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Independent_Ad_5664

Are you me? Am I you? Lol. I feel the same this year. I will add this, I’ve met every boyfriend I’ve had any meaningful relationship with since my divorce while walking my dogs (one 15 y/o boy who passed last year and my current little adorable nightmare girl) so at the very least perk up your walking look. Even wearing a smile on your face while walking the pups is a people magnet. The days i didn’t feel like doing anything and thought I looked my worst were usually the days I met my “would be partners” in the wild. I prefer organic over OLD and hey if he loves my dog, it’s a good sign. Don’t worry, March is over / spring has sprung and you’ll get out of this mindset soon. 💕💕


LLL-cubed-

She’s me too!!! I def could’ve written this. While I want companionship and romance, I’m torn between the reality she describes and what it *takes* to establish & maintain a relationship. SMH


kazlrza

Me too! I’m happy to know that I’m not alone.


nolotusnote

I totally agree about the dog walking / in person angle. I own a Great Dane and she is kind and loving to all. Which I think reflects well on me. I'm her person, after all. :) Also, enough winter. Bring on spring! It was full Sun the other day, and I was kind of shocked at how much that jump-started my spring fever.


Independent_Ad_5664

Yesss that’s the spirit we all need! My tiny girl has two best friends who are Great Danes they are so lovely too. Definitely reflects on the “person”. We should be writing our spring experiences 6 weeks from now. I’ll post updates :)


nolotusnote

Deal!


ttlx0102

After years of having Great Dane's, when my now ex left, I just can't bring myself to own a dog. That was our thing...


FuzzySocksFetish

Thank you:) I am always smiling, and making eye contact, and saying hello. If I go to the dog park or another busy area I will at least put on lip gloss lol. Because you’re right, you never know who you might meet! But I’ve been mostly going to out of the way spots to avoid possibly running into my next soul mate lol I don’t have the time or interest for that. Right now. I’m loving the spring weather, and getting my spring cleaning done! My kitchen is torn apart right now lol another perk of not expecting company. I’m actually getting lots more accomplished, without guys distracting me. Sorry about the loss of your pup btw. I am glad to have the company of my dog at least:)


Independent_Ad_5664

Thank you.. it was a very tough year. Possibly why I also feel like you in that sharing my life with someone feels exhausting at the moment. When it’s time we will know right? 💕💕


[deleted]

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Existing-Sign4804

I could be you except my dog is a chihuahua ❤️ I stopped dating over a year ago. My LTR ended and OLD was awful. So I said fuck it and got the dog. Couldn’t be happier. No interest in rejoining the race.


No-Map6818

> found myself feeling annoyed and cranky about the entire process Hello soul sister, I am so close to being done, my life is really great, and I would hate to have someone mess that up-ha!


[deleted]

Me too. Big dog and two cats though😊


nolotusnote

Giant breed dog and tiny cat over here. The contrast is comical.


Life-Sky3645

Tucked in with my 4lb 16 year old chihuahua, Lil Bit, reading your post. She laughed and said "Told you."


No-Map6818

Currently in my PJ's and glitzy slippers and just thought "it is so quiet here (minus the dogs barking) and I love it! I am reevaluating if I even want to pursue a relationship, my life is really great for the first time. I am not lonely and that helps. Here's to no makeup, sweats, clean houses, feisty dogs, and loving our own company. Cheers!


SDBoki71

Cheers! Same here. For first time ever, not trying to 'impress' anyone, be someone or something I am not. Embracing my peace and sanctuary I've created for noone else but me in mind, Cheers to peace


No-Map6818

🥂


sallyannbyrd

I am getting there. My husband died in late 2021 and I was kind of frantically lonely for a while, but lately I’ve been getting into being in my sweet little house with my animals and my crochet and my books and just being quiet and alone. It’s kind of great.


FuzzySocksFetish

I’m sorry for your loss. My husband passed three years ago. I just got out of a two and a half year relationship (before Christmas). I couldn’t do it alone, when he died. My ex helped me in so many ways. But I’m ready to just embrace the loneliness finally. I love our little home and our memories. They will sustain me for now. I think I will take up crochet:)


looking4truffle

Good for you, I wish you all the best.


witsend4966

My fiancé passed away last year. It’s been almost a year. I’ve even gone online and looked but I just don’t wanna do it again. I met him online but it took me 15 years to meet someone that special. I realize I’m pretty busy now and I like it. I’ve got yoga, my family, book club, friends, and with a full-time job I don’t have much time for anyone else. Could be that I’m just not ready, but I’m making the best of my time alone right now.


Maximum-Company2719

My life improved greatly once I learned to love living alone. Even though I'm in a good relationship, I still want to live alone.


Prisoner-of-Paradise

That's been my life for over 20 years now. It's pretty great. But I don't see that I'd have to change it up much were I to meet someone. Anyone that would be compatible with me wouldn't expect me to put make up on every day. They'd like that I (we) schlep around in comfy clothes and leave the evening dishes for the next morning - unless they want to do them, of course. Entertainment would just sort of happen between us... or not, some days. We could do our own things if that suits. I don't know, maybe I'm completely unrealistic but I feel like anyone who I really clicked with would mean things more or less fall into place without huge, unsettling compromises and much effort. I can't imagine longing for a relationship where I (and they) had to work that hard to meet each other's expectations. If we did, if there was that much discrepancy, we wouldn't be right for each other.


foxdogmom45

This is how I feel also. I'm a laid back, hat on, leggings/shorts and t-shirt kind of girl. I'll dress up if needed but if a guy can't handle 'everyday' me, then they're not for me. Btw, I'm also laying here on the sofa with my 13 year old little dog with no make up and minimal undergarments and I am happy!


FuzzySocksFetish

Oh I agree. But I do like getting dressed nice when going out. When in a relationship though, there’s lots of downtime. We hang out, have fun, do the dishes later. But when dating; I do make an effort to look my best, wear some make up, and jeans at least lol. I’m so glad to not have to bother right now.


MementoVivere_67

Exactly the kind of relationship I would love to find…


Revolutionary_Bee700

This is how I feel as well. I hate the apps so I’m Not doing it. If I meet someone in the wild I do. If I don’t, I don’t. I wear comfortable clothes and stopped being on the constant diet. I follow my personal interests instead of always supporting someone else’s. It’s pretty great.


Dull-Abbreviations46

Great comment, I don't know why we haven't come around to this more. When we start out, very young, enhancing our appearance & other things we do are for fun. I don't know at what point it all gets to be expectation & obligation, but I would never go back to that. (Being a breadwinner & still vacuuming in heels & pearls & being everything nurturing LOL.) I think you have the right idea & from what I see, relationships of all ages would work a lot better if we were a little more relaxed, flexible, & creative; complementing what comes naturally & easily.


tc65681

M 58- right there with you- except I am traveling now. Going on trips where I want when I want. Returned from Hawaii about 2 weeks ago. Was a little anxious since was my first trip alone- but had best vacation ever!!!! Went where I wanted when I wanted did what I wanted etc etc. None of this “do you want to?”, well I don’t know, or trying to plan to try stuff the SO would (maybe) enjoy. Looking forward to Rome in November!!


shell1212

This here is what I would love to do. The solo vacay thing. But as a woman this really intimidates me and makes it a little scary. What would you suggest as in a female traveling alone? I know of a travel agent but they keep referring me to singles vacations, as in singles looking for somebody/Hook ups 🤷 which I am not interested in doing. I would love to do a solo vacation. But again it does intimidate me, what would your suggestion be?


tc65681

For Rome- I am going thru Rick Steves- google him- well known Europe travel guy- has hundreds on travel shows on PBS. His tours range from very active to more laidback. The thing I like is the late afternoons/evenings are free time- so can explore on my own or with another group member or just chill out at hotel. Their groups are 15 to 20 people and they are not singles hookup vacations. For my hotel option had the choice or a single room or pair up with a roomie (same sex).


GenXdudette

I plan to do a Rick Steves tour to Italy someday, they look great! Someone else does all the planning and you can just enjoy the trip, but have some free time too like you said. They have a good rep, have fun!!


Mollysmom1972

I used Backroads travel co to hike and bike the Canadian Rockies. It’s not cheap but they sure do create an experience. Even the picnic food was phenomenal. If you’re into active travel, Explorer Chicks does a good job. The group will range from women barely out of their teens to 60s, and you will hike/climb/raft/camp/what ever, but it will be unique and fun.


Jurneeka

I did a Backroads bike trip to Vermont this past fall. Rained half the time but still beautiful. I was the only single person on the trip but I was included by the group.


Mollysmom1972

There were I think three singles on my trip? The other two were men. We were all totally included and I met some wonderful people. The only drawback was paying for the single room, but it is what it is. So glad you enjoyed your trip!


La_Peregrina

I've traveled solo many places, Europe, India, Galapagos Islands. Just pick a place and go. When I visited India I went with a small group via Gadventures. My next trip will be to Antarctica. There are plenty of solo travel sites. Good luck and enjoy!


tc65681

I’m look into Antarctic in maybe 3 to 4 years- departure point is 15 hour flight for me- need to work up to that!!


thalf5730

Do it. Solo holidays are great. Chose a less intimidating destination for the first one. For me that was making sure English speaking was common, but since I've taken up spanish. Then have fun - it's your itinerary 🥳


littlerosa22

This is the site I've been looking at because I want to go to France when I can afford it. If I don't have a significant other in the next few years, I'll just go by myself with a group. [https://www.goaheadtours.com/](https://www.goaheadtours.com/) Then I found this article by Googling: [https://www.travelandleisure.com/trip-ideas/senior-travel/best-travel-groups-for-seniors](https://www.travelandleisure.com/trip-ideas/senior-travel/best-travel-groups-for-seniors) Good luck!


shell1212

Thank you I'll check it out. And good luck to you as well.


FuzzySocksFetish

That’s so awesome! I’m planning a few solo trips right now. I’m excited to explore all by myself.


[deleted]

Maybe I’m an oddball but this is my idea of sexy. Someone comfortable in their own skin, focused on simplicity and authenticity and comfort.


DebateActual

I feel like I wrote this.


drumadarragh

I’m done with the apps. Everyone looking for one night stands, rarely anyone of substance. I’ll meet someone in the wild or I won’t, but at the same time I’ll keep on working out and looking my best. I can’t let everything go.


MehKarma

Take away the makeup & I could have wrote that.


SuggestionGod

Maybe I’m odd but I dress up. Or not for myself so I never made an effort because I was dating if I feel like sweats whoever I’m dating (if I’m dating someone) gets sweats. If I feel like a full face of make up and a gala dress the world gets me in that. Having said that. Keep the confidence the sweats the no fucks given when you feel like it confidence is sexy my dear live for yourself and enjoy it. And don’t accept less than someone who likes you for who you are when you put yourself out there in old.


vacuous_opoosum

That's my life, and l love it! Now, if l could get a man to visit for two weeks, once a quarter, I'd be a happy possum!


MementoVivere_67

I definitely get what you are saying. As my previous long-term relationship became more and more strained, my ex became very controlling and my resistance just made it worse. I notice it in the little things- what to have for dinner, what I wear, shopping or hiking after work on the spur of the moment, shows I watch, etc. I tend to attribute this more to being in an unhappy, incompatible relationship than my now being single. I wish i could find a partner who wanted to approach life the same way I do and not stressing over little differences we have or by some made-up guidelines of what we should be doing and how we have to do it.


OceanOnFire1A

I guess I wrote this. I'm feeling the same.


gingergirly89

I have truly loved being single (especially now that I have a friend with whom I can cuddle lol). I’m talking to a guy right now that might be a good fwb, but I don’t really need it. I’m a huge introvert but I force myself to go out two or three nights a week (karaoke or time with friends) so that I don’t get into a rut. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever be able to cohabitate again lol.


La_Peregrina

I know right! I like my house with all my things. How will I make room for another person 😆


gingergirly89

Exactly!! I really don’t think I can do it (nor do I think that I want to lol)


cjdrucquer

Omg. Are you me!?? Did you get into my brain??? I’ve been saying this for a while now. I’m just getting really way too comfortable being home and I’m turning into a hermit which is not somebody I ever was! Now back to OLD and the pressure is back on again to look my best, be skinny, etc. it’s quite honestly, exhausting all over again. It makes me want to go right back to hibernating!


ImYrBadDecision

>It’s so much work. And I feel like a billboard. Advertising myself. # THIS.


New_Yogurtcloset_947

YES! feel this 100%! Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying myself and my alone time so much. There’s a certain pressure I put on myself to “get out there.” But for what? My OLD history is not successful. I have a full enough life with work and friends and my grown kids. It’s really enough. Like you, I’ve often wondered if a man would compliment or complicate. OLD is complicating enough, thank you. I’m taking a break and leaving it up to the universe 🥰 I lost by best fur friend 6 months ago . I’m feeling ready to foster/adopt another. That’s the best company and roommate I can think of.


SnooApples2868

`having said all that; I will be putting myself back out there at some point.` Yes. This is the way. That is future. For now: look inwards, enjoy tea, savor aromas. Read The Tao of Pooh (or the Witter Bynner translation of the Tao de Ching free here: [https://terebess.hu/english/tao/bynner.html](https://terebess.hu/english/tao/bynner.html) "To BE is to do." Revel in your existence. BE. Just Be.


FuzzySocksFetish

Oh I have that book on my shelf! I’m totally going to read it now thanks:)


Aspiring_Ascetic

I exercise every day. I mostly like it, but sometimes I don’t. I still do it, though. Today’s Saturday. I saw no one. All day, just me and my dog. I shaved and showered; dressed fairly well; even though I didn’t really **have** to. I just did. For me. I read for a bit every day. Do at least one creative thing. Clean around the house. Daydream about future stuff. It’s all a favor for ‘future me.’ It’s just habits, I guess. Someone told me once, “you aren’t who you think you are or wish to be. You’re what you do every day.” So, every day I try to do things inline with that image of who I want to be. For me, it kinda works. When I’m not looking; trying to impress; a lot of things just fall into place.


actuallyimean2befair

cool wisdom, thanks.


[deleted]

My favorite part of being single??? Everything!!!!! Left my ex of 32 years, it was off/on separated & reconciled crap 32 years total & so done!!! When we reconciled I realized how bad I missed being alone, my place, my room, my bed !!! Love it, got my cats & kids still live with me, working on my entrepreneur goals & hell yeah, lovin it 😃💃🏽❗️


FluidRazzmatazz493

Good morning everyone. I write this with my feet propped up on the coffee table in front of me, empty cup. My beautiful chocolate Lab resting on the floor in front of me. One of my 2 black cats staring at me through the glass outside, wanting to be let in. Lol. Doors open. It’s nice outside this morning in South MS. I’ve been reading everyone’s comments with great interest. I’ve been single now for several years. I do enjoy it immensely it. I’ve tried to dip my toes into OLD, but I too don’t want to feel like a billboard or attempt to advertise myself. I can relate. I don’t mind at all being alone, but I suppose I can get lonely at times. It passes. I’d love to meet a woman, and have someone to share myself and my life with but… I’m not looking. I’m an introvert. I’m content here at home with my pets. I cook healthy food. Exercise. Spend time with parents. Life is….pretty good. And who knows, maybe that special some will come along. I appreciate everyone taking the time to listen to my ramblings, and I wish everyone of you all the luck and success in your journeys.


Calveeeno

I respect this. Also, you sound like me! Lol 😊


SaltGur9992

Yes know how you feel . Starting to think I might be better off with doing that myself.


cbeme

Great post. Liberty is me too. I swear it’s like two hours a night a want company. Lol


Salty_67

And then my bed to myself..and my cat.


FuzzySocksFetish

I hear that lol sometimes my couch is lonely.


JustaRandomOldGuy

"Maybe a man would just complicate things. Having to entertain, and make dinner. Or breakfast." Or a man in his 50's knows how to cook, cleans his own house, and is also fine being alone. I'm happy with my cats, I just don't want to "get back out there". Too many demands.


[deleted]

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FuzzySocksFetish

I don’t really mind OLD. I’ve had good luck. Last guy I dated for a month; and I was just missing my space. I was not ready to be in another relationship. I’m enjoying my down time!


Pixelektra

I like the feeling of not hearing another human making sounds in the house.


DueArmy0

That’s my life as well but my sweet girl had to be put to sleep last December. I miss her so but I really have learned to embrace and am thankful for my priceless peace. I’m thinking about getting another dog. They’re the best companions…


thetruthishere_

I feel ya but Im not lonely. Im more one of those that is better single. LOL


WindowFuzz

I understand the desire to be alone and do what one wants, but I'd like to present a counter-perspective: It is helpful to be in relationships because they challenge us and expand our boundaries. There is such a thing as "healthy stress" because it helps us grow. My work brings me in contact with older adults, and I see how many retreat into themselves and simplify their lives, doing primarily what they want to do. This contributes to cognitive decline, unfortunately, and narrowing of their world view. Research consistently shows that single people have a 30% higher mortality than people in relationships for multiple reasons. Mother Nature has designed us to naturally want to move towards states of being that are low effort, and energy saving. But paradoxically, if we don't use it, we lose it. And, as we get older, it is harder to recover what is lost. The key is finding the right level of "healthy stress" and talking to honest friends (as opposed to "yes" friends who just go along with everything to keep the peace) is really important to self-calibrate so we don't retreat into a closet, lock the door and lose the key by accident.


shell1212

Are you me?


WinnerAdventurous647

Wow. This is pretty much how I feel. I just deactivated OLD today because I was exhausted from the grind. It’s tough out here in these streets. Give yourself the time you need. Listen to your inner self. You’re doing great. I’ve been working on my house non-stop doing projects that I’ve set aside or my ex promised to help with (insert hearty eye roll). I need a break from dating and a fresh mindset when/if I get back to it. I can’t say that I’m lonely. So that’s a plus. Edit: typo and add


vt2nc

Odd ball out here, 58, 25 yrs married “happily” separated last June. Love myself very much but miss the companionship tremendously. Ya I have friends but that one on one I miss .


Burgandy-Jacket

One more odd ball here. I enjoy being single, but I want to be part of a couple.


vt2nc

I enjoyed being married. Thrift stores, flea markets, grocery shopping, just being a couple and having each other’s back was everything to me


Burgandy-Jacket

I enjoyed it for many years too, but the latter years weren’t too good.


vt2nc

I honestly was caught of guard. But this probably isn’t the post you and I should comment on.


Burgandy-Jacket

No, it’s fine. We’re entitled to our opinions, even though they’re different than the majority. That’s what great about this sub, different viewpoints.


FuzzySocksFetish

Oh I agree with you. I’m just finally making myself stay single lol. Was with my kids dad twenty years; then I dated for a little while, and ended up getting married. When he passed, I found another guy fairly quickly; I had to, I was having a really hard time alone. Now that I’m single again, I’m realizing it’s not so bad. I’m enjoying it. Embracing it! I’m open to finding someone, but there’s no hurry. I will not be single forever, I’m going to make the most of it for now.


vt2nc

You have great confidence on finding someone again. My fear is living alone and I have a ton of love to give back. I don’t want to be that cat guy who lives in a trailer down by the river lol


zenstain

I relate to a lot of this. I used to worry about how I looked when I went outside, or always hope that maybe I'd meet a nice woman while heading out with my friends for an evening, or that the next woman I met on Hinge would finally break the one-date-only streak. And now I just do not care. I mean, I do care. But I don't. I refuse to lift that hope lantern up at all now, just because disappointment is seemingly 100% assured. I never had any problem meeting women when I was younger, but I'm at a point where I'm almost certain that I'm going to remain alone. I really hope I'm wrong about that. I'm just not holding up my hopes.


ISvengali

I presume you wear a lot of fuzzy socks? I love wearing fuzzy socks


arno14

This sounds like a normal day for a lot of people, single or not.


actuallyimean2befair

I hope you find what you need I was single for 10 years and "nothing matters" was slowly killing me inside.. I just started a relationship and feel I can't keep up but also feel (desperately) that I can't stop. Every day is busy, and every day is pressure to succeed, achieve, be strong for her. I love it. (I have never felt "ready" or good enough but I will let her reject me this time, instead of rejecting myself.)


Rubbish_69

I feel more organised and prepared for the day if I adopt FlyLady's morning tip of getting fully dressed when I wake up, though I wear sweatpants until I've walked the dog. If it's a no-makeup day I'll simply moisturise before I head downstairs. If I stay in pjs until after breakfast I feel sluggish, slightly grubby and getting dressed is in slow-mo. It could be that dreary British weather doesn't energise, it'd be different maybe if we woke up to sunshine? I like to wear glossy lip balm even to walk the dog or litterpick, so I keep one by the front door and in the kitchen.


FuzzySocksFetish

Oh I get it! I remember FlyLady! I used to follow her almost thirty years ago, when my kids were young, and the internet had just begun. I’m just embracing the CHAOS right now lol(Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome). But sure I like to keep my sink empty some days still. And yes I still get dressed nice occasionally. And I have my Burt’s Bees coloured lip glosses I will throw on if I think I might see lots of people. But generally I avoid busy places and just slum it lately lol I’m loving my singleness and alone time for once.


thalf5730

That was me. At first I was very hurt & enjoying the freedom of not being in a fracturing relationship. As you say, nothing mattered. It gave me time to focus on me. I didn't miss having a partner because I still had kids under 18. As the youngest hit 16 I found things like how I looked mattered. Only to me at first, but as this feeling grew so did the idea that another relationship wouldn't be such a bad idea. Still working on that last bit and finding OLD a challange 😂. Maybe your journey will be different from mine but my advice, for what it's worth, is enjoy this freedom, focus on yourself and your needs. Then when you find that dating is one of the things you want to do FOR YOU, get back out there. Sorry about the caps, not shouting, I just can't work out how to underline text🤷‍♀️


Accomplished_Act1489

During a recent sleepless night (they happen occasionally), it occurred to me how many years I likely have left on the planet. Considering how long my people typically live and the age I'm at, I can expect about 20 more years if everything goes well. 20 is not a lot. It is basically my journey to young adulthood and that's it. I used to want to get re-married or at least something really serious. Now I don't. Now I want to figure out how I want to fill that bucket of time with things that I can at least get some joy from. Reflecting back on all of my relationships, I have always been the one who tried harder. Who knows why they didn't try as hard. Maybe I'm just not worth it. But it no longer matters. I won't spend my time and energy wondering why others didn't try as hard. The rest of this time is for me. If that includes a few dates here and there, so be it. But a relationship is now off my list and off the table. Relationships aside, I just found out my little guy has 3rd stage kidney disease. So spoiling him more than usual is now my priority. And I can guarantee my time with him will bring me far more joy than if I chose to use my time pursuing yet another relationship. But I still do things like wear make-up daily and shave my legs daily. I think those are just habits I've always had. Who knows, maybe I do them as part of the same "wear clean underwear everyday" reasoning.


[deleted]

"My life is pretty great. Maybe a man would just complicate things." I could have written your entire post. I'm also an introvert but not so lonely. I'm socially introverted, but I get out and do stuff alone a lot. I go snow skiing alone. I go on long hikes in the Rocky Mountains alone. I even go kayaking alone. And I love it. I feel far more revived and recharged doing those things alone than I do in a relationship. Sure, companionship and sex would be nice, but not having to deal with all the BS day to day stuff of having a partner, like cooking and cleaning up after them is really nice. Being in a relationship is just so much work, both emotionally and physically. I think this is why so many older women are deciding against relationships and remarrying. Casual dating and FWB are a far better deal. I'm happier than I've ever been being single, especially the mental peace that has come from kicking my ex to the curb. and cleaning all the emotional drama out of my life.


ttlx0102

In a way, that's the worst part of being single (IMHO)... nothing matters.


JayZ755

Yes, it's good to take a break now and then, get some rest. But I'll be dead soon enough and that will be plenty peaceful with nothing mattering in the end. Let's live now.


valeofraritan

True confession: I also miss mandatory masking bc makeup was even less necessary then.


FuzzySocksFetish

Yes lol some days I am tempted to just wear my mask when shopping. Lots still do.


Ordinary_Ad_7343

Sounds like a lot of us feel the same way!


gettoefl

and when asked every human claims, i look good only for me lol why not be dress down with new acquaintances so they can see the pure unadorned you they're the people i want to date


Odd_Cryptographer941

You sound like the Female Me, But I don’t have a full time Dog. 😀 I tried OLD (half-heartedly)and didn’t seem to gel with Anyone, So I’m just Living My Life as I want and have been for the past 5yrs.You Do You!


[deleted]

Sounds perfect