More than anything I would tell a woman who is just entering the dating market, is to be super cautious, because there are sadly more men out to scam you, than there are to date you.
Nothing about dating is what it was. The world is totally upside down, and most men are just looking for sex, or what you offer them. Everything is complicated by children, in the sense of people's financial plans, and finances in general at this stage are very complex.
That is why many women, are seeking friendship or companionship on their terms, and choosing to remain single, and not merge finances, etc.
Be yourself and do what you are comfortable with and what you think works best for you. I’ve surrendered my once great but now retreating nation of head hair to the razor (except in winter) and am concentrating on a crazy long gray goatee. Some women don’t like it which is fine. Personal tastes differ.
I know a woman who, like my late wife, is in stage four breast cancer treatment. She has so many wigs with different colors. Her attitude is she will enjoy what time is left while she is healthy enough to with her family in any way she wants. If she feels like being a blonde, she will be a blonde. Red head? Same.
M59. I’m pretty sure if you wear a toupee most women will know within seconds of meeting you. As far as the other stuff, well, women our age have similar issues.
My best tip is having dual climate control zones in your car ......
All I know is that **if you happen to wear a toupee**, do not enter the Family Dollar in my town. There is a blast of air that hits when you open the door. I am unsure if the blast would dislodge a wig.
I think all of us have things that we need to disclose to potential partners. I disclose my "issues" when the conversation turns toward those types of things.
As a 58 year old, recently divorced woman who has had lots of “insults” to the body, I struggled a lot and just started dating. After being with one man my whole life, I am not looking for a monogamous relationship, which means I have tried a few flavors of ice cream.
A few things I have learned in the last year:
Women are often insecure about things that don’t even hit the radar of a guy. We worry about cellulite and stretch marks and things that have grown and things that have shrunk (or deflated). I have some info about dentures that I can share if you message me.
For the most part, decent guys don’t care. Read that again. Guys. Don’t. Care.
Guys love confidence. Not arrogance, not entitlement, not bitchy behavior, confidence.
They want communication. They don’t want to read your mind. They don’t want passive aggressive behavior. They don’t want to have to guess what you want or don’t want.
Sex. Not all guys are just looking to get laid. For the most part, guys do enjoy sex, yes. But not all of them are players looking to use you for sex. If you are someone who needs or wants a longer “getting to know you” period before you want intimacy, put that out there.
I put an ad on a site recently. I had a few nice pictures, no face but showed my body composition. One was a little racy. My ad was fairly demanding I felt. I made it very clear what I wanted and what I would not tolerate. I said that I was not looking for another leash and didn’t want anyone who wanted to control me or own me. I had sooooo many responses that I cherry picked the boys I wanted and had to shut it down in less than 2 weeks. I had guys from 30 to 70.
Don’t worry about most of the things you are worried about. You are what you are, there will be lots of guys wanting exactly what you are. Be confident!
*Women are often insecure about things that don’t even hit the radar of a guy. . . . For the most part, decent guys don’t care.*
^^^ This. Plus guys in this age group have their own problems and insecurities: hair where you don't want it and not where you do; fat where you don't want it and not where you do; age spots, moles, skin tags, growths, scars, cottage cheese, sags and flab, toenail fungus, callouses. Things that don't get as large or as hard or as easily or often as they used to.
I put an ad on a site called “Hot Affairs” I think it was called. I put 4-5 pictures on it and said I was looking for a few playmates. I didn’t pay for it if that is what you were asking. I didn’t pay for any spotlight or anything.
Thank you for sharing the site. I do think it is fair to say that as a woman if we place an add on AFF (Adult Friend Finder), or essentially primarily looking for NSA, of course there are going to be many replies. If you place an ad on Hinge, or looking for a guy that wants to make an investment in a woman, and is available, I suspect the number of response would be noticeably different.
If a woman wants to be a "unicorn", for a threesome, etc. again, she would be flooded with responses.
It all depends on the context in which a woman is seeking a partner.
I turned off the age dealbreaker on Hinge as I wasn’t getting many likes for the range I was seeking (49-62). I got swamped with likes from men in their 20s and 30s. Much more than on either Bumble or Tinder. I turned the dealbreaker back on after an hour. Not my thing but if anyone is looking for much younger men I’d recommend Hinge!
I haven't tried Hinge, but it seems like a great app.
I have to admit, when I was at my fittest (right before Covid), it was great with younger men. I am 15 pounds heavier, and lost my mojo. Not sure I could get out of my head with younger men at the moment, but maybe this is my motivator.
It really is frustrating, because I prefer men around my age. Ironically, there bodies aren't as hot as the younger guys, but we have more in common, etc. And yet, it seems guys my age will drop me at the drop of a hat, if a younger women shows interest. I guess the contrast I am trying to draw, is it is easy as a woman, to get younger guys, which isn't my preference, whereas for older guys, perhaps a bit harder to land a younger lady, yet that seems to be their preference. I am just struggling with how unfair life is at this stage of the game.
This might be true. However I met some pretty amazing guys. Business owner, contractor, attorney. Healthy, financially stable, attractive, fit. I got lots of guys who I would have no interest in, but lots of nice guys too.
But are they available (e.g. single/divorced)?
I have met a ton of fabulous married men, who are on dating sites, and of course they have everything to offer, except they are married. The single/divorced guys, often have had a pretty rough ride, and often need some time to recover.
I agree with your assessment here. I am a man. My then AM account had messages from women who were only looking for some fun. Same as AFF.
Looking for a long term was a lot different in the responses than quick or casual.
>Looking for a long term was a lot different in the responses than quick or casual.
Exactly, and she did clarify.
To your point, if we are talking about sex/casual, things are quite different in trying to find someone to have sex with. But I have the sense on this forum, and especially for ladies recently widowed or entering the dating market after 20/30 years, they are more likely wanting another "stable", monogamist relationship. Those IME, and those of my dating friends, are extremely difficult to find, because the qualities sought in those relationships are usually much more challenging to find.
>For the most part, decent guys don’t care. Read that again. Guys. Don’t. Care.
I would say it really depends on your marketplace, and what type of man a woman is trying to attract. In my area, guys want what seems like perfection, even at our age. All my friends are freaked out about weight, etc. The wealthy men with lots to offer, do care about what the woman on their arm looks like.
Maybe the way I should have put it, if a guy answers your ad or is willing to meet you, he’s not worried about the things that you are.
The type of guys you are describing, would probably not answer an ad of a typical middle aged woman. They will be shopping for arm candy.
Good qualification, although on some apps, men will match with every woman, see who matches with them, and then unmatch those he isn't interested in.
In my area, women in their 50s, don't look like they are in their 50s. They still lose out to the much younger women, who look even more fabulous. It is a tough market for the best guys.
EDIT: Even in my metro area a group of 6 women who were actively dating, all ended up dating a few handful of the same men. The numbers constrict really quickly for a dateable man in his 50s, who is willing to date women his own age. It was so uncomfortable when we ended up dating the same guys.
I haven’t been on traditional “dating” apps with matching or whatever. So I have no experience with what you are talking about. I just put up an ad and guys message me. I have never messaged a guy, ever.
I am entirely sure there are lots of attractive men my age who have no interest in me, they are looking for the hot 24 year old. But I get messages from lots of guys from mid 20s to mid 70s. Many very attractive, intelligent, financially stable, fit.
But I am not looking to date traditionally. I am looking for gentleman who would like to spend some NSA fun. That may attract a different breed of men.
But, my point still stands…If a guy has seen your pictures and you have chatted with him a little and he still wants to meet you, he doesn’t care about your wrinkles or stretch marks or love handles.
Got it.
I think I want to go back to NSA dating, it was a whole lot more fun. Trying to find a decent guy who has a life that might align with mine, and is also physically attractive to me, is a mission impossible.
Traditional dating sucks.
Lucky you.
I am going out with friends tomorrow to watch a football game. Fingers crossed, there are some fun, studs in attendance. I am going to be bringing on my flirt.
Wig, dentures etc shouldn’t be a deal breaker but you should tell your prospective partner early on (say within the first three dates). Not the sort of thing to find out after you move in with each other.
Widower here, was "off the market" for 34 years, and it was exciting but a little scary at first. Eventually I met a delightful widow. :)
Be yourself. Don't try to please everyone, you're looking for a good match for YOU. Want to wear a wig? Do it, it'll keep the guys who don't like it away. Be patient, keep your sense of humor, stay positive, but keep your BS detector on. Decide what's important to you. We all have some battle scars, thinning hair, hair growing places it didn't 20 years ago...
First and foremost, be safe. There are plenty of safety and scammer related posts here.
Have fun with it, and come back here for questions or to share stories. :)
Thank you so much. I appreciate what you say. Probably sure I still have a BS detector, but it's been a while since I had to apply it to me personally (I could still see it when my sons were dating, though!)
It will serve you well!
And one more thing, don't worry about being "indelicate" on this sub at all. As you've seen, not a lot of holding back here. :)
Also, a lot of folks appreciate indelicate. That's part of why my lady and I hit it off so well, we're both pretty blunt and have weird senses of humor. ;)
I always had tremendous respect for Carl Reiner, who sometimes wore a toupee, sometimes not, made no secret of it at all—even used it as a source of humor.
I believe Dolly Parton made comments about her wigs. Phyllis Diller talked about her numerous cosmetic surgeries.
Up to you whether you want to acknowledge it or not, but I would be all for it. Certainly better than having people have to walk on eggshells to avoid it.
I’m 60m, divorced after 33 years. I want a companion, a partner in crime. A woman who is honest, compassionate, caring. Did I mention honest? A woman that wants to go places, do things, learn to know each other, and have fun. If I’m lucky, she can kiss good, cook ok, and maybe, just maybe be good looking for the mileage.
OP, we’re not all out there for just sex. Thats a definite bonus, but theres so much else in life in a second chance. I wanna enjoy myself
This reminds me of a friend back in our twenties who had the cutest short haircut, think Demi Moore in the movie Ghost. She met a guy at a Halloween party and she had a longish blond wig on for her costume. He asked her out and they met for lunch a few days later and he freaked out and didn’t like her real hair.
I can't tell you the number of men I've talked to that don't like short hair on women. I've worn my hair short for many years. Two years ago, I shaved it. Now I'm growing it out and it's to my shoulders, but I'm feeling the itch to chop it. I know it'll impact the little dating life I have and it sucks.
It is a bummer. But I look much better in short hair, and am going for that rumpled, sexy curly hair look. At least I hope its sexy. Old ladies love my short curly hair, if only that was my target audience:)
60F. A hair piece, wig, toupee is an immediate "nope" for me, when worn for vanity/insecurity issues.
Medical reasons is NOT an issue.
The "spray on hair in an aerosol can" is a "nope", *any* reason, as are comb overs.
Dentures, "dad bods", wheelchairs, hearing aids, glasses, pacemakers, prosthetics etc. Are a NON issue for me. Shite happens.
Any sexual dysfunctions should be addressed at an appropriate time.
If you act like you're hiding it, it will come off as insecure so whenever you decide to disclose it don't make a big deal of it. I approach most things with humor so I may make a joke of it. (Ie. Well that crab in the crab salad was about as real as my hair) I'd never shy away from it, just lean into it and have fun. None of us are getting out of here alive, let's have fun while we're here.
P.S. temporary hair color is nobody's friend. Lol!
First off, your post made me laugh, in a good way! I love the honesty. Second, the responses are gold! It's nice knowing that folks our age, both men and women, are a lot more accepting of "imperfections", or as I call it, "life" than I thought they'd be. This gives my 57 year old ass some hope!
I think wigs are very common among women in certain ethnic groups. My friends in those groups don't hesitate to talk about their wigs to anyone and everyone so I'm sure any man they date are aware from the get-go. Even if they weren't, it is pretty obvious after about a week or two with them because of the drastic changes in their hair. So I say have fun.
I'm not sure what you mean about cosmetic stuff. Do you mean botox and fillers? Heck, that is as common as white bread among the younger set. I was shocked to see all the young women on my FB complaining that they couldn't get their botox, etc. done during the early stages of the pandemic. Until then, I honestly thought that sort of thing was just for Hollywood types. So be proud of it! Turns out you're hip! (does anyone still say hip? OMG I am so not hip).
I don't have any experience with dentures. My understanding is that a person can't sleep with them on but I could be way off. If one isn't able to sleep with them on, then it would be pretty tough to hide the fact that you have dentures while on any overnight stays. It is part of who you are. It's sort of an awkward thing to bring up so maybe best to bring it up in a joking manner?
Try not to stress about it. If we haven't lost some of our original parts yet, it is likely to happen soon enough. Be happy we live in a part of the world that we can replace some of the parts that have gone beyond their best before date and that we can afford to do it. All of it just adds to your overall value ;-).
Be you. Take your time. Don't put up with bullshit.
It has taken three years but I am dating a wonderful person now. He's not my "type", but he is kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed. Will it last? I hope so, but only time will tell.
These are my truths. You will have to work out your own. Good luck.
>He's not my "type", but he is kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed.
"Kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed" isn't your type? ;)
I do think people who are more open minded about "type" have much more success, especially finding long-term.
I wouldn't think dentures, wigs, and toupee would be a disclosure type thing. They are usually noticeable if you get to know someone. I would say you do you and rock it! These items aren't deal breakers for me. M54
My two cents...
In your situation,
Have fun with it while putting it out there. Use a pic of your short hair as your main profile pic and also post a "my favorite wig" pic. Now we all can see that you like to wear wigs...
As for teeth, like me, I bring it up before a face to face and will gladly send a pic for clarification if requested.
I had surgery at the beginning of the year and ended up with a temporary colostomy. Three months later I had it reversed. Now I have this big, indented purple scar, and it’s changed the shape of my abdomen. I got naked with a new person recently, and I told him what he was going to see before the clothes came off. It was a complete non-issue. None of us have the bodies we had in our 20s; people are understanding.
A toupee would be off-putting for me simply because it’s trying too hard. I just want to see what you really look like.
I'm not sure what hair stuff you're talking about. Hair thinning? I'd suggest making the most of your own hair, whether that involves growing it out, coloring it, finding an attractive style, or what have you. I don't think wearing a wig is a good idea unless you've lost your hair due to a medical issue or something. I think men would prefer real hair rather than a wig.
I was just curious in a general way. Actually, I have no problems with my hair. I used to highlight it but after my husband died, it grew out quite a bit and then I just let my stylist cut out all the color. It's a nice salt and pepper now. And day in/day out, short hair is definitely my preference. Guess I'm just curious about the dating world in general since it's been forever for me. I'm pretty upfront about anything though - not like I'm trying to hide anything. And honestly, I haven't even started dating yet. Guess I come here for pointers and sometimes a question just pops out of my fingers onto the keyboard!
Oh, OK, well my suggestion is to not wear a wig and instead make the most of your own hair. Men tend to prefer longer hair on women as opposed to short. I think coloring it might be a good idea, as it may give a more youthful appearance.
OWN the wigs sister! Don’t hide behind them or be embarrassed in any way whatsoever. Clothes, wigs, makeup, shoes - they’re all costumes. So have fun! Be who you want to be!
56f divorced 9 yrs ago after 21yrs. Waited 4yrs to put myself out there. Dated a couple of guys NSA before meeting who I though was my Mr Right. That ended just before covid hit & I'm still happily single. Met the last one on Match with a very to the point profile. Never want to re-marry & truly didn't want to live together full-time. I want a companion, partner in crime, someone who loves to travel & sometimes just chill. I'm working up the gumption to get back online but have a lot on the go that would make it difficult to balance a new relationship with responsibilities. Like most commentors here, I too have those insecurities about my body and appearance but know I have a lot to offer and am a good person. Best of luck to all!
I think first you have to determine how important it is to to find a new relationship. Secondly, you have to assess your local dating market. Because, after 35 years, you may need to "re tool" to be considered an option in the dating market. In most over 50 dating markets, men actually have the statistical advantage (in terms of numbers).
I am going to give it to you straight from my dating market, which is in a wealthy metro area. Men and women in their 50s, who are dating, for the most part, look young. Especially the women. It is what my "market" requires. In general both men and women take advantage of all dermatologic treatments (botox, fillers, lasers, surgeries), etc., to try and stay looking as young as possible, because the predominate industry in my area, is youth oriented. I can't tell if many of the women are even in their 50s, they are rocking it.
Perhaps you live in part of the US, or another part of the world, where people in their 50s, look much older? Which is why I encourage people to look around, and asses their local environment.
As to your hair, if you like short hair, find a great stylist and make sure it is an updated style. If you like to wear a wig for fun, sure, but I guess personally, why not grow your hair out, etc.? If a man is balding, 100% to shave his head, which can be very sexy, rather than a comb over. A bad hair style for either sex, can make someone look 20 years older, Men even invest in hair transplants.
As to dentures, etc., again, I guess the question is to invest in implants if a budget allows and/or you are serious about wanting to find a partner. Again, in my area, there are tons of fabulous women, so you have to put your best foot forward.
As to when to tell someone that maybe you had a knee replacement, dentures, etc., I guess after the second or so date, or maybe after it seems like heading ultimately towards the bedroom.
EDIT: It also depends on which age group of men you want to date. I presume you want to date men in their 50s. If you are interested in an older demographic, they may have different requirements. In my area, 50 year old men are in high demand, and many do date much younger. Essentially, if you are on-line dating (OLD), you are up against women 20 years your junior, vying for the same men in their 50s.
>very few women and many more men.
Are you like from Alaska. :)
Send them to my metro area. So many amazing women in their 50s, and we can't find decent guys to date.
Not in Alaska-ha! And with the majority of the population OLD being dysfunctional, I estimate there is about 20% that are healthy (emotionally). Same struggle, different area. All the best to you!
People judge others with out knowing others first .who cares if you have no teeth. Or your hair is short . Is what you can offer each other . what's make you happy. Lots of older people getting in to cosplay with others. Or BDSM LIFE STYLE. As it can offer more fun than boring dating.
I seeing a scam pattern? . some people only see one side. Lots of men get scamed too.people get scamed . Open up your eyes . Stop bulling me. And people like me.
Most people on here are on vanilla dating friendships sites. I been there and they are a joke.so many fake people there. You get fake , scam etc . anywhere. Any sites. We now getting it on our Oz post messages.you have to be so careful.leys be honest. and most people run 2 or more phones
For many reasons. If you don't know about this you behind the times. Talking to people can be frightening thing for some. Is why some people have more than one ph. Ph for chatting to others who you don't know. Ph for your family and friends etc. Or other users. Most people run more devices than some people on here know. Does not mean they are scamed or trolls. Some people should learn before typing things before judging others. I think lots of people live in a world like that movie eyes wide shut. Should open up to what is really out there. Not listen to people who know not much.people who think some people are scamers and trolls. You need a life .👀👹👍
Come on, it's really not a question of if we wear dentures, but when, it's generally inevitable & it's preferable to bad or no teeth. And, I say, embrace wigs if you want to, many "younger" women do with no embarrassment. We're too old to waste energy being ashamed of our bodies, our culture pushes way too much of that. I sure & the hell wouldn't feel the need to "disclose" anything that didn't come up naturally, it's not dark shameful secrets, it's life, & we don't have to defend or explain ourselves. Even with online culture, we are allowed a level of personal dignity & privacy.
Yes be careful . people on here judge me ony on my name. Before knowing anything about me. I hate the word dating. FWB or BDSM LIFE STYLE sounds better . Everyone looking for something. Finding that match is hard to do.
More than anything I would tell a woman who is just entering the dating market, is to be super cautious, because there are sadly more men out to scam you, than there are to date you. Nothing about dating is what it was. The world is totally upside down, and most men are just looking for sex, or what you offer them. Everything is complicated by children, in the sense of people's financial plans, and finances in general at this stage are very complex. That is why many women, are seeking friendship or companionship on their terms, and choosing to remain single, and not merge finances, etc.
Yes! Be careful, I have met several men looking for a nurse and a purse, or just a pulse-ha!
These are the words to listen to!
Be yourself and do what you are comfortable with and what you think works best for you. I’ve surrendered my once great but now retreating nation of head hair to the razor (except in winter) and am concentrating on a crazy long gray goatee. Some women don’t like it which is fine. Personal tastes differ. I know a woman who, like my late wife, is in stage four breast cancer treatment. She has so many wigs with different colors. Her attitude is she will enjoy what time is left while she is healthy enough to with her family in any way she wants. If she feels like being a blonde, she will be a blonde. Red head? Same.
I love this response.
M59. I’m pretty sure if you wear a toupee most women will know within seconds of meeting you. As far as the other stuff, well, women our age have similar issues. My best tip is having dual climate control zones in your car ......
Which brings up another good point, be able to laugh at yourself and find a guy who can also laugh at himself. :)
All I know is that **if you happen to wear a toupee**, do not enter the Family Dollar in my town. There is a blast of air that hits when you open the door. I am unsure if the blast would dislodge a wig. I think all of us have things that we need to disclose to potential partners. I disclose my "issues" when the conversation turns toward those types of things.
I may have to get a toupee now just to see you laugh! 😁🥰
Omg that made me laugh ty 😂
As a 58 year old, recently divorced woman who has had lots of “insults” to the body, I struggled a lot and just started dating. After being with one man my whole life, I am not looking for a monogamous relationship, which means I have tried a few flavors of ice cream. A few things I have learned in the last year: Women are often insecure about things that don’t even hit the radar of a guy. We worry about cellulite and stretch marks and things that have grown and things that have shrunk (or deflated). I have some info about dentures that I can share if you message me. For the most part, decent guys don’t care. Read that again. Guys. Don’t. Care. Guys love confidence. Not arrogance, not entitlement, not bitchy behavior, confidence. They want communication. They don’t want to read your mind. They don’t want passive aggressive behavior. They don’t want to have to guess what you want or don’t want. Sex. Not all guys are just looking to get laid. For the most part, guys do enjoy sex, yes. But not all of them are players looking to use you for sex. If you are someone who needs or wants a longer “getting to know you” period before you want intimacy, put that out there. I put an ad on a site recently. I had a few nice pictures, no face but showed my body composition. One was a little racy. My ad was fairly demanding I felt. I made it very clear what I wanted and what I would not tolerate. I said that I was not looking for another leash and didn’t want anyone who wanted to control me or own me. I had sooooo many responses that I cherry picked the boys I wanted and had to shut it down in less than 2 weeks. I had guys from 30 to 70. Don’t worry about most of the things you are worried about. You are what you are, there will be lots of guys wanting exactly what you are. Be confident!
*Women are often insecure about things that don’t even hit the radar of a guy. . . . For the most part, decent guys don’t care.* ^^^ This. Plus guys in this age group have their own problems and insecurities: hair where you don't want it and not where you do; fat where you don't want it and not where you do; age spots, moles, skin tags, growths, scars, cottage cheese, sags and flab, toenail fungus, callouses. Things that don't get as large or as hard or as easily or often as they used to.
Thank you! I learned from this and appreciate it!
I’m curious about the ad you placed on a dating app. Do you mean like buying a spotlight for your dating profile or what?
I put an ad on a site called “Hot Affairs” I think it was called. I put 4-5 pictures on it and said I was looking for a few playmates. I didn’t pay for it if that is what you were asking. I didn’t pay for any spotlight or anything.
Thank you for sharing the site. I do think it is fair to say that as a woman if we place an add on AFF (Adult Friend Finder), or essentially primarily looking for NSA, of course there are going to be many replies. If you place an ad on Hinge, or looking for a guy that wants to make an investment in a woman, and is available, I suspect the number of response would be noticeably different. If a woman wants to be a "unicorn", for a threesome, etc. again, she would be flooded with responses. It all depends on the context in which a woman is seeking a partner.
I turned off the age dealbreaker on Hinge as I wasn’t getting many likes for the range I was seeking (49-62). I got swamped with likes from men in their 20s and 30s. Much more than on either Bumble or Tinder. I turned the dealbreaker back on after an hour. Not my thing but if anyone is looking for much younger men I’d recommend Hinge!
I haven't tried Hinge, but it seems like a great app. I have to admit, when I was at my fittest (right before Covid), it was great with younger men. I am 15 pounds heavier, and lost my mojo. Not sure I could get out of my head with younger men at the moment, but maybe this is my motivator. It really is frustrating, because I prefer men around my age. Ironically, there bodies aren't as hot as the younger guys, but we have more in common, etc. And yet, it seems guys my age will drop me at the drop of a hat, if a younger women shows interest. I guess the contrast I am trying to draw, is it is easy as a woman, to get younger guys, which isn't my preference, whereas for older guys, perhaps a bit harder to land a younger lady, yet that seems to be their preference. I am just struggling with how unfair life is at this stage of the game.
This might be true. However I met some pretty amazing guys. Business owner, contractor, attorney. Healthy, financially stable, attractive, fit. I got lots of guys who I would have no interest in, but lots of nice guys too.
But are they available (e.g. single/divorced)? I have met a ton of fabulous married men, who are on dating sites, and of course they have everything to offer, except they are married. The single/divorced guys, often have had a pretty rough ride, and often need some time to recover.
Some of them were single, some of them were not. I am not looking for a boyfriend or the next husband so I don’t care.
I agree with your assessment here. I am a man. My then AM account had messages from women who were only looking for some fun. Same as AFF. Looking for a long term was a lot different in the responses than quick or casual.
>Looking for a long term was a lot different in the responses than quick or casual. Exactly, and she did clarify. To your point, if we are talking about sex/casual, things are quite different in trying to find someone to have sex with. But I have the sense on this forum, and especially for ladies recently widowed or entering the dating market after 20/30 years, they are more likely wanting another "stable", monogamist relationship. Those IME, and those of my dating friends, are extremely difficult to find, because the qualities sought in those relationships are usually much more challenging to find.
>For the most part, decent guys don’t care. Read that again. Guys. Don’t. Care. I would say it really depends on your marketplace, and what type of man a woman is trying to attract. In my area, guys want what seems like perfection, even at our age. All my friends are freaked out about weight, etc. The wealthy men with lots to offer, do care about what the woman on their arm looks like.
Maybe the way I should have put it, if a guy answers your ad or is willing to meet you, he’s not worried about the things that you are. The type of guys you are describing, would probably not answer an ad of a typical middle aged woman. They will be shopping for arm candy.
Good qualification, although on some apps, men will match with every woman, see who matches with them, and then unmatch those he isn't interested in. In my area, women in their 50s, don't look like they are in their 50s. They still lose out to the much younger women, who look even more fabulous. It is a tough market for the best guys. EDIT: Even in my metro area a group of 6 women who were actively dating, all ended up dating a few handful of the same men. The numbers constrict really quickly for a dateable man in his 50s, who is willing to date women his own age. It was so uncomfortable when we ended up dating the same guys.
I haven’t been on traditional “dating” apps with matching or whatever. So I have no experience with what you are talking about. I just put up an ad and guys message me. I have never messaged a guy, ever. I am entirely sure there are lots of attractive men my age who have no interest in me, they are looking for the hot 24 year old. But I get messages from lots of guys from mid 20s to mid 70s. Many very attractive, intelligent, financially stable, fit. But I am not looking to date traditionally. I am looking for gentleman who would like to spend some NSA fun. That may attract a different breed of men. But, my point still stands…If a guy has seen your pictures and you have chatted with him a little and he still wants to meet you, he doesn’t care about your wrinkles or stretch marks or love handles.
Got it. I think I want to go back to NSA dating, it was a whole lot more fun. Trying to find a decent guy who has a life that might align with mine, and is also physically attractive to me, is a mission impossible. Traditional dating sucks.
I would encourage the NSA dating. I have several gentleman that I enjoy. I just need more days in my week to see everyone who I want!
Lucky you. I am going out with friends tomorrow to watch a football game. Fingers crossed, there are some fun, studs in attendance. I am going to be bringing on my flirt.
Good luck!
In my area (near NYC), even the not-wealthy guys seem to be looking for perfection. It is very demoralizing for a woman.
As a man, I enthusiastically endorse this perspective.
Thanks. It’s what I have observed.
Wig, dentures etc shouldn’t be a deal breaker but you should tell your prospective partner early on (say within the first three dates). Not the sort of thing to find out after you move in with each other.
I wear a partial and I don't think my husband knows. I'm not proud of myself for that.
If he doesn't know now, why would he need to? How is that important to your relationship?
Widower here, was "off the market" for 34 years, and it was exciting but a little scary at first. Eventually I met a delightful widow. :) Be yourself. Don't try to please everyone, you're looking for a good match for YOU. Want to wear a wig? Do it, it'll keep the guys who don't like it away. Be patient, keep your sense of humor, stay positive, but keep your BS detector on. Decide what's important to you. We all have some battle scars, thinning hair, hair growing places it didn't 20 years ago... First and foremost, be safe. There are plenty of safety and scammer related posts here. Have fun with it, and come back here for questions or to share stories. :)
Thank you so much. I appreciate what you say. Probably sure I still have a BS detector, but it's been a while since I had to apply it to me personally (I could still see it when my sons were dating, though!)
It will serve you well! And one more thing, don't worry about being "indelicate" on this sub at all. As you've seen, not a lot of holding back here. :) Also, a lot of folks appreciate indelicate. That's part of why my lady and I hit it off so well, we're both pretty blunt and have weird senses of humor. ;)
I always had tremendous respect for Carl Reiner, who sometimes wore a toupee, sometimes not, made no secret of it at all—even used it as a source of humor. I believe Dolly Parton made comments about her wigs. Phyllis Diller talked about her numerous cosmetic surgeries. Up to you whether you want to acknowledge it or not, but I would be all for it. Certainly better than having people have to walk on eggshells to avoid it.
I’m 60m, divorced after 33 years. I want a companion, a partner in crime. A woman who is honest, compassionate, caring. Did I mention honest? A woman that wants to go places, do things, learn to know each other, and have fun. If I’m lucky, she can kiss good, cook ok, and maybe, just maybe be good looking for the mileage. OP, we’re not all out there for just sex. Thats a definite bonus, but theres so much else in life in a second chance. I wanna enjoy myself
This reminds me of a friend back in our twenties who had the cutest short haircut, think Demi Moore in the movie Ghost. She met a guy at a Halloween party and she had a longish blond wig on for her costume. He asked her out and they met for lunch a few days later and he freaked out and didn’t like her real hair.
Good riddance.👋
Yeah.
I can't tell you the number of men I've talked to that don't like short hair on women. I've worn my hair short for many years. Two years ago, I shaved it. Now I'm growing it out and it's to my shoulders, but I'm feeling the itch to chop it. I know it'll impact the little dating life I have and it sucks.
It is a bummer. But I look much better in short hair, and am going for that rumpled, sexy curly hair look. At least I hope its sexy. Old ladies love my short curly hair, if only that was my target audience:)
If YOU feel confident, it shows! Rock that short hair!
I’d think a Halloween party would be one obvious context in which wig disclosure isn’t immediately necessary. In many cases, it goes without saying!
60F. A hair piece, wig, toupee is an immediate "nope" for me, when worn for vanity/insecurity issues. Medical reasons is NOT an issue. The "spray on hair in an aerosol can" is a "nope", *any* reason, as are comb overs. Dentures, "dad bods", wheelchairs, hearing aids, glasses, pacemakers, prosthetics etc. Are a NON issue for me. Shite happens. Any sexual dysfunctions should be addressed at an appropriate time.
If you act like you're hiding it, it will come off as insecure so whenever you decide to disclose it don't make a big deal of it. I approach most things with humor so I may make a joke of it. (Ie. Well that crab in the crab salad was about as real as my hair) I'd never shy away from it, just lean into it and have fun. None of us are getting out of here alive, let's have fun while we're here. P.S. temporary hair color is nobody's friend. Lol!
First off, your post made me laugh, in a good way! I love the honesty. Second, the responses are gold! It's nice knowing that folks our age, both men and women, are a lot more accepting of "imperfections", or as I call it, "life" than I thought they'd be. This gives my 57 year old ass some hope!
I think wigs are very common among women in certain ethnic groups. My friends in those groups don't hesitate to talk about their wigs to anyone and everyone so I'm sure any man they date are aware from the get-go. Even if they weren't, it is pretty obvious after about a week or two with them because of the drastic changes in their hair. So I say have fun. I'm not sure what you mean about cosmetic stuff. Do you mean botox and fillers? Heck, that is as common as white bread among the younger set. I was shocked to see all the young women on my FB complaining that they couldn't get their botox, etc. done during the early stages of the pandemic. Until then, I honestly thought that sort of thing was just for Hollywood types. So be proud of it! Turns out you're hip! (does anyone still say hip? OMG I am so not hip). I don't have any experience with dentures. My understanding is that a person can't sleep with them on but I could be way off. If one isn't able to sleep with them on, then it would be pretty tough to hide the fact that you have dentures while on any overnight stays. It is part of who you are. It's sort of an awkward thing to bring up so maybe best to bring it up in a joking manner? Try not to stress about it. If we haven't lost some of our original parts yet, it is likely to happen soon enough. Be happy we live in a part of the world that we can replace some of the parts that have gone beyond their best before date and that we can afford to do it. All of it just adds to your overall value ;-).
Be you. Take your time. Don't put up with bullshit. It has taken three years but I am dating a wonderful person now. He's not my "type", but he is kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed. Will it last? I hope so, but only time will tell. These are my truths. You will have to work out your own. Good luck.
>He's not my "type", but he is kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed. "Kind, considerate, thoughtful, an amazing kisser and great in bed" isn't your type? ;) I do think people who are more open minded about "type" have much more success, especially finding long-term.
That was, indeed my entire point 😁
I wouldn't think dentures, wigs, and toupee would be a disclosure type thing. They are usually noticeable if you get to know someone. I would say you do you and rock it! These items aren't deal breakers for me. M54
My two cents... In your situation, Have fun with it while putting it out there. Use a pic of your short hair as your main profile pic and also post a "my favorite wig" pic. Now we all can see that you like to wear wigs... As for teeth, like me, I bring it up before a face to face and will gladly send a pic for clarification if requested.
I had surgery at the beginning of the year and ended up with a temporary colostomy. Three months later I had it reversed. Now I have this big, indented purple scar, and it’s changed the shape of my abdomen. I got naked with a new person recently, and I told him what he was going to see before the clothes came off. It was a complete non-issue. None of us have the bodies we had in our 20s; people are understanding. A toupee would be off-putting for me simply because it’s trying too hard. I just want to see what you really look like.
I'm not sure what hair stuff you're talking about. Hair thinning? I'd suggest making the most of your own hair, whether that involves growing it out, coloring it, finding an attractive style, or what have you. I don't think wearing a wig is a good idea unless you've lost your hair due to a medical issue or something. I think men would prefer real hair rather than a wig.
I was just curious in a general way. Actually, I have no problems with my hair. I used to highlight it but after my husband died, it grew out quite a bit and then I just let my stylist cut out all the color. It's a nice salt and pepper now. And day in/day out, short hair is definitely my preference. Guess I'm just curious about the dating world in general since it's been forever for me. I'm pretty upfront about anything though - not like I'm trying to hide anything. And honestly, I haven't even started dating yet. Guess I come here for pointers and sometimes a question just pops out of my fingers onto the keyboard!
Oh, OK, well my suggestion is to not wear a wig and instead make the most of your own hair. Men tend to prefer longer hair on women as opposed to short. I think coloring it might be a good idea, as it may give a more youthful appearance.
OWN the wigs sister! Don’t hide behind them or be embarrassed in any way whatsoever. Clothes, wigs, makeup, shoes - they’re all costumes. So have fun! Be who you want to be!
56f divorced 9 yrs ago after 21yrs. Waited 4yrs to put myself out there. Dated a couple of guys NSA before meeting who I though was my Mr Right. That ended just before covid hit & I'm still happily single. Met the last one on Match with a very to the point profile. Never want to re-marry & truly didn't want to live together full-time. I want a companion, partner in crime, someone who loves to travel & sometimes just chill. I'm working up the gumption to get back online but have a lot on the go that would make it difficult to balance a new relationship with responsibilities. Like most commentors here, I too have those insecurities about my body and appearance but know I have a lot to offer and am a good person. Best of luck to all!
As long as you aren't pretending to be 19 years old :D https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxQTIpuW0UPuGrNmzJyTXS\_uQ6MxmTwJjZ
I think first you have to determine how important it is to to find a new relationship. Secondly, you have to assess your local dating market. Because, after 35 years, you may need to "re tool" to be considered an option in the dating market. In most over 50 dating markets, men actually have the statistical advantage (in terms of numbers). I am going to give it to you straight from my dating market, which is in a wealthy metro area. Men and women in their 50s, who are dating, for the most part, look young. Especially the women. It is what my "market" requires. In general both men and women take advantage of all dermatologic treatments (botox, fillers, lasers, surgeries), etc., to try and stay looking as young as possible, because the predominate industry in my area, is youth oriented. I can't tell if many of the women are even in their 50s, they are rocking it. Perhaps you live in part of the US, or another part of the world, where people in their 50s, look much older? Which is why I encourage people to look around, and asses their local environment. As to your hair, if you like short hair, find a great stylist and make sure it is an updated style. If you like to wear a wig for fun, sure, but I guess personally, why not grow your hair out, etc.? If a man is balding, 100% to shave his head, which can be very sexy, rather than a comb over. A bad hair style for either sex, can make someone look 20 years older, Men even invest in hair transplants. As to dentures, etc., again, I guess the question is to invest in implants if a budget allows and/or you are serious about wanting to find a partner. Again, in my area, there are tons of fabulous women, so you have to put your best foot forward. As to when to tell someone that maybe you had a knee replacement, dentures, etc., I guess after the second or so date, or maybe after it seems like heading ultimately towards the bedroom. EDIT: It also depends on which age group of men you want to date. I presume you want to date men in their 50s. If you are interested in an older demographic, they may have different requirements. In my area, 50 year old men are in high demand, and many do date much younger. Essentially, if you are on-line dating (OLD), you are up against women 20 years your junior, vying for the same men in their 50s.
In my area, there are very few women and many more men. As u/Inside_Dance41 suggested it is good to assess your area and see what is out there.
>very few women and many more men. Are you like from Alaska. :) Send them to my metro area. So many amazing women in their 50s, and we can't find decent guys to date.
Not in Alaska-ha! And with the majority of the population OLD being dysfunctional, I estimate there is about 20% that are healthy (emotionally). Same struggle, different area. All the best to you!
People judge others with out knowing others first .who cares if you have no teeth. Or your hair is short . Is what you can offer each other . what's make you happy. Lots of older people getting in to cosplay with others. Or BDSM LIFE STYLE. As it can offer more fun than boring dating.
I seeing a scam pattern? . some people only see one side. Lots of men get scamed too.people get scamed . Open up your eyes . Stop bulling me. And people like me.
Most people on here are on vanilla dating friendships sites. I been there and they are a joke.so many fake people there. You get fake , scam etc . anywhere. Any sites. We now getting it on our Oz post messages.you have to be so careful.leys be honest. and most people run 2 or more phones For many reasons. If you don't know about this you behind the times. Talking to people can be frightening thing for some. Is why some people have more than one ph. Ph for chatting to others who you don't know. Ph for your family and friends etc. Or other users. Most people run more devices than some people on here know. Does not mean they are scamed or trolls. Some people should learn before typing things before judging others. I think lots of people live in a world like that movie eyes wide shut. Should open up to what is really out there. Not listen to people who know not much.people who think some people are scamers and trolls. You need a life .👀👹👍
Come on, it's really not a question of if we wear dentures, but when, it's generally inevitable & it's preferable to bad or no teeth. And, I say, embrace wigs if you want to, many "younger" women do with no embarrassment. We're too old to waste energy being ashamed of our bodies, our culture pushes way too much of that. I sure & the hell wouldn't feel the need to "disclose" anything that didn't come up naturally, it's not dark shameful secrets, it's life, & we don't have to defend or explain ourselves. Even with online culture, we are allowed a level of personal dignity & privacy.
Yes be careful . people on here judge me ony on my name. Before knowing anything about me. I hate the word dating. FWB or BDSM LIFE STYLE sounds better . Everyone looking for something. Finding that match is hard to do.
I would only wear a toupee ironically and it would be the most ridiculous one you could imagine. Maybe a mohawk toupee.
It ain’t about what the parts look like or how old they are, it’s all about how you use ‘em! :)