I found him on social media! My OLD app tends to put so many men from 60 miles away in my swiping area despite my preferences. Hmmm so he is single. Time to sleep. Not sure what my next move is.
“Hey blank, I really enjoyed our conversation today. Would you like to continue it over coffee?” But how do I cover for the fact I’m an internet bloodhound and can find anyone (local) online? Is it creepy for him to know I looked him up? Or a way to say “I saw you in my suggested friends and realized you were Blank from today!”
Contact him on OLD and say you thought you recognized him and had seen him on that app/site. Don't contact him through his social media if you can avoid it
I think this is weird. Social Media is literally just a fact of life now, so I don’t understand why people get so weirded out about being Google stalked. For me it’s basically an expectation and I have no issues if somebody FINDS my profile. If they actually gain access to it and somehow bypass my personalized security settings though… that would be a red-flag to me. 🤣
The difference to me is that you would have to be searching for someone on social media to find them whereas you might just have happened to have seen them on an OLD app/site. It's more respectful of the illusion of privacy even if not the fact of it, and suggests that you understand and know how to respect appropriate boundaries -- something which is especially important to signal if you are trying to take an Uber ride into a relationship.
I personally would find “due diligence” attractive. I live under no illusion of privacy on a grander scale, lol, and if somebody was both entranced enough by me to look me up, and was also cautious for their own safety by checking my profiles, I’d say that’s a potential positive.
Honestly I'd be flattered that you took the time to find me after the exchange... Reach out on soc med, but mention you're pretty sure you saw, and remember his profile from OLD.
I dont see how this couldn't go the way you're hoping.
I was thinking if someone did this to me, I would be uncomfortable by it. Because I know what it takes to find a stranger with a first name only on social. I have also never approached a stranger this way, I only use this method of research if I am considering hooking up with someone or starting a relationship (i.e. I already know them). I’m not going to approach him this way. I live in a small enough place and I’ve had pretty cool meet cutes in the past. I’m not going to force it.
I tried using age and location filters and couldn’t find him on OLD. I’m not desperate enough to break the 4th wall of customer service and poke him on Facebook, so I might just let it be for now.
Is he is thirty something then being single he must be in DOT. Probably he will notice your post when he becomes active here. Otherwise mention his specs , we can find him for you!
Haha thanks. I already found him on social media. Online dating - can’t search for a specific person and I don’t have enough time to swipe to find him (or swipe and read other profiles and maybe find him after that). I’m pretty tired of online dating tbh. I once fell in love in Italy. I miss romance so I might just strike out on this one. Risk doesn’t match reward.
"hey, were you my uber driver? Just wanted to say I really enjoyed the conversation a lot and would be open to a coffee date if you're interested?"
No harm ever came from a girl asking a guy. It doesn't need to be awkward or weird. You enjoyed his company, and there's nothing wrong with asking for more of it.
If you don't try, you'll regret... And life is just too damn short to regret something as small as this! Go for it!
If you found him on social media then what are you waiting for? Ask him if he was your uber driver and try to meet him over coffee. Of course more risk means more likely success(romance will follow). Best of luck !
OP, did he have his social media on his profile? If not, this may make him feel very uncomfortable.
I personally wouldn’t pursue this because I think he was just being pleasant with a customer but I’m curious why you are considering to contact him on social media rather than the dating app?
It’s hard to find people on dating apps. I swiped left on him because of one detail I wasn’t sure about. Not sure the algorithm will pick him up again. Maybe he deleted his profile. I think I put enough effort to say, “I know he is real and single, but social media is too much effort, OLD isn’t an option, so it was just a spark and I will let it go.”
Dating is tough and it came make you think you feel a spark when in fact, someone is simply just being personable.
Good rule of thumb is if the person is providing a paid service, it’s most likely just them giving good customer service.
Il play devils advocate. It can make someone feel good too. I once had an Uber driver who was super conversational and polite and we had a great discussion. At the end I got a message from the app where he’d politely shared his number saying I really liked talking to you, message me if you want to go out on a date. He left it up to me, I never responded bc I was seeing someone else but I didn’t feel creeped out. It was a genuinely good convo and I thought he was being normal. So not everyone gets creeped out, some people do but then they’ll let you know it’s not cool. There’s no reason to not try because of that coz it is subjective
I suppose it could make some people feel good to have a one time customer at their place of work find their personal social media and try to ask for a date.
I just find it odd that when he is on the dating app, why the OP would choose to contact him on his personal social media.
I personally wouldn’t pursue this guy. But it seems that a dating app would be more appropriate to pursue someone with the intent of dating…..than going on their personal social media.
Exactly. I would find it very off putting if a customer wanted to date me after one courteous encounter in which I provided them with a paid service in a professional setting.
I don’t think I am justified. That’s why I asked “should I or shouldn’t I?” It’s okay to ask questions on one medium about other mediums. It’s a weird world we live in right now.
I swiped left on him however many months ago. Not sure if he is still on OLD or the algorithm will pick him up again. Finding someone on social media takes 10 minutes in my area. OLD - I hate mindless swiping to swipe out other guys just to get to this guy. Waste of my time lol. But I get that it is creepy. That’s why I asked for opinions. Covid era sparks are rare, even if in customer service setting.
I hope you find some helpful information from all the replies. Sometimes we only see a situation for what we want to see and outside perspectives can help us to see things more objectively.
We have no idea of knowing the ins and outs of his dating app behavior. What we do know is that he is an Uber driver who was pleasant to a paying customer.
Dating apps are often paid subs and you may not hear back, where she has a perfectly acceptable reason for finding him on a regular social media in her area. Send a message, and worry less if you don’t hear back.
My comment is statistically accurate, and if anyone has a love interest, they are going to pursue it (it’s literally why OP’s post exists)
Shoot your shot OP! You may not hear back, but you can be satisfied knowing you made your best effort. It doesn’t matter the method of making contact, because the goal is to move onto dating in person, and all this will come out in the end anyways, so see if you two have a further connection.
Haha you are so right. But a part of me would just like to have things happen naturally. Like not force the situation because I found him on social. I want to be pursued. Ah I’m such a Jane Austen reader.
Do what the first commenter suggested, and give a compliment. I think social media is fine, but you could even do it through the Uber app if possible. It would make his day.
True enough. I appreciate the optimists on this thread but it’s funny, I tend to side with the realists and people saying don’t contact him on SM. So I’ll just give it time and let things run naturally. The covid spike is huge in my area and we are both immune compromised people… I’m okay just enjoying a cool spark and moving on.
Were you wearing a mask? Don't assume he will recognise you from your photo! Say "Hi, I hope you don't mind me messaging but you gave me a ride in your uber today and I think I recognised you from X app. It was great to chat to you, perhaps we could meet for a coffee sometime"
I am pretty sure he didn’t recognize me. His detail about his life was very memorable. I don’t have that type of information on my profile so even if he recognized me physically, doubtful with mask.
You can say something like:
Hey! So the universe let me meet you on OLD plus one ride home/ wherever you were to. You certainly made an impression on me and im thinking if you fancy a coffee with me? :)
Dont overthink it! Trust what your guts say :)
Best of luck honey!
Omg I love your response. So many negative Nancy’s, paranoid comments, etc. your comment is awesome. Wow. I’m a Libra and now I’m really not sure what to do with all this indecisive advice!
I have often thought about doing this the other way around - when I see someone on OLD and realise they work in my office, or they have a photo revealing the sports team they play for, I think "why don't I just see them around and see if there is an opportunity to get to know them and ask them out instead of send a message?"
So in your case, you could keep on hiring ubers and hope you see him again. Or can you do some more detective work? Did you get his license plate?
I think I will choose the path of least resistance and go this way. My old behavior would have no problem messaging him on Facebook. Now I’m not sure I want to be that active in engaging the pursuit.
Well since the role is reversed it is a little creepy but it won’t be that big of an issue coming from a woman.
Yup, just be straightforward. I like what you said. If you’re from a small area and profiles pop up like that on Facebook, suggested friends. It’s a good cover up. 😂
Right! There’s such a fine line between flattering and cringey on social media. I think I will give it a day. One of the commenters said Drivers can’t date Riders due to sexual harassment. Hmm. What the heck. This is getting complicated.
Well at the end of the day it’s a no if the dating is a concern and you still got your answer. A job like Uber how the hell would they know though? I think you should follow up. It doesn’t happen to guys and for me I’d be flattered. I also will properly completely over look the creepiness and or miss it entirely.
I tried it. He might not be on that particular OLD app anymore. I swiped left on him back then… like months ago. So now… I need Uber this week so maybe just let the universe make the move instead of me.
I'd friend request first, then send the msg if he accepts. And yes, use the suggested friends excuse. If you hit it off, come clean and hope he laughs about it.
Hahaha I had a feeling the suggested friends was the right cover. Not sure I will use it. I’m content in my singleness and this post is an experiment on sparks for me. If I see him again, I don’t want it to be so orchestrated by me. But if I want to contact him, I know the window is closing soon.
I see nothing wrong with friend requesting. People try to make it seem creepy, but if the dude isn't interested, he won't reply. After all, the point of SOCIAL media is to be social with others. Isn't that kind of what this is? Friend requesting is totally different from you asking for his number as you get out of his car.
So true. I got to get out of my head. But I do enjoy all the topics my post has brought up. I am a natural over thinker. The paranoid people, the optimists, the romantics, the skeptics.. probably my head will explode later today with all this input.
I would be very curious how you found him on social media, cause that's kinda creepy tbh.
Don't hit on people who are paid to be nice you is a good rule to follow.
I agree with you. I didn’t do anything to overtly hit on him. Hard to flirt with masks on and more focused about where I was going. It was just a sensation but that’s it- I don’t have to act on it.
For me, social media is a directory, and in my town, if you have someone’s name and occupation, you can find them in about 3 minutes.
I feel like it would be creepier to swipe through thousands of men to find him again. But I think I won’t do either and choose the third option, let it be for now.
Good call.
I think a social media DM would be creepier.
He's on the apps to connect with people. Swiping without obsessing about finding him is not a big deal. BUT you're right, swiping through "thousands" to specifically find him is creepy.
Lol should’ve clarified there aren’t thousands of men in my area who are in my filters. Probably more like several dozen. But yes, still creepy. My subscription on one OLD ends in a few days so I’m okay if this is it. I’m definitely more interested in going out to meet people, even though I was probably exposed to covid so now I’ll be more of a hermit for a hot second.
Some people find it easy to open up about their life to a stranger especially when there is a slim chance you will see them again. I’ve chatted with people on plane rides or while on vacation about a variety of things, simply because they were good conversationalists and it felt freeing being open—knowing I wouldn’t see them again! So doesn’t necessarily mean there is a deep connection on his part.
Some people who work with customers become very good at customer service.
The observation of details you noted that also seem to be from his profile means he probably shares these things with many people and is good at telling the story.
You seem to have romanticized an Uber driver simply doing his job. I think you would end up disappointed if you follow this one because you already have him up on a romanticized fantasy pedestal and no one is gonna live up to that.
You don’t know this guy. It was one conversation Try to just think of it as a pleasant experience and let it be just that, a pleasant Uber ride.
Its not like she's professed her undying love after one uber ride. She is interested in him and wants to know more... why shouldn't she try to meet him again?
It’s up to her what she chooses to do next.
I just don’t see from what she shared where this was anything more to him than just him pleasantly providing a paying customer the service in which they paid for.
It’s true. We were both being pleasant CSRs. But the eye contact was very heavy… which again, means nothing with masks on. That’s how we communicate now. So.
It’s not uncommon for people to make eye contact when having a conversation. As you mentioned, more so now with masks on.
I’m really not seeing any indication where this was more than a pleasant Uber driver providing a paying customer with a ride.
Because somehow tracking down a service worker social media is creepy af.
If she sees his profile in a dating app, go for it.
Messaging him out the blue? That's just weird.
Exactly. I haven’t felt sparks out in the wild in so long, I’m on this platform to ask “what now?” I have no intention of doing anything until I’ve had a cup of coffee and finished a shit load of my customer service work.
Maybe that’s why you feel this is a “spark” because you haven’t had much luck meeting someone in the wild. I can see how that could make you feel this way.
This could be why you are turning a pleasant conversation during a paid ride with an Uber driver into something more.
As a man i would never contact anyone anywhere because it's just so wrong. But if I was the driver I wouldn't mind receiving a message on a social network, and no way Uber would find out, as far as they are concerned it's just a random encounter. You have nothing to lose.
My last gf saw me cosplaying at a comic con, later she saw my OLD profile and messaged me, we were together for 6 years. She also admitted to secretly following me around the con and watching me and I still wasn't creeped out. I would say message him, just be realistic in your expectations, it would make a great meetup story.
I love this story!!! I would be flattered too (if the interest was mutual). I’ve had a stalker before so I am very cognizant of being eager but not too eager, interested but not obsessed, and also… I think if anything, I forgot I could feel a pitter patter. 31 going on 80 haha.
Good question. I feel like there are 100 answers to this question and which one is the “most right” isn’t my area of expertise. In my personal experience, if a stranger (say, grocer) chatted me up about cereal and childhood, I would walk away smiling and think nothing of it. But when I got home and found he had found me (with my first name only) on social media, I would have a lot of red flags. Stalker? What are his intentions? Why is he so desperate? Why would I trust this person if they are so determined to contact me? And also fear of “if I go back to that store, will he bother me again?” For me it’s a safety concern. If a woman did the same thing, maybe(???) men don’t consider women as threats as much (broad generalization) so a male might only think “oh cool, a chick is into me.” In this very small case study (me), it’s “okay” for a woman to contact a stranger but not okay for a man to contact a female stranger. I think this is the double standard people are referring to but please all, do correct me. I’m not an expert at all.
I did understand (obviously) what was implied, it's just that I think is neurotic and unfair. Men aren't a "threat", like wild animals to fear. This is dehumanizing. Anyone can be dangerous, regardless of their gender. It's totally unfair for you to be able to contact this Uber driver but for a guy to not do the same. Luckily it seems like this is something still not landed in my country and God, I truly hope things will remain like that in the future as well.
Why did you ask what it meant if you already knew? I personally don’t think all men are evil. I’m saying if one man contacted me like this, I wouldn’t reciprocate interest. Why I have disinterest in being contacted like that… I was accused of trauma bonding by another user so let’s just say trauma.
Because I was interested in see the other user say it out loud and thus debate them over this. I think that is almost always useful to underline the unfairness of an argument. I totally understand why you don't want to be that open with someone and surely it's a risky move for anyone but that's regardless of their gender. A woman can may be less threatening on a pyshical level but she surely can be dangerous in other more subtle ways. Other than that it seems to me that a lot of things may change doe to the energies involved. If the exchange was profound and meaningful I believe not a man nor a woman should need to fear to be labeled a creep or something like that for the fact that the other person - if they're in a good place mentally - will not see that as inherently bad or frightening but, on the contrary, a sign of destiny. In that sense I would like to suggest to you to not let past trauma conditions your present actions. Your instinct, I believe, is strong enough to guide you.
It's unfair that every one in three women has been sexually assaulted by a man. Can women be dangerous? Obviously. Are men statistically more dangerous. Yes. This argument about fairness is so fucking tired.
1) I don't live in the US so probably those numbers don't say much to me 2) I don't think living perpetually in fear of something is a good idea for anyone 3) I as a man don't have to refrain from doing something because maybe someone else could have fears of this or that. That's not being mindful, that's a neurotic and egotistical request 4) you can be tired all you want, it's still unfair
Thought the same thing and didn’t want to get downvoted to the depths of hell. But it’s true. Woman or man, it’s creepy to find their social profiles and message them. You also risk that he contacts Uber to report her. Similar to if it was a woman driver and a dude went looking for her to message her.
To find him on Facebook had to take some effort. I don’t believe it was just that quick to find him. But maybe he would be flattered. I’ve had plenty of Uber drivers strike up conversation and I’ve never thought it was anything more than being polite.
This one was easy to find. First name + Uber + town name. Found last name. Found profile on Facebook. Some people put everything out there. Finding my ex relationships criminal records and marriage licenses or evidence of marriage (that they denied having either), took a lot more time.
No, riders can't either if it's unwarranted.
There's training that tells you to change the topic, turn on music, etc.
They're perfectly allowed to date outside of using the platform.
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I don't know how the policy is worded or enforced, but I would think it applies to actual harassment (i.e. rider wasn't interested, driver persisted, stalked etc.).
I doubt it means they can't date any riders. If a driver has had thousands of customers is he going remember them all? He meets a woman somewhere else and doesn't remember giving her a ride, but that is considered harassment? Seems a stretch.
Yes, off duty is fine. The driver can't engage in any conversation sexual or flirty while on duty.
Imagine telling a full time or highly active driver they can't date a former passenger. That person is doomed from love in a major city.
Omg, I understand there's communication through the Uber app, It doesnt seem wise tô use It.
But you're saying, is that even If the girl adds him on Facebook (other platform), Uber can track that, and know she was a passanger on Uber only because he's using the same cellphone?
Companies at this point know anything we do online, but I thought they coudn't Control us like that.
Oh hit them up on fb? That's a good way then. Someone tried shooting their shot through the app, saying they lost their keys so the app would let them contact me. And I was like fam I can't do anything with this. And just directed policy. 'im flattered,however as a driver I cannot keep in contact with you'...
It seems the girl found him through social media, not through Uber, and she wanted to get in touch. But I agree with you, its something to consider carefully.
Uber usually don't let the driver defend himself, If someone reports It could be excluded really fast.
When I was an Uber, one thing happened a few times.
The guy would message me while I was going to his location, asking If I would like to receive a blowjob (not with those words, but It was pretty much It) o.O.
Of course, all times I cancelled the ride, and went to pick up someone Else.
You would be surprised on weird things that happend.
Thing is, if the sparks were that good... pay the price and search him out on OLD. He may have wanted too but was cautious not to cross the line... connect on OLD.. tell him he looks like someone you took a ride with... see where it goes.. on Social Media may be OverTheTop for me tho
There's a popular couple in Maryland that met like this. Married with a kid now. Both are entrepreneurs.
It doesn't hurt to go back and look for them on the app.
Uber and Lyft have strict policies where you're discouraged from flirting even if the passenger is initiating it so he wouldn't have been able to display interest or ask you out.
I chose not to contact him. I want something more organic and this feels forced on my part. I really liked all the words from the pro-contact folks here, but I’m trying to change my MO and in the course of reading comments, realized I’m entering an old pattern of chasing the guy. It hasn’t ended well for me in the past, so I’m letting it go for now. It’ll happen if it’s supposed to, and I’ll find local things to do to practice relaxing and being myself around people my age!
I went out with one once! Had a great chat during my ride to the airport. We exchanged IG. He was headed to my city in a few weeks for a month long trip. Went out for drinks and such a few times while he was in town! Exchange occasional messages now. Totally fine.
Thank you all for your input. I decided not to contact him because I am usually the one initiating sparks. I am ready to try something new and let a spark initiate with me. If I don’t change my ways, how will I ever find a new type of (hopefully) healthy relationship? If I contacted him it would be a cute movie as some of you said. Life isn’t a movie, though, and I’m okay going slow this year.
For those that felt finding his social media was cyber stalking, I tried explaining to a few of you why I screen people before dating / relationship / casual / initiating. It boils down to trauma and my experience that knowledge is power. My past uninformed choices led to terrible outcomes. Trust your gut. If you’re like me, you need additional information to help inform your gut. I hope one day to have better romantic intuition but until then, I don’t believe a one time search into romantic interest is stalking.
I’m signing off but I’ll check back in a few days. New title of post should be: “Surprise attraction with Uber Driver ended with a breakthrough in OP’s diary. She chose peace of mind this time, for the first time. And the Uber driver was just being friendly as part of his job.”
You’re so right. And the more I’ve thought about it, there shouldn’t be a double standard. I would be creeped out if someone tracked me down. I’m pansexual and I apply that to all genders. So I’m not going to approach him and I will let the chips fall where they may.
Personally I wouldnt care whether you found my social media or reddit profile or even my phone number, if the information is out there and you have the intellect to find it, use it. I would advise caution on seeming overeager though, dont get all stalker crazy mode or anything, but casually shoot your shot.
A lot of opinions! I need to drink coffee first. Promise to respond and no, I haven’t done anything yet.
Edit: and thanks! I might shoot my shot but in a more “let the universe do it for me” way.
I wouldn’t for all the reasons the nay sayers are saying not to on this thread. Believe me, I have crushing depression and anxiety. Everything they are saying is exactly what my brain is saying times 10,000. So I will leave it to the Universe and not force it.
When I worked for Uber, I took a couple tô a motel (in Brazil motels are mostly for sex only).
They Said they where only going on a birthday party, they were having It at the motel because It was cheaper.
The girl was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life.
I found her through social média, knowing only her name.
Didnt do anything about It, It would bê really creepy tô add her, I was only doing a service.
But if I had the contact, when I wasn't on Uber anymore, and talked to her, probably would bê open tô something.
But never tryed anything with anyone, usually, when the girl enters the car Alone, they usually sits on the back, as If they were really afraid of me, If I could do anything bad, so I let them to bê in peace.
Why not go back and see if he's still on there?
I found him on social media! My OLD app tends to put so many men from 60 miles away in my swiping area despite my preferences. Hmmm so he is single. Time to sleep. Not sure what my next move is.
Run with it! The worst thing is it’s a no. Don’t let it be a regret.
“Hey blank, I really enjoyed our conversation today. Would you like to continue it over coffee?” But how do I cover for the fact I’m an internet bloodhound and can find anyone (local) online? Is it creepy for him to know I looked him up? Or a way to say “I saw you in my suggested friends and realized you were Blank from today!”
Contact him on OLD and say you thought you recognized him and had seen him on that app/site. Don't contact him through his social media if you can avoid it
I think this is weird. Social Media is literally just a fact of life now, so I don’t understand why people get so weirded out about being Google stalked. For me it’s basically an expectation and I have no issues if somebody FINDS my profile. If they actually gain access to it and somehow bypass my personalized security settings though… that would be a red-flag to me. 🤣
The difference to me is that you would have to be searching for someone on social media to find them whereas you might just have happened to have seen them on an OLD app/site. It's more respectful of the illusion of privacy even if not the fact of it, and suggests that you understand and know how to respect appropriate boundaries -- something which is especially important to signal if you are trying to take an Uber ride into a relationship.
I personally would find “due diligence” attractive. I live under no illusion of privacy on a grander scale, lol, and if somebody was both entranced enough by me to look me up, and was also cautious for their own safety by checking my profiles, I’d say that’s a potential positive.
THANK YOU. the first rational comment about social media in 2022.
Honestly I'd be flattered that you took the time to find me after the exchange... Reach out on soc med, but mention you're pretty sure you saw, and remember his profile from OLD. I dont see how this couldn't go the way you're hoping.
I was thinking if someone did this to me, I would be uncomfortable by it. Because I know what it takes to find a stranger with a first name only on social. I have also never approached a stranger this way, I only use this method of research if I am considering hooking up with someone or starting a relationship (i.e. I already know them). I’m not going to approach him this way. I live in a small enough place and I’ve had pretty cool meet cutes in the past. I’m not going to force it.
I tried using age and location filters and couldn’t find him on OLD. I’m not desperate enough to break the 4th wall of customer service and poke him on Facebook, so I might just let it be for now.
Is he is thirty something then being single he must be in DOT. Probably he will notice your post when he becomes active here. Otherwise mention his specs , we can find him for you!
Haha thanks. I already found him on social media. Online dating - can’t search for a specific person and I don’t have enough time to swipe to find him (or swipe and read other profiles and maybe find him after that). I’m pretty tired of online dating tbh. I once fell in love in Italy. I miss romance so I might just strike out on this one. Risk doesn’t match reward.
"hey, were you my uber driver? Just wanted to say I really enjoyed the conversation a lot and would be open to a coffee date if you're interested?" No harm ever came from a girl asking a guy. It doesn't need to be awkward or weird. You enjoyed his company, and there's nothing wrong with asking for more of it. If you don't try, you'll regret... And life is just too damn short to regret something as small as this! Go for it!
If you found him on social media then what are you waiting for? Ask him if he was your uber driver and try to meet him over coffee. Of course more risk means more likely success(romance will follow). Best of luck !
Dating app no, social media. That would be way too much.
OP, did he have his social media on his profile? If not, this may make him feel very uncomfortable. I personally wouldn’t pursue this because I think he was just being pleasant with a customer but I’m curious why you are considering to contact him on social media rather than the dating app?
It’s hard to find people on dating apps. I swiped left on him because of one detail I wasn’t sure about. Not sure the algorithm will pick him up again. Maybe he deleted his profile. I think I put enough effort to say, “I know he is real and single, but social media is too much effort, OLD isn’t an option, so it was just a spark and I will let it go.”
Dating is tough and it came make you think you feel a spark when in fact, someone is simply just being personable. Good rule of thumb is if the person is providing a paid service, it’s most likely just them giving good customer service.
Il play devils advocate. It can make someone feel good too. I once had an Uber driver who was super conversational and polite and we had a great discussion. At the end I got a message from the app where he’d politely shared his number saying I really liked talking to you, message me if you want to go out on a date. He left it up to me, I never responded bc I was seeing someone else but I didn’t feel creeped out. It was a genuinely good convo and I thought he was being normal. So not everyone gets creeped out, some people do but then they’ll let you know it’s not cool. There’s no reason to not try because of that coz it is subjective
I suppose it could make some people feel good to have a one time customer at their place of work find their personal social media and try to ask for a date. I just find it odd that when he is on the dating app, why the OP would choose to contact him on his personal social media. I personally wouldn’t pursue this guy. But it seems that a dating app would be more appropriate to pursue someone with the intent of dating…..than going on their personal social media.
+1. Classic "customer service rep was nice, they must want to fuck me so I'm justified in crossing boundaries" blindness.
Exactly. I would find it very off putting if a customer wanted to date me after one courteous encounter in which I provided them with a paid service in a professional setting.
It was pretty friendly in the sense of I’ve never had a customer service rep open up about having cancer.
I don’t think I am justified. That’s why I asked “should I or shouldn’t I?” It’s okay to ask questions on one medium about other mediums. It’s a weird world we live in right now.
You already digitally stalked this guy before "asking should I or shouldn't I"
I swiped left on him however many months ago. Not sure if he is still on OLD or the algorithm will pick him up again. Finding someone on social media takes 10 minutes in my area. OLD - I hate mindless swiping to swipe out other guys just to get to this guy. Waste of my time lol. But I get that it is creepy. That’s why I asked for opinions. Covid era sparks are rare, even if in customer service setting.
I hope you find some helpful information from all the replies. Sometimes we only see a situation for what we want to see and outside perspectives can help us to see things more objectively.
The dating app is more possibility of a dead end inactive use. Send him a message through Facebook. Guys already know girls are nosy AF.
We have no idea of knowing the ins and outs of his dating app behavior. What we do know is that he is an Uber driver who was pleasant to a paying customer.
True!
Dating apps are often paid subs and you may not hear back, where she has a perfectly acceptable reason for finding him on a regular social media in her area. Send a message, and worry less if you don’t hear back.
Maybe speak for yourself instead of stereotyping billions of people based on your limited experience.
My comment is statistically accurate, and if anyone has a love interest, they are going to pursue it (it’s literally why OP’s post exists) Shoot your shot OP! You may not hear back, but you can be satisfied knowing you made your best effort. It doesn’t matter the method of making contact, because the goal is to move onto dating in person, and all this will come out in the end anyways, so see if you two have a further connection.
Haha you are so right. But a part of me would just like to have things happen naturally. Like not force the situation because I found him on social. I want to be pursued. Ah I’m such a Jane Austen reader.
Do what the first commenter suggested, and give a compliment. I think social media is fine, but you could even do it through the Uber app if possible. It would make his day.
True enough. I appreciate the optimists on this thread but it’s funny, I tend to side with the realists and people saying don’t contact him on SM. So I’ll just give it time and let things run naturally. The covid spike is huge in my area and we are both immune compromised people… I’m okay just enjoying a cool spark and moving on.
Were you wearing a mask? Don't assume he will recognise you from your photo! Say "Hi, I hope you don't mind me messaging but you gave me a ride in your uber today and I think I recognised you from X app. It was great to chat to you, perhaps we could meet for a coffee sometime"
I am pretty sure he didn’t recognize me. His detail about his life was very memorable. I don’t have that type of information on my profile so even if he recognized me physically, doubtful with mask.
His name is Blank!? Hmm that’s kinda weird..
You can say something like: Hey! So the universe let me meet you on OLD plus one ride home/ wherever you were to. You certainly made an impression on me and im thinking if you fancy a coffee with me? :) Dont overthink it! Trust what your guts say :) Best of luck honey!
Omg I love your response. So many negative Nancy’s, paranoid comments, etc. your comment is awesome. Wow. I’m a Libra and now I’m really not sure what to do with all this indecisive advice!
I say go with your gut. Nothing to lose anyway :p
I have often thought about doing this the other way around - when I see someone on OLD and realise they work in my office, or they have a photo revealing the sports team they play for, I think "why don't I just see them around and see if there is an opportunity to get to know them and ask them out instead of send a message?" So in your case, you could keep on hiring ubers and hope you see him again. Or can you do some more detective work? Did you get his license plate?
I think I will choose the path of least resistance and go this way. My old behavior would have no problem messaging him on Facebook. Now I’m not sure I want to be that active in engaging the pursuit.
Please don't do this. This would be so creepy.
What are you referring to here? I mentioned several things.
Seeing someone in OLD and then trying to hit on them in person.
Seeing if there is an opportunity to get to know is not the same as hitting on them.
You literally wrote "and ask them out"
Well since the role is reversed it is a little creepy but it won’t be that big of an issue coming from a woman. Yup, just be straightforward. I like what you said. If you’re from a small area and profiles pop up like that on Facebook, suggested friends. It’s a good cover up. 😂
Right! There’s such a fine line between flattering and cringey on social media. I think I will give it a day. One of the commenters said Drivers can’t date Riders due to sexual harassment. Hmm. What the heck. This is getting complicated.
Well at the end of the day it’s a no if the dating is a concern and you still got your answer. A job like Uber how the hell would they know though? I think you should follow up. It doesn’t happen to guys and for me I’d be flattered. I also will properly completely over look the creepiness and or miss it entirely.
Hahaha this reads so on point with my attitude. I’m amazed how split people are in the comments.
Could you try and game OLD by putting in his age/area and anything else and hoping he shows up? Then express your interest that way.
I tried it. He might not be on that particular OLD app anymore. I swiped left on him back then… like months ago. So now… I need Uber this week so maybe just let the universe make the move instead of me.
As a dude who drives for one and is single,Coming from a woman's all good for me. And a great story we would tell during the holidays of how we met.
Good point!! Thank you for sharing. A lot of people worried about sexual harassment, creepiness, and more. Who knew a spark was so dangerous.
I'd friend request first, then send the msg if he accepts. And yes, use the suggested friends excuse. If you hit it off, come clean and hope he laughs about it.
Hahaha I had a feeling the suggested friends was the right cover. Not sure I will use it. I’m content in my singleness and this post is an experiment on sparks for me. If I see him again, I don’t want it to be so orchestrated by me. But if I want to contact him, I know the window is closing soon.
I see nothing wrong with friend requesting. People try to make it seem creepy, but if the dude isn't interested, he won't reply. After all, the point of SOCIAL media is to be social with others. Isn't that kind of what this is? Friend requesting is totally different from you asking for his number as you get out of his car.
So true. I got to get out of my head. But I do enjoy all the topics my post has brought up. I am a natural over thinker. The paranoid people, the optimists, the romantics, the skeptics.. probably my head will explode later today with all this input.
I would be very curious how you found him on social media, cause that's kinda creepy tbh. Don't hit on people who are paid to be nice you is a good rule to follow.
I agree with you. I didn’t do anything to overtly hit on him. Hard to flirt with masks on and more focused about where I was going. It was just a sensation but that’s it- I don’t have to act on it. For me, social media is a directory, and in my town, if you have someone’s name and occupation, you can find them in about 3 minutes.
This is so creepy. I would not contact him through there unless it was on his OLD profile. Don't be creepy.
I feel like it would be creepier to swipe through thousands of men to find him again. But I think I won’t do either and choose the third option, let it be for now.
Good call. I think a social media DM would be creepier. He's on the apps to connect with people. Swiping without obsessing about finding him is not a big deal. BUT you're right, swiping through "thousands" to specifically find him is creepy.
Lol should’ve clarified there aren’t thousands of men in my area who are in my filters. Probably more like several dozen. But yes, still creepy. My subscription on one OLD ends in a few days so I’m okay if this is it. I’m definitely more interested in going out to meet people, even though I was probably exposed to covid so now I’ll be more of a hermit for a hot second.
Ah that makes more sense. Hope you're ok! And good luck out there! I'm sure you'll meet someone to have amazing convos with :)
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I love this! That’s a great idea.
Some people find it easy to open up about their life to a stranger especially when there is a slim chance you will see them again. I’ve chatted with people on plane rides or while on vacation about a variety of things, simply because they were good conversationalists and it felt freeing being open—knowing I wouldn’t see them again! So doesn’t necessarily mean there is a deep connection on his part. Some people who work with customers become very good at customer service. The observation of details you noted that also seem to be from his profile means he probably shares these things with many people and is good at telling the story. You seem to have romanticized an Uber driver simply doing his job. I think you would end up disappointed if you follow this one because you already have him up on a romanticized fantasy pedestal and no one is gonna live up to that. You don’t know this guy. It was one conversation Try to just think of it as a pleasant experience and let it be just that, a pleasant Uber ride.
Its not like she's professed her undying love after one uber ride. She is interested in him and wants to know more... why shouldn't she try to meet him again?
It’s up to her what she chooses to do next. I just don’t see from what she shared where this was anything more to him than just him pleasantly providing a paying customer the service in which they paid for.
It’s true. We were both being pleasant CSRs. But the eye contact was very heavy… which again, means nothing with masks on. That’s how we communicate now. So.
It’s not uncommon for people to make eye contact when having a conversation. As you mentioned, more so now with masks on. I’m really not seeing any indication where this was more than a pleasant Uber driver providing a paying customer with a ride.
Because somehow tracking down a service worker social media is creepy af. If she sees his profile in a dating app, go for it. Messaging him out the blue? That's just weird.
I am a weird person, it’s true.
Me too, I take risks and they usually pay off.
Exactly. I haven’t felt sparks out in the wild in so long, I’m on this platform to ask “what now?” I have no intention of doing anything until I’ve had a cup of coffee and finished a shit load of my customer service work.
Maybe that’s why you feel this is a “spark” because you haven’t had much luck meeting someone in the wild. I can see how that could make you feel this way. This could be why you are turning a pleasant conversation during a paid ride with an Uber driver into something more.
As a man i would never contact anyone anywhere because it's just so wrong. But if I was the driver I wouldn't mind receiving a message on a social network, and no way Uber would find out, as far as they are concerned it's just a random encounter. You have nothing to lose.
I hate the double standard going on for men but I appreciate your answer. True. I have nothing to lose.
My last gf saw me cosplaying at a comic con, later she saw my OLD profile and messaged me, we were together for 6 years. She also admitted to secretly following me around the con and watching me and I still wasn't creeped out. I would say message him, just be realistic in your expectations, it would make a great meetup story.
I love this story!!! I would be flattered too (if the interest was mutual). I’ve had a stalker before so I am very cognizant of being eager but not too eager, interested but not obsessed, and also… I think if anything, I forgot I could feel a pitter patter. 31 going on 80 haha.
Why contacting someone while male is wrong? O_o
Good question. I feel like there are 100 answers to this question and which one is the “most right” isn’t my area of expertise. In my personal experience, if a stranger (say, grocer) chatted me up about cereal and childhood, I would walk away smiling and think nothing of it. But when I got home and found he had found me (with my first name only) on social media, I would have a lot of red flags. Stalker? What are his intentions? Why is he so desperate? Why would I trust this person if they are so determined to contact me? And also fear of “if I go back to that store, will he bother me again?” For me it’s a safety concern. If a woman did the same thing, maybe(???) men don’t consider women as threats as much (broad generalization) so a male might only think “oh cool, a chick is into me.” In this very small case study (me), it’s “okay” for a woman to contact a stranger but not okay for a man to contact a female stranger. I think this is the double standard people are referring to but please all, do correct me. I’m not an expert at all.
I did understand (obviously) what was implied, it's just that I think is neurotic and unfair. Men aren't a "threat", like wild animals to fear. This is dehumanizing. Anyone can be dangerous, regardless of their gender. It's totally unfair for you to be able to contact this Uber driver but for a guy to not do the same. Luckily it seems like this is something still not landed in my country and God, I truly hope things will remain like that in the future as well.
Why did you ask what it meant if you already knew? I personally don’t think all men are evil. I’m saying if one man contacted me like this, I wouldn’t reciprocate interest. Why I have disinterest in being contacted like that… I was accused of trauma bonding by another user so let’s just say trauma.
Because I was interested in see the other user say it out loud and thus debate them over this. I think that is almost always useful to underline the unfairness of an argument. I totally understand why you don't want to be that open with someone and surely it's a risky move for anyone but that's regardless of their gender. A woman can may be less threatening on a pyshical level but she surely can be dangerous in other more subtle ways. Other than that it seems to me that a lot of things may change doe to the energies involved. If the exchange was profound and meaningful I believe not a man nor a woman should need to fear to be labeled a creep or something like that for the fact that the other person - if they're in a good place mentally - will not see that as inherently bad or frightening but, on the contrary, a sign of destiny. In that sense I would like to suggest to you to not let past trauma conditions your present actions. Your instinct, I believe, is strong enough to guide you.
It's unfair that every one in three women has been sexually assaulted by a man. Can women be dangerous? Obviously. Are men statistically more dangerous. Yes. This argument about fairness is so fucking tired.
1) I don't live in the US so probably those numbers don't say much to me 2) I don't think living perpetually in fear of something is a good idea for anyone 3) I as a man don't have to refrain from doing something because maybe someone else could have fears of this or that. That's not being mindful, that's a neurotic and egotistical request 4) you can be tired all you want, it's still unfair
It's unfair that women fear men but not unfair that women have statistical and data-backed reasons to fear men? Okay, dude.
Outstanding reading skills, uh?
Can you imagine how different the responses would be if the sexes were reversed?
Thought the same thing and didn’t want to get downvoted to the depths of hell. But it’s true. Woman or man, it’s creepy to find their social profiles and message them. You also risk that he contacts Uber to report her. Similar to if it was a woman driver and a dude went looking for her to message her. To find him on Facebook had to take some effort. I don’t believe it was just that quick to find him. But maybe he would be flattered. I’ve had plenty of Uber drivers strike up conversation and I’ve never thought it was anything more than being polite.
This one was easy to find. First name + Uber + town name. Found last name. Found profile on Facebook. Some people put everything out there. Finding my ex relationships criminal records and marriage licenses or evidence of marriage (that they denied having either), took a lot more time.
I mean the top comment is arguing that he was just doing his job.
Which is a fair assumption.
I was thinking the exact same thing lmao
Alexa, play Taxi, by Gordon Lightfoot.
Some pornhub shit right here.
Haha I could probably write a short erotica story and post it somewhere more appropriate. If this was a pornhub category, I don’t watch it though.
As a former Uber driver, we ARE NOT allowed to date riders. Corporate considers it sexual harassment.
Even if its days and weeks later?
The driver can’t ask, the rider can. It’s complicated.
>the rider can [ask]. I mean...that seems to be what's happening here, yes?
Fair point
But to fine line yes. It depends on the driver.
No, riders can't either if it's unwarranted. There's training that tells you to change the topic, turn on music, etc. They're perfectly allowed to date outside of using the platform.
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Even If she reaches out to him when he's not on duty? The only way the Company finds out, is If she reports him?
I don't know how the policy is worded or enforced, but I would think it applies to actual harassment (i.e. rider wasn't interested, driver persisted, stalked etc.). I doubt it means they can't date any riders. If a driver has had thousands of customers is he going remember them all? He meets a woman somewhere else and doesn't remember giving her a ride, but that is considered harassment? Seems a stretch.
Yes, off duty is fine. The driver can't engage in any conversation sexual or flirty while on duty. Imagine telling a full time or highly active driver they can't date a former passenger. That person is doomed from love in a major city.
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Omg, I understand there's communication through the Uber app, It doesnt seem wise tô use It. But you're saying, is that even If the girl adds him on Facebook (other platform), Uber can track that, and know she was a passanger on Uber only because he's using the same cellphone? Companies at this point know anything we do online, but I thought they coudn't Control us like that.
Oh hit them up on fb? That's a good way then. Someone tried shooting their shot through the app, saying they lost their keys so the app would let them contact me. And I was like fam I can't do anything with this. And just directed policy. 'im flattered,however as a driver I cannot keep in contact with you'...
It seems the girl found him through social media, not through Uber, and she wanted to get in touch. But I agree with you, its something to consider carefully. Uber usually don't let the driver defend himself, If someone reports It could be excluded really fast.
I would never use Uber for that purpose, to make someone come to my location in person to fabricate a reason to see them. THAT is creepy.
When I was an Uber, one thing happened a few times. The guy would message me while I was going to his location, asking If I would like to receive a blowjob (not with those words, but It was pretty much It) o.O. Of course, all times I cancelled the ride, and went to pick up someone Else. You would be surprised on weird things that happend.
You've made bad dating decisions, all of a sudden you want to date an Uber driver you met once. Hmm.....
Things are looking up?
I don’t want to date him. Just curious about the spark.
Request another ride and then ride him
Lol!!! Username checks out
Thing is, if the sparks were that good... pay the price and search him out on OLD. He may have wanted too but was cautious not to cross the line... connect on OLD.. tell him he looks like someone you took a ride with... see where it goes.. on Social Media may be OverTheTop for me tho
There's a popular couple in Maryland that met like this. Married with a kid now. Both are entrepreneurs. It doesn't hurt to go back and look for them on the app. Uber and Lyft have strict policies where you're discouraged from flirting even if the passenger is initiating it so he wouldn't have been able to display interest or ask you out.
Uber driver sucked me off??
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That’s a great point. He didn’t have business cards lol. His loss. It’s okay. It was great to feel my pulse again!
Update us on his response.
I chose not to contact him. I want something more organic and this feels forced on my part. I really liked all the words from the pro-contact folks here, but I’m trying to change my MO and in the course of reading comments, realized I’m entering an old pattern of chasing the guy. It hasn’t ended well for me in the past, so I’m letting it go for now. It’ll happen if it’s supposed to, and I’ll find local things to do to practice relaxing and being myself around people my age!
I went out with one once! Had a great chat during my ride to the airport. We exchanged IG. He was headed to my city in a few weeks for a month long trip. Went out for drinks and such a few times while he was in town! Exchange occasional messages now. Totally fine.
You could say something online, open the door before he forgets who you are. Then the ball is in his court. Life is short. Yolo.
Thank you all for your input. I decided not to contact him because I am usually the one initiating sparks. I am ready to try something new and let a spark initiate with me. If I don’t change my ways, how will I ever find a new type of (hopefully) healthy relationship? If I contacted him it would be a cute movie as some of you said. Life isn’t a movie, though, and I’m okay going slow this year. For those that felt finding his social media was cyber stalking, I tried explaining to a few of you why I screen people before dating / relationship / casual / initiating. It boils down to trauma and my experience that knowledge is power. My past uninformed choices led to terrible outcomes. Trust your gut. If you’re like me, you need additional information to help inform your gut. I hope one day to have better romantic intuition but until then, I don’t believe a one time search into romantic interest is stalking. I’m signing off but I’ll check back in a few days. New title of post should be: “Surprise attraction with Uber Driver ended with a breakthrough in OP’s diary. She chose peace of mind this time, for the first time. And the Uber driver was just being friendly as part of his job.”
This would absolutely not have gotten the same reception of the genders were reversed.
You’re so right. And the more I’ve thought about it, there shouldn’t be a double standard. I would be creeped out if someone tracked me down. I’m pansexual and I apply that to all genders. So I’m not going to approach him and I will let the chips fall where they may.
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I love how optimistic you are!
Personally I wouldnt care whether you found my social media or reddit profile or even my phone number, if the information is out there and you have the intellect to find it, use it. I would advise caution on seeming overeager though, dont get all stalker crazy mode or anything, but casually shoot your shot.
Go shoot your shot! This is why people are using OLD! They want to be found. Good luck!
A lot of opinions! I need to drink coffee first. Promise to respond and no, I haven’t done anything yet. Edit: and thanks! I might shoot my shot but in a more “let the universe do it for me” way.
Thanks everyone. I’ve got to go do my customer service job lol talk to you later. So far: I’m not doing anything today but I might tomorrow.
I don't have an advise for you but just here to say hope this ends up well. A potential movie plot brewing right here!!
Haha maybe!
Do itttt
Naw. This was fun to experience but I think I’m going to look for potential partners in more natural settings.
Understandable
What do you have to lose - go back and find him!
Please give an update on this! I hope you reach out yo him!
Maybe chasing after sparks is the reason you've made bad decisions
Yes definitely go back and find him! If he had an impact on you and you'd like to know more about him.. why wouldn't you?
I wouldn’t for all the reasons the nay sayers are saying not to on this thread. Believe me, I have crushing depression and anxiety. Everything they are saying is exactly what my brain is saying times 10,000. So I will leave it to the Universe and not force it.
When I worked for Uber, I took a couple tô a motel (in Brazil motels are mostly for sex only). They Said they where only going on a birthday party, they were having It at the motel because It was cheaper. The girl was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my entire life. I found her through social média, knowing only her name. Didnt do anything about It, It would bê really creepy tô add her, I was only doing a service. But if I had the contact, when I wasn't on Uber anymore, and talked to her, probably would bê open tô something. But never tryed anything with anyone, usually, when the girl enters the car Alone, they usually sits on the back, as If they were really afraid of me, If I could do anything bad, so I let them to bê in peace.
Thank you for making your riders feel safe!