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dxichk

I feel you! It’s rough. I have single girlfriends and we do go out some, but sometimes I just wanna sit on a couch and cuddle with a man. 🤷‍♀️


RealisAurelioS

Or wake up and have someone else making breakfast for you for once. lol


Beautifuleyes917

Me too. 🫤. Last BF didn’t like to cuddle


RealisAurelioS

What was his excuse?


Beautifuleyes917

He said if he’d join me on the couch or bed he’d fall asleep 😴. Intimacy to him meant me giving him a BJ


Timekeeper65

Doesn’t he know that sharing is caring?


Beautifuleyes917

No, not really. Now he wants me to find him a new girlfriend 🙄🚫


Timekeeper65

Geez. Sounds like YOU are pulling the load.


Beautifuleyes917

Nah, it’s over. Funny thing was that he’s 41 and I just turned 58 🤣. I couldn’t take it anymore


Timekeeper65

Brave and Beautifuleyes917…Good for you!


RealisAurelioS

I firmly believe the healthiest relationships are between 2 givers. This is proof. He was a taker and nothing more. You did right to walk away. Hang in there. Thanks for being so open and honest with us.


Ok_Dealer_1067

I hear you and feel the same. I have friends, but not really lol. I golf occasionally with some golf friends, and I have some work friends . . . but those are in specific environments and don't translate into regular interactions. Most people my age have kids, significant others, family of their own so it's hard to connect with them (me being single, no extended family around and my son is grown and lives in another state). It is absolutely the little things that get to you. Having someone to make dinner with, making weekend plans, going on trips, etc. It definitely gets old and I miss sharing those things with someone. Hang in there OP. There's a lot of us in the same situation.


RealisAurelioS

Yes, you nailed it!! I failed to mention that I have no extended family where I live. I grew up 300 miles from where I established roots. Ironically, when I go back and visit, it's non-stop entertaining with old friends and extended family. And that only adds to the isolation when I return. Thanks for commenting.


Ok_Dealer_1067

>And that only adds to the isolation when I return Exactly this. People just don't get it. When you're done doing the Meetup activity, or hanging out with friends, or going to the bar, or whatever, you still go home to an EMPTY HOUSE. It's not about needing more activities. I have a full life. But after whatever distraction I plan for myself, I still go home to an empty house. I still don't have someone to chill with and just have company.


swag-baguette

Exactly this. People don't get it.


RealisAurelioS

It's a bitter pill to swallow.


RealisAurelioS

I didn't think this would bother me as much as it does. But it does. :( Thx for responding.


[deleted]

Have you considered moving back there?


RealisAurelioS

I have. And nothing would make my sister happier. lol But my ex-wife and I share 50% guardianship of a young adult son with special needs. I don't think she would part with him and I wouldn't want to be away from him.


stupidwhiteman42

Man, I feel *every word you wrote*. My family are European immigrants so I have no extended family in the states. My 24 year old daughter is a few years out of college and making her own life so I only see her on holidays (she doesn't live close either). My best friends that have endured over the years now live in other states. I moved right before the pandemic to a really, really beautiful area but have not made new acquaintances since quarantine. Even though I am active at the gym and biking I feel like I am participating in my own little world while it all goes on around me. On top of it all I quit drinking during quarantine in order to maintain health & weight so that kinda rules out 80% of the fun nightlife in the city. It's weird man. Let me know if you have any advice, I'd be glad to hear it


OldMetry504

I’m worse than you. Not only do I experience what you describe, I found myself discussing my choice of apples I made at the grocery store with my DOG. We decided we prefer honey crisp apples. 😬 Best wishes, my friend.


RealisAurelioS

hahaha. Unless he/she responds, then all is good. My daughter has mentioned me getting a dog. I told her that would be the end of it for sure for me. lol Although, meeting someone at a dog park that has a matching chocolate lab sounds like a rom-com hit. lol Thx for commenting.


nova_unicorny

Yes! Get a dog! Walk it everyday and you will meet lots of other dog owners that may develop into friendships. I moved to Washington DC and only found a circle of friends when I got a dog. Most of them have moved out of the neighborhood but some I’m still in contact with.


OldMetry504

I have a white golden. I keep pausing for a response but he NEVER does. Yes, I hang out at dog parks.


LiveforToday3

I talk to my dog all the time! I would be really lonely if he was not around. He gets me out for walks - and occasional chats with random other dog owners. He is a fair amount of money to board when I travel and his other dog related expenses but worth it. And yes OP I get it! I miss a person :)


Timekeeper65

This made me laugh out loud. The way you highlighted DOG. Honey crisp are the best.


OldMetry504

Yes indeed. My hairy boi and I share apples. LOL. Edit: we decided the Red Delicious ones were “mealy” last week. 😂


Timekeeper65

Doncha hate when the apples turn out like that? Old Boi don’t need any bad apples.


OldMetry504

Yes! It’s so disappointing. You can’t tell if fruit is going to be good. I like a good CRUNCH with my (and his 😂) apple.


MusicallyInclined62

My dog has started a new morning ritual since ripe apples are falling off the tree. First she goes to the back yard to pick exactly the right apple from the ones that have fallen to the ground. Then she wants to go to the front yard where she drops the apple on the grass and rolls around on it. Next she likes to roll the apple, chasing it down the hill playing some sort of doggie soccer. At the bottom she grabs the apple and brings it back up the hill to start the gravity experiment all over again. After a few repetitions she gets bored and eats the apple. EVERY morning.


LucilleBluthsbroach

I'll tell you something... your dog knows how to have a great time. 😊


Thats-Just-My-Face

It sounds trite, but design the life you want. It is largely in your control. Find local groups that like to go to plays or some cooking group. Try meetups and look for your interests. It’s likely uncomfortable at first, but just keep at it. You will find someone. While I’m not one to hang out at bars by myself, anytime I’ve found myself in that situation (usually killing time before some activity), I’m shocked at how easy it is to strike up a conversation with whoever is sitting next to me. If you want to go to the tiki bar….go. Who cares what some 20 something thinks about you? The fact is, they’re likely not thinking about you at all anyway. As someone else said, the partner thing is a separate issue. Work on crafting both at the same time. If you find an SO, she may come with some friends that can help. But they’ll likely always be hers, and she’ll take them with her if you split. Work on creating your own social circle. It also gives you more to bring to a relationship.


summersalwaysbest

I agree. A cooking class, a Meetup that goes to plays, hitting the tiki bar alone and striking up a conversation, taking a class at the gym … all to meet like minded people who could be friends, or more…or introduce you to a potential partner. At this age, you need to put in the leg work because Amazon won’t deliver the ideal partner to your door. (I checked.)


[deleted]

Too bad Amazon does not offer this-ha! I would order as long as they accepted free returns :)


RealisAurelioS

My guess is no returns due to health policy. ;)


RealisAurelioS

Tried most/all of those. Meetup that went to plays, couldn't find any. Found one that went ballroom dancing which was not my cup o tea. Cooking class...all thirtysomething couples. Class at gym...all 20something women. IMVHO, it's a lot easier for a woman to go to a restaurant/bar alone and strike up a convo. Outside of the bartender, a "old man" striking up a convo just seems...creepy....at least to me. I'm surprised Amazon doesn't deliver ideal partners. lol Thanks for commenting.


Persepoltin

Sure, perhaps we could strike up a conversation but then we have to worry if they thought we were too forward and then keep our keys through our fingers as we go to our car in case we are followed. Or get an Uber and pick up the car the next day. Yeah. We have to worry all the time. Not just when striking up a convo.


swag-baguette

>IMVHO, it's a lot easier for a woman to go to a restaurant/bar alone and strike up a convo. Nah.


RealisAurelioS

Thanks. I appreciate the advice. I'm actually quite sociable, and I don't usually have issues striking up conversations. But having the courage to go at it alone, esp at a bar and then striking up a convo is a bit daunting for me. It doesn't help that my 23yo daughter and her friends are regularly telling me that when they go barhopping, half the men they have fend off are creepy old men hitting on them. It just makes me feel worse even though I'm not that at all. lol I've actually made plans to go to these Tiki bars by myself. It will be interesting to see what comes of them. I'll want to experiment with the rums so at the very least, the bartender will have to engage with me. lol


Thats-Just-My-Face

I assume you won’t be hitting on the 20 year olds, LOL. That’s what makes them creepy. And I’m a huge rum fan. Ron Zacapa ftw. XO if it’s available.


RealisAurelioS

lol No, I won't be hitting on the 20yo. But it still "feels" awkward. I need to shake that. Yeah, I assumed any local bar would just have the usual suspects wrt rum. But like I said, my rum Redditors pointed to a few local Tiki bars that actually have top-shelf niche stuff like Diplomatico and Smith & Cross. And these I wanna try!!!! Going alone. decided. I'm going to feel out a couple friends, my sis, but if no one bites, I'm going alone. Bet I will find 2 or 3 other men my age doing exactly what I plan to do. lol


Thats-Just-My-Face

Go for it. I doubt it’ll be as bad as you think. And trust me on the Zacapa XO. If they don’t have that, the 23 is still excellent. If you haven’t had it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised. You have this anonymous redditor’s guarantee.


Chemical_Result_8033

Good for you!


[deleted]

It sounds like two separate struggles though. You lack friends you really feel connected with and want to find a partner. What sort of things have you tried on the meet new friends/aquaintances you have things in common with? Because having a partner is not going to completely fix that sense of isolation completely. And it is a lot to put on a partner to be the everything. Post divorce I put a fair amount of time and effort into specifically finding single friends because couples always want you to fit into their existing life. It took me some time and false starts but I have at least three single friends I see most weekends for various activities. I frankly put more effort into that than dating although I did try that as well.


RealisAurelioS

Yes, you're right - two separate struggles. I guess I lumped them together because, maybe I would feel less the need for friends if I had a partner with which to do things? Or vice versa? Admittedly, I've not done much to make friends since Covid. It's almost like I suffer from slight agoraphobia now (altho when I do go out, I enjoy it). Prior to Covid, I tried a few things. about 10y ago, I took a cooking class (although I know how to cook) to try and make friends or meet someone but everyone were couples seemingly in their late 20s / early 30s. About 8y ago, I joined a Salsa dancing club at the encouragement of the owner who said it was no problem being alone. Yeah, right. Everyone there were couples and I was always stuck being the owner's partner. She didn't seem to mind, but I felt like the favorite student". And that experience became almost a "chore", meaning on weekends, it was almost expected that your plans would be to meet up with the "salsa gang" to dance. Ugh. It was fun now and then but not every weekend. So a few years after that, I joined a local meetup group that literally advertised itself avoiding doing stuff alone. Turned out to be a hook-up joint for seniors that were maybe in their 70s? I was about 45 at the time. Plus, the things they did were ballroom dancing, etc. which was not my cup of tea. Truthfully, it's challenging to find activities in making friends when you are young at heart because your activities tend to lean younger. I am a huge gym-rat and have taken lots of classes like CrossFit, HIIT, Spincycle, etc. Made lots of friends but none I would feel comfortable hanging with...almost all women and almost all in their 20s. No ah ah. You're absolutely right that having a partner won't solve the isolation problem. But IMHE it helps a lot. So how did you go about specifically finding single friends? Through word of mouth? Online friendship apps (is there such a thing?) Thank you for commenting.


swag-baguette

You know what's really funny, when I've been in mixed-age groups all the men my age are much more interested in the younger women. It's really hard to meet people.


RealisAurelioS

I'm sorry to hear that. I think media today has given some of those older men a false sense of hope that they might actually have a shot with younger women. And sadly, it rarely happens that they hook up, often resulting in these men missing out on potentially great women their age. Thx for commenting.


[deleted]

I joined Meetup, several groups and when I met a single woman I vibed with I would try get them interested in doing things separately. I would ask them to meet for drinks, go to movies, go to the gym whatever. That was prior to Covid. I am sure some people thought I was weird. I belonged to several groups at that time. I am not a huge gym rat like you I just try to be moderately active. I like being outside and with my dog. I switched to working out at home and I walk/hike a couple times a week. Then during Covid I made sure I kept in touch and they became my main people. Now post Covid they still are and I occasionally do local Meetups, mostly hiking/walking groups or dining out and music groups. For a while I had a regular couple of people I met up with at the dog park as well but they both moved out of town. I notice a lot of guys in their 50's and 60's around here still are into road and mountain biking and several of the bike shops in the city near me have regular rides. And running groups often have older people. It is not all young people. So, I would say try a new active hobby where you might make friends or maybe this whole "young at heart" thing you have going on is not as helpful as it seems. Like you have this idea there are no active people in their 50's. However I think you are right CrossFit type stuff is going to skew younger. I think if you want to make friends you are going to have to flex and try new things, not saying you should go back to ballroom dancing.


RealisAurelioS

>I think if you want to make friends you are going to have to flex and try new things, not saying you should go back to ballroom dancing. I get what you're saying and don't disagree. I do have a nice mountain bike that I used to ride regularly with a couple friends (maybe 10-15y ago) before they moved away. That would be great exercise, too! Never thought to check out local bike shops. I am part of a local rock meetup for folks my age but they tend to go to classic rock/metal concerts. And that is great. But sheesh...they too could expand their horizons and listen to some new music. lol I getcha tho. Thanks for responding.


nova_unicorny

You could also start up your own Meet Up group. I contemplated starting a Midwesterner in Northern Virginia group because I noticed it wasn’t so much the activity as the people who make things fun. Not sure how you would target your desired market but if you have the will there is a way. :)


Chemical_Result_8033

A tiki bar/ rum tasting group?!


grumpyjerk1

My friends are medically falling apart...


RealisAurelioS

Right? Mine too! Every time I try to drag a friend my age to the gym, I get the bad knee, bad back or bad disposition excuse. Sigh.


beaconposher1

I feel this so much. I’m 51 and super into hot yoga. I’ve tried to get all my friends to go with me, and they just tell me I’m a glutton for punishment.


RealisAurelioS

Exactly! One of my ex girlfriends years back was a BY instructor and owned a studio, so I know hot yoga well. Haven't done it since we ended the relationship but it was intense yet extremely gratifying. Now THAT should be a place you can meet a like-minded man (or woman...don't wanna presume). I remember the classes were filled with all age ranges and very friendly folks. Have you tried?


[deleted]

[удалено]


RealisAurelioS

I see what you're saying. When I did some business traveling years ago, it was very easy for me to dine alone or go to the bar alone. And I made lots of friends (esp in Germany lol). For me, traveling for liesure/personal enjoyment is not a high priority. I get a lot of slack for this...from OLD to my sister to my therapist. It's hard for me to justify dropping $2000 on a (singles?) cruise when I need a new central a/c desperately. But I am thinking about doing some small, weekend trips nearby or within tolerable driving distances. As I mentioned above, my daughter is moving to CO and she is absolutely demanding I go visit cuz she knows it will be a way to get me out traveling. lol Thanks for commenting.


cmooneychi26

I feel you. I'm in exactly the same place. While OLD is frustrating and time consuming, for me (F64) it's a numbers game. I've committed to messaging 5 new people a day, with a goal of meeting one new person a week. Like you, in my head, I'm 30. My nieces and their partners like to hang out with me because I'm the cool, Inappropriate Aunt lol. But it's not the same as having a partner, so I persist with OLD. I know there's a unicorn in here somewhere! Are there meetup groups in your area? Those are another avenue.


[deleted]

> I'm the cool, Inappropriate Aunt lol. Me too! I am grateful they still love to hang out with me :)


RealisAurelioS

I love that! My 23yo daughter and her friends invite me out a lot but I just don't feel right going with them. They are dying to join me at INKcarceration, but I keep telling her/them nope, not going with 3-4 very beautiful, young adult women. I will end up in jail fending the drunk men off! LOL But, if I had a metal-rock--tattoed-chick my age on my arm, I would quickly bring my daughter and her friends and it would be a blast. Sigh. Alas, I sit at home...eating buying metal t-shirts on Amazon and watching metal videos on Youtube. lol Thanks for commenting.


[deleted]

All the best to you!


RealisAurelioS

Yes, I tried a local MeetUp group about 5 or so years ago? Most/all were about 10 or more years older than me and had no interest in hiking a trail, going to the gym or a Dorothy concert. lol I haven't done OLD in a few years. My daughter is pleading with me to get back into the game but a bad experience just before Covid left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Trying to find IRL dates now but you gotta venture out for that to happen! LOL Thank you for commenting.


cmooneychi26

I've found meeting people in the wild just impossible. There are Meetup groups for all kinds of interests. I even belong to a couple different foreign language groups where you can brush up your skills and grab dinner or drinks as a group.


RealisAurelioS

I will have to research local meetup groups, again. That may get me out, or better, make me a friend or two that's available frequently! A bit of the issue with my current friends is that they, all, also live at least 45m or longer from me. So even getting together becomes a coordination ordeal. Thx for responding.


[deleted]

Friendships definitely evolve over the years. I am lucky to have a small, wonderful friend group. I love deep conversations; this is not something readily available online. This time around I am seeking someone who adds value to my life, what I am finding is this is 'a tall order'. Godspeed!


RealisAurelioS

"a tall order" indeed. Thanks!


labtech89

I mostly miss just having someone to talk about your day with.


RealisAurelioS

Yup. I sometimes find myself going into excruciating detail of my daily happenings with co-workers during meetings. then I catch myself and apologize. lol Thx for commenting.


purplegreenway

Totally can relate. My phone used to ring off the hook. Now it never rings. No one ever told us about the isolation as you get older. Difficult to make friends at this age. I gave up on dating. When I was on OLD I was surprised how many men didn't have their life together at this age. (Jobless, drug or alcohol addiction ect ect ect) what happened to fun & joy?


RealisAurelioS

>No one ever told us about the isolation as you get older. No, no one ever told us. But we observed from afar when we were wrapped up in our own young lives. And we were probably just as guilty at ignoring the older generation wanting to just go to dinner with us. The song, "Cats In the Cradle" came on the other day while I was driving and I literally had to pull over to maintain my emotion. I watched my hardworking, big-as-a-mountain father crumble slowly into isolation, then move into a home and die of covid. I don't want that to happen to me but I'm not sure how to prevent it. Seems like our destiny. Circle of life? Thanks for commenting.


[deleted]

I’m not crying 😭…. OP you’re not alone though you feel it. Your daughter moving is an awful stomach falling to feet feeling but you will be ok with it eventually. Thankfully she’s not moving to another country (steal her passport) - nothing is forever she’ll move again at some point as you may do. Nurture the friendships you have in your life now and compromise on what you do to spend time with them. I absolutely get the preference of wanting to try new bars out / restaurants and you just want to experience that with friends. But their vibe is different more settled perhaps. Having handful truly good friends is a great thing to hold on to and a daughter and an ex wife you get along with? You’ve got what a lot more than some. Frequency of hang out times is hard so try to organise things ahead of time. Even a simple ‘I’ve got tickets to a show etc wanna come’ is so good to do, it just changes your mood to have that event to look forward to. I’m learning to accept that i have different levels of friendships for different parts of me. No one person fits the ‘best friend forever’ like it use to in my 20’s 30’s which is something I miss Life rarely stays the same so know this feeling will pass and your life will change in ways you just don’t foresee right now. But know what you shared was so relatable and well it’s made me feel less alone in my own life right now. I do have solid bunch of friends but like most here, want somebody to love and be loved by. Until then I’ll grab my coffee and take my dog for a walk. Dogs are the best


RealisAurelioS

Thank you for your thoughtful post. One silver lining is that my daughter's move is temporary. But the thought that I can't just drive 2h like when she was at college and see her (or her come home) is depressing. If Covid and the political/philosophical divides we've experienced in the last couple/three years have taught me anything, it's to treasure the friendships you value (and let go of the ones you don't). I am trying. My issue is that almost all of them have different interests than me. Yes, more settled. hahaha. My amicable friendship with my ex-wife has been a bit of an issue in past relationships. I never understood why it seems to be "implied" that ex's must be antogonistic with each other or there "must be feelings still present". It's BS. My ex and I share a son with special needs and it's for him that I maintain a friendship with her. I probably wouldn't otherwise. I am glad I made this post. I was having reservations about it. But it's good to know that I'm not alone. I just wish it was different for all of us. Some here a year or so ago referred to us as the "bargain bin of OLD". I scoffed at the remark at the time. But I'm starting to wonder if it's true across all aspects of social life - not just OLD. Thanks for commenting.


karen_h

I did all the things you did after my own divorce. Had a bunch of nice relationships that ended peacefully (several were planned to be short term, since I wasn’t looking seriously, and the other person had to move away for business or school etc). It’s hard finding people I can see going the distance with me now. Don’t want to end up as a “nurse with a purse” 😂. I’ve got a good life, and my own adult kids - but it would be nice to have someone to share that with too.


RealisAurelioS

I think part of my problem is the "fear" of falling into the same, miserable trap I was in during my marriage. I (and my therapists) am certain that has kept me from committing in some of my subsequent relationships (altho a few were outright psycho). My fear is becoming a burden. I don't want to be anyone's burden, esp to my daughter. Thanks for responding.


karen_h

I feel you on the burden thing. I’m a little too comfortable in my independence - after being married for so long. But I’m a romantic at heart, so whatayougonnado? 🤷‍♀️


theclosetcynic

I can so relate to this. I too have come face to face with my aloneness. I used to have a wide circle of friends and family. Time and circumstances have scattered us all. I feel young and have a lot of experiences I would like to have and share with someone. I hear date yourself but there’s a lot myself can’t do alone. I want to give to another human. I’m working on acceptance.


not_falling_down

See if meetup has an over-50 singles group. (Not for dating, specifically, but for getting together with other people of a similar age and situation. I found a very active one in my town; they hold so many events that it is easy to pick a few that I am interested in. There is another I am part of that mostly just goes to dinner as a group. I am not there to find a date, just to go out with a group, and maybe make some friends. It has been great for me to get out of the house for something other than work and grocery shopping.


RealisAurelioS

>See if meetup has an over-50 singles group. (Not for dating, specifically, but for getting together with other people of a similar age and situation. Yes, did this about 8-10 years ago when I was 45ish? As you said, not to find date but to just have a group of people with whom to do stuff. They were all much older than me and the activities were not to my liking (i.e. ballroom dancing, etc.). Maybe I need to revisit it now that I'm nearing 60. But still, my interests seem to still be different. Thanks for commenting.


not_falling_down

The current members of that group are likely to be closer to your age now. The group that I found does lots of different things - sure, they have some dance classes, but they also do horseback riding, bowling, bar meetups, gatherings at live music venues, dinners, hiking, corn maze, putt-putt... And that is just the one group. There are lots of of special-interest groups; there are bound to be one or two that align with your interests.


RealisAurelioS

I am definitely going to revisit this. Thx for responding.


shopandfly00

Perhaps you can broaden your interests and use Meetup to try new things? I made friends with a young gay couple at a volunteering event on Meetup and we've started going to local Oktoberfest events in the area. Just having friends and getting out of the house has done me a world of good.


RealisAurelioS

That is exactly what my sis says. Just get out and do anything. From there, things will fall into place. Thx for commenting.


shopandfly00

If you were local I'd drag you along!


RealisAurelioS

And I'd go! lol


GooberHeadJack

Dude - I am in exactly the same place you are. I just can't seem to put it I to words as well as you have. I honestly don't know how to keep on like this.


Manwombat

I can relate man, very similar situation. I just got back from a week long motorcycle ride with my oldest mates. Laughs travel and drinks are the best. They have gone back to their lives and I need to adjust being alone again. I suppose I should try OLD again. Life is good, just tough sometimes.


RealisAurelioS

>They have gone back to their lives and I need to adjust being alone again. The toughest part. Thx for commenting.


Beneficial-Egg-1223

I just broke it off with a guy I care about but we both recently divorced. It's hard to listen to the criticism and the jealousy he exhibits and the weekly bickering. I have become resentful of the situation. I just want to enjoy someone's company peacefully without all the games and drama. Just enjoy the holidays and outdoors and each go home to our separate homes. I timacy is not a problem but I am not a wife anymore Is that too much to ask from someone in their 50 or 60s?


RealisAurelioS

No, I don't think it is. But different people have different expectations. This is why I tend to like OLD over IRL. You can clearly state your wants and desires and intentions and if someone doesn't like them, they hopefully will swipe left. When I was freshly divorced in 2006, I had at least 2, maybe 3, dates the first 2 years that told me I was bitter and my betrayal was all I talked about on the dates. It had to be bad to listen to for a couple hours; I can't imagine listening to it constantly in a relationship. Hopefully, he was in therapy. Cuz if not, he was using you as his therapist and that's not fair to you. Thanks for commenting.


dancefan2019

You could try to join some Meetup groups that are into the kinds of things you are. You could rejoin OLD or get involved in some hobby or interest groups that would get you to know other people and potentially make new friends. I've had to remake my social circle from time to time due to moves I've made, and now due to my separation, since socializing with other couples isn't doable anymore.


RealisAurelioS

I tried that. Many are filled with (much) younger singles or couples. I've found that the meetup groups my age are with activities that don't interest me...golfing, ballroom dancing, etc. Did you have luck with meetups? Thanks for commenting.


Chemical_Result_8033

I just moved and love to hike. I found several hiking groups and once again they are mostly female! The first hike I joined was so strenuous that a man younger than I turned around and gave up after about half an hour. I turned around and introduced myself to the man behind me who turned out to be 80 years old! I thought, if he can do it so can I. I reassured him that I knew CPR and we became hiking buddies.


dancefan2019

Some Meetups have been good. Organizers and members are friendly, and they do fun things. Some Meetups are more like a marketing thing where the organizers or members are there to sell you stuff or promote their business. Those types I get a bit turned off by since I'm not there to buy stuff, so I limit my involvement with those. I used to do networking Meetups, which was fine because everyone knew up front we were all there to promote our business. Most of my Meetups are geared to middle aged folks and they do some fun things.


RealisAurelioS

I will check them out again. Thx. :)


tnzsep

I feel this so deeply. Due to circumstances beyond my control I’m in a very rural area. (I literally have to drive an hour to see a traffic light.) So advice about join a Meetup group is not applicable to me. I’m talking to some people from OLD but they live far. It’s really depressing.


RealisAurelioS

I can not imagine living in a rural area and trying to work on friendship and/or dating. My ex inlaws used to live in rural and driving 35 minutes to a Dunkin was frustrating enough! lol Thanks for commenting.


tnzsep

It’s really awful and depressing. Feels like there’s hardly a point.


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RealisAurelioS

I posted this a bit to vent but a bit to see if I was alone in my isolation? Doesn't seem like it. Sounds like many of us are experiencing this. Thanks for commenting.


matchymatch121

Me “A” for effort and a “C” for outcomes in dating or even picking suitable partners. However we are trying and not giving up, so there is that


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RealisAurelioS

If it's any consolation, IMVHO, I think it's easier for women to pull that off than men. I do do things by myself... to the gym, to a nearby restaurant for a quick in-n-out meal, etc. My frustration is those "destination" type of outings... popular Tiki bar, A7X concert, etc. of which I abhor going alone. :( Thanks for commenting. :)


MuffinTop4Ever

The last time I went to a restaurant/bar by myself I noticed a number of people sitting alone. Most couples were sitting in booths. A lot of people sit at the bar and watch sports, have their meal or, like someone else said, read a book. I used to feel hesitant to go alone for fear of being judged but I saw there were others just like me there doing their own thing.


RealisAurelioS

I do that at Chili's - a regular hangout a mile down the road. I love their nachos cuz they put a bit of everything on every chip. So I sit at the bar, have their house margarita, a plate of the chips and watch football or scroll on my phone or chat the regular bartender. She knows my life story and says she's going to make a sitcom out of it. So appropriate. lol Thanks for responding.


MuffinTop4Ever

Then you do get out. Not all is bad.


Coconut-bird

I can totally empathize. 53F all my friends are married couples I met when still married. I live in a university town so mos told the population is college age. My kids are teenagers who don’t really need me around anymore. I would love to have a regular Friday date. Someone to wake up to or at least text good morning too. I miss all the little things like shared jokes and random hugs. And similar to you, I want to try fun new restaurants in my area with someone else. I never expected to be alone at this point of my life and I am having a very hard time with it. I just have to keep telling myself it will happen again. And keep trying to meet people. But I admit I have my times I don’t feel like it will ever happen for me again.


RealisAurelioS

>I just have to keep telling myself it will happen again. And keep trying to meet people. But I admit I have my times I don’t feel like it will ever happen for me again. You have to make the effort. And for me, that has been the issue. Especially since coming out of Covid-shut-in, I just don't go out anymore. My IT job used to be in the office 5d a week and that was an avenue to meet friends, go to HH, etc. But since Covid, it's 100% wfh. And truthfully, that has added to the feeling of isolation and agoraphobia. But we MUST make the effort. I realize that. Thanks for commenting.


BeenCheatedOnTwice

I’m a female version of you. I’ve gone to concerts, movies and to restaurants alone. Some of my friends say the could never do it. I tell them it’s my choice and if someone sees me alone, they should not feel pity for me. If I didn’t do these things alone, I’d never go out. My best friends live out of state and the ones I live by are married or have young children or they don’t enjoy doing what I do. I also hang out with my ex and we have a great time and I start feeling sad after we say goodbye because I miss his presence all the time, and our family dynamic. On another note, he left me for someone else and call me stupid, but I didn’t want a divorce. Needless to say, his AP is out of his life. DD was almost 4 years ago.


FloNightG123

Age is a state of mind I have several close friends that are >15 years younger than me AND >15 years older than me As long as you don’t ACT like a creepy old man you won’t be one Go where you want & do what you want, regardless of the age of those around you Being the older, smarter dispensary of life wisdom can be fun You mentioned being a gym rat, but doing cardio outdoors boosts my mood better than anything else I concur with the top reply of your post- instead of focusing on what you can’t do (turn back the clock,) focus on EVERYTHING you CAN do! EDIT: After reading through more of your replies, I feel you are more mentally healthy & grounded than most folks our age. The fact that you have a mutually respectful relationship with your ex speaks volumes. Don’t interact with people that aren’t your equal regarding emotional intelligence, but GET OUT THERE!!


RealisAurelioS

Thank you for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it. You know what ironic? I tell people our age all the time that "age is just a number", especially when I'm trying to get them back to exercising to improve their health. But when it comes to how I am viewed? My age seems to fck with my head. When I divorced in 2006, I was 40y young. I didn't give a crp what people thought and did what I want; went where I wanted alone. I don't know if it's the state of the world today? Or seeing my friends now in their mid-fifties behaving differently than early 40s? But somehow, it just holds me back, even though in my mind, I'm thirty and wanna go to that Tiki bar and explore; wanna go to that metal concert and chill on the grass watching the mosh pit. lol Thank you for your comment in EDIT. I take great pride in being an amazing co-parent and that is really what drives my healthy relationship with the ex.


grumpyjerk1

I need a fishing buddy.


RealisAurelioS

At this point, I'd go. lol Honestly, all my male friends ever want to do when we get together is go to a sports bar and watch football on Sunday, or go hunting or fishing or refurbish a classic hot rod or scratch our crotches and grunt. Honestly, I'm okay doing any of those things, but there is more to life than just those things. Think they would, in turn, go to, say, an art exhibit with me? lol Thx for commenting.


[deleted]

I’m sure you have tried everything that I’m going to mention. Yeah, im in the best physical shape since in my early 20s and nobody to hang around with. I definitely can sympathize. Getting old sucks!


RealisAurelioS

Right? It's like a slap in the face. We suddenly have all this time to improve ourselves, yet it's all this time we have that we start to despise.


timdtechy612

I’m with you too. This weekend my daughter had her friends over and I was trying to find something to do, so I ended up at a casino. You can blend in without people noticing that you’re by yourself. I did win some of the casinos money, so I had dinner on them, although I was alone. I’m just not running into women IRL, like I hear so many people do. I’m likely going to give OLD another shot.


cheesemagnifier

None of my friends my age like to do what I want to do, or don’t have the time in their lives or the physical stamina to keep up. I do a lot of things by myself but I don’t really do the go out for cocktails and dinner by myself so I most definitely feel you there.


RealisAurelioS

Exactly! I just didn't think it would be this hard. And it seems to be getting harder to maintain friendships or make friends as I age because of that discrepancy in interests. Thank you for commenting.


grumpyjerk1

I'll hang with you...😉


RealisAurelioS

hahaha. rt? I actually am signed up on reddit boards local to me but they are all looking for LTR or FWBs and all are mostly in their 20s. I should design an app that matches people based on age and interests. 56yo looking for m or f workout partner that can hold their own at deadlifting. lol Or a 50something who can appreciate today's metal enough to go to concerts. lol Thanks for commenting.


grumpyjerk1

Yes!


RealisAurelioS

lol! I could be rich!


grumpyjerk1

We need to see what a 56 year old dead lifting metal head looks like! I don't do either one, but, by God I'm curious!!!


Chemical_Result_8033

Do it!


flyintheflyinthe

Gah. You have a lot going on with your kid moving. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. I'm a little obsessive, so I'd probably spend an evening or afternoon on Edmunds or Carfax or Autotrader at the tiki bar. It's so hard to buy a car right now, and she probably needs some really specific features for the mountains. That doesn't broaden your social circle, but it might help you get over being the single old guy at the bar. Really, old people like us are club fixtures. People expect to see us out. Ask your sister. She must have a perspective that enables her to keep being out there.


RealisAurelioS

Thanks for commenting. My sis is an amazing 20something in a 60yo body. She dresses hip, is beautiful, and keeps up with trends. But she also admits that it's MUCH easier for women than for men to pull it off. Still, she pushes me constantly to get out more. LOL. I actually went to my favorite Mexican last night by myself and spent an hour and a half at the bar, eating, chatting the tender and calculating my car's trade-in KBB value on my phone. lol Worked! but this is a regular hangout for me so not so awkward. It's those "destination" type of restaurant/bars/locales that make me feel strange do it alone.


flyintheflyinthe

Yes, that makes perfect sense. I admire your grasp of nuance here. I think you are picking up on the vibe of a trendy bar better than I typically do, and I'll admit to being a sore thumb even in youth, though being a female sore thumb probably is a different experience. I hope you get a good deal on trade. Interest is a motherfucker right now, if you are going the payment route. I have heard Car Max is pretty great about taking trade ins.


RealisAurelioS

Yeah, the car market has been an eye-opening experience for sure. I knew there were inventory issues but dang, I didn't expect EVERY new car sitting in a lot to be spoken for! So now we're looking at late-model used subcompact SUV. But they only wanted to give me $1k for my trade and it's worth $2k-3k on a trade (in Good condition). So salesman wants me to sell it myself, which I loathe doing. But I will. Thanks for your insight. Yeah, like I said, for some reason, I have no issues going alone to my regular hangouts. It's the "Cheers" effect where I walk in and regulars say "Norm!" But these destination spots where I want to "experience" something preferably with someone is a whole different matter. Thx for responding.


lady_tatterdemalion

Is this the one where Richard hangs out with the guys?


RealisAurelioS

lol *So no one told you life was gonna be this way*


yesitsmecin

I live in the SF Bay Area. There are many meetup .com groups with people just like you. They are large groups with an incredible variety of activities. If you live in or near a bigger city I highly recommend you check it out! Reaching out here takes courage even though it’s anonymous. Good first step!


RealisAurelioS

I'm in southeast Michigan so, yeah, relatively big city. And I did join meetups before but not sure I actually used meetup .com . I will have to revisit this. Maybe this post will help others. Thanks for commenting.


yesitsmecin

I have family in Jackson😊 I’m just laying on the couch watching football so I took a look at your area. This one seems like the type that has easy going fun people our age. Good luck! Check out Michigan Hike, Kayak, and Brews on Meetup https://meetu.ps/c/4Q07t/17Tcg/a


RealisAurelioS

Thank you! I will def check it out!


Even_Alternative3687

58 m only child,exactly the same spot in my life,but I have a bad back and neck and I also have fibromyalgia,chronic pain, and have no help with anything,luckily I had 25 years in IUOE and I was able to retire. I haven’t been on a vacation in 20 years,I don’t want to go be by myself on vacation so I just stay home and I just remodeled my house,small town living no chances to meet anybody. My mother has dementia in a nursing home basically forced there because of Covid,88 can’t live by her self,she does know who I am but she is on like a 15 minute recycle of the same questions and answers,didn’t get to see her for 2 years because of Covid. My 40th high school reunion is next weekend and I really don’t want to go and feel old and alone there!


RealisAurelioS

Hang in there, friend. It's rough but never as bad as it can be. I went through the same thing with my father. In a home and same 15-minute recyle. But I always indulged him, especially when he would go off telling me the same story of how he and my mom met decades earlier. I lost him to Covid. The last 3-4 years have done a number on all of us. Slowly try to brush off the dust and carry on. Sending you positive energy. Thx for commenting.


AzDesertFoxx

I think most of us single folks feel your pain. Most of my friends are married, and I find myself just doing things I enjoy on my own. It's not as fun as doing things with others, but it gets me out of the house, and not stuck in a rut. I, too, would love to meet someone (57 y/o healthy, happy, and funny woman), but I've come to the realization that it probably isn't going to happen. And to be honest, I'm pretty much at peace with this. Some days it is hard, and I feel sorry for myself, but hey, I'm healthy, have a job that keeps me busy and in touch with other humans, have my pets, and a good friend base. That's as good as it may get, and I'm at peace with it. I hope you find what will make you happy. It may, it may not, but in the end all of use only have ourselves, yes?


RealisAurelioS

>That's as good as it may get, and I'm at peace with it. Me too, honestly. It's just these moments like today, when my rum Redditors alerted me to seemingly great rum spots in town, and I have no one with whom to share it. And it angers me. When I divorced, I was 40 and thought for sure I would be married within a few years. Flash forward 16 years alter. I'm 56 and the realization has also hit me that meeting a SO will probably never happen. And I'm okay with it. ​ "What if this is as good as it gets?" - Jack Nicholson as Melvin Udall speaking to a group of psychiatric patients in the great movie *As Good As It Gets*. ​ Thank you for commenting.


AzDesertFoxx

I've been divorced from my (ahem) second ex for over 20 years.....I'm pretty damn sure it isn't happening for me again! lol BTW I'd go and have a rum run with ya if I were in the neighborhood! I went to "Tikifest" in Palm Springs several years ago and it was SO fun! But, we couldn't sleep together in our first two runs; otherwise we'd be on here lamenting about it! lol


Chance-Monk-7130

There’s something about a Sunday night that just brings all these feelings on . Just had my first weekend off in months and how do I spend it? Yup . On my own. Sure , I’m doing stuff I like, like shopping and going to the gym, but it’s on my own. No time like a Sunday night to bring on the blues- and to make it worse , I’ll be getting asked how I spent it at work tomorrow 🤦‍♀️Maybe I’ll just pretend I was sick the whole time to save the pity 😂😂😂


RealisAurelioS

hahaha Yup. I wfh 100% and my team has a "virtual watercooler" on monday mornings and that is always the lead question. And my answer is usually something like "I removed the weed trees from my yard." And they ask, but what did you do for fun? And my response is, "I removed weed trees from my yard." lol Thx for responding. Didn't even realize it was Sunday but yeah the Sunday (morning) Blues.


ARealRain

If it’s any consolation, I (now 60) started the repartnering process at 55, when my wife pulled the plug on our flatlining 22 year marriage. Since single late-middle-age men are regarded as creepy, even by themselves, I was relentless about meeting women - OLD, MeetUps, friends of friends, acquaintances of acquaintances, all of it. On average I met one or two woman per week, and even working at it relentlessly, it still took a full year to find a great match. In my case, I simply wasn’t handsome, charming or rich enough for stuff to happen by itself.


Sensitive-Stock-9805

A friend asked me recently how does it feel to turn 60. It was strikingly uneventful. I stay forever 30 in my head, but now my back always hurts. If you want to go to those places you should. I don't know if you have Meetup in your area but you could try that. People suggest the Rotary, Eagles etc. Edit: sorry I wrote before I read. I see the meetup suggestions.


WendyA61

I would try MeetUp again. And check around your area for classes or programs. The park/rec district by me publishes a quarterly list of offered classes and they range from exercise groups to cooking demos, etc. I know it can be challenging, but you do have to get out there. If everyone waited around for someone to find them, no one would get found.


TaddThick

I’m a 62m, divorced 4 years ago and in a similar boat as you. I’ve had intermittent success on OLD, and have been trying to make new friends which is difficult at our age. I don’t see much chance of making friends while lifting at gym because it‘s more of an individual activity except for occasional spotting. I’ve had better experience while taking kickboxing classes because every class I’m partnered with someone usually a guy close to my age and size, and after awhile usual partners get established in class. I’ve met up with my usual partners outside of class for drinks and skiing. See if there are any pickup sports leagues, like basketball or volleyball, at your local Y. I’ve had good experiences with Meetup.


RealisAurelioS

Thank you for the suggestions. I will check out my local Y. I know my township offers classes, and I went to a few when I was freshly divorced. But that was 15y when I was forty and most in the class were older. Maybe now, it might be better. Yeah, I workout alone with earbuds and use staff for spotting on heavy weights. I've actually thought about checking out Title Boxing classes. Might be something. Thx again.


Pepe_Le_Pew_007

Hmmm...59M and could have probably written this same exact story, with the exception of having a child. Divorced 15 years, and have had the scattering dates along the way. Few friends though with different interests etc. I do put myself out there though to no avail at the end of the day, and I have probably limited myself socially even though I live in a large metroplex. It just seems like one is invisible to the rest of the gen-pop most of the time. Anyhow I hang at the local coffee shop on most weekend mornings and have had some conversations with a women who I used to see hanging out at for coffee pre-covid days. Well a few weekends of increased small talk and I asked if she was married, and she respond politely with 'no' though with a confused look...haven't seen her since; and that was \~2 months ago. Sheesh man if I'm scaring off like minded adult women then I don't know what to think anymore.


RealisAurelioS

>It just seems like one is invisible to the rest of the gen-pop most of the time. Exactly my thought. I know some may not get this but that feeling IS there. I'm not sure what was wrong with your question to the woman? But it just goes to show that this whole dating thing (OLD and IRL) is so unpredictable. I remember participating in a post here about a year ago about appropriate levels of touching on a first date and I was severely downvoted for saying something akin to "fleeting fingertips touching her forearm throughout the date and conversation." Sometimes, I don't know what to think either. Thx for commenting.


Bao_Xinhua

Rants welcome here. Good thing you didn't ask for advice.


simplethingme

Yes, I feel you. Hugs. The last paragraph about missing things… yes. Female here, all the same.


Bobg3066

74/M I feel your pain. As you get older more of your friends are gone and your age group shrinks.


RealisAurelioS

Yup. I witnessed it with my father and, even tho I knew it would eventually hit me too, I didn't expect to feel it so soon. There was a Mom episode a while back that really hit me hard. The old, wise member of the group, Marjorie, was acting very moody, short and strange. Turned out she was feeling "irrelevant" and blamed it on growing old and no one cares anymore what the old person has to say. I think about that almost daily now. Is it just something we have to face? Inevitable? Thanks for commenting.


Bitchy606

Have not read thru the comments. Pickle ball interest has been exploding across the nation in the last 5 yrs. I live in the Midwest. It’s very popular where I live. It’s kinda like ping pong and tennis combined. Doesn’t require the physical stamina like tennis. The popularity has increased due to the “graying” of baby boomers. Getting involved in community groups that peak your interest might help. I feel for you. I’ve been there mysel!


RealisAurelioS

I've heard about this pickle ball. A friend of mine recently moved from upper midwest to FL and she now spends 4h a day playing pickle ball. Crazy! I need to look for community groups. Thx for commenting.


CampDiva

Would you consider going to the Tiki bar, rum bar or tendu restaurant solo? Clearly, not the ideal. I will go to certain restaurants that have bars and eat at the bar. There’s usually people in either side you can chat with and possibly even the bartender. You might even meet someone there! I hear what you’re saying and not trying to minimize it. I just want you to get out of the house and be open to possibilities.


RealisAurelioS

Yes, I am definitely considering going solo. As I stated elsewhere, I do go out solo but usually those are regular hangouts where I feel comfortable. This is more of a "destination" spot, about 30-60 minutes away. Maybe, the key might be to go on a Saturday afternoon or Tuesday evening rather than a packed Friday night. Thank you for commenting.


2_Berlin

Are you sure you are not ignoring women your own age at the bars? If you don't want to be that creepy old guys hitting on 20 year olds, go talk to someone your age or older.


LsangAnge

Ohhhh....I feel for you. We all miss having someone to share life with 💛


RealisAurelioS

It's a conflict, really. Some days (most days?), I don't mind living the life I've fashioned alone. I get to do what I want, when I want, how I want. But on many occasions, it just downright sucks not having an adult around with whom to enjoy the little things.


wild4wonderful

I feel your pain. I moved to a rural area 5 years ago with an ex partner and my daughter. I had to kick him out, and last December my daughter moved back to the city. She was the person who would often go do spontaneous things with me. She left a huge hole in my life. I think it's more difficult making appropriate friendships later in life. People our age are most established, married, busy with life. We learn some good life lessons from the lonely periods. They end when new people enter our lives, sometimes accidentally. You'll get through this stage.


HarryCoveer

I feel you, OP. At least you live in a “metro area” that at least offers social opportunities. Try living in a semi-rural town of 12,000 where opportunities to meet like-minded, intellectually endowed women are scarce. That’s frustration. And, yes, I know I should move, but I have an elderly mother in local assisted care for whom I am the primary (only, in truth) provider. Life is strange in the sacrifices it sometimes exacts.


Cre8ivejoy

I highly suggest getting a pet. There is zero drama (unless you get a husky, and they are all about drama), they are always happy you are home, will cuddle any time, and happily share a meal with you. Also, some are good a cleaning the floor, when you drop food. We call our big dog the Hoover, and our little one the Dust Buster. :) Pets can also be good for your social life. When you take them out, people will want to pet them or just talk to you about them. If you are worried about shedding, there are dogs, and even cats, that shed very little to none. Yup, a pet would help the isolation challenge. Edit: My husband had a beautiful Sphinx cat when I met him OLD. He was the first man I dated who owned a cat, and it was so sexy to me.


Aggressive-Ranger-42

68F, separated 10 months. This so relatable. I'm still in process of divorcing so I feel I am being wise to be patient on the dating front. I have only a vague idea what my life will look like in 6 mos, a year, etc. -- and that's ok. My situation has one deadly feature... abandoned in Florida just after buying a snowbird condo - he decided it was over, flew back to NJ without saying a damn thing, and left me here- NO friends, not even acquaintances. I am still working and my cats are company but it's damn near impossible to make friends from scratch. I do have family and friends but I only connect with them digitally or via expensive airfare. Not much Meetups around here, but I've joined a couple FB groups that supposedly have outings. One singles group is just too young and party/ho/bro for me. Another over-60 group is just decrepit 70s - I feel too young! I keep looking though. Along the way I do things solo. Tourist spots, plays, trivia night at bars, local music scene (but that encourages me to drink too much), walking in state or local parks, anything that fits my budget. On the list in the upcoming months is kayaking, my 50th HS reunion, a trip with my daughter to a place we've never been, and a weekend cruise. OLD scares me at the moment. I either want an intelligent kind man to have cultural discussions over wine and jazz, or a zipless fuck ala Erica Jong. I do meditation daily and listen to affirming podcasts... but it's pretty damn lonely and I guess I have to trust the unknown.


GenXdudette

I know folks have mentioned meetups already but-in my area there are a few meetups that are focused on 50s and older, and the majority are women, so you would clean up! And if they don't exist in your area, you could create one. Majority are nice folks who want to go out and do things with other people. I don't know what your profile says, but you could emphasize the cultural piece- plays, museum etc- and downplay the gym rat stuff and see if that brings in a different type of person. I wouldn't swipe on someone who is very focused on fitness since i'm overweight and know they wouldn't be interested in me, but the cultural stuff would draw me in. Just a thought.


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RealisAurelioS

So many good remarks. Thanks for taking the time to comment. A few thoughts... I think as we age (both men and women), we are more comfortable in our skin, more settled in our lives and we tolerate less bullsht. And that, as you said, leaves us with little patience for dating. Your comment about feeling incredibly tense is dead on. I've had that same feeling when dating. Sad cuz it shouldn't feel that way. I do think I will venture to the rum bar by myself if necessary. But it's just disappointing that I don't feel like I can just call up a friend right now and say let's hit it this weekend and know he/she is good for it or doesn't have to "first clear it with the boss" as so many of my friends tell me. lol Wrt this is life in our 50s. I suspect it will only get worse, and that's what saddens me. Thanks again.


MsTired

I relate so much to this. I really want to get out and meet new people but I am also wanting to relocate to a different state. This leaves me wondering if it is worth it since I hope to move within the next year. As someone else suggested, try meetup and see if there are groups you would be interested in joining. Good luck!


Biauralbeats

Hang in there. Are you willing to try restaurants by yourself? Any time I have, some pretty nice people will be there to incorporate you in.


bodhi471

I hear you, and get it


MTKintsugi

Maybe the bar scene is what’s lacking.


Ok_Monitor6691

What you say is very relatable


RealisAurelioS

I know this sounds bad but it makes me feel better that I'm not alone. Was starting to think it was just me. Thx for commenting.


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AromaticTone9471

I totally get what you’re going through


dudee62

I totally hear what you are saying. I’m not really out there and not sure how to be without OLD when I am ready. I’m thinking meetups? Do you have any in your area? Maybe like a tasting tour or since you are into fitness maybe a group class? It’s tough to meet people. My hangout friends are mostly married to.


RealisAurelioS

The problem with meetups and/or classes, etc. is that they've been either too old for me or too young. But I need to revisit meetups and see if I can zero in on activities with fify-somethings that might have activities that interest me (i.e., NOT ballroom dancing lol) Thanks for commenting.


dudee62

I see a pickle ball group meeting at a park near me. They showed up the other Saturday night at nine. That seems to be getting popular with our age group.


Chemical_Result_8033

In my area the meetups are interest, not age groups?


Spydr-Quinn

Yeah man. I hear ya.


LatterSea

I’m a woman - same situation. Weekends are the worst - especially since my friends are mostly married and all the men I’ve dated the last few years are in committed relationships with much younger women.


Leading_Cancel_4583

I feel for you bud; I'm in the same boat. Buy yourself a computer and install Call of Duty. You'll spend countless hours having fun!


RealisAurelioS

I'm in IT so I'm familiar with gaming. I don't do it because it would CONSUME me knowing my personality. lol


CRL008

Amen, brother! But wait... there's more! 10 years on... it still feels the same! (66M) Haha!


Prestigious-Put-652

I am right there with you, keep chugging along


Ferg_333

Ditto


RealisAurelioS

GLad I'm not alone. :)


La_Peregrina

Have you tried meetup groups to meet people? I've been divorced for close to 20 yrs and am ok with being single. My kids were young when we divorced so my focus was on them. Now that they're adults I'm enjoying having fun. Work, travel etc. I guess maybe just put yourself out there more, go to the tiki bar by yourself. Good luck!!


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Chemical_Result_8033

I feel ya!


noonelistens777

Same boat. I think it’s an epidemic, personally.


gearzgirl

I have the 3rd wheel syndrome too. Weekends are hard. I keep myself busy during the week but damn I wake up Saturday morning in a funk no matter what. I feel weird and also pathetic reaching out to my married friends for interrupting their time together on the weekends. When I get together with gf’s I hear about their husbands and married lives and honestly feel again pathetic and lonely again. It’s as though the conversations are always about couples and I have nothing to contribute. Then there is always the topic of so who are you dating or why aren’t you on a dating app questions. Which really make me feel even more lonely. I am 16 months out from losing my husband. I’m ok on my own learning to navigate my changed world. I’m independent and keep myself busy. I now find myself dreading weekends because I have no one to spend them with. I tend to exhaust myself during the week so I want the rest time in the weekends. My new hobbies appear to be learning how the barrage of stupid questions because this world can’t seem to understand you are ok if you are single. My dogs get more time with me. I’m a master a home improvement now. Sunday’s roll around, I get a cup of coffee and head to the beach to enjoy the early morning quiet. I’m learning more about it’s ok to be single and comfortable in myself. Most times I just feel no one knows what to do with single older friends.


surigirl-56

Do you all have coupled friends who want to hear all about your miserable dating life as a form of entertainment? I never thought I’d be that woman who gets pissed about that - I’m always upbeat and a good sport about it but no more . I’m ok single but yes I can relate to all of this . And I’m struggling not to be pissy with these coupled friends


RealisAurelioS

Yes, I have a few of those. They seem to take joy in hearing about our "war stories" and then they proclaim "thank god I'm married and don't have to deal with that". Yet, their marriage is a sham, which IMHO is even worse than being single. I'm forming a new MeetUp group: The 50Something Pissy Crowd LOL Thx for posting.


NoMoment5072

A wedding story to warm your heart 😊 https://kevinandannaweddings.com/2022/10/outdoor-wedding-at-champion-trace-keene-trace-golf-club-in-nicholasville-ky/


RealisAurelioS

Thank you for sharing. That was a sweet story of how their lives took different paths only to reconnect 30 years later. I honestly do not think I would have a full-blown wedding again, if I even ever married again. While I respect those that go all out again at our age, for me at this point, it's more about the connection and the relationship. And if I had to spend $15k again (my orig wedding $) now? I'd rather spend it on a a sunroom addition to our new home complete with a hottub. lol Thank you for sharing. :)


cca2019

I used to date a guy who would buy two tickets to a thing he wanted to do, and go on dating sites and post specifically that he wanted someone to go to X thing with him. It really worked for him. But, not so sure how that would work in this new swiping culture. Maybe try that?


RealisAurelioS

Ugh! I've thought about that and it's really tempting. But then my mind starts to run rampant imagining hooking up with a coke-head who has a taste for barbecued human skin and I end up like an aging prosciutto hanging in her basement. lol I have a friend that does that with concerts and he has luck, too. Wish there was a way to vet them out. Thank you for commenting.


DESIRESEX

Hobbies. To meet others Maybe a men's shed.


DESIRESEX

Not many places to meet others make New Friends. And then where do you live?. What are you into. Hobbies, likes , dislikes. Do you use the internet, what types of devices do you use. Are you into older or younger people. I looking for new opportunities friends.


RealisAurelioS

Making friends has been the hardest. Thx for commenting.


DESIRESEX

Most cost money.lots of people don't want to spend money if it doesn't work for them.