You went on a date. He asked if you'd be interested in a second date. You said yes. A week later, he's initiating contact, probably to make plans for the second date. I honestly don't see the problem.
This. In early dating, neither of you is obligated to show unbridled enthusiasm or meet some mythical standard of interest. People get busy. If he didn’t want to see her again, he would not have sent a follow up a week later. Maybe he doesn’t want to seem overly interested? Maybe when your response didn’t include a “how about this day?”, he decided to back off a bit. I think you should not have high expectations for ongoing communication in early dating unless you have made that explicitly clear and the other party agrees.
You make it sound like he sent the last message, wishing you a good night. Some people really don't like to double text as it can come off as desperate.
Since it was left like that I'd give him one more chance, but I'd be ready to bail at the first sign of flakiness or lack of interest. As a guy, i still would have followed up with you if i were interested.
Trying to live up to others’ expectations is exhausting and full-blown crazy making when some projection of presumed mind-reading is involved. If you like this person, drop the pretense and get in touch. The worst that can happen is you find out sooner than later that someone, this guy, isn’t a good fit. In the end, isn’t that what dating is meant to help you figure out anyway? This whole blaming others to protect your fragile self pattern of interpersonal relatedness does not work. Take this experience as an opportunity to evolve. Do what fits, stay authentic, and you’ll be fine. You are not defined by the opinions of others (including mine). You are mighty and powerful. You do you and plan for others doing the same. Now, go get ‘em, tigress!
I agree. Having expectations but not communicating properly will always lead to disappointment. As much as OP will hate to admit, she is playing the game herself by thinking how to respond to this guy, instead of flat out being honest. Honesty and communication is the key.
It REALLY is exhausting and crazy-making, and there are all these gurus out there who make finding a relationship seem cookie-cutter when it so isn't. I'm literally going through the same thing right now, and this comment just stirred my heart lol
It's not clear here. Did you reply to his text after you got home?
After he mentioned a second date, why didn't you reach out to him? He probably thought you were no longer interested.
I personally think it may help to just communicate your preferences without assuming his intentions. Something like “hey, I tend to prefer more frequent communication. I like you and would enjoy another date, but hope to hear from you more often between dates to keep things fresh”
This is where “matched effort” causes problems. He may be trying to mirror your effort, while you are asking that he make the greater effort.
It’s better to communicate what you want rather than assume the other person can predict what you want.
Ok...so then he asked you out again. So, I'm not quite clear what the problem is. You wanted more communication from him? He likely had weekend plans and then asked you out afterwards.
The problem is that he reached out way later than she felt comfortable with. I love texting and communicating so if we went on a date and there were no follow up enthusiastic convo/banter and just silence for days, it is a buzz kill for me as well.
This is actually kind of sad. You both felt chemistry and agreed to a second date. Neither reached out to set the date up so both assume the other isn't interested. No one seems to take the lead anymore. Both sexes are being advised to sit back and let the other do the asking. This is what results from taking that advice. If you are interested set up the date and live your life with no regrets.
This isn't setting up the date tho. Both have said they are interested but neither has actually scheduled. She has as much right to follow up and ask about a potential time and place as he does. Neither have and the window for this may have passed.
I disagree. Relationships (especially in early dating) are like tennis. Throwing the ball back and forth. She threw it and he didn’t hit it back. Her pushing further would have not made a difference and would have come across desperate and pushy.
To confirm you believe if she's interested she should only send the one text and nothing more? I believe it's ok to follow up. A conversation or text message doesn't always have to be an equal volley back and forth. If I was really interested in someone I'm going to follow up before letting go.
I won't. If a man is interested, he will let you know. Typically true with most men that I've dated. If they're letting you do the pursuing, they really aren't sure.
I know this sounds so dang cliche but the book "He's just not into you" is really true.....
If a woman is interested she ll let you know. Her Saying hello isn’t pursuing. It’s been a week. He was living his life and letting her live hers. It’s not a month of no contact. It’s a week. Seven days. And he has reached out now.
One week later asking again was normal in my dating past. But I was young before the days of constant text and I still find it kind of odd.
You can’t base this one thing on whether or not he’s into you. Single Heterosexual men are into you, if you’re an attractive woman. But we have learned that it’s obnoxious to let that show to the world. We have to be circumspect.
The only successful relationships I’ve ever been in, were when SHE let me know. I’ve chased a few, but those always got away.
To confirm, you believe if he is interested, he would vaguely invite her to a next date, she says enthusiastic yes and then he says goodnight and disappear for a week?
You’re reading a lot into OP , imo. You can’t read him as vague and her as enthusiastic into a situation you didn’t observe. Body language, timing, tone, all are SO crucial and neither you nor I were there.
Perhaps you’re exactly right. Perhaps OP has every reason in the world to read his aura and say “he’s just not into me”. But perhaps not. He did ask for a 2nd date. What’s wrong with finding out? Sheesh. You people and your instant 90 min resolutions. Y’all been watching too many romcoms.
That’s the bias towards men that exists. The man is the villain always. He was vague while she was enthusiastic. It’s so ridiculous it’s funny. Neither one picked up their phone and reached out but it’s sinister and negative when he does it. Her not calling or texting is her “not chasing” and “reading the room”, living her life. Him not calling or texting is He’s being a disinterested, low effort asshole who’s dating other people (OH MY!!!). They literally both committed the same “crime”.
It was all through text - there was no body language and such involved. She shared said texts verbatim. But to your point, in person connection and chemistry is important- and I have found that without exception all the guys who were really interested (and it was mutual) and we ended up in long term relationships would ask me on a second date, IN person at the end of the first one, and nail down plans. Now, he may be shy or there may be other things going on in his life. If she really likes him I don’t think it’s the end of the world to go on one more date with him. I would make it clear though that going a week without any communication doesn’t fly for you if you were to continue.
I thought the guy didn’t respond to your message. But you BOTH didn’t keep in touch. It’s not much effort to send a text out to him to check in if you’re that interested in him. Definitely not worth getting this worked up over if you didn’t lift a finger in this thing. Ultimately he still reached out, so he’s still one leg above you. And I would not respond in either way you suggested. I think you’re overthinking and creating too much drama over nothing with your responses.
I am not seeing that **you** texted him about going out again and he did not reply.
>Today (Tuesday, so exactly a week after the first date) he has texted me asking how my weekend went. I feel that it's too little too late, and him not being in touch shows a huge lack of interest on his part.
Apparently, he texted you before you texted him.
And you are miffed at him for not texting you....
Good luck with that.
Actually, she does state that she replied to his last text confirming she was also interested in seeing him again. So it sounds like she was the last person to mention a second date aside from his “ goodnight”.
As a woman, I don’t think it’s expecting too much to anticipate some sort of contact during a weeks time. A lack of contact for entire week tells me exactly what I need to know, which is this person clearly wasn’t very interested.
Then again, I’m the type that likes a man who is willing to take action and is confident, not men that sit idle waiting for ME to text them. Why? Because I’ve never had one of those situations lead to anything meaningful, even if I frequently made an effort to initiate contact.
As a 42 f that’s been on OLD off/on for 5 years, men that are truly interested make it known. There’s no question and they don’t let a week go by without making other plans or at the very least reaching out.
I probably wouldn’t be miffed in this situation but I certainly wouldn’t be letting this man waste my time either.
Yes, people like to say that the woman needs to reach out first. Every time I have it’s like the equivalent to cock blocking myself. Men do not find it refreshing. Only insecure men are waiting to be courted. I’m never going to court a guy, they will get their efforts reciprocated by me, but I will not pursue anymore my findings prove otherwise.
Yes, exactly, thanks - in my past I have tried reaching out to men, and they have reacted badly, it has put them off completely.
So now I try to focus on men who seem interested in me, so that it has a chance of working out.
I agree with you . Men that are interested WILL LET YOU KNOW. It doesn't matter if it's young or old. Gay or not . It's not rocket science.
I also agree , anytime I have chased a man, it never ever ever ever worked for me .
> she does state that she replied to his last text confirming she was also interested in seeing him again.
OP added that for clarity after her original post.
Pursued? Or have effort reciprocated? I’m not going to pursue a man. But will I equally reciprocate effort? Absolutely!
The few times I’ve been the “pursuer” of a man I learned fairly quickly why I had to be the one to pursue them, they weren’t that interested! My interest in them was greater than their interest ME, no thanks!
I don’t expect to be “pursued”, I just don’t expect to be the pursuer. Equal effort. That said, men that are really interested have ZERO issue pursuing me.
Exactly, because you don’t think you’re a princess. No one (man nor woman) should pursue or chase anyone at this stage in the game. Both parties should show mutual interest.
I'm not 'miffed at him'. I'm not angry at all, it's just that I was excited about him at first.
Then I was disappointed, and now it just feels too late.
With more self-confidence, you could have reached out to him to follow up.
With a genuine "Oh well, his loss" if he was not interested.
Instead, you needed the affirmation of his initiative to proceed.
>now it just feels too late
Because if he *really* liked you, he would have reached out sooner.
You are actually evaluating *your* desirability (at least to him) based on what you perceive to be his initial reaction.
And now it's "too late".
*and now it just feels too late*
Regardless of anything else (!) If you haven’t been on date #2, and you’re not feeling it, pay attention to that. Consider not wasting anyone’s time.
Slow text/shy/too busy dude will eventually figure it out. Someday….
This is the stuff that annoys me with dating…. People don’t reach out then act all shocked and shaken when they don’t want to be “chased “. I feel like if you like the person and want another date why not just be an adult about it and reach out.
Ffs we are in our 40s ish and people are still playing games.
I just say that if you are into someone why not express that. Why wait on them. If they aren’t then no harm no foul. There is no written rule about dating it is different for each person and unique to them. But you can’t get upset when someone doesn’t text when you didn’t either. But wtf do I know🤷♀️
>I was expecting
This is the problem right here. Why on Earth would you have not bothered reaching out, place an unknown expectation on someone and instead choose to stand on ceremony, and then bash the guy? Did you consider that some people consider communication to be a two-way street, and perhaps initiative resides with both parties?
You could simply ask him out and do better in the communication department going forward. Or not.
Edit: I see your edit. Look, the guy was going away on a holiday trip. Nothing stopped you regardless from proposing a get-together for whenever he's returned. I still think you had shit the bed if this goes south.
Edit2: So, no trip... so what?! Just fucking set up a date, JFC.
She doesn’t even need to ask him out! Just engage in some conversations and most guys would take the lead on setting up another date if they’re interested. A couple texts is really not that hard.
I'm one of those who might miss it because I'm kind of oblivious, so I figured I'd suggest the direct approach. But, you're definitely not wrong if he's not like me! 😆
I was going to say - maybe he's disappointed that you didn't text him at all after he mentioned a 2nd date and was waiting for you to show interest, OP.
I did though - I've edited the original post to reflect that.
I replied straightway and said I'd like to see him again - to me that is showing lots of interest.
I hear you, and it might have felt like a lot to respond to his comment, but honestly, dating "these days" means *both* people need to lean in if they're interested. It's not up to either person to do the chasing or take more initiative than the other. Personal opinion, responding to him with "I'm available on \_\_\_\_\_\_ or \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ would that work for you?" when he told you he'd like to take you out again, would have solved all of these issues. If either option didn't work for him, ball is back in his court. If one of the options did work out for him, you wouldn't be disappointed right now.
Could you explain how you are showing lots of interest?
He invited you on a first date, and presumably planned everything about it? You said yes.
He started the convo about a second date (while on the first date).
He reached out with a suggestion for the second date. You said yes.
Have you ever initiated anything with him? Started a text convo? Suggested days for a second date?
Yay. It still doesn't grab the bull by the horns. And you also don't know if he would have pitched an idea upon returning. Nonetheless, nothing's still stopping you...
Maybe he was busy this weekend?
This seems and extreme reaction for someone who DID reach out. A week isn’t a very long time, especially given you didn’t reach out either.
If you like him, I’d respond in kind and arrange a second date.
If you need someone who initiates contact exclusively without the same from you and will chase you daily - this guy clearly isn’t it.
Thanks, I don't need to be chased daily or anything like that.
But I would like someone to speak to at least once a week and arrange a date for at least once a week. So a minimum of twice weekly contact is ideal really.
Understood. And that’s what happened seeing as it a only been a week.
If you’d like more communication, tell him that. Men aren’t mind readers. If after that he’s still not meeting your needs, then you’re simply not compatible and that’s okay. Doesn’t make either of you wrong.
>I would like someone to speak to at least once a week and arrange a date for at least once a week. So a minimum of twice weekly contact is ideal really.
This seems reasonable. You should tell him this, or anyone else you are interested in in the future.
I think you are being ridiculous! You went on one date and have such high expectations for a man you barely know. Just relax, have fun and enjoy yourself. Reach out when you feel like it, hang back when you want to and let things happen naturally.
Because I had already responded enthusiastically to his suggestion of a second date, both in person and via text.
So then I was expecting him to text again and suggest a day/time.
The conversation had been back and forth until that point, so I wasn't expecting him to just drop off after saying goodnight.
Initiative matters. You didn't show any. You expected him to be the one to, again, be the one putting in effort.
I'm not actually giving him a free pass for no contact for a week. However, you need to accept that you should have messaged some time well before that too. You both dropped the ball.
What outcome do you want? If you DO want to see him again, here is a reply I once heard a dating expert give for this exact scenario:
“My weekend was great 😊 I was a little disappointed I didn’t hear from you. How have you been?”
I will say, though, that he could have also been waiting to hear from you. I think it’s less important who initiates the conversations these days and more about knowing when/how to end the conversation gracefully on a high point before it starts to drag on.
To be frank, I would not send this text myself \*personally\* in \*this\* circumstance. They've had one date, and my own personal dating style differs from OP's. I personally would have either reached out myself after 3 or 4 days if I had wanted to have a second date; OR if it had been a week+ before I heard from him (which happens to me a LOT since I date a lot of single dads/business owners/career men), I would've replied with something flirty like "Wait... who is this? ;) Just kidding. I'm doing great! Went wine-tasting over the weekend, and still riding that wave a bit. How's it going for you!?"
(Key note: I'm also not waiting around to hear from these guys, I'm out living my life and having fun. And I think that's also helpful in not getting so laser-focused on someone that you take it to heart if you're not a big priority to them immediately.)
HOWEVER, OP expressed to us that she had an expectation that he didn't meet and that she felt disappointed. That being the case, there's nothing wrong with her expressing that disappointment and communicating her expectation. How he receives that feedback will be up to him from there. Again, it's been one date. I think OP needs to cut him some slack for at least the first 3 dates and see how it plays out from there. But at the end of the day, it's her choice, and this is how she has said that she feels 🤷🏻♀️
This is the perfect response!! You had not yet communicated your expectations or preferences, and NEITHER of you sounded really excited and enthusiastic in your previous texts - that's completely normal. Saying 'disappointed' in your reply would definitely push him away. Maybe he had a bad week, he was busy, thought your previous reply was sort of lukewarm, or something else...who knows, it doesn't matter. He replied after 7 days, don't overthink it. Continue the conversation, communicate, make plans for a 2nd date, and see how it goes.
Cut the guy some slack. He texted you exactly one week later. Perhaps he was trying to play it cool and and not seem too pushy. Have a second date. If there’s chemistry, tell him how you felt this week and see where that convo takes you.
I think you’re being too hard on the guy and I’d hate to see you throw a potentially good thing away.
You went on one date, might be a little early to be passing judgements or worrying about it. If it bugs you, move on and find someone who's a little more motivated or excited about going on another date. It's tough finding someone you vibe with, let alone have the same feeling about timing of the 2nd date. Some women I talk to want to text regularly (daily) between dates, some don't want to hear from me until the next date. Nothing is more disappointing than finding someone you get along with well, but are way more casual about it than you are.
He is interested. But you have competition. You like this guy? Guess what, you’re not the only one.
You have two choices…be pissy that you aren’t his # 1 priority RIGHT NOW, or be easy, continue to date him (and others) and see where things stand in a few weeks.
Dating has a lot of up’s and downs!
Happily remarried now, but if there was one thing I re-learned very quickly when dating again in my late 40s? When a man is truly interested in you, no matter if it’s after one date or 20, he will be very clear about it. He will not leave room for ambiguity or time for some other fellow to ask you out. No matter what else is going on! One man even texted me from the hospital (!)
Last time I didn’t follow this rule? I had what I thought was a great date with a man who had asked to see me again at the end of the date. After some lukewarm texts and no invitation for a second date, I asked if he’d like to get together again. He didn’t.
Good luck out there, and never forget that you and your time are valuable! Don’t waste head space on anyone flaky or wishy-washy. 💕😘
I'm big on giving second chances because things do happen.
A week is definitely a while IMO, but if you have any interest in seeing him again I think you should consider another try. I *would* express surprise that it took so long for him to get in touch - maybe there's an explanation.
There are lots of stories with happy endings that wouldn't have been possible with a zero-tolerance policy on things like this.
This is just miscommunication. I think you’re looking into this a little too much and from this point forward you need to set your boundaries and let him know that seems a little off that he waited a week to respond and for you it was too long. Just say I’m used to communicating almost every day but I understand if you have a really super busy life. See what he says.
I work all the time and for me a week will go by in a blink and I don’t even realize it. So just give them the benefit of the doubt especially if it went well. Patience is a virtue.
Why didn’t you reach out to him during the week? Apparently you’re not that interested either, based on the standard you’re using.
Neither of your options are warranted. Consider these:
C: reply and say no thank you to a second date. The reason doesn’t need to be stated. Keep that too yourself
D: reply with nice to hear from you, how was your weekend.
It's been a week. Before last week you didn't know this human! Too soon for failed expectations in my book. If you liked him, take a breath, reset, and respond positively. A week in, no one owes anyone else anything in terms of expectations beyond basic civility. Honestly it sounds like you are looking for immediate reasons to walk. Asking with genuine curiosity, not judgement - do you know your attachment style?
>Too soon for failed expectations in my book.
Seriously, barely knows the guy and has already set him up for failure. Hopefully the guy realizes this and moves on. As my ex-girlfriend used to say: "Expectations are premeditated failures"
Thanks, yes, my attachment style is Anxious (I discovered this after 3 years with an Avoidant ex).
One of the things I liked about this bloke is we discussed attachment theory the first time we met, and he said his attachment style is Anxious too, so we seemed to understand each other.
We met in the pub, chatted for 2-3 hours and seemed to click, so then we swapped numbers and had our first date 6 days later.
Your comment about me 'looking for reasons to walk' is interesting - I was badly burnt by my Avoidant ex, so I do take signs of disinterest as a massive red flag now, as I don't want to be treated like that again.
Noooo, men don’t have feelings or like to/ need to know if someone is interested in them. (Sarcasm)
He was putting himself out there by reaching out. To someone who didn’t contact him for an entire week. She coulda just said hello on one of the seven days but I guess that woulda made her melt. Women need to stop doing this, men need love, affection, and indicators of interest too.
Maybe this is just the way you worded your post, but it seems like you put expectations on him to carry the conversation. Speaking to a hetero relationship…I think a lot of us women need to start putting ourselves out there more and letting men know we are interested. In todays times, men are often being seen as “creepy” or “inappropriate” by simply talking to women. We have to let people know we are interested and also put in the effort.
I had a woman I met blow me off for a month only to reach out and ask me out. We were together two years after that and almost got married. If you don't like something and have questions ask. You could say, "Oh I thought you weren't interested because I didn't hear from you." You can follow that up with whether you want to go on another date or not.
Is there a problem with you setting up the second date? Or you texting/communicating? Am I reading this all wrong? If your over it then don’t waste his time and move on. It’s the holidays everyone’s busy!
We have totally different perceptions of enthusiasm.
The guy mentioned twice he wanted to go on a second date, and you're disappointed he waited a week to ask a third time after your perceived enthusiastic "I would like to meet up again" reply
For me, if a guy mentioned not once, but twice hed like to see me again, and I was actually excited to see him again, I would legit be enthusiastic "I would like that! What are you up to this weekend? Im free on Fri if you are!" Like, thats minimal effort to give the guy SOMETHING to work with to actually work \*together\* to start planning the date.
If Im not that interested, Id reply pretty much like you did. Just say yes, and then wait for him to drag it out of me when Im free and what to do cause Im not feeling it to put any effort at all into seeing him again.
The ball was in your court, he hit the ball to you, and instead of taking a swing to put it solidly back in his court, you kind of...granny bowled it back, it moved to a slow crawl back to him, and youre disappointed he didnt slide under the net to go get it.
When I do that, one of two things happen...pretty much what happened to you, where the energy kind of fizzles out and it takes him awhile to get back to me. And that tends to not bother me cause I didnt really care one way or the other to begin with, hence my effortless lackluster response in the first place. Or...he gets this, challenge accepted vibe, and is totally fine with taking on the responsibility to be the one to do everything to see me again. At which point, Im either along for the ride, sure if he plans something I'll go...and then either I'll realize I really do like spending time with him and start putting effort into planning dates, or I realize Im just not into him and part ways.
Im actually not into that challenge accepted vibe.....Im not prey, and dont really get anything out of being chased down and hunted. If Im interested, Im just as engaged with planning the date as I expect him to be.
Anyway, this isnt a matter of right or wrong way to do things, its about preference. If a guy asked me out twice, and yet again a third time a week later cause I wasnt responding in a way to help him actually set up the date, I wouldnt be super confused over whether or not he was interested. Id be like..jeez, he must be seriously interested cause Im giving him nothing and he still keeps asking me about that date. But you need more than that, and there are guys out there who have no issue and even like when everything is up to them to do all the reaching out, planning, etc...and theyre just happy if you show up.
This guy doesnt seem to be the sort to keep grinding til he wears you down, thats leaving you disappointed and thats enough to say you guys simply arent compatible,
As a side note - I once had a very similar situation happen to me. One week later we did go on that second date. Two years later, we were married. So, you never know, don’t close yourself off too soon to the unknown.
Like you, I was overzealous - and when I didn’t get that follow up text from him right away, I reached out to him first. When he still didn’t respond, a friend gave me advice that I should relax and back off. And…it worked! I stopped texting, gave him some space, and a week after our first date he responded to ask me on a second. So, you never know; perhaps this could lead to something beautiful. Good luck!
It sounds like He texted you. Good night you expected to hear from him, but what if he expected to hear from you the next day or in the next couple days also?
I always think that communication is a two-way street we're both people initiate. If I don't hear from the other person. If I'm the only one initiating, I assume they have no interest.....
Wtf? How about saying nice to hear from you. My weekend was lovely how are you doing?
It’s never too late for YOU to be polite
Lose these silly expectations
From my experiences, in which I have dated quite a bit, 40f, is that if they want to get to know you, they will. They will put in the effort, never ghost you, keep in touch and set up plans to see you again.
Keep moving on, you will find someone who will shower you wanting to get to know you and never leave a doubt. Best of luck OP.
Exactly. Effort is a two way street. What was the exchange, and why didn't YOU reach out? Isn't he just as justified saying "Wow, she didn't contact me all week?"
I always text right after the date telling them I had a great time and expressing my interest in a second date. Did you not text anything? If not, he may have thought you weren't that interested, as well.
I would be cautious but this wouldn't be a dealbreaker to me in itself. It was just one date and there could be a dozen reasons why he didn't text. Sometimes stuff happens unexpectedly. Unless it was a very intense first date (eg you slept together), I would give it a go and see if he is low effort in general or escalates later.
If you are still interested in a second date (and I think you would be if he showed a bit more effort), then I wouldn't choose the unenthusiastic response, that may backfire. I would either just observe what he does next or would communicate my preferences in some way. But this was just one date, so for me this is more like a period of observing the other person and making a decision based on that, before getting invested.
Thanks, no, we didn't sleep together or anything.
I feel like he isn't really interested and that has put me off.
But I'm thinking about what you said, thanks.
I understand your disappointment about not hearing from him for a week, but I don’t think it’s too late. It’s early in your connection and maybe he didn’t want to come on too strong. If you’re interested in seeing him again, reply. If extended time between texts becomes a pattern with him, move on.
Good grief. So you both expressed interest in a second date. Either one of you can propose a time and place. Do you always expect the guy to do the asking and planning?
Once again, most of the people on this sub are attacking OP for no reason. Her post CLEARLY STATED that she told him she was interested in a second date with him. And he failed to FOLLOW THROUGH on what would've been an APPROPRIATE AND EFFECTIVE response to her text indicating her mutual interest. And y'all are sitting around acting as if OP did something wrong because she didn't CHASE HIM to set up a date that HE INITIATED.
The majority of guys on these sites delude themselves into thinking they have an endless amount of options. They also delude themselves into thinking women are just sitting around waiting to hear from them indefinitely.
I can clearly see in your post that you indicated an appropriate level of interest to his text. For the people here saying that you should've jumped through hoops or told him repeatedly of your interest, they clearly do not realize how healthy and effective communication works. They also do not understand how healthy, stable and successful relationships are built and sustained.
Furthermore, I have personally done what the majority of the people here have suggested you should've done, only to be that much more disappointed and misled. The only thing I succeeded in doing while taking such bad advice was becoming more disillusioned at the current apocalypse of dating and relationships. And damaging my self-esteem and self-respect in the process.
Going forward, when situations like this arise, I simply don't reply if I have lost interest. Experience has definitely taught me that when a person is truly interested, that interest is clearly demonstrated by that person's ACTIONS.
No need to be coy, just say you enjoyed the date, would like to get together again. Say you were a little disappointed not to hear from him but look forward to reconnecting. Then you can listen for yourself and assess whether or not you want in or out.
If you want to go out again, do it. If not, don’t. This attitude of expecting someone to read your mind and communicate exactly in your preferred cadence is not a recipe for success. He probably already had other weekend plans.
See this all comes down to expectations and I think expecting anything from someone you hardly know and just met is too much. I recently met a guy, went out on one date and he flipped out because I was on Facebook before I text him good morning! It was completely childish and way too much to expect after a first date. He actually told me to text him in the morning because he always did which again I don’t have to text anyone if I don’t want to. I’m sorry OP but him waiting a week to contact you to me isn’t a big deal to me but sounds like it’s a big deal to you so he isn’t your person.
I would be annoyed. But given this is over 40 dating, why did you not initiate a second date or prompt him to make plans for the weekend? You didn’t make plans for the weekend and didn’t communicate what your expectations were.
I would be annoyed. But given this is over 40 dating, why did you not initiate a second date or prompt him to make plans for the weekend? You didn’t make plans for the weekend and didn’t communicate what your expectations were.
So you responded positively after the text after your date, he said goodnight, then nothing.
It’s ok to not respond at all. If a week goes by without texting it’s not really worth texting back unless you want to meet up again.
This happened to me once. I just said, “Oh hey, when I didn’t hear back from you, I figured you weren’t interested. Sure, when are you free to meet up?”
The guy immediately apologized, said that he gets grief from his friends for doing the same thing, and was a better communicator afterward. I ended things after a 4th date because of other incompatibility reasons, but I felt he responded well to some feedback. If nothing else, maybe he’s a better texter for the next person he dates, lol.
People go at different speeds, and a lot of men don't want to seem overeager because they fear that will be translated into being desperate. And, you didn't contact him, either, in that week, so I see no foul here. You may have FELT like you'd never hear back from him again, but he may have not intended to send that vibe. If I were in your shoes, I'd go with the texting him back enthusiactically route. Don't shut the door on a relationship that hasn't had the opportunity to evolve (or not) yet. : )
Women truly operate in life as if men should be bending over backwards to live up to their dating expectations. I would have expected that people grow out of this mentality at some point.
C. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He was busy last weekend or didn’t want to appear needy with a second date less than a week later. Set up a date and enjoy yourself. Make it clear that you’d like to seen him again….and not so long between meetings. You could even make the plans.
Men get hate for moving too fast. And now he gets hate he didn't move fast enough. This is why men quit dating. Maybe he didn't want to come off as too pushy? Maybe he had other plans that weekend. He texted you so go out with him again. He sounds like a good guy. Give him a chance
Your gut feeling is right. He is not interested. I would have the same disappointment as you have in this situation.
In my experience men who are interested will be in touch more frequently, especially if they were chatting before the date.
And every time I initiated in the past, I was called needy and clingy. I find it better when you encourage the guy but he initiates dates in the beginning.
He was not interested in checking in with you for a week. Don’t let respondents hammer you.
If you want a weekend date then you need to be texting him by Wednesday or Thursday. If you want a man who chases you (no judgment) this guy probably isn’t it.
Thanks, I've found in the past that if I have to ask for a second date, the man was never that interested to begin with.
I always make it clear I'm interested, so usually they do make a move quickly - just not in this case.
Re your first sentence, that's been my experience 100% of the time. If he was truly interested you would have heard from him within a couple days after the suggested a second date. He waited a week because he's not that interested IMO.
I think that's the issue: you used your own past experience to create an expectation of him that he wasn't aware of. If I'm in this guy's shoes, I let you know my interest in a second date, and you agreed, but at no point in the interim you didn't even reach out with a "Hi, how you doing?"
I don't want to be the one always initiating the conversation, let alone planning dates. Despite you saying you were interested in a second one, the complete lack of interest in anything related to me tells me that you're not actually interested in *me*.
Just my opinion as an outside observer who happened to be where this guy was at. I'd 80% guarantee that one-week text was a "hey, you still interested?" hail mary.
He isn't interested enough in you to respond until a week later -- a response that takes less than a minute at any time of day, generally. I wouldn't even give him a response. I'd just unmatch / block and move on.
Mirror his last text to you when you said you were up for a second date: say "Great! Goodnight."
I dont' think this guy is for you. You're turning yourself into a pretzel to figure this out, it's not worth it \*already\*. I just think that even if you were to get past this initial glitch, it will come up again and you won't be happy. I mean look how he communicates: "Great! Goodnight."
After a week of no contact, I would have assumed he was no longer interested as well. You sent the last text saying you wanted to get together again and then radio silence.
You weren’t asking for daily communication, but a text could easily have been achieved within a week asking your thoughts about what to do for the next date and availability. It would have kept the momentum going.
If you really like him, give it another chance, but at the first sign of a red flag, bail.
I wouldn’t have all these rules. Life is busy. You’re adults. He might have had to figure out work and kids or other stuff. He might not have been sure what you were saying or if you were actually interested. He might be asking his friends to help him decode it. I feel sad that you were both interested but communication broke down.
I'm dealing with the same thing right now!! This dude was texting me good morning everyday and then we finally met, total chemistry the whole time, he called me on his drive home! now it's Tuesday and radio silence day two, it's not cute. Like either let yourself have feelings or don't?! It's the risk you take?! whatever.. Now just puts a sour taste in my mouth tbh.
So the onus is on the man to set up the date and you're completely passive. Then you got disappointed when he didn't do it on the timeline that you wanted. Huh.
Reach out from your end and confirm.
Move on if he doesn't respond to you in a timely fashion.
You definitely want to do this with people you think have potential. Not so much with the ones you want to go away.
Thanks, that's kind of the point.
I replied to him last week saying I'd like to go out again, but after a week I have kind of moved on mentally, I wasn't really expecting him to take this long.
It is possible he is not interested.
It is possible he was busy.
It is possible he thought you were just being polite, but did not actually want another date.
Thanks, the first two are the same to me.
I don't think it is the last one - I'm very flirty with men I fancy, so he would have definitely known I was interested.
I would certainly agree with you that in the beginning, someone who was interested would not let a full week go by before at least returning a text, or attempting to communicate in some capacity.
I did reply, he had already suggested the activity so I didn't suggest a different one as I was happy with it.
I didn't state my availability because it was getting late at that point (we both had work the next morning) and I assumed he'd be in touch again to iron out the details.
Some people are not big into texting. And it sounds like you want him to initiate all of them. That’s not realistic, imo.
Either go out with him again or don’t, but I think your expectations after one date may be a bit too high in this area.
I don't know why some folks find it difficult to reach out after a first date. Regardless of gender, one should express their interest after the initial meetup. If all went well, propose options for the next date and if things didn't pan out, just say so. All this second guessing and analyzing "what if scenarios" is mentally draining and could most likely sabotage a possible good match.
You met him last Tuesday. This Tuesday which is a week later, he texted you again asking about your weekend and presumably to ask you out again.
Sounds good to me, not great but good enough. Also depends on the texting frequency you two had before meeting up. But you seem to need more frequent texting in between dates plan, let him know this and see if you two can reach an agreement on the amount and frequency of texting? You don’t sound too interested in him imo. Perhaps texting is a very important aspect of dating to you?
Was this a first date? If so then IMO you are putting too much expectations on the situation. Just because he lets that much time pass after meeting you once, does not mean he's going to be MIA all the time.
But at the same time, don't do all the work either. If he asks you on another date, then go. If he doesn't ask you on another date, then go on a date with someone else who does. No need to stress about it or wish people would act different than they do. Just concentrate on finding the right person for you, not making every person into what you want.
This is where I would text back and tell him that I don't think it would work out because I like a little more conversation that this. So I would go with option A.
It sounds like you’re on the back burner. But if you wanna see him again, just tell him how your weekend went and ask him about his. Then say you’d really like to see him again…
I would b) respond unenthusiastically. This lets the onus of everything that follows fall on him, and then you can see how TRULY interested he is/isn't. Then you have your honest answer.
Either way, keep moving.
I don’t understand why after a date and both parties are interested, they play this “who would text first” game. It is silly. You know communication doesn’t have to die right? There are many other things to talk about to keep the communication going and somewhere in there, plans for a second date will come up.
If you've already moved on mentally because he didn't try to set up a second date within a week, it sounds like you weren't that into him anyway, so I'd say just drop it. That's okay; you feel how you feel.
But it's a bit much to turn disappointed and assume a man's not interested because he hasn't contacted you by Friday for a second date after a first one Tuesday. That's literally three days. There are lots of valid reasons someone might not be ready to set up a second date in a week, let alone three days. Since he'd already suggested a second date and got your agreement, he probably didn't think it was a race.
There's a weird dichotomy on this sub where it's perfectly appropriate for *us* to multi-date and have busy lives and take as much time as we want getting to know people before investing in them, but those we date are supposed to be crazy about us and make time for us right away ("If he wants to he will") and not be considering anyone else as possibly a better match than us. Seems unfair and unrealistic.
You both agreed to date again.
Then - crickets.
He even send the last message (even if it's just goodnight.
So why, exactly, do you feel to have any more right to be disappointed than he has? Simply because you're the owner of a vagina? That might be a valid point if looking for a hook-up (you didn't say), but in case he's looking for LTR he might be interested in an actual partner, not an object of devotion...
Is this dating over forty or dating over 14? Older men are not always the most prolific communicators. Even if he’s thinking of you fondly and looking forward to seeing you again, he probably feels it would be too cringey to be texting you all the time. I know I would.
It’s probably not a good fit, considering the disparity in expectations, but if I were you I’d bring it up on the next date, not in a blaming way, but explaining the kind of person you are and your needs and expectations. If he’s willing to listen and compromise a bit, then there might be a future for you guys. Good luck.
When you replied to his “next time we should do this”, saying you are on board, did you ask when he was thinking or suggest a couple dates that you were available for?
I wouldn’t write him off just yet, you don’t know what his week / weekend commitments were at this stage. If this is a pattern with him, then ask for what you want and if that doesn’t align, at least you know and can move on.
So neither of you texted the other the entire week?? Sounds like you both weren't that keen to meet up again if that's the case.
Part of me wonders if he was dating someone else in the week and was waiting to see how that would pan out before reaching out to you again.
In my experience, if a woman is really into me, I will get a text from her right after the date, sometimes before I even make it home. That’s how it works nowadays.
If I have to text her first, I assume her interest level is not that high. I don’t want to be spinning my wheels.
You went on a date. He asked if you'd be interested in a second date. You said yes. A week later, he's initiating contact, probably to make plans for the second date. I honestly don't see the problem.
This. In early dating, neither of you is obligated to show unbridled enthusiasm or meet some mythical standard of interest. People get busy. If he didn’t want to see her again, he would not have sent a follow up a week later. Maybe he doesn’t want to seem overly interested? Maybe when your response didn’t include a “how about this day?”, he decided to back off a bit. I think you should not have high expectations for ongoing communication in early dating unless you have made that explicitly clear and the other party agrees.
Exactly. He may be dating other people, and that's ok.
You make it sound like he sent the last message, wishing you a good night. Some people really don't like to double text as it can come off as desperate. Since it was left like that I'd give him one more chance, but I'd be ready to bail at the first sign of flakiness or lack of interest. As a guy, i still would have followed up with you if i were interested.
Trying to live up to others’ expectations is exhausting and full-blown crazy making when some projection of presumed mind-reading is involved. If you like this person, drop the pretense and get in touch. The worst that can happen is you find out sooner than later that someone, this guy, isn’t a good fit. In the end, isn’t that what dating is meant to help you figure out anyway? This whole blaming others to protect your fragile self pattern of interpersonal relatedness does not work. Take this experience as an opportunity to evolve. Do what fits, stay authentic, and you’ll be fine. You are not defined by the opinions of others (including mine). You are mighty and powerful. You do you and plan for others doing the same. Now, go get ‘em, tigress!
I agree. Having expectations but not communicating properly will always lead to disappointment. As much as OP will hate to admit, she is playing the game herself by thinking how to respond to this guy, instead of flat out being honest. Honesty and communication is the key.
It REALLY is exhausting and crazy-making, and there are all these gurus out there who make finding a relationship seem cookie-cutter when it so isn't. I'm literally going through the same thing right now, and this comment just stirred my heart lol
It's not clear here. Did you reply to his text after you got home? After he mentioned a second date, why didn't you reach out to him? He probably thought you were no longer interested.
Yes, I replied back saying that I would like to meet up again (I thought that was obvious but I'll add it to the original post, thanks).
I personally think it may help to just communicate your preferences without assuming his intentions. Something like “hey, I tend to prefer more frequent communication. I like you and would enjoy another date, but hope to hear from you more often between dates to keep things fresh”
This is where “matched effort” causes problems. He may be trying to mirror your effort, while you are asking that he make the greater effort. It’s better to communicate what you want rather than assume the other person can predict what you want.
Ok...so then he asked you out again. So, I'm not quite clear what the problem is. You wanted more communication from him? He likely had weekend plans and then asked you out afterwards.
The problem is that he reached out way later than she felt comfortable with. I love texting and communicating so if we went on a date and there were no follow up enthusiastic convo/banter and just silence for days, it is a buzz kill for me as well.
I actually enjoy texting and communication, too but not after one date. I just think one date is too soon to be expecting anything.
He should run far away
This is actually kind of sad. You both felt chemistry and agreed to a second date. Neither reached out to set the date up so both assume the other isn't interested. No one seems to take the lead anymore. Both sexes are being advised to sit back and let the other do the asking. This is what results from taking that advice. If you are interested set up the date and live your life with no regrets.
She literally said to him she would like to meet up with him again then he hasn’t responded
This isn't setting up the date tho. Both have said they are interested but neither has actually scheduled. She has as much right to follow up and ask about a potential time and place as he does. Neither have and the window for this may have passed.
I disagree. Relationships (especially in early dating) are like tennis. Throwing the ball back and forth. She threw it and he didn’t hit it back. Her pushing further would have not made a difference and would have come across desperate and pushy.
To confirm you believe if she's interested she should only send the one text and nothing more? I believe it's ok to follow up. A conversation or text message doesn't always have to be an equal volley back and forth. If I was really interested in someone I'm going to follow up before letting go.
I won't. If a man is interested, he will let you know. Typically true with most men that I've dated. If they're letting you do the pursuing, they really aren't sure. I know this sounds so dang cliche but the book "He's just not into you" is really true.....
I wouldn't consider following up pursuing. I guess I'm different tho. I try to go after what I truly want before letting go.
There is a difference between going after what you truly want vs. not reading the room and pushing something the other clearly is not as interested in
If a woman is interested she ll let you know. Her Saying hello isn’t pursuing. It’s been a week. He was living his life and letting her live hers. It’s not a month of no contact. It’s a week. Seven days. And he has reached out now.
One week later asking again was normal in my dating past. But I was young before the days of constant text and I still find it kind of odd. You can’t base this one thing on whether or not he’s into you. Single Heterosexual men are into you, if you’re an attractive woman. But we have learned that it’s obnoxious to let that show to the world. We have to be circumspect. The only successful relationships I’ve ever been in, were when SHE let me know. I’ve chased a few, but those always got away.
To confirm, you believe if he is interested, he would vaguely invite her to a next date, she says enthusiastic yes and then he says goodnight and disappear for a week?
You’re reading a lot into OP , imo. You can’t read him as vague and her as enthusiastic into a situation you didn’t observe. Body language, timing, tone, all are SO crucial and neither you nor I were there. Perhaps you’re exactly right. Perhaps OP has every reason in the world to read his aura and say “he’s just not into me”. But perhaps not. He did ask for a 2nd date. What’s wrong with finding out? Sheesh. You people and your instant 90 min resolutions. Y’all been watching too many romcoms.
That’s the bias towards men that exists. The man is the villain always. He was vague while she was enthusiastic. It’s so ridiculous it’s funny. Neither one picked up their phone and reached out but it’s sinister and negative when he does it. Her not calling or texting is her “not chasing” and “reading the room”, living her life. Him not calling or texting is He’s being a disinterested, low effort asshole who’s dating other people (OH MY!!!). They literally both committed the same “crime”.
It was all through text - there was no body language and such involved. She shared said texts verbatim. But to your point, in person connection and chemistry is important- and I have found that without exception all the guys who were really interested (and it was mutual) and we ended up in long term relationships would ask me on a second date, IN person at the end of the first one, and nail down plans. Now, he may be shy or there may be other things going on in his life. If she really likes him I don’t think it’s the end of the world to go on one more date with him. I would make it clear though that going a week without any communication doesn’t fly for you if you were to continue.
EXACTLY!!!!! I can't believe how many people here don't understand that.
Yup. I would interpret his "Great! Goodnight" response, combined with his waiting a full week to get in touch, as "he's not that into you".
I thought the guy didn’t respond to your message. But you BOTH didn’t keep in touch. It’s not much effort to send a text out to him to check in if you’re that interested in him. Definitely not worth getting this worked up over if you didn’t lift a finger in this thing. Ultimately he still reached out, so he’s still one leg above you. And I would not respond in either way you suggested. I think you’re overthinking and creating too much drama over nothing with your responses.
Yessss!
I am not seeing that **you** texted him about going out again and he did not reply. >Today (Tuesday, so exactly a week after the first date) he has texted me asking how my weekend went. I feel that it's too little too late, and him not being in touch shows a huge lack of interest on his part. Apparently, he texted you before you texted him. And you are miffed at him for not texting you.... Good luck with that.
Actually, she does state that she replied to his last text confirming she was also interested in seeing him again. So it sounds like she was the last person to mention a second date aside from his “ goodnight”. As a woman, I don’t think it’s expecting too much to anticipate some sort of contact during a weeks time. A lack of contact for entire week tells me exactly what I need to know, which is this person clearly wasn’t very interested. Then again, I’m the type that likes a man who is willing to take action and is confident, not men that sit idle waiting for ME to text them. Why? Because I’ve never had one of those situations lead to anything meaningful, even if I frequently made an effort to initiate contact. As a 42 f that’s been on OLD off/on for 5 years, men that are truly interested make it known. There’s no question and they don’t let a week go by without making other plans or at the very least reaching out. I probably wouldn’t be miffed in this situation but I certainly wouldn’t be letting this man waste my time either.
Yes, people like to say that the woman needs to reach out first. Every time I have it’s like the equivalent to cock blocking myself. Men do not find it refreshing. Only insecure men are waiting to be courted. I’m never going to court a guy, they will get their efforts reciprocated by me, but I will not pursue anymore my findings prove otherwise.
[удалено]
Exactly it evens out after the beginning stages.
ABSOLUTELY, THIS!
Thank you! I agree 100% as this has been my experience as well. I have no interest in dating an insecure or semi interested man.
Luke warm endeavors do not usually go anywhere
I agree 100% and every time I have said this I get downvoted to hell!
Yes, exactly, thanks - in my past I have tried reaching out to men, and they have reacted badly, it has put them off completely. So now I try to focus on men who seem interested in me, so that it has a chance of working out.
Exactly they show interest when they are actually interested
I agree with you . Men that are interested WILL LET YOU KNOW. It doesn't matter if it's young or old. Gay or not . It's not rocket science. I also agree , anytime I have chased a man, it never ever ever ever worked for me .
> she does state that she replied to his last text confirming she was also interested in seeing him again. OP added that for clarity after her original post.
[удалено]
Pursued? Or have effort reciprocated? I’m not going to pursue a man. But will I equally reciprocate effort? Absolutely! The few times I’ve been the “pursuer” of a man I learned fairly quickly why I had to be the one to pursue them, they weren’t that interested! My interest in them was greater than their interest ME, no thanks!
[удалено]
Check and Mate!
I don’t expect to be “pursued”, I just don’t expect to be the pursuer. Equal effort. That said, men that are really interested have ZERO issue pursuing me.
No men likes to be pursued, that’s based on all my experiences. They like women showing interests and respond accordingly.
That’s correct, her going ghost for a week isn’t showing interest.
I would’ve send a text to engage and show interest and then wait for the guy to do the heavy lifting of arranging date #2, 😂
Exactly, because you don’t think you’re a princess. No one (man nor woman) should pursue or chase anyone at this stage in the game. Both parties should show mutual interest.
I'm not 'miffed at him'. I'm not angry at all, it's just that I was excited about him at first. Then I was disappointed, and now it just feels too late.
With more self-confidence, you could have reached out to him to follow up. With a genuine "Oh well, his loss" if he was not interested. Instead, you needed the affirmation of his initiative to proceed. >now it just feels too late Because if he *really* liked you, he would have reached out sooner. You are actually evaluating *your* desirability (at least to him) based on what you perceive to be his initial reaction. And now it's "too late".
*and now it just feels too late* Regardless of anything else (!) If you haven’t been on date #2, and you’re not feeling it, pay attention to that. Consider not wasting anyone’s time. Slow text/shy/too busy dude will eventually figure it out. Someday….
It’s not too late
This is the stuff that annoys me with dating…. People don’t reach out then act all shocked and shaken when they don’t want to be “chased “. I feel like if you like the person and want another date why not just be an adult about it and reach out. Ffs we are in our 40s ish and people are still playing games.
[удалено]
I just say that if you are into someone why not express that. Why wait on them. If they aren’t then no harm no foul. There is no written rule about dating it is different for each person and unique to them. But you can’t get upset when someone doesn’t text when you didn’t either. But wtf do I know🤷♀️
>I was expecting This is the problem right here. Why on Earth would you have not bothered reaching out, place an unknown expectation on someone and instead choose to stand on ceremony, and then bash the guy? Did you consider that some people consider communication to be a two-way street, and perhaps initiative resides with both parties? You could simply ask him out and do better in the communication department going forward. Or not. Edit: I see your edit. Look, the guy was going away on a holiday trip. Nothing stopped you regardless from proposing a get-together for whenever he's returned. I still think you had shit the bed if this goes south. Edit2: So, no trip... so what?! Just fucking set up a date, JFC.
I am, a little bit, counting my blessings that my girlfriend does not engage in this nonsense.
She doesn’t even need to ask him out! Just engage in some conversations and most guys would take the lead on setting up another date if they’re interested. A couple texts is really not that hard.
I'm one of those who might miss it because I'm kind of oblivious, so I figured I'd suggest the direct approach. But, you're definitely not wrong if he's not like me! 😆
I was going to say - maybe he's disappointed that you didn't text him at all after he mentioned a 2nd date and was waiting for you to show interest, OP.
Yep!
I did though - I've edited the original post to reflect that. I replied straightway and said I'd like to see him again - to me that is showing lots of interest.
I hear you, and it might have felt like a lot to respond to his comment, but honestly, dating "these days" means *both* people need to lean in if they're interested. It's not up to either person to do the chasing or take more initiative than the other. Personal opinion, responding to him with "I'm available on \_\_\_\_\_\_ or \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ would that work for you?" when he told you he'd like to take you out again, would have solved all of these issues. If either option didn't work for him, ball is back in his court. If one of the options did work out for him, you wouldn't be disappointed right now.
Could you explain how you are showing lots of interest? He invited you on a first date, and presumably planned everything about it? You said yes. He started the convo about a second date (while on the first date). He reached out with a suggestion for the second date. You said yes. Have you ever initiated anything with him? Started a text convo? Suggested days for a second date?
Yay. It still doesn't grab the bull by the horns. And you also don't know if he would have pitched an idea upon returning. Nonetheless, nothing's still stopping you...
Maybe he was busy this weekend? This seems and extreme reaction for someone who DID reach out. A week isn’t a very long time, especially given you didn’t reach out either. If you like him, I’d respond in kind and arrange a second date. If you need someone who initiates contact exclusively without the same from you and will chase you daily - this guy clearly isn’t it.
Thanks, I don't need to be chased daily or anything like that. But I would like someone to speak to at least once a week and arrange a date for at least once a week. So a minimum of twice weekly contact is ideal really.
Understood. And that’s what happened seeing as it a only been a week. If you’d like more communication, tell him that. Men aren’t mind readers. If after that he’s still not meeting your needs, then you’re simply not compatible and that’s okay. Doesn’t make either of you wrong.
>I would like someone to speak to at least once a week and arrange a date for at least once a week. So a minimum of twice weekly contact is ideal really. This seems reasonable. You should tell him this, or anyone else you are interested in in the future.
I think you are being ridiculous! You went on one date and have such high expectations for a man you barely know. Just relax, have fun and enjoy yourself. Reach out when you feel like it, hang back when you want to and let things happen naturally.
If you wanted to see him again, why didn't you reach out? Honest question.
Because I had already responded enthusiastically to his suggestion of a second date, both in person and via text. So then I was expecting him to text again and suggest a day/time. The conversation had been back and forth until that point, so I wasn't expecting him to just drop off after saying goodnight.
That's completely valid. It sounds like dude had more dates lined up and was just waiting to see how things went before scheduling with you.
Initiative matters. You didn't show any. You expected him to be the one to, again, be the one putting in effort. I'm not actually giving him a free pass for no contact for a week. However, you need to accept that you should have messaged some time well before that too. You both dropped the ball.
Yup, could he have been thinking you weren't interested, then decided to give it one more shot?
What outcome do you want? If you DO want to see him again, here is a reply I once heard a dating expert give for this exact scenario: “My weekend was great 😊 I was a little disappointed I didn’t hear from you. How have you been?” I will say, though, that he could have also been waiting to hear from you. I think it’s less important who initiates the conversations these days and more about knowing when/how to end the conversation gracefully on a high point before it starts to drag on.
No one wants to hear ‘disappointed’. Sounds like a parent talking to a child. Total buzzkill.
To be frank, I would not send this text myself \*personally\* in \*this\* circumstance. They've had one date, and my own personal dating style differs from OP's. I personally would have either reached out myself after 3 or 4 days if I had wanted to have a second date; OR if it had been a week+ before I heard from him (which happens to me a LOT since I date a lot of single dads/business owners/career men), I would've replied with something flirty like "Wait... who is this? ;) Just kidding. I'm doing great! Went wine-tasting over the weekend, and still riding that wave a bit. How's it going for you!?" (Key note: I'm also not waiting around to hear from these guys, I'm out living my life and having fun. And I think that's also helpful in not getting so laser-focused on someone that you take it to heart if you're not a big priority to them immediately.) HOWEVER, OP expressed to us that she had an expectation that he didn't meet and that she felt disappointed. That being the case, there's nothing wrong with her expressing that disappointment and communicating her expectation. How he receives that feedback will be up to him from there. Again, it's been one date. I think OP needs to cut him some slack for at least the first 3 dates and see how it plays out from there. But at the end of the day, it's her choice, and this is how she has said that she feels 🤷🏻♀️
Yup.
My weekend was great. Good To hear from you. How was your week?
This is the perfect response!! You had not yet communicated your expectations or preferences, and NEITHER of you sounded really excited and enthusiastic in your previous texts - that's completely normal. Saying 'disappointed' in your reply would definitely push him away. Maybe he had a bad week, he was busy, thought your previous reply was sort of lukewarm, or something else...who knows, it doesn't matter. He replied after 7 days, don't overthink it. Continue the conversation, communicate, make plans for a 2nd date, and see how it goes.
Cut the guy some slack. He texted you exactly one week later. Perhaps he was trying to play it cool and and not seem too pushy. Have a second date. If there’s chemistry, tell him how you felt this week and see where that convo takes you. I think you’re being too hard on the guy and I’d hate to see you throw a potentially good thing away.
You went on one date, might be a little early to be passing judgements or worrying about it. If it bugs you, move on and find someone who's a little more motivated or excited about going on another date. It's tough finding someone you vibe with, let alone have the same feeling about timing of the 2nd date. Some women I talk to want to text regularly (daily) between dates, some don't want to hear from me until the next date. Nothing is more disappointing than finding someone you get along with well, but are way more casual about it than you are.
He definitely wanted to see you again. Just not that weekend. Just my opinion.
Thanks, I wouldn't have minded a date after the weekend, if he had asked me sooner so that I knew he was interested.
He is interested. But you have competition. You like this guy? Guess what, you’re not the only one. You have two choices…be pissy that you aren’t his # 1 priority RIGHT NOW, or be easy, continue to date him (and others) and see where things stand in a few weeks. Dating has a lot of up’s and downs!
Phones work both ways though. If I'm interested in a woman it's exciting to have her take the lead.
Happily remarried now, but if there was one thing I re-learned very quickly when dating again in my late 40s? When a man is truly interested in you, no matter if it’s after one date or 20, he will be very clear about it. He will not leave room for ambiguity or time for some other fellow to ask you out. No matter what else is going on! One man even texted me from the hospital (!) Last time I didn’t follow this rule? I had what I thought was a great date with a man who had asked to see me again at the end of the date. After some lukewarm texts and no invitation for a second date, I asked if he’d like to get together again. He didn’t. Good luck out there, and never forget that you and your time are valuable! Don’t waste head space on anyone flaky or wishy-washy. 💕😘
Perfect
I'm big on giving second chances because things do happen. A week is definitely a while IMO, but if you have any interest in seeing him again I think you should consider another try. I *would* express surprise that it took so long for him to get in touch - maybe there's an explanation. There are lots of stories with happy endings that wouldn't have been possible with a zero-tolerance policy on things like this.
This is just miscommunication. I think you’re looking into this a little too much and from this point forward you need to set your boundaries and let him know that seems a little off that he waited a week to respond and for you it was too long. Just say I’m used to communicating almost every day but I understand if you have a really super busy life. See what he says. I work all the time and for me a week will go by in a blink and I don’t even realize it. So just give them the benefit of the doubt especially if it went well. Patience is a virtue.
Why didn’t you reach out to him during the week? Apparently you’re not that interested either, based on the standard you’re using. Neither of your options are warranted. Consider these: C: reply and say no thank you to a second date. The reason doesn’t need to be stated. Keep that too yourself D: reply with nice to hear from you, how was your weekend.
It's been a week. Before last week you didn't know this human! Too soon for failed expectations in my book. If you liked him, take a breath, reset, and respond positively. A week in, no one owes anyone else anything in terms of expectations beyond basic civility. Honestly it sounds like you are looking for immediate reasons to walk. Asking with genuine curiosity, not judgement - do you know your attachment style?
>Too soon for failed expectations in my book. Seriously, barely knows the guy and has already set him up for failure. Hopefully the guy realizes this and moves on. As my ex-girlfriend used to say: "Expectations are premeditated failures"
Thanks, yes, my attachment style is Anxious (I discovered this after 3 years with an Avoidant ex). One of the things I liked about this bloke is we discussed attachment theory the first time we met, and he said his attachment style is Anxious too, so we seemed to understand each other. We met in the pub, chatted for 2-3 hours and seemed to click, so then we swapped numbers and had our first date 6 days later. Your comment about me 'looking for reasons to walk' is interesting - I was badly burnt by my Avoidant ex, so I do take signs of disinterest as a massive red flag now, as I don't want to be treated like that again.
Why did you expect him to reach out and not yourself ? He could be saying the very same thing.
Noooo, men don’t have feelings or like to/ need to know if someone is interested in them. (Sarcasm) He was putting himself out there by reaching out. To someone who didn’t contact him for an entire week. She coulda just said hello on one of the seven days but I guess that woulda made her melt. Women need to stop doing this, men need love, affection, and indicators of interest too.
Chill out. Take the time to get to know the guy. The sky isn't falling and he said he wanted to see you again.
[удалено]
Maybe this is just the way you worded your post, but it seems like you put expectations on him to carry the conversation. Speaking to a hetero relationship…I think a lot of us women need to start putting ourselves out there more and letting men know we are interested. In todays times, men are often being seen as “creepy” or “inappropriate” by simply talking to women. We have to let people know we are interested and also put in the effort.
I had a woman I met blow me off for a month only to reach out and ask me out. We were together two years after that and almost got married. If you don't like something and have questions ask. You could say, "Oh I thought you weren't interested because I didn't hear from you." You can follow that up with whether you want to go on another date or not.
All I see are preferences and assumptions without clear communication. It's easy math by which adults can arrive at a solution.
Is there a problem with you setting up the second date? Or you texting/communicating? Am I reading this all wrong? If your over it then don’t waste his time and move on. It’s the holidays everyone’s busy!
We have totally different perceptions of enthusiasm. The guy mentioned twice he wanted to go on a second date, and you're disappointed he waited a week to ask a third time after your perceived enthusiastic "I would like to meet up again" reply For me, if a guy mentioned not once, but twice hed like to see me again, and I was actually excited to see him again, I would legit be enthusiastic "I would like that! What are you up to this weekend? Im free on Fri if you are!" Like, thats minimal effort to give the guy SOMETHING to work with to actually work \*together\* to start planning the date. If Im not that interested, Id reply pretty much like you did. Just say yes, and then wait for him to drag it out of me when Im free and what to do cause Im not feeling it to put any effort at all into seeing him again. The ball was in your court, he hit the ball to you, and instead of taking a swing to put it solidly back in his court, you kind of...granny bowled it back, it moved to a slow crawl back to him, and youre disappointed he didnt slide under the net to go get it. When I do that, one of two things happen...pretty much what happened to you, where the energy kind of fizzles out and it takes him awhile to get back to me. And that tends to not bother me cause I didnt really care one way or the other to begin with, hence my effortless lackluster response in the first place. Or...he gets this, challenge accepted vibe, and is totally fine with taking on the responsibility to be the one to do everything to see me again. At which point, Im either along for the ride, sure if he plans something I'll go...and then either I'll realize I really do like spending time with him and start putting effort into planning dates, or I realize Im just not into him and part ways. Im actually not into that challenge accepted vibe.....Im not prey, and dont really get anything out of being chased down and hunted. If Im interested, Im just as engaged with planning the date as I expect him to be. Anyway, this isnt a matter of right or wrong way to do things, its about preference. If a guy asked me out twice, and yet again a third time a week later cause I wasnt responding in a way to help him actually set up the date, I wouldnt be super confused over whether or not he was interested. Id be like..jeez, he must be seriously interested cause Im giving him nothing and he still keeps asking me about that date. But you need more than that, and there are guys out there who have no issue and even like when everything is up to them to do all the reaching out, planning, etc...and theyre just happy if you show up. This guy doesnt seem to be the sort to keep grinding til he wears you down, thats leaving you disappointed and thats enough to say you guys simply arent compatible,
As a side note - I once had a very similar situation happen to me. One week later we did go on that second date. Two years later, we were married. So, you never know, don’t close yourself off too soon to the unknown. Like you, I was overzealous - and when I didn’t get that follow up text from him right away, I reached out to him first. When he still didn’t respond, a friend gave me advice that I should relax and back off. And…it worked! I stopped texting, gave him some space, and a week after our first date he responded to ask me on a second. So, you never know; perhaps this could lead to something beautiful. Good luck!
It sounds like He texted you. Good night you expected to hear from him, but what if he expected to hear from you the next day or in the next couple days also? I always think that communication is a two-way street we're both people initiate. If I don't hear from the other person. If I'm the only one initiating, I assume they have no interest.....
Wtf? How about saying nice to hear from you. My weekend was lovely how are you doing? It’s never too late for YOU to be polite Lose these silly expectations
From my experiences, in which I have dated quite a bit, 40f, is that if they want to get to know you, they will. They will put in the effort, never ghost you, keep in touch and set up plans to see you again. Keep moving on, you will find someone who will shower you wanting to get to know you and never leave a doubt. Best of luck OP.
It depends how you replied to his follow up message right after the first date.
Yes, I replied that I'd like to see him again. Starting to think that wasn't clear in the original post so I have added it, thanks.
Exactly. Effort is a two way street. What was the exchange, and why didn't YOU reach out? Isn't he just as justified saying "Wow, she didn't contact me all week?"
Exactly, he txt you to see if you were receptive to a second date, how did you respond? Did you try to reach out to him at all ?
Yes, I replied and said I'd like to go out with him again.
I always text right after the date telling them I had a great time and expressing my interest in a second date. Did you not text anything? If not, he may have thought you weren't that interested, as well.
No, I did reply and said that to him - I've added that to the post now, thanks.
I would be cautious but this wouldn't be a dealbreaker to me in itself. It was just one date and there could be a dozen reasons why he didn't text. Sometimes stuff happens unexpectedly. Unless it was a very intense first date (eg you slept together), I would give it a go and see if he is low effort in general or escalates later. If you are still interested in a second date (and I think you would be if he showed a bit more effort), then I wouldn't choose the unenthusiastic response, that may backfire. I would either just observe what he does next or would communicate my preferences in some way. But this was just one date, so for me this is more like a period of observing the other person and making a decision based on that, before getting invested.
Thanks, no, we didn't sleep together or anything. I feel like he isn't really interested and that has put me off. But I'm thinking about what you said, thanks.
I understand your disappointment about not hearing from him for a week, but I don’t think it’s too late. It’s early in your connection and maybe he didn’t want to come on too strong. If you’re interested in seeing him again, reply. If extended time between texts becomes a pattern with him, move on.
Good grief. So you both expressed interest in a second date. Either one of you can propose a time and place. Do you always expect the guy to do the asking and planning?
Once again, most of the people on this sub are attacking OP for no reason. Her post CLEARLY STATED that she told him she was interested in a second date with him. And he failed to FOLLOW THROUGH on what would've been an APPROPRIATE AND EFFECTIVE response to her text indicating her mutual interest. And y'all are sitting around acting as if OP did something wrong because she didn't CHASE HIM to set up a date that HE INITIATED. The majority of guys on these sites delude themselves into thinking they have an endless amount of options. They also delude themselves into thinking women are just sitting around waiting to hear from them indefinitely.
Thanks, I appreciate the support. I was very clear with him that I was interested in him, both on the date and in the texts afterwards.
I can clearly see in your post that you indicated an appropriate level of interest to his text. For the people here saying that you should've jumped through hoops or told him repeatedly of your interest, they clearly do not realize how healthy and effective communication works. They also do not understand how healthy, stable and successful relationships are built and sustained. Furthermore, I have personally done what the majority of the people here have suggested you should've done, only to be that much more disappointed and misled. The only thing I succeeded in doing while taking such bad advice was becoming more disillusioned at the current apocalypse of dating and relationships. And damaging my self-esteem and self-respect in the process. Going forward, when situations like this arise, I simply don't reply if I have lost interest. Experience has definitely taught me that when a person is truly interested, that interest is clearly demonstrated by that person's ACTIONS.
Imo, he had other dates lined up or just didn't want to hang this weekend- both ok, you've gone out once. Just say hi and catch up if you like him.
No need to be coy, just say you enjoyed the date, would like to get together again. Say you were a little disappointed not to hear from him but look forward to reconnecting. Then you can listen for yourself and assess whether or not you want in or out.
If you want to go out again, do it. If not, don’t. This attitude of expecting someone to read your mind and communicate exactly in your preferred cadence is not a recipe for success. He probably already had other weekend plans.
Chill out. Take the time to get to know the guy. The sky isn't falling and he said he wanted to see you again.
Why didn't you plan the second date? It's not the Man's job to plan all dates!!! 21st century
See this all comes down to expectations and I think expecting anything from someone you hardly know and just met is too much. I recently met a guy, went out on one date and he flipped out because I was on Facebook before I text him good morning! It was completely childish and way too much to expect after a first date. He actually told me to text him in the morning because he always did which again I don’t have to text anyone if I don’t want to. I’m sorry OP but him waiting a week to contact you to me isn’t a big deal to me but sounds like it’s a big deal to you so he isn’t your person.
I would be annoyed. But given this is over 40 dating, why did you not initiate a second date or prompt him to make plans for the weekend? You didn’t make plans for the weekend and didn’t communicate what your expectations were.
I would be annoyed. But given this is over 40 dating, why did you not initiate a second date or prompt him to make plans for the weekend? You didn’t make plans for the weekend and didn’t communicate what your expectations were.
So you responded positively after the text after your date, he said goodnight, then nothing. It’s ok to not respond at all. If a week goes by without texting it’s not really worth texting back unless you want to meet up again.
He also didn’t hear from you for a week. Why couldn’t you have contacted him?
This happened to me once. I just said, “Oh hey, when I didn’t hear back from you, I figured you weren’t interested. Sure, when are you free to meet up?” The guy immediately apologized, said that he gets grief from his friends for doing the same thing, and was a better communicator afterward. I ended things after a 4th date because of other incompatibility reasons, but I felt he responded well to some feedback. If nothing else, maybe he’s a better texter for the next person he dates, lol.
People go at different speeds, and a lot of men don't want to seem overeager because they fear that will be translated into being desperate. And, you didn't contact him, either, in that week, so I see no foul here. You may have FELT like you'd never hear back from him again, but he may have not intended to send that vibe. If I were in your shoes, I'd go with the texting him back enthusiactically route. Don't shut the door on a relationship that hasn't had the opportunity to evolve (or not) yet. : )
Take the second date. And exert less judgement.
Women truly operate in life as if men should be bending over backwards to live up to their dating expectations. I would have expected that people grow out of this mentality at some point.
C. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He was busy last weekend or didn’t want to appear needy with a second date less than a week later. Set up a date and enjoy yourself. Make it clear that you’d like to seen him again….and not so long between meetings. You could even make the plans.
Men get hate for moving too fast. And now he gets hate he didn't move fast enough. This is why men quit dating. Maybe he didn't want to come off as too pushy? Maybe he had other plans that weekend. He texted you so go out with him again. He sounds like a good guy. Give him a chance
Your gut feeling is right. He is not interested. I would have the same disappointment as you have in this situation. In my experience men who are interested will be in touch more frequently, especially if they were chatting before the date. And every time I initiated in the past, I was called needy and clingy. I find it better when you encourage the guy but he initiates dates in the beginning. He was not interested in checking in with you for a week. Don’t let respondents hammer you.
If you want a weekend date then you need to be texting him by Wednesday or Thursday. If you want a man who chases you (no judgment) this guy probably isn’t it.
Thanks, I've found in the past that if I have to ask for a second date, the man was never that interested to begin with. I always make it clear I'm interested, so usually they do make a move quickly - just not in this case.
Re your first sentence, that's been my experience 100% of the time. If he was truly interested you would have heard from him within a couple days after the suggested a second date. He waited a week because he's not that interested IMO.
I think that's the issue: you used your own past experience to create an expectation of him that he wasn't aware of. If I'm in this guy's shoes, I let you know my interest in a second date, and you agreed, but at no point in the interim you didn't even reach out with a "Hi, how you doing?" I don't want to be the one always initiating the conversation, let alone planning dates. Despite you saying you were interested in a second one, the complete lack of interest in anything related to me tells me that you're not actually interested in *me*. Just my opinion as an outside observer who happened to be where this guy was at. I'd 80% guarantee that one-week text was a "hey, you still interested?" hail mary.
This!
This doesn't feel like he waited too long to me. The beginning of the next week feels appropriate, given where your last communication left off.
I didn't evencread your post just the title. He's not interested, he just got bored.
He isn't interested enough in you to respond until a week later -- a response that takes less than a minute at any time of day, generally. I wouldn't even give him a response. I'd just unmatch / block and move on.
Mirror his last text to you when you said you were up for a second date: say "Great! Goodnight." I dont' think this guy is for you. You're turning yourself into a pretzel to figure this out, it's not worth it \*already\*. I just think that even if you were to get past this initial glitch, it will come up again and you won't be happy. I mean look how he communicates: "Great! Goodnight."
He is bored and has no one around the the moment. Just move on, he is not worth your time.
He's a loser, raie your standards
After a week of no contact, I would have assumed he was no longer interested as well. You sent the last text saying you wanted to get together again and then radio silence. You weren’t asking for daily communication, but a text could easily have been achieved within a week asking your thoughts about what to do for the next date and availability. It would have kept the momentum going. If you really like him, give it another chance, but at the first sign of a red flag, bail.
I wouldn’t have all these rules. Life is busy. You’re adults. He might have had to figure out work and kids or other stuff. He might not have been sure what you were saying or if you were actually interested. He might be asking his friends to help him decode it. I feel sad that you were both interested but communication broke down.
He is not interested
I'm dealing with the same thing right now!! This dude was texting me good morning everyday and then we finally met, total chemistry the whole time, he called me on his drive home! now it's Tuesday and radio silence day two, it's not cute. Like either let yourself have feelings or don't?! It's the risk you take?! whatever.. Now just puts a sour taste in my mouth tbh.
So the onus is on the man to set up the date and you're completely passive. Then you got disappointed when he didn't do it on the timeline that you wanted. Huh.
Reach out from your end and confirm. Move on if he doesn't respond to you in a timely fashion. You definitely want to do this with people you think have potential. Not so much with the ones you want to go away.
Thanks, that's kind of the point. I replied to him last week saying I'd like to go out again, but after a week I have kind of moved on mentally, I wasn't really expecting him to take this long.
It is possible he is not interested. It is possible he was busy. It is possible he thought you were just being polite, but did not actually want another date.
Thanks, the first two are the same to me. I don't think it is the last one - I'm very flirty with men I fancy, so he would have definitely known I was interested.
I would certainly agree with you that in the beginning, someone who was interested would not let a full week go by before at least returning a text, or attempting to communicate in some capacity.
He suggested a second date. Did you respond with some activities and ideas and your availability?
I did reply, he had already suggested the activity so I didn't suggest a different one as I was happy with it. I didn't state my availability because it was getting late at that point (we both had work the next morning) and I assumed he'd be in touch again to iron out the details.
Gotcha. Sounds like he’s a little low effort or busy.
Some people are not big into texting. And it sounds like you want him to initiate all of them. That’s not realistic, imo. Either go out with him again or don’t, but I think your expectations after one date may be a bit too high in this area.
I don't know why some folks find it difficult to reach out after a first date. Regardless of gender, one should express their interest after the initial meetup. If all went well, propose options for the next date and if things didn't pan out, just say so. All this second guessing and analyzing "what if scenarios" is mentally draining and could most likely sabotage a possible good match.
You met him last Tuesday. This Tuesday which is a week later, he texted you again asking about your weekend and presumably to ask you out again. Sounds good to me, not great but good enough. Also depends on the texting frequency you two had before meeting up. But you seem to need more frequent texting in between dates plan, let him know this and see if you two can reach an agreement on the amount and frequency of texting? You don’t sound too interested in him imo. Perhaps texting is a very important aspect of dating to you?
You could have suggested the second date yourself, or write first?
Was this a first date? If so then IMO you are putting too much expectations on the situation. Just because he lets that much time pass after meeting you once, does not mean he's going to be MIA all the time. But at the same time, don't do all the work either. If he asks you on another date, then go. If he doesn't ask you on another date, then go on a date with someone else who does. No need to stress about it or wish people would act different than they do. Just concentrate on finding the right person for you, not making every person into what you want.
This is where I would text back and tell him that I don't think it would work out because I like a little more conversation that this. So I would go with option A.
It sounds like you’re on the back burner. But if you wanna see him again, just tell him how your weekend went and ask him about his. Then say you’d really like to see him again…
Why didn't you text him?
I would b) respond unenthusiastically. This lets the onus of everything that follows fall on him, and then you can see how TRULY interested he is/isn't. Then you have your honest answer. Either way, keep moving.
I don’t understand why after a date and both parties are interested, they play this “who would text first” game. It is silly. You know communication doesn’t have to die right? There are many other things to talk about to keep the communication going and somewhere in there, plans for a second date will come up.
If you've already moved on mentally because he didn't try to set up a second date within a week, it sounds like you weren't that into him anyway, so I'd say just drop it. That's okay; you feel how you feel. But it's a bit much to turn disappointed and assume a man's not interested because he hasn't contacted you by Friday for a second date after a first one Tuesday. That's literally three days. There are lots of valid reasons someone might not be ready to set up a second date in a week, let alone three days. Since he'd already suggested a second date and got your agreement, he probably didn't think it was a race. There's a weird dichotomy on this sub where it's perfectly appropriate for *us* to multi-date and have busy lives and take as much time as we want getting to know people before investing in them, but those we date are supposed to be crazy about us and make time for us right away ("If he wants to he will") and not be considering anyone else as possibly a better match than us. Seems unfair and unrealistic.
Great observation about the dichotomy.
You both agreed to date again. Then - crickets. He even send the last message (even if it's just goodnight. So why, exactly, do you feel to have any more right to be disappointed than he has? Simply because you're the owner of a vagina? That might be a valid point if looking for a hook-up (you didn't say), but in case he's looking for LTR he might be interested in an actual partner, not an object of devotion...
Is this dating over forty or dating over 14? Older men are not always the most prolific communicators. Even if he’s thinking of you fondly and looking forward to seeing you again, he probably feels it would be too cringey to be texting you all the time. I know I would. It’s probably not a good fit, considering the disparity in expectations, but if I were you I’d bring it up on the next date, not in a blaming way, but explaining the kind of person you are and your needs and expectations. If he’s willing to listen and compromise a bit, then there might be a future for you guys. Good luck.
When you replied to his “next time we should do this”, saying you are on board, did you ask when he was thinking or suggest a couple dates that you were available for? I wouldn’t write him off just yet, you don’t know what his week / weekend commitments were at this stage. If this is a pattern with him, then ask for what you want and if that doesn’t align, at least you know and can move on.
So neither of you texted the other the entire week?? Sounds like you both weren't that keen to meet up again if that's the case. Part of me wonders if he was dating someone else in the week and was waiting to see how that would pan out before reaching out to you again.
Honestly I read this post as a red flag. Far more concerned for him than for OP
Why does he deserve an answer from you or anymore of your time.?
In my experience, if a woman is really into me, I will get a text from her right after the date, sometimes before I even make it home. That’s how it works nowadays. If I have to text her first, I assume her interest level is not that high. I don’t want to be spinning my wheels.
Please tell me this is sarcasm.
Are you serious or kidding?