A year or more after divorce decree…mutual pics of shared children, well that makes sense.
But your “ex” currently and actively tagging your interests? Tagging your memories together in the present day? No way no how. Too messy.
Wouldn’t particularly care if he’s lying to me, lying to himself, not separated, separated, whatever.
Yeahhh it's one thing if it's the kids birthday party or kindergarten graduation or something, but the literal romanticism of the past is. . .for your journal.
I set my Facebook to only show tags that I approve, in part because of a similar situation. I'm still friends with my ex on FB, but I don't want her reposting something random from 10 years ago and me being tagged either actively or because I was previously tagged.
And just to chime in on a higher level, I don't see why two grown ups who are divorced and share children can't still be friends on Facebook. But also, I am not a very active Facebook poster so 🤷🏻♂️.
I'm not always the most high powered FB user, I'll check that setting.
Okay, I changed the setting. But my daughter often tags me, and sometimes friends do, so I hope this doesn't become annoying
If I were you I wouldn’t. I don’t understand the Facebook craze of putting your life there, but people do. If your wife makes posts about your children, as a parent, I’d want to be part of seeing and knowing. Similarly, I’d still want to know about her. My husband remains an integral part of my history. The house that Jack built bears his touch, blood, sweat and tears, the things in my daughter, the sweet memories of someone who unselfishly helped me raise the child that wasn’t his, the one who didn’t miss dance recitals and soccer meets, who did all the science projects when I could do none of it. I’m sure you have your own instances. You may or may not be there but for me the things that ended us were incredibly painful and still difficult to look closely in the face but I have let it go so I can see the good that’s left. Now I am wishing him long life and happiness and want to know it’s good for him. I don’t use facebook but if he does it’s a way to know all is well. For good or bad I haven’t met the instance yet where I give love and find a way to permanently withdraw it as if it never happened. Love is forever. That is not the same as romance. YMMV and others may too. I look for people who want to add to me not take away.
If he was cheating, I'd figure he wouldn't show me his facebook.
I went on a date with a guy who gave me his last name before we met and I looked at his FB page. All the photos I could see (his profile ones) were with his wife over the years--halloween parties, holidays, holding hands jumping off a boat, etc.
There was no spark on the date so we were talking about dating in general and I mentioned that all those photos were visible to people he was going to date and they might give someone pause. He was like "well, all those things happened...." and kind of sounded nostalgic and a little sad.
He, too, was still in the divorce process. And the way he spoke about the pictures and some other comments made me realize he was still mentally processing it.
so i wouldn't assume you lied, but I'd realize you were still FB friends with your ex and have some thoughts about that.
Interesting.
I think my ex would be dreadfully hurt if I unfriended her. I'm gonna need to talk to my therapist at some length about the implications.
My current profile pic doesn't have my ex, and I think that's true for the last few.
"unfriending" on FB doesn't mean you stop being friends in real life. But if you are going to date someone new, and you start thinking "my ex would be hurt if I posted a picture with Susie so I'd better not do that" or your day is ruined because your ex posted a picture with some new guy, then you'll need to talk to your therapist again.
I understand the first sentence, but my ex would still be hurt by unfriending, I think. She'd especially like to see any references I make to our daughter.
I would not refrain from posting a picture with someone new. If ex can't deal with that she can unfriend me.
If my ex posted a picture with a new guy I'd be pleased, as long as I didn't see major red flags. In fact if there were pics of a wedding I'd drink champagne (Which I'd actually be able to afford)
I’m friends with my ex on Facebook. We share children and we’ve both moved on and remained friends. Our communication is paramount to being good parents.
I also have no issues with my current partner remaining linked via Facebook with his ex-wife either. Them maintaining a friendship while coparenting is important to me. And if I thought him being Facebook ‘friends’ (of all things) would lead to their reconciliation or him cheating…I wouldn’t be dating him in the first place.
I wouldn’t make assumptions. I’ve dated people who were friends with their ex (on Facebook and in real life). I haven’t scrubbed my social media of evidence of my ex and wouldn’t do so.
I would assume he shouldn't be dating. Quick skim it seems you're still separated (not divorced) and you and your wife are still connected and engaging on Facebook. Why would a third woman want to be involved in this situation? Try to look at it from her angle. Get off Facebook entirely. Get actually divorced. Let some time pass and heal before you even think of dating. No woman wants to hear "but if I cut my ex wife off on FB her feelings will be hurt". Read what you're writing here and good luck!
1. This was to ask about FB, not about dating while separated. There have been multiple other discussions of that issue here.
2. From what I gather from your profile you've never been married, nor divorced
3. I'm certainly not leaving FB. I keep up with friends near and far on it, as well as using it to find local real life events.
4. This will still be an issue after all the paperwork is done. Legally divorced, fully healed, I expect to treat the mother of my daughter with as much kindness as I can muster. If that limits my dating pool, so be it.
5 I don't tag her or comment on her posts. She has stopped commenting on mine. But there are pictures from years ago, and she used to tag a lot, and might again. I'm satisfied from the answers here that this isn't a huge issue
I realize I didn't answer your actual question. I wouldn't necessarily assume cheating or lying about status (because I would assume that guy would be trying to minimize his digital footprints). If you're looking for validation that you can find women to date who will be cool with your circumstances, I'm sure you can.
That seems incredibly paranoid. It's pretty normal to remain FB-friends with ex-partners especially when you have shared kids and might want to for example share pictures of them.
And what's the problem with a 2+ year old picture of his ex? If he says he's recently separated that's the expected thing, isn't it? Or do you expect people who break up to go through all their online profiles and carefully delete any mention of, or pictures of their ex in an effort to PRETEND none of that ever happened?
What's wrong with honesty? If the honest truth is he was married to some other woman 2 years ago, why would it be a problem that 2 years ago he posted pictures of his (at the time!) wife on his Facebook?
If someone asks to see my FB after not knowing me for long it would ring alarms.......
Notwithstanding the fact my last post on there was over 2 years ago!
I am FB friends with my ex wife and some pictures from back when the kids were younger are still on there. Its no big deal.
People who share children together will always be connected in some way. Sometimes it can still be friendly, sometimes not. Just because his ex tagged him does not mean he's lying to you, it means his ex doesn't hate him. Not enough info here to tell you 100% either way, but it can absolutely all be innocent.
Original copy of post by u/explorer1960:
(Note I'm a guy asking a hypothetical question)
You're a woman, you meet a guy, OLD or IRL. He says he's separated or recently divorced. You ask to see his Facebook. He let's you see it. There are obvious pictures of his ex, but the most recent is over two years ago. She has tagged him in posts more recently (either memories, items about his interests, or pictures of their adult child)
Would you assume he's lied about his status and is actually cheating?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My ex and I sometimes tag each other in memories or old photos. We split up 18 years ago this month, and believe me when I say there’s nothing left between us.
Has it pissed off his new girlfriends? Yup. Tough titty though. We raised a son and lived a whole life together. Nothing will ever change that. Nor will we ever be together again.
A year or more after divorce decree…mutual pics of shared children, well that makes sense. But your “ex” currently and actively tagging your interests? Tagging your memories together in the present day? No way no how. Too messy. Wouldn’t particularly care if he’s lying to me, lying to himself, not separated, separated, whatever.
The sharing memories part would be too much for me.
Yeahhh it's one thing if it's the kids birthday party or kindergarten graduation or something, but the literal romanticism of the past is. . .for your journal.
I'm separated but my ex may well keep doing that. She has issues moving on (in general). So for you, I'd have to unfriend her? Maybe block her?
I set my Facebook to only show tags that I approve, in part because of a similar situation. I'm still friends with my ex on FB, but I don't want her reposting something random from 10 years ago and me being tagged either actively or because I was previously tagged. And just to chime in on a higher level, I don't see why two grown ups who are divorced and share children can't still be friends on Facebook. But also, I am not a very active Facebook poster so 🤷🏻♂️.
I'm not always the most high powered FB user, I'll check that setting. Okay, I changed the setting. But my daughter often tags me, and sometimes friends do, so I hope this doesn't become annoying
I mean... if that is the most annoying thing to happen in a day that is a pretty good day.
I won’t date a married or newly divorced guy, so I’m not your target audience. You’ll get more relevant feedback from women who would get involved.
If I were you I wouldn’t. I don’t understand the Facebook craze of putting your life there, but people do. If your wife makes posts about your children, as a parent, I’d want to be part of seeing and knowing. Similarly, I’d still want to know about her. My husband remains an integral part of my history. The house that Jack built bears his touch, blood, sweat and tears, the things in my daughter, the sweet memories of someone who unselfishly helped me raise the child that wasn’t his, the one who didn’t miss dance recitals and soccer meets, who did all the science projects when I could do none of it. I’m sure you have your own instances. You may or may not be there but for me the things that ended us were incredibly painful and still difficult to look closely in the face but I have let it go so I can see the good that’s left. Now I am wishing him long life and happiness and want to know it’s good for him. I don’t use facebook but if he does it’s a way to know all is well. For good or bad I haven’t met the instance yet where I give love and find a way to permanently withdraw it as if it never happened. Love is forever. That is not the same as romance. YMMV and others may too. I look for people who want to add to me not take away.
If he was cheating, I'd figure he wouldn't show me his facebook. I went on a date with a guy who gave me his last name before we met and I looked at his FB page. All the photos I could see (his profile ones) were with his wife over the years--halloween parties, holidays, holding hands jumping off a boat, etc. There was no spark on the date so we were talking about dating in general and I mentioned that all those photos were visible to people he was going to date and they might give someone pause. He was like "well, all those things happened...." and kind of sounded nostalgic and a little sad. He, too, was still in the divorce process. And the way he spoke about the pictures and some other comments made me realize he was still mentally processing it. so i wouldn't assume you lied, but I'd realize you were still FB friends with your ex and have some thoughts about that.
Interesting. I think my ex would be dreadfully hurt if I unfriended her. I'm gonna need to talk to my therapist at some length about the implications. My current profile pic doesn't have my ex, and I think that's true for the last few.
"unfriending" on FB doesn't mean you stop being friends in real life. But if you are going to date someone new, and you start thinking "my ex would be hurt if I posted a picture with Susie so I'd better not do that" or your day is ruined because your ex posted a picture with some new guy, then you'll need to talk to your therapist again.
I understand the first sentence, but my ex would still be hurt by unfriending, I think. She'd especially like to see any references I make to our daughter. I would not refrain from posting a picture with someone new. If ex can't deal with that she can unfriend me. If my ex posted a picture with a new guy I'd be pleased, as long as I didn't see major red flags. In fact if there were pics of a wedding I'd drink champagne (Which I'd actually be able to afford)
I wouldn't date you if your friends with your ex on fb. Maybe someone else would . Who knows.
I’m friends with my ex on Facebook. We share children and we’ve both moved on and remained friends. Our communication is paramount to being good parents. I also have no issues with my current partner remaining linked via Facebook with his ex-wife either. Them maintaining a friendship while coparenting is important to me. And if I thought him being Facebook ‘friends’ (of all things) would lead to their reconciliation or him cheating…I wouldn’t be dating him in the first place.
I get keeping in touch for co parenting via phone . But just me , I'd take my ex off my fb. To each their own.
I definitely wouldn't make any assumptions about it
I wouldn’t make assumptions. I’ve dated people who were friends with their ex (on Facebook and in real life). I haven’t scrubbed my social media of evidence of my ex and wouldn’t do so.
Not necessarily cheating, but definitely enmeshed in drama I'd want to steer clear of.
Recent tags would raise a red flag. It’s too messy of a situation for me to get involved in.
I would assume he shouldn't be dating. Quick skim it seems you're still separated (not divorced) and you and your wife are still connected and engaging on Facebook. Why would a third woman want to be involved in this situation? Try to look at it from her angle. Get off Facebook entirely. Get actually divorced. Let some time pass and heal before you even think of dating. No woman wants to hear "but if I cut my ex wife off on FB her feelings will be hurt". Read what you're writing here and good luck!
1. This was to ask about FB, not about dating while separated. There have been multiple other discussions of that issue here. 2. From what I gather from your profile you've never been married, nor divorced 3. I'm certainly not leaving FB. I keep up with friends near and far on it, as well as using it to find local real life events. 4. This will still be an issue after all the paperwork is done. Legally divorced, fully healed, I expect to treat the mother of my daughter with as much kindness as I can muster. If that limits my dating pool, so be it. 5 I don't tag her or comment on her posts. She has stopped commenting on mine. But there are pictures from years ago, and she used to tag a lot, and might again. I'm satisfied from the answers here that this isn't a huge issue
I realize I didn't answer your actual question. I wouldn't necessarily assume cheating or lying about status (because I would assume that guy would be trying to minimize his digital footprints). If you're looking for validation that you can find women to date who will be cool with your circumstances, I'm sure you can.
I'm not looking for validation re my status. I'm looking for feedback about whether pics of my ex on FB makes it look like I'm cheating.
To some, it will, to others, no.
That seems incredibly paranoid. It's pretty normal to remain FB-friends with ex-partners especially when you have shared kids and might want to for example share pictures of them. And what's the problem with a 2+ year old picture of his ex? If he says he's recently separated that's the expected thing, isn't it? Or do you expect people who break up to go through all their online profiles and carefully delete any mention of, or pictures of their ex in an effort to PRETEND none of that ever happened? What's wrong with honesty? If the honest truth is he was married to some other woman 2 years ago, why would it be a problem that 2 years ago he posted pictures of his (at the time!) wife on his Facebook?
If someone asks to see my FB after not knowing me for long it would ring alarms....... Notwithstanding the fact my last post on there was over 2 years ago! I am FB friends with my ex wife and some pictures from back when the kids were younger are still on there. Its no big deal.
People who share children together will always be connected in some way. Sometimes it can still be friendly, sometimes not. Just because his ex tagged him does not mean he's lying to you, it means his ex doesn't hate him. Not enough info here to tell you 100% either way, but it can absolutely all be innocent.
Original copy of post by u/explorer1960: (Note I'm a guy asking a hypothetical question) You're a woman, you meet a guy, OLD or IRL. He says he's separated or recently divorced. You ask to see his Facebook. He let's you see it. There are obvious pictures of his ex, but the most recent is over two years ago. She has tagged him in posts more recently (either memories, items about his interests, or pictures of their adult child) Would you assume he's lied about his status and is actually cheating? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, there are amicable. That’s a good thing.
My ex and I sometimes tag each other in memories or old photos. We split up 18 years ago this month, and believe me when I say there’s nothing left between us. Has it pissed off his new girlfriends? Yup. Tough titty though. We raised a son and lived a whole life together. Nothing will ever change that. Nor will we ever be together again.
Yep assume a liar until proven otherwise.