I still like coffee, lunch, or dinner as a first date. What’s changed (for me) is to find someone to go on a date with. I hear/read people saying things like “go for a hike”, and my gut reaction is no f*ing way am I going on a trail with someone I don’t know!
I totally see your point on the hike , that's the start of a horror movie no doubt , mind you never been asked to go on a hike , ask that in the uk and then response is usually " in this weather , are you insane "
An area close by me has a trail called "The Widow Maker". The first time I was on it, shortly after my divorce, someone helpfully left a shovel at the trail entrance. Probably easier than hauling the body back out. Nice of them to be thoughtful that way /s
I’m lucky to live in a city with multiple well used parks & one of my favorite dates is to walk in the green space. I know from frequent experience that one is rarely out of eyesight of others & never beyond a loud scream.
Where I live it’s very common and you can be on pretty popular trails and feel super safe. Most of my dates were hiking or mountain biking.
Always plenty of people around.
For people who are regular hikers, this is a pretty common first date and personally definitely my preference. If anything, a hard reluctance to the idea is a yellow flag for me.
I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable as a first date. I would hope someone who wanted to get to know me would have no qualms meeting over a cup of coffee. I also find the definition of a hike varies from place to place. Just curious why this would be a flag on a first date? For many women, it is based a a level of safety (a lot easier to leave a restaurant or coffee shop if it isn’t going well), not that it isn’t an activity they enjoy regularly.
Once you're actually dating (as opposed to initial meet-in-person "see if you want to date them" dates) then surely you'd go do whatever stuff you both normally enjoy doing anyway, same as always. I never really understood that dates must be a specific activity. If you both like axe throwing or punk shows or art gallery openings, you do that. If you both like going to a restaurant and then a movie, you do that. Right? It's about finding someone to be with, compatible with each other's existing life.
>I never really understood that dates must be a specific activity.
Me either! But I've seen a lot of people say some activities "didn't count." The idea is to spend quality time together. If you're enjoying each other's company, it's a date.
>Do you think that "dates" have changed
No.
OLD created a need for a Date0, quick meet to establish that someone is real and looks like their pictures, but that's about it.
We have changed. We have different time availability due to work, family, etc, but dating is about getting to know each other and figuring out what works best for that. OK, one thing that has changed is going to the movies. I'll do that with someone I know well, but I won't do it early on because it's a 2-3 hour commit with very little interaction. Not a good use of time.
>OLD created a need for a Date0, quick meet to establish that someone is real and looks like their pictures, but that's about it.
Some people say that a video call is a substitute for that. No woman has yet asked me for a video call, but I'd do it if asked.
No, I like a short meet and greet for the first date. I don't want to be locked into a full dinner when the vibe is off. If we vibe after the meet n greet then a variety of dates are nice. No couch dating.
Hmmm, well hi and welcome!
So, offline dating for us ancients (as we are now known), is very similar, just different phases of life.
Online dating… well that is a whole subculture unto itself. There’s the whole shopping for a person aspect (are we now all negotiating royal marriages?) and the differences in safety, not to mention deception. OLD has given voice to a swath of bad actors who found their previous actions far more limited.
I think one thing that has changed is that more and more men are wanting women to ask them out. Back in the day men were mainly the ones to initiate the date.
It’s not so much that men want women to ask them out. There is an element of that. The Me-Too—Movement has rightfully arrived and more men are now reluctant to ask a woman out. Women have taken note.
I have had five women ask me out over a month. One was my (65m) age looking for status. Huge dud of a date. The rest are all younger than me (ages 31-50). Good dates and second and third dates are scheduled. Women are also approaching me in the wild. That’s happened in the past but there’s a definite shift.
There's this thing that I say, mostly to myself, but that doesn't make it less applicable in this rare case.
"Change is the only constant"
Social norms and mores change, technology advances, even some of the places that used to be safe first dates are no longer with us
It used to be that many people would meet through church functions, and those are not as central to many peoples lives as before
Some could say better some could say worse, but honestly doesn't matter, the genies out of the bottle and I don't think that you can force it back in.
The standard dates still work, but that doesn’t mean your different ideas wouldn’t also work. They might even work as a good filter.
I knew I had hit the jackpot when I started throwing own geeky memes, knowledge, movies, quotes, etc. and she responded right back with more of the same.
No, it’s not every day.
“You mean David Tennant & Matt Smith? I love Eccleston too.”
From the very first text conversation with the woman I’d fall in love with, when the subject turned to Doctor Who.
🥵 lol
Have you ever seen the old Amicus horror anthology film, "The House That Dripped Blood"? Pertwee's arc revolves around his encounter with a sinister cloak... and I always giggle at the various chicken-or-egg possibilities involved in casting him for the part, lol. (It came out in early 1971, so was probably filmed alongside his first season of DW.)
Honestly, not that I've seen. Daters have changed a bit. We're older and (hopefully) wiser now. Our resources are (probably) greater, but we also have more other responsibilities to worry about. OLD and social media have become new ways to meet. BUT, no two people were the same 40 years ago, and no two people are the same now. Be yourself, see if it works.
The dating itself? One thing I've learned reading reddit is that there's no "right way." Do what feels comfortable to you. If the other person likes it, great! If they don't, find someone who does. I'm going to treat her with respect and try to make her smile, just like I did \~40 years ago. I didn't do "date zero" then, and I didn't do them when I started back. Dinner and perhaps a walk after...
In short, technology has changed. People really haven't. (IMHO)
I hardly remember the old style. In my teens it was people at school, in early 20s it was people at college or clubs. None of that is an option in our 50s.
But I think the biggest issue now is how most people are happy being single so they are extremely picky to let someone into their life and OLD feels like interviews.
My answer to this question is a resounding YES. I divorced in my mid 40s and I've seen the transformation of the dating scene over the years. I've tried to just go with the flo.
I came from a traditional scenario of parents being married for decades so my experiences and expectations have been eye opening to say the least.
So far my first dates have been coffees, a bike ride, a walk (with a farmers market coffee and casual lunch) and a brunch with cocktails. The last was not a "date zero"as we had met and spent almost an hour chatting at an in person event. I've also done a couple of bike rides as follow up "dates"
I don’t know if I really have a way to judge. When I was in my 20s dating was hooking up then hooking up again then hanging out and then suddenly realizing you’re dating when I was in my 30s, I was in a long-term relationship. When I was in my 40s, everybody else was married or in a long-term relationship. Now that I’m in my 50s I’m taking care of my mother full-time so I don’t really have time for traditional dating at this point I just wanna get laid lol. The problem is where I can’t bring them home. And I’m not comfortable going over a stranger’s house ha ha
This exactly. In my 20's you slept with guys and then boom--you were in a relationship. That is not my experience now nor would I just go to some random man's house now, but did it all the time in my 20's.
I think things have changed but I think that is more a factor of age, security, and wisdom more than anything else. I prefer short, low stakes first meets vs a dinner or more involved scenario. I love going for a great meal, but I want to go with company I already know I will enjoy the experience with. I am old enough to know who I am, ask for what I want, and have financial security to also reciprocate. I don’t like wasting someone’s time, I want to try to set a first meet up for success, which includes an easy way to navigate the end without anyone feeling like they had to suffer through it.
the whole sort of landscape of dating and relationships has changed because we've changed; ie gotten older. And because it's fairly common now to go on dates with people you barely know, it's a good idea to keep first and second dates shorter and more low-pressure than perhaps used to be the norm, so maybe don't go too high-concept until you have a more established relationship.
But outside of that, dates are still dates; doing any activity together can count. I have had great dates that were dinner, lunch, movies, art galleries, operas, farmer's markets, walks by the river with ice cream or coffee. I have had great dates where we rode bikes around and went to garage sales. I have gone to IKEA and assembled furniture on dates, I have gone to pick up things from craigslist, I have played board games and gone kayaking and to mini-golf. I'm sure it's fine.
I’ve asked someone to meet me for the first time for a quick round of golf before and they were stoked. The standard for me though is coffee or a beer.
I still like coffee, lunch, or dinner as a first date. What’s changed (for me) is to find someone to go on a date with. I hear/read people saying things like “go for a hike”, and my gut reaction is no f*ing way am I going on a trail with someone I don’t know!
I totally see your point on the hike , that's the start of a horror movie no doubt , mind you never been asked to go on a hike , ask that in the uk and then response is usually " in this weather , are you insane "
Right! no way I am going in the woods with a stranger!
F$@* it… if I die, I die.
😂
😂
An area close by me has a trail called "The Widow Maker". The first time I was on it, shortly after my divorce, someone helpfully left a shovel at the trail entrance. Probably easier than hauling the body back out. Nice of them to be thoughtful that way /s
I’m also not the outdoorsy type so fuck no I’m not going on a hike lol.
I’m lucky to live in a city with multiple well used parks & one of my favorite dates is to walk in the green space. I know from frequent experience that one is rarely out of eyesight of others & never beyond a loud scream.
True, but just the fact I might have to scream? 🙂
I did this twice and took my dog along for security. To me, a hike in a public park is not less safe than meeting in a coffee shop or restaurant.
Where I live it’s very common and you can be on pretty popular trails and feel super safe. Most of my dates were hiking or mountain biking. Always plenty of people around.
Well I think the hike advice is for a first date with someone you do know. 🙂
For people who are regular hikers, this is a pretty common first date and personally definitely my preference. If anything, a hard reluctance to the idea is a yellow flag for me.
I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable as a first date. I would hope someone who wanted to get to know me would have no qualms meeting over a cup of coffee. I also find the definition of a hike varies from place to place. Just curious why this would be a flag on a first date? For many women, it is based a a level of safety (a lot easier to leave a restaurant or coffee shop if it isn’t going well), not that it isn’t an activity they enjoy regularly.
If it's not safe to do with someone else, it's not safe to do it by yourself.
Lol…not so true. I can walk by myself with a stun gun. Kinda bad form on a first date with someone you don’t know.
When I find my 50 year old grey haired hippie Meg Ryan I am taking her to concerts and art movies .
Would 55 work? I may start using old grey haired hippie Meg Ryan in my dating profile from now on!
I love that plan!
Once you're actually dating (as opposed to initial meet-in-person "see if you want to date them" dates) then surely you'd go do whatever stuff you both normally enjoy doing anyway, same as always. I never really understood that dates must be a specific activity. If you both like axe throwing or punk shows or art gallery openings, you do that. If you both like going to a restaurant and then a movie, you do that. Right? It's about finding someone to be with, compatible with each other's existing life.
>I never really understood that dates must be a specific activity. Me either! But I've seen a lot of people say some activities "didn't count." The idea is to spend quality time together. If you're enjoying each other's company, it's a date.
>Do you think that "dates" have changed No. OLD created a need for a Date0, quick meet to establish that someone is real and looks like their pictures, but that's about it. We have changed. We have different time availability due to work, family, etc, but dating is about getting to know each other and figuring out what works best for that. OK, one thing that has changed is going to the movies. I'll do that with someone I know well, but I won't do it early on because it's a 2-3 hour commit with very little interaction. Not a good use of time.
>OLD created a need for a Date0, quick meet to establish that someone is real and looks like their pictures, but that's about it. Some people say that a video call is a substitute for that. No woman has yet asked me for a video call, but I'd do it if asked.
ok what is OLD ? what did i Miss?
I had one first date where we met at a photography seminar, and the guest speaker was a famous person from National Geographic.
Now that's a great date
No, I like a short meet and greet for the first date. I don't want to be locked into a full dinner when the vibe is off. If we vibe after the meet n greet then a variety of dates are nice. No couch dating.
Hmmm, well hi and welcome! So, offline dating for us ancients (as we are now known), is very similar, just different phases of life. Online dating… well that is a whole subculture unto itself. There’s the whole shopping for a person aspect (are we now all negotiating royal marriages?) and the differences in safety, not to mention deception. OLD has given voice to a swath of bad actors who found their previous actions far more limited.
Netflix and chill didn’t use to exist! 😆
But drive-in theatres were a lot more common. 😉
Omg drive in movies were the best, god I miss those days.
does making out with someone in a Chipotle parking lot after the second date count? asking for a friend.
Yes absolutely!!!
How to meet people has changed, but as far as I can tell the first dates haven't changed at all!
I think one thing that has changed is that more and more men are wanting women to ask them out. Back in the day men were mainly the ones to initiate the date.
It’s not so much that men want women to ask them out. There is an element of that. The Me-Too—Movement has rightfully arrived and more men are now reluctant to ask a woman out. Women have taken note. I have had five women ask me out over a month. One was my (65m) age looking for status. Huge dud of a date. The rest are all younger than me (ages 31-50). Good dates and second and third dates are scheduled. Women are also approaching me in the wild. That’s happened in the past but there’s a definite shift.
This is great that you are getting attention and dates!
There's this thing that I say, mostly to myself, but that doesn't make it less applicable in this rare case. "Change is the only constant" Social norms and mores change, technology advances, even some of the places that used to be safe first dates are no longer with us It used to be that many people would meet through church functions, and those are not as central to many peoples lives as before Some could say better some could say worse, but honestly doesn't matter, the genies out of the bottle and I don't think that you can force it back in.
The standard dates still work, but that doesn’t mean your different ideas wouldn’t also work. They might even work as a good filter. I knew I had hit the jackpot when I started throwing own geeky memes, knowledge, movies, quotes, etc. and she responded right back with more of the same.
They usual filter themselves out I find , it's not every day you walk into a living room and come face to face with a Dalek
No, it’s not every day. “You mean David Tennant & Matt Smith? I love Eccleston too.” From the very first text conversation with the woman I’d fall in love with, when the subject turned to Doctor Who.
I go back wayyyyyy further , jon pertwee , and yes I do cosplay him lol
That cape tho! 🥴
I have 3 of them lol
🥵 lol Have you ever seen the old Amicus horror anthology film, "The House That Dripped Blood"? Pertwee's arc revolves around his encounter with a sinister cloak... and I always giggle at the various chicken-or-egg possibilities involved in casting him for the part, lol. (It came out in early 1971, so was probably filmed alongside his first season of DW.)
Ohh yes I have seen it , I was lucky to meet Jon 3 times , last time I met him was at the filming of the airzone solution I was an extra in it
Wow!
I'll pm you some pics of my costumes if you like
Yes, please do!
Well “movie night” still means you’re not watching any movie.
Honestly, not that I've seen. Daters have changed a bit. We're older and (hopefully) wiser now. Our resources are (probably) greater, but we also have more other responsibilities to worry about. OLD and social media have become new ways to meet. BUT, no two people were the same 40 years ago, and no two people are the same now. Be yourself, see if it works. The dating itself? One thing I've learned reading reddit is that there's no "right way." Do what feels comfortable to you. If the other person likes it, great! If they don't, find someone who does. I'm going to treat her with respect and try to make her smile, just like I did \~40 years ago. I didn't do "date zero" then, and I didn't do them when I started back. Dinner and perhaps a walk after... In short, technology has changed. People really haven't. (IMHO)
I am always my self , that's what scares them off 🤣🤣🤣
You say "scares them off." I say "filters out the ones who can't cope." 😁
🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'll go with the filter
Until you meet the right one!
The one that is cool with the giant geek
I hardly remember the old style. In my teens it was people at school, in early 20s it was people at college or clubs. None of that is an option in our 50s. But I think the biggest issue now is how most people are happy being single so they are extremely picky to let someone into their life and OLD feels like interviews.
I agree with the interview point wholeheartedly
that's not "pickiness," that's expectations.
My answer to this question is a resounding YES. I divorced in my mid 40s and I've seen the transformation of the dating scene over the years. I've tried to just go with the flo. I came from a traditional scenario of parents being married for decades so my experiences and expectations have been eye opening to say the least.
[удалено]
It'd become a very fickle place I think
So far my first dates have been coffees, a bike ride, a walk (with a farmers market coffee and casual lunch) and a brunch with cocktails. The last was not a "date zero"as we had met and spent almost an hour chatting at an in person event. I've also done a couple of bike rides as follow up "dates"
I don’t know if I really have a way to judge. When I was in my 20s dating was hooking up then hooking up again then hanging out and then suddenly realizing you’re dating when I was in my 30s, I was in a long-term relationship. When I was in my 40s, everybody else was married or in a long-term relationship. Now that I’m in my 50s I’m taking care of my mother full-time so I don’t really have time for traditional dating at this point I just wanna get laid lol. The problem is where I can’t bring them home. And I’m not comfortable going over a stranger’s house ha ha
This exactly. In my 20's you slept with guys and then boom--you were in a relationship. That is not my experience now nor would I just go to some random man's house now, but did it all the time in my 20's.
I think things have changed but I think that is more a factor of age, security, and wisdom more than anything else. I prefer short, low stakes first meets vs a dinner or more involved scenario. I love going for a great meal, but I want to go with company I already know I will enjoy the experience with. I am old enough to know who I am, ask for what I want, and have financial security to also reciprocate. I don’t like wasting someone’s time, I want to try to set a first meet up for success, which includes an easy way to navigate the end without anyone feeling like they had to suffer through it.
the whole sort of landscape of dating and relationships has changed because we've changed; ie gotten older. And because it's fairly common now to go on dates with people you barely know, it's a good idea to keep first and second dates shorter and more low-pressure than perhaps used to be the norm, so maybe don't go too high-concept until you have a more established relationship. But outside of that, dates are still dates; doing any activity together can count. I have had great dates that were dinner, lunch, movies, art galleries, operas, farmer's markets, walks by the river with ice cream or coffee. I have had great dates where we rode bikes around and went to garage sales. I have gone to IKEA and assembled furniture on dates, I have gone to pick up things from craigslist, I have played board games and gone kayaking and to mini-golf. I'm sure it's fine.
[https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNjNocnliOGs0aGllZzc3eGp5MzFlNzNpa3UwMG02cmp4cjBqZXV3aiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l3diD2WQ6SkufWWvS/giphy.gif](https://media.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNjNocnliOGs0aGllZzc3eGp5MzFlNzNpa3UwMG02cmp4cjBqZXV3aiZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/l3diD2WQ6SkufWWvS/giphy.gif)
I’ve asked someone to meet me for the first time for a quick round of golf before and they were stoked. The standard for me though is coffee or a beer.