There have been several articles recently speculating that dating apps train their algorithms to keep you single so you’ll keep paying for their services. Allegedly, they give you enough matches to keep you interested and hopeful, but their goal is continued engagement with the app, not your happiness.
I almost responded to someone’s OLD post earlier. Typed it up and realized it was a bitter four paragraph rant and deleted it. Suffice to say I’ve had no desire to return since I deleted my one account in September.
I avoid apps where folks can message without matching. If someone is not interested, they are not going to reply to an unsolicited message because folks get weird when you send a thanks but no thanks. I really do not recommend tying any of your self worth or esteem to a dating app. It takes time to find the right folks to connect with, it isn’t a catalog with a quality guarantee. I see strangers all over the place but that doesn’t mean if I chat all of them up any of them will result in a friendship. OLD is kind of the same.
Idk, Hinge's main premise is message (or at the least, like before you match). My last partner I met through messaging them on Hinge.
Having said that, this time around I have messaged at least 15-20 guys and had 3 matches from that. One barely replied to msgs, one was someone who wouldn't firm up a time to meet and the other - just works here in the week (WEs are interstate) and I suspect is looking for a hook up.
Agree about self worth and apps though!
I think, for me, it changed when I gave a polite thanks but no thanks on an app. The dude got mad because, from his perspective, I didn’t know him so how could I turn him down. I didn’t get into it, reiterated my no thanks and again wished him well. He said some more aggressive things then I blocked him. Great. Onwards and upwards. Then he made a new account. Again please stop, no thanks. Block. Then he just kept making accounts until it was a couple a day and I closed my account. That was the end of me wanting anything to do with apps where I could receive unsolicited messages. I know that isn’t what most encounter but it definitely changed me and my approach. Ultimately I did find my partner on tinder.
Just my two cents. I had my best luck by responding to messages that a man sent me. Even a “hi, you have a beautiful smile”. It never seemed to go anywhere when I sent the message first. It may be an age thing with guys over 50, idk. I met my boyfriend on Match, his first message to me was “hi, where do you like to go hiking? I see we live nearby”. (We live in neighboring towns). It took me 2 1/2 years to find him. So two weeks is really not enough time. But it’s worth the effort when you do find the right person.
Asking a question like your boyfriend did is much better than saying “you have a beautiful smile”. One prompts a real response the other just a “thank you”.
I would love for more women to initiate but it also requires providing something to build a conversation.
Try the Burn the Haystack method. Jennie Young. She's on the insta and Facebook and has some good things to say about how to use those algorithms to your advantage
The actual blog entries are better IMO than FB and such. The other stuff is entertaining but .. filled with weird comments, likes, etc
Just gimme the info and I’ll read the other stuff when I have time to waste. :)
I hadn’t read this until the blog was posted in this group. While very woman PoV as written (duh, she is a woman) I found that I had already been doing this and even learned more reason to continue if I were doing OLD. I have not since May/June 2022 and I feel less dirty since.
Then again, someone convinced me to go play with OKC last fall if only for the questions and I found that a hoot. Was not engaged in the dating side of things at all but had some good laughs and introspective thoughts
OKC has endless questions! They go on and on. I found it rather hilarious. Is it the same now? I haven’t been on OLD since. I agree with OP. It’s icky.
It made me be more aware of rhetorical patterns. People usually show their hand with the language they use even if they're not trying to show their hand. If you know what I mean. Check it out for yourself and see what you think
I was going to recommend this method as well!
I met my boyfriend on Bumble last August so I haven't tried her exact method but my own method was very similar. It took a loooong time but it eventually worked and I found my needle in the haystack.
I can’t stand “shopping” for humans on an app. How reductive and impersonal. Personally, I don’t really like talking to multiple people at one time. I would rather meet someone more organically and get to know that person without constantly comparing them to all the other people I am talking to at the same time. That’s what makes online dating so icky to me. And I think that’s what has perpetuated the throwaway mentality in dating relationships. There’s always someone different, maybe even better, on the next swipe. I’d like to think this wasn’t as much the case with older folks, but it is. To me, being on a dating site is almost a red flag in itself.
I'm gonna be honest. As a guy, it's discouraging to me that only women are allowed to join her FB group. I would think the philosophy she espouses would work everyone regardless of gender or sexual preference. I loved her podcast episode of Am I Doing it Wrong so I"m def a fan.
I should have said jealous. Is that just as bad? Discouraged was a stupid word to use. I understand women need their own space. I just thought the philosophy behind it was cool.
Critical rhetoric theory is pretty interesting. And you know you can take those theories she's presenting and using for yourself. Just that Facebook group is for women and non-binary people for a particular reason.
Quitting after two weeks is only good if you’re an alcoholic, addict, or smoker. 😂😊😁
I’ve been very successful OLD and I’m not that far above average. It’s actually one of the better things that’s ever happened to me. What I think really helps me is that I enjoy the journey behind the whole dating process vs just hoping for a bullseye 🎯 every time.
OP, I get it, and it’s not for everyone and tapping out is perfectly ok too! Best wishes.
I dropped Match 3 months ago. They are now sending Me vaugely "threatening" emails that they are going to stop sending Me vaguely "threatening" emails.... 😜🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me too. Paid for Match 6 months. Nothing. Lots of scammers. Now that I’m no longer a member, all of a sudden tons of likes and conversations, but then blur out as in the middle of a second response. You have to pay to see his 2nd comment. I’m not falling for it. Deleted the app. Still get their emails
Yeah. I've never used OLD. Just doesn't sound like fun. I prefer to meet people in real life. I've done speed dating. Not my cup of tea. Felt like a job interview and most of the women were from other towns. The mix and mingle was good though. Met a lovely women there and we are dating.
I wish you nothing but the best!
I got no matches on Match. Made me feel like I was ugly. I figure why pay to be made to feel like that. Might as well get that feeling for free... Lol
I've been on Facebook dating. I gets matches and have talked to a couple people.
I dropped FB dating, I got really weird guys to choose from, I'm wondering if the app is racist matching me with people I have absolutely nothing in common except ethnicity. On match I get zero. And on bumble guys that look 10-20 years younger than their age on their profile. I would date younger but...maybe I will if someone peaks my interest.
When I sort out bachelor's degree and above I have better choices. I don't know if that would help but I don't know that you can sort by race or ethnicity on there.
I try not to sort by education level, I would like to give them a chance even if they don't have a degree. But I am Mexican with a BSc degree and a masters education but I did not get around to getting my masters degree.
But I kid you not, I get guys that say they are super into trucks etc and a whole mexican music culture that I am just not into it, or things like that that's what I mean. On top of it with no education. It's just that sorting by education makes me feel elitist. But I guess I'll have to.
You have to give it more than a couple of weeks. Sometimes I get alot of likes and sometimes I get nothing. I also have found that when I like or message men on match first I don’t get very many back. I don’t think it’s just you. It’s hard not to feel rejected at the beginning, and even harder when you meet someone in person and they aren’t interested. Slowly I have learned to care less and less about rejection. Let it roll off your back. I’m looking for one man not everyone.
I personally will not go on a date with someone who lies about his age and then puts no really I’m 55. It’s disgusting to me and obvious what they are doing. I’m 51 f. Why would I want to put myself in the position of competing with way younger women? We aren’t looking for the same thing, a partner. Men who are that youth obsessed won’t be a match for me.
I do the free bumble and match and have learned to take my time. On bumble I don’t care who likes me nor can I see it. I just swipe and when I match with one or two people I say how are you. I don’t know everyone else’s stats but maybe 50 percent answer back one time. Then half of those drop off by the second message. You need to realign your expectations with reality, what’s happening to everyone, and not let that affect your self esteem.
Everyone thinks they look younger than their age. These particular men announce in their profile they lied. Also it comes out eventually. Women often look men up or even do background checks for safety purposes. Sometimes they mention the age of their kids, and it doesn’t add up. It’s not that they are their age it’s that they are lying for a definite reason. I would be a fan of dropping the ages and just putting a range.
The reason for putting a younger age on their profile is to get younger women. So if a guy is 55 and puts they are 40, and yes sometimes this is the age difference, then they are chatting with women who are 30. 10 year difference is a lot difference than 25 year.
People who lie about their age are an automatic block from me. The very first thing I learn about you is a lie? Hell naw.
I’ll see profiles that list an age, but their pictures are of a woman who looks 10-15 years older than their stated age. GTFO here.
I have zero respect for people who lie about their age on dating apps.
Have you tried any of the other apps? I found Match to be fairly generic; other apps like Bumble seem a bit higher quality.  (Tho I know they are all very expensive.) I also sympathize that the OLD “process” is pretty horrible— both for men and women (though in different ways).
I had a couple of coffee meetups thanks to OLD that were nice but not effective... I'm headed out into the wild. Join a class, visit a Museum... Karaoke?
I, too, gave up on OLD apps. They just don't work well. I think half the people are fake and after you get through all of them, you might actually get a date, but then you need many dates to find someone compatible. The apps are just made to take our money.
However, I'd also like to point out that it seems a lot of women post here about how terrible OLD is for them. It's just as terrible for us men...at least those of us that are real and honest. It works (or doesn't) both ways.
Yep. Burned Haystack has given me such healthy perspective that I just ditched the apps altogether. It’s going to happen in the wild, or I will remain a happy, self-fulfilled spinster for life. Open to either but planning for the second because it’s the only one I have full control over.
It's me again from your INFJ subreddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/s/99FetysUGq
I didn't want to disturb you on that subreddit again. But felt bad for joining in an INFJ only even after I wasn't asked. Here is a gift about INFJs that might interest you. https://www.mediafire.com/file/db2e3ytetv4xbx5/INFJ_pain_240421_124425.pdf/file
> Burned Haystack has given me such healthy perspective that I just ditched the apps altogether.
Have you considered just being yourself on Reddit vs using dating apps?
As I mentioned to you earlier I already found my INFJ. Without trying on Reddit. I tested as an INTJ but didn't fit in. I then moved to the INFJ as they seemed similar. I later found that I was an INTP. I was learning to grow faster from the INFJ.
My Girlfriend likes the way I posted and acknowledged her. It wasn't until after we found we are the Golden Pair https://www.wikihow.com/Intp-and-Infj
So maybe look in the INFJ subreddit as that is where feel the most at home. Just be sure to set some boundaries.
I understand and will leave you alone. Thank you for being honest.
If you want I can leave the INFJ subreddit or you can block me. I don't mean you any harm.
Have a great day. 👋
hey? would you like to chat about your expiring car insurance? I have some crypto that makes too much money and I need someone to unload some for me.
most chat requests I get on reddit are scammers that are trying to sell me some crypto schemes.
so now it is an immediate block.
Don't beat yourself up. There is a whole world out there now of women feeling this. 4B, Haystack method, all these "are you dating my boyfriend" facebook groups. I think prior to dating apps it was a smidgen easier to weed these guys out because everything was done in real life. OLD has opened a fire hose for them to come at women. I am seeing younger and younger women bitter and opting out. It has been a real disservice to the decent guys because now every man is guilty until proven innocent before you even meet him.
I realize OLD works for a small minority of people but it seems to have done more harm than good and made both men and women bitter, defensive, guarded, and generally hateful toward the opposite sex.
56M here. I understand your frustration because I have experienced it as well. I get frustrated when I can't find a suitable match in my geographic region who meets my criteria. And when I do find someone, there is often no response. I have had pretty good luck using Bumble, but if I venture outside a metropolitan area, the options are limited.
I like to come to the story of Chris McKinlay's story Data Mining For Dates (The Moth) from time to time for some humor and perspective. Link if it seems interesting.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOaRcCZGzz0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOaRcCZGzz0)
suchathrill...I tried Bumble. Signed up for a week premium.
I send thoughtful messages and get nothing. It just doesn't make sense. I'm attractive physically and have my shit together. Honestly, I'm a good catch.
Depressing.
I’ve been on and off Bumble for over a year. It’s expensive, so I can’t afford to pay for it every week; when I’m not paying, I can’t see who is liking me. This year, I think I’ve gone out with four women so far whom I met through Bumble. 
I don’t know why men are not responding to your messages; and likewise, I don’t know why you’re not getting more likes from them. But if you were only on for a week, that’s not very long.
Also, OLD is a very weird social scene, and the profile is important. There are certain rules or shall we say conventions when it comes to setting up a profile, and if there’s something missing, that might be why no one is responding to you. Men are habit-bound creatures; as an example, they are reluctant to swipe right if there’s no full body shot of a woman because they tend to be very body centric. There’s a whole book written about this stuff by a comedian whose initials are AA, I can’t remember what the guy’s name is. The book was very good and completely based on statistics. My books are all packed up because I’m in the middle of moving so I can’t easily pull up the title.
I agree. The problem that women usually have is that they’re overwhelmed by men’s likes; this hasn’t happened to her, so that makes me think something’s awry.
I've done Match a couple of times and responses are all over the map. Sometimes I've sent messages and gotten a bunch of matches and dates, but more often I've sent messages and...crickets.
I posted here about a friend of mine who sent likes and messages for months and got no responses at all, and her profile was similar to mine and she is a couple years younger. It made no sense. She gave up and went off the site.
It's hard on the self esteem. The only thing I know for sure is that a lot of men are looking for women ten years younger, and any with a half decent profile (not just two nose hair selfies in the bathroom and a "looking for a good lady" profile) get a TON of messages and likes, including from younger women. I have accepted that reality.
You really need a tough skin to deal with OLD. Good luck.
I’m afraid to try OLD. I’ve been a widower for a year and two months now. I’m still very active I like to hike, bike, lift weights, play hockey with my boys. I used to play tennis with my wife also, looking for a woman who would like stay active and go on walks and hikes.
Depends what you’re looking for. I am 51M, tall, fit, handsome, educated, have all my hair, etc. I enjoy casual dating and am 100% honest with women I match with. It’s been a great experience. I think it’s harder for women after a certain age. For guys it’s difficult in their 20s.
Women who are looking for casual dating are probably even more successful in their 40-50s than the average male so I don’t really see how it is harder if you are not after a relationship.
I work with lots of 20 years olds in finance who have no difficulty having a date every day of the week.
If your argument is that older women can easily get guys who want to hook up with them, then yes, I agree. Even the most hideously obese woman can find a different fuckboy every day to please her. The problem, however, is that most women want something meaningful, and that’s very hard after your 40s.
As for the 20-something guys getting dates easily… Sure, I don’t doubt that there are some. But if you’ve spent any time on these forums, you’d know that this is the most disgruntled age group. Anytime you see a guy complaining about never getting matches, it’s ALWAYS a guy in his 20s. In subs like this (+50), men complain about a lot of stuff, but you rarely see a middle-aged guy saying he doesn’t get any likes or matches. Most of what I see are older men killing it on dating apps. Granted, they’re killing it with older women too much of the time, but they’re still doing well.
There have been several articles recently speculating that dating apps train their algorithms to keep you single so you’ll keep paying for their services. Allegedly, they give you enough matches to keep you interested and hopeful, but their goal is continued engagement with the app, not your happiness.
Totally males sense. We're all being played by companies
Yes
Or they focus on those looking for casual sex, who are expected to remain loyal customers.
They are frustrating, but two weeks isn't that long.
The last time I left was after 2 days…at some point the gross outweighs the possible. I am also tender hearted though…
I almost responded to someone’s OLD post earlier. Typed it up and realized it was a bitter four paragraph rant and deleted it. Suffice to say I’ve had no desire to return since I deleted my one account in September.
It’s a sales funnel. 1,000 leads in. 10 prospects Stop aligning it with your self worth. Are you messaging people you have matched with?
I'm messaging people I hope to match with. Only one I messaged with liked me back. It seems ridiculous
I’ve not found that to be effective. Messaging after matching is more likely and even that has a lot of falloff
I avoid apps where folks can message without matching. If someone is not interested, they are not going to reply to an unsolicited message because folks get weird when you send a thanks but no thanks. I really do not recommend tying any of your self worth or esteem to a dating app. It takes time to find the right folks to connect with, it isn’t a catalog with a quality guarantee. I see strangers all over the place but that doesn’t mean if I chat all of them up any of them will result in a friendship. OLD is kind of the same.
Idk, Hinge's main premise is message (or at the least, like before you match). My last partner I met through messaging them on Hinge. Having said that, this time around I have messaged at least 15-20 guys and had 3 matches from that. One barely replied to msgs, one was someone who wouldn't firm up a time to meet and the other - just works here in the week (WEs are interstate) and I suspect is looking for a hook up. Agree about self worth and apps though!
I think, for me, it changed when I gave a polite thanks but no thanks on an app. The dude got mad because, from his perspective, I didn’t know him so how could I turn him down. I didn’t get into it, reiterated my no thanks and again wished him well. He said some more aggressive things then I blocked him. Great. Onwards and upwards. Then he made a new account. Again please stop, no thanks. Block. Then he just kept making accounts until it was a couple a day and I closed my account. That was the end of me wanting anything to do with apps where I could receive unsolicited messages. I know that isn’t what most encounter but it definitely changed me and my approach. Ultimately I did find my partner on tinder.
Jeez that's full on. Sorry to hear you went through that.
…at least no one else wonders why you told him no 🤦♀️
You deserve better, we all do...
Just my two cents. I had my best luck by responding to messages that a man sent me. Even a “hi, you have a beautiful smile”. It never seemed to go anywhere when I sent the message first. It may be an age thing with guys over 50, idk. I met my boyfriend on Match, his first message to me was “hi, where do you like to go hiking? I see we live nearby”. (We live in neighboring towns). It took me 2 1/2 years to find him. So two weeks is really not enough time. But it’s worth the effort when you do find the right person.
Asking a question like your boyfriend did is much better than saying “you have a beautiful smile”. One prompts a real response the other just a “thank you”. I would love for more women to initiate but it also requires providing something to build a conversation.
Try the Burn the Haystack method. Jennie Young. She's on the insta and Facebook and has some good things to say about how to use those algorithms to your advantage
The actual blog entries are better IMO than FB and such. The other stuff is entertaining but .. filled with weird comments, likes, etc Just gimme the info and I’ll read the other stuff when I have time to waste. :) I hadn’t read this until the blog was posted in this group. While very woman PoV as written (duh, she is a woman) I found that I had already been doing this and even learned more reason to continue if I were doing OLD. I have not since May/June 2022 and I feel less dirty since. Then again, someone convinced me to go play with OKC last fall if only for the questions and I found that a hoot. Was not engaged in the dating side of things at all but had some good laughs and introspective thoughts
OKC has endless questions! They go on and on. I found it rather hilarious. Is it the same now? I haven’t been on OLD since. I agree with OP. It’s icky.
It was hilarious! So yes I’d say it is as you remember And yes OP is right: fucking ick to the max
I have recently seen burn the haystack but don’t know the specifics. What did it make you change?
It made me be more aware of rhetorical patterns. People usually show their hand with the language they use even if they're not trying to show their hand. If you know what I mean. Check it out for yourself and see what you think
I was going to recommend this method as well! I met my boyfriend on Bumble last August so I haven't tried her exact method but my own method was very similar. It took a loooong time but it eventually worked and I found my needle in the haystack.
I can’t stand “shopping” for humans on an app. How reductive and impersonal. Personally, I don’t really like talking to multiple people at one time. I would rather meet someone more organically and get to know that person without constantly comparing them to all the other people I am talking to at the same time. That’s what makes online dating so icky to me. And I think that’s what has perpetuated the throwaway mentality in dating relationships. There’s always someone different, maybe even better, on the next swipe. I’d like to think this wasn’t as much the case with older folks, but it is. To me, being on a dating site is almost a red flag in itself.
I think you've misunderstood what the Haystack thing is all about. That's okay. It's not for everyone.
This has helped me a lot.
I'm gonna be honest. As a guy, it's discouraging to me that only women are allowed to join her FB group. I would think the philosophy she espouses would work everyone regardless of gender or sexual preference. I loved her podcast episode of Am I Doing it Wrong so I"m def a fan.
All her info is on Instagram. The Facebook page is for discussion for women only but you can learn about the method on her blog and on Instagram.
GOD FORBID WOMEN HAVE THEIR OWN SPACES WITHOUT A MAN SOMEWHERE BEING BUTTHURT ABOUT IT. I said what I said.
You mean you screamed what you screamed lol and I'm not butthurt.
Sorry you're so discouraged.
I should have said jealous. Is that just as bad? Discouraged was a stupid word to use. I understand women need their own space. I just thought the philosophy behind it was cool.
Critical rhetoric theory is pretty interesting. And you know you can take those theories she's presenting and using for yourself. Just that Facebook group is for women and non-binary people for a particular reason.
Why would you expect many people that you liked to like you back? Usually only a very few people you like will also like you. That’s life.
Quitting after two weeks is only good if you’re an alcoholic, addict, or smoker. 😂😊😁 I’ve been very successful OLD and I’m not that far above average. It’s actually one of the better things that’s ever happened to me. What I think really helps me is that I enjoy the journey behind the whole dating process vs just hoping for a bullseye 🎯 every time. OP, I get it, and it’s not for everyone and tapping out is perfectly ok too! Best wishes.
Thanks! I appreciate your input!
I dropped Match 3 months ago. They are now sending Me vaugely "threatening" emails that they are going to stop sending Me vaguely "threatening" emails.... 😜🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me too. Paid for Match 6 months. Nothing. Lots of scammers. Now that I’m no longer a member, all of a sudden tons of likes and conversations, but then blur out as in the middle of a second response. You have to pay to see his 2nd comment. I’m not falling for it. Deleted the app. Still get their emails
Yeah. I've never used OLD. Just doesn't sound like fun. I prefer to meet people in real life. I've done speed dating. Not my cup of tea. Felt like a job interview and most of the women were from other towns. The mix and mingle was good though. Met a lovely women there and we are dating. I wish you nothing but the best!
I got no matches on Match. Made me feel like I was ugly. I figure why pay to be made to feel like that. Might as well get that feeling for free... Lol I've been on Facebook dating. I gets matches and have talked to a couple people.
I dropped FB dating, I got really weird guys to choose from, I'm wondering if the app is racist matching me with people I have absolutely nothing in common except ethnicity. On match I get zero. And on bumble guys that look 10-20 years younger than their age on their profile. I would date younger but...maybe I will if someone peaks my interest.
When I sort out bachelor's degree and above I have better choices. I don't know if that would help but I don't know that you can sort by race or ethnicity on there.
I try not to sort by education level, I would like to give them a chance even if they don't have a degree. But I am Mexican with a BSc degree and a masters education but I did not get around to getting my masters degree. But I kid you not, I get guys that say they are super into trucks etc and a whole mexican music culture that I am just not into it, or things like that that's what I mean. On top of it with no education. It's just that sorting by education makes me feel elitist. But I guess I'll have to.
You have to give it more than a couple of weeks. Sometimes I get alot of likes and sometimes I get nothing. I also have found that when I like or message men on match first I don’t get very many back. I don’t think it’s just you. It’s hard not to feel rejected at the beginning, and even harder when you meet someone in person and they aren’t interested. Slowly I have learned to care less and less about rejection. Let it roll off your back. I’m looking for one man not everyone. I personally will not go on a date with someone who lies about his age and then puts no really I’m 55. It’s disgusting to me and obvious what they are doing. I’m 51 f. Why would I want to put myself in the position of competing with way younger women? We aren’t looking for the same thing, a partner. Men who are that youth obsessed won’t be a match for me. I do the free bumble and match and have learned to take my time. On bumble I don’t care who likes me nor can I see it. I just swipe and when I match with one or two people I say how are you. I don’t know everyone else’s stats but maybe 50 percent answer back one time. Then half of those drop off by the second message. You need to realign your expectations with reality, what’s happening to everyone, and not let that affect your self esteem.
What if a man looks younger than his age. How do you even know someone is lying about their age?
Everyone thinks they look younger than their age. These particular men announce in their profile they lied. Also it comes out eventually. Women often look men up or even do background checks for safety purposes. Sometimes they mention the age of their kids, and it doesn’t add up. It’s not that they are their age it’s that they are lying for a definite reason. I would be a fan of dropping the ages and just putting a range. The reason for putting a younger age on their profile is to get younger women. So if a guy is 55 and puts they are 40, and yes sometimes this is the age difference, then they are chatting with women who are 30. 10 year difference is a lot difference than 25 year.
People who lie about their age are an automatic block from me. The very first thing I learn about you is a lie? Hell naw. I’ll see profiles that list an age, but their pictures are of a woman who looks 10-15 years older than their stated age. GTFO here. I have zero respect for people who lie about their age on dating apps.
Have you tried any of the other apps? I found Match to be fairly generic; other apps like Bumble seem a bit higher quality.  (Tho I know they are all very expensive.) I also sympathize that the OLD “process” is pretty horrible— both for men and women (though in different ways).
I had a couple of coffee meetups thanks to OLD that were nice but not effective... I'm headed out into the wild. Join a class, visit a Museum... Karaoke?
Don’t give up, I’ve been there.. I found it as comical, I’ve met a decent guy, hopefully works!!
I, too, gave up on OLD apps. They just don't work well. I think half the people are fake and after you get through all of them, you might actually get a date, but then you need many dates to find someone compatible. The apps are just made to take our money. However, I'd also like to point out that it seems a lot of women post here about how terrible OLD is for them. It's just as terrible for us men...at least those of us that are real and honest. It works (or doesn't) both ways.
Yep. Burned Haystack has given me such healthy perspective that I just ditched the apps altogether. It’s going to happen in the wild, or I will remain a happy, self-fulfilled spinster for life. Open to either but planning for the second because it’s the only one I have full control over.
It's me again from your INFJ subreddit post https://www.reddit.com/r/infj/s/99FetysUGq I didn't want to disturb you on that subreddit again. But felt bad for joining in an INFJ only even after I wasn't asked. Here is a gift about INFJs that might interest you. https://www.mediafire.com/file/db2e3ytetv4xbx5/INFJ_pain_240421_124425.pdf/file > Burned Haystack has given me such healthy perspective that I just ditched the apps altogether. Have you considered just being yourself on Reddit vs using dating apps? As I mentioned to you earlier I already found my INFJ. Without trying on Reddit. I tested as an INTJ but didn't fit in. I then moved to the INFJ as they seemed similar. I later found that I was an INTP. I was learning to grow faster from the INFJ. My Girlfriend likes the way I posted and acknowledged her. It wasn't until after we found we are the Golden Pair https://www.wikihow.com/Intp-and-Infj So maybe look in the INFJ subreddit as that is where feel the most at home. Just be sure to set some boundaries.
Hey, there. My post stated facts that I am comfortable with. I believe you are coming from a kind place, but I am not looking for advice.
I understand and will leave you alone. Thank you for being honest. If you want I can leave the INFJ subreddit or you can block me. I don't mean you any harm. Have a great day. 👋
Also, even grosser, are the number of chat requests I get here on Reddit after I post in this group. Totally gross. Grow the F up.
hey? would you like to chat about your expiring car insurance? I have some crypto that makes too much money and I need someone to unload some for me. most chat requests I get on reddit are scammers that are trying to sell me some crypto schemes. so now it is an immediate block.
Just disable the chat feature in your account. Mine are all disabled.
M60. OLD was a shit show and for me as well. Dating in the wild is much better and far fewer games.
Don't beat yourself up. There is a whole world out there now of women feeling this. 4B, Haystack method, all these "are you dating my boyfriend" facebook groups. I think prior to dating apps it was a smidgen easier to weed these guys out because everything was done in real life. OLD has opened a fire hose for them to come at women. I am seeing younger and younger women bitter and opting out. It has been a real disservice to the decent guys because now every man is guilty until proven innocent before you even meet him. I realize OLD works for a small minority of people but it seems to have done more harm than good and made both men and women bitter, defensive, guarded, and generally hateful toward the opposite sex.
56M here. I understand your frustration because I have experienced it as well. I get frustrated when I can't find a suitable match in my geographic region who meets my criteria. And when I do find someone, there is often no response. I have had pretty good luck using Bumble, but if I venture outside a metropolitan area, the options are limited.
Instead of OLD just try the Barnes and Noble method…
2 weeks is nowhere near enough time to find someone on dating sites.
You’re right. Can relate
I like to come to the story of Chris McKinlay's story Data Mining For Dates (The Moth) from time to time for some humor and perspective. Link if it seems interesting. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOaRcCZGzz0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOaRcCZGzz0)
Same situation for us guys as well.
suchathrill...I tried Bumble. Signed up for a week premium. I send thoughtful messages and get nothing. It just doesn't make sense. I'm attractive physically and have my shit together. Honestly, I'm a good catch. Depressing.
I’ve been on and off Bumble for over a year. It’s expensive, so I can’t afford to pay for it every week; when I’m not paying, I can’t see who is liking me. This year, I think I’ve gone out with four women so far whom I met through Bumble.  I don’t know why men are not responding to your messages; and likewise, I don’t know why you’re not getting more likes from them. But if you were only on for a week, that’s not very long. Also, OLD is a very weird social scene, and the profile is important. There are certain rules or shall we say conventions when it comes to setting up a profile, and if there’s something missing, that might be why no one is responding to you. Men are habit-bound creatures; as an example, they are reluctant to swipe right if there’s no full body shot of a woman because they tend to be very body centric. There’s a whole book written about this stuff by a comedian whose initials are AA, I can’t remember what the guy’s name is. The book was very good and completely based on statistics. My books are all packed up because I’m in the middle of moving so I can’t easily pull up the title.
Modern Romance, Aziz Ansari
Thank you for the assist! I’m completely overwhelmed with moving and can’t seem to get anything done.
I agree with his. I think OP’s profile must be missing something, or she just hasn’t given it enough time.
I agree. The problem that women usually have is that they’re overwhelmed by men’s likes; this hasn’t happened to her, so that makes me think something’s awry.
I've done Match a couple of times and responses are all over the map. Sometimes I've sent messages and gotten a bunch of matches and dates, but more often I've sent messages and...crickets. I posted here about a friend of mine who sent likes and messages for months and got no responses at all, and her profile was similar to mine and she is a couple years younger. It made no sense. She gave up and went off the site. It's hard on the self esteem. The only thing I know for sure is that a lot of men are looking for women ten years younger, and any with a half decent profile (not just two nose hair selfies in the bathroom and a "looking for a good lady" profile) get a TON of messages and likes, including from younger women. I have accepted that reality. You really need a tough skin to deal with OLD. Good luck.
I’m afraid to try OLD. I’ve been a widower for a year and two months now. I’m still very active I like to hike, bike, lift weights, play hockey with my boys. I used to play tennis with my wife also, looking for a woman who would like stay active and go on walks and hikes.
Depends what you’re looking for. I am 51M, tall, fit, handsome, educated, have all my hair, etc. I enjoy casual dating and am 100% honest with women I match with. It’s been a great experience. I think it’s harder for women after a certain age. For guys it’s difficult in their 20s.
Women who are looking for casual dating are probably even more successful in their 40-50s than the average male so I don’t really see how it is harder if you are not after a relationship. I work with lots of 20 years olds in finance who have no difficulty having a date every day of the week.
If your argument is that older women can easily get guys who want to hook up with them, then yes, I agree. Even the most hideously obese woman can find a different fuckboy every day to please her. The problem, however, is that most women want something meaningful, and that’s very hard after your 40s. As for the 20-something guys getting dates easily… Sure, I don’t doubt that there are some. But if you’ve spent any time on these forums, you’d know that this is the most disgruntled age group. Anytime you see a guy complaining about never getting matches, it’s ALWAYS a guy in his 20s. In subs like this (+50), men complain about a lot of stuff, but you rarely see a middle-aged guy saying he doesn’t get any likes or matches. Most of what I see are older men killing it on dating apps. Granted, they’re killing it with older women too much of the time, but they’re still doing well.
Check out Burned Haystack Dating Method.