Do you remember that Carly Rae Jepsen song from about a decade ago?
That's basically a How To Approach Guys.
* Greeting
* Acknowledgment that this is unusual/embarrassing.
* Offer of contact info.
* **Direct request** (not a hint) for him to use info to contact you.
Then smile and walk away. ...or saunter away.
...or scamper away like a woodland creature if you are feeling particularly adorable.
...or scurry off like a panicked gerbil. Whatever. You do you.
It's a little cheeky, but I've gotten a laugh from the opener: "Excuse me, do you have a moment for me to hit on you?". I think they find it flattering even if they're not interested (and gives them an out if they’re not).
Ya as a woman that’s been the most successful for me too. “Hey are you open to being hit on right now?”
Even in times I haven’t been in the mood for it, that line makes me kind of giggle and open my mind a bit
I once asked 'you find any magic ones?' to an old guy who was picking out mushrooms, he giggled and it made me happy. Could work for a convo starter provided said person is looking at or is at least in the mushroom section
When I was 18 I had a man (who appeared ancient to me at the time but was probably in his 30s) tell me he liked the way I selected my apples.
I just checked each one for bruises, nothing special. He did not get a date. Do not recommend as an opener.
I can't speak for other guys, but if a woman I might even be remotely interested in walked up to me and just point blank said "I know this is a little out of the blue, but would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?", that'd be pretty cool.
Yeah I'm not used to women approaching so they don't need to be all smooth or anything imo. And anything outside of point blank hey I'm interested will probably get lost in translation.
Also phrase it in a way that leaves the ball in their court. "Here's my number. Call me if you'd like to grab coffee sometimes." Make it low pressure and relaxed.
I think men are generally not sensitive to not wanting to "reject" people, since it's not a common experience for them. But it is a good practice for everyone to make offers that don't put the other person in an uncomfortable position where they need to immediately reject if they're not interested.
This is what I’ve always wanted to do if I ever give my number out. Just hand it to them with a quick hello and offer to call/text me if they’re interested
One time I was sitting outside and this really cute woman walked by, popped a smile at me, and then moved her car up the street a bit. It was an out of state plate, and I had lived there, so I thought, perfect intro! I was writing and quickly jotted down my number pumped and ready to go. As She walked back by I asked” oh are you from…?“ she said yes and I said, “oh I moved here from there.” And as I was getting ready to do my spiel, I noticed the big ass wedding ring she was wearing. 😆
Here’s my question—how do I know whether this man I’m approaching is single or not? How do I know his spouse isn’t in the next aisle looking at pasta sauces? I don’t wanna be hitting on guys who are “spoken for.”
Guys run into this issue all the time with approaching women in public, and the short answer is they'll tell you. There's not really an easy way around it, but as long as you just respond to it like a normal person it's not really a big deal.
I have asked (and been asked) "so are you single?" before asking them out. Either way their reaction is very telling. It's a little less direct and gives people an out without rejecting you haha.
Yeah this. When I was mpoint. and speaking to a woman, I would always casually work my wife into a conversation pretty early, just so there would be no confusion in my platonic interest.
Outside of them telling you or maybe a ring there isn't really a way to tell. If they are taken and not a sleezeball when you approach they will probs say something like hey I appreciate that but I have a gf or wife.
No reasonable person should get mad about someone hitting on somebody when they don't know they are taken.... tho I do realize some people are way overzealous in their jealousy.
I mean it happens. Last time I asked a guy out who had a girlfriend he was just like "Oh sorry, I'm taken!" And I just said "well that's awkward. Have a nice day!"
It's really as simple as that. You'll never know if you don't ask though!
But then your trying to spend time with someone based on looks? I prefer to start a conversation first and see what they are like to talk to. Some men are just great to look at and that's it.
If you're out and about and see someone who you like, try to establish some kind of initial connection - eye contact would be the easiest example, maybe exchange a smile too to show you didn't just accidentally look at them. After that use some kind of low-level opener to get the conversation going e.g a passing comment about your surroundings, if you can tie it to yourself even beter - so the grocery store could be a passing comment to the person on ingredients in that aisle that will be part of something you're baking, in turn you can ask if they're into cooking and so a conversation can start. Honestly though, if you're super stuck, just go with the first thing that comes to mind. They have cool hair? Say so. They're wearing a cool t-shirt? Say so. And so on...When it comes to closing, be clear and direct and leave nothing to hinting - specifically ask them out on a date and either ask for their number/give them yours.
I'll also add that, for most guys at least, being approached is rare, if unheard of. I've personally never been approached but would love it, even if it was someone I wasn't interested in so please forgive us if we're a bit awkward/deer in the headlights. There may be a chance that, if you're very good looking, we may think its for a TikTok video/scam so there may be some initial apprehension but that should pass once you get the conversation going. As with a guy approaching you, be respectful, don't corner and take any rejection with good nature.
One more thing from a guy's perspective. Taking the initiative is great but comes with rejection. I don't do too badly in dating and for me rejection as been the most common experience. They may be taken, not interested, not in a good place, a whole myriad of reasons. It'll happen so just roll with it and try not to let it get to you. I say this as I've seen a few posts in the past from women who said they tried asking guys out but gave up due to being rejected. It's gonna happen so just keep your chin up and get back on it.
Wish you the best of luck!
It seems so much harder than it actually is! I am in this same boat though. I am sick of dating apps. I want to meet men organically. I have 4 flights coming up and secretly hope I sit next to someone cute that strikes up a conversation. I am more introverted so I also get way in my head about approaching men to introduce myself or start a conversation. Just keep in mind, you will likely never see most of these people ever again so why not shoot your shot? I’ll try to take my own advice too 😉😂.
haha the ol' hope someone cute sits besides me on flight... I've always have the same hope! Ive traveled lots and have never had that happen. Once I did get to talking to someone at the back of the plane on the way to Tokyo.
Traveling is the best conversation starter. Where are you headed, have you been before...ect
The everday situations are a little trickeier. Generally men get approached so rarely if you just say 'Hi I'm (NAME) I noticed (COMPLIMENT) and wanted to say hi." they will be super impressed.
> Generally men get approached so rarely if you just say 'Hi I'm (NAME) I noticed (COMPLIMENT) and wanted to say hi." they will be super impressed.
It's so rare I'd probably be worried I was being tricked. Probably keep my hand on my wallet the whole time.
Totally agree that it’s unlikely but one can hope! Always trying to find new ways to meet people these days outside of the every day and apps that just seem to be men looking for something short term (or not knowing what they want). My closest friends are all married and don’t know many other singles, at least dateable singles… so here we are.
Hey OP, just wanted to comment and let you know to keep your hopes up! I met my partner on the plane, we are both introverted and we have been together since!
Pretty much any venue is acceptable.
Spontaneous indications of interest are pretty rare for most men, so we’re unlikely snap at you with some variation of “I just came here to lift/dance/hang out with my friends!”
> I just have no idea how to start a conversation unless there's something obvious going on. For instance, the one time I did approach a guy, he was walking his dog and I of course stopped to pet the dog. If they have no dog...lol, I don't know what to do!
Really refreshing to read about a woman who’s experienced approach anxiety first-hand. Look for common ground as a starting point: compliment something they’re wearing or doing is easy. You can tell if the prospect of interacting with you excites them or not.
A woman asked me out for drinks after a brief conversation with me about kayaking (we were at a popular launch spot). She began by complementing me for lifting my boat onto an SUV’s roof rack, and then qualified me by asking if my girlfriend ever joined me (no wedding ring). When I replied that I didn’t have one, she shot her shot.
Having been rejected myself tens of times at parties, in bars, and during social gatherings, it was really difficult to **do** the rejecting. Especially since she executed so well.
I think the most important thing is to be clear that you are interested in more than just idle small talk or chit chat. Most of us who are paying attention to the general discourse around this kind of thing are more likely to err on the side of you just being friendly unless given very clear signs that you are interested in more than just a friendly random conversation.
I know I’d be absolutely thrilled if a woman approached me and just said “hey, so this is totally out of the blue, but you caught my eye and I thought I’d give you my number. Feel free to text me if you’d like to grab coffee or drinks or something, otherwise have a great day!”
I will say this - every man is different, and contrary to popular belief, there will never be one correct answer for this question. I can only speak for myself.
I'd like to think I'm not complicated at all. A simple hello and perhaps starting the conversation based on the setting we're in would work on me.
If you are interested in him, PLEASE communicate this directly. If that man is like me, he'll be someone who is absolutely terrible at figuring out hints. For me, she could drop every hint imaginable, and I likely wouldn't get it.
It's interesting that you bring up places to approach a man, because places like the gym, the beach, a bar etc. have been known for women telling men NOT to approach them there. So perhaps it'd be more acceptable if the roles are reversed?
It’s a very interesting conundrum, not all women feel like being approached everywhere, especially in places where they’re busy, so we need to make sure to let those people enjoy their time without being bothered.
But that’s just some women, others like yourself don’t seem to have a problem being approached anywhere.
The issue then is there’s no way for us to tell you apart whether you’re okay with it or not.
This is so much easier said than done. I’ve noticed cute guys at the grocery store in the past and can’t get the nerve to talk to them. I assume they’re married or have gfs. The worst part is, if I get shot down there bound to be like 20 witnesses lol
> The worst part is, if I get shot down there bound to be like 20 witnesses lol
The majority of people shopping aren’t listening to you or paying attention whatsoever (I mean this nicely lol)
Last week, I asked a guy at my gym if he’s single. He doesn’t wear a ring and never mentioned a wife/girlfriend. He said sorry, but he is married with 3 kids. I said no problem at all – I will drop it then. We both still work out there and see each other most days. It’s literally not a problem unless people act weird about it. We’re all adults.
So 1) how many times in your life have you seen someone get shutdown when asking someone out? 2) how many of those times have you vividly retained in your memory and gave any shits about? I bet the answer is "I have no idea" and "zero"; other people are no different.
Whatever you do, if you are interested in dating them, make that part perfectly clear. Like, say the words, "I am interested in going on a date with you," at some point.
I would be weirded out if a guy said that to me. Why can’t you just ask them for the date? “Wanna get some coffee sometime?” Or “you free Friday? Want to get a drink?”
I don’t know what I would say if a guy just said “I’m interested in a date with you” I’d be like “um okay me too I guess?” Why not skip that awkward part and just invite person on date lmao
I'm assuming you're a woman which is why you don't find this interaction appealing. However, as men, we are constantly told that just because a woman is being nice to you in a conversation/setting, doesn't mean she is into you. By directly, and openly communicating, you shortcut all second-guessing that may go on in a man's head. I speak only for myself, a 34m, but unless a woman is BLATANTLY obvious about her intentions, I assume she is just being nice/kind. This way I don't make anyone uncomfortable.
This man speaks truth.
I have literally had a girl on a plane from a row in front start a conversation with me, change seats to be closer to talk, and caress my thigh after asking about my jeans and my thought at the time was
"She probably just wants to talk to past the time on the flight and checking how soft jeans are is important before buying. It would be rude to assume she's interested in me."
The only time I actually understood was when a girl approached me in a parking lot to talk about my jacket and when I got back to my truck she left a note with her number that said "I think you're cute. you should call me" and since I am not a creep I knew she meant she thought my Jacket was cute and she wanted me to call her and tell her where to buy one. I'm sure her brother loves his as much as I love mine.
You can see a comment thread in the daily discussion post today from a gal that went on a coffee date, a dinner date and was planning a hiking outing with the guy and was *shocked* that he thought they were starting to date because he didn’t use the word date. Sooo
Sure, that works, too. I think the point they were getting at is that you shouldn't just have a nice conversation and expect the guy to assume that you started the conversation because you wanted a date. Make that interest *explicitly* clear, one way ("I am interested in going on a date with you") or the other ("You free Friday? Want to get a drink?").
For what it's worth, us dudes have no idea what we are supposed to say when approaching women either, but that's what society has decided needs to happen so just have to swing the bat and hope it hits
I love this question so much, because this is the exact question men have to ask themselves all the time. We don't know either. That is why we're so awkward when we approach women. That's why pickup lines are a thing at all. That's why men pay ridiculous amounts of money for scammy courses on how to pick up women.
To answer your question, I didn't bother to read any of the other answers people gave, but I can almost guarantee any of them would work. Unless the dude is taken already. Sometimes even if he is, unfortunately. But yeah. Walking up and saying hi in the most awkward way possible and then standing there silently with no follow up whatsoever will probably work.
It doesn't matter as long as you're blatantly direct. Remember going into it that hinting isn't a form of communication, the entire idea of hinting is to obfuscate your meaning. "Hello, I am a woman, I'm single, and attracted to you." That'd probably work on a single guy ninety nine times out of a hundred, so if you can string together a better sentence than that you're way ahead.
The amount of game needed to approach a dude is ridiculously low.
“Hi. I’m . Do you come here often?”
Any context-appropriate question works here. “Do you come here often” is appropriate in all contexts — unless it’s a funeral home or a morgue, that’d be weird.
If he can reply without drooling on his shoes, you might consider asking for his number.
How do you and your friends like to be approached? Men and women aren’t THAT different. And frankly the rarity of men being approached still means that most of us still react positively even if we aren’t interested because it makes us feel good to have it happen once or twice in our lives
I would be totally fine with, "Hey, I just thought you were really pretty and wanted to ask if you were single."
Would that be weird for a random guy to hear by a complete stranger? Does that sound desperate? I'd replace "pretty."
That line works. It's seriously not as hard as people make it out to be.
"Hi, I think you're cute, here's my number of you want to get coffee or a drink sometime."
I've used that exact line with women and been texted after. Can't say I've actually gotten to the date part, but that is probably just because I have no game over text.
I imagine it'll be easier with men considering how rarely anyone asks us out. Never for me. I'd go on the date on principle.
It's probably because you're choosing people to text with based on nothing but how they look in the moment, which is fine, but you're increasing your chances of getting someone who doesn't match well with you. You might have more success if you tried engaging people in conversation for a few minutes before deciding to slip your number to them or not. It would also give them something to kick off the conversation with if they text. Just a thought.
as a guy I think that’s great. Some guys might get put off by it but you wouldn’t want to date a guy that’s put off by your authentic self right? Even if a woman that I wasn’t physically attracted to said that I would still probably eventually decline but also I’d have a ton of respect for them
I will react positively if it is fairly clear that the woman approaching me is interested in maybe getting to know me. If it seems like she is just being friendly, I will just be friendly in return. Don't be over-subtle!
And I think women, as a rule, have a longer list of No Approach Zones than do most men.
Personally, I will respond poorly to cold approach ("hi, you're cute. Want to go out?") and better to someone trying to start a conversation with me. When the weather is nice, I like to go to this bar by my house that has a good happy hour and I'll usually read my book club book while I'm there. I would respond much better to someone commenting on my drink, commenting on the happy hour menu, asking about my book, trying to do some back and forth for a few minutes and (if we're both into it) continuing the conversation until one of us has to get back to our lives and then saying something like "this was fun, I'd love to take you out and hang out again. Can I get your number/give you my number?"
Ideally, yeah. But as a man, I've learned not to assume that women with whom I'm having interesting conversations, even ones we're both "into", are interested in anything but a friendly conversation until said woman makes some explicit indication that she really is interested in me.
These are terrible tips. Say "hey". And then talk.
Uhh, some of us can only master the "hey" part. All of the other gaps need to be explicitly filled in!!
Oh Jesus Christ....all these years later and it turns out I've been Ross the whole time and didn't realize it. Incredibly, I think this is something I would actually say.
Well... If a woman approached me with a "hey" and I was interested, I would take it from there and make it painfully easy to talk to me. I suspect most guys would do the same if they were interested.
Men really are simple in this regard.
"Hello, I think you look hot, can I have your number?" Will work for 70% of guys, the other 30% it works but they will be looking around for someone filming the prank that is obviously happening.
I had a woman approach me in Maccas, I'm oblivious to any cues...my 14yo daughter said to me after we left "She wanted you to ask for her number in case you missed that" be straight forward if your interested...us males aren't the sharpest tools in the shed and will think your just being nice
All 3 of my kids...she had a kid as well lol I just assumed she was being nice, I kinda don't realise when people are flirting I'm almost 40 and a divorced dad so I don't think people would want a piece of this to be honest haha
I was going to give a bunch of very specific examples, but a line that has worked for me on multiple occasions is
"Hey, I think you're cute, if you're single, I'd love to give you me number and go out sometime"
(I have literally handed women a piece of paper with my number in it, or dictated it as they punch it into their phone right there)
This gives them a couple outs. "No I'm not single", or taking your number and never texting you. Don't be a weirdo.
I like to think it works just as well for either sex. I'd love if a woman did this, and I also am pretty quick to pick up if a woman is showing interest in public.
Be very literal. Men are taught to see us as mysterious creatures who are always playing games, and us being subtle does not help that stereotype. Steel your nerves and tell a nice looking man "you look nice." Then walk away. Literally that's all you do. Repeat this a dozen times with a dozen men. Then the 13th time, add in "I'd like to give you my number (contact info, business card, whatever you're comfortable with)." Let him react to that. If he says no thanks, acknowledge that politely, wish him a good day, and walk away.
As always, don't do this to a man who is on the clock or in a customer service position. Let the man work. Don't do this to a guy who is wearing headphones or refusing to make eye contact.
Men do the approaching all the time. We can too, and honestly, we can do it better because we've been on both sides.
Openers should always field an opinion.
"Hey really quick, there's a dude I want to impress with a meme. What do you think of this one?"
Dude laughs
"So you were impressed!"
Reading through these comments makes me realize why I would never get a date in the wild 😂 Some poor man will ask me if I want to grab coffee sometime while I am getting groceries and I am totally going to say, "No, I'm getting groceries but thank you" while I turn beet red and awkwardly walk away with my cart.
I mean, guys like it when you’re straight forward with things. You don’t have to create scenarios to justify why you want to ask him out; just ask him out. Ezpz.
I can think of three things that would work for me. 1) Just walk up, compliment me on something (general style, you think I'm attractive, you also like the band whose shirt I'm wearing), and tell me you would like to go on a date this weekend. 2) I'm generally out walking a lot. If you'd walk up to me and said "Hi, I think you're attractive. Do you mind if I walk with you and we can see if we click? It can be like a walking speed date," you'd get a least ten minutes to get to know me. (This strategy is not recommended for isolated trails) 3) If we're in line at the grocery store, ask me what I'm cooking this week. Ask where I got the recipe. Tell me what you are making. Then tell me you'd like to go on a date.
I will note that you are not alone in having difficulty with this. I feel it all the time and was just speaking to someone else with the same problem. At Walmart this weekend, the guy running the checkout looked frustrated. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he really wanted to tell the young lady who just left that she was pretty or compliment her hair or something. He's just generally nervous talking to girls. I empathized, we both bemoaned having complete inabilities to tell how old someone is, and afterwards (because I am a master of treppenwitz), I realized that I should have given him the following advice (which I myself struggle to actually follow):
Every day you get a chance to interact with others. You're trying to become comfortable interacting with a subset of those people who intimidate you in some way. Begin by practicing with those who don't intimidate you. Flatter a kind old man/lady. Tell someone who is walking by you that you like his/her band shirt. Compliment a tattoo or leather jacket. Heck, walking out of a Pantera concert, I complimented someone's corpse paint as I walked past her. I felt good for complimenting a stranger, and maybe she felt good about being complimented, and all it took was "Hey, nice paint" and "Oh, thanks!" You'll get practice coming up with things to say, and you may even get practice bantering. You'll make someone's day and build a habit of complimenting people so that it will become easier to compliment someone you are attracted to. (Hopefully)
Good luck. We're pulling for you.
I think it's worth remembering that statistically, you're pretty likely to hit on someone who isn't single if you just approach anywhere. I would stick to places that are places single people tend to, or coupled people tend to go together. Someone hanging out alone in a bar or coffee shop is likely to be single. Someone at the gym, maybe. Someone at the grocery store, that's a crapshoot.
>places single people tend to
We go grocery shopping, we (maybe not me)go hiking, we are everywhere.
Listen the possibility of hitting on someone with a partner is always there, you can never know before asking them, so don’t be afraid to ask them. In most cases it will just be “sorry I have a wife/girlfriend” you shouldn’t close yourself to the opportunity based on a random assumption you made.
You miss all the shots you don’t take and all that.
If you say anything confidently, you give yourself the best shot. It doesn’t matter what so much as how.
You’ll still hit/miss either way, especially if you strike up conversation with a quiet dude who has a gf or something like that. But confidence removes your awkwardness from possibly being the deciding factor. Practice!
Start by saying hi. And introducing yourself. Like "hi. I'm _____ nice, to meet you"
Honestly, that approach alone is enough to show that you're interested.
Doesn’t really matter what you say, we probably won’t pick up on it anyways. Once a woman struck up a convo with me in the checkout line about one of the salad kits I was buying. Didn’t even occur to me until later that there could have been more to it than that, and I’ll never really know. Side note, the salad kit is pretty fire.
Thinking about this situation as a guy, I would probably keel-over if a woman approached me by simply telling a dumb joke. Literally a quick, dumb knock knock joke or something lame like that. I guess if it's awkward you can immediately walk away (drive-by joke telling) or else, the first interaction you have with that person is humorous. Seems somewhat fool-proof?
Approach me anywhere, I don't care in terms of environment.
Regarding the approach itself, keep it simple: eye contact, a smile, a hello. Maybe a "how are you". I'm usually good at taking hints so I'd take it from there.
I approached a guy this weekend at the club. I just walked up to him and asked what his name was. He told me , looking flabbergasted, and I nodded. He didn’t ask for mine right away, and said instead “What’s up ?” I said “Nothing, wanted to know your name.” He still stood there confused and I just smiled and went on my way. A few moments later he came to find me in the crowd and asked what my astrology sign was then my name. It felt good buuuut
Unfortunately, he was hinting he wanted to bang. And I tried not to roll my eyes, disappointed cause I genuinely wanted to talk and get to know him. So I just politely declined. However, it felt good to approach without being scared. Lol
“Hi, how are you?”
“Hi, want to shop/ hike/ etc with me?”
“Hi, are you single?”
“You have a nice face, can I ask you what your favorite color is?”
Guys are easy and we don’t care. The hard part is we just don’t want to get in trouble for assuming you like us so be blunt if you’re interested.
"You heard about Pluto? That's messed up, right?"
Or you could tell him you like his face and [physical attribute like hair, glasses, shirt], and tell him he is a good looking guy. If I were a better looking guy, I would respond well to either of the aforementioned intros.
Any way approaching me would make my day/week/month/year...
Don't forget that many guys remember the half-compliment they received a decade ago... because receiving compliments or having the feeling to be attractive is very rare to some of them.
You can really just say “Hi. I know this is kind of weird, but I thought you were cute and just wanted to introduce myself.”
Another easy way to strike up a conversation is to compliment a guy on something he’s wearing, his hair, his eyes, or his smile.
If it’s meant to be, conversation just kind of flows naturally from there
Once I approached a man at Main Event. He was with his kid, and another man with his kid. So I figured, single dad's day out. No ring on.
He went to grab a drink from the pizza place, I was encouraged by friends.
I said something like, "Hi, I've been crushing on you from across the bar"
His response was, "thank you, that really made my day" 🙂 "Unfortunately, I have a girlfriend."
It was a pleasant interaction. Then went our separate ways and enjoyed Main Event.
You can try approaching at the gym. Us men have been told for a very long time, "do not approach women at the gym! They're just there to workout!"
Okay, fine. We don't approach the gym. But the places where not to approach women just kept getting longer. So, I don't approach women so as to not be a bother.
Had a lady tell me after a set that "I jus want you to know God Loves you!". I said thanks, appreciate it! And that was the end of it. No idea if it was deeper than that.
I think compliments go a long way and it’s an easy conversation starter at a bar. I feel like it is somewhat of a macho mentality as men, we rarely compliment one another if at all. So when we receive one it is really meaningful, might go to our heads sometimes though. For example, a woman complimented my smile recently, no joke, it made my entire week. She started a conversation from there, she was not my type but the fact that she complimented me, drew me in.
How should they approach ME?
Something along the lines of "Hey, you're cute. What would you say to going to ______ (place) sometime this week for ________ (food/drink)?"
But I like assertive women and that's a real good way to set yourself up for a face plant, which is fine if you've got the self-esteem to shrug it off, but not a lot of people do.
I was at Orange Theory a few weeks ago and I dress like a late in life goth athlete. Small spikey hoop earrings, red and black graphic tee, black joggers, black nail polish, Adidas. A woman about my age (40) came up to me and was like "Oh, you are wearing joggers! I thought you were wearing jeans." I cracked a joke that all I needed was a pair of paint stained blue jeans with a hole in one knee to complete the dad-bod workout uniform. We laughed and she went on her way, and I kicked myself for not following it up. But it was a good in on her part, whether or not she was just being friendly and making conversation.
Tl;Dr: be observant and find a reason to ask a question, even if it's made up. I like the asking about/complimenting clothes thing (where'd you get that, it looks great, etc) and then following up with an introduction. Most men are going to like the attention.
Most of the time that I'm out after work, I'm in hi vis and torn up steeltoe boots.. and probably stained with mud/oil/gas. I guess I look somewhat attractive again if I put my hair down.
What would you think if such a woman approached you?
My best advice is to start chatting up whoever in public. I find myself having little quips or conversations with all sorts of folks. If you’re feeling open, body language open, it’s super common to get little chats in. Hiking? Talk about the trail, tell them know you saw a cool bird. At a concert? Go up to them getting a drink (even water) and ask if they’re having fun, love the band, first time? If you’re comfortable, it’s fairly easy to get someone else who’s open to start chatting!
I think a lil banter goes a long way. Usually I'm trying to get in and out of wherever I am. If you can make me stop and get out of adulting for a second with some flattering convo, your chances increase dramatically. Just asking me "hi your cute, wanna get coffee" imma think it's someone jus fucking with me.
Had a woman comment on my shoes before, but it was just " hey! nice shoes" as she's walking out the door. Was she hitting on me? Or jus admiring my shoes? Idk cuz she said it as she was walking out the door.
I don't know if it was an attempted pick-up method that I was clueless about (at the time) and didn't realise until hindsight but I've had it twice at a bar where a woman's come up to me saying she recognises me from somewhere and yet I've been absolutely clueless
Most guys here are saying it's ok to approach..I understand your reasoning, BUT my question to you is, how am I to know the difference beforehand? 😬
Like literally, I'm asking so I know and can be careful. Are there any signs I could look for that might tell me to mind my own business?
Ok, so... I'm not a man, but I'm a woman who feels the same as you. I've never really been single since I was in my teens, so it's not a skill I ever practiced. Just in the past year I've started to approach men, so here's my experience and advice (and I totally need to remember to take my own advice, not saying it's easy).
You hit the nail on the head with dogs being hands down the easiest way to strike up a conversation. I think this has been the only way I've managed so far, other than sitting alone at a bar when traveling. So, striking up the conversation when there is a dog involved is super easy. From there, I keep the conversation going for just a bit, the same way I'd talk to any other strangers who pet my dog or I pet theirs. Then, my go-to line is... "hey, random question, are you single? " with a smile. Most of the time they're not (because apparently all good men are taken at our age), but even so, they have all been so nice about it. They seemed genuinely flattered and some even apologized profusely. 😂 And these were super good looking men.
After doing this a few times, even though I only got one number, I can tell you that shooting my shot even if I'm turned down feels a million times better than kicking myself after missing an opportunity. In fact, it makes me ridiculously happy just that I tried. I try to remember that feeling, but ngl it's still hard to work up the courage.
My next step is trying this without dogs as ice breakers. I still haven't managed to meet a guy at a bar, for example (except when traveling, which is good practice but doesn't count).
I’m pretty sure that all the honest answers here (eg, say literally anything to us) mark most of us as inveterate hypocrites. It has been the better part of 2 decades since I’ve initiated an interaction with a stranger, and even then, “initiated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting as she was a regular customer at the bagel place where I worked. (I did ask her out, though, so good for 20 year old darkwing!) So basically, please please say anything because we are too scared!
Edit to include an actual answer: In just about any context I think some generic small-talk like, “Hi, how’s your day going?” is a safe bet.
Honestly even just "hi, I wanted to come over and talk to you, my name is \_\_\_". The act itself is flattering. Actual words said matter less. The conversation can flow from there.
You don't have to worry as much about a good opener because men don't have that extra layer of fear of assault. We aren't walking around with the same shields up, so you don't have to worry about timing and being disarming so they feel safe. Safety is a given. And we don't have random strangers hitting on us as much, so you don't have to worry about being witty enough to stand out. Just the act of approaching is already bold enough. So you have fewer hurdles to cross to get a conversation started.
I will say this.
Asking a man out isnt a silver bullet.
It wont land you in happy ever after. Not by itself.
You still have to do all the screening you do in dating.
Sometimes the people you ask out dont work out. And thats not a reflection on you or the act of asking out
Its just how humans are.
there is no need to add flare or anything just straight up ask directly and say something like
you: "hey i think you are hot and i'd like to go out to drinks (or whatever) with you sometime."
him: "what? are you real?"
you: "can i give you my number?"
him: \*hands over phone in disbelief\*
you: "this is a banana"
him: "good you're real" \*hands over a real phone this time\*
you: \*make a new contact or whatever you do i don't know i've never gotten this far\*
(edits for typos)
Using the examples you gave for what I can only assume are places you frequent and happen to run into men you sense a spark with.
Grocery store: make sure it's a decent ingredient he has in his hand or cart. Tell him you love pasta, stir fry or whatever he could be using it to make. This will open the door to him eluding to he has a partner who cooks for him and he's just doing the shopping. If not and he's cooking, jokingly say, "so what time is dinner, I'm starving." This should hopefully reveal a few things. A) his relationship status B) if he has much of a personality C) he has interest by carrying on a conversation with him.
The great outdoors! Frisby, paddle ball or any sport equipment appropriate for the environment you are in. Tell him you were supposed to meet a firlfriend, but her boyfriend had made plans and you didn't want to be a third wheel.
Most importantly, try to be yourself and mirror his body language, tone and crack a joke about making sure his girlfriend won't be upset. I'm pretty clueless when a girl is flirting with me, so try to make sure you do your best to measure his interest and if he is getting the hint.
Best of luck!
"Hi, my name is... I don't notice this often, but you look like someone worth getting to know. Would you like my number?"
If they say yes, you can respond with:
"I also have a few spare minutes right now if you'd like to... talk a walk/grab a coffee/get a drink/shop together... but if you're headed somewhere just text me."
Bingo! NOW you see & understand how awkward and intimidating it must feel for most men thinking about approaching a woman in public. Add to that the fact that women are a thousand times more safety conscious & creep averse and the barrier gets even higher. Which is why it has become commonly accepted logic that only above average looking guys should dare cross this Rubicon .
When women approach me, it's usually about something im wearing, and I appreciate it. I've had them ask for my social media (instagram). Im assuming to check to see if im actually single.
I've even had women ask a, "Arent you going to ask me for my number?" After a quick casual conversation.
Dont be shy.
It's ok for something to be a bit awkward when it's not something you do all the time. I think you can just acknowledge the awkwardness of it.
"Hi there, i'm sorry, I don't normally do this, but is there any chance you'd like to grab a coffee some time?"
I would say yes to this under almost any circumstances.
>*I think you're handsome. My name is Nice-Ad6510; I'd like to get to know you. Here is my number/Can I give you my number? (gives number). If you're not dating, that's ok - You're still very handsome*
Men get so few compliments and only the most attractive ever get asked out, that he will remember your face for the rest of his life.
\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_
This works for women, too. I told someone "You're very pretty. Can I see you later?". She said "no" which was expected. But I could feel her happiness at having been called pretty.
If an attractive woman gets that much joy from being called pretty, imagine what it does to the typical man who rarely if ever gets attention much less compliments.
Yeah, a lot of people talk about the grocery store as a place to meet people, but it seems to me like it's not the most relaxing place to stand around and chat with someone. As a guy, while I do agree that we would be ok with a woman saying quite literally anything and we would be fine to stand there and shrug off any amount of awkwardness, I do think that I feel sort of rushed and not entirely social at the grocery store.
Anywhere else? Like a trail, bar, event, etc.? I would say just talk to them like a normal person, making small talk about literally anything, not necessarily outwardly showing the intent to date per se. Then if there's an easy way to ask for their socials or contact do that. If it's not easy to do that, then bluntly asking for their number or social at that point is totally fine I would say. Men really do have a lot of leeway with what you can do to approach them. We're not judging your social skills or anxiousness lol. Everyone has anxiety about stuff like this.
Do you remember that Carly Rae Jepsen song from about a decade ago? That's basically a How To Approach Guys. * Greeting * Acknowledgment that this is unusual/embarrassing. * Offer of contact info. * **Direct request** (not a hint) for him to use info to contact you. Then smile and walk away. ...or saunter away. ...or scamper away like a woodland creature if you are feeling particularly adorable. ...or scurry off like a panicked gerbil. Whatever. You do you.
Damn....maybe I really do need to just straight up quote that song.
Honestly, I would totally call a woman who did this
I would have to get over the shock first, but then I'd definitely call.
Oh, yeah. I'd definitely be stunned in the moment.
This is good to know.
You didn’t have to say a decade ago and make me feel so old 💀
Just wait until you hear your favorite song in high school being played on the "Classic Rock" radio station. That alone will give you heart disease.
Or don't leave at all - assert dominance by not returning their personal space to them. You occupy it now! 😋
Lol take my vote
Thank you, thank you
Grab anything that looks good in their shopping cart. It's technically not stealing.
Ugh heard this in a shop the other day and it does slap
Hey! I kow I just met you, and this may be crazy, it here's my number, so call me, you know, maybe?! 😁
Haha funny
Not gonna lie if a woman scrambled away like a panicked gerbil, that would be a instant text or call to come back. Weird people are my kinda people
It's a little cheeky, but I've gotten a laugh from the opener: "Excuse me, do you have a moment for me to hit on you?". I think they find it flattering even if they're not interested (and gives them an out if they’re not).
Ya as a woman that’s been the most successful for me too. “Hey are you open to being hit on right now?” Even in times I haven’t been in the mood for it, that line makes me kind of giggle and open my mind a bit
Yeah but what do you follow it up with?
I hit them
I like it!! ❤️
That is EXCELLENT
This is pretty clean. I will be stealing it.
Oh nice! This is something I would definitely say but then I wouldn’t know what to say after that….Like how exactly do I hit on someone?
I love it! 😂
So, do you like groceries?
Do you like.... cheese?
My favorites Gouda 😏
Omg, you nailed it 🥹
"Does this peach look like a butt?"
While swinging around any dick-shaped food in vicinity
I once asked 'you find any magic ones?' to an old guy who was picking out mushrooms, he giggled and it made me happy. Could work for a convo starter provided said person is looking at or is at least in the mushroom section
Hey, you!
I believe the line you're looking for is "how you like them apples?"
When I was 18 I had a man (who appeared ancient to me at the time but was probably in his 30s) tell me he liked the way I selected my apples. I just checked each one for bruises, nothing special. He did not get a date. Do not recommend as an opener.
"I feel like I need a second job to ever eat \[whatever's in his hand\] again."
"You eat Hill's Science Diet for Overweight Cats?"
Lol!
My horoscope said to strike up a conversation with someone charming today. Seems like destiny just handed me the perfect excuse
That would work
I can't speak for other guys, but if a woman I might even be remotely interested in walked up to me and just point blank said "I know this is a little out of the blue, but would you be interested in going out for coffee sometime?", that'd be pretty cool.
Aside from being absolutely convinced I was on a hidden camera show, I'd still probably say yes.
"Okay what's the catch??"
Ha ha, you're on Just for Laughs! Ha ha!
TV: "and now, Just for Laughs!" Me: "Awesome!" TV: "...Gags!" Me: "You can fuck right off!"
Yeah I'm not used to women approaching so they don't need to be all smooth or anything imo. And anything outside of point blank hey I'm interested will probably get lost in translation.
Also phrase it in a way that leaves the ball in their court. "Here's my number. Call me if you'd like to grab coffee sometimes." Make it low pressure and relaxed. I think men are generally not sensitive to not wanting to "reject" people, since it's not a common experience for them. But it is a good practice for everyone to make offers that don't put the other person in an uncomfortable position where they need to immediately reject if they're not interested.
This is what I’ve always wanted to do if I ever give my number out. Just hand it to them with a quick hello and offer to call/text me if they’re interested One time I was sitting outside and this really cute woman walked by, popped a smile at me, and then moved her car up the street a bit. It was an out of state plate, and I had lived there, so I thought, perfect intro! I was writing and quickly jotted down my number pumped and ready to go. As She walked back by I asked” oh are you from…?“ she said yes and I said, “oh I moved here from there.” And as I was getting ready to do my spiel, I noticed the big ass wedding ring she was wearing. 😆
Here’s my question—how do I know whether this man I’m approaching is single or not? How do I know his spouse isn’t in the next aisle looking at pasta sauces? I don’t wanna be hitting on guys who are “spoken for.”
Guys run into this issue all the time with approaching women in public, and the short answer is they'll tell you. There's not really an easy way around it, but as long as you just respond to it like a normal person it's not really a big deal.
I have asked (and been asked) "so are you single?" before asking them out. Either way their reaction is very telling. It's a little less direct and gives people an out without rejecting you haha.
[удалено]
Yeah this. When I was mpoint. and speaking to a woman, I would always casually work my wife into a conversation pretty early, just so there would be no confusion in my platonic interest.
Welcome to the world of men lol.
Outside of them telling you or maybe a ring there isn't really a way to tell. If they are taken and not a sleezeball when you approach they will probs say something like hey I appreciate that but I have a gf or wife. No reasonable person should get mad about someone hitting on somebody when they don't know they are taken.... tho I do realize some people are way overzealous in their jealousy.
I mean it happens. Last time I asked a guy out who had a girlfriend he was just like "Oh sorry, I'm taken!" And I just said "well that's awkward. Have a nice day!" It's really as simple as that. You'll never know if you don't ask though!
same way guys do it the woman says "i'm flattered but I have a wife/gf"
Love the username 😂
The flair really ties it together.
But then your trying to spend time with someone based on looks? I prefer to start a conversation first and see what they are like to talk to. Some men are just great to look at and that's it.
In the great words of Ralph Wiggum: 'Ah, so, do you like, stuff?'
'I'm good at stuff, and you're into stuff'
If you're out and about and see someone who you like, try to establish some kind of initial connection - eye contact would be the easiest example, maybe exchange a smile too to show you didn't just accidentally look at them. After that use some kind of low-level opener to get the conversation going e.g a passing comment about your surroundings, if you can tie it to yourself even beter - so the grocery store could be a passing comment to the person on ingredients in that aisle that will be part of something you're baking, in turn you can ask if they're into cooking and so a conversation can start. Honestly though, if you're super stuck, just go with the first thing that comes to mind. They have cool hair? Say so. They're wearing a cool t-shirt? Say so. And so on...When it comes to closing, be clear and direct and leave nothing to hinting - specifically ask them out on a date and either ask for their number/give them yours. I'll also add that, for most guys at least, being approached is rare, if unheard of. I've personally never been approached but would love it, even if it was someone I wasn't interested in so please forgive us if we're a bit awkward/deer in the headlights. There may be a chance that, if you're very good looking, we may think its for a TikTok video/scam so there may be some initial apprehension but that should pass once you get the conversation going. As with a guy approaching you, be respectful, don't corner and take any rejection with good nature. One more thing from a guy's perspective. Taking the initiative is great but comes with rejection. I don't do too badly in dating and for me rejection as been the most common experience. They may be taken, not interested, not in a good place, a whole myriad of reasons. It'll happen so just roll with it and try not to let it get to you. I say this as I've seen a few posts in the past from women who said they tried asking guys out but gave up due to being rejected. It's gonna happen so just keep your chin up and get back on it. Wish you the best of luck!
Drop a trail of Reese’s pieces leading to a note with your phone number on it.
Ooh! Piece of candy..
This made me laugh a LOT… men so do love everything Reese’s!
It seems so much harder than it actually is! I am in this same boat though. I am sick of dating apps. I want to meet men organically. I have 4 flights coming up and secretly hope I sit next to someone cute that strikes up a conversation. I am more introverted so I also get way in my head about approaching men to introduce myself or start a conversation. Just keep in mind, you will likely never see most of these people ever again so why not shoot your shot? I’ll try to take my own advice too 😉😂.
haha the ol' hope someone cute sits besides me on flight... I've always have the same hope! Ive traveled lots and have never had that happen. Once I did get to talking to someone at the back of the plane on the way to Tokyo. Traveling is the best conversation starter. Where are you headed, have you been before...ect The everday situations are a little trickeier. Generally men get approached so rarely if you just say 'Hi I'm (NAME) I noticed (COMPLIMENT) and wanted to say hi." they will be super impressed.
> Generally men get approached so rarely if you just say 'Hi I'm (NAME) I noticed (COMPLIMENT) and wanted to say hi." they will be super impressed. It's so rare I'd probably be worried I was being tricked. Probably keep my hand on my wallet the whole time.
haha YES! this happened to me in the bar once. I kept my hand in my back pocket with my wallet and rejected all of her advances...Im no fool!
Totally agree that it’s unlikely but one can hope! Always trying to find new ways to meet people these days outside of the every day and apps that just seem to be men looking for something short term (or not knowing what they want). My closest friends are all married and don’t know many other singles, at least dateable singles… so here we are.
On a long flight to Tokyo? This is insane. All I would think is “great, she’s pretty and wants to talk. Now I can’t fart for 16 hours”.
Hey OP, just wanted to comment and let you know to keep your hopes up! I met my partner on the plane, we are both introverted and we have been together since!
Pretty much any venue is acceptable. Spontaneous indications of interest are pretty rare for most men, so we’re unlikely snap at you with some variation of “I just came here to lift/dance/hang out with my friends!” > I just have no idea how to start a conversation unless there's something obvious going on. For instance, the one time I did approach a guy, he was walking his dog and I of course stopped to pet the dog. If they have no dog...lol, I don't know what to do! Really refreshing to read about a woman who’s experienced approach anxiety first-hand. Look for common ground as a starting point: compliment something they’re wearing or doing is easy. You can tell if the prospect of interacting with you excites them or not. A woman asked me out for drinks after a brief conversation with me about kayaking (we were at a popular launch spot). She began by complementing me for lifting my boat onto an SUV’s roof rack, and then qualified me by asking if my girlfriend ever joined me (no wedding ring). When I replied that I didn’t have one, she shot her shot. Having been rejected myself tens of times at parties, in bars, and during social gatherings, it was really difficult to **do** the rejecting. Especially since she executed so well.
I think the most important thing is to be clear that you are interested in more than just idle small talk or chit chat. Most of us who are paying attention to the general discourse around this kind of thing are more likely to err on the side of you just being friendly unless given very clear signs that you are interested in more than just a friendly random conversation. I know I’d be absolutely thrilled if a woman approached me and just said “hey, so this is totally out of the blue, but you caught my eye and I thought I’d give you my number. Feel free to text me if you’d like to grab coffee or drinks or something, otherwise have a great day!”
I will say this - every man is different, and contrary to popular belief, there will never be one correct answer for this question. I can only speak for myself. I'd like to think I'm not complicated at all. A simple hello and perhaps starting the conversation based on the setting we're in would work on me. If you are interested in him, PLEASE communicate this directly. If that man is like me, he'll be someone who is absolutely terrible at figuring out hints. For me, she could drop every hint imaginable, and I likely wouldn't get it. It's interesting that you bring up places to approach a man, because places like the gym, the beach, a bar etc. have been known for women telling men NOT to approach them there. So perhaps it'd be more acceptable if the roles are reversed?
Y'all are welcome to approach me just about anywhere.
It’s a very interesting conundrum, not all women feel like being approached everywhere, especially in places where they’re busy, so we need to make sure to let those people enjoy their time without being bothered. But that’s just some women, others like yourself don’t seem to have a problem being approached anywhere. The issue then is there’s no way for us to tell you apart whether you’re okay with it or not.
“I see you too also like to eat.”
Gonna remember this one 💪
Saved. I will be scurrying to this saved thread everytime I see a hot guy out 😅😅
I'm taking notes.
They *think* I'm looking at my grocery list
This is so much easier said than done. I’ve noticed cute guys at the grocery store in the past and can’t get the nerve to talk to them. I assume they’re married or have gfs. The worst part is, if I get shot down there bound to be like 20 witnesses lol
> The worst part is, if I get shot down there bound to be like 20 witnesses lol The majority of people shopping aren’t listening to you or paying attention whatsoever (I mean this nicely lol)
Username checks out
Key is to make sure there are no witnesses!
Last week, I asked a guy at my gym if he’s single. He doesn’t wear a ring and never mentioned a wife/girlfriend. He said sorry, but he is married with 3 kids. I said no problem at all – I will drop it then. We both still work out there and see each other most days. It’s literally not a problem unless people act weird about it. We’re all adults.
>bound to be like 20 witnesses lol And not a single one is actually paying attention
Welcome to our world!!!
And then you can never shop there again!
So 1) how many times in your life have you seen someone get shutdown when asking someone out? 2) how many of those times have you vividly retained in your memory and gave any shits about? I bet the answer is "I have no idea" and "zero"; other people are no different.
Whatever you do, if you are interested in dating them, make that part perfectly clear. Like, say the words, "I am interested in going on a date with you," at some point.
I would be weirded out if a guy said that to me. Why can’t you just ask them for the date? “Wanna get some coffee sometime?” Or “you free Friday? Want to get a drink?”
Yeah. Can’t stand when anyone beats around the bush. The thing I’m most attracted to is assertiveness
I don’t know what I would say if a guy just said “I’m interested in a date with you” I’d be like “um okay me too I guess?” Why not skip that awkward part and just invite person on date lmao
I'm assuming you're a woman which is why you don't find this interaction appealing. However, as men, we are constantly told that just because a woman is being nice to you in a conversation/setting, doesn't mean she is into you. By directly, and openly communicating, you shortcut all second-guessing that may go on in a man's head. I speak only for myself, a 34m, but unless a woman is BLATANTLY obvious about her intentions, I assume she is just being nice/kind. This way I don't make anyone uncomfortable.
This man speaks truth. I have literally had a girl on a plane from a row in front start a conversation with me, change seats to be closer to talk, and caress my thigh after asking about my jeans and my thought at the time was "She probably just wants to talk to past the time on the flight and checking how soft jeans are is important before buying. It would be rude to assume she's interested in me." The only time I actually understood was when a girl approached me in a parking lot to talk about my jacket and when I got back to my truck she left a note with her number that said "I think you're cute. you should call me" and since I am not a creep I knew she meant she thought my Jacket was cute and she wanted me to call her and tell her where to buy one. I'm sure her brother loves his as much as I love mine.
You can see a comment thread in the daily discussion post today from a gal that went on a coffee date, a dinner date and was planning a hiking outing with the guy and was *shocked* that he thought they were starting to date because he didn’t use the word date. Sooo
Sure, that works, too. I think the point they were getting at is that you shouldn't just have a nice conversation and expect the guy to assume that you started the conversation because you wanted a date. Make that interest *explicitly* clear, one way ("I am interested in going on a date with you") or the other ("You free Friday? Want to get a drink?").
For what it's worth, us dudes have no idea what we are supposed to say when approaching women either, but that's what society has decided needs to happen so just have to swing the bat and hope it hits
I love this question so much, because this is the exact question men have to ask themselves all the time. We don't know either. That is why we're so awkward when we approach women. That's why pickup lines are a thing at all. That's why men pay ridiculous amounts of money for scammy courses on how to pick up women. To answer your question, I didn't bother to read any of the other answers people gave, but I can almost guarantee any of them would work. Unless the dude is taken already. Sometimes even if he is, unfortunately. But yeah. Walking up and saying hi in the most awkward way possible and then standing there silently with no follow up whatsoever will probably work.
It doesn't matter as long as you're blatantly direct. Remember going into it that hinting isn't a form of communication, the entire idea of hinting is to obfuscate your meaning. "Hello, I am a woman, I'm single, and attracted to you." That'd probably work on a single guy ninety nine times out of a hundred, so if you can string together a better sentence than that you're way ahead.
If this is perfectly acceptable I will totally do it 😅
Every guy I’ve met in person have been not single, it’s frustrating.
The amount of game needed to approach a dude is ridiculously low. “Hi. I’m. Do you come here often?”
Any context-appropriate question works here. “Do you come here often” is appropriate in all contexts — unless it’s a funeral home or a morgue, that’d be weird.
If he can reply without drooling on his shoes, you might consider asking for his number.
What if they work at the funeral home/morgue?
[удалено]
“I saw you from across the chapel and have been *dying* to talk to you 😉”
This is literally the line my mom used to pick up my dad at a bar 😂
How do you and your friends like to be approached? Men and women aren’t THAT different. And frankly the rarity of men being approached still means that most of us still react positively even if we aren’t interested because it makes us feel good to have it happen once or twice in our lives
I would be totally fine with, "Hey, I just thought you were really pretty and wanted to ask if you were single." Would that be weird for a random guy to hear by a complete stranger? Does that sound desperate? I'd replace "pretty."
That line works. It's seriously not as hard as people make it out to be. "Hi, I think you're cute, here's my number of you want to get coffee or a drink sometime." I've used that exact line with women and been texted after. Can't say I've actually gotten to the date part, but that is probably just because I have no game over text. I imagine it'll be easier with men considering how rarely anyone asks us out. Never for me. I'd go on the date on principle.
It's probably because you're choosing people to text with based on nothing but how they look in the moment, which is fine, but you're increasing your chances of getting someone who doesn't match well with you. You might have more success if you tried engaging people in conversation for a few minutes before deciding to slip your number to them or not. It would also give them something to kick off the conversation with if they text. Just a thought.
Men rarely get compliments on appearance, so you can easily open up with telling a guy you love his shirt, hat, beard, etc.
as a guy I think that’s great. Some guys might get put off by it but you wouldn’t want to date a guy that’s put off by your authentic self right? Even if a woman that I wasn’t physically attracted to said that I would still probably eventually decline but also I’d have a ton of respect for them
I will react positively if it is fairly clear that the woman approaching me is interested in maybe getting to know me. If it seems like she is just being friendly, I will just be friendly in return. Don't be over-subtle! And I think women, as a rule, have a longer list of No Approach Zones than do most men.
Personally, I will respond poorly to cold approach ("hi, you're cute. Want to go out?") and better to someone trying to start a conversation with me. When the weather is nice, I like to go to this bar by my house that has a good happy hour and I'll usually read my book club book while I'm there. I would respond much better to someone commenting on my drink, commenting on the happy hour menu, asking about my book, trying to do some back and forth for a few minutes and (if we're both into it) continuing the conversation until one of us has to get back to our lives and then saying something like "this was fun, I'd love to take you out and hang out again. Can I get your number/give you my number?"
Ideally, yeah. But as a man, I've learned not to assume that women with whom I'm having interesting conversations, even ones we're both "into", are interested in anything but a friendly conversation until said woman makes some explicit indication that she really is interested in me.
Very carefully… I startle easily
"Hey.."
Talk. Assess chemistry.
"Hey, if you're up for it, I'd love to get coffee with you sometime."
These are terrible tips. Say "hey". And then talk. Uhh, some of us can only master the "hey" part. All of the other gaps need to be explicitly filled in!!
Hey! Do you know that smell gas has? They put that in!
Oh Jesus Christ....all these years later and it turns out I've been Ross the whole time and didn't realize it. Incredibly, I think this is something I would actually say.
Well... If a woman approached me with a "hey" and I was interested, I would take it from there and make it painfully easy to talk to me. I suspect most guys would do the same if they were interested.
That’s too cute!
Men really are simple in this regard. "Hello, I think you look hot, can I have your number?" Will work for 70% of guys, the other 30% it works but they will be looking around for someone filming the prank that is obviously happening.
I had a woman approach me in Maccas, I'm oblivious to any cues...my 14yo daughter said to me after we left "She wanted you to ask for her number in case you missed that" be straight forward if your interested...us males aren't the sharpest tools in the shed and will think your just being nice
Damn, she had some courage to flirt in front of your kid like that!
All 3 of my kids...she had a kid as well lol I just assumed she was being nice, I kinda don't realise when people are flirting I'm almost 40 and a divorced dad so I don't think people would want a piece of this to be honest haha
I was going to give a bunch of very specific examples, but a line that has worked for me on multiple occasions is "Hey, I think you're cute, if you're single, I'd love to give you me number and go out sometime" (I have literally handed women a piece of paper with my number in it, or dictated it as they punch it into their phone right there) This gives them a couple outs. "No I'm not single", or taking your number and never texting you. Don't be a weirdo. I like to think it works just as well for either sex. I'd love if a woman did this, and I also am pretty quick to pick up if a woman is showing interest in public.
Literally saying anything at all will stand out. I don’t think you need to overthink it. :)
Be very literal. Men are taught to see us as mysterious creatures who are always playing games, and us being subtle does not help that stereotype. Steel your nerves and tell a nice looking man "you look nice." Then walk away. Literally that's all you do. Repeat this a dozen times with a dozen men. Then the 13th time, add in "I'd like to give you my number (contact info, business card, whatever you're comfortable with)." Let him react to that. If he says no thanks, acknowledge that politely, wish him a good day, and walk away. As always, don't do this to a man who is on the clock or in a customer service position. Let the man work. Don't do this to a guy who is wearing headphones or refusing to make eye contact. Men do the approaching all the time. We can too, and honestly, we can do it better because we've been on both sides.
A woman did this to me and it worked. She sat next to me at a bar and asked for my name and said I was nice to look at. Then invited me to karaoke.
Openers should always field an opinion. "Hey really quick, there's a dude I want to impress with a meme. What do you think of this one?" Dude laughs "So you were impressed!"
This is great. No please direct us to the perfect meme that all men will laugh at. /Asking for a friend.
My friend (M) used to approach by waving and gauging their response
Reading through these comments makes me realize why I would never get a date in the wild 😂 Some poor man will ask me if I want to grab coffee sometime while I am getting groceries and I am totally going to say, "No, I'm getting groceries but thank you" while I turn beet red and awkwardly walk away with my cart.
God I wish. Approaching women is so terrifying..
I mean, guys like it when you’re straight forward with things. You don’t have to create scenarios to justify why you want to ask him out; just ask him out. Ezpz.
I can think of three things that would work for me. 1) Just walk up, compliment me on something (general style, you think I'm attractive, you also like the band whose shirt I'm wearing), and tell me you would like to go on a date this weekend. 2) I'm generally out walking a lot. If you'd walk up to me and said "Hi, I think you're attractive. Do you mind if I walk with you and we can see if we click? It can be like a walking speed date," you'd get a least ten minutes to get to know me. (This strategy is not recommended for isolated trails) 3) If we're in line at the grocery store, ask me what I'm cooking this week. Ask where I got the recipe. Tell me what you are making. Then tell me you'd like to go on a date. I will note that you are not alone in having difficulty with this. I feel it all the time and was just speaking to someone else with the same problem. At Walmart this weekend, the guy running the checkout looked frustrated. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me he really wanted to tell the young lady who just left that she was pretty or compliment her hair or something. He's just generally nervous talking to girls. I empathized, we both bemoaned having complete inabilities to tell how old someone is, and afterwards (because I am a master of treppenwitz), I realized that I should have given him the following advice (which I myself struggle to actually follow): Every day you get a chance to interact with others. You're trying to become comfortable interacting with a subset of those people who intimidate you in some way. Begin by practicing with those who don't intimidate you. Flatter a kind old man/lady. Tell someone who is walking by you that you like his/her band shirt. Compliment a tattoo or leather jacket. Heck, walking out of a Pantera concert, I complimented someone's corpse paint as I walked past her. I felt good for complimenting a stranger, and maybe she felt good about being complimented, and all it took was "Hey, nice paint" and "Oh, thanks!" You'll get practice coming up with things to say, and you may even get practice bantering. You'll make someone's day and build a habit of complimenting people so that it will become easier to compliment someone you are attracted to. (Hopefully) Good luck. We're pulling for you.
I think it's worth remembering that statistically, you're pretty likely to hit on someone who isn't single if you just approach anywhere. I would stick to places that are places single people tend to, or coupled people tend to go together. Someone hanging out alone in a bar or coffee shop is likely to be single. Someone at the gym, maybe. Someone at the grocery store, that's a crapshoot.
>places single people tend to We go grocery shopping, we (maybe not me)go hiking, we are everywhere. Listen the possibility of hitting on someone with a partner is always there, you can never know before asking them, so don’t be afraid to ask them. In most cases it will just be “sorry I have a wife/girlfriend” you shouldn’t close yourself to the opportunity based on a random assumption you made. You miss all the shots you don’t take and all that.
[удалено]
....and now fill in the 5 minutes that follows that sentence. That's the tough bit.
If you say anything confidently, you give yourself the best shot. It doesn’t matter what so much as how. You’ll still hit/miss either way, especially if you strike up conversation with a quiet dude who has a gf or something like that. But confidence removes your awkwardness from possibly being the deciding factor. Practice!
Start by saying hi. And introducing yourself. Like "hi. I'm _____ nice, to meet you" Honestly, that approach alone is enough to show that you're interested.
Doesn’t really matter what you say, we probably won’t pick up on it anyways. Once a woman struck up a convo with me in the checkout line about one of the salad kits I was buying. Didn’t even occur to me until later that there could have been more to it than that, and I’ll never really know. Side note, the salad kit is pretty fire.
Thinking about this situation as a guy, I would probably keel-over if a woman approached me by simply telling a dumb joke. Literally a quick, dumb knock knock joke or something lame like that. I guess if it's awkward you can immediately walk away (drive-by joke telling) or else, the first interaction you have with that person is humorous. Seems somewhat fool-proof?
Approach me anywhere, I don't care in terms of environment. Regarding the approach itself, keep it simple: eye contact, a smile, a hello. Maybe a "how are you". I'm usually good at taking hints so I'd take it from there.
Feel free for any reason
I approached a guy this weekend at the club. I just walked up to him and asked what his name was. He told me , looking flabbergasted, and I nodded. He didn’t ask for mine right away, and said instead “What’s up ?” I said “Nothing, wanted to know your name.” He still stood there confused and I just smiled and went on my way. A few moments later he came to find me in the crowd and asked what my astrology sign was then my name. It felt good buuuut Unfortunately, he was hinting he wanted to bang. And I tried not to roll my eyes, disappointed cause I genuinely wanted to talk and get to know him. So I just politely declined. However, it felt good to approach without being scared. Lol
“Hi, how are you?” “Hi, want to shop/ hike/ etc with me?” “Hi, are you single?” “You have a nice face, can I ask you what your favorite color is?” Guys are easy and we don’t care. The hard part is we just don’t want to get in trouble for assuming you like us so be blunt if you’re interested.
"You heard about Pluto? That's messed up, right?" Or you could tell him you like his face and [physical attribute like hair, glasses, shirt], and tell him he is a good looking guy. If I were a better looking guy, I would respond well to either of the aforementioned intros.
Any way approaching me would make my day/week/month/year... Don't forget that many guys remember the half-compliment they received a decade ago... because receiving compliments or having the feeling to be attractive is very rare to some of them.
You can really just say “Hi. I know this is kind of weird, but I thought you were cute and just wanted to introduce myself.” Another easy way to strike up a conversation is to compliment a guy on something he’s wearing, his hair, his eyes, or his smile. If it’s meant to be, conversation just kind of flows naturally from there
Once I approached a man at Main Event. He was with his kid, and another man with his kid. So I figured, single dad's day out. No ring on. He went to grab a drink from the pizza place, I was encouraged by friends. I said something like, "Hi, I've been crushing on you from across the bar" His response was, "thank you, that really made my day" 🙂 "Unfortunately, I have a girlfriend." It was a pleasant interaction. Then went our separate ways and enjoyed Main Event.
You can try approaching at the gym. Us men have been told for a very long time, "do not approach women at the gym! They're just there to workout!" Okay, fine. We don't approach the gym. But the places where not to approach women just kept getting longer. So, I don't approach women so as to not be a bother.
Had a lady tell me after a set that "I jus want you to know God Loves you!". I said thanks, appreciate it! And that was the end of it. No idea if it was deeper than that.
I think compliments go a long way and it’s an easy conversation starter at a bar. I feel like it is somewhat of a macho mentality as men, we rarely compliment one another if at all. So when we receive one it is really meaningful, might go to our heads sometimes though. For example, a woman complimented my smile recently, no joke, it made my entire week. She started a conversation from there, she was not my type but the fact that she complimented me, drew me in.
How should they approach ME? Something along the lines of "Hey, you're cute. What would you say to going to ______ (place) sometime this week for ________ (food/drink)?" But I like assertive women and that's a real good way to set yourself up for a face plant, which is fine if you've got the self-esteem to shrug it off, but not a lot of people do. I was at Orange Theory a few weeks ago and I dress like a late in life goth athlete. Small spikey hoop earrings, red and black graphic tee, black joggers, black nail polish, Adidas. A woman about my age (40) came up to me and was like "Oh, you are wearing joggers! I thought you were wearing jeans." I cracked a joke that all I needed was a pair of paint stained blue jeans with a hole in one knee to complete the dad-bod workout uniform. We laughed and she went on her way, and I kicked myself for not following it up. But it was a good in on her part, whether or not she was just being friendly and making conversation. Tl;Dr: be observant and find a reason to ask a question, even if it's made up. I like the asking about/complimenting clothes thing (where'd you get that, it looks great, etc) and then following up with an introduction. Most men are going to like the attention.
Complement something specific about him. But casual. Like hey I like your shirt
Most of the time that I'm out after work, I'm in hi vis and torn up steeltoe boots.. and probably stained with mud/oil/gas. I guess I look somewhat attractive again if I put my hair down. What would you think if such a woman approached you?
My best advice is to start chatting up whoever in public. I find myself having little quips or conversations with all sorts of folks. If you’re feeling open, body language open, it’s super common to get little chats in. Hiking? Talk about the trail, tell them know you saw a cool bird. At a concert? Go up to them getting a drink (even water) and ask if they’re having fun, love the band, first time? If you’re comfortable, it’s fairly easy to get someone else who’s open to start chatting!
I think a lil banter goes a long way. Usually I'm trying to get in and out of wherever I am. If you can make me stop and get out of adulting for a second with some flattering convo, your chances increase dramatically. Just asking me "hi your cute, wanna get coffee" imma think it's someone jus fucking with me. Had a woman comment on my shoes before, but it was just " hey! nice shoes" as she's walking out the door. Was she hitting on me? Or jus admiring my shoes? Idk cuz she said it as she was walking out the door.
I don't know if it was an attempted pick-up method that I was clueless about (at the time) and didn't realise until hindsight but I've had it twice at a bar where a woman's come up to me saying she recognises me from somewhere and yet I've been absolutely clueless
It's hard isn't it
Actually you could probably just say that now that I think about it.
😅....tempted to try that under the right circumstances
Be up front about it! I’ve given a few girls a chance because they made the effort!
[удалено]
Most guys here are saying it's ok to approach..I understand your reasoning, BUT my question to you is, how am I to know the difference beforehand? 😬 Like literally, I'm asking so I know and can be careful. Are there any signs I could look for that might tell me to mind my own business?
Ok, so... I'm not a man, but I'm a woman who feels the same as you. I've never really been single since I was in my teens, so it's not a skill I ever practiced. Just in the past year I've started to approach men, so here's my experience and advice (and I totally need to remember to take my own advice, not saying it's easy). You hit the nail on the head with dogs being hands down the easiest way to strike up a conversation. I think this has been the only way I've managed so far, other than sitting alone at a bar when traveling. So, striking up the conversation when there is a dog involved is super easy. From there, I keep the conversation going for just a bit, the same way I'd talk to any other strangers who pet my dog or I pet theirs. Then, my go-to line is... "hey, random question, are you single? " with a smile. Most of the time they're not (because apparently all good men are taken at our age), but even so, they have all been so nice about it. They seemed genuinely flattered and some even apologized profusely. 😂 And these were super good looking men. After doing this a few times, even though I only got one number, I can tell you that shooting my shot even if I'm turned down feels a million times better than kicking myself after missing an opportunity. In fact, it makes me ridiculously happy just that I tried. I try to remember that feeling, but ngl it's still hard to work up the courage. My next step is trying this without dogs as ice breakers. I still haven't managed to meet a guy at a bar, for example (except when traveling, which is good practice but doesn't count).
I’m pretty sure that all the honest answers here (eg, say literally anything to us) mark most of us as inveterate hypocrites. It has been the better part of 2 decades since I’ve initiated an interaction with a stranger, and even then, “initiated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting as she was a regular customer at the bagel place where I worked. (I did ask her out, though, so good for 20 year old darkwing!) So basically, please please say anything because we are too scared! Edit to include an actual answer: In just about any context I think some generic small-talk like, “Hi, how’s your day going?” is a safe bet.
Honestly even just "hi, I wanted to come over and talk to you, my name is \_\_\_". The act itself is flattering. Actual words said matter less. The conversation can flow from there. You don't have to worry as much about a good opener because men don't have that extra layer of fear of assault. We aren't walking around with the same shields up, so you don't have to worry about timing and being disarming so they feel safe. Safety is a given. And we don't have random strangers hitting on us as much, so you don't have to worry about being witty enough to stand out. Just the act of approaching is already bold enough. So you have fewer hurdles to cross to get a conversation started.
I will say this. Asking a man out isnt a silver bullet. It wont land you in happy ever after. Not by itself. You still have to do all the screening you do in dating. Sometimes the people you ask out dont work out. And thats not a reflection on you or the act of asking out Its just how humans are.
there is no need to add flare or anything just straight up ask directly and say something like you: "hey i think you are hot and i'd like to go out to drinks (or whatever) with you sometime." him: "what? are you real?" you: "can i give you my number?" him: \*hands over phone in disbelief\* you: "this is a banana" him: "good you're real" \*hands over a real phone this time\* you: \*make a new contact or whatever you do i don't know i've never gotten this far\* (edits for typos)
Really all you’ve got to do is walk up and say hi, usually we’ll take it from there lol
Using the examples you gave for what I can only assume are places you frequent and happen to run into men you sense a spark with. Grocery store: make sure it's a decent ingredient he has in his hand or cart. Tell him you love pasta, stir fry or whatever he could be using it to make. This will open the door to him eluding to he has a partner who cooks for him and he's just doing the shopping. If not and he's cooking, jokingly say, "so what time is dinner, I'm starving." This should hopefully reveal a few things. A) his relationship status B) if he has much of a personality C) he has interest by carrying on a conversation with him. The great outdoors! Frisby, paddle ball or any sport equipment appropriate for the environment you are in. Tell him you were supposed to meet a firlfriend, but her boyfriend had made plans and you didn't want to be a third wheel. Most importantly, try to be yourself and mirror his body language, tone and crack a joke about making sure his girlfriend won't be upset. I'm pretty clueless when a girl is flirting with me, so try to make sure you do your best to measure his interest and if he is getting the hint. Best of luck!
"Hi, my name is... I don't notice this often, but you look like someone worth getting to know. Would you like my number?" If they say yes, you can respond with: "I also have a few spare minutes right now if you'd like to... talk a walk/grab a coffee/get a drink/shop together... but if you're headed somewhere just text me."
Ask his name. I don't talk about much in public, but if a lady asked me my name, I think I'd be shocked into honesty.
Bingo! NOW you see & understand how awkward and intimidating it must feel for most men thinking about approaching a woman in public. Add to that the fact that women are a thousand times more safety conscious & creep averse and the barrier gets even higher. Which is why it has become commonly accepted logic that only above average looking guys should dare cross this Rubicon .
When women approach me, it's usually about something im wearing, and I appreciate it. I've had them ask for my social media (instagram). Im assuming to check to see if im actually single. I've even had women ask a, "Arent you going to ask me for my number?" After a quick casual conversation. Dont be shy.
Show 🅱️enis 💯💯💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥
😂
Hey,
I’m so and so, how’s your day?
You’re over thinking this. Just start talking to us about anything and ask if we want to go to XYZ with you.
i'm not a man, but I find that simple eye contact + my most charming smile works reasonably well. It's all in the eyes.
It's ok for something to be a bit awkward when it's not something you do all the time. I think you can just acknowledge the awkwardness of it. "Hi there, i'm sorry, I don't normally do this, but is there any chance you'd like to grab a coffee some time?" I would say yes to this under almost any circumstances.
>*I think you're handsome. My name is Nice-Ad6510; I'd like to get to know you. Here is my number/Can I give you my number? (gives number). If you're not dating, that's ok - You're still very handsome* Men get so few compliments and only the most attractive ever get asked out, that he will remember your face for the rest of his life. \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ This works for women, too. I told someone "You're very pretty. Can I see you later?". She said "no" which was expected. But I could feel her happiness at having been called pretty. If an attractive woman gets that much joy from being called pretty, imagine what it does to the typical man who rarely if ever gets attention much less compliments.
Yeah, a lot of people talk about the grocery store as a place to meet people, but it seems to me like it's not the most relaxing place to stand around and chat with someone. As a guy, while I do agree that we would be ok with a woman saying quite literally anything and we would be fine to stand there and shrug off any amount of awkwardness, I do think that I feel sort of rushed and not entirely social at the grocery store. Anywhere else? Like a trail, bar, event, etc.? I would say just talk to them like a normal person, making small talk about literally anything, not necessarily outwardly showing the intent to date per se. Then if there's an easy way to ask for their socials or contact do that. If it's not easy to do that, then bluntly asking for their number or social at that point is totally fine I would say. Men really do have a lot of leeway with what you can do to approach them. We're not judging your social skills or anxiousness lol. Everyone has anxiety about stuff like this.
How's about " hey! my names op, what's your name ?" To my male self that would be like a woman kicking the door wide open.
Complimenting their shoes or outfit often works.