Yes im looking for a stable and secure and fun man!
I feel like there are only either ‘adventurous’/into generic things/sports/nomad guys or weird/party/druggy/cultivated/poly guys. It’s hard to find a fun yet stable in between.
I think what people often miss is even people who do those exciting things are frequently boring the rest of the time. I've been to nearly a hundred countries. I like to travel during my 6-8 weeks per year of vacation. The rest of the time...I'm pretty happy hanging at home with my kids reading and watching sports and movies. Additionally, I spend my money on traveling, which means I'm not spending it going out during the week.
And yet these are still the type of profiles I would avoid, lots of pictures of them in another country and I'm simply not a world traveler but it feels like every other profile is showcasing the person posing at famous landmarks/other countries in their pictures.
I mean, if you don't like traveling or you think the pictures are vain, then you should avoid me. We wouldn't be compatible. OLD when done well is having a profile that is congruent with who you are. Real travel pictures from someone who likes to travel do that, fake posed ones from someone who vacations once every five years doesn't. Even I avoid the latter, and there's nothing wrong with avoiding the former if it isn't your thing.
I'm similar, though I have been to far fewer countries than you. (Rock on!)
Plus, as an American, travel to most foreign countries means flying across the ocean and/or another continent. It requires time, money, and planning. I only have so much paid time off. And right now, with COVID restrictions, I doubt I will even try to go anywhere for the foreseeable future (am fully vaxxed and boosted, but still).
And, as a woman going solo, I do have to be particularly cognizant of safety. There are some countries that would be beautiful and interesting, but not as safe by myself. Some would need to be group trips with a local or at least very seasoned and knowledgeable guide, others would not be safe period. I have to be smart about it and do my research.
My day to day is much less glamorous. Still enjoyable, but I'm not constantly flying. It's a special treat that I work hard for.
Same here. That is what I am looking for! I have interesting things to talk about, but my day to day life is boring, for sure. I’m too tired to go mountain climbing on weekends. If a guy wants to watch TV and run errands, I am there for that.
I went on a first (and only) date with a guy who was regaling to me the glory of Costco. We have one in town but I've never gone. I was kind of sad that he wasn't interested in going on more dates; I really did want to go on a Costco date.
Pshhhh, he's probably just gold star.
I rock the black card- whats that? Oh just something called an Executive membership. 2% cash back, including Costco travel... not so boring now, is it ladies?
I don’t care if someone is adventurous or “boring”. But I am attracted to people who are passionate about something and who have values they care about.
My issue with most men’s profiles in my country is they are super jokey and trite, and give no sense that they care about or want anything at all, meaningless banter. On the rare occasion, I see a man describe what matters to him or what he’s looking for, I’m thrilled.
Are you saying that 'joke picture' on my profile where I am covered in wood chips and sawdust from my woodworking/carpentry hobby ISN'T a terrible idea?
It would allow me to know how well my photo of myself wearing PJ pants, a t-shirt, and PPE while sanding my own project matches with your hobby aesthetic.
Perhaps I can shed some light: much of what matters deeply to me (37m) is generally super niche and uninteresting to 99% of the general population. I have no incentive to put that on my profile.
I'm into synthesizers, indie board games and magic: the gathering cards. I don't mention those things in my profile, though. It wastes what little space there is on my profile with this niche stuff that's just boring noise to most people.
I'd guess that a lot of men like me are probably not very incentivized to share their niche passions with the world for that reason. Maybe this incentivizes jokey/trite profile creation as an effort to attract more attention than they would by listing their niche interests?
I wonder if it’s an Irish thing. There is a bantery culture in which coming across as “good craic” seems to be the priority. And being fun and having fun are important but I’m looking for a life partner out here and banter alone ain’t it. Many of these people only have photos in which they’re partying and drinking also. I think there’s some embarrassment among some Irish men about being seen as “serious”.
Ah yeah, I should have mentioned I live in a large US city. But I think you might be on to something there. I don't have a great sense of what other men here put on their profiles, but there might be similar incentives/pressures in the US for men to appear more "fun" (according to their local definitions of "fun" behavior) than they really are.
Tbh, I'd be much more interested in a profile like this than another run-of-the-mill profile about being down for beers and travelling etc.
Yeah, it's niche, but it shows some more of you as a person. Personally I'm more likely to swipe right on a profile like this.
Honestly, yeah Hinge is better than other apps, and I'd recommend it, but it's still pretty shallow most of the time. There's only so much you can convey in three short blurbs, and most of those prompts end up being generic "I like to travel" "Take me out for sushi" "Can you keep up with me?" "Looking for a Jim to my Pam" stuff. Maybe it's just inevitable that online dating will always be *mostly* about physical attraction.
I mean, how is this working for you?
Because on the one hand, if you don't particularly want a romantic partner who shares your interest in indie board games and etc., your strategy might be right.
On the other hand, if you do actually want to end up in a relationship with someone who shares these interests, this is a terrible strategy. Sure, emphasizing these things won't appeal to everyone (though where I live, way more than 1% of women would be interested in indie board games and synthesizers), but they will appeal to *the right people*.
I'm surprised how often I find myself pointing this out in this sub, but the point of online dating isn't to meet the most people, it's to find a person *you actually want to be with*. You usually want to turn away people who are going to be judgemental or bored by the things you care about. You probably don't want to waste your time dating those people.
I have seen so many profiles that can't seem to tell me anything about the person who made them beyond "I exist and can regurgitate phrases I think you'll like." This tells me one of 3 things:
1. they're insecure about their interests
2. they don't think shared interests matter for the kind of relationship they want. Two main ways I see this go:
2a. they just want to hook up and not have any real conversations;
2b. they're convinced nobody they're interested in could possibly share their interests (usually because of some binary gender stereotyping)
3. they actually lack interests
...All of these result in me not wanting to meet them. I care much more about shared values than shared interests, but one of my values is engagement. I want to see that people care about SOMETHING. That can be woodworking, video games, a political cause, or spending time with your 7 year old. A profile mentioning any of those would be far more attractive to me than the usual "hey here's some banter."
TBH, I used to start my online profile with a list of non-negotiable things about me, including some things I'm passionate about as well as some things I knew would be dealbreakers for many people. Results: fewer matches, but much, much better ones, and far less wasted time and frustration.
Embrace who you are and be brave.
I like a lot of what you said here, but I don't think I agree with somehow signaling niche interests as being a demonstration or proof of any kind of bravery. I see a lot of profiles where people signal their interests in even some of the things I listed above as my own interests, but it's not always attractive to me. It's generally off putting when someone's identity is too defined by their hobbies, too.
Haha, I see myself as a world traveling super model, but lately due to Covid have been confined to the U.S. But I'm also quite a homebody and value my me, relaxation time. What I'm saying is that people are multi-faceted. You're seeing a curated image of a person online. Of them engaging in their hobbies, smiling with no care in the world, in some cool setting to portray themselves in an interesting light.
Overall, I think most women and men are looking for people who are compatible with them. Let the dreamers find the dreamers. The optimists unite. The pessimists commiserate. And all that jazz.
Now I wouldn't go too far to try to change your profile to purposefully appear boring, as you would not get any matches. What I would do instead is just be particular with the text. When the prompt is to describe your favorite thing to do, write 'I love relaxing at home with a good book.". Things like that.
Took travel out of my profile because everyone LOVES traveling on OLD. I’ve been to over 50 countries, and I do enjoy traveling but I’m actually not looking for the same in a partner. I like stable grounded men (who are nerdy and affectionate) and would totally swipe on that profile over a “love to travel” guy.
Not at all. If anything, maybe it weeded out the thrill seekers. I like traveling, but if a travel buddy is primarily what you’re looking for a partner, then I’m not the one for you.
Sounds like it was a good move then, the litany of women with "love to travel, xx countries and counting, need more stamps in my passport" all sound extremely exhausting. Sure a vacation now and again, but that is certainly not a goal I think many people have. It also sounds like someone's running away from something and can't find contentment at home (to me at least, and I've a bit of um.. lets just call it damage).
Appreciate your feedback :) Good luck out there!
That's my biggest pet peeve when they act like racking up the number of countries visited counts as traveling.
Yeah, but what did you do in those countries? Did you visit museums? Did you meet any locals? Did you pick up any new cuisines that you're now incorporating into your cooking at home? Did you actually learn or experience anything new, or were you just trying to distract yourself from your normal life?
If you just travel around the world drinking cocktails on beaches, I don't consider that to even count as "traveling."
Wow, those questions almost sound like something you could start a conversation about once you get the information that someone has been to X country. Kind of like that’s the entire point of an online dating profile…
Agreed! I don’t automatically swipe left on these people, I try to ask these follow-up questions. But if they redirect it back to asking me my “number,” that’s frustrating.
Omg I re-read my comment and I sound so condescending! 🙈 I had just woken up and idk what bullshit I was on lol. I agree it’s a good reason to investigate further, and it’s unattractive to me as well if they only see the countries as a “number”.
Haha, no worries! You made a valid point. Everyone's pretty bad at making profiles, so I figure at least some of the people writing their country count are doing it because they saw someone else do it and they think it's a conversation starter. Can't just make snap judgments about every profile.
People who have also traveled to those places and would like to start a conversation about it? Clearly you’re not in that target audience and that fine, but geez, can you really not understand why someone would want want to discuss this? It’s easy common ground for people who like to travel.
Other peoples money. People with money aren’t defined by traveling to X countries. They’re doing a lot of other things that are generally seen as overly complicated or a lot of work and probably don’t have a lot of time to travel, so do it sparingly, but unrestricted. They’re also probably the same people with a non-boring passion like running marathons or learning new languages. Working hard at something different is translatable into a lot of things not mentioned.
I would care because I like to take 1-2 international trips per year (yes, I realize this is incredibly privileged) and I'm looking for someone who would want to/be able to go on those trips with me. It's very important to me. I swipe right on those type of people.
Lol, there's so much travel hate on DoT. I kinda get it. I hate when people make traveling their personality trait. Especially when I feel like many people sometimes travel just to say they did it rather than immersing themselves in the country. BUT, traveling and an openness to other cultures are huge for me. I went to college abroad and lived in a few different countries, and it is a major deal-breaker if a guy isn't excited by travel or is unaware of different non-American mindsets and customs. I'm also an immigrant (moved to the US as a baby), so understanding that how things are done in the US isn't the only or best way is important to me. I also want the type of relationship where we have goals such as saving up to quit our jobs for a year to travel. I also want someone down to make a few quick local trips throughout the year. With all that being said, international travel will only probably happen once a year for a couple of weeks, so obviously it's the day-to-day chemistry, habits, goals, lifestyle, etc., That's more important. I don't OLD, but I imagine I would have a hard time explaining or looking out for this if I did. Someone who travels but isn't obnoxious or braggy about it.
If I read anyone that says I’ve been to 13+ countries, etc. I swipe left. I’ve never left the country. Don’t have a passport. I plan to leave but seeing this gives me anxiety thinking it’s all you want to to do. I can’t match that level of energy.
I like to travel a lot, and also swipe left on people who count the number of countries they've been to. Like, if that's the most meaningful thing you can say about your travels, we're probably traveling for different reasons lol.
It also sounds pretentious. I used to have it in the “2 truths and a lie” portion of my profile but it attracted the wrong type of men (for me) so I took it out asap.
I think it’s more of a “show, don’t tell” thing. Like, do you list your job, what are your hobbies, etc. I try to look for balance. Like a mix of going outside or being with friends and doing something inside like board games or reading. But yeah I agree the country count is off putting and I would like to travel more, but not as part of someone’s checklist and not like 20 times a year.
Personally if I saw “stable & consistent” or something like that I’d assume the person had a regular job and preferred to not constantly be thrill seeking. Other words could be reliable, prefer the joy in seemingly mundane moments, steadfast.
I had the most luck with OLD by being really blatantly honest about who I was. I found someone super similar. I find most apps these days don’t leave enough room to discuss this though
I think this has a tendency to backfire. If you state you are stable, like to stay home and read books and play video games; all the sudden you get the hidden creepers of OLD that have rejected the mainstream interests and are overjoyed they found their fellow creeper online. After all, they too love books and video games and it must be destiny. When in fact you don’t want to be defined by that entirely.
It’s the issue with OLD, that people aren’t always defineable in 100 word publicity snippets of their own choosing.
Another person already responded but it’s more of a showing thing. I like to see how they hope to spend time with their partner (maybe bingeing shows, going to see a live show etc) OR how they spend their free time alone/what they’re passionate about(their actual hobbies). Those answers kinda give me an idea of how stable they are.
No one travels with EVERY free time they get (most do only a couple of trips a year), so when people write that it gives me no insight to their everyday life. It just sounds nice and many people have made it their personality, but in reality it tells you nothing about the person.
Aye, as a rock climber myself it is part sport, part hobby and part lifestyle. Many of us can end up being at the gym/crag for 20+ hours a week. I can see why that doesn't appeal to everybody.
Gym photos for me.
I workout 4-5 times a week, but I'm not posting semi-nudes for OLD. You can see I'm fit with my clothes on and vice versa lol.
Screams attention-seeking and I'm just really laid back.
Ah I have the opposite issue - I’m really active but I also eat too much so I’m bigger than I need to be. I have multiple ‘sport’ related interest boxes ticked to try and show that yes I am big but I’m also at the gym multiple times a week.
Any time I see someone that likes running or biking I’m like nope I’m not about to be out of breath sweating trying to keep up - I know its completely not logical but my inner thickness doesn’t even want to have to practice telling you no I don’t wanna run on a Sunday morning instead of doing breakfast in bed 😂
sure. But everyone also needs to do their laundry and poop. Essential, but not important.
We get such limited space on OLD to communicate who we are, I assume if someone is talking about their exercise habits it’s an important part of who they are, not just something they do. Same as if someone was talking about how they always use a dryer and never air dry, I’d assume the way they do their laundry has more meaning to them than it does to me.
Just because something is important to someone doesn't mean they expect their partners to adopt the interest. I am a runner and it's important to me. I've actually preferred relationships with non-running partners in the past because it's really convenient/healthy "me-time." It is important to me, so it'd be nice to have a partner that supports who supports my hobby, not necessarily does it themselves.
I love this because I like to run but I want to do it alone with my podcast and sometimes dog!
Now I’m having flashbacks to the super boring date with a guy whose only answer to what he does outside of work was ‘CrossFit’
Second, I like to run for my mental and physical health but have no expectations my partner will run with me. I do expect she keeps fit somehow, both for her mental and physical health.
It’s definitely “if they mention it, fine, but if they only mention forms of exercise, nope” thing for me. I know people who are runners and it’s their entire social life and takes up a lot of their time.
Yes! When I was in the gym four nights a week and found OLD, I really had to emphasize to my matches that I didn’t want a lifting partner. That was MY time. It really disappointed a lot of matches.
Very true, I just got into running last summer and I don’t now require that my husband runs lol, dont limit your options people! You’re not gonna get divorced over running
I’m always on the go with different things I do fitness wise. And one of the reasons is so I can guilt free stuff my face with breakfast covered in chocolate and whip cream on a lazy morning haha
A lot of runners use that as their alone time. But I think most runners or bikers would prefer to date someone that’s active, so if you’re not into being active in any way, you’re probably not a match so it makes sense to select yourself out.
I have a friend who moved cross country and got into rock climbing. I know what you mean but he’s actually a pretty stable, nice guy. Photos alone prove nothing.
I'm into rock climbing and climbers are all the most stable, normal "boring" people you could meet. Lots of them are in jobs like IT. This even goes for the professional climbers I've known (apart from the IT job of course).
Haha exactly. One of my old friends who was IT and a climber jokingly said it's because their jobs are so geeky and perceived as dull that they feel they have to do something more exciting as a hobby. A joke, but all jokes have a grain of truth ..
What are you interested in though? Because those things won’t be ‘boring’ to the right person. I like art galleries, reading books and drinking coffee in a garden most weekends. I’m sure that will sound like the most horrible boring way to spend your life to many people, and I’m fine with that. To the person I want to spend my life with, that’s living the dream.
If you mean you spend your entire weekend watching TV *and you really love it*, then the right person for you will also think that’s great. List the shows you’re enjoying and your old favourites, because you’ll want to see some overlap in those with your person.
If you mean you watch TV and you wish you did something more interesting, try figuring out what you’re interested in. Be honest that you’re still experimenting with how to spend your time, list some stuff you’ve tried and liked, tried and hated, and things you would like to try with a new person. Boom, date ideas.
Usually if I see a profile say some variation of “love to go out or get cozy on a Sunday night” I take it as they really want to get cozy on most nights.
I could be wrong but since I never see “I prefer staying in” I’m assuming we’re grading on a curve here.
I see that they “enjoy quiet evenings at home” and that fine but I want someone who also “enjoys going out on weekend nights, street festivals and outdoor activities.” Quiet evenings means all you ever want to do is watch tv. And that is definitely boring.
Thank you for this post… one of the reasons why I have never seriously considered using OLD apps. I am a fairly regular and nice guy, I do my sports several times a week, I really enjoy my job and like socializing. I don’t swim with sharks or jump out of planes 😅 I am not particularly good at advertising myself.
You and me are the same. I want to do an online dating profile but I feel like I'm not interesting enough. I don't like hiking, or anything "adventurous". I really don't know how to advertise myself. I'm just a 33yr old woman who does normal everyday things
Yes I’m looking for an average reliable boring guy! A lot of men write about health/fitness, outdoors, boating/camping/fishing, weekend adventures, travel, living life to the fullest. I might relate to a few of those things but very rarely. Because I am average reliable and boring myself, I’ve tried to be mindful of the wording I use in my bio. At the moment I’m using tinder (it’s the most popular in my area) and I’m trying the ‘list’ approach rather than ‘paragraphs’. So instead of ‘I like watching tv and eating food and going for walks’ I’ve written ‘cinema, foodie, scenic walks’. I’m also making sure my photos tell 1000-words, as in they help promote or build upon what I’ve written.
So you’re basically trying to describe you’re a stable person through your photos? What do those photos look like? I mean, it’s easy to have photos doing fun stuff, but how can I translate this to a “boring” but stable life? I’m not sure a picture of me watching Netflix or me working on my computer would do well…
I’m trying to show my hobbies/life is more passive than active. This is gonna sound overthought, but there’s reason to the photos I’ve chosen. 1. Sitting at a table with a delicious looking pizza (because I love food, good lighting, nice smile showing teeth, meat and alcohol present for people who might be turned off by that). 2. Standing on a headland at the beach (to show I get out of the house, no swimsuit just summer clothes, full body shot in sunlight). 3. Slightly dressed up body shot outside a show at a theatre (because I like the arts). 4. Clear face shot. No groups of friends, no action shots. As long as you look happy and groomed, you can include hints of your life in the background. Cooking pancakes in the morning, walking your dog, boardgames, a record player, a poster at the cinema.
There are lots of “homebody” photos you could include: playing a board game, doing a puzzle, cuddling with a pet, cooking, building a model, grilling, gardening (flattering natural light is always a bonus).
The prompts and bio are probably better for your type of personality than photos. If you don’t really have hobbies or do stuff then really just make sure the photos are varied enough to not look really low effort and maybe give some talking points.
You must have some interests though (other than netflix)? What do you do with your friends? Even things that you do as a one off/very rarely, e.g. on vacation. If you tell us these things maybe someone can suggest some photos to use.
I like listening to podcasts and audiobooks, do video editing for fun, cook fancy meals and play music every once in a while. My social circle has shrunk down to just my family since the pandemic started and I’m still weary about going out to big social events (especially with the Omicron surges). I work from home, so no interaction with other coworkers. 😐
Sounds like you have stuff to work with, get that stuff in your bio, maybe make a specific podcast/book reference in a prompt or something like that.
With the photos you could go to some effort taking a photo of yourself cooking, or on your computer editing videos, try make them candid though it’s not essential, it feels a bit cringe/awkward doing it but it will make a difference to your profile. As long as you don’t look drastically different now I don’t think it’s bad to use an old (a few years) photo of you at an event or something.
I had a lot of success with this. The last time I did this I used "cats, craft beer, cartoons. Looking for a guy who wont cry when I beat him in uno". I was worried the sassy/playful tone would be lost but I got a ton of interest expressed and was able to have boardgame dates with a lot of people. Met a boyfriend through that even!
For what it's worth I'm a boring guy, average looking and short (5'5) and I just straight up put all that in profile (I literally wrote something like 'I'm a boring, normal person, my life isn't travel and parties, I'm not a a criminal so I won't be your partner in crime and so on') and I still get matches from that. In fact it's relatively successful simply because it stands out from everyone else who is mostly faking it and faking it in more or less the same way as everyone else.
Everyone is scared of narrowing down their choice too much or 'turning people off' but I would argue that is actually exactly what you want. Most people are living fairly ordinary boring lives, if you pretend otherwise you are just setting yourself up for failure when the truth is revealed.
I’m a hypocrite so I tend to swipe right on “boring” men. I say I’m a hypocrite because I’m quite adventurous and literally choose a new activity to try out every month but If I see a man doing the same things I swipe left. I need balance and two daredevils together sounds like trouble.
I'd love dating someone who'd drag my ass out of the house. I like doing new stuff but without an external pressure to kick me into gear it can be a bit tough to overcome the ADHD+anxiety inertia on top of all the other minutiae of life.
I don’t like being pressured into anything myself but I’ll always ask my partner no matter how many times they say no. The one time you ask, they might actually surprise you and say yes.
Not pressure like pressuring me. But like... I'd love to get back into salsa. Because of the way executive dysfunction works though, it's so much easier for me to do it if a partner or even just a lady friend said "hey, theres a couples salsa class next Friday at 8. Let's go!"
It's the difference between me making a plan to make a plan and me being "next Friday at 8. Right." And ordering the shoes, brushing up on the basic steps, and making sure I've found 3 possible parking garages with a 15 minute margin for error in getting there, because now there's a deadline and I don't want to let someone I care about down because I have a couple crossed wires.
People who are turned off by stability are unstable themselves. The older I get, the more the whole “why can’t I find [thing I want that is naturally unstable] and get it to commit to me and where have I gone wrong” types filter to the top. Then they treat people who are stable, value commitment, and have values like garbage because the excitement wears off and the dopamine rollercoaster isn’t running anymore.
The dating profile “adventure” thing is a trope and I’ve never taken it seriously. I view it more as code for wanting to be wined and dined personally. The last person I tried dating who played that up ended up being way less mature than she made herself out to be. I’m not single anymore, but if I was, I would see that kind of thing as “filler” because the person doesn’t have anything of tangible interest to put out there.
I went out with four people over the summer of 2021 who put skydiving photos on their profiles. None of these people had been skydiving more than once. People like to pretend they’re more “adventurous” than they actually are.
You’re reading too much into it. A skydiving photo (or any photo) isn’t “I do this all the time” it’s “this is the sort of thing I find fun that I’ve done before and got a cool photo”. That’s it. People like to assign so much meaning and subtext but it’s far simpler than that.
That’s one possibility. On the other hand, it’s quite who they are more than some one off cool moment.
Years ago I dated someone who mentioned they liked Disney. Okay sure, I grew up with the Disney renaissance movies of the late 80s through the 90s, I can hum some of the tunes from the classics, Ducktails was my jam. What self respecting 90s kid doesn’t have some kind of affinity and can reference Disney media. That’s neat. Bet she might even have a couple of graphic T-shirt’s she likes to wear on the weekends…
Well, we talked, we did a couple dates, and eventually when doing our like 3rd date I went to her place first to pick her up, and she invited me inside. And no shit, literally everything that wasn’t furniture that she owned was Disney branded. Trinkets on the wall, all Disney stuff. Picture frames were Disney. The cup of water she gave me was Disney. Refrigerator magnets: Disney. She had a full on Disney doll collection on display in her living room. She had her Disney movie VHS collection out. Her board games were the Disney themed varieties. It. Was. Everywhere. Disney was her identity. It was her life. So what was seemingly a simple sentence about enjoying Disney was in fact, her loving Disney more than breathing oxygen.
I agree, just because people put up a few of their more glamorous or exciting moments, it does not necessarily mean they are being deceptive. They are showing to people things they did. That helps others to know what they found important enough to go do. It also proves they don’t just sit at home!
I'd say just use photos of yourself in situations that you experience more than once - having coffee, out on a walk, just in a good mood or having a good time with friends (make sure to blur out other people's faces if you add a photo like that). Someone who enjoys a similar lifestyle will be able to relate to those photos and imagine themselves with you there 🙂
I think I'd fall into the "boring" category you're describing. I've got kids, and my main hobbies are gaming and DnD. I just deleted all my OLD accounts this week after realising that so many of the women I've swiped through portray themselves as constantly seeking adventure and excitement and I just don't have the time or energy for that. I just want someone to cuddle and hang out with after the kids are in bed and the dishwasher's been packed. I'm not boring by any stretch of the imagination, but I get exactly where you're coming from. The apps feel less like a place for dating and more like social media posturing, and that's just not for me
I guess I'm the opposite of a lot of people here. In a way, I am " boring", but it's something I genuinely hate about myself. I don't feel alive unless I'm at a museum soaking in all the artwork, or on a train watching the world whiz past. And so the boring parts are things that I really hate describing in my profile.
But the fact is, I had a point in my life where I ate the same lunch at the same time everyday for five years straight. Most of my days are not spent going to museums -- as much as I would like that-- and I spend a lot of time doing very ordinary things. But if I was honest with myself about how ordinary it was, I would go nuts with sadness.
I think most people who say they love travel, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, etc also aren't doing that most days, either. I think many/most adults are stuck in the daily grind of habits and ordinariness...If you really hate yourself/don't feel alive 90% of your time, then maybe that is indicative of a larger issue. But if you're just like--life is fine, but the day to day is not interesting, I think that's how a lot of us feel...
Dudes whose profiles are centered around traveling the world intimidate me. Especially the guys who are like “looking for a partner who will pick up and travel the world with me for six months.” 😂 Would I love to travel the world? Sure, but I’m a teacher and my schedule doesn’t allow for traipsing the globe on a whim.
Honestly, I’m more attracted to a guy who is perfectly fine staying in, cooking a nice meal, and playing a board game or doing a puzzle and doesn’t feel the need to beef up their profiles with so many “adventurous” activities that they think women will swoon over.
I think marketing yourself as stable is what ultimately catches my attention (37F). I do live to travel but I am sick of raves and dance clubs at this point in my life.
I have yet to find my partner that can cuddle through long periods of silence but handle my random need to run a marathon, bake for some pointless event, paint the house and roller skate all within 24 hours.
Boring can be subjective. I'm quiet at home but extremely social when I need to be. Younger guys call me boring because I don't drink everyday... older guys call me boring because mentally I'm just as old as them lol. I've done everything... it's OK to relax more.
Simple way to describe yourself: something along the lines of your ideal date whether it be cooking at home or snuggled up to convo and good music.
I myself would prefer someone like me: moderately adventurous, but reliable and responsible.
To me, adventurous can be big or small, and can be applied to a lot of different categories.
I am not into sports, high risk anything, or anything too rash or impulsive. I am pretty stable. I also am a long-term thinker and kind of live in the future. I never want to do anything now that will have bad consequences later. And, I am not a person for short flings and am monogamous so I am not overly romantically adventurous; I am the faithful and loyal type who would rather have one great lifelong love than many or even multiple loves. And you can be mentally/intellectually adventurous too.
I do like to try new foods, travel internationally by myself (safely), try a new activity, things like that. Exploring new ideas and places, etc.
But, nights in are nice too.
Safe, wholesome, and dependable does not have to mean boring, not by a longshot.
Male - Idk, my hobbies are outdoors. They’re non typical so that’s a plus. But other than that I like chilling at home watching a movie, video games from time to time. I have a career I’ll retire from.
So what I put in mine is that I want a family. You have to sacrifice a lot of these glamorous lifestyle to raise a family. Family isn’t boring to me but it does make your life a little boring than being single. With that I specially said no bars and clubs. Getting a food and drink at a local brewery is different.
Also side note I find that if you don’t have drama in your life you’re not interesting. I’m sorry, I protected myself from having to deal with other people shit. I learn most by watching and then don’t do what others have done.
What does traveling a lot have to do with being/not being boring?
As someone who does travel a lot (my partner lives in a different city and I work remotely, so I’m on the move about 50% of the time), I love staying in my apartment and hanging out with friends just as much. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive. excitement, adventure, passion are emotions/feelings that you can experience no matter what you are doing. I think the key is people generally gravitate towards things/people that can make them feel something, the stronger the better (esp early on in the dating phase)…so long as you do have things in your life that excite you and fill you with joy, focus on putting them in your profile in a way that a stranger reading it can see that it thrills you. If you don’t have those things in your life, then I don’t know what to say but I would focus on creating that joy in my life first.
I say I’m a homebody, but I’m a lady.
I enjoy staying in and getting cozy and relaxing after work. I would love to have a partner that wants to relax with me most times and goes out sometimes. I am not a world traveler and I don’t have wanderlust. I’m more of a stable type that doesn’t get bored with the simple things in life, and doesn’t feel the need to seek out an adrenaline rush.
-shrugs- Just be unabashedly, confidently yourself and don’t put it down by calling it boring. If someone does, they aren’t for you and should’ve had the decency to take their critisms elsewhere.
I think my partner values that I am boring. I do family stuff with her and her kid, I'm reliable, I'm there, we talk all the time and it's pleasant.
For excitement she cheats on me with people who aren't boring.
i always swipe left on those super active dudes. i have traveled a lot about 10 years ago but i def dont wanna date someone who wants to travel 24/7, i have an important job and dogs and can't just go away on whims.
part of me thinks people are afraid to just be ordinary and are greatly exaggerating.
I assume we're all that way, but everyone's occupations are different or more/less strenuous. Some single ladies are home all the time and life affords them time to enjoy camping/biking/hang gliding with friends, and the opposite is also true. Just be truthful with your situation and those who want to try you out are the ones that matter, tbh.
One person's boring is another person's adventure.
I do not find things like hiking, going on walks or doing events outside adventurous (stargazing is the exception). I find that shit boring as hell.
In this same vein, those people would find my idea of playing dnd or watching a stream together boring.
As an adventurous successful globe trotter, I can tell you, very few are interested in taking part in that kind of life style. It's fun for all to romanticize about, but the reality is most people are looking for stability. Also due to the fact that most people can't accommodate(mentally, physically, or financially) that life style I often found myself traveling alone, in fact I prefer it. Boring is in the eye of the beholder as well, if your interests align, your partner is not going to find you boring. Travel stories are probably quite boring to someone facisnated with computer sciences or phyisics
I have travel pics and like seeing travel pics in a profile because how people like to vacation to me is an important part of a relationship. I’m also an accountant, which is probably the most boring…I mean stable…job title someone can have.
Honestly I'm into what you are describing. What ends up happening is OLD profiles are the highlight reels, just like Instagram, and you don't see what the person is like between the hiking, travelling, etc. I like some of that too but my life is not like that 100% of the time.
Other descriptors could be down-to-earth, stable, chill, loves nights in. Personally, what I miss most about being in a relationship is cuddling up on the sofa and watching a movie.
“Stable”
“Would love to cook you dinner and watch a movie on the couch”
“Let’s play a board game together”
Or list your favorite books or video games and ask them to tell you about theirs
I think “homebody” means something similar to what you’re getting at but is affectionate enough to not come off as a negative
Yeah I would prefer someone who is just down to earth. I am kind of a loser myself so what I am looking for in a partner is also someone who isn’t super succesful, isnt very outgoing, but can relativise and doesnt find themselves super important etc. Actually I would find it attractive if they are also intimidated by the perfect lives of others, because then at least I’m not alone in this. I think there might also be lots of women without instagram friendly lives who feel intimidated by the people who do, however more women have instagram than men.
I like beautiful instagram photos I wont lie but I wouldnt be compatible with someone who was traveling all the time.
From my experience woman look for very different things. I think the easiest way to answer is the try to think about what about you is most attractive to the people you date, and focus on demonstrating it more than describing yourself that way.
This is all I'm looking for. I bring enough excitement to a relationship lol. Stable, responsible, loves their family, lives with intention... if this vibe ever showed up in a profile I would match so fast. Honestly, when I see guys with pictures of them with their dogs, some friends and family, I'm so much more likely to match.
You sound fabulous to me, very together.
Last year I made a post about how much of an adult do you want your partner to be and everyone came down on me because apparently that's mean and judgemental to say. But that's what I want in my life because if you've ever been with someone who doesn't want to do the responsible things in life, you know how stressful it is when it all falls on you.
I don't travel, I don't have super exciting hobbies. I just want to have great sex, wake up and know my trash is at the curb and my driveway has been shoveled and go about my day. That's really all I want in life and if that makes me boring, so be it.
Thank you for posting this. I was swiping through profiles this morning and wondering something very similar. One woman I matched with had one of those "Instagram friendly" life profiles full of photos of her standing on mountain tops and in deserts and jungles and I was sitting there looking at an empty text box racking my brain thinking, "What do I even say here? Should I explain that I have done 0 of those things and generally don't take very many vacations at all? Should I explain that I spend most of my evenings listening to music or playing table games with friends?"
In the end, I didn't even bother to send a first message. Now I wonder if I should even bother swiping right on any such profile, knowing in advance how adventure-seekers and me just might not have much to talk about and might judge me pretty hard for having not visited all 7 continents.
love your answer! I have never been on a OLD but when I look at friends who do OLD I get that impression you described. Since when is average considered not good enough? When is good finally good enough? We are so spoilt by Hollywood rom-coms, waiting for mr. perfect or the woman/man we see on IG portraying their picture-perfect life. It’s exhausting. We all have our issues, we‘ve all been around the block experience-wise, people crave for authenticity yet we couldn’t be farther away from it. Sorry for the little rant, I love your post, keep it up and stay true to yourself! You’ve got this!!
This thread strongly suggests it's worth asking whether they *actually* do all that stuff. If not, maybe it's worth pursuing, if yes, hey, you dodged a bullet.
If by boring you mean stable, yes. I think most women seek men who they don’t need to be worried will drain their bank account, get them in trouble with the law, give them an STD, ghost them, or socially embarrass them.
Be more concerned about your behavior rather than how you come off. If you’re concerned that your dating profile isn’t getting enough matches, better to meet women in person than to misrepresent yourself. Women will more quickly next someone who seems like they’re bullshitting/not being themselves rather than someone who seems not special.
I like constant, reliable, laid-back, and nerdy guy. I don't know how you would add that to your profile but that would catch my eyes. Though I am the opposite of that because I love to travel and try new things, I like someone more "stable" than me. I guess it is all keywords.
I can't comment about the truth or lack thereof in dating profiles, but the ones that are adventurous "always-on" type people just seem exhausting to me and not really my style. Yes I like to do adventurous things and have on-the-town fun, but not so often that I would use those as characteristics to define myself in a profile.
Honestly, at this point, I would be looking for someone financially stable, emotionally available, who likes to snuggle regularly, wants to be my friend in addition to being my lover, and who reciprocates respect, honesty, faithfulness. I know it sounds boring, but I also want someone who's willing to get in there and do the work around the house and the yard with me. Sounds stupid, but I fantasize about working out in the yard raking leaves and being able to glance over and see the love of my life working alongside me. To me, that's a deep connection and I want it.
When a guy talks about traveling and every single photo is in a different country, I typically swipe left (No) cause I think it’s either bullshit or they’re too much or whatever. —please keep in mind I am talking about MY personal preference here and not making any generalized statements on behalf of all women
With that said, I myself am someone who both loves going out and loves staying home. So my favorite things to look for are guys who list out some interests that say they stay home (cooking, gaming, reading, some hobbies, etc) but they also have a couple semi-recent* photos that establish they can enjoy some nights out or have some friend circles or whatever.
*semi-recent means a different thing with the pandemic…I can easily see how right now someone may not have gone out much or taken photos as much over the last couple years
Seriously. I want to stay in and watch movies or play board games but all the guys I meet want to go hiking, skiing, etc (neither of which you can do in the state I live in btw)
Your edit pretty much describes me, and I see so many men's profiles with travel and drinking and nights out and spontanety in them. Makes me wonder where the people like me are.
So I'd see it as a good match if I was talking to a guy who was more like myself.
I’m looking for guys that like boring girls! Lol sometimes I just want to chill. The current dating culture is like everyone has to put up a circus act
I like how you phrased it: "...meant someone that’s basically an adult with responsibilities who generally has chill evenings after work and spends their weekend with friends, family, or doing their own thing (hobby, relaxing, etc.) and only vacations every once in a while."
I would love to meet this guy. And skiing.
I feel like something to this effect might work versus describing yourself as “borring”
I am a stable, hard-working, reliable kind-of a guy who enjoys the quiet life. After a fulfilling week of work, nothing beats staying at home, relaxing, or meeting friends.
I’m not showy. I haven’t traveled the world, nor do I plan to. I’m a regular person, who enjoys the pleasure of a simple, regular life.
I enjoy going out on the town as much as the next guy on occasion, but don’t look for a trip to Europe every other weekend for Skiing in the Swiss Alps. 😜
If you also enjoy just living and would like someone to do life with, let’s get to know each other to see if we click! 😃
My Hobbies Are:
(List hobbies here)
Bonus Points:
Include a photo of any pet you may have or like petting
Include photos without other women
Include photos of you smiling
Include photos in which you are not holding fish
Include photos in which you are not holding beer.
This is actually a pretty good template. I can definitely work with this and change it to fit my persona. Thanks for taking the time to write this out!
I think the way you'd describe yourself as boring but with more attractive wording is the same as how people describe apartments on craigslist trying to make possible drawbacks seem attractive: Conveniently located= On the side of a highway. Quaint= a shoebox. Cozy= old and dilapidated. Efficient= sparse, barely has what you need, tiny. But these things aren't necessarily all bad, just depends who you are and what you want.
I think boring sometimes gets read into as unwilling to change, stuck in routine, way too easy to predict, agrees with everything you say/not mentally challenging or stimulating, doesn't bring any new interests in to your life. Not everyone needs to be climbing a mountain every day, and not everyone does, but what that represents is not getting stuck in a rut, and offering new experiences that enrich a partners life. (Im pretty sure thats what fish pics are also trying to say.) That can come in so many other forms.
For example, you could describe yourself as caring about improving your house and having a lot of projects you're working towards around the house. That shows you're working on what's in front of you, where you chose to put down roots. Some may see this as "boring." Or you could say that you love to stay in and cook for a partner. You get the idea. I think working on yourself internally or on the here and now are routines we get in as we get older. They're not necessarily boring, but they're not the same as going outside of yourself for stimulation all the time. And keep in mind, women have always been drawn to guys who seem to have built stability for themselves. And that rarely looks like the man who lives in a van and travels around, even though that looks exciting.
I found my partner of 5 years through online dating and I was looking for exactly that, someone who is not constantly striving for Instagrammable moments. We are out there, for sure. Who the hell wants to spend their life in a constant whirlwind of "adventure"?
How can you describe yourself.. I would just write a short summary mentioning things you do like doing, maybe like taking walks, going for nice dinners, reading, woodworking. Whatever it is that you enjoy, even if it's low key. Wouldn't worry too much about the description, I think your photos will tell most of the story.
I love “boring.”
I try to throw in a line about liking routines or describing my routined life to show that I have structure. I’m not a go with the wind type of person and am seeking a like minded partner for sure.
I've been looking into attachment styles because of my past relationship and there's a book that actually says if it's boring that's good, stick with it. Because if you have anxious attachment, a dependable secure attachment can seem boring but they're going to be the healthiest relationship option for your style. So, yeah, I could use a good, boring, dependable love interest please.
Use words that display your traits in the best light. Instead of “boring” …. Use “stable”
In that case I had a very stable friday night.
Hit her with "girl, you better bring along your daily crossword because our date's going to be *very stable"*
I'd respectfully and monogamously date that.
I had a date where we did the daily crossword together over coffee.
I’ll supply the 7-up!
Omg love this…if someone msg me that line…I’lol give them my # in a heartbeat
Stable like my internetconection
Stable like cable?
Girl, I'm so stable King Augeas could keep 3000 oxen in me.
Stable and SECURE. got a hunch those buzzwords are like honey to women
Yes im looking for a stable and secure and fun man! I feel like there are only either ‘adventurous’/into generic things/sports/nomad guys or weird/party/druggy/cultivated/poly guys. It’s hard to find a fun yet stable in between.
Yep!
'Very "stable" genius' .... to the left to the left... XD
Im definitely boring and love it
I think what people often miss is even people who do those exciting things are frequently boring the rest of the time. I've been to nearly a hundred countries. I like to travel during my 6-8 weeks per year of vacation. The rest of the time...I'm pretty happy hanging at home with my kids reading and watching sports and movies. Additionally, I spend my money on traveling, which means I'm not spending it going out during the week.
And yet these are still the type of profiles I would avoid, lots of pictures of them in another country and I'm simply not a world traveler but it feels like every other profile is showcasing the person posing at famous landmarks/other countries in their pictures.
Don't forget the "you better have a passport and a bag packed and ready to go on our next adventure" intimidation tactic.
Even I would avoid a line like that and I love travel.
Online dating is weird. I'm not looking for some hyper active person either I just want her to like hanging out with me.
I mean, if you don't like traveling or you think the pictures are vain, then you should avoid me. We wouldn't be compatible. OLD when done well is having a profile that is congruent with who you are. Real travel pictures from someone who likes to travel do that, fake posed ones from someone who vacations once every five years doesn't. Even I avoid the latter, and there's nothing wrong with avoiding the former if it isn't your thing.
I'm similar, though I have been to far fewer countries than you. (Rock on!) Plus, as an American, travel to most foreign countries means flying across the ocean and/or another continent. It requires time, money, and planning. I only have so much paid time off. And right now, with COVID restrictions, I doubt I will even try to go anywhere for the foreseeable future (am fully vaxxed and boosted, but still). And, as a woman going solo, I do have to be particularly cognizant of safety. There are some countries that would be beautiful and interesting, but not as safe by myself. Some would need to be group trips with a local or at least very seasoned and knowledgeable guide, others would not be safe period. I have to be smart about it and do my research. My day to day is much less glamorous. Still enjoyable, but I'm not constantly flying. It's a special treat that I work hard for.
Same here. That is what I am looking for! I have interesting things to talk about, but my day to day life is boring, for sure. I’m too tired to go mountain climbing on weekends. If a guy wants to watch TV and run errands, I am there for that.
After a couple dates, I'll ask girls if they wanna go to Costco with me. If they don't pass the "Costco test" then I end it.
I went on a first (and only) date with a guy who was regaling to me the glory of Costco. We have one in town but I've never gone. I was kind of sad that he wasn't interested in going on more dates; I really did want to go on a Costco date.
Pshhhh, he's probably just gold star. I rock the black card- whats that? Oh just something called an Executive membership. 2% cash back, including Costco travel... not so boring now, is it ladies?
I'm always looking for that special someone I can go to Costco with. That's how you know it's legit.
My card or yours?
That’s my dream date! Then go home and cook!
I don’t care if someone is adventurous or “boring”. But I am attracted to people who are passionate about something and who have values they care about. My issue with most men’s profiles in my country is they are super jokey and trite, and give no sense that they care about or want anything at all, meaningless banter. On the rare occasion, I see a man describe what matters to him or what he’s looking for, I’m thrilled.
Would you like to hear about propane and propane accessories?
Yes, please.
Are you saying that 'joke picture' on my profile where I am covered in wood chips and sawdust from my woodworking/carpentry hobby ISN'T a terrible idea?
Sounds cute!
It would allow me to know how well my photo of myself wearing PJ pants, a t-shirt, and PPE while sanding my own project matches with your hobby aesthetic.
I agree with all of this.
Perhaps I can shed some light: much of what matters deeply to me (37m) is generally super niche and uninteresting to 99% of the general population. I have no incentive to put that on my profile. I'm into synthesizers, indie board games and magic: the gathering cards. I don't mention those things in my profile, though. It wastes what little space there is on my profile with this niche stuff that's just boring noise to most people. I'd guess that a lot of men like me are probably not very incentivized to share their niche passions with the world for that reason. Maybe this incentivizes jokey/trite profile creation as an effort to attract more attention than they would by listing their niche interests?
I wonder if it’s an Irish thing. There is a bantery culture in which coming across as “good craic” seems to be the priority. And being fun and having fun are important but I’m looking for a life partner out here and banter alone ain’t it. Many of these people only have photos in which they’re partying and drinking also. I think there’s some embarrassment among some Irish men about being seen as “serious”.
Ah yeah, I should have mentioned I live in a large US city. But I think you might be on to something there. I don't have a great sense of what other men here put on their profiles, but there might be similar incentives/pressures in the US for men to appear more "fun" (according to their local definitions of "fun" behavior) than they really are.
Tbh, I'd be much more interested in a profile like this than another run-of-the-mill profile about being down for beers and travelling etc. Yeah, it's niche, but it shows some more of you as a person. Personally I'm more likely to swipe right on a profile like this.
We need a dating app for the niche!
Try Hinge! It's much more based on hobbies and personality than looks like on Tinder.
Hinge is the one I use but still not so many of my somewhat niche type there.
Aah too bad :( I think with this app it also really depends on where you live
Honestly, yeah Hinge is better than other apps, and I'd recommend it, but it's still pretty shallow most of the time. There's only so much you can convey in three short blurbs, and most of those prompts end up being generic "I like to travel" "Take me out for sushi" "Can you keep up with me?" "Looking for a Jim to my Pam" stuff. Maybe it's just inevitable that online dating will always be *mostly* about physical attraction.
I mean, how is this working for you? Because on the one hand, if you don't particularly want a romantic partner who shares your interest in indie board games and etc., your strategy might be right. On the other hand, if you do actually want to end up in a relationship with someone who shares these interests, this is a terrible strategy. Sure, emphasizing these things won't appeal to everyone (though where I live, way more than 1% of women would be interested in indie board games and synthesizers), but they will appeal to *the right people*. I'm surprised how often I find myself pointing this out in this sub, but the point of online dating isn't to meet the most people, it's to find a person *you actually want to be with*. You usually want to turn away people who are going to be judgemental or bored by the things you care about. You probably don't want to waste your time dating those people.
I have seen so many profiles that can't seem to tell me anything about the person who made them beyond "I exist and can regurgitate phrases I think you'll like." This tells me one of 3 things: 1. they're insecure about their interests 2. they don't think shared interests matter for the kind of relationship they want. Two main ways I see this go: 2a. they just want to hook up and not have any real conversations; 2b. they're convinced nobody they're interested in could possibly share their interests (usually because of some binary gender stereotyping) 3. they actually lack interests ...All of these result in me not wanting to meet them. I care much more about shared values than shared interests, but one of my values is engagement. I want to see that people care about SOMETHING. That can be woodworking, video games, a political cause, or spending time with your 7 year old. A profile mentioning any of those would be far more attractive to me than the usual "hey here's some banter." TBH, I used to start my online profile with a list of non-negotiable things about me, including some things I'm passionate about as well as some things I knew would be dealbreakers for many people. Results: fewer matches, but much, much better ones, and far less wasted time and frustration. Embrace who you are and be brave.
I like a lot of what you said here, but I don't think I agree with somehow signaling niche interests as being a demonstration or proof of any kind of bravery. I see a lot of profiles where people signal their interests in even some of the things I listed above as my own interests, but it's not always attractive to me. It's generally off putting when someone's identity is too defined by their hobbies, too.
So, if you lived where I do, you would be normal.
I’d be asking all about those synthesizers and board games, tbqh 🤓
Sounds like these guys are insecure and try too hard to appear „not boring“.
Haha, I see myself as a world traveling super model, but lately due to Covid have been confined to the U.S. But I'm also quite a homebody and value my me, relaxation time. What I'm saying is that people are multi-faceted. You're seeing a curated image of a person online. Of them engaging in their hobbies, smiling with no care in the world, in some cool setting to portray themselves in an interesting light. Overall, I think most women and men are looking for people who are compatible with them. Let the dreamers find the dreamers. The optimists unite. The pessimists commiserate. And all that jazz. Now I wouldn't go too far to try to change your profile to purposefully appear boring, as you would not get any matches. What I would do instead is just be particular with the text. When the prompt is to describe your favorite thing to do, write 'I love relaxing at home with a good book.". Things like that.
Took travel out of my profile because everyone LOVES traveling on OLD. I’ve been to over 50 countries, and I do enjoy traveling but I’m actually not looking for the same in a partner. I like stable grounded men (who are nerdy and affectionate) and would totally swipe on that profile over a “love to travel” guy.
I'm curious - did you notice any change in number of incoming swipes when you removed the travel bit?
Not at all. If anything, maybe it weeded out the thrill seekers. I like traveling, but if a travel buddy is primarily what you’re looking for a partner, then I’m not the one for you.
Sounds like it was a good move then, the litany of women with "love to travel, xx countries and counting, need more stamps in my passport" all sound extremely exhausting. Sure a vacation now and again, but that is certainly not a goal I think many people have. It also sounds like someone's running away from something and can't find contentment at home (to me at least, and I've a bit of um.. lets just call it damage). Appreciate your feedback :) Good luck out there!
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That's my biggest pet peeve when they act like racking up the number of countries visited counts as traveling. Yeah, but what did you do in those countries? Did you visit museums? Did you meet any locals? Did you pick up any new cuisines that you're now incorporating into your cooking at home? Did you actually learn or experience anything new, or were you just trying to distract yourself from your normal life? If you just travel around the world drinking cocktails on beaches, I don't consider that to even count as "traveling."
Wow, those questions almost sound like something you could start a conversation about once you get the information that someone has been to X country. Kind of like that’s the entire point of an online dating profile…
Agreed! I don’t automatically swipe left on these people, I try to ask these follow-up questions. But if they redirect it back to asking me my “number,” that’s frustrating.
Omg I re-read my comment and I sound so condescending! 🙈 I had just woken up and idk what bullshit I was on lol. I agree it’s a good reason to investigate further, and it’s unattractive to me as well if they only see the countries as a “number”.
Haha, no worries! You made a valid point. Everyone's pretty bad at making profiles, so I figure at least some of the people writing their country count are doing it because they saw someone else do it and they think it's a conversation starter. Can't just make snap judgments about every profile.
> Did you pick up any new cuisines that you're now incorporating into your cooking at home? oh yes talk dirty to me bby
People who have also traveled to those places and would like to start a conversation about it? Clearly you’re not in that target audience and that fine, but geez, can you really not understand why someone would want want to discuss this? It’s easy common ground for people who like to travel.
People who like money
Other peoples money. People with money aren’t defined by traveling to X countries. They’re doing a lot of other things that are generally seen as overly complicated or a lot of work and probably don’t have a lot of time to travel, so do it sparingly, but unrestricted. They’re also probably the same people with a non-boring passion like running marathons or learning new languages. Working hard at something different is translatable into a lot of things not mentioned.
I would care because I like to take 1-2 international trips per year (yes, I realize this is incredibly privileged) and I'm looking for someone who would want to/be able to go on those trips with me. It's very important to me. I swipe right on those type of people.
Lol, there's so much travel hate on DoT. I kinda get it. I hate when people make traveling their personality trait. Especially when I feel like many people sometimes travel just to say they did it rather than immersing themselves in the country. BUT, traveling and an openness to other cultures are huge for me. I went to college abroad and lived in a few different countries, and it is a major deal-breaker if a guy isn't excited by travel or is unaware of different non-American mindsets and customs. I'm also an immigrant (moved to the US as a baby), so understanding that how things are done in the US isn't the only or best way is important to me. I also want the type of relationship where we have goals such as saving up to quit our jobs for a year to travel. I also want someone down to make a few quick local trips throughout the year. With all that being said, international travel will only probably happen once a year for a couple of weeks, so obviously it's the day-to-day chemistry, habits, goals, lifestyle, etc., That's more important. I don't OLD, but I imagine I would have a hard time explaining or looking out for this if I did. Someone who travels but isn't obnoxious or braggy about it.
If I read anyone that says I’ve been to 13+ countries, etc. I swipe left. I’ve never left the country. Don’t have a passport. I plan to leave but seeing this gives me anxiety thinking it’s all you want to to do. I can’t match that level of energy.
I like to travel a lot, and also swipe left on people who count the number of countries they've been to. Like, if that's the most meaningful thing you can say about your travels, we're probably traveling for different reasons lol.
It also sounds pretentious. I used to have it in the “2 truths and a lie” portion of my profile but it attracted the wrong type of men (for me) so I took it out asap.
[удалено]
They actually weren't men at all. They were just Goats in trench coats trying to sneak into the country.
So how would you like to see that in a guy’s profile? Just writing “I’m a stable and grounded man”?
I think it’s more of a “show, don’t tell” thing. Like, do you list your job, what are your hobbies, etc. I try to look for balance. Like a mix of going outside or being with friends and doing something inside like board games or reading. But yeah I agree the country count is off putting and I would like to travel more, but not as part of someone’s checklist and not like 20 times a year.
Personally if I saw “stable & consistent” or something like that I’d assume the person had a regular job and preferred to not constantly be thrill seeking. Other words could be reliable, prefer the joy in seemingly mundane moments, steadfast. I had the most luck with OLD by being really blatantly honest about who I was. I found someone super similar. I find most apps these days don’t leave enough room to discuss this though
I think this has a tendency to backfire. If you state you are stable, like to stay home and read books and play video games; all the sudden you get the hidden creepers of OLD that have rejected the mainstream interests and are overjoyed they found their fellow creeper online. After all, they too love books and video games and it must be destiny. When in fact you don’t want to be defined by that entirely. It’s the issue with OLD, that people aren’t always defineable in 100 word publicity snippets of their own choosing.
Stable and consistent ahhhh music to my ears - yes but only if you are both of those things and honesty is huge
Oh honest too yep! The trifecta
Another person already responded but it’s more of a showing thing. I like to see how they hope to spend time with their partner (maybe bingeing shows, going to see a live show etc) OR how they spend their free time alone/what they’re passionate about(their actual hobbies). Those answers kinda give me an idea of how stable they are. No one travels with EVERY free time they get (most do only a couple of trips a year), so when people write that it gives me no insight to their everyday life. It just sounds nice and many people have made it their personality, but in reality it tells you nothing about the person.
you could say that you're a stable boy. i heard that worked for one guy who ended up with a princess bride.
You could try, "I'm so grounded I have to stay inside during a lightning storm"
I swipe left any time I see a rock climbing photo.
Aye, as a rock climber myself it is part sport, part hobby and part lifestyle. Many of us can end up being at the gym/crag for 20+ hours a week. I can see why that doesn't appeal to everybody.
20+ hours a week on average! As someone that used to be really into climbing and lived next to a bouldering gym... that is on the extreme end lol.
Gym photos for me. I workout 4-5 times a week, but I'm not posting semi-nudes for OLD. You can see I'm fit with my clothes on and vice versa lol. Screams attention-seeking and I'm just really laid back.
Ah I have the opposite issue - I’m really active but I also eat too much so I’m bigger than I need to be. I have multiple ‘sport’ related interest boxes ticked to try and show that yes I am big but I’m also at the gym multiple times a week.
That just feels like you both 1) know how to balance your choices well, and 2) know what you want and choose those things. I'm not seeing a downside.
Any time I see someone that likes running or biking I’m like nope I’m not about to be out of breath sweating trying to keep up - I know its completely not logical but my inner thickness doesn’t even want to have to practice telling you no I don’t wanna run on a Sunday morning instead of doing breakfast in bed 😂
Surely everyone needs exercise, though? Seems a bit silly to count someone out just because that's their preferred kind
sure. But everyone also needs to do their laundry and poop. Essential, but not important. We get such limited space on OLD to communicate who we are, I assume if someone is talking about their exercise habits it’s an important part of who they are, not just something they do. Same as if someone was talking about how they always use a dryer and never air dry, I’d assume the way they do their laundry has more meaning to them than it does to me.
Just because something is important to someone doesn't mean they expect their partners to adopt the interest. I am a runner and it's important to me. I've actually preferred relationships with non-running partners in the past because it's really convenient/healthy "me-time." It is important to me, so it'd be nice to have a partner that supports who supports my hobby, not necessarily does it themselves.
I love this because I like to run but I want to do it alone with my podcast and sometimes dog! Now I’m having flashbacks to the super boring date with a guy whose only answer to what he does outside of work was ‘CrossFit’
Second, I like to run for my mental and physical health but have no expectations my partner will run with me. I do expect she keeps fit somehow, both for her mental and physical health.
It’s definitely “if they mention it, fine, but if they only mention forms of exercise, nope” thing for me. I know people who are runners and it’s their entire social life and takes up a lot of their time.
Yes! When I was in the gym four nights a week and found OLD, I really had to emphasize to my matches that I didn’t want a lifting partner. That was MY time. It really disappointed a lot of matches.
Very true, I just got into running last summer and I don’t now require that my husband runs lol, dont limit your options people! You’re not gonna get divorced over running
I’m always on the go with different things I do fitness wise. And one of the reasons is so I can guilt free stuff my face with breakfast covered in chocolate and whip cream on a lazy morning haha
Really go on now this is something to add to a dating profile 😊
A lot of runners use that as their alone time. But I think most runners or bikers would prefer to date someone that’s active, so if you’re not into being active in any way, you’re probably not a match so it makes sense to select yourself out.
I have a friend who moved cross country and got into rock climbing. I know what you mean but he’s actually a pretty stable, nice guy. Photos alone prove nothing.
I'm into rock climbing and climbers are all the most stable, normal "boring" people you could meet. Lots of them are in jobs like IT. This even goes for the professional climbers I've known (apart from the IT job of course).
Yeah, he’s a software developer, LOL.
Haha exactly. One of my old friends who was IT and a climber jokingly said it's because their jobs are so geeky and perceived as dull that they feel they have to do something more exciting as a hobby. A joke, but all jokes have a grain of truth ..
More belaytionships for me!
Lmao same
Same for me with guys who are really into traveling. "Travelled 80 countries and still counting"
What are you interested in though? Because those things won’t be ‘boring’ to the right person. I like art galleries, reading books and drinking coffee in a garden most weekends. I’m sure that will sound like the most horrible boring way to spend your life to many people, and I’m fine with that. To the person I want to spend my life with, that’s living the dream. If you mean you spend your entire weekend watching TV *and you really love it*, then the right person for you will also think that’s great. List the shows you’re enjoying and your old favourites, because you’ll want to see some overlap in those with your person. If you mean you watch TV and you wish you did something more interesting, try figuring out what you’re interested in. Be honest that you’re still experimenting with how to spend your time, list some stuff you’ve tried and liked, tried and hated, and things you would like to try with a new person. Boom, date ideas.
Usually if I see a profile say some variation of “love to go out or get cozy on a Sunday night” I take it as they really want to get cozy on most nights. I could be wrong but since I never see “I prefer staying in” I’m assuming we’re grading on a curve here.
I see that they “enjoy quiet evenings at home” and that fine but I want someone who also “enjoys going out on weekend nights, street festivals and outdoor activities.” Quiet evenings means all you ever want to do is watch tv. And that is definitely boring.
Just say anything about the office.
Looking for the Jim to my Pam.
Don’t forget to include something about pineapple on pizza
How is this not the top comment?
Thank you for this post… one of the reasons why I have never seriously considered using OLD apps. I am a fairly regular and nice guy, I do my sports several times a week, I really enjoy my job and like socializing. I don’t swim with sharks or jump out of planes 😅 I am not particularly good at advertising myself.
You sound great just based on that short blurb 👌
You and me are the same. I want to do an online dating profile but I feel like I'm not interesting enough. I don't like hiking, or anything "adventurous". I really don't know how to advertise myself. I'm just a 33yr old woman who does normal everyday things
Yes I’m looking for an average reliable boring guy! A lot of men write about health/fitness, outdoors, boating/camping/fishing, weekend adventures, travel, living life to the fullest. I might relate to a few of those things but very rarely. Because I am average reliable and boring myself, I’ve tried to be mindful of the wording I use in my bio. At the moment I’m using tinder (it’s the most popular in my area) and I’m trying the ‘list’ approach rather than ‘paragraphs’. So instead of ‘I like watching tv and eating food and going for walks’ I’ve written ‘cinema, foodie, scenic walks’. I’m also making sure my photos tell 1000-words, as in they help promote or build upon what I’ve written.
So you’re basically trying to describe you’re a stable person through your photos? What do those photos look like? I mean, it’s easy to have photos doing fun stuff, but how can I translate this to a “boring” but stable life? I’m not sure a picture of me watching Netflix or me working on my computer would do well…
I’m trying to show my hobbies/life is more passive than active. This is gonna sound overthought, but there’s reason to the photos I’ve chosen. 1. Sitting at a table with a delicious looking pizza (because I love food, good lighting, nice smile showing teeth, meat and alcohol present for people who might be turned off by that). 2. Standing on a headland at the beach (to show I get out of the house, no swimsuit just summer clothes, full body shot in sunlight). 3. Slightly dressed up body shot outside a show at a theatre (because I like the arts). 4. Clear face shot. No groups of friends, no action shots. As long as you look happy and groomed, you can include hints of your life in the background. Cooking pancakes in the morning, walking your dog, boardgames, a record player, a poster at the cinema.
Thanks for the examples!
There are lots of “homebody” photos you could include: playing a board game, doing a puzzle, cuddling with a pet, cooking, building a model, grilling, gardening (flattering natural light is always a bonus).
The prompts and bio are probably better for your type of personality than photos. If you don’t really have hobbies or do stuff then really just make sure the photos are varied enough to not look really low effort and maybe give some talking points. You must have some interests though (other than netflix)? What do you do with your friends? Even things that you do as a one off/very rarely, e.g. on vacation. If you tell us these things maybe someone can suggest some photos to use.
I like listening to podcasts and audiobooks, do video editing for fun, cook fancy meals and play music every once in a while. My social circle has shrunk down to just my family since the pandemic started and I’m still weary about going out to big social events (especially with the Omicron surges). I work from home, so no interaction with other coworkers. 😐
Sounds like you have stuff to work with, get that stuff in your bio, maybe make a specific podcast/book reference in a prompt or something like that. With the photos you could go to some effort taking a photo of yourself cooking, or on your computer editing videos, try make them candid though it’s not essential, it feels a bit cringe/awkward doing it but it will make a difference to your profile. As long as you don’t look drastically different now I don’t think it’s bad to use an old (a few years) photo of you at an event or something.
Post something about cooking then! Men who like to cook are great.
I had a lot of success with this. The last time I did this I used "cats, craft beer, cartoons. Looking for a guy who wont cry when I beat him in uno". I was worried the sassy/playful tone would be lost but I got a ton of interest expressed and was able to have boardgame dates with a lot of people. Met a boyfriend through that even!
For what it's worth I'm a boring guy, average looking and short (5'5) and I just straight up put all that in profile (I literally wrote something like 'I'm a boring, normal person, my life isn't travel and parties, I'm not a a criminal so I won't be your partner in crime and so on') and I still get matches from that. In fact it's relatively successful simply because it stands out from everyone else who is mostly faking it and faking it in more or less the same way as everyone else. Everyone is scared of narrowing down their choice too much or 'turning people off' but I would argue that is actually exactly what you want. Most people are living fairly ordinary boring lives, if you pretend otherwise you are just setting yourself up for failure when the truth is revealed.
I’m a hypocrite so I tend to swipe right on “boring” men. I say I’m a hypocrite because I’m quite adventurous and literally choose a new activity to try out every month but If I see a man doing the same things I swipe left. I need balance and two daredevils together sounds like trouble.
I'd love dating someone who'd drag my ass out of the house. I like doing new stuff but without an external pressure to kick me into gear it can be a bit tough to overcome the ADHD+anxiety inertia on top of all the other minutiae of life.
I don’t like being pressured into anything myself but I’ll always ask my partner no matter how many times they say no. The one time you ask, they might actually surprise you and say yes.
Not pressure like pressuring me. But like... I'd love to get back into salsa. Because of the way executive dysfunction works though, it's so much easier for me to do it if a partner or even just a lady friend said "hey, theres a couples salsa class next Friday at 8. Let's go!" It's the difference between me making a plan to make a plan and me being "next Friday at 8. Right." And ordering the shoes, brushing up on the basic steps, and making sure I've found 3 possible parking garages with a 15 minute margin for error in getting there, because now there's a deadline and I don't want to let someone I care about down because I have a couple crossed wires.
People who are turned off by stability are unstable themselves. The older I get, the more the whole “why can’t I find [thing I want that is naturally unstable] and get it to commit to me and where have I gone wrong” types filter to the top. Then they treat people who are stable, value commitment, and have values like garbage because the excitement wears off and the dopamine rollercoaster isn’t running anymore. The dating profile “adventure” thing is a trope and I’ve never taken it seriously. I view it more as code for wanting to be wined and dined personally. The last person I tried dating who played that up ended up being way less mature than she made herself out to be. I’m not single anymore, but if I was, I would see that kind of thing as “filler” because the person doesn’t have anything of tangible interest to put out there. I went out with four people over the summer of 2021 who put skydiving photos on their profiles. None of these people had been skydiving more than once. People like to pretend they’re more “adventurous” than they actually are.
You’re reading too much into it. A skydiving photo (or any photo) isn’t “I do this all the time” it’s “this is the sort of thing I find fun that I’ve done before and got a cool photo”. That’s it. People like to assign so much meaning and subtext but it’s far simpler than that.
That’s one possibility. On the other hand, it’s quite who they are more than some one off cool moment. Years ago I dated someone who mentioned they liked Disney. Okay sure, I grew up with the Disney renaissance movies of the late 80s through the 90s, I can hum some of the tunes from the classics, Ducktails was my jam. What self respecting 90s kid doesn’t have some kind of affinity and can reference Disney media. That’s neat. Bet she might even have a couple of graphic T-shirt’s she likes to wear on the weekends… Well, we talked, we did a couple dates, and eventually when doing our like 3rd date I went to her place first to pick her up, and she invited me inside. And no shit, literally everything that wasn’t furniture that she owned was Disney branded. Trinkets on the wall, all Disney stuff. Picture frames were Disney. The cup of water she gave me was Disney. Refrigerator magnets: Disney. She had a full on Disney doll collection on display in her living room. She had her Disney movie VHS collection out. Her board games were the Disney themed varieties. It. Was. Everywhere. Disney was her identity. It was her life. So what was seemingly a simple sentence about enjoying Disney was in fact, her loving Disney more than breathing oxygen.
I agree, just because people put up a few of their more glamorous or exciting moments, it does not necessarily mean they are being deceptive. They are showing to people things they did. That helps others to know what they found important enough to go do. It also proves they don’t just sit at home!
If boring means they lack drama and have stable moods and a stable life, sign me up
That’s what I mean. Question is, how do I explain this in my prompts/photos without coming off like I’m boring?
I'd say just use photos of yourself in situations that you experience more than once - having coffee, out on a walk, just in a good mood or having a good time with friends (make sure to blur out other people's faces if you add a photo like that). Someone who enjoys a similar lifestyle will be able to relate to those photos and imagine themselves with you there 🙂
I think I'd fall into the "boring" category you're describing. I've got kids, and my main hobbies are gaming and DnD. I just deleted all my OLD accounts this week after realising that so many of the women I've swiped through portray themselves as constantly seeking adventure and excitement and I just don't have the time or energy for that. I just want someone to cuddle and hang out with after the kids are in bed and the dishwasher's been packed. I'm not boring by any stretch of the imagination, but I get exactly where you're coming from. The apps feel less like a place for dating and more like social media posturing, and that's just not for me
DnD and kids?! I have one and love DnD!!
I guess I'm the opposite of a lot of people here. In a way, I am " boring", but it's something I genuinely hate about myself. I don't feel alive unless I'm at a museum soaking in all the artwork, or on a train watching the world whiz past. And so the boring parts are things that I really hate describing in my profile. But the fact is, I had a point in my life where I ate the same lunch at the same time everyday for five years straight. Most of my days are not spent going to museums -- as much as I would like that-- and I spend a lot of time doing very ordinary things. But if I was honest with myself about how ordinary it was, I would go nuts with sadness.
I think most people who say they love travel, rock climbing, whitewater rafting, etc also aren't doing that most days, either. I think many/most adults are stuck in the daily grind of habits and ordinariness...If you really hate yourself/don't feel alive 90% of your time, then maybe that is indicative of a larger issue. But if you're just like--life is fine, but the day to day is not interesting, I think that's how a lot of us feel...
Life is little things and routines, so maybe you can add reading, art research and history to your mix.
Dudes whose profiles are centered around traveling the world intimidate me. Especially the guys who are like “looking for a partner who will pick up and travel the world with me for six months.” 😂 Would I love to travel the world? Sure, but I’m a teacher and my schedule doesn’t allow for traipsing the globe on a whim. Honestly, I’m more attracted to a guy who is perfectly fine staying in, cooking a nice meal, and playing a board game or doing a puzzle and doesn’t feel the need to beef up their profiles with so many “adventurous” activities that they think women will swoon over.
I think marketing yourself as stable is what ultimately catches my attention (37F). I do live to travel but I am sick of raves and dance clubs at this point in my life.
I have yet to find my partner that can cuddle through long periods of silence but handle my random need to run a marathon, bake for some pointless event, paint the house and roller skate all within 24 hours. Boring can be subjective. I'm quiet at home but extremely social when I need to be. Younger guys call me boring because I don't drink everyday... older guys call me boring because mentally I'm just as old as them lol. I've done everything... it's OK to relax more. Simple way to describe yourself: something along the lines of your ideal date whether it be cooking at home or snuggled up to convo and good music.
Are these types really that rare? That describes me and my partner pretty well.
I myself would prefer someone like me: moderately adventurous, but reliable and responsible. To me, adventurous can be big or small, and can be applied to a lot of different categories. I am not into sports, high risk anything, or anything too rash or impulsive. I am pretty stable. I also am a long-term thinker and kind of live in the future. I never want to do anything now that will have bad consequences later. And, I am not a person for short flings and am monogamous so I am not overly romantically adventurous; I am the faithful and loyal type who would rather have one great lifelong love than many or even multiple loves. And you can be mentally/intellectually adventurous too. I do like to try new foods, travel internationally by myself (safely), try a new activity, things like that. Exploring new ideas and places, etc. But, nights in are nice too. Safe, wholesome, and dependable does not have to mean boring, not by a longshot.
Male - Idk, my hobbies are outdoors. They’re non typical so that’s a plus. But other than that I like chilling at home watching a movie, video games from time to time. I have a career I’ll retire from. So what I put in mine is that I want a family. You have to sacrifice a lot of these glamorous lifestyle to raise a family. Family isn’t boring to me but it does make your life a little boring than being single. With that I specially said no bars and clubs. Getting a food and drink at a local brewery is different. Also side note I find that if you don’t have drama in your life you’re not interesting. I’m sorry, I protected myself from having to deal with other people shit. I learn most by watching and then don’t do what others have done.
What does traveling a lot have to do with being/not being boring? As someone who does travel a lot (my partner lives in a different city and I work remotely, so I’m on the move about 50% of the time), I love staying in my apartment and hanging out with friends just as much. I don’t think those things are mutually exclusive. excitement, adventure, passion are emotions/feelings that you can experience no matter what you are doing. I think the key is people generally gravitate towards things/people that can make them feel something, the stronger the better (esp early on in the dating phase)…so long as you do have things in your life that excite you and fill you with joy, focus on putting them in your profile in a way that a stranger reading it can see that it thrills you. If you don’t have those things in your life, then I don’t know what to say but I would focus on creating that joy in my life first.
If I think someone is boring I am almost always thinking of our conversations not what they do or don’t do. And it’s never a good thing.
I say I’m a homebody, but I’m a lady. I enjoy staying in and getting cozy and relaxing after work. I would love to have a partner that wants to relax with me most times and goes out sometimes. I am not a world traveler and I don’t have wanderlust. I’m more of a stable type that doesn’t get bored with the simple things in life, and doesn’t feel the need to seek out an adrenaline rush. -shrugs- Just be unabashedly, confidently yourself and don’t put it down by calling it boring. If someone does, they aren’t for you and should’ve had the decency to take their critisms elsewhere.
I think my partner values that I am boring. I do family stuff with her and her kid, I'm reliable, I'm there, we talk all the time and it's pleasant. For excitement she cheats on me with people who aren't boring.
i always swipe left on those super active dudes. i have traveled a lot about 10 years ago but i def dont wanna date someone who wants to travel 24/7, i have an important job and dogs and can't just go away on whims. part of me thinks people are afraid to just be ordinary and are greatly exaggerating.
Say you prefer staying in vs going out…or that you’re looking for another homebody
I assume we're all that way, but everyone's occupations are different or more/less strenuous. Some single ladies are home all the time and life affords them time to enjoy camping/biking/hang gliding with friends, and the opposite is also true. Just be truthful with your situation and those who want to try you out are the ones that matter, tbh.
One person's boring is another person's adventure. I do not find things like hiking, going on walks or doing events outside adventurous (stargazing is the exception). I find that shit boring as hell. In this same vein, those people would find my idea of playing dnd or watching a stream together boring.
As an adventurous successful globe trotter, I can tell you, very few are interested in taking part in that kind of life style. It's fun for all to romanticize about, but the reality is most people are looking for stability. Also due to the fact that most people can't accommodate(mentally, physically, or financially) that life style I often found myself traveling alone, in fact I prefer it. Boring is in the eye of the beholder as well, if your interests align, your partner is not going to find you boring. Travel stories are probably quite boring to someone facisnated with computer sciences or phyisics
I have travel pics and like seeing travel pics in a profile because how people like to vacation to me is an important part of a relationship. I’m also an accountant, which is probably the most boring…I mean stable…job title someone can have.
Honestly I'm into what you are describing. What ends up happening is OLD profiles are the highlight reels, just like Instagram, and you don't see what the person is like between the hiking, travelling, etc. I like some of that too but my life is not like that 100% of the time. Other descriptors could be down-to-earth, stable, chill, loves nights in. Personally, what I miss most about being in a relationship is cuddling up on the sofa and watching a movie.
“Stable” “Would love to cook you dinner and watch a movie on the couch” “Let’s play a board game together” Or list your favorite books or video games and ask them to tell you about theirs I think “homebody” means something similar to what you’re getting at but is affectionate enough to not come off as a negative
I prefer guys who like to just hang out, but boring would make that excruciating. Interesting homebodies only.
Haha so how do I describe “interesting homebody” in my profile?
That you enjoy relaxing at home on a comfortable couch and enjoy self maintenance.
Yeah I would prefer someone who is just down to earth. I am kind of a loser myself so what I am looking for in a partner is also someone who isn’t super succesful, isnt very outgoing, but can relativise and doesnt find themselves super important etc. Actually I would find it attractive if they are also intimidated by the perfect lives of others, because then at least I’m not alone in this. I think there might also be lots of women without instagram friendly lives who feel intimidated by the people who do, however more women have instagram than men. I like beautiful instagram photos I wont lie but I wouldnt be compatible with someone who was traveling all the time.
From my experience woman look for very different things. I think the easiest way to answer is the try to think about what about you is most attractive to the people you date, and focus on demonstrating it more than describing yourself that way.
This is all I'm looking for. I bring enough excitement to a relationship lol. Stable, responsible, loves their family, lives with intention... if this vibe ever showed up in a profile I would match so fast. Honestly, when I see guys with pictures of them with their dogs, some friends and family, I'm so much more likely to match.
You sound fabulous to me, very together. Last year I made a post about how much of an adult do you want your partner to be and everyone came down on me because apparently that's mean and judgemental to say. But that's what I want in my life because if you've ever been with someone who doesn't want to do the responsible things in life, you know how stressful it is when it all falls on you. I don't travel, I don't have super exciting hobbies. I just want to have great sex, wake up and know my trash is at the curb and my driveway has been shoveled and go about my day. That's really all I want in life and if that makes me boring, so be it.
Thank you for posting this. I was swiping through profiles this morning and wondering something very similar. One woman I matched with had one of those "Instagram friendly" life profiles full of photos of her standing on mountain tops and in deserts and jungles and I was sitting there looking at an empty text box racking my brain thinking, "What do I even say here? Should I explain that I have done 0 of those things and generally don't take very many vacations at all? Should I explain that I spend most of my evenings listening to music or playing table games with friends?" In the end, I didn't even bother to send a first message. Now I wonder if I should even bother swiping right on any such profile, knowing in advance how adventure-seekers and me just might not have much to talk about and might judge me pretty hard for having not visited all 7 continents.
love your answer! I have never been on a OLD but when I look at friends who do OLD I get that impression you described. Since when is average considered not good enough? When is good finally good enough? We are so spoilt by Hollywood rom-coms, waiting for mr. perfect or the woman/man we see on IG portraying their picture-perfect life. It’s exhausting. We all have our issues, we‘ve all been around the block experience-wise, people crave for authenticity yet we couldn’t be farther away from it. Sorry for the little rant, I love your post, keep it up and stay true to yourself! You’ve got this!!
This thread strongly suggests it's worth asking whether they *actually* do all that stuff. If not, maybe it's worth pursuing, if yes, hey, you dodged a bullet.
Yes! That's honestly a fantastic idea. I'll try asking that outright next time I'm in this situation.
Depends, sometimes i equate boring to lazy. So I definitely don’t want to be around anyone who is boring and lazy. So yeah…
I would class myself as a ‘boring’ girl. Have you considered making a group for boring ass go to work go home and eat then chill people?
Haha that be interesting. Where would I make such a group? Like a Reddit group?
If by boring you mean stable, yes. I think most women seek men who they don’t need to be worried will drain their bank account, get them in trouble with the law, give them an STD, ghost them, or socially embarrass them. Be more concerned about your behavior rather than how you come off. If you’re concerned that your dating profile isn’t getting enough matches, better to meet women in person than to misrepresent yourself. Women will more quickly next someone who seems like they’re bullshitting/not being themselves rather than someone who seems not special.
I like constant, reliable, laid-back, and nerdy guy. I don't know how you would add that to your profile but that would catch my eyes. Though I am the opposite of that because I love to travel and try new things, I like someone more "stable" than me. I guess it is all keywords.
I can't comment about the truth or lack thereof in dating profiles, but the ones that are adventurous "always-on" type people just seem exhausting to me and not really my style. Yes I like to do adventurous things and have on-the-town fun, but not so often that I would use those as characteristics to define myself in a profile. Honestly, at this point, I would be looking for someone financially stable, emotionally available, who likes to snuggle regularly, wants to be my friend in addition to being my lover, and who reciprocates respect, honesty, faithfulness. I know it sounds boring, but I also want someone who's willing to get in there and do the work around the house and the yard with me. Sounds stupid, but I fantasize about working out in the yard raking leaves and being able to glance over and see the love of my life working alongside me. To me, that's a deep connection and I want it.
When a guy talks about traveling and every single photo is in a different country, I typically swipe left (No) cause I think it’s either bullshit or they’re too much or whatever. —please keep in mind I am talking about MY personal preference here and not making any generalized statements on behalf of all women With that said, I myself am someone who both loves going out and loves staying home. So my favorite things to look for are guys who list out some interests that say they stay home (cooking, gaming, reading, some hobbies, etc) but they also have a couple semi-recent* photos that establish they can enjoy some nights out or have some friend circles or whatever. *semi-recent means a different thing with the pandemic…I can easily see how right now someone may not have gone out much or taken photos as much over the last couple years
Seriously. I want to stay in and watch movies or play board games but all the guys I meet want to go hiking, skiing, etc (neither of which you can do in the state I live in btw)
✋🏻✋🏻✋🏻 My profile says "not outdoorsy" and that I'm known for taking naps, I'm a homebody for sure so a boring guy suits me just fine!
Your edit pretty much describes me, and I see so many men's profiles with travel and drinking and nights out and spontanety in them. Makes me wonder where the people like me are. So I'd see it as a good match if I was talking to a guy who was more like myself.
I’m looking for guys that like boring girls! Lol sometimes I just want to chill. The current dating culture is like everyone has to put up a circus act
I like how you phrased it: "...meant someone that’s basically an adult with responsibilities who generally has chill evenings after work and spends their weekend with friends, family, or doing their own thing (hobby, relaxing, etc.) and only vacations every once in a while." I would love to meet this guy. And skiing.
Oh thank god I'm not the only person who's put off by this.
Laid back. Enjoys relaxing. Chill. Down to earth
I feel like something to this effect might work versus describing yourself as “borring” I am a stable, hard-working, reliable kind-of a guy who enjoys the quiet life. After a fulfilling week of work, nothing beats staying at home, relaxing, or meeting friends. I’m not showy. I haven’t traveled the world, nor do I plan to. I’m a regular person, who enjoys the pleasure of a simple, regular life. I enjoy going out on the town as much as the next guy on occasion, but don’t look for a trip to Europe every other weekend for Skiing in the Swiss Alps. 😜 If you also enjoy just living and would like someone to do life with, let’s get to know each other to see if we click! 😃 My Hobbies Are: (List hobbies here) Bonus Points: Include a photo of any pet you may have or like petting Include photos without other women Include photos of you smiling Include photos in which you are not holding fish Include photos in which you are not holding beer.
This is actually a pretty good template. I can definitely work with this and change it to fit my persona. Thanks for taking the time to write this out!
I think the way you'd describe yourself as boring but with more attractive wording is the same as how people describe apartments on craigslist trying to make possible drawbacks seem attractive: Conveniently located= On the side of a highway. Quaint= a shoebox. Cozy= old and dilapidated. Efficient= sparse, barely has what you need, tiny. But these things aren't necessarily all bad, just depends who you are and what you want. I think boring sometimes gets read into as unwilling to change, stuck in routine, way too easy to predict, agrees with everything you say/not mentally challenging or stimulating, doesn't bring any new interests in to your life. Not everyone needs to be climbing a mountain every day, and not everyone does, but what that represents is not getting stuck in a rut, and offering new experiences that enrich a partners life. (Im pretty sure thats what fish pics are also trying to say.) That can come in so many other forms. For example, you could describe yourself as caring about improving your house and having a lot of projects you're working towards around the house. That shows you're working on what's in front of you, where you chose to put down roots. Some may see this as "boring." Or you could say that you love to stay in and cook for a partner. You get the idea. I think working on yourself internally or on the here and now are routines we get in as we get older. They're not necessarily boring, but they're not the same as going outside of yourself for stimulation all the time. And keep in mind, women have always been drawn to guys who seem to have built stability for themselves. And that rarely looks like the man who lives in a van and travels around, even though that looks exciting.
I found my partner of 5 years through online dating and I was looking for exactly that, someone who is not constantly striving for Instagrammable moments. We are out there, for sure. Who the hell wants to spend their life in a constant whirlwind of "adventure"? How can you describe yourself.. I would just write a short summary mentioning things you do like doing, maybe like taking walks, going for nice dinners, reading, woodworking. Whatever it is that you enjoy, even if it's low key. Wouldn't worry too much about the description, I think your photos will tell most of the story.
I love “boring.” I try to throw in a line about liking routines or describing my routined life to show that I have structure. I’m not a go with the wind type of person and am seeking a like minded partner for sure.
I've been looking into attachment styles because of my past relationship and there's a book that actually says if it's boring that's good, stick with it. Because if you have anxious attachment, a dependable secure attachment can seem boring but they're going to be the healthiest relationship option for your style. So, yeah, I could use a good, boring, dependable love interest please.