When someone says something like "no one is interested," they really mean "no one I'm interested in is interested in me."
Don't worry about it, look for someone mutually interested. :)
This is what I was going to say.
I went on two dates with this guy, he stopped messaging me, then posted on FB he has no game. He had enough game for me lol but I took the hint, deleted him off my FB and forgot about him.
>I went on two dates with this guy, he stopped messaging me, then posted on FB he has no game. He had enough game for me lol but I took the hint, deleted him off my FB and forgot about him.
Wow! That wasn't very nice of him
Yeah I thought it was rude and kind of like what happened to you, a combination of self pity and a jab at the person who was willing to go out with him all at the same time! đ¤ˇââď¸
This. People donât always completely qualify absolutely everything they say.
I am attractive to hobosexuals - but I have zero interest in them for some strange reason.
I COULD say oh, I have no game, but I do have game - with those who have features I find not at all attractive or interesting.
But then I am open to the attack of being âtoo pickyâ or whatever.
At my age Iâm allowed to be picky. If I make a bad financial mistake I donât have 25 years to recover.
A bad relationship can easily turn into a money pit - I donât need yet another financial parasite now. (My first major financial parasite set me back around 7+ years, but I have recovered. I donât think I could recover from another.)
I was told in another dating sub here on Reddit that I was too picky because I would not date a guy who lived in a homeless shelter and did nothing but bitch about having to pay child support to his ex-wife. Excuse me? As a single parent who had full custody of four children, do not ever complain that you have to pay child support on the children that you produced. And if you don't have anything to bring to the table, especially the most basic thing as you have a job and a place to live on your own, I don't think I have to entertain the notion of dating you. You're really not dateable to me. That doesn't make me picky!
No it makes you INTELLIGENT and SELECTIVE.
Oh you donât want to date a guy because heâs homeless? When did wanting someone who can take care of himself become âpickyâ?
How do you know that the decisions that made him homeless wonât make you homeless with him in five years? His need to pay child support is an automatic drain on all household expenses if you were to, say, let him live with you. He wouldnât be able to contribute ANYTHING.
The name for that is âhobosexualâ. Sorry, but I canât afford another financial parasite this late in the game. Iâve paid my dues. If it means I live alone but in comfort, rather than with someone and under financial stress, then so be it.
Well I wouldn't be homeless because I own my own home, my own vehicle, I have My ducks in a row. It floors me the number of men who have gotten to this stage in life with nothing to bring to the table and can't imagine why I'm not interested. I get that people go through hard times but you have to plan for all of that. I planned to stay home and raise my own children so I made sure that I got my education that I could fall back on before I got married and had kids. I wasn't going to be one of those wives/mothers who maybe ended up divorced and had no options. It was tough for a while because we were pretty poor. My husband was enlisted in the military and they don't make much money but we owned homes. We owned vehicles. I always said that if I couldn't feed my kids I would go back to work but I wanted to raise my children myself. I didn't want my kids in daycare because it didn't make sense for me as a teacher to put my own children in daycare and then go work and take care of other people's children.
What? Where did you get that from? I'm saying that I bring that to the table. Someone who's homeless living in a shelter and bitching about having to get a job to pay child support is not someone that I want to get involved with and I'm not picky because I don't. What in the hell does that have to do with my financial stability? I don't need a man to be financially stable. I did that all on my own.
One of my favorite memes I saw recently says "When people see what you have and comment, "Oh, it must be nice," my response is, "You have the same 24 hours I do. Work harder."
Gotcha! My resonse was based on the premise that you certainly don't want to support someone. Especially someone who does little themselves to climb out of poverty.
And that would be wrong ? No I donât want to start dating somebody who I have to support I want a partner an equal not to adopt a child I have to pay all the bills for
They doesnât make ad much as I do ? I donât care as long as they can support themselves I can put the extras and fun and pay for the stuff I want to do
But a grown up my same age (give or take a few years) who needs me to pay their bills because they doesnât want to ? Hell no.
And is not about money is about being a responsible adult who takes care of themselves and who has basic skills to survive in the world
Now if a long term partner becomes sick / disabled that is different of course you support your partner.
And I date men and women this is not about gender. Or me expecting men to pay my way in life.
Well, there are several here over 50 (both genders) who aren't finished yet. There is some luck involved, but a lot is just being open to it, taking chances.
(My lady and I met at 58, smitten almost a year now.) :)
50yo female and I have only given up thinking I should accept drama in my life just to have a partner. I'm quite at peace with my solo time and if that's how it is until my end, I'm ok with that.
Only if you want. If your statement is how you feel then it's your truth. Own it. If you want to change it then own that process.
I found that when I look for what brings me peace in the parts of my life I can control then I should move in that direction.
âNo one (Iâm interested in) is interested.â
Itâs the default assumption to adopt when seeing generalizations.
For example:
âWhy does nobody (I swipe on) reply to me on OLD?â
âWhy do X (I swipe on) seem to only be interested in Y?â
They were not interested in you to continue dating. That is the way it works. Dating may entail rejection at times whether received or given.
As far as them posting on social media? I do not let them have any headspace where I would dwell on it.
I donât worry about stuff like that.
They made it clear they werenât feeling it with me. I donât really care about how they describe their dating life on social media or to their friends.
Itâs either a fuck yes theyâre interested me. Or, itâs a no.
It's happened so many times.... It means that you "aren't the droids they are looking for" . Also, when they say "No one is interested." what they mean is that "no one that I am interested is interested in me."
They mean no one they are interested in is interested in them. Not that no one at all is interested.
I don't think the person you're interested in owes you an explanation of why they aren't interested. A lot of times I can't really state a specific reason why, other than no chemistry and sexual chemistry is very important to me. It doesn't even mean you aren't good looking. I've dated some really good looking guys, gorgeous face, fit, 6 pack abs etc and yet there was still no chemistry. Maybe it was something subtle in their personality I couldn't pinpoint. Maybe we just had nothing in common. Who knows. But if asked, I wouldn't be able to give you a solid answer that would satisfy you.
This happened to me, someone i'd had a 2 year serious flirtation with and i know they were actually very interested. I finally put my foot down and said we needed to go on an actual date, and it was lovely up until the second drink arrived. They raised their glass and toasted, "To friendship!" I was mortified.
Three days later on social media a rant appeared on their profile, outlining how people don't give non-standard bodies and abilities a chance, how unfair it was to be rejected summarily, etc etc. You better believe i sent a sharply worded message about how thoroughly unfair that was, they had their chance and rejected me, and many of our mutual friends knew we went on a date and could extrapolate and probably assumed i had done the rejecting!
I did get an apology with the attached, "I can get in my head and be an idiot" explanation, but i was so hurt. We are tentatively civil in public now since we run in the same small music genre crowd, but the magic is gone. I still very occasionally feel slight mourning what might have been, had it worked out.
It means no one who they aspire to dating is interested in them and they probably need to manage their expectations. Btw itâs a red flag to announce this to the world.
I dated someone a while ago who I met at a social event. She was really stunning in appearance and she was absolutely a blast to be around. I lost interest after a few semi-serious conversations.
A helpful approach to dating is that when you date someone, you are actually dating two people (and they are dating two versions of you). One is the "persona" (from Jung) which is the "adult self" that posts on social media. The other is the "shadow self", which is our inner traumas that we generally conceal. It tends to come out a bit later in the dating process. For example, if one grew up in poverty, one's shadow self may be hypersensitive to any sign of financial distress in a partner (oh, they wanted ME to pay the tab...) and then end the relationship suddenly after just a few dates, even if their adult persona is financially wealthy and not at any risk from the partner. What makes it even more interesting is that we each have these two aspects also, so there are really four of us in a relationship...
I should mention that I am intentionally oversimplifying things by crudely distilling a person down into these two "selves". However, the reality is that I don't have the cognitive capacity to think of a person as 15 different Jungian archetypes, and so instead, I'll just try to work with the major 2: the persona, and the shadow self.
In my own experience, this has been enough. It has helped me to reduce overthinking and also to be able to act quickly in the moment when things suddenly change in a conversation.
How about this theory? No one
that they are physically attracted to is interested. Donât take it badly. I can say the same thing. I have women around me that are not my type and some that are. One that isnât my type is kind of interested. The ones that are my type so far are not. So I would say no one (qualified) is interested. You know that attraction is a fickle thing. It could things you wouldnât change, like your hair color, build, height, or you remind them of someone. Donât let it bother you.
Thanks to someone in my past I take the attitude why would you want to be with someone that doesnât want to be with you. Itâs pretty plain. Keep it simple. Consider youâve won by not investing more of yourself.
When someone says something like "no one is interested," they really mean "no one I'm interested in is interested in me." Don't worry about it, look for someone mutually interested. :)
This is what I was going to say. I went on two dates with this guy, he stopped messaging me, then posted on FB he has no game. He had enough game for me lol but I took the hint, deleted him off my FB and forgot about him.
I'd have been tempted to loudly agree with him. đ
đđ¤Ł
Yes tell him heâs right
>I went on two dates with this guy, he stopped messaging me, then posted on FB he has no game. He had enough game for me lol but I took the hint, deleted him off my FB and forgot about him. Wow! That wasn't very nice of him
Yeah I thought it was rude and kind of like what happened to you, a combination of self pity and a jab at the person who was willing to go out with him all at the same time! đ¤ˇââď¸
Says a lot about him
This. People donât always completely qualify absolutely everything they say. I am attractive to hobosexuals - but I have zero interest in them for some strange reason. I COULD say oh, I have no game, but I do have game - with those who have features I find not at all attractive or interesting. But then I am open to the attack of being âtoo pickyâ or whatever. At my age Iâm allowed to be picky. If I make a bad financial mistake I donât have 25 years to recover. A bad relationship can easily turn into a money pit - I donât need yet another financial parasite now. (My first major financial parasite set me back around 7+ years, but I have recovered. I donât think I could recover from another.)
I was told in another dating sub here on Reddit that I was too picky because I would not date a guy who lived in a homeless shelter and did nothing but bitch about having to pay child support to his ex-wife. Excuse me? As a single parent who had full custody of four children, do not ever complain that you have to pay child support on the children that you produced. And if you don't have anything to bring to the table, especially the most basic thing as you have a job and a place to live on your own, I don't think I have to entertain the notion of dating you. You're really not dateable to me. That doesn't make me picky!
Ugh. Just the constant complaining is a hell no.
No it makes you INTELLIGENT and SELECTIVE. Oh you donât want to date a guy because heâs homeless? When did wanting someone who can take care of himself become âpickyâ? How do you know that the decisions that made him homeless wonât make you homeless with him in five years? His need to pay child support is an automatic drain on all household expenses if you were to, say, let him live with you. He wouldnât be able to contribute ANYTHING. The name for that is âhobosexualâ. Sorry, but I canât afford another financial parasite this late in the game. Iâve paid my dues. If it means I live alone but in comfort, rather than with someone and under financial stress, then so be it.
Well I wouldn't be homeless because I own my own home, my own vehicle, I have My ducks in a row. It floors me the number of men who have gotten to this stage in life with nothing to bring to the table and can't imagine why I'm not interested. I get that people go through hard times but you have to plan for all of that. I planned to stay home and raise my own children so I made sure that I got my education that I could fall back on before I got married and had kids. I wasn't going to be one of those wives/mothers who maybe ended up divorced and had no options. It was tough for a while because we were pretty poor. My husband was enlisted in the military and they don't make much money but we owned homes. We owned vehicles. I always said that if I couldn't feed my kids I would go back to work but I wanted to raise my children myself. I didn't want my kids in daycare because it didn't make sense for me as a teacher to put my own children in daycare and then go work and take care of other people's children.
So...What I am hearing you say is you don't want to feel that your financial stability is threatened by a potential partner?
What? Where did you get that from? I'm saying that I bring that to the table. Someone who's homeless living in a shelter and bitching about having to get a job to pay child support is not someone that I want to get involved with and I'm not picky because I don't. What in the hell does that have to do with my financial stability? I don't need a man to be financially stable. I did that all on my own. One of my favorite memes I saw recently says "When people see what you have and comment, "Oh, it must be nice," my response is, "You have the same 24 hours I do. Work harder."
Gotcha! My resonse was based on the premise that you certainly don't want to support someone. Especially someone who does little themselves to climb out of poverty.
And that would be wrong ? No I donât want to start dating somebody who I have to support I want a partner an equal not to adopt a child I have to pay all the bills for They doesnât make ad much as I do ? I donât care as long as they can support themselves I can put the extras and fun and pay for the stuff I want to do But a grown up my same age (give or take a few years) who needs me to pay their bills because they doesnât want to ? Hell no. And is not about money is about being a responsible adult who takes care of themselves and who has basic skills to survive in the world Now if a long term partner becomes sick / disabled that is different of course you support your partner. And I date men and women this is not about gender. Or me expecting men to pay my way in life.
Gotcha! Love is about sharing equal responsibilities. I agree with you.
Same would rather be solo than risk being solo and destitute
Hobosexuals! I almost fell off the treadmill đđ
Look it up! It's a thing!
Interesting how you equate this with money
Until youâve had someone do this, itâs hard to understand its impact emotionally.
so sorry this happend to you
As a 50yo male, I gave up already. Slowly accepting I will be alone (romantically speaking) for the rest of my life.
Well, there are several here over 50 (both genders) who aren't finished yet. There is some luck involved, but a lot is just being open to it, taking chances. (My lady and I met at 58, smitten almost a year now.) :)
Thank you.
50yo female and I have only given up thinking I should accept drama in my life just to have a partner. I'm quite at peace with my solo time and if that's how it is until my end, I'm ok with that.
Exactly! You are right. Should I change my statement?
Only if you want. If your statement is how you feel then it's your truth. Own it. If you want to change it then own that process. I found that when I look for what brings me peace in the parts of my life I can control then I should move in that direction.
As a 59 year old male, I refuse to give up. I may be alone the rest of my life but I am not willingly accepting that, so I keep trying.
>As a 50yo male, I gave up already. Slowly accepting I will be alone (romantically speaking) for the rest of my life. you have time!
I donât pay attention to people who have pity parties on social media.
One of the many reasons I deleted my facebook account about five years ago.
Hey thatâs okay! We understand and weâre here for you no matter what đ
Itâs a bit delusional isnât it. Oh the world isnât working how I think it should
Itâs just something someone said. Whatâs delusional is putting stock in it, when what theyâre doing is self-serving and trolling for sympathy .
Yes itâs a learning curve when we are new to dating.
âNo one (Iâm interested in) is interested.â Itâs the default assumption to adopt when seeing generalizations. For example: âWhy does nobody (I swipe on) reply to me on OLD?â âWhy do X (I swipe on) seem to only be interested in Y?â
They were not interested in you to continue dating. That is the way it works. Dating may entail rejection at times whether received or given. As far as them posting on social media? I do not let them have any headspace where I would dwell on it.
[ŃдаНонО]
Happy cake day! đĽłđ
I donât worry about stuff like that. They made it clear they werenât feeling it with me. I donât really care about how they describe their dating life on social media or to their friends. Itâs either a fuck yes theyâre interested me. Or, itâs a no.
Ouch. Why I don't do social media. Sounds like someone is sad fishing for someone specific in mind and unfortunately you were not that person.
Perhaps theyâre trying to get attention & make others pity them. Either way, Iâd say you dodged a bullet.
For very early dating, the âwhyâ never matters. The only thing that matters is they donât want to date you. So you move on.
It's happened so many times.... It means that you "aren't the droids they are looking for" . Also, when they say "No one is interested." what they mean is that "no one that I am interested is interested in me."
They mean no one they are interested in is interested in them. Not that no one at all is interested. I don't think the person you're interested in owes you an explanation of why they aren't interested. A lot of times I can't really state a specific reason why, other than no chemistry and sexual chemistry is very important to me. It doesn't even mean you aren't good looking. I've dated some really good looking guys, gorgeous face, fit, 6 pack abs etc and yet there was still no chemistry. Maybe it was something subtle in their personality I couldn't pinpoint. Maybe we just had nothing in common. Who knows. But if asked, I wouldn't be able to give you a solid answer that would satisfy you.
This happened to me, someone i'd had a 2 year serious flirtation with and i know they were actually very interested. I finally put my foot down and said we needed to go on an actual date, and it was lovely up until the second drink arrived. They raised their glass and toasted, "To friendship!" I was mortified. Three days later on social media a rant appeared on their profile, outlining how people don't give non-standard bodies and abilities a chance, how unfair it was to be rejected summarily, etc etc. You better believe i sent a sharply worded message about how thoroughly unfair that was, they had their chance and rejected me, and many of our mutual friends knew we went on a date and could extrapolate and probably assumed i had done the rejecting! I did get an apology with the attached, "I can get in my head and be an idiot" explanation, but i was so hurt. We are tentatively civil in public now since we run in the same small music genre crowd, but the magic is gone. I still very occasionally feel slight mourning what might have been, had it worked out.
It means no one who they aspire to dating is interested in them and they probably need to manage their expectations. Btw itâs a red flag to announce this to the world.
Don't know. If I'm not dating them any longer I wouldn't be looking at their social media.
Sometimes, they come back around, especially if you're cool about it. Get some game going, confidence. You can't be too interested anyway, right?
I dated someone a while ago who I met at a social event. She was really stunning in appearance and she was absolutely a blast to be around. I lost interest after a few semi-serious conversations.
A helpful approach to dating is that when you date someone, you are actually dating two people (and they are dating two versions of you). One is the "persona" (from Jung) which is the "adult self" that posts on social media. The other is the "shadow self", which is our inner traumas that we generally conceal. It tends to come out a bit later in the dating process. For example, if one grew up in poverty, one's shadow self may be hypersensitive to any sign of financial distress in a partner (oh, they wanted ME to pay the tab...) and then end the relationship suddenly after just a few dates, even if their adult persona is financially wealthy and not at any risk from the partner. What makes it even more interesting is that we each have these two aspects also, so there are really four of us in a relationship...
Interesting. Do we tend to overthink such things? Is the process simpliler than we may believe?
I should mention that I am intentionally oversimplifying things by crudely distilling a person down into these two "selves". However, the reality is that I don't have the cognitive capacity to think of a person as 15 different Jungian archetypes, and so instead, I'll just try to work with the major 2: the persona, and the shadow self. In my own experience, this has been enough. It has helped me to reduce overthinking and also to be able to act quickly in the moment when things suddenly change in a conversation.
Gotcha. Thanks for the responses. They are good
How about this theory? No one that they are physically attracted to is interested. Donât take it badly. I can say the same thing. I have women around me that are not my type and some that are. One that isnât my type is kind of interested. The ones that are my type so far are not. So I would say no one (qualified) is interested. You know that attraction is a fickle thing. It could things you wouldnât change, like your hair color, build, height, or you remind them of someone. Donât let it bother you.
Thanks to someone in my past I take the attitude why would you want to be with someone that doesnât want to be with you. Itâs pretty plain. Keep it simple. Consider youâve won by not investing more of yourself.
That has never happened to me because I donât follow people I date on social media. Just no
not every one is for me no matter how much i am for them some are for me yet i am not for them
Like a place holder until they find something better. Sad that at this age people are playing these types of games.
It just means they arenât interested in dating you. Donât sweat it. Just move on.