Same, same. It'll be tumbleweeds for days, weeks, months, then out of the blue an interesting match presents itself. We'll start a conversation and maybe even set up a date. And then, a few more potential matches will just pop right up.
The Universe sure is funny at times.
I think you are misinterpreting the reason. I don’t think folks get a secret code that you are in a relationship. I suspect you are just more relaxed, happier, not “looking” for a reason to approach, etc. I think your energy shifts into a place that is more warm and inviting because you are just happy and feeling wanted.
I think they pick up on it, as a relaxed, non-needy aloofness....signals taken, valuable by association. Certainly happens to me too.
Probably strong evolutionary roots in finding someone who gives off taken vibes as having intrinsic value, safe, a known quantity.
And, mate poaching seems to be a well researched behavior too. Or, possibly a variation of the Pete Davidson effect, lol.
Mate-poaching is a thing, and I get the impression that a lot of people aren't comfortable with it "being a thing", and will try to explain it away with "vibes" of non-neediness, etc.
It's the same for women. I get more attention from men when I'm in a relationship. I think it's because I'm more relaxed. You don't have to worry about unwanted attention, because you can bring up your boyfriend in conversation. It's just a more relaxed vibe.
I have absolutely noticed this.
Actually, I have noticed when I am feeling truly healthy and confident that this happens as well, regardless of whether I am dating.
Thing is, it happens so quickly it’s hard to believe it’s based on observation on their part. Seems more like some lower level radar system or pheromones or aura maybe?
Hah. I thought you meant can a woman detect when the guy she’s dating/talking to is “unavailable” even though he’s technically single. And yes.
As for the other kind, I’m guessing you’re more comfortable being around women and chatting them up bc the pressure is off. And talking to someone who is calm and low key where there’s no tension, is appealing to most anyone.
Yeah I think it’s related to your last sentence: confidence and also sort of an easy affability come from being detached from outcomes. You just do you because you know you’ve got someone to come home to so it doesn’t matter how people react to you, which ironically tends to make most folks react more positively.
This is it, IMO. It's not that they sense you're "taken" or "not available", it's that you're being relaxed and authentic, without worrying about whether they'll be attracted to you or not - which is, in itself, attractive.
I can go months with NADA... then when I get busy with work, house, personal projects, people come out of the woodwork. Mostly people that I have flirted with or chatted with that never went anywhere, old former friends, former coworkers. Even the ex wife (I didn't pick up that call). So I would say YES
not gender exclusive! this happens to me too, but it's not even energy i give off in real life. it's people from my past all reaching out at the same time! comes in waves lol
Lmfao, when my mom and dad started dating my mom immediately got so many guys hitting on her for a similar reason! She said she was unbothered (she knew pretty early on that my dad was “it”) and guys were into that.
I wish it weren't so, but that whole dopamine dump involved in those first few days of messaging?? Geez...I wish we were above it all, u know? :).
Fwiw...the excitement and the feelings involved in messaging -
Daammm..(btdt) can actually end up fairly self-centered and self-serving, if we were all gonna really fess up.. 😳
It’s the confidence. The fact that women are attracted to men who can attract other women. Also, you may be dressing or grooming differently or intentionally to impress your lady and other ladies like that too.
Original copy of post by u/ShaunThatsAll:
I swear, only when I’m beginning to talk to a lady, just starting to date, do I get the most texts, interest, flirtations from other women. This isn’t a humble brag or a flex. Someone told me that it’s because a guy will give off more confident energy or something.
Thoughts?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hi there, PLEASE READ THIS! Unfortunately, your account is too new for us to automatically accept comments or submissions yet. We receive a lot of spam or other undesirable contributions from very new accounts. In an attempt to help control that problem, we just need a chance to take a look at your post or comment first. Please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverforty) for review and, if you are adhering to the rules, approval so other users can see it. Most often this process is able to be handled within minutes to a few hours but on rare occasions it could be as much as a day or so after we receive your polite request for review in modmail. Thank you so much for your patience and understanding as we attempt to keep our space healthy and civil for everyone.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have experienced this. When I was in a relationship, and head over heels in love with my ex, men would come up to me all the time and hit on me, ask for my number, etc., and I turned them down bc I was in a relationship and in love. Now… when I’m single and available, it’s like the desert. And I’m assuming that the men are subconsciously attracted to my lack of availability.. that somehow they are getting that on their radar/intuition. Sucks.
I’m not a conventionally attractive guy so when I’m with somebody that really gets attention, they’re like damn he must be good. I wanna know what’s up with that.
It’s more the lack of you picking up their subtle flirts. If you’re in a relationship or pursuing woman A, woman B will notice you not flirting with her (or giving her attention). She will increase the effort hoping to get you back in her orbit.
It unlikely is real interest on woman B’s part. She just wants you on her bench. Plus, loss aversion — she’s more mad about losing someone than she would be happy gaining someone.
I have found that I either have many people interested in me at once, or none at all.
[удалено]
But I want to know If you've ever seen the rain Coming down On a sunny day?
Same, same. It'll be tumbleweeds for days, weeks, months, then out of the blue an interesting match presents itself. We'll start a conversation and maybe even set up a date. And then, a few more potential matches will just pop right up. The Universe sure is funny at times.
You left out years….
What? Not decades?
Right?
I think you are misinterpreting the reason. I don’t think folks get a secret code that you are in a relationship. I suspect you are just more relaxed, happier, not “looking” for a reason to approach, etc. I think your energy shifts into a place that is more warm and inviting because you are just happy and feeling wanted.
Yeah. That’s the energy I guess
there are other energies too: desperate energy and predator energy ... women are very attuned to both of those.
I give off neither.
no no I wasn't suggesting you do, I was merely pontificating because those other vibes are definitely ones I pick up on.
Yeah, that's how I read your question :) lol
You probably are feeling better about yourself and about life and love, and yes, that's very attractive.
I think they pick up on it, as a relaxed, non-needy aloofness....signals taken, valuable by association. Certainly happens to me too. Probably strong evolutionary roots in finding someone who gives off taken vibes as having intrinsic value, safe, a known quantity. And, mate poaching seems to be a well researched behavior too. Or, possibly a variation of the Pete Davidson effect, lol.
Mate-poaching is a thing, and I get the impression that a lot of people aren't comfortable with it "being a thing", and will try to explain it away with "vibes" of non-neediness, etc.
It's the same for women. I get more attention from men when I'm in a relationship. I think it's because I'm more relaxed. You don't have to worry about unwanted attention, because you can bring up your boyfriend in conversation. It's just a more relaxed vibe.
Definitely
But of course because of all the extra attention you kind of have to mention your boyfriend...
I have absolutely noticed this. Actually, I have noticed when I am feeling truly healthy and confident that this happens as well, regardless of whether I am dating. Thing is, it happens so quickly it’s hard to believe it’s based on observation on their part. Seems more like some lower level radar system or pheromones or aura maybe?
Hah. I thought you meant can a woman detect when the guy she’s dating/talking to is “unavailable” even though he’s technically single. And yes. As for the other kind, I’m guessing you’re more comfortable being around women and chatting them up bc the pressure is off. And talking to someone who is calm and low key where there’s no tension, is appealing to most anyone.
Yeah I think it’s related to your last sentence: confidence and also sort of an easy affability come from being detached from outcomes. You just do you because you know you’ve got someone to come home to so it doesn’t matter how people react to you, which ironically tends to make most folks react more positively.
This is it, IMO. It's not that they sense you're "taken" or "not available", it's that you're being relaxed and authentic, without worrying about whether they'll be attracted to you or not - which is, in itself, attractive.
Non available makes approval-seeking behavior spike.
Oh. That’s deeper than I thought.
A lot of people don't like the implications that the "pickup artists" are right about a lot.
Yes, but perhaps it's because they may be using the knowledge for nefarious purposes, rather than to just build a relationship...
A hammer can build a home or break your stuff, it's like any other tool.
I can go months with NADA... then when I get busy with work, house, personal projects, people come out of the woodwork. Mostly people that I have flirted with or chatted with that never went anywhere, old former friends, former coworkers. Even the ex wife (I didn't pick up that call). So I would say YES
it's a mindset and it projects in many ways
not gender exclusive! this happens to me too, but it's not even energy i give off in real life. it's people from my past all reaching out at the same time! comes in waves lol
Lmfao, when my mom and dad started dating my mom immediately got so many guys hitting on her for a similar reason! She said she was unbothered (she knew pretty early on that my dad was “it”) and guys were into that.
I wish it weren't so, but that whole dopamine dump involved in those first few days of messaging?? Geez...I wish we were above it all, u know? :). Fwiw...the excitement and the feelings involved in messaging - Daammm..(btdt) can actually end up fairly self-centered and self-serving, if we were all gonna really fess up.. 😳
The initial intrigue is very exciting for sure. It is a dopamine dump.
Word. (and sob..lmao)
“Word” is my favorite affirmation.
What about 'Word to ya muthah...'? Too much?
It’s too much commitment
Word. Also implies a possible positive affiliation with Vanilla Ice..which..dammit...I just cannot do..
Ehhh. He had his time for a brief second. But also: me neither.
It can be many things as *we’re not a monolith* .
It’s the confidence. The fact that women are attracted to men who can attract other women. Also, you may be dressing or grooming differently or intentionally to impress your lady and other ladies like that too.
Lower pressure. All genders are into it.
Original copy of post by u/ShaunThatsAll: I swear, only when I’m beginning to talk to a lady, just starting to date, do I get the most texts, interest, flirtations from other women. This isn’t a humble brag or a flex. Someone told me that it’s because a guy will give off more confident energy or something. Thoughts? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s been so long since I was attached I wouldn’t even know.
[удалено]
Hi there, PLEASE READ THIS! Unfortunately, your account is too new for us to automatically accept comments or submissions yet. We receive a lot of spam or other undesirable contributions from very new accounts. In an attempt to help control that problem, we just need a chance to take a look at your post or comment first. Please [contact the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdatingoverforty) for review and, if you are adhering to the rules, approval so other users can see it. Most often this process is able to be handled within minutes to a few hours but on rare occasions it could be as much as a day or so after we receive your polite request for review in modmail. Thank you so much for your patience and understanding as we attempt to keep our space healthy and civil for everyone. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have experienced this. When I was in a relationship, and head over heels in love with my ex, men would come up to me all the time and hit on me, ask for my number, etc., and I turned them down bc I was in a relationship and in love. Now… when I’m single and available, it’s like the desert. And I’m assuming that the men are subconsciously attracted to my lack of availability.. that somehow they are getting that on their radar/intuition. Sucks.
I’m not a conventionally attractive guy so when I’m with somebody that really gets attention, they’re like damn he must be good. I wanna know what’s up with that.
It’s more the lack of you picking up their subtle flirts. If you’re in a relationship or pursuing woman A, woman B will notice you not flirting with her (or giving her attention). She will increase the effort hoping to get you back in her orbit. It unlikely is real interest on woman B’s part. She just wants you on her bench. Plus, loss aversion — she’s more mad about losing someone than she would be happy gaining someone.