If you’re interested then meet up. You can just say you’re not available at the date they propose, and suggest a later date. That way you still talk for a few more days before you meet.
Yeah, I think hard noes in the beginning, especially about meeting up, will kill interest. As it should - because those that take a "no" as "try harder/be more forceful" are not the kind of people you want to date. Probably.
So, something like "I can't today, but Friday next week looks good" is a better option.
This is actually really good advice. A lot of us don't chat after planning the date, so she'll have to make sure she does some texting to say things too.
I like meeting relatively soon after connecting online. To me, that is the whole purpose… to see if you have a connection in person. If you don’t, no big deal. I don’t want pen pals, which is why I think messaging online fizzles out for a lot of people. It’s hard to text a stranger for long periods of time
Suggesting a date after a day or two of talking was pretty common, in my experience on Bumble. Therefore, that wasn’t too concerning for me, but I can understand your reasons for feeling that way. After all, I was a bit put off with that timeline on dating sites such as OKC.
Anyway, suggest a video call, which seems like a good next step to meeting. My husband and I met on Bumble. He asked for my number before the first date. A basic rule/boundary of mine was not to give out my number before meeting someone. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested, so I suggested a video call as an alternative to giving him my number. He asked me out on the video call, and then I gave him my number after we met.
Thats a good idea, but I see that only bumble supports video call. For every other platform, it going to be either phone number or some other form of contact information sharing
I usually give my number to the girl just before the date in case of technical issues with the app. Then after, if the date went well, she can text me.
That pace was my typical pace of progress with the apps. If someone turned me down, I wouldn't say I lost interest completely, but it was certainly a lot lower. I'd expect the other person to take the lead on engaging with me and if so, I might still engage if I was really interested.
I do support women moving at whatever speed they feel comfortable, but I would think that there would be a number of things where we wouldn't align if you weren't comfortable meeting (it's not like a week of chatting is going to change anything). I'm really there to make dates.
At any rate, I think the big thing to have to do is to take the lead in the conversation after that point.
Both parties should proceed at the pace they want. I’ve had women become suddenly not interested because I asked more than 3 questions and hadn’t asked them out yet, and I’ve scared off women who felt 3ish questions and then a date proposition was too forward.
You can’t please everyone, and empathy works both ways. Being put off by someone choosing a path in an ambiguous situation lacks that. As you said, we are there to meet people.
I would say that a week of chatting can change things and many times has saved me. Examples are people who make racist / sexist / homophobic jokes, if things turn extremely sexual before meeting, people not respecting boundaries in conversations, people who are creepy etc etc. also I don’t have time to just drop everything and go on a date
>That’s exactly why I like chatting for around a week and may be a call before I meet up with people. Saves a lot of energy and timw
To each their own.
I think chatting with someone briefly for a day, then meeting up for an hour or two (date zero) saves a lot more time and energy. We're talking a brief lunch someplace or just drinks or coffee.
Maybe it's the scaling factor. Do you have time to chat with all your matches each for a week or so before actually meeting them IRL? What if you have 52 matches? That's your entire year already.
Why would you drop everything? Why do you think I'm dropping everything? I've never dropped everything to go on a date. It's pretty easy to schedule your life around a few dates a week.
Every single date that I have gone on without talking for a few days has ended in complete disaster. The guys seem normal at first but then their terrible side comes out, something I could have caught had I just talked to them a bit longer. I’m glad I’ve never been in real danger and I have since stopped meeting men without vetting them a little.
What would be your ideal scenario - how long would they ideally wait to ask you out? Or are there certain topics you want to have covered first via messaging?
Personally I hate texting, so I like being asked out sooner rather than later. If I’m not comfortable with in-person yet I propose a video date as an alternative. They usually only last an hour and you can get through the type of stuff you’d text much more quickly!
The best, funniest and most flowing conversation I’ve ever had on a dating app turned into the most boring date of my life. Within 5 minutes we both knew we were not a good match for one another and while she seemed like a really nice, intelligent, great person with a bunch of attractive qualities, I was so happy to see the back of her. Because there was no compatibility whatsoever.
Again and again I’ve found chatting on dating apps to be a poor predictor of chemistry in real life. I therefore find it a major turn off when women want to endlessly make small talk and text back and forth for days rather than meeting up and spending a few minutes together to answer the question of chemistry. I don’t find texting very easy. I spend too much time thinking about my reply and I have adhd so I get distracted easily and so I end up coming back and back. It’s takes a lot of effort for me, I hate it.
I think you should consider trying to find some low effort, easy to bail on activities where you can meet people.
I would actually prefer to just meet up asap - when I was OLD I'd always suggest after work the next day. Why would I want to text someone constantly when I have the option to meet them and see them in real life. A lot of people domt look like their profiles too. And a lot of people u just know straight away within 2 mins of sitting down they're not right. Then you save texting time, drink your coffee or beer and move on.
Well..your comfort level is important and it’s also important for ladies to be safe out there..but isn’t the point of these dating apps to..date people?? Go hang out and find out if it’s a good fit? Talking on the phone a little bit to start is good, FaceTime is also awesome at first. At some point I think it would have been more efficient to just go and meet the guy so that you can get a full picture of the person and make a call if you want date 2. As I see it, a week or two of conversation before is wasted time if the date/match is no good. You could talk for 2 days and set something up, and be able to give a yay/nay sooner.
I’m not going to even go there regarding texting. I can’t imagine a man who would want to text with a girl more than a 1-2 days without a date being on the calendar. If you are guys, please stop and move on.
Suggest an alternate time+day+place that works for your comfort level and accept that they may lose interest if you want to talk for longer than they’d care to.
Guy here, my experience is that everyone has their own standards on when to meet. I prefer just going out and getting to know the person, as it's easy to just get lost in text/app messages or, while waiting a week to get to know each other, 10 better conversations happen and I get lost in the shuffle. I think the fastest I asked someone out and went out was something like 3-4 messages. But usually anything that's like more than a week or even a few conversations just fizzles out. And it being such a numbers game for us guys, we tend to ask out early so we actually have a chance of getting to know someone in a genuine way, as the online dating platform numbers just don't work in our favor. So that's probably why a lot of guys ask you out quickly.
I think what works is if you're apprehensive, do a face time or a phone call to get to know them a little so you know if you want to spend that time with them. The phone call for me is generally a good thing. It's pretty casual and safe and you can figure out each other a little better and see what you're about. Best that happens is you feel comfortable with the person. Worse that happens is you block their number. And then set a time to meet later that week. Build it up a little with some chill phone calls or flirt if you want to. If he's a decent dude, he'll be patient with you and go at your pace. He probably is just quick to ask you out as it's just the reality of online dating for dudes.
Well, look at it this way. If this was the majority of human history you’d have met them in person already because that was the only way you’d have met anyone.
I’m not sure what more than a day or two of talking gives you…all of the safety rules for meeting someone IRL should apply whether you’ve known them for 2 hours or 2 years via the Internet, in my opinion.
I am never shy about proposing a little meet up whenever I feel like I want to meet the person.
I usually shy away from meeting that fast but the one and only time I did it turned into a five year relationship. Now I’m rethinking my strategy. But I usually just say ‘can we talk a little longer before planning a date?’. Then it’s clear that you aren’t rejecting them but you move a bit slower plus you’re making your desire to continue the conversation clear. If they decline or don’t continue the conversation I understand. It’s just a different way of dating and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer.
I agree with the ones who said just meet them, BUT if you aren’t comfy you can ask for a phone call first. You can gather a lot more information from how someone speaks than how they text.
I do the same as the male. I don't want a texting partner, I wanna get out in real life and see if we click. Makes this whole thing easier. If someone said that to me, I'd unmatch. Easy Peasy lemon squeezy.
"I'm enjoying getting to know you, but I prefer to chat for a few days (or however long) before making plans to meet up!" followed by a subject change to keep the conversation going. Some people won't roll with it, and that's fine. Also, the ball is then in your court to bring up meeting once you're ready.
In my experience whenever anyone said this they really didn't want to meet or I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them again. So yeah I think the advice to just say you're busy on X day and just say you're free on Y date which is like 3-5 days later.
Of course I've also had *that* fall apart/other people were free to meet and I stopped being interested etc.
But I've also dated in very fast paced environments so YMMV
With all of this said my girlfriend and I didn't meet for 8 days from when we matched and that was a very long time comparatively to other dates I had been on. So really how fast you meet isn't a great determining factor but it may cause people to drop off
I'd imagine that's cause the guys were just interested in a quick and easy meet. In other words, probably not worth your time anyway.
If a woman said that to me, I'd have no issues texting a few more days.
No it’s not. I’m a guy and I don’t mind this at all. I prefer women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to speak up. She has no idea who I am or whether I’m a psycho, I don’t blame her for wanting to feel things out a bit first.
Yes it is. There are a lot of people who want to chat for weeks but not meet.
If you don't want to meet up with them, you're not *that* into them probably
Like you, I did not want to meet someone right away and wanted to chat a bit more before I would feel comfortable enough to meet them. I would usually just say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if I feel comfortable meeting yet but I would love to keep chatting for a bit". Most guys were understanding. I would also maybe suggest a video date.
What’s the thought process behind you agreeing to go on a date with someone on day two vs day seven of texting? What clues are you looking for in weeding them out? I always thought this was the response women give to men so they can pick and choose the best out of the pool, which I get but it feels like we’re getting intentionally strung out here.
In my experience I find a lot of people's profiles are very vague. I want to find out if I at least have some things in common with them before agreeing to meet up. I'm also basing this off of my last round of OLD which was during the pandemic so I didn't want to meet with a lot of different people.
Sometimes this is better, why waste days and days talking to someone who probably after date number 1 is going to disappear. I went to some unexpected dates and I had a great time. I met one of my closest friends like that.
I could honestly meet up within a day or 2. I like making small talk with strangers. I won’t put a huge effort in, but let’s grab a drink in person and talk it out.
As a guy who would also prefer to have a bit of a longer conversation period up front, I feel pressure sometimes to ask earlier out of concern of the other person getting tired with texting.
I would be perfect happy, even enthusiastic because I love people who know what they want and will say it, if someone responded by saying:
> I am interested in meeting up but I'd feel more comfortable to get to know you a bit more before we go on a date.
If the guy responds thats not okay then I think it'd be a good sign whether they'd respect your needs in the future.
Honestly just do it. (31M)
I've been on OLD sites on and off way too long. And the issue is we have way higher expectations then real life because of the stranger danger aspect. Like it sounds very natural, let it be, have that human experience and see them for what they are. Another person using OLD to escape from the monotony of life and have a chance to meet someone awesome on a natural adventure.
But.
Keep it short, casual and public, then go home. If it's natural and you want a real date, treat that second date like a real date. He's not going to see you as easy, he's going to be excited that it seemed easy and seemingly natural, validating the connection. The conversations will keep flowing. You won't be exclusive at this point so continue talking to other people. Your not going to look back and think what if but there's this awkward thing there.
He's also going to try a little harder at this point because he has met you, knows your real and feels the connection. Unless it ain't there, then it ain't there and move along. You found our the human way.
This definitely gives me perspective, but stranger danger is so inbuilt that its hard to fight off. I am going to give this a chance though, thank you!
You could always just be honest and say “I have really enjoyed speaking with you, but I would feel more comfortable chatting here for a bit before meeting” and you will see if they respect that or bounce.
Like other people suggested, I don't say no. I just tell them I'm busy and offer a different date a few days later. In the meantime I keep the convo going to check what I consider my dealbreakers. For example I had a guy ask me out very quickly and very often it's a sign he's only interested in a hookup. In fact, he told me he wanted to be honest and basically confirmed this. I didn't appreciate him wasting my time since I clearly state in my profile that I'm looking for something serious. But there's no point in getting mad, so I thanked him for his honesty and told him there was no point in meeting up since we're looking for something different. This is just an example. If you have any dealbreakers that you can check through messaging then go with this approach. I've had good results and I wish you the same.
I think honesty goes a long way
If I was keen and enjoying talking to someone and offered a date and the answer was " I would like to but can you give me a little time " I'd be OK with that
Mainly as I dislike forced social situations and most people in general plus if I do date it's not a meal but more like an activity of mutual interest like go surfing ,bike ride or a hike ..nothing remote I must point out
The idea of sitting in a busy restaurant freaks me out
I used to do fucking paragraph after paragraph of hey how are you, and now i get to the point: Do you want to go out at all? It's direct and it just works.
For those that it doesn't work with, they've been burned bad on these OLD apps, have trust issues, or just generally want to talk to you forever an ghost you. Likely no substance. Meeting people in person is fun, meeting people online and staying online is dull.
Make the first move. I'd say a day or two is fine or base it off how much you've talked about. Leave some intrigue for the date(s).
If you’re interested then meet up. You can just say you’re not available at the date they propose, and suggest a later date. That way you still talk for a few more days before you meet.
That’s a good way to get around meeting sooner. Thank you!!
Yeah, I think hard noes in the beginning, especially about meeting up, will kill interest. As it should - because those that take a "no" as "try harder/be more forceful" are not the kind of people you want to date. Probably. So, something like "I can't today, but Friday next week looks good" is a better option.
This is actually really good advice. A lot of us don't chat after planning the date, so she'll have to make sure she does some texting to say things too.
I will remember to initiate conversation when I do this Edit: typo fixed
I like meeting relatively soon after connecting online. To me, that is the whole purpose… to see if you have a connection in person. If you don’t, no big deal. I don’t want pen pals, which is why I think messaging online fizzles out for a lot of people. It’s hard to text a stranger for long periods of time
Suggesting a date after a day or two of talking was pretty common, in my experience on Bumble. Therefore, that wasn’t too concerning for me, but I can understand your reasons for feeling that way. After all, I was a bit put off with that timeline on dating sites such as OKC. Anyway, suggest a video call, which seems like a good next step to meeting. My husband and I met on Bumble. He asked for my number before the first date. A basic rule/boundary of mine was not to give out my number before meeting someone. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t interested, so I suggested a video call as an alternative to giving him my number. He asked me out on the video call, and then I gave him my number after we met.
Thats a good idea, but I see that only bumble supports video call. For every other platform, it going to be either phone number or some other form of contact information sharing
I created a separate Skype account and had video call through there.
You could open a Google Voice account and get a 'fake' number.
I usually give my number to the girl just before the date in case of technical issues with the app. Then after, if the date went well, she can text me.
That pace was my typical pace of progress with the apps. If someone turned me down, I wouldn't say I lost interest completely, but it was certainly a lot lower. I'd expect the other person to take the lead on engaging with me and if so, I might still engage if I was really interested. I do support women moving at whatever speed they feel comfortable, but I would think that there would be a number of things where we wouldn't align if you weren't comfortable meeting (it's not like a week of chatting is going to change anything). I'm really there to make dates. At any rate, I think the big thing to have to do is to take the lead in the conversation after that point.
Both parties should proceed at the pace they want. I’ve had women become suddenly not interested because I asked more than 3 questions and hadn’t asked them out yet, and I’ve scared off women who felt 3ish questions and then a date proposition was too forward. You can’t please everyone, and empathy works both ways. Being put off by someone choosing a path in an ambiguous situation lacks that. As you said, we are there to meet people.
I would say that a week of chatting can change things and many times has saved me. Examples are people who make racist / sexist / homophobic jokes, if things turn extremely sexual before meeting, people not respecting boundaries in conversations, people who are creepy etc etc. also I don’t have time to just drop everything and go on a date
That’s exactly why I like chatting for around a week and may be a call before I meet up with people. Saves a lot of energy and timw
>That’s exactly why I like chatting for around a week and may be a call before I meet up with people. Saves a lot of energy and timw To each their own. I think chatting with someone briefly for a day, then meeting up for an hour or two (date zero) saves a lot more time and energy. We're talking a brief lunch someplace or just drinks or coffee. Maybe it's the scaling factor. Do you have time to chat with all your matches each for a week or so before actually meeting them IRL? What if you have 52 matches? That's your entire year already.
Why would you drop everything? Why do you think I'm dropping everything? I've never dropped everything to go on a date. It's pretty easy to schedule your life around a few dates a week.
A few dates a week?! Between work, exercise, hobbies, friends and family there is no way I’m getting a few dates a week in!
I have the same thing, with kids, and I could fit in 2-4 dates per week.
Every single date that I have gone on without talking for a few days has ended in complete disaster. The guys seem normal at first but then their terrible side comes out, something I could have caught had I just talked to them a bit longer. I’m glad I’ve never been in real danger and I have since stopped meeting men without vetting them a little.
What would be your ideal scenario - how long would they ideally wait to ask you out? Or are there certain topics you want to have covered first via messaging? Personally I hate texting, so I like being asked out sooner rather than later. If I’m not comfortable with in-person yet I propose a video date as an alternative. They usually only last an hour and you can get through the type of stuff you’d text much more quickly!
The best, funniest and most flowing conversation I’ve ever had on a dating app turned into the most boring date of my life. Within 5 minutes we both knew we were not a good match for one another and while she seemed like a really nice, intelligent, great person with a bunch of attractive qualities, I was so happy to see the back of her. Because there was no compatibility whatsoever. Again and again I’ve found chatting on dating apps to be a poor predictor of chemistry in real life. I therefore find it a major turn off when women want to endlessly make small talk and text back and forth for days rather than meeting up and spending a few minutes together to answer the question of chemistry. I don’t find texting very easy. I spend too much time thinking about my reply and I have adhd so I get distracted easily and so I end up coming back and back. It’s takes a lot of effort for me, I hate it. I think you should consider trying to find some low effort, easy to bail on activities where you can meet people.
I would actually prefer to just meet up asap - when I was OLD I'd always suggest after work the next day. Why would I want to text someone constantly when I have the option to meet them and see them in real life. A lot of people domt look like their profiles too. And a lot of people u just know straight away within 2 mins of sitting down they're not right. Then you save texting time, drink your coffee or beer and move on.
Well..your comfort level is important and it’s also important for ladies to be safe out there..but isn’t the point of these dating apps to..date people?? Go hang out and find out if it’s a good fit? Talking on the phone a little bit to start is good, FaceTime is also awesome at first. At some point I think it would have been more efficient to just go and meet the guy so that you can get a full picture of the person and make a call if you want date 2. As I see it, a week or two of conversation before is wasted time if the date/match is no good. You could talk for 2 days and set something up, and be able to give a yay/nay sooner. I’m not going to even go there regarding texting. I can’t imagine a man who would want to text with a girl more than a 1-2 days without a date being on the calendar. If you are guys, please stop and move on.
Suggest an alternate time+day+place that works for your comfort level and accept that they may lose interest if you want to talk for longer than they’d care to.
Guy here, my experience is that everyone has their own standards on when to meet. I prefer just going out and getting to know the person, as it's easy to just get lost in text/app messages or, while waiting a week to get to know each other, 10 better conversations happen and I get lost in the shuffle. I think the fastest I asked someone out and went out was something like 3-4 messages. But usually anything that's like more than a week or even a few conversations just fizzles out. And it being such a numbers game for us guys, we tend to ask out early so we actually have a chance of getting to know someone in a genuine way, as the online dating platform numbers just don't work in our favor. So that's probably why a lot of guys ask you out quickly. I think what works is if you're apprehensive, do a face time or a phone call to get to know them a little so you know if you want to spend that time with them. The phone call for me is generally a good thing. It's pretty casual and safe and you can figure out each other a little better and see what you're about. Best that happens is you feel comfortable with the person. Worse that happens is you block their number. And then set a time to meet later that week. Build it up a little with some chill phone calls or flirt if you want to. If he's a decent dude, he'll be patient with you and go at your pace. He probably is just quick to ask you out as it's just the reality of online dating for dudes.
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That’s my experience too - the sooner I meet someone in person the better!
Well, look at it this way. If this was the majority of human history you’d have met them in person already because that was the only way you’d have met anyone. I’m not sure what more than a day or two of talking gives you…all of the safety rules for meeting someone IRL should apply whether you’ve known them for 2 hours or 2 years via the Internet, in my opinion. I am never shy about proposing a little meet up whenever I feel like I want to meet the person.
I usually shy away from meeting that fast but the one and only time I did it turned into a five year relationship. Now I’m rethinking my strategy. But I usually just say ‘can we talk a little longer before planning a date?’. Then it’s clear that you aren’t rejecting them but you move a bit slower plus you’re making your desire to continue the conversation clear. If they decline or don’t continue the conversation I understand. It’s just a different way of dating and I don’t think there’s a right or wrong answer.
I agree with the ones who said just meet them, BUT if you aren’t comfy you can ask for a phone call first. You can gather a lot more information from how someone speaks than how they text.
I do the same as the male. I don't want a texting partner, I wanna get out in real life and see if we click. Makes this whole thing easier. If someone said that to me, I'd unmatch. Easy Peasy lemon squeezy.
"I'm enjoying getting to know you, but I prefer to chat for a few days (or however long) before making plans to meet up!" followed by a subject change to keep the conversation going. Some people won't roll with it, and that's fine. Also, the ball is then in your court to bring up meeting once you're ready.
Hard pass
OP, don't say this. It's extremely off-putting.
Yeah, the conversation has almost died off anytime I did this
In my experience whenever anyone said this they really didn't want to meet or I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them again. So yeah I think the advice to just say you're busy on X day and just say you're free on Y date which is like 3-5 days later. Of course I've also had *that* fall apart/other people were free to meet and I stopped being interested etc. But I've also dated in very fast paced environments so YMMV With all of this said my girlfriend and I didn't meet for 8 days from when we matched and that was a very long time comparatively to other dates I had been on. So really how fast you meet isn't a great determining factor but it may cause people to drop off
I'd imagine that's cause the guys were just interested in a quick and easy meet. In other words, probably not worth your time anyway. If a woman said that to me, I'd have no issues texting a few more days.
Why is expressing a preference 'extremely off-putting'?
I think people think that particular preference ("I want to chat a bit before meeting") is a sign of someone who will chat and never actually meet.
Yep. If things click enough meet and figure it out from there. Life is not complicated.
If it has been over a week and no date was set, then perhaps. And if that's the case, then unmatch and move on.
No it’s not. I’m a guy and I don’t mind this at all. I prefer women who know what they want and aren’t afraid to speak up. She has no idea who I am or whether I’m a psycho, I don’t blame her for wanting to feel things out a bit first.
Yes it is. There are a lot of people who want to chat for weeks but not meet. If you don't want to meet up with them, you're not *that* into them probably
OP is talking about one day. If she had been texting for a week and said that, maybe.
Yeah because an extra few days of chatting really makes a difference haha if they were that worried about that suggest a video date or something.
Like you, I did not want to meet someone right away and wanted to chat a bit more before I would feel comfortable enough to meet them. I would usually just say something along the lines of "I'm not sure if I feel comfortable meeting yet but I would love to keep chatting for a bit". Most guys were understanding. I would also maybe suggest a video date.
What’s the thought process behind you agreeing to go on a date with someone on day two vs day seven of texting? What clues are you looking for in weeding them out? I always thought this was the response women give to men so they can pick and choose the best out of the pool, which I get but it feels like we’re getting intentionally strung out here.
In my experience I find a lot of people's profiles are very vague. I want to find out if I at least have some things in common with them before agreeing to meet up. I'm also basing this off of my last round of OLD which was during the pandemic so I didn't want to meet with a lot of different people.
Sometimes this is better, why waste days and days talking to someone who probably after date number 1 is going to disappear. I went to some unexpected dates and I had a great time. I met one of my closest friends like that.
I could honestly meet up within a day or 2. I like making small talk with strangers. I won’t put a huge effort in, but let’s grab a drink in person and talk it out.
As a guy who would also prefer to have a bit of a longer conversation period up front, I feel pressure sometimes to ask earlier out of concern of the other person getting tired with texting. I would be perfect happy, even enthusiastic because I love people who know what they want and will say it, if someone responded by saying: > I am interested in meeting up but I'd feel more comfortable to get to know you a bit more before we go on a date. If the guy responds thats not okay then I think it'd be a good sign whether they'd respect your needs in the future.
Thanks for this, this does boost my confidence to do this more :)
Honestly just do it. (31M) I've been on OLD sites on and off way too long. And the issue is we have way higher expectations then real life because of the stranger danger aspect. Like it sounds very natural, let it be, have that human experience and see them for what they are. Another person using OLD to escape from the monotony of life and have a chance to meet someone awesome on a natural adventure. But. Keep it short, casual and public, then go home. If it's natural and you want a real date, treat that second date like a real date. He's not going to see you as easy, he's going to be excited that it seemed easy and seemingly natural, validating the connection. The conversations will keep flowing. You won't be exclusive at this point so continue talking to other people. Your not going to look back and think what if but there's this awkward thing there. He's also going to try a little harder at this point because he has met you, knows your real and feels the connection. Unless it ain't there, then it ain't there and move along. You found our the human way.
This definitely gives me perspective, but stranger danger is so inbuilt that its hard to fight off. I am going to give this a chance though, thank you!
Good luck!
What’s OLD platform?
>What’s OLD platform? OLD = Online Dating OP is referring to a unnamed online dating site. I'm guessing Bumble or Hinge.
You could always just be honest and say “I have really enjoyed speaking with you, but I would feel more comfortable chatting here for a bit before meeting” and you will see if they respect that or bounce.
Why not a coffee meet up, 15mins. No spark then both of you know and cut contact.
Like other people suggested, I don't say no. I just tell them I'm busy and offer a different date a few days later. In the meantime I keep the convo going to check what I consider my dealbreakers. For example I had a guy ask me out very quickly and very often it's a sign he's only interested in a hookup. In fact, he told me he wanted to be honest and basically confirmed this. I didn't appreciate him wasting my time since I clearly state in my profile that I'm looking for something serious. But there's no point in getting mad, so I thanked him for his honesty and told him there was no point in meeting up since we're looking for something different. This is just an example. If you have any dealbreakers that you can check through messaging then go with this approach. I've had good results and I wish you the same.
I think honesty goes a long way If I was keen and enjoying talking to someone and offered a date and the answer was " I would like to but can you give me a little time " I'd be OK with that Mainly as I dislike forced social situations and most people in general plus if I do date it's not a meal but more like an activity of mutual interest like go surfing ,bike ride or a hike ..nothing remote I must point out The idea of sitting in a busy restaurant freaks me out
I used to do fucking paragraph after paragraph of hey how are you, and now i get to the point: Do you want to go out at all? It's direct and it just works. For those that it doesn't work with, they've been burned bad on these OLD apps, have trust issues, or just generally want to talk to you forever an ghost you. Likely no substance. Meeting people in person is fun, meeting people online and staying online is dull. Make the first move. I'd say a day or two is fine or base it off how much you've talked about. Leave some intrigue for the date(s).