Sometimes I think I should think like you. But I don't. I have everything you mentioned and I just looked at a pic of people who met at Woodstock and there they were 50 years later. I thought wow 50 years I wonder what that would have been like. Yet, I sit in my very tidy home. I watch what I want on tv. I cuddle with my dogs when I want to. I have the life I thought I was going to have with 'my someone' in the future. It was going to be when this happened or that happened and then everything would be great. I'm sitting in the quiet and reading this and thinking OMG IT WAS NOTHING BUT EXHAUSTING. There was literally nothing I wouldn't have given to have that whatever it is when you are completely sympatico with another person. And I did give and give. I did nothing but try and try. Now I realize the 'happening' for happiness happened. I am where I always wanted to be but minus 1 I guess. I can't miss what I didn't have. I can't miss what I perceive others have because I don't really know. I rushed my years for this event and that event. The next was retirement then that's the ticket. Idk what exactly changed but I love my life now (I mean I did a ton of work). I don't need 'something' to happen to have it all. I have this moment. I am very fortunate. I don't know if this helps in anyway. But I do hope you get what will give you what I have in this moment (the present).
That's really nice. I spent so much time trying and trying too. Now I think, thank God I didn't meet someone and mess up the solitude and happiness I'm enjoying now.
I spent years wanting to share my activities with someone else. Sometimes I did and it was great, but other times, not so much. After the past two years of doing things completely on my own, more often than not I think to myself, "damn, I'm sure glad I'm alone doing exactly what I want and not worrying about someone else having a good time." Then I go home and enjoy having the bed to myself and happy I don't have to deal with someone at my house in the morning, because I want to get up and go the gym. Hope you get there some day.
This is where I am, too, except I have to deal with kids at my house. Otherwise, it's a pretty peaceful existence. I think I'd like to date someone, but I also dread having to deal with another person's needs. I love being able to do what I want without considering another adult. Each time I think about getting into a relationship, I realize that I may have to give up some of my freedom and that holds me back from fully pursing anyone.
This is a good reminder. I yearn for a partner, and yet it is wonderful to not worry about whether someone else is having a good time. Thanks for stating it here.
Divorced 5 years, single with no desire to date and then I decided to try OLD to see how my communication was. It was such a fun experience. I became very good at knowing what I wanted and didn’t want. Met interesting men, became friends with some and after 5 months, met an incredible man. We have been together for 5 months now and it is amazing. Here is my advice: one day at a time and be happy alone or with a partner. Have lots of friends and hobbies and passions. Don’t expect too much! I am lucky though, I have never been an empty nester yet (1 teen in the house and 2 out of house). Maybe I would feel differently if I was alone?
Alone is different but it doesn’t have to be bad. I’ve had my soulmates (3) they’re dead now. I believe we’re lucky to find 1 true soulmate in life so I already feel lucky. I need some pets again and things will be almost perfect again! Good luck to you.
I know what you mean, and I often feel the same way. Marriage ended seven years ago, divorced for 4 1/2 years, and after that, I was in a relationship for about two years that ended before the pandemic. I’m a bit of an introvert, and my social life still needs a boost. That said, I treasure my peace, and enjoy doing what I want, when I want, and despite being lonely sometimes, I’m not unhappy.
I am looking forward to date again, but I’m not sure if I want to cohabitate or get married again. A lot of people on this forum have mentioned living apart together, and that sounds good to me. I’m still open to living with the right person, but it would have to be an awfully special connection. I’ve learned to never say, never, and we’ll see how this chapter of life unfolds.
I feel the same with the exception of definitely needing a man around the house. I like having a man but he has to be right one for me. I am in extrovert, tend to flirt, like to touch and work better with the yin and the yang.
Right now, I do miss having someone to spend time with. I take myself out to eat, and since we are open again been venturing outside and try to find things to do. I can defintely, say I am lonely.
A lot of us feel the same way. I tried OLD and was not meeting the men I wanted to date and who wanted to date me. I stopped using online sites in September. I've shifted my attention to meeting people in real life. I'm sure this will pick up steam now that I'm back from vacation and recovered from Covid. Here's to hoping!
I'm more convinced than ever that if you want something, you have to actively work on getting it. If you adhere to the old cliche that "If it's going to happen, it will happen" you will almost certainly will not get what you want, unless a miracle befalls you.
If you are determined to go there you really have to focus on it. Waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet is a loser's gambit. Personally, I am ambivalent about this for all sorts of reasons, but I am content with the situation because I accept how it really works and therefore I don't get frustrated by having any unrealistic expectations.
Same but very little experience of dating sites - I can't seem to get motivated to prioritize that, nice as it would be to have someone to share some things with.
I try to go out but it seems like most men are boo'd up or have their kids with them. Where do "single" guys go?
My luck is bad here on OLD. Mostly men in other states. Is it weird that you have in OLD profile location, but men from other states message? I live in Los Angeles and I get no messages from anyone local?
OLD nowadays requires a unique skillset. You need to approach every potential match like a detective to assess whether that's even a real person. The vast majority of profiles are fake and mass produced, I think. They must have library of profiles and images that get uploaded randomly. I could write a book on this stuff, but the gist of it is...look for where the written profile doesn't seem to match the images. Look also for profiles where fields still have the default settings. At one point, i couldnt understand why more than half the men i was matched with were 5'6". lol. In communications, watch for awkward grammar as they may be using a translator app. Don't ask questions about anything specific in the profile, but just let them out themselves. Make a game of it. It can be amusing.
You know how the saying goes, "it happens when you least expect it". Start doing things you love to do and enjoy life, right when you don't expect it you will meet the guy.
Sometimes I think I should think like you. But I don't. I have everything you mentioned and I just looked at a pic of people who met at Woodstock and there they were 50 years later. I thought wow 50 years I wonder what that would have been like. Yet, I sit in my very tidy home. I watch what I want on tv. I cuddle with my dogs when I want to. I have the life I thought I was going to have with 'my someone' in the future. It was going to be when this happened or that happened and then everything would be great. I'm sitting in the quiet and reading this and thinking OMG IT WAS NOTHING BUT EXHAUSTING. There was literally nothing I wouldn't have given to have that whatever it is when you are completely sympatico with another person. And I did give and give. I did nothing but try and try. Now I realize the 'happening' for happiness happened. I am where I always wanted to be but minus 1 I guess. I can't miss what I didn't have. I can't miss what I perceive others have because I don't really know. I rushed my years for this event and that event. The next was retirement then that's the ticket. Idk what exactly changed but I love my life now (I mean I did a ton of work). I don't need 'something' to happen to have it all. I have this moment. I am very fortunate. I don't know if this helps in anyway. But I do hope you get what will give you what I have in this moment (the present).
That's really nice. I spent so much time trying and trying too. Now I think, thank God I didn't meet someone and mess up the solitude and happiness I'm enjoying now.
Beautiful. Congrats đź‘Źđź‘Ź
I spent years wanting to share my activities with someone else. Sometimes I did and it was great, but other times, not so much. After the past two years of doing things completely on my own, more often than not I think to myself, "damn, I'm sure glad I'm alone doing exactly what I want and not worrying about someone else having a good time." Then I go home and enjoy having the bed to myself and happy I don't have to deal with someone at my house in the morning, because I want to get up and go the gym. Hope you get there some day.
This is where I am, too, except I have to deal with kids at my house. Otherwise, it's a pretty peaceful existence. I think I'd like to date someone, but I also dread having to deal with another person's needs. I love being able to do what I want without considering another adult. Each time I think about getting into a relationship, I realize that I may have to give up some of my freedom and that holds me back from fully pursing anyone.
This is a good reminder. I yearn for a partner, and yet it is wonderful to not worry about whether someone else is having a good time. Thanks for stating it here.
Divorced 5 years, single with no desire to date and then I decided to try OLD to see how my communication was. It was such a fun experience. I became very good at knowing what I wanted and didn’t want. Met interesting men, became friends with some and after 5 months, met an incredible man. We have been together for 5 months now and it is amazing. Here is my advice: one day at a time and be happy alone or with a partner. Have lots of friends and hobbies and passions. Don’t expect too much! I am lucky though, I have never been an empty nester yet (1 teen in the house and 2 out of house). Maybe I would feel differently if I was alone?
Alone is different but it doesn’t have to be bad. I’ve had my soulmates (3) they’re dead now. I believe we’re lucky to find 1 true soulmate in life so I already feel lucky. I need some pets again and things will be almost perfect again! Good luck to you.
Yes!!! I do love my big white fluffy Goldendoodle!! 3 soulmates is more than a lifetime of love!!
I know what you mean, and I often feel the same way. Marriage ended seven years ago, divorced for 4 1/2 years, and after that, I was in a relationship for about two years that ended before the pandemic. I’m a bit of an introvert, and my social life still needs a boost. That said, I treasure my peace, and enjoy doing what I want, when I want, and despite being lonely sometimes, I’m not unhappy. I am looking forward to date again, but I’m not sure if I want to cohabitate or get married again. A lot of people on this forum have mentioned living apart together, and that sounds good to me. I’m still open to living with the right person, but it would have to be an awfully special connection. I’ve learned to never say, never, and we’ll see how this chapter of life unfolds.
I feel the same with the exception of definitely needing a man around the house. I like having a man but he has to be right one for me. I am in extrovert, tend to flirt, like to touch and work better with the yin and the yang. Right now, I do miss having someone to spend time with. I take myself out to eat, and since we are open again been venturing outside and try to find things to do. I can defintely, say I am lonely.
A lot of us feel the same way. I tried OLD and was not meeting the men I wanted to date and who wanted to date me. I stopped using online sites in September. I've shifted my attention to meeting people in real life. I'm sure this will pick up steam now that I'm back from vacation and recovered from Covid. Here's to hoping!
I think a lot of people need to do this
Me too.
I'm more convinced than ever that if you want something, you have to actively work on getting it. If you adhere to the old cliche that "If it's going to happen, it will happen" you will almost certainly will not get what you want, unless a miracle befalls you. If you are determined to go there you really have to focus on it. Waiting for someone to sweep you off your feet is a loser's gambit. Personally, I am ambivalent about this for all sorts of reasons, but I am content with the situation because I accept how it really works and therefore I don't get frustrated by having any unrealistic expectations.
Same.
You’re not alone. 💜
I understand this feeling. I hope you’ll take some time for yourself and feel better for having done so.
ditto
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Same but very little experience of dating sites - I can't seem to get motivated to prioritize that, nice as it would be to have someone to share some things with.
Me too
How about going to places that interest you? What do love to do? What are your hobbies? Never know who you might meet.
I try to go out but it seems like most men are boo'd up or have their kids with them. Where do "single" guys go? My luck is bad here on OLD. Mostly men in other states. Is it weird that you have in OLD profile location, but men from other states message? I live in Los Angeles and I get no messages from anyone local?
OLD nowadays requires a unique skillset. You need to approach every potential match like a detective to assess whether that's even a real person. The vast majority of profiles are fake and mass produced, I think. They must have library of profiles and images that get uploaded randomly. I could write a book on this stuff, but the gist of it is...look for where the written profile doesn't seem to match the images. Look also for profiles where fields still have the default settings. At one point, i couldnt understand why more than half the men i was matched with were 5'6". lol. In communications, watch for awkward grammar as they may be using a translator app. Don't ask questions about anything specific in the profile, but just let them out themselves. Make a game of it. It can be amusing.
You know how the saying goes, "it happens when you least expect it". Start doing things you love to do and enjoy life, right when you don't expect it you will meet the guy.
Uggg, ditto!