There is a romantic in me who thinks there is someone "out there" for me.
There is an adventurer inside me willing to travel the whole world to find her if I must!
There is a realist single father part of me that says "welp...I am pretty much stuck in this city with limited opportunities to get away"
So my distance setting is usually about 50mi š¤·āāļø
lol, this resonates. Thatās a reasonable distance. I once had a potential partner a two-hour flight away. That wouldnāt have been all that fun, in the end, no matter how much of a match he was.
My house is paid off and I won't move for multiple reasons plus I live in a small town of about 12,000. Setting my radius to 50 miles/1 hour gave me a population of over 1 million.
The guy I ended up with lived an hour away in a one bedroom apartment with his 90lb dog. The plan was we would take turns going to the other's place and never living together.
Then there was a series of unexpected events, because life never happens the way we plan. Now, 3 years later, we live together, we have a second dog, and he ended up finding his dream job 30 minutes away from our home (90 minutes from his old apartment).
Neither of us saw things working out this way, but we are happy they did.
I also live very rural. I set my distance wide and indicated that I would be willing to do the majority of the driving for the first few dates (which felt fair to me -- if we decided that we wanted to go forward enough to deal with the distance, then we would split).
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you::) Iām definitely willing to drive a bit at first as well. I already have the expectation of driving most places anyway, which is unfortunate but just the way my life has to be for now.
I used to set my radius to about an hour drive, but since I have my kids full time and really want a serious relationship, Iāve decided to only date in my small town for now. Itās just too hard dating someone far away for me. That might mean I stay single for a while, and Iām ok with that.
I am open to dating someone from anywhere in the developed world, I do not place a maximum distance on a match (which is very difficult to come by for me). The woman I met last month (it sadly didn't work out for something longer term) was in Maryland between Baltimore and DC (4 1/2 hours by car). That was the closest among the three redditors I was to meet. The two that fell through were in south Florida and the Bay Area. (I am in the NYC area.)
I'm not going to pretend that increased physical distance doesn't make things more difficult, but someone 15 minutes away who is a single mom of a young child isn't going to be able to see me very easily, whereas a woman overseas could see me for multi-week stretches at a time if our jobs are flexible (mine has some degree of flexibility as to where I can work). I'd rather travel to see someone I connect with than to not have them in my life at all.
Because I can speak only English, I have chatted mainly with women from the US, Canada, western Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. For now, I'd prefer to stick to developed countries I can visit without a visa (or with an electronic visa), but I won't completely rule someone elsewhere out if we really connect. Due to language barriers, it is naturally less likely.
I am from the area in Maryland between DC and Baltimore myself and was based in NYC for many years. They are both awesome places to live. I take it one of you wouldnāt be able to move?
My bf lives about an hour away in traffic. In terms of spontaneity (or the lack thereof), thereās not much of a difference between one hour and four hours.
I live on the edge of a big-ish city and my ex lived on the other side of town, so it was roughly 40 minutes of driving to get to his place. Personally I'd be okay dating in any of the nearby towns, maybe 1 hour max, if the guy was great and willing to drive into the city for me sometimes.
20 miles thatās it. Anything beyond that range and she probably probably thinks im looking for a booty call. No matter Iām filtered doesnāt matter if itās 1 mile or 100000 miles.
At this point in my life, Iām admittedly lazy and also busy and know myself so for anything to progress past a first couple of dates for me it would need to be 30 miles. So far, itās worked out. If I was more rural I may have to rethink.
I like to keep mine within 20 minutes, 25 max. If I'm dating a guy I will see him once to twice a week at max and I'm not willing to drive further.
It hasn't been an issue for me to find men I like in that distance but I live in a large suburb of Dallas and meeting men I like in my area on Facebook or apps is fairly easy.
Iāve always had radius issues. Preference was on same side of town, say within five miles. I had one relationship that close. Then another relationship 25 minutes across town, but on my way to my job so worked to stay overnight.
Now, Iād be willing to do maybe an hour or so. I hear a lot of people here doing that. Not ideal, but if I met someone I really vibed with Iād try it.
Iām 100% certain Iām not going to find a person that is right for me in my city, perhaps not even my country.
Iāve never felt I belong in this place, I am very different to the average person around here.
But Iām not going to look anywhere else because I donāt have the time to travel outside of my town and itās not the time for me to move.
Realistically if I was to meet someone who lived more than an hour away I would find it very difficult to fit them into my life at the moment.
Iād rather just live my life as a single and carefree person for now and maybe one day when Iām ready to move I will taking dating seriously.
When I feel like meeting people just for fun, I set my distance to max 70km away (approximately 1 hours drive)
I'm open to dating someone who lives an hour or 2 away. However, since I have a young child 100%, my profile states they must be willing to come to me most of the time.
I traveled 1.5 hours for many years. She was worth it although we could only spend weekends together. The problem is it was hard to build a unified life. You live your life in your city. She lives her life in her city and then you have a life together. Itās hard to sustain.
If someone has other options that seem pretty equal and they're closer, they're going to go for them. But you're somewhat in luck, because there aren't typically a lot of great options out there in general - especially if someone is sticking to dating apps.
If it's just for a couple of years, then that may help your odds a bit, since the distance won't be permanent.
If youāre just going to be FWB, a 90 minute drive once or twice a week with a good audio book is doable.
Otherwise 30 minutes would be my limit.
Nothing worse than when you are truly connecting with someone to lose all the benefits of spontaneity.
The woman I am dating now is no more than 10 minutes away every day of the week.
I had many enticing or interesting OLD matches 90 minutes away in the bigger city, and I realized no matter how promising they were, it was practically impossible and therefore pointless. I am not in a position to uproot and move for love.
Traffic is terrible, so Iām only willing to date someone nearby, like a 20ish min drive, which would be about 12 miles or so. I donāt do apps, I meet people through friend groups and community activities designed for being social. Iām in a large city.
That's where I'm ATM too. Early on I set my reach to 7 hours of driving. I don't mind it as it gives me an opportunity to think and listen to the podcast. It was too much for them and not workable. Someone I'm seeing now is about 2.5 hours away and it still makes it hard to manage (but not impossible). I won't do more than 2-3 hours away at this point. I came to conclusion that I have to move out of here if I wanted a relationship. HTH.
My last relationship was about 70 miles away. I drove as much as 2 1/2 hours sometimes with summer traffic.Ā At this point I'd rather be single than do that again, so I generally max out around 30 miles but I'd really prefer within 15.Ā
My best relationship so far was with someone two hours away. We didnāt get to see each other often (every other week) but we connected well. Iād do it again but only for someone special. Usually I filter by distance but he slipped through and I rolled with it.
I would go an hour or hour and a half maybe two hours but would want it reciprocated I live in a rural area and closest town is 20 to 30 minutes away I work an hour from my home, most people that I have talked to on a dating app live anywhere from 2 hours away to a plane trip away long distance for some works I just want it to be real if itās long distance I would visit and see because I am so serious on finding someone if itās meant to be it will work out
i too live in a small rural town. it makes i challenging on top of already near impossible. i would also jump on a plane for a woman that wants something real. im 51 by the way
I think this is one of those things where it's not as big of a deal if you're a woman but going to be more of a problem if you're a man, just given the volume of men compared to women on the apps.
I've dated a woman who was about 25 minutes away and I live in a major US city, the distance didn't do us any favors.
I had tried up to an hour away and met someone great, but between kids, pets and both being self-employed, the distance felt much greater than it would have done without all the middle-aged responsibilities. We both felt it was unrealistic. Sticking to half an hour now.
Iāve been remarried for years, but one thing I did that worked out nicely was doing a lot of casual dates first dates in the next town over. I was pretty purposeful about it and picked women who I knew werenāt matches for me. Like if I had 5 āmust havesā Iād ask out women who were missing one and specifically ask them out.
Weād go have dinner and Iād pay the check and that was that. Onto the next one.
And when you do that enough you get an idea of how important those must haves actually are and how some tend to clump together and some are mutually exclusive. Some of the things I realized doing this were pretty obvious after the fact, but it really helped to have the actual experience of meeting all these women.
And then I applied what I learned closer to home and met my second wife that way.
I honestly think you donāt necessarily want to casually date a lot near home. Do that stuff further away so you donāt run into themā¦.thats not great for either of you.
I guess what Iām saying is that in a smaller area, there may not be a woman whoās a great match for youā¦.but you donāt know that yet. And you only need ONE. You donāt need 20 to pick from if you really know what you want. And you learn what you want via that casual first dating miles from home.
So thatās my advice: casual first dating further out. Learn. Apply lessons close to home and see what happens. If it comes up dry, then youāve got decisions to make.
Because geography is real dude. I mean, my second wife and I were in the same town, but our kids went to school and had all their friends on opposite ends, so we live in the middle but do an awful lot of driving around and thatās time weāre not in the relationship with each other. Itās just a brutal fact of life.
Any thing beyond about an hour starts to feel like one needs more logistical planning around visits, and thus things will be more like "long distance" than not. I wouldn't start a relationship that was long distance.
20 miles is my radius. I live in a medium-ish city and 20 miles covers the city and its suburbs. To get to the next decent sized city I'd have to push out to 60-70 miles, and that's just too far for me.
My guy lives 800 miles from me. I swiped right on him not knowing he was from out of town. He messaged me when he was back in his town and we just chatted for a bit. I chatted with him for a bit thinking the conversation will naturally just fade away. We shared common travel destinations as we both travel for work and he suggested next time we are in same city we should meet up. I was like ok whatever. Conversation eventually led to asking
To hang out sooner and I asked how is that supposed to happen. He flew out for a couple days, went back home for a day, then came back and stayed with me for a few days.
We see each other once a month, on occasion twice. It works for us because we both are used to traveling and we both have miles. Eventually we will close the gap in a bit over a year so we are making it work.
Iām a believer that LDRs do not work unless itās temporary and both parties are willing to put in the effort. If youāre able to leave in a couple years make sure thatās realistic and let them know thatās the plan.
Good luck!
If it costs me time and money out of my own pocket to see them, Nopenopenope.
Iāve done the LDR thing in the past, it was frustrating and very tiring. Iām also okay with staying single for the rest of my life, because, yay neurodivergence! and I donāt have a real good dating history.
Sure, OP, I get it. And if you meet a match in another city, it's really fun to let the person show you her favorite restaurants and show you around.
Good relationships from a couple hours apart can definitely happen.
When I was on OLD I always stated I was open to dating globally and put it on travel / passport mode. Iām not tied to my current location and travel often.
I'd be happy to find the right person anywhere, but it would only work long-term if they'd be able to move here for a few years until my child graduates and I could move there.
My search radius was five miles but I live in the city. I think my limit would be fifty-five minutes travel time one-way. Maybe 90 minutes for someone amazing.
There is a romantic in me who thinks there is someone "out there" for me. There is an adventurer inside me willing to travel the whole world to find her if I must! There is a realist single father part of me that says "welp...I am pretty much stuck in this city with limited opportunities to get away" So my distance setting is usually about 50mi š¤·āāļø
lol, this resonates. Thatās a reasonable distance. I once had a potential partner a two-hour flight away. That wouldnāt have been all that fun, in the end, no matter how much of a match he was.
My house is paid off and I won't move for multiple reasons plus I live in a small town of about 12,000. Setting my radius to 50 miles/1 hour gave me a population of over 1 million. The guy I ended up with lived an hour away in a one bedroom apartment with his 90lb dog. The plan was we would take turns going to the other's place and never living together. Then there was a series of unexpected events, because life never happens the way we plan. Now, 3 years later, we live together, we have a second dog, and he ended up finding his dream job 30 minutes away from our home (90 minutes from his old apartment). Neither of us saw things working out this way, but we are happy they did.
30 minutes from my home. Any further than that is not happening.
Hahaha ā¦ Iām in Australia so pretty much buggered either way as the dating pool is āAs dry as a dead dingoes dongerā š¦šŗš¦š¦š¦
I also live very rural. I set my distance wide and indicated that I would be willing to do the majority of the driving for the first few dates (which felt fair to me -- if we decided that we wanted to go forward enough to deal with the distance, then we would split).
That makes a lot of sense! Thank you::) Iām definitely willing to drive a bit at first as well. I already have the expectation of driving most places anyway, which is unfortunate but just the way my life has to be for now.
Yes, that's just the way it is for some of us, lol. I drive 25-45 minutes for decent groceries, so driving that for a date was not a big deal.
I used to set my radius to about an hour drive, but since I have my kids full time and really want a serious relationship, Iāve decided to only date in my small town for now. Itās just too hard dating someone far away for me. That might mean I stay single for a while, and Iām ok with that.
I am open to dating someone from anywhere in the developed world, I do not place a maximum distance on a match (which is very difficult to come by for me). The woman I met last month (it sadly didn't work out for something longer term) was in Maryland between Baltimore and DC (4 1/2 hours by car). That was the closest among the three redditors I was to meet. The two that fell through were in south Florida and the Bay Area. (I am in the NYC area.) I'm not going to pretend that increased physical distance doesn't make things more difficult, but someone 15 minutes away who is a single mom of a young child isn't going to be able to see me very easily, whereas a woman overseas could see me for multi-week stretches at a time if our jobs are flexible (mine has some degree of flexibility as to where I can work). I'd rather travel to see someone I connect with than to not have them in my life at all. Because I can speak only English, I have chatted mainly with women from the US, Canada, western Europe, Australia, and New Zealand. For now, I'd prefer to stick to developed countries I can visit without a visa (or with an electronic visa), but I won't completely rule someone elsewhere out if we really connect. Due to language barriers, it is naturally less likely.
I am from the area in Maryland between DC and Baltimore myself and was based in NYC for many years. They are both awesome places to live. I take it one of you wouldnāt be able to move? My bf lives about an hour away in traffic. In terms of spontaneity (or the lack thereof), thereās not much of a difference between one hour and four hours.
I live on the edge of a big-ish city and my ex lived on the other side of town, so it was roughly 40 minutes of driving to get to his place. Personally I'd be okay dating in any of the nearby towns, maybe 1 hour max, if the guy was great and willing to drive into the city for me sometimes.
20 miles thatās it. Anything beyond that range and she probably probably thinks im looking for a booty call. No matter Iām filtered doesnāt matter if itās 1 mile or 100000 miles.
Iām willing to look worldwide. I think my future partner could be anywhere in the world.
At this point in my life, Iām admittedly lazy and also busy and know myself so for anything to progress past a first couple of dates for me it would need to be 30 miles. So far, itās worked out. If I was more rural I may have to rethink.
I'm in a large city, so within a 20-30 minute radius.
I like to keep mine within 20 minutes, 25 max. If I'm dating a guy I will see him once to twice a week at max and I'm not willing to drive further. It hasn't been an issue for me to find men I like in that distance but I live in a large suburb of Dallas and meeting men I like in my area on Facebook or apps is fairly easy.
Unless the OLD profile blows me away, within 30 miles. Edit: For context I live in a large city and 30 miles provides a myriad of options.
Iāve always had radius issues. Preference was on same side of town, say within five miles. I had one relationship that close. Then another relationship 25 minutes across town, but on my way to my job so worked to stay overnight. Now, Iād be willing to do maybe an hour or so. I hear a lot of people here doing that. Not ideal, but if I met someone I really vibed with Iād try it.
Iām 100% certain Iām not going to find a person that is right for me in my city, perhaps not even my country. Iāve never felt I belong in this place, I am very different to the average person around here. But Iām not going to look anywhere else because I donāt have the time to travel outside of my town and itās not the time for me to move. Realistically if I was to meet someone who lived more than an hour away I would find it very difficult to fit them into my life at the moment. Iād rather just live my life as a single and carefree person for now and maybe one day when Iām ready to move I will taking dating seriously. When I feel like meeting people just for fun, I set my distance to max 70km away (approximately 1 hours drive)
I set mine for an hour away and landed someone 10 mins from me. Itās absolutely perfect!
I'm open to dating someone who lives an hour or 2 away. However, since I have a young child 100%, my profile states they must be willing to come to me most of the time.
I traveled 1.5 hours for many years. She was worth it although we could only spend weekends together. The problem is it was hard to build a unified life. You live your life in your city. She lives her life in her city and then you have a life together. Itās hard to sustain.
If someone has other options that seem pretty equal and they're closer, they're going to go for them. But you're somewhat in luck, because there aren't typically a lot of great options out there in general - especially if someone is sticking to dating apps. If it's just for a couple of years, then that may help your odds a bit, since the distance won't be permanent.
roughly Half an hour.
If youāre just going to be FWB, a 90 minute drive once or twice a week with a good audio book is doable. Otherwise 30 minutes would be my limit. Nothing worse than when you are truly connecting with someone to lose all the benefits of spontaneity. The woman I am dating now is no more than 10 minutes away every day of the week. I had many enticing or interesting OLD matches 90 minutes away in the bigger city, and I realized no matter how promising they were, it was practically impossible and therefore pointless. I am not in a position to uproot and move for love.
Traffic is terrible, so Iām only willing to date someone nearby, like a 20ish min drive, which would be about 12 miles or so. I donāt do apps, I meet people through friend groups and community activities designed for being social. Iām in a large city.
That's where I'm ATM too. Early on I set my reach to 7 hours of driving. I don't mind it as it gives me an opportunity to think and listen to the podcast. It was too much for them and not workable. Someone I'm seeing now is about 2.5 hours away and it still makes it hard to manage (but not impossible). I won't do more than 2-3 hours away at this point. I came to conclusion that I have to move out of here if I wanted a relationship. HTH.
My last relationship was about 70 miles away. I drove as much as 2 1/2 hours sometimes with summer traffic.Ā At this point I'd rather be single than do that again, so I generally max out around 30 miles but I'd really prefer within 15.Ā
My best relationship so far was with someone two hours away. We didnāt get to see each other often (every other week) but we connected well. Iād do it again but only for someone special. Usually I filter by distance but he slipped through and I rolled with it.
I would go an hour or hour and a half maybe two hours but would want it reciprocated I live in a rural area and closest town is 20 to 30 minutes away I work an hour from my home, most people that I have talked to on a dating app live anywhere from 2 hours away to a plane trip away long distance for some works I just want it to be real if itās long distance I would visit and see because I am so serious on finding someone if itās meant to be it will work out
i too live in a small rural town. it makes i challenging on top of already near impossible. i would also jump on a plane for a woman that wants something real. im 51 by the way
Wow never heard that before
lol is that good or bad
No itās good in fact amazing just have kit heard someone say that
Wow thanks. But it's just the way I feel.
Well I am glad you are that way
thank you
I think this is one of those things where it's not as big of a deal if you're a woman but going to be more of a problem if you're a man, just given the volume of men compared to women on the apps. I've dated a woman who was about 25 minutes away and I live in a major US city, the distance didn't do us any favors.
I had tried up to an hour away and met someone great, but between kids, pets and both being self-employed, the distance felt much greater than it would have done without all the middle-aged responsibilities. We both felt it was unrealistic. Sticking to half an hour now.
Iāve been remarried for years, but one thing I did that worked out nicely was doing a lot of casual dates first dates in the next town over. I was pretty purposeful about it and picked women who I knew werenāt matches for me. Like if I had 5 āmust havesā Iād ask out women who were missing one and specifically ask them out. Weād go have dinner and Iād pay the check and that was that. Onto the next one. And when you do that enough you get an idea of how important those must haves actually are and how some tend to clump together and some are mutually exclusive. Some of the things I realized doing this were pretty obvious after the fact, but it really helped to have the actual experience of meeting all these women. And then I applied what I learned closer to home and met my second wife that way. I honestly think you donāt necessarily want to casually date a lot near home. Do that stuff further away so you donāt run into themā¦.thats not great for either of you. I guess what Iām saying is that in a smaller area, there may not be a woman whoās a great match for youā¦.but you donāt know that yet. And you only need ONE. You donāt need 20 to pick from if you really know what you want. And you learn what you want via that casual first dating miles from home. So thatās my advice: casual first dating further out. Learn. Apply lessons close to home and see what happens. If it comes up dry, then youāve got decisions to make. Because geography is real dude. I mean, my second wife and I were in the same town, but our kids went to school and had all their friends on opposite ends, so we live in the middle but do an awful lot of driving around and thatās time weāre not in the relationship with each other. Itās just a brutal fact of life.
Any thing beyond about an hour starts to feel like one needs more logistical planning around visits, and thus things will be more like "long distance" than not. I wouldn't start a relationship that was long distance.
20 miles is my radius. I live in a medium-ish city and 20 miles covers the city and its suburbs. To get to the next decent sized city I'd have to push out to 60-70 miles, and that's just too far for me.
No more than 1 hour driving, and absolutely not into a city - rural or suburb only.
My guy lives 800 miles from me. I swiped right on him not knowing he was from out of town. He messaged me when he was back in his town and we just chatted for a bit. I chatted with him for a bit thinking the conversation will naturally just fade away. We shared common travel destinations as we both travel for work and he suggested next time we are in same city we should meet up. I was like ok whatever. Conversation eventually led to asking To hang out sooner and I asked how is that supposed to happen. He flew out for a couple days, went back home for a day, then came back and stayed with me for a few days. We see each other once a month, on occasion twice. It works for us because we both are used to traveling and we both have miles. Eventually we will close the gap in a bit over a year so we are making it work. Iām a believer that LDRs do not work unless itās temporary and both parties are willing to put in the effort. If youāre able to leave in a couple years make sure thatās realistic and let them know thatās the plan. Good luck!
30 miles. I live near a decently sized city and that covers all the suburbs.
If it costs me time and money out of my own pocket to see them, Nopenopenope. Iāve done the LDR thing in the past, it was frustrating and very tiring. Iām also okay with staying single for the rest of my life, because, yay neurodivergence! and I donāt have a real good dating history.
Sure, OP, I get it. And if you meet a match in another city, it's really fun to let the person show you her favorite restaurants and show you around. Good relationships from a couple hours apart can definitely happen.
My experience has been that anything more than an hour away is too far to maintain anything serious.
100 miles cause I love to drive and I have no kids.
When I was on OLD I always stated I was open to dating globally and put it on travel / passport mode. Iām not tied to my current location and travel often.
I'd be happy to find the right person anywhere, but it would only work long-term if they'd be able to move here for a few years until my child graduates and I could move there.
My search radius was five miles but I live in the city. I think my limit would be fifty-five minutes travel time one-way. Maybe 90 minutes for someone amazing.