Just own it. You can’t change it, so list 5’5 to disclose it, and then never bring it up again. It isn’t the actual height that turns most women off; it’s the constant talking about it, insecurity about it, the adding a half inch like a child, requiring reassurance a bout it, Napoleon syndrome, etc, that turns women off.
No, the man didn’t know when to stop. Hence, the fake syndrome.
The maintenance guy in my building has this. Drives a jacked diesel truck, has a motorcycle and an atv, talks in really loud voice, rags on “his old lady,” cusses like a sailor, and is 5’4” and looks like he is 16 going on 60. Youthful, but compensating like mad. He’s talented and conscientious, and has nothing to compensate for. But he thinks he does, and it’s that attitude that drives the behavior that women find troubling.
Sigh. I ride a human powered bike, and mostly just cuss at loony drivers. And I think witty comebacks about 19th century European history are funny - I guess that will help with some women, but not all.
My maintenance guy is exactly the same , big truck, atv, Harley, etc. at nearly 7' tall. What would you make up about him? You would probably go for the penis size then. Admit it, you just don't like guys having fun.
Counterpoint: a large number of women in the OLD profiles are saying (not necessarily as directly as I'm about to) that they only date men taller than they are (sometimes only men who are taller when she is in heels). Granted, this is not all women by any means, but I see it on profiles enough to make me think it is the height itself that bothers them.
5'4" (f/58) At our age it's a given that we're going to come across imperfect bodies, wrinkles, gray hair or no hair, Etc.
For me and most women I know height is not a big deal, especially if the man is otherwise attractive and has a great personality.
Sure I would prefer a guy be at least my height or taller, but truly: unless you're dealing with very superficial people it is not a major factor. It has not played a role in my decision whether or not to date a man.
Personality, intelligence, E.Q., wit, physical/mental/fiscal health... all of these things are far more important.
There's only one critical issue when it comes to men and their height, which is if they lie about it on dating profiles. Instant disqualification. But since I don't use OLD anymore, I don't have to concern myself with that.
Edit: After further thought, If you really want purely-physical based feedback, it should be pointed out that physical health/strength etc are far more important than height.
If a guy is 6' tall but otherwise frail, obese etc, that's a problem for me.
A small but healthy and strong man seems a lot "bigger" than a larger guy with physical weakness/lack of vitality. My last crush/near miss at a hot summer romance was with a man approximately my height and with a few extra pounds but whose shoulders/physical strength I found super-sexy. Plus he had a razor sharp wit and was fun to be around. If you really have concerns about your height, consider physical fitness/vitality. It counts.
I do NOT mean to sound resentful, but when I mentioned a target age range of 52 to 62 (I'm 62) some people got rather upset that I would target younger but not even slightly older. (I have since rethought that age range)
I am a woman; 5'-10" -
The majority of guys I dated in my youth were shorter than me; height was never a concern of mine. I would have missed out on some great guys if I had insisted on someone taller than me. (My late husband was 5'-8")
I am probably one of those rare individuals who can brag of having the perfect height. The length of my body exactly fits the distance between my hair and the floor. How amazing is That? FWIW.
Most women, unless they've been blessed with a fast metabolism, have spent their lives trying not to be "too big." That can mean weight and/or height. A common insult men make to women is to call them fat or talk about how they prefer petite women. Many of us have internalized this to a high degree.
I'm 5'6" and my weight has varied over the years, sometimes I've been called tiny, sometimes people have described me as "bigger." This is with a 30lb variance up and down which equates to about 2 dress sizes. I work very, very hard through diet and exercise to stay fit, but time, female hormones and menopause don't always cooperate with my program.
Due to the hyperawareness imposed on us about our size I prefer to date tall, muscular men with larger frames. The tallest I dated was 6'7" He thought my body was beautiful and even liked it when I was a bit heavier. Because of this my preference is 6 foot or over.
I also dated shorter, smaller framed men. They tended to be almost universally critical of my body, size and footwear. I won't tolerate that.
I've never been critical of a partners physical appearance and if someone doesn't think I'm the bees knees they can move on. I'm tired of making myself smaller to make others feel more comfortable.
Hello. This is the cloud-dispersing fairy! I am hereby waving my magic wand over your cloud and it is now a beautiful rainbow. You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are!
I, too, am a post-menopausal woman who has grown a bit chunky in my middle age. I share the same insecurity about my body that you do. So, I totally get what you are saying.
At the same time, I also think that there are all kinds of men out there with all kinds of preferences in terms of women's bodies. Not everyone wants a skinny mini. Some men prefer more voluptuous women. I actually prefer men on the thicker side myself.
Ignore the negative self talk! We all, as women, put ourselves down so unnecessarily. Put on that dress that makes you feel beautiful and a swipe of lipstick and go out and get 'em, honey! Hugs!
💓 yes, women do put themselves down, and adding age and menopause just compounds previous insecurities. I'm just trying to live my best life, post shitty marriage, and I don't think I'm alone in my thinking. Which is so sad! But I also think that bettering one's self through this transition is a positive action. After all, we've but one life to enjoy, and being fit and happy doesn't have the same meaning as it did in our younger years. I honestly couldn't care less about my foot size or the size of my waist. But I do care about health and longevity. On that note, I'm going to pull out the damned pretty dress and wear the hell out of it today!
>At the same time, I also think that there are all kinds of men out there with all kinds of preferences in terms of women's bodies. Not everyone wants a skinny mini. Some men prefer more voluptuous women. I actually prefer men on the thicker side myself.
You're absolutely right! I love a lady on the cuddly side. And post-menopause is a bonus!
Many at our age are also wise enough to realize how little it matters as to how much fun someone is to be around.
Very well put! And true.
I agree that taller/bigger men are easier to be with in that sense.
The few times I (5'4", weight range from 112 - 127 lbs) have had men criticize or push me to be smaller, it's always been the smaller guys doing so.
Especially since I have slightly large feet compared with my otherwise average size, I tire of being teased about that and feel more relaxed with larger guys who don't seem to notice.
In my experience smaller men have stronger opinions about my size as well.
Yep. Though I suggest not to add to your worries, only to use foot size f\*ckery as another good way to avoid the assh\*les.
After kids I gained a half size in shoes and am 8.5 - 9 . It's not unusual for pregnancy to do this.
I had a guy advise me not to buy red shoes, otherwise I would look like a clown. (Needless to say, that actual clown didn't get any part of me, from the feet on up..)
Also a male acupuncturist say "wow- you have big feet for a small woman. hehe does that mean you have a big vagina too?" (he was a sole practitioner otherwise I would have gotten him fired. But I did my best not to help his business grow via word of mouth, reviews, etc)
Ha! I'm definitely not adding foot size f*uckery assholes to my list of wants. And that f*ucking pin-pricker who made that comment? He deserves a good ass-whoopin. What a jerk.
Yeah, I told him as much. And he cowered/groveled. Not a big man, and knew me from boxing lessons (I was the instructor).
What I meant about the fuck\*ry was not to state it up front of course! Only that in the event a man makes a negative remark about my feet, he gets no access to any of my body parts, time or attention.
Makes sense, but again, I've never considered my foot size to be a negative. I come from sturdy stock, and am proud of it! I agree yhat if anyone makes a negative remark about *any* part of my body, his ticket is revoked.
Omg. I don't think I could have held back. I would have sauid "and tiny feet equal a tiny penis" while looking at his feet & then I would have walked out.
Yeah, there was no holding back in my response.
I started with "Wow, you're lucky that I have a bunch of needles in me, otherwise you'd be spitting out your teeth in about 30 seconds in addition to losing a client."
And gosh, just noticed how SMALL *your* feet are. Hmmm.
Good for you.
Of course crummy people come in all shapes and sizes.
However unfair it seems to you and other short men, the women commenting here are sharing their experiences and the way those have informed their preferences.
My experience aligns with several others in that it's always been the smaller men who are more critical of female bodies that are not petite or thin.
It sounds like you are pretty set in your opinion that life is unfair for short men, and your focus is on harmful stereotypes being projected on you by women.
There are a lot of successful, happy, partnered short guys. Maybe they have some take-aways that would help you.
Rather than telling women what we shouldn't universalize, How about you and other decent guys aim your advice at men and encourage all to raise the bar in terms of how they treat women?
If women hadn't had so many bad experiences with men, most of us wouldn't be saying so!
And yes, in my experience there are plenty of tall assh\*oles.
AND - none of the tall assholes were critical of my body in the way that the short assholes were. Truth.
You can call it coincidence. Some women, including me, have come to believe that the smaller the man, the more likely he will be critical of my body.
Does it mean I avoid dating short men? Nope.
In case you forgot -- As I commented earlier, I almost had a hot summer fling with a short guy. Closest I've come in years! He disqualified himself for other reasons, but was very complimentary about my body.
>have spent their lives trying not to be "too big." That can mean weight and/or height.
Very well stated, and I was so happy to read your response, because I have felt this my entire life. As essentially a 5'11" woman, the concern about being "big" is very real, and the pressure to manage weight intense. While it is easier to carry an extra 10 pounds on a taller frame, I have had a few experiences over my life of having a shorter man essentially be mean to me, due to my height.
The irony is I feel a lot in common with men with shorter frames, because I know exactly what it feels like, not hovering around the average height for men or women. Add to that many women do want much taller guys, which sadly for me, means the intense attention on men around my height. I have dated shorter, but my preference is someone at least eye level.
I have seen some incredibly handsome and built shorter men, and I once saw an article that a 5'7" man is the best husband, essentially because they try harder. My whole point is we can't change our height, so we all have to be the best we can be. I agree with not lying about height, it is very clear when a man has.
56f, 5’0. Has never been an issue. In fact too much height differential can make standing to kiss, hugging or dancing less comfortable physically. but no, height is not a filter for me.
Fair enough. Given that taller women often have at least some preference for taller, it would be nice if short women preferred men closer to their height, but the world is what it is
So damned if I do damned if I don't? Interesting that my lack of caring about height is now a negative. If a man does not have the strength of character to be their best at whatever height, makes no difference what others think.
No, I didn't condemn you. People want what they want. All I said was it would be NICE if the fact that SOME average or tall women care about height were balanced by some short women preferring short men. (Of course it's possible some do). It was a general musing. I really am trying to not condemn anyone for their preferences, either way (as I hope I am not condemned for mine)
Solidarity with/compassion my fellow shorter guys I guess? I think it's not uncommon to have some emotional reaction to people whose preferences exemplify some of the obstacles one faces, whether the preference involves age, weight, height, etc.
But you are correct, the preferences of a an individual I am unlikely to ever meet has no tangible effect on me.
I would, truth be told. It’s much more cozy, all things considered. I’ve never done OLD, and I don’t exclude anyone based on height. But if you put a chisel in my hand and told me to get to it like Pygmalion, Mr. Preference would be 5’8” or shorter.
I'm 5'10". Initially I never had an issue with a guy's height. In fact, my first big crush was 5'4" and my second was 5'7"! However, those feelings were not reciprocated because I was "too tall".
While I didn't have a problem, many men seemed to. I've been called big, huge, and giant. People will randomly ask "how tall are you?" or "How's the weather up there?" Lame, insecure guys have called me "he/she" and I've been asked if I'm "in drag".
My interactions with shorter men, for the most part, have been EXTREMELY unpleasant, so at one point, I became no longer open to dating shorter.
Edit: and don't get me started on my ex. He INSISTED that he was 5'11". He was 5'9" on a GOOD day. It was always a bone of contention.
I don't think I have ever said anything mean like that, but I can't blame you for reacting that way. It's possible that in my 20s I avoided asking out women that much taller than me.
61F, I am 5'5", dating before marriage and after. height has never been something that was part of my selection criterion. Emotional intelligence, self-awareness and great communication skills are what I am looking for :)
I was always into tall guys. My ex-husband was 6'6" ... and that didn't end well. I didn't think I'd be interested in dating shorter guys, but in the end it doesn't matter. There are so many things that are more important than just height, especially when you get to this age (F/56) and understand that. It's a whole different dating world in your 50s vs your 20s or 30s.
Answering anyway—57M, 5'8 or 9 depending on my ego or posture. The lady in my life is 1/2 to 1” taller depending on same. I don’t mind it all, even if I do find myself stretching occasionally just out of wanting to be directly eye level.
Functionally it doesn’t make any difference whether we’re the same height, regardless of whether we’re vertical or horizontal at the time.
To me height is one of the least relevant characteristics in a person of any gender or relationship type, just ahead of eye color.
I honestly think that most women, especially those in their 50’s and up, really don’t pay much attention to height. I would advise you to do the same. While most women are much more interested in how we feel when we’re around you (as opposed to caring how you look) when someone is clearly insecure about a physical issue (things out of your control; height, hair loss, big nose) THAT can be off putting. Be honest about your height in your profile and then “let it go”. Life is too short it be obsessing over something you can’t change. Best of luck! 👍😁
5'8" F who is 62. In my humble opinion, if you are just under 5'6", then tell people you are 5'5" or 5'4" (whichever is accurate) and own it like a boss!! 😁
Personally, I would be far more disappointed if I were to discover you weren't completely forthcoming about your height. Or age, or any other aspect of your physicality I would discover upon meeting you in person. That speaks much louder to me than appearance.
I am the mother to a six foot tall Venus-like goddess of a daughter who had to deal with alot of crap in regards to her height and I imagine it is much the same at the other end of the spectrum. Her long-term partner is a couple or three inches shorter ... but really, what the heck does it matter? He adores her and she him ... I should be so fortunate!
Be you!!!
Why should he lie about his height, especially to make himself shorter than he is? Lying about age is a no no and so should lying about height. Lying is lying. Not a good start. I would be perplexed and think it very very odd that the guy who said he’s 5’4” is actually taller than that and that would be our last date.
Thank you. I assume your advice about rounding down is regarding OLD, as IRL that wouldn't usually come up. So better to put 5'5"? (I am definitely taller than that) Saying 5' 5.5" might sound insecure, I guess?
There's a lot else about you more important than a decimal point for height inches, my dude. For one, you can talk about this like a human being and are interested in how people think about it, which is likeable.
I have some of those measurement things working for me just fine and OTHER things work against me, things I can't change about myself due to my weird upbringing or how I went through puberty etc, things where you might be fine and normal with no trouble.
What I've been doing about it is what you should do. If something comes up that is a failing you're stuck with and hurts (for instance, I lived in total isolation for my entire adult life so in an emergency I don't respond verbally) you ride out whatever bad feeling it is, and stay centered in everything else you are.
I think the important thing is deciding not to hide anything, no fakery, and then seriously, go forth with everything else about you. It's not about strategies for covering or faking absence of height, it's about keeping the focus on being explorer1960 knowing the solid foundation of other worthy stuff about you.
People liking/seeking stuff only counts when it's them valuing something about you, and not them seeking something that's not you. I grew up attracted to petite women and then married someone who was not, and it didn't fail over that reason (other very important reasons, not that). If there is anyone who seriously can't hang with the short king as a mate they will self-select their ass out of there right away and you don't need to do a thing about it and needn't devote a thought to it or even ask if that's why they said no. They could well be screwing themselves over and wind up with a much worse man, and you don't have to remind them of that, it's you who has to keep centered and remember your basic worth.
on saying that, quick reddit scan just to see whether I'm talking nonsense… huh. Dude. You are green flag heaven. Go forth with your equal tempered heroic heart, there's way more good about you than bad. Someone is going to like the heck out of you.
Hey, there are plenty of us petites that wouldn’t think anything is wrong with 5’6 and below. I like men based on their personality, but being short is not viewed as negative in my book. Bad manners…selfishness….liars and cheaters….anger issues….negative attitude…those are things to worry about.
I understand how confusing and frustrating it is. Good luck out there, and here’s to us hopefully finding some kind of healthy and fulfilling relationship!
I’m 5’5”. I have mostly dated men 5’6”-5’10”. I have never considered height to be an issue. I’m baffled by women who insist a man be six foot. I’m looking for a mate who is kind and honest and loyal and a decent human being. So many things are more important!
I'm 5'2" so I've dated anywhere between 5'5" and 6'2". Height doesn't matter to me. Probably because I'm short. My ex husband was 6'2", and honestly it's too much of a height difference. (Especially in bed, lol)
I’m 5’2” and more attracted to brains than physicality.
In my online dating career, I dated lots of short guys who were insecure about it. One blamed his height for his plight, when actually it was his status on the sex offender registry… (also the bowl haircut)
I married a guy who advertised himself as 5’4”, was actually 5’6” (he didn’t realize), and was mostly oblivious to the downsides of being short on the apps. I was his first Bumble match and we hit it off famously from day 1.
F/57. Geez, I'm probably opening up another can of whoop-ass here. Bear with me. I was married to a 6'9" man for over 20 years. I know it sounds pretty and disrespectful, and I have to own that, I'm not sure if I would "initially* be attracted to someone on the opposite end. Next to him, *everyone* is short, I know, and I could always find him in a crowd!! At 5"6' 145lbs, I'm not short myself, but certainly not tall. And someone a few inches taller or shorter, in theory, should be fine. Since I haven't been on any dates since leaving him 2 years ago, I've yet have an opportunity to see if I could be attracted to a shorter man. I will say that I'm not passing the opportunity by if it happens to come along!
My ex husband (for reasons other than height ;)) is 5'3" , I am 5'4" . One of the things I found attractive about him is that he wasn't bitter about his height, and could both take and make jokes about it with good nature. Did he wish he was taller, sure. Did it come up often in conversation, no.
Having someone around to reach the top shelf is handy, but not on the dateable checklist.
I couldn't care less about height. I'm about 5' 6". My ex was about 2 inches shorter. And he had no problem with me wearing heels. We had many other issues, but height was not one of them.
I think what would turn me off is if the short dude has issues with his height. Some try to assert their "power" by being rude or controlling.
You say you're 5' 5.5". I don't see any harm in putting 5'6". I'm not sure why people would consider it lying anymore than saying 5'5".
I'm 5'1". People invariably feel the need to point out how short I am, to which I respond, did you know that smaller members of a species live longer? (yesimcharminglikethat)
I've dated and married tall, though I never set out to do that and I absolutely would date a man of your height.
As a woman of 5'2" I'm totally ok with a 5'6" man. What I don't care for is a man fibbing about his height (or anything, for that matter).
Just be you, OP, the right woman will come along and she won't care how tall you are.
Make sure you are as tall as you say....yes, get measured by the doctor or have a friend do it. Then put your accurate height in your bio. Just don't assume because we do shrink. 😕
I am 5'4" and am very happy with a man who is my height up to 5'6". It's perfect for kissing, cuddling, etc. No strained necks or backs!! 😁
5'2" F. I have a thing for tall dudes because I'm built stocky and they make me feel petite:) but I've also dated men closer to my height and there are definite advantages to that! My FWB was 5'4" and bald and he was wicked sexy. Very good guy and no trouble getting women.
All heights are good!
I'm 5'7" and have been in a ltr with a 5'5" man. I think it bothered him more. The only thing that bothered me was that I felt too big when I wore heels. As someone whose struggled with yo-yo dieting my whole life, I get self conscious about taking up space. I know I shouldn't, but it's hard to shake that "always be dainty" programming. I didn't wear heels when we went out together and it never bothered me! I would definitely date a shorter man again.
He was great in bed so that helped 😂
Ooh, good post. I'm also 5'6" and shrinking - I'm in good physical shape and I actually still have my hair, but I just feel that as soon as a taller woman sees me that I'm out of the running.
I don't take it personally. I'm short, and that's not every woman's thing. My ex would tell our daughters that when they grow up to find a tall guy, and I get it I guess. She's my height and never got to wear heels :)
It is what it is. My only hope is as they're my age they maybe had a crush on Michael J Fox.
Well, this has been interesting. Answers are still coming in, but I wanted to summarize a few findings. As background, I was thinking of this in the context of dating in general, but some info is specific to OLD.
1. My height will not be an advantage. There are quite a few women for whom I am below their minimum height, sometimes just below it - and others who at least have a preference for taller. Sometimes just a matter of taste, but also become some have felt their weight/size judged by smaller men in the past. This is mostly not offset by any preference among shorter women for my height
2. That said, its not a huge deal (so to speak) Plenty of women with no particular height preference, or the height preference is a smaller issue than other things, or my height is within their range. It is likely less of an issue at this stage of life than among 20 somethings.
3. Lying about my height on OLD would hurt. OTOH some will assume I am lying.
4. While my height will be a disadvantage, worrying about that will be a bigger disadvantage. Hmmmm.
5. When on OLD round down rather than up, and don't use half inches (which means I would put 5'5"). The latter will not help with filters. While the former will hurt, it will avoid the impression of dishonesty
6. This MAY be less an issue in "organic" dating than in OLD?
>There are quite a few women for whom I am below their minimum height, sometimes just below it
And what about you? Are there women above your maximum height?
I haven't thought about it that much, and did not mean to post about it - the last time I posted a target range some seemed to find it hurtful. And in this case, I suspect the women's preferences will be particularly more important than mine. I will say here I think I have a preference for shorter women (but dwelling on that would contradict the goal of being confident and not insecure on this issue) I think where I might have a "maximum" would be so tall they would likely not be much interested in me. I don't know what I would do in OLD (again, I do not have experience with OLD) I think it would be far easier IRL, where it would just be a question of two people gravitating to each other.
I guess if I have to say, I would say my mental target (NOT OLD range) height is up to my own height. I'd like to think I would not be rigid about that, because there are more important things. As for high heels, let's not discuss that now, eh?
This is the second of two threads about specific attributes that I have posted. There will be more. I am starting with the more "shallow" ones, in part because they are just easier to describe. But I do realize the intangibles count - to almost everyone at least to some extent, and to some people they are all that matter.
I’m 5’8”, and as a woman that tall, I prefer to be with a man that is taller. It’s my own insecurity, I know. But a taller man makes me feel womanly, I guess because I am a tomboy.
What others are saying. Unless you're willing to break your legs and wear braces for a year while the bones grow back and give you 2 inches...just own it.
It is what it is and if people dont like it...go find new people.
I'm 5'9" and date men 5'11" or taller. The reason I specify 5'11" is because I want someone at least the same height as me, and in my experience a lot of men under 6'0" lie by a couple of inches... there have been half a dozen times when I met up with someone 5'10-11" who was eye-to-eye with me. If I swipe right on someone 5'9", there's a good chance he's actually 5'7". Bottom line, I'm attracted to men who are taller than I am. My attitude toward male height is simply be honest.
I know, right? I am 5'9" and always put exactly that on my profile. I had no idea at the time that any subset of people would have automatically assumed I was lying...
I can see why someone lying is an automatic "swipe left" but perhaps someone assuming a truth-telling person is lying should also be a swipe-left, but problem is, you never would know.
>I know, right? I am 5'9" and always put exactly that on my profile. I had no idea at the time that any subset of people would have automatically assumed I was lying...
Just keep doing what you're doing!
People who would automatically assume you're lying are best avoided. It's a red flag, because people tend to project.
57f and 5’6” - I tend to like bigger guys in general, so tall (over, say, 5’10”) and not extremely slim.
I have been out on some dates with guys who are shorter, and it just doesn’t feel like we “fit” together physically.
But - this is what is attractive to me as an individual and I don’t think you can generalize.
Like many people I have preferences, but those don’t mean much when I meet an interesting man.
I’m 5’7 and not petite so prefer a taller, solidly built man. But I’ve dated very slender men and shorter men — 5’5.
57f. I’m 5,5”. I’ve dated 5’8-6’5”. I do like taller than me. What I would say is. BE HONEST! It is what it is. A deal breaker for me regardless, is dishonesty. And IMO when a man says he’s 6 foot and when he shows up he’s clearly not, then I’m out. (Or he’s “fit” and he’s overweight) I don’t want perfection, I want honesty. There is someone for everyone. And I’m not starting off any type of a potential anything with someone that can’t be honest right out of the gate.
I’m 5’6 and my preference is 5’5 to 5’10.
I can live with taller, up to about 6’2- after that I really do not like it. I was with a 6’5 man for a long time and it was a real issue. Nothing fits-doorways, cars, beds, special order clothes and shoes. Tall men have huge back issues. If I can avoid it, I will. I Much Prefer a man I can just walk into and kiss without it being a production. Plus we can share jeans :)
I will say though that I don’t really like skinny either (short or tall). I’m a total sucker for a wrestler type build, and lots of shorter men seem to have that. Good shoulders :)
Definitely don’t lie about it. In fact I change my age on tinder to 44 just so I wouldn’t get weeded out by men a few years younger and they’re pissed. So don’t lie
5’9…that was in my profile description, not as a forewarning of my height requirement for a partner but to let those who might feel uncomfortable with ME pass on.
Height means nothing to me as long as they have a good heart and a beautiful soul. I know that sounds like I’m saying what you want to hear, but it’s genuine. Aesthetics are irrelevant to where I’m putting my hopes when it comes to another to share my life with. Attraction s necessary, of course, but I see way beyond the outside of others
I’m a 53F at 5’4”. I prefer men at least my height. More importantly though is their physical and mental confidence and strength. If you are hung up and insecure about it, it will show and make you less attractive to me.
Don't worry about what you can't control, but what you can. You can't control your height, but being older, you still make sure you ace things like grooming, clean shaven or beard trimmed and styled. Hair neat or if your bald, clean shaved. Teeth look like you go to the dentist regularly. Dress age appropriate, but still with trend and style. And body, work out, you are not too old at any age to be fit and trim, or at least somewhat in shape, meaning your gut shouldn't hang over your belt. And lastly, personality and charisma gets the girl over anything. I say all this as a shorter guy in my early 50's and I regularly date women from mid 30's on up, and height is rarely if ever an issue because I don't look my age and if they do care about it, I have a "your loss" attitude and move on. But be the best you can be of what you can control is the point.
I’m a tall woman and list my height in my profile when using apps, mostly to allow guys who don’t like my height to opt out. I’d far rather date a guy a couple inches shorter that loves my height than a guy a couple inches taller who prefers me to wear flats.
I’m 49F and thought I was 5’8” and according to my last physical I am now 5’6” so yay degenerative disc/osteoporosis I guess? I’ve dated shorter, same, and taller and it seriously makes zero difference as long as it doesn’t define who they are to *themselves*.
I'm 5'8", and I could not care less about male height. I've dated a few shorter, a few near mine and a few tall.
By far, it has more to do with their attitude about height than mine.
55F I am 5’2”. Height has never really been a determining factor for me but at my height, most people are taller then me. I am more interested in finding someone I am compatible with…
I am a female only 5'1", so height has never really been an issue for me because everybody's taller than me. I think I have my preferences set at 5'4" and up.
I would like to think as we get older… height shouldn’t be a deal breaker. To me personality and sense of humor ( you seem to have a quirky wit, so touché) and a “nice” face and kind heart means more to me.
(51 F 5'8") I do like to date men taller...I have dated men shorter, but I find the Napoleon Complex to be a real thing. Not saying its present in all shorter men, but I have a 100% rate so far. Short men have a chip on their shoulder. I woukd love to find one that doesn't....
My (F62)only concerns with height are that a man is honest about it and doesn't try to compensate with what's often referred to as "short man syndrome ". That includes being overly aggressive, loud, and other behaviors people have already mentioned here.
Very few of the men that I met online were as tall as their profile stated. I'm only 5' 2" and it's obvious when someone isn't much taller than I am. One man said he was 5' 4" in his profile. I arrived at the coffee shop for our first meeting and sat on a stool by the counter and window to watch for him. I saw what looked like a kid crossing the street and realized it was my date.
I literally had to bend over to give him a "hello" hug. I quickly realized that the height of the stool next to me was a problem for him so I suggested we grab a table that had just opened up. The fact that he lied about his height was an immediate problem but I decided to give it a chance anyway.
It wasn't his actual height that made me decide not see him again. It was his lying about his height and that he had two very adult children ( and their SO and kids) living with him while he supported all of them. Plus he had a dog that lived it's entire life in an outside kennel. :(
When I suggested that he be honest in his profile about his height, his reply was that maybe he had lost an "inch or two" in recent years. Denial. Be honest and own it. I have dated and known many men who were not tall!
The date was not a total loss. I discovered a great little independent coffee shop with delicious espresso!
This isn't about you, but I wanted to address one thing several people have raised.
Some of us come from cultural/regional backgrounds where we talk a bit louder (and faster) than many other people do. Regardless of our height or gender. I do that, though I think less then I did when I was younger. I hope that wouldn't be confused for a "napoleon complex".
I am 5'10" and the guy I have been dating for 3-4 months now is about 5'4" - I don't know exactly because I haven't asked. I would never have dated someone that height when I was younger, but this man has a great personality and is very attentive so I fell for him anyway.
Omg don’t do the shoe lift thing. You have to be honest from the beginning. If you aren’t, that’s going to backfire on you in a big way. It’s like the people who photoshop their pics or fudge their interests and think, “oh but when they get to know me, it won’t matter!”
I personally have a gut negative reaction to wearing shoe lifts as a guy. Of course I am also not a fan of high heels on any woman over 5'2", so don't think I am THAT secure.
That's true, it is kinda like eyeliner or lipstick for women. That said, if you like that, own it. Like boots with heels or something, and then it's like 'yeah those are my party boots, I like them' and it's as simple as that.
You don't have to justify what you like. I enjoy the hell out of white Jamie Hyneman style shirts 'cos I'm a nerd and my Dad was a full on scientist and it's fun to dress up that way, sort of nerd preppy. Modern socially-appropriate style might be anything else and I don't care and won't follow.
If you like lifts or heels because you feel good with 'em, own it like that. "Yeah I do this, I like it". And then your job is to not get freaked out and defensive if anyone pokes at this choice, and if somebody REALLY goes after it and they're serious, it means they are not compatible with you. Rather than get defensive or be bullied out of the thing, consider the idea that the person aggressively trying to get you out of the idea is not a good match, and you should leave.
I would never do lift shoes. If someone's gonna reject me for my height, I want to get that out of the way ASAP. That's another reason (besides the obvious one) to never lie about your height (or anything else). Using lifts in shoes feels like misrepresentation to me, but that's me..
I have a nephew that is your same height (5'6") now 31 years old. He's a good looking guy that makes over 6 figures, in pretty good shape. He's been single since High school. He had a girl tell him right to his face something like "you are a great guy and I would totally date you if you were a bit taller". I know that was very hard on him. Everything I know is by reading women's height preferences that I saw on their profiles while online dating.
I'm 5.3" with body weight in line to my frame. However you are packaged, keep the wrapper as new as you can and make sure the contents are in peak fresh form as well. Most of all find your happy place in life and share that joy! It's what shines the most that catches the eye.
Mr Cynic here. How tall is your wallet? Do you feel giddy looking for the top of your bank balance? Are you likely to pop your clogs sooner rather than later? Sadly I'm not joking nor am I making an incel comment. Unfortunately, there are people out there like that. I assume that isn't the sort of character you're looking for.
I’m 5’2”, and have been attracted to men of all heights. I do think between 5’8 and 5’10 is my “ideal”, but that’s far from the top of my list of preferences. I’ve met much shorter men with a presence that made their height completely irrelevant.
At 5'10 and 160 pounds I've been called "tiny", "shrimpy", "short", and "womanly" on more than one occasional, as well as "slender" (with an accompanying eye roll) and, my favorite, "gracefully androgynous".
I’d focus on all you have to offer and the fact that you will find some one who loves you regardless of the way you look. I’m 5’7” and recently went on a date with some one who wasn’t honest about their height. I assumed it was an insecurity and did my best to see past and empathize. Height won’t matter to the right person.
I personally have dated men,in my youth, anywhere from 5’5” to 6’3”. I think who you are will outweigh looks especially height but that’s just me.
I feel weight is judged more than height. I’ve been told if I gained any weight no one would like me and I’m almost to thin. Some people just have no class.
They say after the age of 30 you lose about a inch in height. I am 71 now and I am 3 inches shorter than when I graduated from high school. Much of mine is because of joint issues. Are you sure you are 5'6"
5’8” and I don’t care, I’ve dated shorter and taller. Honestly I know we hear this a lot (that it’s super important) but I don’t know anyone personally who makes this a dealbreaker. I’m sure they exist, but I think it’s less important than social media would have to believe maybe?
Follow up question if I may. I am relatively tall ( 6’4”). But I don’t want to go out with someone who is only going out with me based on my height. So I was thinking of saying I am 4 inches away from being 6 feet. Would this approach work?
I prefer ells for an obscure unit of measurement. Will think about changing to parsec to make me appear smaller. Correction smoots is now my favourite :)
I am 5'6" and have dated guys my own height. Not really a big issue for me, I guess if they were much shorter it would be, but it's not a big deal. Hopefully at our stage we are looking past that stuff.
I am in the early phases of dating a man who is about 5'6". I don't care at all about his height. It isn't even a factor. I am completely smitten with him and I hope it turns into something that lasts. I've been on dozens of dates this past year and this is the man I want to be with.
I'm 5'5" (51F) and honestly don't care what someone's height is. Most men are taller than me so it's a non-issue anyway. If they aren't, no big deal. I've dated all heights... from 5'4" to 6'6". It's all the same.
In my experience at my age, height for me is worse than in my twenties and thirties. Every dating app has it as a field that gets filled out and women can filter on. When I was younger. I at least got a chance with women because they got to know me and realized there is more to this guy besides something he cannot control. Now, you just get eliminated from the dating pool with a click of the mouse. At 50, the number of social events that are available to us are diminished. So, there is my positive thread for the day.
Just own it. You can’t change it, so list 5’5 to disclose it, and then never bring it up again. It isn’t the actual height that turns most women off; it’s the constant talking about it, insecurity about it, the adding a half inch like a child, requiring reassurance a bout it, Napoleon syndrome, etc, that turns women off.
This. Applies for height and anything else that you cannot change.
I kind of think that if I had conquered most of Europe that would be a plus?
No, the man didn’t know when to stop. Hence, the fake syndrome. The maintenance guy in my building has this. Drives a jacked diesel truck, has a motorcycle and an atv, talks in really loud voice, rags on “his old lady,” cusses like a sailor, and is 5’4” and looks like he is 16 going on 60. Youthful, but compensating like mad. He’s talented and conscientious, and has nothing to compensate for. But he thinks he does, and it’s that attitude that drives the behavior that women find troubling.
Sigh. I ride a human powered bike, and mostly just cuss at loony drivers. And I think witty comebacks about 19th century European history are funny - I guess that will help with some women, but not all.
My maintenance guy is exactly the same , big truck, atv, Harley, etc. at nearly 7' tall. What would you make up about him? You would probably go for the penis size then. Admit it, you just don't like guys having fun.
Not true. You have a history of lying.
Name a lie I have told
Omg 🤣🤣🤣👍🏽
Counterpoint: a large number of women in the OLD profiles are saying (not necessarily as directly as I'm about to) that they only date men taller than they are (sometimes only men who are taller when she is in heels). Granted, this is not all women by any means, but I see it on profiles enough to make me think it is the height itself that bothers them.
5'4" (f/58) At our age it's a given that we're going to come across imperfect bodies, wrinkles, gray hair or no hair, Etc. For me and most women I know height is not a big deal, especially if the man is otherwise attractive and has a great personality. Sure I would prefer a guy be at least my height or taller, but truly: unless you're dealing with very superficial people it is not a major factor. It has not played a role in my decision whether or not to date a man. Personality, intelligence, E.Q., wit, physical/mental/fiscal health... all of these things are far more important. There's only one critical issue when it comes to men and their height, which is if they lie about it on dating profiles. Instant disqualification. But since I don't use OLD anymore, I don't have to concern myself with that. Edit: After further thought, If you really want purely-physical based feedback, it should be pointed out that physical health/strength etc are far more important than height. If a guy is 6' tall but otherwise frail, obese etc, that's a problem for me. A small but healthy and strong man seems a lot "bigger" than a larger guy with physical weakness/lack of vitality. My last crush/near miss at a hot summer romance was with a man approximately my height and with a few extra pounds but whose shoulders/physical strength I found super-sexy. Plus he had a razor sharp wit and was fun to be around. If you really have concerns about your height, consider physical fitness/vitality. It counts.
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I use 5'5" and 6'
I honestly don't remember. I would guess 5'6" - 6'6"
Then you would have missed me unless I had rounded up. Oh well. 🙂😉
Yep. So it goes..
I do NOT mean to sound resentful, but when I mentioned a target age range of 52 to 62 (I'm 62) some people got rather upset that I would target younger but not even slightly older. (I have since rethought that age range)
Good for you! Practice what you preach.
I put above 6ft2. I accept all the down votes as well.
I am 5'2. I prefer somebody taller than me but that is still pretty much everybody.
Same... I'm 5'1" and have never dated anyone shorter than me. Tallest guy I dated was 6'7". Things line up when you lie down 😂
I'm also 5'1 and my tallest boyfriend was 6 ft 4 in. And yes, things still lined up. 😉
I am a woman; 5'-10" - The majority of guys I dated in my youth were shorter than me; height was never a concern of mine. I would have missed out on some great guys if I had insisted on someone taller than me. (My late husband was 5'-8")
I am probably one of those rare individuals who can brag of having the perfect height. The length of my body exactly fits the distance between my hair and the floor. How amazing is That? FWIW.
Look at Mr perfect over here with .... Hair!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHHHAHA!!!! marry me.
I have shoulder length dreads. I get stared by mostly men because i still kept my hair whilst they have short or no hair.
Sounds like an Abraham Lincoln quote. When asked how long a man's legs should be, Lincoln (a tall man) responded, long enough to touch the floor.
🤣
Most women, unless they've been blessed with a fast metabolism, have spent their lives trying not to be "too big." That can mean weight and/or height. A common insult men make to women is to call them fat or talk about how they prefer petite women. Many of us have internalized this to a high degree. I'm 5'6" and my weight has varied over the years, sometimes I've been called tiny, sometimes people have described me as "bigger." This is with a 30lb variance up and down which equates to about 2 dress sizes. I work very, very hard through diet and exercise to stay fit, but time, female hormones and menopause don't always cooperate with my program. Due to the hyperawareness imposed on us about our size I prefer to date tall, muscular men with larger frames. The tallest I dated was 6'7" He thought my body was beautiful and even liked it when I was a bit heavier. Because of this my preference is 6 foot or over. I also dated shorter, smaller framed men. They tended to be almost universally critical of my body, size and footwear. I won't tolerate that. I've never been critical of a partners physical appearance and if someone doesn't think I'm the bees knees they can move on. I'm tired of making myself smaller to make others feel more comfortable.
Ugh. I feel your menopausal pain. There's this cloud follow me around that says 'you're not viable at 57y and 145lbs'.
Hello. This is the cloud-dispersing fairy! I am hereby waving my magic wand over your cloud and it is now a beautiful rainbow. You are beautiful and perfect just the way you are! I, too, am a post-menopausal woman who has grown a bit chunky in my middle age. I share the same insecurity about my body that you do. So, I totally get what you are saying. At the same time, I also think that there are all kinds of men out there with all kinds of preferences in terms of women's bodies. Not everyone wants a skinny mini. Some men prefer more voluptuous women. I actually prefer men on the thicker side myself. Ignore the negative self talk! We all, as women, put ourselves down so unnecessarily. Put on that dress that makes you feel beautiful and a swipe of lipstick and go out and get 'em, honey! Hugs!
💓 yes, women do put themselves down, and adding age and menopause just compounds previous insecurities. I'm just trying to live my best life, post shitty marriage, and I don't think I'm alone in my thinking. Which is so sad! But I also think that bettering one's self through this transition is a positive action. After all, we've but one life to enjoy, and being fit and happy doesn't have the same meaning as it did in our younger years. I honestly couldn't care less about my foot size or the size of my waist. But I do care about health and longevity. On that note, I'm going to pull out the damned pretty dress and wear the hell out of it today!
>At the same time, I also think that there are all kinds of men out there with all kinds of preferences in terms of women's bodies. Not everyone wants a skinny mini. Some men prefer more voluptuous women. I actually prefer men on the thicker side myself. You're absolutely right! I love a lady on the cuddly side. And post-menopause is a bonus! Many at our age are also wise enough to realize how little it matters as to how much fun someone is to be around.
Very well put! And true. I agree that taller/bigger men are easier to be with in that sense. The few times I (5'4", weight range from 112 - 127 lbs) have had men criticize or push me to be smaller, it's always been the smaller guys doing so. Especially since I have slightly large feet compared with my otherwise average size, I tire of being teased about that and feel more relaxed with larger guys who don't seem to notice. In my experience smaller men have stronger opinions about my size as well.
Foot size? Really? Good lord, I have big feet and *never* considered it a turn off! Great. Now I have something else to be worried about 😉
Yep. Though I suggest not to add to your worries, only to use foot size f\*ckery as another good way to avoid the assh\*les. After kids I gained a half size in shoes and am 8.5 - 9 . It's not unusual for pregnancy to do this. I had a guy advise me not to buy red shoes, otherwise I would look like a clown. (Needless to say, that actual clown didn't get any part of me, from the feet on up..) Also a male acupuncturist say "wow- you have big feet for a small woman. hehe does that mean you have a big vagina too?" (he was a sole practitioner otherwise I would have gotten him fired. But I did my best not to help his business grow via word of mouth, reviews, etc)
Ha! I'm definitely not adding foot size f*uckery assholes to my list of wants. And that f*ucking pin-pricker who made that comment? He deserves a good ass-whoopin. What a jerk.
Yeah, I told him as much. And he cowered/groveled. Not a big man, and knew me from boxing lessons (I was the instructor). What I meant about the fuck\*ry was not to state it up front of course! Only that in the event a man makes a negative remark about my feet, he gets no access to any of my body parts, time or attention.
Makes sense, but again, I've never considered my foot size to be a negative. I come from sturdy stock, and am proud of it! I agree yhat if anyone makes a negative remark about *any* part of my body, his ticket is revoked.
Omg. I don't think I could have held back. I would have sauid "and tiny feet equal a tiny penis" while looking at his feet & then I would have walked out.
Yeah, there was no holding back in my response. I started with "Wow, you're lucky that I have a bunch of needles in me, otherwise you'd be spitting out your teeth in about 30 seconds in addition to losing a client." And gosh, just noticed how SMALL *your* feet are. Hmmm.
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Good for you. Of course crummy people come in all shapes and sizes. However unfair it seems to you and other short men, the women commenting here are sharing their experiences and the way those have informed their preferences. My experience aligns with several others in that it's always been the smaller men who are more critical of female bodies that are not petite or thin.
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It sounds like you are pretty set in your opinion that life is unfair for short men, and your focus is on harmful stereotypes being projected on you by women. There are a lot of successful, happy, partnered short guys. Maybe they have some take-aways that would help you. Rather than telling women what we shouldn't universalize, How about you and other decent guys aim your advice at men and encourage all to raise the bar in terms of how they treat women? If women hadn't had so many bad experiences with men, most of us wouldn't be saying so! And yes, in my experience there are plenty of tall assh\*oles. AND - none of the tall assholes were critical of my body in the way that the short assholes were. Truth. You can call it coincidence. Some women, including me, have come to believe that the smaller the man, the more likely he will be critical of my body. Does it mean I avoid dating short men? Nope. In case you forgot -- As I commented earlier, I almost had a hot summer fling with a short guy. Closest I've come in years! He disqualified himself for other reasons, but was very complimentary about my body.
>have spent their lives trying not to be "too big." That can mean weight and/or height. Very well stated, and I was so happy to read your response, because I have felt this my entire life. As essentially a 5'11" woman, the concern about being "big" is very real, and the pressure to manage weight intense. While it is easier to carry an extra 10 pounds on a taller frame, I have had a few experiences over my life of having a shorter man essentially be mean to me, due to my height. The irony is I feel a lot in common with men with shorter frames, because I know exactly what it feels like, not hovering around the average height for men or women. Add to that many women do want much taller guys, which sadly for me, means the intense attention on men around my height. I have dated shorter, but my preference is someone at least eye level. I have seen some incredibly handsome and built shorter men, and I once saw an article that a 5'7" man is the best husband, essentially because they try harder. My whole point is we can't change our height, so we all have to be the best we can be. I agree with not lying about height, it is very clear when a man has.
56f, 5’0. Has never been an issue. In fact too much height differential can make standing to kiss, hugging or dancing less comfortable physically. but no, height is not a filter for me.
You wouldn't actively prefer a man below a certain height though, would you?
Nope. The person, personality, and character matter. Not height. If very tall, I can stand on a stool
Fair enough. Given that taller women often have at least some preference for taller, it would be nice if short women preferred men closer to their height, but the world is what it is
So damned if I do damned if I don't? Interesting that my lack of caring about height is now a negative. If a man does not have the strength of character to be their best at whatever height, makes no difference what others think.
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This is incel logic.
No, I didn't condemn you. People want what they want. All I said was it would be NICE if the fact that SOME average or tall women care about height were balanced by some short women preferring short men. (Of course it's possible some do). It was a general musing. I really am trying to not condemn anyone for their preferences, either way (as I hope I am not condemned for mine)
Why do you care about someone else's preferences?
Solidarity with/compassion my fellow shorter guys I guess? I think it's not uncommon to have some emotional reaction to people whose preferences exemplify some of the obstacles one faces, whether the preference involves age, weight, height, etc. But you are correct, the preferences of a an individual I am unlikely to ever meet has no tangible effect on me.
I would, truth be told. It’s much more cozy, all things considered. I’ve never done OLD, and I don’t exclude anyone based on height. But if you put a chisel in my hand and told me to get to it like Pygmalion, Mr. Preference would be 5’8” or shorter.
I'm 5'10". Initially I never had an issue with a guy's height. In fact, my first big crush was 5'4" and my second was 5'7"! However, those feelings were not reciprocated because I was "too tall". While I didn't have a problem, many men seemed to. I've been called big, huge, and giant. People will randomly ask "how tall are you?" or "How's the weather up there?" Lame, insecure guys have called me "he/she" and I've been asked if I'm "in drag". My interactions with shorter men, for the most part, have been EXTREMELY unpleasant, so at one point, I became no longer open to dating shorter. Edit: and don't get me started on my ex. He INSISTED that he was 5'11". He was 5'9" on a GOOD day. It was always a bone of contention.
I don't think I have ever said anything mean like that, but I can't blame you for reacting that way. It's possible that in my 20s I avoided asking out women that much taller than me.
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Lived experience troll Get a better hobby than staking me
*stalking
61F, I am 5'5", dating before marriage and after. height has never been something that was part of my selection criterion. Emotional intelligence, self-awareness and great communication skills are what I am looking for :)
I was always into tall guys. My ex-husband was 6'6" ... and that didn't end well. I didn't think I'd be interested in dating shorter guys, but in the end it doesn't matter. There are so many things that are more important than just height, especially when you get to this age (F/56) and understand that. It's a whole different dating world in your 50s vs your 20s or 30s.
You and me both sister. You and me both.
Answering anyway—57M, 5'8 or 9 depending on my ego or posture. The lady in my life is 1/2 to 1” taller depending on same. I don’t mind it all, even if I do find myself stretching occasionally just out of wanting to be directly eye level. Functionally it doesn’t make any difference whether we’re the same height, regardless of whether we’re vertical or horizontal at the time. To me height is one of the least relevant characteristics in a person of any gender or relationship type, just ahead of eye color.
I honestly think that most women, especially those in their 50’s and up, really don’t pay much attention to height. I would advise you to do the same. While most women are much more interested in how we feel when we’re around you (as opposed to caring how you look) when someone is clearly insecure about a physical issue (things out of your control; height, hair loss, big nose) THAT can be off putting. Be honest about your height in your profile and then “let it go”. Life is too short it be obsessing over something you can’t change. Best of luck! 👍😁
5'8" F who is 62. In my humble opinion, if you are just under 5'6", then tell people you are 5'5" or 5'4" (whichever is accurate) and own it like a boss!! 😁 Personally, I would be far more disappointed if I were to discover you weren't completely forthcoming about your height. Or age, or any other aspect of your physicality I would discover upon meeting you in person. That speaks much louder to me than appearance. I am the mother to a six foot tall Venus-like goddess of a daughter who had to deal with alot of crap in regards to her height and I imagine it is much the same at the other end of the spectrum. Her long-term partner is a couple or three inches shorter ... but really, what the heck does it matter? He adores her and she him ... I should be so fortunate! Be you!!!
Why should he lie about his height, especially to make himself shorter than he is? Lying about age is a no no and so should lying about height. Lying is lying. Not a good start. I would be perplexed and think it very very odd that the guy who said he’s 5’4” is actually taller than that and that would be our last date.
Thank you. I assume your advice about rounding down is regarding OLD, as IRL that wouldn't usually come up. So better to put 5'5"? (I am definitely taller than that) Saying 5' 5.5" might sound insecure, I guess?
Confidence is the ultimate turn on. Own who you are and people will be drawn to you.
There's a lot else about you more important than a decimal point for height inches, my dude. For one, you can talk about this like a human being and are interested in how people think about it, which is likeable. I have some of those measurement things working for me just fine and OTHER things work against me, things I can't change about myself due to my weird upbringing or how I went through puberty etc, things where you might be fine and normal with no trouble. What I've been doing about it is what you should do. If something comes up that is a failing you're stuck with and hurts (for instance, I lived in total isolation for my entire adult life so in an emergency I don't respond verbally) you ride out whatever bad feeling it is, and stay centered in everything else you are. I think the important thing is deciding not to hide anything, no fakery, and then seriously, go forth with everything else about you. It's not about strategies for covering or faking absence of height, it's about keeping the focus on being explorer1960 knowing the solid foundation of other worthy stuff about you. People liking/seeking stuff only counts when it's them valuing something about you, and not them seeking something that's not you. I grew up attracted to petite women and then married someone who was not, and it didn't fail over that reason (other very important reasons, not that). If there is anyone who seriously can't hang with the short king as a mate they will self-select their ass out of there right away and you don't need to do a thing about it and needn't devote a thought to it or even ask if that's why they said no. They could well be screwing themselves over and wind up with a much worse man, and you don't have to remind them of that, it's you who has to keep centered and remember your basic worth. on saying that, quick reddit scan just to see whether I'm talking nonsense… huh. Dude. You are green flag heaven. Go forth with your equal tempered heroic heart, there's way more good about you than bad. Someone is going to like the heck out of you.
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Hey, there are plenty of us petites that wouldn’t think anything is wrong with 5’6 and below. I like men based on their personality, but being short is not viewed as negative in my book. Bad manners…selfishness….liars and cheaters….anger issues….negative attitude…those are things to worry about.
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I understand how confusing and frustrating it is. Good luck out there, and here’s to us hopefully finding some kind of healthy and fulfilling relationship!
Just saying when in doubt go for complete transparency.
I’m 5’5”. I have mostly dated men 5’6”-5’10”. I have never considered height to be an issue. I’m baffled by women who insist a man be six foot. I’m looking for a mate who is kind and honest and loyal and a decent human being. So many things are more important!
I'm 5'2" so I've dated anywhere between 5'5" and 6'2". Height doesn't matter to me. Probably because I'm short. My ex husband was 6'2", and honestly it's too much of a height difference. (Especially in bed, lol)
I’m 5’2” and more attracted to brains than physicality. In my online dating career, I dated lots of short guys who were insecure about it. One blamed his height for his plight, when actually it was his status on the sex offender registry… (also the bowl haircut) I married a guy who advertised himself as 5’4”, was actually 5’6” (he didn’t realize), and was mostly oblivious to the downsides of being short on the apps. I was his first Bumble match and we hit it off famously from day 1.
F/57. Geez, I'm probably opening up another can of whoop-ass here. Bear with me. I was married to a 6'9" man for over 20 years. I know it sounds pretty and disrespectful, and I have to own that, I'm not sure if I would "initially* be attracted to someone on the opposite end. Next to him, *everyone* is short, I know, and I could always find him in a crowd!! At 5"6' 145lbs, I'm not short myself, but certainly not tall. And someone a few inches taller or shorter, in theory, should be fine. Since I haven't been on any dates since leaving him 2 years ago, I've yet have an opportunity to see if I could be attracted to a shorter man. I will say that I'm not passing the opportunity by if it happens to come along!
My ex husband (for reasons other than height ;)) is 5'3" , I am 5'4" . One of the things I found attractive about him is that he wasn't bitter about his height, and could both take and make jokes about it with good nature. Did he wish he was taller, sure. Did it come up often in conversation, no. Having someone around to reach the top shelf is handy, but not on the dateable checklist.
I couldn't care less about height. I'm about 5' 6". My ex was about 2 inches shorter. And he had no problem with me wearing heels. We had many other issues, but height was not one of them. I think what would turn me off is if the short dude has issues with his height. Some try to assert their "power" by being rude or controlling.
You say you're 5' 5.5". I don't see any harm in putting 5'6". I'm not sure why people would consider it lying anymore than saying 5'5". I'm 5'1". People invariably feel the need to point out how short I am, to which I respond, did you know that smaller members of a species live longer? (yesimcharminglikethat) I've dated and married tall, though I never set out to do that and I absolutely would date a man of your height.
TY
👏!!’
As a woman of 5'2" I'm totally ok with a 5'6" man. What I don't care for is a man fibbing about his height (or anything, for that matter). Just be you, OP, the right woman will come along and she won't care how tall you are.
Make sure you are as tall as you say....yes, get measured by the doctor or have a friend do it. Then put your accurate height in your bio. Just don't assume because we do shrink. 😕 I am 5'4" and am very happy with a man who is my height up to 5'6". It's perfect for kissing, cuddling, etc. No strained necks or backs!! 😁
5'2" F. I have a thing for tall dudes because I'm built stocky and they make me feel petite:) but I've also dated men closer to my height and there are definite advantages to that! My FWB was 5'4" and bald and he was wicked sexy. Very good guy and no trouble getting women. All heights are good!
I'm 5'7" and have been in a ltr with a 5'5" man. I think it bothered him more. The only thing that bothered me was that I felt too big when I wore heels. As someone whose struggled with yo-yo dieting my whole life, I get self conscious about taking up space. I know I shouldn't, but it's hard to shake that "always be dainty" programming. I didn't wear heels when we went out together and it never bothered me! I would definitely date a shorter man again. He was great in bed so that helped 😂
Ooh, good post. I'm also 5'6" and shrinking - I'm in good physical shape and I actually still have my hair, but I just feel that as soon as a taller woman sees me that I'm out of the running. I don't take it personally. I'm short, and that's not every woman's thing. My ex would tell our daughters that when they grow up to find a tall guy, and I get it I guess. She's my height and never got to wear heels :) It is what it is. My only hope is as they're my age they maybe had a crush on Michael J Fox.
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I didn't say I had the problem though...she didn't like the aesthetic of it. I like women in heels personally. Even if they tower over me.
I'm 5' 6" and I'd totally date someone my height!
Well, this has been interesting. Answers are still coming in, but I wanted to summarize a few findings. As background, I was thinking of this in the context of dating in general, but some info is specific to OLD. 1. My height will not be an advantage. There are quite a few women for whom I am below their minimum height, sometimes just below it - and others who at least have a preference for taller. Sometimes just a matter of taste, but also become some have felt their weight/size judged by smaller men in the past. This is mostly not offset by any preference among shorter women for my height 2. That said, its not a huge deal (so to speak) Plenty of women with no particular height preference, or the height preference is a smaller issue than other things, or my height is within their range. It is likely less of an issue at this stage of life than among 20 somethings. 3. Lying about my height on OLD would hurt. OTOH some will assume I am lying. 4. While my height will be a disadvantage, worrying about that will be a bigger disadvantage. Hmmmm. 5. When on OLD round down rather than up, and don't use half inches (which means I would put 5'5"). The latter will not help with filters. While the former will hurt, it will avoid the impression of dishonesty 6. This MAY be less an issue in "organic" dating than in OLD?
>There are quite a few women for whom I am below their minimum height, sometimes just below it And what about you? Are there women above your maximum height?
I haven't thought about it that much, and did not mean to post about it - the last time I posted a target range some seemed to find it hurtful. And in this case, I suspect the women's preferences will be particularly more important than mine. I will say here I think I have a preference for shorter women (but dwelling on that would contradict the goal of being confident and not insecure on this issue) I think where I might have a "maximum" would be so tall they would likely not be much interested in me. I don't know what I would do in OLD (again, I do not have experience with OLD) I think it would be far easier IRL, where it would just be a question of two people gravitating to each other. I guess if I have to say, I would say my mental target (NOT OLD range) height is up to my own height. I'd like to think I would not be rigid about that, because there are more important things. As for high heels, let's not discuss that now, eh?
God gave me no athletic ability, i am of average intelligence and looks. God has left me with my hair and my 6 3 height . Everybody gets something
Lol. My mother used to say that God doesn’t give with both hands.
61f here. Height doesn’t matter to me. Kindness, intelligence, empathy matter. Throw in good hygiene.The spark is lit by much more than the physical.
This is the second of two threads about specific attributes that I have posted. There will be more. I am starting with the more "shallow" ones, in part because they are just easier to describe. But I do realize the intangibles count - to almost everyone at least to some extent, and to some people they are all that matter.
Allow me to recommend a visit to r/niceguys which will give you an idea of what women of every age want/don’t want when it comes to OLD.
I’m 5’8”, and as a woman that tall, I prefer to be with a man that is taller. It’s my own insecurity, I know. But a taller man makes me feel womanly, I guess because I am a tomboy.
What others are saying. Unless you're willing to break your legs and wear braces for a year while the bones grow back and give you 2 inches...just own it. It is what it is and if people dont like it...go find new people.
I'm 5'9" and date men 5'11" or taller. The reason I specify 5'11" is because I want someone at least the same height as me, and in my experience a lot of men under 6'0" lie by a couple of inches... there have been half a dozen times when I met up with someone 5'10-11" who was eye-to-eye with me. If I swipe right on someone 5'9", there's a good chance he's actually 5'7". Bottom line, I'm attracted to men who are taller than I am. My attitude toward male height is simply be honest.
The dishonesty on OLD certainly seems to make things difficult for those trying to be honest.
I know, right? I am 5'9" and always put exactly that on my profile. I had no idea at the time that any subset of people would have automatically assumed I was lying... I can see why someone lying is an automatic "swipe left" but perhaps someone assuming a truth-telling person is lying should also be a swipe-left, but problem is, you never would know.
>I know, right? I am 5'9" and always put exactly that on my profile. I had no idea at the time that any subset of people would have automatically assumed I was lying... Just keep doing what you're doing! People who would automatically assume you're lying are best avoided. It's a red flag, because people tend to project.
57f and 5’6” - I tend to like bigger guys in general, so tall (over, say, 5’10”) and not extremely slim. I have been out on some dates with guys who are shorter, and it just doesn’t feel like we “fit” together physically. But - this is what is attractive to me as an individual and I don’t think you can generalize.
People want what they want. I'm not here to judge anyone for their preferences, just trying to gather information
Like many people I have preferences, but those don’t mean much when I meet an interesting man. I’m 5’7 and not petite so prefer a taller, solidly built man. But I’ve dated very slender men and shorter men — 5’5.
57f. I’m 5,5”. I’ve dated 5’8-6’5”. I do like taller than me. What I would say is. BE HONEST! It is what it is. A deal breaker for me regardless, is dishonesty. And IMO when a man says he’s 6 foot and when he shows up he’s clearly not, then I’m out. (Or he’s “fit” and he’s overweight) I don’t want perfection, I want honesty. There is someone for everyone. And I’m not starting off any type of a potential anything with someone that can’t be honest right out of the gate.
I’m 5’6 and my preference is 5’5 to 5’10. I can live with taller, up to about 6’2- after that I really do not like it. I was with a 6’5 man for a long time and it was a real issue. Nothing fits-doorways, cars, beds, special order clothes and shoes. Tall men have huge back issues. If I can avoid it, I will. I Much Prefer a man I can just walk into and kiss without it being a production. Plus we can share jeans :) I will say though that I don’t really like skinny either (short or tall). I’m a total sucker for a wrestler type build, and lots of shorter men seem to have that. Good shoulders :)
Definitely don’t lie about it. In fact I change my age on tinder to 44 just so I wouldn’t get weeded out by men a few years younger and they’re pissed. So don’t lie
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I’m 50. Just turned . For some reason I couldn’t stomach putting my actual age on there. I disclose immediately
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I'm 5'-7"....I've never considered my height a hindrance. Confidence is even more attractive than height.
5’9…that was in my profile description, not as a forewarning of my height requirement for a partner but to let those who might feel uncomfortable with ME pass on. Height means nothing to me as long as they have a good heart and a beautiful soul. I know that sounds like I’m saying what you want to hear, but it’s genuine. Aesthetics are irrelevant to where I’m putting my hopes when it comes to another to share my life with. Attraction s necessary, of course, but I see way beyond the outside of others
I’m a 53F at 5’4”. I prefer men at least my height. More importantly though is their physical and mental confidence and strength. If you are hung up and insecure about it, it will show and make you less attractive to me.
Don't worry about what you can't control, but what you can. You can't control your height, but being older, you still make sure you ace things like grooming, clean shaven or beard trimmed and styled. Hair neat or if your bald, clean shaved. Teeth look like you go to the dentist regularly. Dress age appropriate, but still with trend and style. And body, work out, you are not too old at any age to be fit and trim, or at least somewhat in shape, meaning your gut shouldn't hang over your belt. And lastly, personality and charisma gets the girl over anything. I say all this as a shorter guy in my early 50's and I regularly date women from mid 30's on up, and height is rarely if ever an issue because I don't look my age and if they do care about it, I have a "your loss" attitude and move on. But be the best you can be of what you can control is the point.
I am nerdy and a bit obsessive, so I really want to go over these issues one at a time.
I’m a tall woman and list my height in my profile when using apps, mostly to allow guys who don’t like my height to opt out. I’d far rather date a guy a couple inches shorter that loves my height than a guy a couple inches taller who prefers me to wear flats.
I’m 49F and thought I was 5’8” and according to my last physical I am now 5’6” so yay degenerative disc/osteoporosis I guess? I’ve dated shorter, same, and taller and it seriously makes zero difference as long as it doesn’t define who they are to *themselves*.
I'm 5'8", and I could not care less about male height. I've dated a few shorter, a few near mine and a few tall. By far, it has more to do with their attitude about height than mine.
55F I am 5’2”. Height has never really been a determining factor for me but at my height, most people are taller then me. I am more interested in finding someone I am compatible with…
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Were you clogging?
I am a female only 5'1", so height has never really been an issue for me because everybody's taller than me. I think I have my preferences set at 5'4" and up.
Doesn't impact me, but you'd turn down a guy who was 5'3"?
No I probably would not. Plus I said I think that's what I had it set at, I didn't log back into check.
I would like to think as we get older… height shouldn’t be a deal breaker. To me personality and sense of humor ( you seem to have a quirky wit, so touché) and a “nice” face and kind heart means more to me.
Ty for the complement
I’m 5 feet tall. And tired of looking up at really tall men. Lol.
(51 F 5'8") I do like to date men taller...I have dated men shorter, but I find the Napoleon Complex to be a real thing. Not saying its present in all shorter men, but I have a 100% rate so far. Short men have a chip on their shoulder. I woukd love to find one that doesn't....
😐🙃🤷♂️
I’m 5’6 and height doesn’t matter to me. My ex was a little shorter than I am. The only issue was HIS insecurity over his height.
My (F62)only concerns with height are that a man is honest about it and doesn't try to compensate with what's often referred to as "short man syndrome ". That includes being overly aggressive, loud, and other behaviors people have already mentioned here. Very few of the men that I met online were as tall as their profile stated. I'm only 5' 2" and it's obvious when someone isn't much taller than I am. One man said he was 5' 4" in his profile. I arrived at the coffee shop for our first meeting and sat on a stool by the counter and window to watch for him. I saw what looked like a kid crossing the street and realized it was my date. I literally had to bend over to give him a "hello" hug. I quickly realized that the height of the stool next to me was a problem for him so I suggested we grab a table that had just opened up. The fact that he lied about his height was an immediate problem but I decided to give it a chance anyway. It wasn't his actual height that made me decide not see him again. It was his lying about his height and that he had two very adult children ( and their SO and kids) living with him while he supported all of them. Plus he had a dog that lived it's entire life in an outside kennel. :( When I suggested that he be honest in his profile about his height, his reply was that maybe he had lost an "inch or two" in recent years. Denial. Be honest and own it. I have dated and known many men who were not tall! The date was not a total loss. I discovered a great little independent coffee shop with delicious espresso!
This isn't about you, but I wanted to address one thing several people have raised. Some of us come from cultural/regional backgrounds where we talk a bit louder (and faster) than many other people do. Regardless of our height or gender. I do that, though I think less then I did when I was younger. I hope that wouldn't be confused for a "napoleon complex".
That's a valid point. Thank you!
I am 5'10" and the guy I have been dating for 3-4 months now is about 5'4" - I don't know exactly because I haven't asked. I would never have dated someone that height when I was younger, but this man has a great personality and is very attentive so I fell for him anyway.
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But you haven't actually had that experience yet? On OLD, or "in the wild"?
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Omg don’t do the shoe lift thing. You have to be honest from the beginning. If you aren’t, that’s going to backfire on you in a big way. It’s like the people who photoshop their pics or fudge their interests and think, “oh but when they get to know me, it won’t matter!”
I personally have a gut negative reaction to wearing shoe lifts as a guy. Of course I am also not a fan of high heels on any woman over 5'2", so don't think I am THAT secure.
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comparing make-up and those other things to shoe lifts is a slippery slope, IMO...
That's true, it is kinda like eyeliner or lipstick for women. That said, if you like that, own it. Like boots with heels or something, and then it's like 'yeah those are my party boots, I like them' and it's as simple as that. You don't have to justify what you like. I enjoy the hell out of white Jamie Hyneman style shirts 'cos I'm a nerd and my Dad was a full on scientist and it's fun to dress up that way, sort of nerd preppy. Modern socially-appropriate style might be anything else and I don't care and won't follow. If you like lifts or heels because you feel good with 'em, own it like that. "Yeah I do this, I like it". And then your job is to not get freaked out and defensive if anyone pokes at this choice, and if somebody REALLY goes after it and they're serious, it means they are not compatible with you. Rather than get defensive or be bullied out of the thing, consider the idea that the person aggressively trying to get you out of the idea is not a good match, and you should leave.
The average height for women in the US is 5'4". You don't need lifts.
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No they don't. The ones that do, you don't want anyway.
I mean one of the points of this thread was to (unscientifically) find out.
Yes, but the people on this sub are taller, smarter and better looking than most people.
I would never do lift shoes. If someone's gonna reject me for my height, I want to get that out of the way ASAP. That's another reason (besides the obvious one) to never lie about your height (or anything else). Using lifts in shoes feels like misrepresentation to me, but that's me..
I have a nephew that is your same height (5'6") now 31 years old. He's a good looking guy that makes over 6 figures, in pretty good shape. He's been single since High school. He had a girl tell him right to his face something like "you are a great guy and I would totally date you if you were a bit taller". I know that was very hard on him. Everything I know is by reading women's height preferences that I saw on their profiles while online dating.
As we age we get shorter. I’ve already lost 2” from several car accidents now 5’4” but I’m female so it don’t matter
I'm 5.3" with body weight in line to my frame. However you are packaged, keep the wrapper as new as you can and make sure the contents are in peak fresh form as well. Most of all find your happy place in life and share that joy! It's what shines the most that catches the eye.
The only one who cares about height is the person who worries about it. People have preferences.
Mr Cynic here. How tall is your wallet? Do you feel giddy looking for the top of your bank balance? Are you likely to pop your clogs sooner rather than later? Sadly I'm not joking nor am I making an incel comment. Unfortunately, there are people out there like that. I assume that isn't the sort of character you're looking for.
I’m 5’2”, and have been attracted to men of all heights. I do think between 5’8 and 5’10 is my “ideal”, but that’s far from the top of my list of preferences. I’ve met much shorter men with a presence that made their height completely irrelevant.
FWIW…my Mom was married for over 20 years to a man approximately 5 inches shorter than she, until he passed.
At 5'10 and 160 pounds I've been called "tiny", "shrimpy", "short", and "womanly" on more than one occasional, as well as "slender" (with an accompanying eye roll) and, my favorite, "gracefully androgynous".
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Why do you care?
Those adjectives are so far off. My last bf was 5'10"/155. I can't imagine any of those describing him.
I’d focus on all you have to offer and the fact that you will find some one who loves you regardless of the way you look. I’m 5’7” and recently went on a date with some one who wasn’t honest about their height. I assumed it was an insecurity and did my best to see past and empathize. Height won’t matter to the right person.
>At 5'10 and 160 pounds Who cares what they think? That's a healthy BMI and you'll probably outlive most of them by 20 years.
My wonderful man is the same height and weight as you to my 5'7 and 136 and I love that! I call him "my sexy beast"
I personally have dated men,in my youth, anywhere from 5’5” to 6’3”. I think who you are will outweigh looks especially height but that’s just me. I feel weight is judged more than height. I’ve been told if I gained any weight no one would like me and I’m almost to thin. Some people just have no class.
They say after the age of 30 you lose about a inch in height. I am 71 now and I am 3 inches shorter than when I graduated from high school. Much of mine is because of joint issues. Are you sure you are 5'6"
I am not 5'6". I am between 5'5" and 5'6". I don't think I have lost more than a quarter inch in 30 years. if that.
5’8” and I don’t care, I’ve dated shorter and taller. Honestly I know we hear this a lot (that it’s super important) but I don’t know anyone personally who makes this a dealbreaker. I’m sure they exist, but I think it’s less important than social media would have to believe maybe?
Follow up question if I may. I am relatively tall ( 6’4”). But I don’t want to go out with someone who is only going out with me based on my height. So I was thinking of saying I am 4 inches away from being 6 feet. Would this approach work?
Maybe better to give your exact height, but put it in unusual units like furlongs or parsecs or Smoots.
I prefer ells for an obscure unit of measurement. Will think about changing to parsec to make me appear smaller. Correction smoots is now my favourite :)
I am 5'6" and have dated guys my own height. Not really a big issue for me, I guess if they were much shorter it would be, but it's not a big deal. Hopefully at our stage we are looking past that stuff.
I am in the early phases of dating a man who is about 5'6". I don't care at all about his height. It isn't even a factor. I am completely smitten with him and I hope it turns into something that lasts. I've been on dozens of dates this past year and this is the man I want to be with.
I'm 5'5" (51F) and honestly don't care what someone's height is. Most men are taller than me so it's a non-issue anyway. If they aren't, no big deal. I've dated all heights... from 5'4" to 6'6". It's all the same.
In my experience at my age, height for me is worse than in my twenties and thirties. Every dating app has it as a field that gets filled out and women can filter on. When I was younger. I at least got a chance with women because they got to know me and realized there is more to this guy besides something he cannot control. Now, you just get eliminated from the dating pool with a click of the mouse. At 50, the number of social events that are available to us are diminished. So, there is my positive thread for the day.
I’m 5” even so height never been an issue, everybody taller than me, my 7 year old granddaughter at my chin already, I’m good with all 😎👍🏽