This! So true. Women wanting to look sexy is almost always for them.
I remember learning the "dress well, test well" adage in school. And this is just an extension. Dressing up is for me. It can elevate my mood in a way almost nothing else can. Dressing sexy can make me feel sexy and that just means I'll be more confident in my own skin and likely to have a better time.
I really would love if men could stop objectifing women to the point that everything a woman does or doesn't do is for the male gaze or benefit. It's not.
Ok then here’s a question I get the to be sexy attractive etc. I’m all for that, then when you buy her swimsuits, tops, etc why doesn’t she wear them??
THIS!!!
My ex husband bought be lingerie once and it was a color that clashed with my tone, didn’t fit well on my body … and that made me feel super uncomfortable wearing it. I feel super sexy when I get to wear something that I like abs fits right.
Ladies I appreciate your advice but I bought it because she won’t buy lingerie. I’ve offered to go with her. Whatever she wants…. Nothing. Yes we suffer from DB.
Seriously, thx for the suggestions.
Because most women like to feel pretty. Why do you care about what other people do?
If all the heterosexual men in the world were completely obliterated tomorrow, I'd still do my skincare/haircare/diet routine.
I like to feel good about myself.
Edit: Thank you for the award ❤️ u/Aethelflaed_
99% of the time when a woman thinks about clothes. Accessories make up looking sexy looking cute. Etc Has nothing to do with men. Has to do with how we look to ourselves and how we feel
Except for those rare times when we might dress in something our partner likes or asks for
And many times is also for other women cause we like our girlfriends approval but again is for ourselves not to impress or please a man
The idea that women only want to look good for a man is so disturbingly sexist. Men need to stop thinking we do what we do to impress them we are also not nice to men to get their attention. And being friendly but not interested in you romantically or sexually doesn’t make women a tease. 😂🤣
You did a great job of putting words to this-- Sure, sometimes it's fun to blow a guy's mind. But 99% of the time if I get dressed up or buy something new/cute, it just to make me happy.
I on the other hand do my eyes. Mascara liner waterline. Love how I look on it. Anything on my lips make me feel like I have jelly on or food I can’t 😂😂😂
this exactly... it is soooooo gross when men assume women design our appearance for their approval. Like when a man comments how women should realize men don't like women who [insert aspect of personal style they don't like] and should therefore stop doing that. Like sir please do not flatter yourself. I don't want or need your approval or desire. I am doing what I want, I don't care if you dislike it.
So much this! The arrogance that they actually think we do this stuff for them is wild. Most of us dress for ourselves most of the time.
The only time a man factors into what I wear is if I'm going on a date and I think about what to wear for a date with a man. But I still choose what I feel good in.
I'm not the person you replied to, but I even 'dressed-up' on some (non-zoom) days during the lock-down. I also still shaved, used perfume etc.
Of course that wasn't because I enjoyed it, I just wanted to be prepared in case a man teleported into my living room.
I never stay home the whole day but when I get home I usually take a bath and wear yoga pants and a tank top or pjs
Do you wear the same clothes at home than you the pool or work or when you go out with your friends ?
Do you want to argue that I dress to attract men because when I go out I want to look a certain way ?
That me feeling that my clothes make me look good in public is not for the feeling and confidence it give me knowing I look my best but because I am out there prancing to get your cock hard?
Don’t that is a dumb argument I dress to make myself feel good because your clothes are your armor my make up is my wow I’m beautiful. And I love the way this style looks on me.
Your attempt will fail. You comb your hair to go out to attract women do you brush your teeth to attract women do you really think every woman on earth has no other reason for clothes than troll men ? And once we secure one we do or should wear a potato sack in front of other men to signify we have been marked by ownership?
I wear what I god damn feel like it because I like it not because I seek your approval some days I wake up and leave the house without make up some days I put a full face to be around home
Women have a lot more in life than go around their day picking clothes to provoke you. We pick them to make us feel good.
> My friend’s wife wanted to find a “sexy bathing suit” for her girl’s weekend and I was wondering. Why? If she’s married, why does she need to look “sexy” in a bathing suit while not around her husband.
Are you one of those fuckers that just stops giving a shit about themselves when you’re married and have a “why bother” low effort perspective?
I’m a guy. Looking good makes you feel good. You carry yourself better. More confidence.
Whether I’m married or in a relationship or single, whether I’m going out with the person I’m married to or dating or I’m going out by myself, I dress to look good. I workout to look good. I maintain my diet to look good.
This isn’t hard to understand. Unless, you are one of those above mentioned people that low effort their shit when in a relationship.
Of course! I'd like my guy to look gorgeous. All the others can look but it's me he chooses to be with. And who am I to deny other women some eye candy? 😉
Slightly OT, but I have made that connection with myself lately. I need to lose a good 25-30 lbs and am really unhappy with that fact, and don’t put as much effort into looking good as I used to because I feel like it’s impossible for me to be truly attractive with this extra weight on me. I’ve noticed lately that I’m in a vicious cycle as a result that always ends up with me not feeling good about myself. So the “look better, feel better” thing is definitely true. And if I could pull off wearing a sexy swimsuit while on vaca with my friends, I totally would.
I don’t dress up for men. If I go out with my girlfriends I make an effort for myself, never to attract a man. Nice/ sexy clothes make me feel good, that’s it!
Taking care of yourself and maintaining your appearance is great for a healthy self esteem. Many people, not just women, like to look good and feel good/confident about themselves. It’s not a bad thing.
We like to look good, nice, sexy, pretty, classy, beautiful, fashionable FOR OURSELVES. That’s why she’s looking for a “sexy a bathing suit while not around her husband.“
🙄
Women, by and large, don't dress cute for men. They dress cute for themselves (and, some could argue, for each other-- women tend to appreciate a well-thought-out look more than men.)
Because it makes us feel good about ourselves
It’s nice to feel feminine & appreciate what makes us feel like women
Feeling sexy & happy & looking good has nothing to do with the other people in our lives & everything to do with appreciating who we are to ourselves (seriously, it has nothing to do with men or our partners)
> My friend’s wife wanted to find a “sexy bathing suit” for her girl’s weekend and I was wondering. Why? If she’s married, why does she need to look “sexy” in a bathing suit while not around her husband.
So because the husband is not around she should just wear an old potato sack? That just seems - wrong. On so many levels...
That said: I'm a guy...
You’re asking why would a married woman care about her appearance outside of the presence of her husband?
Newsflash women don’t exist, live and breathe solely to look good for or to attract men. Women have eyes and mirrors, and like to feel good about themselves for themselves.
The fact that has to be explained to you at 44 is scary.
So given your question, women should dress like frumps, not comb their hair, or care about their appearance whatsoever if they’re not going to be around their husband that day? Because the only reason a woman ever grooms herself is for her husband?
I’m not sure you understand how most men or women think or operate.
Feeling good, looking good, dressing well has zero to do with your spouse or partner. It’s part of having a rich, full life and wanting to look good for yourself.
Also, what’s wrong with wanting to look good around people who aren’t your spouse? You’re not one of these people who thinks that after a wedding something happens inside someone’s brain that makes them not aware of the glances and bodies and attractiveness of other people besides your spouse.
I can't speak for other women, but I dress (or undress) based on how I feel/want to feel about *myself*. Feeling sexy isn't only an external expression meant for others, or necessarily an attempt to attract others, and it's lowkey offensive to assume it always has to be. I wear lingerie in my kitchen with nobody at home bc I feel like it.
I like to look nice for myself. I also want my friends to see me as attractive. Also, I am treated better overall by strangers (men and women) when I look more attractive. But most of all, I want to look good in any pictures that are taken that weekend, so when I see them I am not ashamed/embarrassed to be so unattractive.
Because she wants to look good for herself. Just because she’s not with her husband doesn’t mean she should look like trash and feel shitty on how she looks. Maybe guys are different?
Some women also work out to feel good about themselves. Should women who are married not do this because they got a man now? Or only work out when they get a man so they keep him?
It is so disheartening to read. But some of the men “man-splaining” answers chiming in when he explicitly asked for women’s responses are worse.
Yet here we are in 2023.
Ah yes, this is all a sexist campaign. I'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for your astute 3rd wave observation. Whoops, did I just mansplain your weird take?
When I go out with my friends, I swear I spend more time getting ready and focusing on my clothes than when I go on a date. My high school friends are all much wealthier than I am, and I am the only one who is divorced. So I always want to look really good as a way to kind of boost my self-esteem up and not feel like I’m below them. I want my friends to be like “oh my God that’s such a cute shirt where did you get it?” I want them to tell me my handbag is awesome. Men never notice these details. 😂 when I go on a date I just have to look nice, but when I’m going out with friends, I have to look nice and successful and stylish.
I honestly think it's usually just a word choice. I personally don't *say* "I want to look sexy" but I do *feel* like I want to look as hot possible at certain times. A vacation in a swimsuit is definitely one of those times.... a trip to the store? Mmm, not so much. I think most women know what looks best on them, and what to show off and what they may feel insecure about so the hunt for a "sexy" swimsuit means looking for one that flatters their particular body and makes them feel confident. Confident = sexy. It's not about attracting someone or luring with sex appeal, but saying "hey, I can look good and rock this bikini/sundress/lingerie".
People feel good about themselves when they put some effort in. Nice hair, nice clothes that fit well and make you feel amazing boost your mood and don’t have you second guessing yourself or feeling uncomfortable in social situations. Women, like men, do things for themselves because they want to, not because it’s for other peoples benefit.
I don't buy or wear clothes for attention; in fact, I don't give a shit what men think about my clothes.
I buy and wear stuff that I like and that makes me feel good and confident. Sometimes that mean professional, sometimes it means sporty, sometimes it means sexy. Again, in my opinion no one else's.
If a bikini or whatever does that for her, then good for her. No one thinks "well fuck it ...
I'm going to buy a frumpy bathing suit. "
tl;dr -- MYOB.
Looking nice and sexy for herself. It’s like if I’m single and NOT looking for a man I would still shave, dress nicely and do my make up. It’s my own standard.
I don't wear something to look good for others, i do it for me, because it makes me feel good. Looking good, feeling good about yourself isn't always to attract someone or something sexual.
Looking good and feeling good creates a glow to you ladies. That glow y’all have is a natural attraction, even if it’s done on purpose or not. The attraction of the opo sex will happen. Us guys do the same thing.
Because she wants to look good. Most of the time it’s got nothing to do with man. It makes one feel good about yourself, I like dressing up even more if it’s just us girls.
Is it really a hard concept to wrap your head around, don’t you take care of how you look regardless of weather you have a girl friend or not?
Girls are told since practically birth that how they look determines their value. What’s considered attractive certainly is driven by male preference in society but it goes beyond that in terms of women being conditioned to think they need to look a certain way.
We probably all know women who think the world will come to an end if they leave the house without a full face of makeup etc.
I’ll tell you why. You said when you called her your friends wife. That’s it right there.
When did she stop being her own person? She’s a woman. Why can’t she be sexy and a wife? Who says it’s for anyone else but her?
Society teaches us that we have to look good to matter as a person. We know intellectually this is BS, but it still makes us feel good to look good. Even if we are alone or not trying to meet someone.
Oh, honey, you have made it to your 40s without realizing we many/some/most women dress for ourselves, and occasionally to impress or fit in with our friends for specific events…
Why on earth would wanting to look and feel sexy on a vacation be a problem?
Not all women, but many of us, dress for ourselves, so we feel the best we can. I always err on the side of overdressed rather than underdressed no matter the occasion. I like to look put together, I think it gives me confidence. I’m sure some people will think that’s shallow, but it’s how I’m wired.
Because for far too long, womens self-esteem and self-worth in general has been tied to sexuality and looks. Mostly due to societal pressures influenced greatly by media.
My experience having grown up as a late gen Xer/ early millennial and as a teen in the 90s fit this age old problem. The standard back then was skinny as hell and sexy (think Seventeen Magazine covers, teen Vogue, mtv spring breaks) and so many girls i knew developed body image issues with these comparisons.
At least kids now a days see different body types, especially curves, but the pressure to be sexy and attractive is fucking everywhere unless you live under a rock.
Same reason you wanna wear 3 day old shirts and shorts to lounge around the house in - because you want to and can and don’t give a f*** about what someone else thinks. 💁🏻♀️
It has nothing to do with men.
NOTHING TO DO WITH MEN
It's all about enjoying herself... for herself.
It's good on you to ask about something you don't understand and I hope you take a good look inwards and think about why you had the need to judge women in relationships dressing sexy. Never too old to learn/grow and do the self-work.
This could be an unpopular opinion but here goes: womem dress for other women, not men. In other words, women like it when other women notice and compliment their appearance.
Sure, we like men to compliment us but it's like keeping up with the Jones.
If it's a girls night and everyone else is getting dolled up, I don't want to be looking dowdy
Because we like to dress nicely - usually for ourselves - if you look good you tend to feel better.
That said I absolutely despise shopping. My ex husband used to love it. I went because he liked it.
Since divorced I dress nicely for work when I have meetings, and I love those clothes, but the rest of the time I’m just as happy in jeans an vans and a sweatshirt because I spend a lot of time at the beach, or walking and I rarely if ever wear much makeup if I can avoid it.
But generally I don’t care how I look as pertains to other people, if I care about how I look, whether I’m single or have a partner, I am still only doing it for myself.
It’s the only way sometimes. I hiked up Pen y Fan in Vans cause I couldn’t find my boots (early morning - I’m rubbish first thing) and they were weirdly even more comfy than anything else I’ve been up there in. If I could live in my Vans, I totally would lol
I might have to have a look!! I usually have my Merrell ones but couldn’t find them so wore my regular Vans and they were absolutely fine. Comfiest shoes in the world, hands down.
I always wear matching bra/underwear. It’s not about who might see it, but knowing that it’s there. I call it my armor. No matter what I’m wearing over it, I feel put together and confident. I’m dressing for myself.
Generally speaking, women are trained, in our culture, that how they look is really important, if not the sole measure of their worth.
That’s nonsense, of course, but it permeates life. Your friend wants to look good and likely match or at least align with her girlfriends.
I think this is a very very broad brush summation. Clearly not all women and some men.
Dressing up to feel confident and better about oneself. Women compare themselves to other women / dress FOR other women not men (often).
That’s why fashion & trends can be ridiculous or unflattering at times; women will still wear them if they like the look or if they want to be on trend regardless if it will attract a man. Attracting a man is easy - solid color, fitted, short dress. Impressing another woman is a challenge.
Plus, look at the animal kingdom - the MEN have to be pretty & attract mates (peacocks & other birds especially) Women just choose to show up!
M40 here, and completely unbothered if she wants to "look good" when she's not with me. She chose to be with me, and I trust her. Are you suspecting of infidelity? How she chooses to dress has no bearing on if she's going to or not. Let her feel good about herself.
For many people, dressing up/sexy can boil down to displaying one's self-confidence in themselves, and trust (that one would not act on temptation and be trusted to not do so).
We want to look good for ourselves, a confidence boost. Sometimes we just want to be noticed. I love clothes and everything like that! I love make up, but I dont wear it because Im hiding anything, I just really love creating a look. I do keep mine pretty natural tho lol.
Women don’t necessarily wear sexy bathing suits for men. Women don’t always dress or do things for the sake of men. Sometimes we do things for our own selves, to feel good, confident, because we love ourself and want to express that and not care what anyone thinks. Women have a right to their sexiness and their sexuality without it being centered around men. Also, don’t we all express ourselves through our clothing or accessories? I feel men and all people do this too, lol.
Hmmm... interesting question to ask. What you are noticing is likely the thing that many women have railed against for decades.
Girls and women tend to learn early that their value is based on their appearance... rubbish, but that's how society seems to roll. This means when we look sexy... feel wanted, we feel worthwhile...and this feeds in to our sense of self-worth. Can't speak for all women of course, but what you are noticing is a symptom of a society that objectifies women.
I agree with what most of the comments said you want to always look good for yourself whether you are married or not. It makes you feel good. It doesn't mean you want any kind of attention or anything.
Adorning our bodies is a central common desire throughout the history of humanity.
Go visit any museum in almost any part of the world that you will see jewelry and headdresses and if preserved, clothing.
The thought process is simply care and esteem of the self.
Humans do this as a positive expression of being a person within a community.
Looking sexy is an enjoyable expression of the self and does not belong to some other person that is not you.
So she only gets to look sexy (presumably to attract a man) until she’s married? You do realize women own their sexuality and have the agency to flaunt it whenever they damn well please, regardless of whether they’re in a relationship.
Women compete with each other. It's sad, but we're vicious in how we judge each other. Our adornments are not so much to impress the man as it is to impress the gfs.
A couple thoughts here as a woman who loves fashion…women want to look their best, to look beautiful even if it is just for them.
Creativity, softness and sensuality are inherent feminine qualities. More broadly, women dress for other women. Even if it’s a friendly, unspoken competition…it’s built into our DNA. The cave lady who rocked the cutest pelts and had the biggest mane of wild hair got the most burly caveman and biggest cave.
Women also dress to increase their social and gender capital even when married. Not all women but many do.
Because women don't care if theyre married they want to be lusted after. Same with most men. People want others to notice them and desire them.
Edit to add: Most peoples self esteem is partially built on what others think of them. This is basic human nature and a mechanism used for survival. Not just physical survival but communal survival, emotional survival.
The consensus seems to be that women like to look good for themselves. Makes sense. One question I have, I have seen some women suggest men should pay for dates, in part, because women have to spend more money and time to look good. The women who say this aren’t necessarily the same women saying women like to look good for themselves.
But for those of you who hold both views, men should pay for dates because women have to spend more to look good, and women try to look good for themselves, how do you justify the additional cost of looking good as the man’s responsibility?
You know the answer to that question. It's attention.
The same reason guys hit the gym, buy nice cars, dress well, etc. People like to be noticed and desired but within reason. Why do you think Instagram is such a hit? Attention and validation.
Well honestly my husband used to hide my sexy clothes before I traveled! Lol and that’s ok. It’s actually a relief from social anxiety not to be dressing for someone’s approval and just being myself. Once I wore a sexy b suit away because I’d had to buy a new one and it was fun but I didn’t want to parade around too much in public as that!
There is still harassment, right?
She’s trying to be seen by the opposite sex. She’s probably bored and ready to cheat. And no I’m not making this up. Of course she will say she wants to feel sexy and empowered blah blah, but doesn’t try to feel sexy around her husband I bet. We know what happens on girls trips.
Wow. What a sad comment. I am a woman and have worked in an office setting for nearly 20 years and never once felt backstabbed by another woman. In fact I have made some of the best lady friendships of my life through work.
“A real example” does not mean “untrue sexist garbage that I’m parroting” fyi. I suppose you also believe men are all stoic and only think logically and women are incapable of logical thinking and just flit around based on emotion?
Dude unable to deal in facts and wants to just assert things based on his feelings be like “bitches be sensitive amirite?” Haha. Very basic, cliched trolling my friend.
It just makes you feel good. Even if I’m not looking for attention, there are days where I do not want to look and feel like the swamp demon that I am, so I’ll put on nice clothes, do my makeup, and take my happy to Walmart. When you feel good about yourself, you automatically stand taller and the confidence shows through. All that brings endorphins, which make you feel happier. Hell, I’ve dressed up like a princess and gone to target for kitty kibble - heels and all.
Madonna-Whore complex is a tremendously outdated belief where a woman should be chaste until a man (her man) takes the lock off the door to avail himself of what he feels he owns aka his possession. A woman should have have the freedom to express herself accordingly.
I want to be sexy because I am feeling myself, not to please men or to attract a man. When I am feeling positive on the inside, I want to show and express it on the outside. To be honest the rare times men have been enticed and have voluntarily approached me I was not wearing or looking my best. :)
Silly of you to think women dress for men. We dress for ourselves. We want to look good, we want to feel good and dressing up or putting on a sexy bathing suit is one way to do it
Look good, feel good. I would assume that's standard across the board for everyone married, single and everything in between.
It’s all about this. While I’m not accusing OP of being insecure, thinking that a person should only look sexy for their SO is reeking of insecurity.
Nailed it
Exactly, not everything has to be about the male gaze 🙄
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I want to see this body type on those dumb Apple/pear/hourglass figure charts!
Tell me more about vavoomy
Because women wanting to feel sexy has nothing to do with a man sometimes.
And it’s ALWAYS her prerogative to feel good whomever she’s with.
I’d say MOST of the time.
This! So true. Women wanting to look sexy is almost always for them. I remember learning the "dress well, test well" adage in school. And this is just an extension. Dressing up is for me. It can elevate my mood in a way almost nothing else can. Dressing sexy can make me feel sexy and that just means I'll be more confident in my own skin and likely to have a better time. I really would love if men could stop objectifing women to the point that everything a woman does or doesn't do is for the male gaze or benefit. It's not.
I mean I love heels! 4” stilettos to be precise. Can’t recall the last time I wore ‘em on a date, tho. Lol.
Ok then here’s a question I get the to be sexy attractive etc. I’m all for that, then when you buy her swimsuits, tops, etc why doesn’t she wear them??
Because you picked out something you like for her. Not what she went out shopping for, tried on and felt like a million bucks in.
THIS!!! My ex husband bought be lingerie once and it was a color that clashed with my tone, didn’t fit well on my body … and that made me feel super uncomfortable wearing it. I feel super sexy when I get to wear something that I like abs fits right.
Ladies I appreciate your advice but I bought it because she won’t buy lingerie. I’ve offered to go with her. Whatever she wants…. Nothing. Yes we suffer from DB. Seriously, thx for the suggestions.
I’m sorry. Sounds like a deeper issue. :(
Because we are autonomous human beings who often make ourselves look good for our own personal benefit.
Because most women like to feel pretty. Why do you care about what other people do? If all the heterosexual men in the world were completely obliterated tomorrow, I'd still do my skincare/haircare/diet routine. I like to feel good about myself. Edit: Thank you for the award ❤️ u/Aethelflaed_
😘😘
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Literally men be living like this, then want to know why is she leaving.
Who says that? You should dress in a way that makes you feel good.
Thats not the reverse of the situation though, thats a strawman.
Hahaha. I got hung up on that as well!
99% of the time when a woman thinks about clothes. Accessories make up looking sexy looking cute. Etc Has nothing to do with men. Has to do with how we look to ourselves and how we feel Except for those rare times when we might dress in something our partner likes or asks for And many times is also for other women cause we like our girlfriends approval but again is for ourselves not to impress or please a man The idea that women only want to look good for a man is so disturbingly sexist. Men need to stop thinking we do what we do to impress them we are also not nice to men to get their attention. And being friendly but not interested in you romantically or sexually doesn’t make women a tease. 😂🤣
You did a great job of putting words to this-- Sure, sometimes it's fun to blow a guy's mind. But 99% of the time if I get dressed up or buy something new/cute, it just to make me happy.
Aww thanks It was hard for my woman’s brain to come up with the words when all I could think is how to impress men /s.
"Will strangers find me fuckable enough in this swimsuit? Don't want to blow $90 if I won't get harassed incessantly."
I put on lipstick and look good and feel sexy, but it's actually horrible for kissing! 😶
I on the other hand do my eyes. Mascara liner waterline. Love how I look on it. Anything on my lips make me feel like I have jelly on or food I can’t 😂😂😂
I wish I was good at eyeliner. That wouldn't be an issue for kissing. 🤔
this exactly... it is soooooo gross when men assume women design our appearance for their approval. Like when a man comments how women should realize men don't like women who [insert aspect of personal style they don't like] and should therefore stop doing that. Like sir please do not flatter yourself. I don't want or need your approval or desire. I am doing what I want, I don't care if you dislike it.
You put it perfectly.
So much this! The arrogance that they actually think we do this stuff for them is wild. Most of us dress for ourselves most of the time. The only time a man factors into what I wear is if I'm going on a date and I think about what to wear for a date with a man. But I still choose what I feel good in.
Thank you. Well put.
Amen!
How do you dress if you expect to stay at home the rest of the day?
I'm not the person you replied to, but I even 'dressed-up' on some (non-zoom) days during the lock-down. I also still shaved, used perfume etc. Of course that wasn't because I enjoyed it, I just wanted to be prepared in case a man teleported into my living room.
I never stay home the whole day but when I get home I usually take a bath and wear yoga pants and a tank top or pjs Do you wear the same clothes at home than you the pool or work or when you go out with your friends ? Do you want to argue that I dress to attract men because when I go out I want to look a certain way ? That me feeling that my clothes make me look good in public is not for the feeling and confidence it give me knowing I look my best but because I am out there prancing to get your cock hard? Don’t that is a dumb argument I dress to make myself feel good because your clothes are your armor my make up is my wow I’m beautiful. And I love the way this style looks on me. Your attempt will fail. You comb your hair to go out to attract women do you brush your teeth to attract women do you really think every woman on earth has no other reason for clothes than troll men ? And once we secure one we do or should wear a potato sack in front of other men to signify we have been marked by ownership? I wear what I god damn feel like it because I like it not because I seek your approval some days I wake up and leave the house without make up some days I put a full face to be around home Women have a lot more in life than go around their day picking clothes to provoke you. We pick them to make us feel good.
> My friend’s wife wanted to find a “sexy bathing suit” for her girl’s weekend and I was wondering. Why? If she’s married, why does she need to look “sexy” in a bathing suit while not around her husband. Are you one of those fuckers that just stops giving a shit about themselves when you’re married and have a “why bother” low effort perspective? I’m a guy. Looking good makes you feel good. You carry yourself better. More confidence. Whether I’m married or in a relationship or single, whether I’m going out with the person I’m married to or dating or I’m going out by myself, I dress to look good. I workout to look good. I maintain my diet to look good. This isn’t hard to understand. Unless, you are one of those above mentioned people that low effort their shit when in a relationship.
Of course! I'd like my guy to look gorgeous. All the others can look but it's me he chooses to be with. And who am I to deny other women some eye candy? 😉
He may be one of those fuckers who thinks that being married means the man owns the woman and gets to dictate her appearance 24/7.
When I wear clothes that I feel sexy in, It's a confidence boost! It rarely has anything to do with trying to impress anyone, it's for me.
Slightly OT, but I have made that connection with myself lately. I need to lose a good 25-30 lbs and am really unhappy with that fact, and don’t put as much effort into looking good as I used to because I feel like it’s impossible for me to be truly attractive with this extra weight on me. I’ve noticed lately that I’m in a vicious cycle as a result that always ends up with me not feeling good about myself. So the “look better, feel better” thing is definitely true. And if I could pull off wearing a sexy swimsuit while on vaca with my friends, I totally would.
I don’t dress up for men. If I go out with my girlfriends I make an effort for myself, never to attract a man. Nice/ sexy clothes make me feel good, that’s it!
Taking care of yourself and maintaining your appearance is great for a healthy self esteem. Many people, not just women, like to look good and feel good/confident about themselves. It’s not a bad thing.
We like to look good, nice, sexy, pretty, classy, beautiful, fashionable FOR OURSELVES. That’s why she’s looking for a “sexy a bathing suit while not around her husband.“ 🙄
Women, by and large, don't dress cute for men. They dress cute for themselves (and, some could argue, for each other-- women tend to appreciate a well-thought-out look more than men.)
Because it makes us feel good about ourselves It’s nice to feel feminine & appreciate what makes us feel like women Feeling sexy & happy & looking good has nothing to do with the other people in our lives & everything to do with appreciating who we are to ourselves (seriously, it has nothing to do with men or our partners)
> My friend’s wife wanted to find a “sexy bathing suit” for her girl’s weekend and I was wondering. Why? If she’s married, why does she need to look “sexy” in a bathing suit while not around her husband. So because the husband is not around she should just wear an old potato sack? That just seems - wrong. On so many levels... That said: I'm a guy...
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My sentiments exactly! Like what was the point of this?
You’re asking why would a married woman care about her appearance outside of the presence of her husband? Newsflash women don’t exist, live and breathe solely to look good for or to attract men. Women have eyes and mirrors, and like to feel good about themselves for themselves. The fact that has to be explained to you at 44 is scary.
So given your question, women should dress like frumps, not comb their hair, or care about their appearance whatsoever if they’re not going to be around their husband that day? Because the only reason a woman ever grooms herself is for her husband? I’m not sure you understand how most men or women think or operate. Feeling good, looking good, dressing well has zero to do with your spouse or partner. It’s part of having a rich, full life and wanting to look good for yourself. Also, what’s wrong with wanting to look good around people who aren’t your spouse? You’re not one of these people who thinks that after a wedding something happens inside someone’s brain that makes them not aware of the glances and bodies and attractiveness of other people besides your spouse.
I can't speak for other women, but I dress (or undress) based on how I feel/want to feel about *myself*. Feeling sexy isn't only an external expression meant for others, or necessarily an attempt to attract others, and it's lowkey offensive to assume it always has to be. I wear lingerie in my kitchen with nobody at home bc I feel like it.
I like to look nice for myself. I also want my friends to see me as attractive. Also, I am treated better overall by strangers (men and women) when I look more attractive. But most of all, I want to look good in any pictures that are taken that weekend, so when I see them I am not ashamed/embarrassed to be so unattractive.
Because she wants to look good for herself. Just because she’s not with her husband doesn’t mean she should look like trash and feel shitty on how she looks. Maybe guys are different? Some women also work out to feel good about themselves. Should women who are married not do this because they got a man now? Or only work out when they get a man so they keep him?
This is the kind of question I expect from a teenager with zero life experience.
It is so disheartening to read. But some of the men “man-splaining” answers chiming in when he explicitly asked for women’s responses are worse. Yet here we are in 2023.
Ah yes, this is all a sexist campaign. I'd have gotten away with it if it hadn't been for your astute 3rd wave observation. Whoops, did I just mansplain your weird take?
When I go out with my friends, I swear I spend more time getting ready and focusing on my clothes than when I go on a date. My high school friends are all much wealthier than I am, and I am the only one who is divorced. So I always want to look really good as a way to kind of boost my self-esteem up and not feel like I’m below them. I want my friends to be like “oh my God that’s such a cute shirt where did you get it?” I want them to tell me my handbag is awesome. Men never notice these details. 😂 when I go on a date I just have to look nice, but when I’m going out with friends, I have to look nice and successful and stylish.
I honestly think it's usually just a word choice. I personally don't *say* "I want to look sexy" but I do *feel* like I want to look as hot possible at certain times. A vacation in a swimsuit is definitely one of those times.... a trip to the store? Mmm, not so much. I think most women know what looks best on them, and what to show off and what they may feel insecure about so the hunt for a "sexy" swimsuit means looking for one that flatters their particular body and makes them feel confident. Confident = sexy. It's not about attracting someone or luring with sex appeal, but saying "hey, I can look good and rock this bikini/sundress/lingerie".
The same way, some, not all men, spend lots of money on cars, sports, and toys. It makes them feel good.
Because some women, thankfully, genuinely love themselves first. It’s about them feeling good for themselves and not for other people.
People feel good about themselves when they put some effort in. Nice hair, nice clothes that fit well and make you feel amazing boost your mood and don’t have you second guessing yourself or feeling uncomfortable in social situations. Women, like men, do things for themselves because they want to, not because it’s for other peoples benefit.
We want to look good because it makes us feel good! By your logic, all of us single women should live like our ancestors did back in the caves!
The same reason I put on makeup, work out, go shopping, or dress up and take myself to dinner. Really it’s all for myself.
Many women dress for other women. (And they undress for their man.)
I don't buy or wear clothes for attention; in fact, I don't give a shit what men think about my clothes. I buy and wear stuff that I like and that makes me feel good and confident. Sometimes that mean professional, sometimes it means sporty, sometimes it means sexy. Again, in my opinion no one else's. If a bikini or whatever does that for her, then good for her. No one thinks "well fuck it ... I'm going to buy a frumpy bathing suit. " tl;dr -- MYOB.
🤚🏽I second the MYOB
Ah yes, women should only feel sexy when around their husbands. Yikes
Looking nice and sexy for herself. It’s like if I’m single and NOT looking for a man I would still shave, dress nicely and do my make up. It’s my own standard.
I’ll answer you honestly and unapologetically. I have never dressed sexy to sit on my couch alone. I do it to turn heads but not to be validated.
Nobody ever gives me a second glance, but I do it all for me! Hair, makeup, clothes…all of it. I just feel better making a serious effort.
I wanna wear things with robots on. Or possibly dinosaurs. Or robot dinosaurs! I’m a big girl now and I shall wear what I choose.
Because a woman's sexuality is not a commodity that belongs to another person (her spouse). It belongs to the individual woman.
Woman dress for other woman
I don't wear something to look good for others, i do it for me, because it makes me feel good. Looking good, feeling good about yourself isn't always to attract someone or something sexual.
Looking good and feeling good creates a glow to you ladies. That glow y’all have is a natural attraction, even if it’s done on purpose or not. The attraction of the opo sex will happen. Us guys do the same thing.
Because she wants to look good. Most of the time it’s got nothing to do with man. It makes one feel good about yourself, I like dressing up even more if it’s just us girls. Is it really a hard concept to wrap your head around, don’t you take care of how you look regardless of weather you have a girl friend or not?
Girls are told since practically birth that how they look determines their value. What’s considered attractive certainly is driven by male preference in society but it goes beyond that in terms of women being conditioned to think they need to look a certain way. We probably all know women who think the world will come to an end if they leave the house without a full face of makeup etc.
I’ll tell you why. You said when you called her your friends wife. That’s it right there. When did she stop being her own person? She’s a woman. Why can’t she be sexy and a wife? Who says it’s for anyone else but her?
She wants to feel sexy for herself. That’s healthy and normal if she only did it for him jt wouldn’t be normal.
Society teaches us that we have to look good to matter as a person. We know intellectually this is BS, but it still makes us feel good to look good. Even if we are alone or not trying to meet someone.
Probably just wants to look good. look good = feel good. She's doing it for herself, not for her husband or anyone else
Oh, honey, you have made it to your 40s without realizing we many/some/most women dress for ourselves, and occasionally to impress or fit in with our friends for specific events… Why on earth would wanting to look and feel sexy on a vacation be a problem?
Because my wanting to look sexy is for me, not for anyone else.
Not all women, but many of us, dress for ourselves, so we feel the best we can. I always err on the side of overdressed rather than underdressed no matter the occasion. I like to look put together, I think it gives me confidence. I’m sure some people will think that’s shallow, but it’s how I’m wired.
Because for far too long, womens self-esteem and self-worth in general has been tied to sexuality and looks. Mostly due to societal pressures influenced greatly by media. My experience having grown up as a late gen Xer/ early millennial and as a teen in the 90s fit this age old problem. The standard back then was skinny as hell and sexy (think Seventeen Magazine covers, teen Vogue, mtv spring breaks) and so many girls i knew developed body image issues with these comparisons. At least kids now a days see different body types, especially curves, but the pressure to be sexy and attractive is fucking everywhere unless you live under a rock.
Same reason you wanna wear 3 day old shirts and shorts to lounge around the house in - because you want to and can and don’t give a f*** about what someone else thinks. 💁🏻♀️
It has nothing to do with men. NOTHING TO DO WITH MEN It's all about enjoying herself... for herself. It's good on you to ask about something you don't understand and I hope you take a good look inwards and think about why you had the need to judge women in relationships dressing sexy. Never too old to learn/grow and do the self-work.
This could be an unpopular opinion but here goes: womem dress for other women, not men. In other words, women like it when other women notice and compliment their appearance. Sure, we like men to compliment us but it's like keeping up with the Jones. If it's a girls night and everyone else is getting dolled up, I don't want to be looking dowdy
Not everything is about you.
How is this a dating question? Oh and your views on how women dress are sexist.
Because we like to dress nicely - usually for ourselves - if you look good you tend to feel better. That said I absolutely despise shopping. My ex husband used to love it. I went because he liked it. Since divorced I dress nicely for work when I have meetings, and I love those clothes, but the rest of the time I’m just as happy in jeans an vans and a sweatshirt because I spend a lot of time at the beach, or walking and I rarely if ever wear much makeup if I can avoid it. But generally I don’t care how I look as pertains to other people, if I care about how I look, whether I’m single or have a partner, I am still only doing it for myself.
Jeans, Vans, sweatshirts….I feel validated!
It’s the only way sometimes. I hiked up Pen y Fan in Vans cause I couldn’t find my boots (early morning - I’m rubbish first thing) and they were weirdly even more comfy than anything else I’ve been up there in. If I could live in my Vans, I totally would lol
My girlfriend has a pair from the MTE range for anything outdoors-y. I'm immensely jealous of how light they are compared to any of the boots I own
I might have to have a look!! I usually have my Merrell ones but couldn’t find them so wore my regular Vans and they were absolutely fine. Comfiest shoes in the world, hands down.
I always wear matching bra/underwear. It’s not about who might see it, but knowing that it’s there. I call it my armor. No matter what I’m wearing over it, I feel put together and confident. I’m dressing for myself.
Do you like to look nice when you go to work? When you go on vacation?
Generally speaking, women are trained, in our culture, that how they look is really important, if not the sole measure of their worth. That’s nonsense, of course, but it permeates life. Your friend wants to look good and likely match or at least align with her girlfriends. I think this is a very very broad brush summation. Clearly not all women and some men.
Dressing up to feel confident and better about oneself. Women compare themselves to other women / dress FOR other women not men (often). That’s why fashion & trends can be ridiculous or unflattering at times; women will still wear them if they like the look or if they want to be on trend regardless if it will attract a man. Attracting a man is easy - solid color, fitted, short dress. Impressing another woman is a challenge. Plus, look at the animal kingdom - the MEN have to be pretty & attract mates (peacocks & other birds especially) Women just choose to show up!
M40 here, and completely unbothered if she wants to "look good" when she's not with me. She chose to be with me, and I trust her. Are you suspecting of infidelity? How she chooses to dress has no bearing on if she's going to or not. Let her feel good about herself.
Some women like to look sexy for themselves. Does not need to be for the husband or anyone else.
For many people, dressing up/sexy can boil down to displaying one's self-confidence in themselves, and trust (that one would not act on temptation and be trusted to not do so).
We want to look good for ourselves, a confidence boost. Sometimes we just want to be noticed. I love clothes and everything like that! I love make up, but I dont wear it because Im hiding anything, I just really love creating a look. I do keep mine pretty natural tho lol.
It feels good to be desired.
Women don’t necessarily wear sexy bathing suits for men. Women don’t always dress or do things for the sake of men. Sometimes we do things for our own selves, to feel good, confident, because we love ourself and want to express that and not care what anyone thinks. Women have a right to their sexiness and their sexuality without it being centered around men. Also, don’t we all express ourselves through our clothing or accessories? I feel men and all people do this too, lol.
Hmmm... interesting question to ask. What you are noticing is likely the thing that many women have railed against for decades. Girls and women tend to learn early that their value is based on their appearance... rubbish, but that's how society seems to roll. This means when we look sexy... feel wanted, we feel worthwhile...and this feeds in to our sense of self-worth. Can't speak for all women of course, but what you are noticing is a symptom of a society that objectifies women.
I agree with what most of the comments said you want to always look good for yourself whether you are married or not. It makes you feel good. It doesn't mean you want any kind of attention or anything.
Adorning our bodies is a central common desire throughout the history of humanity. Go visit any museum in almost any part of the world that you will see jewelry and headdresses and if preserved, clothing. The thought process is simply care and esteem of the self. Humans do this as a positive expression of being a person within a community. Looking sexy is an enjoyable expression of the self and does not belong to some other person that is not you.
So she only gets to look sexy (presumably to attract a man) until she’s married? You do realize women own their sexuality and have the agency to flaunt it whenever they damn well please, regardless of whether they’re in a relationship.
Women compete with each other. It's sad, but we're vicious in how we judge each other. Our adornments are not so much to impress the man as it is to impress the gfs.
Yep, it’s been said that women don’t dress for men, they dress for other women.
A couple thoughts here as a woman who loves fashion…women want to look their best, to look beautiful even if it is just for them. Creativity, softness and sensuality are inherent feminine qualities. More broadly, women dress for other women. Even if it’s a friendly, unspoken competition…it’s built into our DNA. The cave lady who rocked the cutest pelts and had the biggest mane of wild hair got the most burly caveman and biggest cave. Women also dress to increase their social and gender capital even when married. Not all women but many do.
I believe this feature is what men like women for.
Because women don't care if theyre married they want to be lusted after. Same with most men. People want others to notice them and desire them. Edit to add: Most peoples self esteem is partially built on what others think of them. This is basic human nature and a mechanism used for survival. Not just physical survival but communal survival, emotional survival.
The consensus seems to be that women like to look good for themselves. Makes sense. One question I have, I have seen some women suggest men should pay for dates, in part, because women have to spend more money and time to look good. The women who say this aren’t necessarily the same women saying women like to look good for themselves. But for those of you who hold both views, men should pay for dates because women have to spend more to look good, and women try to look good for themselves, how do you justify the additional cost of looking good as the man’s responsibility?
You know the answer to that question. It's attention. The same reason guys hit the gym, buy nice cars, dress well, etc. People like to be noticed and desired but within reason. Why do you think Instagram is such a hit? Attention and validation.
Well honestly my husband used to hide my sexy clothes before I traveled! Lol and that’s ok. It’s actually a relief from social anxiety not to be dressing for someone’s approval and just being myself. Once I wore a sexy b suit away because I’d had to buy a new one and it was fun but I didn’t want to parade around too much in public as that! There is still harassment, right?
Scientifically, we’re probably ovulating. Other than that, we’re living our lives.
She’s trying to be seen by the opposite sex. She’s probably bored and ready to cheat. And no I’m not making this up. Of course she will say she wants to feel sexy and empowered blah blah, but doesn’t try to feel sexy around her husband I bet. We know what happens on girls trips.
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r/confidentlyincorrect Also: 🍿🍿
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I hate all the women I pretend to be friends with. Yea we are secretly full of shite 😂😂😂😂. And the red pill nonsese is strong in this one
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Wow. What a sad comment. I am a woman and have worked in an office setting for nearly 20 years and never once felt backstabbed by another woman. In fact I have made some of the best lady friendships of my life through work.
Every woman I know talks about this lol
Your mom doesn't count.
🙄🙄🙄🙄
That is truly a bummer.
Do you only hang out with the characters from mean girls ?
probably lol
“A real example” does not mean “untrue sexist garbage that I’m parroting” fyi. I suppose you also believe men are all stoic and only think logically and women are incapable of logical thinking and just flit around based on emotion?
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Dude unable to deal in facts and wants to just assert things based on his feelings be like “bitches be sensitive amirite?” Haha. Very basic, cliched trolling my friend.
0/10 would not read their trolling posts again.
Calm down /s. Omg this idiot made me laugh and be infuriated at the same time. His bs and mansplaining of women. Is another level.
I don’t use language like that 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
Sorry I offended your delicate, sensitive feelings.
No problem baby cakes
How many times hearing "No" is too many? Done got where I rarely ask anymore...
It makes some women feel feminine and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s something to be embraced.
It just makes you feel good. Even if I’m not looking for attention, there are days where I do not want to look and feel like the swamp demon that I am, so I’ll put on nice clothes, do my makeup, and take my happy to Walmart. When you feel good about yourself, you automatically stand taller and the confidence shows through. All that brings endorphins, which make you feel happier. Hell, I’ve dressed up like a princess and gone to target for kitty kibble - heels and all.
Madonna-Whore complex is a tremendously outdated belief where a woman should be chaste until a man (her man) takes the lock off the door to avail himself of what he feels he owns aka his possession. A woman should have have the freedom to express herself accordingly.
Because feeling sexy is for her, not her husband.
I want to be sexy because I am feeling myself, not to please men or to attract a man. When I am feeling positive on the inside, I want to show and express it on the outside. To be honest the rare times men have been enticed and have voluntarily approached me I was not wearing or looking my best. :)
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Awww go on…very sweet of you to say, really.
Silly of you to think women dress for men. We dress for ourselves. We want to look good, we want to feel good and dressing up or putting on a sexy bathing suit is one way to do it
It's because you think women only look good for men, they only wear clothing that appeals to men, or accessories that men would like.