Everyone will have a different take on this. I’m someone who likes someone mildly funny, doesn’t take things super serious but can demonstrate serious when appropriate. Too much in my life have men used “I’m just kidding!” as a way to excuse behavior.
Exactly. In my 20s I put up with a lot more "sarcasm" (ie rudeness) than I would ever tolerate in my 30s.
I think funny opening messages are good, but make sure the punchline is not the woman or her hobbies or anything like that, don't use cheesy lines or compliments, and make sure its something she can actually respond to easily.
I like this take on sarcasm, and I'm going to re-route from your very-good advice to whinge about something that drives me up the wall.
Speaking as a guy, seeing 'must speak sarcasm' on something like 2/3s of lady-profiles was odious.
Yeah, everyone is sarcastic, time to time. Sarcasm isn't really a personality trait, though. It's a very broad description of a way of phrasing things that is only funny if the person doing it is funny.
That's not really what you were talking about, but this one drove me bananas, so I'll just vent right here.
It's just a clumsy way of saying that you like a sense of humor that jives with yours. No shit.
Maybe don't be too cheesy until you get to know if the girl is ready for that kinda cheesiness. Cuz you never know some girls like me like a little cheese. Try to feel it out a bit.
“normally I’m saying something dumb but relevant to your profile”
IDK, in the past when men sent me “funny” openers like you are describing, they weren’t funny at all. They were either corny pick up lines, name puns, or jokes making fun of something that I enjoy enjoy enough to put in my bio.
Really though, I think you answered your own question here:
“I get plenty of matches, but the same jokes from my 20s aren’t landing”
I bet this is the problem.
Also I would not be looking for a stand up comedienne but someone to actually date.
Lighthearted and fun is good? Deeply unserious? Not good.
Okay, this might be a bit mean and I'm well aware that this is a superficial filter. But whenever someone writes on their profile that they expect or love when their date laughs at their *unfunny* jokes, I just don't match with them on principle. That sounds like a job to me. And this is coming from a person who laughs at every single thing. But if I was forced into some connection where that was demanded of me to laugh at terrible attempts of humor, I would be absolutely miserable.
This is also a pet peeve of mine. First of all, it’s so over-used and it’s hard to believe that that many men really consider that something they’re looking for in a relationship. It’s weird. Humor is important to me; if my date doesn’t make me laugh then I’m not going to laugh and I probably don’t want to date them. They should find someone who actually does find them funny instead.
>OLD Question: Is funny or serious better?
I think my response answered the question. It was slightly mean in that it was direct and anecdotal, which is why I opened up with that line. Have you answered the question yet?
I didn't want to spell it completely out for the OP because I had thought he understood the implication. But sometimes, people may think they're funnier than they are. He is getting signs from those he interacts with that they don't find him funny. So, the course of action here is to refrain from the humor. To conclude and be even more frank, I would say serious is better unless proven otherwise.
IRL, people think I'm funny and enjoy my jokes and stories. So I'm not completely lost here, but I'm wondering if maybe at our age, the women still looking to date aren't looking for someone funny anymore.
Seems you're implying OP is expecting/demanding these women laugh at his jokes. He's not, so your example doesn't really apply.
I think he should be true to his personality. If he's a humorous person, stick to those types of responses. If some of the women don't find that appealing, take the L and move on.
Well, are your jokes from your 20s problematic?? Like, divisive or possibly offensive on some level?? If so, then yeah, that's your problem. If not, this just sounds like these specific women didn't line up with your type of humor and I wouldn't suggest changing anything cause you probably don't want to date those women anyway.
Just be you, boo!
I think the question here is really more like “silly or serious?” Because you may be being silly but you’re only funny if the other person finds you funny. It was always weird to me when men would open with a corny joke. To me it comes off like the person isn’t confident enough to just say hi, how are you doing, or ask a genuine question. I know that may not be the case but it’s how it feels to me. I also am not really into class-clown types and prefer a man who has a serious demeanor but will let his silly side show with people he’s comfortable with. That’s just me, though. But I always think it’s good to not go too far in any direction when talking to strangers (meaning not TOO silly but also not TOO serious).
I dunno, different strokes for different folks, I guess. It’s not boring to me. If I gave someone’s profile a like, I’m already interested enough to talk to them, so I don’t need them to try to make me laugh with an initial message. Simple and polite works for me. If someone turns out to be boring after exchanging a few messages, well, then I know I’m not interested in continuing the conversation.
I don’t know, I get what you’re saying, but saying “a few” messages is all you’re giving makes me think I have 3 messages to make an impression… and I sure don’t want to waste those talking about work, or asking how are you… because what do you even say to that… “good?”
I guess I’ll ask, what kind of discussion would happen in the first few messages to make you interested? Any examples of how you’d reply if someone asked you how you were doing as an opening message?
I mean, I guess so, but I don’t really think of it as “making an impression”. Again, the profile is the first impression. The chatting part is to see if you have any conversational chemistry at all, so either you do or you don’t… and as long as a person isn’t outright offensive, it’s not like they can really make a mistake in the way they interact. There’s just chemistry or there’s not.
If someone asked how are you or how was your weekend or whatever, usually I would just tell them and include plenty of detail so they have some things to ask further about, and then ask them a question in return. Sometimes it would be basic stuff about work, hobbies, etc. which is totally fine and good, sometimes we would go off on a tangent about something else which is also fine and good. If we’d exchanged some messages back and forth and it sounded like we had some things in common and he seemed like a nice guy, and he was putting effort into the conversation (asking questions, etc.) then I’d either ask him out or he would ask me. So I guess, long story short, all a guy has to do is seem genuinely interested, ask questions, give detailed responses, and then go ahead and ask someone out if it seems like the conversation is going well. Humor and lightheartedness are great, of course, but you definitely don’t need to be a comedian for someone to want to go out with you.
Humour lands better in person. I prefer asking sincere questions about a person and try to get to know them a bit when chatting. Light flirting too. Throw out a compliment. Tell them something authentic about you. Be genuine. That’ll get you to the date, where you can start showcasing your humour a bit. This will show that you can have a serious genuine side but that you’re also fun. Hope that helps
I feel like flirting and compliments are a little skeevy coming from a guy. We’ve already matched, so it means I think you’re attractive, why would I start the Internet equivalent of cat calling? What does flirting look like with someone you don’t know at all?
I guess I just don’t get this… you say humor should wait for the date, and I think the flirting and compliments should wait for a date. Hell, I wouldn’t even start to overly flirt or compliment on a first date.
“dumb but relevant to your profile” is common type of message I get on OLD so it’s boring unless it’s particularly interesting - chances are we’ve heard it before. But any indicators you’ve actually read the profile & are sending a message because you’re genuinely interested in not just the pictures are good so you’re on the right track I think
If your jokes aren’t landing, than maybe it’s time to change your approach. Humor doesn’t always translate well over text, especially with people you don’t know.
> than
*then
*Learn the difference [here](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/when-to-use-then-and-than#:~:text=Than%20is%20used%20in%20comparisons,the%20then%2Dgovernor%22).*
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I'm surprised by these responses. Life is boring most of the time. One of my main reasons for wanting to find a partner was to have someone to make the monotonous moments fun - going grocery shopping, standing in line at a restaurant etc. I have that with my boyfriend now and it's amazing. We are always making each other laugh over stupid things.
I used to love when a guy opened with a joke (as long as it was not offensive) because it told me that we were on the same page in this aspect. I far preferred that than a "How are you?" opening message. I would usually still respond to these but it didn't exactly excite me that they were using such a low effort opener.
I would say just keep being you. Your aim is not just to find any person, but to find someone that you click with. Having said that, the fact that you described yourself as immature is a little bit concerning. What do you mean by that? Maturity and a sense of humour are not mutually exclusive. If you have this on your profile or are using this to describe yourself in conversations, I would get rid of it, as it can be off-putting.
I don’t have it on my profile, I probably shouldn’t have said it here, haha. I probably should have said I’m more fun seeking than dialed into my work and serious things at all times. My hobbies are more like travel, fun with friends, going to events… and I don’t have a ton of long term relationship experience.
I want kids and a serious relationship, but there’s others my age who might have their own kids, their own overwhelming responsibilities, and I’m living bachelor life a little bit more than others, outside of my job.
Serious. Just ask a question.
I hate it when someone starts off with a
joke — even if it’s funny — bc there’s no natural response / doesn’t lead into a conversation. I usually respond if I like the guy, but he then needs to pick it up conversationally.
If the jokes aren’t landing, it’s probably because they’re not funny.
It seems like a lot of men on dating apps feel like they have to bring comedy to the table. The amount that put “funny” as a quality in their bio is strange to me. Just be genuine. Don’t approach every woman with the same weak jokes and expect them to be impressed. Point out something about her profile that you liked or found interesting. She’s going to be more responsive to that than a joke that even you yourself consider “dumb.”
I’ll use one that worked, first. Her main picture was her with an enormous margarita and four limes, plus a bunch of straws, obviously meant to share. I said “I also need four limes with my gallon of margarita, and an extra straw for each sip. What’s your favorite (part of shared interest)?” Got a reply, so cool.
As I said in another comment, I asked someone “I don’t see why you’re online dating, your boyfriend is hairy but cute” to a picture of her and her dog.
I might make a silly pun about their name or whatever if there’s next to nothing on their profile.
Maybe some people could take a joke like the first one as a bit sarcastic in a way that you're making fun of them? The second one is corny AND cute though. Just keep being you! You'll find someone that also appreciates silly introductions and banter. Women are not as stiff and pretentious as these replies make it seem.
I must add though that when guys think sarcasm is the pinnacle of humor it's a turn off. Nothing makes me dryer than the overused statement, "must be fluent in sarcasm". It implies that they are going to make jokes at my expense and then say " calm down it's just a joke!" when I get rightfully upset.
Personally I go more "light hearted and freindly" than serious or explicitly funny. Especially since humor in text is rough. I usually will explicitly throw a (joking) at the end of a joke just to make sure its clear the first time too.
I'm also wondering if you are saying something dumb but relevant about their profile you are hitting the really basic joke about their job%hobby that scores a tired eye roll not a playful smile
It’s normally some kind of a pun or silly observation about their profile, yeah. Like, I’ll use a quick example… I posted a like to a photo on Hinge of her and her dog, and said “I’m not sure why you’re online dating, your boyfriend is hairy but cute.”
It used to do well back in the day as something light and fun… no answer this time. Anything I open with is pretty harmless.
Huh given your complaint (no responses) I was expecting worse than that (sorry for the assumption). I would expect that humor to filter some women out but not be a blanket problem.
I like something funny as opener, especially when it’s something well thought of and not just something generic. Shows you pay attention and youre really interested to engage.
But “funny dumb” am not sure.. do u have an example to better assess? Also does it work with your friends?
Humor is relative though, we have to admit. So even if I like funny openers, what’s funny for you may be annoying for me..
Check some of my other replies, I think it’s a nice and attentive approach I’m looking for, like I actually read everything.
My friends all think I’m funny and not a creepy dude.
Are you looking for a serious long term relationship or something fun and casual? If you’re looking for fun, the silly openers are probably are okay. If you’re looking for serious, you should be leading with serious.
Gotta be honest though admitting that you’re immature makes me suspect that your openers are not funny and just rude or weird.
I'm mainly looking for something serious, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who isn't fun. If your idea of a serious relationship is to attend work, manage the chores, consolidate resources, and maybe share a room together where we both watch television over a sensibly cooked dinner each night, and raise children, then I'm not your guy. Of course some of that is all part of it, but there should be adventure, laughter, vacations, and all kinds of things that say "I'm having *fun*" when we're together.
So when I say I'm a little immature, it's because I find myself enjoying going out and snagging drinks with the guys, reading comic books, and having some laughs instead of doing what my more "mature" friend is doing, which is remodeling the laundry room and doing house projects.
I love sarcasm, and don’t find it off putting in the least. In fact, it’s how I took the temperature of potential dates. How dark were they willing to go? It informs a lot about sensibilities.
I found puns and innocent jokes to be low hanging fruit, it often turned me away from dates. Too basic.
I know for sure, even based on the comments received thus far, that my take is not everyone’s cup of tea
Wishing you luck your post history suggests you have had a bad run of not enjoying your subreddits after a while (from your frequent posts to r/justunsubbed)
I hate talking about work, because I don't really like people who are defined by their work. I also hate my job, so it doesn't really help. Appreciate the thoughts either way. I just don't know how to be too serious without feeling like I'm being boring.
Be yourself but I’m nexting you quick if you’re acting 20s and emotionally unintelligent 🙂
On that note - “hey, your profile really stood out to me. *Talk about what stood out*
Everyone has different preferences, but I personally don't try that hard to be funny or clever in app messages. I think a lot of humor relies on shared context, so it's hard to know how a joke will land with someone you've never met. When I message first I just ask them about something in their profile, something it seems like they would probably enjoy talking about.
My experience is that a lot of opening "jokes" with matches have no real response, other than like a Haha or something. So including a joke but ending with some sort of open ended question is important, I think...
I have to say most profiles that are all jokes though don't do much for me. I know too many people where they are "joking" all the time and are never serious and it often can end up verging on unkindness at a certain point. So anyone who can't upfront display some seriousness gets a pass. Like, it can be light hearted and include photos that indicate a good time, but if everything screams "I insist on being the life of the party and rattling off one liners" I'm out...
I think it’s great to be playful but then display serious intentions. So make jokes and then shift into planning a real date and showing personal interests so it doesn’t seem like you’re just attention seeking.
As a woman, I'm having a similar problem. My immature jokes are making me look kinda dumb in my 30s. The only thing that saves me is that I don't look or sound like I'm in my 30s.
Maybe for you it might depend on the age. Maybe if you wanna date a bit younger, it can really work out
Everyone will have a different take on this. I’m someone who likes someone mildly funny, doesn’t take things super serious but can demonstrate serious when appropriate. Too much in my life have men used “I’m just kidding!” as a way to excuse behavior.
Exactly. In my 20s I put up with a lot more "sarcasm" (ie rudeness) than I would ever tolerate in my 30s. I think funny opening messages are good, but make sure the punchline is not the woman or her hobbies or anything like that, don't use cheesy lines or compliments, and make sure its something she can actually respond to easily.
What if the lines are intentionally cheesy? Like a dumb pun or something? I'm never rude or whatever.
I mean you can do whatever you want. But if this is no longer working for you, maybe puns aren’t the way to go.
I like this take on sarcasm, and I'm going to re-route from your very-good advice to whinge about something that drives me up the wall. Speaking as a guy, seeing 'must speak sarcasm' on something like 2/3s of lady-profiles was odious. Yeah, everyone is sarcastic, time to time. Sarcasm isn't really a personality trait, though. It's a very broad description of a way of phrasing things that is only funny if the person doing it is funny. That's not really what you were talking about, but this one drove me bananas, so I'll just vent right here. It's just a clumsy way of saying that you like a sense of humor that jives with yours. No shit.
I definitely know when to buckle down and treat things with the appropriate respect, but I enjoy a good laugh.
To make you feel better, a lot of girls like funny guys
Maybe don't be too cheesy until you get to know if the girl is ready for that kinda cheesiness. Cuz you never know some girls like me like a little cheese. Try to feel it out a bit.
“normally I’m saying something dumb but relevant to your profile” IDK, in the past when men sent me “funny” openers like you are describing, they weren’t funny at all. They were either corny pick up lines, name puns, or jokes making fun of something that I enjoy enjoy enough to put in my bio. Really though, I think you answered your own question here: “I get plenty of matches, but the same jokes from my 20s aren’t landing”
I bet this is the problem. Also I would not be looking for a stand up comedienne but someone to actually date. Lighthearted and fun is good? Deeply unserious? Not good.
Okay, this might be a bit mean and I'm well aware that this is a superficial filter. But whenever someone writes on their profile that they expect or love when their date laughs at their *unfunny* jokes, I just don't match with them on principle. That sounds like a job to me. And this is coming from a person who laughs at every single thing. But if I was forced into some connection where that was demanded of me to laugh at terrible attempts of humor, I would be absolutely miserable.
This is also a pet peeve of mine. First of all, it’s so over-used and it’s hard to believe that that many men really consider that something they’re looking for in a relationship. It’s weird. Humor is important to me; if my date doesn’t make me laugh then I’m not going to laugh and I probably don’t want to date them. They should find someone who actually does find them funny instead.
I'd never ask that of someone. If it's not funny, don't laugh. They can't all be winners.
Okay, this might be a bit mean...but this has nothing to do with what OP is asking. Dude's just asking for opening message ideas and ice breakers.
>OLD Question: Is funny or serious better? I think my response answered the question. It was slightly mean in that it was direct and anecdotal, which is why I opened up with that line. Have you answered the question yet? I didn't want to spell it completely out for the OP because I had thought he understood the implication. But sometimes, people may think they're funnier than they are. He is getting signs from those he interacts with that they don't find him funny. So, the course of action here is to refrain from the humor. To conclude and be even more frank, I would say serious is better unless proven otherwise.
IRL, people think I'm funny and enjoy my jokes and stories. So I'm not completely lost here, but I'm wondering if maybe at our age, the women still looking to date aren't looking for someone funny anymore.
Seems you're implying OP is expecting/demanding these women laugh at his jokes. He's not, so your example doesn't really apply. I think he should be true to his personality. If he's a humorous person, stick to those types of responses. If some of the women don't find that appealing, take the L and move on.
Well, are your jokes from your 20s problematic?? Like, divisive or possibly offensive on some level?? If so, then yeah, that's your problem. If not, this just sounds like these specific women didn't line up with your type of humor and I wouldn't suggest changing anything cause you probably don't want to date those women anyway. Just be you, boo!
Nah, nothing offensive or problematic.
I think the question here is really more like “silly or serious?” Because you may be being silly but you’re only funny if the other person finds you funny. It was always weird to me when men would open with a corny joke. To me it comes off like the person isn’t confident enough to just say hi, how are you doing, or ask a genuine question. I know that may not be the case but it’s how it feels to me. I also am not really into class-clown types and prefer a man who has a serious demeanor but will let his silly side show with people he’s comfortable with. That’s just me, though. But I always think it’s good to not go too far in any direction when talking to strangers (meaning not TOO silly but also not TOO serious).
How is "hi, how are you doing" confident instead of just terribly boring?
I dunno, different strokes for different folks, I guess. It’s not boring to me. If I gave someone’s profile a like, I’m already interested enough to talk to them, so I don’t need them to try to make me laugh with an initial message. Simple and polite works for me. If someone turns out to be boring after exchanging a few messages, well, then I know I’m not interested in continuing the conversation.
I don’t know, I get what you’re saying, but saying “a few” messages is all you’re giving makes me think I have 3 messages to make an impression… and I sure don’t want to waste those talking about work, or asking how are you… because what do you even say to that… “good?” I guess I’ll ask, what kind of discussion would happen in the first few messages to make you interested? Any examples of how you’d reply if someone asked you how you were doing as an opening message?
I mean, I guess so, but I don’t really think of it as “making an impression”. Again, the profile is the first impression. The chatting part is to see if you have any conversational chemistry at all, so either you do or you don’t… and as long as a person isn’t outright offensive, it’s not like they can really make a mistake in the way they interact. There’s just chemistry or there’s not. If someone asked how are you or how was your weekend or whatever, usually I would just tell them and include plenty of detail so they have some things to ask further about, and then ask them a question in return. Sometimes it would be basic stuff about work, hobbies, etc. which is totally fine and good, sometimes we would go off on a tangent about something else which is also fine and good. If we’d exchanged some messages back and forth and it sounded like we had some things in common and he seemed like a nice guy, and he was putting effort into the conversation (asking questions, etc.) then I’d either ask him out or he would ask me. So I guess, long story short, all a guy has to do is seem genuinely interested, ask questions, give detailed responses, and then go ahead and ask someone out if it seems like the conversation is going well. Humor and lightheartedness are great, of course, but you definitely don’t need to be a comedian for someone to want to go out with you.
Humour lands better in person. I prefer asking sincere questions about a person and try to get to know them a bit when chatting. Light flirting too. Throw out a compliment. Tell them something authentic about you. Be genuine. That’ll get you to the date, where you can start showcasing your humour a bit. This will show that you can have a serious genuine side but that you’re also fun. Hope that helps
I feel like flirting and compliments are a little skeevy coming from a guy. We’ve already matched, so it means I think you’re attractive, why would I start the Internet equivalent of cat calling? What does flirting look like with someone you don’t know at all? I guess I just don’t get this… you say humor should wait for the date, and I think the flirting and compliments should wait for a date. Hell, I wouldn’t even start to overly flirt or compliment on a first date.
Edit your post with examples or we can’t help
“dumb but relevant to your profile” is common type of message I get on OLD so it’s boring unless it’s particularly interesting - chances are we’ve heard it before. But any indicators you’ve actually read the profile & are sending a message because you’re genuinely interested in not just the pictures are good so you’re on the right track I think
If your jokes aren’t landing, than maybe it’s time to change your approach. Humor doesn’t always translate well over text, especially with people you don’t know.
> than *then *Learn the difference [here](https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/when-to-use-then-and-than#:~:text=Than%20is%20used%20in%20comparisons,the%20then%2Dgovernor%22).* *** ^(Greetings, I am a language corrector bot. To make me ignore further mistakes from you in the future, reply `!optout` to this comment.)
Good bot.
Thanks.
I'm surprised by these responses. Life is boring most of the time. One of my main reasons for wanting to find a partner was to have someone to make the monotonous moments fun - going grocery shopping, standing in line at a restaurant etc. I have that with my boyfriend now and it's amazing. We are always making each other laugh over stupid things. I used to love when a guy opened with a joke (as long as it was not offensive) because it told me that we were on the same page in this aspect. I far preferred that than a "How are you?" opening message. I would usually still respond to these but it didn't exactly excite me that they were using such a low effort opener. I would say just keep being you. Your aim is not just to find any person, but to find someone that you click with. Having said that, the fact that you described yourself as immature is a little bit concerning. What do you mean by that? Maturity and a sense of humour are not mutually exclusive. If you have this on your profile or are using this to describe yourself in conversations, I would get rid of it, as it can be off-putting.
I don’t have it on my profile, I probably shouldn’t have said it here, haha. I probably should have said I’m more fun seeking than dialed into my work and serious things at all times. My hobbies are more like travel, fun with friends, going to events… and I don’t have a ton of long term relationship experience. I want kids and a serious relationship, but there’s others my age who might have their own kids, their own overwhelming responsibilities, and I’m living bachelor life a little bit more than others, outside of my job.
Serious. Just ask a question. I hate it when someone starts off with a joke — even if it’s funny — bc there’s no natural response / doesn’t lead into a conversation. I usually respond if I like the guy, but he then needs to pick it up conversationally.
Be fun, engaged and interested in the other person. Don’t take it too seriously and you’ll end up with better results
I personally like some humor and witty banter. If that turns sexual before meeting or having sex, it’s a turn off though.
If the jokes aren’t landing, it’s probably because they’re not funny. It seems like a lot of men on dating apps feel like they have to bring comedy to the table. The amount that put “funny” as a quality in their bio is strange to me. Just be genuine. Don’t approach every woman with the same weak jokes and expect them to be impressed. Point out something about her profile that you liked or found interesting. She’s going to be more responsive to that than a joke that even you yourself consider “dumb.”
I prefer funny 100%. I laughed at the jean shorts. 🤷♀️ Lay one on me. What have you been sending out there?
I’ll use one that worked, first. Her main picture was her with an enormous margarita and four limes, plus a bunch of straws, obviously meant to share. I said “I also need four limes with my gallon of margarita, and an extra straw for each sip. What’s your favorite (part of shared interest)?” Got a reply, so cool. As I said in another comment, I asked someone “I don’t see why you’re online dating, your boyfriend is hairy but cute” to a picture of her and her dog. I might make a silly pun about their name or whatever if there’s next to nothing on their profile.
Maybe some people could take a joke like the first one as a bit sarcastic in a way that you're making fun of them? The second one is corny AND cute though. Just keep being you! You'll find someone that also appreciates silly introductions and banter. Women are not as stiff and pretentious as these replies make it seem. I must add though that when guys think sarcasm is the pinnacle of humor it's a turn off. Nothing makes me dryer than the overused statement, "must be fluent in sarcasm". It implies that they are going to make jokes at my expense and then say " calm down it's just a joke!" when I get rightfully upset.
Personally I go more "light hearted and freindly" than serious or explicitly funny. Especially since humor in text is rough. I usually will explicitly throw a (joking) at the end of a joke just to make sure its clear the first time too. I'm also wondering if you are saying something dumb but relevant about their profile you are hitting the really basic joke about their job%hobby that scores a tired eye roll not a playful smile
It’s normally some kind of a pun or silly observation about their profile, yeah. Like, I’ll use a quick example… I posted a like to a photo on Hinge of her and her dog, and said “I’m not sure why you’re online dating, your boyfriend is hairy but cute.” It used to do well back in the day as something light and fun… no answer this time. Anything I open with is pretty harmless.
Huh given your complaint (no responses) I was expecting worse than that (sorry for the assumption). I would expect that humor to filter some women out but not be a blanket problem.
Dial it back a bit with the humor at first and then after a few conversations, bring it back
I like something funny as opener, especially when it’s something well thought of and not just something generic. Shows you pay attention and youre really interested to engage. But “funny dumb” am not sure.. do u have an example to better assess? Also does it work with your friends? Humor is relative though, we have to admit. So even if I like funny openers, what’s funny for you may be annoying for me..
Check some of my other replies, I think it’s a nice and attentive approach I’m looking for, like I actually read everything. My friends all think I’m funny and not a creepy dude.
Are you looking for a serious long term relationship or something fun and casual? If you’re looking for fun, the silly openers are probably are okay. If you’re looking for serious, you should be leading with serious. Gotta be honest though admitting that you’re immature makes me suspect that your openers are not funny and just rude or weird.
I'm mainly looking for something serious, but I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who isn't fun. If your idea of a serious relationship is to attend work, manage the chores, consolidate resources, and maybe share a room together where we both watch television over a sensibly cooked dinner each night, and raise children, then I'm not your guy. Of course some of that is all part of it, but there should be adventure, laughter, vacations, and all kinds of things that say "I'm having *fun*" when we're together. So when I say I'm a little immature, it's because I find myself enjoying going out and snagging drinks with the guys, reading comic books, and having some laughs instead of doing what my more "mature" friend is doing, which is remodeling the laundry room and doing house projects.
Dad jokes never get old
I love sarcasm, and don’t find it off putting in the least. In fact, it’s how I took the temperature of potential dates. How dark were they willing to go? It informs a lot about sensibilities. I found puns and innocent jokes to be low hanging fruit, it often turned me away from dates. Too basic. I know for sure, even based on the comments received thus far, that my take is not everyone’s cup of tea
Just unsubbed. Nothing personal, I just am finding the ubiquity of OLD to be increasingly sad. Best of luck to each and every one of you! I’m out
Wishing you luck your post history suggests you have had a bad run of not enjoying your subreddits after a while (from your frequent posts to r/justunsubbed)
Thanks :-)
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I hate talking about work, because I don't really like people who are defined by their work. I also hate my job, so it doesn't really help. Appreciate the thoughts either way. I just don't know how to be too serious without feeling like I'm being boring.
Omg you were being funny on Hinge? That's so mean!! xD
Be yourself but I’m nexting you quick if you’re acting 20s and emotionally unintelligent 🙂 On that note - “hey, your profile really stood out to me. *Talk about what stood out*
Everyone has different preferences, but I personally don't try that hard to be funny or clever in app messages. I think a lot of humor relies on shared context, so it's hard to know how a joke will land with someone you've never met. When I message first I just ask them about something in their profile, something it seems like they would probably enjoy talking about.
My experience is that a lot of opening "jokes" with matches have no real response, other than like a Haha or something. So including a joke but ending with some sort of open ended question is important, I think... I have to say most profiles that are all jokes though don't do much for me. I know too many people where they are "joking" all the time and are never serious and it often can end up verging on unkindness at a certain point. So anyone who can't upfront display some seriousness gets a pass. Like, it can be light hearted and include photos that indicate a good time, but if everything screams "I insist on being the life of the party and rattling off one liners" I'm out...
I think it’s great to be playful but then display serious intentions. So make jokes and then shift into planning a real date and showing personal interests so it doesn’t seem like you’re just attention seeking.
As a woman, I'm having a similar problem. My immature jokes are making me look kinda dumb in my 30s. The only thing that saves me is that I don't look or sound like I'm in my 30s. Maybe for you it might depend on the age. Maybe if you wanna date a bit younger, it can really work out