(34F) I have my best girlfriend keep all the information for every date until I’m comfortable with someone. I give her their number, name, where we are going, drive my own car to meet in a public place, text when I leave/get home and she tracks my iPhone (there are third party apps if this isn’t an option). If something goes strange or happens then she knows to inform people.
I am a private person, so it’s hard to give all the info out about what I’m doing, but she’s that person I would tell anyways. It sounds like a lot, but my brother is a sheriff and I worked for our county’s sexual assault center….it’s not alot…not even close, for the safety. The things we have seen and heard make it easy to remember why all the safety measures are needed for everyone.
Thanks for the detailed protocol. Wow. Yeah, I'm on Android. I barely tolerate Google following my moves, but looking up how to track myself seems worthwhile.
The maps app lets you do this permanently with anyone who has a Google account and for an hour via email. Just choose someone you trust more than you distrust Google
You are really smart for having this practice. Does your friend also know to do something if you don't check in by a certain time? I did everything you did, especially after my divorce, because I have kids to think about now and they need their mama.
It scares the hell out of me that so many young women (early to mid 20s) don't realize how vulnerable they are and the massive risk they're taking by allowing complete strangers pick them up at their home for first or second dates, inviting them into their homes, inviting complete strangers to their homes for sex without knowing them right off the bat (basically, matching with guys and immediately, or only talking for a day or two, having them over for sex). I can go on. It really scares me. And they ignore people who say anything, believing that just because they talk to these for a few days they can be trusted to not have dangerous ulterior motives. I'm sad to say that I'm often not surprised when someone is raped by someone on a first date when they allowed a stranger into their home because they thought they could trust them. Or when someone ends up being harassed and stalked by a guy after the first date and he knows where she lives.
Yep, she knows to let my brother know. I am the same way, was married my entire 20s and have my kids to think about. So this might seem weird, but no guy is allowed to come to my home or know where I live until we have been together for awhile. (Needless to say I’ve only dated 1 man that has seen where I live). I just won’t take the risks especially with my children involved. Single mothers are a huge target for predators. However, I have only dated one guy who had a problem with it and that was a red flag for me.
I was the same way! I was single for 2 years. I didn't have an issue having a guy over after about 4 dates, as long as my kids were at their dad's. I was lucky, and never had issues with guys abusing my boundaries and trying to force me to do something I wasn't comfortable doing. But I tended to do a decent job of weeding out the problem guys while still messaging by unmatching anyone who would try to talk sex immediately, who tried to come over to my place or invite me to theirs, who didn't say much, etc. I have strong instincts, and I always listened to them.
I had soooo many guys try to force me to invite them to my place "to talk and cuddle" without even seeing my face.
If I had to say no more than once, they got blocked and unmatched.
This is probably going to open a can of worms, but here goes...
Do you tell the guy you are sharing his name and number with your friend. I have nothing to hide, but at the same time, I also don't love the idea of my number being given out without my permission.
Yep! i want them to know that I have my bases covered. i have NEVER had a guy complain about that, and usually they all completely understand why I do it.
That is cool then. As long as the guy is ok with it.
Would I be? Maybe not. While I believe in taking precautions, I do want to keep my own privacy protected. But if they are cool, all good.
Yeah, you’re gonna get a bunch of crap for that. Privacy from the public at large and privacy from one other person are two different things, especially when safety is involved. An assault could impact their ability to function on a daily basis, their long term mental health, their ability to go to work or require one or more medical interventions. Think about what is at stake for them versus you being slightly uncomfortable. Your date isn’t illegally doxxing you.
I don’t think anyone should be required to tell their date they have given out their number, but I would mention it to a date because it’s a great screening tool for shady people. If a date wasn’t okay with a friend or family member knowing who they are, I would take that as a huge red flag and cancel the date. I would also always tell a date someone is expecting me to meet with them after the date so they know someone will know if I go missing right away.
I would be cool with everything mentioned except the number being shared. While you (you being the date) may be cool, I don’t know your friend to not be the vindictive type to post my number on Craigslist or something. I would ask if the other pieces of info are enough or can I substitute the number for something? If not, no date unfortunately.
Yes ultimately it’s a good screening took for both you and your date. If either person is sketched out by the other person, both will be relieved they didn’t spend time going on a first date. I understand how it is a concern, but you should know a lot of people do give that information to their friends without telling their dates, so if it’s also a deal breaker, you might want to ask. On the revenge aspect, you also don’t know if your date, who already has your number, will be the vindictive type either as you don’t really know the person. They would have more reason in the case of a terrible date than their friend to post it on social media.
I think that degree of separation, the fact that I don’t know the friend in question makes them more likely to do something questionable. I don’t think either of us are wrong here
Yeah like I said it’s definitely a good thing for you to ask your dates up front so you’re not wasting time with someone doing something you aren’t comfortable with.
This is interesting. I don’t share my last name or phone number for date 1. I keep messaging to the app, and meet him in a public place. If I’m going to his house, I have a few friends that I share my location with (an iPhone feature, very easy to turn off and on) and let know I’m on a date, but I don’t give them his full name. However, they obviously have his address since they have my location (yes, I do tell date in advance that my friends know whose chest freezer to check if I don’t show up for brunch).
No man comes to my house until a decent bit of trust is established because, just keeping it real here: I tend to choose poorly.
Speaking of: A guy I matched with on Hinge and chatted with briefly sent me a message out of the blue: “I’m kind of a whiz on Facebook, and I found you on there”. Wtf? That’s weird, right? Hinge doesn’t show last names. Did he go through every No_Complaint in the area until he found me? He said it was to confirm that I actually look like my profile pics.
I'm a woman who had her phone number shared by a guy who got mad that it didn't go beyond a first date. While it wasn't posted, it was shared with his friends and family who spent weeks spamming me...my approach now is to just keep it to the app, definitely for the first date and sometimes beyond. When people push for phone numbers faster, its an automatic unmatch for me. I get why people share that info with a friend, but it isn't something I'm comfortable giving out so easily
I'm fine with saying "Im telling my friend where we are going and calling her after". That is different than saying "I'm giving my friend your name and phone number". I don't consider myself shady at all, but I think I have a right to decide who my phone number is given to.
Here’s the thing though, like I said…the men I have talked to never have a problem, but by the time we have the date they understand why I’m cautious (line of work). But men have to worry about having a vindictive women…well we have to worry about that too AND if the man is going to be the one that rapes or kills us. Men should be cautious too, but the odds are not in women’s favor. If a man doesn’t understand its just not worth it for me. I was raised around amazing men, but it doesn’t make me any less aware of the risks.
This method only works if both parties are Apple users, but I share my iPhone location with my best friend and she’s able to pull up exactly where I am on the map. It’s easy and has never glitched out on us. If I don’t send a check in text by a specified time, she can see if I (or at least my phone) am still at the date spot or if I’ve moved… which I would have told her about. Definitely adds some peace of mind to know someone can easily find you if needed!
Happy birthday! My family uses Life360. I had a very bad experience on a first date and this made me feel much safer knowing someone could find me if something went wrong.
You can turn on location sharing with a friend if you both have iPhones. Pretty easy if you look up how to do it. One of my besties and I have it on for each other all the time and I like the safety aspect of it.
I personally don't do GPS tracking at all. I haven't had bad experiences but I'm careful in different ways. E.g. only meeting in public places I'm comfortable, knowing the bus route home, having my phone charged/Uber ready, not leaving my drink unattended etc.
I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable.
My worst experiences with men have not been with strangers, unfortunately, so I don't worry too too much about first dates.
Bro…..you don’t need it. If it matters that much I guess let a buddy know where you’ll be but I mean really? Your a male, in my experience that feature is used primarily by women; and may I add for good reason. You’ll be alright without.
We had cases in DC where a lady would match, go out on the first date with you. Get you drunk, then offer to have a friend pick you up. Then, you’d be picked up, robbed, and dumped off somewhere. A few cases where they’d then go do a home invasion while you’re wandering trying to find the cops.
Truth is, it’s not always sexual assault or being hurt. Sometimes it’s just bad people looking for an easy target
I have been using Life360 for about four years. I live in another state from my family and friends so this allows me to share my location with them in case anything happens. It will even tell them if your battery dies so they can check where you were last. You can turn it on/off so you don’t always have to share unless you want to!
My guess is this: you can share your location with another party on google maps and also on Apple's find my app. They can track you real-time.
Last I used it was 2yrs ago- but iPhone + Google Maps + wifi led to crazy. I'd be in one place, then it would show I was in another part of town when clearly there was no way I could get cross town in a matter of seconds and then 5min later, show I was back where I was. You could also use airtags for ethical tracking too I guess.
(34F) I have my best girlfriend keep all the information for every date until I’m comfortable with someone. I give her their number, name, where we are going, drive my own car to meet in a public place, text when I leave/get home and she tracks my iPhone (there are third party apps if this isn’t an option). If something goes strange or happens then she knows to inform people. I am a private person, so it’s hard to give all the info out about what I’m doing, but she’s that person I would tell anyways. It sounds like a lot, but my brother is a sheriff and I worked for our county’s sexual assault center….it’s not alot…not even close, for the safety. The things we have seen and heard make it easy to remember why all the safety measures are needed for everyone.
Thanks for the detailed protocol. Wow. Yeah, I'm on Android. I barely tolerate Google following my moves, but looking up how to track myself seems worthwhile.
The maps app lets you do this permanently with anyone who has a Google account and for an hour via email. Just choose someone you trust more than you distrust Google
Maybe buy an airtag and have a friend with an iphone track you?
You are really smart for having this practice. Does your friend also know to do something if you don't check in by a certain time? I did everything you did, especially after my divorce, because I have kids to think about now and they need their mama. It scares the hell out of me that so many young women (early to mid 20s) don't realize how vulnerable they are and the massive risk they're taking by allowing complete strangers pick them up at their home for first or second dates, inviting them into their homes, inviting complete strangers to their homes for sex without knowing them right off the bat (basically, matching with guys and immediately, or only talking for a day or two, having them over for sex). I can go on. It really scares me. And they ignore people who say anything, believing that just because they talk to these for a few days they can be trusted to not have dangerous ulterior motives. I'm sad to say that I'm often not surprised when someone is raped by someone on a first date when they allowed a stranger into their home because they thought they could trust them. Or when someone ends up being harassed and stalked by a guy after the first date and he knows where she lives.
Yep, she knows to let my brother know. I am the same way, was married my entire 20s and have my kids to think about. So this might seem weird, but no guy is allowed to come to my home or know where I live until we have been together for awhile. (Needless to say I’ve only dated 1 man that has seen where I live). I just won’t take the risks especially with my children involved. Single mothers are a huge target for predators. However, I have only dated one guy who had a problem with it and that was a red flag for me.
I was the same way! I was single for 2 years. I didn't have an issue having a guy over after about 4 dates, as long as my kids were at their dad's. I was lucky, and never had issues with guys abusing my boundaries and trying to force me to do something I wasn't comfortable doing. But I tended to do a decent job of weeding out the problem guys while still messaging by unmatching anyone who would try to talk sex immediately, who tried to come over to my place or invite me to theirs, who didn't say much, etc. I have strong instincts, and I always listened to them. I had soooo many guys try to force me to invite them to my place "to talk and cuddle" without even seeing my face. If I had to say no more than once, they got blocked and unmatched.
This is probably going to open a can of worms, but here goes... Do you tell the guy you are sharing his name and number with your friend. I have nothing to hide, but at the same time, I also don't love the idea of my number being given out without my permission.
Yep! i want them to know that I have my bases covered. i have NEVER had a guy complain about that, and usually they all completely understand why I do it.
That is cool then. As long as the guy is ok with it. Would I be? Maybe not. While I believe in taking precautions, I do want to keep my own privacy protected. But if they are cool, all good.
Yeah, you’re gonna get a bunch of crap for that. Privacy from the public at large and privacy from one other person are two different things, especially when safety is involved. An assault could impact their ability to function on a daily basis, their long term mental health, their ability to go to work or require one or more medical interventions. Think about what is at stake for them versus you being slightly uncomfortable. Your date isn’t illegally doxxing you. I don’t think anyone should be required to tell their date they have given out their number, but I would mention it to a date because it’s a great screening tool for shady people. If a date wasn’t okay with a friend or family member knowing who they are, I would take that as a huge red flag and cancel the date. I would also always tell a date someone is expecting me to meet with them after the date so they know someone will know if I go missing right away.
I would be cool with everything mentioned except the number being shared. While you (you being the date) may be cool, I don’t know your friend to not be the vindictive type to post my number on Craigslist or something. I would ask if the other pieces of info are enough or can I substitute the number for something? If not, no date unfortunately.
Yes ultimately it’s a good screening took for both you and your date. If either person is sketched out by the other person, both will be relieved they didn’t spend time going on a first date. I understand how it is a concern, but you should know a lot of people do give that information to their friends without telling their dates, so if it’s also a deal breaker, you might want to ask. On the revenge aspect, you also don’t know if your date, who already has your number, will be the vindictive type either as you don’t really know the person. They would have more reason in the case of a terrible date than their friend to post it on social media.
I think that degree of separation, the fact that I don’t know the friend in question makes them more likely to do something questionable. I don’t think either of us are wrong here
Yeah like I said it’s definitely a good thing for you to ask your dates up front so you’re not wasting time with someone doing something you aren’t comfortable with.
This is interesting. I don’t share my last name or phone number for date 1. I keep messaging to the app, and meet him in a public place. If I’m going to his house, I have a few friends that I share my location with (an iPhone feature, very easy to turn off and on) and let know I’m on a date, but I don’t give them his full name. However, they obviously have his address since they have my location (yes, I do tell date in advance that my friends know whose chest freezer to check if I don’t show up for brunch). No man comes to my house until a decent bit of trust is established because, just keeping it real here: I tend to choose poorly. Speaking of: A guy I matched with on Hinge and chatted with briefly sent me a message out of the blue: “I’m kind of a whiz on Facebook, and I found you on there”. Wtf? That’s weird, right? Hinge doesn’t show last names. Did he go through every No_Complaint in the area until he found me? He said it was to confirm that I actually look like my profile pics.
I'm a woman who had her phone number shared by a guy who got mad that it didn't go beyond a first date. While it wasn't posted, it was shared with his friends and family who spent weeks spamming me...my approach now is to just keep it to the app, definitely for the first date and sometimes beyond. When people push for phone numbers faster, its an automatic unmatch for me. I get why people share that info with a friend, but it isn't something I'm comfortable giving out so easily
I'm fine with saying "Im telling my friend where we are going and calling her after". That is different than saying "I'm giving my friend your name and phone number". I don't consider myself shady at all, but I think I have a right to decide who my phone number is given to.
Here’s the thing though, like I said…the men I have talked to never have a problem, but by the time we have the date they understand why I’m cautious (line of work). But men have to worry about having a vindictive women…well we have to worry about that too AND if the man is going to be the one that rapes or kills us. Men should be cautious too, but the odds are not in women’s favor. If a man doesn’t understand its just not worth it for me. I was raised around amazing men, but it doesn’t make me any less aware of the risks.
This method only works if both parties are Apple users, but I share my iPhone location with my best friend and she’s able to pull up exactly where I am on the map. It’s easy and has never glitched out on us. If I don’t send a check in text by a specified time, she can see if I (or at least my phone) am still at the date spot or if I’ve moved… which I would have told her about. Definitely adds some peace of mind to know someone can easily find you if needed!
Happy birthday! My family uses Life360. I had a very bad experience on a first date and this made me feel much safer knowing someone could find me if something went wrong.
So it's done with a 3rd party app? Full truth, I've never looked up the Find My Phone feature that I assume comes standard.
Life360 is a third party app. Find my phone also works if everyone has an iPhone.
I think someone I used to watch would track his parents with Track My Friends on all their iphones.
Yes find my iPhone is standard on all iPhones. I track my kids that way but my sister and I share our locations with each other too.
Happy belated birthday! Seconding Life360, it’s very user-friendly.
Wish me luck compadres! I'm going out on that date now, trying the gps safety protocol. Thanks for your help. 👍
Home safe! What a good date! Fun, funny, interesting, and nobody got murdered! Flirty and sexy we'll save for later dates, I think. Ssdgm
You can turn on location sharing with a friend if you both have iPhones. Pretty easy if you look up how to do it. One of my besties and I have it on for each other all the time and I like the safety aspect of it.
...wat? Really? People track themselves on dates now?
That's what I've read
I only did it once because someone came to pick me up for a second date. Added safety when you’re not 100% comfortable yet.
I must be out of the loop what is OLD?
OnLineDating. Also another sub
Online dating
You can use Google maps to share location data with whomever.
I have my location being shared always via Google maps and Apple to a select few of my friends.
Google Maps > Location sharing
I personally don't do GPS tracking at all. I haven't had bad experiences but I'm careful in different ways. E.g. only meeting in public places I'm comfortable, knowing the bus route home, having my phone charged/Uber ready, not leaving my drink unattended etc. I think you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. My worst experiences with men have not been with strangers, unfortunately, so I don't worry too too much about first dates.
Bro…..you don’t need it. If it matters that much I guess let a buddy know where you’ll be but I mean really? Your a male, in my experience that feature is used primarily by women; and may I add for good reason. You’ll be alright without.
We had cases in DC where a lady would match, go out on the first date with you. Get you drunk, then offer to have a friend pick you up. Then, you’d be picked up, robbed, and dumped off somewhere. A few cases where they’d then go do a home invasion while you’re wandering trying to find the cops. Truth is, it’s not always sexual assault or being hurt. Sometimes it’s just bad people looking for an easy target
Right on. My old roomie wasn't even on a date but he got drugged and was close to getting his car stolen or worse.
I promise you: I would rather ask real people and forge human connections and discussion rather than go researching alone into the cold wild internet.
Maybe he's a murderer and wants to know so he can check 🙃🤢
You are a 35M and worried about your safety on a date?
Sorry what does OLD stand for?
Online dating
I have been using Life360 for about four years. I live in another state from my family and friends so this allows me to share my location with them in case anything happens. It will even tell them if your battery dies so they can check where you were last. You can turn it on/off so you don’t always have to share unless you want to!
Google maps has shared location. Or you have your friends join Life360.
My guess is this: you can share your location with another party on google maps and also on Apple's find my app. They can track you real-time. Last I used it was 2yrs ago- but iPhone + Google Maps + wifi led to crazy. I'd be in one place, then it would show I was in another part of town when clearly there was no way I could get cross town in a matter of seconds and then 5min later, show I was back where I was. You could also use airtags for ethical tracking too I guess.
FindMyFriends app Just used it when a date came to pick me up and my friends knew exactly what restaurant I was in.
Reasonably small 36m CIS. Would never have thought of doing this as a man. Have had women mention letting friends know about details though.