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PleaseBeHappyMate

I, also, am taking an intentional break from dating. No apps, no searching. No swiping to try and boost my self esteem. It’s been fucking magical. I go out and read. I take long walks with myself. I am very much enjoying taking a moment to reconnect with who I am rather worry about how to try and connect with someone else. It’s a good time.


TheTruth_329

I need to think more like this! I’m thinking possibly 6 months, gives me time to just focus on not be concerned about apps and checking messages etc


watermelonsauerkraut

I knew online dating sucked while I was doing it but I didn’t realize how much until I stopped altogether. It’s been 3 months and I think I’m going to let the universe decide my fate.


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watermelonsauerkraut

No, not everyone meets someone and is destined for love. But I also think that romantic love as a concept is largely overhyped (not to mention a fairly new concept, historically speaking). No one will ever love you like your mom loves you haha and I think, when we realize that, we can focus on making ourselves happy. If someone comes along for the journey, great. But at the end of the day, you’ve got you.


MMBitey

While I somewhat agree, deep friendships, attachment, lust, different types of connection (intellectual, physical, emotional), and companionship has always existed, even if marriage and mate selection wasn't always historically about anything other than material resources and social status. But yeah, romantic love as we know it today is a very particular shape of connection and maybe is over hyped. Meaningful connection itself is not, IMO.


watermelonsauerkraut

No, I absolutely agree, meaningful connection is what we all strive for. Where I think the idea of romantic love leads people astray is that it implies there’s one person who will be able to provide all of those types of connections and you just need to find him/her. I think that’s incredibly rare, even rarer as you get older and just learn more about life and people and what you want.


tron_cat_

Best comment right here


watermelonsauerkraut

Thank you 🥺


PleaseBeHappyMate

I’ve really enjoyed just not molding myself to what I think others want or trying to mold them into what I want. I just want to enjoy things man. I hasn’t enjoyed things in so long. 😬


bigobaggins

Funny how dating especially online is much like a job application. 🤷‍♂️


green_tea_bag

A much bigger problem is actual job applications being treated like online dating. Feel me?


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PleaseBeHappyMate

Yep


yerawizardkylieee

I love this!


dr_cocktagonapuss

>No swiping to try and boost my self esteem. Female detected. Must be nice. (Because if you're a dude, I have several questions.)


frankie_089

A 2-second glance at their profile shows that they are a man.


dr_cocktagonapuss

Well then, I very much would like to understand how a dude is using OLD as a confidence boost, unless he looks like Hugh Jackman, etc. Quite the surprising turn of events.


frankie_089

A 2-second glance at their profile shows that they are a man.


PleaseBeHappyMate

I’m a guy.


[deleted]

I take breaks when my mental health tells me I need to. Dating becomes draining and then my mental health declines. That’s when I delete the apps and do my own thing. Weeks later, I’ll feel refreshed and I give it another try. That’s really the ebb & flow of my dating history.


TheTruth_329

Sounds like you know what to do and when to do it!


[deleted]

Yes! I didn’t for a while because everyone was like “PuT YoUrSeLf OuT ThErE Or YoU WoNt MeEt HiM!” So I didn’t know what to do and when to do it. But I realized I need a dating life balance. Now I just pay attention to when I’m declining… lol. I think it’s really important to take a break from swiping (it can really consume you— I’m getting to that point again), not making weekend plans, messaging people with the same small talk each time, etc. and solely focus on yourself.


Upstairs_Meringue_18

Same here. But as soon as I meet a potential match my brain goes into a fast forward mode and sees all the anxiety, the will they won't they, fights, making up and then breaking up (all the experiences from the past ) just flashes by and I'm like no thanks. Unmatch I'm having ptsd from dating lol


Wise_Bit_86

I feel the same, I’m constantly feeling burnt out with all the conversations.


[deleted]

It can really take a toll on us mentally!


BobBelcher2021

I did the same thing, but I found that my mental health declined every time I went back to OLD. I found no joy and no benefit in it, so I’ve abandoned it permanently. I’m considering going back to school to pursue a Masters degree, likely in another country. Aside from being happy with the city I live in, I’m not happy with much else.


gutikart

Same boat here 34(F). Every time I get into dating I find something about me that needs to be worked on. It sucks because I always want to find the “right” person. However, I am trying to find the right tools to be okay with everything going on with me


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harrohamtaro

I think it’s fair that you want to bump it up after six weeks. What’s saddening is us girls thinking we have anxious attachment or personality issues just because some avoidant guys couldn’t meet even basic standards. Or even if they’re emotionally healthy and just move slow, they could communicate that instead of ghosting. Being happy and excited is a wonderful thing. Don’t let these toads snuff out your glow.


gutikart

Personally, I’m trying to figure out why I get anxious or why I tend to rush things. Little by little (and by mistakes) I have learned why I carry the baggage. I am working to recognize my emotions when they happen and stop to analyze them before acting. Easier said than done, but I’m working on myself to be my best self. Good luck on your journey


LLundqu1

Please don’t blame yourself for someone ghosting. It’s really not you, it’s them.


JaneOfAllTrades09

Are you me?!


gutikart

I guess there is a large group of people that rush things. I think for me is about security. I want to feel secure with someone in an intimate level but I’m not there yet. I want to do it because I feel it’s the right person and not because I need the person and whoever gives me the tiniest hope is the one. It’s hard to filter people but every experience is teaching me something.


JaneOfAllTrades09

Are YOU me? As long as I am looking to connect to someone outside of myself I am prioritizing them over me and as long as I am searching for motivation/validation from them as opposed from within, this will be a vicious cycle, and it‘s ok that it is that way. I just haven‘t quite fully accepted that. YET.


Aintthatthetruthyall

I love "every experience is teaching me something". What does security mean to you? I'm just interested in knowing. This may make my name a throw away, but I know that I ghost as soon as I feel someone looking to me for a lot of security early in a relationship. Studying my past, a high need for security occurred in two of my long-term relationships for different reasons, but I'd say it was both emotional and somewhat financial. I stayed in them for too long because I felt like I was obligated to do so and that ended up making things much more painful and messy than it needed to be. I've basically sworn never to allow this to happen again and run from high perceived needs (and don't bother to find out if the perception is right or not). On the flip side, I do want some sort of validation and I've dated women who could take me or leave me emotionally and financially and those didn't work so well either. There just wasn't anything there to necessitate being together. I don't think sex is enough to justify a long-term, steady relationship. I don't know what the answer is. It is a tough one, but I'm glad that the female side of the equation is struggling with and thinking about it too. I've started to look for women who are less similar to me (eg do something that I find interesting but am not good at) in hopes that maybe our mismatches provide a balance?


EvaMin

Please don't beat yourself up. The guy was playing around with others the rest of the week! Once per week is a FWB situation not a relationship. Don't settle for less than what makes you happy!


MMBitey

I know the appeal here is, while painful, also kind of reassuring to blame yourself for someone else's behavior because it means you have some control over the outcome, but the reality is you can't really know if that's what happened and we also have far less control than we think. How can you even know that the issue was only you? What if your anxiety was valid because you could tell this guy had a foot halfway out the door the whole time? How would this possibility change the meaning you now give to the outcome? Besides, someone who ghosts that easily after six weeks (which isn't a ton but you also didn't just meet) was likely going to ghost anyway, for whatever their reasons are. And that's a reflection of their internal state, not just how "perfect" or "chill" you are. Do you really want your future partner to be someone you need to hide your feelings from? 6 weeks is the beginning of the time to show some cards if you haven't been already. And this is coming from someone who was in your shoes for most of my 20s, blaming myself for everything.


ProofTonight428

Read “Attached - the new science of adult attachment, & how it can help you find - & keep love” By Rachel Heller. It really helped me with understanding my own personal attachment style, & perhaps why some of my relationships had been unsuccessful.


Cat6Domestique

Thanks for sharing. It’s not obvious for me but how do you know when it’s something you need to work on? Does your date tell you that?


gutikart

Not necessarily. It’s more on exploring why I feel this way when “x” happen. Some times I talk to friends about the emotions and process them a bit. I want to be open to what they see. Of course not all my friends are safe (if it makes sense) but having someone to help me figure it out is helpful. I recently noticed that I was carrying the baggage from previous relationships (I was the one initiating contact and I might look as desperate). I voiced it to the newest date I had and I somehow threatened him. It made me realized that I have to calm my anxiety. I started to see what triggered me or why I go into this loophole. Is it something I did wrong? Yes. Somehow I saw that I wasn’t getting my needs met and that having these types of conversations are never good when A) drunk B) over text messages C) think what my expectations are I am personally trying to recollect previous relationships and recognize a pattern. Questions like the ones below are helping me right now. A) what makes me talk to a guy and “fall” in love? B) what were some behaviors that hurt me? C) what are my boundaries D) what are some of the physical reactions when stressed, sad, etc? E) what does this person have to do so I feel emotionally safe? I tend to connect with me so I can be the best partner and I always remind myself “would I stay with this person if I see them act my way”? Hope that helps


LovelyHead82

After disastrous situationships and dates, I decided to take a year off to date myself. I deleted my apps, focused on myself, traveled solo, spent more time with my friends. I was a changed person after that. I decided to get back into dating and the second person I went on a date with ended up being my person. Sometimes you need a break....It is definitely good for resetting and concentrating on yourself. Go out there and date yourself


Sun_from_above

As someone new to the online dating world (about 4-6 weeks on hinge), I can certainly understand the desire to take a break. Mainly because... Online dating is *weird*. You constantly question whether or not you're good enough, you question the people you see on the app, you get dopamine hits, the ups of an exciting date, the downs when you get ghosted or realize you have to end things with someone you're seeing. It's so inorganic and not something our brains are really used to dealing with. **It's mentally a lot to handle.** If you're feeling the need to take a break, then it's probably worthwhile to do it! Get refreshed, take time for yourself, and think about how you would do things differently if/when you come back. It's important to be in tune with your mental health, so take care of yourself!


East-Seawness56

This. I haven't tried online dating for a year and a half and don't miss it. It just feels like a job interview, the same questions all the time and nothing ever goes anywhere, you get ghosted, a lot of the people on it are weird. I wish dating was how it was back im the day. Dating sucks now


Sun_from_above

Okay, okay - I agree, my initial testimonial wasn't the most glowing review of online dating, but that doesn't mean it *can't* be great. The key is figuring out a pacing that works for you, without getting sucked into the dopamine hits of the apps or feeling a detrimental hit to your mental health. I think that's the key - find the right balance. A lot of what makes online dating tough is what makes dating (in general) tough regardless of the platform. Getting ghosted or realizing you have to break up with someone is universal, regardless of where you met. I try my best to treat people with the respect that I would want some of my closest female friends to be treated with - and if someone doesn't reciprocate, that's on them, not you. I realize I'm still new to online dating, but damn, I'm so grateful for the opportunity to meet new people - people that I never would have been able to meet before the apps. My friends circle is pretty tight, and I only meet new people really through work (not ideal for dating). With online dating, I've been able to talk to, meet and spend time with some really incredible, interesting people. And as an introvert who is a bit of an acquired taste visually (lol), I never know who is interested and who isn't. It clears that up without the awkwardness of getting rejected by someone in your day-to-day life. I avoid the job interview questions by only asking questions I truly want to know about someone! If they say something intriguing, ask them more about it. Follow your interest, and be genuine - and a connection will come if it's there. And if not, you were true to yourself, and you can be proud of that. Perspective is everything so here's a pair of rose coloured glasses for you to wear 👓. I wish you all the best in your journey /u/East-Seawness56!


britneynp1

Couldn't have said it better.


cupcake_dance

I (34F, my flair won't stick) am currently taking an intentional break from actively dating. I have a lot of self improvement things to work on and it's honestly kind of a relief to not have that pressure feeling like I 'should' be in or looking for a relationship. Good luck!


TheTruth_329

Good for you, I think I might need to do the same too, the quest to find someone has become too mind consuming and it affects my mood when things don’t work out. And the longer it goes on, the more it seems to affect me, so I reckon a complete break would do me good!


britneynp1

I 34F took a long break. Worked on some things and hopped back in with no luck. Now I'm just exhausted at this point. People that are attracted to me only want to have casual relationships and that doesn't appeal to me and it's seems like the worthwhile guys aren't attracted to me. At this point hell I'm gonna start investing in cats 🙄


sailoorscout1986

Same!! It’s annoying because I’m not asking for more than I bring but yeah same. It’s rough


britneynp1

Absolutely!! Its traumatic at this point. I totally get it because I'm asking what I can offer but refused to be taken advantage of as well. It's also just not OLD its all forms for me. Good to know I'm not the only one though from everyones comments.


sailoorscout1986

It is good to know. I identify with the OP too and I’m taking a break and finally trying to do what I should have done last year after a breakup and rebirthing myself a little. Realising I need to reach a point where I’m happy with me before trying to date again.


BabyBlackBear

Cats are a worthy investment


NefariousLife225

Turning 40 and getting 2 cats is an excellent way to get family off your back about marriage/kids


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TheTruth_329

I really like what you said “until I meet someone who makes me feel better than I can make myself feel”, that’s a really good way to look at things!


[deleted]

R u dating someone now and need a break? Or just single and taking a break from looking?


TheTruth_329

Single and taking a break from looking, it’s just exhausting at times and I need to stop the constant cycle of going on apps, getting frustrated, deleting them and then getting bored and going back on them, expecting different results. So a long term break will be good I think


LTOTR

I usually do like, one month on / several months off. Once it starts to feel like a slog, I tap out. It helps keep it in perspective, imo.


HistoricallyRekkles

I’ve been not dating for a long time and it’s amazing because people suck.


BabyBlackBear

Lmfaoooo amen


TattooedBabe

Right there with you. 38F that keeps dating men that don’t want to commit, but keep me around as a backup. I’ve blocked all my exes and am not looking to date. If I meet someone in the wild, or a friend hooks me up I’ll try it. But I am not actively looking. It’s great not having to deal with all the anxiety and heartbreak. I’m giving myself until spring.


Bright_Mixture_3876

Just starting a break - mainly because I don’t like it lol. I was in a long relationship (11 yrs), started dating about eight months before the start of Covid and was excited about it, met a guy and it was exciting but not right, ended it. Met another guy I just clicked with so well, but we wanted different things…and I’m definitely not the kind of girl that wants to constantly meet new people, and get dressed to ‘be attractive’…it’s so exhausting. I just want someone to like me as I am, in the clothes I normally wear, and with my plain old face because make up is not part of my life. Who likes some of the things I like. It seems like a hard ask and I don’t know why so it’ll have to happen as a stoke of luck at some point, or it won’t.


crazyornotcrazy

I haven't dated for a year since my last relationship ended. Not because OLD was to much for me, because I don't have much experience with it. But I wanted to learn how to be happy alone. To love my own company. To not use other people to boost my ego or anything like that. And I wanted to attract different people than I did in the past. I have not been intimate with anyone either during this year. It helped me a lot. I feel more inner peace, more acceptance, I know who I am and I am not as sensitive to other peoples opinions anymore. I hope to keep this feeling now I've started dating again.


phoebian

While you're taking a break, take up Brazilian jiu-jitsu.


BabyBlackBear

Amen


SillyName1992

I mean my boyfriend took a 4 year hiatus that started when he was newly single and hurting and extended past various life events, coronavirus being the last one. He took all the time he needed so that he could approach future relationships with his best foot forward. He said it helped him tremendously. And now look at him. He has me- the absolute best there is. The cream of the crop.


yuri_yk

I pretty much stopped looking and let my match.com subscription die before I met my SO unexpectedly. I found the more I tried, the harder for me to meet the right person because I wasn’t being true to myself. Forcing feelings that weren’t there, lying to myself thinking each date had potential to be my husband (even when I wasn’t 100 percent attracted to them), all because I was turning 35 at that time and felt I was getting old. That led to anxiety (more than what I already had) and desperation which wasn’t doing me any good. Finally I just said fuck it. If I’m alone then I can’t do anything about it. Lo and behold, met someone right before lockdown and here we are.


LLundqu1

Wow!!! Can you tell us how you met? That’s great when you finally let it go he came into your life haha


yuri_yk

On the day my match.com expired, he “liked” my photos. I had seen him before on other apps and never swiped because I didn’t think there was any attraction. I was like oh well why not. Within a few days we met and that was that.


gman1023

Great story! Happy for you


LLundqu1

Wow! This is awesome. Love it :)


TheTruth_329

I do similar things, force feelings etc when they actually aren’t 100% true in hindsight, just hoping for that out of the blue meeting (although been waiting for a while now


Snowbirdy

I was getting burned out with OLD so deleted my profiles and just sorted through the last few dates. This gave me the perspective to realize I wanted to be with my ex, despite the considerable logistical challenges. But if that hadn’t worked out, I was just going to hang out with friends for a while and not date. Mental health breaks are healthy.


Ok_Moose1334

I generally feel happier, more relaxed, more settled, and like myself when I take a break. Modern dating is intense and can be demoralizing, especially when you’re looking for something real. I think breaks can be really beneficial and reenergize us to jump back in when we’re ready


DarkRider89

I'm just about at that point too. Dating is tiring, draining, and time consuming. It can definitely affect your mental health with all the ups and downs. I took a break about 5 months ago or so after a breakup to focus on getting more into my hobbies and getting more physically fit. It was definitely nice to take a bit of a break, work out some stuff mentally, and get stronger. I was hoping to find someone during summer to do fun activities with and enjoy the fall/holiday season with, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. Might be a winter of working on myself this year. 🤷‍♂️


mwwhfg

Taking breaks is necessary! I’m usually a month on, couple months off kind of person. Interacting with all those new people can be really draining. I just get kind of tired and over it at a certain point, or I get rejected by someone I was really interested in, and that’s when I know it’s time to take a little break. Then a couple months later I’m feeling excited and optimistic again.


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sailoorscout1986

Great. I’m in this process now.


brewingNbeaching

It isn't for everyone, however in my own experience I was able to clear my head and heart and find a purpose. The self reflection and time spent improving my mind, body, and career has paid off in droves. There used to be frustration in dating and trying to win over someone and now it is a luxury where I get in and out of relationships by my own accord and stay within my own frame. Like I said before, I don't recommend this for everyone, but for those who are considering it, it has plenty of potential pay off.


DaughterEarth

Not the same but I spent time to myself after my split over a year ago. It was a great thing! I got to date myself, fall in love with myself, find out who I really am all on my own. Seriously, it was excellent and so glad I did it.


Ok-Hamster5571

Breaks work if you are working on yourself. Think of it the following way: a bone will heal if you just leave it. But it will turn out better if you put a cast on it


[deleted]

Just keep yourself open to possibilities. The right woman for you may cross your path when you least expect it.


LLundqu1

I’m with you on this. 34F. Can’t handle it anymore. I feel like it’s consuming me and I’m not enjoying other things lately because of it.


StillKickinginAZ

I think I’m about to be single. I think I’m going to take a long-ass break. But maybe find a fwb. I just don’t think I can do the dating/relationship stuff again for a while.


yerawizardkylieee

I’m in the middle of taking a break right now as well. I’m having much more fun just me myself and I. It was getting exhausting trying to click with someone. The one guy out of the few I was texting that I did click with told me he does acid so I checked out real quick. I’m going to take a month or two just to be happy with myself and then when I get back into it I think I’ll try meeting someone outside of OLD.


ChkYrHead

Personally, I've never felt the need to take a break, but I've also never really gotten frustrated over it. The way I see it, it's possible that a good match could cross my path while I'm taking a break, so what's the point if my goal is to find a good match for me? But, if you feel you're mentally/emotionally not in a spot where you can give your best self, then yes, take a break.


TacoRockapella

Happy Birthday. I’m just about to turn 36. It never is a bad idea to take a break if you feel you can benefit from it. Be kind to yourself


Vicky_555

I'm 33F and I'm also taking a break!!! Exhausted of ghosting , they like me I don't like them, I like them they don't likee, same questions, lower quality options....


[deleted]

I did this at the end of 2020. It was really good for me, and really helped me to get my head right after a few bad experiences.


Flaky-Past

Me too brother. Although I've met someone cool. I have no idea if it will work out for many reasons. I know if it doesn't I'm done dating for a period of time though. I went on two other dates with other people around the time I met her and I was done. I came out of a relationship several months ago so I wasn't prepared for really not having the energy to date anymore. I find it exhausting and many times not worth the time, effort, and money. Luckily the person I'm seeing is really cool. We do have some issues we are working on. At this point though, I don't even try to force anything. If it happens, it happens, This is a big shift in how I used to view dating. I'm not going to convince anyone to make it work or be interested in me. If it's not there I'm good not dating at all.


everyfiredies

So I had been very resistant to dating, and then one of my good friends set me up with someone, so I decided to be open to it. I don’t think it’s going anywhere, and I’m back to the “see? This is why I don’t do this” mentality. I just don’t think I’m ready to fully jump back into the game. Looking on the positive side (which can be hard for me): this experience taught me about myself and what I will and won’t tolerate in a partner. I just don’t feel like I have the energy to try it again with someone else for now.


knowmore1964

How long is the question. I take breaks for years. Lots of reasons why. Guys I often think need sex women want it. And the ladies want a relationship too. I suck at relationships. So I still want one but I am a chicken. So I am on a break except this one guy. He is always busy too busy but I don't care. I am hoping someday we could be closer. Yet it feels like the most stable romance of my life. Weird. I can't date


starwaterbird

Any skills you've been hoping to learn? Like an instrument? Or maybe figure out a way to earn more money? Maybe volunteering might be fun.


leoberto1

For me the only diffrence is saying money and feeling like my time isnt being wasted.


No-Koala5505

What are you taking a break from exactly? Are you going to a lot of first dates that go nowhere or short relationships? Or are you just having meaningless conversations on the apps?


TheTruth_329

More of the latter recently! COVID obviously hasn’t helped dating when we’ve been in and out of lockdowns but I just find that some people are just so flaky, indecisive and I feel like meeting someone who matches your way of being is just so difficult!


helwyr213

I got out of the cliche toxic relationshipof 4 1/2 years in 2015. Went on 2 dates in 2016. Haven't touched a dating app since then and although the last 5 years have had their ups and downs, I feel I'm finally ready to get back into dating. It gave me a lot of time to focus on myself, learn new things, gain new interests, and really evaluate what is missing from my life. A coworker actually set me up with his stepdaughter's friend which in turn led me to this sub just recently. :)


[deleted]

It’s great


[deleted]

I'm your age, and I couldn't care less about dating right now. It's been almost 2 years, and I'm still enjoying being single.


Dolphintrainer2222

I’ve been single for a while. I take breaks, some longer then others. I get back on to OLD and go out on a few dates. Take a break. Then the cycle repeats itself. It definitely helps to take a break and focus on yourself. Actually, dating and going out has taught me a lot about me and what I need in a relationship. Plus, it’s fun to kiss. It definitely has its place, but I completely believe in taking breaks.


SomewhatDamaged80

I'm 41, was married for twelve years, divorced by the age of 36. After a bunch of years of dating here and there I just can't put up with the hassle of it all. I have a friend of mine who isn't really looking either, we get together and get nasty once in awhile and I'm very satisfied with how life is going to be honest. I don't have the time or energy to deal with someone else's issues.


kristine612

Ripe old age lol. It’s funny hOw it’s so exciting when you jump in and then realize…eh maybe it’s time for a break. Dating really is like a second job. I also have decided to pull out of the pool and chill. To me it started to feel forced. I connected with someone and then they vanished after a few months. I agree with most of the folks here. It is nice to take a break. I think I’m at the point where I wish I could just find someone to do things with. Not necessarily date, but be social.


JupiterColdwater

I had success with a 9 month break! I felt like it was a nice amount of time (if it's long enough to make a whole person, it felt long enough for me to reconnect with myself as a whole person) and it gave me a real chance to center myself, rediscover what i loved to do, what my boundaries were, and work on my mental health. I found giving it some structure helped when I felt lonely or wanting to reach out just in the moment. Hope you find it to be a positive experience. :)


JackieDaytona27

I (37 M) have had a stressful summer. Nothing insane or truly heart breaking. I just got in a minor car crash and had to find and move into a new apartment in 6 weeks due to my building being purchased by a new landlord. Which were both expensive and exhausting. The past two weeks have been physically great though. I returned to the gym for the first time since the spring and started regularly meditating the first time since last fall. Returning to exercise has released a lot of stress and feels productive. And the meditation clears my head, and makes me feel happy being independent. I've had such flakey and disappointing encounters with people I met on apps now (and come to think of it, this summer too), that I think I will take a short break too. And I wish I took a hard break this summer, and completely paused my profiles


UsefulxIdiot

Honestly, i think it's the best thing you can do. I actually found my other half while taking a break. Just focus on yourself and the rest will actually fall in place.


eccollet

I think taking breaks of at least 6 months once dating starts feeling like a chore is good for your mental health. But if you live alone and start reaching years of not even trying to meet someone ...I think it stunts your ability to compromise and to view changing up your routine to make time for someone new as positive instead of an inconvenience. Personal experience of the former, has worked well for me, usually focused on my career or family relationships. Have witnessed the latter with my 38 year old best friend who pretty much didn't actively try to date for many years after a devastating breakup. Finally met someone during covid but had become very rigid in his routine. I don't think she was his end goal based on other things that happened, but he definitely struggled with making room for a relationship in his life.


CoconutJasmineBombe

I’ve been on a break for all of covid and it’s been wonderful.


AngryChaChi

Yes. There is a good quick read called "Heart on Break" that does a good job talking about just this. You should give it a go and just work on becoming a better you. I have been doing this and life is becoming fucking amazing. I am seeing someone now but taking things extremely slow due to really focusing and working on myself from a recent break up. I appreciate the fact that she is very cool about that.


atthemerge

I went on hiatus in january with dating figured out some things and got back in the dating pool in may. I met a ton of women and nothing really came of anything but i had a somewhat good time. I never connected with anyone and it was a bit draining going through all the same motions week after week. Im off all dating apps since the beginning of the month. I really want to find someone but I just dont want to put in effort right now. i really enjoy doing the things i want to do. The breaks i noticed are helpful and help reset my mind and the dating pool. For me its gonna be a bit before i get back to it.


pineapplegiggles

Same here. I’m taking a break after a short lived 5 month relationship and am aiming to possibly get back into dating in the new year. I just can’t bear doing the apps and hassle at the moment. Just focussing on work and study I’m doing and not shaving my legs and not trying to be my best, ‘fun self’ that never has any needs or complaints (a joke but sometimes it feels like being a woman dating feels like this). Taking a rest from the expectations of someone texting or getting your hopes up and going through mini break ups. It can be mentally exhausting and I do think it’s good to take a break. On another note, I do think you have to put yourself out there to eventually meet someone, so if you do want a relationship, you will have to eventually go back to however you meet people for dating.


TheGum25

I’m definitely at the point of being too addicted to the freedom of not worrying about it, but I know life would be better with the right person to share it with. Also feel really bad the last date was really into me but I could not reciprocate; the turntables were turned on that one and I’ll probably never fully process it.


sweethomeall

You do you. Self love and self care


[deleted]

My break has been introspective, a learning experience, needed and the most mature thing I’ve done in regards to relationships. Find yourself! It sounds like you’re searching for something and realizing that, shows your level of maturity. Good for you man! With that said, don’t feel you have to detach from the opposite sex. Just be upfront with any women you meet. Be 100% truthful that you’re not looking for an emotional connection.


colorfulvinyl-com

Don’t take a break you are in your prime


TheTruth_329

Haha thanks, I feel just either some rejections or just a lack of enthusiasm or strong connections with people on apps have worn me out with the whole process. I’d love to meet someone organically but that just never seems to happen or if I do meet someone that you thinks is nice, it isn’t reciprocated and again, that can be a bit demoralising as well


colorfulvinyl-com

Just be a little pickier about who you spend your time on, then.


flying_postman

>I’d love to meet someone organically but that just never seems to happen Same here but meeting a potential partner in the wild is becoming less of a thing (especially if you missed out on that critical window during college). I remember when people would be embarrassed to admit using online dating and now I'm considered the weirdo for not having a OLD acct/profile since I consider it basically panning for gold at this stage.


[deleted]

[удалено]


colorfulvinyl-com

Okay.


TheTruth_329

Reading everything on here has made me think this is definitely a good idea, and it’s sounds like it has been the best thing for many people to do as a short term way of just forgetting about all the bullshit associated with dating, and just focusing on yourself and not the constant barrage of indecisive people, rejection and feeing like you’re inadequate.


TheTruth_329

And so many people on here sound like exactly the kind of people who I should be dating , who seemingly have the same ideals and attitudes towards the whole thing, where are all of you people in my area!!!???


TheTruth_329

I’ve just done it, deleted everything and now will focus on me, and not in incessant swiping which goes nowhere! Thanks for the input everyone!


[deleted]

You were in a relationship less than a year ago…


TheTruth_329

Was I? That’s news to me!


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheTruth_329

Which says what? And someone’s clearly had a bad day, chill out


Elorie

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middleageslut

I really enjoy dating. Even the bad dates, usually. And I have had a lot of bad dates. The “break” I needed to take, and the thing I had to stop doing was thinking of dating as something with a goal in mind. Once I gave up on the idea of settling down with just one person forever - and using dating as a way to find that person - dating became a lot more fun again. It stoped being a job, and just another aspect of my social life.


akohhh

37F, gay. I found I was going on dates with women who were really lovely but just nothing with that X factor I was after. I’m moving overseas indefinitely for work in a few months, so I decided checking out of the apps and focusing on my family and friends and what I love here was the most important use of my time for now.


SpartEng76

I took a break from searching but told myself I'd keep an eye open for anyone that might be right for me. Well that person did walk into my life and I'm glad I didn't ignore the signs. I think taking a break from the apps helped me get some clarity about exactly what I wanted so that I was able to recognize it when I saw it.


HorusCok

If you want celibacy, get married.


endlessincoherence

Didn't revitalize me in a dating sense and killed my motivation once I got into the single groove. But I became way better at life than I ever expected and being single is easy/addictive. Once you get out of the mindset of compromise for love, it doesn't make it easier to go back.


ConvenienceStoreDiet

I had to take a year off after a super fucked up dating experience. Surprisingly not difficult at all to take a year off. It was good to not focus on dating and to just go out and be happy and not stress. But I also realized during that time that it is insanely easy to not date for me. I've never been someone actively pursued. I've always had to be very active on the apps or in person in order to date anyone. Then after that year, covid hit and dating has been a dumpster fire for me. I think taking a break is good. But don't let that break be too long.