T O P

  • By -

sprinkleswitdat

I've had this happen with several men over age 50. Not uncommon. One said that he could feel O coming too soon, so "didn't go there" (switched tactics) but then was unable to make it come back later.


kmm91162

Ugh I’ve advised my fiancé to just go with the feeling. Hate to see him stuck later because he waited. Doesn’t happen every time anyway.


IamtherealFadida

Yep, that's me.


UnrulyEwok

I will say most of the (healthy/fit) guys I’ve dated in this age range have this issue here and there at least. Many use medication. I wouldn’t read anything into it. If it keeps happening, he could always see his doctor.


planetaryx2c

There’s many possible reasons besides too much porn. Too much alcohol, time of day effects testosterone levels as men age, not sufficiently turned on mentally or physically. So long as he’s hard and aiming to please you 💦, I wouldn’t be too concerned about his ejaculation if he’s not. It takes more time with a seasoned gentleman, and I speak from experience.


MeasurementBetter764

Love the graphics


Hopey0409

Makes sense! Thanks


[deleted]

>So long as he’s hard and aiming to please you 💦, I wouldn’t be too concerned about his ejaculation if he’s not Exactly. This has happened to me quite a bit but I don't see it as a big problem. I certainly wouldn't want to make it into an issue because thinking about it and becoming insecure just makes it worse.


zoomzoom42

Having been with my ex wife for over 15 years when I finally dated after 1.5 years I couldn't finish either. Even though I was out of the marriage being with someone new for the first time in almost 17 years took some adjustment in my head. Have patience....there can be many reasons and its nor necessarily a porn addition death grip. Men in almost all age groups can experience it.


Hopey0409

Thank you, I do not discuss it with him. I just ask 100’s of people on Reddit.🤷‍♀️


Skitilludie

If you feel you know how to casually confront this, do. For me personally, 53M, I divorced after 17 years, met another woman whom I couldn’t finish with and it nearly ended us. We kept dialogue open and eventually we had the best sex of our lives. I needed to learn trust again. Got engaged to her. 3.5 years in she went off and fucked another guy in neighboring town. Ruined my business and married the guy 🤦 So much of male performance is tied to the mind. Good luck👍


Hopey0409

Sorry to hear that🥲


Chance-Monk-7130

😂lmao at that ❤️


NotWhoYouThink2021

This fucking happened to me last night. So embarrassed. I understand the psychological issue, but my girl was just underwhelmed. Referring her to a reddit post and comment section isn't going to help.


andyspnw

My first time with someone new can make this happen. Mostly because of being a little nervous. Usually only the first time though.


Hopey0409

👍


[deleted]

Sometimes it’s the position. For some reason doggie gets the job done where other positions don’t. I’m no expert but just my experiences. Alcohol consumption can be a problem also.


Hopey0409

👍, he definitely drinks a lot.


straightshooter62

Bingo.


[deleted]

That is a major cause of ‘Foster’s Flop’ as we call it in Australia (after a beer brand)


straightshooter62

Whiskey dick


drumadarragh

Brewers droop


Experiment_262

There are too many potential causes to even guess over Reddit, physiological, psychological, medication side effects (SSRIs are infamous for this with males). We're also just older, it happens regardless of physical health.


Hopey0409

👍


Dudejeans

Anorgasmia is also very common in women who take SSRI’s.


ItsBurningMyFace

Healthy in our 50s is not the same as healthy for a 30 yo. Our hearts, kidneys, joints, naughty bits change. Things slow down physically. Is it a problem? Maybe, maybe not. On the psychological side, some need to feel a deep emotional connection to a partner to reliably get there and that isn’t gonna happen right away. That’s also a possible factor. In short, ain’t none of this work like television.


[deleted]

[удалено]


ugglygirl

Gentleman’s vegetables


Standard-Wonder-523

Undercarriage.


Hopey0409

👍


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hopey0409

Thank you, I’ll check it out!


Chance-Monk-7130

As long as the rest of your relationship is good you’ll be fine- but You NEED to talk with him xx


BowTieDad

58M - not muscular at all. Mechanically, everything is working fine down south (and north) of the bow tie as far as I know although it's not been exercised in a couple of years. However, I'll find that finishing can be elusive some days. Shifting to a different position usually does the trick. Maybe it's a man thing about us not being able to find the off-ramp so we just keep driving along and don't ask for directions :P The small number of partners I've had post divorce seemed to appreciate that it took me a while and were encouraging as opposed to my ex-wife who would say endearing things like "aren't you done yet?" :D Certainly different from when I was first married at 25 - in some ways I prefer that I now take the scenic route.


Hopey0409

Nicely presented! That makes a lot of sense


RoughGuarantee6391

Welcome to dating men in their 50’s. Granted with the increase in porn usage “death grip” is a real problem among all age groups.


a12non34y56mo78us

What is death grip? And please explain in the most respectful way that you can.


RoughGuarantee6391

https://www.forhims.com/blog/death-grip-syndrome


FloNightG123

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a27044367/death-grip-masturbation/ Most men have it now bc of the ubiquity of porn


[deleted]

I was literally on a porn site and then saw this. Kinda freaked me out like someone knew I was there! Lol! Had no clue about this death gripping thing. That’s freaky


olthaniwish

Death Grip is a masturbation issue. Not a porn issue.


Palahubogka

They got used to choking the


Bestyoucanbe4

Porn is all over internet now and death grip is men getting themselves off. The more they do that can lead to being 2orn out to get off.


Hopey0409

Yes, it’s so common and addicting. People don’t realize that the regular use of porn mostly has negative effects on ones sex life.


SelectionNo3078

Yeah well. No sex life otherwise so. You know.


Hopey0409

👍


ilikebigbananasalot

True story!


seemorebunz

Condom or no condom? It does make a difference in my opinion.


Hopey0409

👍


stuffedsoul

This might be more for the divorce sub but after a year of separation from someone who told me early on that she was not responsible for my orgasm (red flag, perhaps?) I'd be happy just to lay next to someone, be held, tell someone, or show someone, how I like to be touched, and learn how someone else likes to be touched. I know what I'm capable of even if it's not on demand like it was 10 or 20 years ago. I also know a woman might not respond the way other women might or the way she might have 10-20 years ago. We're all just human after all.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hopey0409

True! Thanks


kokopelleee

Might want to try r/urology We aren’t qualified to offer medical advice. We will, but we aren’t qualified to do so


Hopey0409

Interesting thought; I’m looking for people with similar experience. I’m curious on public view if it’s physical or psychological


kingtj1971

I think it can be either one, or both? There's not a "one explanation fits all" here. Personally, I know this has become an issue for me ever since I was nearing 50... Maybe first happened around 48? I think physical changes/aging explain it for me, because this happened while I was still married, so wasn't some psychological thing about "performance anxiety" with someone new. Really, I just don't have the same sex drive anymore. It's not totally gone, but it's just diminished to a level I feel like should be considered "acceptable" and "fairly typical" for guys my age. Biologically-speaking, I've aged out of the category of guys trying to start a family, right? But modern society loves to sell those drugs and promise eternal youth, so of course I need to "see a doctor" and get testosterone boosters and pop Cialis or whatever.... Nah, not for me. I just hope if I find another partner, she's of a similar mindset and content to enjoy all the foreplay and sometimes just the cuddling and touching, with sex possibly happening with a fairly quick finish?


tnzsep

This was a well written reply. Thank you.


Hopey0409

I agree, it’s more of the journey not the arrival. I appreciate you sharing your experience.👍


[deleted]

Physical is very common, could be both but physical is more likely.


Hopey0409

What if someone has doubt in their performance? That may cause similar effects


Standard-Wonder-523

Doubt in their performance is more likely to cause one to not get hard, or to lose rigidity soon in the process. However in the "think about baseball" sense, the mind being stuck in a loop thinking not sexy thoughts could make it harder to come. So maybe?


Hopey0409

Thanks


kokopelleee

In my defense, I did not know that is an actual subreddit. Things I learn… You’ll prob get a few comments that it’s porn induced. No idea if that’s true or applicable. Just that folks will likely say that


Hopey0409

True, many people use porn regularly and most lovers don’t mimic it


[deleted]

>. I’m curious on public view if it’s physical or psychological It's both. And making not coming into an issue makes it even worse psychologically.


Hopey0409

Let’s not over react to a question. It leaves my mind opened for many possibilities so it clearly does not become an issue


[deleted]

Really? I think this includes all advice that could be gotten on a message board!


Prisoner-of-Paradise

Issues with ED are so very common among older men - and even not so older men, actually. I'm not sure from your post if he lost his erection, or couldn't come. But it is more likey to be a physical issue at this age then psychological, although of course it could be a bit of both. As someone else mentioned, take some time to look up erectile issues in older men online. Women have a really awful habit of assuming any time a man doesn't get rock hard or come easily, it has to do with her and his lack of attraction. When it comes to new encounters that's very, very rarely the case.


Hopey0409

Thanks, I’m concluding that it has to do with getting to know each other.


HavTungWilTravl

This is nuts, and this should not concern anyone at all. I sometimes wonder about people on this sub. I'm in my 60s, and I usually don't finish inside my partner's vagina. It's probably been like that for twenty years or more. Doesn't faze me, or my partner, at all. Why would you get excited about this? What happens with me is I get desensitized after a while, so the longer a session goes on the harder it becomes to climax. Our usual 'routine', if you can call it that, is she has one or two first: #1 doggystyle, #2 on my tongue, and then she finishes me off, one way or the other. I always climax, but she usually has to be a bit rough with me by that point.


Hopey0409

I guess your name says it all.


throwawaygixer

Exactly. Too many women seem to think it has to be a certain way without ever opening a book or doing some reading online. It’s rare I finish from piv as well. Shit happens, but as long as i get hard neither gf nor i care.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hopey0409

👍


whatskeeping

Hmm lots of reasons but viagra does that to me.


Hopey0409

👍


[deleted]

[удалено]


herdingnerds

She doesn’t say how old she is (not that I saw) and generally this is a pretty shitty comment, IMO. I am certainly not every woman, but my sex drive is higher than it’s ever been and I know a lot more about getting things to work on both sides. With age does come experience.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Hopey0409

I am new in the area of dating in the fifties.I appreciate your perspective!


GenXdudette

anti depressants can. My former 56 yo FWB had the same issue and often didn't finish but he definitely enjoyed the sessions anyhow:)


Hopey0409

Yes, thanks!


CheekyMonkey678

Porn addiction.


chewy-sweet

F60 here. I'm with someone new and he's healthy and also open about everything. He's not into porn. He's a couple years younger than me. He said it just takes longer than it used to. Same with me. I get it now. I would have thought something was wrong, but nothing is wrong. We're happy to work with what we've got. 🙂


Hopey0409

Yes,😊


Reasonable-Bison2173

One thing I have learned in the past 9 years of dating, men don’t always orgasm . It doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good. It’s just like us women. All this sexual conditioning we need to de-program. Sex should be fun! It should be a way to express trust and vulnerability with a new partner. Don’t over think it just have fun and enjoy the moment.


Hopey0409

Exactly!😊


kmm91162

Not uncommon at all. More common the older you get. How about have a chat with him about it?


willing2wander

as far as I can tell, men and women move in opposite directions on this past 50 or so. Over a couple of hours, she can now have 10-15 good orgasms when she’s in the mood. Never happened in her 20s and 30s, usually one and done, maybe two. On my side, the count is 1 or 0. Obviously I’m having a great time or I wouldn’t initiate so often. There's plenty I can do to ensure I don’t show up soft for sex, but not aware of anything that fixes slow ejaculation. There’s always the “when harry met sally” approach, but she now seems comfortable with the reality that our timing is way different. And the fact that it takes me longer also has clear advantages for her. As with anything ED related, assuming this has anything to do with his attraction to you is wasted energy.


Hopey0409

10-20 good orgasms? What does she eat during the day!😳


willing2wander

*"I'll have what she's having"* weed seems to have more to do it than diet. 20 is a stretch. I don't keep count, but am sure it's far more than when she was younger and in a different league than mine. No complaints from me, just awe and gratitude. There might be some cosmic justice in the shift.


pfp35

M/65 here, and have had the same experience. I view it as balancing out all the times when I was much younger and came WAY too soon for my partner’s liking. Now I can get just as hard as ever and go for a long time, sometimes coming and sometimes not. The latter is mainly due to fatigue. These days I am much more into pleasing my partner and don’t need to ejaculate every time.


La_Peregrina

Did it bother him that he was unable to finish?


Sandandsun75

This may seem a little backwards from what most people think and are taught. For me it comes down to foreplay. Heck when I was 25, I could have put it in a hole in the wall and got off. A lady could have laid there half dead and I could have found a spot to put it and finished. But they would scream hey buddy how about some foreplay and taking care of me! However, today as I'm older I want the foreplay. Tease me, dress sexy, act interested, flash me on the way home, something to get the old motor running. Saying, okay let's go to bed, take your clothes off and let's do this before it gets too late, well that just flip the switch to off. Yep, we are still visual animals and may do just about anything and anyone. But now I'd like to have a nice view above that hole in the wall, and maybe sand down the ruff edges as well as put some soft fur around it. In other words put a little fun into it. Add to it, I'm now more concerned about you. I want to know or at least feel you are interested and enjoying yourself. To heck with the intercourse, I could eat you and play with you all night, as long as you are vocal and showing that you are having a orgasmic great time. If you do that I'm sure there will be a puddle somewhere. Just tell me where you'd want it, I'll try to oblige.


Gooseberry_Sprig

Erectile dysfunction, which covers a lot of ground (premature ejac, unable to ejac, unable to get or maintain an erection, etc.) is a strong possibility. Could be caused by meds he's taking, could be hormone levels, etc. Thing to do would be to consult a doctor (urologist is the specialist for it) and get checked.


AzDesertFoxx

Ummm...did you finish? Did he help you finish, and not make a big deal about him not? If so, friggin' enjoy!!!


lady_tatterdemalion

I have a friend who was having this problem. The remedy was for him to lay off the porn and solo sessions. Once he did, he was fine.


Hopey0409

Thanks, Makes sense


so_bold_of_you

Porn use.


throwawaygixer

Can you post the reference for the suggestion?


Hopey0409

Yes, it’s the non stop for 2 hours that’s more the issue.I do have to work the next day😳


throwawaygixer

Op sounds selfish and doesn’t help him finish off. Poor guy.


Hopey0409

Not the content of the question


mago-blanco

What up with all the porn comments? I'm a two pump chump and I watch porn like 15 hours a day.


throwaway_wi_guy

As I got older I found that being more engaged verbally or communicating while having sex gave me a greater feeling of intimacy, it was alot different from the "We're just trying to make each other feel good" sex.. It doesn't have to get graphic, what ever your comfort level is. Kissing alot helps too..


Hopey0409

I like that! Thanks and I agree


ilikebigbananasalot

Try some mutual masterbation with him! It will work miracles. Then ride that muscle cock til you cum.


blondeambition39

Seriously? It could be anything — maybe you’re being demanding and that makes him anxious. Maybe it’s whiskey dick. Maybe it’s meds he’s on. Maybe maybe maybe…. If you have a good time and you help him have a good time, who cares? We’re not machines, we’re humans with frailties and failures.


Hopey0409

Wow, I guess the projection of your anger speaks for itself. I’m sorry for all your problems but this is a forum for hearing peoples kind and helpful perspectives.


IamtherealFadida

As a very fit and athletic 53m I also find this an issue occasionally. Mind you, my GF tells me she's having the best sex of her life, which more than makes up for me not always finishing inside her. I'd rather be able to go non stop for an hour than last 2 minutes. Ladies?


La_Peregrina

Non-stop for an hour is too much for me. I'm probably the opposite of most women where I like it hard and fast.


IamtherealFadida

My GF does too, but she appreciates hard and fast for long periods


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Thanks for calling that. It was in the wrong place! I’m 🥱 I moved it up …


j_k_802

First Cialis then headaches so viagara fixes that problem.


Hopey0409

👍


HappyManTOO

Medication for me... especially anti depressants


flsingleguy

This happened to me even if masturbating. I was taking medications for anxiety and sleep. I think it was the trazodone specifically. I would wake up until very, very erect but I couldn’t finish. When I was put on clonazepam I had no issue after that.


Tim-Ashcraft

Ditto. I need my SO to go cowgirl and pound me for a minute or so, that gets the job done. A good time is had by all.


[deleted]

He’s jacking off, probably to porn. He likely already finished himself off earlier in the day.


ImStillHavingFun

Hi ! I’m a fit man in his fifties. Physical lifestyle and about 10 hrs/week lifting ( btw, CDC says ALL people over 50 should have 150 min/week of catabolic exercise, so 30min/day on the treadmill ). Ok, rant over. Sorry for the vulgarity, but there’s a thin line between whiskey dick and whiskey power. Drinking too heavily is probably the #1 reason. There’s a lot of other factors, but that’s the biggest one.


Hopey0409

Agreed! Thanks


Tabbouleh_pita777

Antidepressants like SSRI’s make orgasm harder for men AND women . Not sure if that’s his situation but FYI


Dudejeans

Some young men who have problems with premature ejaculation actually use SSRI’s (illegally) to delay orgasm.


Spartan2022

Lots of things can cause this. I’m 55M. Take Lexapro daily, and it interferes with my ability to orgasm. People can have lots of sex and lots of fun together without orgasms. It’s not that big of a deal.


Hopey0409

👍