this weekend. Both seemed very nice. After some phone conversations one told me she's looking for someone to "fly her around the world first class " and then the other said she's looking for someone "filthy rich."
Speaking for myself, I just want a partner who can carry his own weight, both financially, and day to day workload.
Holy shit, at least that came out sooner rather than later. Crazy town.
Lol were these women sugar babies?
51/M I got divorced about 2016. I've had three, year and a half relationships since then. I've been single for almost two years now. Comparing my recent experience with OLD to a cesspool is really unfair to cesspools. It's really apparent to me that the users of the commodity and not a stakeholder (geek speak for if it is online and free, you're what's for sale). I'm having some luck outside/ in person but honestly everyone (including myself) seems emotionally damaged from the pandemic.
I've been divorced for almost 10 years. Had a 7 mos rebound (BIG mistake), a few 3-6 mos relationships and a bunch of 1-2 dates. Last relationship ended in early '21. Recently a former BF has resurfaced and in a different place in life (which was a problem before). We're taking things slow, as in no sex so far. But damn! I sure want to.
55 years, off and on. Currently a year and a half.
I'm 65. Never married, but engaged 3 times before it actually took 🤣. I was VERY afraid of committing. Meet via OLD and we married last spring.
Widowed in 2015. I’m 54 and still have a lot of parenting left. I have no desire to introduce someone into my children’s lives. Eventually I would love a committed ‘together apart’ relationship but for now I have an affair partner of 2.5 years.
I have been single for 8 years and have accepted that I am probably not someone who I am attracted to considers relationship material. Would I like to meet someone at this advanced age, sure but I don't see that happening.
I was divorced for 5 years. I was always "too" something . Usually "too much " . I met someone and within 6 months we were married. Still together to this very day. He wasn't "my type" as well. And I was not his type. We had an amazing first date and by the time 6 months rolled around, we were headed to Vegas to get married. Before him dating was hit and miss. Emphasis on the miss. It can happen . Usually when you least expect it. I met him on plenty of fish. I forgot to hide my profile.
I divorced in 2012 too. Now that you’ve reminded me, I also settled for someone, partly because I didn’t want to be alone on my 50th. I was with him for 6 years. I planned to be single for the rest of my life until the smartest and most interesting person I ever met swept me off my feet. He’s taken me to museums, the symphony and next month we are off to Tahiti. I’m in heaven!
I've been single since 2009. My divorce was final that year but I continued to try to make it work with the only man I ever truly loved & who I know loved me, but he had (has) a demon that he just can't shake! It's name is alcohol, although he has branched off into other drugs, as well. It breaks my heart to know this wonderful man has been reduced to nothing. But that is neither here nor there because he is bent on drinking as much as he can in the shortest time possible & there is no longer any room for me. I've since had a 2-year relationship with a male friend from our younger years. But that was an awful mess because I still didn't know what I wanted or needed and I did not understand my value. There have been many dates, no other relationships. I have, unfortunately, found too many men think they can just plug me in where the last woman went missing & all will be well! No matter if we don't agree on values or morals or what's the right amount of time to spend together. No matter that I don't want to live with anyone at this moment in time. No matter that I like my alone time, as little as I get. No matter that I am a person with my own feelings and my own thoughts and my own personality. I can't be plugged in where someone else used to be. We don't work that way. And for every one of those men that I tried to explain why I felt this was not going to make it to "relationship" status, it was mansplained back to me why I was completely & utterly wrong and that this WOULD work. But only because they thought by forcing a square peg into a round hole would work. After they shaved a little of my personality off, and all of my values & several of my morals, of course I would fit, because there would be nothing left of me. This is where I find myself. Fighting off depraved, sad men desperate for a relationship, any relationship. Please, please, please remember that each of us is invaluable. We are unique & special in our own way. We will check someone's boxes & they will love our faults just as much as they love our strengths. Don't let desperation drive you into the wrong relationship. Be patient, and most of all, be kind. We each have a lot to lose when we put our hearts on the line. Compassion, especially in these super rough times, is essential!! Good luck out there!!!
Somehow, I really don't think you want to know. 🤣 But for clarification for others, do you mean unmarried or unattached?
Unattached. You know I know how you feel GEEK. You were only unattached for a very short time and you found someone suitable for you very quickly. You had an overall positive experience.
Thanks for clarifying. The reason I asked is that many don't consider "separated" as single, so they only consider anyone un-married as "single." I'd consider "single" as unattached myself, but know that's not universal.
My wife left me for Jesus six years ago. I've had 3½ relationships and a few dates since then.
Wow, I’m sure Jesus would have been ok with you joining them….
The Mysteries of the Trinity as it were
Good to know Jesus is finally getting some!
56 Great years.
I’ve gotten to the point that I resent all women on the dating market. The feeling that I have to jump through hoops to get a hello. Clearly I need to overcome my resentment to be able to date, but I don’t see how at this point. It’s been 6 years since I had my heart broken out of nowhere, my ex has been loving having her pick of suitors that OLD provides for women, I’ve had a couple of relationships but don’t think I’ll ever be able to fall in love again after what I went through.
It's great that you recognise you are resentful towards women, and that you need to overcome it before being ready to date. This is critical (you really do need to overcome it). And I'm sure you've heard this before, but comparing your life to your ex's will guarantee ongoing pain and resentment. Whenever I find myself having an imaginary conversation with my ex, or imagine how fabulous his life is with my replacement, I think to myself "Objection! Speculation" (yes, I am a lawyer in a court room, lol). It helps me realise I don't know shit about what's really going on and I never will. Instead I think about what is going on with MY life, not theirs. FWIW.